id
stringlengths 32
32
| post_id
stringlengths 6
6
| action
dict | title
stringlengths 4
300
| text
stringlengths 0
10.8k
| post_type
stringclasses 2
values | label_scores
dict | label
stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores
dict | binarized_label
stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
tjnYP0xOrK3COnrPB30wp6CXf3gXD3o9
|
ap81om
|
{
"description": "finding my autistic brother's meltdowns funny",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for finding my autistic brother's meltdowns funny?
|
I (14M) live with my autistic brother (17M). He's usually not that bad. He functions relatively normally but it's noticable that he's a little different. However sometimes he has these violent meltdowns. He usually just screams at the top of his lungs and flails around a lot. Sometimes he tries to destroy stuff or hurt himself.
Here's the thing: every time he has one of his meltdowns I can't help but at least crack a smile. I don't know exactly why. There's just something absurd about a 1,96m 17 year old wildly flaling around and having a tantrum like a ballistic toddler, picking up stuff but being too scared to destroy it because mommy would be mad. Or maybe it's the fact that it's so *stupid*. He gets mad over the smallest thing he can't have his way...like a toddler.
I know that there is nothing funny about autism. I've lived with him long enough to know that. He most likely won't be able to get a job and nobody knows what to do with him. It puts a lot of stress on my parents and everyone around him. But despite this...I kinda enjoy his meltdowns. I try to hide it and just listen from a distance but still, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
iGcA2nNIwLRT9OLQW9WojBikpNESFVoH
|
amj5va
|
{
"description": "not defending my friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not defending my friend ?
|
I've diagnosed with Social Anxiety for quite some time now. This has made my life difficult in many ways, I have a hard time talking to people , especially if the situation is confrontational. I've also been good friends with a girl since the first grade, that we'll call her Amy. Many people find her annoying since she is so talkative. So, one day during a class I was sitting next to some people who weren't very fond of Amy. They started making fun of her and the way she talked. I couldn't find my voice to stand up for her so I just stayed silent. Amy was sitting at the table over with a friend of hers and they overheard everything and saw that I didn't say anything. She ignored me for the rest of the day, but when the day was over and we were leaving school, she came up to me with the same friend. They asked me why I didn't stand up for her and I told her that I couldn't find my voice to speak up. When they heard that they raised their voices at me and started to tell me that I used my anxiety as an excuse and I should just get over it. I was hurt to hear that and I didn't know what to do so, I told the entire story to some of my personal friends and they were furious. They later picked a fight with Amy, and she was enraged, she asked me why I would tell anyone about the encounter, I told her that I was hurt and I needed to talk to someone. She told me to get fucked and she hasn't talked to me since. I can understand why she would be annoyed at me, but what I don't understand is why she was so furious. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
C9MSiwlpirq3GaOBzFWdD3BjFE0iaYc7
|
b5cj07
|
{
"description": "refusing a dance based on wardrobe",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I refused a dance based on wardrobe?
|
As a hobby, my GF and I regularly dance West Coast Swing (obligatory plug - it's a lot of fun and super awesome). The culture is very low-key and casual. Anybody can ask anybody to dance, and it's expected you not refuse unless there's a reason (i.e. I'm taking a break, or I'm about to leave, need to go to the bathroom, etc). In my area there is usually several opportunities a week to go out dancing, which is pretty nice.
​
GF has a close friend who also comes out regularly - chubby, and has been losing weight due to her dancing. Due to her newfound confidence in her body image, she's been gradually wearing less when going out. At this current point, standard outfit is a bra covered with a kind of lace see-through non-shirt outer-shirt (you know, the kinds that don't actually cover anything - that people wear over tank tops, etc).
​
She likes dancing with me, and normally pulls me for a few songs - but it's just so uncomfortable at this point. I don't mind that she wears what she wears *per se* \- I'm glad she's more comfortable in her skin. But during the dance, hands go on back, hips, and shoulders - and it sets off my "as a boyfriend to someone else, I shouldn't be doing this" alarms. GF is very uncomfortable with it too, but doesn't want to cause conflict by asking her friend to wear a shirt in public.
​
So, WIBTA if I refused a dance, being honest in my discomfort?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 3
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
toqTtiRFkzMU2qFKgg25fLBoMjRkmq1u
|
b6rek8
|
{
"description": "cutting my older sister out of my life",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting my older sister out of my life?
|
I love her, I do. We have had fun times and she has given me great advise and guidness when I needed it.
However, she has been an addict since...well as long as I've known her. And it's only gotten worse and worse.
As of the past few years she only calls me; if she needs money or rides to places (sometimes tricking me into giving her rides so she can buy drugs) or food, or whatever.
Basically, only if she wants something. Never to talk or just hang out.
Some relevent info: Our mother was an addict and I cut her off until I found out she was dying and set up some "healthy boundaries" when bringing my mother back into my life.
I regret...not spending more time with my mother, before she died. I regret cutting her off.
But the difference is, Mom never asked me for money, or made me feel used, even when I didn't set up my boundaries.
Older sister does, constantly.
So, I've cut her off, but from other family members, I hear how much shes struggling
I've tried everything with her, even set up boundaries. But she constantly manipulates me out of them.
While other family members, are...I guess enabling her? That's my opinion, but they think they are helping her.
No family member has said I'm an asshole or anything but...remembering my regret with my mother, I feel like am asshole.
Part of my brain says "your an asshole, help/spend time with your sister while you have the chance" while another part of my brain says "nah your protecting yourself, she can go fuck herself"
So, to the lovely people here, what do you think? Let me know if you need more info.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ZvnWleiQ63AKGVM9Pt5qsemeXdT7Nfgd
|
ahjeiu
|
{
"description": "not going on a field trip with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not going on a field trip with my friend
|
This happened nearly a year ago but I am still suffering from repercussions hence I would like a bit of help.
We were final year college students and needed 30 hours of community service to get our degree. This is something everyone in our college had to do. Our college had some regulated services(teaching underprivileged children, helping out old age homes etc) which i enrolled myself in and she, despite warnings from me enrolled herself in an non-governmental organization with some of her other friends.
However a month later, the other friends reported to a senior member of the non-governmental organization that she was actually not doing any work and got her fired. Coming to think of it, I supported her through that period but I am pretty sure that she actually did not do any work.
Anyway she enrolled herself in the program I was in and we went out for two of the visits together. Since I was working before she joined, I completed my 30 hours by the 2 visits and she asked me to go to the last one.
Now I would have gone, but these visits took up an entire day. Leave at 5am, return home at 5pm. Plus the travelling is the worst part where I had to literally travel 6-7 hours through muddy roads and farms. And thirdly my younger cousin's(5 y.o) birthday was on that day who just lost his mother and there was no way I was leaving him.
I told her all of this and she listened calmly and then asked me to go fuck myself since I was never her true friend. I backed off thinking that she'll get back and it's going to be alright. However she stopped talking entirely to me and filled up my friends with stories about how she "nearly died" on that trip. I asked the trip coordinator, my other friends who went with her and nothing of that sort happened. Absolutely nothing.
Now everytime we meet up, if she and I disagree on anything, she leads with, "Oh well, I almost got killed on that trip which YOU did not want to come with me due to your selfish desires, so obviously you don't care about me...".
Between friends it was cool once or twice and I shrugged it off, but now some of my other friends texted me and told me that what I did was wrong and she shouldn't have done that.
I repeatedly asked her what happened on that trip but she always answers with,"You won't understand. You are not a girl".
To make it worse we have been friends from nearly the start of college and I helped her with a lot of stuff. I went apartment hunting with her, was on the receiving end of her long drawn out stories about her (ex)boyfriend, about her other female friends and whatnot and TBH I really cared about her but this incident has really crushed me.
AITA?
I am sorry for the grammar, English is not my first language.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
aL6HbwfQstGto8JG4lioXotl8SjuKKfp
|
b8s5na
|
{
"description": "getting angry at a child for throwing things at my dog",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting angry at a child for throwing things at my dog?
|
My dog is a little tiny 13 year old chihuahua, and she’s a very sweet dog. She loves to cuddle and lay next to you and she has never hurt anyone or anything. One of our family friends stopped by for a second to say hi, and they sat down on the couch and then his mother started talking to me. In the middle of the conversation this toddler picked up a pillow and threw it very hard at my dog. She obviously wasn’t expecting this, and fell over.!I immediately stood up and checked to see if she was ok, she’s old and fragile and we don’t want to see her get hurt. I said “now might be a good time to get going, (brother) and I have to get something done”. His mother got very defensive and started saying stuff like “he doesn’t know any better” “it didn’t hurt her” and “you’re over reacting”. Thankfully at this time the toddler said “are we going mommy?”, and his mother said “yes, it’s time to go (toddler’s name).
For anyone wondering, my dog is ok. I’ll pay the dog tax firsthand. https://i.imgur.com/colBSlZ.jpg
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
zoodWti3IiPABKc4oMiDSZcXOGfYJ1qn
|
9x4oox
| null |
AITA - Used Womens Bathroom to change baby (I am a father)
|
Today I was shopping in a large department store with my infant daughter and she needed her diaper changed.
I first walked into the men’s room and as usual, no changing station.
I asked a store worker if there were any other bathrooms that might have one and they said no and perhaps to try a store down the road.
I really couldn’t wait, so I walked into the women’s restroom and changed her diaper there.
Sure enough a lady comes in, sees me, freaks out, and calls the manager. They allowed me to finish but then had security escort me out.
They didn’t tell me not to come back but they did say that for “store policy reasons” that I needed to be removed from the premises.
I am not sure if I should consider legal action as there probably isn’t a legal leg to stand on.
I guess I’m just wondering - am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 73,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 73,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
WRKjyIzdFRqm3Bx56euaug8U3qvFOEav
|
aq0crq
|
{
"description": "choosing between two parents",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for choosing between two parents?
|
I’ve always had a closer bond with my mom, and I was trying to go to her house tonight as my parents have split custody of me. My dad said no and I got a lil upset (not mad or disrespectful just my mood). and he just started going off on me, saying I make him feel like I don’t love him and he hasn’t done anything (and he has, he dismisses my problems and tries to compare them to his own all the time which just makes me feel worse). I feel like a POS now and I was wondering if I’m in the wrong here.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
DoRxKX24FlXo1p98lInO20vERVdr4Lmc
|
arl1nw
|
{
"description": "refusing to give my (ex)friend her stuff back",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for refusing to give my (ex)friend her stuff back?
|
Let's start at the very beginning.
A couple of months ago, I decided I was gonna wear a dress and heels to the Homecoming dance. So one of my super close friends lets me borrow a dress and a pair of shoes. I've known this friend literally my entire life. One of the jokes about me is that I act kinda dumb sometimes because (and this did happen) she kicked me in the head from inside the womb.
Fast forward to now, and I still have the dress and shoes. She got a boyfriend (more on him later), and is doing well. Until Christmas break rolls around. Over break, she posted something on her Snapchat story. It said something along the lines of, "Everybody's fake, my only friends are..." and then listed 4 or 5 people she talks to. This immediately sparks a reaction from several of her friends, including me. We point out the fact that every time she gets a new boyfriend, she gets too busy shoving her tongue down his throat to talk to us. Her current boyfriend is nearly 17 and is *still a freshman*.
All of our mutual friends, myself included, have stopped talking to her altogether. She doesn't try to talk to us, and this is fine. So one day, she has one of my friends tell me she wants her dress back. I say no, and that if she wants her stuff back she'll have to ask me herself. Then she goes and has her mom text my mom asking that I give her stuff back. I tell my mom what's going on, and she's on my side.
As of writing this post, we still aren't talking, she blocked my on Snapchat, and I still have the dress. But I miss her, and I really want to have her back in my life, even if none of my other friends do. Am I an asshole for keeping her things?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
krTlXF7VIbhPJSwMnSSarNv9NDqpRnF0
|
a59vwl
| null |
AITA Old roommate wanted me to pay for utilities when he wasnt there.
|
This happened a few years ago in my sophomore year of college. Its an apartment with four rooms. Two of my roommates left for the summer, then expected me and the fourth to split utilities wholly between us. I had left for a month and never asked for that and paid my utilities. It became a big fight and we never spoke after I moved out. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
5LTBq8TCy7j7aLeyKG8qKwzAzShUrqXP
|
a7xb3w
|
{
"description": "asking my roommate to pay more rent",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for asking my roommate to pay more rent?
|
I’m a senior in college and I live with three roommates in an apartment. We’ve just finished the semester so normally all four of us would go home for winter break, and the apartment would sit empty. However, if one so chooses our college offers a winter term where you can pay to take sprint classes that last the duration of the break. One of our roommates announced the other day that he plans upon staying over winter break to take a class, because he won’t be working so he thinks he would be bored otherwise. Naturally, this would mean keeping the cable/internet on as well as keeping the apartment much warmer than what we would leave it on were it to sit empty. Because of this, we asked this roommate if he would pay the cable/internet for that month (as nobody else would be there to use it, and we could otherwise shut it off if he weren’t there) as well as 50% of the electricity as opposed to his usual 25%. He did not take us even asking well at all. He essentially threw a tantrum, claiming that it was unfair for us to ask this of him and that he had signed up for the class under the assumption that we would split the bills evenly despite not being there (keep in mind, he could simply drop the class). So now he’s saying that he’s just going to commute instead of staying of winter term (biting off his nose to spite his face), which will be a way bigger hassle for him than it would be to just eat the $150 and be a five minute walk away from class. Are we assholes? It seems to us that our request was totally reasonable, and that our roommate was basically banking on all of us footing the bill for him to sit around over break.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 14
}
|
WRONG
|
Yxl2wJAbFrNxeOUMBHA7l2kaGNq9Gcht
|
acvsgn
|
{
"description": "complaining about the free gifts provided by employer",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for complaining about the free gifts provided by employer
|
Occasionally, Home office (different state) will reward certain locations with miscellaneous gifts for good performance. Recently, my office was eligible for such a reward.
​
Yesterday I received $30.00 in gift cards for a specific movie theater branch. Excited, I went to see what's playing. Turns out there is not an AMC movie theater branch within 150 miles of my location. I feel like we were "rewarded" for our hard work over the past few months with a gift card that we can't redeem, making it essentially worthless, and all because the higher ups did not even bother to check if it was possible to use these rewards.
​
AITA for complaining to local management?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
bzSSklPyZaiw1hviViDRsyRb12skIogn
|
av9loo
|
{
"description": "not switching parts with my understudy on his birthday",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA If I didn’t switch parts with my understudy on his birthday?
|
Not much else to add.
So, on our opening weekend for my school’s theater musical the Friday we open is my understudy’s birthday. He’s turning 18, and asked me about switching our performances so I would perform on our opening Saturday and he on our opening Friday.
Now, the understudy for my role’s best friend isn’t a great actor, and also hates my guts. Our faculty advisor for the show said it would be ok if we switched shows, but won’t let my role’s best friend’s actor switch performances with his understudy.
I told my understudy I wasn’t sure if I’d be okay switching performances, and he said that’d be a pretty shitty thing to do, especially since I’d basically promised I would switch, which I hadn’t.
So reddit, WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Or7vAKamx0hGYvm5524DlRpqosm0SBri
|
an5jiz
| null |
WIBTA Take back my console
|
Obligatory I'm on mobile, so beware of the poor formatting.
So I (M14) have a Xbox 360 I've owned for quite a while. I loved the thing but recently I got disinterested to the point where I hadn't played it in months. In my house's living room my uncle had a PS3 set up that me and my cousin's (F15 & F8) played on. Recently he took away the console and that left us with no console to play on.
So I decided to set up my Xbox to the living room. Because of this we were able to play and have a wider choice of games. Through the past 2-3 weeks I played with my cousin's often. Through the newfound playing my love for the Xbox and the games have come back. I want to bring it back to my room since I would like to play it for longer and not be interrupted as often, and I can also finally play some single player games. I also have a fear that my younger cousin will damage a controller since she uses it really button mash like and rough.
TLDR: I put my Xbox in the living room and now everyone is used to it, but I want it back in my room
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
kvXSw1DsYyrfnV6LUrkKHpIqTxTzFZhS
|
9w88on
|
{
"description": "yelling at my autistic friend",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for yelling at my autistic friend?
|
I have a friend (though, more of an acquaintance) in my group that has relatively high-functioning autism. He can be fun company most of the time, but he has this fixation with height. He's very proud of his own height (6'1) and loves to jokingly bring it up a lot - like pointing out how much taller he is than other people, or how short other people are in general, in a kind of gleeful way. He does this pretty constantly. We mostly just act amused by it, though it can get a bit tired.
I have achondroplastic dwarfism, and I'm only 4ft tall as a result. I've gotten to a point were I'm content with my height, and I'm pretty relaxed about it. But, as you can imagine, my friend is all over this. He likes pointing out how short I am, or how I need to do things differently (like getting on chairs to reach things and such) but it has never crossed the point that I've found it offensive. I've just found it mildly irritating and a bit awkward. So I've never vocalised feeling uncomfortable about it.
The other day, I was heading to a lecture (that my friend was also going to), but I had missed the memo that the room had been changed, and that the lecture was taking place at the other end of the building. My friend, seeing an opportunity, comes up behind me (in the middle of the busiest corridor) cheerfully saying *"Oh no you don't!"* as if I was a misbehaving child, and yanks me off my feet, starting to carry me in the opposite direction. Everyone is staring and I feel my face flush red with humiliation. I *hate* being picked up, let alone without any warning. Something snaps and I twist myself out of his grip, making him drop me, and I turn around, losing my shit. "WHAT THE FUCK! DON'T *EVER* DO THAT!...The fuck is *wrong* with you!?" He looks nonplussed, and starts stuttering a defence about me going the wrong way. I don't listen and I storm off. I sit on the other side of the room during the lecture and avoid seeing him for the rest of the day.
His girlfriend (and our mutual friend) comes to me later in the day telling me he's sorry.
Am I an asshole for snapping at him like that? I'm thinking I should have set clearer boundaries beforehand, and expressed that I don't like people picking me up. I was really fucking mad at him, and I know he was just trying to make a joke. But..yeah. I feel kind of bad about how intense I was. It went 0 to 100 pretty fast.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Zizio2wOujTYXkMkFVahcPFARpwDGFVU
|
ap2flj
|
{
"description": "swearing at my Aunt",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For swearing at my Aunt ?
|
(Backstory) It all started 6 months ago. My aunt moved into my house because her father passed away. She didn't wanna be alone for that and it helped alot for her to be around family. During this time period I had to give up my bed for her and sleep on a matress. This is were the first fight happened. She started to verbally assault me so I got mad and stopped talking to her. Then the next day she was going to the university to study for her medical exam and asked me if I needed a ride . I politely declined and said I would take the bus . This set her off , she started to yell at me loudly saying that if I hold grudges that long that I was gonna be a failure at life and bunch of other stuff. So I stayed quiet through this whole ordeal and kept my mouth shut. After she slammed the door and left my mom came to me. She demanded I say sorry to her. I got super confused and demanded why should I ? I didn't say anything wrong I kept my mouth shut. My mother then said that I should just apologize because I'm younger. well I did at the time I did apologize( now I regert it). Then the summer trip happens, all of my cousins and family decided to go camping . Fast forward a couple days into the trip all of our cousins are sitting around the fire bored out of there minds. I start to suggest game ideas everyone is saying nah not that. Then my aunt chimes in and says that I should kill myself . Everyone around the campfire stops and looks at her dumbfounded . I just quietly sit there for Abit and then retreat back into my tent without saying a word. A couple of days roll by and we all go home.
Now about a week ago I'm sitting at home watching my TV shows doing nothing . My mom forces me to go with my aunt shopping. So my aunt asks for the location of the store from me. I say location A is where I think it is at. So we drive to location A and it turns out I got it mixed up. It was somewhere else .My aunt goes off on me saying that I can't do the simplest things in life and I'm a failure . I decided to phone my brother to confirm the location . While I am phoning my brother my aunt in the background is talking mad shit about me. So I politely tell her ` excuse me I'm on the phone.` This sets her off and she starts to yell at me full on telling me to kill myself repeatedly. I've never felt such anger towards a person so I snapped and said why don't you shut the fuck up. I plug in my head phones and ignore her for the rest of the ride . When we get home she goes to her room and slams the door really hard. My mom comes to me and asks what happened. I calmly explain the situation to her and she then tells me to apologise. She says it's because I swore at her and she is way older than me. Am I an asshole for swearing back at my aunt ?
Tldr: My aunt gets mad and tells me to kys. I get mad and tell her to shut the fuck up.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
XHUl1RxDjGtm7O5URsEkSmr7IS0AM2Vd
|
aqy9pz
|
{
"description": "being mad at my friends for playing a game without me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For being mad at my friends for playing a game without me
|
Im a college student and games are my main source of entertainment. I usually play single player games but I enjoy playing with others too. I usually play on my PC and PS4, but my friends C and H play on Xbox and have been telling me to get one to play with them for the longest, so I splurged on Christmas and got one to play with them.
​
From since I got my Xbox up to this week I've had to initiate any game sessions with my friends and it wasnt often since we each have our own responsibilities. They have another group of people they play with and tell me they are "always on" but they really arent. This week H told me to download a new free to play game so the three of us could play together, we did on Monday and I had a lot of fun. H said we could play again after he got off of work the next day, but then later clarified that he got off of work at 1 am, so I waited for him only for him until 2 am but he was tired and wanted to go to bed, which I 100% understand and wasn't mad about.
​
Yesterday at around 8:30 he said he would be on to play, C said he would be ready in 30 min and H said he had a quick errand to run. So I waited, and then 10:30 rolled around and I asked where H was, he said he was running errands and would be back home soon. Another hour passed and I was tired but still excited to play, so I asked him again what was happening and he told me to get online. I got in a party with C and H and asked for an invite to their session, they told me to wait because they were in the middle of a game. I said something along the lines of "You told me to get on and started without me?" and C admitted that they had already played 2 rounds of the game before inviting me to the party.
​
So I turned my Xbox off and went to bed. H tried to invite me to the party again and I said no, I was pissed off that I had been waiting around for 3 hours fighting off sleep only for them to start without me. C jumped in to poke fun at H for pissing me off but I told him "Fuck you too", as I had been talking to him while I was waiting for H to return and he didn't tell me they were playing either.
​
I admit that I'm not good at first person shooters and they carried me when we played, and I understand that they would want to play without me so they dont have to babysit me while I learn, but I would have appreciated it if they told me thats what they wanted to do instead of having me wait around without saying anything, and it was the second time H has had me up late waiting around for him.
​
AITA for being pissed of at them for starting without me?
​
TLDR; My friends had me waiting around for three hours to play a game then started without me, AITA for being mad at them
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
F8svXy21ge7sA6KeBvHM6YfpZlqGsjFj
|
9t4zun
|
{
"description": "not talking to ex-best friend / roommate and kicking him out of the next lease",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA, for not talking to ex-best friend / roommate and kicking him out of the next lease?
|
I became friends with D, through a mutual friend from our hometown, right before we left for college. We became best friends over freshman year, and decided to live in a house with 6 other people for our sophomore year.
Our first few months living together was great, but D started getting into selling psychedelics and coke from the deep web. At first I was OK with it since I personally think psychedelics should be an experience everyone should be allowed to try, but I’m wholly aware that it is a Class I drug. I hope to work for government after graduation, and so i don’t want to be tangled up. Then the breaking point for me was when I woke up and there were like 6 randos in our bedroom buying from him!
I had a talk with him, to investigate why he was doing this. His family pays for his college without aid and he has a part time job for disposable income, and he even admitted he was just doing this for fun (D’s parents are ex-military so they’re super strict when he was in their nest) and to make extra money. He seemed adamant he wasn’t doing anything wrong, and that he wouldn’t get caught up. Then I had two more talks to talk him, and I really couldn’t move him, not even to stop selling from our house. This was the moment where I kinda just gave up on the friendship.
So I told him we can’t be friends if he can’t drop that hobby. I started doing more things in school and other friends, to a point where I would only go home to sleep. We probably talked/saw each other 3 times in two months?
Anyways, so it’s time for us to re-sign the lease. I know three of my housemates are living somewhere else, so I recruited some of my friends to take their spot. I explained them the situation with D and all told me they will not want to live with him because of his hobby (and that they also don’t know him).
So one day, I asked him if we can have a talk. I told him that he will not be included in next year’s lease because of his hobby. He got pissed off, because he doesn’t really have any other friends, and it’s relatively late in the cycle, so it’s hard to find open leases. I told him I’m sorry, but people don’t want to live with a drug dealer.
He then goes to the landlord, and tells him I’m kicking him out of the lease arbitrarily. I know because his dad (a lawyer) wrote a letter to the landlord that was forwarded to me. I talk to D, I told him I don’t want to do this, but I reminded him that if pushed, I will not hesitate to tell the landlord, and thus his dad, the actual reason why he’s getting kicked out. He falls back after that.
3 months later, D (still living with us, and still not talking) gets caught up after he sold to a narc on campus. D is not sent to jail (his dad is a lawyer and I think personally, white privilege), but is kicked out of school and is out of a drug registry. I find out a few months later that D was telling high school friends I ratted him out (I absolutely did not). Some ppl from high school still don’t talk to me, oh well.
AITA for kicking him out? Should I have not given up on him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
FxPNDAtXjgb2BgAnfIcitQViy3X8lXid
|
a3w284
|
{
"description": "attempting to dissuade a good friend from getting married to a girl he has dated for 4 months",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for attempting to dissuade a good friend (20) from getting married to a girl (28) he has dated for 4 months?
|
Hey guys, I'm apparently the only one of his friends that feels this way, but he's really insistent on marrying this girl. He hasn't known her for long, and he's complained to me about issues in their relationship more frequently in the last couple months. However, he's the type of guy to make rash decisions and is a "hopeless romantic" (his words, not mine). I tried to talk some sense into him respectfully, and honestly, as none of his closest friends have actually met this girl, but a few others think he should do it. Now don't get me wrong, if he really wants do it, I support him, and he already asked me to be the best man which I'll gladly do. However, I'm kinda worried that he's making a big mistake jumping into marriage so soon, especially after having a super rough year. I appreciate any advice and I'll answer questions cause I don't really know what else to say (งツ)ว
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
o93L1J7QGXvWTzkpYHwVtLaSIR3ewmrp
|
a4l4wd
|
{
"description": "asking a direct report to turn down their music",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking a direct report to turn down their music?
|
AITA for asking a direct report to turn down their music?
​
So, I realize this is probably not worth posting, but it's been bothering me for months whether I overstepped... This is my first year supervising a team of 3-4 people, in an open office, white collar setting (think cubicles for days) for a fairly large company.
​
Long story short, I asked someone who reports directly to me to turn down their music. Probably about half of the office listens to music while they work, with no problems. But this one guy would consistently crank his earbuds up to like 9,000 and turn up the most ludicrously shrill wailing I have ever heard in my life. I sit probably 8-10 feet away from this person (not adjoining cubicles) and it was just needling me all day. And frankly, it was super embarrassing to think my team was acting so unprofessionally in front of everyone else. (I know, that last part was me projecting, as no one else actually mentioned it- so it's a bit unfair to blame my response on their well being.)
​
So on the second or third occasion I asked him to turn his music down, that it was disturbing me 10 feet away, and to please be mindful of the communal work environment. He did not take this well. Demanded to see a posted decibel level he was exceeding, and that my draconian ruling was applied equally to others in the office. (Namely that two people more senior than me will shout the occasional profanities to express frustration at bad news.) I didn't really have any response to that last bit, cause, well they're more senior and I would have absolutely no business policing their speech.
​
So, Reddit, am I the asshole for asking this guy to turn down his music? My rationale for a quiet office space was definitely partially based on my own projections of not disturbing other people, and I did definitely only apply this rule to people under me (with the understanding that people more senior who've worked at this firm for 5 years definitely get more leeway on professionalism than an entry level employee -Which I will admit, is unfair.)
​
Not to color the judgement here, but the reason this has been bothering me is that the guy was later fired (not by me) for entirely justified reasons relating to sub-par work product. He later cited a poor relationship with his supervisor, which really got to me, as I spent an inordinate amount of my time fixing this guy's mistakes, walking him through fixes, and generally investing time into him. Looking back, this is the only incident I can recall where I may have overstepped...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
cltY0I5oAEWozTetOokTcqroiaLYCBGh
|
alhdhg
|
{
"description": "telling my wife she has to quit her job",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 32
}
|
AITA for Telling My Wife She Has to Quit Her Job?
|
Throwaway because I don't want this anywhere near my regular account and this is going to require some backstory that will probably be recognizable to anyone that knows me. Buckle up kids, this is a rollercoaster.
My wife and I have been together for over two years, dating for about as long before that. About two and a half years ago, before we were married, we were having issues and I considered breaking up with her. We never really ended up taking a break, but during that time I ended up sleeping with another girl several times, even after getting back together with my now wife. My wife found out and was justifiably upset. I'm 100% the asshole here.
She forgave me, and said she wanted to be with me again, but I later found out that she had at least an emotional fling (she claims they never had sex because she was on her period) with a guy she met on a trip with some of her friends to another country. Then I found out that she had been messaging explicitly with her ex after she had decided to stay with me. Again she claims that nothing actually happened and from what I read of their text messages it's at least plausible that she didn't. Who knows, but at this point I guess we're both awful people regardless.
A couple months ago I stupidly allowed the same girl from earlier back into my life and restarted my affair. My now wife found out and was justifiably upset. Again definitely an asshole again, but my wife spent about a month deciding if she wanted to stay with me anymore. We have a house together, share friends, etc. It was a month of me doing everything I could to try to get her to stay with me, sleeping on the couch, letting her have her space, doing everything I could think of to try to win her trust back.
The whole time I had a feeling that something wasn't right, but I definitely wasn't in a position to place blame. Still, I couldn't ignore the feeling and one night I looked at the notification on her phone. There was a text from one of her coworkers which didn't raise too many red flags so I just convinced myself I was being paranoid. Until I asked her who she was talking to and she said it was one of her best girlfriends. Now there are more red flags then a Soviet Union military parade. I demand to see her phone, and after refusing several times she eventually gives it to me and I find out that she has been cheating on me with her coworker since before I reconnected with the girl. Surprise, we're both still shitty people and probably idiots for staying together too.
So now we get to the real reason for this post. As soon as I found out I told her that if we were going to stay together that she had to quit her job. She graduated college not that long ago and had a job that she really hated before this one. This is the first job she's had that she really enjoys and she does well at it and I know how much it means to her. She told me that the department that includes the coworker are supposed to be moving out of the building the first week on the new year which was a couple weeks after I found out. I told her she could stay if that was true. The week before transfer time she told me that the plan had changed and that department with her coworker would be staying. I also find out that she is still in a group chat with the guy and another female coworker after I told her she couldn't talk to him again.
So we're back to she has to quit. She asks if she can transfer to another location with the same company. I agree she can stay if she transfers to another location. Another two weeks go by because her boss isn't in the office, until we get to two weeks ago. She asks her boss for the transfer and her boss takes a week to get back to her and tells her it isn't possible to transfer. In this time I find out that she is still in the group chat as well.
So now the question at the top of this post. I gave her until this Friday to decide if we're going to stay together or if shes going to find work somewhere else. We are fine financially if she quits and I have even said that she can keep working for at least a couple weeks to start looking for another job. I feel like I've exhausted every other alternative and at this point I'm ready to accept whatever happens, even if it means losing my marriage if she decides to stay at her job. So am I the asshole?
TLDR; I cheat, she cheats, I cheat again, she cheats with a coworker and I tell her she can't keep her job if she wants to stay with me. Details above.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 27,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 32
}
|
WRONG
|
YiexpQNsIJhf7B2zp7Z9vaycPtfle8WI
|
antg9q
|
{
"description": "wanting to end things with a girl who doesn't want to have sex",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to end things with a girl who doesn’t want to have sex
|
Before you make any judgement, let me explain. Met this girl on tinder, first time we hookup she says she doesn’t want to have sex. I get it and respect that not all girls want to have sex the first time they meet someone. We hookup again and when I try to move down she stops me saying she doesn’t like penetration. Weird but okay I’m not gonna make any advances that she’s not comfortable with. Sex is something casual and fun for me and I like to be involved when pleasuring someone. But with her all it is is her giving me a bj and then getting herself off. It’s boring and my lack of involvement makes me not want to continue. I tried breaking things off by just saying I wasn’t interested in pursuing anything further bc I just got out of a relationship (which is true) and didn’t want to start anything serious. She then sent like 5 walls of text saying that she doesn’t have feelings for me, that she thought we were just having fun, and I was really good at making her cum. First off the wall of texts was a big red flag since I only met up with this girl a couple of times, and secondly if I barely get to touch her how am good at making her cum. Sex is something passionate but when I’m just laying there while she gets herself off there is no passion. Am I the asshole or would I be the asshole if I told her I didn’t want to continue because of the sex? I don’t want to hurt this girls feelings or pressure her into having sex but if I can’t do anything And not really enjoying it I’d rather not continue.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
usy6Q9Fly6y5jG1Hmiu3u0yJdlOnJ6vg
|
al74ft
|
{
"description": "not hanging out with my friends purely because I'm extremely lazy and don't want to go outside",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not hanging out with my friends purely because I'm extremely lazy and don't want to go outside?
|
I live in Australia, and I have a lot of days where depression hits me where I don't wanna leave my house. But that's not why. I don't want to go outside because it's too fucking hot.
These Summer holidays, I've been going outside a lot more than I wanted to, because I've been seeing people I haven't kept in touch with for months or years.
And to tell the truth, with a few select of these people, I'm not really interested in getting close and they don't seem to get the message. But I don't have the guts to cut contact or say I'm not particularly interested in being friends.
But that's a different story - I have friends I do wanna maintain a geunine friendship with, but I'm getting physically and mentally tired of going outside constantly because it's too hot.
I'll usually exercise in the morning at home, take a shower and then I'm done for the day. I don't want to do anything else. I don't like the effort of getting ready to go outside. I don't like sweat. The air in my house is already dry so even if outside is cool, I'll come back to feel my skin lose all the moisture I just had. My house is also too tiny to have a lot of people in.
I explained to some of my friends about this and they said, "I like the heat either but I want company. I like the company."
And then I feel bad because I geuninely don't need people as strongly as others do. Yes I like company, but I am too comfortable being on my own. Half of the people I'm friends with are lonely and don't have other friends, or I'm one of two of their friends. I like to think it's because I grew up barely seeing my single parent due to their work so I don't really know how to crave for company unless I'm in love. But even if in love, I'm a very independent person. I'm happy to talk with friends online and don't really require seeing them physically.
I just feel bad because my reasons are very minor, and I have difficulty relating to my lonely friends who tell me they're lonely.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
74NSIOX3nAjb2cOP9te0jvFgO045364Y
|
a8a5ch
|
{
"description": "wanting assholes to actually come forward here instead of people seeking validation",
"pronormative_score": 46,
"contranormative_score": 33
}
|
AITA For wanting assholes to actually come forward here instead of people seeking validation?
|
Most of these posts are just obviously NTA scenarios at the moment.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 28,
"OTHER": 45,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 46,
"WRONG": 33
}
|
RIGHT
|
Xx8wV2UkUyw84IAfrJdiyL6twfmrMc2D
|
aqm9qe
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend I need some time to fix my Head",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for Telling My Girlfriend I Need Some Time to Fix My Head?
|
Well, possibly bit of a long post, so beware. TL;DR at the bottom.
I suffer from tinnitus along with some other symptoms that have been getting worse lately. It's been about two years for tinnitus, but other symptoms have crept up in the past little while. One of those is what doctors are telling me is depersonalization disorder so my brain can handle the tinnitus, which is apparently common.
The feeling is near unbearable sometimes and it puts me on edge most of the time. Stress makes it worse, fighting makes it worse. All in all, I'm a total wreck with this right now and no fun at all to be around.
My girlfriend has been intensely supportive during this time. She's come to the hospital with me, she's been a really great support. However, because of the heightened stress levels, we are fighting a ton more. Well, this morning I said something she didn't like and we just sort of got into this massive row. When we fight, my symptoms get a crap ton worse and I turn into a jerk.
So, I told her that I need a bit of space. Just some time to get a handle on my own mental health problems. I feel that if I don't do this, our relationship is going to end up going to hell and it'll never get better. I told I'm just going to sleep in the basement and do my own thing for like two weeks. And in the end, the intended result is for me to be better able to function. She's not happy about it, but she accepted.
We bought a house together, we adopted pets together, we have a life that we are fully planning on building together. I still love her and she still loves me.
Currently, she's crying upstairs. I'm just sort of.. letting it happen because I don't think it's the best idea for me to go console her when we've just agreed that this is what we're doing. She has abandonment issues and she wants to know what scope of our distance is going to be. I've said that I have to figure that out and I'll get back to her sometime today.
Am I the asshole for saying that we need some time apart? Am I a jerk for thinking of myself? Am I an asshole for not being more attentive to her mental issues?
TL:DR I want some time away from the girlfriend for my mental health because we argue. Not sure if that makes me the asshole or not. This is a terrible tl;dr.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
IYwz76TqoN742KGq4ydNbIfSOsd3PLCV
|
b7k8cn
|
{
"description": "denying co-signing my brothers car loan",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for denying co-signing my brothers car loan
|
Sorry for format on my phone.
Little back story, My brother was on track for a great life fiancé high paying job and then things fell apart for him. His anxiety got the best of him and was left by his fiancé and he had a breakdown and quit his job and got addicted to anti depressants. Around this time my parents became and I started making payments on their house and car. Along with making payments on his car so he could have it when he does figure things out and can get back on track. Fast forward about 6 months and promises that he’s going back to work all my savings were drained and he lost his car and continued in his spiral. I continue talking with him and trying to get him in counseling and gave recommendations through contacts Iv made on my job to no avail.
Now a year and a half later and my savings partly recovered he calls and asks will you co-sign my car loan (at one of those high interest no credit check dealerships) (and he also stated that he was ready to sign mine when I bought my first car though I didn’t end up needing it) so he can get his life back on track, I told him this is not something I can do I can’t put my name on that loan when I can’t trust that your serious about getting back to work but I can help with a taxi or something till you build up enough to buy a cheap car to get you to work consistently. I thought this was a reasonable response but I haven’t heard from him in 6 weeks he blocked my calls and stated he did not want anything to do with me anymore.
I am starting to think I was a big asshole by not helping him get back on track and considering writing him a letter saying that I will sign.
Thanks for listening
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
vWTwxHMiSy7ewqyA1gUXpnXGhUQ7s7Lw
|
afz0hj
| null |
AITA: In-Laws overstayed
|
We bought a house last year, and for the first time, we hosted. Wife is the oldest in the family, and we are the first one with a house.
Mother in Law, Father in Law, Sister in Law, Sister in Law- with Boyfriend (who lives in apartment but only stopped by a few times) , and Brother in Law with Girlfriend all came over Dec 19. Father and Mother in Law left on Dec 31, and Sister/Brother left on Jan 5.
​
I finished worked on Dec 22, and work in a very people orientated business where I always have to chat with people and make sure they are well taken care of. I never really had a "break" from people as my in-laws came over. During this time, my entire house was occupied and it was fun for the most part- however, my wife had to go back to work on 26-28, 31, 2-4....and so I was the one in charge of entertaining them. I went back to work on Jan 2cd, so I technically had no break.
​
I couldn't take it. I broke down. I was so frustrated because I was so mentally drained from chatting and talking and also putting on a show for the mother/father. I took around shopping, I took them to another state, I took them around everywhere. They aren't bad people at all. I mean one drinks, the other burps, but my house was a mess, I had no privacy, I had to hear snoring at 2 AM, and I was expected to take care of them. I couldn't walk around in my underwear and chill in my house. It didn't help that they spoke a language that I didn't understand. I would sit and they would chat but I wouldn't understand.
​
Towards the end of the stay, I was just a mess. My routine of gym in the morning was tired and messed up. I got fat, I was tired. I was tired of eating out and eating cooking/cleaning. Every single thing annoyed me. I was also frustrated that my sister in law didn't really take care of the family when she had time off. She could of easily done something to take the in-laws away from my house and give me peace. But no, she only came on christmas and new years and said hi and bye. The ironic part when we asked for her to step up...she had this annoyance about it. I felt as though she came and go as she pleased but if we were to bother her...well she would be frustrated. We/I was the majority who took care of them.
​
I did blow up at my wife and said this is the last time this is happening, and if they come again they stay for 4-5 days max. I blew up at my sister in law and said you should of done some hosting because the brunt was put on me. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
NywmwvKkChYe0KwBISNKj28g8AMYPVMv
|
b5yqzb
|
{
"description": "not moving Family event",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA - Not moving Family event
|
Last year we had our daughters 3rd Birthday (bout a year ago). We decided to do it on a Sunday night (6pm) at a local restaurant. I was called by my mother a week or so prior and was told that she wasn't going to be able to attend as she worked the next day and with the drive (90 mins) it was a bit late for her. I told her that was fine. She was going to be babysitting for us maybe a week so she could se her then.
On my daughters Birthday we video called my mum and she said that she had a small party planned for her with cake and decorations. i told her no. I don't want my daughter having multiple birthdays multiple cakes and I believe that this can lead to kids getting a sense of spoiled entitlement. I don't believe in make up events.
My mum got very offended with this. Said that we excldued her from the event as we knew that she would not be able to make this time we set of 6pm with work the next day. Thing is, we put it on the sunday night as it was the only time I could get when EVERYONE could theoretically make it. We eventually got over it a few weeks later.
Then we come to now. Next event is easter. I'm a shift worker and on night shift ending with me finishing at 7am on easter morning. Partner said that we should just do a dinner at our place, she would cook a roast and invite our parents and sisters. I said fine and sent out a message saying to come for dinner.
Few days latter mum messaged me asking if it could be an lunch instead as dad was flying back at 7pm and were a hour from the airport. I've messaged back the following
"I'm not sure whta time dinner will be ready but I don't think itll work earlier than 5:30. that sounds too late, you guys are of course welcome to come earlier. And we can have some snacks and stuff"
few days later she told me she doesn't think that they're going to make it. I asked why and she said that it was a long way to drive and that I should have a good think about who's getting excluded at these events.
I've told her I was on night shift finishing early that morning and thats why I didn't want a big event at my house that early but she just told me to think about who was getting excluded again (I assume she was refering to my daughters Birthday)
I really don't think im excluding anyone. Yes I'm sad that Dad can't come due to his work but its impossible to fit everyone in sometimes when he's down for 1/4 weeks. I do try to come down when my roster permits while he's down (though when i spoke to him he didn't mention it so I don't even know if he minds as such). I put it on easter's date and I put it at the time we could do. I don't really know what else I could do.
I guess I could have messaged around to see what times work for everyone but If I put it at lunch time id be finishing work and getting maybe 3 hours sleep or so before I was up helping get everything ready....dinner means I get a decent sleep and still help.
AITA for not making this a lunch?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
yXUXTy4MLw4VYWTbcd9VwYkMF7JBneCc
|
axykti
|
{
"description": "hating wheelchair guy",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
Aita for hating wheelchair guy?
|
Aita for hating this guy in a wheelchair?
Here's circumstance.
We have 4 offices, 10 cubicles, and 26 tables. Yo7 get to keep your space for the quarter. Gary is in a wheelchair and threw a fit and threatens to quit id he doesnt get an office. They are awarded by sales volume. I earned 4th office but am not getting it because he says he requires it. The cubicles are so much easier for someone wheelchair accessible. The office is actually in convenient because even though it's wide enough you have to open three doors to get to the office. I saw him rolling around in the cubicle and he was kind of feeling it out. I bet he begs to switch if he can get past his pride. I can't stand this guy not because of the situation but because in general he's very rude and mean and it's like I hate you not because you're in a wheelchair but because you're a dick. Am I the a****** for hating this guy?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
qKlxUKnGr9UEPE3lAjmtDra1t5xaevtj
|
azrypj
|
{
"description": "making my friend feel like shit after he told me I would be his \"ideal girlfriend\" but then in the same breath telling he's not attracted to girls who don't work out",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 45
}
|
AITA for making my friend feel like shit after he told me I would be his "ideal girlfriend" but then in the same breath telling he's not attracted to girls who don't work out (I.e code for fat girls)?
|
Background: I have been friends with this guy Aaron for a few months. I'd say we are more than friends because it's very flirty, we go on what I would consider "dates," we sleep in the same bed after going out and on and on. In fact in light of what just happened, I'd say he led me on big time.
So just had a conversation at 3am after binge watching one of my favorite Netflix series that I thought it was time we take the relationship to the next level. He told me that he was happy just being friends. I said I wasn't and wanted more. He said that he just wasn't into a relationship with me. I said he had to to better than that. He said he hated to hurt my feelings and that he's just not attracted to girls who don't work out. I asked him if he meant because I'm fat. He said yes. I told him he was the biggest piece of shit I'd ever met and to leave. Since he left I've been spamming him and his Facebook with memes from my favorite bloggers like "if you can't handle my size, maybe you don't have the tools for the job."
He finally clocked me but before doing that he said I was a huge asshole for making him feel like shit for his "natural desires." I told him he sucked but I guess he didn't see it. I sort of half feel bad but I also feel like I said what needed do he said. Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 36,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 45
}
|
WRONG
|
JcKVLt209zjU0auoZAyzrJhl1BWdYMOn
|
ac5sx6
|
{
"description": "lying to my girlfriend about my brothers debt",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA: for lying to my girlfriend about my brothers Debt
|
TL: DR - Given my brother some money to transferee to my girlfriend. And know I am considering giving him money behind her back, in order to get more “Alone” time with him.
Backstory:
My girlfriend (F24) and I (M24) have been together for 5 years and have more or less shared economy.
I am the youngest of 4.
1 brother (Called B) and to sisters (there need no name for this)
She is a single child.
Now to the story: B and I have a very close relationship even though there are more than 10 years between us, B dos not have as stable economy as my girl find and I do, do to some mental hurdles which he has more or less passed now but in this down time he did end owing me (and there for my girlfriend) more than 228 dollars.
In the beginning we were training together but it stop since he could not pay for the bill at the local gym.
I missed these times and therefore I gave him without my girlfriend knowledge 200 Dollars to transferee to my girlfriend as if he wished to pay off some of his debt, (to be fair this was some money my girlfriend did not know I was in possession of had she known she would have used diffidently like adding to our saving of 4,565 dollars or a trip to a hotel or a diner of some sorts.) So she would not get mad, about him starting at the gym and not paying off his debt.
I am now considering paying for half of my brother gym membership behind her bag in order to get my sparring buddy back.
I have talk about this with her but she think it is better to lent him the money and let him pay us back when he is done with his education, where I disagree and just want to spend time with my Brother, and I am not interested in drowning him in debt, but simply getting the time we both used to enjoy together back.
(I make more than my girlfriend even though that should not really matter in this dilemma)
​
Sorry english is not my first language
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
SsNmlPm5CeP1LTt4gIc8tUFnrGxEcFjS
|
9ymiim
|
{
"description": "thinking purposefully seeking out someone's account that they want to stay anonymous is a breach of privacy",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for thinking purposefully seeking out someone's account that they want to stay anonymous is a breach of privacy
|
Sorry for the long title. Also, this is not necessarily am I the asshole
more like am I in the wrong because even if I were in the wrong I don't really think it would be assholish. A while ago my friends found my old Reddit account and went through my post history despite me telling them I wanted it to stay anonymous and if they did find it not to look through everything. They think that doing that is not a breach of privacy and that it's just "friendship". I think that they shouldn't have looked for my account just to find things out about me. Am I being petty or do I have a point?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
FsRW4nxi9rbHGaunI7ZmoqRt0WcScHjJ
|
9z8ivm
|
{
"description": "not immediately washing my stinky feet after work",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for not immediately washing my stinky feet after work?
|
So I work a job where I walk a lot. I'm also a cheap bastard that buys cheap shoes at Walmart. I wear these shoes everyday to work and also when exercising. As you could guess, they leave quite a stench when I get home, pop them off, and relax. I can smell them stinking up the room right now but I really don't mind it much.
So here's the issue, I live with my girlfriend and she hates my stinky feet. She gets home from work about an hour after I get home (schedule varies), and once the waft of my feet hits her nose, she demands I wash my feet. Here's the thing though; I feel for her, I really do. I would wash my feet but I'm tired when I get home and I just want to relax. Washing my feet requires me to prop up my foot in the bathroom sink and do some one-legged acrobatics while I scrub between the toes. I don't always have the energy for that but I also hate bothering her with my stink feet.
Sometimes I do it, and sometimes I don't. I mean it's stinky at first but then I get use to it, I just wanna sit down and watch some Yu-Gi-Oh man, so AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
a28cweYDy8X4u3BlwR9MJ2x1Ejv8Kg2n
|
b7u1d8
|
{
"description": "assuming I was stood up",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for assuming I was stood up
|
So there’s this girl I’ve been talking to for a couple of weeks and I finally asked her out on a date. She said yes and we were planning to get ice cream. Day of we’re texting all day, she spends the morning at a local event while I’m at work. About an hour before the date I drive home from work and I send her a text asking if she is still on. She doesn’t respond to me and I proceeded to assume I got stood up. About 3 hours later I sent a text that said
>hey just flat out, I’m kinda hurt you stiffed me. I would’ve been cool if something came up or even if you just didn’t want to go. But next time tell the guy ✌️
She responded after about 20 minutes saying she didn’t stand me up but simply fell asleep, and that I didn’t need to get defensive. She’d been up since early in the morning and crashed. I apologized and tried to explain that from my end it looked like she simply ignored me. She stopped responding to me after that and we haven’t talked since. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
4zGhbw3L4uhp8le00jhceiU5Q7nWlL86
|
aylkan
|
{
"description": "not wanting my roommate to move out",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my roommate to move out?
|
I have been living with my roommates Karen and Natalie in a three bedroom place for the last 6 months without much of any conflict. Our lease continues through August and we had already planned on living in our current place through August of 2020. We live in a college town which means property management companies start advertising properties in January and February, so to secure our unit for 2019-2020 term we had to renew our lease in January.
Natalie is graduating this year and is not renewing to live with us for the 2019-2020 year which we have known from the beginning and agreed to which is all fine. Now, Karen has decided that she suddenly wants to transfer schools and will no longer be here for the 2019-2020 year. This transfer is not so she can change majors, it is to a different campus under the same school and the classes are 90% the same. She does not have friends or family that lives out there so it's not to be closer to them. Rent is also a lot more expensive in this new city she is moving to, so this move is not about saving money either. She has joked that she's moving to this new city so she can eat chicken from this one food cart every day. This idea for her to transfer came up only a couple weeks ago after we made a day trip to the city that the other campus happens to be in.
I am frustrated with this because Karen on multiple occasions made it clear that she was going to live here even through 2020-2021 and we have already renewed our lease for the next year. I brought this up with Karen and she does not think this is an issue because she can just find a person to sublet. While this is true, I feel like it is unfair to leave me to live with two strangers and try to get them to pay rent and utilities on time when I had agreed to live with Karen specifically. Our roommate Natalie had been a craigslist rando, but it was fine because I knew I had Karen to help cover rent or bills in case Natalie turned out to be a flake. Now I might be living with two total strangers who may or not pull through on paying rent and being clean and good roommates for seemingly no reason. Am I just overreacting and being an asshole right now?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
A8oFEYtwndDra8QjDHKsF2it2JfCV1bw
|
9z9edf
|
{
"description": "thinking my friend is being dramatic about her mental health",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for thinking my friend is being dramatic about her mental health?
|
To clarify, I'm currently in high school with diagnosed anxiety, depression and BPD. I am aware that everyone deals with their mental health in different ways and that people express their difficulties differently.
But I have one particular girl in my immediate group of friends who to me seems very clueless about how common mental struggles are. In the past when me and another friend had told her about some of our friends and ourselves and the extent of their/our mental health issues, she was very surprised and said she "had no idea".
She often goes on various rants at school about how bad her mental state is and doesn't seem to have very much regard for how it sounds to myself and others who are struggling. While I do not think someones struggles should be belittled at all I find it extremely grating when she says things like "I need to take a mental health day on Friday" because she has had an increase in her workload. Just the other day she said she felt deliriously happy despite the fact that she had been having a rather rough week. She said she felt like she "was in a depressive episode but was currently experiencing a 'happy depression'" which really pissed me off.
She has done similar things for majority of the year, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
NnVGOmRwPyUIJzA4LsHx3KNGV51UgKAs
|
a2q4cu
|
{
"description": "knocking on my roommates door at night?l and getting his meds changed",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for knocking on my roommates door at night?l and getting his meds changed?
|
I have a schizophrenic roomate who takes a lot of medicine to help with the symptoms. Hes a cool guy, hes a great artist, but hes a 34 year old who is kind of creepy. He doesnt know how to repress lost and makes creepy comments about girls he sees. I know that he was basically locked in a foster home for decades so he has no social skills but I didnt like it so I started to bother him at night by knocking on his door and going back to my room when he answered.
He complained to the provider, and I denied ever knocking on the door. After a week of this, the provider ended up deciding his medicine wasnt working and he was hearing things and got it changed. My mate complained to me after getting the news because he did not want to lose 15 years of progress but I feel he kind of deserved it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
wVKlk0DPdT1fooVWQvwI7MvIokxKeHkO
|
b46ubz
|
{
"description": "letting my gf's mom think her dog ran away after I found her inside",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for letting my gf's mom think her dog ran away after I found her inside.
|
So my girlfriend's mom is one of those neurotic, paranoid panicky kind of people. Anytime there's something that she doesn't know or doesn't go exactly to plan it's because the worst possible thing happened to cause it. This includes if a door to outside is left even slightly ajar and she doesn't see her dog sitting at the doorway watching whoever is outside. Immediately a "OMG WHERE IS <dog>?! When's the last time anyone has seen her?!" echoes throughout the house and massive passive aggressive mode if we don't drop what we're doing to look and call for the dog. 9/10 she's sitting by the door to the backyard looking out through the screen door in the sun or sleeping under gf's mom's bed.
Anyway, I was mowing the lawn, watering the flowers, sweeping the driveway as per her request (I have no problem doing this,it takes about 45 minutes if I stretch it out) and left the gate from the backyard to the front open as I brought the lawn mower, weed whacker, and the gas out. Unbeknownst to me her mom left her door to the backyard open for some reason, and when I'm bringing the gas back to the shed in the backyard she noticed that I didn't have to open the gate and immediately went into panic mode about the dog's whereabouts. But this time she also gave me an earful about being responsible/not being lazy, *this was all before she went inside to verify the dog was in fact missing*. But lo and behold we go inside and no sign of the pooch, so I actually start to get worried and feel kinda bad even though I don't know how I was supposed to know it would be outside. With a parting shot about maybe *someone paying attention* saw the dog walking down the street she leaves to go knock on the neighbors doors.
It's hot, I feel bad and pretty irritated so I go in the bathroom to splash some water on my face and think how long the gate was left unattended. While I wipe my face off I hear some scratches on what sounds like porcelain or ceramic and who's in the bathtub stretching like she maybe just woke up but the dog, who probably laid down to fall asleep cause the bathtub is cool. When I ask my gf if she used the bathroom last she told me that her mom had just put new towels in there maybe 10 minutes before she went outside to see the gate open.
When her mom came back I offered to help look for another 15 minutes or so before I heroically found the dog safe and sound while making sure to ask while laughing, "Haha who was the last person in the bathroom?" My gf shot me a look and asked me afterwards if I put the dog in there, and confirmed no I didn't I found her but being blamed for losing the dog made me have no qualms about letting her mom stress out a bit more. She thought it was kinda funny getting tired of her moms nonsense but called me an asshole.
So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
e4AIGScBOBBGWwPRKJsB3gEnf90uWGAi
|
ab67c0
|
{
"description": "not letting my ex spend time with our autistic kid in my apartment",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA I will not let my ex spend time with our autistic kid in my apartment
|
Some background. My son is severly affected with autism. He is 12 and has a mind of a 2 year old. He is compleatly non verbal, reacts only to simple one-word commands, and only recently I managed to get him to use the toilet. On top of that he is going through puberty and became very agressive.
My wife left me half year ago. Our relationship was long gone, and we only stuck together because of him. We agreed that I will take care of child due to his strenght and agressivness, she simply could not handle him anymore. Little I knew she had an affair and moved in with her lover straight away.
She claims that she cannot take our son and was spending time with him in my flat. When I found out about the affair, and that she lives with a partner I said enough. I will not longer let her in. She can take him whenever she wants, let her boyfriend help her if she struggles. She calls me an asshole. Am I? Im still single BTW.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
RIGHT
|
VUvy9YYuoXar44ouK0SF2bQMIsqCeWY9
|
asi20o
|
{
"description": "not letting my cousin play with my things",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my cousin play with my things?
|
So, my mom's family is pretty small, just her, my grandma and my uncle who has a wife and a kid. I've always been pretty close to my uncle mostly due to our love to gaming and action figures.
When I was young I used to go to his house (it was 1 house away from mine) to play on his beefy computer with the latest parts on the market. From 9 to 13 years old I went there weekly or even daily, he sometimes even gave me some action figures.
Fast forward to today, I have my own computer and my own consoles and don't go there to play anymore (rather my age then having a computer). He now has a 6 year old kid, and they often come to my house for family gathering and stuff. Now my cousin loves videogames and his dad incourages it. He always go directly into my room to play Spiderman in my ps4. Now I don't mind him playing, I just mind him ruining my stuff. He has already deleted a few saves of mine and broke almost all of the action figures my uncle (his father) gave me.
The last time he came here, I locked my bedroom with all my stuff in it. He was pretty sad and being a bratty kid with a bratty mom, his mom asked me to let him in. I didn't and the rest of the day the house was filled with anger towards me. When the guests left, my mom confronted me telling I was selfish because my uncle always let me play his games and I can't even one day. I tried to explain to her that I knew what I was doing back then and wouldn't delete his things or even break anything, but she still said that I was selfish.
So, AITA for not letting my cousin play with my stuff?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
heSmMHbEnh6Ef7is35vMQUrROohnNtuq
|
b74v1x
|
{
"description": "\"stealing\" an university course from someone else",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for "stealing" an university course from someone else?
|
My uni has an elective course that isn't related to the main courses (basically you study law/biology/history or whatever the fuck you want and get to take some CS on top of that). The course is limited to a certain number of students. I didn't apply at first because I already completed a CS program (unrelated to university) and I'm fairly good with maths/algorithms/programming. The other person related to this, I'll call her Karen (for meme's sake) applied in the first round as well but got rejected.
In the second round, it was fairly simple to get in because most of the students booked courses that occupy the slots needed for this course. I didn't because I am lazy (going through uni in 3.5 instead of 3 years) and no idea why Karen didn't, anyways, she reapplied. This time I also applied because I realized that this would be a quick credit-grab and also rather interesting (I do a lot of programming in my free time). As said I'm *fairly good* with maths (i.e. 100% in both math courses I took), so I got in and Karen didn't. Now Karen is mad at me, saying I stole the course from her because I didn't even need it (she knows about the course I took before). AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
DHQ1AGoLRYINIzaaOQ8vWmBV9XkUMZJC
|
asqkur
|
{
"description": "reporting an acquaintance to a guidance counselor or a professor for showing me pornography",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
WIBTA if I reported an acquaintance to a guidance counselor or a professor for showing me pornography (NSFW)
|
I don’t know how to flag NSFW, I’m sorry if I mess up
So I am a university student 18 (F), I frequently hang out in a lounge for students that an acquaintance of mine 19 (F). I like her but sometimes she has troubling behavior and doesn’t listen when you tell her to stop doing something. The lounge is a pretty public place and is mostly great to hang out.
But my acquaintance has recently liked to show me NSFW material without my consent, mostly those that she has drawn or animated on MAYA. The conversation usually goes like this;
A: hey can I show you something I drew
me: sure
A: -shows me the pornagraphic material she drew-
Most of the time this porn is shown in a humorous way, but it just makes me uncomfortable. One of the porn she showed me depicted a teenager (low teens). I have told her multiple times that I’m uncomfortable with it and she just doesn’t listen. Once I said that I didn’t want to see something that she drew because I was working and she just showed it to me anyways.
I just want her to stop doing it, I like her as an acquaintance but what she does makes me uncomfortable. Would I be an asshole if I talked to a professor or Guidance counselor about this?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
tNYIRJ6eCfbcrRoPBLHCJZo9euoCm5Yo
|
b0burl
|
{
"description": "thinking my girlfriends relationship with her dad is weird",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For thinking my girlfriends relationship with her dad is weird?
|
Hey,
Thanks for reading, I'm using a throwaway account because this isn't a great thing to be wondering and in all honesty I'm hoping to be the asshole in this scenario.
Anyway brief backstory, my girlfriend and I have been together a while now and have a child together, I'm early thirties and she's mid twenties.
She has quite a heartbreaking backstory involving a few horrific things that she has trusted me enough to tell me. Although she has a tendency to defend the people who have caused her the greatest pain.
Anyway back the original reason I'm here. My girlfriends relationship with her father is almost childlike in its nature. Anything he says is treated as gospel, we can have a conversation about anything and I can make a suggestion and I'm told I'm wrong only for him to make the same suggestion and it's the best suggestion since sliced bread. She's horrendously jealous about anyone who comes near him romantically, full on family feuds with his wife, girlfriend on the side etc. The wife by the way isn't her mum. For instance the other day we were at her mothers and she made a comment about him moving back to where originally came from would be good so that way no one hes currently romantically linked to could see him and he wouldn't be having relations with anyone. Everyone at the table kind of felt weird, you could tell.
She has never dated anyone who is of the same ethnicity as her dad, she's mixed race, for the exact reason that is would remind her of him. She still on a near daily basis with siblings on her side ensures that everyone knows she's the favourite and daddy's little princess. It's almost gets to me how it's obvious she holds him in higher regard than our own daughter. Not obviously, just little things like being obviously more excited for his birthday when I've had to make sure the moneys there for our daughters birthday as she hasn't planned ahead, marking the calendar with only his birthday etc.
Last year we had to make the annual trip to where he lives to be with him on his birthday, which coincides with a major holiday, only for him to be out with whoever and when I said let's go home and celebrate said holiday with our family, we couldn't, we had to wait for him to come back? Why? I'm not saying hes out of order he may well have had plans and she didn't ring ahead but it's her attitude to all this I'm interested in this scenario.
Is this normal? Am I reading into this too much? I genuinely don't know, its certainly not normal within my family but then different doesn't mean wrong.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
kJtN74YnwVL7kwNqLX8ENFY6iqUujZNQ
|
amzep0
|
{
"description": "not wanting to live in a gated community",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to live in a gated community
|
Preface: My dad recently got a job in Puerto Rico and just me and my youngest older brother are moving there while the other siblings stay at our mainland house, so this isn't a forever home.
&#x200B;
So my brother and I have opposite personality types, he's extroverted and likes more, what he considered normal (?) people. In a word he described himself as wanting to marry a successful, wealthy, "mentally stable"
I on the other hand am extremely introverted and find myself only making connections with, well the opposite of what he described as being his ideal wife.
This may seem like extra info but it'll come in handy in the conflict.
So we were looking at houses and all rating the houses, my brother strictly said he only wanted to live in a gated community. I on the other hand didn't.
My reasoning: I know this whole post makes me sound like a rich special snowflake but hear me out. While in the non gated communities they spoke less English they were far nicer than the gated communities and I considered being immersed in the language an opportunity to learn, plus I don't really like suburbia since it's so compact and everyone's always trying to interact with you its all just too nosy. I don't like gated communities because to me it feels like a contract saying, I only want to be able to interact with the people who can afford to live here.
&#x200B;
My brother's reasoning: From what he told me, he said he needed to fulfill his social desires and the only way he could do that was by living in a compact community like that. He said he liked the people in the communities more than out actually in Puerto Rico and he especially liked that they could speak fluent English (?).
&#x200B;
He called me un-empathetic, (something he calls me a lot) towards his needs and said since I rarely go outside it shouldn't matter to me where we live but it does matter to me and I like not having people all around. I understand he's an extrovert and only likes to hang out in certain crowds and I'm trying to be mindful of it.
Even though my dad's going to be the deciding factor in where we live I can't help but still feel bad about what my brother said to me, I didn't want to cause him any emotional distress, AITA?
Sorry for the long post
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
KKGgk91tmBUBOyUABOXzq7qC2BC5Hjrj
|
b6zafe
|
{
"description": "dumping a friend for being a mistress",
"pronormative_score": 39,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for dumping a friend for being a mistress?
|
A friend met a married guy about 3 years ago. She dumped her boyfried and started dating this guy. I initially thought he would divorce his wife and they could continue their relationship like a official couple. The thing is, he didn't.
My friend absulutely hates the wife, is calling her names and makes fun of her behind her back. I usually defend the wife, (I don't know her, but feel really sorry for her) since she is the only victim in this mess. My friend absolutely delusionally believe that she is his "one true love". The guy has no intentions on getting a divorce and the wife knows nothing. They don't have any kids (yet) but its still just beyond shitty.
My problem is that, allthough my friend is as nice as usual to me, this situation just makes me dislike her. I feel that she is showing a shitty white-trash personality towards other people. My respect for both of them is gone. I feel guilt and anger everytime I see his poor wife in town. Both my friend and the guy has no moral problems with cheating and dont't seem to be bothered by any guilt.
The last two moths I simply don't answer the phone when she calls (she calls a couple of times a week and the conversation is usually about him being an asshole and me telling her to dump him). My plan is not really to ghost her. I just need to get my mind straight about why I'm dumping her.
Am I the asshole for dumping a friend about something that is actually none of my bussiness? Am I the one who need to take a chill-pill?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 38,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 39,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
qkMKOzL4IB2CsCUtHhGI0BDhNNaoiwAf
|
aca7m9
|
{
"description": "wanting space from my boyfriend's family, even though we all live together in his family's building",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting space from my boyfriend's family, even though we all live together in his family's building?
|
For context - I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 years and moved in with him a year ago. His parents own the building we are living in, which is a house that has completely separate apartments on each floor (common in our city). We live in the top apartment and BF's parents and younger brother live in the bottom apartment. We don't pay for anything towards the apartment except utilities because his parents are very well-off and won't take money from us.
So my issue is mainly with BF's brother. His brother is in college and comes home for summer/winter breaks. This means he's home sometimes for a few months. Obviously, he doesn't want to hang out with his parents so he comes up to our apartment to hang out and play games/watch tv.
The thing is, he's up in our apartment ALL THE TIME. Every day. He only leaves to go out with friends. Even when BF and I aren't home, his brother spends all day upstairs in our apartment.
I understand that this is also his residence and that he'd rather hang out in the "cool" apartment away from the parents. I don't want to kick him out because he's family, but I have social anxiety and his presence affects my ability to "feel at home" in our apartment. I've briefly considered moving out because of the built up stress and inability to relax. He and my BF are also messy people who leave their stuff lying everywhere and I feel like I constantly need to clean up after them both.
My BF and I have gotten into pretty bad fights about this situation several times because he thinks I hate his family / am trying to alienate him from them while I try to explain my perspective. He knows my anxiety issues but continues to let his brother come around.
AITA for wanting to create space between us and his family in a home that I don't even own?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
OzBDdtD5ISp39RHVkUURpAC7MPo4jpGW
|
a04kyo
|
{
"description": "posting an updated version of my Christmas wish list to my families facebook group",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for posting an updated version of my Christmas wish list to my families Facebook group?
|
I have a lot of brothers and we all have significant others, so for Christmas we do a Secret Santa that way you don’t have to buy a present for every single person. We have a family Facebook group where we all post our amazon wish list and we use that to shop for whoever we got. I posted mine back in October and have since added some more items to it, so I added it again to the Facebook group saying it was updated. Here’s the [post](https://imgur.com/gallery/YiY3hOf). Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
uLlIvQe38Z7AgwAJvOTOOoV4wC6N2rx8
|
aqlfta
|
{
"description": "wanting to move out but would leave my friend in a hard spot to get to school",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to move out but would leave my friend in a hard spot to get to school?
|
I'm a girl studying engineering in college and I want to move out to one friend's 3B house that just became available if possible, but I drive my housemate in my current 5B house to school everyday. Otherwise it would be a 40 min walk one way to school for him because he doesn't have a car. That would leave him with less than a month to find housing near school or be stuck walking all of next year. I'm not really happy where I'm at. I think it would be nice to live with all girls and have space from guys in engineering. It's not even guaranteed I'll move but I'm entertaining the thought and asking the friend I'm interested in moving in with. I'd feel like a jerk but at the same time, I don't want to stay just to drive someone if I'd rather be somewhere else.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
e37RHrGjxAXWkog9Zkgqq9OejUDVSS4x
|
amssur
|
{
"description": "\"excluding\" a non-member of the group",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for "excluding" a non-member of the group?
|
Okay, so, backstory: I volunteer with a youth organization. This weekend, we conducted a physical fitness test to help the youth in the unit I mentor complete a requirement. There were several siblings (non-members) present, along with parents, most of whom either stayed out of the way or just followed along off to the side. They did a 1-mile run, crunches, a sit-and-reach, and pushups. If the siblings participated and weren't in the way, the adult leaders basically ignored them or gave them their results if they asked.
Now, for the "Am I the asshole?" moment. We had 6 mats for 6 youth (the members of the unit). One of those siblings parked themselves in the middle of the group exercise area as we prepared for the pushup exercise, and when asked to move by their sister, who is a member of the unit, so that she could use the exercise mat he was sitting on, made it fairly clear that he wasn't moving and she would have to wait. She's not great at standing up for herself, so after I let the exchange happen, I stepped in and told him to move, because she was part of the group doing the exercise.
He apparently ran off to find his parents and told them that one of the adults told him he couldn't do the exercise (at least, this is how it was explained to me). After the adult in question (me) was identified by the parents by their wandering around and asking the leaders if they had told their son he needed to leave, this prompted a brief "How dare you speak to my child like that?" interrogation, to which I explained that I told him to move because we're here to help the youth who are, in fact, members of the group, and that if he wanted to do the exercise, we could make that happen, when the group was done. There was no yelling, there was no malice, there was no "Go away, kid, you're not welcome here", just a, in my view, polite, "You're in the way of someone who is here to complete the requirement" command to move to a sibling who wasn't part of the activity.
So...am I the asshole? I don't feel like an asshole. I would do the exact same thing to any of the other siblings who were there.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Ne0rLLuxRLTgyiBeSFZyIQQfJxTmiHdD
|
b46v1q
|
{
"description": "walking out of a restaurant without my order",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for walking out of a restaurant without my order?
|
So we have a pretty popular restaurant that lots of people order take out from. Actually about 15 years ago when they first opened they had no seating, so it was all take out. Anyways as they became more popular and more people were coming it started getting really busy and crowded at times, they started letting people call in their order by phone so that a person could just show up and their order was ready. Now when they were very busy if you already called in your order, you wouldn't wait in a line with everyone else that hadn't ordered yet, if a person was ordering or at the register paying you let that finish then let them know you were there for your phone order. Once in a while the occasional new person would be all offended and give you the "hey there's a line here" nonsense because they were on their first trip to the restaurant, but for the most part every one knows how it goes there.
So, the other day I call in my order for my fam, it's like a $45 total because there's 4 of us. I get to the restaurant about 25 minutes later which is normally plenty of time, even when they are slammed the orders still come out in a quick time. So I go inside and head for the register like I have done hundreds of times. a bunch of people were in a line, I figured that was the line of people waiting to order. Right away 2 door dash dorks start in with the 'there's a line here" crap. "I called in my order" i respond. They get all huffy about it but in my head I'm like this ain't my 1st rodeo so I pretty much pay them no mind & proceed to the register. The girl behind the counter looks at me, I tell her my name & she looks thru the orders waiting to be picked up and says mine isnt there. Then she asks me "did you wait in line?" I'm like no I called it in. Then she tells me i have to wait in line. I go there often enough that I know she is a new employee, and for the past 15+ years that's not the normal procedure. I was pretty irritated by the whole situation so i just walked out. Then I was thinking about it and I wonder if it was just because she was new, or were the 2 door dash guys making her feel pressured to make me wait in line, or am I just an asshole for leaving and not waiting or paying for the order. Just to clarify I have been back to the restaurant today, I called my order in, showed up, skipped the line with no objections from anyone and got my order and left. So AITA for leaving that other time?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 16
}
|
RIGHT
|
qsGIBXsnqCOgJgBiZICfdxl4QTLiV57z
|
avw2rk
|
{
"description": "not feeling heavily emotional about my friend's death",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not feeling heavily emotional about my friend's death?
|
I had a friend from Kindergarten to 4th grade whom I just recently discovered had passed away. I've never experienced something like that before but what scares me is that when the news was broken to me, I wasn't insanely upset. I mean, yes, I was sad. Still am. He was my best friend for the longest time. But after 4th grade, we didn't really ever talk again, so I think the connection kinda broke. I'm not sure how or when he died.
What's even more concerning is that the funeral is in a week or two and I'm kinda considering missing out on it. I'm most likely going to go, but out of respect for his family.
I feel like I'm underreacting over the loss of a good friend.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
zFRjPEhLydnR2205O2tlu1big3Cm7WNd
|
avsjea
|
{
"description": "not helping a girl with a disability",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not helping a girl with a disability?
|
So I am a senior in high school, and at the lunch table sits my now ex girlfriend, her friend, a girl with cerebral palsy in her feet in hands, and me. Let’s call the girl with cerebral palsy Jordan. Jordan would go through the line everyday and get her things and all that she needed and sit down. Shes 19 years old and has been able to work past her disability. But whenever she would finish, she would ask me to throw her things away for her and I always would even though it was directly behind her. (Maybe 3 feet) soon I started leaving earlier so I didn’t have to throw her things away and she would either do it herself or get another person to do it. Then after that I stopped coming at all. The thing is I knew her outside of her home and she didn’t act like that in her home, she done everything on her own and hardly relied on her family. I just think it was a show for her friends. A reason for people to pity her.
Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
nfv4CcV0FmgQc7NkFsrXIfXtB6FxYCGv
|
b56xej
|
{
"description": "wanting more of a 1 year celebration for my relationship",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting more of a 1 year celebration for my relationship?
|
It’s happening in some days, my gf doesn’t see feel it’s important. We have a trip unrelated with our relationship in which we may or may not end up together. She believes this should count because we may spend the trip together. Originally I had the plan to drive her around a few memorable places but then the trip came up so we have to go on it, and then after go eat to celebrate. We find out she works the day of. Understandable. Then I ask about Thursday, it’s a no because her brother has an event. That’s understandable. Friday we can’t because she works as well, thats okay. I ask for Tuesday, which I have plans to go out with friends to the movies but I haven’t told her and would just cancel for this special occasion, but she says no as she doesn’t want to wake up early and has to do chores and can’t go out after 5 that day for a reason which I won’t state but know it is actually really understandable. Saturday? She’s going out with her friend at 7, and the morning she’s waking up at 12 and then doing chores at 1 til 3, 4 is too late to take her out to eat while she’s going out to eat at 7. Sunday? Nope, family day so no time. I understand that she needs time for her family. I told her about a dance we could go to with her family so that we can dance a little bit and she can have some family time but she doesn’t want to as it is a school night and I would be interfering with the family time. Maybe tomorrow? I would be doing community hours but would cancel and let someone else take my spot for this special occasion. For a quick brunch? No, same as Tuesday. Next week? No, break ends and she doesn’t want to go during school days, that’s okay. Next weekend she’s celebrating a relatives birthday, that’s understandable. In 3 weeks? Maybe but won’t be as important to her, just a normal date. She says either the trip counts as our celebration or no celebration at all. I got kind of pissed, but of course I’m not going to blame her because it’s just time she doesn’t have so I’m not taking it out on her and haven’t showed her, just instead got bummed out. We were texting about it and she simply doesn’t see why celebrate it as it’s just a year. I said because it’s a milestone, I believe 1 year, 10 years, and 50 years of anything are the most important. 2 and 11 and 51 don’t hold the same “event-y” feel. It’s a ridiculous belief but it’s important to me and I don’t want to half ass it. She replied“🤷♀️.” All I said was “okay i understand” because we for sure aren’t celebrating it with anything other than the(maybe together)school trip. I haven’t exactly done anything like call her names or anything horrible as such, just annoyed her about when we could celebrate it. I feel as though I shouldn’t be bummed out for something out of her control.
AITA(Or in retrospect it should be WIBTA as I haven’t taken action) if I were to show that I really want a celebration?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
vMNgthUWnZKVzS8wzxSBDtWoOs7QpfdU
|
aqflu4
|
{
"description": "breaking off a friendship",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking off a friendship?
|
I have a history of sexual abuse and along with that some mental health history. I have been working really hard in therapy and was finally getting out of the woods. I'd like to start by saying I do not drink. I can have an addictive personality and drinking doesn't really seem to be a great pair.
Anyway, after an unbelievably stressful week at work my coworker/friend says we should go out drinking. He knows I don't drink and knows about my past. I reminded him that I don't drink and expressed my concerns about what may happen if I were to get drunk.
I agreed to go but before we left I made him promise me that we would not have sex. Weird promise, I know, but I never drink and wasn't sure how I would react to alcohol.
I don't remember anything that happened once we arrived at the bar and wake up the next morning to him there. He tells me we had sex multiple times and that I initiated it. I told him I was sorry but didn't remember any of that. He told me he tried to decline a time or two but eventually gave in and that I really liked it.
AITA for not wanting to be friends with this person any more?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
VYNNKeD0vnw1j6VXCL6An6qFV5h9emN3
|
aqhzc0
|
{
"description": "caring about my vehicle",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Caring About my Vehicle?
|
Hey all, throwaway and first real post. Don't know why I'm using a throwaway, because anyone that knows me is gonna recognize the situation from a mile away. Also on mobile so bear with me on the formatting. TL;DR at bottom.
Background
Basically, my parents had a car several years ago and I was told that when I started needing a car, it would be mine. Then, in my sophomore year of high school, they replaced it with another one they bought for $300. Since it took the place of the old one, I asked if this one would be mine when I needed a car and they said yes.
For $300 it was great, the only major repair it needed was new motor mounts. (Well, not really, but we'll get to that.) My brother drove us to school in it at first. I then learned how to drive in it, and everybody liked it. My dad actually took it on a road trip and it held up great.
That is, until, oil started disappearing. It wasn't leaking, the motor was just burning it. My dad told all of us (my mom, bro and I) that the oil HAD to be checked EVERY TIME before it was driven and added so we didn't destroy it.
One day, my mother needed to go to the store. She wanted to drive my (future) vehicle, but she didn't check the oil (more on this later), drove it a few miles on no oil, and blew the motor. It sat for several months, and my parents were planning on paying someone to haul it and scrap it.
After those months I decide I wanted a car, and I had some money saved up. I didn't have the money to buy a car that would actually last, but I had enough to fix the broken down one. So I asked my parents if instead of them paying someone to haul it off if I could fix it and keep it for myself instead, and they said sure. (Note, I didn't act entitled saying "you're getting rid of it anyway so you should just give it to me." I simply asked them if they'd be open to the idea and they said yes.)
Fast forward to now.
It's been about 3 years of hard working with the aid of my grandfather, and after rebuilding the motor I finally have it running. But the trouble didn't end there. I don't want anyone else driving it. Period. It's my baby, and after all the time, sweat, and my own hard earned money doing labor for my great uncle (About $1800) I'm not taking chances. However, I've told my parents if they ever need a ride they just need to ask and I will if I can, and I only ask that they come with me so if something happens I'm not stranded alone.
The problem now is that my mother doesn't like that. She doesn't have a car of her own, so she thinks that I should let her drive my vehicle.
But she hates it. She didn't say so before, but once I started rebuilding it and really cemented it as mine, she'd start saying things about hating it and stuff.
But she demands that if she ever needs to/feels like driving it I should just let her because she says so.
I explain to her that I do NOT want her driving it because she destroyed it in the first place. She knew that she had to make sure it had oil first, but refused to check because she is "a woman and car maintenance is a man's responsibility" and thought that fallacy would magically make an engine run perfect with no oil whatsoever. But even then she could have asked my dad to since he was home, but she was too lazy to ask. When I bring up how this is literally wrong, an engine doesn't care who you are and running with no oil is going to destroy it, she refuses to understand it and still thinks that because she's a woman she can destroy an engine then refuse to accept fault, because she's a woman and that's not her responsibility, and I'm an idiot for thinking otherwise.
However, she was also rear ended in a rental car in August, and due to some neck damage she should not be driving. So it's not even safe for her to drive. I bring this up too, but she won't even acknowledge this. The only time she does is when dad asks her to drive somewhere, then this "injury" becomes super convenient for her to say no.
She then demands that if she ever needs it she should be allowed to drive it, because it's still in my parents' name and they pay the insurance, and for my gas.
Now, every time she brings this up, I very respectfully tell her if it's that much of an issue to just stop paying it. But I also bring up the fact that 1) They still pay for my brother's insurance, even though he now lives in another state and does not support us at all (understandably), 2) she would never even consider driving his car without his permission 3) Before he moved out, he lived here for 2 years after high school with no job, except for one that lasted a few months, flunked out of college his first semester and wracked up a ton of debt, yet they still paid for his gas and insurance 4) I just graduated high school in May, and finished trade school with my Associates in June with hardly any debt (I went half time for free in high school) and without having a working vehicle until December made it virtually impossible to get a job.
When we get into these arguments about it, I make sure that I'm very respectful, even though she acts like I'm Charles Mansen. I also make it clear that I'm not forcing them to pay for anything, just that it'd be really dickish to stop compared to everything they did for my brother (who I have no resentment toward for any of this). I literally shut down all of her arguments just by calmly and respectfully stating facts. The result is always her screaming something, such as the whole theme for this sub, "YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE SHUT UP GET OUT".
Wondering what my dad thinks? He knows where I'm coming from, knows that I'm right, but just hits the yeet and dodges the conversation.
I think she's really just mad that she doesn't have a car of her own, and she's spiting me because unlike her when I decided I wanted a vehicle I actually did something about it. She just plays the "pity me" game and complains about not having a car while doing nothing to help herself. Granted, she works all day prepping decals for a printing company, but over several years you'd think she'd at least try to figure something out.
Also, looking at how she treated my brother vs. me on the whole car situation, it's obvious she has little actual respect for me, and all the time and money I've put into it. I'm also fairly certain she's mad because I'm not just doing whatever she says blindly and actually calling her out when she has zero justification, and I have valid points to prove it.
Overall, I'm not caving and letting her (or anyone else) drive my vehicle because I know she wouldn't care if she destroyed all my hard work and time, and might actually be happy to. I've worked hard on it and it is mine in every way except on the title (so far).
TL;DR- My mom destroyed the engine of the vehicle that was supposed to me mine, and after spending $1800 of my own money and 3 years rebuilding it, she's mad I won't let her drive it because I don't want it destroyed again.
So am I really the asshole here? I'm not a saint and I won't claim to be, but I try as hard as I can to be reasonable but my mother still gets mad at me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
RPjMZvFiF8vYV6dw3JZJpjOcBcin9fqv
|
az0xo8
|
{
"description": "messaging with an ex",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for messaging with an ex?
|
Well hmmm. My girlfriend of 6 months and I are on a weekend trip from Seattle to the Oregon coast, we're still in the car. My ex messaged me through Facebook asking about the dog we shared when we were together and we had a small chat about dogs, nothing about our current personal lives, just about the dogs we shared. (There were 2 dogs, we each got one). We exchanged pictures of the dogs and that was the end of the conversation.
The ex and I ended things about 6 years ago, so it's not fresh. My girlfriend gets jealous over nothing, it would seem that I'm not supposed to talk to women period. We have talked about this and she said that as long as I don't want to hang out with them she will have to deal with it. Well she got jealous, we had a little fight and I want to know if I'm in the wrong or not. Am I the asshole? Thanks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
8Oevcsz2zTFgsKeWLxDAMoZfmYrJOMef
|
apk4vz
|
{
"description": "cutting contact with my brother",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
WIBTA if I cut contact with my brother
|
My brother is 7 years younger than me. He's 22. I'm 29. He didn't go to University, he works as a waiter right now. I went to University, I went to Law School, I work in Private Equity. I have offered to pay for my brother's University but he declined, he's a "mature student" so schools would not take his high school into consideration he would just have to do like a semester of general courses and would get in if his grades were high enough from that semester. He isn't doing anything to better himself he's overweight, he's not taking care of himself. I just don't see him as someone I should be wasting time and energy thinking about or caring about because he doesn't want it and doesn't do anything to improve his life. He hasn't done any bad to me our relationship is fine he's just a complete failure and quite frankly i'm embarrassed about how little he's done with his life.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
CDgIRrLDgjwdKiSpxpAgphoGKnARhv44
|
apiwrd
|
{
"description": "kicking a girl off my Airsoft team because she refused to comply with our rules",
"pronormative_score": 47,
"contranormative_score": 64
}
|
AITA for kicking a girl off my Airsoft team because she refused to comply with our rules?
|
I am team leader of an Airsoft team. We have an official statewide ranking and there's a core of us who travel to play in national tournaments. I get that some people will think it's super dorky but it's my passion and it keeps me outside, in shape and with my friends.
We have a very strict "military-realistic" policy on our team in that we don't allow anime, video game stuff, fake swords, bright colors, etc... And if you want to be on our competition team, there is about $400 worth of uniform gear we require everyone to buy so we look professional and coherent. Again, this is us and people don't have to join our team.
So to the point, last fall this girl Madison got in touch with me to say she had just moved to town and wanted to meet people and asked if she could come to our practice. Airsoft is like 95% guys so it's not unheard of to have girls play but it's rare. When she gave me her name I was just a little curious so I did a google search and came up with her Instagram and she was (is) gorgeous, she's a literal model and a Boutine girl with about 100k followers. I figured she was just screwing with us to come out and get more dude Instagram followers by showing she was "tomboy" who could play with the boys. I figured that one day and a few shots with airsoft pellets would snuff her out real quick. I'm not just mentioning her looks and Instagram to be gratuitous, it's important to the story.
So she came out and to my total surprise, she fucking rocked it. She's actually a really good player with a good sense for the game and in the last few months she hasn't mentioned airsoft once on her Instagram. But needless to say a girl that looks like her is going to get a ton of attention on the airsoft field. We had a team meeting before she arrived that we had to treat her the same as we treat the rest of us and that we should have a rule for team spirt that no one try to date her. And I wanted to reiterate that we had to treat her exactly as we would any other member of the team, no exceptions. Everyone agreed with this but even my oldest airsoft friends bend over backwards to be just a little bit friendlier to her if that makes sense. There is no doubt that in a highly competitive sport that is 95% men, a "hot girl" is going to change the dynamic. It's not that I mind this at all because she was really good.
So my first big problem came with her just after new years when she came to the field with dyed bright red hair all done up in these little pony tail things. I told her that because of team rules, she was going to have to cover up her hair with like a camouflage beanie under her helmet. She said it was uncomfortable and took it off in the middle of a game. I called her out on it reminding her of the rules and pretty much my whole team told me I was being too much of a hard ass and I should lighten up. Even other strays (people not on a team) and other teams at the field that day came up to me and told me to chill out. After two years of having these rules, everyone was all of the sudden mad at me because I was trying to enforce the rules we all agreed on.
Because she is such a good player, we invited her to an out of state tournament coming up in March but I reiterated that I needed proof that she was ordering all the uniform gear from the various airsoft websites and it would be here in time for March. But after the hair incident I think she thinks she can blow me off because everyone will support her and she keeps telling me "I'm working on it" when I ask her. I mean it's literally as easy as going on a website and ordering stuff. That's all there is too it.
So things just got worse with her clothing and she pays zero regard to our military realistic rule and this past weekend she wore a fucking belly shirt and then was showing off all the welts to the other guys that she had gotten from being shot. She literally looked like a queen holding court with all the guys around her.
I was so annoyed that her that I needed to talk to her, I reminded her about the military realistic rule, she said she was just hot and that she was sorry. I then asked her again about her uniform purchases. She said that she was working on it but not to worry, it would all be here. I was so fed up at this point I just said "look I'm really sorry, but you just aren't a good fit for our team and you have to leave." Instead of getting mad like maybe I thought she would, she just broke down crying. Which means to everyone that was looking at us from afar I was the mean asshole making the pretty girl cry instead of just enforcing the rules we all agreed on.
Well in like less that 5 minutes she had invites to join to other teams, pretty much EVERYONE on the airsoft field came over to tell her how sorry they were for her and how I'd always been known to be a hard ass. And then my fucking team started turning on me. Of the 19 guys on our team 5 quit that day saying they were sick of my shit and the other 13 said they at least wanted to have a meeting this week to see where we were headed as a team. Somehow a rumor got started that I had yelled at Madison and that's why she was crying so the owner of the airsoft field iced me for 3 weeks because I violated his "no abusive language policy." I've known the guy for 10 freaking years and spent thousands of dollars at his field and he iced me because of rumor. This is how crazy this has gotten.
I think everyone on my team wants to either kick me out of the leadership position or quit altogether and form a new a team. To me, I was just enforcing the rules we all agreed upon and we all agreed that we would treat her the same. I think everyone thinks I'm an asshole. Our team meeting is tomorrow night and I would love to at least get some outside opinion on whether or not I'm an asshole so I know how to go into the meeting.
thank you for reading.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 52,
"OTHER": 40,
"EVERYBODY": 12,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 5
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 47,
"WRONG": 64
}
|
WRONG
|
SF0jMeU5rGl53xnN8hVsuDDHa7QHXSFb
|
ba8jid
|
{
"description": "changing my mind about driving my gf to work but offering to get her an Uber there instead",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for changing my mind about driving my gf to work but offering to get her an Uber there instead?
|
My girlfriend [28F] asked me [27M] this morning if I would drive her to work this evening, about an hour drive each way so 2 hours total for my trip.
Normally she takes transit to work during the week since I’m not around and she can’t drive, but since it’s the weekend I’m available. Initially I said yes but now it’s 6 hours later and I would really prefer to just stay home at this point so I told her I would get her an Uber instead (obviously I will pay for it as I said I would get her there in the first place).
Now she’s mad and refusing to take an Uber and said she’ll just take transit instead and she won’t explain to me why. When I pressed a bit more for an answer she said she didn’t want to spend that long in an Uber but wouldn’t expand on that and just told me to stop talking to her.
My rationale, it’s nearly the same outcome for her if I get her the Uber but for me I get 2 hours of my weekend back that would otherwise be spent in traffic. We’ve already been spending the day together so I don’t feel like I’m ditching her by any means. I work 50-70 hours a week so any down time is valuable to me. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
nity258waa98dEIh5IinltEgLOu5OJMj
|
9wusfp
|
{
"description": "telling a friend/coworker to take responsibility for her failed relationships",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling a friend/coworker to take responsibility for her failed relationships?
|
My coworker is constantly complaining about her flings and relationships to myself and another female coworker. She will randomly spurt out things like “he’s probably found someone else” or “he’s definitely with another girl” if he doesn’t answer her texts. In addition, she always complains about not being able to trust men because so many have betrayed her in the past (she is in her early twenties and was cheated on once). Today she began saying that she’s frustrated with the guy she’s seeing because he’s not texting her first and “he’s probably found someone hotter.” She then went on to talk about how she can never truly open up to men, claiming it’s not her fault that she can be cold/play games because she was hurt in the past. She always blames her exes for this. I’m totally sick of hearing her go on, nodding my head and pretending I agree with her. So today I said, “I’m sorry that you were hurt like that and you feel that way. But you can’t go into every relationship with the mindset that someone is going to hurt you. You are only going to get in your own way, and playing games is dishonest.” She and my other coworker did not take this well and began arguing with me. Am I the asshole for telling her what, IMO, she needed to hear?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
YCfEiI6gJD7bwK4b2b38S30tiitGCG3S
|
a8fvkr
|
{
"description": "keeping my wife from bringing our dog to the vet until morning to save",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For keeping my wife from bringing our dog to the vet until morning to save $$
|
There is something wrong with the dog but she does not seem to be in pain. Threw up several times this-morning, lethargic, won't eat dinner, acting weird and overly affectionate.
My wife wants to take her to the 24hr animal hospital. I'm not spending $300 just to find confirm an 11 yro dog is sick. I'm sure good 'ole Patrick's vet clinic will fix whatever ales her for $50 tomorrow.
We are a single income family with 4 kids, 1 of them is T1D. Money is tight. Unless the dog is in obvious pain she's going to wait.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
GYrQ7j6ngAknGgp7erjrcRBUh1e9G9Np
|
awa8mo
|
{
"description": "messing around with a Girl my friend liked",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Messing Around With A Girl My Friend Liked?
|
I have a class with a friend and we both met an attractive classmate, let's call her Dana. I thought she was cute but didn't think much of it, meanwhile my friend falls head over heels for any girl that even remotely sparks his interest. He goes on and on about her after class, (which really annoyed me because he does this with every girl he likes) so I encourage him to talk to her. He does but remains friendly about it, never really giving her a flirtatious vibe or anything like that.
A few days later I realize Dana is in a separate class with me. I try to do a little mission and see what she thinks about my friend. Turns out she finds him "nice" but not feeling him in a romantic way. I let it go. I try to get my friend to learn some flirting style tips and even asked a female friend to give him some advice, it goes okay but not with Dana.
That weekend I go out for a little bit around the Delmar Loop shopping district area and run across Dana again at a record store. We chat it up a little bit about some bands we like and she invites me to her apartment to listen to some vinyl she just bought. Turns out we have lots more in common and things sort of escalate from there. Some things happened and while it felt awesome I did feel really guilty. My thinking is my friend never made a real move and it's not like me and Dana are like a couple. What do you guys think? If I am the asshole I will accept that, I just hope I don't lose a friend over especially, especially over a girl that neither of us are dating.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
bYMeYZmMjR0K3oa6QIwMeSMwhZI1OtZp
|
azfhje
|
{
"description": "theoretically refusing to date a guy shorter than me",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for theoretically refusing to date a guy shorter than me?
|
My friends and I, were having a discussion about turn-ons and turn-offs. (Side note: I am a women and I'm 7'5). When asked about turn-offs I said that I didn't like dating guys who was significantly shorter than me (a little short is fine). Well one of my friends took offend at this and started going off about how I was selfish and that she would never judge someone based on their height. She is 5'2 and I tried explaining to her that it isn't the same for her as it for me, because not many guys are actually shorter than her. But after the discussion I haven't been able to stop thinking that maybe I was in the wrong.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
ep8TXNr9U3Ig9OiNwPDLEEUiSSonqq8i
|
aybfms
|
{
"description": "making my own plans even though I carpool with a colleague",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for making my own plans even though I carpool with a colleague?
|
So I’m (21m) currently in pharmacy school and for the past year or so I’ve been commuting (about 30-45 mins one way) to school from my place by myself. Colleague/friend (30m) who lived very close to campus ran into some financial troubles and had to move back home about 10 mins from where i live. He doesn’t have a license let alone a car so he asked me if he could catch a ride with me on school days since we have the exact same schedules.
This has been going on for around 2 weeks now - he’d uber to my place in the mornings and head to college then I’d drop him off home after (15 min detour from my house) and head home. He doesn’t compensate me in any way nor have I asked but I’m okay with this since he’s a friend.
Recently though I’ve found myself wanting to make plans after college with friends at places away from our town. Not to mention that I pick up some extra shifts at work so he has to wait for me 2-3 days of the week to get out of work at 9pm. Several times I’ve hinted that he should catch rides on the way back instead with other colleagues who live literally right down my road so he doesn’t have to wait for me but he doesn’t seem to be getting the hint. Any of my plans, whether they be recreational or work related, are pretty spontaneous so I wouldn’t be giving him much notice but there isn’t anything I can do about that.
A part of me feels like I would be an ass if I changed my plans suddenly on him but on the other hand, it’s my car, it’s my gas, there’s no compensation and I go out of my way to drop him off home every night anyways. we have no agreement on anything I’m just doing him a favor for the time being. I’m happy to continue giving him lifts but I don’t want my schedule to be tied up around me requiring to take him to and from college every day.
Would I be the asshole?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ZiHpUDFbyvGzYzjyBT9iKcYinGTMt3L5
|
b214sc
|
{
"description": "getting a puppy from a breeder and not adopting",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting a puppy from a breeder and not adopting?
|
I’ve been trying to adopt a dog for a few months now. I follow all the rescues in my region and have been denied repeatedly. Mostly because I live in an apartment. I’m in a big city that’s very dog friendly. I have a private backyard. I live right next to a dog park, but they don’t care. The second I say I live in an apartment they tell me I’m not eligible .
I keep falling in love with these dogs I see posted and it’s beyond heartbreaking that I’m not even considered a suitable owner. I have a good job in animal care, I love being active and spending time outdoors, I don’t party or spend time away from home ever besides work.
I’ve talked about buying a dog from a breeder and my coworkers make faces at me like I’m an awful person. Am I?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
GHmb2aObRDBTAm8iT4o7sNn0FOKe1thf
|
axqvk4
|
{
"description": "getting upset my boyfriend would rather not have sex until I can get birth control, then use a condom",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for getting upset my boyfriend would rather not have sex until I can get birth control, then use a condom?
|
I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months (29 and 38 respectively). We don't use condoms as I'm on the implant but it expired. I went to have it changed but the nurse wasn't confident and referred me to a doctor so they could ultrasound. This is in a couple of weeks.
I mentioned condoms to my boyfriend, he just said he doesn't like them and as it's not too long we should just wait. We can do other stuff, oral etc in the meantime.
I don't know why but I am feeling a bit bummed out by it, but don't want to overreact.
What do you think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 19,
"INFO": 2
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 33,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
zb6zYon0H1akeRj3xTtHzzPR7L0efXP4
|
aqsrz5
|
{
"description": "saying I love my cats more than my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for saying I love my cats more than my boyfriend.
|
My boyfriend is pissed and upset with me because he said I love my cats more than him. and I jokingly said I do. And then he said that makes him very upset that I love my pets more than my own boyfriend. I got annoyed and said "you're jealous over my pets?" and he said he's not but it upsets him a lot.
&#x200B;
I have 2 cats that I love. I started this conversation by saying I'm sad my older cat will probably be gone in a few years. To which he said I love my cats more than him. I don't really see the comparison at all and find it extremely silly to compare my love for my cats to my love for my boyfriend.
&#x200B;
Am I being an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
G3EkcK5arzCCRSK9YxFhavSttCbhWzJD
|
9u115d
|
{
"description": "getting into an argument with my internet video game buddy of 6 years, because he didnt feel like voting next week, and effectively ending our relationship because I no longer felt it was healthy",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA because I got into an argument with my internet video game buddy of 6 years, because he didnt feel like voting next week, and I effectively ended our relationship because I no longer felt it was healthy?
|
Basically could not express to my friend the importance of voting in america. I expressed the importance as his friend who had served in the military, who now works as a contractor for the government etc,etc.
I honestly could not comprehend how I personally found value in someone who is that apathetic about their own society and culture and government, and as the arguement got more heated, I got to a point where I just made the decision to "walk away". Am I the asshole in this? Was I stupid to expect my internet friendships to have the same levels of respect and interaction as the ones I have in the real world? Or am I overreacting and acting like a douche cause my friend has chose to not vote?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
mx2PgISVQlaYN1Sun3sCFyXk4JheDMUC
|
abp0p4
|
{
"description": "not going to my Grandma's retirement dinner",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not going to my Grandma's retirement dinner?
|
Hey Reddit,
I’m fully prepared to be the asshole here, but I wanted to get some outside opinions.
Some context: I currently live with my grandmother and her boyfriend. They have been together for around 15 years. I am a University student, in graduate school for a master’s degree (2-3 courses at a time, each semester), and I currently work two part-time jobs (\~20-30 hours per week each). My grandmother is retiring after forty-years at the same company. She is in her mid-sixties.
My mother has planned a retirement dinner for my grandmother. My mother has never been very responsible, but after a recent pay raise (her salary was doubled), she’s feeling a little less stressed nowadays, and thought it would be a nice thing to do for her mother (my grandmother). Tonight, my mother tells me the party is planned for a couple weeks from today, at 5PM. My graduate degree is only at night, so courses are form 6PM-9PM. Of course, the dinner coincides with the first class of the semester, and it’s about a forty-minute drive from the dinner to the campus. Weirdly, the University I attend structures their courses in such a way that this course is 6PM-9PM for eight weeks, once a week, with the last week being a final exam, meaning there are only seven lectures, so missing even a single lecture is fairly risky.
I told my mother that I won’t be able to attend, and that I will take my grandmother out myself, later, when I am available. She then starts guilt-tripping me in our family group-chat about how I “don’t appreciate” my grandmother, and “why everything has to be about me.”, etc.
This annoys me particularly because I live with my grandmother, and the only reason my mother picked the day she did is because it happened to fall on her (my mom’s) vacation time, and she never asked me for my availability and jut assumed I would be able to drop everything for this dinner. I feel bad for having to miss the dinner, but I’m not really sure what my options are with the somewhat tight/rigid schedule I have.
Anyways Reddit, Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
hx2VaOa3LO2qKVRPEfu7uEogHlnLXZs3
|
aozs97
|
{
"description": "being a dialysis patient and rejecting a potential doner costing my Dad a large portion of his family",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA - I am a dialysis patient and rejecting a potential doner has cost my Dad a large portion of his family
|
So, like the title says, I am a dialysis patient. For the last 1.5 years I've been doing dialysis to keep myself alive. As a young man of 19 years of age, having my cousin offer to be a doner was huge for me however things haven't quite worked out that well.
For context, my cousin is is a few years older than me, she's long since been the 'golden child' due to her being the oldest and only girl of 4 grandchildren. At family meals her and her mother would hog the attention of my nan and grandad much to my dad's annoyance leading to a few small spats here and there but an otherwise happy family unit.
The problems arose with her several months into her vetting process to get her ready to be a doner. On this specific day she had text me roughly 9AM asking for some contact details for a nurse at the hospital. Admittedly, I checked the message, clearly showing her I had read it but did not answer right away. I had some dialysis supplies being delivered and they would take a significant amount of time to organise.
As fate would have it, that day I had been accidentally booked in for an appointment at a specialist hospital a roughly 1.5 hour drive away. The hospital transport arrived and I had no choice but to go with them and have this appointment. I had no mobile data on my phone and could not contact my cousin whilst I was on my way to the hospital.
I arrived at the hospital and waited in the transport vehicle whilst the driver went to figure out the specifics of the appointment. The hospital I was at had a free wifi connection and so I connected to it to inform my immediate family of where I was as I had been home alone at the time. Almost immediately I saw that I had a message from my cousin and it was honestly one of the most repulsive messages I had ever read. It oozed sarcasm, was overtly condescending and proceeded to remind me of how much she had done for me whilst still having the gall to end with "I love you (OP name) but I don't love what you're doing right now".
All from leaving her on read for under 2 hours.
At the time, I saw huge flashing danger signs in my head. This woman was supposed to be giving me a kidney, how could I trust that she wouldn't hold that over me for the next 20 or so years a kidney transplant can last? I left that comment on read too whilst I formulated a response. Me, my girlfriend and my dad all chipped in that evening to write an admittedly condescending message that boiled down to "Stop being childish and I can't have you donate a kidney to me in good faith".
Since then, she hasn't said a word to me or my family. Her family as well as my nan and grandad blocked all of my family and other than some less than friendly emails between my Dad and Nan there has been almost no contact. Neither side has shown interest in trying to resolve the issue, this was well over 8 months ago.
So, AITA Reddit? I won't lie, I feel an immense amount of guilt. Whilst he won't admit it, I fear that my dad misses his mum and dad. They were a big part of his life and I can't help but feel responsible. I could also be living a somewhat normal life by now if I had just taken the message on the chin and not valued my pride so much. The stress I've put on my family with my declining health could have all been avoided. Apologies for the long post but this has been good to get off my chest. Thanks for reading
Tl;dr: Potential kidney doner gets annoyed after being left on read. She is removed by me from my potential doner list for being immature and this causes a rift in the family.
P.S: That appointment? The one I spend nearly 3 hours both ways in a hot transport vehicle to go to? It never existed. It was supposed to be the week after but the transport company messed up. 😑😑😑
Stay
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 29,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 17
}
|
RIGHT
|
WZwjHzyF9hkuigrbaTvFjp0UsL9MPac5
|
aarmiq
|
{
"description": "calling out my friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling out my friend
|
It all started when my best friend posted a screenshot of an instagram post, and my other friend called Him out that he is a cunt for taking a screenshot of someone's post, so I called her out and said that she literally does the same thing. She right away said that it's a joke, but I knew it wasn't, because this isn't the first time and she was dead serious last time and I told her this. She immediatly fired back with why am I so salty and things like that, and my response was that she's always hurt that everybody leaves from her company, but she fails to realise that what she does is wrong, and I gave her the example of why one of our mutual friends doesn't talk to her anymore, which was that she straight up called herself Allah. And when the guy who worshipped Allah blocked her, she messaged me saying how that guy is a cry baby, and she is right. She outright denied that she ever said these, even after I showed proof. And after that she started attacking me saying how I'm a loser, and how I will always be lonely, and I'm pathetic, and she brought up the problems I currently have with my family, and said nobody can be sadder than this man. So as a last thing I told her "I will always be happier than you because atleast I see my faults". And I left the group. After this I asked my friend if she said anything about the incident, and the only thing she said is that these are the early signs of autism. And around 2 hours ago I saw her instagram story, saying that everybody she cares about is abandoning her, even though she didn't do anything, and she's always to get hurt.
I'm really on the fence here. Obviously I didn't write down more personal things, but this was the core of the argument
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
wfPXqDOZ29EPAJpgAvO9PZGxAb7BjmCQ
|
b3g9ju
|
{
"description": "disowning my pregnant sister after our mom died",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for disowning my pregnant sister after our mom died
|
My sister(25F) had a baby last year and I(29F) have not been in contact with her since she announced her pregnancy. Around the time our mother passed away she got pregnant, but her BF(28M) was in jail and she decided to get an abortion. I helped her through the process but never pressured her decision to get the abortion. Though I thought it was the right thing because this guy is a scumbag. After the abortion she called me a few months later (after bf was out of jail) to tell me she was pregnant again. Around this same time I found out that she had opened credit-cards in my name. I told her I wanted nothing to do with her until she got her life together and I haven't spoken to her since.
My dad pressures me around the holidays to reach out to her and wish her and her baby well, but I just can’t do it. It’s hard because I know our mother would want us to be together, but I have to protect myself. She doesn’t care about anybody, steals from people, and manipulates everyone around her. So many times she has broken up with her BF, blamed all of her bad activity on him, and then gone back to him the next day after the family supplies her with funds to get back on her feet. And I’m afraid she will use the baby to get what she wants from me and others around her. Please tell me I am NTA for choosing a healthy life and saying goodbye to my sister forever!
The story is quite long and filled with mini-horrible details if anyone is interested. Seriously thinking about writing a book.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
SsEIoGRhqUTXbccjMqXxhSRzxq12ikyS
|
9xxrqv
|
{
"description": "not going into work this morning",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not going into work this morning?
|
I work at a small pizza shop mainly doing deliveries and dishes. I also help out with prep work when I have time. Now when I say small don't confuse that for slow. Yesterday broke a record for the shop; from 11am-10pm we did over 500 orders. On a busy Friday we typically only do 300-400. Understandably we ran out of almost everything. I pulled a 13 1/2 hour shift yesterday and am scheduled off this morning. My boss calls me at 10:30 and asks if I can come in and help out with the loads of prep work we have. I straight up told him no, that I wanted to rest this morning. Am I the a-hole for not wanting to go help them?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
UpzPqP449knzo7KJIgSfNRadVS8jgBXV
|
a2j2xj
|
{
"description": "going to a party late that my mother knew about",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for going to a party late that my mother knew about?
|
So I know a lot of these leave out information and are called out for such, so I’ll try and leave nothing out and answer any questions. So I’m 16, and yesterday my friend turned 17. He texted me in the morning to invite me out to the mall and the Dave and busters attached to it from 7-10 for his birthday. I asked my mom a few hours later because she was at the gym when I got the text and then went to our neighbors house when she got home. Then I asked and she said yes, and since my brother was gonna be spending the day with his girlfriend, she said she d drive me there and back. Eventually plans changed to having it begin at 6 and then to people leaving their houses at 6. My mom wanted to know where in the mall I was meeting them, and because no one knew, I just settled on one entrance. Then 6 came and she drove me down, and my friend texted me where they actually were, and I told my mom plans had changed and we were meeting up at the new place. She dropped me off and told me to text her when I found them, which is what I did, and then she presumably drove home. Anyway, we went to the mall and had a good time. Except a few of us had went straight to the face and busters, leaving the group I was with, including birthday boy and a friend, annoyed. When the group came to the main mall, they explained they had been waiting for another friend; and apparently; the friend of birthday boy that was also annoyed slapped one. I had missed this, probably happened while I was ordering food at the food court. Then, a little before 10, when she said she was leaving, my friends asked if I could get them rides home, and when I asked my mom if they could get rides, she said yes. That was two, and soon after a third asked, and they all said they were going to another friend’s house to continue the birthday celebration. Because this is probably relevant, I am male, this friend is female. She asked how many people there were, and I said 16, which is how many there were. She said yes, and we drove off. The people were talking about everything in the back, and brought up this slap. Then we dropped them off and my mom asked if they were staying the night, and I said no, they were just continuing the party. She asked me if I wanted to join them, but since it was after 10 and she usually goes to bed pretty early, I told her I didn’t want to make her air up enforcement me, to which she said she’d just go to bed, and I’d walk home. This sounded more fair, so I said yes, and she dropped me off at the friend’s house. Then she texted me to say she was gonna pick me up instead, but I initially didn’t see it. Then at about 11:40 she texts me again and I say that I thought I was gonna walk. She says that it’s raining, and I say, ok sorry, and she says she’ll pick me up at midnight, and I say ok thanks, and leave when she says she’s there. She asks if everyone was there, and I say some of them didn’t come to the house. I thought that was the end of it, but a bit ago, 6ish today, my brother told me my mom was super pissed about it, especially being at the friend’s house so late and the slap she heard about. I haven’t been able to talk to her yet because I think it would be better to do so in person and I’m currently volunteering to make sure people don’t cut in line, but I’d like to know, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
LGw6wP8eKIUYuIKERwyD4IhbK7Euuaxc
|
aryj0y
|
{
"description": "stopping my friend from getting laid",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for stopping my friend from getting laid?
|
So, before I get into this, I have to give some background.
Last year, he hooked up with a friend of his that we all knew. It was only a BJ, but he deeply regrets what happened and said he would never do it again. Everyone, including the “new” girl, knew about the exchange.
Last night we went to one of our “new” friends houses. We got to know her after the past couple of months and we wanted to have a party. We get there, all four of my friends except me got super drunk, since they, including me, were lightweights.
We get into her hot tub and almost immediately they get handsy with each other. Me and my sort of sober friend pulled them apart since we both know it would be a bad idea considering his history. My sorta sober friend then becomes drunk and starts to not care. I’ve sobered up throughout the experience since I had very little alcohol, and don’t like alcohol anyways. After multiple occasions of them sitting on each others laps and getting handsy, and me having to break them up and being called a cockblock, we get out.
We start to watch a movie and they are sitting next to each other. I break it up and that’s that. After around 20 minutes I notice they aren’t in the room anymore. I go up to her room and they’re making out on her bed. I break it up, send him downstairs, and told her, “Really?”. I go back downstairs and told him that he’s a fucking idiot since it’s the same thing as last year. He didn’t say anything and my now drunk friend from the hot tub told me to calm down and told me that I shouldn’t care. I go to bed since I was done with the night, and woke up this morning.
Another detail I should add is that the girl in question thanked me throughout the night for me breaking them up when they got close.
I’m 90% sure they didn’t do anything else after that, but I just wanted to know, am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
gsdzUFaLYqY4V3eg8vhcUsJGriekLuzh
|
ago8hu
|
{
"description": "not holding the door open for two girls",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not holding the door open for two girls?
|
So, some context. This happened a couple nights ago at a convenience store. I walked in for just one thing. There's a homeless dude outside in a wheel chair that tends to yell at me when I see him. Bout a 100,000 people town but downtown you see a lot of the same people. I don't think I'm being targeted but yeah.
&#x200B;
I go inside for one thing and sit in line. I see another dude standing next to the customers as they pay and quickly learn he's no ones friend but just another homeless. He follows one person out then comes back in to his post. When I go to pay I'm like aww fuck cause I know i'm bout to pay cash. I go to put my change in my wallet and all of a sudden he's two inches behind me looking over my shoulder. I just give him a quick glare and walk away. As I'm leaving I see two girls getting out of a car maybe 10 feet away but for one of the few times in my life I let the door close after me and don't hold it open cause I knew I was being followed. One of the girls says "wow couldn't leave the door open" Again I don't say anything but figure I'll just continue walking to work. Old dude from inside has followed me and says "hey man let me talk to you for a second." I said no, I'm going to work. He told me to chill out before the store owner comes out with one of those really long tasers to get the dudes to leave (even though they still come back every night.)
&#x200B;
So yeah, AITA for just worrying about getting out of there and not being polite?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
kJ0Uyk2wrIBLH4ZfmiLgaw0vAEMq3A7o
|
b6fvgr
|
{
"description": "taking my \"friend's\" WiFi bill out of my name",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I take my “friend’s” WiFi bill out of my name?
|
I’ve known Mike for about 8 years. During those years we’ve tried to make things work romantically, but things never seemed to go the way we’ve expected them to.
Distance has always been a major factor. Right now we’re on opposite ends of the country. It takes me three days to drive to where he lives.
He asked me to come visit while I was going to be in his area. While I was visiting, he discovered that his psychotic ex/mother of his son had put her bill into his name illegally. His cable was shut off. Me being the awesome person I am, I offered to put the bill in my name until it got cleared up. The company had to launch an investigation which can take three months. In the meantime he’d have no WiFi. He works from home and needs a secure connection, so he’d lose his job.
Fast forward a few weeks. He talked me into moving closer to him. I sold off most of my belongings. I found a new job and secured an apartment. I dumped everything I own into this.
Then he started ghosting me. No explanation. I sent him one text every few days just to make sure he was alright and eventually he said I was being clingy and annoying. Sketchy. A few days ago I saw him driving with a woman I didn’t recognize. Super sketchy, but I don’t want to jump to conclusions.
I should also mention that a few days before the ghosting he came to visit me in my hotel. He was acting extremely shady. He didn’t like the fact that there was a bar there that locals hung out at just in case someone recognized him. He played a bunch of games wanting to make sure I was all dressed up 100% for him even though we were planning on going straight to bed. In hindsight he’s a major jerk.
Now I’m stuck on the opposite end of the coast a thousand miles away from my friends and family. I can’t even get WiFi unless I transfer my service. Normally I’d talk it out, but seeing as it looks like we aren’t even on speaking terms I don’t see why I should go out of my way for him. These past few weeks made me realize I deserve better especially since he’s been pulling BS like this for the entire time I’ve known him. Now I’m angry at myself for not seeing the signs and letting myself get taken advantage of. I feel like I need to do something semi savage to take myself back and cut him out for good.
WIBTA if I quietly get his service taken out of my name?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
VOg47BftHF1JyLNZI5j1rZwkvNZmZn5w
|
ayv9nx
|
{
"description": "bringing spicy lunches to work",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for bringing spicy lunches to work?
|
I really love spicy food, and a lot of my day-to-day meals have some sort of spice to it. It's just what I'm used to and prefer. I'm also aware that my spice tolerance is typically on the relatively high/extreme end.
Anyway, my "meal-prepped" weekday lunches (not necessarily healthy but enough to last a full week) are spicy, as you can guess, but a very decent/moderate level (at least to me). My workplace has a main communal kitchen and a smaller one that's closer to my cube, so I use the microwave in there to heat up my lunch. I often take it back to my cube to eat for a very quick lunch break, which a lot of people at my company do. At least several days a week, a particular coworker will repeatedly cough and comment, "Wow, I can smell the spice from my office." His office is maybe 20-30 feet away from my cube. I don't know if my lunch truly bothers them or if it's just them making a harmless comment, but I wonder if it's the former. That being said... I haven't asked them directly because 1) it's my lunch, not sure what I'm supposed to do about it, and 2) I eat for maybe 10 minutes, immediately wash the bowl in the kitchen, and the smell does not linger.
To give you an idea, my lunch for this week was tofu + vegetable stir fry with maybe 2 tbsp of gochujang (Korean red chili paste), 2 tbsp gochugaru (Korean chili powder), 1 tbsp red pepper flakes... This is for the whole batch, and it's not like I'm putting capsaicin in my lunch!
Anyway, AITA for eating spicy lunches?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
enhbxfjkitedgP5PcZaxYB3xwUBVRzwa
|
aenf0d
|
{
"description": "distancing myself from my friend going through depression",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for distancing myself from my friend going through depression?
|
So I've been close friends with a girl I met at university.
This semester was interesting because she started acting weird (disappeared from a party without notice and leaving me and my friends frantically worried about her not replying to our texts). She later confided in us that she was diagnosed with low grade depression. Me and my two other close friends ( J & E) were at ease that she was getting help.
Later,one day she texted me asking me if I could take her to the hospital. I asked her what happened and told her I could when I got out of work. She didn't respond. I was frantically trying to figure out if sometime major had happened if I needed to leave work immediately. No reply (although she was "online"). She finally picked up J's call in the evening and told us she had a tummy ache and was taking rest. Alright we thought it was cool and went on with our lives.
But after that day she stopped texting us and even did not make eye contact when she saw E on the street. Yikes. A month later she reached out to us to talk.
She said she was angry that no one checked up on her when she was sick ( we clearly did try). She also said that her recent diagnosis was affecting the way she was feeling and her actions. I explained to her that her lack of communication made it seem like she wanted space and that's what me J & E were doing.
She starts texting back a little so I'm all yay no drama. All of a sudden she texts me thats she's mad I don't reply to her texts and snaps and told me I'm rude and mean. Yikes I check my texts and I have replied to every text, maybe not every snap but that's me with everyone.
I call bullshit and I told her I don't have time to deal with drama. My semester was already stressful. In my opinion I don't HAVE to be friends with everyone.
All fair and good we don't talk now. She still communicates with J&E somtimes but even they are tired of her shit and aren't that close.
But here's where I'm conflicted. If my friend's depression is what is causing her to act the way she is, am I being too harsh on her? Everyday on social media she posts sad quotes and pictures with dark captions and I'm concerned about her but I also think it's a cry for attention.
She doesn't have many other friends and I'm a little scared her feelings would lead her to do something bad.
So AITA for not taking my friend's depression seriously and not being there for her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
K88nx8MYjfSg3Zl1ebJ6COeTh8yCbncJ
|
aycfxw
|
{
"description": "telling someone she had something on her forehead and hinting to wipe it off",
"pronormative_score": 124,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For telling someone she had something on her forehead and hinting to wipe it off?
|
It was fucking ash wed. I'm not religious do I didn't know. She got so mad at me. I didn't even know lady. So am I the asshole if I offend someone's religious thing on accident?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 82,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 42,
"INFO": 4
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 124,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
rlQtUCokwA8SsL6RxMFxMPLNeqwPSVfj
|
b5xbjr
|
{
"description": "telling a girl Im seeing I didnt like her being on twitter",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for telling a girl im seeing i didnt like her being on twitter
|
Ok so title sounds striaght up but doesnt give the full story. Ive been on 4 "dates" now with this girl. First date was dinner then basically ended up just snuggling up watching movies for the rest. We have had constant contact litterally every day morning until night. Last night we cancelled our plans because i was very sick. Shortley after she stopped replying. I thought that was weird and at bed time went on tinder to look at her profile and saw a lot of recent activity. I had thought we where growing into more than what would allow for that. I explained how i was feeling as nicely as possible and it seems like since then i have got nothing but bad attitude and snarky remarks. Am I the one in the wrong here? I wish i could put screenshots of our convo here to get the full honest truth.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
GP81jw4bPtIMHWlbd5LTlY470mDGeiPx
|
b962qj
|
{
"description": "blocking insensitive aunt out of my life",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for blocking insensitive aunt out of my life
|
So to start off this is my first Reddit post and I'm only 13 so go easy on my grammar. So little backstory I lost my mom to health issues that I wasn't told about, and I never show my emotions so I was just a walking piece of sadness. I wasn't obviously sad but if you're around me enough you would be able to tell I'm hiding something. My aunt knows about the whole situation and she tries to be super supportive for me but it always felt pushed. Like she would be overly nice to me, it's almost been a year since my mom passed and she acts like it was yesterday and treats me like I'm about to start sobbing at any moment.
I often get payments because I think my mom had some type of insurance that gives her children (under 18) money every month. It really helps me and my older brother/guardian get by in these hard times of him finding a good job. I never liked sharing information with her because she just instigates and over exaggerates, and I don't need that in my life right now.
Anyway I'm doing fine and out of nowhere she just calls me and asks what I'm doing and I just casually say "nothing really" and she just says that's good, and here's the stinger, she asks where my brother is I tell her "I don't know" and she says "he might be dead, like he might have gotten shot or something". I instantly don't want to talk to her so I make some fake excuse that I have to get my chicken nuggets out of the oven. I live in the hood so she should know I'm sensitive to topics about people getting shot since tons of my friend's relatives get shot, and she just says it casually.
I always thought she just wanted the money because of how fake she is in general, she will talk shit about everyone and anyone she can, even if it's minor. Before this happened I went through her phone messages (which I had NO reason to do and that's kinda rude of me) and she texted her son in a argument they were having
"If you don't (insert demand here) I will call the police and I put that on (my mom) and (my other aunt who has passed) grave"
He didn't even do it and she did nothing about it, at all, so she put something on my mom's grave for no reason. The final and last straw was when she called my oldest sister talking about child protective services took me, so naturally because I love my sister and she loves me, she calls me.
She asks if I'm ok what I'm doing and where I'm at, then she tells me what I had figured already, my aunt was starting stuff for no reason at all again.
Tell me Reddit what do you think about this, should I call her and confront her about everything (I have a fear of confrontation btw)? Or should I just keep on ignoring her?
And finally what you are all here for, AITA
TLDR: I blocked my aunt who was insensitive and really fake out of my life, she lies about things and is pretty manipulative towards those around her.
I think she is in it for the money though she may not be, AITA
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
MoxoNO4yVkNPVlhLcsUSRXZaY9m7ho1M
|
atesex
|
{
"description": "being mad at my brother for destroying a Confederate flag my sister inherited",
"pronormative_score": 51,
"contranormative_score": 21
}
|
AITA for being mad at my brother for destroying a Confederate flag my sister inherited?
|
For context my brother D is the oldest child, my sister H is the second and I am the third. My brother is an overall pretty hard to get along with person, he has a way of turning any event miserable. But when he isn't being grumpy he's pretty nice to be around and have conversation with.
My brother and I both moved away from out hometown to the nearest city, and we came home to visit over Christmas break for obvious reasons. While at home I stayed at my dad's house on the couch, and my brother and his GF in my sister's old bedroom since she lives with her BF now. My sister has a very old Confederate flag that was used in battle (from what I've been told- and it looks like it) hanging over her bed. She received this flag from her best friends grandmother when she passed, and before that it belonged to her grandfather who were both very near and dear to my sister. This was the only item she had to remember them.
Now, to touch on the subject, we live in northern USA and in no way, shape, or form support the Confederacy.. but this is more of a personal momento in my opinion. She would never display it publically, it was in her bedroom that she doesn't even sleep in anymore.
While we were home for Christmas I walk in the room to see my brother and notice the flag is missing. I instantly know D went ahead and made some bold statement about how racist she is to own something like that and got rid of it.... Low and behold, I look in the trash and hidden under a bunch of bags is the flag torn to shreds. I collected it and folded it as best I could and hid it somewhere else he would never look at. I don't have the heart to tell her. I told him he’s an absolute ass for doing that to her and he doesn’t think what he did is wrong.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 46,
"EVERYBODY": 13,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 51,
"WRONG": 21
}
|
RIGHT
|
9mlmrCGArCCcptZYOykgeySztW2QHqqB
|
anx2uz
|
{
"description": "refusing to apologize to my co-worker when he lost his own property",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for refusing to apologize to my co-worker when he lost his own property?
|
First, I apologize for how long this will be.
So, I work in the auto repossession industry in a spotter car. I work day shift and the co-worker in this story works nights. We share a vehicle and both engage in common sense ways to help the other: make sure the tank is full at the end of our shift, report any damage or maintenance needs, etc.
Since he’s on night shift, he has a powerful flashlight that he uses to spot cars in the dark. It’s totally necessary for him, I admit. He leaves his flashlight in the car 24/7 which doesn’t bother me at all. It’s usually dark toward the end of my shift so I use it occasionally as well. Well, at the beginning of my shift yesterday, we crossed paths as he was clocking out. He mentioned that the power steering wasn’t working so I’d need to change the PS fluid and see if that helps. I figured if I can’t get it to work, I’ll inform my boss as is protocol and we can arrange to have it fixed.
Turns out, the car’s power steering is electric, not fluid-based so changing the fluid was obviously not an option. We have a spare car to use so I informed my boss of the issue, grabbed my essentials (AUX cord, phone mount, chargers, etc.), got in the spare car, and started working. My boss called me a bit later to tell me they were picking up the broken down car that day. Cool.
Fast forward to this morning. I have about a 45 minute commute to work, and he called me when I was about halfway through to ask if I’d seen his flashlight. I told him that the last I saw it, it was in the broken car. He asked why I didn’t grab it for him and I told him that, firstly, I didn’t know the car would be being transported for maintenance that day and, secondly, that it isn’t my property to do with what I wish. As far as I knew it’d been more problematic to move it from where he last saw it. My argument was also that he knew the car might need maintenance and thus may be likely to be out of town at our company’s garage for a few days, so really he shouldn’t expect me to have grabbed it if he hadn’t thought to do so either.
He threw a tantrum and said “Shit like this is why you paid all that money for a college degree and you’re repoing cars. You don’t fucking think things through.”
I told him that I wasn’t going to stay on the phone to be verbally abused by him and that if he was searching for an apology he wasn’t going to get one. I could’ve been nicer, but I found the comment about my education and how I make a living to be incredibly insulting and unnecessary. A real low-blow.
This coworker is about 15 years older than me, if not more, so I’m pretty used to him thinking he knows everything and that he could never learn anything from me (despite me having better numbers than him and having done the job longer), strictly due to my age. I’m 27. I get that I’m young, but I’m also not 18. I don’t appreciate being patronized or looked down upon because I’m younger than him.
Anyway, he filed a complaint against me with the company for “negligently misplacing his property”. When my boss called to discuss his complaint, I laid out the situation as it actually happened and my boss told me I’m in good shape and not to worry. He agreed that it’s crazy to label my having not moved something as “misplacing” it.
Frustrated that I didn’t get disciplined, he called me again to demand I pay for his flashlight because he doesn’t believe he’ll get it back (which is based on nothing, our company mechanics are not going to steal his flashlight). This is a $40 flashlight and, while I could certainly afford to give him $40, fuck that. He told me he hopes I get fired and learn a lesson from what I’ve done. “Hopefully one day you’ll actually grow up.”
I told him to go fuck himself and not to speak to me when I see him.
So, am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Dq80FWJjPStZDvwT8aqrxoOyuNAK5m1O
|
aqwyim
|
{
"description": "not making coffee for the office",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA because I don't make coffee for the office?
|
Okay, this is going to be pretty tame/lame compared to some of the other posts here, but it's been bothering me and my mind for awhile.
In my office we have about 15 workers and out of that maybe 13 of them drink coffee/espresso/etc. We have a bunch of coffee makers, espresso machines, all the stuff a coffee shop would have. I come in an hour earlier than everyone and then whoever comes next usually makes the pot of coffee or whatnot for the whole office. I always feel guilty because I think I should make it since I'm the first one there and it would be a nice gesture if I made the office coffee every morning. But I also think it's kind of pointless if I did because I personally don't drink coffee or anything other than water in the morning and feel that it's of no use for me.
Still I feel like the office dickwad, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 13,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
URC7difZ7FOKyUGJG5hO7e3noA6YCV3e
|
azyk40
|
{
"description": "letting my mom come to stay with my Wife and I after having a child",
"pronormative_score": 48,
"contranormative_score": 42
}
|
AITA for letting my mom come to stay with my Wife and I after having a child?
|
My Wife and I had our first baby, a boy, four months ago. It's been great, if not exhausting. My Wife and I have a great relationship, the only real problem we've ever had is housework. At best in the time I've know her it's been a 65/35 split with me doing the 65, most of the time it's been 80/20. This was something I could live with when it was the two of us but since having our baby she's almost stopped doing any house work other than things related to the baby during the day.
I work 45 hour weeks, so not too bad compared to some people on here, but when I come home I'm usually exhausted. She asks me to take the baby when I get home so she can have some time to herself, which I'm happy to do, but then I also have to wash dishes, cook dinner, clean the house etc because she does none of it and if I don't do it she won't. I've tried asking her for help and expressed how exhausted I am and her reply is "I'm exhausted too from looking after the baby all day." I know it's hard work but even if she just did some small things it would make a big difference but she won't do anything, even after I pleaded with her to help.
So here's where my mom comes in. I vented a little to her and she felt bad so offered to come stay for a couple of weeks (she lives across country) and help out around the house and look after the baby a little bit so my wife could rest. I was extremely grateful, thanked her and told her I would arrange it with my wife. Note that my Wife and my Mom have a good relationship as far as I'm aware, we don't see them very often but my Wife always has good things to say about her.
When I excitedly told my wife she immediately got angry, said we didn't need help and we can handle it ourselves. I told her I was struggling and needed the help but she said to just get on with it. This made me upset so I told her if things didn't change in the next week I would be inviting my mom with or without her permission. The next week went by and things were the same, no housework done, she handed the baby off to me after work etc.
I told my mom to come and she flew in the next weekend, my wife was extremely upset and yelled at me a little, I told her that this was happening and to "just get on with it". Since my mom arrived she's been very cold and possessive of the baby, it has been a godsend for me though as I've been able to relax a little after work and actually get some me time. We went out to lunch with one of my wife's friends (which we could only do because my mom was looking after the baby) and when my wife went to the toilet her friend said to me "I can't believe you undermined her like that, she's really upset." I was a bit put off and said it was between my wife and I.
TLDR; Wife and I had baby, I have to work and do all housework as wife doesn't want to/is too tired to do any. Mom offered to come help, wife didn't want her, I invited her anyway after feeling extremely burnt out.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 31,
"OTHER": 37,
"EVERYBODY": 11,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 48,
"WRONG": 42
}
|
RIGHT
|
7YwSeCYyAZHpsZ9r2UOZb38cIsDs1ITZ
|
awv8qr
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my mum that her 3 year old daughter broke my laptop",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my mum that her 3 year old daughter broke my laptop?
|
Sorry for poor formatting and/or any spelling mistakes in advance.
I'm 16M. I have exams coming up and have assignments due which I used my laptop for. I used my laptop for writing these up, researching where needed and when I wasn't doing any of my school work I was either on Discord with friends or watching Netflix.
A few months ago, I was doing school work on my living room table. It's relatively high up and my sister unless seated would not be able to touch it. I get tired after around 2 or 3 hours of doing my school work and I close it over, leave it out of reach to go to my room and sleep. When I wake up, I come back to see my laptop on the couch (other end of the room) with my sister next to it. I check my laptop, it's completely broken. Screen is half dead amongst other things.
My brother (13) had given the laptop to my sister to watch whatever nonsense she's into at this time and left her with it.
I speak with my mum and she tells me it's my fault for leaving it out, that there's a 3 year old in the house. But as I said she could not get to it if she tried!
I was mad. I've been using this laptop for school work for 3 years and now I have nothing to do school work on and my mum won't even let me use her laptop for my school work.
I'm left to ask, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
bESFm71ftPo6WmnSY1zQjbSoIUEbb8bU
|
alei5k
|
{
"description": "saying something about my roommate that I think she overheard",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for saying something about my roommate that I think she overheard
|
So, my SO and I have a roommate. I charge her only $500 all inclusive, meaning her portion of the light bill and everything else + rent is all in one. We live in a nice 3bed/2bath house, approx. 1500 SF. All things considered, she is a great roommate. Takes care of our dogs while we're gone or at work and she's home, cleans up after herself, and gets in cleaning moods like I do which helps keeps things tidy. Plus, we've been friends for like 7+ years and she's a really cool chick that I get along with and can just shoot the shit with.
However, I have had issues with her lately. At first, it was no big deal, but I feel as though she's grown too comfortable living all inclusive. The main issues are her either forgetting huge loads of trash that need to be out for trash pickup, leaving the lights on when she leaves a room or leaves the house, and running the heater too much. The trash will stink up the whole house, mainly because she will throw her old food out and it will sit there while we're both at work. Minor inconvenience, but still something I feel like she should have a little more responsibility over. In regards to the lights and heat, she knows, or at least by my assumption knows, that I am very frugal when it comes to saving $$. I constantly have to make sure lights aren't left on before we go to bed, and have to walk behind her in the kitchen/common areas. I don't run the heat unless it is god awful cold in the house, because we all have a shit ton of blankets and she has a space heater (of which I am paranoid about because she leaves the light on, who says she doesn't leave that plugged in). I have since justified turning the heater on for shower purposes, but for me - I turn it off as soon as I get out, she leaves it running for 30+ minutes longer. That shit costs money, and it's much more than my usual electric bill. I used to average $60 a month, maybe $85 in the summertime, and since she has moved in it has constantly been above $130. Highest was $190 and I almost had a stroke. It was understood that in order for me to continue letting her rent at only $500 that everything else be kept in check. Other than money reasons, would you not suggest it's common courtesy since she's renting from me and it's my house?
Last night, my SO and I had gotten home first, assuming roomie was at the gym. Nobody was home, we got in the shower, and then got out to go knock out dishes. We were talking about how it just aggravates me that I feel that simple requests go undone, and I said something along the lines of: 'she really has no idea what she's in for when she moves out because $500 all inclusive seems like a steal to me. I don't feel like I'm asking much. Her and (boyfriend) are in for a rude awakening when they come to find out they'll need to work 2-3 jobs and probably still live paycheck to paycheck (because rent in other places outrageous even being a college town). But to each his own'. Now, what I said I don't feel like was mean, but if she DID hear us, she also didn't get the full context of the conversation that we had in the car. I had an extremely bad day, so admittedly my tone probably sounded bossy and distraught. She's not the type to confront me about what she heard, but rather it will go unsaid and there will just be obvious tension. My SO was about 10ft from me in a different room, talking about a different subject, and then he heard her cough. Instant lump in my throat because I want to explain myself based on the misconception of what she may have heard.
Now, I've received feedback stating that maybe I'm just being an overly-OCD asshole landlord, but I don't feel as so. Maybe you can offer more feedback or offer similar situation that you have been in. I really try very hard not to be so nit-picky and asshole-ish, but I feel like my behavior and reactions are justified because it doesn't make sense to hike up my electric bill while her rent would not change.
Thoughts?
TL;DR roommate has gotten very lax with her living responsibilities; I have voiced it to my SO many times; we were having an in-depth conversation about her, only to find out she was home the entire time basically and we are 99% sure she heard us. She usually chit chats here and there, and we didn't see her all night and she has left me on read all day.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
3D4d0LHLBxJKH2iySnJCSsd0FZifFe1f
|
a732nm
|
{
"description": "putting a dog poop bag sidewalk and picking it up on my way home",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA For putting a dog poop bag sidewalk and picking it up on my way home?
|
When I walk my dog in our suburban neighborhood, if she poops close to home I pick it up in a bag and set the bag next to the sidewalk. We walk back the same way, between 30-45 minutes later. I pick up the bag and dispose of it at home. If she poops farther way or if we aren't walking back the same way, I carry it with me to dispose of at home.
&#x200B;
We have been living in this neighborhood less than 6 months. Dog poop is a problem. People leave it in others yards and in the middle of the sidewalk. It seems that one of my neighbors has a problem with my leaving the bag and returning for it. She has not spoken with me but apparently has spoken to other neighbors about this concern. In the past two weeks, my husband and I have both been approached by different neighbors and asked it we clean up after our dog or flatly accused of not picking up. We came home from a walk the other day and found a pile of 10 filled poop bags in our driveway. Then yesterday, on our VERY, VERY quite street a police officer drove by (I have never seen one in our subdivision) and stopped to ask how my walk was. I had just retrieved the bag and was heading home. His gaze linger on the poop bag.
&#x200B;
Am I the asshole? Is it wrong to leave the bag and retrieve it not an hour later?? It not that its a big deal to carry it, but with heavy gloves and the leash it is inconvenient and awkward. I don't think I'm in the wrong but AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
bAeUt5Wps1tadAntATOLWHXPfjBtOlaW
|
akhpe8
|
{
"description": "not going to my friends parents tattoo parlor",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not going to my friends parents tattoo parlor.
|
So here is the story,
One of my friends parents are tattoo artist. And she had been telling me go to her parents place and check it out. I heard not to good thing about their place by many people. And when I checked it out I didn’t like their work. And I told her that. So I decided to a place to get my tattoo that I liked. Once the family found out. They stated that they felt betrayed by me and my friend has been ignoring me since.
So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
dxIY64VeoYEH9a8LEkeIWb4NOKpmxn84
|
ailj85
|
{
"description": "wanting better customer service",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting better customer service
|
During two months, I could barely use my phone plan at all. Texts wouldn't arrive until hours later, calls would drop within a minute or not go through at all, data just straight up refused to work because it would load so slowly, it would time out continuously. I was shown as having *some* usage, but in reality my plan was unusable.
I documented with screenshots just in case, not really thinking I'd need any proof. But just in case.
A week into my issues, I reached out to the company. They were extremely slow in responding, due to "being inundated in requests". By the time they finally got back to me, it was three months later and my original issue had resolved on its own.
I asked if they could credit me two month's worth, since that's what I'd missed out on. Thinking they'd just give it to me, honestly. I've had similar faulty service with other companies and they're happy to just credit you.
Since then, they've asked for proof, then told me my proof is insufficient as I was able to use my plan "sufficiently" according to their system, have gone weeks at a time of ignoring me completely, have suggested solutions that were irrelevant by the time they got to me, have been sending my request to "other departments" who would then also give me the turnaround.
Just generally have been as unaccommodating as they possibly could be.
Finally, they said fine, we'll compensate you. And then credited me half a month.
I said thank you but I don't think this is sufficient compensation, seeing as I experienced two months of bad service and we're months into this conversation. They responded: normally we don't give anything at all.
Am I the asshole for wanting better customer service? I know usually people consider the customer the asshole for wanting more than they paid for. But I did pay for this?? They're making me feel like the villain, maybe I am.
I've been polite in all my communications to them, I don't think that's the issue.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
42jKDxSCtLHsb5vp20pw1LxUKtSmf6Me
|
b9y9pd
|
{
"description": "working on personal projects at work",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
Aita for working on personal projects at work?
|
I got caught working on personal projects during work hours yikes! But hear me out
Im a graphic designer for a digital marketing agency and i run my own art business on the side. So on my day to day i have a few tasks that i need to accomplish plus all the other stuff that my coworkers request from me. That is my role, they need it, i design it, they post it.
Im fast and efficient, usually work very quickly and i finish my daily tasks ahead of time on most days. Some days are more hectic and some are super slow. So when i complete what i need to do for they day, or have a few hours to kill,instead of dicking around online on facebook or shopping like everyone else in the office i use my free time to work on my side projects.
My boss finally saw what i was doing yesterday when i got up to go to the bathroom and i left my screen on whoops. there had never been any complaints about me before but now they got me on a tight leash and threatened to reprimand me economically if i don’t stop doing it. I got a very menacing email threatening to fire me :/
So my question is, is what i am doing wrong even if I still preform my job effectively and on time?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
RIGHT
|
3YhOLbb2i64NYIsh7qqKBjN7Ha2pDedp
|
a2v3sd
|
{
"description": "pausing my little brothers connection to WiFi as punishment",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for pausing my little brothers connection to WiFi as punishment?
|
In my household I’ve recently got internet service and has been paying the bills ever since. I’m 18 and my little brother is 14. Whenever he’s ever giving an attitude or not doing chores I’d punish him by cutting off the WiFi connection usually for 30 mins and sometimes a whole day if it’s really bad.
This morning I shut off the internet until 3pm because my little brother refuses to go to sleep early last night and also refuses to go to school today for no apparent reason. Later in the morning my older brother texted me concerning about my little brothers punishment and asked me to reconnect my little brother to the WiFi because it is unfair.
My justification is that I pay for the WiFi with most of my income and that what I did as punishment isn’t overboard.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
E5xOYrVpwIHPg86aQv3BUok7TVAI8POb
|
b4me8a
|
{
"description": "taking my grandfather's cigarettes away",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
WIBTA for taking my grandfather's cigarettes away?
|
He has severe lung damage and keeps ending up in the hospital. The doctors say he can't smoke anymore or he'll die. He has these electrical cigarettes that cause less damage but he can't light them very well.
He can't move well so he rarely buys cigarettes since he needs someone to go with him, and before my mother did and helped him hide them but she has since stopped.
Today I went out with him to a cafe and while I was distracted he bought them, but I saw them later and took them away.
He started begging for them nonstop, saying he wouldn't even smoke them. Saying he'd hate me for life. I offered to give him the cigarette money, so he wouldn't be missing any money but he refused. He just wants the cigarettes and he'll be getting rid of them instead - a clear lie. He is an addict and I've dealt with this before.
Now here's why I might be an asshole - his life is depressing and even without the cigarettes he might die soon. He is severely depressed and smoking is one of the few things he cares about - so should the way I think he should live matter more?
Also, not related to me being an asshole but important to wether I should give them, he lives with me and is vindictive and I have many small pets, I am scared he might take it out on them.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
fwBNGXFDhzr6OlQLqbN0ciCkXce7l0e9
|
b9k3ji
|
{
"description": "wortying about my best friend being sexually irresponsible",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wortying about my best friend being sexually irresponsible?
|
I (19F) have been worried about my best friend and future roommate (18M) for a while. He, I, and our other best friend (18F) are all college "gifted kid burnouts". We were all very accomplished in high school (before we knew each other), but also all miserable and without social lives or romantic/sexual experience. My best friend made up for lost time and has hooked up with 30+ guys in the 7 months we've been in college. I've always had a shame complex about sex myself, which led to me promising to save myself for marriage when I was 14. I only took it seriously for about a year, but because those attitudes are still there and I had no life in high school, I'm still a virgin in every sense of the word.
I don't care if he's promiscuous, but the thing is that he has *no* boundaries whatsoever. He doesn't care whether we're in our dorm rooms, walking down the street, on a public bus- he will tell us all the gory details and not give a damn who hears. I don't have a problem with talking about sex (although there are some things I just don't want to hear), but I do worry that people can hear us in public and we seem classless. Between the hypersexuality and the burnout, being trainwrecks is sort of our "thing", and it's made us a joke to some other people (there's a story here, but I don't have the character space to tell it- if necessary, I'll elaborate in the comments). I'm worried that we're combining our worst traits together instead of our best.
However, my main concern is that my friend's behavior is starting to cross the line from scandalous to unsafe. Then again, meeting strangers for sex is kind of unsafe on its own, but on several occasions he's put himself in danger- most notably, he got drunk with a stranger in a city he didn't know and ended up passing out on a train and waking up in a sketchy area. He's told me that he's had sex without a condom a few times, but insists that he only does so with people who are clean and that "the risk is so low that it doesn't matter". Whenever I tell him that a few minutes of pleasure isn't worth his life, he tells me that I "don't understand and never will". I'm risk-averse, although not as much as I used to be. As I said, I also had some negative attitudes towards sex. I get that he probably thinks my concern comes from that, but it's really not about the sex, it's about the irresponsibility. He doesn't react well to anyone telling him what to do, and I'm not trying to judge him for his lifestyle, I just really don't want to see him get hurt. Am I right? What can I do?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
9FtU5hHrT1GUmeh2MywdiEYHRCEwdtb9
|
alzcfu
|
{
"description": "getting upset at my bf's Instagram habits",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting upset at my bf’s Instagram habits?
|
First Reddit post whew and it’s a long one so buckle in! TL;DR at the bottom. So my bf [21M] and I [20F] have been together for two years. About 6 months ago a friend pointed out to me that my bf’s been almost religiously liking a lot of stereotypical thirst trap Instagram posts (they noticed thanks to the activity tab that lets you see what the people you follow like).
I brought it up to him and mentioned how it made me uncomfortable despite my worry that I was being overly controlling or overly jealous. He said he understood and wouldn’t do it anymore. Fast forward about 4 months and I notice that he’s still liking a lot of those thirst trap type posts AND is being regularly messaged by a girl who is being pretty clear that she’s interested in him (I noticed because my bf and I have each other’s fingerprints on our phones and p regularly use each other’s phones to look up info/music/YouTube videos/etc). I ask him about it and find out that he’s been regularly hanging out with her and was even late to a date 30 min because he was at her place dropping off weed. I doubt he’s doing any of this maliciously and more like he’s kinda just oblivious to how his behavior might be enabling her attention.
When I move onto the social media habits again, he reacts dramatically saying “oh I guess I’ll just unfollow ALL my female friends then if it makes you so uncomfortable!” Note: the thirst trap instagrams don’t have any mutuals and they don’t follow him back, but supposedly he knows them somehow. I clarify that it’s not that extreme, I’m only uncomfortable about the obvious thirst traps and not his female friends. He gets mad at me but says he’ll fix it.
Fast forward to our 2-year anniversary a week ago, I’m using his phone to scroll through his insta feed and find a pic of a girl using just her hand to cover her boob, check the profile and notice he’s liked maybe 60-70% of her posts similar to this. A lot of my female friends also follow this insta but for her style posts and her vaguely motivational captions, but I dooon’t think that’s the case for him. I ask him about it and remind him we’ve talked about this multiple times already and he once again gets mad at me and storms off.
AITA for voicing that him religiously browsing thirst trap Instagrams makes me uncomfortable and getting upset when he continues to do so despite telling me he’d stop?
TL;DR I told my bf of 2 years that his pretty frequent browsing/liking of thirst trap Instagrams made me uncomfortable. He said he’d stop, continued to do it. Brought it up again, he got mad at me but said he’d fix it and reacted dramatically saying I wanted him to unfollow ALL of the girls he followed, even his friend. He continued to do it and got upset when I brought it up again. Note I wasn’t asking him to unfollow his female friends or girls he knew. Just the thirst trap instagrams who he had no mutuals with and didn’t follow him. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
0ddb7PxibiXOPM2kAH2J4fn1bZg4mgoM
|
aqfj9h
|
{
"description": "pretending to be friends with a guy who might ruin my life if I cut him off",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for pretending to be friends with a guy who might ruin my life if i cut him off?
|
So, about a year ago i became friends with this gay dude. Found out a short time later that he had a crush on me. I let him know that i wasn't interested but that we could remain friends. He was a fun person to be around and i had a lot of free time then so we hung out a lot. His family was also very nice to me and often had me over for dinner and treated me like family. His father even helped me get a better job where he works. After a few months we became really close friends and i confided in him about a lot of personal stuff and really extended a lot of trust to him however he didn't let the crush go and became secretly obsessed with me throughout this whole time.
I ended up matching with this super cute girl on Tinder and we really seemed to be hitting it off. So she gives me her number and we start texting. Funny enough I come to find out she lives one street over from my friends house. And my friend says he actually knows her, and that she jogs by his house all the time. I try to meet up with her but her mother is dying of cancer and something always happens where she has to go be with her or help her when we were gonna meet up. Of course i'm understanding of this i can't imagine what she must be going through etc. She doesn't want to talk on the phone just keeps saying we'll meet up soon, this goes on for maybe a couple weeks, and things are starting to get fishy. My friend tells me that he saw her at the store and started talking to her and brings me up. She ends up hanging out with him a couple times when i'm conveniently busy or at work and then she would start talking about my friend with me and get super angry and stop talking to me for supposedly talking shit about him, even though i didn't. But then he would talk to her and tell her what a wonderful person i was etc etc and she would give me another chance or whatever. And i'm kind of getting fed up with this shit but at the same time I think that with her mother dying and all she's just having a rough time with it all. So then one night i'm at my friends house and had a few drinks, so i'm staying the night and me and her are texting and she starts getting sexual. But then it takes a twist when she starts to say that my friend, her and I should have a threesome. Which i quickly shoot down. So she says that I should just let him suck my dick and it would be real nice of me and that she'll make it worth my while etc. So i'm weirded the fuck out now and know somethings up, So I confront my friend and he says he doesn't know he didn't tell her anything etc etc. Still know somethings up, and I bring it up to one of his longtime friends and she tells me that he still has a crush on me and that he's catfishing me and that he's done this before. So i immediately call him and confront him about it and threaten to cut him off cold unless he confesses the truth, and after 30 minutes of denying it, he finally confesses to making the whole thing up, he used some french instagram models pics and lied about her mother having cancer and everything.
Turns out he's a crazy compulsive liar. So i'm furious and feel like a chump and don't talk to him for a week, he keeps trying to apologize and tell me he understands if i never want to talk to him again and he never meant for it to get that far he was only trying to make me feel good about myself that such a cute girl would be interested in me (which i don't need and it's a crock of shit) and all this i know i messed up crap.
Now his parents don't know he's gay and that any of this transpired and he tells me if i tell them why we're not friends anymore and out him that he's going to tell everyone what i told him (my brother is gay and my parents are super religious and would throw him out, and a bunch of other just personal things) And that if i embarrassed him he would do that to me and get me fired (His father is close friends with my boss and they talk as well). So i tell him i'm not going to out him and end up staying kind of uneasy friends that drags on for a while cause i'm afraid that i'm going to lose my job if i cut him off, so that was 6 months ago but he's actually been better and his family has been very kind to me but I don't consider him a real friend, and i'm basically just pretending to be friends at this point and enjoying the perks (he has a pool) and knows a lot of people and cute girls i can get to easier. He definitely has his issues but i think he might actually consider me a friend, I don't want him around long term but based on what i've seen how he's treated ex-friends i'm afraid of what he might do if i ditch him. I should've just cut him off right after this happened but i didn't. I thought i'd use him as revenge. I'm passed that point i just don't care anymore but until i get a new job and other circumstances in life change I'm worried he might open his mouth, so i'm pretending be his friend to keep his mouth shut.
So, AITA for pretending to be his friend despite what he's done? Even if he has (maybe) changed?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
45SkW5UEAWnQBnDlXSTA4dkT2uZDwFTX
|
apdo0k
|
{
"description": "yelling at my mom for telling people about how she got pregnant with me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for yelling at my mom for telling people about how she got pregnant with me?
|
So this is an argument that comes up whenever my mom (50)talks about how she found out she was pregnant with me (M 22). The way she tells the story is that one night she got super drunk and the next morning she forgot to take her birth control because of how hungover she was. Now she says that she would’ve eventually married my dad if he asked but made it clear that I “sped things up by quite a bit”. She often tells this story to her friends when they discuss pregnancy. This has always made me uncomfortable but I think the worst time was this weekend. She used this as an example to my sister and her friends (F 17-20) about how if they’re not sure if they’ve taken their birth control that day to take another so they don’t get pregnant. To me I feel like she’s saying I was an accident and that if she had a chance to relieve that day she would’ve taken her pill so she wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. This happened this weekend and we actually got into a shouting match about it. My sister and her friends dipped at this point but we argued for about 10 mins before I left. She says I’m over reacting and that it’s a cute story and not to worry about it. My dad thinks I should apologize but I don’t think I’m in the wrong. AITA?
TLDR: My mom tells a story that makes it seem like I was a mistake and if she could go back she would’ve made sure she didn’t get pregnant with me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
WRONG
|
TeOGhm3nAgkBapn4rHbN3zlPQWrK2no5
|
ao3sjx
|
{
"description": "refusing to babysit for distant relatives, because they don't allow me to discipline their kids",
"pronormative_score": 79,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for refusing to babysit for distant relatives, because they don't allow me to discipline their kids? (Majority of my extended family seems to think so)
|
I first posted this on r/relationships, but the mods removed it and told me to ask here, so here it is.
Last year I got to babysit my three little cousins aged 4, 7 and 9 years old a few times. The first 2-3 times they were well behaved, because I was new, but then they really showed what little brats they can be. Let's just say I've never seen children being so naughty and mean and the parents know, since they act the same around them. So it's defnitely not the case of oblivious parents thinking they're raising little angels.
At first just ignoring their tantrums worked wonders. However, when their mother requests them to do some simple chores, like clean up their toys, ignoring doesn't work. So after a particularly long argument I decided that the only way to maintain my position is to discipline the kids and since I didn't know what the house rules on that were, I just decided that I won't get the ones who don't comply the dessert. I warned them about it, gave them 15 minutes to get to cleaning up and sat on the sofa with a book. 10 minutes later the youngest one was already done, the oldest was reluctantly, but slowly gathering her stuff too and the middle one didn't budge, so I did not give her the dessert and did not allow her to steal from her sisters. That caused her to throw a fit that I tried to ignore, but in the end she started insulting everyone, trying to hit me and called us (me and her sisters) pigs for eating dessert.
Whew. Okay. Parents came home, I informed them that the middle one was behaving horribly and did not clean her room, so she did not get dessert. I asked what ways of discipline do they use. Should I be giving them a time-out? Anything? They looked quite puzzled and said that they just don't do anything, so I proceeded to list all the horrible things they do to illustrate. The parents told me to "ask them to stop" and if anything particularly bad happens, call them. I should have just left then and there, but I gave the children a few more chances, which they blew. So I told the parents that I unfortunately cannot contain the kids, will most likely kill them if I see them touch the cat again (which they're tormenting all the time) and for my own sanity and out of respect for their \[lack of\] house rules I have to stop babysitting them.
And, surprise, surprise, the mother threw an adult version of a fit her child does. I really made an effort to explain how I felt in a respectful way, put an emphasis on how they do not want me to discipline the children, so I won't go against their wishes, but I also cannot put up with how naughty they are. She started huffing, told me that I know nothing, because I'm a child myself and that if I were in her shoes I would have other matters to worry about. So I said "okay, suit yourselves" and bid them farewell.
Now it's been a few months since that event and their mother called me again, pretending like nothing happened, and asked me to babysit for them again. So I calmly reminded her, that no, I do not intend to take care of her children unless I am allowed to control their behavior. She got really mad, pretty much repeated that I know nothing about kids and hung up. Now I'm learning that she's calling our family members and complaining about how awful I am and a lot of family members take her side, saying that it's not a babysitter's (or any stranger's) place to discipline the child. So, was I right or misguided to act the way I did? I know that the mother is an asshole herself, that much doesn't need confirmation, but the shocking amount of cousins who approach me and flat out tell me that since I am not the parent, I cannot even put the kids in time-out really confuses me.
**Short version: Distant family members asked me to babysit their very misbehaving children, but forbid me to disciplining them in any way. I refused to babysit them under such conditions and now they're turning the family against me, because apparently I didn't handle the situation well. Apparently many of my (elderly) family members are actually against me, because supposedly the rule is "a stranger is never allowed to discipline one's children", which sounds ridiculous to me. So, what do you think? AMTA?**
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 79,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 79,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
cgbCxUQ39n4DSDVftlzWZTeDla3qyHzg
|
b21wu1
|
{
"description": "not sending my boyfriend pictures",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not sending my boyfriend pictures?
|
My boyfriend keeps asking me for pictures of me. Not nudes but other “sensual” stuff like my thighs etc. The thing is that I suffer from social anxiety so sending someone pictures of me makes me really uncomfortable (especially since I gained some weight which I’m currently trying to get rid of). We’re in a long distance relationship (4 months) so I understand why he’d want pics but it’s not like he’s never seen pictures of me before. I also told him about my disorder and that I’m not comfortable with it. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.