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|
9wkih8
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{
"description": "telling my opinion on the Swastika symbol towards a Roma girl",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my opinion on the Swastika symbol towards a Roma girl
|
It all started with a Jewish girl on Twitter being hurt by her fave being incredibly ignorant a few years ago and wearing a hat where a small skeleton head + some swastika was printed. Somehow there is a weird fascination of nazi culture in Asia I‘ve heard?
Anyway my mutual (the Roma girl; also being a fan of that person) kept harrassing this Jewish girl, telling her to shut the fuck up and that Roma people are the only oppressed people left from that time and that none of them had a right to be offended by a symbol because they haven‘t been born at that time and haven‘t witnessed the genocide themselves. She said it‘s just a symbol to her and that the Jewish girl is victimizing herself and that she should stop because she has no right to.
She kept harrassing this girl because the Jewish girl disagreed and said it‘s offensive and hurtful. A day before the Roma girl also said to another jewish person to shut the fuck up because she‘s Jewish, also regarding this issue. In general she also said that no Jewish people are being attacked by Nazis anymore anyway, which is a lie.
Tbh at first I was conflicted what to do, I‘m not Jewish and I didn‘t know at first if she was trolling or no but I remembered that this girl also made fun of people from my ethnic backround (Kurdish) so I decided to write her privately instead of openly calling her out cause we both muslim and it‘s a religious and respectful thing for us to be private in these issues, eventho I wanted to bust her ass.
Admittely I was really aggressive and told her basically that she‘s being antisemitic, stupid as fuck for attacking the girl like that and that she has no right to do that at all. I told her she‘s acting like a moron and she‘s writing stupid shit and that it‘s not all about her feelings. I also mentioned in a few words that I also saw her making fun of my ethnicity a few weeks ago but I didn‘t say anything because I assumed she was just being edgy. But the whole context changed once I saw she was being serious so I questioned myself if she was serious about it too, knowing full well I‘m Kurdish myself. (We had a friendly mutual going on)
She then responded very aggressively back, telling me I shouldn‘t tell her how to fucking react and that I have no right to interferre because the "oppression is not the same" and my ancestors were not part of the holocaust.
Which pissed me off because as Kurdish Alevi my ancestors faced genocide and persecution as well, not on the scale of romas and jewish people but I thought I had a right to call her out simply because I know how some historic shit actually can be really hurtful and in some cases traumatic. I also told her that but she was just making fun of it and saying it‘s not comparable and that she doesn‘t care.
I tried to even include her heritage into the debate, saying that her ancestors and jewish people died under that symbol which she doesn‘t find bad. I tried to explain to her many times just because she was ok doesn‘t mean everyone has to.
It went back and forth until she got personal, calling me a pussy because I didn‘t say anything earlier about the Kurdish issue. Why would I, I‘m not in the mood to fight random ass people on Twitter 24/7, however I thought I should stand up because she was being anti semitic in my eyes.
But according to her I had no right to interferre at all because I wasn‘t one of the affected parties and accusing me of being anti Roma and offensive just because I dared to say anything regarding this issue as a non-affected person
I personally thought I was in the right but I‘m open.
Am I the asshole for telling her my opinion eventhough my historic backround and ethnicity have no connection to the holocaust etc. so I basically have no clue from her stand point?
I admit I was not kind to her at all but neither was she to others and me so idk
thanks for reading!
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
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|
9ycev3
|
{
"description": "secretly being happy when the local NFL franchise gets beaten",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for secretly being happy when the local NFL franchise gets beaten.
|
Most of my family and friends love the team, but in my defense I am talking about the Eagles. I don’t even like football but Eagles fans are so obnoxious and can’t comprehend someone not being blindly loyal their mediocre hit and miss team that I love it when they lose and everybody shuts up about it!
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b6ny01
|
{
"description": "reaching out to my ex-best friend and confronting her",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for reaching out to my ex-best friend and confronting her?
|
My ex-bff and I had been friends for 15 years. In that time we have been roommates, party girls, closer than sisters, and in love with our relationship. Like sisters, we have had our share of fights and disagreements, but we always made it out the other end.
Last summer she had become very abusive. I won’t get into the details, because we both could have handled the situation better, but the basic issue came down to her being jealous of my life. Over the years our friendship had become more of a competition for her as she was constantly comparing herself to my life instead of being proud of her own accomplishments and comparing herself to who she used to be.
We didn’t speak for almost 6-months until I finally reached out to make amends in preparation for my wedding coming up in the following months. Things were going fine. I invited her to be in the wedding and even offered to help her pay for a plane ticket as she had moved out of state in the time we were not speaking.
Well, she ended up denying my invitation because she had made a new friend in her new hometown and wanted to go to a concert for that persons birthday. The concert was not the same time as my wedding, it was 3-weeks earlier and she claimed the cost was going to be too much to make both the concert and my wedding.
So the wedding happened, she didn’t show, but we remained friends on social media and didn’t exchange any ill feelings about anything.
Two weeks ago my amazing husband surprised me with a new Mercedes Benz, my dream car. Of course I was elated, and posted it all over social media. All of the sudden, she’s not following me anymore and we’re no longer friends. I reached out to her asking why she decided to unfollow me and if she was no longer interested in any kind of friendship. She instantly went on the defensive and stated that our friendship will never be the same, that we never could be again because I never apologized for what happened (I did, she didn’t), and that she doesn’t want to see things on social media that cause her to feel like she’s in competition with other people.
I responded that I did try to make amends, but that I wasn’t texting her much because every text I sent took her 2 days to respond to, that she shouldn’t compare her life to my life. That she shouldn’t feel like she’s competing with me because that’s not fair to her. She took offense to that comment and went off on me, back to the abusive type talk that ended our friendship in the first time.
From her perspective, my comment upset her and I’m sure that’s what started the barrage of mean comments. From my perspective I was hurt that she didn’t bother showing up to my wedding and then blamed me for the reason why we haven’t rebuilt our relationship when I feel, she’s the one who hasn’t been trying.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
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|
aktl7b
|
{
"description": "calling security on my long distance, military girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 37,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For calling security on my long distance, military girlfriend?
|
Possible trigger warning, references sexual assault.
Long story short, my GF and I met online. She was supposed to be stationed near me but then got reassigned last minute to the opposite side of the world. I liked her enough to try and make things work.
She was there for about a week before she was raped. I won't go into details but it was violent. She was and still is really traumatized.
I had been calling to keep her company at night, because she would have trouble sleeping and panic attacks if she was alone.
Today we were talking and she started having one of these panic attacks, but it didn't stop. She kept talking about how her skin was burning and how she wanted to "tear it all off."
She then started saying things like "I can't do this" and "I don't want to live like this" and "I'm sorry."
Then she hung up on me. She wouldn't respond to my messages after that, she was leaving me on read.
I was really worried, the things she was saying had me legitimately concerned she was going to hurt herself. I looked up the phone number for her military base security, and I called them.
I told them that she started a new medication that could cause suicidal thoughts as a side effect, and that she said some concerning things on the phone a few minutes ago, and wasn't responding. I asked them if they could check on her. They said they would look into it.
About 15 minutes later I got a message from her asking if I'd done anything. I asked why and she said that three cops had just come to her room with guns.
I admitted that I asked them to check up on her, and she exploded on me. She said that contemplating suicide is grounds for discharge from the military. She said that I had no idea what I'd done, and that I may have just ruined her chances of pursuing her dreams.
We talked for a little bit and she calmed down somewhat. She told me that there were other support avenues I could've looked into without alerting her entire chain of command to her personal issues. Obviously I didn't know anything about them or I would've done that instead. She did eventually tell me that she understood why I did what I did, but I could tell she was still really upset and depressed.
Which makes me wonder, am I the asshole here? I admit that I acted out of fear, and I didn't really think of the repercussions of what might happen. I just wanted to make sure someone I cared about was safe. Of course, that doesn't stop me from feeling incredibly guilty, knowing that my actions may lead to her getting kicked out of the military.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
a2lfvi
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{
"description": "asking my brother's gf to only be at our apartment when he's there",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my brother’s gf to only be at our apartment when he’s there?
|
So my brother recently started dating this girl he’s been trying to get for four years. It’s been a month and they are already in love...I’m happy for him, he’s not depressed anymore and that’s great, but we live in a two br apartment and we share a lot of space.
Recently his gf has starting spending the night and coming over while he’s at work which is making me feel uncomfortable in my own home. I don’t know her, or her two kids she brings over...I feel like I’m stuck in my room all the time because of it. So I asked him to tell her to only be there when he is there, which he did, he agreed that we each pay rent and I have the right to be comfy in our place when he’s not there.
The problem was that her reaction to this was to just not come over ever, she does his laundry, cleans his room, cooks dinner for him to come home to, wifely things she says...they got in a huge fight about it and now I feel like caving and just dealing with it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
tAIVrymyZCvTBmbW8ObxvaRGQ0xRztwq
|
as036f
|
{
"description": "telling my parents they're selfish for not saving for retirement",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my parents they’re selfish for not saving for retirement ?
|
My parents refuse to save for retirement. They insist that things will just “work out”. They are both in their early 40s and don’t have a dime saved. I try to explain that they should put aside a little each month for housing and medical expenses in the future but they don’t care, it will all “work out”. I explained that when they get older and can’t afford medical expenses or housing it’ll be up to me and my brother to pay that.. They think I’m being inconsiderate by bringing this up? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 16,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
lnSGpLOKJXSNheJC3fusdiwdLN17yYTB
|
b0ad8y
|
{
"description": "getting a group of old people kicked out of the gym",
"pronormative_score": 120,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting a group of old people kicked out of the gym
|
On mobile so sorry about formatting
So I go to the gym regularly. I usually go in around 6 or 7 and I'm out by 9ish. With the new time change and my fiancee getting a new job it has thrown me off a bit so I have been going to the gym later.
My gym pretty much consists of the elderly (I'm 25 myself) with a few other gym goers my age. Now I go to the gym alone as I like having some quiet time and it's a good stress reliever for me. I also wanna add that I keep to myself. I dont talk to anyone or bother myself with other people because I just get in my own head. The reason I add this is because many of the older gym goers like to chat and hangout even when I would normally go at 7am. I really dont mind this aa they dont take up any gym equipment and are pleasant as far as I can tell. Now obviously since I'm at the gym a few hours later then I normally go a few people I dont normally see are here but I assume them to be locals but again I dont concern myself with others.
So now to the cause of me feeling like a asshole. I was doing cardio on the bike with my headphones in zoned out. A group of 2 elderly ladies and 2 eldery gentlemen are biking and chatting next to me I glance over and see they are passing panflets with "Jesus will save you" and such back and forth and one elderly gentleman has a vanilla envelope I assume full of them. Whatever right? Not bugging me and they all seemed happy and knew eachother. They walk away and I continue peddling along. After about 5 mins I feel a tap on my shoulder and it is one of the elderly ladies. With a big smile on her face she tries to hand me a panflit, I shake my head and say "no thank you" and face forward again. She then taps me again and motions for me to take my headphones off. I do and say, a little for annoyed, "yes?" She then says "you should take this hun, you look like you need saving" . I was pretty shocked but responded with " I dont need anything thing from you maam" and put my headphone back in.
Now i thought that would be it but not 2 mins later she comes back with 2 of the older gentleman. They tap me on the shoulder again and berate me for being rude and not accepting the lords light into me and how I should be ashamed blah blah blah. I dont get to say anything before they walk away. I do however go right to the front desk and ask to speak to a manager.
I explained to her exactly what happened and how it was pretty shocking and if something could be said to them so it doesn't happen again. She then informs her this isnt the first time it has been reported and let's me know she will handle it. I walk out and go back to my bike. She then comes out, gathers the 3 people who spoke to me, old lady included, and kicks them out.
They actually start pleading and apologizing and looked genuinely upset. I heard them offer to apologize but the manager had none of it. I now feel awful and didnt mean to have them kicked out or worse AITA
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
azi478
|
{
"description": "having enough and storming off? and not inviting them back",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for having enough and storming off? And not inviting them back?
|
Yesterday was my husband and my anniversary. He planned a whole thing and I had been looking forward for weeks. Last minute we had some friends from college, they live like 2 hours a way, roll into town.
So after our wonderful date we take a cab to the party our "friends" are at because we are both drunk.
The party ends early because of drama, I honestly don't know the details of it. The party host kicks everyone out except a small group of people, us and our friends that invited us are in that small group. The party host decides we should all go to the bar.
I don't really want to because we've already spent a lot of money and are very drunk. Our friends pile into a car with the group they originally came with, not enough seats mind you but they make it work. They inform us that their is not enough room for us or the party host. So we should split a cab with the host. *bonus I'm the one who knows how to get to the place they want to go*
Mind you we've never met the host before.
And we don't want to drink more, just hangout.
So I get mad and lose my temper, I'll admit that. I storm away from the car so I won't say anything stupid. My husband follows me, he wants me to calm down but I refuse to go to the bar. I see the party host get in the trunk and the car takes off down a dead end street. I just roll my eyes. As we're waiting for our cab they make a U turn and pass by us again, someone calls something out the window but I don't pay attention.
We end up just going home. Then a little later my husband gets a text from the college friends asking if they can stay at our house and I say absolutely not. They can stay with someone they had room for in the car.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
LxDV8Z7t1goAzE6YYnq7kedoLpmxSqvU
|
ait2ep
|
{
"description": "not liking one of my so's friend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not liking one of my so’s friend
|
My so has a female friend who tends to rub me the wrong way. She generally just gives me bad vibes but I do have actually reasoning to not like her.
My first reason is this; my so drove to my house while being under the influence and I was really upset about it. I borderline yelled at him because I was shocked he’d do something like this and he was acting like he did nothing wrong. He ended up telling her what happened and she basically said that I was acting crazy and that he’s his own person and he can do what he wants but I feel like driving under the influence is not an okay thing to do.
My other reason is he’s lied to me about being with her before. This was the weekend before my birthday and he was out shopping. He was being vague and kind of secretive but I chalked it up to it being about my birthday. Eventually I get a text from one of my friends saying that she had seen my so with his friend. When he came to my house I asked him about it and he reacted in a defensive angry way, even saying I had sent my friend to spy on him.
Whenever I try to talk to him about how I’m feeling he always gets defensive about her and says I don’t have reason to not like her. He sums it up to me not liking the attention he gives her instead of me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
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|
b5bdg7
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay for my brother every time we go out",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pay for my brother every time we go out?
|
I work remotely while also studying in college and honestly it's a lot to do but I gotta because I come from a pretty backward family and I'm a lil afraid they won't pay for me to do a Masters or leave the country cause I'm a girl. So I know I have to be twice as good as everyone else to get a job abroad or study at a uni I like.
I don't earn a lot but I do pay for most of my own things, the deal with my parents is that they pay for stuff like medicines and doctors, except I don't like asking them for money so I just pay up anyway. They also owe me a decent bit of money - about 2 months worth of work. But I don't bring it up because I don't really mind.
I do not get an allowance and I'm the younger sibling. My brother on the other hand is 3 years older and he does get an allowance. He doesn't work (he has an undergrad degree in medicine so I assume he can't do a lot of work atm). But every time he comes home, he insists that I take him out for movies and lunches and drinks. I wouldn't mind if I didn't always feel like he was manipulating me. And so off late I've started saying no.
He always make it sound like I'm an asshole and IDK if I'm being a bitch? He says that I don't have to save the money. I'm so young and I'm earning so I should just spend it (on things he wants lmao). He says what are you even saving up for. It annoys me that he expects me to answer these questions. But I save so that I can travel and go to design conferences to network better with people in the same line of work as me. I also save up for conferences, clothes and to do things with my friends.
I don't like spending a lot of time with him because he always starts a debate about all of his conservative ideas and starts pushing the notion that women just aren't capable of the same caliber of work as men or some other bull shit like that. Or he tries to convince me to change my dreams and stay in the country because *he* thinks it's a great idea even though he's leaving in a year.
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
D2Yx7I4R1AElSZfpvR8Nr5TQywZtJvuM
|
b8cnzi
|
{
"description": "deadbolting our door",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for deadbolting our door?
|
Today, I had a random man show up at my apartment asking for money after mistakenly opening the door thinking it was the matienance man. He looked inside the apartment and comment on our nice decorations. I gave him some change and sent him on his way.
I'm a young woman and my roommate is often off working 90% of the day, working 3 jobs. She sometimes works until 2am in the morning at one of her jobs. She's my only roommate, so needless to say, after opening the door to a random man begging for money, I felt a bit sketched out.
While it could be that he needed money, I feel like it's a bit strange that he would knock on random doors asking for money. I want to trust people, but being alone in the apartment most of the day I feel like I need to be cautious of people's intentions.
Anyways, my roommate got home at 8 while I was hanging out in the living room when I realized I'd forgotten to unbolt the deadbolt. I dashed to the door to unlatch it before she finished unlocking the door, but I was too late and she tried to open the door before I could unlatch it.
I quickly unlatched it and she began berating me about how she hates the deadbolt and that I should never use it because what if I wasn't home or I fell asleep, etc etc. (Which the first one makes 0 sense because you can't lock the deadbolt from the outside???)
I explained the situation to her and she got even more angry, telling me that I was overreacting and that nothing was going to happen. I just dropped it after that because I didn't have the energy to argue and had a lot of work to finish, but I'm still somewhat annoyed
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ac0q63
| null |
AITA? Whose in the wrong here??
|
AITA
So am I the asshole here? My fiance and I have been together a while now. A few days before new years, I told her I had something planned for midnight on the first.
So it comes around and it's almost midnight, I'm going to get her from work in a sec and I get a \*ding\* from my phone. She says she's going to her friend micheal's house. Now micheal works with her at her job, and they are friends.. micheal likes her. So she goes to his house and says she'll be home before midnight. (she wasen't). It was about 3 am before she got home, i've already downed all the wine I got for us, she gets home mad that I drank it all. yes, i was pissed she wasen't there for our new year thing, but she said it wasen't that important to her.. but it is to me. So she gives me the silent treatment for the next few hours and i'm just sitting here like, what did I do wrong?? But you know.. we're fine now, but tell me who's the real assole in this endever?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
a8xhde
|
{
"description": "lurking on dating apps",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for lurking on dating apps?
|
I (18M) rarely reply to messages from interested people. I'm online pretty regularly, I just am not very active in messaging guys back. Some people have noticed. I've gotten strings of repetitive messages asking why I'm not replying multiple times. I get a lot of dick pics which aren't my favorite thing in the world, but sometimes the guys will just say "hey" over and over and then call me rude for not replying. They're not exactly being creepy, I just don't respond within a few hours and they keep messaging hellos.
Is it considered rude behavior to use a dating app casually without intent of chatting or hooking up with people? Should I be giving every guy a polite "not interested" instead of no response?
(To clarify for those not on Grindr -- it is not a match app, it shows you a page of profiles within your area and you can message whoever you like.)
TLDR: Should I only be using a dating app if I am actually interested in using it to date/hook up?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
GRVh0yaBGlKsaESo3efOGvMo44agkTCh
|
ay6f0x
|
{
"description": "wanting to be repaid for a $70 \"vape\" oil cartridge",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for wanting to be repaid for a $70 "vape" oil cartridge.
|
Hi all. Pretty short most, but I've had mixed responses and so I'm just looking for an objective opinion. For reference, if you couldn't guess, we are all in our 20s.
A week ago I was at a friends house. We were all relaxing, passing around various bongs and my vape pen. A friend of a friend shows up, and while I was in the bathroom, he sat and broke both a brand new $70 cartridge and a $35 pen. AITA for wanting to be repaid? I've venmod requested him, and we discussed it at the party, but its been a week now and my friends are starting to act irritated towards me for bringing it up. That was the last of my paycheck - I'd saved and saved for that cartridge. I understand it was an accident, but shouldn't he at least try to pay me back for it? I just have no clue!
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HISTORICAL
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b9ilru
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{
"description": "refusing to pay for the cremation of an animal I accidentally killed",
"pronormative_score": 122,
"contranormative_score": 8
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|
WIBTA if I refused to pay for the cremation of an animal I accidentally killed?
|
Please read this because I know the title is wild and seems clickbaity but idk how else to shortly describe the situation?
Monday driving home from work on a country road just a mile from home, a dog suddenly popped out of a cornfield a few feet from the road chasing something and I hit it. I tried so hard to break, but he was just too close. I got out of my car, saw his neck was quite obviously broken and I *abso-fucking-lutely* bawled my eyes out. I sat in the road for five minutes holding him and sobbing, I felt so fucking horrible. I have three dogs at home so my heart was just aching with guilt. My car is fucked, the bumper was ripped off and had some leak and I'm dealing with an insurance claim now over it..
The dog had a collar with a number so I called it. The woman answered and started crying. She came to get the dog and brought her 3 kids.. idk why.. and they were all just bawling. I felt so fucking bad, I hugged them all, apologized, explained what happened, and told them he died instantly so there was no pain and he just went to doggy heaven peacefully.
I had an emergency blanket in my car so I wrapped him up in it and she took the dog home. My fiancé picked me up and my car was towed away.
Anyways, today I get a text from her (she must've had it from her call history) requesting that I pay to cremate the family dog because I'm the one who killed him. Well, not just cremation, they want a paw print memorial stone and a little vase for his ashes and it's all going to be a total of $150.
I haven't responded to the text. Now, honestly, normally I would as I want to show I truly regret it and am sorry because I can't even imagine my dog dying.
But for one, I know for a FACT I've seen the dog roaming around before as the dog had very unique markings and was a more rare breed.. so I assume he's let loose frequently. Two, I'm dealing with my car insurance claim and my deductible is nearly $1k so I'm about to be in big trouble financially as it is. Three, I'm a BROKE ass college student and I live literally paycheck to paycheck. And four, it was truly an accident and there was NO way to prevent it other than the dog not being there.
I'm really in a rut here. I have so much guilt, yet I feel like even though I did do it, it wasn't really my fault...
WIBTA if I said no to paying them for this?
TL;DR: Accidentally killed dog while driving and also badly damaged my car. Dog's family wants me to pay for cremation and optional memorial items. I am extremely broke already. I am conflicted.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "being angry that my ex didn't like that he was the most important person to me, and that he didn't like saying \"I love you?\"",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being angry that my ex didn’t like that he was the most important person to me, and that he didn’t like saying “I love you?”
|
Title kinda says it all. This happened while we were still together. **He is no longer the most important person to me.** We were together for almost three years. I had an argument with him and I told him that he was the most important person to me.
That made him INCREDIBLY uncomfortable, and he told me that he shouldn’t be the most important to me, I should be the most important person to myself.
My thoughts on that are 1) does that really need to be said? Like, I feel like it should be implied that, after yourself, your partner is the most important person to you. 2) I feel like...if you truly love someone, *sometimes* their needs will come before your own and *sometimes* they will be more important to you than you are. It shouldn’t be that way all the time, but that will happen.
I explained that to him and he had no response, except that he was still incredibly uncomfortable with that idea. He also didn’t like saying “I love you” except for very rare occasions. Which, I get, but that hurt.
Am I the asshole for feeling hurt and angry over that? Or was he right and I’m wrong?
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HISTORICAL
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ato245
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"description": "calling the cops on these kids",
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}
|
AITA for calling the cops on these kids?
|
Context: I live in a house on a corner, it's quite secluded and gets very dark at night because there's no street lighting. There's no houses in front of our house, so it's a fairly popular place for kids to hang out and drink or smoke or whatever during the night.
There are several incidents theft and I've noticed some litter around that corner, but otherwise the area has been pretty safe.
​
Occasionally, at night I will notice a car or a group of cars parked around that corner. Usually it's just kids hanging out and I will go out and ask them what there doing or tell them to leave. Sometimes though, they're really loud and don't stop despite being told to leave I'll call the cops on them at that point. I don't lie or anything like that, usually I just phrase it as a noise complaint and within the hour a car will show up and chase them away.
​
Does this make me an asshole? On one hand, drinking is relatively harmless, but on the other hand they are being disruptive and I am suspicious of them.
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HISTORICAL
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a91xth
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{
"description": "ghosting a girl who I think maybe a gold digger",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 7
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|
AITA For ghosting a girl who I think maybe a gold digger?
|
Over two years ago in Sept 2016 I basically confessed my love for this girl that I met at Uni that I was friends with and I felt like she liked me back because I bought her like 1k worth of gifts and she took them an we always flirted. When I revealed to her that I really liked her she said she always thought of me as a friend and had started seeing a guy even though she never gave any indication of that to me. It was bad and some classic "niceguy" neckbeard shit I'll admit I'm pretty sure I even cried in front of her LOL. We basically didn't talk too much since then and she was a year older than me so she graduated and started working. In that time I started seeing a different girl for a year and that ended but I wasn't that sad anymore I graduated this past June and got an amazing job and my parents sold a lot of property overseas and gave me a really large trust fund. I started buying nice shit, bought a Benz a nice condo downtown a few nice watches took my boys on a few vacations. And I guess was posting more on IG and the girl who turned me down saw all the flashy shit I'd post sometimes.
​
This past October she messages me and wants to talk and catch up, we text for a few days and she says she'll be in the city on the weekend as she lives with her parents out in the suburbs and asked if I wanted to meet up. I said sure and we agreed on dinner, I was confused on whether it was a date or not. Dinner went well and she wanted to go back to my place and see my condo and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex, honestly it was amazing I've wanted to get with her for years and it finally happened. Over the next few months she'd come down to the city and we'd hookup and honestly I was in love all over again and we were kinda basically seeing each other but not official or anything. Fast forward to last week and I let my friend know who basically consoled me when this girl rejected me 2 years ago that I was kinda seeing her now and she's like she doesn't like you she only is seeing now that you're doing well and is a gold digger. That made me kinda realize that wow am I being played again? Nothing has changed about me since she rejected me about 2 years ago other than that I have some money now and I'm a tad more flashy with it I guess. It's true that I have bought her stuff in the past and during our about 2.5 months of seeing each other now I spent a lot on dinners where ever she wanted and bought her a few small gifts maybe totaling like 2.5k. Having my friend basically lay all of this out for me made me feel like shit and I realized jesus she only see's me as a meal ticket and it made me feel like trash.
This was in the beginning of December and after meeting with my friend and her laying it all out for me and making me realize all this I stopped messaging the girl I was seeing and kinda started ghosting her and not wanting to hangout or meetup. I blamed it on it being a busy time at work and I needed to really pull my weight since I was still the new guy and it was my first real job. This led to me at first responding slow, not wanting to meet up to last week and now not responding at all and leaving her on read. This girls friend messages me on IG and calls me a huge dick and asshole and says that it was so shitty to just fuck her for a few months and just ghost her now. I didn't respond to that DM and blocked her cousin. I just didn't know what to do, and felt that I needed time to figure shit out and didn't want to tell her in case it wasn't true that she saw me as a meal ticket. So I guess I thought ghosting was the best thing to do for some reason.
​
So AITA??
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HISTORICAL
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acrqef
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"description": "resenting my sil and mil for treating my husband like the surrogate husband/father for their blended family",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: for resenting my sil and mil for treating my husband like the surrogate husband/father for their blended family?
|
Let me preface this by saying - I am struggling with what my own feelings are about this situation, and maybe this actually belongs on relationship advice but because i think think it's entirely possible that i'm being a selfish asshole in this situation (and in the brief arguments i've had with my DH about it, its pretty clear he thinks i am) - thought it might belong here.
Backstory: DH and I have been together for 7 years, married for 1 (we are in our early 30s). we live in a large city and his family (consisting of sil, nephew 1, mil, nephew 2 and niece) live about 35 minutes away by car, an hour by public transportation. Until a few years ago, my would be fil also lived in the area but he passed away about 3 years ago after a rapidly degenerating illness, during which time my husband, sil and myself were his primary caregivers (we didn't live with him, but managed his finances, filing the paperwork to get his care, moved him, and generally tended to him as he was no longer able to make decisions for himself in addition to being financially responsible for his care ). I should also mention that my DH is the youngest of 3 - there is another brother who is an addict who fathered nephew 2 and niece and then had them taken away by the state ( and are now adopted by mil).
For financial reasons, my mil,sil and nieces/nephews all live in the same house and are basically raising the three kids together. My sil's ex is in the picture with her son but he's an ex drug addict and not considered to be a particularly strong father figure - that coupled with the other bil being a druggie who is god knows where, means my DH is pretty much the only stable male adult in my mil/sil and niece/nephew's life. Because of this, both my mil and sil treat my husband as what feels to be to be their surrogate husband/father - leaning on him heavily for financial and emotional resources for themselves and their kids.
The part where I might be the asshole is that I resent them and it probably shows - I know my husband wished i "spent more time" with his family and we've gotten into huge arguments because i see myself as being the the one who who has put effort into connecting with them only to feel that from the minute I walk in the door i'm either a dumping ground for their latest drama, or more typically - i'm the entertainment for the kids for a few hours while my SIL either sits on her phone or talks to DH, and oftentimes i feel like i'm almost intruding on my sil's time with her brother (as if i'm third wheeling on date) which leads me to not want to be there, which leads to me being "not interested" in spending time with his family. In 7 years we've been together - i have gone to visit them probably at least 100 times, including multiple weekends in a row for whole weekends and after work when we we go to take care of fil (which went on for about 18 months). My mil has been to see us once, my sil twice. Both times, someone else had to drive them to us and take them home ( a family friend) because they are "scared" of any place outside their town ( they've lived 35 minutes from our city their entire life). When my husband had serious surgery last year neither one came to see him ( despite having the ability and time to do so - it was the summer so sil was off and mil is retired) but instead texted me to "let them know how he was doing" and from there it was business as usual - which to me felt so wrong and selfish of them, but not at all suprising. When either one calls - it's never a call about anything but whatever their current drama is - the sil complaining about mil, vise versa, or mil talking about the drug addict bil's latest exploits which enrages my DH because my mil has ruined her finances by funding his habit and bailing him out of jail, not to mention caring for his children. I can't ever remember a time when either one of them asked him how he's doing or what is going on in his life. My mil only ever seems interested in him when its his bday or he's around being cute with the kids so she can take photos and put them on Facebook. My sil/mil are constantly dropping hints about things the kids need, or they need for the house, because they know there's a good chance dh will buy it for them- for example, my sil wants my dh to come by so they can go to a furniture store to look at new furniture for the niece's bedroom( hint hint), and somehow dh is always the one buying gaming systems, expensive toys, etc for birthdays and holidays. We both make good money and I know it makes him happy to do it - but its money that could be going to saving towards a house or our own family, and it also seems to be to be more of an expectation from them vs a nice thing he does at this point. They also put what feel to be parenting esque responsibilies on him -like doing father/daughter day with the niece. I try to be sympathetic to the difficult situation they find themselves in, but so much of it is entirely of their own making ( idiotic financial decisions, bad relationships, enabling bad behavior) with no end in sight, that I resent them for being such a burden on my DH and by extension myself. I constantly worry that i'm going to wake up one day to a call that mil has passed away ( she has numerous health issues she dosen't do anything for) and that we'll be asked to take on parenting duties for one or both kids, just when we're trying to get our own life together. I also resent my DH for having what feels sometimes like Stockholm syndrome - I know they are his family and he loves them, but i feel like he's in so deep as the "husband and father" of this family that he's semi- checked out of taking our family to the next level.
tl;dr - my in laws treat my husband as their only source of stability in a dysfunctional household without providing anything to him in return (emotionally etc) and i'm worried that they will be a lifelong financial/emotional drain on our relationship. I resent them for it and him as well, and feel like an asshole because my husband is just trying to be a good guy.
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HISTORICAL
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a543xg
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{
"description": "wanting all of my money back",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting ALL of my money back?
|
So *quite* a while back I hired a small group of like 2 guys to 3D print me an epic diorama of the Mygeeto fight scene in Revenge of the Sith, what with the galactic marines and all. It's stupidly expensive and in hindsight I somewhat regret having it commissioned (slightly more than 1,500$). It's been over a year in the works and progress was steady at first however these past few months have been eerily quiet. I've sent dozens of emails and he's given me vague on vague statements about basic info I already know. Hell the past three months I've been just waiting for pictures of progress. I've had no idea what was going on, until earlier today.
​
I messaged him again threatening to contact Paypal and Etsy (site I hired him from). He contacts me and says he'll have pics of the progress last Monday. When Monday came and still no pics of the progress I was pissed to say the least. I got a hold of him today and as I was spitballing reasons why he hadn't contacted me I threw out that his life must be tanking. He responds back and says it is and that he'll have pics of the project by this Thursday and that the project will be done by January 31st and if it's not I'll only get half my money back for design and plastic costs. I'm angry here and not quite sure what to do as I'm well past the date Paypal and Etsy will guarantee refunds and whatnot. I want to demand all of my money back but then again he has done a ton of the 3d work (There was progress with the 3D modeling I just haven't seen anything printed as of yet). I'm really, really just thinking of saying screw it and staying on hold with ETSY for an hour to try and fight this and get all of my money back, but would that make me an asshole in this situation.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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lt2tlDSx5k22odeqcbHiwyzIdyoy7GAw
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arcbbs
|
{
"description": "meeting my friends before finishing work for my mom",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For meeting my friends before finishing work for my mom?
|
So this happened today
I am 18 and still live at home with my mom, i do a lot of chores at home (like laundry, cooking, dishwasher stuff) and today she planned on cleaning the windows and putting new blinds on them. I got up early and spent a bit more than 2 hours getting all the windows extra clean for her. I ask her if it would be alright, if i go see some friends and if i could install the blinds later on. She agreed and gave me 50$, which i *hesitantly* accepted (she said she would feel bad if I didn't take the money).
3 hours later i come back, finish up my work which took another 1 1/2 hours with plenty of time left to cook. Well, no.
My mum argues that she is not as important as my friends and that i never finish what i start. To her it was an absolute disgrace that I even asked to go out before finishing the task and that I am a huge disappointment. My mum even shamed me for taking money for such a trivial matter (after basically forcing me to take it) but since i didn't want it in the first place I then immediately returned it. She won't give me any more access to her car (which is fine by me because it is her car after all). What i cannot agree on is the fact that she doesn't even let me use the kitchen to cook something since i have enough money to go out to get some food. Now don't get me wrong, if i hadn't done it after coming home or if i finished it way too late, I would completely get her point, but since neither of those are reality, I really don't understand her point.
My mum and I normally are really close and have a good relationship but after her shaming me and refusing to give me access to the kitchen to cook for myself, I am seriously infuriated and asking myself if i acted incorrectly.
So Reddit, AITA for not installing the blinds immediately?
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HISTORICAL
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b4jchi
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{
"description": "being upset I was invited to wedding but not reception but wasn't told this until after gifting a wedding present",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For being upset I was invited to wedding but not reception but wasn't told this until after gifting a wedding present.
|
Two friends of mine were married today, I am friend with him and my long time girlfriend is even closer with her.
The two of them had an engagement party, which we were invited to and was told by them this was an acceptable (and expected) time to bring gifts, we spent ~$100 on something and had a great time.
My girlfriend also attended the bridal shower, where she also took a smaller gift ~$60.
At some point after the bridal shower the bride and groom took myself, my girlfriend and another couple out on a 'late night adventure and advised us that neither of us couples were attending the wedding at all.
Both couples are very upset/angry but fein understanding, later we are told after not speaking with the bride and groom to be that both couples can now attend the wedding but they simply don't have the money to have us at the reception (we have already been told the reception is limited to ~120 people, they aren't hard done by on cost)
Later, my girlfriend was invited to the Hens night and I was not invited to the Bucks initially, after some confusion (I feel this was fake and I was not intended to cone at all) I was invited to the Bucks. This was organized by the best man, who I am not on good terms with.
At some point before the hens/bucks there was a second bridal shower my girlfriend was also invited to, yet another gift.
The other couple who was not invited seems unphased, though their total gift $ amount is less than the cheapest we bought.
Expressing our frustration to the bride, groom and other members of the bridal/groom party falls on deaf ears, I don't feel they are in a position to tell me that I'm over reacting when they aren't the ones being excluded.
The bride is constantly complaining that the people she attends church with are awful and my girlfriend/wife of other couple are two of her only truly nice friends. The groom is on reasonable terms with me, though he isn't really great friends with anyone as even the best man was surprised to be in the grooms party (groom is very introverted/family oriented)
Am I the asshole for being upset/angry for what I feel is being duped into buying gifts then the expected return favor of being at the reception was not reciprocated?
Surely being at the hens/bucks night is usually a sign of being close enough to attend the reception.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b9qnn4
|
{
"description": "jumping the queue",
"pronormative_score": 5,
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}
|
AITA for jumping the queue.
|
The weather was okay and I was second in line (of about four) for the taxi queue. As one taxi pulls into the queue an older lady comes up. The man who is first in line says "I'm going to let her through because she's old". He helps her into the taxi and it leaves.
A few minutes later a woman with a trolley and a toddler come along. A taxi pulls up as well. The first guy in the line says "I'm going to let her go through because she's got a kid". The guy helps her into the cab.
By this time I'm rather annoyed. This twit is going to do this all day. As the first guy is still helping the lady with a kid a third taxi pulls up. I quickly hop in and it drives off.
I am curious was I the asshole here? The old lady and child were not in any distress. They could have waited like everyone else just like me. There was only a few minutes wait between taxis. I'm not sure what the response was of the other people in line as they did not say anything. So they may have nodded or looked annoyed and I didn't notice.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a8i2ba
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{
"description": "not being cuddly with a kid who tried to steal a purse",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not being cuddly with a kid who tried to steal a purse?
|
So me and my family + friends went to a restaurant to celebrate Yalda night (longest night of the year). While one of our friends had gone to the bathroom and most of the others were dancing, a little kid (5-6yo I think) walked up and just grabbed my friend’s purse from her chair. When he started walking away i dashed to him and told him “please don’t take other people’s stuff” and i yanked the purse away from him, and that kid started CRYING the loudest shit I’ve ever heard (yes i am sure I didn’t hurt him in any way). Then suddenly a wild mom-zilla appeared in full battle gear “HOW DARE YOU?! GET AWAY FROM HIM!” in a relatively crowded restaurant. I told her that the kid was taking the purse so she told me that i should let the kid do whatever he wants. As i was saying it Mr badass dad also walked up and started lecturing me and half-threatened to fight me and their family was giving me the looks like i had just murdered god or something. Then my friends came around me so the tension got diffused a little, but i was getting weird looks from my friends too. Is doing this really such an ungodly course of action?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ay62d2
|
{
"description": "telling friends to stop bothering me with their relationship BS",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling friends to stop bothering me with their relationship BS?
|
So first off: I've (m, 23) never been in a relationship, and I probably never will be. I get the theory and all, but I don't think I'm able to love anyone that way. I don't mind, I believe this grants me a lot more time for what I like to do and I don't have to worry about crappy drama.
For whatever reason many of my friends seem to think it's a good idea to tell me about their shitty relationship drama, dates and hookups. They often ask me for advice (lol what the fuck do I know, why are they even asking me), but when I tell them what I think they get offended, but come back to ask meagain anyways. I've started getting tired of being everyone's psychologist/therapist and told them to leave me alone with that crap unless they want to know about law/finances/etc. (where I can give actually helpful advice).
And of course they got mad at me again... I think they should make up their minds. Do they want to me give them my opinion or do they want an opinion that's all flowers and butterflies? They can't have both and they can't have the latter from me. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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akqlxp
|
{
"description": "asking him to stop making moves when I'm intoxicated",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I asked him to stop making moves when I’m intoxicated?
|
I’m an alcoholic. When I drink, I can get handsy, but generally don’t unless someone makes the move first. He doesn’t drink when I do, usually.
I’ve slept with him sober maybe less than 6 or 7 times.
My problem is that I wake up w/ marks, or something telling me that I slept with him, but I’m rarely coherent enough the night before to remember it the morning after.
I know I’m an adult and I am completely responsible for my own decisions, so if I’m regretting sex, it’s because of my own doing.
I don’t want to put him in a position where he feels he has to make my decisions, but I also don’t want to sleep with him every time I drink. I’ve started feeling wary of him sleeping with me when I’m blackout drunk.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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9w94mj
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{
"description": "not following a friend's girlfriend's wishes",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not following a friend's girlfriend's wishes?
|
To clarify up front: I am female and my friend is male. We also have hooked up in the past, but have been completely platonic for about 2 1/2 years now, and both understand and agree a relationship is NOT a possibility
Anyway my best male friend recently got a girlfriend (yay!). We are both in univeristy and she goes to a separate school a few hours away , so they're long distance, which I understand and respect is difficult. She had come for a few visits and I have gone out with them and I really like the girl! She seems sweet and like she really cares for my friend. Here's where the issues begins, my friend (for some ungodly reason) told her that we had a past and she flipped as we hang out all the time still. She then started making stipulations that we are never together alone together (not just in a room but out at bars , etc. because "no one will know he's mine and not yours if you start making out").
Like I said, there's truely nothing going on but I totally understand her discomfort and was willing to accommodate sayin we won't meet to pregame together any more , and if we HAVE to be in a room together we'd leave the door open , however I told her we couldn't always have other friends with us in public. We frequently will help each other with common classes or go for a quick drink after the library together and always bringing a chaperone along just isn't possible . I respectfully told her this, but said that I'd try to bring a friend along as often as possible, and have him snap her every few minutes while we're out together, just so she can be sure nothing is happening.
She didn't like any of the options I gave and refused to compromise simply saying if we didn't agree to the terms that we must be hiding something etc. I then, and I'm not proud, basically rudely told her I wasn't going to give up a friend of three years over a girl he's known for two months .
AITA ?
Tl;Dr: friend gets new girlfriend says we can't be alone together or in public just the two of us. I try to compromise, but it ends in a fight
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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xXW0gQLVBXjdzh26EqaSKuPzCnZhRB1A
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anf3cu
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{
"description": "giving a scathing review of my boss during an exit interview",
"pronormative_score": 49,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA if I gave a scathing review of my boss during an exit interview?
|
My boss makes my life absolute hell, but he’s a good person. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, he wastes company money and time going after bullshit, and he works my coworkers and me to the bone. For context, I’m one of three Graphic Designers at my company.
I am hired full-time with exempted status, meaning I don’t get paid overtime, and I usually work 60+ hours a week. I’m in the office 9-6, then put in another 2-4 hours every evening.
He went to a for-profit school that has since been unaccredited... and it shows. I have nothing against any kind of education, but my boss has no idea how to do the majority if his job. He follows a bunch of famous marketing professionals on twitter and buys their lectures and does whatever they tell him, which usually doesn’t apply to the kind of marketing we’re doing. For example, we’re about to launch a new product, so he’s treating it like a rebrand that has nothing to do with the company brand. He has us building a 70-page questionnaire to send to potential clients asking them about their feelings on certain color schemes... his reasoning is that we’re making a focus group without having to pay for a focus group.
He is hot and cold any day of the week. You never know if he’s going to decide to restart a project one day because it doesn’t feeeeel right anymore. He forgets his original assignments constantly and yells at us for not having work that he never assigned. When he doesn’t like something he tells us, “no,” and when we ask for directions, his favorite line is: “I get paid to say no. I pay you to figure it out.”
On top of all this, he’s disgusting and racist. I am half Chinese and the only East Asian in the office for reference. He talks to us like a friend, which is fine, but he’ll talk about how his wife complains about blowing him because she gets an upset stomach, or how he shat himself at a museum once. Stuff I would maybe only bring up with my sister, not even a close friend. He told me he saw a documentary about how Asians are actually from another planet and colonized Earth but forgot about it, but all other races evolved on Earth. He asked me if my parents were disappointed because I wasn’t a doctor or lawyer. He refuses to get in my car because I’m an Asian driver (with a perfect record, thank you!). He has made jokes while pulling his eyes sideways. And he has said stuff like, “well if I was Treyvon Martin’s parents I wouldn’t have let him walk around wearing a hoody like that.” He believes that middle aged white men are the most persecuted group in America, and while I think everyone is entitled to their opinions, he brings it up at work. He asked me if I was the “one night stand type” in a meeting once because a new-hire was talking about her boyfriend. He also does stuff like talk about how he spent $30,000 to go to Peru for three days because he felt like it. He makes fun of me for liking Ikea...
He also takes random days off, leaves work early and comes in late. His excuse is that he works so much overtime it all balances out. But I get in trouble if I’m 10 minutes late to work.
The only thing is... I mean am I going to ruin his job if I take this to HR when I leave? I have a catalogued list of all of his worst offenses with dates and location in my phone, but I don’t know if I want to ruin his job completely. He’s a horrible boss, and he makes my life hell, but he’s a good person I think...
TL;DR: my boss is hypocritical, racist, and generally a bad boss. Should I tell HR when I leave?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
J7mAF9jF6R1OYcJB97bwCCRKumtn3r5H
|
amo4dp
|
{
"description": "bringing up my BF's weight during conversations about his health/style",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for bringing up my BF's weight during conversations about his health/style?
|
We've been together for almost a year and my BF lives a **very** sedentary life. He games all day, drinks tea/sweets, and does eat somewhat healthy (veggies, meat, etc.) but I think it's mainly his portion control/inactivity. I have no problem with his weight; I love him the way he is, but I think I may have been lacking the....tactful approach to bringing up my concerns and mentioning his weight/telling him I love him the way he is. I'm basically probably showing the complete opposite.
​
My BF thinks I mention his weight/lifestyle only because I "want him to be skinny". Like...hello??? I'm literally in a relationship with you. I still get turned on by him, and thinking about him as a whole makes me giddy. But he feels unloved just because I mention his weight...An important detail to mention is my BF has heart problems/blood disease/CFS/depression. I truly think exercise would help him feel better. It would also help him in every day life; I can't imagine the toll his heart is taking. I'm worried that most of his symptoms/health issues are caused by his sedentary lifestyle. He told me "my doctors say I'm in good condition" and "exercise wouldn't help me" but come on...not even walking??? And his doctors can't be saying that. ((He's about 6'1 and over 235 lbs.))
​
The particular situation that makes me write this post is when my BF bought some clothes. He was showing me t-shirts, and I simply said "they're awesome but you wouldn't pull them off very well, since you don't have many clothes to match". The shirts were really dark/emo BTW. He thought I was making it about his weight and got upset. Then he said "it's hard finding jeans I like because of my size...mainly my waist." My BF has a droopy pot belly (nothing wrong w/ that, I've given his lower area lots of affection lol), so I told him "it's probably your stomach making your waist size big". That basically shut down out convo and he left, texting me after saying "you always make me feel like shit when it comes to that stuff".
​
My BF likes my "straight-forward attitude" but the second it's aimed at him, he gets sensitive, especially about his health. AITA???
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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e65W53uRQ6A2fbc1TPkuxMsGvjcHrS62
|
a6tefu
|
{
"description": "being annoyed with someone for being insecure",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being annoyed with someone for being insecure?
|
My friend V, she’s has some really really bad mental problems. Most people in our friend group do but she has it the worst
I care about her, but it’s so exhausting comforting her because she just refuses to ever listen to anything I or anybody says
She also is kind of,, I don’t know, for lack of a better word, selfish maybe?
My mom is abusive, I was trying to find someone who’s house I could stay at for a bit in our group chat, and she says “oh that sucks.” Then proceeds to talk about her boyfriend for like thirty minutes. (It turned out fine, one of my friends DM’d me and I went to her place.)
And she’s constantly saying depressing shit in the group chat, now more then ever sense her previously mentioned boyfriend broke up with her because she was being really really overwhelming in their relationship (he’s my best friend of 8 years, as to why I know the reasons of their breakup. He didn’t tell her that but that’s what it was.) And it’s discord so I just pretend I don’t see it
But I feel awful. She’s a person who has mental problems as so many of us do and I’m just ignoring her
There’s a few people in group chat who try and talk and calm her down but she just keeps saying “no, you’re wrong, I’m garbage” and refuses to take any compliments and god it’s so annoying!
I feel bad for feeling this way.
To be honest I’m not even that close with her, I’ve only seen her in person once, and I’d consider us to really only be acquaintances. Mutual friends.
This is all over the place, I apologize
Please be honest, rip me a new one if you have to
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
8KLnBDTMM2OyvB2wkRjCbynZVb7jqyAU
|
aoi8sb
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{
"description": "aggressively yelling at my wife, and more importantly, is our child being abused",
"pronormative_score": 37,
"contranormative_score": 35
}
|
AITA for aggressively yelling at my wife, and more importantly, is our child being abused?
|
I very aggressively yelled at my wife. I do not yell much, hardly ever, but when I do it's intense.
My middle-school child is applying to a new school. He is deep in the (rushed) application process and was setup to take an at-home version of the test so we could simulate real-world test conditions and give him a feel for what taking the lengthy test would be like.
Coincidentally, I am injured and needed to work from home that day.
When he got home, I immediately - with positivity, enthusiasm, and good intentions - started giving him advice, prepping him, kind of psyching him up. I noticed my wife seemed irked about this, pointing out how she had everything under control and already setup. Historically she gets irritated if she perceives I am "stepping in and taking control."
* Or at least that's what she says. I don't really understand why she would be upset that I was trying to help our child?
At any rate, he starts the test - and after about 80 minutes get his first five minute break. She tells him to "go walk the dog," and I said no, we need to simulate the test conditions and he should be able to take the break that will best help him with the remainder of the test. She got angry, heated, and argued that he needed to get out of the house. She ordered him to do so and he ran to the bathroom clearly upset.
Then she essentially lost it, screaming, shouting, and throwing a huge temper tantrum - presumably because she felt I had "overruled" her and our son wasn't complying. (More on this general concept later).
At this point, I went back to where I was nursing my injury and she just lit into our son… serious yelling, serious screaming, and lots of threats:
* Threatened not to let him finish the test.
* Threatened not to send him to school.
* Threatened not to pay for school.
* Locked the barking dog in his room (!?!?).
* And something else.
I had heard enough and aggressively walked to where she was and lit into her, telling her that her behavior was **sick**, that it was disgusting, that she cannot scream and yell and threaten him like that, and how counterproductive it was considering we were trying to simulate real test conditions, and that this clearly wasn't going to help him take the test and score well.
As I said, I yell very rarely - she was at first either shocked or scared or both. Then, though, she became heated again (though she backed down) and said that I was undermining her - this is a common refrain. She behaves like that, I make clear it's not appropriate, and she accuses me of not supporting her.
So am AITA for yelling at her, and more importantly, was she abusing our child?
I'm curious if those things above, in isolation, are unambiguously considered abuse.
I mentioned something else.
In addition to all the threats I listed above, she also told my son (again, a middle-schooler) that he wanted us to get a divorce and it was going to happen because of his behavior. In fact, she has told him this a couple other times in the past.
With that said, AITA and is that abuse? I feel strongly that I was not the asshole and that I was witness to abuse. Do you agree? Is this clear abuse? Or can it simply be chalked up to anger on her part? My outburst can clearly be ascribed to anger, shock, and disgust - witnessing - and realizing you are witnessing the (likely) abuse of your own child.
Over the more than a decade I have known my wife she has slowly - very slowly - acknowledged her very traumatic childhood - one filled with emotional and verbal abuse. I have witnessed her sister act abusively towards her child. But with the yelling at my son it is really the first time I truly noticed the abuse she is/may be exposing my son to.
I think, further, that to some degree I have been gas lighted. Not in a weak, victimized manner. And frankly I hate that newest psychology phrase. With that said…
* She is clearly pissed at me now, but not about her behavior I am assuming, instead about my reaction to her behavior. She is sleeping in another room.
* Were I to speak to her about the situation, the result would (like clockwork) be the following:
<hr>
* She would strive to out-argue me.
* She would tell me I'm wrong.
* She would blame our son for instigating things.
* She would blame me for supporting him and undermining her.
* Whenever a conversation devolves into an argument, reason goes out the door and she simply out-argues me. Period. I have found that very frustrating over the years.
<hr>
* She routinely tells me I am undermining her to our son. Maybe occasionally I do, but most often he'll tell me something she's done and I'll simply support him. I also routinely speak highly and positively of his mother/my wife when he tells me these things: telling him she's not angry with him, but instead me; telling him she's only behaving a particular way because that's what she was exposed to; reminding him of the many ways she's a great mom; always telling him that he's an amazing child. Note that these "incidents" occur very infrequently, but they do occur.
* When I have fired back that her behavior was bad and he brought it to my attention, she has said he is manipulating me to get what he wants, presumably more lenient treatment.
* She has accused me of coddling him in the past, occasionally says he's a "wimp" - though not to him I hope - because he doesn't handle her anger well and if she's going-off on him I'll step in and stop it. This, too, happens only very rarely.
* She's also particularly sensitive to me "overruling" her - as though anything and everything she says must be both (1) adhered-to, and (2) 100% supported by me. This seems pretty unrealistic to me.
I hadn't intended to write a thesis. Perhaps it has been cathartic for me.
Many of you may view my post with disdain - wondering how I can be so unsure if this is abuse or not - and I still don't know for sure whether that is the definitive consensus.
Trust me. When you're in it, it's not so easy to tell.
What's more, this is only part of the story. She is for the most part a great mother - I think - she just has these moments that I believe haunt her from childhood - and behaves towards our child in ways that are clearly not in his best interest - in ways that I'm assuming she was treated when she was young.
p.s. My son apologized to me later in the day for causing our argument and potentially our divorce. That fucking upsets me so much and makes me realize this is doing damage. I don't understand why I'm turning to strangers to help me understand and verify that this is in fact abuse.
Thank you in advance for your replies.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
aAS9dUN4MgUntHS4NbAxg4oWu0pxidGr
|
am5pn7
|
{
"description": "wanting him to trust me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting him to trust me?
|
this is my alt and my boyfriend is blocked on this account so he won’t see this post. english is also not my first language, so i’m sorry if there are grammatical errors. i am also on mobile.
my boyfriend (19M) dated a girl (19F) i (18F) went to high school with (we weren’t friends) and she cheated on him using every form of social media. snapchat, facebook, twitter, etc. even got caught with dating apps on her phone before he left her.
last year he chatted me up in the middle of a grocery store and boom 9mos later here we are.
recently when i was staying the night with him he deleted my meme account on instagram and changed the passwords to all my social media and refuses to give them back and got highly upset with me because i thought he was being kind of unreasonable. so upset that he accused me of hiding stuff then later blamed it on the trust issues that she gave him.
i understand that being cheated on hurts, i’ve been there multiple times with my exes but to change my passwords even though he can freely look through my phone anytime? he even has all my passwords! i don’t understand that at all. we’ve argued, i’ve even told him that i don’t think quite legal for him to do that which made him accuse me of being a “rat with 12”.
i really don’t understand how to go about this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
xrUp3Dp1wDim1YPbbqjRC5am8ZZ4NaHx
|
av02l4
|
{
"description": "doing a group project on my own forcing my partner to do it alone",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for doing a group project on my own forcing my partner to do it alone?
|
LTL FTP on mobile.
I recently got assigned to do a group project in which you make a piece of food on video and show the recipe for Spanish class. Since I was a freshman in a higher level class, I picked the only kid I really knew in the class. We organized to do the project this Sunday as it was the only day I was free.
FFW to Sunday and the kid suddenly messages me and says he can’t do the project. I had already got the materials and was ready to film, so I was stuck. I told him to tell his parents it was a school project, but he says they are angry at him since he procrastinated his chores. I filmed the project on my own and told my teacher of the situation.
My teacher says it is okay for me to do it on my own, however I share many other classes with this individual, and he has said that I shouldn’t have abandoned him and I’m a bad person.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ajacpn
|
{
"description": "confronting my own mom about her bingo habits",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for confronting my own mom about her bingo habits?
|
I want to preface this post by first saying that along with all of you here, i love my mom. I want to know AITA and if so how i could help her better.
My mom is the sweetest person i have ever met, and a phenomenal woman. I am proud of her in so many ways. She is loving, and is always one to hold everyone together. She is my biggest supporter. Without her advice i would not be half the person i am today. I owe her so much. She is the matriarch of our family.
She works a fairly difficult job during the night, taking care of elderly folk @ a nursing home as a CNA. For the entire 25 yrs i have been alive this was her line of work.
Many people have hobbies, and ways that they blow off steam, and for my mom her hobby unfortunately (from my pov) is spending her time and money @ the casino.
I don't think that gambling is bad outright, but like many things, an excessive amount of anything can prove to be detrimental.
Over the last decade i have seen her hobby do more harm than good. Again from my own pov.
For as much as i love my mom, it seems like the reason our family has been in a financial rut is because of my moms inability to discipline herself over her gambling habits.
My dad is an electrician, and makes very good money. Enough for them to own their own home, but there are times where she would actually take money out of my dads wallet, then proceed to work the slots or bingo cards at the casino. It has been an issue that our family has tried to address time & time again but only seems to get worse.
Every confrontation has ended in false promises, denial, and a sense that this is a habit that will continue to get worse if professional help is not sought after.
There was a point where we lost our storage unit that had personal family effects, like Christmas decorations gathered over the years since me and my siblings were babies, family photo albums, furniture, personal belongings, etc. Things that were special to us were all of a sudden sold off in that unit because she couldn't foot the bill that month. I would of helped, but i was away @ college and no knowledge of this until i came home for Christmas break only to find why all decorations and tree weren't set up. Dad couldn't pay it off either because the money that was supposed to foot the bill... went to you guessed it... my moms casino outings. That was a tough christmas. My mom of course apologized endlessly, but she even stated that they were just "material" possessions.
To this day i am still bitter.
My dad has confronted her about her habit, but he rationalizes her decision to go out to the casino as her "me time", and that in order to have a happy home, you have to have a happy wife. My mom states that when she goes to bingo nights it makes her happy, and fulfilled. I am deeply disturbed, and crushed that my own mother has to resort to gambling her money away to feel good.
My parents actually sought out a financial guru to help solve some of their financial situations. Although reluctant, it was eventually revealed that my mom has an issue with her gambling. After some rough calculations, even the guru believed that with all the money my parents make, they could do away with their all their debt, within the next 5-7 yrs and habe raised their credit enough to be homeowners, but if her outings continue, they will forever stay where they are.
My mom felt committed. And she was adamant to make changes. A month went by, but eventually she was right back where she always wanted to be. At the casino.
She used to ask me for money to help pay the rent, and i always gave her money, but then i found out that at one point she gambled with it, and lost. I felt betrayed.
Since then i don't trust her with money.
It hurts to understand that the woman who has always been there for you, raised you, clothed you, fed you, put a roof over your head, and taught you, has an issue.
It was only when i turned 22 when things got worse, did i realize that mom is not who i thought she was. I always held her in such high regard as a child, but the level of respect for her has lowered a bit. I am ashamed to say that. But thats my truth.
Is it wrong of me to think that? I do understand that no one is perfect. We are human. Everyone has vices. Me included. But i can't help but feel ashamed yet so frustrated that she gives in to those slot machines and bingo cards.
When i confront her about it, admittedly sometimes i go off the rails. I don't raise my voice, but i feel a sense of pity mixed with a loss of respect when addressing the issue. I don't like talking to her about it, so i usually avoid the topic altogether, unless i catch her dressed up ready to leave and she asks me for $20. I have no words.
AITA for not giving her money? Or for confronting her about her gambling issue? Should i leave her be? Idk what to do.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
b5UVXqU7zMHdE5LiecQZwfOIOj3YbYPf
|
a693yx
| null |
AITA; my partner accidentally forwarded me my Christmas gift and he found out that I hated it.
|
Hey Reddit. Throwaway for obvious reasons.
&#x200B;
My partner and I have been together for 1.5 years. We get along really well and have had a really good month, until last night. I was working afternoon shift at work when I got an email, and it was from him. He has accidentally sent me my xmas gift, which is a *skydiving* voucher. I have never, once, expressed that I would like to go skydiving. The voucher is for me only, so i'd be going skydiving alone. The thought of having to do this is terrifying. I had to leave my position at work because I was feeling really anxious about having to go skydiving. I couldn't think of anything worse than doing it alone.
&#x200B;
I then got really upset because I didn't know if I could do it, mentally. I didn't think I could just book it in and go and do it. It's not something i'd do, I think it would cause my anxiety to flare up. Then I got even more anxious because he's going to think i'm super ungrateful and selfish if I say anything about it. Then he texts me, really upset because he's realised he's forwarded me my xmas gift and tells me to just forget about it.
&#x200B;
My shift ends, I go home. I felt really bad about going home because I knew I needed to be honest and say to him I didn't know if I could do it. I got home, tried my best to say it nicely that I really didn't know if I could do it and theres no need to buy me any other gifts because he spent $300 on this damn voucher. No refunds either. As expected, he got really angry and upset, called me ungrateful and selfish. He told me it was unreasonable and not the "meaning of christmas" to get things that I wanted or asked for, but I should be happy that people thought of what to get me. I was really upset this whole time, obviously.
&#x200B;
So, am I the asshole for being honest with him?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
bEQZdwGi1E5kSSnbZfQ3Tn8dx5PXoxCX
|
b9li9p
|
{
"description": "pranking my friends",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for pranking my friends?
|
AITA for pulling a prank on my friends?
So myself and 7 coworkers are all friends. We hang out a lot after work and on the weekends, etc. A few of us are new this year, I’ve been working here for less than a year. The way our workplace runs, our manager changes every April. Our new manager is very nice and we get along great. Last year’s manager was the same way. However, apparently in the past there have been run-ins with managers and two of my coworkers, let’s call them Tom and Steve. Tom and Steve have been at the company for 3 and 4 years, respectively. They also happened to be taking PTO for a week while the transition occurred, and we decided to pull an April Fools prank on them while they were out.
We have a group chat that we use all the time, and on April 1st none of us were particularly busy, so we decided to pull a prank on Tom and Steve. One of my coworkers sent a message in the group chat saying that we had a meeting with our new manager and it went horribly. We all jumped in and backed him up, and said that the new manager was pissed that Tom and Steve weren’t present for his first day and this new meeting. Tom replied to our messages explaining that he had requested this time off months ago and there was nothing he could do about it. He seemed pretty upset but not that worried about it. The conversation kinda stopped there for about an hour since Steve hadn’t read the messages yet. TBH, based on the reaction we were getting from Tom, I thought this was kinda a lame prank. Tom didn’t seem worried and didn’t really react. Then Steve jumped in finally, and it heated up. He used some rather spicy words to describe his feelings towards this, and after about 5 minutes of going back and forth, we got the reaction we wanted, so we told them it was an April Fools joke. Those of us in the office that day thought it turned out pretty well. Turns out, though, that Tom and Steve were pretty pissed. They messaged back saying that they were upset with us for bothering them with this while they’re trying to relax on their time off.
I guess I understand where they’re coming from, but is this really that big an issue? It’s not like our prank was something that required them to drop everything they were doing and put out a fire, we just told them the new boss was mad at them, and after a few messages we told them it was in fact a prank. I know that they’ve had bad encounters with previous managers that weren’t very nice, but I mean, it’s April Fools and I thought this was a pretty harmless prank. On top of that, the new boss is awesome, so we’re in for a good year under his leadership. Tom and Steve haven’t messaged the GC since Monday, which is unusual for them. They’re back at work now and one of my coworkers saw them this morning and said hi but they gave him the silent treatment. Reddit, AITA?
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b7541l
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{
"description": "thinking my boss is horrible",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for thinking my boss is horrible?
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I could go on and on, but I feel like this is the straw that breaks the camel's back.
We are two people short due to someone leaving and another being out for workplace injury. It is left to my boss and I to run the store. She consistently changes the schedule to fit her needs. I had a day scheduled off on Sunday and two days before changes it without even notifying me, as well as making me work alone open-to-close the previous day where I had only been originally scheduled on my shift.
Now I totally understand having to cover extra time to keep our store running, but I realize she is making this happen so she can have another weekend off. I haven't had a weekend off in over a month. I have only been getting one day a week off, which is often rescheduled and moved around on the spot. I had a diabetes doctor appointment on a day off and she threw a fit saying I was being difficult when I didn't want to come in for her that day because I had prior arrangements. She also wanted a doctor's note for that even though our company does not require them even on sick days. I know it is a part of the job to work weekends, but I feel like an asshole to think I should at least get one weekend day to spend with my wife this month. My wife is extremely upset because I haven't had a matching day off with her in nearly two months.
I have type 1 diabetes, as my boss knows, and shouldn't be missing meals. When I asked how I was expected to take my lunch on Saturday, she said she will come for a few hours, and I can take it during that time. AITA to think if she can be there for a few hours that she should be capable of working a full shift so I'm not working those long hours unnecessarily?
I've had many friends and family tell me she is a horrible boss, but I really wanted to see what the Reddit community thinks, so I can avoid bias.
Again, this is only one scenario. I could give many examples. For instance her brother was visiting (and was her 'customer' the entire day) and they sent an upset customer over to me to process a return. She was distraught and in tears. While she pushed the work on to me, while I'm trying to comfort the poor lady, she and her brother heckled her, insulted her, egged her on, and laughed the whole time where she could hear.
TL;DR: My boss schedules herself however she wants on a whim and makes her employees cover with no regard to their plans, lives, or livelihood.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "being tired of your mental health issues",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 1
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AITA For being tired of your mental health issues?
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Am I the asshole?
Gonna keep it short and sweet, my (25M) girlfriend(27F) of 3 years says I stress her out. She says she's dealing with mental health issues anxiety, stress, depression, she's also gained weight to the point where she was clinically declared morbidly obese. I'm tired of hearing excuses when I'm working full time plus over time as an EMT, to keep our bills paid while she lives off child support. She's got me on it for our child, and her son's father is on it to. Reason I'm on is because public assistance forced her to do it to me, since. She requested help without documenting that I live with her. Reason she's on public assistance is because she quit her job back in March 2018, and this household needed 2 full incomes.
Her son is 6 our daughter is 2. Am I the asshole for being tired for attending the pity party for so long? I understand mental health issues are serious but I been trying to support for what I feel like is long enough. I feel like I should move forward with my life for the sake of me and my daughter and leave her and her son in the past. I'll be cordial for the sake of our daughter but that's it.
Am I the asshole?
TLDR: Tired of watching stagnant mother of my kid struggle with mental health issues while I push on with life.
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HISTORICAL
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AITA lost a friend
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So a while go I had a friend who I'll just call 5, we had a falling out. (This is all happening in a groupchat cause I had just moved away around 3 weeks ago and we couldn't meet anymore since I was so far away.)
So this guy, I met all my friends through him (I'm still friends with everyone but him) and originally he had made a groupchat where I could meet all his friends since me and my now boyfriend (mind you I'm bisexual, that'll be important information) had a situation where we both had to be away every week.
So the story goes that 5 is gay and he's homophobic at the same time, I don't completely blame him cause his family is very homophobic and that has a big affect on him.
But since I'm a bisexual man I don't like it when my friend is being homophobic.
So 5 has started calling himself a faggot and saying how disgusting he is for liking men, now he's super depressed and suicidal, (also important information) so I was constantly worried for him.
5 used to tell us how bad he wants to die and then disappear from the groupchat for way over 20 minutes, leaving us all worried.
Now that's just a childish thing to do but I started to get multiple panick attacks and most times the worry I felt for him or the hurt I felt from him being homophobic, usually was the trigger to them.
So after a while I had made my desicion, I would have to stop talking to him for a while until my own mental state was good enough to be able to talk to him well. He didn't really like that idea apparently.
So another thing to note is that I was also very suicidal and I had almost tried to kill myself that week and I wasn't doing that well, but I know that he had almost tried to kill himself the week before so I felt obliged to make him feel better but I knew that it wouldn't happen when I have the same mindset
So anyway the conversation gies something like this.
5: I'm such a faggot!
Me: I'm done with this.
Me: you better start apreciating yourself cause I'm done with you blaming yourself. Okay I get it you hate gay people but you can't choose who you're attracted to, the only thing you can do is accept it. Instead of telling yourself it's disgusting try to tell yourself it's okay to be gay, even if it feels like a lie but pmease at least try.
Me: you being homophobic in general makes me feel like shit because my best friend thinks taht i'm disgusting for liking men. I'm okay with who I am but it still makes me feel like shit when my best friend thinks I'm disgusting. You've been outwardly homophobic towards me too.
5: i have no problem with other people being gay just me.
Me: you've literally said "gay people are disgusting."
5: oh right
Me: I've been feelimg like shot for weeks because of this.
So rhe converstation went on along the same lines but ended with him choosing to hate himself instead of having me as a friend.
Me: it's a hsame really you were my best friend. And I know your homophobia isn't a big deal for others (there was only one straight person in the gc) but I'm already really bad and you know how I am.
5: if Ican manage to change I'll let you know.
Me: 5 I'm sorry but I'm too selfish and I can't take it.
That was how the converstation ended, but then I went into our dm's and we agreed we'd call for an hour at least, every month in the 15th day, he seemed okay at that point but thwn later on he blocked me on WhatsApp which was where we were talking.
The next day everything was not going well and I was depressed and suicidal and I talked tp my boyfriend who helped me feel better. But after we stopped talking I got a panick attack and at that specific moment, 5 unblocked me and messaged me again.
5: I've already changed, I'm okay with being gay now.
5:do you really aant me out of your life that bad?
5: come on answer me.
Me: a change that big doesn't happen in one day.
Okay so after this I had to go eat and me not wanting to be rude, I left my phone. But during that time 5 had messaged me about how I wanted him out of my life and then after I didn't respond in 2 minutes he said "well fine! I didn't want to be friends with you anyway. You're just a loser." And then he blocked me again.
Once I got frome eating I sent him a normal text.
Me: you're an impatient asshole. I'm not gonna starve myself just cause you want to talk.
5: I didn't want to talk I just wanted to know if you really wanted me out of your life.
Me: I don't.
5: well I do
Me: i kinda guessed you hated me secretly and I guess I was right. Just remember your desicion is final.
So after that it was all calm and quiet. Until the next day.
He unblocked me again and said
5:don't pretend there'sonly one person to blame here. It's your fault too. You can't only blame me.
I blocked him and he stayed to type but I never found out what he was gonna say.
So important notes I firgot to tell. He knows I have trust issues and I've had a bad past. He also knows I look for reasons why everything is my fault.
After a while he apologised but I told him I forgive him but that we won't talk anymore.
So am I the asshole? Or is it just me blaming myself for everything again? Caus3 I feel like all of it was my fault.
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{
"description": "not wanting to pay 50/50 on rent",
"pronormative_score": 8,
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AITA for not wanting to pay 50/50 on rent?
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First, some context. My partner and I were temporarily living in her mother’s home. Her mother was not living there at the time as she wanted to live with her current partner. She ended up selling the house, and so my partner and I began looking for places to rent.
Her mother made it very clear that she would be covering my partner’s share of the rent as she is currently studying at university and isn’t able to work much. Additionally, she also made it clear that we were to rent a place that had three bedrooms instead of two so that she could stay if she needs to. She offered to pay the rent on that room as well. So far, no problem, everything is fine.
Side note: My partner and I have a bedroom each as we need our own spaces to do things, such as study for her, and late-night computering for me.
We found a place, and everything is going fine. We just recently renewed our lease for a year. Now, during all this, her mother has only stayed overnight a few times when she was on a “break” with her partner. In the last couple months, she decided she would rent a place with her partner and go half-half in it with him. She did this after we already signed the lease.
So now, she pays rent at her place, and at our place. She has suddenly demanded that, because she doesn’t stay over with us and she “doesn’t even like the place” that she doesn’t want to pay the agreed-upon rent. She wants to now go half-half with me.
If I were to accept this, my rent would rise by around $70/week. I am already at the maximum I was willing to pay on rent before this. I explained to her that we had an agreement and have only recently renewed our lease and it isn’t fair to now back out due to her not having any foresight that renting two places at once is not a good idea.
I told her that I am not prepared to pay half-half, however I would increase my rent a bit to help her out. This was rejected and she then implied that if I had to pay half-half with my partner, that I would ditch her instead. That really pissed me off and she left soon after.
So, AITA here?
Some side notes:
- moving to a cheaper 2-bedroom place is something we want to do, but isn’t an option right now due to several factors
- we wouldn’t have a 3-bedroom (and more expensive) place had my partner’s mother not insisted.
- renting the spare room is something we are seriously considering, however we need to get permission first and we also sacrifice our privacy, so this is a last resort.
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"description": "having a nosebleed and not cleaning it up",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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|
AITA for having a nosebleed and not cleaning it up?
|
I'm sorry for bad formatting if it occurs, I'm on mobile.
Some names for the story: me [14], and J [brother, 16]. We're sharing a hotel room with our parents (half term break) on holiday. I wake up and he's at the shelf that we kept our phones charging on overnight and I ask him if he can get mine. He gets it, and I start scrolling Reddit. Our of the fucking blue, I get a nosebleed. Literally no other symptoms which could've predicted it. So I'm bleeding and I start the basic course of stopping it (pinch nose) and say to J, "shit, I've got a nosebleed". He says, "OK, have fun". I get up out of bed and go to the bathroom, dropping 2 drops of blood in the process on the bathroom floor.
I clean my face up and get back in bed and continue scrolling Reddit and he goes and has a shower, and when he gets out he says to me "Can you please clean up the [2] drops of blood on the floor? If it were water then I'd do it (there was lots of water on the floor anyways, which he didn't clear up) but it's blood." So I cleared it away without really saying anything but I got a bit miffed that my older brother wouldn't touch 2 blood stains, which were easily cleared up. I cleaned them up and we carried on with the day as normal.
AITA for not immediately cleaning away the blood stains?
Post Script - he may or may not have a fear of blood? I'm not sure at all, I doubt it but he might.
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aue9uf
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{
"description": "getting rides from my friend and drinking his beer",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting rides from my friend and drinking his beer?
|
Title probably makes it sound like I'm just a bum, but I couldn't figure out how else to word it without being too longwinded.
Right now, I'm a junior in college. Last year I had my car with me because my apartment had plenty of parking spaces on site. This year however, I'm living in an apartment complex which doesn't have enough parking for everyone, and I wasn't lucky enough to get one of the spots. So my car is a 15 minute walk from where I live, in a somewhat sketchier part of the city. So, I've been getting rides from my friend (we'll call him Dave) whenever we're going somewhere because he has his car at his house. Let me emphasize, that it's only when WE are going somewhere TOGETHER, or I'm coming to hang out with him at his place. I've never just asked him to drive me somewhere out of his way.
While I acknowledge it requires him to drive the 5 minutes out of his way from his place to mine that he wouldn't otherwise have to do if I took my own car, I feel like it's just more convenient that way rather than me walk the 15 minutes to my car and THEN make the 5 minute drive. Or spend $6 for an Uber anytime we want to hang. Because of this, I've tried to make up for it by making food for him and letting him drink however much of my beer he wants when he comes to visit me at my place.
Well, earlier today, he flipped out and called me a freeloader and an asshole because I always want him to pick me up when we're hanging out, and because I helped myself to some of his beer. I was caught off guard by this, because he's never said anything to me about my asking for rides bothering him. Never asked for gas money either. And he didn't ask for it during the argument either, he just said he was done giving me rides and that I could figure out my own way to get around. And I didn't think just grabbing a beer would bother him because I always let him drink however much he wants of mine.
So I'm at a loss here folks. AITA in this situation?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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arfmoz
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{
"description": "not being excited someone was asking parents for permission to marry their daughter",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA-for not being excited someone was asking parents for permission to marry their daughter?
|
My coworker and I were talking about how after work she was going to go cut a friends hair because he was going to propose and he wanted to look sharp. I'm laughing and smiling along, happy for the guy, marrying someone is a big thing after all, when she drops the bomb that hes going to go ask the parents for permission first.
I literally said "Oh..." and kinda froze, yay? For asking like the woman had to be given away like a piece of meat or something? Shes her own person why does he have to ask if shes allowed to make that decision? I really dont get that...
My coworker looked at me like I had two heads and repeated the "going to ask permission " part and emphasized it, like I should be jumping for joy he was doing it and I just...wasnt? I just ended up saying that I was glad things were going well for him and I hoped she said yes, bypassing the parents bit.
Am i the asshole here for not being excited over him asking permission to ask someone to marry him?
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| null |
AITA for my gf and I keeping our income low to apply for lower income housing.
|
Ok so this is weird.
My girlfriend and I have been looking to move in together so we’ve been searching for apartments. My parents recently onformed me that they’d be moving to Phoenix, AZ in August so I would need to find my own place.
A lot of the apartments were too expensive for our budget but we found 1 that we’re happy with. The complex was very nice and the lost cost we were told was 890/mo for 1 bed/1 bath. We were also informed of this application where if you and whoever are living in the apartment are making less than 32000 collectively a year then you apply for the “bond program” (I think it was called) that let’s you live in their studio apartments for less rent (about 550 a month not including utilities) We asked about the availability of the apartment and they told us that there are a lot available right now so it’s not like people are scrambling to get in.
My gf has been looking for a new job and would like to switch to full time when she finishes college. I told her that she should wait until we apply and get the verification that we apply for the program to actually go full time and she agreed. We wouldn’t apply until July. (She’s not struggling for cash or anything and i would help out if that ever were the case, this would strictly be to save money in the long run).
We also started trying to attack our debts together and would be basically living like poor people for the foreseeable future until we were out of debt. So this program would give us a head start. After the leasing period, if your income rises above 32000 a year you’d be asked to move into the normal studio (which is the same size and specs as the bond program one).
We cooould afford to live in the normal apartments comfortably but it would take longer to pay off our debts.
AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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ypLCoW3thaVlRJYfIMPrgxnUMG9bOsLH
|
awmvid
|
{
"description": "calling out my gf's sleep farting",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for calling out my gf’s sleep farting?
|
The gf really embarrassed me earlier in the week by telling our group of friends an embarrassing story about me and an unfortunate erection I got at her parents. I wasn’t mad about it, but I did figure the gloves were off and made some jokes about the monster farts she rips in her sleep. According to her I crossed a line and she’s super mad.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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cp3q90KHTldc0jfOjyxVsJeiLHKgIm7L
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aartqc
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend of 9 months because I felt things for another girl",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend of 9 months because I felt things for another girl?
|
I was with my girlfriend for 9 months and she was always great and super affectionate. She would send me those Instagram “relationship memes” and I truly felt appreciated. But there was something missing, I did have some problems with her. About 2 months ago I started to feel things for another girl but nothing happened. Last week I started actually talking to her, and I really did like her. So I broke up with my current gf because I didn’t want to stay in a relationship that I wasn’t completely feeling. Still, I feel bad because she is super sweet and a really good person overall.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not wanting to go through with sexual encounter",
"pronormative_score": 35,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go through with sexual encounter
|
My girlfriend wants me to have sex with her in weird places in public. She says its something we have to work on to make sure we are compatable. Like in a car, in a park, in a classroom. This sort of stuff thrill her. I dont want to. She said I had to work with her thats what couples do in disagreements and said lets just have sex in a classroom during the day, we can close the door and no one would know. I said no. she said Im being a ass for not trying to work with her AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b2kdr3
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{
"description": "bailing on my friends while going through a rough time",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for bailing on my friends while going through a rough time?
|
TL;DR at bottom
So for about a month or two, me and 3 other people (best friend, close friend and her boyfriend) were planning on taking a few days off of work and stay in a hotel in a little town not too far from here. We were planning on going to a casino, going out and seeing the town, some drinks, maybe the zoo or something too.
But in the last 24 hours I've learned:
-That my grandpa, who I live with to help pay rent, has a serious gambling addiction. So serious that me and my best friend have only a few months to find a new place.
-My father and his super young girlfriend are having a second baby.(his wife is 21 and they already have a 1 year old baby and take care of my 15 year old FAS brother.
-My grandpa in another state is in the ICU and may not make it another month. My mom is hysterical and I haven't had time off from work to visit her.
The trip was set for this morning, I bailed last night and all 3 of my friends kept saying things along the lines of " I understand, but you really have to come with" and a bunch of super sarcastic remarks like "ok that's fine I guess". My close friend then texts my best friend that she wont talk to me and she will be mad at me for months after this.
I spent about 300$ on planning this trip, hell I even lent them the money to book it, but that honestly doesn't matter to me. I told them to keep it and go without me. I know I cant directly help with my dad and other grandpa, but I'm trying the best I can.
TL;DR I bailed on my friends after setting up a trip because I'm sad and anxious and they hate me for it. Am I the asshole?
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a9w8sr
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{
"description": "getting annoyed that some of my family won't call me by my chosen name",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed that some of my family won’t call me by my chosen name?
|
I (22f) was given a formal name at birth but my parents chose to call me by a nickname for most of my childhood. This nickname is not a shortened version of my given name but a different name altogether. When I was 15 I started going by my given name and have repeatedly asked my family members to call me this name.
Specifically my mom and grandparents refuse to try to call me by given name and it’s started to annoy me to the point where I want to call them out on it and have almost snapped once or twice. I find it dismissive of my feelings to call me a name that I don’t resonate with and don’t think to respond to. This nickname makes me almost cringe every time I hear it.
I get that my grandparents are set in their ways and it’s difficult for them to think of me as my given name but I would appreciate it if they would try. I feel like my mom should try harder. So AITA for being so annoyed?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b6d7ab
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"description": "getting in touch with my friends soon to be fiancé and tell her that he uses her to free his family off their debt",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
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|
WIBTA for getting in touch with my friends soon to be fiancé and tell her that he uses her to free his family off their debt?
|
So this happened a few days. My friend is dating a girl which he said he didn't enjoy anything other than the luxury of having a gf whose father is rich thus getting access to some luxury holidays and presents. So we were just sitting there talking about our future and what would happen to us to which he replied that he was going to marry this girl because of the money and that he already proposed a week ago. And he was so happy that he could "shoulder the debt of his father and let his family live more comfortable once again"
Would i be the asshole if i got in touch with his gf and told her that my friend is in it for the money and nothing else? I knew him for 8 years and never saw that part of him.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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a10uzs
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"description": "bailing on a family vacation because they told me I had to suddenly plan all the logistics a week before we all fly out",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
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|
AITA for bailing on a family vacation because they told me I had to suddenly plan all the logistics a week before we all fly out?
|
I haven’t seen my family in a while. My dad proposed a nice vacation spot. He mentioned he has friends in the area and he told me he’s been looking at brochures, etc. Awesome, I agree and book my flight and so does my dad, mom and brother. This was about a month ago.
Today, a week before we fly out - my parents tell me to look for an AirBnB. Wtf? I got so gd suspicious of this, I immediately called them and questioned them do we even have a plan? They vaguely say yeah we should spend two days here and there, and meet up with some friends sometime during the week. Turns out my dad didn’t even bother to call ahead, make reservations or even checked out the vacation spot if the well known touristy areas are available next week. I am so fucking triggered, I went to cancel my flight (got flight insurance) so I’m not losing much on the flight. I told them I’m out and they’re on their own.
Am I the asshole for somehow misunderstanding my dad (claims he has friends in the area and claims he looked at brochures), and bailing on a last minute vacation when they order me to plan all the details?
I’m also 100% certain there will be other unknown shit that’ll just appear and drive me insane - random friend will want to meet up but we will still be in a city 100 miles away from the supposed vacation spot, and so I’ll be forced to drive and redo the logistics every goddamn day.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b6qddk
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{
"description": "telling my roommate that his long-term gf is cheating on him",
"pronormative_score": 13,
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|
WIBTA if I told my roommate (26m) that his long-term gf (25f) is cheating on him?
|
Need some brutal honesty about what I consider to be a morally grey area.
My boyfriend is really good friends with John (26m), and has been for years. They've been roommates for a long time, during which time John started dating Jane (25f). They became pretty serious and Jane moved in with them about two years ago. I also moved in about a year later and have lived there since. Long story short, the four of us all live in the same house and usually get along.
I became friends with both John and Jane, but wouldn't consider us close. Jane likes to party a lot, loves attention, and always has her friends over -- this is her first time living away from her parents and it shows. John, on the other hand, is super mellow and easy-going. He’d rather spend all his free time smoking, playing Runescape and mostly keeping to himself, but he’s become pretty tight-knit with Jane’s group of friends lately.
It’s a relationship, so obviously there’s more nuance than that and they work surprisingly well together. I honestly thought everything was fine up until last weekend. Jane and I end up in the bathroom together, drunkenly chatting about exes for some reason when she started randomly crying about how she cheated. I assumed she was referring to something that happened in the past – she apparently hooked up with an ex while she was seeing John. This was a couple years ago, and I was under the assumption that John had already forgiven her for it and that they moved on, but she started crying that “it’s not just in my past, but it’s my present, too”. I didn’t get any details because I didn’t want any, but she was so upset and begged me not to tell anyone, especially John, because she hadn’t figured things out yet.
I wish she didn’t tell me, and I don’t even know why she did. I ended up deciding to tell my bf because he and John are such good friends, but of course now that just puts my bf in the same shitty situation that I’m in. My bf wants to tell John, but we also know that John is so anti-confrontational, that a) he might not even believe us and b) even if he did, there’s a pretty massive chance that he would forgive Jane again. In either case, we look like the complete assholes and I guarantee that the living situation would crumble into something miserable for all of us.
So, reddit: do we keep the peace and hope that the cheating makes itself known organically, or do we risk making the living situation hell by trying to be a good friend to John? I’m torn between minding my own damn business and letting them do them, or informing John before they get even more serious.
For clarity, my boyfriend and I are both 27 and are saving up to move out, but that looks like it’s going to be a ways away.
TL;DR – my bf’s close friend John is being cheated on by his long-term girlfriend Jane. I’m afraid to say anything because the four of us live together. WIBTA if I told John?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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av4xrp
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{
"description": "not apologizing about a video",
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AITA For not apologizing about a video
|
I work for a church where my job is to make videos. One of the videos I have to make weekly are announcements about stuff going on in the church. A year & a half ago I began making them funny, grabbing onto any gimmick that I thought was humorous & it has been well received, even the ones that I thought were risky, i.e., cross-dressing, edgy (for a church) jokes, and innuendos.
This past week I watched a GMM video where they have to make calls to various places while being "speech jammed." For those who don't know that's when you speak into a microphone and delay the audio back into your headphones slightly which causes an echo and makes speaking difficult, my speech slows down and I begin to stutter pretty badly, for instance.
I thought it would be funny to do the weekly video this way, and for the most part, it was. At the start of the video, I explained what it was, & told people the website where they could try it for themselves, then put the headphones on & read my script poorly as intended. Before releasing the video the pastor of the church stopped by my office & raised a concern about it possibly offending someone, he didn't want me not to make the video he just wanted me to make sure I explain what it was at the beginning and then gave me the go-ahead on it.
On Sunday we show the video, and it sounds like most people enjoy it & are laughing. However, around 4 P.m. that day I receive this email, *"First off I know you meant no harm with the way you delivered the announcements today. Unfortunately, It was in poor taste for anyone that has a disability that prevents them from speaking fluidly. Anyone with a stroke, cerebral palsy, Parkinson’s, etc. I’m only trying to prevent hurt feelings in the future."* I forwarded this to my direct superior, and the pastor and the pastor responds to me, *"I was afraid this would happen, you shouldn't have done that."* I guess forgetting that he greenlit it 4 days prior. Now today he forwards me another email from an upset member, *"I don't mean to be a bother, but today in \_\_\_'s weekly update, \_\_\_ and I were both offended and disappointed. As you well know \_\_\_ is Autistic with limited speech. \_\_\_\_'s delivery on stuttering and speaking with a deficit was definitely shocking in the year 2019. I don't believe it was meant in a bad spirit, but there are many families like ours, even in our church, who deal with the issue of a disability every day. A little sensitivity goes a long way."*
The pastor then tells me I need to call these families and apologize for being insensitive & "get ahead of this situation before he has to deal with it with the Administrative Board."
To me, these emails don't require an apology because they both acknowledge the video had no malice in it, it was more of "please don't do that again." Also, like H3H3 said, "Just because you were offended by a joke, doesn't mean that the joke was inherently offensive."
So AITA for not apologizing?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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b1rc68
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{
"description": "speaking up about my niece's speech delays to the in-laws because SIL seems to not see the impact",
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"contranormative_score": 3
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|
WIBTA for speaking up about my niece’s speech delays to the in-laws because SIL seems to not see the impact?
|
My SIL/BIL are wonderful parents who love their children. They have 3 children with one more on the way. They prescribe to more of the free range parenting style then my husband and I with our kids, but so what, to each their own. However, there is this one area that we feel should be address in a more direct way as their oldest daughter (as well as the next younger sibling) has a massive speech issue. She can not pronounce most words and has anger issues because most people, include my own children, can not understand a word she is saying. We have attempted to speak with them in a loving way and even now, after holding her back to repeat kindergarten a second time, things are not getting any better. They talk about getting her therapy, but “the new house” seems be more important. WIBTA for speaking with the other in-laws (we are the only ones who have kids in this large family) to see if they have more influence to convince them to get my niece the help she needs?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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anvrin
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{
"description": "wanting to break up with my long-distance gf",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to break up with my long-distance gf?
|
We dated for a year and then I got into my first pick school and moved away, we decided we would try and make it work by visiting each other as much as possible but we live on opposite sides of the country and neither of us can afford to travel often enough. I really like her but I'm realizing more and more that this isn't going to work; she refused to move in with me and now she won't even travel my way, I do all the traveling. I need this to be over so I can focus on my new life, AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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b1233e
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{
"description": "wanting to stay with my girlfriend",
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|
AITA for wanting to stay with my girlfriend
|
I'm \[Asian American M 20\] currently a second year college student.
&#x200B;
I met my girlfriend \[21\] last year. To me, she's perfect; she's loving, caring, and helped me so much with getting through a rough patch of my life.
&#x200B;
My parents think otherwise. See, she's from a poorer economic background. Despite her merits (she earned a merit-based full ride scholarship, for instance), my parents only notice the fact that her family's poorer.
&#x200B;
It also doesn't help that my parents have explicitly told me that they hold extreme prejudices against people of perceived color. I say perceived, because my girlfriend is actually more Asian than black, but is simply darker than my family and I are.
&#x200B;
Long story short, my parents have given really harsh ultimatums, to the extent that they threaten to pull me out of college just to ensure that I'm not with her. I "gave in," but in the meantime, I'm still in a relationship with her. (My girlfriend is fully aware that my parents do not like her. She hopes that things can change in the future.)
&#x200B;
That was a few months ago. Since then, I've been wondering how I could take care of my own financial matters and basically remove any leverage that my parents have over me. However, I've been wondering: AITA for lying to my parents and staying in this relationship? On one hand, I feel like a horrible liar. Plus, my parents pay for my education: I feel like I'm not giving them the most bang for their buck (even though I have my own bank account and I take care of my own personal allowances, i.e. I don't spend my parents money in my relationship). But on the other hand, my parents are only judging this relationship on the basis of race and social background.
&#x200B;
Most importantly, in the event that I am indeed an asshole, what should I do next?
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HISTORICAL
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a1ai0y
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{
"description": "telling my pre-med friend to push through his depression",
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"contranormative_score": 4
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|
AITA for telling my pre-med friend to push through his depression?
|
So we're both junior pre-meds and my friend hasn't been coming to classes (where attendance is unfortunately required). He's expecting me to give him the clicker answers and give him homework answers because he's depressed. Look, I get it, apathy is a symptom of depression but the reality is, no one's going to hold your hand. He expects our professors to give him a pass on the next test while he recovers his mental health and after I tried to be nice to him to help him feel better, I just snapped and told him to get his head out of his ass and do some damn work.
If he can't get pass a microbio class because of his mental health, he sure as hell isn't going to become a doctor. He definitely shouldn't expect everyone to give him free passes. I get that mental health is a big deqal but he should be able to push through on this and do some damn work. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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bawHq2Kb6m2hrs7EiZyvsKh5cdDmFIkE
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ahvd9n
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{
"description": "criticizing my best friend of 3 years for not talking to me or including me in her life",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
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|
AITA for criticizing my best friend of 3 years for not talking to me or including me in her life?
|
So, this story is a little complicated and will take a bit of exposition to give you the full picture.
My best friend [18 F] and I [19 M] have been friends for about 6 years now, but it wasn’t until about 3 years ago that she and I started getting really close. Sure, we’ve had our ups and downs in our relationship; periods of closeness followed by periods of us drifting apart, and so on. There was even a point where we were so close most of our classmates thought we were dating. She knows everything about me and I know everything about her, even all the dark stuff we like to hide from others.
August of 2018 comes around and I leave for my first semester of college. The university I’m attending is about a 90-minute drive from where my friend and I live; however, I don’t have a car, so my friendship with her effectively becomes a long-distance one. At this time, we were in the midst of a period of drifting apart. While up at university, I try to maintain and foster closeness by reaching out to her by text at least once every day. At first, she responded to most of my messages. From these, I learn that a few things in her life aren’t going so well and she’s very stressed (for the sake of her privacy, I’ll keep the details vague). I try inviting discussion over the topics, but more-often-than-not, she would change the subject or drop it entirely. This goes on for 2-3 months.
I go home for fall break in mid-October and she and I hang out for an evening and catch up. We were very open and honest with each other about stuff and I get a clearer picture of the things happening in her life and I see how stressful things are for her. However, the night was very fun and it felt like she and I had never grown apart. It felt like we had never been closer. I go back up to university. Early November rolls around, and my best friend all but stops responding to my messages. I start sending them less often (wanting to not add more stress to her life) and I say things like “Hey, are you okay? Haven’t heard from you in a while.” I very rarely got a response.
Mid-December comes around and I go home after finals week. I try a few times to organize another date-night, but she blows me off for two of my attempts (which I thought was completely understandable knowing how stressful her life was). Finally, we get dinner a couple days after Christmas. However, this is when I had noticed things had changed. My friend’s personality had significantly changed. Whenever I tried asking details about how her life was going, she would only give me shallow and superficial information. I felt like I had to pry details out of her. The rest of the night felt awkward to me because I almost felt like I was hanging out with a stranger, which hurt a little bit.
The next night, I ask my friend if there’s another time within the next week that would work to hang out. I wanted to talk to her about how I felt a little hurt that she hadn’t included me in her life as she went through a radical personality change. Over text, she explains to me that a few things in her life just came crashing down and she’d have to face them within the next week. So, she requested that we just have a discussion over text. I explain to her how she appeared radically different to me the other night and that I felt hurt because she hadn’t kept in contact with me as she went through this change. I explained how the fact that she had changed wasn’t the thing that hurt; I was hurt by the fact that I couldn’t even tell that the change was happening because she wasn’t talking.
After I got it all off my chest, she said her piece; among other things, she accused me of piling on more stress and making a problem out of something that isn’t a problem. Afterwards, she made it clear that she no longer wanted to be friends with me or have contact with me in the future.
So, Reddit, I need your brutally-honestly opinion. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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t0s3MwBBwgngAMu7vnIrLaretwJkrCV7
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ahotxe
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{
"description": "cancelling the trip to see my gf",
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|
AITA for cancelling the trip to see my GF ?
|
Repost without the whole conversation and added a TLDR.
So, background. I've been with my girlfriend for about 7 months now.
We both have difficult personalities due to difficult past, difficult previous relationships and upbringings. We're both oversensitive. During these 7 months together, we broke up more times than I can count. It usually only last a day or two and then we're back together because I really love her, and (I think) she really loves me as well.
We have a long distance relationship, I'm in France, she's in Germany, although our cities are close and a 2 hours train journey is all it takes so see each other. Last time we saw each other were for NYE, when she came over and spent a few days with my family and I.
Things were dire before that and we broke up for the nth time on December 24th. We managed to move on 2 days later. That's the event that she's referring to in the following conversation when she talks about Christmas.
Her exams are coming soon, and she's in over her head because she has so much stuff to do. Because of our break up over Christmas and her time spent at mine, she also wasn't able to study. She usually can't work when I'm around even though I can.
My birthday is on Monday, and I was supposed to go to Germany tomorrow so we can spend it together, and come back on Tuesday. Her birthday was two weeks ago on the 7th, I couldn't be with her because I had a work imperative, but I had roses and chocolates send to her. She really liked the gesture, and she was perfectly fine with me not coming because work was a priority. I offered last week to not come if she really had a lot of work this weekend (I've always been alone for my birthdays so they're of little importance to me) but she insisted that I did, but we'd have to work most of tomorrow. I agreed with that. The idea was we'd celebrate both our birthdays.
Earlier today, she mentioned that we really needed to work all day long, and when I asked if we could at least spend a bit of time together she suggested I should cancel the trip if we're not working 100% of the time. Which I did. And now she freaked out and is blaming me for cancelling the trip.
I've been quite selfish in the relationship in some aspects, and I've always done my best to change that behavior and place her needs before mine. However, I think in today's scenario, she really went too far, and she created the whole drama. To be fair, I think she has a lot of unresolved issues, and it's sometimes really hard to tell her she's doing stuff wrong because she won't accept it. I'd like to have some external opinion on this argument.
If you really want the whole details, the argument can be found here: [http://freetexthost.com/0s6xaqee1n](http://freetexthost.com/0s6xaqee1n). I'm Terry, she's Honeybee.
So, am I the asshole here?
&#x200B;
TLDR: Offered to go see my GF which I'm in a long distance relationship with tomorrow and monday for my birthday. Say she wants to spend the whole day work because she's in over her head for her exams. I say I'm okay to work but that I'd like to relax and enjoy each other's company for an hour or two. Answers that if we're not spending the whole day working, better cancel the trip. I cancel, and she blames me for cancelling and breaks up with me over that.
&#x200B;
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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rBfSRIR35aov6EhJCCkwSRQbJDSBbV8T
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9uztji
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{
"description": "cutting out my best friend of my life",
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|
AITA for cutting out my best friend of my life?
|
Alright here is a quick TL;DR of my life the past few months. You can read more in my post history, but basically I met this girl, we fell in love, we both have mental issues, she keeps on pulling me close to her to the point where I would do anything for her, even die, and every time she pushes me away. Last night I considered killing myself because no matter how hard I try to support her with her trauma I fail to keep her safe (She was abused for a long time when she was younger). To the point now, after hearing some kind redditors responses I decided to cut her out of my life. While she was sleeping I texted her that I love her, and because of that I have to cut her out of my life because our friendship is to destructive for the both of us, and I can't see her get hurt.
So, am I the asshole for cutting the only person I love out of my life?
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HISTORICAL
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auompd
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{
"description": "not sitting through my dad's hip replacement surgery",
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"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not sitting through my dad’s hip replacement surgery?
|
This morning I brought my dad to the hospital at 5 am for his hip replacement. I hugged him, told him I loved him, and said I’d be there later to visit with my older sister. He’s had his other hip replaced by the same surgeon years prior, and he did great. I left and went home to sleep and eat. Though I did not do either.
Later, we come to find out that they had forgotten to tell him not to take one of his medicines, which acts as a blood thinner. My dad calls me and tells me he needs to be picked up as they cannot do the surgery today. I call to tell my sister what happened, and she says something along the lines of “you’re not there in the hospital with him?! How dare you?!”
I truly feel terrible. I wasn’t aware that I was supposed to sit and wait for updates or something as the surgery goes on? I didn’t know they did that. I figured I’d know the same amount of information through a phone call. Mind you, my sister is at work throughout this whole thing, and my other sister is 4 hours away.
I truly do feel like a bad daughter for not sitting and waiting. Am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aonnw1
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{
"description": "parking in the reserved space for \"parents with Toddlers\" when I'm not a parent",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 24
}
|
AITA for parking in the reserved space for “Parents with Toddlers” when I’m not a parent?
|
Our area supermarket expanded last year and now it’s a big warehouse store. There’s like 300 parking spaces, but one of these spaces is reserved for parents with toddlers.
I drive an hour and half to work one way each day. On Wednesday night I was getting back to into town around 9:45pm. I had to go grocery shopping which I mentally anguish thinking about having spent this long in the car. I also had to shit really bad. So I aim for a spot up front near the area where they have the store restrooms. Usually there’s spots at this hour because no one shops this late and the store closes at 11pm. I pull up and discover it’s the reserved parents spot, but oh well.
You can guess what happened. I leave the store and there’s an unkempt smoking dude by my car with his two little kids. Just waiting there for me to shame me for taking the spot. I didn’t confront him. I waited in the store for about 10 minutes until he gave up and took his kids home. I think he ashed his cigarette on my car though.
Now I’m not falling for this. How does this guy know if I’m not a parent with kids? There’s no special tag you’re given to park there. How can the supermarket possibly have a tag system that covers the whole parent population of the county for that one measly space? There’s no fine either, not breaking any laws parking there. What was his plan if I came out with kids? Is he the only parent on Earth that is expected to shop with children at night? What’s disgusting is this guy is subjecting his kids to waiting in the cold to make a point, and a worthless one in my view.
This is one parking space out of 300+ spaces on the property and a surrounding population of over hundreds of thousands of people. Many of them parents. How can any parent with toddlers like this guy have the assurance to expect to park in this one parking space every time they go grocery shopping at this store? You’re competing with all other parents, dude.
When does being a parent suddenly mean you’re not able bodied? I’m not going to park in the handicapped space, I’d never get away with that in a million years. And I’d feel like shit for doing that to a disabled person. And I’m not parking in the “employee of the month” space that was right next to the “parents with toddlers” space, because the employees who get the carts in the parking lot probably know the cars of their coworkers, and I’d catch shit for that.
But my conclusion is this: this guy saw my car in the space and probably thought no one is shopping this late at night on a weekday with their children, and that I must be a non-parent , parking in a space that he probably wouldn’t park in anyway given the amount of competition for the spot. So let’s feel special and make a statement. It’s apparently not enough that they have seats in the shopping carts.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
O9WdGRJGY2SpJNkUh3UEtgaw261xa48L
|
a29wm5
|
{
"description": "saving animals",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for saving animals?
|
I’m a vegan and I like to talk to people about veganism to try to get them to at least use less animal products, but they say I’m an asshole for trying to shame them for using animal products. Yeah, they’re terrible people for it but I don’t try to shame them.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
Jt8ORM5QIcELT7ShJrpeiNjZeKTDXyoQ
|
aytbho
|
{
"description": "correcting the record about sex with my gf",
"pronormative_score": 51,
"contranormative_score": 22
}
|
AITA for correcting the record about sex with my gf?
|
Gf had some silly ideas about men and sex. She thought it was the most important thing in my life and kinda a get out of jail free card. Also she would use it to talk me into doing stuff I didn’t want to do.
I’m at fault here for letting it go on as long as I did. Sex with her is pretty great and I would go along with it.
Last night however she asked me to spend my only day off this week (today) working at her mother’s house with the promise of some good sex. Normally I’d go along with it, but I’m beat. I just wanted to sit around and recover.
She was really surprised when I turned her down. She got angry. I ended up having to explain to her that sex with her is awesome and all, but it’s not the end all. That I would rather go without it and be able to relax today.
Things got heated and I told her that if I really needed to I could take care of myself and she thinks way too highly of herself. That was probably over the line, but understand that she uses sex as a bargaining chip a lot.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 48,
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"NOBODY": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 22
}
|
RIGHT
|
jl7DqFH9ffJ0ur1ZSdOZN8Y7h4ER9iqs
|
a7to0s
|
{
"description": "not wanting my dad walking me down the aisle at my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA because I don't want my dad walking me down the aisle at my wedding?
|
TL;DR:
My dad wants to walk me down the aisle and my sister thinks I'm a dick because I don't want to.
Don't get me wrong. My dad and I have a great friendship. He is kind and generous and sweet. But I don't want to walk down the aisle with anyone but my fiancee. When I told my family this my dad seemed a bit hurt and my sister later told me I was being selfish.
I didn't want to hurt his feelings and I feel horrible that I did. But I don't want to feel like I'm being "given away". It doesn't sit well with me. And while we have a good relationship now he was out of my life during my childhood and we had a rocky relationship during my teens.
I just want to walk down the aisle with my fiancee. She's the one I am going to be spending my life with, and this day is about honoring that commitment. I want to start our journey with my best friend by my side. From beginning to end.
I told him I still want to do the father/daughter dance though!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9bAhgzInkGU3WdPJjrLp2DsKGC7KhAr8
|
ba7dej
|
{
"description": "refusing to leave shared apartment",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for refusing to leave shared apartment?
|
I (26m) and my girlfriend (25f) have been in a relationship for a little over two years. We moved in together after a year, both of our names are on the lease. I thought we had a real connection but I guess she thought differently. Two days ago she sat me down in tears telling me she had to confess something to me. She calmed down enough to tell me how sorry she is, but that we need to break up because she has realised she is a lesbian. She told me she has fallen in love with a girl in her workplace and does not want to have an emotional affair while stringing me along. I immediately freak and tell her how can she be a lesbian if we've been having sex. She told me that it felt wrong, but it didn't feel unsafe: she feels comfortable enough with me as a person and she mistook that for sexual attraction.
I calmed down and apologised to her for flipping out (I was screaming) and told her of course I still loved her/supported her in her sexuality I was just hurt. I asked her if she had found other arrangements for where she was going to live because we aren't going to live together. She looked confused at this and told me she was going to ask ME to leave, since I work from home and could, in her words, "go anywhere." She lives within walking distance of her office aka why we agreed on this apartment. I told her that was ridiculous, she cannot afford it on her own and I can (she pays 40% of rent I pay 60%), she tells me as soon as I have found alternate arrangements she plans on having her cousin move in. She also tells me I can take as long as I need to find anything, whether it be a few days or even a few months, just that she wants me to be planning on moving out. I tell her she's being selfish and she is the one who broke up with ME, so she needs alternate plans. She insists that I should leave because I can afford another apartment by myself and she can't, and bc of the proximity of her work. I told it's probably best if she goes somewhere else for the night and we can reconvene in the morning. She agrees. I tell her if she has nowhere, I'll give her money for a hotel, she tells me it's fine.
The next day she shows back up. I ask her if she found something okay and she tells me she slept on the couch of the coworker she has a thing for. This is absolutely crazy to me since I offered her money for a hotel and she refused. I asked her what they did and she looks guilty and says they cuddled for a bit but didn't do anything. I tell her sure that's what happened because come on, they obviously slept together. I called her a whore and she kicked me out told me she had had enough and I needed to be out by the end of the week and that she had tried to be reasonable. I told her she had been nothing but unreasonable, and she told me she was going back to her "friends" and that she wants me packing up by the time she gets back. She still hasn't returned and I am living in the apartment as usual.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
SYBFKEMKUJpmA623EO48NdSrcGRq873L
|
anvwu4
|
{
"description": "going to my local Healthcare Center and making a complaint about my family doctor",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I went to my local Healthcare Center and made a complaint about my family doctor?
|
Afew days ago I went to my local Healthcare Center and had an appointment with my family doctor. I went there because I have Tonsillitis and it reached the point where I have a sore throat and high fevers. I talked about it and asked if I could take any medication to help or if I had to have my tonsils removed. After that I asked if he could write up a note since that day I missed school for that appointment and it's procedure to justify in case a patient is missing work or school. He, insted of helping me, started insulting me saying I always go there and waste his time on useless crap and claimed I was a brat that I couldn't do anything on my own. (To clarify, I'm 17. I mark my own appointments and go there by myself. I only go if I have a pain that goes over a week, or if I have a strong pain and if I have a fever thats 39°C or high. It's a 30 minute walk and I always go by myself. I even by my own medication). He proceded then to ask me to leave his office. I was completly shocked. I knew he was rude, really rude. To the point where his other patients would tell me if he was in a good mood or not. When I got home I told my mom about it. My mom is the type of mom that doesn't make complaints even if it was justified. That day she told me to file a complaint against him in the Healthcare Center. I was thinking about it. I talked to mt boyfriend about it to get a second opinion on the matter, and he reminded me of something I tend to forget about my family doctor. He's the boss in my local Healthcare Center. My boyfriend then explained that maybe he's rude because he's stressed. Thinking about it made me feel like an asshole for wanting to file a complaint. I'm still torn over it. No one tells me directly it I'm an asshole, but I've had people say something in the lines of "It it was me, I'd do this, not what you want to do since that seems more logical."
So, WIBTA if I actually filed a complaint about him?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
iRmQYjEX3OUA6P8WdLhgULnrBa2YQvSz
|
amwqnb
|
{
"description": "reusing to say \"christmas\" in front of my christian family even though I left the \"faith\" (roflmao) years ago",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for reusing to say "christmas" in front of my christian family even though I left the "faith" (roflmao) years ago.
|
Posting from a throwaway since I use my regular account on craft subs where the sister I just had the huge blow up with is also active.
So I was at our family's annual superbowl/womenbeatingday party which is usually pretty fun because for the most part it's the only day I see all of my brothers and sisters in one place. I have two nieces that adore me but I truly don't get along with my sister so I see them at this party and the random times my mom will have them.
Since I haven't seen them since just after Halloween, I was asking them what the got for Giftmas? We had a great conversation and they were so cute. My sister had to plow her way into the conversation and told me "in our family, we will call it christmas." I told her in my house, I don't. She said that that while I'm talking with her children she insisted I keep in mind the reason for the holiday. I was totally laughing my ass off because when she left I started telling the girls that actually Giftmas is not really "christian" at all, it's just a redoing of a pagan ceremony of Saturnalia in order to trick people into giving money to the church. I wasn't aware that my sister was eavesdropping and she told me that she didn't appreciate what I was doing and took the girls away. I asked her what I was doing and she said one of the reasons she and I can't get along is because I'm so "fucking dense."; I told her that was nice language to use in front of her kids. She told me that maybe it was better if I left. I told her that it wasn't her house.
My mom asked me what was wrong, I told her that I refuse to say christmas and that Patty is freaking out because I call the holiday Giftmas. My mom said that it sounded like I was starting trouble, I told my mom about Patty swearing and as per usual she took her side and basically said I should go home.
Not wanting big drama, I just left and came to a friends house.
Am I the asshole here? I pretty much feel like I should be allowed to use whatever words I want.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
qOiqA1JIOLeP4ru6nPA0w0lKgxW7Y39t
|
a5rj0h
| null |
WIBTA if I kind of purposefully messed up my girlfriends sisters life?
|
So the situation requires quite a hefty chunk of context, I'll do my best to explain, fair warning I'm not the worlds best writer.
My girlfriend is one of the the nicest people I've met in my life, and honestly it'll regularly be to her own detriment unfortunately (she's by no means a sucker but the people that do these things tend to be good manipulators). This has happened since my girlfriend was a kid her sister has always been pretty selfish and treated most of the people around her as expendable but no one seems to really care and if they do she just cuts them out of her life until she needs something again.
It never really mattered before the last few years since the things that happened when she was young didn't really have any awful results although I'm not a big fan of it. In the more recent years the real problems started.
She suggested told my girlfriend (I'm typing this a lot I'll just abbreviate to MG) that after highschool she could move in with the sister and her boyfriend in order to get out of our home town and into a city area, get a better job and have the opportunity to move out without having to risk moving in with randoms in a share house. Although MG was tentative at first, there was no paperwork or any contracts to sign so it would be easy to move back home if it wasn't working out. Her sister has also told her there will be no set amount she will need to contribute to rent, just that whatever she is able to comfortably contribute would be fine.
&#x200B;
This turned out to be total bullshit and the entire year the sister was apparently keeping a tab of what she would have to pay (totally unknown to MG), her sister then proceeded to blame her for a multitude of issues that she had previously never really brought up before eg. I didn't even want you here, it's hurting my relationship, you're just a leech etc etc. At this point it really went downhill fast and long story short she essentially kicked her out on new years day and I had to drive 4 hours to go pick her and all her belongs up and take her back home. After this the sister didn't speak to MG for roughly a year.
&#x200B;
After roughly a year the sister starts to talk to MG again but only about superficial things, she would never acknowledge the fact she basically kicked out her younger sister, shafted her financially and made her have to leave her job with little to no notice. MG eventually settled on a superficial relationship saying she didn't really trust her but didn't want to make her parents sad that the two were fighting or make it awkward etc.
&#x200B;
So now its christmas the sister asks for money, it was a small-medium amount for MG at the time, she was working but wasn't made of money. Her father and MG decided to split the money and give it to her (against my suggestion but I didn't hold it against her). Cut to a few months later MG and I moved in together and we were having some money issues and the sister still hadn't payed MG back even after saying she would within a month. We decided to ask her for the money if she was able to, even saying that if she wasn't able it was perfectly fine, to which she said fine and "sent" it but we never received it. This happened several more times her claiming the bank was messing up etc etc (it was obviously bullshit and we weren't pressuring her for it). Eventually we got it but not after some hefty abuse and it really made MG sad that she couldn't rely on her sister.
&#x200B;
Sister has since broken up the boyfriend she had and moved out (we're not sure exactly when she didn't tell us for ages). She soon found another boyfriend and moved in with him and they got a new place together. I met him he seemed like a really nice down to earth guy. However I was told by MG that he is a serial cheater and has owned up to that fact. About a month after the sister moved in with this new boyfriend MG tells me that her sister has been cheating on him the entire time with her boss who is also married and has a kid, she knows because the sister told her and asked for advice which made her extremely uncomfortable knowing. If the sister was found out she would likely have to leave work, or at least her career would suffer and she would have to move out as well.
&#x200B;
I'm at a point where I could easily tell him because honestly it seems kinda cruel to let it go on even if he has cheated on other girls in the past. She said she had stopped (after roughly 4 or so months) but she's a serial liar, honestly my main motivation is that I kind of want her to have the stick end of things for once. I debated doing it in a public way that would humiliate her but honestly that's not the kind of person I want to be and also the boyfriend would likely suffer the most.
&#x200B;
Tell me guys would I be the asshole if I told him considering the run on effects as it would likely ruin MG relationship with her sister as she would instantly suspect or just flat out blame MG for it? Even though honestly I want her out of both of our lives anyway and think it'd be good long term.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
WRONG
|
KgleBKcJQzL7zSi3QSWnMO0xcGyJr8mk
|
b4znj1
|
{
"description": "asking grilfriend to see a doctor to improve our sex life",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for asking grilfriend to see a doctor to improve our sex life?
|
Some context here. Me and my girlfriend have been together for just over a year, and things have been going really great. My girlfriend suffers with fibromyalgia, and as a result of this also has to deal with vaginismus. The vaginismus has caused our sex life to deteriorate over the past six months, and we haven't even attempted to have sex since Christmas.
My girlfriend started to see a specialist a few months ago, but has since stopped. I said when she started to see the specialist that I would be happy to go as long as necessary without sex, so long as she was still seeing the specialist. Now she has stopped, and every time I even talk about sex, my girlfriend accuses me of trying to put pressure on her, which I may be trying to do subconciously, if I'm honest. I only want her to go back to the doctor, I obviously don't want to force sex when it is extremely painful for the both of us.
I'm far from the most sexual person in the world, but this long time without sex is really starting to take its toll on me, and in some ways, the relationship. Not only do we not have sex, but it's getting to the point where we are not doing anything sexual.
Would I be the asshole if I was to tell my girlfriend that she needs to go back to the specialist, or I would have to think about leaving her?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
CaWcTXwJ09fPi28PtI4h4n5BwuEgkpbr
|
adk5u3
|
{
"description": "not conserving/hide my poop and fart sounds at the university bathroom",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA if I don’t conserve/hide my poop and fart sounds at the university bathroom?
|
I tend to fart and make loud shits when I use the bathroom. It’s pretty gross actually. You can hear me poop and go “ahhhh” sometimes.
AITA? I’ve heard people mumble “gross” when I do this.
This isn’t a shit post. I’m being completely serious. I just want to rip it all out
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
rTKwIrq5NBDmNl3guHtJANsHMN0K6N1A
|
b8qnvf
|
{
"description": "announcing a fake pregnancy",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 35
}
|
AITA for announcing a fake pregnancy?
|
Yesterday, on April Fool’s day(this being the critical tidbit here), I announced on social media that my wife and I were expecting our second child. April Fools! We’re not. Specifically I posted “[Birth Announcement] 2: Electric Boogaloo, Due Fall 2019”. Of course there were some people who took it at face value and liked it and congratulationed us, some were quick to comment with April Fool’s skepticism, others congratulationed us with the caveat “if it’s real” to make sure we knew we didn’t totally fool them in the event it was a joke. Here’s the troublesome part: some folks decided to call me out for extreme insensitivity toward people who have suffered through infertility/miscarriage/stillbirth saying that I shouldn’t joke about things that have brought people so much pain. None of the people leveling these accusations have personally struggled through those circumstances yet friends of mine who have were fine with the joke. I said I’m willing to give any necessary apologies to people who were directly hurt but told the complainers to stop being offended on behalf of hypothetical people and have, so far, refused to admit any wrongdoing or apologize to anyone.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
EB9LbUi3gPAJEFghjywKr7mgtC9oHiyh
|
aatpxg
|
{
"description": "not wanting my 4 year old son to have a relationship with his grandmother",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA - for not wanting my 4 year old son to have a relationship with his grandmother?
|
So, there is a lot of backstory here but I will try to keep it brief. I am 29 and a single father, my sons mother has him on the weekends. My mother lives in the area (about 30 miles away) and I do not have contact with her and have not in many years. To put it simply she was a horrible mother. I moved out at 16 (junior year of HS) and lived with my HS best friend and his family until I graduated. I have made various attempts at reconnecting with my mother over the years and they always end very badly and left me in a massive depression spiral and overall bad place (she is very narcissistic and emotionally draining). Following the advice of friends that have known me for a long time I made a choice a few years ago to cut her out completely and it has been very healthy for me and my life.
So, I recently learned that my Ex has been using my mother as daycare on the weekends so she can do things (run errands, go on dates etc). She is aware of my lack of relationship with my mother and I had previously made it really clear to her that I didn't want our son to have contact with her and don't want her in our lives. I was livid when I found out, not only is she going behind my back but if she needed to do stuff that weekend there is really no reason he cannot stay at home with me (my home is his primary residence, he doesn't even have a room at her house) or her parents who also live nearby.
This has resulted in a few altercations with my Ex. She tells me that she wont send him over there again, my son tells me when she does, I confront her etc etc. Now my son has somewhat of a relationship with my mother and my Ex doesn't think it would be fair to him to end the relationship (or at least that's the excuse she is using, I suspect she just likes free daycare). this has been n going on for a few months now and I really don't know what to do. My Ex is treating me like I am a horrible person for
>"not wanting my son to have a grandmother"
But I just feel like I am doing what's best for my and my sons mental stability and health. The choice to cut my mother out of my life (I legitimately have not so much as spoken to her in 3 years) has not been an easy one. But overall it has improved my life and health and was a very good choice.
Yet, my Ex keeps doing this and I guess there is nothing I can do.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
qhowSFds7PEfaZX4B6UA1E8qfbE997Zi
|
b93wog
| null |
WIBTA - If don't hold my dog while she is being euthanized?
|
Our dog is 16. For many reasons, we have determined it is time to euthanize her rather than let her suffer. She is blind and deaf with a host of other issues.
Neither my wife (who is really the dog's owner as she had the dog before we were married), nor I really want to hold the dog or even be in the same room while she is being euthanized. While we are certainly kind to the dog, neither one of us really has that intense man/dog relationship with her that many people experience with their pets (even though I've had that with all of my prior dogs). Yet, I feel like I'll be judged if we don't do it. There is also a much higher cost to do it somewhere where we can be present. We would certainly be taking her somewhere reputable regardless.
I don't want to give too many details - just want judgment on whether I'm the asshole if I do not accompany the dog when she is put to sleep.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 39,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 15,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 40
}
|
WRONG
|
x5TiS8mWNR92IXSPVbIOA7vbhVRmTAzs
|
b53v2r
|
{
"description": "telling my wife that ending every sentence with \"yeah\" is annoying",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for telling my wife that ending every sentence with "yeah" is annoying?
|
This particular use of the word is something of heard from other areas of the world for years, but not in my area of the US. As an example she might say, "We should do something this weekend, yeah?" or "I bet you'd like some carrot cake, yeah?". We've lived in the same area for years and this is a new thing that she started doing in the past couple of weeks. My guess is that she's picked it up from some tv shows like the mother on Speechless or maybe the guy from Expedition Unknown.
&#x200B;
I told her I thought it sounds forced. She replied with an, "alright then" and that was the extent of the conversation. She hasn't said it around me since. I don't think the way I did it was the problem, but my concern is that she was trying to add something interesting to her personality by picking something like that up and I squashed that. What could be worse is that she could still talk like that around others, but not me, which I wouldn't want. I don't want to be controlling, but over use of words like literally, yeah and "I know, right?" really do start to get on my nerves. I suppose I could be over analyzing this, but I figure I'd ask.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
FfzGdQnZfCbsmfW0237QTfVkbDnC4oB5
|
ajgea7
|
{
"description": "not telling close friends of mine my real name",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not telling close friends of mine my real name.
|
As a child I always went by a nickname, this nickname persisted throughout my teenage years and childhood. Add to that I am not fond of my legal name so, I go by my nickname even in professional settings. My nickname is not something outlandish it's a very common name in the states. Some of my closest friends don't know my real name and those that do don't think it is a big deal but, I sometimes feel like an asshole because I have friends that I view as family but they don't actually know my name. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
QnmWSfK6zg2vzyYQQ4TDrUPLAHeSldRs
|
ba88mi
|
{
"description": "not getting out to pump gas for my mother",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not getting out to pump gas for my mother?
|
On mobile- sorry
My mother and I are on a 500+ mile round trip. I drove the entire day yesterday and spent the day before getting the car prepped for the trip (oil change, new engine air filter, etc). Earlier today we had to stop for gas on the way back and my mother thought it was a bit rude that I didn’t offer to fill it up for her (generally I do but I’m a bit tired after a long day). I always thought that the driver’s responsibility to fill up the tank not me just because I am her son. Not really a bit deal but is is the driver’s responsibility or AITA for not just sucking it up and doing it anyway?
TLDR: Had to stop for gas the day after I drove for 5:30 hours and didn’t offer to fill up the gas for my mother saying that it is the driver’s job not mine just because I am with her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
mOQOC4LGJqPmWSeAb3WT3aI8AGIjSoi5
|
aebpc0
|
{
"description": "being indecisive about my relationship",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being indecisive about my relationship
|
Going to make this 3 year long roller coaster as short as possible but still give context.
Of course, this is just my side of the story. I wasnt the best either.
her name is "Jade"
We were together for 2 years and she and after a huge fight and she tried to kick me out. After the dust settled we calmed down and I told her I needed a break. I told her I wasnt going to be sleeping with anyone because Im still all about her, but that I needed space. I realized that I leaned on her too much and she couldnt handle it, no matter how much she said she could. I told her we needed time and I needed to make friends and have something to my life besides our relationship. She would ask me to come over and see her and I did every other week, but it was really bothering her. It was hard on me too but I just... i needed time.
I told her if she slept with anyone else that she needed to tell me, and that I wouldnt be mad but I would have to really end it. Couldn't handle the thought. She said she was paranoid of me finding someone "better". I told her that wasnt going to happen but, if it did, I wouldnt lead her along. I tried my best to let her know it wasnt like that.
Seven. Seven times she told me she would never do that and that she didnt want anyone and it was only me and all that. I was skeptical because I know she's very promiscuous and bipolar... but I just wanted us to work so bad and her being my world and the only focus really wasnt working for us. I needed to not smother her so I wanted to meet friends and shit and get some time alone to maybe come back to is with a new perspective.
She kept contact and talked to me every other day. Good Morning and sending memes etc. After a week i met this chick "Jessica" through a coworker. Jessica was very my type. Physically and mentally. We didnt tak about doing anything but we clicked so wel I knew we could and... I just couldnt. I met someone who fit me so well and I just couldnt bring myself to do anything because in my head I was still with Jade and she was my world. it didnt feel right, and I never tried anything because of it.
Jessica finally asked me if she wanted me to come to her place one night and I told her I was sick. I knew what she wanted but I got actually physically ill at the thought of hurting Jade like that. That night I immediately texted Jade and said I needed to talk tomorrow. I had decided that she was the one, that I could get over the past and we were obviously meant to be together. It was finally going to be okay.
We met at the Subway we had our first "date" and she thought it was adorable. I told her about Jessica and that I was sorry it took so long for me to get my head right.
We got back together, and I was the happiest I had been in 12 years. As we ate lunch I got a weird pit in my stomach and asked if she had slept with anyone.
She just looked me in the eye woth a bit of surprise and said "Yes". I dont even remember reacting I just said "Who" and she said it was the fucking 18 year old bag boy at her work. A few days ago. The one she said i had nothing to worry about and it was just friends and "He's 18, I might try to set him up with my Daughter" fucking guy. HIM. She said it was because she felt like she couldnt come to me but we saw each other 1 week before and I was texting her BEFORE AND AFTER it happened. I told her if it got too hard to call me because I still wanted her but I needed her to respect that I needed time away. it's a very sensitive topic.
Im not going into detail about the rest. It sparked an identity crisis and we both said very unkind things to each other the following month. She said in anger once "I bet I could fuck (him) again, want me to send pics this time?" and i guess i wasnt ready for something that acidic. I tried to kill myself when I was drunk the night she aaid that to me. Im still alive because I just suck at most of the shit I do these days anyway so I forgot to chamber the round while I was crying and having my little episode.
I changed after all that. for months it was either anger and hatred, or sadness and self loathing. I dont "feel" emotions the way I used to, idk how to say it right... im just... unrecognizable. My parents told me the same, that I look "lost" all the time.
well, we split up a month after she told me that, and all the fighting etc. I told her so many times that I didnt want to lose her but I couldnt stand the thought of it and for her to just stop talking to me. I told her to move on like she tried before, because I couldnt do it anymore. every 2 weeks she would text or call and try to talk to me and get back together. I was so fucking sad and defeated and ive never felt more insecure about myself.
She begged me to have lunch with her and just meet up. it was the first time i had seen her in months. I couldnt help it and I agreed.
She was so beautiful. The angel I missed for so long was there and I couldnt take it. I completely fell apart infront of her. Looking at her and thinking about what hppened didnt hurt as bad and I agreed to get with her again.
The last 3 months have been very different. I can tell she is so all about me and she does nothing but talk about wanting to be next to me while im at home. The problem is that Ive changed too, she touches me and I fee nothing. Like actually fucking nothing. Like when you caress your own shoulder. the last 3 months I had been so numb to everything that I just ran with the motions. I figured that this numbness was just who I am now. I told her small amounts of it and t just made her incredibly sad and she would go into am episode. Im scared of telling her now because idk what she'll do
This is where the AITA comes in. i met someone again. Someone who made my heart light up and made me feel something other than the muted acceptance Ive felt since we got back together. I dont want to start a relationship with this other woman because im 100% certain it's platonic on her end and i'm not about to do that "rebound" shit, but Im still capable of feeling this; and Jade isnt making me feel anything close to this or what I used to feel. Im so scared that our reationship is just done. I tried for 2 years to make us work and it's been my whole universe since. Now I see her and I get uncomfortable when she touches me, I hesitate to say I love you because I feel so void when I say it.
I dont want to string her along, i know thats the worst thing in the world. i'm so scared though. Idk if i'm scared of losing her or thet if I leave her i'll "lose" whats left of who I used to be or she might just do something stupid and hurt hersef. it sounds so fucking melodramatic when i type it out but idk how to convey this.
Am I an asshole if I leave? AITA because im having so much indecision? Was I the asshole from the beginning? Are we both just toxic? I cant shake the feeling like we've run our course and it scares me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
olhKusRrRCtwFaDcmX7wI7sMvMiPeUXe
|
amktac
|
{
"description": "not wanting my wife to get another job and take a 50% pay cut",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 26
}
|
AITA for not wanting my wife to get another job and take a 50% pay cut?
|
For years she has been unhappy and I have encouraged her many times to move to another position or company. She had never wanted to quit for a variety of reasons but now has had just about enough and is willing to move on.
She has a masters degree and a long career that would give her the ability to find another decent job. She makes a decent amount of money now and I don’t see why she shouldn’t try to get more if not at least the same amount.
If she does get another job at 50% her current salary she’ll essentially be earning just barely enough to cover childcare, healthcare, and perhaps a little towards retirement but nothing else. And I mean nothing else leftover.
Is it fair to me and our children for her to insist on finding a job for so much less in pay? Am I an asshole for trying to convince her to set her goals a bit higher. I don’t want to now have to carry the burden of earning all the money for household expenses and disposable income. I also don’t want to have to follow a tight budget instead of having plenty of income with little to no cash worries. Right now we could live on either one of our incomes but if she takes a pay cut and I am downsized (which has happened) we would be in a bind.
She’s stressed and perhaps thinks a position with less responsibility will be easier on her psyche (she had a mental breakdown).
I have had some stressful jobs so I get it that’s she wants to move on. But I say to something better. When I bring it up she makes it out that I’m being and asshole for not agreeing with her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 24,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
zzitWklwzMjhDCCgNBVYmkWMMN9Wyd7C
|
aikm7k
|
{
"description": "being angry that MY balls got hammer downed",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA FOR BEING ANGRY THAT MY BALLS GOT HAMMER DOWNED?
|
Basically a good friend and I were chilling in a classroom and while we were there I was sitting on top of a table, she wanted me to move. Since we’re friends and all I wanted to mess with her before moving, but I guess she must’ve gotten a bit miffed so she wanted to hit my leg but she missed and ended up hitting my balls. I kinda blacked out for a second and when she realized what she did she apolized profusely. I forgave her because I knew it was an accident I just told her I didn’t wanna see her face for a bit because I felt pissed. I think I hurt her feelings, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
CgiLY0GVJzXOfgF4SDLUHC2xaTULrrJC
|
anh5hh
|
{
"description": "willing to take payment for grandpas funeral",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for willing to take payment for grandpas funeral
|
TL;DR at bottom
Please excuse all the grammatical errors as I am on mobile.
So I was never close with a lot of people on my mothers side of the family but my grandpa recently died and as I just said I wasn’t close to him so I didn’t go visit him at the hospital, I didn’t go see him often when he was alive, I honestly never actually cared about him so when I found out that he passed away it didn’t faze me at all. When some of my cousins asked me why I didn’t show up to the Hospital to visit him I told them that I knew he was in the hospital but it was the weekend and I was working. Then I said I was going to go visit him after the weekend was over( he passed away Friday night but I wasn’t going to go to begin with) but I simply lied because I dont want them saying stuff like you’re effed up etc etc. (They bought it. Anyways, Just a few minutes ago my mom called me to tell me to show up to the funeral and I said sure I’ll go and then she said to take my camera and record it and I said sure no problem. And I was actually going to do it for free because all my family will be there but then she said how much would you like to get paid for it and I said “oh you’re paying me? Uhh just give me 100 no big deal” and then my mom said “100?.... ummm okay.. I’ll see what they say..”
then I said alright and we said our byes and clicked.
AITA for charging the $100?
TL;DR: grandpa died and my mom called me to go to the funeral and record it. I said OK planning to do it for free but then she said how much would I charge for it so I said $100 and she sounded taken aback by it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
LX1VNsIVEu5xQy7W6rkbj0ntNyIVmJr8
|
a2ou8o
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be around my boyfriend's roommate",
"pronormative_score": 38,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be around my boyfriend's roommate?
|
My (22/F) boyfriend (22/M) and I have been together for a year, and his roommate (his friend since high school) has made pointed comments toward me about my race almost every time he has seen me. It's almost like he needs to bring up my race every time I come over. Or, if he says something about black people he always says "No offense," even if it wasn't that bad in the first place. More recently, he barged into my boyfriend's room as I was lying on the bed (with pants on) and said "oh, is that what black pussy looks like?" A week or so later, he was talking about some DV calls he had to respond to (he's a firefighter) and said "and of course, they were black. No offense, (my name)." Which really gets my goat because not only have I dealt with DV in my personal life and work with women affected by DV, he himself verbally abuses his girlfriend and gets incredibly angry and destroys things. I've told my boyfriend that I feel uncomfortable around him and he has brought it up to him, but he justifies it as "he's just joking, he always does this with people he's cool with. He isn't trying to be racist."
My boyfriend brought up to me last night that he will probably stay with roommate because it's cheaper. Understandable. But I tell him if I still feel uncomfortable in his house then I probably would not come over as much. I don't pay rent there so I have no right to be in the house or demand anything anyway, so it would be better for everyone if I remove myself from the situation. My boyfriend doesn't like this and says I'm giving him an ultimatum (which I can understand, and it is shitty, and I don't want to make him choose). I still live with my parents until I graduate in May so coming over to my place is not an option.
So, AITA? Should I just stop being a stick in the mud? Thanks in advance.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 38,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
pIb3c9obHhxaSPDE1HJdTcMo5Mesd5NX
|
a1gi8u
|
{
"description": "piping and ghosting this pregnant girl",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
WIBTA if i piped and ghosted this pregnant girl?
|
Throwaway account
Hello, I recently met this girl on tinder and everything was going well, but she mentioned that she was pregnant. I don't really want to keep this going anywhere because i think it might come back to bite me in the ass in the future.
WIBTA if i had sex with her and then ghosted?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
WRONG
|
LoKyj60akKSKAqCd8MzTJm1zJB24NpP5
|
9uqwjk
|
{
"description": "not wanting my sister & sister's boyfriend to see my therapist",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my sister & sister's boyfriend to see my therapist?
|
While I was on vacation, my dad texted me and asked me the name of the therapist I was seeing. I gave him the name and left it at that since I was busy at the time and could only text on Wi-Fi so I didn't follow up and forgot about it. Today I received a text from my therapist asking if I knew someone by the name of Kurt (my sister's boyfriend) and that he wanted to talk to me on the phone about him. I was kind of taken back because I didn't expect my dad to give them the name of my therapist without asking me if I was comfortable with it first. I was also curious if there is some conflict of interest with a therapist in California seeing members from the same family individually. My sister isn't seeing him yet, although my dad told me she has the intent to. I don't want to be selfish and hinder someone from getting help if they need it, but I don't feel comfortable at the same time. If I were to tell them not to see him because I don't feel comfortable with it, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
qCfCPFLoYowEGMB8HNRkLWIRtdqqArd3
|
a4hg3n
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be friends with people I'd date",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be friends with people I'd date
|
I've casually dated this girl some time back. I was 17 she was 19, she lived a 45 minute drive from me/1 hour train. We went out for half a year, but i was gone all summer, so we maybe saw each other 9 times in total. Recently we argued more and more because i was always pushing for affection, like for her to be sweeter through the phone or just be calm and laugh, and she just sort of took all of my jokes seriously. Whenever i made specific examples, she just said she was showing me she liked me in her own ways. Shes a shyboi so i just said whatever, blow it off.
I always make myself available to hang out but she was working full time and had some courses in school. she'd never really push to set up a day that works, she would find out what was happening, and if it was a carnival in town or a Zabawa (polish party where everyone just drinks and dances? i don't know how to translate that one) then she'd say yes, otherwise if it wasn't anything special she would usually say no.
Eventually she said she admitted she wasn't being as affectionate as she could be because shes introverted and the only way she will open up is once we date, which she'll be ready to once her life "calms down" and she's accepted into uni (she took 2 gap years to save up and improve marks). Ok, so if she basically wants FWB, who am i to deny.
Nearing the end, everytime we talked she'd fight me on small stuff, and i wouldn't respond well because her anger over small things would fuel my want to antagonize her. We took a couple of days of rest, once we started talking again we argued again and she said "I don't think a friends with benefits relationship will benefit either of us", so i stopped calling her and responding, because i don't want to remain friends. We're over right? She doesn't get to be apart of my life anymore.
She says i'm an asshole and was just friends with her to hook up, i don't think we hung out a single time without fucking at some point. But i dont think im the asshole because i pushed for more than just this casual shit, but now that it's gone i don't think it'd be beneficial for me talk to her or interact with her at all. She thought removing sex from the equation would fix everything
Which got me to think, i've never remained friends with anyone I'd rather date. I don't ask every single girl i know out. I have a couple that are cool people and i enjoy talking to, but I only have really pushed myself to be with girls I'd want a relationship with. Sometimes it would work out, sometimes it wouldn't, but i would never remain friends with them. A littttttttle bit because i was hurt, but mostly because the only reason i started talking to them was with that intention, so once i saw that it wasn't going to go further, and they weren't anything special to talk to, i would respond if they messaged me, but i would stop being the one that called and texted them first.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
FDEplTY1L2BLiXTg18lzCQ13CditzLXe
|
aj1og7
|
{
"description": "cutting off charity",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for cutting off charity?
|
So there's this person I know, lets call them Ronny. I used to know Ronny a long time ago (but even then only a little) when Ronny was a different gender. Ronny is also not white. I'm both white and cis. I'd be lying if I said those factors didn't contribute in my decision to help them.
See they are in a bad way - desperately poor, depressed, alone, and adrift. I can tell from their social media, they aren't shy about it. I've been those things. In fact I'm not that far removed from them, though I'm getting better.
So one day I reach out to Ronny for no particular reason, and say like hey I just want to say I've been there, things are tough, stay in it, make progress, I'm rooting for you. They say hey thanks, we go on about our days.
Week later Ronny asks for some money. Not a lot, and I know they aren't lying about their poverty. (I've seen like "I need to eat" Go-Fund-Me's posted a lot) I'm still pretty poor myself, paycheck to paycheck, but what they are asking for I can do - and like I said I've been there. I've needed help. Luckily I had people to help me and I suspect that might not be the case with Ronny.
So I'm happy to give. But then they come back again for more money every couple of months now. Never a lot, but it's gotten to the point that I feel like they know I'll give it and their like getting too comfortable with it, like taking it for granted.
Even though I am poor, its not the money that bothers me, its the mindset. I worked hard to fix my shit and get my life on track from the time that it was a disaster. I want to support Ronny towards Ronny being able to support themself, I feel invested in that. But I suspect that Ronny is just stringing out desperate decisions and favors and not moving forward. So I say to Ronny I'm willing to give you this money IF I know its going towards something that will help you help yourself, getting a real room to rent instead of couch surfing, getting formal clothes to interview in, job training whatever. Ronny doesn't really want to tell me about their situation, and is kind of insulted when I hinge the money on knowing about their plan for self-improvement. Then race/gender gets brought into it, like these things dictated their poverty. I mean fine, social stigma happens outside of your control, prejudice exists, I'll grant you that even when poor I had a level of advantage over Ronny. I'm not saying its easy. But you still have to take responsibility despite those things and start working to dig yourself out. You have to focus on what you can control even if the system is turned against you. The alternative is just to be crushed or live on charity and pity. If Ronny is working to fix their life I'm thrilled to help them get there. But they say I just don't understand, privileged, nosy, etc. So I said I don't really think I can keep giving you money.
But I kinda feel like an asshole because like I said the money was not a lot, and I know sometimes when your life is a shit-pile you don't really want to talk about it or face the mountain of work it would take to turn it around. I wanted to encourage them to start that process but I think I just became another person abandoning them.
TLDR: I start giving money to a poor, depressed person on a semi-regular basis, but cut it off when the person refuses to talk to me about how they are planning to improve their situation.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
zx11RgI5YmTKRN2Mmo9wMg7iogpIEije
|
b3gabk
|
{
"description": "asking my partner if I had done something wrong",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my partner if i had done something wrong?
|
Ok, so my (on/off) partner had sent me a text message which i felt was a bit off for him. It just said 'sound' no kisses, nothing. I asked him if i had done something wrong and he said no, im busy at work, some of us have to work you know.
I also work full time, have a 2 year old and im currently pregnant, so this obviously got my back up. I replied saying 'ouch.' He then kicked off saying that he cant say anything to me without me kicking off. I replied and said omg, ok, im sorry, but it just escalated. I started to cry and rang him up and said i didnt want to argue but he called me a disgrace for crying, said i always twist things to make me look like the victim and i never fight my own battles. Then he said he didnt want contact with me until baby was born.
It's now ended with me saying that ill go to the doctors tomorrow and look at going on medication for depression or low mood or anger issues, i dont even know what is wrong with me. But hes now said he doesnt want to contact me until tomorrow whilst he thinks about this as he doesnt wish to contact me because i have asked him too.
Hes 29, im 28, we dont live together, and i will accept it if i am wrong here, but honestly, i dont feel like i am and he is so amazing at the way he words things that i am incapable of explaining my reasoning.
Thank you and sorry for the long post. X
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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RIGHT
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x3dhyN2T6q6nRQ1JnD2UHFbcG5DBgWIt
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b08k4n
| null |
AITA if at the movie theater I didn't move my legs when the person in front of me hit them every time he leaned back?
|
For context, I'm 6'4" and the movie theater I was at is pretty old and so it has slightly smaller seats than what you find at a newer chain like AMC. The movie was also almost four hours long. Sitting in a comfortable position (slightly slouched with my butt on the front half of my seat), my knees were maybe 2 or 3 inches from the seat in front of me.
A few times, the guy sitting in front of me (hereafter Gumby, since he needed to stretch so often) would stretch and lean back really far in his seat, causing it to bump against the front of my knees. This doesn't really bother me, since it only happened two or three times in the first hour of the film. But, it evidently bothered Gumby a lot, because he then started to lean back repeatedly in fairly quick succession, hitting my knees each time. Then, he started to continuously push back, so that his seat was pushing back against my knees for a few minutes.
At this point, the message was clear to me – Gumby wanted me to move my legs. For me, the issue was twofold: my thighs are fucking long so I didn't really have a lot of space to move them without encroaching on the leg space of my neighbors or sitting up uncomfortably straight, and I didn't particularly *want* to move them since I was comfortable and enjoying the movie (or at least, I was).
Around the two hour mark, Gumby began complaining, in a hushed but not inaudible tone, about me to his two seatmates (his mom and his boyfriend, I think?), who both subsequently glared at me. Around the 2.5 hour mark, he put his feet on the (unoccupied) seat in front of him and started to push backwards, this time hitting my knees pretty hard. He did this three or four times. At the three hour mark, Gumby seemed to be asleep for about a half hour, and then the last half hour or so of the film was more of the same feet-on-the-chair pushback.
I got some pretty dirty looks from Gumby's group after the film ended, and clearly they thought that I am the asshole. I feel like I didn't really do anything wrong – sure, I could have moved my legs somewhat, but it would have been uncomfortable for me to do so.
So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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RIGHT
|
VZE8zn7ddWiX6P8rKBsafPGeewwTKseG
|
an7axb
|
{
"description": "not letting my older brother borrow my car",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not letting my older brother borrow my car?
|
So, I'm (20/m) currently enrolled at my local community college studying carpentry. I worked all of this past summer with a small local contractor who had work going on all around our municipality, and would frequently have us all driving for well over an hour to get to job sites. I didn't have my license at the time so I would carpool with other workers, but when no one was passing by my area, I'd have to bus. Because of this, near the end of the summer I bought a used Kia, and later in October finally got my full license. Now I drive to school everyday instead of bussing/ferrying there, and I've generally enjoyed the freedom and mobility of having my own vehicle. I'm also the only one of my siblings to currently own a car or to have ever bought a car themselves.
My older brother (23/m) is working to earn his CPA certification at a large accounting firm. He has a license but not a car, since he has no regular need for one. He asked me last night if he could use my car tomorrow to drive to an audit in a nearby area just outside of the city that we both live in, since his usual ride had an appointment. I thought about it for a day and told him that I'd need it for school. He's now extremely mad at me.
He needs to be at work for 8:30, and my class is for 12:30. Both of us have approximately a one hour commute to our respective destinations if we take transit. He feels that since my class is later in the day it's not a big ask, which isn't totally unreasonable, but I feel that asking someone to give up their vehicle when they would be using it for something important is actually a big ask. I worked my ass off all summer and on weekends during the school year at a butcher shop to be able to afford that car, and he was gifted a car back in high school by my parents which due to poor decision making and lack of care and attention is now in a dump somewhere. He frequently insults my career choice, my hobbies, my taste in music, my clothes, my friends, and even MY ACTUAL CAR. He likes to refer to it as a "beater" because it's about ten year old, despite the fact that it's in great condition and runs smooth as can be. I think that it's not unreasonable for me to reserve the right to use my car when I need it.
TL;DR my brother wants my car for a work thing, I won't let him because I use it to get to school.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
6QNS72KZNfy3HQNqmrrTHwC98b1GjXaQ
|
b8emys
|
{
"description": "wanting to rehome my mom's cat",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to rehome my mom's cat?
|
My mom has 5 dogs and 2 cats in her small surbuban home. Let's just say the house smells like 10 dogs live there. Its disgusting but thats another story...
Anyway, I came home to visit and my heart broke for my sister's childhood cat (she did not take the cat after moving out and has no plans to take her). The cat, Tiger, is about 12 years old, overweight, teary eyes, hasn't been to the vet in YEARS, and she is not grooming as I expect a cat to. She smells like she rolled around in piss and has poop stuck to her butt and shes short haired.
I got upset when I saw her. I asked how long has she been like this and my mom shrugs. I brush Tiger and she can't get enough attention- super affectionate, licks my hand, and follows me around when I stop petting her.
At one point my mom made a comment that she barely pets the cat. That was when I knew she wasn't getting the love and attention she deserves.
My ideal plan was to take Tiger back home with me (7+ hr drive), bring her into the spare bedroom and slowly transition her to our home. Problem is, I don't want 5 cats (we already have 4). "Legally" my city restricts you to 4 cats too. Once she adjusted and wasn't stressed out, I planned to go through the shelter I volunteer at to find her a quiet home that will actually pet her. I was concerned how stressful it would be to uproot Tiger's life but I truly think after she adjusted she would be happier.
In the past, my mom has said things like "dont adopt another cat! I'll give you one!" So I assumed she would be on board with the plan.
My mom was not on board. When I offered to take her she was ok, but when I said I planned to rehome her, she didn't want that. My mom started crying and was offended. She said things like: "she's content!" "A lot of cats have it worse." "Its not like I dont feed her." "We've had Tiger for 12 years, its one thing if you take her but I don't want you to give her away."
I said things like: "I thought you didn't want her." "I just want to do what's best for Tiger." "I didn't mean to offend you." "I can just picture her happy in a quite home being the center of attention."
At one point I said, "You know she doesn't get a lot of attention"
My mom replied, "none of them do."
I feel bad that I offended her, and I do realize it was offensive, but I am also angry. I thought my mom was being selfish considering she doesnt have the money to take Tiger to the vet and barely gives her any attention. I apologized and told her I just want to do whats best for the cat and thought she (mom and cat) would be happy. I told her I wouldnt take Tiger since I can't keep her.
I know its not my place to rehome her cat and I feel like an asshole for being insensitive and also angry at my mom. I feel like I ruined my short visit with her too. Despite that, I still wish that I could take her. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
RptEsUZHTC2nijCJlZOhvlkajELnmm82
|
a3836d
| null |
AITA in their eyes? Neighbor's dog got ran over, I went to tell them.
|
We live in a very rural area, I was driving home when I saw a dog on the side of the road (not uncommon), and swung wide to avoid it, the vehicle behind me didn't. I spun around to check on it, and it's not going to make it. I didn't want to carry it home (50 yds or so) because it didn't know me, and it's in pain; I figured that's a good way to get bit.
I let them know, and the husband came out to take care of it. I asked him if he brought something, to put it out of misery. "Its still alive?" "30 seconds ago barely."
He carried it back to the house, I offered to bury it on my farm because of his kids. I said I'm sorry and drove on.
Put yourself in their shoes and assume you didn't know the whole story. I'm afraid they think I made up the bit about the second vehicle to avoid possible blame. Sure, their dog was in the road, but people can be irrational at such a time.
Should I have not said it was *just* run over, possibly still alive? It takes a lot to get me rustled concerning death, and while I'm often devoid of emotion (think Dexter minus the murder bit) I try to be aware of other's feelings.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
OQjw7eH6ZwwjrazwXsK8MyOKtTceo2mL
|
a1yx6b
|
{
"description": "playing music and singing in public in the middle of the day",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for playing music and singing in public in the middle of the day?
|
Another post has me wondering. Lately the only way my kid will stay quiet and still for diaper changes is if I let him hold my phone playing kids’ music and sing along. This is fine at home, and if I’m sick to death of Victor Vito and Freddie Vasco eating their burritos up and down the west coast, I can change him on the floor and deal with squirmy worm for a few minutes. In public, he’s tried to climb off changing tables multiple times in the last week, and when he isn’t trying to crawl off the edge he’s trying to pull to stand or he’s screaming his head off because diaper changes are the worst thing that’s ever happened to him.
FWIW, I’m not a bad singer so long as I stay in my chest voice - a bad asthma flare left me with chronic cough, some airway scarring, and a really gnarly transition to head voice. The music he likes is all well within my range, and we rarely make it through more than two two minute songs. I know he can throw my phone, I have a heavy duty case and I’m pretty confident it can take it. If I don’t sing along and dance and make silly faces, or if I just sing alone without letting him hold the phone or without playing music, we’re right back to attempting suicide by four foot headfirst plunge onto tile.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
wRqH53k82PqsvjWG75JtgXT9JsiprAVW
|
ahphug
|
{
"description": "telling one friend he broke up with another friend for a stupid reason",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling one friend he broke up with another friend for a stupid reason?
|
So first of all I’m a bit emotional/upset right now so sorry if there’s any grammar mistakes or I forget something.
So two of my friends just broke up.
We’re all teenagers and I’ve known the girl since kindergarten and the guy for about a year.
The guy called me up to explain everything and tell me what he had told her.
He told me a reason for their break up which he said he didn’t want her to know. I think that’s fair and I tell him I’m not gonna tell her.
He goes on to tell me how much he still loves her and wishes it could’ve worked out
But then he says they it was because it was getting to everyday-ish.
They’ve been officially together for 5months. They starting dating probably 6-7 months ago. I think that it’s okay for a relationship to get everyday-ish now.
I asked him if that was really the true reason and also if he really wanted it to work then.
He got pissed immediately. Which I understand he’s emotional and he just ended a relationship. I then try to really say it in a compassionate way that maybe he should’ve talked to her about it instead of just breaking up with her.
He then got really mad and went on a rant about how I was being an asshole, wasn’t his true friend and just taking her side of it.
Am I the asshole for bringing it up to him that I think they should’ve talked about it instead of breaking up?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
BrlRTDMUIkWSQLUxcVB7vJQUKg13kFz3
|
auml4u
|
{
"description": "not going to my friends 21st because of medical expenses",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not going to my friends 21st because of medical expenses?
|
I made a throw away account for this. I’ve been in and out of hospital and doctors for the past 3 weeks and the doctor is sending me for a scan that’s isn’t covered by healthcare. So it’s going to cost us (my partner and I) $300 and I can’t work due to my health problems so money is tight. My friend for her 21st has booked a venue and is charging $75 per person to go, so for my partner and I that will be $150. Am I the asshole for telling her we can’t go because we can’t afford it as we are living off of one income?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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cRt7hxRRftPAhkPlnu0cCdPOGeNxE9BD
|
9tnnbh
|
{
"description": "not letting my girlfriend go on a trip overseas with male friends/coworkers",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA for not letting my girlfriend go on a trip overseas with male friends/coworkers?
|
For a bit of background, I'm 25M and work in IT, my girlfriend of 2 years is 24F and works at a museum. We have lived together for the past year-ish and since I make more than her, we split shared bills proportionately by income, which comes out to about 70-30. We have been living below our means and both putting aside $x per month to buy a condo or townhouse together.
My girlfriend has a male coworker ("Mark") that she knew in college, they worked together on their semester-long capstone project for Anthropology and then both ended up getting a job at the same place after graduating, so they are pretty close. I will state for the record that I have no problem with my girlfriend having male friends. She has a lot of friends, both male and female, and is quite the extrovert. About six months ago my girlfriend told me that Mark had told her that he and an archaeologist buddy of his were tossing around the idea of going to Turkey and asked her if she wanted to come. It didn't sound like a very solid plan, so I just said "Oh yeah, that would be fun if we had the money. Maybe we can save up and go on a vacation next year."
Well, fast forward to now, my girlfriend comes to me and tells me that the Turkey trip is really happening, it's in two months, Mark invited her again and she had saved up enough money to go so she wanted to do it. Now that this is suddenly \*real\*, I am a little caught off guard and also pretty sure I don't want my girlfriend going on an international vacation with two men.
I'm thinking of telling her not to go based off of how I feel, which is this:
\- I don't know these guys very well. I trust her, but have no reason to trust them.
\- Turkey is a volatile country and not safe to visit, especially for a woman. Maybe someday, but not now.
\- The money would be much better spent going towards the house. The only reason she has that much "fun money" saved up is because I am paying 70% of the living expenses.
\- She doesn't have to go all the way overseas to visit archaeological sites and museums, especially because her career focus is on the Americas.
\- I just don't think it's appropriate for a girl in a relationship to spend 2 weeks abroad with two guys while her boyfriend sits at home.
I really don't want her to do this and I also feel like she went behind my back planning to go on this trip all this time. WIBTA if I said don't go?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
LCS5Ol7opvjFNJT7ZL8SzmvAWvrrwGHG
|
9vx36l
|
{
"description": "invading my roommate's privacy to take back an item I owned",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for invading my roommate's privacy to take back an item I owned?
|
In the spirit of the sub, I'm writing this to get some new perspectives on a small roommate argument that's been consuming my attention. Partially also to sort it in my own head. Here goes:
&#x200B;
Recently, a low value item (\~$5) was traded between myself and my roommate, or rather, I gave it to him with the expectation he would pay me back (this was clear to both me and my roommate).
Some days pass, maybe 3 or 4, during which I semi-jokingly remind them at least once that he still owes me for the item, and that he can just Venmo me $5. I felt what I perceived as some pushback to this, joking that he just wouldn't pay me back, or I should wait until he gets cash. This bothered me slightly; I felt it wasn't really his place to decide the terms on which I get paid or when I get paid, but at the time it wasn't a big deal.
Sometime soon after, maybe that next weekend, my roommate leaves for a couple days. I take the opportunity to go into his room and take the item back.
I'm not sure how this will be perceived here, but I can honestly say that at the time I didn't see it to be a big deal; the reaction I expected was along the lines of, "Oh ha ha, very funny, I'll pay you back now just give me the item back", and it would be over. I guess I thought this because that's how I figured I would react.
Instead, I very clearly stepped on his toes, and when he found out the item was gone he barged into my room pretty pissed, and demanded the item back. I gave it to him, and received Venmo payment minutes before.
After this point, it kind of died between myself and my roommate. We didn't discuss it, but he was acting cold to me afterwards, the only time I can remember in our friendship that things were this uncomfortable between us. It only came up again maybe 3 weeks later when I was drunk one night and we talked about it.
The talk started with them asking if I'd realized he was acting distant from me recently, and if I realized that I'd done something to them to make them act this way. This was a few weeks later, so I had to stop a try to recall for a moment what I'd done, but remembered this incident pretty quickly and brought it up.
I'll try and express their side of the argument as truthfully as possible. It was a long talk, but essentially he said that he thought it was petty of me to take the item back when it was such low value, that friends don't do that because they respect and trust their friends to pay them back, that the $5 obviously wasn't going to break the bank for me and it wasn't worth invading their privacy to send that message. "You're not a mob thug, you don't have to 'send a message' to me to pay you back, we're friends".
I expressed in return that the price of the item didn't matter, it was based more on principle that I don't like having debts between friends, and I try to pay my friends back as soon as possible to erase the debts because I respect the friendship. I also brought up that, given how little time it actually takes to Venmo someone money, there isn't really an excuse to not have paid someone back asap and that I refused to believe he didn't have 2 minutes of free time in the week after the exchange. I also expressed that going into his room while they were gone was clearly a mistake and apologized for that, saying that if I'd known how it would affect them and the friendship, I would not have done it.
This is way longer than I thought it'd be now, so to wrap it up, I feel a little bit like I tried compromising, and pushing for us both to accept that I should have respected the friendship more and given him more time to pay me back, while by the same token he should have made it a point to pay me back a bit earlier, but we didn't know how each other would react; I thought paying back friends promptly was the respectful thing to do, he thought giving friends time to pay each other back shows respect for the friendship. He seemed to view this compromise as a loss, saying that If we both do that he is just conceding to my demands by paying me back earlier. I also have a problem with how long this grudge has been held; it's quite a bit after the initial incident now, and talking about it only seemed to make the friendship even more uncomfortable.
So tell me what you guys think: Does the price of the item matter? I know I misjudged how invading his privacy would make him feel and I've apologized, that's not really the point of contention, but am I wrong for thinking this is not a grudge-worthy incident? Should I have final say on how and when I get paid?
&#x200B;
TL;DR I "stole" back my own property from my roommate after he took longer than I thought was reasonable to pay me back. I didn't see it as a big deal, but it has affected the friendship disproportionately (in my opinion, of course), and talking about it has only made it worse. Do friends give each other time to resolve debts, or do friends resolve debts immediately? Do friends hold grudges over this type of thing? Does the price of the item matter? Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
|
5VqPlKaqUmutClyuDySj2KrKG5zrhS6G
|
atnpgw
|
{
"description": "making my GF leave",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making my GF leave?
|
Throwaway as I'm half expecting to get flamed & also sorry if there are parts that don't make sense, I had to condense.
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
Context: my(22M) gf (21F) and I have been together for over 2 and a half years. I'll admit I'm not saint and for the most part she has just been putting up with me. We mostly talk about any issues or concerns that come up and they get resolved fairly quickly and painlessly. She also stays with me 3-4 days a week (Wednesday night/Thursday through Sunday, not important but figured I'd add it.) and lives roughly 45 minutes away from me.
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
Yesterday while I was at work my gf texted me saying she had to meet someone she did not know in a local town last night to get something for her mom. No one specific and she was just getting a package but wouldn't tell me what it was exactly. I thought it was weird that she was meeting someone in a close-by town where it doesn't seem her family would know anyone (they keep more to themselves.) I brushed this off though as she made it seem she was only gonna be gone for a little bit (the drive to where she was meeting is about 20-25 minutes from my house.)
&#x200B;
I came home from work around 6PM and we waited for this person to message her. Well it wasn't until about a little after 9PM that she supposedly got a text (which I wasn't allowed to see but didn't bother me then) about meeting this person. She leaves and even texts me when she gets there saying the person is not there yet so it would take longer than expected. A little over an hour passes and I ask if shes okay. I then get a response around 20ish minutes later saying they "are just visiting" (which is weird cause she told me earlier she didn't know the person.) Then an hour later (past 11:30PM) I get another text saying they "lost track of time." At this point I was dead ass tired and I'm pretty sure I passed out shortly after. It wasn't until nearly 1AM that she tries to sneak into the room and climb into bed. It woke me up but I didn't say anything at this moment because I was too tired.
&#x200B;
When I woke up to go to work I asked her why she was out so late and she just repeated that they lost track of time. Now I'm not the smartest guy in the world but my gut was telling me she was not being truthful about what she was doing and who she was with. I called her out on it and she told me that she actually went to a mutual friend's (30ishF) house to talk. I still do not know if this is the truth even though this friend texted me later saying that my gf was there. I don't know if I was more upset about her lying or maybe that I really doubted her still, but I told her to grab her stuff and leave. Shes been blowing me up all day, half apologizing and half accusing me for old things in the past to make it seem like what she did was okay. I have not actually broken up with her yet rather I have just been ignoring her to do my work. AITA for doing this?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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0idyiB5UEtPXjrwON81jXh7HGGEAIapJ
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9wcoro
| null |
AITA: neighbour bitched me out for smoking near her kids, but I'm on my own property.
|
My husband and I have been living here 4 years, neighbour moved in with her kids about 2 years ago. Since we moved in, we've had two smoking spots, one upstairs on our back deck and another downstairs in the yard which happens to be near the fence. The downstairs spot is a concerete seat built into the garden bed/retaining wall with a fire pit so it can't be moved without major landscaping. It's also my chill out spot and perfect for sitting and throwing the ball down the yard when I'm in too much pain to run around with our dogs (I have a back condition).
Neighbour lady set up a trampoline for her kids next to our shared fence yesterday. While I'm not impressed with how close it is to the fence, its ultimately no biggie. It has one of those big nets around it so the kids can't bounce over into our yard, the kids have always quietened down when we politely ask, and they don't antagonize our dogs like the previous neighbour's hellions did.
This morning, neighbour lady had a go at me over the fence for smoking near her kids while they were on the trampoline. She's never had an issue with me smoking there before, even when the kids would play on their swing set which is right next to where the trampoline is now and has been there since the month she and her kids moved in. They also have heaps of room in their yard to relocate the trampoline, some of them a better option IMO like in the shade instead of baking in the Australian sun, so there's absolutely no need for the trampoline to stay where it is.
I told her I couldn't move the sitting area, but I would go over and help her move the trampoline if she wanted it away from my cigarette smoke until I could sort something else out, but she just dug in her heels saying she wasn't going to move the trampoline at all, even temporarily and it was my responsibility to keep my smoke away from her kids. That ticked me off and I told her that her kids aren't my responsibility, so she stormed off. I was fully prepared to start looking at outdoor seating options on my phone after talking to her, and if she hadn't been rude when declining my offer to help move the trampoline, I would have happily done so. Now I feel like it's the principle of the thing, I don't want to "reward" her for being a bitch to me.
I think I'm generally a considerate smoker, I tend to not smoke outside designated smoking areas or my yard. If I can't find a smoking area or at least somewhere a long way away from non-smokers, I don't have one. I don't think I should have to make further concessions about this on my own property, especially when it can be easily resolved by just moving the trampoline.
Dot point TL;DR:
* Neighbour set up a trampoline next to our fence then got angry at me for smoking near it, in area where I've smoked for the whole 2 years she's lived there.
* The trampoline can be moved and there's room to put it somewhere else in her yard, my sitting area can't be moved as it's concrete and built into a retaining wall.
* I explained the sitting area couldn't be moved and offered to help her move the trampoline instead.
* She declined my help and said it was my responsibility to keep my smoke away from her kids, which I don't agree with since I'm smoking on my property and her kids are on her property.
* That said, I was totally ready to look into outdoor furniture to set up somewhere else in the yard, but now I don't want to because of how she spoke to me.
* She's never brought up my smoking before now even though there's a swing set in her yard near the trampoline and it's been there since the month she and her kids moved in.
*Please don't turn this into a "You should quit!" echo chamber. I know I should quit, I know how bad smoking is for me, I know I'm an idiot for starting smoking in the first place. I've tried using medication to quit and both options available in Australia made me sick to my stomach (like, couldn't keep sips of water down sick). I'm currently trying patches for the 3rd time, but I just started with the pre-quit ones last week, so it's gonna take time.*
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
HteeARouwTTDUONy1T2li2A35T4or4q8
|
b18oan
|
{
"description": "wanting to help my mom by washing one dish and I ended up in tears",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA I wanted to help my mom by washing one dish and I ended up in tears
|
I’m crying as I type this. I have a lot of things going on and no one to turn to so I thought I would just ask you guys about this. I asked my mom why my cats dish was in the sink, as he might get thirsty. She said she has to wash his bowl before she put it back for him. Honestly I’m in my mid 20’s I live at home and I don’t help much with cooking and cleaning. So I was holding a sponge and I asked her if this was the correct one to use. And she told me “no use the older one”. I found an older one and it wasn’t correct. I told her that. Then I saw one in the sink and I asked which one. She rolled her eyes and got up to come to the kitchen. I told her she did not need to and I was just trying to help. She then started complaining how she was at work all day, on her feet, and she’s sick. I then went upstairs and started crying (I cry easily). A little while later she calls my name and I answer “what” from upstairs. She then complains about my attitude when I say it and that I should come down when she’s talking to me. She then once again starts complaining about the fact that she was at work, etc, and I made her get up. I told her all I was trying to do was help. She sees me crying and she gets more angry, telling me I ruined her night and my own. I just go upstairs and I hear here talking to her husband and he says pretty much that she did not have to get up. I then see her one more time in her room because I was handing her something she asked for. She asked me if I was happy ruining the night over this. She said if I actually wanted to help I would/should (don’t remember which) help her cook and clean. And basically saying oh you wash one dish and you think you’re helping me?? As if I made a production out of washing one dish. If anyone even reads this I would appreciate an outside opinion.. thanks
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
RIGHT
|
6gPEblpYzBrLnUVROh1wttCH5nNyeYgC
|
b6txi7
|
{
"description": "accusing my boyfriend of cheating",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for accusing my boyfriend of cheating?
|
My boyfriend and I, both in our mid 20s are together for four years. There has been an issue with a female co worker of his for over two years. He hang out at her house in secret 1.5 yrs ago, I found out much later. He claims nothing happens. They still work together and text sometimes, but less frequent. He swears he won't hang out with her - she has send inappropriate texts and such.
We live together in our own house. I leave every monday morning to another city and come back tuesday morning for work issues. This means he is alone for 24 hours.
This tuesday morning 10am I got out of the bus and saw that girl walking to the bus. We live in a small craphole place, with nothing to do. We have a supermarket, a bakery, one tiny clothing store and that is it. This girl lives in another city, works in another city and studies in another city. I know she has NO friends or family in our town, because she mentioned it earlier to my boyfriend. ("You are the only one I know that wants to live in that crap place!")
What was her reason to be there, so early in the morning? I came home and my boyfriend was in bed asleep, with the window and curtains open. He always sleeps with the window and curtains closed. Also his jacket lay on the floor near the door. We live together for 4 months and his jacket never laid on the floor before.
I confronted and he said she was not there and has never been to our house. Then I decided to check his internet history. Yes, fellow redditors, I know this is wrong but I do NOT want a rant about this - I know how much Redditors want to burn alive people who do this. I checked it. It was a mistake. I know. Please no rant about how bad it is or how my relationship is doomed already.
So I saw that the evening before he watched some netflix on his tablet until 11PM. After that, things get weird. He watched youtube on his mobile from 11.00 to 11.19 PM. This is odd, because I am with this guy for 4 years and he NEVER watches youtube on his phone when he is inside the house. He always only does this when he is in the bus, outside or whatever. However no busses drove at that moment so that can't be true. After 23.19 there was no signs of activity anymore on his phone, tablet or computer.
He set up an alarm clock at 22.59 PM.
The first next activity was next day 08.04 am when he put off his alarm clock, and then 08.30 on Whatsapp.
He has a car that he shares with his mom. Wednesday we got into the car and he said; Mom keeps asking bout the car and drives my fuel till its empty. And I said; no she didn't asked for the car for at least 2 weeks why you bring this up? He just said oh it bothers me.
He kept bringing up this girl a couple of times. "I don't think it was her, I think you saw it wrong. Probably can't be her" blah blah.
He got angry and sad when I asked him if he cheated and he denied all and called me paranoid.
So, fellow Redditors. What do you think? Am I the asshole for accusing him of cheating?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
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