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tdKEJeEuNgjdNut1ldWgsURZgeEW5C1i
|
agubpp
|
{
"description": "feeling shitty about 4 of my best friends dating",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for feeling shitty about 4 of my best friends dating?
|
Long story short, F asked M out (1st couple) and M asked F out (2nd couple). I had a thing for my friend who got asked out, let’s call her Daisy. I’m still good friends with her and my friend asked me if I was ok with it and I said yes, but I’m worried that I didn’t make the right decision. Am I the asshole?
P.S. sorry for the shitty formatting
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
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AUTHOR
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{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
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|
WRONG
|
CK0ZQ2JDVIgqXuJXe0nPmAWrEAqtTh9f
|
ar1pcm
|
{
"description": "not accepting soup from a hippie",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not accepting soup from a hippie?
|
There is a woman at my work who almost everyone likes but a few people can’t stand, including me. She is 50something hippie who is deep into new age woo-woo. She lays compliments on thick to people whether she knows them or not and gives them gifts, which are often not cheap. Of course, a lot of people are all over that, but I don’t like it. It feels like she is doing it with an expectation that you owe her later in some way. So I have never accepted anything from her.
Awhile ago I got pneumonia and was pretty sick, and ended up needing a 2 week sick leave. One day I was checking my work email from home and she had emailed me saying she heard I was sick and she wanted to give me some “secret recipe love soup” (this is what she called it). I kindly said thanks but no thanks, because 1. I have a couple food allergies and don’t like to eat unfamiliar food (especially secret recipe food), and 2. I had zero appetite and felt like throwing up most times during a few of the days I was off. She could have accepted my refusal, but she replied saying oh her soup was vegan and she prayed over it to make it safe (wtf) and I could freeze it for when my stomach felt better. Again, I replied and said “again, thank you but no thanks. I really don’t want any, but appreciate the gesture.” She didn’t reply again, so I thought that was the end of it.
The next day she showed up at my door with this huge tub of soup. This time I was less nice. I said, “Look, I told you “no,” twice. I feel like shit, and am going back to bed now.” I shut the door and saw the hurt shocked look on her face as I did so. Later that day she posted on her Facebook an motivational quote-type image that said something to the effect of “your feelings are not as accurate as my intuition”. I knew it was about me.
I’ve thought back on this incident a lot and I never feel bad for what I said. So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
jjSk3mZLrRmEVwm39O5HolS4ba5D6XQJ
|
a4jleo
|
{
"description": "kissing someone while we were on a break",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for kissing someone while we were on a break?
|
Some background: I’d been with my boyfriend for a few years and things hadn’t been going great. I wasn’t happy in the relationship and was started to feel like I should break it off.
To complicate matters I’d developed a huge crush on my (female) housemate. I’d never really questioned whether I was straight or not til this crush so it really threw me. I was super confused.
I was still (parttly) in denial to myself about my feelings for this girl but knew I couldn’t be with my boyfriend any more, so I told him I wasn’t happy in the relationship any more.
This was a huge shock to him and he didn’t want to end the relationship, since he thought things could get better. I suggested we spend some time apart, like a break. To my mind we were broken up and not getting back together, but I knew he still had hope for the relationship.
A few weeks into our break and we hadn’t spoken since this conversation - on the phone or in person. I got really drunk at a friend’s party - blackout drunk, couldn’t remember a thing - and the next morning my friend asked if I could remember kissing a girl last night.
I did not remember.
This was a different girl from before, and she regularly kisses male and female friends on nights out.
I felt really bad about it.... but didn’t tell my ex.
We broke up officially two weeks after this, but again I didn’t mention the kiss.
Am I the asshole? Is this cheating?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
wuAcP62Z9WnRcVlctOrh9zJkKtBPUcwQ
|
a6i0iu
|
{
"description": "not really being able to stand up for myself yet",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: For not really being able to stand up for myself yet?
|
I'm getting tired of my own behavior btw, so why not let other people judge it.
This is gonna be very long and in depth i guess, just so you know.
I wanted to find some reassuring words so I know what to focus on, so why not ask a couple strangers.
Anyway, here goes nothing.
I am too insecure to stand up for myself because i'm afraid how people will respond to my commentary and as a consequence of me saying what i think, it might backfire on me and they'll get mad or try to roast me, ect.
This is partially, because of my PDD-NOS, I won't be able to say anything back in return, because i process information a lot slower than other people.
I am slow in the way that: I need to process what they said and when i finally finished doing that i have to come up with something to say. Which I am also very slow at because i have to reconstruct every word in a sentence so it will be gramatically correct and understandable. If I won't i might say things that sadly don't make any sense when put together.
At last:
There's this friend of mine who i don't really like, because she is two-faced (she said it herself, with pride). She's extremely judgemental of everyone around her, always complains about people around her AND because she always
thinks she's important and therefore the center of attention. So fucking stupid I don't get it and I'm glad i don't because that could mean i would be just like her. Fucked in the head. She doesn't show this behavior every once in a while but almost every fucking day, fucking crazy how she van live like that.
Anyway, let's get to the point.
Yesterday, I was at this party she invited me to.
I went because I don't know how to say no (and I REALLY need to work on that ASAP). Needless to say, I however, did not regret it because it ended up being pretty nice and I am quite thankful she invited me. The party however, did not stop her from complaining about 2 people in her friend group (which i am a part of btw) and complaining about EVERYONE around her because they spoke a different language than her and were laughing about smth she ofc didn't understand.
She was saying things to me like 'I'm pretty sure they're laughing about smth pretty lame' and
'I'm sure what they're laughing about isn't that funny'. I can't quite recall what i said in response, but it was certainly not what i was actually thinking (fun habit, ain't it? I never expected to be THIS insecure 🙃).
Imo her whole attitude and personality just revolve around this incurable amount of insecurity and the need to justify herself and every little thing she does. She also just loves comparing herself to me and ridiculing me. Saying she's way better than me and I'm not good enough at what I do (we study for the same occupation).
P. S. If you wanted to know why I'm not talking to other people about it, i tried talking to my mother about smth else my friend said. She replied with 'when are you gonna learn to stand up for yourself'. Which is true, so I'm not gonna bother other people with complaining anymore until i learned and my problems are valid.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
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"INFO": 0
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
DejZDrtCGwGoLPKLTjmPW0My4ICl4sp0
|
b49vj5
|
{
"description": "not wanting to sell my home to my in-laws",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to sell my home to my in-laws?
|
This is a little more complicated than just selling my home. For starters, my in-law's donated my wife and I some property. We didn't pay anything for it, it's legally ours(went through an attorney). We bought a double wide mobile home for $38,000. We used $12,000 of our money to move the home, set up, electrical, permits, etc. So, the only thing we got a loan for was $38,000.
We have lived there for about six years now and it was a starter home for us and we're ready to move. I got the home/land appraised for $140,000. My wife and I were planning on selling the home for $125,000, give my in-laws $30,000 for the land, pay off our existing loan and wife's car note so we would be debt free, and put the rest down on another home. I did some research on the land value and it was around $17,000.
Now, my father in-law said he would like to buy the home, but for the price we paid for it, which again is $38,000. My mother in-law said she would do $50,000 to include the money we spent to get the house moved, etc, but my father in-law is against that. He wants to buy it to use as a rental investment.
They are complaining that since they gave us the land, that we shouldn't sell it unless it's to them for what we paid for it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
St8l472HEpcRrHULdYNxYsCLGIflzXZa
|
akw074
|
{
"description": "beating my buddy in a seat-race so that I could get closer to a girl I like",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for beating my buddy in a seat-race so that I could get closer to a girl I like?
|
OK, so trying to explain this goofy situation in the least-jargony way possible:
I'm currently rowing crew in college. It's a good bit of fun to get out on the river when the weather's nice, but I'm not incredibly into the whole competition part of it (meaning up to now I haven't much cared about being the best on the team or anything). The friend I joined up with is much more into the sport aspect of it; he trains super hard and has big regatta aspirations down the line.
So last week we had seat-races on the ergs to determine who we'd train with to get ready for the spring season. For the freshman the coveted spots are the four dudes who make 1st Boat (four guys with the fastest times). I wouldn't normally have been that invested but the cox (person who sits in stern and calls out the stroke) is a girl that I'm really sweet on. Making 1st boat would mean we'd be spending a lot of time together. Not at all unusual for a cox and a rower to couple up in the season.
So during the seat race I'm next to my buddy on the ergs, and near the end of the race we're pretty close so I put the power on and edge him out. Now I'm rowing 1st Boat and he's not. He tries to be a good sport but he's appropriately pissed, mostly because he knows I don't care as much about it as he does.
I won't lie; I feel like a real dickhead at the moment. Me and him aren't really on speaking terms currently (he's steaming), and I'm considering the fact that perhaps I've fucked up a friendship over something super petty.
ON THE OTHER HAND: I'm faster than he is. Arguably we've got a better team for it. Does the reason even matter? Am I an enormous asshole or is that just life?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
gk8qcgqywWYifKHlbPPiiSxHeOaf1UBi
|
a09mzh
|
{
"description": "telling my oldest sister that I don't want to go on a vacation with her again",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling my oldest sister that I don't want to go on a vacation with her again?
|
I'm 22 and she's 28, we went to Thanksgiving to my father's side of the family in another state. Their a little hot headed but generally pretty fun. The trip to was fine so far but when we got their one of my annoying cousins (14) kept bother her. His father, my dad's brother, is basically a neglecting parent and you can tell the kids just wants attention. So she got nanoted by him and started shit-takjing him to our parents and even the family that we were staying with. Basically made the trip about her, again. We're in the airport and, as calmly as I could, I told her that I was disappointed that she acting so petty and that we had to run interference so that she didn't act worse to him face-to-face. I told her that the way things stand, I don't want to go on vacation (except family reunions and stuff) ever again. This isn't the first time we've talked about her behavpir and acting like the trip is all about her. I feel super guilty because now we're not sitting by each other and she's not talking to anyone.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
2la8PKcsz27TjGKsudPbpFRuIHbgjenm
|
avskpo
|
{
"description": "quiting my job when they wouldn't give me my raise",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for quiting my job when they wouldn't give me my raise?
|
I worked at a plastics factory as a crew trainer. After 90 days I was supposed to get a 50 cent raise. I asked the plant manager about it and he said "we'll see". Everyone there has trouble getting their raises, theres three trainers and the other trainer above me didn't get her raise until after a year. I called in twice and then just stopped going once I found a lead on another job. I may be an ass for the way I quit but that whole shop has me all the way fucked up if they think they're gonna exploit me the way they do everyone else there.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ruORXwfxizSOvEJUUgTNwjytvVu1cBKV
|
aq5qzz
|
{
"description": "being angry at my best friend when she asks if she can have my boyfriend if I die",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being angry at my best friend when she asks if she can have my boyfriend if I die?
|
Exactly as title says. Roads are icy and she gets worried. I say "I'll be fine." She replies with "Well if you die, can I have (SO's name)? I am correct in being mad, right? They've (SO & BFF) been good friends for a while but I still feel offended and hurt. Like "Hey, if you die I'm just going to take this person you love okay?" Like I do want them to be happy if I die for some reason pass (which isn't in the plans FYI) But it just seemed so insensitive.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
SOugxu9eYnv1Zn9PM4WSGoNLL0hBfnmE
|
ayy4mc
| null |
AITA for not this guy take my friend back to his place?
|
So here's the situation: We're all in college, and there's an avid night scene in our college town. I was out on Thirsty Thursdays, as many students are and as my friends and I are doing a bar crawl, I meet one of my friends. We'll call her A for short. So as I'm walking in, A is walking out with this guy. I stop to talk to her, since we're old friends and we haven't spoken in a minute. The guy is clearly annoyed that I've stopped them since they were clearly on their way back to his place. But while I'm having this conversation with A I notice she's absolutely hammered. As in, slur her words, trouble standing straight hammered. So, I ask the guy if I could buy him a beer, and casually ask where they're going. He tells me they're going back to his apartment. Now A is a grown girl, but I couldn't help but feel like I had to step in - given how drunk she was. There's no way she could give consent right? I suggest to him that he shouldn't take her back to his place in her current state and tell him that given her situation she'd probably be better off going home. He's obviously annoyed (and I get it, I don't assume he had bad intentions but still, she was super drunk). After some coaxing he says whatever and lets me take her. I Uber her home and since I know her roommates we take her up to her bed and let her sleep off the alcohol.
This morning I woke up to angry texts from her saying that I shouldn't have intervened and I should have let her gone home with that guy. The backstory is, I used to have a pretty big thing for A, and she obviously knows this. She accused me of being jealous, etc. I apologized to her, because I know how it may come off that way. But in reality, I just care about her, and I didn't want her to do something she might regret. But now seeing how mad she is, I'm starting to think maybe I did the wrong thing.
So reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
PSm7AoeL82ypFHaerNxPOewXCgpQkm6i
|
9usue3
|
{
"description": "believing all dogs can be rehabilitated",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for believing all dogs can be rehabilitated?
|
So I'll try to keep this short and sweet but basically this man on Facebook put up a post about rehoming this 6 month old puppy that bit his child. Now, I don't know the extent of the injuries, but it doesn't seem to be a big deal because he said in the post that he doesn't want the dog to go to a shelter and be euthanized just because he doesn't like kids very much. He said other than that the dog is super affectionate and playful. His son was 4. Now, in the comments this woman said the dog should be euthanized and I disagreed. I mentioned that someone without kids could take this dog and work with him. She kept saying that this is how accidents happen. (Meaning this is how children get mailed by dogs). I ended up stopping so I didn't get blocked from the group, but I believe that irresponsible owners and children cause accidents. NOT THAT IM SAYING THESE THINGS SHOULD HAPPEN. But basically I believe that this dog could be taken in and worked with, and could end up being a great dog. Am I the asshole here?? Does this puppy really not have a chance?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
WLRz9TeSmjNSUv4qepPDNEBMWzZnsdVx
|
axjiim
|
{
"description": "accepting money from my parents",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for accepting money from my parents?
|
I am in my early/mid twenties. I go to school and have a job on the side.
I am an only child living in an appartment that my parents bought for me (not that uncommon where I am from).
My parents like to buy me nice things and give me me money every month. Not gonna lie, I enjoy this and I am very grateful for my situation.
I have told them that I don't love them because they buy me stuff, and that they don't need to do so. They respond buy telling me that I am their only child and they want to spend money on me.
I don't think my parents feel coerced into spoiling me and I could definitely make it on my own without their financial support (albeit with a little adjustment to my spending). But I still feel bad sometimes about their money when I am an adult. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
zLXsB8NsKfmvIdSVA0BrvMaKdNRWfYU0
|
aw8e9k
|
{
"description": "refusing to pay rent after I move out",
"pronormative_score": 76,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for refusing to pay rent after I move out?
|
I’m almost 20 years old, and have been presented with the opportunity to move out of my moms house. I’d be moving in with my boyfriend and a few of our mutual friends, rent is $300 per person, including utilities (a steal around where I live.) One of the main reasons I want to move out is because since my parents split a couple years ago my mom has been treating me like a live-in babysitter for my younger brother. She has a fwb that she sees multiple times a week, where I only see my boyfriend once mayyyybe twice a week if I’m lucky. So I’ve informed my mom that I’ll be moving out soon and she was LIVID, solely for the fact that SHE won’t be getting $300 a month from me in rent. She said she can’t believe I would do something like this to her, and she cant afford to pay someone to watch my brother 3-4 nights a week. I told her that’s not my problem, but I will still give her $50 a month for my dogs food, and pay for when she needs to be groomed, because after all she is still my dog (I, unfortunately, can’t take her with me as pets aren’t allowed, unless it’s like a fish or something.) She demanded more money to “help pay other bills” and I told her that I was sorry but I have bills of my own to pay. She called me an ungrateful brat and is currently trying to prevent me from taking my stuff (which I bought) from the house, so I might have to call the cops to do a civil standby while i collect my things.
So AITA for refusing to pay my moms bills after I move out?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 76,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 76,
"WRONG": 14
}
|
RIGHT
|
CCxPMP5KMCheikdsFZjnscHz86wfXQIX
|
ap0tqn
|
{
"description": "thinking the parent on parental leave should be the one getting up with the baby at night",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 46
}
|
AITA for thinking the parent on parental leave should be the one getting up with the baby at night?
|
I don’t understand splitting the over nights when one parent is getting up for work every morning and the other is off work for 6 weeks. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 44,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 5
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 46
}
|
WRONG
|
utVNrS5Cvf18c8wcycMZEk5joRyKklbd
|
adq84x
|
{
"description": "being distant to my family",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being distant to my family
|
Ok so I have a few things that make me feel down and I often start feeling sad for these reasons. My mother wanted me to talk about it with her but I declined several times and was asked several times. After a while, she told me that I should at least talk to someone, and she felt sad because I was sad and my talking to her would make both of us feel better. I didn't want to talk about it with her because a few months earlier, when I tried to talk to her, she laughed at my problems and said they weren't real problems, and I didn't want that to happen. (She repeatedly promised not to laugh)
I talked about it with my sister and she promised not to tell my mother, and after a while, my mom finds out from her. From what I understand, she forced my sister to tell her, else she would get punished heavily, and my sister told her, as she didn't want to be punished.
I get mad at my sister and refuse to play with her. (She likes playing SSBU with me)
Am I overreacting to what they believe are the best things for me? And if so, what should I have done or do now? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
UACRmpnEIpseVHMjdRkyb7faGz2RwZFd
|
a1n1c2
|
{
"description": "\"sexually assaulting\" my ex",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for "sexually assaulting" my ex?
|
Okay this one is complicated and long, since I feel like I need to be as detailed as possible. Throwaway account for obvious reasons, all names changed.
​
So I met a girl a year or so ago on Tinder. Let's call her Anne. Anne comes from a conservative christian family, and I am her first boyfriend. She's 18 and graduated but hasn't started college yet, and is living with her parents. I'm 19 and living in an apartment, sophomore year in college.
​
We start dating and everything seems great. We really hit it off. First time she comes over to our house, she's never kissed anyone before so I showed her what to do (she asked for me to guide her). We get more involved and I put my hand under her shirt, and she asks me to slow down a bit, so I immediately stop and we go back to only kissing.
​
We continue to date and get more intimate with each-other. I always ask if she's willing to do something (kiss, take off her shirt, bra, pants, etc.) Sometimes she says yes, and sometimes she wouldn't respond as the thought about it for a while. To break the silence I would say "please?" and then she would agree, or say no, in which case I wouldn't ask again. Sometime we would progress from there, and she offered to give me a hand job, and I offered to finger her and she said yes without hesitation.
​
The issue was, these lines shifted constantly. We would go from being hand-jobs and naked cuddling with each other one night, to her not even wanting to kiss me the next. Her boundaries were constantly shifting, and I could never tell what was or wasn't okay. Sometimes Anne would ask to stop in the middle of an activity, and I would immediately comply, and not ask or try to convince her again in any way. The problems came up when she WOULDN'T tell me something wasn't okay in the moment. She would tell me the next day that the last night made her uncomfortable, or anxious, even though she had said yes at the time. Some nights she was totally fine with me touching her breasts, and other times she would tell me (after the fact) that it made her anxious. And then a few nights later it would be fine again, and SHE would be the one to instigate, undressing and giving me a handjob without me asking if she wanted to. I never knew what was and wasn't okay, and she wouldn't ever tell me. Anne and I had MULTIPLE conversations about how I was trying to be as respectful of her boundaries as possible, and that I wanted her to be happy and comfortable, but that she needed to tell me since I couldn't read her mind.
​
Well anyways we broke up (never slept together thank god), and now she's been posting a lot of really awful things about me on twitter (not using my name, thankfully). She's claiming I was abusive and constantly did things that she didn't want me to. She specifically mentions how I would pin her down and watch her struggle (this was because she told me that being pinned down was a kink of hers, and liked being restrained). She's saying that I sexually assaulted her. Am I a sexual assault-er? I always felt that I was respectful and responsive to Anne's needs, especially considering her conservative upbringing and unfamiliarity with anything sexual or intimate. I just feel horrible and confused and really hurt by all this. AITA in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
MpWeEcwHTuR5zQhGAUNV8IBhSn9p5sD7
|
auq1mr
|
{
"description": "always leaving people on read",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for always leaving people on read?
|
So, maybe a bit silly, but I have a tendency to leave people on read a lot, since I don't like talking that much, and run out of things to say pretty quick. It's not a big issue, but some people have commented on it, and seem a bit annoyed. I don't do it on purpose, but when I scroll through my Snap it's about 90% things I haven't responded to, just opened. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
3gLedVn2Y0q5OkcrBwf4Q9zjC4ZnpGni
|
aiewh8
|
{
"description": "getting tired of people's BS quickly",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA because I get tired of people's BS quickly
|
Ok. This is all going to sound quite stupid to some people, but I need to figure out if I'm an asshole or what. I don't think I am.... but I also may be wrong.
I have the tendency of sometimes getting fed up with people, and almost wanting to drop them from my life. I had a friend once who when I was helping her with an art show, started treating me like her intern, even though I was helping her as a friend, not an employee. Because of this, I basically distanced myself enough to the point that I discarded the friendship. To be honest, there were a lot of other little things that she was doing that showed she wasn't a good friend to have, and was a dishonest person. So I know I'm not the asshole for that.
But now, I have another friend that I had started to consider close and whenever we speak the conversation is extremely self centered towards her. She went away to Italy several weeks ago, and she was constantly sending me selfies asking if she looked good, and telling me about all of the attention that she was receiving from men. I LOVE when people love themselves, but it got to a point where she was bragging and I started feeling annoyed. There was a point when she hung up on me without saying bye, just to upload something onto her Instagram story. When she was in Italy, she was constantly leaving her travel partner to seek attention from other men. Thing is, she's not a bad person, and she's gone through a lot this year, so I get why the conversation seems to be geared towards her life -- but when she asks "how are you?" and I begin talking about my day, etc, she gears it back towards her. She can spend an hour rambling about her, and her coworkers, her coworker's siblings, TBH SHIT I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT. This may not be on purpose, but it's frustrating. It may be because her group of friends since childhood praise each other, and maybe she wants the same from me but I don't really operate that way. I've decided to kind of distance myself the last couple days because I really didn't have mental space for her.
Am I the asshole because I tend to want to just distance people from my life without really giving them a shot to make things okay or even let them know why they're bothering me?
Am I overthinking!?!?!? I don't know!! I feel like I sound like a dumbass. Please let me know. Thank you.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
6veXAxS6jAZnpEDm6suL1V3SbGD4dPxs
|
akhc48
|
{
"description": "not playing my mom a guitar song on her birthday",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not playing my mom a guitar song on her birthday?
|
So basically last year on my mom's birthday I spent all the time I could with her. It was a school night but still from the time I got out of school to 10pm I spent with her. Even though I had a lot of homework to do and 3 tests the next day I still prioritized my mom.
We went to the mall first where we spent some time shopping then after we went to grab dinner. We ate a very nice dinner at this Japanese place then continued to walk around downtown.
After arriving home at 10pm I told my mom that now I had to do my homework because at this point I would be up until 4am. Keep in mind, my mom is extremely strict about grades. She often will yell at me for having a b+ so naturally she has high expectations for me. I had 3 tests to study for and at least 3 hours of homework so I needed to start right away.
When I told my mom that I had to do homework she asked me instead to play a guitar song and sing for her. I am extremely insecure about my voice and guitar playing. Ever since I was little I was always teased for it so I haven't played a song and sang for someone in over a year. On top of that, I had a lot of work to do so I declined. She begged over and over and I told her that I didn't feel comfortable with it. Finally she played the "why don't you love me" card and I snapped.
I told her that I did love her and it was extremely selfish to say things like that to try to manipulate me into doing things I didn't want to. I had done everything she asked up until this point for her birthday but just one thing I declined to do.
She started screaming at me about how I was so mean to her and how I was really the selfish one. She told me that she never felt loved by me still trying to manipulate me.
Then she started screaming that it was her birthday and how I should just play a song for her. By the way, my mom was off on business trips my past 3 birthdays so I couldn't believe she was the one yelling at me about not feeling loved.
The whole night ended in both of us resorting to our rooms and not talking to eachother for the rest of the night.
On one hand I feel really shitty but on the other hand I feel like she was trying to manipulate me into doing something I was insecure about.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
EYtJ9weouzGTfHErH0U7KqzUB2kfd4Gi
|
b8a6zh
|
{
"description": "not helping my friend find a place to live despite it not being my responsibility and him never actually asking for help",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not helping my friend find a place to live despite it not being my responsibility and him never actually asking for help
|
tldr at the end
i was meant to be graduating university in a few months but due to mental health reasons decided to take time off and resit my final year in september.
because i was meant to be moving out, my friend (a first year student) was going to move into my room instead. but because i am now carrying on my studies i will also be staying in the same house. (i was only leaving originally because once i was no longer a full time student i would have to pay a lot of council tax)
this all happened about 3 weeks ago and my friend was kept up to date throughout. he mentioned that he didn’t really know what he was going to do but never asked for help or started looking for a new place.
tonight we were talking on the phone and the house got bought up and he said that he was stressed about it and basically felt that i had screwed him over. after the phone call we were texting and he got mad at me for ‘leaving him high and dry’ despite me telling him that i would be staying in the house 3 weeks ago. (context: usually students find houses in january to move in around august/september but houses are still advertised for students all year round. ie. it’s not hard to find a place)
i replied to him saying that i was sorry that it was a shit situation but at the end of the day it’s not my responsibility to find him a place to stay. he then kicked off and started saying that as soon as he asks me for help i don’t give a fuck about him despite him supporting me all the time (he does give me a lot of support but i also support him and have done for a few years)
i’m having a bad mental health day so said i’d talk to him about it tomorrow as it was all getting very intense to which he basically said not to bother and that our whole friendship felt completely one sided and that i was using him for support but as soon as he was struggling i turned my back.
i just don’t understand what his problem is and why all of this is suddenly my fault and i’m a terrible friend. i’m not going to move out of my house that i love so that he can move in.
i feel like i’ve done a terrible job at explaining all this, a lot has happened really quickly. it’s all gone from 0-100 within the last hour and he’s gone from being one of my closest friends to suddenly wanting nothing to do with me.
tldr: i was meant to graduate in a few months and move out of my student house but circumstances changed and now i am staying. my friend was meant to be taking over occupancy but is now really mad at me for ‘screwing him over’ and has turned the whole thing into an attack at me and is saying our friendship is essentially over. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
DHESLCvhNgR1fMUq4T8Ihk3U7EvoV5et
|
at8kx1
|
{
"description": "strongly disliking children",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For strongly disliking children?
|
My whole life, even as a little kid, I hated kids. If I ever played house, I refused to pretend to be a mom and/or baby. Now that I'm older (19) I still cannot stand children. I honestly think I may have a problem. Being around children makes me incredibly anxious, I get depressed and teary eyed. It fucks me up.
Aside from that, they're just gross. I cannot eat around them. It just makes me gag. I can't help it. I cant touch them (am I the only one who thinks they're all weirdly hot all the time?? Like feverish?) They just make me lose my mind. It's awful. Recently I found out an older cousin who I used to be close to (up until she had kids and everything changed) told her kids I didnt like them. I love them, they're my family, but I cant hang out with them. I'm nice and smile at them and try to chit chat but it's so awkward that they leave first.
So AITA for disliking kids to the point of feeling somewhat nauseous around them and avoiding them at all costs? If I am, how can I be better about it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
HHrGUaYMJFSYzaRVB1jceNKwyrUOZefl
|
b04y6b
|
{
"description": "not taking a joke",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for not taking a joke?
|
So in my friend group there is me, person A, and person B. Person B is black and plays cricket and hockey. Person B is a u16 table tennis champion in our country. So we all have these inside jokes with each other - we joke about person B for not having a dad because he's black, but the thing is he does have a dad and he isn't some abusive alcoholic dad, in fact person B has a very functional family. We joke about person A's relationship between this girl because this girl is really weird to person A (like she would slap his ass and just casually put her legs on person A, even though he isn't comfortable with it), and I don't really know if he takes it personally but it doesn't really look like it because he just agrees with us and says that girl is weird. Now the inside joke on me is that the only sport I play is piano. I know this isn't true and I do play some sports, but this hits really close to me because growing up I was always thought of as the nerd who only studied and played video games, but for the past year I've really tried to improve my physical side. I joined this weekly run club, started doing a bodyweight workout regime (pushups, dips, pullups) and really grinded in basketball (which I'm still not even good at), but the thing is, I tried really hard and I'm still insecure about my physical side. Everytime they joke about me playing piano as a sport it hits a certain part of me and I just get really angry at them and sad at the same time. AITA for taking this joke so seriously?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 14
}
|
WRONG
|
051njsgPHmDjaKLydvF0nNkMIb8oeaiL
|
av4k9q
|
{
"description": "ghosting a guy who bought something from me after he probably broke it and wanted his money back",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for ghosting a guy who bought something from me after he probably broke it and wanted his money back?
|
So I recently sold a couple computer components (cpu & mobo for those who know about this stuff) to a guy on the app 'offerup'. It's similar to craigslist, but more organized and with its own messaging system. I pulled these components from a working PC before I sold them to him for $110.
A few days later he messaged me on the app and told me they weren't working as they should. I went through some troubleshooting with him and he switched out other components and the culprit seemed to be the stuff that I sold him. He told me he was going to try something else and he'd let me know. That was yesterday.
Then today, he messaged me again and said that he wanted his money back. I read his message and decided to just ghost him because I know that they were working when I gave them to him - if you don't know already, PC components can be damaged by static electricity, so I always handle my components with care and static proof bags.
I think he probably set them on a carpet/rug or something, maybe even dropped it, but if he didn't even realize he damaged it, what am I supposed to do? They were working when I gave it to him so I don't see how it'd be fair if I gave him his money back and got broken parts back.
​
Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
RRgtzhH4aHeQx9R1Faqhjt2TrzvoJmen
|
b6snvb
|
{
"description": "doing workout videos after work",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for doing workout videos after work?
|
Background: I can’t workout in the mornings before work so once I get home I try to do a workout video like Insanity or Turbo Fire. I’m on the 3rd floor of my building and workout in my living room.
I’m done by 8:30pm but the last few times my downstairs neighbor bangs on the ceiling indicating I’m making too much noise. I purposefully tread lightly and don’t workout past 8:30pm. I also confirmed on my apartment website that the apartment below me is set up the same so I’m over the living room and not a bedroom.
AITA for making noise at 8pm at night?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
hMJ2bYkZY2Y7KBnPk05tAYolIQKWrOhJ
|
b37kjw
|
{
"description": "telling my mom that she sounds childish for using people",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my mom that she sounds childish for using people?
|
It’s a long one, TL;DR at bottom.
Hey everyone! So my mom has always been the type to use people for stuff that she needs. So she has always been horrible with money and needs to be bailed out. She’s been bailed out by my grandfather on her and my dad’s side of the family, and is always living paycheck to paycheck. Fortunately for myself I’ve been able to get a job that allows me to live comfortably and not worry about money as much.
So she works in an industry that she has to use her own car, and she ended up getting into an accident and needing a car. I had just purchased a new vehicle and told her she could buy my old one for dirt cheap aka $500. So I let her take the vehicle because she needs one for work. A couple months go by and I’m not trying to be pushy about getting the money, but I subtly remind her that she still owes me money for it. In the mean time she’s putting a lot of mileage on the vehicle and essentially running it into the ground. Then the reverse gear in it goes out, and she tells me I can have it back!
Now I’m kind of frustrated, because I could’ve easily sold it for quite a bit more than the $500. I ask if she’s going to pay to fix the reverse gear, or just pay me for the Jeep and she says no. So I ask why she’s not going to and she tells me that she didn’t feel comfortable in it and that she doesn’t want it anymore essentially. At this point I told her that when she does stuff like this it feels like she’s just using me for me for my car, and that just because we’re family doesn’t mean she just gets my old car. She then tells me that she’s sorry for not meeting my standards for mother, and that I won’t have to deal with her since my girlfriend and I are looking at moving to another state. This is when I tell her she sounds childish and needs to grow up and get her life together. So AITA?
TL;DR: Mom says she’ll buy my old car that I could’ve easily sold for more than I was selling it to her for. Runs it into ground, acts childish, and I tell her to grow up.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9HwhUjcpRPtcpZIrmTyEjd71KoWUTtOf
|
akk6c7
|
{
"description": "calling my friend selfish after he got suicidal over airpods",
"pronormative_score": 70,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for calling my friend selfish after he got suicidal over airpods?
|
Okay, so my friend has been deppressed for quite a while now. I've been trying my best to support him and make him feel better, so much so that it's taxing me mentally.
Today he brought up the subject of his upcoming birthday and I asked him what he wanted. I'm extremely, extremely low on money right now so I wasn't wanting to buy him anything crazy.
He told me he wanted Airpods, and I told him I was sorry but I couldn't possibly afford those. I was extremely apologetic but he got pissed off anyways.
He got really passive-aggressive and started making comments about how he always got me what I wanted on my birthday. This is true, but I usually asked for things that totaled to around 10 bucks. He was adding an extra 0.
This had been a text conversation, and he soon started sending me pictures of fresh cuts on his arm. He complained that he would have a shitty birthday, just like always. He even commented on how he should just hang himself. I told him he was being selfish and manipulative of me by trying to guilt me into buying him such an expensive present, and he ignored me for the rest of the day.
AmI the asshole here, or is he?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 65,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
KSBekmvLIGkVxacd1ATAeiic0wy0kKg4
|
b192i8
|
{
"description": "moving 6 states away and leaving my husband to pack up the house",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for moving 6 states away and leaving my husband to pack up the house?
|
In November I got my dream job in my dream city. My husband and I have been trying to get back to New England for a year now, with no luck. He was more actively searching because of higher income, but no offers came through until mine.
I moved in December, and he started applying for jobs like crazy and got one in January. Slight pay cut, but we’ll be happier in our new city and near family and friends.
I packed a lot before I left, and flew back 3 weeks ago to pack and organize more - house was a mess, he hadn’t cleaned since I left. I cleaned everything and packed even more.
I wasn’t able to come back closer to moving day because of my work schedule... right now on my 14th consecutive day working, and have big events through all of March.
I’ve done everything I can remotely, scheduling a cleaner and listing a ton of furniture on Facebook Marketplace (and dealing with the barrage of messages).
It’s his last night and he’s been having panic attacks, hurt his shoulder, and is generally pretty pissed at me. He said he’s been spending 5-6 hours every night for two weeks getting things ready and the most stressed he’s ever been. I’ve been trying to be extremely sympathetic/supportive/grateful, and offered to do all of the unloading/unpacking once he’s here. He’s quite traumatized from this experience and I can’t help but feel very selfish.
One big thing is that he packed a moving pod 2 weeks ago that should have had everything, and he missed a lot - so now we have to donate a lot more than we had planned on. I tend to be the pragmatic one in the relationship who can stay organized/sane during a move.
Note: we are also selling the house, so he’s getting it ready for sale and dealing with contractors too
TL;DR moved before husband due to job, he’s packing everything up himself and miserable.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
VR0A1xfdly0cJj0IZfvgKAUKJD38qdXu
|
9vezx3
|
{
"description": "telling her \"I love you and I want a future with you\"",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for telling her "I love you and I want a future with you"
|
(35M) With some issues due to my past. I suffer from a condition that has wrecked my life multiple times after building it up repeatedly. Basically my health goes south and I lose the license, the job, the girl, then become depressed. The last cycle ended about 4 years ago.
2 years ago I started a relationship with (27F) that I met earlier in that year while studying to increase my chance of employment. She approached me; I wasn't ready for a relationship but she had the same condition (not as severe) and needed to fix things too so I told her we'd do it together.
When we met she thought she might be asexual but had a lot of trauma. She did increase the frequency, but we still disagree on it. There tends to be a week with 3x and then not as much the rest of each month (she tracks it, but I think it's less than it says). I'd like it to be 2-3 each week and think it's just a matter of effort; if she loved me it'd come naturally.
She also has issues with anxiety and depression. I've been depressed too and I think she just needs to get outside and do things more often to get better, but she says she's comfortable at the computer, knitting (what 20 year old knits?) or drawing/colouring in (which is childish and needs to stop).
In the last 10 months she went through a lot of therapy, got a job in the field we studied and was promoted at the end of her probation. She moved far away to do that (which I encouraged) and she's been asking me to move with her, but I don't want to lose my financial independence by moving before I have a job. I also don't want to limit myself to looking for work near her because there's not as much there, so I'm looking around back home.
The other thing is that she's ticked off all these goals (she's got the job, the house, the car) but she's not exactly happy. If I have to live with her moods wings or misery that would just drag me down and I can't have that because my life is about to improve so much.
A few days ago she was trying to ask me when I'd be willing to move in (yet again) and I wouldn't commit to a date so she said she was done even though I tried explaining why I couldn't commit yet and that I do love her. The next day she asked for keys back/where to send my things and I asked her what was going on. She called me and I told her I thought we needed a cooling off period in case we changed our minds. I told her she has to be happier if she wants me to move in and she asked how she's supposed to demonstrate that. I suggested smiling more and sending me photos and texts of her doing happy things.
Honestly though, I'm not sure if this relationship is a good idea. I don't know if I fear being stuck with her or losing her more. She's been crying that I've been killing her and need to make a decision, but I think shes overreacting to the situation and doesn't seem that worried about losing me or she'd have put in more effort.
AITA for telling her "I love you and I want a future with you" just fix [problem] first when I'm not sure if I do want to be with her (at least until I know she's changed) or is it her responsibility to draw a line if I really am hurting her that badly? Just want some more opinions...
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
TJP4r0U8hAFSurNsk0RHlWMb85Kt9ekH
|
apopog
|
{
"description": "giving my two friends who are girls souvenirs from my trip, even though my girlfriend disapproves of it",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for giving my two friends who are girls souvenirs from my trip, even though my girlfriend disapproves of it.
|
I recently went to a foreign country and stayed there for a year. Now that I’m coming back home, I decided to buy my two friends some souvenirs because I saw some that really suits them, but my girlfriend is angry at the thought. I haven’t seen or talked to my friends during my stay and I was with my girlfriend the whole time. These people were there for me since the beginning and this is my only way of showing my gratitude. But my GF insists that’s it’s an act of infidelity or something and argues that I should just give my relatives or my guy friends (which I don’t have) the souvenirs instead of them.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
y1FZU8Y1egPwTW6YrP4zVnwJD5QUKWQy
|
at07b7
|
{
"description": "not crying after hearing bad news",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not crying after hearing bad news
|
From the title it is not very clear ,so let me explain.
I have noticed that i never cry during a death of a loved one ,i dont mourn either , this post was actually inspired by my friend who called me a psychopath, however i cant control my emotions during those moments as they just simply dont exist . So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ZKQelAMgQGL8rDkjdmRjOWuNSBnozM1s
|
agbi7m
|
{
"description": "distancing from a friend who suffers from Bipolar Disorder and recently attempted suicide",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I distanced from a friend who suffers from Bipolar Disorder and recently attempted suicide.
|
She's been an acquaintance for 2 years and recently became a good friend. She shared her diagnosis with me as well as her life story (raped, mom passed, dad isn't around and family treats her horribly).
I feel responsible for her because she has no one. However, her mental illness can be exhausting for me. Especially because she becomes a little mean to me (e.g. calling me boring when I don't wanna drink, calling me sick because I'm thin and making me feel guilty when I do other things that don't include her).
I visited her in the psychiatric hospital after her suicide attempt and was there for her as I knew she needed it.
But now I need some time for myself. WIBTA if I took that time to regroup? I feel like I would be abandoning her.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
8m1cxYpa1g1PgByHS8xK87VNK4yo3d7u
|
b5hgrw
|
{
"description": "not wanting to take theater on my classes selection sheet",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I didnt want to take theater on my classes selection sheet
|
I am signing up for classes for next school year and I ask my dad what I should do. He says to do theater so I can memorize more stuff and be fluent in speaking. I said that I didnt want to do that because I am not a theater person and I also heard from a friend thats not what its about. He says I still need to sign up so I van vet things into my head. I said what would I use that skill for and he goes to being religious matters which I will not discuss
WIBTA if I dont sign up even if I dont want to?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
loQw6SC49JBpl0I2y3XYbNNSwvX0NRm1
|
b071t9
|
{
"description": "not wanting my sister as a photographer at my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting my sister as a photographer at my wedding ?
|
First of, i'm not currently thinking about marrying.
My sister is al amazing photographer.
We were talking about bits and pieces, when she told me she'd do they shoot of my wedding for free. Ik told het she wouldn't. She got quit mad lowkey yelling that i'd rather spend couple thousand euro's on some random person shooting my wedding tegen having her do it for free.
I said ' I want you partying next to me at my wedding and i want you to experience thé thing not seeing thé experience through your lens'
After this she stormed off and we have only spoken about it one more time and she was pretty short and snappy about it.
Now i'm feeling quit bad about thé entire ordeal
So AITA ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"NOBODY": 10,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
mC3mEd4B2L2A6L6ZzeOGJ0PRc1cGP7iS
|
axuev4
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend that I didn't like in the first place",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
Aita for breaking up with my girlfriend that I didn’t like in the first place
|
This is my first post on reddit on mobile so mind the mistakes. Here’s the story.
So sometime last year I had this girlfriend that I didn’t like but for some reason I somehow gave my friends the idea that I liked her, so my friends and hers proceeded to brainwash me into thinking I liked her in while in reality I didn’t. Fast forward about a month later the school dance came up and of course I was pressured into going, the dance was awkward because this was a middle school dance everyone was hitting the quan i decided to leave a little, oh how was that a bad idea. Following is the text convo I can remember
Ex gf: hey where are you
Me: I left early it was getting weird
Me: can I tell you something
Ex gf: yeah
Me: we have to breakup friend 1, and friend 2 were pressuring me to go out with you and I just couldn’t handle them
To my surprise it’s wasn’t even ex gf I was talking to it was her friend (she will be ex gf f)
Ex gf f then blows up my phone with phone calls telling me I’m a terrible person you should die in a hole and all that Jazz.
The next day at school I have art class with her as you would expect she told everyone in the class, the girl in front of me kicks my shin extremely hard and the class is over. Turns out her reign of terror isn’t over every day for the next year she tells me to die in a hole, granted it’s not the most threatening thing to say but it almost drove me insane with how many times I was told to die in a hole. And sometimes to this day I’m reminded of this
Summary: broke up with ex gf because I felt pressured into dating, her gets kicked in my shin and gets told to go die in a hole
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
K0jbdmnf2NFj00HdNr6V78cKrZsH2lkv
|
ae8aab
|
{
"description": "never taking my kids to disney world, ever",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for never taking my kids to disney world, ever?
|
My kids are 8 and 5 and at a really great age for going places and enjoying family experiences. We love our zoo/museum/science center pass, last year we took some weekend trips to places like Oklahoma City's science museum, St. Louis for their city museum, KC for great wolf lodge.
We've talked about going to Disney World, they hear it's the best thing in the universe and there's no comparison. We live in the smack-dab middle of the country so it'd mean a flight. Then the hotels are expensive, the park passes are expensive, I hear the lines are horrible and the food is crazy, and the cost is absolutely blowing me away. We have had so much fun touring the midwest for well under $1000 a trip and that's when we seriously splurge! The idea of saving up $5-10K for a disney vacation means we'd have to go without a lot this year. No spring break trip or weekend getaways, hell we'd be going without clothes and restaurants, there is just not a ton of room in our budget.
I'm starting to drop hints that there are other better things to do with money and we should never ever go. Just trying to talk them all out of it. There are better places, more responsible ways to spend money, there's starving kids in X, whatever excuse you want.
I got to go as a kid. It was fun but not life-changing. My partner's family didn't have money to go anywhere, so he's never been in his life. He'd like us to make it happen, but he's not the budget organizer in our family.
Did you go, was it your most amazing growing up experience? Is there anything else you'd have had your parents do with $10,000? What was your favorite trip with your parents? Or if you are a parent, been your favorite trip as a family?
Will I Be The Asshole for shutting the door on this idea?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
3cv5KeDzt7HofeBNXKzMWAdJQUWkLAwn
|
aqo2ux
|
{
"description": "not giving an old begging Women my Red Bull + chips",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not giving an old begging Women my Red Bull + Chips
|
Sry for my poor Grammar im on mobile + English is not my first language.
So today me and 2 friends decided to go visit the mall after school, after visiting Snipes (Shoes etc, idk if its only a German shop?) we decided to get some drinks and snacks I bought myself a Red Bull and a pack of Pringles and my friend bought himself a Monster.
Going to our train station, my second friend already left cuz he needs to catch another train, we see a begger.
Maybe you dont know it but we in Germany got a big refugee problems bcs our goverment decided to 'open the Gates' so everybody can get it. Which was a very dumb idea looking back bcs how do they want to teach 1 million ppl German + showing them how our cultur works? The Result is that we got a ton of Refugees with no residence permit which leads to a ton of beggers.
Usually they only sit there with pictures of there Families or a paper asking for food/water/money. I dont really mind them and i dont really care. But this Begger we met was another lvl. She came up to ppl Holding her Jar right in there Face asking for money. Zero fucks given if there are talking with somebody or are on there phone. So this begger came to me and my friend and asked for money i said no because 1. i only got 3€ left 2. I saw this women last week spending here money on cigarettes and im not gonna support that. My Friend also declined it and i thought she is gonna leave us and go annoy somebody else. NO She then tells me to give her my Red Bull + My Chips, she doesnt ASK me to give her my Food she TELLS me to give her them ("Give me that"[Pointing at my Red Bull]) Then she pulls my Friend and tells him to give her his Monster( He was on his Phone and was pointing with his back to her). I tell her to leave us alone but she still demends our food. Our train arrived so we just leave her and get into our Train.
Im gonna be real with yall i hate beggers in general. In Germany nobody needs to starve or sleep outside because we got a ton of Social Houses and for Refugees our Goverment built a ton of Containers + they get 3 meals a day (All paid by Taxes the ppl who actually work need to pay) The only reason they live on the street is 1. They are to lazy to search for a job (That a must do if you wanna have the Goverments support) 2. They work for Criminal Gangs which send out Beggers to collect Money
3. They are gonna spend that money they get on Alkohol Cigarettes or Drugs.
So im not gonna give a begger money in General. Telling one of my Friends about that Situation she tells me that i shouldnt have said "No" to her and gave her my Money and my Food (I asked her if she was trolling, she was not) Because this poor old Women needs it. So Reddit Am i the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
puAWkUrFTyLEE41ggltZkxWDYEDVdyId
|
a7qb0v
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend I don't want to sleep in the same bed",
"pronormative_score": 59,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for telling my boyfriend I don’t want to sleep in the same bed?
|
So I (23F) have been dating this guy (26M) for a couple of weeks, it’s going good, he’s really sweet and a good guy. Sex is really good. But last night, I was super tired, worked a 9 hour shift and coached soccer for 2 hours, and I’m laying in bed trying to sleep. He starts watching videos on his phone, saying random things loudly at his phone, burping insanely loud, scratching his entire body like a fucking dog, shaking the bed, etc. I told him to please turn his phone off and let me sleep, and he was very sorry and turned it off. But literally all fucking night I kept waking up to the bed shaking and him scratching, burping and coughing ridiculously loud. He kept trying to cuddle me and every time he’d basically push me awake from cuddling too hard and I’d push him off. Around 5am I told him if he woke me up one more time I’d murder him. In the morning I kissed him and told him that I can’t do that again, my schedule is crazy and I need sleep but I still love him! He almost started crying, I feel bad but fuck man. I’m tired????
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
MGhZxu4SPEAkVSFIEHKBtCunTxOxgkfK
|
b44q5r
|
{
"description": "experimineting with drugs despite my girlfriend's feelings",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for experimineting with drugs despite my girlfriend's feelings?
|
My girlfriend and I met when we were teens. 11 years later, I love her more with each day. She's the cutest, most awesome ball of sunshine and I make sure she knows it.
I've always been interested in different states of consciousness, and I feel my experiments have been a net positive in my life. I tried weed as a teen and delighted in the mad horizons it illuminated. Though now I'm only interested in psychedelics.
My girlfriend hates drugs. She doesn't share my interest in altering consciousness and that's fine, she's a focussed, well put together person and I admire her for that. When we met I was taking a break from weed, so the issue never came up. However the next time I smoked, all hell broke loose. She ignored me for the day. She said she finds people who do drugs unattractive. I responded 'Not everything I do has to make me more attractive to you.' She said she's worried I'd become addicted. I got nowhere.
At this point I should've had the courage of my conviction - but I didn't. Instead I continued to experiment without telling her. Occasionally I'd raise the issue, but it would only cause arguments in an otherwise perfect relationship, so I kept it to myself.
We continued with no problems, and I'd occasionally scratch my itch in my own time. This worked until, inevitably, she found out. It crushed her. She described it as though our relationship were a tree we were growing, and I had cracked it right down the middle. I know I'm the asshole for lying. I decided to come clean about everything, and promised to be honest from now on.
So fast forward to 2017 - we worked out a lot of our issues and she even tried weed with me - not her thing but I respect her for trying. At this point though, I had still not tried any kind of psychedelic, and I expressed my desire to do so.
'All of this reminds me of when you were doing drugs behind my back,' 'Why do you need to do this?' Nothing I told her changed her mind. She was adamant I stay away.
But I had to do this. Personally I would die unfulfilled without journeying into those realms. I told her I planned to do mushrooms. She didn't say much, and in the following weeks whenever I raised the topic she would shut down.
The time came and it was every bit as electric as I'd hoped. We found a beautiful park with a lake. I sat on the edge of the water, watching the golden expanse throb beneath me, the clouds twisting in geometric patterns, breathing every colour of the rainbow as the universe moved through me. Afterwards I felt like I had a new lease on life.
I rang her and she started crying uncontrollably. When I came home she flipped out and I ended up on my knees begging her to see things my way.
Over a year later, I feel ready to jump back in to explore again. I plan on doing LSD, and I'm working up the courage to tell her.
I am at your mercy Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
BUrAdCqzvFo1ERXw76W9sEyZBqewedzM
|
ail49k
|
{
"description": "wanting a creepy girl out of my friendship group",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting a creepy girl out of my friendship group?
|
Warning for petty teen drama.
I have a small group of very close friends that I’ve known for years. We’re all the same age (18-19) and we’ve been through a lot together. It’s a really tight-knit group, but we’ve recently got a new addition, D.
I met D during Freshers Week at uni a few months ago. A group of people from my course hung out during this week but separated when classes started, leaving me with one of my best friends who had started the course with me (F) and D.
D wasn’t an unwelcome addition. She was really nerdy and seemed quite sweet so although my bones were telling me that something was seriously off with her vibes, I just ignored it. I tried to introduce her to my bigger friendship group and actually set her up with one of my best friends who is a sweetheart and very much asexual (we’ll call him M).
Eventually, though, the cracks began to show. She picked up my verbal ticks very quickly and even adopted them into her text style. If F or I came into uni wearing something cool she’d save something similar to her personal aesthetic board. She was super pretentious, derailing conversation to make a comparison to some ~obscure artist~ none of us had ever heard of. If I started a drinking game where I took a shot every time she mentioned something pretentiously artsy, I’d be dead in the ground. She would constantly boast about how she had been writing a fantasy novel for seven years. She’s a faux feminist who’s an “activist” in name only. She tries to appear to hold strong political opinions but doesn’t attend rallies or attempt to enact any real change in a place that has a ridiculously DIRE political climate (see: hasn’t had a government for over two years).
My friends were welcoming but all of them (except M) complained about her behaviour. The biggest red flag is her Pinterest boards.
For context, a few years ago, some of my friends and I each set up Pinterest boards to save #aesthetic things that remind us of each other. A few weeks ago D set up Pinterest boards for us, even after we had clearly said that Pinterest boards were something that only came about after many years of friendship and that we’d have to know her for longer before making one for her. One of the biggest red flags is how she treats sexuality. F is a lesbian and D’s Pinterest board for her is FILLED with really inappropriate nsfw lesbian images. However, F isn’t open about her sexuality and hasn’t actually come out to D. D’s just guessed that she’s gay. This isn’t even consistent behaviour because I’m openly bisexual and there’s nothing inappropriate on D’s board for me. Her Pinterest board for M is full of quite predatory things with a lot of 2013 tumblr textposts about how “asexuals can still have sex”. M is really open about his boundaries, and it’s well known that handholding is the most he feels comfortable with. Even kissing is a lot for him.
If I come to uni wearing something cool, D will go home and add similar items to her personal Pinterest board, so obviously she’s probably just trying to fit in. She’s thrown minor strops about “not feeling like a true member of the group and only being an addition”. I don’t want to be an asshole, and it’s quite obvious that she doesn’t have much experience with friendship. On the other hand though, I can’t keep going through life making people my personal projects. I feel like I’m going insane. AITA by wanting the friendship to die?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
vZaZfQPbBwhEVrXtlZdRqBqvVekkCLtW
|
ba5va5
|
{
"description": "not wanting my family to stay with me? I feel like my mom is doing this to torture me",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my (23F) family to stay with me? I feel like my mom (58F) is doing this to torture me.
|
TLDR: I’m graduating with my MA next month and I do not want my 4 family members staying in my one bedroom, one bathroom apartment for the weekend.
I’ve been telling my mom since last summer to get a hotel and now there aren’t any rooms left in the small town my school is located. It’s a 6 hr drive from my home, but my fam will be taking a 45min flight. They rented a car.
I suggested they stay in a moderately sized city about 25 mins away. The hotel location is downtown and fairly priced. I spoke to several of my friends about this and they said I was being pretty reasonable. I suggested my mom do the same; she said her friends also say I am ungrateful and selfish.
This is why I think it’s torture. I told my mom that if she insists on staying in my apartment, I will rent a place while they’re here. Maybe I’m a bad person, but my family stresses me out. She said that if I’m not here then what is even the point of their trip?
My mom keeps saying that I just don’t want her to visit and she calls me selfish bc I don’t want her in my apartment. This is frustrating and straight up a lie bc she has stayed in my apartment many times. It is not a money issue; I know for a fact my family can afford a hotel without it hurting our pockets.
Also, I think it is torture bc me and my mother do not have the best relationship. I am bisexual, she is v homophobic. She’s calmed down since outing me about 3 years ago, but she has a long way to go.
I don’t think I’m being selfish and a part of me feels like she didn’t even run this by another grown person to hear how wild she sounds. As of now she has plans of staying here with everyone and I’m stressed! I can’t imagine 5 ppl calmly staying here.
I grew up with a big family (3 siblings in a 4bdrm/1bth house) so I’m used to cramped quarters, but I feel like this is too much. I just want to be relaxed before my graduation.
I feel like my family (specifically my mom) is not very considerate when they come here and I know I won’t be well rested. For example, she likes to have the TV on and lights when she goes to bed. Plus, she goes to bed late and will talk on the phone as long as she’s up. The little one wakes up early and due to the nature of children, she’s not very quiet. Usually I don’t have a problem with this, but it does give me horrible sleep.
On top of that, I know getting ready before my graduation will be a nightmare because I only have one bathroom and two mirrors in my home. I’m really good at doing makeup but it takes me about 1-1.5hrs. I know they’re going to rush me and I will feel ugly on my graduation day. And, they have a habit of running late for everything, so I anticipate being tired, ugly, and late for a very big day in my life. I am also scared that she will want to argue with me bc it feels like she argues with me over literally everything.
AITA for not wanting my family to stay in my apartment? (This is my 1st post, please be gentle!)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
jlhe03JHBex6R3V5np4Nfb6KZVdwDH7s
|
b70jez
|
{
"description": "lying to my dad about where I met someone",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for lying to my dad about where I met someone?
|
So next Sunday, my father is meeting this guy that I’m interested in dating. Guys always meet my dad early on, it’s one of my dealbreakers. So my dad was asking me about this guy and where I met him. I met him on OkCupid. My dad has a stigma about dating websites though so I didn’t tell him. I told him we met on the Steam Forums for a video game and just kinda hit it off. The guy is fine that I told him that but I feel guilty for lying to him about it. I never lie to my dad as we are very close.
AITA for lying to him about it and should I come clean?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
99n6o3LDssqEjBOVTgU2FfHNYk9AB2Xi
|
amap2k
|
{
"description": "telling my friend to get over a ex friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my friend to get over a ex friend
|
A little backstory: Around 3 years ago my friend pretended to have a horrible life ie. being hospitalized after a suicide attempt and having to work on a farm because her parents were too poor. She’s a changed person from who she was. Over time most people forgave her because she was a genuinely nice person just going through a rough time. One friend (the one we’re talking about) cut all contact from basically right after she was exposed on the lie. 2 years later she starts saying how she doesn’t care about the situation at all anymore.
Now on the the story: (P i’ll call the friend who lied and M will be the one friend who still isn’t on good terms with P) M and i were talking about a little party for our other friend that we were invited to. I told her that P was invited. M got all pissed about her being invited to the party and started ranting. I bud in and say “aren’t you over that”. M still pissed said how she had to deal with P for 3 years (actually 1 year) and how P faked a suicide. lunch was over and M and i walked to class she kept saying how insensitive i was to say get over it knowing damn well she said she was over it not too long ago.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
md82cdvoBnEbJBoCmmYdgCkhecAoLXFw
|
afqw94
|
{
"description": "leaving my struggling girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I leave my (20m) struggling girlfriend (27f)
|
Mobile formating apologies in advance.
I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 1.5 years and we currently live together. She is mostly blind but has enough sight to get around without aid and can read with very strong magnification. I was told about all of this pre relationship and I have taken her to multiple surgeries and other medical appointments which have improved her health.
She is also a diabetic with poorly controlled sugars which is the reason for her poor sight and other medical problems.
I want to know if I would be an asshole for leaving the relationship due to large amounts of stress between the both of us. We are very argumentative but still love each other (arguments aren't relating to medical issues). I just feel like I would be an asshole because she has difficulty with a lot of things and has no one else to rely on.
TL;DR my mostly blind, medically challanged girlfriend is a lot to deal with and I don't know if leaving makes me an asshole.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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ar2brw
|
{
"description": "not updating/texting my husband for 3 and a half hours when I was out",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not updating/texting my husband for 3 and a half hours when I was out?
|
I let him know that our 1 month old daughter, me, and my mum (visiting us in the city for a day) were gonna go out to the city today and buy new bras for me (haha boobs grew big during pregnancy)
At first I was texting him during our outing and sending pics and stuff but then I got busy and didnt text him for a few hours.
I dont know if the reason *why* I was busy is relevant but just in case: basically I was trying to fit a lottt of shopping activities into a veryy small timeslot all at the same time while feeding the baby, changing her diapers, and keeping her from ever crying so that she does not disturb other customers. And allll this time my mum was rushing me, telling me to *hurry up* telling me she wants to go outside with the baby and im trying to get her to chill the fk out and hand me my baby because we do NOT need to go outside of the store and the baby will be fine if I just hold her for a darn sec and give her a bottle... yadda yadda basically corralling an unruly grandma :) not a big deal for me but deefinitely kept me busy and if I were to start texting my husband instead of keeping 1000 things under control, the baby would start crying and thats bad for both the baby and also for the customers to hear a screaming gremlin, (even if its a cute gremlin)
Basically, my husband called me 3 and a half hours later VERY ANGRY that I wasnt responding to his texts. Personally I think that the reason why I wasnt responding isnt relevant if I was just [tryly busy] and also [only a few hours]. People are often busy and cannot update.
As soon as he called me on the phone I did pick up right away. He angrily went off on me for why wasnt I updating him. I told him that people are sometimes busy for a few hours and cant text and that this should be respected and understood but that did nothing to ease his anger. I would have updated him as soon as my hands were free maybe 30 more mins into the future. His reasoning included:
- that me and my mother are two adults. we could have definitely set aside a few moments for giving a heads up
- he wasnt aware how long we'd be out in the city for
- he was worried about his child
am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
dIw9b3DNRHKNfxyiQOSzigGSartBu4eV
|
b5iw3d
|
{
"description": "not wanting to give my room to a guest",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to give my room to a guest?
|
My partner and I are renting a three bedroom unit. Since we both sleep in the largest room, I have set up my stuff in the second largest. One of our mutual friends needs a place to stay for anywhere from a fortnight to a month or longer. No problem. I went to set up our third bedroom which is the smallest but I've lived in it comfortably for a year before.
My partner stopped me and said the guest would be using my room. The guest had previously agreed they didn't care where as long as they had somewhere to sleep. I said I wasn't entirely comfortable with this arrangement because, other than sleeping and working, I spend all my time in that room. Partner insists on his way because it's "only for a few weeks".
Later that night he offers the guest the use of my bed as well. I point out I'm happy with him offering my stuff without consulting me. Partners replies that I'm just weird about people visiting anyway and he lets my family stay over all the time. He has a point, I don't like people I don't know staying in the house referring to an instance from a year ago. However I know the guest and am actually the one who offered. I just didn't offer my room.
I just feel this is unfair to expect me to pay half the rent while giving away my room to the guest. I can't move into the smaller room because we keep our cockatiels there. I had planned to move them into my room for the month or so. After all the fighting I can't stand to be trapped in the same room as him all the time.
​
TLDR: Partner gives my room to a guest for a month or more. Still wants me to pay half the rent.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
atfCLLTuGFwukBy5r46Rib7D2vkaFbbM
|
b9tkqv
|
{
"description": "wanting to buy a ps4 while still living with my parents",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to buy a ps4 while still living with my parents?
|
Now hear me out,im a 20 year old guy who lives with both his parents.I have a job and my parents told me that i will have to give them a fixed amount of cash from each pay to which i agree and do.Im not very materialistic,i only have 2 pairs of shoes and not that much clothes in general (out of choice).As long as its clean it works for me.I've been wanting to get a ps4 cause gaming is my hobby and i think it would be nice if some friends come over.I never receive money from anyone and this would be bought from my hard earned cash.BUT both my parents are going nuts on me for wanting to spend so much money on "something i dont need" which is true i cant deny that.But both of them have been smokers their entire lives.they like to order pizza and other fast food quite often when there is food in the fridge,also drinking wine with fruit quite often aswell.While the only thing i spend my money on is the gym membership,the internet and giving them what they ask for.So would i be the asshole if i decided to buy it even though they highly oppose it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
88D3S1Z9bymmgAsY8Sf30KNLR7rUG2YT
|
aonh87
|
{
"description": "being afraid of a deaf woman",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being afraid of a deaf woman?
|
AITA for being afraid of my HoH landlady?
I know that sounds bad, but let me explain. I'm renting part of the house from a family friend, who has always been a loud, brash person. Her manner of speaking makes it sound like she's always angry and yelling.
After living here for a month or so it became clear that my landlady suffers from fairly significant hearing loss. I asked a co-tenant about it, who had observed it as well, but when she tried to broach the subject with our landlady in the past, she denied having any hearing problems.
Obviously that's within her rights; but the problem is, even though I know why she's loud, and I know intellectually that I'm not being yelled at, past trauma makes it so every time she speaks my fight or flight response activates, and I go out of my way to avoid speaking to her. I'm even considering moving out.
Am I the asshole? (note: I don't think she's an asshole in this situation)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
b97fdf
|
{
"description": "not telling a friend that I was dating a mutual friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not telling a friend that I was dating a mutual friend?
|
While the issues I'm gonna tell you about have been resolved, I'm unsure if I was in the wrong here and this situation is still messing with me. I have trouble judging what's socially acceptable sometimes, so if you decide to comment, please explain things so that even a robot could understand.
So there I was in my early 20s, a young woman with very few friends, only one of which lived near me. Let's call her Karen. Karen wasn't a close friend of mine. I always saw her getting into some kind of drama with one of her 100 "besties". Against my better judgement, I hung out with her. Through her, I got to know a dude she'd been friends with since kindergarten. At the time he was in a relationship with one of Karen's close friends.
Dude and I became friends. I found him attractive but obviously didn't wanna mess up anyone's relationship, so I was really careful to not overstep my boundaries and kept things strictly platonic.
A couple of months later though, dude's girlfriend breaks up with him and tells him she simply doesn't love him anymore. Meanwhile, dude and I have become pretty close friends. So when he tells me what happened I did what every good friend does. I listened to him when he needed someone to talk to, tried to cheer him up, and invited him out to get away from their shared apartment to get his mind off things.
We quickly realized that we had feelings for one another. Things moved fast; too fast. He hadn't had time to get over his ex and I was an inexperienced fool. We had only been a thing for about two or three weeks and he broke up with me. Of course he needed space. I was devastated.
Then I got a text from Karen. She was livid. How could I have dated one of her friends and not tell her?! So soon after the two of her friends had broken up, no less! She was disappointed in me, she thought we were friends. She was entitled to know about it.
All I could manage to say was that I didn't mean to keep it a secret but that things had been moving so quickly. I had been afraid that I might have just been a rebound and wanted to give the relationship some time before telling everyone, instead of telling people we're official to then go around a few days later being like "oh lol, nevermind". Besides, she definitely was not entitled to know every single personal thing that was going on in my life. I also told her I didn't appreciate her berating me like that, so soon after having been broken up with. I was not in a state of mind to deal with even more emotional stress.
We weren't friends anymore after that. She tried to contact me again after dude and I started seeing each other again, but I figured she just wanted to get all the info to start even more drama.
People seem to take issue when their friends see each other. Did Karen have a point? Should I have told her, despite my insecurities about the relationship? Was she entitled to know two of her friends were dating? Had I really been a horrible friend for that? **Am I the asshole?**
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
b1ouvy
|
{
"description": "putting myself before my friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for putting myself before my friend?
|
TLDR; my friend tells me that my ex boyfriend so I had broken up with two days before grabbed her ass two years ago, gets mad when I say I’m not ready to talk about that and turns my other friend on me for saying that
So a year ago I was going through a REALLY rough breakup when I found out my boyfriend of a year was sleeping with a married woman (a whole-nother story)
But anyways, a friend who went to school in a different city was in town for spring break and we and another friend decided to go to dinner, and I pretty much asked that we not talk about the breakup because I wanted one night away from it all
When I asked my friend who was visiting, their answer was pretty much “no, because I need do tell you something about your now-ex”
I was upset that they wanted to talk about him but we as a group used to be really close before my ex moved away for the military, and I knew that she had talked to him a bit after the breakup to kind of call him out of being an ass, so I thought it was about that
So we finish dinner and our other friend goes home and the two of us are in the parking lot, and I knew they wanted to talk about it and I was already choking back tears tbh
And they told me that, about a year before we had started dating, my ex had grabbed my friends ass at lunch our senior year one day without consent
He had done the same thing to me when we were friends but we’re on the edge of “more than friends”, which was where they were st the time he groped her
So, my immediate reaction was “that’s just how he tests boundaries”
I realized as soon as I said it that that was kind of an asshole thing to say, and tried to rationalize how he did it to me, and I just started bawling because I was so hurt by his break of trust and all, and kind of ended up in a blubbering rant about how hurt I was by how he treated me, and it didn’t surprise me what he did to her, and how I hope he burns in hell
So the night ends and I go home and almost immediately I get a text from a friend who wasn’t there ranting how he couldn’t be friends with someone who “condones that kind of thing”
Of course I’m super confused and text my friend I had been talking to asking what was up and they just say “give him time”
I literally had a panic attack because I realized he blocked me after sending that, and I couldn’t tell my side
So I send the friend I had talked to a text saying I was sorry if I gave the impression I didn’t care about them because I did, and I just wasn’t ready to hear that but I was there for them (even though I felt they should have been there for me first)
She in turn sends a text about how she’s “angry, hurt, and couldn’t believe that someone who was my friend could say that”, even though I have no idea if they’re referring to the first statement I said or anything after it
I haven’t talked to her since and don’t ever want to talk again, I know I could have said it better but am I in the wrong here?
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
1uSMQH3SNppxfSL3RZvSMsYQlNQZNnwn
|
9wqcva
|
{
"description": "talking shit about someones birthday gift to me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For talking shit about someones birthday gift to me?
|
So, it was my birthday last month and I normally don't let anyone know when my birthday is (apart from close friends) as I don't like the attention. Anyway, a dude from my class found out when it was a few weeks prior and kept saying he was gonna get me something, like every time he spoke to me. I told him several times not to get me anything.
He hypes up the gift a lot before the day. (He's a bit of a hypebeast too, likes to flex.)
Day comes. He comes up to me with a jacket wadded up in his hand and he tosses it to me and says happy birthday and all that. He proceeds to tell me that it's his old jacket and then immediately tells me it's worth £120.
I try it on later in the day and it stinks and has dirt all over it, I say to my close friends that it's a bit weird that he's done this. It's like saying that you're gonna give someone a Ferrari and then give em a battered Nissan Micra.
Jacket dude finds out I said that and he's pissed at me. I try to explain why it's strange but he has none of it.
Just to note : idgaf how much the jacket is or anything but it just seems like he dragged it from the bottom of his closet and thought (eh, that'll do). I got a box of chocolates from a friend's mum and I truly appreciated that so much more.
So anyway, am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
8xoQLGs6mvhRpX8Q0oehJgfyHbkFt14K
|
a3pevt
|
{
"description": "not being proud of my wife for only being 7 minutes late to work rather than 15",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for not being proud of my wife for only being 7 minutes late to work rather than 15?
|
So, my wife just told me that she made it to work at 8:07 today and she was really happy about it. She's supposed to be in at 8 and hasn't been in on time in...well I don't know how long. She works for a giant corporation and doesn't like to get up early. I told her I refuse to encourage being "only slightly less late" because we heavily depend on her job and her getting shitcanned isn't going to help us regardless if I was happy for her or not. It's not depression or something keeping her in bed, she just wants to sleep longer. She made the choice to work mornings instead of evenings (she used to work 1-9) and I think it's incredibly asinine to get mad at me for wanting her to actually be on time for her job rather than celebrate her being in her seat 7 mins late rather than 10 15 or 20. Because I didn't "encourage her" and only gave her "negativity" (which I view as just straight up realism, but whatever), she said she doesn't want to continue the conversation and she's crying at work. I view this whole situation as f'ing ridiculous, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 15
}
|
RIGHT
|
XEMjjEEk7SubyirZrOATPU1hGG0GAarB
|
awqbmt
|
{
"description": "canceling plans with my friends after they invited someone I disagree with",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for canceling plans with my friends after they invited someone I disagree with
|
Title probably sounds like I am the asshole, but allow me to elaborate a bit.
So me and some friends (We're all in our early 20s) have had plans for a few weeks to go out and party tonight (We're all still in college). I found out the other day that one of my friends was inviting a graduate friend of his, who despite being in the friend group, I didn't like at all.
Why didn't I like him? He's very anti-gay (I'm using that phrase in particular because I believe his rhetoric surpasses typical run-of-the-mill homophobia) and I am gay (which only a handful of people in the group know).
So anyhow, I decided tonight to call off going with them (and to be honest, canceling last minute was kind of a dick move on my part) and one of my best friends in the group called a few hours later, very drunk, and was genuinely upset that I hadn't gone with them (keep in mind this is the same friend that invited the graduate who I dislike)
So, was I the asshole here? I feel really bad that I made my friend upset, but at the same time I know I wouldn't have had a good time if I had gone with them. Bonus if you can think of a way to explain all this to my friend. Thanks
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
vkcoAv4MrouwNEhJOmJPH72gvJyN0Gzp
|
ajs7ws
|
{
"description": "wanting my partner to disregard her family",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my partner to disregard her family? [Long]
|
Bit of a clickbaity title but I'm not sure what else to call it.
My girlfriend and I have had issues with her family for some time, usually due to my frustration at how she would bend to their will without a second thought. At the start of the relationship (the first year was very difficult) it was really bad. With her, as a woman in her twenties, constantly needing to ask for permission to do basically anything.
It has improved a lot, with her becoming much more assertive and independent but one things still really bothering me. At the point when we had been living together around for around 7 months her parents (who were in a longstanding legal battle with the US government over their citizenship rights) heard that the next hearing was going ahead and assumed they would win the case within that month, despite me, my girlfriend, the lawyer, and their oldest son trying to explain that this was only one step in a long process.
With this they decided they would spend their time before moving back to the USA seeing the sights in Europe. The problem was that they drained my girlfriends bank account to do it. (It was an account she made as a minor so her mom had access)
When it came out that they won the case but another date was scheduled they exploded and blamed the lawyer and said it was his fault my girlfriends life savings were now non existent.
As I've said, over time she has gotten a lot more assertive and in return her parents have started treating her more like an adult.
Now we're left being solely reliant on my income and savings and it honestly makes me furious.
Any time I bring it up with her she says "it doesn't matter" and any time I voice my concern over feeling like I'm the only one putting resources into this relationship she blames her parents. But has not and refuses to ask her parents for the money.
I know they aren't in the best position financially but it feels like I'm the one paying for it. Especially when at Christmas or birthdays she's lucky to get cheap low quality clothes and socks, but her younger sibling (aged 21) who still lives at home is bought new phones/consoles and games even when it's not a special occasion.
With the excuse being "well he works with your dad this is how we pay him" even though he gets paid by their dad for the work he does. (Interesting side note: they pulled him out of school to start help working and now he's too old to finish high school and has no qualifications)
So, knowing that her parents are genuinely not in a good place financially, but they don't manage their money well, am I the asshole for wanting my girlfriend to demand the money from her parents because we shouldn't pay for their mistakes?
Whenever we talk about it it always ends with me feeling terrible and just assuming I'm the asshole, but am I the asshole?
And am I the asshole for expecting her to carry some of the financial burdens?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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INFO
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|
RIGHT
|
f6AFDnHVGUM31eDYsciIrgcQJb1KyEvL
|
9wpo70
|
{
"description": "being sad that Stan Lee died simply because he cant make any more cameos",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For being sad that Stan Lee died simply because he cant make any more cameos?
|
I woke up this morning, and while having breakfast found out that Stan Lee died. It sucked. He made great superheroes that have become more than he expected at first but hey.. at least he got to see them grow right. Then while in class I thought "Oh shit, if Stan's dead than who's gonna make cameos" Got home and typed this. I feel like a jerk for not being sad because the dude that made my fav superheroes died but because he made vaguely funny cameos that got boring real quick.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
QwFxh7PMxaR49xl45T5cKNvBVVCP91Nk
|
alsi2p
|
{
"description": "coming to work sick",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I came to work sick
|
on mobile, so excuse the format.
I'm a borderline part-timer(few more hours and I would be full time, but not exactly related) at a place in the food court in a dead mall. I say borderline because I get a lot of hours, and in all honesty, I could be assistant manager if I wanted(I choose not to, because I want to leave this place already). The hours I work are usually when the manager leaves, or it's the weekend and it's busy enough to warrant needing people like me and the manager to work at the same time. reason being, I'm the one with the most flexible schedule and semi competent enough to do a bit of everything at work.
the thing is, the way people are scheduled, on weekdays, it's only 2 people working, which, aside from my days off, it's me and 1 other, and me usually having a semi long shift(usually like 2-9). that means, if I wanted to call in sick, I would have to know ahead of time, though given I tend to sleep and wake up late, it's usually too late, so I would still come in, but Generally get to leave early because the manager would have to find someone.
moving on, i already had to leave early twice last week, and thought whatever I had was gone, except since at least yesterday, it's gotten worse. my face ended up being red and dry, and I have a stuffy nose. my manager had me scheduled for long shifts this weekend, because on those days, he usually need 3-4 people, with him and me for the afternoon/evening (half of the people don't cook, even though they can , due to being too slow, so generally someone else does so).
I don't like the idea of leaving my manager hanging on such a short notice, but I don't know how I'll be for this coming weekend. I also don't want to make it seem like I'm abusing being sick/trying to being lazy, but I barely gotten through last night with how I was. Given how I am(personality wise), I'm most likely going to come in either way,partly due to fear of losing the job out of making things harder, and at best, request to leave early if it gets bad, but that won't change the idea that I might get others sick, or that the manager won't be able to find someone to cover me, leaving the store short handed.
WIBTA if I came to work sick regardless?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
EJhlKf1uerpyX27eavBjKisa4hyi7tFs
|
9vk1tq
|
{
"description": "pulling away from a struggling, ex-military friend/roommate that's really hard to live with",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for pulling away from a struggling, ex-military friend/roommate that’s really hard to live with?
|
Title says it all. Basically my roommate is isolated, lonely, seems super depressed. But he’s messy around the house, defensive, breaks shit all the time and it’s an upwards battle to change him and he seems really resentful. He has little other support networks than us housemates and I’m beginning to pull away from helping him even though he really needs more support.
We’ve talked to him about his cleanliness and respecting the house more (read: not breaking shit), about how we are on his team and want to help. He already misses the structure of the military. We’re not from the USA and don’t have any real experience of ex military people so my housemates and I are struggling to understand him or figure out how to move forward. Talking with him doesn’t help, and because I’m overworked and don’t want to spend my one day off hanging out with him (because I have to clean up after him or follow him up all the time re: his behaviour) he’s obviously feeling rejected and more isolated.
I’ve suggested counselling, I’ve shared with him my own mental health challenges and how I’ve worked through them, and how I’m there for him, but with how hard it is and how angry and defensive he is to live with (and after months of little change) I’m pulling away emotionally and socially. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
gulI9pdz2kwouH7ekhyjxAnxUcCif02G
|
aftr3t
| null |
AITA for this comment?
|
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I think there is too much hate in this world and the Christian myth has truth within it that people do not recognize. That being said, I sometimes don't know when I should talk about it.
AITA for this comment:
OC:
>Seems like his base is legitimately finally eroding. Thank you Jesus.
The non college educated whites are slow to change. Very stubborn. They often don’t have the time to pay close attention to the details. Many get their news through daytime right wing radio because they are in trucks and cars all day or on worksites.
It’s really hard to get through to them. If they give way, the end really is near.
Me:
>>Why are you talking about them that way? Sure they're people but they are people that make the exact same mistakes you do. This is simply a mistake that has had drastic effects.
Trump was able to produce a cult of personality that was spread through the US directly to hurt people (who needed answers) by Putin's successful efforts to infiltrate the common denominator of all public entertainment: advertising. In doing so, he created the deadliest propaganda machine in history.
Do not even for a second blame someone's grandma, grandpa or uncle who was just laid off and losing money as they saw people around them and around the world grow richer. When Trump promised the good ole days, they believed him. "At least it's worth a chance".
I'm cautious against railing against Putin. Imagine being born in the middle of the most contentious global war in history. Both sides relied heavily on intelligence, nationalism and various other technologies of information warfare in order to win in a way that hadn't been attempted before- without directly attacking each other. Every American plan to invade the USSR (and vice versa) was dumped due to MAD, so new warfare was invented. Why do people expect the Russian national pride remain stable following the conclusion of the Cold War? There are tons of evidence towards the latter- (Anyone with a history book ought to investigate the fall of the Weimar Republic) with one intellectual (Aleksandr Dugin) laying the strategy to regain superiority within the world.
In both cases, we don't see evil people. Rather, they are individuals who have seen the purpose that they centered their life around crumble in the face of new powers (China and The West). We ought to pity and love the losers. Not hate them when they try winning again.
Edit: Cowards. You realize you are wrong and you don't like that. Grow up and recognize the complexity of people
I want to address hated at the roots and r/Trumpgret seems a great place to start. How should I continue to work to convey love and peace to a political ideology that claims to be on the side of the marginalized?
[Source](https://www.reddit.com/r/Trumpgret/comments/afp6aw/donald_trumps_approval_sinking_among_his_base/ee154an?context=1)
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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awad6n
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{
"description": "cutting ties with family over past events",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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|
AITA for cutting ties with family over past events
|
I have decided to move several states away from my family, and some of them are angry for "abandoning them"
\-My parents use to own a very successful business where from a very young age(around 8) i would be pretty much forced to give up many of my afternoons, most of my weekends to work at my parents business. It was difficult work, sometimes dangerous, and even disgusting. Sometimes i would have to pick up trash like used condoms, diapers with feces, and my parents would not provide me with any safety equipment. My only reward at the time was a reminder that i got to live in their house for free, and had food in the fridge.
\-I hated it, but my parents promised me a large inheritance soon after i graduated high school. Instead of giving me anything after high school, they gave my older sister $50,000 for a down payment on a luxury car, a small house, and money to open up a clothing store. Even though she never worked at this business, since it got started after she moved out.
\-To give you some context on how fucked up this situation was we lived in a luxurious house on two acres of property, and while my sister would visit in her super expensive BMW i would have a beat up 20 year old car. Instead of helping me go to college at a very inexpensive school they were OK with me working at McDonalds.
\-She is smart, but has no real business knowledge or experience. She puts my family almost a million dollars in debt, clothing store fails, her house and my families house foreclose due to money problems. We had to sell almost everything to get rid of the debt. I now have no chance of inheriting anything.
\-I know i sound self entitled to just want a successful business to fall on my lap from a young age, but if i wasn't going to get anything i should not have been forced to do that stuff from such a young age. I also feel justified to be angry since my sister didn't contribute anything to building this business yet she got handed a bunch of stuff.
\- i have a lot of bitterness, anger, resentment, and possibly even hatred towards my entire family. Because of all this i'm cutting ties and moving away.
Am i the Asshole for
Feeling resentment towards them?
Not returning a small amount of cash they let me borrow when i was younger?
for moving away?
sorry for my bad grammar, any advice or help would be appreciated.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "requiring my next door neighbor to purchase my mobile home with certified funds",
"pronormative_score": 8,
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|
WIBTA if I require my next door neighbor to purchase my mobile home with certified funds?
|
My husband and I lived in a mobile home/RV park for 3 years. We recently bought a house about 2 hours up the road. The neighbor, who live in an RV next to us, wants to buy our RV and pay with personal check.
We are so ready to get rid of that thing because lot rent, utilities, and homeowners insurance is eating us alive. Which is why I don't want to make him mad by implying his check might not be good and have him pull out of the deal. He's a nice and honest person. Not a stranger. He's been living there longer than us.
Would I be the asshole if I tell him he has to pay with a cashier's check?
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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a6r65d
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{
"description": "ghosting a friend over conspiracy theories",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ghosting a friend over conspiracy theories?
|
I had a friend from high school who I stayed in touch with for a few years after graduation. Everything was fine for a while, it was mostly a long distance friendship maintained through text messaging, but suddenly things started feeling really different. She started almost exclusively texting me about government conspiracy theories such as HAARP, the Denver International Airport and 9/11 truther stuff. It was very off putting as I just do not believe in that kind of stuff. As much as I would try to explain that I'm not interested in talking about those things to no avail. Eventually I slowly started distancing myself but I felt guilty the whole time and still feel bad about it whenever I think about it now.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "being angry my roommate doesn't communicate with me instead of me just knowing when she's annoyed",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA For being angry my roommate doesn't communicate with me instead of me just knowing when she's annoyed?
|
TL;DR at the bottom, I'll try to make this as short as possible, but there's a bunch of details that are important to this.
​
Background: I am a college freshman in your average dorm room setting. My roommate and I get along well, we've never had a fight or argument and we have good conversations a lot of times. She took a gap year and saved up money so her parents are only paying for the tuition and room and board but everything else she has to pay for. I did not take a gap year but my parents are paying for tuition and room and board and I worked in the summer and winter break to save up some money. My parents are not poor, we're solidly middle class and recently because of my mom's surgeries and my brother's cancer treatments (he's fine now), we're really in a tough situation financially, again not poor or going to go bankrupt but we really have to cut a lot of stuff off that's not necessary. My roommate is very sociable, I'll call her Jane, and is good friends with a bunch of girls on the floor. I am more acquaintances with the girls on my floor, and I do have pretty bad social anxiety but I manage pretty well.
​
Problem: So I was in a girl's room doing homework, I'm actually friends with this one person, when I heard Jane out in the hall with some other girls talking about me. Jane said I was the most inconsiderate roommate in the world and I was really shocked by this because I try to make sure I consider how my actions in the room will affect her. At the beginning of the year we also agreed that if we have problems, we'll bring it up nicely to each other and promised not to get offended since everyone has different things that annoy them. She had some main issues:
​
1. She said I don't pay for anything and since she's paying for everything but school herself, that I should just get my parents who, she said have tons of money to just buy it. My dad has really bad anxiety about money and I get yelled at for asking for anything, even things I need. Plus, the reason I worked is so I wouldn't have to ask for things unless they were big expenses that were necessities. She bought a trash can, swiffer, microwave, and water filter. I bought a fridge, recycling can, small vacuum, and the replacement filters for the water. It seemed like everything was pretty equal, but according to her because she thinks my parents are rich, I should be paying for more or that she thinks that she pays for more of the stuff? She said the fridge was shitty but it works and it's big enough for both of our stuff. Yeah, it's not as big as the nice ones with a separate freezer door but she said she didn't want to split the cost to rent a big one from the bookstore. The thing is, she has used the swiffer maybe once and she broke the trash can and threw up in it when she was drunk and asked me to get a new one. So I said ok because it's like $5 on Amazon. I clean the room every Saturday and she has cleaned maybe once, I know because the swiffer dust cloths are still mostly unused. I typically clean with the vacuum and wipe down the microwave and fridge inside and dust around the room.
2. She complained that last semester I smoked weed too much in the room and it was annoying her. I was smoking like three times a day towards the end of the semester and sometimes she would be there, sometimes she'd be in class. But she also smokes in the room and in other people's rooms. She didn't tell me that it bothered her so much the entire time. She said that I didn't get social cues because she apparently would leave the room every time I would smoke but she leaves the room all the time to go see her friends when I wasn't smoking so I don't know how she expects me to get that. If she had a problem I would have preferred her to tell me, but she didn't. It wasn't until the start of this semester that she asked nicely for me not to smoke so much in the room because she doesn't like the smell when she's doing homework. I totally agreed and I had planned to not smoke so much anyway. I have smoked maybe once since the start of the semester and she wasn't even in the room. She gets high and drunk in other people's rooms several times a week but then acts like my weed smoking, which she does not take part in, affects her. I completely respected her wishes and texted her the one time I smoked. It really hurt when she said I didn't get social cues because with social anxiety, that's my biggest worry and it just made me think that maybe everyone really is tolerating me.
3. She said that she hates that I'm always in the room and that it's disrespectful of her privacy. She said that because again, she thinks my parents are rich, that they should have paid for a single room if I am so introverted. But I'm not always in the room, I have morning classes and leave around 7:30 and get back around 11-12. I go to the gym for an hour and then usually eat lunch afterwards. I usually also will go to the library or some other place to study because I like to switch up my study spots. I also sometimes go to club meetings in the evening and those last 1-2 hours. I don't know where she's getting this idea that I'm always in the room. The thing is, she sleeps like 12-13 hours. I leave the room specifically so I don't have to tiptoe or be super quiet when I want to do homework or something. She sleeps during most of the time that I am out so when I am tired and want to be in my room, she's just getting up for the day. I totally get that we have different schedules and I don't mind leaving, I just feel like she doesn't recognize how often I really am gone. On top of that, she said something really insulting and condescending. She said that she gets that my parents want me to have a friend, but it's unfair to her and disrespectful of her privacy to make me get a roommate when I am introverted and stay in the room a lot. My parents didn't force me to get a roommate, I didn't want to spend an extra $2000 on the comfort and luxury of having a single room. I mean everyone wants that, but I chose to have a roommate, I don't mind having one, and my parents have never worried about me making friends, my social anxiety is bad when it comes to authority figures and large crowds and stuff. For her to assume something like that also was just rude. If she had told me that she wanted to work out a plan where we both could have more private time, I would have understood since our schedules are different.
4. She complained about the fact that I lock the door all the time. In my house, my mom always would say that if you see the front or back door unlocked, I should lock it, especially if I'm home alone. It's just a habit I do when I would pass the front door and saw it wasn't locked. So I do the same in my dorm, if I go by my closet and notice the door's unlocked, I just press the button on the handle. I didn't realize that it annoyed her because it's not hard to unlock the door. When I know she's coming back soon, like the bathroom or getting a drink, or even getting food, I don't lock the door. But if no one is in the room and I don't know when she's coming back, I always lock the door. Also when I don't know when she's coming back and I am in the room, I lock the door as a habit and also because sometimes her friend next door to us will sometimes just walk in to see if Jane is in for her to hang out. I again, don't have a problem with any of the girls on the floor, but if she just told me that it annoyed her, I would start to remind myself that I'm not at home and I don't need to always lock the door. I feel very safe in the dorms anyway so that's not a concern.
5. Again she complained about how I never leave and she wants to have friends over but she can't. But that's not true, I mean other people on the floor bring their friends in while their roommates are there and they just put in headphones or simply ignore them. Sometimes I know it's better to just leave and let them hang out, but I didn't realize that when I would put in headphones and literally just lay in my bed, I was annoying her. If she just told me that sometimes she wants to talk about private stuff with her friends, I'd find somewhere else to go.
I don't know, I think that I'm mostly shocked by the fact that she never brought this up to me. And on top of that, there's tons of stuff that she does that annoys me that I am willing to just ignore because I can't fight everything. Am I the asshole for not noticing that my behavior apparently annoyed her? Am I lacking in social skills if I expect her to tell me about something when she's annoyed instead of just knowing? I mean the thing is, I know that people need to vent sometimes and I get annoyed that I don't have absolute privacy and silence sometimes, I think everyone feels that. But the way she was basically yelling about it and saying she didn't want me as her roommate seemed like it was more than just venting.
​
TL;DR: Overheard my roommate talking about me when she thought I couldn't hear. She thinks that she pays for almost everything in the room that we share, and that my parents are rich (they are not) so I should have just asked them to get me stuff. I paid for the fridge, recycling bin, vacuum, and replacement filters, she paid for the microwave (which I offered to pay half of but she declined), trash can, water filter jug, and a swiffer. She thinks that my parents pay for everything but I have had to work as well because they only pay my tuition. She said last semester I smoked too much weed and it prevented her from doing her homework/annoyed her (valid complaint). But didn't tell me until the second semester, which I cut down from three times a day to smoking just once since I've returned mid January. She said I didn't get social cues because I didn't realize that when I would smo
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|
AITA for yelling at a dental receptionist for canceling my appointment after waiting for so long?
|
This happened last week. I waited since 8:15 am to go to my dentist appointment that was scheduled at 8:30 am. I needed to get my filling done. I had the day off so I didn't mind waiting but when I looked at the clock and it was 9:20 am I got irritated.
I went up to the receptionist and asked her how much longer and she said I was next to be called back. Someone came in, had some kind of urgent need and they got called back before I did. It was 9:35 am and I sadly went into asshole mode. I told the receptionist why would I get scheduled at a certain time if I had to wait so long. She told me the emergency plus the scheduled visits that day that I couldn't be seen that day. She offered to reschedule this week.
I lost my cool and I kept telling her I wanted a refund on my copay since they canceled on me. I rose my voice some at the poor lady before leaving and posting a 1-star review on the survey they sent out. I have an appointment tomorrow and i'm afraid to go
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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| null |
AITA?
|
I'm a lesbian. I'm also very inexperienced with the world of dating, both men and women. When I started work, I was around a lot of homophobic people, so I pretended I was straight. I got set up with a guy who worked there super part time - talking like 3 hours a week, as he worked around various of the companies sites.
Inside I knew I was like 90% gay. Id never be with a man. But due to my lack of experience, I selfishly wanted to go on dates, and explore my sexuality, as i knew i wasnt 100% gay). From the start, while I couldn't tell him I was 90% gay, I told him I was happy to hang out, but didn't want to date or sleep together.
For around 4 months, we saw each other casually (around once a fortnight). Then I got asked out on a date by a woman. Which is so rare, and she was a woman I really liked. So i told him I got asked out on a date by someone else, and i wanted to go out with them.
He freaked out, saying he thought we had something special. I guess I know I'm an asshole for lying about my sexuality. But is it fair for him to say I led him along and be so angry when I specifically said I didn't want a relationship or to sleep together??
Sorry for any formatting problems, I really never use reddit.
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "stopping or reducing having sex with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 77,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA If i stopped or reduced having sex with my girlfriend.
|
Hello all,
So for context me and my girlfriend have been together for over a year now and whenever we have sex we don’t use protection of any kind apart from the pull out method. I’ve insisted we use condoms before because we are both young (20) and living with our parents and I really am not in a place to have children right now economically or emotionally. She didnt want to and after a small argument we just continued on without protection.
Now, recently I have started realizing just how irresponsible/unsafe it is having sex without any protection so I brought up the topic again. This led to another mini argument. Her defense is that she’s never used condoms in her past relationship nor has she ever gotten pregnant. She says that the pull out method is enough and that she just doesn’t like the way condoms feel. I usually bring up that she’s right it doesn’t feel as good but it’s a compromise we should take and that honestly she might just have gotten lucky. She also says that there’s always a chance that it can break, I say the chances are slimmer than her getting pregant without the condom and that I’ll still pull out (with the condom) if it makes her feel more comfortable, she says there’s no point in even using it then. She’s smart and I love her but I just can help but feeling she’s being irrational.
I don’t really know what to do, i feel like it would be selfish of me to impose a constraint like this on our sex lives out of no where but at the same time it just feels like the smart thing to do. Also we’ve talked about birth control pills and female condoms, she’s not up for that either.
So, WIBTA if i try to reduce our sex until I can find some sort of middle ground?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "buying something expensive with my own money",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for buying something expensive with my own money?
|
Recently I opened up a bank account for personal spending, I had saved up ~280$ of entirely my own money from working, gifts, etc... and I was waiting for my next paycheck because I wanted to buy a Nintendo switch which I have been saving up for. I have an arrangement where I put 1/2 of any paychecks I get into savings account for college because I’m not out of high-school yet. I have also decided to start saving up for a car so instead of putting 1/2 my newest paycheck into savings I decided I’m going to be putting 3/4 of all future paychecks into it. So I got paid 80$, I kept 20 to buy the switch and left the other 60 to put into my savings, and all was turning out well. Until I mentioned to my mom that a package was coming, (before I continue, my mother owes me about ~180 and was going to pay me back it slowly) she asked what was in the package and I told her that I bought a switch, she went ballistic about how I should have told her before I bought it (in hindsight this would have been a good idea to do first, I’ll admit that) and that it was a huge waste of money, even though I told her that she could put the 60 I put aside + the 180 she owes me into the savings account. She then said about how she’s not paying me back anymore because quote “you just spent your money.” She doesn’t want to talk anymore and is pissed. I don’t believe I’m in the wrong because it was my personal money that I saved and I could freely spend how I wanted, and that I left more than enough (60 + the 180 she owed me) to put into savings for a car and college. Am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "yelling at a neighborhood kid",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For yelling at a neighborhood kid
|
There's a 12 year old boy who lives across the street from me. His sister and my daughter, both 8, are best friends. We've lived here for nearly 4 years now, and this kid has been nothing but a bully to my daughter. Mostly just teasing and name calling, but there has been the occasional violent threat. I've spoken with the parents several times and each time he seems to get worse. We've gone as far as talking with authorities about getting a no contact order against him.
Yesterday I had enough. My wife text me at work basically saying he's at it again. She's a teacher, so she's at home with my daughter for spring break. When I got home from work, he was outside. I walked across the street and yelled something along the lines of "hey you, come here." For the next minute I yelled at the top of my lungs at him. I didn't touch him, I didn't threaten him with violence. I basically told him that he is not to speak, look at, or even think about talking to my daughter again or I will get the police involved.
By the end of my rant, he had tears and his eyes and was shaking. I turned to walk away and found that I had gotten the attention of a neighbor. He yelled and said "he's just a kid, you cant talk to him like that." I told him to mind his own business because he doesn't know the whole story. I then went inside my home.
What I didn't realize was that the kids parents were not home at the time and after I went inside the neighbor called the father. My wife then informed me that the parents were not home. So I decided that I would wait and talk to them as soon as they got home to tell them what I did.
About 30 minutes later the dad pulled in the driveway and went inside. I walked over, knocked on the door and the daughter answered. The dad was sitting at the table with the boy talking to him. After seeing me, and already knowing I yelled at his kid, he stepped outside and shut the door behind him. He was heated, he got in my face and began to yell, threatening violence against me if I do it again. I would take a few steps back and he would continue to step towards me. At one point I slapped his finger out of my face.
After a minute things cooled down and we talked civilly. I explained the events of that day and he agreed that they were not appropriate. I apologize to him for yelling at his son, though I honestly don't feel all that bad about it. He claimed that his son would be punished, but I feel as though he doesn't think that what his son been doing is all that bad, which is why the bullying continues. At the very least, I think I scared the kid enough to back off.
|
HISTORICAL
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|
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|
{
"description": "not wanting to take part in the office Yankee Swap",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA For Not wanting to take part in the office Yankee Swap?
|
I despise nearly everyone I work with. Am I the asshole?!
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
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{
"description": "not driving my brother and mother in law to the hospital",
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|
AITA for not driving my brother and mother in law to the hospital?
|
Hi Reddit,
english is not my native language so have mercy.
My girlfriend has a huge familiy. She has 7 "real" silbings and 2 halfbrothers. The mother lives with one of her daughters and her two sons from her second husband alone. My girlfriend, my daughter and i live pretty close to them. Only 10 min drive. The area is pretty rural. Bus and train come by every two hours and only in bigger cities who are like 20 min drive from us. The car of her mother broke two weeks ago. Nobody except me and her has a driverlicense.
Thats the settings of my story.
Since her car broke down i helped her out. Driving her to the supermarket and getting some stuff when i come from work. She could do this while her 14-15 year old sons are at school with no problem. Bus and call taxi are reliable, but since its easy and am willing to help i just do it. Also she drove me 1 time every week so its kinda a payback even if i just gave her already money for this. She asked me to get her a really specific item and the store didnt had it so i just told her to order it online. Its some kind of paint. She lost it. First she tried to told me she did so much for me and i was ungrateful. She said that in a pretty aggressiv way so i didnt said anything. Than she went beyond and insulted me and said things which arent true. Since then i just stopped talking to her and dicided to dont help her out until she apologize. This was a week ago. Since now she didnt apologize even if we saw each other when i picked my girlfriend and kid up. I am sure she knows from my girlffriend that i am expecting this before we can work on getting things done.
Today the 14 year son injuried himself at the schoolsports. His finger is blue. He did manage to get threw school and drove back to home after school. So he comes home and his helicopter come lost it and demands i drive him to the hospital. I thought its unnessary but i will drive him, but not her to the hospital. And hes old enought to tell the doctor what he has and to wait alone there and that i will pick him up afterwards. Since i had an appointment in the city it would be fine.
Thats where the shit hit the fan and everybody was mad at me. I dont like doing it but i just demand an apology for the stuff she said which was pretty insulting. (Fuck you, lazy ass etc.) Since i am the only one working fulltime its also just wrong. If she would call me personal saying it like "hey i know stuff still shit but this is an emergenzie and we can talk afterwards" than i would drive her even if i think its not urgent but thats not my buisness.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
ATyPES0jG1zzgd1QalQufZVvNJ68nm8B
|
apaii1
|
{
"description": "blocking a guy",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for blocking a guy?
|
There was a guy that had the same interests as me so we started talking as friends. Eventually after hanging out with other friends he randomly texted asking me on a date and I told him I wasn’t interested because I don’t have an interest in being with men at all. He said it was cool and started trying to set up 1 on 1 “hangouts” for us to spend time as friends. I texted “no” and he kept texting me asking why. I ended up blocking him because he was starting to make me uncomfortable but I feel like I was wrong in a sense for ghosting. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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mePteCTDrbd1XiHQm8qJ6I1ZSRgeYZoI
|
9u9ugu
| null |
AITA:Failed Mentorship
|
AITA: Someone i was good friends with and helped her improve her drinking and hooking up habits literally hooks up wasted in front of me. Am i the asshole for angrily texting her about her actions?
Full story below:
I became good friends with this girl via a mutual friend. We became close and I was sort of an older brother/mentor for her. I helped her through her past traumas and was attemtping to help her focus more on school than on partying drinking and hooking up.
This halloween I went to the bars and saw her. She came in drunk with a friend. I was like ok so she has someone supervising her, thats good. Except the friend turned out to be drunk too and kept feeding her drinks.
They saw me and we chatted some. I took their pictures for Halloween. We then headed to the dance floor. The friend im mentoring, in no more than 5 seconds, found a guy and was kissing him on the dance floor. I finished my drink and just walked out. I then sent her quite an angry text in a mixture of scolding and yelling at her.
So am i the bad guy in this?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
t69s4SPLcw5QQNa3wPOnOtz3l4VVQuu3
|
b1zemh
|
{
"description": "not attending my kids' sports games",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not attending my kids' sports games?
|
To be quite honest, I do not think that my kids care if I attend their sports games or not, because when I was a child I did not think care if my parents attended mine or not. I attended for the exercise and involvement and the structure that motivated me to exercise. I think that too many parents care more about about their kids' athletic performance than the kids do themselves. I love my kids and I care about their academics and fitness and wellness, but I just do not attend their games, for work or other reasons. I pick up and drop them off and attend concerts because they are academic and fewer, and may attend an occasional championship. I actually asked my kids whether or not they want me to attend. However, I thought that neutrally asking them might cause them to say yes if they did not mean out of fear of hurting my feelings and not knowing what I was asking (I used to pretend to care about stuff my parents did and say yes when I did not care), so while it seems biased, I told them that I will not be hurt if they do not care if I attend, and I just care that they are happy and do well, and while this may have skewed it, they said no.
However, my wife, my wife's friends, and my parents are denying that that is the case, and believe that anyhow, part of being a parent is watching your kids' games even if the kids themselves do not care, but I disagree because I have different values and priorities. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
TkQ2QT7Kt9iR0ZkM4iAwFClU6tBRG5OY
|
au0vfz
|
{
"description": "being a slob of a roommate",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for being a slob of a roommate?
|
So I’m a freshman in college and atm im staying in the dorms. Last semester I had a roommate, and since I made my decision on what college I wanted to go to super late, I had to be with just some random guy for a roommate, I’ll call him Dave.
The first day when I moved in, I found my room and realized that Dave had been there for an entire day before the official move in day and had taken over half of the room for all of his stuff. I didn’t say anything tho because I didn’t have much of my own stuff so it really didn’t bother me.
Now, me and Dave got along fine, but in total silence. At first I tried to at least exchange pleasantries, good morning, how was your day, etc, but I hardly ever got more than short one word responses so I gave up.
At some point like halfway into the semester, the RA has to do a check of our rooms to make sure we aren’t hiding pets or drugs or anything like that. When he did ours, all he said was that my side was really messy, and admittedly it really was. I had loose papers everywhere, there were wrappers all over my desk and receipts from fast food places everywhere but I was always really careful never to actually leave food anywhere. The RAs comments made me worry that I might be making Dave uncomfortable with my messiness so I asked him if he was bothered by it, and he said, “ Nah, it’s cool.” So I tidied up a tad bit, but not much.
This semester, I’m by myself bc Dave and some of his freinds got an apartment. His girlfriends old roommate now works in my building as a desk assistant and she told me that Dave constantly talks about how big of a slob I was and how it made last semester so unbearable for him. I’m gonna have another roommate next semester so I need to know, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
f3OPjYdP1yNclaRI3QCahUeDppkjd4eW
|
aliam7
|
{
"description": "wanting my cat to sleep inside the bedroom at night",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting my cat to sleep inside the bedroom at night
|
So my boyfriend and I have been living together for 2 years all has been well but now he is asking me to lock my cat out of the bedroom at night. His reasoning is that he is a light sleeper and doesn’t sleep well when the cat is purring and sleeping/walking on me. He also has slight allergy against cat fur that would sometimes start at night.
My reasoning is that the cat has always slept with me since he was a kitten and that locking him outside he would meow to be let in annoying the neighbours at night.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
o8bfK6Fd1avLdpsOMJZaNz1xXJ9DWm42
|
afhxva
|
{
"description": "not going overseas after my gf's mum passed away",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not going overseas after my gf's mum passed away?
|
Pretext: So this is possibly different from the usual AITA ones and I'm genuinely looking for insight as to whether I am an asshole or not, not any validation. Sorry but I don't think I can make a TL:DR for this.
Context
My girlfriend's mum passed away after struggling with cancer for 8 months in the new year. Very sad start to the year. We have been together for a year and few months. We are currently living together to save money and for privacy as we can afford to live in a 1 bedroom. Her parents and her sisters are 'aware' of me and that she's dating me but they do not know how close we are or what all we have done in the relationship. My family does not know yet as my mum has this expectation of marriage marriage marriage and can be a little controlling at times. Therefore i'm holding off on telling them until later this year. Why's that?
Because I will be going back to studies to a different city (I moved to this city where my gf is working because I got a job offer in the field I wanted (law) as a Paralegal. Law jobs are quite scarce and I thought this was a good way to get legal experience and make connections (both of which I have done) and also save money so when I go back to studying, I don't have to work part time and I can just study (previously I was working part time and studying full time and am half way through my degree).
I am currently behind on my projected savings because I couldn't handle full time work and manage my food and expenses. in saying that, I am saving just probably 20% less than I had hoped. She's aware of this. I had 0 days leave left after the new year/christmas mandatory shutdown period. She's also aware of this.
She was (understandably) very upset when her mum passed away and was asking me to come overseas to be with her. While I genuinely wanted to, I couldn't because
a) I didn't have leave left, literally 0 leave. I could take bereavement leave for 2 days for partner's parent's death but that's about it and 2 days is not enough time to go overseas for a 12 hour journey and make it back in time for work.
B) If I had to go, I would have to take unpaid leave for a week or so + last minute tickets were costing to be around 2500$. Which means that's close to $3500 gone out of my already down savings for study funds. For me to do that means I'm delaying graduation by 1 extra semester as I would have to work more than my 1 year contract to save that money.
C) I couldn't lie to my parents about going overseas as they're from the same country. And somewhere down the line when they meet my gf's family (because that's the plan), they could and possibly would find out I had come to India and not told them.
I was with her on phone, ready 24/7 to talk/text when this happened and tried to support her as best as I could. Asking her memories of her mum, her sharing photos. Admittedly, this is not the same as literally being there for someone.
Fast forward to today: we had a minor argument about something completely unrelated. And then she brings up "even for my mum, I had to beg you". I told her I explained why I couldn't come and had tried to be there for her from here. She said she understood (obviously fucking not otherwise she wouldn't be saying this) but her sisters' (2 sisters) husbands also came. These are sisters (and their husbands) who have been married 4-5 years minimum, are well settled in their careers with high paying jobs with no student loan or studies to save for. I'm clearly not in the same situation. I told her that if it had been my mum and the situation was reversed. I would have definitely wanted her to be there but no way in hell would I have expected her no matter what to be there and understood her reasons if she had genuine reasons.
I understand I'm being selfish by caring for my money and scenario but am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
xuAHntAaK2n5ydWIPv7Rjm5TYLFNZTh8
|
acuqfw
|
{
"description": "wanting to go on holiday with my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to go on holiday with my boyfriend?
|
My boyfriend (M20) and I (F19) have been together for 4 years and have never been on holiday together. I have wanted to go every year, he has expressed enthusiasm, I have planned it, given him loads of options, but he will just make excuse after excuse after excuse (can't afford it (even though he could easily), doesn't have a passport (get one then?), his mum won't let him (a complete lie, his mum is lovely and let's him do whatever he wants)).
We've been doing this over and over for four years, I've suggested every kind of holiday imaginable, I've even offered to pay even though I have very little money compared to him. I've also turned down my friends holidays because he's promised this is the year, and I've been worried I wouldn't be able to afford both, and ended up going on no holiday.
Am i the asshole for wanting to go on holiday with him? I've tried to sit down and have a conversation with him but he just makes the same excuses, or says yes lets go, and then a few weeks later changes his mind. Do you think there might be a reason for this? We're in the UK so going to France or Spain is literally an hour away and costs very little. I always have people asking why we've never been away together and literally cannot think of what to say other than "he can't be assed".
TLDR: Boyfriend refuses to go on holiday with me but never gives a proper excuse as to why.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
puuZ1TXUEz862p3gcSdpcoXsZxk3LT1r
|
atrfyd
|
{
"description": "reacting angrily towards my ex",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for reacting angrily towards my ex?
|
Back in 2017, I (M, 17 at the time) met an Albanian woman (also 17) on Quora, a Q&A website. We hooked up and had an online relationship for about 5 months until she told me that she fell in love with another man in her area. I cried a lot and told her that we should take a break from texting for a while. After a month of not interacting her, I texted her saying "Fuck you" and then proceeded to block her because I got really angry thinking about it. I haven't texted her since and I don't plan on doing so for as long as I live. AITA for cussing her out, ISTA for not being faithful, or INFO?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
Vh48UvwdRt661NqobuvXtSdaaVa3ZskH
|
a97smr
|
{
"description": "not wanting to take care of my dad who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not wanting to take care of my dad who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's?
|
So, the news came by that my dad got diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease...and my entire family wants me to take care of him. I am an abroad animation student at Canada, I am almost done with my studies and have been busting my ass to achieve my dream of producing animated films, I am already here and almost done, I am planning on getting a job and finally be my own man. But now I'm conflicted on this crossroads.
My dad spent his whole life taking care of his mom, who had the same disease, (she's lived with me for my entire life but she is constantly an asshole even in this condition). He has made it abundantly clear that he wants my sister and specifically me to follow in and take care of him when he is old, however...I don't want to let go of my dream, I am living the life I've always wanted and I am trully happy here. I wouldn't want to pass the blame on my sister who just started her studies or my old mom...
This is pushing my moral and ethic limits, what do you guys think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
S7wkfD5HuLa2eBJGCgPZSps6z6iC9n57
|
ax8tbd
|
{
"description": "insulting my bully",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA For insulting my bully?
|
So in school there is this girl who's life mission is to make me annoyed (which fun fact is REALLY easy) so whenever she does annoy me I ask her to stop (she does not) which eventually ends up with me insulting her some way or another. Sonetimes I must admit I go little over board my telling her to die (which is bad enough but she told everyone that I told her to go die IN A HOLE when I did not) now with no examples on her bullying you probably think I'm the asshole so allow me to give a list of some of the things she's done
Made fun of the way I say my r's
Falsely accused me of multiple things including telling her to die in a hole AS WELL as saying I called her stupid (I probably have recently but at the time she said it I hadn't) AND that I told her friend to kill her self (I would never)
She makes fun of the name I chose for my confirmation
And just tapping her pencils against the desk to annoy me
So I have called her out for being a bully HOWEVER she says I'M the bully
So i ask you reddit am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
|
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|
WRONG
|
dEGTAsxz3FmiVgtrnaVUtWRkTbPz23IG
|
ao5vlq
|
{
"description": "complimenting a black girl on her hair",
"pronormative_score": 312,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for complimenting a black girl on her hair?
|
I was in line for food with a friend of mine at our college dining hall (i’m white, he’s black- just clarification) when I saw a girl with a super pretty afro in line in front of us. i’m a very beauty conscious girl, and i think women complimenting women is cool as long as it’s appropriate, so I said to her “your hair is gorgeous!” and she said thank you, that she liked my eyeliner, and that was it.
my friend told me that she “doesn’t need [your] approval” as a white woman and that I shouldn’t have said anything about her hair. it’s been bothering me a lot because I feel like I said something racist or out of place. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
1Cjema3YeXfsKy3fsFJXClCf1qUUURNB
|
a2sn2g
|
{
"description": "knocking on my ceiling/my neighbor's floor",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for knocking on my ceiling/my neighbor's floor (after trying to address neighbor directly)?
|
**Background:** I live in a big city, but in a residential neighborhood on a quiet street. I've been in my apartment for two years as of this month, and I've lived in this city for 10 years, so I have a good idea of what constitutes as normal neighbor noise. For the past year, I've been working from home Monday-Friday, 9am-5pm. My upstairs neighbor has been living above me for about 1.5 years, but she only started being noisy a few months ago. Also, I don't want to involve the police. Neighbor and I are both white, but we live in a neighborhood that mostly isn't, and I don't want to be the one who brings the police to our block.
​
**The problem:** She plays music very loudly with heavy bass for hours at a time. To her credit, she doesn't do this during the city's designated quiet hours. However, the music is so loud that the bass shakes my apartment and I can hear her music over my own music (or TV, etc). I can even tell what song she's listening to (or use Shazam to have my phone tell me). This is especially a problem when I have to take phone calls or video calls for work, as I can't exactly drown out her music with my own while I'm on a call.
​
I want to make it clear that I know it's not reasonable to expect silence from neighbors, or to expect quiet 100% of the time. This lady is playing music at a volume you'd hear coming from a nightclub, not what you'd hear from someone who has their stereo up just a little too loud.
​
I tried knocking on her door while her music was up loud, and when she answered the door she had to turn her music down to hear what I was saying. I explained that I work from home on a Monday-Friday/9am-5pm schedule and asked if she could turn the music down during those hours, and even said I wouldn't mind loud music outside of those days/hours. (Note: That would leave her a good 7 hours of loud music time on weekdays, plus all of weekends). She smiled, apologized, and said she'd keep the music down while I'm working.
​
Things were better for about a week. The loud music would start at exactly 5:01pm on weekdays, but at least I had my workdays! Then she went back to her old ways. I tried knocking on her door again, but she didn't answer. I asked the landlord to talk to her, and he assured me he would. Again, things got better for a week, but then she started up again.
​
So then I resorted to knocking on my ceiling/her floor with a broomstick. I only did it when her music was egregiously loud; it wasn't the sort of thing where I'd start knocking at the slightest hint of noise. That worked for a few days, but then one day she came banging on my door, demanding to know why I was knocking on her floor. She was really upset about it!
​
I invited her into my apartment and over to my desk/work area, so she could hear how loud her music and bass were in my apartment. Her response was: "I'm sorry, but this disturbs you? If you want peace and quiet, you need to move to the suburbs. That's no excuse for knocking on my floor! How am I supposed to live like this?" I explained that I didn't expect complete silence, just for her music to be turned down (not even off! just down!) during my workday.
​
Her response? "If I wait until after 5pm, then the other neighbors complain." I came back with: "Look, maybe you're the one who needs to adjust your expectations around what it means to live in a city. I'm not the only one complaining, so the problem is you. Your music just can't be as loud as you'd be able to have it in the suburbs!" She called me a bitch and stormed out.
​
The music situation has gotten worse, and I explained to my landlord what happened between us. He keeps saying he'll talk to her and then following up after having the conversation. But he's so nice, I'm guessing she sees him as a pushover and doesn't think she needs to listen to him. I know for a fact she doesn't pay her rent on time most months and that she doesn't dispose of her trash properly, because he's complained about her to me. I have never been late on rent and when the landlord has to stop by to fix something, he always comments on how clean and nicely kept the apartment is.
​
I'm at the end of my rope and I'm tempted to go back to using the broomstick. It's clear that knocking on my ceiling/her floor with my broomstick really upsets her, but AITA for doing it anyway, since she's being so unreasonable about her music? She can just keep her music at a normal-for-a-residential-building volume and not have to hear me knocking.
​
Also, when it comes time for leases to be renewed (everyone in the building is on a June-renewal cycle), I plan to tell the landlord it's her or me. I'm saving to move out, so it's not a bluff.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
29pNpbTZ2l1DgppRY4gUQp2iRO9kbeMo
|
a84btq
|
{
"description": "reporting my ex for admiting to abusing our kids",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for reporting my ex for admiting to abusing our kids?
|
My mother seems to think so. She says we should have talked and made a safety plan. But with my sons occupational therapist noticing his behavior changes and red flags I really had no choice. Not that it mattered I was going to report him anyway.
It just doesn't make sense to me. How can she act like this isn't an issue? It's not as simple as spanking him to hard.
Between my ex threatening suicide over this and my mom telling me I'm taking the kids from there dad I have never felt so sick and emotional in my life.
I know I have to put my kids first. But I really feel like an asshole right now.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
7vSm03MSXU9SHQo9YtwJ6URKKMlwBI3a
|
aonp3o
|
{
"description": "being pissed at my boyfriend for being late",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being pissed at my boyfriend for being late?
|
Much needed context : as an older teen and young adult my dad's late best friend touched m inappropriately, but innocently enough to always make me question it. I was also physically abused by a boyfriend and it amkes me jumpy around angry men.
Today, my boyfriend agreed to meet me at 12 at my work and apartment where we are moving. My dad was here with me and his friend, who is helping us with our move turned up (unannounced, but it's helpful). My dad had an appointment to get to, but knows I'm uncomfortable alone with his friend as he has angry outbursts and tells stories that make me uncomfortable.
The reason my boyfriend was meeting me was because I have been doing the whole renovation myself and he was meant to help.
I said it was ok for my dad to leave as my boyfriend would only be 10 mins away.
Well lo and behold, my boyfriend is an hour late with no warning and I'm terrified.
I was so angry and scared, aita for being mad he wasn't on time?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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}
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RIGHT
|
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b9l38i
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{
"description": "getting a tattoo my wife doesn't like",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I got a tattoo my wife doesn't like?
|
So I'm going to make this as short and sweet as possible. I came up with a (admittedly childish) tattoo idea that ive kinda grown fond of. Growing up, Scooby-Doo and Batman were always my two favorite cartoons. Well in 2019, Scooby turns 50 and Batman turns 80. I thought it would be a neat little tattoo idea to have scooby doo wearing batman's costume. Now the wife, while thinking still liking scooby doo and batman is childish and a bit ridiculous, has never had an issue with me watching it from time to time or buying whatever the latest movie is, because that's just part of marriage. I don't hold her awful reality shows against her either. So while it's never been an issue, it hasnt ever been a mutual interest or one shes been able to understand.
Well, she is absolutely opposed to the tattoo idea. I would most likely get it on like my calf or something, no where extremely visible, but not completely hidden either. She's said that she would really prefer I not get a tattoo of scooby doo. She doesnt like scooby doo and that's fine, plus she'd most likely have to see it more than I would honestly. I dont notice my other tattoos at this point while if I had one she resented me for getting, she probably couldn't ignore it everytime she saw it. But at the same time, the whole my body, my decision thing is there and while it's not some deep sentimental tattoo, I like the idea because of what it represents of my childhood and what I still like and want the tattoo. It's an idea ive had in mind for quite a while now so it's not just a spur of the moment thing either. It's not really an argument right now, but I could see it being one if I went forward with the idea. So WIBTA if I got the tattoo knowing full well she dislikes it?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
a2r0wb
|
{
"description": "expecting more from my so",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for expecting more from my SO?
|
My SO (24 F) and I (22 M) have been together for about three years and have been living together for about half of that time. Over the course of our relationship I have been working on a degree at university while waiting tables full time. Given that I make a good amount of money at my job (a result of working my tail off while at school and being hired at better restaurants) I am the main financial supporter of our household.
For a long time it wasn’t an issue, however for about 6-8 months now my SO has used my financial stability to allow her to work well below her means/ability (about 15-20hrs). Being someone who has never wanted to make finances an issue in a relationship, I have looked the other way but with my student loan debt looming, I’m worried about making ends meet. This is particularly frustrating because I feel like I can’t invest in my future or get ahead on my debt, in spite of having worked so hard to get to the place I am at.
Given so much of my time has been taken up by school and work, I’ve spent a lot of time freaking out that I couldn’t keep up on my household responsibilities (cleaning, laundry, etc.) without sacrificing time I needed for studying/sleep. While in school I started having panic attacks over this struggle to balance my schedule and I was diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder. I am so appreciative for how emotionally supportive my SO has been while I’ve worked to become stable, which is a major source of guilt for me and reinforcers my habit of looking the other way to the issues in our relationship even though the majority of financial and. household responsibilities have continued to fall on me.
I’ve talked to her multiple times about how I would like her to contribute more to the relationship but as soon as I see her get upset and/or cry I completely lose all my convictions and only want to take care of her. She has told me things would get better but they haven’t changed much in that time.
Another reason I am giving her the benefit of the doubt is her recent (~6 months) and current depressive episode she appears to be experiencing. I finally got her to see a therapist at the same office I go to (different therapist) last week but we won’t be able to afford her co-pay without her getting another job. I know how terrible depression is personally so I’ve spent a lot of my time during what is my last semester at uni compensating for things she’s fallen behind on. I’m happy to help and support her, I just feel a little slighted when she was the person who watched me go to classes/exams/ work mid-panic attack or walk in crying because I had to. I hoped her seeing how hard I had to struggle and work to get better and for the benefit of both of us that she would be pushing herself a little more. I know every case of mental health is different so I don’t feel comfortable bringing this up to her.
AITA for expecting more from my SO? I love her to death but I am worried that with myself graduating next week things will only get worse because I am legitimately excited to have time to cook and clean again. She doesn’t seem to have any desire to contribute more financially however I need her to if I want to start paying off my student loan debt. These issues have caused multiple fights over the past couple of months and I feel terrible anytime I see them make her cry. I’m so conflicted between my personal convictions and my love for her and all it does is make me feel like an superficial asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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ap6w6v
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{
"description": "not wanting to help train my roommates territorial dog",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to help train my roommates territorial dog?
|
First off, I’d like to make it known that in this current time of my life, I do not want the responsibility of a dog. I live in an apartment, am moving up fairly rapidly in my career/ work 50 ish hours a week, and I’d rather not have to arrange my schedule around a dog. With that being said, I grew up with 7 dogs as my mom used to participate in dog shows and I got along well with all of them. In short, I love dogs and will definitely own another in the future.
About two years ago my roommate asked me if he could get a dog and without thinking, I said “of course man!” So a week or so later he comes home with a 3-4 year old rescue black mouth cur. This dog was immediately scared and has growled from day one. It had apparently been abused earlier in life but I’m unsure of the extent. I guess my expectations of him getting a dog were going to be a dog that wasn’t in this kind of emotional state.
Reluctantly, for the first few weeks I started feeding her, giving her treats, and I took her on a few walks. The dog is always good on the leash and out of the house but the moment she is back in her “territory” she is very aggressive and seemingly overprotective of my roommate and his room specifically. After a few weeks passed with little improvement, I became frustrated because this wasn’t what I signed up for and told my roommate he needs to invest in a trainer. He hired a trainer come a few times but suggested that I keep taking on more responsibility. That was just something I didn’t want to spend time doing.
He tried a vibration collar and admittedly told me he kept it on a pretty low setting. He said he stopped putting it on her when he realized she started to figure out how to get around its function. He doesn’t use it anymore. Since then, the extent of any form of training within the apartment setting has been him yelling “no” at her whenever she starts freaking out around me.
In regards to her behavior, she does a mixture of loud barking and growling right at me. If I’m in the kitchen, she will post her self halfway through his doorway and into the kitchen and inevitably keep barking until I either leave or shoo her back enough into the room to just get the door closed. If she hears any sort of sound I make in the apt she growls and starts barking. She has nipped me a few times as well, not recently but in the first year if I would turn my back to her she would run up behind me and try to bite my leg. She never bit hard enough to break skin but it is still very alarming for me.
I have confronted him about a stronger shock collar for training or hiring a more diligent full time trainer but his argument for the most part is that I haven’t loved her or nurtured her enough. In the times where she does get close to me I always pet her but those times are rare.
Does anyone have any advice here. Am I the asshole for not wanting to take on this kind of responsibility? If he had just gotten a younger dog with less emotional problems this wouldn’t even be an issue it seems.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
uEZ1naeuqDehsWBsqjApSQ4rfnzamAgQ
|
ap1gfw
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend days before valentine's day and our second aniversary",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I break up with my girlfriend days before valentine's day and our second aniversary?
|
Our second aniversary is on February 17th, and sincerley I really loved her until I realised that the relation (and her) was getting toxic. She only wants to be with me and she doesn't like to have a conversation with other people nor being with other people when I'm with her, she completely isolate from the world and wants ro only be with me and I can't avoid feeling bad when doing things that I like because she feels bad when I'm not with her.
I started to realise about all this at the beginning of 2019 because she got a little bit mad since I wanted to stay home and play some videogames instead of going to her house (to be fair, I Just bought my new PC and I was really looking forward to try it and I wouldn't have time other day due to work). Every time I start to tell her about my time playing video games or other interests of mine she completely ignore me to the point that when I stop telling her she doesn't even realise and immediatelly starts telling me about something that happened to her, so really all I do is shut up and listen to anything she wants to tell me.
Now I'm not sure if I lost all my feelings for her or if I don't feel as happy and comfortable with the her as when we started to date, and really all I want to do is to break up so I can finally stop feelings bad for doing things that I like because she feels bad.
(And I'm sorry for the gramatic, I'm still in the process of learning English)
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
UYN6N57Xox9dk5DQmPWLIHom7ed9QhYS
|
af9z2i
|
{
"description": "asking ex why she apologized",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking ex why she apologized?
|
Hey all. Wanted to get some perspective from others.
Backstory:
5 year relationship broken off by ex-gf 3 months ago (Lived together, had 5 animals, very unexpected breakup), we met up a couple of times where I tried to fix things (3 times) but she kept saying "I will think about it" but I stopped when I found out she was in fact dating a guy 2 weeks after we broke up. Didn't talk for a while but met up about 4 days ago to give final bits and pieces to each other and I ended up telling her how much pain her actions brought me and that not even 6 months ago we were trying to work on the fact that she went on a tinder date(different guy) and she begged to fix the relationship but now she tricked me by leaving suddenly, it wasn't productive and she ended up getting in her car and driving away.
The next morning she sent me a long apology about being sorry for driving away and not talking, sorry for hurting me and she wishes that she could have done it better, she wants me to be happy and she does respect and care about me and that she is truly sorry.
I ignored the message for 3 days because sending a text message to apologize after all this time was insulting and her actions showed otherwise and I needed to go no contact to heal. The next day she sent another message saying: "I hope you are okay". Unfortunately I did end up replying saying: "Hey, I don't understand your intention with that message and I don't know why you are apologizing."
I couldn't read her intent and was legitimately curious why she felt the need to apologize since I don't understand if she wants to leave the life we had for something else why apologize?
AITA for rejecting her apology?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
KFszVchryb4wjIs9yLF5aZ2gyqMXIswQ
|
awoea3
|
{
"description": "being stressed over a dog I did not want",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For being stressed over a dog I did not want?
|
My sisters friends grandmom was moving and needed a place for her dog roxxy half pit half boxer. I live with my mom so I understand I do not have final say on this but they asked me last like it was up to me. I said absolutely not. I dont hate dogs im just not a dog person. Love em their cute all that but its like having a kid which I wont have. I made it clear my answer was no. I woke up and she was still here. That was 5 years ago. We have had countless issues where im stuck taking her to the vet or comforting her through her issues and my mom (the one who kept her) is gone with her bf at the beach or at a casino or sone shit. Almost every time something happens shes not the one taking physical care of the dog. Roxxy has been diagnosed with lymphoma she has a mass growing in her butthole and throughout her body. She started chemo yesterday. The symptoms the dog is having are beyond annoying to me. Constantly having to go out, then not go, only to come inside and shit on the floor. She pants and paces constantly unless shes drugged up but the side effects of them are also shit. Im just so fucking emotinally fried and my family is treating me like shit because everytime it comes up I have to remind them I want no part of it. Just because shes dying doesnt guilt me into changing how i feel and thats what they are doing to me. Pressuring me into feeling like shit because i seriously dont care. I just lost my cat of 16 years on christmas. She was the last pet i ever emtionally invested in. I dont not love my dog im just not invested. They are getting mad at me because im mad that this shit is happening. Telling me i will regret how i feel now later but i know i wont. Am I the asshole for being impatient and frustrated? I feel like im surrounded by stupid and I have no one reasonable to talk to about it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
1xMdufZWsTwC69BdEsbtvrnn5HpJjmTY
|
ayrjf8
|
{
"description": "wanting support when our baby arrives",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 67
}
|
AITA for wanting support when our baby arrives
|
My girlfriend is great usually however she has been a nightmare since she got pregnant. Her latest is asking her mom to come over and stay about 2 weeks before she is due until about a month after. While I have no problem with her mother. I'm upset she didn't ask me as we share this home. When I asked her about it she said her mom was her support. I told her then I should invite my mother for support as well. She said I was an asshole that I didn't need any support as I wouldn't be doing any real work.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 61,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 8
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 67
}
|
WRONG
|
2uDJhmbXUYFdvsYl94GD8OOPnoR9cFGz
|
aqmk31
|
{
"description": "being dramatic and sad when my girlfriend hangout with her friends and not me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for being dramatic and sad when my girlfriend hangout with her friends and not me.
|
Hello guys,
My girlfriend and I have been dating for few months. We are in the same class in our college but mostly we spend time sitting together in class rather than spending time outside as our friend groups are different and we both want to give our time to respective friends.
From the past week, we didn't talk much together because she was away on a vacation with her family. I met her yesterday and we just sat together for 2-3 classes. I said that I missed her and would like to spend more time with her, she agreed. She is a semi-professional dancer who has a dance performance coming up this weekend and she has to prepare a lot as she went for vacation.
At the end of the day, I asked if we can go somewhere for a movie or a date. She said that she has to practice and go to her mentor/tutor for final preparations for the upcoming performance. I asked if she can spare even half an hour for us, it would be great. She said no and it was quite understandable. I really didn't want to hinder her day because its her biggest performance yet.
So, today comes. I was genuinely happy in the morning that it was the first Valentine's that I am not single. I told her that I love her and miss her. She said the same.
I went on to attend our regular classes which she was bunking for her rehearsals. One of our mutual friends, making fun of us, texted her that I am sad and lonely, which I was not. I was low-key proud of her because of her dancing thingy. Was I feeling lonely? Kinda. But I really thought she was very busy preparing.
She called me saying, "Chris texted me saying that you are sad. Do you want to meet. I can make time for you out of my rehearsals, like an hour or two".
I said no because as I said, I really didn't want to hinder her day and suggested that we can meet later. 20 minutes later, I get a text saying that she is free and going out with her friends for a movie. This is where I lost my shit. I really wanted to spend time with her and have a nice time. And she just goes out with her friends for a 3 hour movie. When I asked where did she get all this time, she said that she was done with her rehearsals. I was fuming because she mentioned earlier that she didn't have time and she was doing me a favor by giving me "an hour or two".
AITA for losing my shit and saying that she doesn't care about me and couldn't even give time for Valentine's but would rather go out with her friends as soon as she has time. I had a surprise gift ready.
Sorry for my English. I am still getting used to this language.
TLDR: I lost my shit and said to my gf that she doesn't care about me when she chose her friends over me on Valentine's.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
QTge5fiFFdnthpUGcCu0KDTe2ZBzRk12
|
b18bz6
|
{
"description": "hooking up with a girl when me and my girlfriend were on a break",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for hooking up with a girl when me and my girlfriend were on a break
|
Me and my girlfriend of 3 years (she's 21, I'm 20) decided to go on a break 1 month ago. I won't go into detail but we both agreed that it would be for the best to take a break. We decided to let things cool off for some time and then give it another try. We went no contact for the first 2 weeks and after that we messaged occasionally. I moved back in with my parents as I wanted to give both her and myself space.
Yesterday we went out for dinner together and we saw each other for the first time since our break. We both felt comfortable and it was going pretty good. When I asked her if she had seen anybody since we decided to split, she looked very confused and said: "No, of course not. Why? Did you?"
Well, last weekend I went to a party, and a girl that (apparently) has a thing for me started blatantly hitting on me. I ended up going to her place and she blew me and I went down on her. After that I went home. I wanted to be honest and I told her this, and she was upset to say the least. Every bit of progress we made that night was erased and she called me a selfish asshole. I told her that I thought it would be okay since we were on a break, and I didn't know that it wasn't okay to hook up with other people. She said that I should have known better and repeated what she said earlier.
I didn't go out looking for sex, but it happened. I wasn't satisfied afterwards and I regret it, but I thought that it was okay. This morning I apologized to her through text and she said she needs to think and wants to meet up this weekend, but that it was still a dick move.
Am I really the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
B9laLrJEDjhH6vj5IzKPG1iFY9KMD2DZ
|
b6dfyd
|
{
"description": "wanting to give up on an out-of-job-role project after being told my employment is being terminated",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to give up on an out-of-job-role project after being told my employment is being terminated?
|
I was hired two months ago at a job to work as a receptionist and was postured to take on a role in purchasing shortly after I figured out the basics of the company. Less than two weeks ago I discussed with my employer, the need to update their website and especially their logo. I told them I would be interested in working on this project.
Business had been slow. I spent a lot of time waiting for the phone to ring. Asked a handful of times of my supervisor needed help, but ultimately was no longer being offered much purchasing work since there was not much need to make purchases. I spent much of my downtime re-familiarizing myself with WordPress and pulled together a basic re-skin of a theme that suited the business needs. I also worked on a logo, which I had much more experience with designing.
I learned a few days ago that I was being let go because I was “not doing anything”, even though I had readily accepted every task that was offered to me, worked on my own time after hours and often read from a dreadfully boring purchasing textbook when I had the time to, taking breaks from the WP install.
After being accused (not literally said) of being unproductive, I showcased my work. Everyone seemed moderately impressed, which was expected. It wasn’t finished, but I was generally happy with what I accomplished as a beginner.
Now, I’m still being let go and my company expects me to finish this project (which I was not initially hired to focus on) before my time is up. I really don’t feel appreciated and have little interest in being diligent in getting this done. They offered me a “
contractor” type role to finish the website, but the company is in a tough place financially and I’m not sure what they could offer or how timely they would pay.
I really want to just leave it unfinished and tell them to fuck off next week, but I’m conflicted. Any advice?/u/
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
mQYFat7xcID4LiuWz69f1quIAqAupLox
|
ana6ma
|
{
"description": "maintaining my place in line",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for maintaining my place in line?
|
This happened in the drive thru of a fast food place during a rush. This place has two menus to order from, but not much room otherwise. There was a single line of cars backed up to the road that split in to two lanes to order, then joined back up zipper-style to pay and get food. There was a white van behind me in the line of cars waiting to order. It'll be relevant in a minute.
I pull up to the order screen on the left, place my order, then wait for the line to move. Everybody moves a car length forward and I'm behind the last car that ordered on the right, who is of course behind the car that ordered on the left before me. Zipper-style. I'm sure you guys get what I'm saying, just want to make it clear. The aforementioned white van is now ordering at the right screen and some other car is behind me ordering on the left. The window to pay is around the building to the left, so the nose of my car is at a right angle to the car in front of me's bumper. This means I have a fair bit of turning to do to get directly behind the car in front of me, so a vehicle coming from the right *could* cut in front of me, but that would be a dick move surely, right?
Well you'll never guess what happened next! Yup, the white van jumped on that little bit of space to get ahead of me. I made eye contact with the driver (a late teens/early twenties girl), gave her a confused look and shook my head no. She smiled a little, then made a fake pouty face while dragging her finger down her cheek. You know, the classic "too bad, so sad" face bullies make when they're taunting someone. The passenger in the van (same age and gender) was laughing. I laughed too and looked away.
She gains nothing jumping ahead of me after ordering. The food is made as the order is placed, so she'll be waiting at the window as long as she would have been waiting behind me and my order will just sit on the counter taking up space while they finish making hers. She's setting the entire line of cars back the amount of time it will take for me to get my food after her. She's either too stupid to understand how a drive thru works or she's being an asshole on purpose. The way I see it, neither scenario justifies her getting away with cutting in line.
Luckily, she hadn't secured her place in line as well as she thought, so when the car in front moved, I moved too, like they were towing me. The van lurched forward a bit then bounced as she slammed on the brakes and the horn. Once I was firmly ahead of her, she leaned out the window and yelled "CUUUUUUUUUNNNT!" When I got to the register window I double checked with the cashier that I was supposed to be next in line. I was 99.99% sure, but the way she was yelling and gesticulating behind me gave me pause. The face she made when she butted in certainly made it look like she was doing it on purpose, but she was over the top mad after. She kept yelling out her window at me but I couldn't hear what she was saying aside from "you fucking bitch!" and " you fucking cunt! ", each said to punctuate whatever she'd said before. Anyway, I got my food and drove off, and that was it.
I mostly feel alright about this, but I recognize it was petty and I should have just let it go. On the other hand, I usually let stuff like this go. I'm a total doormat most of the time, so I feel like this little bit of assertiveness was good for my self esteem, just as the opposite would have been bad. On the other, *other* hand, my kids were in the car with me. They didn't notice what was going on, but they could have, and maybe I wasn't setting the best example. Besides, if she was *really* crazy, she could have rammed the passenger side of my car trying to get in. Or any number of other possibilities. But then one can't go through life trying to account for other people's unpredictability. What do you think?
TL;DR: Teen tried to cut in line, I wouldn't let her, she freaked out. Also, all of this happened in cars in a drive thru.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
bb9Z0IGqS9qmQSTA5NXDh9hQvamD8LWB
|
a0xppx
|
{
"description": "reporting a friend for attempted cheating at my university",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
WIBTA For reporting a friend for attempted cheating at my university?
|
He is a nice guy who took a class with me a few years ago. We ended up taking the same class this semester. We exchanged our phone numbers to help each other on homework. He took it way too far. One day he texts me that he overslept and needed the answers for a problem set due in just a few hours. I basically just said no. He wasn’t upset or anything, but I was astonished that he would attempt something like this. He is only a semester or 2 from graduating, so this would really fuck his academic career if I report it. I however loathe cheaters. WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
n9H5YJPAcM8BybvgqD1GxZQ1jDlHwPyz
|
a3nn52
|
{
"description": "taking a day of fake sick leave when I could still reasonably work",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking a day of fake sick leave when I could still reasonably work?
|
I work as a repair technician at a large commercial heavy vehicle plant up in Australia's North, I do enjoy my job and (subjectively) I'm fairly good at my job. But this week has been an absolute shitshow and I've been beaten right into the ground, plus its been very hot so far and its hotter tomorrow, and I'm not handling summer well at all right now. We aren't under staffed if I'm not there, (we finished well before close all week) so I'm not screwing my colleagues over if I don't come in. As I'm a full time employee I get provisions for sick leave of which i have plenty, I'm definitely not feeling shockingly good, but I'm also not ill enough to be unfit for work.
TL:DR, could work, probably should work, would rather not work.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Lmdq5Zvmx5LYKqe4j54Ld3ae8qUMQvjE
|
aheybg
|
{
"description": "not wanting to stay in touch with a group of old friends anymore",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to stay in touch with a group of old friends anymore?
|
Last year I graduated high school and I'm attending college now. A few classmates from high school - who I have known for years - want to stay in touch with each other and me. We watch movies with each other every so often during the weekends. However, I don't want to hang out with them anymore, because it's always awkward whenever we hang out and I feel like I can't be myself around them. This weekend they want to go out, but I really don't want to go.
Just to be clear, they're not bad people, they don't ignore or treat me badly. But I don't feel any connection with them anymore and I noticed we're all becoming different kinds of people. I feel like a jerk at the same time, because I want to make new friends in college and it feels like I'm 'dumping' my old friends. Is it normal to want to make new friends or am I 'replacing' my friends?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
rxZE39PdT6Ej5cVq7SWxUcIEWTIzTLG2
|
aemfr5
|
{
"description": "not tipping the delivery guy",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 40
}
|
AITA for not tipping the delivery guy?
|
So I am a student, I dont have a lot of money and I barely order food I usually make it myself. Sometimes though I would like to order food. The place I order from take a delivery fee and I end up paying a lot for not too much food. AITA for not tipping the delivery guy if I paid for everything with my card?
I don't know how much you usually tip in the US but in my country its 10%. When I pay with cash I obviously give a tip when I get my change. It's just absurd that I end up paying 19$ for my ramen noodles.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 40,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 6
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 40
}
|
WRONG
|
Zxr6WXurAOz0APOlU32fZeGaYAkFD1u4
|
az6qjt
|
{
"description": "telling a joke my friend didn't want me to",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling a joke my friend didn't want me to?
|
So this story started about a year ago, you, me and my friend, who i'll call Matt, love games. We really like playing them together and we enjoy making fun of each other for being bad at them. Eventually we started this stupid inside joke where wee'd call each other a "posh commoner" if we sucked at a game. It was dumb, but it was also funny. We did this back and forth on multiple games, and whenever i'd call him a posh commoner, he'd laugh. So I thought all was well. I was wrong. We started playing another game at one point, and I was doing a lot better, so I did the joke where I'd say he was a posh commoner.
Example of joke:
Me: How many items do you have?
Matt: Two.
Me: Agh! Posh commoner doesn't even have ten! Posh!
That's and example, but this time when I did the joke , he got angry and told me to stop, now of course I did, but he then went on this rant about how he had gotten sick of me telling the joke so much. The thing is, he laughed every time I did it! So how was I supposed to know? He had said stop before, but he would follow it up by calling me a posh commoner, so I never took him seriously. So, am I the asshole for telling the joke so much?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
TRftA6uliBuYsZLMsCMJvV6cWjBhuSXK
|
adgubz
|
{
"description": "refusing to forgive my drug abusing and animal animal abusing mom for disowning me and telling me that a was a mistake even though she apologized and tried to make amends later",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to forgive my drug abusing and animal animal abusing mom for disowning me and telling me that a was a mistake even though she apologized and tried to make amends later
|
So a couple of months ago my former mom came over to my grandpas (who was not there at the moment) house after a short stint in a mental institution after a drug overdose she barges into my room and starts yelling at me stating that i was a mistake, that she should have never given birth to me, and other hurtful things then told me that i was disowned before leaving later my grandpa came back and i told him happened. Apparently he had not invited her over and didn't know she was coming and had got into the house because i forgot to lock the back door. A month later she called me crying about how sorry she was and begging me to forgive her. I told her i was never forgiving her before hanging up she then proceeded to call and text me begging for forgiveness forcing me to block her number. Along with being a huge bitch she is an drug user and spends any money she has on drugs even stealing eighty dollars from me and she had a dog that i suspect she might have killed due to her abusing the poor thing then it just disappearing one day and i just don't see her as someone i could forgive no matter what she did. Just for clarity my mom gave me up to my grandpa when i was bore due to not having enough money to take care of me and has refused to get a job and uses any money she guilts my grandpa into giving to her for drugs and as far as i know is currently homeless. AITA for refusing to forgive her even though she tried to make amends?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
NbIk7YBZ9F23TE2X4wkFG9THO2wN99nQ
|
9z9n8z
|
{
"description": "asking a former co worker on a date",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking a former co worker on a date (I think she's afraid of me now)?
|
I think this is going to be a bit of a long post, so sorry for that, I just want to provide as much context as possible.
Throughout my undergrad/highschool I never had the confidence to ask women on dates, however I have had a girlfriend and have been with a few other women, I had just never made the first move (girls would either kiss me at a party or ask me to hang out). Last summer I worked with this woman who was absolutely beautiful (like the most attractive person I have ever seen in real life), I wasn't really interested in her initially because a close friend had past away (in hindsight I was probably depressed). Near the end of last summer I started talking to her and realized she was actually incredibly cool so I asked her on a date (for the first time ever), though I didn't explicitly use the word date and looking back at it now I think she might have thought I just wanted to spend time together platonically. What happened was were just speaking after work and she told me a really cool story about what she did that past weekend and I kinda thought (in my head) "fuck, she's actually awesome I want to get to know her better" so I said "lets go get ice-cream and go for a walk Wednesday", she said she couldn't Wednesday but asked if we could hangout Friday after work instead. I'm mentioning this all because I thought the fact that she wanted to spend time with me one on one, just hanging out and not doing anything specific, made me think that there was a solid chance that she was attracted to me last summer, furthermore she definitely did a couple things throughout our three months together that to me seemed flirty. We ended up not getting ice-cream on Friday, and I took her canceling on me as her not liking me; I only found out this past summer through a friend that she actually had a legit excuse (family emergency). About a week after her canceling that "date" (not really a date I guess, I just wanted to get to know her better before leaving) I flew across the country for my senior year of university. We spoke a little on Facebook, her apologizing for not being able to get ice-cream and telling me we should when I get back in town which again I took as a bit of a good sign (she reached out to me, not the other way).
Fast forward 13 months to a week ago and I run into her on the way to class (I'm going to grad school and she's in her senior year at the same college). I'm hugely embarrassed about how I acted, but I here it is. We both are in a meeting together (brief meet up from our internship, not really important to this story) and then I leave to head to class, she calls out my name and I stop so we can walk together. We make casual small talk about what out plans are and then get into an elevator together (I totally recognize that this is the worst place to corner a woman and ask her on a date and what I did was pretty uncool).
I kinda just phase out for about 1-2 seconds looking at her, I know its a clique to say that I got lost in her eyes, but thats honestly what happened.
She looks at me and says "what?"
It just kinda slipped out and I said "We should go on a date". I wasn't planning on saying that, but I did.
Surprisingly she didn't say yes or no instead she just said "Why?".
This was a total curveball for me and at the time I didn't know what to say so I said maybe the worst possible thing, which was "Well I'm going to be back in \[city name\] for the next little while". What I was trying to say was that I thought she was attractive in every possible way, and that now that we will both be living in the same city long term (instead of me just being there for my summer breaks) I would like to get to know her better.
Then she said "Well I guess we could meet for coffee", but the way she said it made it sound like she was somewhat uncomfortable/ didn't really want to to.
I didn't want to put her in an awkward position so I just said "No worries, just take it as a compliment"
Then a couple more people got in the elevator and I just kinda stared of into space, looked at the time and said something irrelevant like "well, sorry you're going to be late for class" and she responded awkwardly with something like "its fine".
As soon as I got out of the elevator I was full of regret, she had told me that she had never been in a relationship the previous summer, and being as pretty as she was I would imagine she would have to turn down guys every week. I started to think (and spoke to a friend about this) that she was probably just feeling awkward about me asking her on a date and that she wanted to get to know me a little better than going on what I imagine would have been her first "date", especially considering that I hadn't spoke to her for more than two hours over the past year.
The bright side was I new that I would run into her the next day, so I thought really hard about what I was going to say. I was going to say something along the lines of "I'm sorry for surprising you like that, you know as well as anyone that I don't have much of a filter sometimes, if you're still interested coffee would be nice."
But when I tried to talk to her, maybe the worst possible thing happened. Her and I plus three others were talking at a work thing (little thing for all the past interns again, not really important).
I lightly touched her on the arm and said "can we talk for a second?" and she said "No.".
Again this was totally surprising and I didn't know what to think, I still can't understand why she wouldn't give me a minute (in a public place) to just let me briefly clear the air.
So then I said "I just wanted to say sorry" and she said "its ok" and I said "I'll see you around" and left.
A week later I saw her at a conference, I didn't approach her and she didn't approach me (obviously). I don't think I will ever see again (outside of in passing).
TLDR: Asked a girl I knew on a date, she said "why?", I decided to reject her offer to meet for coffee, I approached her a week later and I think she's afraid of me now.
Sorry for the essay, I do feel bad about this, I would appreciate if the criticism could stay constructive.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
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