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hDjP9UMUo7ZuVa2tNgiAgY1DIp2gB3QF
|
b8jd0q
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{
"description": "being mad at my friends for bringing an under aged drinker out",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being mad at my friends for bringing an under aged drinker out.
|
I blew up yesterday at my friends for bringing a 19 year old out and buying her drinks. We know most of the bartender’s in town so they trust us but I was livid they not only took advantage of that but also didn’t tell me until much later in the night.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
xGA3xLXDixo8xK31Ouyud4IJWwPuPbXg
|
9zpeoj
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend to buy his own PlayStation 4",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For telling my boyfriend to buy his own PlayStation 4?
|
Okay, so some background: I am a very avid “gamer girl”, not your typical gamer girl, I’m top 1000th in the world at Black Ops 3 Zombies and top 100th in the world at Black Ops 2 zombies. I’ve been playing since I was young and I love it. Honestly my only hobby besides painting is gaming. I bought my PlayStation 4 a few years ago before I was with my current boyfriend. He doesn’t game much, but on occasion. I don’t mind sharing it, I’ve even deleted my games off the console to free up hardware storage space for some of the games he likes to play! Anyway I bought Black Ops 4 last night and it takes FOREVER for games to download onto the console, my WiFi probably sucks, oh well. Anyway, I left my PS4 on rest mode so it could download all night and while I’m at work today, so when I get home at 4 pm today I will finally be able to play Zombies on this new game! I am excited, I can hardly wait. Well.. my boyfriend is trying to tell me I can’t play my game when I get home because he’s off today and wants to play his game.. he’s owned this game for 5 days and has played it a few days already, I’ve let him play and haven’t had any protest to him playing. I told him he can play today until I get home and then I’m playing my game for a few hours. He can have it back after, but I have been waiting and I’m excited. He said no... I flipped and told him it’s my system and if he wants to be like that he can buy his own and cannot play mine anymore. Now he’s calling me a spoiled brat and saying I’m being an ass and this is escalating into an argument and it’s so dumb. I know it’s a trivial argument for some, but I love my video games. I know I can be a spoiled brat, but I don’t think I am being one this time. I don’t want to let him play all day while I’m anxiously waiting to play a game I’m excited for. Basically waiting to use my own system while someone else uses it and I sit there all day anticipating playing this game.
TLDR: Boyfriend is trying to tell me I can’t play my new game on MY PlayStation 4 when I get home from work today because he wants to play his own game. He’s off today and can play from 10:30 am to 4 pm while I’m working, but wants to sleep all day and play all afternoon basically.
|
HISTORICAL
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{
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}
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
kuMf1IUNmsnd72yQ7u3jVOmzh2zTL9Z7
|
aab5ux
|
{
"description": "bringing up that my girlfriend still follows her ex on Instagram",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for bringing up that my girlfriend still follows her ex on Instagram
|
So last night I made a joke that clearly did not go over well. One of my friends (more of a friend of my closest friends who i therefore see on occasion) broke up with his gf. And i know this because he liked 3 of my old photos. I laughed and told her "Bob is single again, man his gf must have really hated me".
This joke seemed to just start a fight. She asked why I was still following a guy I had slept with once (mutual friends, he is my friend, no feelings there). And then went on to "why do you follow all the girls you slept with too. We've been together for 13 months. They should be unfollowed. Keeping your options open eh?" Side note here, i am not keeping options open, i'm just too lazy and can't be bothered to unfollow people. I still follow people i went to high school with and friends of my ex. Also, my current gf has told me over and over again that there is no future with us, no marriage, nothing - because she's Muslim and you know, being a lesbo gets you a one way ticket to hell.
I didn't want to bother fighting over this, I explained that I was just lazy and then when she kept going on, i got my phone out and just started unfollowing because not worth it. I really don't care about them. Well this was apparently the wrong thing to do. She wanted me to unfollow them because i wanted to, not because she asked me to. And to not do it in front of her. More whining about it, teary eyes, and asking why i want to keep them around. I said clearly i don't, i'm getting rid of them right now.
Que her saying "i don't want you to do it right now. Just tell me when you do". I've had it at this point because i'm trying to cook us dinner and stop a fight about nothing. I said "why is it not ok for me to follow these people, who i slept with once and mean nothing to me, when you still follow your ex (muslim man - potential for future i guess) who you were in love with."
The tears started. Just crying and saying that i was so mean for saying that, that i'm gaslighting her, and she was just joking before but then i had to be mean. I am just done with the conversation at this point and walk away for 20 so minutes to cool off. Come back and she is pissed, says i just ignored her when she was sad, that what i said was uncalled for. That's there's a difference between people i slept with once and someone she was in love with at one point. I'm done with the fight and just don't give enough of a shit about it so I say sorry.
Was i an asshole for bringing that up?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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OTHER
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{
"RIGHT": 7,
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|
RIGHT
|
nwZ2IiADYl2ZjaNoWavMOblVhvvOCb0b
|
b70gal
|
{
"description": "sending my boyfriend a surprise gift delivery",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I sent my boyfriend a surprise gift delivery?
|
My (23/F) boyfriend (26/m) has been extremely busy with work this week. A few times during the year, his job is really high stress and he usually reacts by being distant in our relationship. I understand why, it’s happened before and we’ve talked about it. However, I always worry about him when this happens and he reassures me everything is fine. I think I get on his nerves by always checking in to make sure everything is OK. (Ugh, I know. I’m a worrier, I can’t help it sometimes.)
He has plans with his friends this weekend to blow off some steam and chill out with them. So, I was planning on getting some of his favorite booze delivered to his house as a little gift to maybe cheer him up. (We live in a major city, so booze delivery is super easy and I wouldn’t be physically going over there - I’m trying to give him space and let him do his thing.)
But, I can’t help but think this would be kind of an asshole move. Like I said, he gets distant when he’s in these stressful periods, so I don’t want to encroach on his space and seem like an overbearing girlfriend.
So, am I overthinking this or WIBTA if I got my boyfriend a surprise booze delivery?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
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}
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NOBODY
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{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
P6lLWfg5MptHikK3iYC1ZH3q0rVXMObh
|
al2x24
|
{
"description": "calling my so stupid for getting sky",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for calling my SO stupid for getting sky?
|
So as title says.
Called my girlfriend stupid for getting sky, it costs £27 a month (no idea if its more after the first month as she did it without me knowing).
​
The reason I called her stupid was because its a bad idea, we struggle with money as it is right now and she has to constantly borrow money from her mother. She is incredible bad with money, anytime she has spare cash its gone with no savings.
​
We split the bills such as rent/water/gas/electric.
​
She is going to be the one to pay the bill, which is fair enough but with more important bills to pay, I see sky as a luxury and should be passed until we can actually afford it as an extra.
​
There is other examples of her bad spending, but I'd rather not say too much as she uses reddit too.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
E6h6Kd6BVNuuFuqRLpkISLB6v9rVv8sl
|
b3d9sr
|
{
"description": "asking her not to drink",
"pronormative_score": 137,
"contranormative_score": 112
}
|
AITA for asking her not to drink?
|
I grew up with an abusive alcoholic mother. It was hell and as a result I don’t drink at all and don’t like being around drunk people.
When I started dating my girlfriend I knew that she drank and discussed my issues with it. I just asked her that she doesn’t drink around me. It worked out fine, she was great about not even drunk dialing me, a problem I had with my ex girlfriend.
When we started discussing moving in I was very apprehensive about it. I asked her if she could really handle not drinking at all in our home and she was adamant that it was no big deal. That if she wanted to drink she could just spend that night at a friends and that she really didn’t drink that often anyways so it wouldn’t be a problem.
The first few months that’s exactly what happened. Since then though there have been times that she’s come home obviously drunk and just lying about it to me. I’ve talked her about it to mixed reactions. Sometimes she will apologize profusely and promise not to let it happen again. Other times it becomes an argument about how I’m projecting my mother’s problem on our situation. That she’s not an alcoholic or abusive. Which is true, but it’s not really about her being abusive, it’s that being around drunk people drudges up a lot of painful memories for me. She just brushed that off though.
After this last time it happened she’s outright fighting me on the issue. She says this is her home too and we’re both adults. That I need to get therapy instead of trying to control her. We had a clear agreement before we moved in though.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 73,
"OTHER": 104,
"EVERYBODY": 39,
"NOBODY": 33,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 137,
"WRONG": 112
}
|
RIGHT
|
TbWe4MVcQXIER3vqnyMMPFdNyV9p1vfj
|
ab3038
|
{
"description": "just completely leaving the family supper",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I just completely leave the family supper?
|
Ok, so this is kinda simple, but my extended family and I are on vacation on a ranch, which has a few buildings. Supper has been taking longer and longer to be made, with a steady decline in the quality of the food. Currently it has been taking until about 8:45, which is when I start to get exhausted, and I have been thinking of just leaving and going to sleep. So my question is, WIBTA if I just leave to go to the dormitory area and just have a healthy sleep schedule?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
MPv780j51ChRGLWoN5tSTMeDOTTaCqra
|
a7aeap
|
{
"description": "getting mad at alcoholic mother",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at alcoholic mother?
|
Hello first post here and its my second account.
Please ignore the name.
And im not native Englisch, so please forgive me if i make a mistake.
Its about my mother and it goes its way back a few years.
She has some Problems with her family, her brothers and sisters. She is the youngest out of 8 and always felt as if they didnt care about her, abused may be not exactly right but some part do suit the word.
She always was molested by her brother as a kid
This becomes important later.
My Mother started drinking after her Brother (which molested her) died when she was younger. It escaleted badly and she became an alcoholic.
Then she got sober for a while till, when i was 6 years old my father punched and then raped her in Front of my eyes.
Not long and she started drinking again.
It was a really bad time and it was really hard as a kid as i didnt understand what really was going on.
They took us away in a Facility for kids who cant be home.
We stayed there 3 and a half years.
In this time she worked to get sober again and many times drunk again.
She also started smoking Joints.
Fastforward, im now around 20 years old and my mother was sober for arround 14 Years.
Around Midsummer she drank again.
She told us, how it all didnt go well for her, she works from home, does nothing but smoke and watch series besides work. No wonder she got depressed again.
Well yeah we tried to help her be nice as we could. She also promised she would go in therapy. She never did...
Now im working in a place to learn a job.
Its well you could call it a special place for people with mental or other health Problems.
I started there around 2 months ago.
Yesterday after i finished work i got on the train and got a message by my sister that our mother drunk again.
I felt broken, so the way home was terrible as i couldt calm down anymore.
As i got home she was sleeping, i tried to talk to her but she was to drunk.
Later around 9 she woke und and first thing she did was some a joint, i was really dissapointed but more mad at this point.
My sister started talking to her but she started like no i didnt do anything etc.
But my sister had still her glass full of vodka in the kitchen...
I got mad and wanted to know where she hides the alcohol but she said she wouldnt tell me, i should go away.
Then i exploded, asked her in a loud voice why did you drink?
No answer...
What did happen?
My sister is underage what would you think would happen if people found out?
She was like as if she didnt care.
She suddenly asked since when i was home, god damm its 9 in the evening i saw you and heard you be drink, you even talked to me or did you smoke your brain out?
She sounded somewhat sad the whole time but she is extremly stubborn so she also got mad.
I said im calling my uncle, her brother.
Cause we dont know what to do, i cant handle her like this.
Last time she said it was also cause i had problems at worked, missed every week a day cause of my mental problems.
And she said it was also part of her start drinkig again.
Now its not much better but i am supposed to work 100% but coulndt absolve a full week till now.
Its a new place, i have 3 hour train way, i am just about to get used to it.
I told her i that i dont again want to be called a part of her problem again and she started defend her like, i know you only care about that.
Honestly i have no idea what to do, i dont wanna go home again. I wanna search a place for me to live alone but also dont want to leave my sister alone with my mother...
Today she woke me up as usuall but besides morning or goodbye she didnt talk to me
Aita for getting mad and loud at her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
yZuzg8eRSlfqhJHO45VtvdBgMJrKNvYU
|
b2g1mg
|
{
"description": "not dumping my bf over his homophobic past and ruining my friend group",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not dumping my bf over his homophobic past and ruining my friend group?
|
I [23M] have been seeing my boyfriend [22M] for a little over a year now and honestly, he makes me happier than anyone else has ever made me. When I tell you I'm in love with this guy, I don't have the words to describe how much I mean that. He's everything I've ever wanted and more.
However, he was raised in a very staunchly conservative Christian household. This included his parents, from whom he is now estranged, being incredibly homophobic. There was also quite a lot of abuse. To give you a taste of the extent of this behaviour, his brother once posted a picture to Facebook where he was jokingly kissing a male friend on the cheek and his father beat the shit out of him every night for a week.
Naturally, this meant that my boyfriend spent much of his teenage years very deep in the closet. He basically went the route of deliberately acting like a hypermasculine fuck boy because how could such a manly man who hit it and quit it with every girl in school be gay? Part of this behaviour was posting homophobic memes etc to social media and commenting mean shit on posts about gay people because, again, how could someone who so clearly hates the gays be gay?
Obviously that isn't who he is any more. When he was 19 he was finally able to move out of his parents' house and come out of the closet. He apologised to people who he'd hurt with his comments and went through his social media accounts and deleted all of the homophobic posts he could find. However, some things managed to slip through the cracks. This included an old Twitter account that he used in school and forgot he had, which had his full name and pictures attached to it.
Recently, a friend of mine stumbled upon this Twitter account and found some of the homophobic content posted there. She texted screenshots to our group chat and a few people there immediately started chatting shit on my bf and talking about how I should dump him etc. I tried to explain why be did what he did and how he's sorry, he didn't mean it, that's not who he is any more, so on and so forth. Some of my friends understood but others just weren't having it.
This has caused something of a rift in my friend group. On the one side, there's the friends who think I need to dump him who are accusing me of internalised homophobia, of not actually caring about gay rights and of valuing "getting some dick" over actually doing the right thing. On the other side (the minority) there are the friends who agree with me that this behaviour was clearly just a manifestation of the abuse my boyfriend was facing at home and came out of fear and self loathing rather than from a place of genuine hatred and malice, and that he deserves to be forgiven. He's kinda stuck in the middle of it all and he feels terrible all over again for the things he said.
So my question is, did I do the wrong thing by defending him and in turn tearing up my friend group?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
uXqeZP6V8yhgJW3n9H6NlZl4WVaPnhCi
|
afcand
|
{
"description": "ending this friendship",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ending this friendship?
|
AITA for ending this friendship?
I've known this person since the first grade (I'm currently in my junior year of high school). Ever since we were little shes had little respect for all types of boundaries. This includes telling random people all of your deepest and most personal secrets, no respect for personal space, and an array of other social norms. In middle school she used to literally beat the shit out of me, and say she was just being 'playful' (Don't get me wrong she wasn't this big beefy 13 year old girl that could just destroy anyone in her path, but I was malnourished and really small during this period. I think I was around 90 pounds back then and she was like 150 or something so of course she was gonna be able to shove me around). It got so severe that several teachers confronted me about her after classes. You get the point, shes doesn't have boundaries. Since elementary school I've known that shes a bit toxic, but I have a hard time with confrontation and saying 'no' to people so despite my best judgement I've remained friends with her for the majority of my life. Over that period we got *really* close despite my opinions of her.
Now here's the straw that broke the camels back: (Trigger warning about mental health stuff, sexual abuse, and self harm) I've struggled with my mental health for as long as I can remember. Obviously I regret it now, but I used to confide in her about it. My dad is an alcoholic, and she was the only person I ever told. I was molested when I was 11 and she was literally the only person that knew about it. She was the first to see my self harm wounds (By the way, I've been off self harm for about two years now, we all good), and the only person I ever confided about that to. Despite knowing this stuff and how it affected me, she always poked fun about all of it (Usually not in front of people until a certain point), she make 'daddy issues' and emo jokes about me all the time. I tried to laugh it off, but since she was the only person I had ever told about any of it, it really made me feel like it was unimportant and something to be ashamed of. One of the worst things shes done was jokingly make sexual advances towards people, almost all of our other common friends have experiences of her creeping on them. I was always around her a lot because we've had the same honors classes throughout middle school, which guaranteed that we would have almost identical schedules. So I tended to experience the creeping on a regular bases, and since I had experiences with sexual abuse previously it made me seriously uncomfortable.
So one night my phone just starts blowing up with people asking me if I was okay and shit. There were a couple of numbers I didn't even recognize. She had told some people about almost all of my trauma. From there it just spread like wildfire. So now my entire friend group and people that I dont even know, are experts about my life story, which I myself had told only one person about. Despite the fact that I had been doing well, not depressed, not cutting myself or anything for several years, I'm now known as some kind of psycho-bitch, self destroying, maniac. I never told my parents about any of it either and I was afraid to, so I just went to school like normal so they we're suspicious of me or think I'm depressed or anything (not that it did any good). So I get on the bus and once I showed to school the majority of my friends are swarmed around my locker wearing crisis mode expressions on their faces. They tell me that person heard it from what's-her-face, who heard it from my now ex-friend*.* Who I assumed painted me as currently suicidal. I blocked ex-friend on almost everything and I called my parents to pick me up a few periods into the day before I had to see her. I don't show up the next day.
Someone tells the guidance counselor that I'm apparently suicidal and the guidance counselor calls my parents.
They want to put me in therapy now.
I haven't been to school in a while now, ex friend has caught onto the fact that our friendship is over due to my vague and indirect snapchats. My friends tell me she shows up to school crying the next day, say I was being unreasonable, and that it wasn't a big deal because she only told one person that I was friends with and who wouldn't judge me. They say she wants to talk to me, but honestly I don't know if I ever want to see her again. At the same time I don't like knowing that I made her cry, and I don't know if I could say no to her if she apologized to me. I feel kind of guilty because I think in her own way she was trying to help me or get people to support me, I guess. I just hate that she did it in that way. It's my own decision if I want to tell people, right? Like, I'm not sure why she thought telling people all my personal shit was just gonna go over smoothly. I just don't wanna make anyone feel bad. Was I being unreasonable by just ending the friendship rather than talking to her? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
qESsGPKSJzgiSppVQWcYoY2CqWukMetP
|
a2g7di
|
{
"description": "limiting contact with my sister",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for limiting contact with my sister?
|
(Throwaway) I’m 19f, my sister is 24. Long story short, my sister’s boyfriend (23?) tricked my parents into letting him move in with us (he chose to run away from home but said he was homeless). He never introduced himself to me so we just ignored eachother for 7 months. My sister was so focused on him and work that we only had time to talk during dinner/online. Eventually I tried to be friends with her boyfriend, but he’d be passive aggressive towards me and basically told me to fuck off. His exact words: “Are you never going to be out of our (he and my sister’s) lives?” I just kept a very far distance from both of them afterwards. My sister asked why, I told her what he said, and her response was “he just says stuff like that sometimes.” He continued saying “stuff like that” on family trips or just whenever we were in the same room so I ended up in arguments with him, and by proxy, my sister, since she always came to his defense. It got so hostile and tense that I straight up told them I didn’t want to keep in contact with either of them when they moved out. They “apologized” after moving out. Didn’t really say sorry or anything, just that “there was a miscommunication”. After they moved out I was civil with them (for my parents’ sake) when they visited and things were going smooth as long as we made plans when her boyfriend was working. Recently though, I think I fucked up. I found my record player damaged in the room they shared, and I didn’t even know they’d been borrowing it. To rub salt in the wound my sister bought her boyfriend a record player in front of me on Black Friday. She also got three big packages sent to our house and turns out she’d ordered a pricy sewing machine for her boyfriend as well as a bunch of other stuff for him. It honestly pissed me off not only because they broke my shit, but because she’s never been a gift-giver, like not even with my parents who are super supportive and accommodating to her. I know this sounds extremely immature, but I impulsively un-added/softblocked her on every social media. I know you’re probably thinking “okay, so you’re mad because she bought her boyfriend some stuff?”, but it’s not about the actual gifts. I just feel like I’m putting in a lot of effort to maintain my relationship with my sister and she just is not. I don’t know if I’m overreacting by basically blocking her on everything and avoiding her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
qa6Zjyt3sDt71OiG9rvMQqIeuOM0YpYM
|
aais43
|
{
"description": "not letting him use my computer",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting him use my computer?
|
Sorry in advance for formatting, I'm on mobile... Some back story... I (36f) broke up with my ex (34m) about 2 months ago. Unfortunately he lives with me and my lease is not up for a few months, so I am basically stuck with him until then. It's been a rocky few months, to say the least. Anyway, I currently pay his cell phone bill because it's on my account. I have put in a request to have it transferred to him (so he can pay his own damn cell phone bill) but so far nothing. So fast forward to today. I get home from work, and he tells me he put a lock screen on his phone, forgot the code, and now can't get into his phone. He demands I "fix it." Like, dude, I can't? Why would you think I could? So now he's pissed off because he can't use his phone. After stomping around and slamming doors, he asked to use my laptop. No, dude, just, no. He demands to know why he can't use it. I tell him I don't have to give him a reason, it's my computer. Well that really sets him off and he continues stomping and slamming doors and now calling my every name in the book. Then threatens that maybe it will just get destroyed or disappear while I am at work. Like yeah, now that you've threatened to trash my personal property, I'm definitely not letting you use it. So, am I the asshole?
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"description": "telling the girl I'm dating that her asking about my ethnicity was out little out of left field",
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|
AITA for telling the girl I'm dating that her asking about my ethnicity was out little out of left field?
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Some background:
Just started dating this girl and I'm not sure if she's White or Mexican (her last name looked hispanic to me but i haven't bothered to ask her) but I'm Black and Mexican. So we were texting each other an hour ago about how cold it's going to be tomorrow, work and our well our 2nd date went. Out of nowhere she asked me my ethnicity and I was shocked. I answered her question first, then said that her question was a little out of left field. I used to get asked a lot growing up and had no problem answering but nowadays it's really rare that anyone asks so I never worry about it or prepare for it. She said she was sorry but I let her know that it was okay because she was curious and I was glad she was. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "asking my girlfriend to take it down a notch",
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AITA for asking my girlfriend to take it down a notch?
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Okay so as we’re getting ready to go to bed. Brushing our teeth and the preparing for bed routine, we were having some conversation. She was telling me about her day and I realized she was being pretty loud. Mind you, it’s about 2:30AM, we live in an apartment and the walls are paper thin. When I’m taking a leak, I sometimes hear my neighbors talking or something. I’m always pretty conscious about being noisy neighbors because it’s a pretty big dick move to have no awareness of the people around you.
So while telling her story she paused for a second, I politely asked her if she wouldn’t mind lowering her voice a little bit. I mean I’m right next to her and there was no need for yelling anyways. I feel like I was pretty polite about it. Apparently not. She freaked out and now wants to argue with me that I’m trying to shush her and she “wants to be her own person.”
So after a little arguement I figured we both needed to take 5 and cool down. I browsed reddit for 10 minutes and went back in to try and talk to her. She told me it’s a big pet peeve of hers when people tell her to shush.
We’ve been together for almost 3 years now and she does get excited occasionally and can raise her voice out of excitement. 9x out of 10, I let it ride because it doesn’t matter anyways. But out of respect for my neighbors and the fact that there really is no need to be loud, I felt that it wasn’t that big of a deal.
Idk maybe IATA? I’m trying to see it from her perspective but I just can’t rationalize that my request wasn’t a fair one.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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"description": "not wanting to touch my wife",
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AITA for not wanting to touch my wife?
|
​
I'm almost 50, been married for almost 20 years. My wife is 46.
​
I think we came together all those years ago as two lonely people, afraid we'd never find anyone else. I married her, completely unsure about it, because I was afraid I'd be alone forever, and determined to "make it work". In hindsight, my heart wasn't in it, and I felt trapped. She says I'm the best thing to ever happen to her.
​
I can't say it was all bad times, but fast forward 15 years and two kids later, I fell into a terrible depression, with suicidal thoughts. My wife knew nothing about this until I got help. I started therapy with a psychologist, who helped me learn to cooperate with my emotions instead of fighting them, to slowly learn to be aware of what I like and don't like.
​
Which leads me to today.
​
I don't like being with my wife. When she touches me, I feel hollow inside, trapped. It's been like that for a long time, but I've also had an overwhelming tsunami of abject pitch black terror at the thought of the marriage ending.
​
The past week or so, though, something has changed.
​
What is new is this: amongst my group of friends is an attractive, smart woman of about 40. We've been growing as friends for a while, but about two weeks or so, I saw a spark in her eyes that maybe, just maybe, she might feel something more.
​
I know I do.
​
We've met a few times since then (once just the two of us), and chat a lot online. The vibe is still there.
​
It was like a wall came crashing down inside me. If such a thing was even possible - if someone as attractive and smart as her could even allow a hint of that kind of feeling - then maybe a post-marriage existence could be a happy one.
​
Suddenly the tsunami of terror is gone. Ending the marriage is still a fearful thing, but not completely unthinkable.
​
So now, for the past week or so, when my wife wants to touch me, or wants me to hold her, I no longer do what I did before - I don't just hold her and silently bear the emptiness inside. Instead, I flinch, or pull away, or say no.
​
My wife is devastated. She asks why I changed so suddenly, and how long it will be before I can go back to what I was like before.
​
But I don't want to go back. I hated it. I also don't want to kill a 20 year marriage over a passing crush, or a temporary angry phase.
​
Except I can't see it being temporary. The change seems sudden to her, but all that's happening is that I'm not hiding how I feel any more.
​
AITA? Everything inside me is a jumbled mess of conflicting feelings now.
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HISTORICAL
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apmhin
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{
"description": "immediately stopping sex after my boyfriend of 11 years lets go of my hair that he has decided would be good to use as reins",
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"contranormative_score": 7
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|
AITA for immediately stopping sex after my boyfriend of 11 years lets go of my hair that he has decided would be good to use as reins?
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We all know porn can mislead men (And women I suppose) into thinking women are so into everything. Anyone with eyeballs can see that the woman is definitely NOT into all of it. Yes they are acting but it is extremely hard to ignore the expressions of pain, unless you choose to ignore it. Anyways there seems to be a style of porn where men are overly aggressive and choose to grab women's hair and use it as leverage.
We had been going at it for a good ten minutes already and upon switching it up he grabbed my hair, which he has never done before.
In my instance my neck cocked in an extremely awkward way and it was hard to make a sound. I have very long hair and he grabbed all the way up by my head twisting my head back. The sounds
I was making were me trying to say stop but it just sounded like gags.
This went on for like 2 minutes. Eventually he loosened his grip and I immediately snapped around and pushed him way the f off me. I was disgusted. I felt violated in the sense that to me, in my opinion, there is ZERO chance he thought I was enjoying it. But he says he thought I was. He didn't get why I would react like that. And it turned into me "not communicating properly" and therefore "rejecting" him. It hurt his feelings that I didn't want to continue. So ladies, AITA? Men, AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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axcm6i
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{
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|
AITA for hating my mom's lack of responsibility for her pet?
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On mobile, etc.
I (29/F, work in the veterinary field) moved back in with my family, on my mother's insistence, a year ago when I was getting divorced, to finish school. I have since graduated, become licensed in my field, and gotten a good job. I'm working on moving out.
At the end of the summer my mom, who couldn't find a job after she broke a contract job, finally got a part time job. She also adopted an 8 month old dog without discussing it with anyone in the house, my dad, brother, me. It had 0 manners. She insisted she would train it. Guess what hasn't happened, no training, no socialization. So then she finally gets her shit together like 1.5 months ago to take it to doggy manners school. But it's never been around dogs, so it can't focus, and so she pulls it out of school. They offered her private classes. I encouraged socialization and private lessons. Shocker, it still has no manners. She hasn't been working with it at home, in fact she gets my dad and brother to take care of it more than she does. I've basically refused to interact with it since she got it, because it's annoying to me, and I just avoid it as much as possible. Anytime I am upstairs it licks my legs and toes, even if I tell it to stop (but if I kennel it I'm an asshole), begs for food, has tried to get my food, and overall is constantly underfoot.
I was calling it a mooch today while I was making a sandwich and it was begging and messing with me. She yelled at me because "no animals are perfect" and I just needed to lay off the criticism of the dog. I stated back calmly that it still needed to be taught manners, and that it was annoying to be around because of the lack of them. Now she's just mad at me, which is whatever, but honestly I get in trouble for never leaving my room as it is, but then stuff like this happens where I don't want to be upstairs anyway.
Tl;dr My mom's untrained dog annoys the shit out of me, and I don't want to be around it, and she gets mad when I get annoyed at it. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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afasqm
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{
"description": "not dividing a post on a different sub into paragraphs",
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AITA because I didn't divide a post on a different sub into paragraphs?
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I was on the Fortnite Battle Royale sub a month or two ago and I made a fairly long post about the story of the game. I didn't divide the post into paragraphs and a bunch of people started hating on me cause I didn't divide the post into sections. I know this is a short post but I wanna see if I'm in the wrong here. So, Am I the Asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "being upset my boyfriend wants to befriend his ex",
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AITA for being upset my boyfriend wants to befriend his ex
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Boyfriend and his ex remained friends after breaking up, even though they haven't really talked ever since we started dating, which is about a year. For some reason, in the past week or two, their friendship seemed to have resurfaced. They've been going out for coffee several times a week and seem to suddenly talk about everything - including her and my boyfriend's (which obviously includes mine) sex life. They also text sometimes, about random stuff.
Anyways, I should include that one of my male friends, who my boyfriend doesn't like, made some inappropriate comments about me. I didn't really care, since to me, they were pretty obviously jokes. My boyfriend was really bothered by that, so me and my male friend now hang out way less than we used to. We also don't text anymore, nothing beyond an occasional meme or video.
The ex of his is the only girlfriend he said to actually have nice memories of. He also lost his virginity to her and he considers her the most serious relationship he's had (before me, supposedly). Also, every time I ask him about pretty much any good experiences he's had in the past, nearly always, she comes up. I don't think he realizes it, but he also compares me to her - example - I refuse to not use condoms and then he tells me they used the pull-out method and she didn't mind and everything turned out fine. He says he no longer has any feelings for her and that their relationship is completely platonic. Worth mentioning, he did lie to me once before about a pretty big deal. He wouldn't have ever told me the truth if I didn't find out from someone else. He also cheated on one an ex of his, not the one this post is about, though.
I met her today, since I asked him to and he thought it's a good idea. It was pretty awkward. I was quiet most of the time, while they managed to get in an inside joke or two that I didn't get. I was uncomfortable pretty much the entire time. When I asked him why he suddenly got the need to "befriend" her again, he kept telling me about what a cool person she is, about how much they have to talk about etc. etc.
I'm really bothered by their new friendship, especially because it seems to have appeared out of nowhere. After he was uncomfortable because of my male friend, I nearly immediately set new boundaries, which he flat-out refuses to do. Also, even after telling him how bothered I am by him letting her know about our issues (mostly sexual/relationship stuff), he keeps texting her about it. When I confronted him about it, he said she has similar issues and that he was looking for advice. As I am typing this, he's letting her know what's happening.
Am I the asshole here for wanting him to just not be friends with his ex / not wanting her to know about my personal issues, which he shares with her even after I ask him not to?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "waking my mom all the time",
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|
AITA for waking my mom all the time
|
Okay, so for context I (18F) live with my parents and our 1 year old dog. Mom is usually the one who takes the dog out before sleep since I am afraid of the dark and dad is not that invested in the dog.
This, combined with the fact that she gets up early in the mornings, makes mom tired. So often she takes a nap before she takes the dog out. She likes sleeping on the couch (she says the TV is relaxing), instead of in her bedroom (who also has a TV). The problem is I likely have misophonia - a condition when specific sounds trigger negative emotions and thoughts. My trigger is snoring and guess what - mom snores, really loudly. It triggers emotions like sadness, frustration and anger, sometimes I just want to hit something when I hear the sound. So to keep her from snoring I keep her awake by pushing her with the foot so that she never really falls asleep, we can keep going like that for an hour - me pushing her til she stops snoring, while she still is half asleep.
She knows about my sensitivity against snoring but she doesn’t take it seriously. She also knows that I will keep her awake unless she sleeps in her bedroom, but she still insists on sleeping on the couch. It is driving me crazy and I really try to block out the sound but it doesn’t always work. I feel guilty for waking her up, but I also feel like she should respect my intense feelings toward snoring, and sleep in her bedroom so I can more easily block out the sound. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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aovz70
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{
"description": "asking my roomie to get out of my chair",
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|
AITA for asking my roomie to get out of my chair?
|
My roomie and I share a small 1 bedroom apartment. They have the bedroom with a door and I have the living room area that's right beside the kitchen as my "room". In my area are 2 desks and a dresser, and my one (comfy) computer chair. We eventually also got a small Ikea bench in my "room" that I hoped would solve this issue.
​
Just about every time they come into the living room area and I happen to not be using my chair at the moment (either im in the bathroom, in the kitchen cooking, ect), they like to sit in it and play on their phone, or use my desk to write down something ect. And that's perfectly fine. I have no issue with them sitting in my chair or desk when Im away and not using it. But the second I'm ready to use it, I feel like I should be able to nicely ask them to move since I'd like to sit at my desk.
​
Oftentimes they get upset and say me asking them to move out of my chair/or asking them if they can sit in another spot, ect makes them feel unwelcome. It's puzzling to me because I try to always ask as politely as I can. I understand that the living room area is also a place for us both, which is why we got the bench, but I also feel like my computer chair and desk 1 (where my computer and work station are) should be mine to ask for at anytime without getting attitude. AITA?
​
​
​
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "being an asshole",
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AITA for being an asshole?
|
I believe that safety and security are more important than feelings.
At work there are machines that can really hurt people.
If children start to get close to them I politely tell them to be careful and not get to close to them.
If they step on them or put a hand on them I yell "Get away from there!"
Somebody walked through a security door today and it was clear they weren't a worker.
The door alarm went off loudly (they entered an exit door) and I sternly said "You need to immediately walk back through that door before I call security and the police."
They started walking back through the door mumbling "Jesus Christ, you don't have to be like that I'm just looking for..."
I do this on purpose because everyone complies without question when they are yelled at or sternly commanded.
AITA for yelling at people to keep them safe and secure?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "asking my roommate that his girlfriend can't over",
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}
|
AITA for asking my roommate that his girlfriend can't over.
|
So a bit of backstory. I am a 1st year university student currently living on res. My roommate is cool dude and he is also a good roommate but lately he has been inviting his girlfriend to the dorm a lot. She is very kind and a nice person but I get uncomfortable when she is around and because of that I spend more time outside then being in my room. Am I gonna be the asshole if I talk to him about me being uncomfortable that his girlfriend makes me uncomfortable a bit?
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"description": "telling my depressive brother to STFU and KYS after a breakup",
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|
AITA for telling my depressive brother to STFU and KYS after a breakup?
|
So basically, my brother is 5 years older than me but a year below me in uni. My brother has been dealing with mental illness for most of his life, he has pretty bad anxiety, depression, and ADD and barely scraped out of HS with decent marks. He was in uni for a half a year before he tried to commit suicide, and after that he pulled himself out of school to focus on his mental health. This went on for years, and in this time he was really dedicated to battling depression and trying to become the best person he could be. I was fucking proud of him.
Fast forward to September, he's a 24 year-old freshman going into a Com Sci program at our local university, and I was going into my second year of Software Engineering. He said he felt really nervous being back in school and relied on me for support, and I gave it to him to the best of my ability. He found a girl in his program who he liked, some cute, fresh faced 17 year old Korean girl. They dated after talking for a while and he seemed happy, but I was grossed out that my 24 year old grownass brother was dating a teenager. I held my tongue though because this was the happiest I had seen him in years, but I wasn't happy about it.
So now, on Sunday she decided to break up with him because she said felt more comfortable with guys her own age and that he should move on. The motherfucker hasn't left his room in 3 days and has reverted to the same self sorry sack of shit he was before his therapy. His fucking wailing has been preventing me from studying for my midterms, and I went to his room to tell him to get over it. He continued to wail saying shit like "I'm fucking worthless!" and "I'm gonna kill myself!". I was so frustrated at him that I yelled this to him word for word "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU WORTHLESS SHIT AND DO IT FAGGOT, NO ONE FEELS BAD FOR YOU!!!". I had enough of his self pity and I was angry at the fact that this guy basically wasted thousands of dollars of therapy money over some girl he knew for a couple months.
This was the first time I actually yelled at him and he took it to heart. He looked shocked and I quickly made sure to make myself scarce. It's been several hours now and he hasn't made a single noise from his room. He's locked the door and won't respond to my numerous apologies that I've said. AITA reddit?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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a2y85p
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{
"description": "telling my parents I'm an atheist",
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|
AITA for telling my parents I’m an atheist?
|
So I was brought up in a pretty conservative Pakistani household and had Islam burnt into my mind throughout my childhood and teenage years (praying five times a day, reading the quran, going to the mosque every week, fasting during ramadan). I was utterly devoted to the religion to the point where I voluntarily memorized about half the quran (it’s a pretty huge book).
After starting college 3 years ago and learning more about evolution and scientific theory in general, I stopped being able to reconcile science with religion. I chose to believe in science because it actually offered evidence for the ideas it promoted. I haven’t prayed or read the quran for almost 3 years but I’ve been pretending to still be Muslim in front of my parents and relatives. Most of my friends know I’m an atheist and they’re pretty chill about it.
I recently went on a trip with my dad for a few days and he asked me if I still prayed. Because he’s always been the more open-minded of my parents, I decided to take a chance and tell him part of the truth (that I had doubts about religion and that I didn’t really pray anymore). He promised not to tell my mother and seemed to be have taken it well during the trip.
Well, imagine my surprise when I found both my parents crying after I got back from work the next week. He’d not only told my mom what I confided in him, but was now demanding that I go talk with a mufti to “clear my doubts”. My mom kept saying “you’re gonna lose your entire family if you don’t come back to Islam”. I told them I have nothing against other Muslims but I personally just can’t believe in religion anymore. When they realized I was being serious about this, they told me if they died, it would be my fault. My dad said “if Islam didn’t prohibit it, I might’ve already killed myself because of this”.
My parents have always supported me, financially and emotionally. They brought me up with love and made sure I never wanted for anything. I’ve always loved and respected them and tried to be a good son. Now they say that I’ve destroyed my life and theirs by not believing in God anymore and made their lives meaningless. They think that I should follow the religion if only to repay their kindness and love.
I feel very guilty about my part in all this. Obviously, I should never have told them about my beliefs and just kept pretending. But now the cat’s out of the bag and I’ve messed everything up. If I’m the asshole in this scenario, I’ll try to go back to praying daily and reading the quran, but is it really that bad of me to wish my parents loved me unconditionally?
|
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azjooq
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{
"description": "not wanting bf's daughter's dogs on my furniture",
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|
AITA for not wanting bf’s daughter’s dogs on my furniture?
|
I live with my boyfriend, we both have grown kids. It’s just the two of us, no pets, and we like it that way. I brought most of the living room furniture, except for one chair, into the home. Now bfs 28 year old daughter is breaking up with her girlfriend and told him she’s moving back home and bringing her two huge dogs. I have an aversion to dog hair and their smell, and I absolutely do not want them on my furniture. She’s lived with us before—and at the time my furniture was in storage so it wasn’t an issue then—but I do remember her not keeping up with their shedding and fur was everywhere, including on dishes and counters and it grossed me out. He did tell her they were not welcome on my furniture and her response was that she would cover with blankets. I have a dual recliner, so I have a “spot” where I sit, and blanket or not, I don’t want dogs there. There will still be fur in me and I will still smell dog. Also, that’s just not good enough. If I say I don’t want dogs on my furniture, I’m not ok hearing well, they will be and she’s choosing who compromises.
So, am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "asking out my 17 year old coworker",
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WIBTA if I asked out my 17 year old coworker.
|
For context right off the bat, I’m 20 and she’s 17 and a senior in HS. I recently started working at a restaurant in town and me and this girl are really hitting it off. We have a lot of the same interests and I’m fairly certain she’s into me (it’s kinda a running joke at work). We’ve been pretty flirty recently but I just don’t know how I should feel about it. I know she’s a minor and in HS but I’m starting to really like her and three years doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, but I decided to make a burner and come to Reddit to see if I’m being a creep.
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|
AITA for telling my girlfriend that she's not special because she's going through some shit.
|
So basically title.
I've been dating this girl for a good 4 months now. Everything was pretty cool, we had our occasional fights of course but who doesn't. But recently, she started being very rude towards a lot of people and would not tell me what's going on with her. Finally yesterday she said she was going through some personal issues and didn't want to discuss it now. I understood that, but I still told her that just because she's going through some issues, that doesn't mean that she can be rude to everyone. Just because she's going through some shit right now doesn't make her special or give her the right to be rude.
She got really mad because she said I'm not trying to see her point of view and instead I'm just "insulting" her of being selfish. She got mad and has not called or texted ever since yesterday.
Am i the ass hole?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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"description": "refusing to replace a drink that my toddler knocked over because the girl was rude",
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|
AITA for refusing to replace a drink that my toddler knocked over because the girl was rude
|
I was at baggage claim at the airport with my son, who’s 3. We were leaving and as we’re walking away, this girl yells “excuse me!” At me. I turn and she points to her Starbucks drink which is spilled on the floor and says “your kid did that.”
I ask my son if he spilled it and he said he bumped it. The girl says “it was $5” and looks at me expectantly. I was pissed about how rude she was and the way she was just looking at me and expecting me to pay for her mocha frappa-whatever without even asking, so I just shrugged and walked away. My partner called me an asshole when I told her the story. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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b39eos
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{
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|
AITA for not shaking hands and saying good morning to everybody in a huge open space every time i begin my shift
|
No one confronted me about it ..yet , but i saw this trend in most offices i worked in and i find it kinda tiring and meaningless.
Normally i just greet people if i meet them or need to talk to them or the people that sit near me .
I started questioning my behavior when i see others coming to great me even though they never talked to me or are related to me job wise.
Am i the asshole here ??
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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avx7y9
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{
"description": "telling my TA a kid was cheating during a physics quiz",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
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|
AITA For telling my TA a kid was cheating during a physics quiz?
|
I’m sitting in physics discussion for our weekly quiz, these quizzes are 20% of our grade pretty considerable to me. I’m sitting in the back and catch a kid diagonal to me using his phone under his calculator. I do pretty well on the quizzes so I let some shit I see slide but this one was fucking hard and couldn’t have him ace this with a phone while I try to solve of the center of gravity of a half full bowl of salad.
So when I get up to turn in my quiz I lean to the TA and drew where I was sitting and where he was and told her. She’s from China so I’m not 100% sure she understood me but she said okay. And I leave class after I turn it in. I go to the top University in Florida, and I know the consequences will be severe. I feel like shit because he’s a kid just like me just trying to do well but at the same time so am I.
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HISTORICAL
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| null |
WIBTA to not lower rent?
|
My brother in-law Tim, 30, has lived with my wife and I (both in 30s), and our daughter, for a few years now. We allowed him to move in with us because he wanted to attend school near our city. My wife and I agreed that as long as he was in school, we would only change him a couple hundred a month. He got his own bedroom, and wouldn't have to help with utilities. I should mention my wife and I pay $800/month, not including utilities and internet.
Tim only ended up going to school for a few semesters and dropped out. Once summer hit he moved out, and ended up moving back to his parents. After a few months he asked if he could move back. My wife and I decided that since he wasn't going to school that he'd have to pay a little more in rent. So we raised it to $350 a month. I thought this was more than reasonable.
We figured his rent was still low enough that he'd be able to work, save up, and get his life together. He's been living with us again for a good part of two years, and hasn't really progressed much in this time. He recently started seeing someone, and they've been together for a few months now.
She's fairly younger and can be very immature. The living situation began to get a little tense to say the least. She'd stay over a few nights a week, began taking over the kitchen as though she lived here, and has made numerous late night drunk, drama fueled scenes while my wife and are in bed having to work the next day, and our daughter has school in the morning.
This caused a lot of conflict between us. This is my family's home, and we're allowing Tim to live with us while he gets his life together. It's not some traditional roommate arrangement where we all pay equal parts rent and split the bills. He has It pretty cheap I think. It came to a point where I had to point this out to him and let it be known this was my family's home and we get total say in what happens in it.
Tim recently got a new job, been getting things on track, and has been staying at his girlfriend's place 3 to 4 days a week since she lives closer to his work and he's still without a vehicle. This has honestly been great. It feels like my family's home again, and for it's a lot more quiet. Plus his girlfriend hasn't been around all that much. The wife and I are not fans! Problem is that he recently mentioned to my wife that he wants to lower his rent since he's not around as much.
The way I see it, we didn't tell him to stay at his girlfriend's place as much as he has been (or help with her rent), but that's his decision to do so. I'm fine with dropping it $50, but to drop it down to $200 is a bit much. $300 a month in rent, with no utilities is really low. He's still occupying the space we gave him, regardless of how many times a week he sleeps there. He works full time now and gets paid pretty well, and can still easily save up to get his vehicle going, and save up for his own place. So WIBTA if I tell him I won't lower his rent?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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afkmao
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{
"description": "wanting to go to Las Vegas without my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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|
AITA For wanting to go to Las Vegas without my boyfriend?
|
This is a Throwaway account
My boyfriend and I have been dating since we were teenagers, and we recently turned 21.
The subject I’m majoring in as a senior in college has a national convention in Las Vegas, and going to it would be an amazing opportunity to meet and mingle with people in my field and maybe find career opportunities. If I can afford to go, it seems crazy for me not to!
The focus of the trip would be business and the convention, but obviously we would have a bit of downtime and it’s possible that we would go to a club or gamble in the casino, that sort of thing. Obviously I’d like to try that because we’re in Vegas after all! It’s also possible that in an effort to save money, I might share a room with some of my friends from school, and a couple of them are guys.
I mentioned the trip to my boyfriend recently and while he didn’t protest, he seemed a little hurt. We’ve been together for a while, and when we were teens we obviously had some spurts of jealousy, but over the years we really got good at communicating with each other and trusting each other. Sometimes we get a little jealous or moody here and there when one of us goes out or does something, but it’s really not that big a deal.
The thing is, I don’t really want to go with my boyfriend on this trip. I feel like if he was around, I wouldn’t take some steps to meet people or do things because my mind will be sort of preoccupied with how he’s doing. He wouldn’t come to the actual convention, but still.
I know he wouldn’t mind wandering around and doing his own thing in the hotels or casinos while I’m doing the stuff I came there to do, but I’d rather not have to be preoccupied thinking of how he’s doing while I’m trying to mingle and get in touch with my professional self. I think it would just change the whole dynamic.
He’s been to Vegas before with his family, but he was a teenager at the time, and since we turned 21 recently this trip is filled with a lot more possible things to do, and a lot of first experiences for both of us.
Am I the asshole for not inviting him to come with me/get our own room?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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anms09
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{
"description": "not grabbing my gf pizza",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not grabbing my gf pizza?
|
My girlfriend and I live together and she works late hours, usually getting home around 9:30pm. I had a friend over and we went to get pizza around 7:30pm and now my girlfriend is saying that I should have gotten her pizza too even though it was two hours before she would be home. She says she feels like an afterthought.
For context: she doesn't deal well with grease and mainly likes pizza from Papa John's(not where we went), pepperoni only(not what we got), and didn't even want to order her favorite pizza when she got home.
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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aq9l0u
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{
"description": "being mad at my friend because they wanted to lie to my gf",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being mad at my friend because they wanted to lie to my GF?
|
Context: One of my close friends is a closeted gay person, and has a very conservative mother they are not out to. They have this habit of making complex webs of lies to maneuver around divulging their sexual orientation, which I completely understand given their family situation and (as I have told them multiple times) I will do my best to support them when they does choose to come out. I've told them that trying to manipulate others through lying is probably not good in the long term, but they have a right to live their life how they see fit.
​
My girlfriend and I have been dating for a few months now, and are currently doing the long distance thing because she lives in another city. She's coming over to visit this weekend for valentine's, and I wanted her to meet my friends (including the aforementioned friend). When I told my friend I wanted them to meet my GF though, they instantly said he wanted to tell her that they and a mutual close opposite sex (relative to the closeted friend) friend of ours (which my GF would meet at the same time) are dating, and pretend they are a conventional hetero couple. I (as well as the mutual friend) was pretty taken aback, and told them I didn't want to do that because why would we discuss their sexuality and if we did, who would my GF tell? They're paranoid their mom would somehow find out and they want to eliminate the risk.
​
I told my friend I wouldn't lie to my GF (I love this woman), and we wouldn't talk about anything they aren't comfortable with. They later sent me a text apologizing for asking me to lie, and I accepted the apology. However, I'm still a bit pissed because they are not sorry about the lies, but about asking me to lie. I'm finding it harder to trust my friend in general to be honest, seeing how quickly they jump to lying. Am I overreacting here?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ahlg3n
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{
"description": "cutting off my boyfriend from oral because .. umm ... (look at my username) .. things aren't peachy down there",
"pronormative_score": 58,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for cutting off my boyfriend from oral because .. umm ... (look at my username) .. things aren't peachy down there.
|
Let me get this straight, 100%, my bf is otherwise a loving and caring person. But he's weird about his body hair. He doesn't really pay too much attention to it, beard or otherwise. Strangely enough, he has a lot of opinions on mine. It's lucky that I like to be clean myself because he seems weirdly insistent on me trimming or shaving hair with no margin for any slack. He's a kind and generous lover too (he loves to take care of things downstairs especially when I'm freshly waxed), but while I love giving him oral, there are so many instances when his unruly jungle is killing the mood.
The last straw came a week back when I caught not one, but a clunk of three pubic hairs (gah!) in my teeth and nearly gagged at the feeling of it. I told him I can't deal with this and he has to at least fucking trim it or there's on oral. He ended up accusing me of being withholding and bargaining with sex. He retorted with how he's the better person because he'll still go down on me. Gaaaah! But I'm mostly perfect down there and inviting. He's a mess.
I know this is juvenile nonsense and I'm sorry to have this at my age, but in almost all aspects he's amazing. He's just a little too hairy and now I can't help but give out ultimatums. Who is the asshole here and what should I do to be smarter about this?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b95prf
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{
"description": "expressing my concerns with my friends relationship",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for expressing my concerns with my friends relationship?
|
My friend, TF - Taken Friend, has a boyfriend, or BF for short. BF was in a relationship with one of TF's ex-friends that was very toxic. The ex pretended to be impregnated by her ex. BF broke up with her and on the same day kissed TF and they started dating. I don't like BF because he previously outed me when I was going through some stuff, TF knows this.
When BF and TF started dating I expressed concerns that they were dating so soon after BF broke up and TF just told me that she's been single for a year and isn't giving up this chance. That worried me.
Last year my other friend got into a toxic relationship and I'm worried that the same might be happening with TF. I tried to support her but then I heard her say that she loved BF even though they've only been dating for a week. I kept trying to talk to her about it but she said that no one really cares and that saying love isn't a big deal.
I expressed my concerns to another friend and she agreed with me when we were alone but took TF's side when around TF. I want to be supportive of my friend but I'm worried that BF is going to make TF do something she doesn't want to and that she'll go along with it because she doesn't want to be single. Whenever I bring up their relationship TF gets upset with me.
TL;DR: my friend started dating someone the very day they broke up with someone else and after a week of dating they're saying love. I expressed my concerns and my friend is mad at me.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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am7muf
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{
"description": "snapping at my mom because I felt like she was ridiculing me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
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}
|
AITA for snapping at my mom because I felt like she was ridiculing me?
|
This scenario isn't as nearly as dramatic as a lot of others I've read, but I can't stop thinking about it and feeling guilty.
Back info:
First of all, I'm 23 and still live at home- don't judge please, it's not unusual here in Germany since our education system is a little different and a lot of us including me still go to job training at that age, which, in my case, doesn't pay you any money, so I can't afford my own place yet and my parents often times said they love having me around and don't even really want me to move out yet. For real, I would actually LOVE to have my own place and I'm saving up for it. Not sure if that's too important to the story, I just want you to know that I didn't act like this because I'm "going through puberty and my hormones are going crazy and mothers and daughters always argue at that age". Sadly I can't use the hormones excuse anymore lol.
This is where the story begins:
Two days ago, my mom and I went grocery shopping together; no big deal for others, but for us, it's kind of a mother-daughter-bonding thing, where we talk about anything and everything and I just love it. After we had everything we needed, she asked me if we should go to my favourite shopping center.
She had actually had other plans on this day, so it was really sweet of her to offer it and I sincerely appreciated it. When we were there, I saw some watches in the store we were in. I don't own a phone anymore and thought it would be a good idea to buy one of them. I picked one, my mom saw it and looked at me like I was crazy. In case anyone is wondering, I was gonna pay for it and my mom knew that too, I wasn't asking or expecting her to buy it for me, but she just started ranting about how ugly that watch was and asked if I was actually serious and told me to put it back. My mom is a great person and she's always there for me, but when I wear or buy something she doesn't like, she and my dad both get extremely obnoxious and judgmental and scornful about it, sometimes I feel like they're laughing at me, and it has always made me feel terrible about myself.
So even though my mom took some time out of her day to take her adult daughter to the shopping center, and even though she clearly did this to spend time with me, I snapped at her with an equally condescending tone while starting to walk away from her: "You really could have said this in a different way." She walked after me and apologized, but I was still angry because this has been building up inside of me for a while, so I yet again snapped: "You ALWAYS do this. ALWAYS. You and dad make fun of me for everything that I like and it makes me feel like shit."
She said "You know we don't mean it like that, we didn't want to hurt you", and I responded "No, I really don't. I don't care how you mean it, all I know is that it feels god awful to me and it hurts like hell every single time. You ruin everything that I like, there are so many things that I used to love that I can't wear anymore because I know you'll ridicule me for it." I walked away from her without looking back.
What I said may have been an exaggeration because it doesn't really happen that often; it's just that it leaves an impact every time it happens. My parents' opinion of me really, REALLY matters to me even as an adult, so seeing them judge me the way my bullies used to really hurts. I don't know, I have pretty thin skin in general, something that I should probably work on.
She got really quiet after I said this and stopped walking after me and I could tell she felt terrible. Needless to say, our shopping trip was cut short; we wordlessly left the store and got back into the car. After a long silence, she started to talk and tried to justify her talking to me like this as "I understand you're upset, but I just want to give you feedback, how else am I supposed to do that?"
I yet again snapped: "Just tell me that you don't like it, but that I'm free to wear it, that's literally all you have to say." After that, we were silent again. At home, she tried to make light of the situation and said "Tomorrow you'll be thankful about me preventing you from buying that watch", but I wasn't having it and said "I may not be angry anymore by tomorrow, but I sure as hell won't be thankful for it", then I disappeared into my room.
About half an hour later my mom came into my room and gave me a speech about how she's sorry and that she's only like this because she sometimes forgets that I'm a young woman now and not her little girl anymore and that I can make my own decisions, and she also said she feels awful for making me feel this way and that hurting someone you love is a terrible feeling. Usually my mom never apologizes like this, so I could tell this truly must have been a big thing to her. It made me cry and we hugged and made up, so this should have been the end of it, but I just can't stop thinking about the fact that I made my wonderful mom feel so bad about herself, and that I made this whole thing that is so special to me so awkward. I legit want to cry when I think about all of this, but since she already apologized and the whole thing is resolved, I don't know what I can do to fix it, or if there's even a need for me to fix anything, because I don't know if I was the asshole in this situation or if my reaction was understandable...
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b18gt8
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{
"description": "quitting my current job",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I quit my current job
|
tl;dr: Work is draining my energies, but I like my boss and coworkers. Got a probable way out. Should I take it?
​
Just some background info first. I work in a somewhat big company, started as an intern and later got a job as a costs analyst. Overall, I’ve been working there for a year and a half (9 months as intern, 9 as employee). I love to work in this company, being a family business, I was able to develop a bunch of indicators and fill almost every department with information, mainly by extracting and working with data from our system and some paper reports. This was due to an expertise in Microsoft Excel developed over the course of my internship and work.
​
The problem, however, lies in the company owner. Turns out, he doesn’t give a shit about information, and values much more an operational employee.
​
We’ve been in a crisis for a few months now (the whole country is, by the way), and we had a lot of layoffs the past month. My boss and I have been accumulating new tasks almost every day due to that, so I am staying late almost every day. Turn out I’m now working for three people right now, and it is starting to really (I mean really) discourage me. To make things worse, the owner pointed at me during a meeting a few days ago and said “you were almost fired a few days ago”. It really pissed me off.
​
I cannot stress enough how I am proud of my realizations at the job, and how dependent the company is of the database and information I am developing (the board recognizes it, but the president doesn’t). I also learned a lot from my boss and coworkers, and love to spend the day with them, but I’m feeling more tired every day, to the point of having some mild insomnia.
​
Just to wrap things up, a former boss, who left the company due to disagreements with the board, contacted me with a job offer. It is not certain that I would get it, but the odds favor me. I’m feeling really guilty for even thinking about leaving my department, that depends A LOT on me, especially now, but I’m feeling tired almost all the time, with no signs of improvement or changes.
​
WIBTA if I quit my current job to work in a different company?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ajzrmy
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{
"description": "not being comfortable with my partner talking to his ex-girlfriend/fwb",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being comfortable with my partner talking to his ex-girlfriend/FWB?
|
LTL;FTP
I (21F) have been dating my partner (21M) for 3 years now and though we've had some rocky times, things have mostly been good. When we first met, he was in a relationship with a FWB-turned-girlfriend Kate (not her real name). Their relationship ended because she cheated but he doesn't hold it against her, and they still seem to be rather close. He has described Kate to me as his friend and "like a sister", and sometimes mentions he's talking to her, or calling her, and brings things they're talking about up in our conversations. He has shown me screenshots of their little conversations that he finds funny, shared things with me he then tells me he has to show Kate too because it makes him think of her, and has compared things I've said to what she's said (e.g. Kate asks for/does X too). He has never mentioned me or our relationship to her as they apparently have an agreement to not "rub new partners in each others faces", which ultimately I'm okay with, but he has also told me that she's expressed interest in things "returning to how they used to be", which he told me he rejected.
I have expressed discomfort in their ongoing friendship, particularly after he told me she was interested in rekindling their relationship but he insists it's completely platonic and he doesn't think of her in a sexual way. However, he has also called her beautiful on multiple occasions and talked in passing detail about their sex life - including breast size, and bedroom complications brought about by her height though he also brought up other exes in this conversation (they don't bother me as they're no longer in the picture). In an argument in which I brought up my insecurities regarding Kate, he told me he "fucked her like a whore" and so I shouldn't compare our relationship with theirs. Despite this, I do believe he is no longer interested in a relationship with her due to how theirs ended, and he is thoroughly invested in our relationship but Kate still rubs me the wrong way.
As I am not very experienced it terms of relationships, I chalked my dislike of Kate up to me being insecure and jealous and dropped the topic. When he'd infrequently bring Kate up, I'd attempt to steer the conversation away or withdraw from the conversation which usually worked and things would carry on as usual. He seems to have picked up on my dislike of Kate because he mentions her less frequently nowadays, though I know they are still in contact which I can live with. However, the issue was brought to the front of my mind again recently. He deleted his account on a messaging app a while ago we used to use before we started using a different app, but recently reopened a new account and added Kate and two or three other people, telling me it was because he'd have no contact with Kate if he lost his phone and she needed him. He didn't even think about adding me until I pointed out that I didn't even realise he had made a new account, though we do have contact through another app as I said. In hindsight it seems juvenile because "OMG he didn't send me a friend request", but I was undeniably hurt that I wasn't even a thought in his mind when he made that account almost exclusively to talk to her.
Sorry for the rambling but AITA for being uncomfortable with this other girl?
**TLDR:** My partner has an ex-girlfriend/FWB he's still in contact with and very close to but he insist it's platonic and she's like his sister. She has expressed an interest in repairing their relationship before and that, among other things, have made me uncomfortable with their friendship.
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"description": "cutting off my father before the birth of his first grandchild",
"pronormative_score": 12,
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AITA For cutting off my father before the birth of his first grandchild?
|
Long story, TL;DR at bottom.
Background:
My parents split-up when I was 7, my mom remarried when I was 12 and my childhood was been spent on an every other weekend visitation schedule with my father until I was a teenager and could decide when I wanted to go.
My father has no job, no car, and struggles with mental-illness and drug abuse. When it was time for college, I moved to a city about an hour away and would only come home a few days for school breaks, summer, and holidays. During this time the only contact I would have with my father is text messages, as he has no internet connection either. This continued on to my current life. I’m 24, work full time and am expecting my first child. Throughout my pregnancy so far my father has contact me through text message once or twice.
In an effort to try to have a better relationship with my father before my son is born, my husband and I have been driving to visit him when we have the same days off, which happens only once a month. Each time we’ve gone to visit, my father makes a big deal about my husband being there and how it gives him anxiety to have us in his apartment. To better accommodate his anxiety we’ve asked him to meet us for coffee or lunch and paid for everything since he has no job. This seemed to be going well until the last few times he ordered his food to go and asked us to take him home. I started worrying his strange behaviour was because of him not taking his medication (this has happened numerous times), or him being on drugs again. When we dropped him off I asked about it and he told me he was fine, so I dropped it.
This brings us to Christmas. On Christmas Day, my husband, sister and I all brought gifts to my dads apartment. The moment we walked into the house my dad said he needed to talk to me privately and angrily asked me why I confronted him the last time I was there. I told him that I didn’t want to talk about this, it’s Christmas and this is supposed to be a happy time. This understandably made me upset but we went back out to the living room and he opened his gifts and then said “This is awkward, can we do this another time?”
I got extremely upset, started crying and left, but as I was leaving I did raise my voice at him and tell him he was an asshole for asking us to leave as he was the one who made things awkward, and I rarely get to see him. I also told him I wouldn’t be coming back.
When we all got back to my parents house my sister was upset with me and told me I was being an asshole for ruining my fathers Christmas. I began to feel bad, so I texted him an apology but told him that what he said was extremely hurtful to me. I got no reply.
I’ve discussed this at length with my husband, and have come to the decision that I will no longer be reaching out to my father, or trying to force a relationship with him because I don’t want my son to be hurt by him the way I have. My sister is extremely angry at me for doing this because I’m no longer accommodating my fathers mental health. AITA?
TL;DR
Father struggles with mental health and addiction. Has no way to contact me other than text messages. Makes minimal effort to maintain relationship with me (potentially because of mental illness), we get into a fight on Christmas, I decide to not let him have a relationship with my son.
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"description": "not wanting to go see a movie",
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AITA if I don't want to go see a movie?
|
Yesterday, I (M17) had a long day at school, and when I came home, my mom and cousin decided to "surprise" me. They told me they already bought tickets to a movie for this weekend. Apparently, they bought a ticket for my dad as well, but he doesn't know it yet.
I didn't plan on going to cinema this weekend, and I certainly don't want to watch a movie which I have absolutely no interest in. That would only ruin the experience for them as well. On the other hand, I absolutely HATE wasting money, so I feel obligated to go watch the movie now because of that. AITA?
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{
"description": "asking to go to a concert with some of my friends",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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AITA For asking to go to a concert with some of my friends,
|
I asked my mom if I could go to a concert with some of my friends, my mom said no, and said I’d get shot because it’s a rap concert (Lil Uzi Vert) I said there’s never been a shooting at one of his concerts, to which she sent me this website https://channel45news.com/2017/06/rapper-lil-uzi-vert-shot-at-one-of-his-most-recent-concerts/ The website is fake, and is a prank website. I tell my mom it’s a fake website, she says no it’s not. She still thinks that it’s a real source. Then, she sent me something about a 15 year old girl murdering her parents while listening to Lil uzi. I told her that has nothing to do with lil uzi, and that it’s not him doing it and that it’s the motive of the girl murdering her parents. My stepdad comes in, and says “You aren’t going to some little niggers concert.” By the way, he’s constantly being racist. She said I’m being disrespectful by asking her when she has work and she says I’m keeping her up. My mom and my step-dad were talking about something not related to the concert. I told her I’d found out what time the concert it and if my friend could pick me up because of her working. She says no. I don’t know if I’m in the wrong to ask her, maybe I am. But, whose in the wrong?
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{
"description": "ending a relationship simply because I felt ignored",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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AITA for ending a relationship simply because I felt ignored?
|
Context. This was my first time in a relationship, and it took a lot of courage to ask my partner out. When they said yes I felt so relieved. The relationship lasted a month. I am not even sure if it counts as one. In the first week we went on a date once (does it even count as a date cause she brought another friend along with her? I thought dates were really supposed to be only between you and your partner) and we went to see a movie. I went to a lot of her volleyball games, and only got so far as to kiss her cheek every now and then. Because I wanted to feel like I went on a "real" date with her, I asked her every weekend if she had any plans. She always said she did, and when I looked on Snapchat I saw pictures on her story of her hanging out with friends almost every weekend. Also when we would be on the bus together she would sit and talk with her friends and I would sit in a seat alone for the whole bus ride. This happened so many times and I even told her about this but she avoided answering me back. So really. Am I an asshole for breaking up with her because she didn't spend any time with me and instead spent her free time with her friends?
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"description": "refusing to give charity money to a relative that needs funds to fight a criminal case in which they very likely committed the crimes",
"pronormative_score": 8,
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|
AITA for refusing to give charity money to a relative that needs funds to fight a criminal case in which they very likely committed the crimes?
|
Long story ahead. TLDR at the bottom.
I hail from a country and culture that is supremely family-centric, to the point where extended family often comprises most of your entire network. My own family (my parents, me, and sibling) moved to the United States when I was very young, so I've grown up in an environment largely at odds with that traditional culture. (As a result I think I know where Reddit will stand here, but it'd help to hear opinions either way). My entire extended family is still overseas.
Important detail: in the country I'm from, arranged marriage is the norm, and marriages are practical rather than love-based. Often your parents and extended family will search for a potential suitor, they'll vet them financially and whether they satisfy the criteria (for men it's whether he's got a good career and is educated and can support a family, for women it's whether she is pretty and can raise children in a morally/religiously "right" way. Archaic I know)
I have a couple relatives (my father's brother, as well as his wife and son) that got entangled in some type of fraud case in the original country. I can't give too many details, but it boils down to an arranged-marriage version of catfishing: creating fake profiles and stories to attract people looking for an arranged marriage, and somehow scamming them out of quite a bit of money and ghosting them.
Well, the uncle and cousin got busted for it, and they're in jail awaiting a trial. While they were in jail, the wife was hospitalized (for unrelated reasons) and, unfortunately, passed away. They did not get to spend time with her in person before her death. It's very sad.
My family lives in the US, and I moved out of my parents' house after graduating college and moved across the country to start my career. This stuff all went down shortly after I moved out. I talk to my parents on the phone every so often, and because I'm making money now, they often encourage me to donate to the needy (which I do, although I should do a lot more).
Well, this time my parents told me to donate to the cousin and uncle instead. They aren't confident that they will obtain a fair trial in that country, and they cannot afford an attorney that isn't state-appointed (from what I'm told, unfamiliar with local laws, state-appointed attorneys suck there).
I said I was not going to. Although no trial has occurred, from what I'm told about the event, they were indeed committing the crimes. My parents resorted to tell me that I should donate when people are needy, and how my cousin wasn't even let out of jail as his mother died. I responded saying that to me, needy people are poor people who are struggling due to various circumstances outside their control, not people who deliberately scammed others, knowing the consequences, and now likely face punishment in accordance with their actions. My parents kept pushing me until I made the mistake of saying, straight up, "I'm not funding the defense of criminals" - this rubbed my father (whose family I'm talking about) the wrong way, and understandably so.
Now my parents are villifying me for not caring about my family in need when I have the resources to help. Maybe I said some things that were insensitive, but am I the asshole here?
I know it's a very unfortunate course of events that they weren't able to see their family member before she passed away, and I wish the system in that country would have allowed them to at least meet with her, but they understood the consequences of their actions and did it anyway. I have no particular connection with these people other than blood, so to me, I can't be expected to help them with legal trouble they knowingly caused, and I certainly shouldn't be vilified for it.
TLDR: cousin, aunt, and uncle in another country scammed people in a very formalized version of catfishing. Cousin and uncle got arrested, aunt died in the hospital while the others awaited trial. My parents want me to help contribute to pay for their legal defense, saying they are in need of charity. I said no.
Edit: super late update for anybody that's still paying attention. My mom in general is very against her in-laws because of how badly they mistreat her and how much they take advantage of my dad, who is the only one in his extended family that makes a reasonable income yet is also totally spineless when his family is clearly taking advantage of him. My dad was sending money to help out, but his own family members began hijacking it and keeping some of it to themselves while it was in transit, so I was even more unwilling to contribute. Well me and my mom had a discussion later, once things settled down a little, and she agreed that I don't owe those people anything and that if they want to improve their situation, that should get a job and pay for it themselves.
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{
"description": "not wanting to resolve things with my best friend",
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|
AITA for not wanting to resolve things with my best friend?
|
I’ve been kind of in an odd place with my best friend of 6 years. I’ve been experiencing a serious downfall in mental health, and have been very lonely. My best friend hasn’t spoken to me in two years unless she’s upset or needs something from me. But she still likes to call us “best friends” and thinks it’s all the same between us. She hangs out a lot with people who she tells me she “doesn’t like” and tells me she doesn’t have time to meet me, call me, text me etc because she’s too busy with studies. Which I mean, I’m not jealous, I’m just trying to understand why she would lie to me.
Made a post about it yesterday on AITA, and I realised that the details I gave were very improper and a lot of people misconstrued the situation and my relationship with her. Also, I phrased the post in a way that made it feel like my mental health was the reason I wanted her around, which is honestly what I thought it was about too. But on some more introspection, I’m realising that it’s about my relationship with her and how it’s failing.
I’ve confronted her a couple of times, told her that I’m struggling with a bunch of things anyway, and I can’t handle being disappointed over and over. Told her that if she doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore, or if she just thinks I’m too much, I understand, but she needs to be honest with me about it. She denies it everytime, makes huge promises about how she set this alarm for 10PM everyday so she can call me daily, or that she will text me everyday. Even if I ask her not to make such huge promises that she knows she won’t follow through with, she does it anyway. And never follows through.
I’m a little tired of it now. I had a huge breakdown recently and I was calling people around me desperately, because I was scared of being a danger to myself. I wouldn’t have told anyone that, but I just needed to talk to someone. I knew she wouldn’t pick up, and she didn’t. Later on, I told her what happened so I could ask if she could be a little more present (20 minutes a month-ish, on her own schedule). She overpromsied again, and it’s been a week and I haven’t heard from her, at all. I understand that she has her exams, I do too. Which is why I don’t hold it against her. But I’m personally just exhausted of this routine.
AITA for wanting to just cut her off slowly, instead of making it work or talking it through?
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{
"description": "taking over saved seats in a theater",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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|
AITA for taking over saved seats in a theater?
|
This happened a few months ago, and I am not sure about my actions here. I believe I was right in standing my ground, but friends have spoken against me.
​
There was a big concert of a local group in a theater in my hometown, tickets were sold out weeks before the event and me and my girlfriend had to buy from re-sellers.
​
Now, the tickets weren't numbered, so the seats would be grabbed on a first come, first served basis. We arrived \~ 3 hours before doors opened and we queued up. There were already \~50 persons ahead of us. More and more people started arriving, and the queue in front of us was "fattening up" with people who either arrived to "greet" friends and just stayed there, or straight up people who had a spot being saved for them.
​
We finally got inside, behind possibly 100 people now, and headed for the front rows. The frontmost rows were already taken, but I saw 2 comfy spots next to a middle age couple in the \~8th row. I go over to them and proceed to START sitting on them with my girlfriend when the couple informs me that both of those seats are being saved. Bummer. No issue however, in the middle of same row there are still around 7 free seats we could take. We apologize and move on.
​
Turns out that there was one girl in her 20s next to those 7 free seats, and as soon as we are going to sit she says "Sorry, those are taken" To which I reply "...all of them?" "Yup...". I get more annoyed and start looking towards the rest of the rows of the theater and see a massive flow of people just sitting everywhere else. If we were to exit the row we pretty much would have to go all the way to the back by now, making all our time queuing outside a waste.
​
I felt not only annoyed, but I also felt saving spots like this was a severe disrespect. There are people like me and my girlfriend who stood for hours outside, and a single person who may or may have not queued properly was not saving 7 spots for someone who had not arrived yet. So I stood my ground and sit down on the saved spots. The girl complained, and I explained my reasoning, with a very defensive and slightly upset tone. My girlfriend tensed up, and you could see she didn't like the ongoing conflict. Eventually an older lady (40s) arrived, possibly her mother, and upon hearing from the situation she confronted me, but I stood my ground again and when the lady raised her tone, so did I.
​
At this point, I am not sure if people from many rows away heard our little dispute, but I'm pretty sure it got loud enough for someone to focus and hear. The lady gave up and just sat down next to me, in possibly a passive aggressive attempt to get me to move. Didn't happen. Show started. The rest of the family arrived looking for their saved seats, almost half an hour after the show had started. I even overheard one of them saying "I hate when people save spots, but now I had to do it." Two of them had to go elsewhere, and that was the end of it.
​
My girlfriend later told me she felt really uncomfortable, and was on the verge of simply getting up and leaving when I stood my ground. Another friend told me I need to control myself, and she WOULD have left there as soon as it all started.
​
I believe I was right to stand my ground, it was pretty much an abuse to save 7 whole spaces, and we had been outside for hours... but AITA here?
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{
"description": "wanting to give my son a hispanic name even though we're not hispanic",
"pronormative_score": 55,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to give my son a Hispanic name even though we're not Hispanic?
|
I (29M) had this discussion with my friend (29M) recently. So my wife (28F) is pregnant with a baby boy and we haven't discussed names yet as she feels its a bit early.
But I've been thinking myself and I really like the name "Alejandro" and I would love it if he was called that. Me and my wife are both 100% white european ancestry. We're both not religious either.
I told my friend my thoughts and he said Im a bit of an asshole for appropriating culture like that without any reason, AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "recording a school project solo instead of working with a lazy partner",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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}
|
AITA for recording a school project solo instead of working with a lazy partner
|
I do a Music Technology A level and my teacher will set us group work to record a piece in a week as to motivate us to experiment with recording. However, he picks the groups. We're expected to work on these in our own free time aswell.
This has happened before and, when he set us to create a hip-hop track, I ended up just doing the work on my own because my partner didn't bother to come and work on it. I felt like a bit of an asshole for leaving them out but our time frame was strict and we didn't need to learn anything we hadn't covered so they didn't miss out on much other than experience.
However, our new project differed significantly as we had to create a multitrack which we hadn't really done before. We also had a much larger time frame this time around (a week).
My partner just doesn't want to work with me though and so I ended up just recording it by myself today out of frustration. This meant they missed out on how to do the recording themselves which is essential to completing this A level and my teacher will not cover it. She's now very pissed off with me even though she doesn't really take this subject seriously anyway.
So here's to the main point, am I the asshole for potentially fucking up this girl's A level?
She did have the time to do the recording and she does spend her free time just smoking but I can't help but feel bad for doing it without her.
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{
"description": "disconnecting my stepbrothers internet",
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|
AITA for disconnecting my stepbrothers internet?
|
For context, we're both adults in our 20s but still live at home due to the insane rent prices in the city.
My stepbrother is a gamer who has a really annoying habit of shouting at the top of his voice whenever he's gaming with other people. He has a very deep voice and can be heard in every room of the house, even over the sound of a tv or music. He's usually shouting something pretty profane, too. He's really bad at communicating with people, trying to talk to him about it or asking him to keep it down will just result in him arguing or blatantly ignoring you. He'll only stop if his dad tells him to. It drives my mum and me up the wall.
I'm the only one in the house with the admin log in for the internet, so one night when he was shouting while I was trying to sleep I set up a firewall just for his xbox and shut him off the internet for the night. Since then I've been doing it whenever his shouting is disturbing or annoying me or my mum. He has no idea that I'm doing this and has been complaining a lot recently about our unreliable internet. His dad doesn't know either but my mum does and will sometimes ask me to cut him off when he's annoying her.
I feel bad for lying to him and stopping him from doing what he enjoys but it was getting to the point where we were starting to really hate him and no one was able to relax. His dad refused to deal with it beyond yelling at him at the time to shut up. This is the only solution I could come up with.
Am I the asshole for doing this?
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{
"description": "cutting off relationship with mom over her comments about my weight",
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|
AITA for cutting off relationship with mom over her comments about my weight?
|
I haven't seen or spoken to my mom for the better part of a year mainly because I could not handle her constant put-downs and comments regarding my weight and eating habits. I gained A LOT of weight in the past few years after an assault my freshman year of college and subsequent deep depression that I haven't completely gotten over yet. I was raised by a single mom who worked long hours to support me and my siblings and who always loved and supported me. She still does, but the last time I was home for an extended period of time after a fifty pound weight gain following hospital stay and a bunch of med changes, my confidence and sense of self-worth was completely destroyed by her fixation on my body. She told me I no one would ever hire me looking the way I do, any guy would be embarrassed to be seen with me, and that I'm destroying my life. She would print out info about new diets and hand them out to me while I was eating dinner to make me feel bad. One day I just snapped and told her I had enough. We got into a huge fight and I have barely spoken since. Lately I've been getting a lot of pressure from other family members to reconcile. The thing is I still don't want to see her. After losing 15 lbs, I'm back at my highest weight ever and I don't feel like I can face her because of what she'll say. When I tried to get her to back off, she would for a few days but then come back with a vengeance because "it's her job as a mother," and "she's only saying what everyone else is thinking." People keep reminding me of all the sacrifices she has made for me and that she is a good mother besides this issue, but I just can't separate that from the bullying.
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HISTORICAL
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ETKisKtDb8jbXDx4spFT17EL04TuB8cQ
|
ax15fr
|
{
"description": "not wanting a relationship with my half-sister who has always been rude to my mother",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA I don’t want a relationship with my half-sister who has always been rude to my mother
|
My parents have been married for almost 27 years and I’m their only child together. Before they got married, my dad had another daughter from a previous marriage. My half sister has always been rude to my mom even though my mom has been nothing but kind to her since they met.
We would visit her twice a year and each time she would say how my parents marriage was stupid and how awful my mom was. When she was getting married, she refused any help from my mom and wouldn’t let my dad walk her down the aisle—just being overall rude and disrespectful to my parents during what is supposed to be an exciting time.
Overall she is the type of person I’m not much a fan of because she’s dependent on others, needy, a tad mental unstable, and clingy. I think this is because her mom raised her as a helicopter parent in a very anti-my-mom environment. She also constantly talks trash about my ultra-kind mother who has been nothing but nice. When she saw the “ABC College Dad” sticker on my dad’s car, she cried because he didn’t have one for the school she went to (she’s been in school for 9 years and still had 3ish years to go to finish her bachelors).
When we would visit her, I would always dread the trip because I couldn’t stand her. I don’t like people who are rude and don’t show kindness to the people nearest to me.
In the last two months, she has been trying to reach out to me to “rebuild our relationship” even though we’ve never been close. I have told her I don’t want to be around her until she can treat my parents marriage and my mother with respect, which isn’t asking very much. She leaves a constant stream of Facebook messages but since I put 0 weight in Facebook, I don’t care. I care about people’s actions.
To the AITA part, am I awful for not wanting to be close with her? She’s done nothing but trash talk my mom and her marriage for the past 22 years, maybe longer but that’s how long I’ve been around for it. I’m all for people changing but who she is as a person is someone I fundamentally dislike. I don’t like people who are clingy, catty, needy, and rude. We grew up in extremely different environments, mine being one that focused on being independent, having an education, and being nice to others and hers where it seems there was a focus on being catty, a gossip, rude, and dependent on others for everything.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
TBHdsTo9tibAzkbmemtepd1Ux3sSPqAf
|
9yn3q8
| null |
AITA Tryed to fight a tough guy
|
Important info: 3 mechanics in a out door bay shop. (Only a roof so any one can walk up)
This is what heppend: a female walks up to one mechanic whos a black guy and he starts flirting for a while. I over hear my co worker say "I cant say the N word but he can be with a white woman??" This guy would often tell storys of how manny people he would try to fight aswell. So I thought he was a tough guy. I turn around and and say " shut up". He says "No! I cant say the N word that aint" So I angrily approached him and said "Shut the fuck up!" He stepped back and says "oh every one has to be a gangster" I start saying every thing i could to get him to fight me. The manager comes out and the guy I thought was so tough and readily looking for a fight runs behind the manager. I then got sent home for a day. Came back the next day every thing was fine but the tough guy called out for the day then called later that day and quit. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
WRONG
|
41grhBBaRxkvlbya4SLa3Ho6UUJbBxwp
|
b8kjkz
|
{
"description": "telling an older lady to go swim elsewhere",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for telling an older lady to go swim elsewhere?
|
So I go to this gym which has a small 20M pool. There's only one lane for swimming, the rest of the pool is recreational. The recreational area is intended for swimming lanes or to just relax. You can do whatever you please there but it's a nightmare to swim fast there with people just chitchatting and swimming really slowly, so I don't want to swim there.
Now the lane that was intended for swimming had already 2 people in it when I entered the pool. One was a guy swimming normally, and one was a 60+ woman, basically just walking back and forth really slowly.
So I just start swimming in that lane with the 2 people and the woman addresses me the conversation goes like this:
Her: "What are you doing, go swim over there, we can't swim with 3 people in this lane."
Me: "Why don't you go over there, I want to swim here"
Her: "Are you kidding me, I was here first, why should I leave"
Me: "Look at that sign, it says this lane is for SWIMMING lanes"
Her: "Yes that is what I am doing..."
Me: "Whatever it is that you are doing, it's not swimming... you are just walking back and forth and your hair isn't even wet!"
Her: "People are so a-social these days!"
Then we all 3 continued swimming in that lane until she eventually left. Was this rude of me then?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
WEwcshlMvz74jO4yrizV67WrjgJ4Sg1k
|
alhld8
|
{
"description": "cutting out my mentally ill friend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For cutting out my mentally ill friend?
|
So I'm in college and I have this friend named "Tyler" (fake name, obviously). Well Tyler and I are both freshman and we've been friends since the first week of school, and I cut him out of my life last night. I feel bad for Tyler because he does suffer from bipolar disorder, comes from an impoverished family, grew up with an abusive single mom, etc. The reasons I cut him out were because he can't keep promises and his problems take their toll on my mental health.
So he recently got caught with weed on campus and got in trouble, and he promised me that he was going to quit and that he was going to get his act together this semester. Cut to a few days later, he is texting me while high. And not to mention he was smoking in his room, after he had a DIFFERENT infraction from smoking. And I know that isn't my problem, but I am one of those friends that try to be the "mom", but if he got kicked out of school that would affect me, and having a friend in need of help takes its toll on me emotionally because I care about him as a friend.
He kept flaking on plans with me. If I was going to be late to a plan we had or had to cancel, I always texted him and apologized or gave some reasoning, but I was rarely bailing on him. But we will make plans and he will put it in his calendar or be like "DEAL" and it would be safe to assume he would show up, but then he would forget, or he would brush me off to hang out with other people.
He wouldn't show up to classes we had together. I enjoyed having classes and studying with him, but then he would skip class or not sleep through, even though he had promised me this semester he wasn't going to sleep through or skip his classes anymore.
I tried getting him help too, since we have therapy and counselling services on campus, but he would forget his appointments or complain that he had anxiety calling them, and was scared because he would make appointments and miss them that they would hate him, etc.
All of this drama and stress of being friends with him was taking its toll on my personal mental health, and adding to my already stressful college workload, and I just felt like I wasn't being respected in the friendship, and that I had done all I could in trying to help him, and that he needed to do it on his own if he won't take my help.
So I confronted him about this last night and he basically told me that I'm being selfish and that I couldn't understand everything he has been through, and that I'm basically not helping. Also that he didn't have time for friends who don't know how they feel about him.
So, am I the asshole for cutting my friend out who needs me to help them? Because I'm just not really sure whether I should feel guilty or if this was the right decision to make.
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
v63E8KfBdtpGobXgbUKgAHgxMs59GDHV
|
ba2egc
|
{
"description": "blocking somebody on social media who needed to feed her kids",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for blocking somebody on social media who needed to feed her kids?
|
Basically somebody I knew on social media was asking for money to buy medicine (she has done sort of disease. I forgot what it was but it's pretty serious and requires constant treatment. I also know she's not lying). I'm not really friends with her, she was just a classmate back in high school, but I figured if you're asking for help on FB you must be in a REALLY tough spot.
So I sent her a DM and sent her about $40. Cool I'm glad I could help. A week later she comes back and asks if I could help her again because she REALLY needs diapers for her kids. I think we've all been in a tough spot, and if I was in her position obviously I would want help so I said sure. Sent her some more money and let her know I don't want this to be a "thing".
This repeated itself for about 2 months in which I sent get almost $500. Every time it was really serious and a big deal so I had trouble saying no, but I did sometimes. She kept telling me each time was the last and I kept telling her that I don't want to do this regularly. Eventually she tells me she doesn't have any money for food and I've just about had it. I didn't know how to communicate with her after repeatedly telling her I didn't want this to be a habit, so I just blocked her.
I felt kinda shitty about it though. I haven't told anybody about this so I don't have a second opinion. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
eneA8SqQxPHPptzCzg8zot5OklA9fFwu
|
a34445
|
{
"description": "not picking up the phone when my cousin calls",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not picking up the phone when my cousin calls?
|
I'm 16 he's around 24 and he literally calls every day. The thing I don't get is that when we're on the phone he's usually texting his friends and not listening to a word I'm saying. Sometimes when I don't pick up and tell him I'm busy he says that I'm not busy because I stay at home all day. Assuming that he knows how I spend my time. I just don't connect with him anymore. We used to play video games with each other but now he just gets upset at me or his teammates and turns the game off and rage. He's starting to annoy me and I need a break. I'm in a dark place right now and I just don't feel like talking to him at the moment.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
BDXy38E3YJLXiv2femkYtSFjhzbR5X2o
|
9y2das
|
{
"description": "not wanting to hang out with bfs friends the entire time on my birthday getaway",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to hang out with bfs friends the entire time on my birthday getaway
|
Am I the Asshole for being disappointed that my boyfriend planned a birthday getaway for me that has centered entirely around hanging out with his friends with a few limited choice items that must also include his friends?
My boyfriend has a knack for planning things for me that really end up being what he wants to do.
For instance, one year he wanted to take me on a getaway for the two of us. It ended up being a trip to spend time with his best friend that left no alone time for the two of us. No nice dinners, no nothing. In fact, he left me on this getaway to hang with his friend. I was super hurt and disappointed by this and let him know that he created an expectation for it to be a getaway for ‘us’ not a trip to see his friend.
He surprised me with a birthday getaway this weekend. I love the beach, him not so, much so the getaway was to a place with a beach. I knew that one of his friends lived here. Originally he said we’d stay with friends one night and then in a hotel on an island the next. Which of course ended up us staying with his friends 2 nights. He asked me about the things I wanted to do and I did provide him a short list, which consisted of things like, dinner, walks on the beach. Of course, this entire time he has chanted that this is my birthday and I can have ‘whatever I want’. Which has seemed to always include his friend and sometimes his friend’s wife. They are perfectly lovely people and I enjoy them. This is just not the intimate birthday celebration I pictured and really requested when he asked.
When I found out that we were coming to the city where his friend lived, I made it clear that I was looking forward to the alone time between the two of us.
Instead, we’ve hung out with his friend the entire time so far. I am an introvert and am exhausted by this much social time. We are about to go for a late sushi dinner (bfs favorite) with the friends so I stepped away to rest for a bit by myself at the house. Bf is mad that I am being rude and antisocial. I’m not trying to be rude, I’m just tired and am now needing to gear up to get ready to go out with these people again. His friend even suggested a place that bf could take me for a date for my birthday but no...we are going out with them.
I’m more disappointed than pissed. And I don’t feel that I need to be with these people every second of the day. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
wt75pwzLoOsrJTd9lnhfYLAF0KQrNbBu
|
atwenu
|
{
"description": "calling my Uber driver's autistic son \"God's little beta\"",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for calling my Uber driver's autistic son "God's little beta"?
|
I have heard interesting stories about autistic children having unbelievable focus and interest in very specific things such as fire trucks, trains, planes...etc. I have also read stories about autistic kids being able to draw complex scenery strictly from memory. I think that this might just be next step in human evolution...maybe. Something to think about at least.
​
So, when my Uber driver said that he had an autistic son I shared my thoughts but I think i fucked up by calling his son "God's little beta". It wasn't meant as an insult but months later I keep thinking about it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
6a8dGwTAm6V7BBl1TT3cAACmBBWkiASF
|
asogz8
|
{
"description": "refusing to go to church and as punishment my room gets searched, bong broken and weed flushed",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA For Refusing to go to church and as punishment my room gets searched, bong broken and weed flushed
|
AITA? Im an atheist living in my Christian parents house with both parents and sisters. I work full time as a machinist in a big factory and hate waking up Sunday morning to go listen to stuff that makes me roll my eyeballs. I go through this crap every Sunday morning. Get woken up and then yelled at for 30 mins until I get dressed and get in the car to go with a rotten mood.
One similar day my little sister flips out and says I have to go with my mom to a different church that lasts even longer. This was because I was ruining her mood. Usually I go with my sis to a different and quicker church service. She and my mom threaten to take my room door away and go through my shit all the time unless I go.
So I go to church. Little do I know, my sister stayed home after I left and went through my room regardless. She said she would do this if I didn’t go, so I went to avoid the trouble and got searched anyway. She found my beautiful triple perc bong, ash catcher, and 45$ in weed. She then proceeded to destroy all of these things instead of go to church, like she was getting ready to do.
When I came home it was gone. I was very very upset. I threw her keys in the lawn, but she walked out later and got them back whole.
I got some crappy weed a day later and smoke out of an apple now.
Why do I have to go to stupid church and why would my little sister (1yr younger than me) take it upon herself to do such petty evil stuff? My mom supported her actions when she found out. I live with my parents but contribute to the fam. Much more than my sister does. I can’t even hang out with my friends anymore because we smoke weed together. I have not seen my friends in weeks. My packages gets searched and taken away if it’s something drug related. My bank account has to be shared. Im not or never have been addicted to anything but weed, which I love. Ask questions to clarify if you want to.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
8bOFSMtiGOBXKACHgTIDQYTmMHEX4QcP
|
awceif
|
{
"description": "putting extra hours on my time sheet at my job because I've been told every week for the past eight months that my raise would \"be on my next check\"",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for putting extra hours on my time sheet at my job because I’ve been told every week for the past eight months that my raise would “be on my next check”?
|
Okay, so let me start by saying I love my job. It pays pretty well, I work on my own, very good benefits, I work four 12-hour shifts every week with the option for more overtime essentially every week.
My direct boss is the operations manager (OM) for the entire department. He is the only person I have to answer to. Eight months ago he decided to give me a raise that would be “on my next check”. Every two weeks (pay period) he would continually tell me it’s supposed to be on my next check and it never was. For awhile there I thought maybe he was screwing me around about it being “stuck somewhere in corporate”... until...
Last week when my pay stub was posted my raise still wasn’t there, and I got pretty upset about it. I calculated that over the last eight months the company owes me about $1800 from when I was told my raise would be there until now. I told my boss that if he really can’t get this through (with backpay), I’m going to start writing down extra hours on my time sheet until they are back to even with me. He told me to go ahead and do it (commit fraud) and he would still sign off on my time sheets like nothing happened. He just told me to keep a documented running tally so that he knows when I can stop doing this.
I have all of our texts/emails saved, which is basically us conspiring to defraud a company... but I can’t help but feel like this money is owed to me, because they have been lying to me for 8 months... so what’s the difference if I lie to them? If I get caught, I’ll still get fired, but at least I have documentation showing that I was TOLD by the OM to do it.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
hXqfbfkfKSHt4Wk67RSwDV6sQ8SD6jzo
|
abdsj2
|
{
"description": "telling my friend that he might not be able to make a living off of his art",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA if I told my friend that he might not be able to make a living off of his art?
|
I have a really good friend of mine who wants to obtain a career as an artist. This friend (let’s call him Joe) has been really into art as long as I have known him and is very passionate about what he does. He is in his mid 20’s and is wanting to become an artist full time. He has gone to community college and obtained his associate’s degree last semester but has stopped going to school to pursue his career in art.
As a good friend to Joe, I know that I should be supporting him in what his aspirations are, and I have been this entire time. I think now that he has a degree and has stopped going to school, my feelings toward his artwork need to be heard but I don’t want to break his heart.
To be honest, I am not a fan of his artwork. I think that art is very much open to interpretation and that one person’s artwork may seem great to some and may seem terrible to others. This is a huge reason as to why I haven’t told him my true feelings. Just because I don’t like it does not mean someone else doesn’t like it either. But it has gotten to a point where I feel like he should know.
He is spending almost every cent that he earns at his part time job buying art supplies. He spends most of his time working on his art and has even made separate social media accounts and online shops for his artwork. He has become so into his work that I feel if I do not tell him soon, he will exhaust all of his resources into his art and not get anything out of it.
To summarize, as a good friend of Joe, I am concerned that his artwork won’t be able to support him. I would hate to see him get ridiculed for his art or financially struggle in the future. I definitely think, however, that he should continue making art as a hobby. As a career, I do not think think it will work out well for him.
[Here is a link to one of his more detailed artworks he has created.](https://m.imgur.com/ikQ0qCV)
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
6M3Cy4V77SBB4HHZJQFCBZN3KesT172T
|
axhzi5
|
{
"description": "telling my gay aquaintence that a person is not a homophobe if they use the word \"fag\" once",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for telling my gay aquaintence that a person is not a homophobe if they use the word "fag" once.
|
Alrighty, so a gay (f) aquaintence of mine shows me and a group of people a video of a guy calling another guy a fag. She says
"look at this fucking homophobe, people like this dont deserve to live"
I mention that words like that shouldnt be used, but that i dont think that its reasonable to make that judgement like that based on the fact that he said it once a 5 second clip.
(I understand now that she was seeking validation, but this is all realized in hindsight. )
She tells me that im not allowed to have an opinion on this opinion (even though she just asked me lol) due to the fact that i am a straight male.
This honestly pissed me off, so from tbis point on im pretty unsure with the tone in which i spoke in.
I started off by saying that thats ridiculous and that people should be allowed to voice their mind on things, regardless of their characteristicks. I say that saying this would be like saying that she has no right to an opinion on anti-semitism because she isnt jewish.
She ended up getting up and leaving, but not before calling me an asshole and an idiot.
I dont particulary care about my relationship with them, but i was thinking that maybe i had done something wrong
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
rvzYRUhdtmnAgVi6cCzIkP3dgUK9OaLy
|
axqlzg
|
{
"description": "not wanting to do chores when I get home",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to do chores when i get home
|
Context: I am doing two jobs so my work day starts at 3am and ends at about 7pm.
My partner doesnt have a job (not looking for work either), we have two children (7&5) both in school.
I do laundry over the weekend, fold and Iron. I also do the yard and am more than happy to cook and do dishes over the weekend.
Today I got berated for "not doing enough around the house" the above list was referenced as "the only thing you do around here" and "you get home and expect to just eat, watch some Netflix and go to sleep"
My impulse response (which I didn't provide) was "yes that is exactly my expectation" but maybe I'm an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
4dHJ4DOFHqPvmQSUk6J5XCGAYQeCnyuN
|
ba0o2s
|
{
"description": "slacking off",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for slacking off?
|
I recently moved in with my boyfriend and his three roommates. I pay less than them in utilities and rent, but I do a bulk of the grocery shopping and cooking (they throw in a little money for the shopping, and I make dinner for everyone 3-4 times a week). I also end up cleaning quite a bit. What irritates me most is the dishes. Every single day the dishes are piled up in the sink when I get home from work. It’s like they use a new glass for every refill. After a few weeks of this I’m annoyed and not taking care of it everyday anymore. I almost want to stop all together just to see how long it will take for someone else to pick up a sponge. I’ve mentioned it to my boyfriend, and he sat down with everyone and said that all four of them need to do more, and they agreed, but nothing has changed since then. I’m at the point where I don’t even want to make dinner or shop for the household if this continues. AITA for considering telling everyone to fend for themselves if they can’t be bothered to help out even though I pay the least in bills?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
konGHLTUDs28fwGzomDDtOVMqIEHIWlb
|
anx5fw
|
{
"description": "covering for my friend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for covering for my friend?
|
I'm friends with this dude since high school, we always hung out together and were very close. He confided very personal stuff to me, saying I'm his only friend.
When I got into college, I instantly clicked with this girl and we became very good friends. We traveled together, went to parties, etc.
Eventually, being both my friends, they met and soon began dating. So far so good, the only problem is that the dude is a total shitbag. He made out with her childhood friend in front of her AND SHE FORGAVE HIM.
OK cool, however, after a few months of The Incident, girl traveled to the countryside while me and boy went to a party. Guess what? He cheated on her again, with his ex.
I didn't tell her and told him not to either because it would ruin our friendship. And to me it would be a unnecessary stress since she has forgiven him before.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
sZuVSYHLQze8oaMnB5Kzrf5lOp461qSg
|
ahg2p3
|
{
"description": "not wanting to talk to my coworkers",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to talk to my coworkers?
|
I work in a small rubber manufacturing shop. There are only 5 of us in the shop; my boss (let's call him Ryan), his parents (let's say George & Ruth), another worker we'll call Frank, and myself. George & Ruth are a couple years away from retirement, and Ryan, Frank and myself are 28-36.
I am extremely introverted. I find most extended conversation mentally exhausting, outside of my small circle of friends and family. Everybody else in the shop are extroverts and thrive on conversation. I don't like being rude to people, so even if I don't care for a conversation, I'll still let a person know I'm listening ("mmhmm", "oh cool", "ya thats neat"), but most of the time I'm checked out mentally and waiting for the other person to finish talking. I once had a "conversation" with Ryan in which I did not contribute a single thing but those small little platitudes so I didn't come off as rude (keep in mind this was also at the end of the day; I was clocked out and walking out the door). This one-sided conversation lasted for an hour and 13 minutes. I had my keys in my hand, I was not making eye contact, and I was leaning back on the heels of my feet; I don't know what other physical signs I could have given that I didn't want to talk. I've tried explaining the fact that I don't want to talk to anyone because it makes my day feel twice as long as it actually is, and it's just fallen on deaf ears. I'm still dragged into conversations that just ruin my day. I feel like the asshole because I start being shitty to everyone; they keep talking to me and it just puts me in a fouler and fouler mood. This is compounded since Ruth is an older woman; I'm essentially wishing for an elderly lady to shut her mouth and leave me alone.
It's gotten to a point where I try to structure my days around avoiding everyone else. Not to a silly extent, but if I see someone in an area of the shop and there's work I can do somewhere else, I go somewhere else. I try to take my breaks away from everyone else, but that doesn't stop them from bugging me when I try to hide in a side office. Sometimes all 4 of them will be talking and it gives me anxiety and sets me on edge just listening to it; all 4 of them will just talk at the same time over each other, louder and louder until the end of the conversation. This is another aspect I've noticed; I don't know if this is common among people who love the sound of their own voice, but one of the reasons I don't like talking to my coworkers is; we'll be talking, Ruth will finish a sentence (or so I think). There's a pause in the conversation, so I start to talk. Turns out Ruth wasn't finished her thought, cuts me off, and keeps talking for another 45-75 seconds. This has happened so much, and with everyone else, I've just said fuck it, they want to talk so much they can talk. I've stopped responding. Even simple questions/conversation starters (How was your weekend/Did you have fun at your friends wedding) will only elicit one word responses or grunts of acknowledgement.
This wouldn't be as much of an issue if not for the fact that I'm trapped for 8-9 hours a day in the same space as these people. They seem to understand that I don't like small talk, but it doesn't stop them from talking to me. I tried headphones/ear buds, but in my situation they are not ideal and not very professional for the odd time we have customers in the shop. And it didn't make a difference in deterring them from talking to me anyway; they'd tap me on the shoulder, wait for me to pause the music/podcast, and then proceed to talk while I pretended to listen.
I'd also like to add that I'm talking about general conversation. I'm not trying to deter them from talking about work-related things; even though I don't want to talk to them, shit still needs to get done. The work done in our shop is very monotonous and repetitive, so they like to fill the time with conversation; I just don't need to be part of those conversations, but they seem adamant on dragging me into them.
​
So Reddit, am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Cr1wcFki0kK92ddFO3U5jRKI4WeGWy6y
|
b1i1ok
|
{
"description": "wanting friends & family to ask me 1st what I want to eat instead of serving me something I don't like",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting friends & family to ask me 1st what I want to eat instead of serving me something I don't like?
|
My family gets upset with me when I say I don't eat things like beef, pork, tomato, avocado, etc. I don't eat things that makes up part of a dish but that does not mean I dislike the entire dish. Am I being an asshole for not liking to eat things, which most ppl love & is it bad to wish for ppl to ask me what I want on my plate before serving me. This is why I rather eat home then by others.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
kjeFRBkXOOnmvUT0q6KBm98TtFTiNx9c
|
9ul4ra
|
{
"description": "not giving away my spot",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving away my spot?
|
So earlier today, I went to get gas while waiting for clothes to dry. It was around five so the gas station was already packed. I had a bit of trouble getting in so I decided to sit behind a guy that just started. It took a good while, and so when the person ahead of me pulls away I start pulling in when a lady in an suv comes out of nowhere from the opposite direction (that I'm facing) basically blocking my lane at a perpendicular angle. She makes a few hand gestures most likely telling me to back out. I throw my hands into a shrug and she drives away after a second.
It should be said that I'm well into my lane I could easily park and start pumping I just prefer to have the tank right next to the pump.
Well a spot opens on the opposite side of my pump and she pulls in after circling the place once. As she gets to the pump she says loudly that some people are just *sooo* rude these days.
I decided not to respond and not escalate anything.
Well not taking the silence well she follows up with... "you know I've been sitting there forever waiting for him to move"
This time I responded with a lazy "well I was sitting behind him since he started"
We have a quick back and forth talking over the pump(she never actually talked to my face) basically it seemed to me like she was just talking to make me feel more guilty. We finished our business and left it with me ending it with another lazy ok at her jaded remark.
I actually laughed at the idea when she blocked me in the beginning if she wanted a spot she should have sat in line behind someone that was going the same direction as her. Also she was nowhere to be seen when I entered(and if she was she would have been blocking traffic to stubbornly go into this particular pump).
Well I'm home now and I figured I'd actually ask since I'm a new driver if this is a common problem? I've driven for over a year and even across my state and have never encountered any problems with proper pump protocol like this but I don't know. What do you think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
fE1UFciXg44pDV0u6SHbVMgcDA6MXZye
|
avcn4l
|
{
"description": "wanting to end my 9 month marriage",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting to end my 9 month marriage
|
BG- My partner is korean, I'm american, we married only on paper and did at the time we did because of my visa situation.
Before we got married we almost broke up from fighting because he wasn't willing to spend time with me even when i asked. He always made plans with friends and never made time for me when i made all my spare time for him and if he was with me he'd look at his phone. I asked him to be nicer and spend time with me like a fiance does and he would get angry at me and wouldn't change. So i changed after we got married and stopped asking for his time and waited for him to give it to me. He doesnt give affection and I'm an affectionate person, he gets angry easily and we fight about something every time we are together. He swears at me and when he gets annoyed sometimes grabs my arm hard. He went to the army for 1 month and i waited and wrote 100 letters. When he came out he gave me a half assed hug and wouldnt talk to me bc his friends and family were there too. He only made plans with his friends when he came out and didnt try to spend time with me. For almost 2 years i begged for his attention, time and love and didnt realise how hurt i was. I am so unhappy now and cant recover which i told him but he doesnt want to break up and he says that if we break up I've fucked up his life forever bc in korea it's bad to get a divorce and he cant meet another girl in the future. He also told me if i leave he will think that I'm leaving for someone else..not because he didnt make effort in the past when i asked him to. Am i right to want to leave or should i stay and try to work on the marriage even though i know my heart isnt in it? He wants me to keep trying.
TLDR husband thinks relationship is fine when i told him from the start how unhappy i am - doesnt change or make effort, now that i want to leave he says dont go and says if i divorce i fuck his life up forever because of his culture so now i feel stuck
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
GRz0rpqYi9Q7B9ZKBYYhRTZSscWygw6F
|
angel2
|
{
"description": "evicting my friend from our house seemingly without reason",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for evicting my friend from our house seemingly without reason.
|
I mean I have a reason, it just won’t really make any sense to him. But before I get there, I’m gonna give a little background. So my fiancé and I are “renting to own” her mom’s house. We’re paying the bills and the mortgage and everything, but the title is in her mom’s name. Ultimately the plan is for us to own the house. To help meet the cost of living in the house we brought on a friend of ours as a roommate. At first, it was great! He was courteous, always helped out around the house, would hang out with us and everything. It was great!
But then about 9 months or so in he started to change. He stopped helping around the house, he stopped showering, he boarded garbage and dishes in his room, he produced a stink that could bring you to your knees, he ate food he wasn’t paying for, and he stopped leaving his room for anything that wasn’t work. We talked to him about it, expressed our concerns and for a while he got a little better. We kind of figured it was a depressive thing and we have him his space while still being firm, saying that you need to make sure we can’t smell you from a floor away. He started to take better care of himself and he doesn’t smell (as bad at least) and he’s stopped hoarding the dishes as far as I can tell. But he’s kinda back into this funk now, except that he’s now also out of the blue quit his job and doesn’t have any new prospects. I haven’t seen his bedroom lately but I would assume it’s full of garbage, he’s started smoking again, and he’s back to never leaving his bedroom or his office. His mom has been paying his rent, but I’m not sure how long that’ll last.
So with all of that information, would I be the asshole for asking him to move out. I want him to move out because of all of his other issues (hygiene, smell, garbage and him literally never leaving the house) but I would say it’s because he doesn’t have a job and this he doesn’t have a solid way of paying rent. He’s my friend but I can’t live with somebody like him. Plus because he never leaves the house he’s affecting my relationship with my fiancé and it’s basically confined us to our bedroom and the top floor of our house because his office and bedroom are connected to the den where we would normally watch TV or play video games.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
AWTLmO2vnpSHWhusIHcgrVhFb74yjHN4
|
b4vp92
|
{
"description": "not helping my friend with this phd opportunity he really wants",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not helping my friend with this PhD opportunity he really wants
|
A bit of a back story.
My friend and I met during a master's degree where he was always kind of lazy, doing half the work and always saying "how super easy" everything is. To be fair, the coursework was not particularly challenging but personally, coming from a difficult undergraduate program, I valued doing good work i.e. giving myself 100% for everything I do. He was also bitching all the time about how everything we are being taught is professors being professors and having no experience with the real world. The program was far from being perfect but most of us were hard working so we made the best out of it. He ended up passing without merit and dead last in terms of grade.
In addition, he always appears extremely lucky. While everyone was struggling to find a good internship, he got a good one very early on in the process. I struggled and found something that was fitting as a research assistant, which helped me build a strong network in my field. I kind of resent him for having it so easy (I know bad bad)
He also got admitted to another master program in a prestigious university in another country where coincidentally I found a job as a research assistant working on some kickass research. I therefore meet him on a daily basis where he keeps telling me how the country's university system is easier than the one we are coming from and that people from the country are not really good. Also he told me that he does not feel the need to work hard when the stakes are low. On the side, his goal is to pursue a PhD, for which he was a good contender for but did not end up getting the funding. So now he is on the look for one.
My job is going really well; my supervisors are happy with my work and they approached me with a PhD opportunity. For different reasons, I may not accept it.
My friend and I are in a similar field so I know this PhD could interest him. I could forward it to him and put the good word about him to my supervisors, which could greatly help him get the PhD (but he may still not get it)
He is not a bad person, quite the opposite. He is loyal and a tremendous friend. Some of his speech just seem problematic. I just don't think he "deserves" my help and kind of "deserves" to fail for once.
AITA for thinking this way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
Ddeg2EeKDpix9JVvETMXHFL9hsGEFonW
|
awg3iu
|
{
"description": "feeling annoyed at someone for not meeting me on a trip because their dad is sick",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for feeling annoyed at someone for not meeting me on a trip because their dad is sick?
|
I'm going to make this as concise as possible.
​
Basically, a friend of mine had been bugging me to come and visit him in another city, about an hour away by plane. I kind of wanted to visit, not just to see him but it's also a city in a country I've never visited, after a lot of back and forth I decided on this weekend (Fri-Mon). I started arranging it about 3 weeks ago. I couldn't stay with him because of his housemate so I had accommodation anyway. He also told me he would take the weekend off work to see me. A couple of days ago he drops that he won't be able to see me on Saturday, and I felt a little annoyed but let it go. He now says this morning that he won't be back until 8pm on Sunday, I ask him why and he says he went back to his dad's hometown (the kicker is it's my hometown too!) because he was sick.
​
I'm actually really annoyed. I know it's not his fault, and I do absolutely think his family comes before me. But it's super annoying because he went back to my hometown and I don't know anyone here. If I'd known, I would've cancelled the trip or at least tried to find someone to come with me.
​
Just to be clear, I'm not going to tell him off or anything. When he told me I just asked if his dad was okay. I just want to know if I'm an asshole for feeling pissed off about it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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RIGHT
|
8G4cFOJhumQBNmY08q2i8TFvKkikiqaZ
|
acb1ie
|
{
"description": "checking on my employees who work offsite",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for checking on my employees who work offsite?
|
I have employees who work in people’s homes, or in retail locations. In other words, their schedule is set for them and they report to the location scheduled. They have their schedule a month in advance, and are able to request a change if necessary.
Each position gets ample training, and retraining. Occasionally, an employee doesn’t produce results, so I call them in to help figure out why. They make more money when they produce results. Otherwise it’s just an hourly wage. The bonus and commission can be fairly lucrative. Hourly alone, well, they could make more working fast food. So the incentive is there. The training is proven effective, and if they follow the training, they can make $20-25 an hour.
I have an employee who hasn’t been producing results. I’ve brought her in for retraining, asked what’s going on from her perspective (nicely) and she says she’s doing everything the way she was trained.
I spot checked her today. She was not doing things according to training. I watched her for a while without her knowing. (Retail location, from another aisle)
When i approached her, I totally caught her off guard. She went beet red, mouth agape. I greeted her, spoke some niceties, then told her what I observed was not being done right. I am her direct manager. The only one above me is the owner. I hired her. It was well within my realm to correct this action.
Her only response was, “Did you come here just to check on me?”
I was honest. I said I spot check often, and while I did have some shopping to do, I did Intentionally visit this location to check on her.
She corrected her activity. But she was very unhappy that I checked on her.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
76uAll0hjLEvEhLzDvmlXF92m90cyyO4
|
af9u0b
|
{
"description": "leaving my mom at home and meeting my soon to be brother-in-law's family without her",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving my mom at home and meeting my soon to be brother-in-law’s family without her?
|
I live with my mom and two sisters. My older sister's boyfriend invited our family to his house for a New Year's Eve party from 6 p.m. to midnight to meet his family who live only 15 minutes away. That same night my mom and younger sister had a wedding to attend at 6 p.m.
My mom is terrible with directions and will not drive anywhere unless someone takes her to the destination as practice beforehand, which we did. She’s not handicapped in any way, just bad with directions. However, the location changed between her practicing and the day of the party, which I didn’t know about until last minute.
Before my mom leaves for the wedding I told her I would meet her at the party because she said she was going there straight from the wedding. As she is walking out the door she passively aggressively says “I guess I’m not going to the party” because she knew of the location change and I didn’t. My older sister and I cleared the confusion with her and said that I would wait for them to come home from the wedding and then we would go to the party together. Problem solved.
Ten minutes later mom texts us saying “Y’all go! I am fine. I was not trying to be rude. I can’t drive there without practice. Just go!”
We know she’s just saying that and doesn’t mean it so I text back “Just come home when you’re done. We can go after.”
I wait at home until they get back from the wedding around 7:30. Once they’re home I hear them changing and eating so I wait in my room for them to get ready for the party. They can see me waiting in my room; I’m not hiding from them or avoiding them.
I hear nothing from them and have the following conversation with my mom verbally around 8:30:
ME: “Are you still planning on going to the party?”
MOM: “I don’t know how to get there.”
ME: “That’s why I waited here, to take y’all.”
She then says nothing and just ends the conversation and goes back to watching TV on the couch. I wait for a response but she continues to ignore me. I then get dressed and leave for the party. On my way out she asks where I’m going and I say to the party and she says nothing. My older sister also texts her to come to the party but mom blames me in the text for leaving them without warning.
From January 1st-5th she ignores me at home and gives me one word conversations when I talk to her. I confront her about it on the 5th and she says she’s angry that I didn’t take her to the party. I told her that I made it clear four separate times that I was going to the party and I would gladly drive them, 1) before she left for the wedding, 2 )in the text, 3) when I openly asked her about it and she ignored me and 4) on my way out as I’m leaving for the party.
In the coming argument she denies that we ever had a conversation at home when I specifically ask her about the party and she ignored me. That she should never have to talk to me about our shared plans because the person driving has 100% control of the situation. She said that she watched me sit in my room after they got ready for nearly 30 minutes and that she has absolutely no responsibility to come to me with questions. That she did everything in her power to make it to the party but I just left her at home without giving her a single chance to go with me. Now my mom is continuing to ignore me to this day. Was my communication unclear or misleading in any way from another perspective or AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
R89COhYJjxNBHGvMriq1rvBCnCmU1x2q
|
b21fh8
|
{
"description": "ending it over text",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for ending it over text
|
This happened like a year ago but I’m thinking about it because tonight I went on a date with a guy who looked so much like the guy I used to date.
So over a year ago I (22-23 at the time) was seeing this guy (30). I was head over heels for him by our second date and stopped seeing anyone else I was casually dating. Our chemistry was amazing, he came to visit me at work every weekend, and I spent around 4 nights a week at his apartment. My friend told me they thought he and I were soul mates. When we first began seeing each other, I asked what he was looking for (I would end up asking this about 5 times in the 3-4 months we were seeing each other). He said he wasn’t sure because his last girlfriend had broken his trust somehow after he introduced her to his friends and family (he never went into detail). He also says he doesn’t like the term “dating.” I was looking for a relationship and didn’t want to be used for sex so I asked him to spend some time thinking about it because I didn’t want to be be a fwb. Every time I brought it up he said he said he hadn’t thought about it or that he liked our relationship being vague, despite me telling him I don’t like keeping things vague.
About 3 months later he’s giving me very mixed messages. He says he loves me, and talks about possibly meeting his family, but then says things like “if we were really dating” and reveals that he doesn’t refer to me by name but as his “bartender friend” to his friends. He also was frequently condescending to me for being a college dropout while he had a PhD, and he also said to me I could never understand depression despite him knowing I have depressive episodes.
In the end I felt frustrated constantly asking him where we were going and his condescending attitude. While at work I texted him that I’d rather we pursue friendship because he didn’t seem to know what he wanted. I know breakups over text are generally not okay, but since he didn’t see us as dating and didn’t ever seem to take the time to decide what he wanted, I thought he wouldn’t care. I apparently was wrong.
We spent days arguing, in which he criticized me for doing it over text, that even though we weren’t dating, we were dating (what does that even mean??), and he proceeded to blame me for him cutting himself afterwards. After refusing to take responsibility for him hurting himself, he got angry that I wouldn’t “take responsibility for anything.”
I honestly felt like he didn’t care about our relationship. I also felt like he acted very coldly when I got emotional, and I knew I would cry if I ended it in person. I genuinely was under the impression he wouldn’t mind that I needed it over text because I felt like he didn’t care about me that much, which is the only reason I didn’t that way. I felt more emotionally invested and thought my emotions would make him feel bad. Am i Still the asshole?
Also I’m drunk, sorry for any typos
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
5vIPg1qdWj5HtdfJzasSHJSWq8B6S0Bh
|
9x37lg
|
{
"description": "not wanting my girlfriend to hang out with her male friend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to hang out with her male friend
|
My girlfriend was planning on going ice skating with her female friend and her male friend this week. I obviously don't mind the female but I told her I had some concerns about the male because her and the male have had a history together (Pics sent and talking). She got upset and asked why it was a big deal and I told he those concerns. She said that she just won't go because she doesn't want to have an argument or make me upset or anything.
AITA for not wanting her to go?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
KsNQWMV4Bumjblcvytl3ExavjyAnUlV5
|
artvcj
|
{
"description": "attempting to cut off my parents",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for attempting to cut off my parents?
|
Phone poster.
I grew up poor. Very poor. (For my country) My family were the self proclaimed 'black sheep' of our extended family group.
Mum had me when she was 18 to a drop kick that abandoned us. My step dad was more of a father to me than my blood one ever was.
I'm now 27.
Our family has always had it tough, step dad was a loving brute. Loving to us, brute to outsiders. He was good at doing what was needed to get us a roof over our heads but the life was association with druggos and literal bank robbers.
Had a hard time through school, parents where addicted to marijuana. That meant sometimes no lunch or text books.
Got through school and started to work at the age of 16.
Eventually moved out.
I've never touched drugs/ cigarettes or alcohol. Purely because I saw what a waste it was.
I'm in no word well off but I can afford to buy the odd dumb collectable and have a little bit of savings.
Over the years I have bailed my parents out of trouble more than once. 3 thousand here for unpaid rent, giving them my second car, another 1500$ for rent, random 50$ over the years for "food".
Don't get me wrong. I love them. They helped me at my lowest to get back on my feet but I'm seeing them do it to my younger brother and sister.
I help my sister with money sometimes but she alway MNs pays it back. My parents never have.
A year ago my step dad had a stroke and the age of 44.
He couldn't work for a while and still isn't.
About a month ago mum was diagnosed with cervical cancer... It's been a hard year.
I paid 2 thousand dollars in fuel and hotels for us to get to a hospital 8 hours from home for a week for her appointments. Luckily they can do most of the treatment at home.
When we got back I was told that they were 3 grand behind in rent again.
I told them they have to move because their house that is the same size as mine is more expensive to rent than mine is. (I live 30minutes away in a different town)
They refused to move towns and told me "is rather be homeless than live there again".
I got angry Very angry.
Today I get a message that they need 2 thousand to move into a different place. The rent is still 50$ a week more expensive than my place. (I live with my gf of 3 years)
After hours and hours of friends and filter telling me, I finally told them I couldn't help.
I was sick. Physically sick. I could hardly stand. All this was happening while I was at work.
They can't work for another 6 odd months. They have gone to every help centre they can.
I feel like they hate me. Every time I've said no they don't talk to me for a few days. My gf says it's to guilt trip me.
I kind of already know but they are my parents and it kills me.
I told them that they can store their stuff or even live with me until they get back on their feet but all I got in response was "ok" when I said I don't have the money.
This is probably partly therapy for me and there is more to the past than what I have said but obviously that's a bit of a book.
Am I an asshole? Am I an asshole for saying no?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
BLOrSrldsBDVwIZPFDDjMqfwbk5yBFrn
|
b0btex
|
{
"description": "not telling my father in law where his former tenant lives/works",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not telling my father in law where his former tenant lives/works?
|
My in laws are in their late 50's and very well off. Not rich, but they have money. For instance, they built their home in 1984, paid it off in 1991. Every single thing they own is paid for. They have no credit card debt, loans, mortgage, etc. Just monthly bills. They're really frugal as well and they have no cable tv/internet, rarely eat out and drive older vehicles. My FIL makes over $100k a year and has been for the past 15 years. My MIL makes over $40k a year and has been for 15 years. My FIL has mentioned to me that they have been saving my MIL's complete salary for the past 15 years, which I estimated as around $30k per year. They have three rental properties which they paid off ten years ago.
I'm mentioning all this to show that they're not in need of any money. They have plenty. So, my FIL rents these homes out for $800-$1,000 per month. The tenant he had in the $800 home was constantly late on payments but was paid up. The last month of the one year lease, his tenant gave him $400 and said he would pay the rest in two weeks(not uncommon by him). Well, the guy bounced and my FIL never got the rest of his money.
This happened two years ago. My FIL has been researching high and low for this guy to get his $400. I've seen the guy. He came into my place of employment looking to get a permit. I know where he works and where he lives.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
oqBCeXqXAFKL7yUOpGJxEh6Cpg1PF4l0
|
acdc5a
|
{
"description": "asking BF to not drink on his night off",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for asking BF to not drink on his night off?
|
AITA for asking BF to not drink on his night off?
Backstory: Boyfriend (34m) and I (36f) live together and work two very different jobs. My boyfriend has a history of drinking. He claims he’s getting better and he is but slowly. He has three DUIs under his belt, many drunk stories of him pissing in our stairwell, passing out and sleeping on the toilet, even as far as falling off the toilet and shitting on the floor. He hasn’t had any of these mentioned incidents in the past year. But every time he drinks still something happens. More recently, he’s passed out and our puppy chewed up shoes, pillows, and hats all around him when he was “watching him” and last weekend he sliced his finger pretty bad on a mandolin.
Tonight, he opened a couple of bottles of beer already. He doesn’t work tomorrow and had a long day today but my day tomorrow is going to be long. I have an interview for a big opportunity job and then I go into work. I need to be on my A game in the morning. He is listening to his headphones and not being too loud (he’s singing) but I hear him opening more beers which makes me anxious due to his history. I asked him to not drink tonight because my day is important tomorrow. He basically said no and said he’s not bothering me. He started imitating me in an obnoxious voice and saying that I was nagging and acting like a princess. That just irritates me more so I walked away. I just don’t want drama before my big day. He can drink all he wants tomorrow. I don’t care.
Tldr. Big day for me tomorrow. Boyfriend wants to drink probably all night.
AITA for asking him to not drink on his night off?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
7zZMDIIhJaFuptwxAxrNwh9z69pQqo6M
|
ae4aol
|
{
"description": "possibly getting someone fired that I have personal issues with",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for possibly getting someone fired that I have personal issues with?
|
I work with a dude who has been a bit of an issue from the beginning of his employment with us. He does the bare minimum and likes to talk in the BOH any chance he gets. He also calls in 1-2 times a week.
He is also completely temperamental when you bring up any issue with him, he is likely to yell. The more timid members of our team just avoid him in fear of him yelling at them.
I've never had much of an issue (mostly because I avoid this guy), but now I have been "acting manager" and the issue has escalated.
I walked upfront and saw him cleaning windows when he should be breaking down our hot bay. I said that he should probably start breaking down the hot bay and he freaked out on me.
He started yelling at me that I don't need to tell him how to do his job and "HE'S JUST TRYING TO DO ONE FUCKING THING".
He said, (to co-workers) that I pulled him aside and told him he was "lazy, childish, bad at his job and stupid". (I never pulled him aside for anything)
It was after that latest meltdown that (a new) co-worker told me that he had been slapping their ass and that (the new co-worker) was really uncomfortable with this.
I reported him to our company for sexual harassment.
I feel like a big part of that is personal issues (our team is close, and I've never had such an issue)
AITA for reporting this guy?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
MIHXgaSY5fkTR0BC5LgHCRS4j40X2zMJ
|
ar69wy
|
{
"description": "comparing my sister-in-law to ISIS",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for comparing my sister-in-law to ISIS?
|
My family's always been pretty progressive and bookish. My mother's a tenured professor of sociology at the local college and my father's a permaculture consultant. So me and my siblings grew up in a pretty nerdy lefty/liberal/whatever environment. We were always encouraged to find things out for ourselves, and look at things from an academic perspective rather than letting our personal feelings cloud how we saw stuff. I remember my mother teaching us about the Aztecs and human sacrifice when I was like nine or ten, and telling us how we shouldn't judge the Aztecs by our standards and stuff. So that's that.
My older brother married into a pretty heavily Christian family, and they have a daughter who's turning five this year. I love her very much! Her name is Katerina. And because my sister-in-law is extremely Christian and very conservative and controlling, she's pretty strict about what her daughter's allowed to watch and read and stuff. Nothing with magic or witchcraft, nothing with talking animals (because it implies animals have souls), nothing with witches or wizards, nothing with ghosts or spirits. And church every Sunday, and eating fish on Fridays, and the \*Holy\* Ghost and all that - she's QUITE the Christian.
Anyways I was babysitting my niece and we watched some of the old Disney DVDs I still have lying around from when I was growing up. And when my sister-in-law showed up to pick her up, we were watching Disney's Hercules. Which has ancient Greek gods in it, and ghosts, and magic. Needless to say, she pitched an almighty fit about it, basically calling me disrespectful and hateful, accusing me of always opposing her since she joined our family and wanting to hurt her because of her Christianity. After she calmed down, we managed to have a bit of a productive conversation where she apologised for what she said and I said I didn't realise it would upset her so much; after all.
And then I said something like, "I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like Kat's gonna run off and start worshipping Zeus. Ancient Greek religion was around before Christianity, so feeling threatened by it is a bit like how ISIS is blowing up those temples in Syria."
And she just ABSOLUTELY LOST IT. Like, I mean screaming, crying, calling her parents and my brother and asking them to come get her, threatening to never let me see my niece again, claiming I was cursing her and I don't know what all else. I didn't even mean it in a shitty way, I literally just meant that there's a commonality between Christians who are afraid of anything that even suggests or depicts non-Christian belief and ISIS blowing up anything that isn't strictly Muslim!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
e9Ew4MCQKtSRSHyKhAYxo7CJMGE77R7L
|
b0hxuu
|
{
"description": "accepting a car from my dad in exchange of not telling my mum he cheated",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 21
}
|
AITA for accepting a car from my dad in exchange of not telling my mum he cheated?
|
I found out last week that my dad had cheated on my mum. He claims he’s ended it and not seeing this other woman anymore. He begged me not to tell my mum and he offered to buy me a car if I didn’t tell. I said I’d think about it. He showed me messages confirming he’d stopped seeing this woman, but he could just be pretending. Part of me wanted to tell my mum but I also know it would hurt her a lot and probably split up our family so I’ve said I wont say anything. I’ve told my dad he has to get tested and I’ve accepted his offer for a car and said I’ll forget it happened.
AITA for not telling my mum?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 15,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 21
}
|
WRONG
|
n7poxOpxJWsYKiOx7WW8MUT44YvXwvwt
|
ak20f0
|
{
"description": "not taking my dog into my room for one night",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not taking my dog into my room for one night?
|
So my family has two dogs, and one of them is mine in every sense of the word while the other is a family dog. Both of them sleep indoors, my dog with me and the family dog with my brother.
Many times I’ve had to have both in my room (enough that I’d estimate around 30-ish times, not that often, but enough that it’s noticeable it’s never happens the other way around). Normally it’s because my brother was at a party late or felt “sick” or simply didn’t want to have the dog that night. I don’t mind having them so I always agreed to taking both of the dogs.
Last night my family and I had a party with a large number of my friends and families workmates coming around too, and my brother ended up crashing pretty early-ish for a party night (around 11). I was still out enjoying the party and hanging out with everyone I knew.
At around 12 we decided to let the dogs inside for the night, and because I wasn’t finished partying I decided that since my brother was already asleep and in his room he could take them both.
My mum went off on a rant about me and my dog, saying stuff like “this is your child and you’re just ditching her to party” and “he’s sleeping why should he have to have them both tonight”. I quickly pointed out that I’d done it for him several times before and that I’d rather this then having my dog locked into my room by herself (she has abandonment issues and likes to be with someone else at all times, especially the family dog who is older than her and acts like a big sister of sorts)
She then refused to talk to me saying she couldn’t believe what i was doing and that I needed to be responsible for my pet. Every time she saw me again that night she gave me dismissive remarks about my dog and harsh looks. It kinda ruined the fun for me so I ended up retreating to my room anyway and bringing my dog back with me when I did.
The way my mother acted all night and her comments made me think I was acting like an asshole when I’d originally thought it was a sound decision and now I’m second guessing myself.
TLDR; AITA for deciding that my dog could sleep in my brother’s room with the family dog so that I could stay out and party longer, since I’ve done it for him multiple times?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 13,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
eiqbnbfHsxjkFB8AEP6wWCviotvv5lza
|
apo4i7
| null |
AITA for how I handled this group project with an older student
|
So I'm a student at a local community college, I'm going for Medical Laboratory Sciences and transferring out this summer (got accepted into my top choice school yay!!!). Well before I start my clinical program I'm wrapping up some prerequisites. One of which is a basic Sociology course, due to how basic is the class ranges from mature students, regular college students, and early college start students. Part of this course is a group project covering different cultures. I missed the day groups were picked because I had a massive sinus infection and strep throat. I got put with a mature student, a woman in her 40s which isn't a bad thing. I was excited because hey, she'll probably pull her weight and be well, mature. I'll refer to her as CL for crazy lady) I started on the project about two weeks before it was due, I set up a powerpoint outline as well as an outline for the 13-page paper we need to write. I made another document with every source we'd need. I gave CL physical copies as well as an email copy of everything along with my phone number if needed anything. Well, she in the course of 2 weeks CL did nothing and blew up my phone in the process of doing nothing. The slides she did do were just gibberish copied and pasted from Wikipedia, so I had to go through and do the whole powerpoint. Fine, whatever, I sent her a text letting her know again, what I needed her to do and that I went through, corrected, and formatted everything. Next class period I saw CL printed out the power point and had the nerve to complain about my slides asking if I fixed them not once, not twice, but five times in a row in a conversation that went like this:
CL: Did you fix the slides?
Me: Yeah I did I sent you to access the updated powerpoint
CL: Did you fix the slides?
Me: Yeah I did
CL: I've been a student here for two years, I know what I'm doing. I'm going into nursing and I work two jobs I can do this. Did you fix the slides?
Me: I work full time too, yes I fixed the slides.
CL: Did you fix the slides?
Me: YES. (Walked away at this point because the class was over
I asked her to double check everything, which she didn't do (checked google slides for any updates) so I got my boyfriend to look at it to make sure it looked presentable. Well, the night before the presentation she asked me if she needed to do anything, so I said: "I already told you to read over the power point and start your part of the paper". Which she didn't do at all. The day of the presentation I walk into class and she's complaining to one of my friends that the powerpoint wasn't hard and it's just copying and pasting. I'm pretty annoyed so I tell her "No you have to cite and phrase it in your own words". To which, she argued "it's not that hard I've been here for two years I'm going to "different community college next semester". The professor walks in and asks if we're ready to present, I said yes and logged into slides while my professor left to talk to another professor. While she was doing that I checked my phone's notifications and saw crazy lady staring intently at my phone over my shoulder so I shoot her a nasty look which ensued another completely bizarre "conversation" in front of the whole class.
CL: Why did you look at me like this?
Me: You were looking over at my phone and I don't appreciate that.
CL: I was not and if I was I can look at whatever I want. I'm an adult, a single mother, and I work two jobs you need to respect me.
Me: Okay, well I'm an adult too not a child.
CL: I have a house, a car, grown kids, a high GPA, and I'm going to finish nursing school.
Me: Okay, again I am an adult too.
CL: YOU WILL NOT SPEAK TO ME IN THAT TONE.
At this point, my professor was back so I started the presentation and of course, did the whole thing by myself. After class, she tried to complain to younger students about how I didn't let her do any of the work (not true at all) and that I was a raging bitch. Checked again the paper is not done, and I'm seeing my professor tomorrow. This woman makes me so uncomfortable I don't even know how to approach this but I'm getting the vibes she wants me to fight her or snap? I don't know. The paper is due Wednesday and I, of course, am wrapping that up alone. I am so frustrated right now because I work full time and I just don't have time to deal with CL. After this project, I'm blocking her number and changing seats.
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
fwzxmzVTFQxhreoqK04CPgv6kPTSt2Df
|
albrie
|
{
"description": "'blackmailing' a seller",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for 'blackmailing' a seller?
|
Throwaway from a new lurker, here.
I recently bought a Pokémon Theme Deck on a popular online bid/buy site, and when it arrived, it appeared tampered with.
The box was impossible to open without a knife, the coin that comes with the theme decks was upside down, and although I got almost everything that comes with it, it was missing the code to redeem the deck online (I have the deck online already; it's a matter of principle though).
I contacted the seller to let them know it had been tampered with and the code was missing, and added that I wanted to contact them first for the sake of giving them a chance. I thought I was polite throughout, though I also stated that them fixing it would be the difference between negative (no contact/fix) and neutral (contact/rectified) feedback, and that I would withhold feedback in the mean time.
When I got the response, they completely denied the possibility that the deck had been tampered with, and that it was likely a factory error, which I would have been willing to believe if it hadn't been sealed so tightly (because even the coin could potentially be explained away as a factory error, but there was no way that much glue could). They then went on to... express their annoyance... over being blackmailed with negative/neutral feedback even if they'd do everything they could to fix it.
I did respond saying I didn't agree that the box wasn't tampered with, but did acknowledge that it wasn't necessarily their doing, that I may have potentially been a little harsh, and that I appreciated their response and their willingness to fix it.
Waiting for a response from the seller after my latest message, which will hopefully include a valid code card, but in the mean time... AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
pvntUJf1NUusD2siR4z3zNqtnn68rnIY
|
awai5l
|
{
"description": "using \"if\" and not \"when\" when talking about marriage",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for using “if” and not “when” when talking about marriage?
|
I’ll try to keep this as short and sweet as possible.
Mini background: Boyfriend and I have been together for some time. We’re very happy. We have talked about marriage before in what I had always felt were very vague terms. I would like to marry him one day but at present, we are neither engaged nor do we even live together. We are in our 30s.
Recently we were talking about a friend’s upcoming wedding and I said something to the effect of, “if I get married this is something I’d like to have at my wedding.”
He got mildly upset and asked, “don’t you mean WHEN WE get married?”
I apologized for upsetting him and explained that because we’re not engaged, it didn’t feel right speaking in definitive terms like that, and also that I didn’t want to give the impression I was putting any pressure on him (I’m not - propose, don’t propose, I’m not going anywhere anyway.) He said it still bothered him, I apologized again and privately decided to avoid this topic until such a time that it DOES become a definitive in our lives, should it ever.
AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9p8QUc5REJXgEjqC135zyBgrQ5fiHV6K
|
b781ek
|
{
"description": "telling my gf she couldn't hang out with her friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for telling my gf she couldn’t hang out with her friend?
|
This happened in a past relationship.
I had just gotten back in a relationship with a girl just a few weeks prior when she wanted to go to her friends place. I was fine with this (obviously) until I learned it was someone she had hooked up with when we were on a break. I knew that he was still interested in her too, but she promised she was not at all. I told her that she could do what she wanted but that I was very uncomfortable (especially because it was at his place and at night). I also felt a little uncomfortable because she hooked up with him so soon after we went on a break (but she had the right to do what she wanted since we were on a break).
She ended up going and I never found out if anything happened but I did break up with her shortly after. She called me controlling. That wasn’t my intention but I could see how it could come off that way. AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
483G3RzSyoGxxeiR68D5N3EO9mSDO2zz
|
arp8ah
|
{
"description": "cutting my mom off when she wouldn't pay for daycare",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting my mom off when she wouldn't pay for daycare?
|
I swear I've tried to cut this story down as much as I can.
​
Gist of it:
​
My mom left me with my abusive father when I was about 8, and didn't really resurface again until I was 18.
​
At the time I was extremely sick and needed dialysis. She let me move in with her, bought me a car, and supported me for a few years. She eventually donated her kidney as well.
​
Pretty much as soon as that happened I moved to the other side of the the country. It's a long story but my family is extremely dysfunctional and there was a lot of pain that I wanted to distance myself from.
​
I was there for about a year before I fell pregnant. She convinced me to keep the baby even though her father walked out on us, and again supported me financially for about a year after her birth before cutting me loose.
​
About a year after that she convinced me to move back to her side of the country, saying that she would co-sign on a lease, help watch my daughter and help get me through school. So I did that.
​
It immediately became clear that her new husband is extremely petty and abusive. In the short time I was there he had multiple violent tantrums, screamed at my child, kicked my dog, treated my mom and me like garbage, and quickly convinced her to revoke her support. She claims this was justified because I stopped talking to him. I know someone will say I'm not telling the whole story but that's literally it. He had a violent outburst, and from that point I tried to never be around when he was. She decided that this was an insult to her personally, and started saying that she had never offered to help me in the first place. I moved in with roommates almost immediately after she said she wasn't going to help any more, and I moved 6 times in the 9 months after that before finally getting a secure living arrangement.
​
She also completely dismissed me when I told her something was wrong with my brother and that I didn't want to see him any more. Turns out he is on drugs, lies about literally everything, and was probably grooming my son, but she chose to ignore me until it was revealed that he had stolen about $10k from her and her husband.
​
There's a lot more to this story (really I could write a book) but things came to a head when she said I was "entitled and ungrateful" when I asked for help paying for daycare- help she had offered 3 months earlier, but I never took her up on because she likes to hold things over my head. At this point I had been self sufficient for over a year, and decided it would be better to cut her off.
​
I cut off my entire family while I was at it, for one reason or another. I can't deny that the financial and physical support I received was crucial, and that they have done a lot for me. I wouldn't be where I am without them. I also can't deny the years of abuse and abandonment, or the patterns in my family that are clear to me now. I never want to see them again.
​
I still feel like a small part of me was definitely ungrateful and entitled for expecting her help.
​
So based on my limited info, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9ZGzuf6hghq4H8PWjhmHi6Noqn3DxSzD
|
b72ydh
|
{
"description": "not wanting to interact with my (normal) uncle",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to interact with my (normal) uncle
|
I'm not creeped out by him or anything but he has a hard time reading boundaries, one time he walked in my room and tried to have a whole conversation with me while I was changing (I hid behind a dresser so he wasn't trying to see anything I'm certain). He's also made some weird offhanded comments like "You can handle my stuff any way you like" when I asked if I could help him with some bags. Idk if it's really that weird of a comment but the way he said it kinda made me quiet. He always tries to tell my siblings what to do and I can tell it annoys them immensely, and he tried to have conversations with them way beyond what they can understand (like politics and my siblings are elementary grade level). He plays his music super loudly in our tiny house and I feel like he wants us to ask about it for attention or something. Anyway I'm thinking of just talking to my dad for him to let me know when he comes over so I can make myself scarce lol. I don't know if this is rude and my dad is super big on "family is family!!!" So idk how it will go. Anyway am I the asshole for feeling annoyed and offput by my family member?
tl;dr Offput by my weird uncle
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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gmOqJESkeQbwSoiqtdyF4PEzK7dK105I
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aqygsz
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{
"description": "being frustrated that my mom won't give me a 5 minute ride to work",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being frustrated that my mom won’t give me a 5 minute ride to work?
|
I’m 21 and I still live with my mom. I fully understand that I am old enough to be living on my own, but to make a long story short, my mom struggles with mental health issues and I worry that if I leave her on her own, she’ll start living life in a very unhinged way. (she’s struggled with addiction in the past)
I’m not going to make myself out to be a saint or anything like that, but I do help her out a lot around the house. For the past 5 years, I’ve been giving her daily assistance with learning the internet & web browsing, a lot of which includes helping her with online shopping. She had a slight addiction for a minute and was ordering 5+ items from a multitude of shops and having me complete all the return/support tickets when she doesn’t like her items...which is almost always.
I digress. I’m just trying to paint an accurate portrait of our give and take relationship. She’s on social assistance which pays for our rent. I’m grateful that she allows me to live here, but I do pay for most of my own food and things, and lately I’ve been going out of my way to pay for her meals and groceries as well.
This is where I get frustrated. I work about a 40 minute walk away from my house. It’s a 5 minute car ride. It’s freezing out right now, and taking the bus takes almost as long as walking since the schedules are wonky.
I asked her if she’d mind dropping me off (since her days are always 100% free) and she says no. I asked her why not, and her reasoning was that her boyfriend is awake and might want to use the car in the 10 minutes she’d be gone. I told her I would really appreciate just a drop off and had full intentions of taking the bus home. Still no.
She very rarely gave me rides as kid—I relied on the bus for school & hanging out, even in the winter. When I missed my school bus, I’d take a cab.
I can drive, and I drive rather well... but I never have access to a car to practice, which is why I haven’t gotten my license yet. There’s always an excuse as to why I can’t use the car when I ask to practice/book a road test.
Sorry for the brick of text. I wanted to paint a proper picture before I ask:
Am I an asshole for being annoyed that she won’t drive me 5 minutes up the road to work, but expects me to be on call for her tech support and questions 24/7 and bring her takeout/run various errands for her while I’m on foot & she drives?
I know the realistic response is to move out and get my own car... but my dad just passed away recently and I have a lot of psychological hangups/panic about losing my mom now. She takes very poor care of herself without my help, and I fear that if I leave her, she’ll let go altogether.
I’m just bitter lately because I feel like she has no remorse asking me for a million things because she “puts a roof over my head” (technically the government does but whatever) but when I ask her to drop me off, it’s the end of the bloody world.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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3pJNG4ruoBThd8z0EhmcsVBJUG68SdHE
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a7ofdo
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{
"description": "telling my Aunt that I was disappointed in her for the way she dealt with my parents",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my Aunt that I was disappointed in her for the way she dealt with my parents?
|
Backstory:
My father was laid off from his job so my parents made plans to relocate to SC where my mother has family, and also because of the much lower cost of living since my father is looking to retire. They were originally intending to move into a townhome but my aunt and her husband, who own two houses, suggested that my parents purchase one of their houses. They initially declined, but my aunt lowered the price and there was a written offer and acceptance via email. Rather than using a real estate agent, the plan was to have a lawyer draft the documents, but my parents wanted to sell their house before the documents were drafted.
Good news - my father gets rehired to his old job. Since he works remotely in IT he can live anywhere, but they still decide to move to SC due to cost of living. In the meantime, they are working toward selling their house, selling off one of their cars, and even selling furniture such as one of their couches, a dining room table, an outdoor swingset, children's toys (for my children/their grandchildren), etc.
They get an offer for the house, but things fall apart during the negotiation process. My wife and I state that we would like to purchase the house, but would need to wait a few months in order to prepare. They would even save money by not paying the real estate agent. My parents initially agreed, but out of the blue my aunt states that they are only giving my parents one month now, so my wife and I are forced to recant our offer, and my parents eventually work things out with the initial offerer and sell the house.
Two weeks before my parents were supposed to move out, my aunt and her husband state that they are no longer selling their house due to the hurricane that was headed toward SC. This is disingenuous, since we later find out from other family members that my aunt's husband had stressed out about selling their house before the hurricane, but the hurricane was their excuse. The result is that my parents had two weeks to find a place to live, and pretty much gave up their house, a car, and several pieces of furniture for nothing. In a panic, they decided to move into my townhome complex. They managed to find movers, but the movers cancelled the day of the move. They had to pay roofers (they were their to repair hail/weather damage as part of the sales agreement) $600 dollars to help load the U-Haul truck that my father rented last minute. I even left work to go help them load, and especially unload. It as a total clusterfuck.
I later texted my aunt and stated that I was "disappointed" in the way she and her husband dealt with my parents in bad faith. She ended up flipping out, and stating that I was trying to shame her, and that there was a hurricane hitting SC and that we didn't care. I was told that it wasn't my place to comment, but she had given my parents the fucking of a lifetime, not to mention the stress between my wife and I over our earlier intent to to purchase my parents' house, so we were affected to some degree. Even now, after my mother went to visit (since her father is dying), my aunt kept going on about the hurricane and how their was some flooding in their yard. They refused to accept that they bent my parents over the barrel hardcore.
|
HISTORICAL
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DoyqUhEkd0tn7N49aaJn0lf2IXVr6FUh
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aufbv4
|
{
"description": "opening up the dryer for someone's laundry in my apartment's laundry room",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for opening up the dryer for someone's laundry in my apartment's laundry room?
|
I was doing laundry today and it was time to put my clothes in the dryer. There are 8 dryers, and 3 of them were broken - the rest were all in use. I saw that a couple dryers were going to be done in like 8 min, so I put my wet clothes in my laundry basket and went upstairs to my place. I came back down in like 15 min and two dryers were done, but nobody was there. I decided to browse my phone and wait a bit.
Soon after, a couple came in with a few loads of laundry and started setting up near the washers. I was just standing their waiting, and as I looked at one of the dryers that was completed, I got the impulse to check it because it looked like it was maybe just a fleece or something. I thought to myself, "Maybe if it's just a single item, they wouldn't mind if I gently folded it and proceeded to use the dryer."
I'm not sure if I would have actually would have taken it out, but I opened the door to give it a quick check, and it was not just a single item - it was a medium sized load. One item (maybe boxer shorts) fell out as I opened it, and I picked it up and put it back in and closed the door.
I turned to the couple and said, "I'm waiting for a dryer..." and was about to mention that three dryers were out of order, and the guy goes to the dryer that I was just at and starts ranting about how disrespectful it is to "mess with people's stuff." It was his load of laundry in the dryer.
He starts taking his clothes from the dryer and is ranting to me about common courtesy and how touching other people's laundry is just something you don't do. It made me really uncomfortable to be accused of being disrespectful because I'm a respectful person.
I said something like, "Sorry, but it's also courteous to take your clothes from the dryer, and I didn't take your clothes out anyway," and then he says that something about me dropping his stuff all over the floor. He tries to keep going and I say, "I get it" to stop his lecture and then he says, "OK, then drop it," as if I'm the one ranting.
Anyway, AITA for committing the great sin of opening a laundry door?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ta5Jcx6mQM0ZwXmQgaYcwIGtRqbQtHH3
|
ajllwy
|
{
"description": "being pissed at my parents for inviting my ex over without telling me",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For being pissed at my parents for inviting my ex over without telling me?
|
Me and this guy were together for 5 years and supposed to get married. We were a fucking dysfunctional mess and should have never been together. He didn’t want to go to counseling, gave me an STI (thankfully 100% curable) and I left him three weeks before our wedding. It was very sudden because I was not open about the dysfunction in our relationship. My parents especially took it hard.
I only found out about this because I had to get something that was mailed to him and he briefly mentioned it in passing. They invited him over around Thanksgiving and didn’t tell me. I’m furious and I feel betrayed. I get he was a big part of the family, but I’m too pissed about them going behind my back to even begin to empathize with them. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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kauU178C0t3H0SPlg4IPYSbR4jAUcAD2
|
b10v2d
| null |
AITA for my quite arrogant answer to a girl that flirted with me?
|
Last saturday I was in a club with some friends, and this young looking girl comes to me and start flirting . Now, I'm 19 years old and seeing that she was quite young looking I asked for her age and she told me that she was fifteen years old. Now, since this happened in Italy (Both of us are Italians) it would not have been illegal or unheard of but it still bothered me, so I simply replied "Then go play with dolls" .She threw her drink at me (Just the liquid, not the glass) and went away. My friends think that I was the asshole for replying in such an arrogant way, while instead I think I did the right thing ensuring that the interaction was quickly over not wasting anyone's time. What do you think?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
VDLCnUGOzVGSPdo0PeTMV8KCQ2h6zFG7
|
al1i8u
|
{
"description": "wanting to break it off with my girlfriend for allowing her anxiety to drive a wedge between us",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
Aita for wanting to break it off with my girlfriend for allowing her anxiety to drive a wedge between us?
|
Opposites attract, right? Well I'm as free going as it gets, my wonderful girlfriend isn't as much. When I have an off day, I'm slightly reclusive and try not to interact. Not an douche, as she says "there is just something off". When I finally shake it off after 1-2 days everything is okay for a few and then comes another couple days of her wondering if everything is okay in the relationship, if there is anything that she did to cause this, what could have gone differently on her end...... the whole time she questions motives and actions. I've tried multiple responses. Ive answered her questions immediately, Ive tried to let her know her actions are not a healthy *reaction* to what is going in my life. I've blatantly asked her if I have to respond a certain way when things like that are happening, maybe a scenario where in her head she is out of control and she needs me to be there for support. Everytime either I'm distant or im over reacting. I literally am the one trying to lighten the spirits in conversation, in daily life. My favorite saying is "you cant take life to seriously, you'll never make it out alive!" I'd rather not bring up things to possibly erode somebody's happy mood for the day. She wants to talk about what was bothering us for days, when it was something stupid like I couldn't land my bottle flip last night or something. When is enough enough?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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JKfgDALh5j31QJrXu3V3T4UpBcL2xhp2
|
af5ve8
|
{
"description": "wanting some marriage equality",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting some marriage equality?
|
New to this sub. Having problems with marriage arguments. I’m 20(f) he’s 22(m). Got married at 18. Every time we talk about this he gets extremely frustrated with me. Back story is we got married super young and my parents didn’t pay for a cent of the wedding. He bought my ring, $900 (no diamond for the center stone). Other than that it was pretty much my money or gift money that paid for the $4k wedding and honeymoon. He didn’t have very much to contribute because he had just bought a car with cash, $12k. Only thing I had bought is my cellphone, $500. After getting married and combining accounts, we had $4k. Two months into the marriage I found a car with the remaining money I had saved up from being single, $2k cash. Fast forward to the summer and he drops $4k on a dirt bike he really wanted. We had to take out a $1k loan to do so. Fast forward again to the next years tax return and he spent almost the whole refund on buying himself a new phone, a little over $1k. Then we get to today, where he is deciding to take out a student loan to do a computer build, $2200. I have already brought it up before but I mention that I want to get a nicer car. He always gets extremely frustrated and shuts me down and calls me selfish. Says my car is perfectly fine and that he sees no need for me to get a newer one. Says that everything we own is both of ours. But all these things we’ve bought that are “ours” don’t really benefit me anyway. Can’t possibly ride his Yz 450 dirt bike, don’t use his phone, and am not a gamer so I won’t really use this $2200 computer. So I ask for something that would benefit me and he won’t even consider it because we don’t need it. I’m not asking for a brand new car, just maybe a little nicer than $2k gets you. He also says that when we do need a car in the future, I will get his old car and he will get the new one. I say that’s not fair to me because I never get to have a nice car. Then he gets mad and says in the future I won’t even need a new car because I will be a stay at home mom and won’t be driving anywhere. I have never bought anything that has cost more than $200. Which was a pair of dirt bike boots, and I don’t even have a dirt bike. I’m leaving out Christmas and birthdays because they are irrelevant. I’m also leaving out everyday small purchases like clothes and shoes etc because I think I’m pretty even with him with his video games and clothes and shoes etc. I will admit I do spend money more frequently, but it is always small amounts around $30 or less. I also know that I am not the domestic completely selfless conservative wife he expects me to be so that causes some anger towards me.
Am I the asshole for wanting some equality in big purchases?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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Qiq2eHu9BWFm6dFKSSVmNOWxYpcAAqi5
|
am59bo
|
{
"description": "calling my coworker out for coming in sick so often",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I called my coworker out for coming in sick so often?
|
I’ve been at my new job for about 6 months and I love it. The only issue is “Barb”.
Barb is very sweet, but she’s *always* getting sick. She seems to have this chronic sinus/upper respiratory issue. I’m not a doctor, but if being a carrier for a respiratory virus is possible... that’s what she is. The common cold version of Typhoid Mary.
Every time her “sinus issue” flares up, the entire office gets sick. It’s the nastiest cold imaginable and it just drags on. The last two times I caught it, I was sick for over a month. This is the *third* time that I’ve had the same infection, that hits exactly 2 days after her “sinuses flair up”, since I started.
Everyone gets at least 2.5 weeks of PTO, she probably gets more since she’s been here for a long time. She also has the capability to work from home. I have less PTO and my job doesn’t permit me to work from home. So, when she comes in sick, I’m essentially screwed.
The cherry on top is that when she’s having these “sinus issues”, she walks around the office coughing and telling everyone how sick she is. At least quarantine yourself in your office! Jesus.
WIBTA if I called her out? This is just getting ridiculous.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aqiW0fckZNWnOsEqtWUGn69gMOiNI7Fo
|
arv6u9
|
{
"description": "making bad tiramisu",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for making bad tiramisu?
|
My gfs all-time favorite dessert is tiramisu. This was our first Valentine’s Day together, so obviously I wanted to do something sweet. I cook most our meals and am a pretty decent chef, so I already had a meal planned that she knew about, but I wanted the tiramisu to be a surprise.
That Wednesday night, I get up after midnight while she’s still sleeping and run to the grocery store to get what I need. A pound of mascarpone, vanilla extract, eggs, cream, etc. all-in-all cost me about $20, which isn’t much in the grand scheme of things, but I’m a college student.
However, there was one ingredient that I couldn’t get. Rum. I’m only 20 and liquor shops close at 9 where I live, so I had no options. We did have lemon vodka though, so I decided that I’d give it a try and if it sucked then I’d just use coffee without liquor.
I come back and make everything as quiet as I can. After dipping some of the ladyfingers in the vodka-coffee mix, I tried one and thought it worked great. The vodka didn’t overpower the coffee and the lemon added some lighter flavors. I assemble everything and hide it in the fridge.
Next day, everything goes great and I bring out the tiramisu. Her eyes light up and she gets super happy. Then she digs in and gets the most disgusted frown on her face. I asked if she liked it and she shook her head. I told her I made it with the lemon vodka and she said that was what made it so bad.
I had a bite and it tasted exactly like it had the night before.
I’m not above criticism, but this was different. I said that it tasted fine to me and her response was “Well, that’s all that matters.” Normally I’d agree, but I didn’t make this for myself. I made it specifically for her as a gift. It was if you bought something that you knew someone would love, but when you give it to them they say “I don’t like it, but you can have it.”
After that, I cleaned up the dishes and offered to go get some pre-made tiramisu from the store. She asked why and I told her it’s because I clearly ruined her gift and wanted to make it up to her, which made her feel really guilty about everything. She apologized but I antagonized her a bit more about it and have been using it as my silver bullet for arguments recently.
I intentionally made her feel guilty, but am I an asshole for it?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
l6QezqLGONITwCOPyMyTMtQiKg64LecN
|
b8zobm
|
{
"description": "applying for this job",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I applied for this job?
|
To make a long story short, I’m taking classes right now and the summer is fast-approaching. I need a summer job, and my brother-in-law has said that he will pass my resume off to whom it concerns at his company and get me a job for the summer (and after graduation, which is a super nice thing of him to do). It’s a good job, it pays well, and it’s in the industry I want to work in after graduation. However, he’s been busy at work lately and hasn’t passed my resume off. I’ve asked him a few times whether I should send my resume in and he keeps saying “we’re really busy right now, but I’ll do soon.”
So, WIBTA if I applied by myself and didn’t let him pass my resume off? He is a super good guy and we get along really well, but getting the vibes that maybe he doesn’t want me to apply for the job. But a second household income over the summer would really help my wife and I.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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RIGHT
|
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