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74CAZG4WYCn3e9uMj2pxgIqSPnV5hRZE
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b2wk4f
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{
"description": "not agreeing with my friends new standards",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I don’t agree with my friends new standards?
|
This has been going on just recently, and it’s getting kinda annoying. My friends, let’s call “G” has been my best friend for the past 9 years. We’ve been through thick and thin but this time she has just done it. I’ve gotten a boyfriend recently and ever since I’ve started spending some of my time with him she started getting a little distant with me. I thought of it probably as school, or family stress that would be over by the end of the week. I was wrong. Not long after I started asking her if she feels alright, or if she has any issues that she want to talk about, she tells me it’s that I’m being an asshole by using my time to spend on my boyfriend, and not her. I literally spend one or two weekends with him and I see G most days after school.
I shrug what she said off and said that I love him and even though I spend time with him, he is in no way replacing you.
This was pretty clear for up until the time I left her house because after that she started spamming her sc story with pictures of her crying, saying how “the closest friends leave you in the dust for another man” and asked “why is everyone in the world a shitty person” if you were my friends I would always be your top priority like friends should have friends.
This is honestly pissing me off rn because I feel like now she only thinks about herself, and thinks her happiness should be the top priority.
AITA? I honestly don’t fucking know right now.bye
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
asta8p
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{
"description": "using an adblock and not using websites that force ads",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for using an adblock and not using websites that force ads
|
I created a post about companies who force ads being assholes and immediately was met with people calling me the asshole for using an adblock. So what do you guys think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
b59dqo
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{
"description": "not texting my brother and his girlfriend whilst they are on holiday",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not texting my brother and his girlfriend whilst they are on holiday?
|
My brother and his girlfriend left yesterday to head over to Bali for their first overseas trip together. My parents have been going on since they landed that I should text them and ask if their holiday is going well. I said no because, well it's not something that I would normally do. My brother and I aren't that close and I think the last thing I texted him was if he wanted something from Macca's 3 months ago. I'm quite close to his girlfriend and she's like a sister to me, but still I don't really text her out of the blue as I see her several times a week. My parents have said that they're disappointed and that it's disgraceful that I haven't texted them and extremely rude.
So I said I didn't really feel the need to text them because it's their first holiday together and I want to leave them be, it's only the second day of their week long holiday, and well I don't really feel the need as I said it's not something I'd normally do. I'm not saying I won't message them for their entire trip but yeah just not right now. What do you guys think? Am I being an asshole? I know it wouldn't be difficult for me to just text them and that I easily could, but I still don't think that makes me an asshole?
I don't think I'm exactly in the wrong and I don't think my parents really are either, personally I just think we have different standards and expectations?
For context, I'm 20 and my brother is 22.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
AWtyNq3sUefv3tKasyzmKvSyCo4j4eP7
|
azrqup
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{
"description": "hurting my ex-gf",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for hurting my ex-gf?
|
This happened a year ago
So, I met a girl thru tinder (Dec of 2017). We met at a bar, had drinks, went to my place and she spent the night over. For the next few days, we started messaging each other, just casual talk. As I had to go abroad during the holidays, we stopped talking as much.
When I got back on January, we hooked up again. This happened a few times with her staying over at my place. Around the middle of January, she asked me what she was to me, confessing that she was starting to like me. I told her that I was unsure of my feelings and she was visibly hurt. I thought it over the weekend and I told her that we'll start going out.
Things went well for the next two weeks, with us saying "I love you to each other". Around feb, she asked me if it was alright for her to hang out with her friends at a club. Seeing as I trusted her, I said no problem. So she messaged me that night, but her messages were kinda messy and weird. I didn't think too much about it and kinda forgot about it.
A few months went by and she "confessed" that she was actually coerced by her so called friend. She was kinda hesitant about the details. Seeing as it was traumatizing for her, I didnt push through with it. However, I felt that some things were off so I did a bit of snooping. I managed to find out that the guy wasn't actually her highschool friend and was someone she also met and also slept with thru tinder on december (they met a week after we hooked up), after we first met. I confronted her about it and she cried, saying that the guy kept pestering to met her, so she agreed to meet at a night club with the condition that no sex was gonna happen. She forgot to bring her ID that night so she was denied entrance. The guy was so mad at her and started shouting at her. She felt guilty so she went into his car and went to his place. One thing led to another and she said she felt pressured so they slept together.
I felt messed up after this and for the next few months, kept calling her names and when I remember what happened I thought of ways to emotionally hurt her. I was filled with so much hate so I called it off with her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
jKYDj7xYqFTEvLTJqdAsg00ABfmx9ckY
|
avumps
|
{
"description": "calling my sister out",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling my sister out
|
So my sister (14) is a straight up bully. She’s constantly going for me and anyone else she can, even if there’s no actual reason at all.
One of my (F 16) biggest issues with her is how she treats me. I am chronically ill and disabled. She regularly makes fun of my knee braces, my walker, and my cane, even the speed at which I walk. It’s not even lighthearted- even if it were, not funny- she’s straight up being a douche.
She regularly leaves me alone in places because she refuses to slow down a little.
She also makes fun of my appearance and clothes. Now, I’m not any sort of goddess or anything but I’m certainly not ugly. I’m very clean and obsessive about my hygiene. I take very good care of my skin and am lucky enough to not have a single dot (not that acne is actually ugly, it’s natural and I recognize that, but most people that have it don’t want it).
On the other hand, my sister is filthy. She always has greasy hair and a greasy face, she wears the same paint and snot covered sweatshirt. She’s even developed a hunchback from her shitty posture.
But, she always goes after me, and my clothes, the color I dye my hair, etc.
She also likes to come home and shit talk her classmates. She calls girls sluts just because she doesn’t like them. Absolutely one of those “I’m not like other girls” types. She makes up stories about how people “bully” her and then later admits they were false.
I try and stay silent, but she continues to attack me. But when I snap and get back at her (which I’m very good at, I could probably destroy her entire life as she knows it... but I don’t) I’m the bad guy and the one that gets punished.
On the off chance my parents do something, they just take her phone, and she goes and slams the door and throws a tantrum.
FYI, we are both in therapy. I have depression and social anxiety, so her harassment isn’t helping. And it’s already hard enough to be confident as a teen with a disability. She, on the other hand, has nothing wrong with her but a shit attitude.
I GET that she’s a preteen and going through stuff, but that is not an excuse to be the way she is. I went through horrible things when I was 13, but my anger was always directed at myself. I NEVER lashed out at anyone, especially my family.
I’m so tired of being treated like shit and her being allowed to get away with it. It almost makes me feel like I’m overreacting and not worth it. Am I the asshole for calling her out every now and then?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
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OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
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|
RIGHT
|
va30tv2RwIfCSehTKdHRe2kKU5VEXL5Q
|
axphl4
|
{
"description": "not wanting to date someone who litters",
"pronormative_score": 94,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not wanting to date someone who litters?
|
I met this guy David through a mutual friend, Sarah, and we ended up hitting it off. He asked me on a date and went to see Bohemian Rhapsody and got some ice cream after. We mostly chatted about the movie but I had a nice time and liked him so I was enthusiastic when he asked me if I wanted to get dinner the next weekend. At dinner, we learned more about each other and had good conversation and I really started to like him. Sarah texted me asking me how it was going and while David went to the restroom I replied saying that it was really good.
However, everything went downhill when he drove me home. After dinner we got coffees from the Starbucks drive thru. I was looking for a place to put my drink since the cupholders in the center console had his coffee and an old McDonalds cup. David noticed and said “oh sorry, here you go” and took the McDonalds cup, rolled down his window, and just threw it out!! I have never seen anybody just blatantly throw garbage like that so I really didn’t know how to react. I wasn’t sure what to say so I just said something like “did you really just throw that on the road?” And he nonchalantly was like “yeah” and shrugged it off.
After seeing that, I really lost interest in him. I’m not a “save the earth” eco fanatic or anything but I recycle and you know, care about not actively trashing the planet. So seeing him just throw garbage out the window casually was honestly unattractive. David asked me out on a third date and I didn’t mention the littering but I just told him I enjoyed our time together but I didn’t think it was going to work out.
Sarah texted me asking why I wasn’t interested in him anymore after things were going so well and I told her honestly about what happened. She said I was being super petty and it was stupid to not see David again over one little thing after we getting on so well. However I don’t know what it was exactly, but something about that littering just rubbed me the wrong way. Especially because he was so casual about it, like it’s a regular thing. In hindsight I guess there’s way worse things he could have done but it just made me feel differently about his character. Sarah thinks I’m being bitchy for not giving him another chance, but I really have just lost interest.
TL;DR: Started dating a guy and got along well until he littered. I’m no longer interested and my friend thinks its a stupid reason.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
3nWSlGIF0clDllk8UKrNOuM7R6VgF1JC
|
a1dmcb
|
{
"description": "friend accusing me of stabbing them in the back",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for friend accusing me of stabbing them in the back
|
So, some background information.
I'm a nerd, and a pretty damn big one, and my group plays a lot of games. The games that the group I'm in play all sorts of things depending on what the feeling is at the time. One friend, Let's call him "Frank", was a long time friend from school, we've known each other and have been friends for over a decade, and he doesn't like one of the other people in our group, we'll call this one "Jim". Jim roasts people, and is an asshole, but an honest asshole who never tries to deceive anyone in terms of how he is. With Jim, we all get pretty damn offensive to each other, but no one takes it seriously. This has included roasting people for their girlfriends, ex-girlfriends, and pretty much anything in general. Jim's been chilling in this group for just as long as Frank, and I've always gotten on with him.
​
So with that set up, we started into some small community with like 200 people in our region, and Frank was made the head of the group that we set up on that community. This was alright at first, but over time our contributions were being minimized by Frank, as a lot of the people that we got were due to Jim and myself putting a hell of a lot of effort in. This was happening, as he got into a fight, and essentially tried to cut Jim out completely, though another friend, "Steve" who we knew for roughly the same time sided with Jim. As a result, Frank tried to cut Steve out too. Meanwhile, Frank was also trying to bring his brother in as a relatively major person, attempting to replace Jim.
​
While this was going on, Frank also caused a lot of issues with people joining up with us, and others in the community, resulting in a lot of groups pretty much hating us, and warning groups from other regions to not get involved with us, despite our attempts at growing out. This resulted in me having to go to the other groups to apologize in an effort to keep us in the community on a regular basis, while Frank was doing this more and more often. This led to a lot of people leaving, because he was getting really toxic to anyone not in his circle.
​
Eventually he was demanding other groups to either leave the community or join ours, which set the final steps up. The other groups told me what they thought of the group originally before Jim and I tried to ease things up, and when we talked to a lot of the people in the group, they said the same thing, so we cut Frank out after trying to point the issues out for months.
​
I get it's such a trivial thing to end a friendship over, and I never really thought it was that big a deal, because we were simply trying to get along with everyone, but I get harassed by Frank or "associates" of him for this shit, accusing me of stabbing him in the back. Am I really an asshole for trying to have our group fit in? Since then, things in the community had been great, but still, I get some doubts.
​
TL:DR long term friend ended their friendship because I removed him from a group that didn't like him, accusing me of stabbing him in the back.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
KRm1z1w62gPclkXW1axdQpKjUOLBYcQU
|
awe9an
|
{
"description": "not telling my gf that I was having an outpatient surgery because I didn't want to trigger an anxiety attack",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not telling my GF that I was having an outpatient surgery because I didn't want to trigger an anxiety attack?
|
I've been with my SO for a little over two months. We have a LOT in common. Similar or at least compatible religious and political views, views on money, similar tastes and preferences, compatible in bed and even several shared passions/hobbies. We're both pursuing undergraduate degrees and we both want kids.
We have an LTR since we're attending different colleges, but I try to visit as often as I can, and we were looking forward to a sleepover after she got back from spring break.
I make a point of talking to her throughout every day at least through text or snapchat, and we facetime for at least an hour every day. It's the highlight of my day and she seems to look forward to it as well. We're both very open with each other and I don't think I've ever intentionally lied to her.
I knew that I was going to have surgery (today actually) to remove a pilonidal sinus. I was a little embarrassed by the situation and because it was an hour-long outpatient procedure it wasn't at the forefront of my mind. I realized that I should tell her, but between midterms and some family drama it seemed like she needed more stability in her life, not more drama, so I didn't tell her until I was leaving for the hospital.
I should probably mention that I think she may have some undiagnosed general anxiety. I thought that I was protecting her from more drama and more stress after we facetimed last night and she complained about stomach pain and not being able to sleep and all the ways her life was difficult, so I did my best to comfort her and didn't mention the procedure.
I awoke from anesthesia to a few terse texts and then tried to talk to her, saying that I was trying to keep her from getting too stressed out since her life was so rough and she said that I had shattered her trust and she didn't want to see me anymore.
She's leaving to visit family on the other side of the country and I'm jacked up on painkillers so I'm in no position to drive to her house with a boombox over my head, am I an asshole? What should I do?
TL;DR didn't tell gf that I was getting part of my butt cut out; now I'm out of the focker circle of trust and the girl I thought I might one day marry wants nothing to do with me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
V2QB3f39Em21PSruCereaLdvJwU3inYC
|
b40vb3
|
{
"description": "not giving my coworker 'free commission'",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not giving my coworker ‘free commission’
|
I work at a doggy day care/ pet shop. There are workers in the front who sell products to customers and get a commission for selling things other than just food. Then there are workers like me who work strictly in the doggy day care, we can get tips for it but that’s the only ‘bonus’.
Today we had a new dog in who was very cute, only a year old, and groomed very well. The dog jumped up and licked me. Oh god the smell, it was like god threw all of the farts in the world into my face. It left a lingering smell too, it was disgusting. Trust me, I’ve run into some bad doggie breath where I work but nothing like this.
So the next thing I do is look at the dogs teeth. The poor thing had plague all over, and you could see black gunk where the gums meet the teeth. The back teeth looked like they had fallen out already. It was disgusting.
When the dogs owners showed up today I was the one free to take the dog out to them. When I got out I told the owner in the nicest/ customer friendly way possible that their dogs teeth were disgusting and needing to be seen by a vet ASAP. They were surprised, and didn’t realize that they needed to be worried about the teeth. I told them that we actually have a vet that comes in once a month that does teeth cleaning/ vet check ups for a lot cheaper than usual, and they were coming in this weekend! They agreed and I scheduled them an appointment. I then showed them where we sell the toothbrushes for dogs and the teeth cleaning treats. I walked them up to the counter and my coworker rung them up.
We don’t have the fanciest systems, so at the end of the day the worker in front writes out who made what sales and what commission they get. I was cleaning in front when my coworker (CW) said “thanks for the free commission!”
Me: “oh, haha, I guess I did technically make a sale today, there’s no way for me to get the commission though, right?”
CW: “nope”
Me: “too bad!”
CW: “Yup, so I get it!”
Me: “you can’t just write that no one gets a commission?”
CW: “I could, but why would I? I’ll write my name, thanks myallinall!”
Me: “Oh.. will we get in trouble?”
CW: “I’ll just do it, it’s fine.”
Me: “Maybe if we ask the owner (she was in that day) she will let that money that would be a commission be donated to the rescue we work with”
I don’t care what she does honestly, but now that’s she’s told me this is what she’s going to do I’m afraid I’ll get in trouble if it gets caught.
My coworker rolled her eyes and was about to say something when I noticed the owner restocking things and I shouted for her to come over. I explained what happened, and she said sure, give it to the rescue, but don’t ‘make a sale’ again— that’s not your job. I said I understand and moved on.
Well now my coworker has told everyone what an asshole I am for not just giving it to her. She says it’s not like I could get it anyway, who cares. I’ve apologized numerous times but she said she doesn’t care. I’m confused, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
hCoTwMsQHq8CsQETlAbZCpVOVVU8nNVv
|
b01gw4
|
{
"description": "wanting to have sex with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA for wanting to have sex with my girlfriend?
|
Recently I got a new gf, first one in a while. We've been together just over a week now. With her asking to be my girlfriend after the second date.
​
On the second date I got her to orgasm with fingers, but she didn't want to have full sex just cuddle. Second time she stopped me using my hand before she orgasmed because she wanted to sleep and just cuddle.
​
Third time I rushed to full sex because it seemed like there was a pattern with her losing interest the longer activity went on, we had 5 minutes of bad sex, after she didn't want to do anything else but cuddle.
​
Fourth time when we were cuddling, she complained when I caressed her . Fifth time we were in bed, after having to spend an hour and a half watching some bad TV show, she kisses me deeply, but when I go for sex she says "I don't want sex", I ask her for clarification and she says "I don't like sex, just cuddling". I got so annoyed that I just walked out and found a bar to have a drink for a few hours. I came back to the house, the door woke her up and she just said "Oh you went out", and within 30 seconds she was back to sleeping. No question, no concern.
​
So at the moment I'm wondering when I should be bringing up this whole "I don't like sex" thing with her.
​
Why I don't think I'm an asshole: Sex should be a standard part of any relationship, she's getting what she wants (a bf, cuddling, taken out for dinner) I'm not really getting what I want it should be a two way street. We're a new couple, we should be all over each other, it's only downhill from here. She goes on a business trip to another country next week for 2 months and since we're a new relationship, shouldn't she be making every effort to make sure we can survive the time apart, including making effort sexually? She spoke very sexually when we first met, she said she wanted to have sex on the first date but had work in the morning and then the next day she came round for sex. I feel almost like she lured me into a no sex relationship by being overly sexual at the start.
​
Why I may be the asshole: She is incredibly loving and affectionate in every other place but the bedroom, she does make an effort in other areas of the relationship like paying for some things. She wants to spend a lot of time with me. It's not like she doesn't want to be close to me, she likes everything EXCEPT sexual touching. I posted this on some relationship subs and basically got called an asshole for not just wanting to cuddle and spend time with my gf with no sex.
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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}
|
WRONG
|
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b2m0bz
| null |
AITA: A good friend (MTF 26) of mine (F26) came out trans and I openly supported it. But deep down I feel like its a bad call, but not really any of my business. AITA for lying about my true feelings?
|
AITA for lying to my friend about their transition and my support for their decision? I've never lied to them before but I don't want to ruin the friendship over my much more traditional conservative views on life.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
o16F8i7FAfCoGHgCBv9BnqtGXu1s1uVz
|
a0vdlu
|
{
"description": "telling my ex we can only be friends if sex is involved",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for telling my ex we can only be friends if sex is involved?
|
I broke up with my ex about 6 months ago, we decided to stay friends and text. We didn’t see each other often and it was kinda weird but kinda working. A couple months post breakup I decided I was going to ask them if they wanted to start a FWB situation but before I got the chance they asked to get back together. I decided it was best we don’t talk for a while. It’s been about 2 months since they asked to get back together and I reached out to explain that I decided to go no contact with them because I was planning on asking to start a FWB situation. During this conversation I told them I was only open to a friendship if sex was involved because I’m too sexually attracted to them to not try to have sex with them but I was not interested in a relationship. They did not take that well. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 14
}
|
WRONG
|
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|
avlooj
|
{
"description": "giving my work colleague an ultimatum",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA for giving my work colleague an ultimatum?
|
I have a work colleague, let's say his name is Bob. Bob (52m) and I (28f) became pretty good friends through work. To cut a long story short, it turns out Bob is 'madly in love' with me, despite knowing I'm in a very happy and loving relationship, and he has been married 20 years with 4 kids and 2 grandkids. He's sent me explicit messages and pictures. I changed my place of work and he followed me. I've told him either he needs to stop that shit or we can't be friends. He said he would stop. Fine. I hate the idea of hurting someone, even if they have been a complete twat, so this was the compromise.
Back when Bob wasn't being a dick, I told him some very personal issues of mine involving serious sexual assault in my past.
That was 6 months ago. Cut to the last few days. Bear in mind I've told Bob to back the fuck off, stop trying to get anything sexual out of me, we're either friends or we're not, it's that simple. Bob announces, out of the blue, that he was assaulted when he was "13 or 14" by a male family friend. This then escalated to "multiple times". Today its escalated to "I was assaulted and gangbanged by 5 men while they stood around taking pictures and videos". When he was "13 or 14" this wouldve been either 1979 or 1980.
I truly believe this is a lie. And I hate that I'm saying that. The thought that someone would lie about that makes me feel physically sick, and I also feel physically sick in myself for thinking someone is lying about it, but hear me out. I believe this is a ploy to get me to feel for him, get me to cuddle him and tell him it's okay. A lie to make it seem like we're more similar. A lie to make it so that I can't leave him behind because who would do that to someone so vulnerable? I also believe it's an attempt to "one up" my own personal experiences. As in, "I've had it worse than you please pity me".
I've told him I am not the person to talk to about this. I am not the support he is looking for. Couple that with the fact I'm almost positive he's lying and it's really fucking me up.
So I told him he needs to go and speak to a therapist. I even know an excellent charity who will not charge you to speak to a therapist, and they usually get you in within a week or so. He's flat out refused saying there's no point, he's lived with it this long, he'll just "Bury it down inside like he always has done" and that I'm the only person he's ever told. He won't tell his wife because "she'll want to take things into her own hands", he won't tell his mum because it would "kill her". Etc.
And yes... Trust me... I understand this is an unhealthy 'friendship'. Unfortunately, I'm too nice to tell someone to fuck off. We work in the same company, I can't just disappear or change my number or just stop talking to him because he will eventually bump into me and I don't have it in me for a physical face to face confrontation.
Anyway... WIBTA for giving my work colleague this ultimatum? Thank you in advance for your input.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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Y6oRi6RTmQM7EdqhNCgE0Kuk9vWvhJIZ
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atc0ll
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{
"description": "canceling a trip to see romantic interest because of his mental breakdown",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for canceling a trip to see romantic interest because of his mental breakdown
|
I met someone last year while traveling through Germany. We hit it off, hung out quite a bit while I was in the city, and continued talking every day even after I left. No high expectations, but it did seem like both of us felt a pull towards one another. Yes, and it was very romcom-esque and all that mushy bullshit.
I have another trip planned for this summer, and he invited me to stay with him as long as I wanted, as well as a side trip together. Because I come all the way from the US, traveling for a month abroad can be quite expensive. Three weeks ago, after talking everyday for 5 months, he stop answering me. I didn’t freak out, and about 2 weeks later I ask him if he’s okay. No response. After week 3, finally replies that he had a bit of a mental breakdown that was more “hardcore than usual.”
This made me second guess my decision to visit him. Although I care very much about his mental health, I have to think about myself- what if he has another “breakdown” right before I arrive? I simply got a “sorry” (literally, just the word sorry) and then a small explanation. And side note, I was very hurt by his decision to ignore me. I told him that I’m unsure of visiting him and he believes I’m being selfish and uncaring. Is this a red flag or am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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R1e3G8Gzv6ao7EjNqTKKDkkv19rmmJd2
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arbmvq
|
{
"description": "simply abandoning a extremely volatile, verbally abusive workplace",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for simply abandoning a extremely volatile, verbally abusive workplace?
|
Got a new job and the workplace has become increasingly volatile and I am attacked personally for workplace issues. I attempted to seriously voice my concerns with my boss about how yelling in my face multiple times a day makes it very hard for me to stay calm and focused, and that I see no light at the end of the tunnel. When I said this, the boss became very angry and yelled "i dont give a FUCK if I scream in your face, I dont even give a fuck if everyone here screamed in your face, do your job". This was after she threatened my job while in an anger fit. I cannot hold a reasonable conversation with her about why I am very unhappy working here because she gets angry and tries to blame it on me. I NEED to quit this job, no option. My life is going well other than this job but I am constantly so stressed about this job and i feel miserable and depressed purely because of the way I am treated at work. I typically love my jobs, and love working to improve my performance and become more valuable as an employee. This usually means I end up a pretty valuable and well liked employee.
I have never in my life had an experience at a job where I was PERSONALLY and professionally disliked, and I have never quit a job other than when I had to move states. She will not listen when I try to tell her I need to leave this job just tries to fight about it. The last four people in this position here left in a week or less and I should have taken that as a warning. I am very scared to try and confront her more aggressively because I am a passive person that avoids conflict. I think that after the most recent anger fit I need to just stop going. I dont want to ever be someone to leave a job like that but I think I have no other option. She wont listen when I tell her I want to quit. The other employees are also scared of her and treated nearly the same. To best describe how it feels to work here, I feel like a cat turd that spilled out of the litter box onto the floor, and everyone is pissed off that it's on the floor but no one wants to pick it up. Plus a lot of yelling, personal insults and mean gossiping about me and in front of me.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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0RVr59c5E5YJVp9Rhh66MZ9yXZUSaxce
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b8a2y8
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{
"description": "kicking someone out of my social group who potentially had special needs",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for kicking someone out of my social group who potentially had special needs?
|
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
​
I live in the Midwest, which is boring af, so I have a social Facebook group where anyone local can join and we go to happy hours, bars, etc. Recently, a new person, "Anna" joined. When Anna came to our first get-together, she seemed A LOT older than most of us (20s-30s). She had grey hair and wrinkles but insisted she was 29. Throughout the night, she was really loud and rude. Afterwards, a few people told me they made her uncomfortable. She was just brusque and some of the things she said were socially inappropriate. A few of my friends expressed that they thought she had special needs.
​
Well, Anna showed up again. She was still loud and rude, and made comments to some people that were totally uncalled for. Before we got together again, I sent her a message to let her know that she was making people uncomfortable and we all had to feel safe and comfortable in this group. No response. Another get-together came, and she didn't talk to anyone. She just sat there and stared at everyone. So, after talking it over with other people, I decided to remove her.
​
Now she messaged me asking to be let back in, because she wants to meet friends in a controlled setting. She wants to practice making friends and picking up on their mistakes. Based on how it was written, I now really believe she has something wrong with her, either intellectually or a personality disorder. But I don't feel responsible for being her "mentor" or teaching her how to make friends. We're all here to hang out and have some fun, not be made fun of by someone. AITA for not letting her back in?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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HX3RKEuYWGDDfIxRcA31VO0dikfFBoBu
|
azze1g
|
{
"description": "keeping my daughter as a secret",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA For keeping my daughter as a secret.
|
The story begins with me going on Tinder since I'm currently divorcing and there's nothing much I/we can do to save the marriage, trust me on this one. It's not like I'm looking for another long term relationship but rather I have some emotional needs that I'm currently working on with my therapist and such. Like, I am a really depressed guy with existencial anxiety ofteen feeling the need to know there's someone there that cares and look after me, maybe one or two "good morning" texts to start the day with a lot of energy and love. I've never been the kind of guy that have female friends and I'm mostly looking forward to get some. Female input may suit me well right now since I'm looking to change the way I look, dress and talk given I'm working for a big company now.
1.- I matched with this super cute, smart and cool girl the other week and we were texting and laughing and having a great time. She asked me about my weekend schedule maybe so we can go on a date or something and I said that on weekends is when I get to see my daughter. Her mood changed and we barely text each other right now.
2.- There was this other girl I matched on probably this past Friday and we were having a great conversation as well but the things changed as soon as I mentioned my daughter.
This has been happening with pretty much all the girls I match, some of them have accepted to go out with me as friends but seems they do this out of pity rather than actually wanting to know me.
**Disclaimer - I do tell the girls I am divorcing and seems as if that doesn't even matter. Conversation continues on the normal and we even forplay a bit and you know the drill. It's Tinder FFS.**
​
So, I met this cute girl the other day and we've been talking and even exchanged phone numbers, she sent me pictures of her day, like whenever she's in the office, or driving or having brunch, you know. Like she's sharing her life with me. Things are working really good but I haven't mentioned my daughter and I'm planning on not doing for the time being. I realized that talking about my personal life to complete strangers is such a stupid move, this may lead to many bad things. I will once I get to trust her more and she demonstrates she can be my friend. Still, I can't shake this feeling of being a dick because she is like investing time and feelings on me and when I drop the bomb she may feel betrayed/deceived or I don't know, my mind is not my best friend right now.
​
So, AITA for not being 100% honest with this girl and misleading her emotions?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
5lmx1x5o6DqmZRHfY8enQOj3QPnHFpnA
|
9wr7wi
|
{
"description": "not trying to patch things up",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not trying to patch things up?
|
This happened a long time ago (almost three years to be specific) but since back then I didn't know about reddit, and this thing still bugs me to this day, I must hear someone else's opinion on the matter.
So, there was this guy, let's call him Mike. We met in the 1st grade of primary school (I'm from Europe btw.) when we were just kids and basically we quickly became best friends. During this time we had ups and downs, but we remained best friends despite everything. Then middle school came. We went to different schools, but we still had great contact, also we established a great friendship with yet another guy, and so there was the three of us now. And finally highschool came. After three years apart from each other during middle school, Mike and I went to the same highschool once again, and even to the same class! But... This was the time things started to break.
With the beginning of high school, Mike started to spend less and less time with the remaining two of us. He began to hang out more with other guys, without us. Still, we had some kind of contact. In between the semesters I switched classes, and so we speaked to each other even less... But it wasn't the ultimate end of our relationship. You see... I had a crush on a girl from my middle school class, let's call her Monica. Monica friendzoned me for a long time, also after I told her that I loved her. And during the first grade of highschool (she went to the same highschool as us) I decided to break contact with her, as the relationship was clearly one-sided. During that time, Mike confessed to me that he'd like to ask Monica out (in a romantic way). I asked him not to, as I still was in love with her, I told him that when I stop having any emotions to her, I'll let him know and he can do as he pleases. He agreed. Long story short, Monica met with me after some time, as she developed feelings to me (that's a weird story, believe me), she also confessed that she met with Mike, despite my request. I was really mad at him, I felt betrayed. It was even worse because of the fact that he told her that they need to keep it in secret, so I wouldn't find out. When he texted me after some time, I cursed at him and told him to go to hell. He simply texted that he's sorry, and said nothing more. He wouldn't talk with me anytime later. He didn't try to apologize to me at school, or in anyway. Our 10 years friendship ended
And so time passed, I dated Monica for 4 months and then we broke up, high school ended and now I'm in college. But this thing still bothers me to this day. My mother told me that I should be the first to try to patch things up. She told me that so many times that I started to feel guilty. I'm not able to make any new friendships since, and I fell into depression. Am I the asshole for not trying to patch things up with him?
Sorry for my English, if anything's wrong
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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SXMR0tkGHvfoFqJVDqIgtvtxge5TxQDZ
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b29s2v
|
{
"description": "asking my brother to keep a closer eye on his kid",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my brother to keep a closer eye on his kid.
|
So my brother is partial owner of a gym where I work. Today he and his fiancee brought in their son who is mildly autistic and has minor ADHD and left him with me behind the desk. I hate kids. I'm terrible with them and frankly have a bad attitude when it comes to children, my brother knows this. His son was pretty well behaved, but I got stuck taking care of him for about half the time they were here. I get paid 12 bucks an hour. I cover any shifts they need and I am not a baby sitter. So when they were leaving I asked my brother to keep a closer eye on his kid from now on. I didn't raise my voice, and wasnt looking for a fight. I get that it's his business and he can do what he wants, but he WENT OFF. Screamed at me that If I dont like it I can leave right now. Told me to go fuck myself in front of a ton of customers. His fiancee was pleading with him to stop by the end and as he left he started to take it out on his kid. Afterwards I texted him that I was giving my two weeks as, regardless of my request, his reaction was completely unnecessary. He called me and half heartedly apologized and I told him I didn't accept and was still quitting. I dont need the job or the money, but up until now I liked it here. So my question is AITA for quitting? Did I make an unreasonable request?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
J8sT6NBwKnAnV8uyFpMA8TOuFt4iOP5k
|
aromze
|
{
"description": "cutting Ties with my best friend of 10 years after he moved away",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Cutting Ties With My Best Friend Of 10 Years After He Moved Away?
|
TL;DR At bottom
​
I have a former best friend, let's call him M. He recently moved away from our small hometown to be closer to family. I tried to keep the friendship together over Discord, but it made my boyfriend extremely jealous. (No, my boyfriend is not the reason that I cut ties) M never responded to my messages, even when he was online so I said to myself, "Why should I waste my positivity on someone who doesn't even care to acknowledge me?" I sent M a long paragraph explaining to him why I made this decision. As badly as it hurt, I needed to stop trying. Am I the asshole?
​
TL;DR I gave up on a friendship after he moved
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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JBJRoYrYKCLKN34JhcVb6W2P6OHOrrz4
|
b0n3e9
|
{
"description": "having my enotionally neglectful dad send me $250 a month for university",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for having my enotionally neglectful dad send me $250 a month for university?
|
I have two half brothers on my mom's side, both of whom grew up with me and my dad but I'm told they didn't get much attention from him (and collaterally my mom) and that they focused their efforts on me a lot more. My parents divorced when I was 11 and when my brothers were 15 and we moved up to Canada, leaving my dad in Texas.
For the better half of 5 years I had little contact with him besides an occasional phone call or Facebook message. I didn't get any child support due to our family being too poor to afford a lawyer (I'm told my brothers didn't get any from their father either) and that left me having to pay for my university funds all on my own. Granted my university is definitely on the cheaper side (about 1600 a semester for full time students) but it still helps to get as much as I can. My mom encouraged me to ask my dad for money as he should give me some assistance since he never paid child support. After a few months of hesitation I asked him about it back in August and he accepted to give me $250 each month until I left university or once I hit the age of 25.
One of my brothers recently lashed out at me for taking this money, as he had to work a full time job to afford his tuition. He said I was a traitor to my mom's side of the family and that I deserve nothing from what I get. I know my other brother is also uncomfortable about this but he said that it's not on me, it's on my dad. I feel like an enemy to my mom's family and I'm not sure if I'm in the wrong. Should I reject him because of how he treated my brothers?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
stIjEvVBWjFkafJcmhWyA26uDlxpfmhN
|
afyubl
|
{
"description": "not talking to my sibling",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not talking to my sibling?
|
Throwaway account for various reasons.
This is a long one boyos, sorry.
Recently my older sibling has got in touch with me and we have been talking amicably for a couple of months after years of not talking.
Usually this only lasts for a short amount of time as something will piss them off and they will demand that I grovel and beg for their forgiveness which I refuse to do.
Me and my sibling have a lot of water under the bridge. I feel that they only ever come to me when their life has gone to utter shit, something which I take issue with. As my sibling is older than me they always always think that they are right. Like totally set in their ways which I understand to an extent but it becomes incredibly frustrating when you're talking to someone who won't even attempt to see your point of view.
Another reason I take issue with this is because they will demand that the whole family become involved and make time for them. To my mind I think that it's inconsiderate to demand everyone drop everything because you're going through a hard time through your own foolishness.
Right now they're going through a tough time I admit, I have really tried, believe me to put all our issues aside and help them as much as I possibly could. I'm a forgiving person and I try to be happy go lucky and not hold grudges, but when people treat you horribly its hard to forget what they've put you through.
They will call **constantly.** I don't mean a couple of times, I mean constantly ring until you get so frustrated you throw the phone away, I can't even Google anything because their constantly calling (Thanks iPhone).
I've explained that I'm in a very strict job where we can't use our phones freely, so I can't answer. To this they get really frustrated and tell me to make time.
Even when we do talk it's for **hours.** If it was a pleasant conversation then I wouldn't mind. It's continuously about how their life is hard, they have always suffered - even though they've been given the best opportunities in life (money for college, a huge wedding etc). My sibling has inflicted a lot of pain on our family and constantly insults them which is very hard for me to hear but I never say anything because I don't want them to feel bad. They dig at my other siblings, my parents and expect me to be quiet. On the odd occasion I ask them to not be so insulting, they tell me "I'm entitled to my opinion, you can't shut me down because you don't like it, either I'm your family or stranger".
When I don't pick up the phone I get guilt tripped into feeling like shit. They'll say "Oh so you could come online for WhatsApp but you can't answer my phone call?"
"Why are you so busy anyways? You're job isn't that important"
"You need to prioritise me otherwise it's best we stop talking"
I feel like I have to give them a breakdown of my day to justify why I couldn't speak to them. If there's a gap, e.g lunch, or travelling to a meeting, they will ask why I never called then. The inflections in their voice makes me want to tell them to fuck off and never call me again because its so accusatory.
They will constantly message to the point where I switch my phone off because I can't handle the long suffering "woe is me" conversations.
Before I seem unreasonable my sibling has straight ignored me on the street when things were going well for them. They poisoned my niece's against me, saying that I don't give a crap about them when actually my sibling has never allowed me to see them unless I bring money, toys or food.
Now my nieces' don't even acknowledge me. They call me "**Him"**.
My mental health has deteriorated these past years and I really want to focus on myself. I can't give my all to my sibling and I feel like I literally want to leave and run away.
I always have a headache after we've spoken. They turn up at my house to take them out, they constantly guilt trip me into feeling bad and make themselves the victim.
Am I the asshole for trying to distance myself?
Should I feel guilty?
What the heck do I do?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
QKrPDkiqdbiC1Wr0u6zm5ifTcnYpqAwe
|
aajvjc
|
{
"description": "getting mad at a friend for quitting in a video game",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for getting mad at a friend for quitting in a video game?
|
This actually happened a while ago, but I’ll try to explain as objectively as possible.
My friends and I are on a team playing a 5v5 MOBA video game. In this game it is nearly impossible to win while missing a teammate. So one of my friend is new to the game and pretty bad at it. He’s getting frustrated and at one point he dies and said “This sucks. I quit.” In response I angrily say “don’t quit you’ll ruin the game for everyone” we go back and forth a few times essentially reiterating what we have already said.
At this point we’re both pretty mad and and I say “quit acting like a toddler. You can’t just ruin everyone else’s fun because your not having fun” (ruin other peoples fun by making us play a hopeless game wasting 20 minutes). My friend says “you’re such a dick I can’t believe you’re getting mad at me over a video game.”
This is where I get really pissed. I pretty much just keep telling him to stop being a baby. Regardless of whether or a not a video game it’s an activity for fun and if someone wants to ruin everyone else’s fun because they’re not having fun then I think they’re an asshole. The teasing I got really mad is because after explaining my viewpoint he just disregarded it because it was over a video game.
I’m now realizing how hard it is to write these posts because there is so much nuance and context to my story but this is the best I can do.
Also we are no longer friends and I explain it politely as “we are just different people.”
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
|
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|
WRONG
|
3wt9s1O4B4ZOD1XLPUcQGa7erXbt0x3O
|
aqrlp7
|
{
"description": "refusing a meal that was offered to me",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for refusing a meal that was offered to me?
|
so I have a phobia towards germs. I'm in therapy for it but as it is now i'm very averse to anything that may be dirty, I don't make direct contact with surfaces in public, dislike shaking hands and so forth. I also can't eat food prepared by someone who wasn't wearing gloves, so I don't go out to eat often and usually cook for myself.
i recently moved and was invited by my new neighbors, a young married couple, to their home to hang out and get to know eachother. i had asked in advance if they were asking me to dinner, using the excuse that i had a lot of food sensitivity so i'd have to politely decline. he said his wife may be cooking for them but he didn't plan it to be a dinner for the three of us which was good.
I went over and things were going well but as i was preparing to leave he told me what she was cooking because I smelled it and i made the mistake of talking about how i prepare that dish which let him know I'm not sensitive towards so my lie failed, and he said i should stay for dinner after all. i had just been watching his wife touch all the food by hand as she was preparing dinner and i got very bad anxiety at the thought of eating it.
i know its an irrational phobia and her hands are clean, and i hate burdening other people, so i kept trying to find a way out of it until she came into the room and asked if i was that scared to try her cooking. i felt kind of trapped in the discussion and didn't want to be rude by continuing to lie so I admitted i have an irrational fear of germs and get very bad anxiety, that it isn't personal and i know she cleaned her hands but i can't eat food i don't cook myself.
she said "wow" and walked away from me and her husband told me I was being rude to come over and refuse to eat. I explained again it wasn't personal and that he had told me it wouldn't be a dinner so i hadn't planned on eating. he told me to leave and now when I see them outside they won't even acknowledge me.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
XUEwOdew1VolEyCicKQUNybnzD8XbJTT
|
alnb0z
|
{
"description": "outing an old friend for an affair he had with his stepmom",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA If i outed an old friend for an affair he had with his stepmom
|
This was a couple years ago. At some point in time he was living in his car after getting kicked out by his mom. His dad invited him to live with him, his stepmom(of 15+years), and stepbrother, until he got back on his feet. He was never really close with his dad, but he still cared about having his respect and what he thought of himself. A few months into living there he and his stepmom grew a mutual attraction for each other, and they ended up having sex while the dad was out with the stepbrother. Over the course of him living there whenever they would get the chance they would go at it. He eventually moved/got kicked out, but it didn't end after that. she would make excuses that she needed to take him his mail so that she could get away so they could have sex.
I feel bad that no one really knows who he is and what kinds of things he's willing to do even to family. There is lots of blame to put on the stepmom, but this isn't the first time he has done something like this.
I'd really like to put the truth out there for everyone to know who he really is, but i think i'd be fine with just letting his dad know so he can decide what to do.
​
​
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 2
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
kCkogUS1Lfk1nFkqnSW8Gt9w2IioVolA
|
b839xr
|
{
"description": "wanting to charge homeless people for cups of water",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 36
}
|
AITA for wanting to charge homeless people for cups of water?
|
I work at a little bar/restaurant next to a train station, and we get a lot of homeless traffic. Mostly, it doesn't bother me. I have no issues with giving away water, letting them use the restroom, having some conversation, etc.
But there is one couple that comes in almost every morning. They pick through the ashtrays for cigarettes, they sink-shower in the bathrooms and always leave a mess, and they ask for 2 cups of hot water every morning for their oatmeal or something. I would like to start charging them for the cups.
The cups are compostable, so more expensive. Obviously, I'm not the one purchasing the cups, but I feel that they overstay their welcome and take advantage of our hospitality. We have many homeless who come through a few times a week, and I don't mind helping out, but their behavior feels disrespectful to me.
I work the morning shift five days a week. The other two days, another coworker works and always gives them the cups with no problem. So far, I have done the same, but I think at some point we need to do something to discourage their behavior. But maybe I'm being an asshole? I can't tell.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 10,
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 36
}
|
WRONG
|
JpUt2rIx6gJ3f6RTSpVpOotcmZ8TmL47
|
atmjv0
|
{
"description": "not giving my friend gas money",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not giving my friend gas money?
|
My friend will usually say yes to driving me home everyday after school since the beginning of the year. I have not given him any money for driving me because I figured because we live so close(10ish houses)it is not a problem. He has not brought it up before so I’m not sure if he cares or not.
So am I the asshole for not giving him gas money or not?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
eRsZxnM1VQF4UZP7VzlsEJJp4EqQjnCX
|
arzq5c
|
{
"description": "keeping my dishes separate from the kitchen to prevent my roommates from having a sink full of dirty dishes",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if i keep my dishes separate from the kitchen to prevent my roommates from having a sink full of dirty dishes?
|
I hate having to search for specific dishes or utensils because my roommates don't wash them for days on end, or when i see my dishes in moldy water or with crusted up and dried food. I decided to just hide the dishes and silverware that i own. I use them, wash them, and put them away so I'm responsible for only the dishes I own.
This significantly cuts down on the amount of mugs/cups/silverware we have and the roommates ask where it all went. I admit it was petty of me to hide my stuff but in my eyes I can do whatever i want with what i own, but does this make me an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
sbLilfQQzrNjRljJRQbT3ZN7jU3MBOhJ
|
b704wz
|
{
"description": "wanting my boyfriend to sort my clothes",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for wanting my boyfriend to sort my clothes?
|
My boyfriend (M25) and I (F21) have a long distance relationship. We see each other almost every weekend. For various reasons (among them: I have roommates and he lives alone) I go to his place more often than he comes to visit me, and I also spend my semester breaks at his flat while I'm working. We agreed that I don't pay rent when I'm there as he is working a well paid full time job and I'm still in college.
I have stored about one third of my clothes at his place, so that I don't have to move them around all the time. Out of the seven shelves in his wardrobe, two are mine, plus one out of four drawers. As a result of this, my clothes are in his laundry as well. And as he lives in his flat "full time", he also does laundry more often than I do. I will sometimes do it too though, especially when I'm there for semester breaks or longer weekends. Whenever I do our laundry, I treat all our clothes the same: I wash, hang, fold and sort in all of my and his clothes equally. He does so as well, except for the last step. He will fold my clothes, then stack them all together randomly (so, for example, first a tshirt, then socks, then pants, then a dress...) and puts that stack on my shelf as it is. I have offered him multiple times to have some of his clothes stored at my place as well, but he said no to that. If he had clothes stored at my place though, It'd never come to my mind to treat them any differently than my own stuff.
As a result, as soon as I come over to his place, I have to sort in all my clothes to the correct pile. It's not like I have a lot of different piles, just 8 different piles for different type of clothing, and the drawer for underwear and socks. It's not rocket science to figure out that tshirts should be on the tshirt pile, pants on the pants pile and so on. For me, having to sort them myself seems like an unnecessary addition of steps as he puts my clothes in the wardrobe anyway, and I don't think that sorting them before is much of an issue. I also don't care if he placed items on the "wrong" pile or something. The whole thing makes me feel a bit like I'm not welcome to his flat each time I have to sort my clothes. As his flat has somewhat become my home base (I'm not really getting along with my parents atm), this always feels like a little stab and a "hehe, see, it's still MY flat, and MY flat alone!", and as if he doesn't want me to store my stuff at his place and, thus, live with him. When I told him how I feel about it, he said I'm overreacting.
His arguments for doing as he does are the following:
1) He doesn't know which pile is the correct one for which item, and he doesn't want to learn it either.
2) He's not my housekeeper.
3) I should be grateful that he's even doing my laundry. If I don't like the way he does it, I can do my laundry myself at any time.
My boyfriend has proofread this and is okay with how I described the situation. So now tell us, reddit, who of us is the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
YAumeTY9X1uDUNDpIxVKRhxyvYH0HWIB
|
abfsh1
|
{
"description": "killing one of our chickens",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for killing one of our chickens?
|
Unfortunately the chicken coop for our hens isnt as secure as we thought. Recently we have been noticing eggs missing for a while and then in the past week discovered one of our hens had been attacked by a possum. The poor girl lost almost all the feathers on her back and it is scabbed over and has an injured leg and is unable to walk or really move well. On top of all this we figured out today she has mites so I covered her in dust treatment to try to hopefully rid the filthy bastards. When we discovered her injured we brought her inside the garage in a small box with food and water. Surprisingly lola has a bright attitude and is eating and drinking but unfortunately her leg or fatherless back doesnt seem to be doing much better after about a week.. what do you think? Should we just let her go? We love her and want her to live but don't want her to suffer. Its hard to decide because she doesn't act like shes in pain... Note: she is still covered in mites despite the bath so we will continue to treat her.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
6y5OWk4TuqbcUcisn4noyCkv1tTyiNNY
|
a4r1xf
|
{
"description": "having my dog off a leash in my yard",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for having my dog off a leash in my yard?
|
I was taking out the trash tonight and decided to take my dog with me so he could go to the bathroom before going to bed. While we were out, a woman was walking her dog and spotted my dog in my front yard. She started yelling at me to get my dog inside and that I'm a dick for having him off a leash. I picked up my dog and just listened to her yell at me for a couple minutes before she turned and walked off. The whole time her dog was growling and antsy while mine was nervous and stayed by my side. He is well behaved, trained and listens to commands. He is also extremely friendly, hence why I let him off leash in our yard fairly regularly.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
GQdUI1Iit7n201Bk14Gz1kMOKOBfQLg1
|
algjf6
|
{
"description": "taking a commission while selling stuff to my friends",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA If I took a commission while selling stuff to my friends ?
|
My friend wanted some computer components and I said I would help him find them. He wanted those components to be second hand because new would cost him double. I found the sellers and made deals and got him his stuff and To make a little profit I increased the price a little bit to my friend. I told him beforehand that I will help with any occuring problems. I made a nice little profit , seller got his money and he got his thing in the pricerange he wanted. (He told me his price range I did not ask for more than that). I helped get his computer set up free of cost and that was it. Then few days later he found about the side money I made and he got mad and made a scene. I tried to tell him I got him the exact prices he expected . Then he tells me he feels being scammed. I told him to go to hell.
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
TBmpUKIKtkQKd7fjTe8SZH9Z0f2YMtFO
|
b54564
|
{
"description": "suggesting my GF not pay for her sister's vacation",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for suggesting my GF not pay for her sister’s vacation?
|
So me and my gf recently got into an argument over how she is going to spend her money. So normally every year my gf’s dad, her younger sister (Samantha), her youngest sister (Rachael) and I go on an annual cruise in the summer. Normally, the dad would pay for Samantha’s and Rachael’s cruise tickets since they both do not have real jobs yet and are still in college. My gf and I pay for our own tickets as we each make around 80,000 / year.
Money must be tight this year, so the dad said that he would only be able to pay for 1 person this year and my gf suggested that she would pay for the other ticket. I told my gf that that is not a good idea, as the cheapest ticket for this cruise is at least $1500 including taxes and fees. My gf is a very thoughtful and compassionate person and who’s always willing to support her family if they need help, whether it’s ordering an Uber for her sister to get to work or helping pay her mom’s rent; I am fine with that and it’s a great quality that I love about her. However, in this case I think it’s a bit silly to pay for someone else’s vacation and I explained to my GF that $1,500 is not chump change.
She said that she can pay it on her credit card and she can always pay it back. I explained to her that credit cards are not free money and you have to pay it back. Also, she has $24,000 in student debt and I told her she needs to focus on paying that down before she subsidizes her sister’s vacation. I’m also paying her portion of our rent just so that she can pay off her student loans faster.
We also have a 3 week vacation to Korea planned in the fall that we have yet to book hotels for, which will be probably be around $2,000. I’m trying to explain to her that just because you pay for it does not mean you can afford it. And while I understand that this cruise is a family tradition, it’s not life or death situation.
I was trying to suggest alternatives like between now and summer, couldn’t Rachael get a part time job while she’s at college and at least help pay for a portion of the ticket or if Rachael’s Mom could chip in a little bit. I understand that family is supposed to help out family and money is just a tool, but I feel like in this case, my gf shouldn’t be subsidizing her sister’s vacation. If her sister really wanted to go then she would just get a job on the weekends and at least contribute something.. I don’t want to control how my gf spends her money, but I do want to make it clear to my gf that her idea is a bit silly, especially since she has debts of her own. After our argument my gf won’t talk to me, accuses me of being cheap, giving me the cold shoulder, etc... AITA?
TLDR: GF wants to pay for an expensive cruise vacation on her sister’s behalf so that they can take an annual family cruise despite her having 24,000 in student loan debt and other expenses. AITA for suggesting that she does not pay 1,500 for her younger sister to come along?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
6oTjztGkHr4podJt3YnbxeeS1nxMx4ly
|
agvpow
|
{
"description": "judging people who know there's a very high possibility that their offspring will be disabled or with a serious condition",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
Aita- for judging people who know there's a very high possibility that their offspring will be disabled or with a serious condition.
|
So this happened about 10 years ago. My coworker's wife was pregnant, then they found out there's something wrong with the baby before it comes to term. The baby survived 2-3 hours. We had grief counseling at work and they were told there's something wrong with the heart valve that is likely caused by a genetic condition which I have no idea what it's call and it is likely that their children won't be able to make it. Then they have the 2nd and the 3rd baby, with the exact same situation and I can't help but wonder why.
Another incident was a about a family who had three babies with down syndrome. They are 1-2 years apart from one another and screening was done before the baby is due (technically they are human considering the legal definition)
Aita for judging these parents for knowing the pain and suffering of their offspring and still decided to bring them to term?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 31,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
bFacU8YVy8i3IXzVhtdgpOQ0AvtJJPVz
|
9wjtnr
|
{
"description": "giving my friend tip to get better at a game",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for giving my friend tip to get better at a game?
|
My friend and I plays overwatch every now and then, she is low silver (im high silver so not much difference.) She constantly complains about other teammates, telling them to get better, telling them how to do their job, and just being overall toxic, but when I start telling her to get better or give her some tips as a mercy main, she gets all toxic and shuns me for the rest of the game, for GIVING HER ADVICE.
She always tell me how she hates being told what to do, even though she does the exact same to other players. I tell her how to get a little better, some tips, what to do and not do. And she gets all angry when I do.
I kinda just stopped trying, but she still gets all mad when other people give her tips or tell her what to do.
It kinda gets annoying when she wants to play ranked when I dont because she is just gonna weigh me down, im finally getting out of silver (dont make fun of me) when she hasn't moved at all, gotten lower in fact.
I dont know what to do anymore
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
PAngEeFrL3GXJVUfbzU7F2mFec4AjKWY
|
akadyt
|
{
"description": "not following through on a promise to carry a parcel overseas on behalf of a friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not following through on a promise to carry a parcel overseas on behalf of a friend?
|
I’ll keep this as brief as possible but it’s somewhat complex. Apologies in advance for the length and any mobile formatting issues. Throwaway for obvious reasons.
My main group of friends is made up of lots of siblings from numerous families, interspersed with best friends who’ve married brothers from the same family, siblings marrying best friends’ siblings, younger siblings growing up and integrating. Nothing weird but I describe us using a diagram! We span in age from around 29-48 or thereabouts.
I recently went on a three week holiday (I’d never been away for longer than 10 days previously), to the other side of the world to see some of my family. Brother, sister in law (who’s also my best friend), niece, nephew, father and sister. I had a decent size suitcase but realised about two weeks before leaving I had so many presents for them I was going to be hard pushed to fit in enough clothes etc. They moved over this time last year so I had a backlog of birthday and Christmas presents to top up.
A few months ago a friend had asked me if I could take a couple of t shirts and little bits for the kids (my sister in law is also one of her best friends and their children are friends). I said sure, of course.
A week before my flight her sister (another friend) came to my place for dinner and a catch up because she was going to flat/cat sit for me while I was away. She’s been living at home saving up a deposit for her own place and although I knew she was doing me a massive favour she’d also said that she was looking forward to a bit of privacy and independence. I lined up a weekly cleaner, wrote three pages of notes on anything and everything and cleared drawers and wardrobe space for her. At this catch up she handed over the ‘little bits for the kids’ which her sister had given to her, which turned out to be a pretty hefty box, 30x25x6 cm, weighing 2kg and stuffed with shirts, books, cards and toys.
I felt actual dismay at the size of it. But I sat down with the friend I was going travelling with and we tried to work out if we could fit it all in. We just knew we couldn’t so she texted and said we’d both tried but we couldn’t manage it and we were really sorry. Let me make it clear that this was a shitty move on my part - I should have texted myself. It wasn’t a deliberate dodge but as I discovered later when I saw some of the messages the friend with the parcel had sent about me I realised I’d fucked up and said I was so sorry, I didn’t think, we were together when we sent the text and it was a total brain fart.
Anyway, prior to this realisation, the friend whose box it was sent me a series of escalating text messages. Things like it was a waste of clothes and books(?), how could I leave for my trip having done that to her (I hadn’t left and wasn’t due to for 5 days), that I would have been welcome to take it all out of the box and fit it in that way etc. I assured her I hadn’t left yet. But I also said it wasn’t just the box, it was the weight and bulkiness on top of the rest of the stuff I was taking. I said I was really sorry but I’d had to ask my mum to take back a present she’d given me to take over as well. I was going to be hard pushed to get enough clothes in there! I sent her a photo of my case and she asked if I could just take the birthday present for nephew (a t shirt and a book) and the letters/cards from her and her kids, she’d post the rest, and I said yes, no problem (I’d left enough space for this - i.e. what she’d originally requested). Silence, no acknowledgement, nothing. So I just packed them and took them.
After arriving I saw the messages she’d been sending about me to the friend I was travelling with. As mentioned, as soon as I did I apologised for passing the buck and not telling her myself, because it was clear she was upset about it and I knew I’d messed up. I also confirmed that the kids had been given the present and cards etc and they’d been received with thanks. But in her messages she was also ranting about how irresponsible I am and (the really upsetting part) that she thought it was the ‘least I could do given her sister had agreed to cat sit for me’.
As another layer of fucked-up-ness her sister then didn’t turn up the first day of cat sitting so my neighbour had to step in. Sister texted me at 7pm the evening before my morning flight asking me to put the autofeeder on as she wouldn’t be there until the day after she was supposed to come. After that, she barely replied to any messages until I texted her sister apologising, after which she switched back to normal. She’s not a slow or sporadic texter usually and this was not just a coincidence. I have no problem with sisters confiding in each other and having each other’s backs but I feel like my poor bloody cat shouldn’t have to suffer for it. His feeder only runs for 24 hours and it was going to be 36 by the time she got there. He’s also an indoor cat and gets very lonely without company :(
Now I feel like either a) her sister isn’t actually the friend I thought she was or b) she is and this girl is overreacting, manipulating and lashing out or c) I’ve been a shit friend for letting her down on the parcel in the first place. When I texted her apologising for the brain fart I mentioned I’d seen the texts. She came back to say ‘Thanks for clarifying. Don’t worry about it.’ So she knows I’ve seen her saying pretty awful things about me, she knows I’ve seen that she said her sister, someone I consider a friend in her own right, was only helping me as a favour to her. But she clearly believes she’s justified in saying those things and that she’s done nothing wrong. She didn’t thank me for taking the things I did end up taking.
Just as an aside - the destination country was Australia and I was departing the UK, both of whose postal systems are extremely good. The parcel would’ve made it no problem. Her husband makes a lot of money in finance and she is a stay at home mum. We’re both around 40 (too old for this stuff imo but maybe that’s me being the asshole).
Also, photo of my suitcase (pre-clothes packing) attached. Her parcel is on top with the ribbon.
https://imgur.com/gallery/nV8CnJe
AITA? I don’t know what to think and it’s really playing on my mind. Should I have tried harder to fit her stuff in? Am I wrong to expect an apology for her behaviour when I’m the one who let her down?
Thank you so much for reading if you’ve gotten this far and apologies if it’s a bit confusing! I’m confused myself tbh... :/
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
HmPUxmHEsucEe60RfC2AQMXuJ0R4Tsuy
|
ao7ico
| null |
AITA Pregnant wife won't allow me to take daughter on holiday
|
My wife never liked leaving me alone with my daughter. I was never allowed alone with her for more then half hour when she was 2 or so. I was happy when I was allowed about 4 hours at 3 years old when wife had a school anniversary. Only my mother in-law and kindergarten are allowed with her for extended periods of time. My daughter is almost 5 now, and a skiing trip was planned a few months ago.
A few weeks ago my wife got pregnant, and we're very happy because we always wanted a sibling for the daughter. Now my wife doesn't want to go skiing, which is understandable with her state.
But she is denying me to go with my daughter. My parents are going to be there, and they will be more then happy to help. My brother with his children will be there. My daughter adores them and my parents. But none of this will help with my wife, she doesn't trust me or my parents with her.
I never injured my daughter, the biggest injury she ever had was a bruise. I do like to play a bit energetic with her, I believe it's the fathers role to do that.
I had a fight with my wife for the 20th time about the same subject, but she is pregnant now so it's worse. She had a miscarriage a year ago, and she is saying it will happen again because I'm making her nervous. She says I'm always doing what my parents tell me, and that I never stick out for her.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
DJpzJiPwGBfmPWVP8KKLMYGAI5BbaunP
|
9u2wdb
|
{
"description": "getting annoyed about having to give up my seat at the bus stop",
"pronormative_score": 62,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed about having to give up my seat at the bus stop?
|
Background: I attend University in a city approximately 2 hours from where I live. I use public transport to commute. I work part time at the weekend, and I’m in University most weekdays. My commute to University consists of: A bus from my village to the closest city. Walking to said city’s main bus station. Two hour bus ride to the city where the University is. Further half hour bus journey to University campus. Also, the University is huge, I feel like my feet are killing me by the end of the day, and there’s a fair walk between each bus stop that I go to. I’m also 5 months pregnant.
So, at the end of the day, when I got to the central bus station in the city where the University is, I’m usually pretty exhausted. As it’s a bus station, there are a couple of seats available for waiting for your bus to turn up. Thankfully, they were all free! I took one, and over the next 5 minutes all of the others were snapped up to: a mix of people took seats, but an elderly woman sat next to me. Soon after, a woman is standing a few feet away from me. She isn’t showing any signs of discomfort, and seems to just be minding her own business. She’s a little older, but I wouldn’t have considered her elderly. Anyway, the elderly woman next to me calls over to the woman, gives me a pointed stare and says ‘You can sit here’ beckoning to where I was sitting. Honestly, I was really taken aback. I was embarrassed and just got up to offer the woman my seat which she took.
My pregnancy wasn’t visible until I stood up. I just look fat when I’m sitting down 😒 But it’s very obvious when I’m standing, many people ask me if I’m having twins... lovely, but no, just one presumably huge baby.
Anyway, I don’t like confrontation so I just it go. Am I right to be annoyed or was I being an asshole? I’m in no way annoyed at the woman who took my seat... more the woman who I felt shamed me into giving it up. Side note, I always offer my place to anyone I think who needs it more than I do. And I certainly wouldn’t expect anyone to give up their seat for me if they were there first, pregnant or not pregnant.
I don’t know if I was just being hormonal, but AITA? Would be good to know in case this happens again.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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JA2pMLO3ts81hqUZ6WdmxbXnyEmGmRUb
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b7mtly
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{
"description": "getting a homeless man kicked out of the bar",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA- Getting a homeless man kicked out of the bar.
|
So to start off I’m a bar tender we do sometimes have homeless people come in ask for waters or drinks (I don’t charge for waters) or to just charge their phones I’m fine with it.
However tonight, we had a guy come in I assumed he was homeless but wasn’t sure he came up to me and I was like “how can I help you ?”
HM:alcohol I want alcohol !”
ME:okay what type would you like ?
HM: ALCOHOL!!!! ALCHOHOL!
ME: would you like vodka, whisky etc?
HM: alcohol!!
At this point I’m like okay dude I can’t help you if you just keep saying the same thing. At this point I get my manager and say hey this guy at the bar just keeps telling me he wants alcohol but won’t tell me anything else. And my manager talks to him and was like you gotta go buddy and he’s just like I want alcohol. Then we had to get another employee to get him out (he was literally grabbing onto the bar and they had to pull him off) and in the process of getting the man out he tripped and fell somehow which I feel bad about. He kept standing at the door and kept trying to come in (which my manager had to keep him out) and he stood outside the place looking at me through the window crying with his hand over his head where he fell.
I don’t know why I feel like ass for this but I think it’s mostly in the process of kicking him out that I feel mostly bad about.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ab96wc
| null |
AITA for how I handle one of my best friends behavior?
|
Last night me and a few friends got together at my house to play some D&D and our DM had to leave while me and my roommate also had to go to sleep in order to go to work in the morning, one of our other friends brought over a girl he had just started seeing the night before. After me and my gf went to bed we noticed that not everybody left. My friend and the new girl decided to sleep on the couch without mentioning it or asking us if it was fine, normally I don't care since it's my friends but this is a strange woman in my house. And under different circumstances I really wouldn't care either however my gf stays at home all day while me and the roommate work. So after we wake up and we leave for work my other friend and new girl decide to go to roommates bedroom and have sex in his bed. I've also requested that friend doesnt have sex on my couch but I guess he thought roommates bed would be okay. Another thing is that we live in a pretty small trailer so when people are doing the deed it rocks the house and the walls are thin enough to hear everything. So my gf who is knew to here (long distance relationship just moved in together a few months ago) has to sit awake in the room while she hears my friend having sex and feels the house shaking and gets mad at me for trying help. She doesnt want me to text him and tell him to leave, but she wont tell him herself, and she expects me to help but idk what else to do and then she got mad at me when I actually did text him because she thought it made her sound like a bitch. I've now been at work for 5 hours and he is still in my house sleeping with new girl and wont look at his phone and now gf is upset at everything and idk what to do. Sorry for the long post.
TLDR; friend brought a girl no one knows to my house last night and stayed the night without invitation, had sex after I requested he doesnt in my house, and still hasn't left
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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CsXTb5gOMyC6uICx3ACg45UYb52x2DTN
|
a2wm45
|
{
"description": "not checking my facebook",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not checking my Facebook
|
So I feel guilty because I worked late. Also, I live with my parents because I am an adult student. However, I got out of work around 715pm and I got home at 8pm. My parents got home at 9pm.
I heard my folks get home and i saw my mother and my dad. Now my mother was pissed the following took place
Me: Hi mom! Did you have fun at my aunts house?
Mother: (Angrily) I was at the hospital...
Me: (Shocked) what!
Dad: It was all over facebook.
Mother: I had a kidney stone, everyone called me, your brother called me, your aunt called me.
Me: I didn't check my Facebook because i was work.
My mother pissed because I didn't call her to check up on her. When I clearly did not know what had occurred. Am I the asshole for not checking my Facebook?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
a7pmo9
|
{
"description": "refusing to reimburse for drinks",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for refusing to reimburse for drinks?
|
This happened quite a while ago, but it's a situation I think about from time to time. I'm curious as to what Reddit thinks about it.
It was my friend's birthday. We'll call her M. She invited a few friends to go bar hopping, including a friend we'll call C. C's brother offered to be the designated driver for us. As the night progresses, C's brother buys us round after round of drinks. We did not ask him to do that. He just ordered for us, one right after the other. We got pretty toasty, so looking back, I probably would not have allowed him to spend so much money on me if I wasn't.
The next day, M told me that C's brother wanted about $50 repayment from each of us for the drinks. I said absolutely not. No one forced him to buy drinks for him all night, and we never agreed to reimburse him for it. Needless to say, C and her brother were pissed and refused to talk to me, though it wasn't like we were close to begin with.
I should add that he did not make a pass at me, and I was not flirting with him whatsoever. There was no romance involved in the situation. He bought drinks for everyone.
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
aue300
|
{
"description": "telling people I was black even though I'm technically not",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I told people I was black even though I'm technically not
|
Okok I know the title sounds bad but here's context
I'm mixed race. Dads black from Trinidad, moms white from south Africa. Im REALLY light skinned and when I want to a predominantly black school people labeled me "white girl" since there were only 2 white girls at the school and one other light skinned person. I almost never correct people when they say I'm white but that is really my fault. I'm in a new country now where I don't know anyone so I havnt claimed I'm white in this country yet. Even though I'm mixed and light, would it be appropriate for me to call myself black ???
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
ax5p8w
|
{
"description": "trying to make any food",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to make any food?
|
So this is a ongoing conflict, I'm 19 YO 183cm (6ft) and weigh 55kg (120 pounds) yes this is relevant and I still live with my mom, her boyfriend and his 16 YO daughter let's call her Jess she's 144 cm (4'9ft) and before the conflict claimed to weigh 49kg (108 pounds) . I cook 3-4 times a week and do other chores in and around the house and we consider it the rent. Now last week I woke up to a blood-curdling scream. I quickly put on some pants and rush to the bathroom where it came from, in there was Jess half naked in a corner hyperventilating and crying. I try to calm her down and she starts yelling at me. I leave thinking she "probably" didn't want to be comforted she was half naked.
30 minutes later Jess swings open my door and now more collected says that I'm to blame for her getting fat. I look at her and say "getting"? Normally we joke around like this and she'd say something about me going bald and we'd laugh, not this time she yelled about being 60 kg (132lbs) now. Later she enters my room again this time directly complaining about the fact my food is too unhealthy. What she meant with that is that I guess she likes it more than the food my mom makes and eats more of it. Since I try to cook healthy and at least think I do.
In the evening I made a salad for dinner and I get complaints from everyone that this isn't food, even from Jess complains about it. Then I explain what happened that morning and get told to make healthier food for Jess by my mom and that "it has to be food". I did enjoy the salad.
Since then every meal has was a complaint of either it being unhealthy or being gross, which I'm still convinced what they mean by unhealthy is that it tastes good and they just eat more. example of the unhealthy stuff was spaghetti, home made mushroom sauce (mushrooms, flour and a bit of milk and some spices) and grilled chicken with garlic.
Oh you bet Jess' milking this, she needs new clothes because I fattened her up a dress size. proceeds to go out and come back with new clothes which I presume are her normal size since it looks about as tight as usual and often with some candy or chocolate...
So my entire family blames me for all of this. Even though I'm under weight myself and probably eat more from my own meals than anyone else.
Tl;DR My stepsister is getting fat and blames my cooking and everyone in my family agrees with her.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
fQvIboCJXPKRiwR2SYKoBdovhOM3i7Vm
|
b4b4zb
|
{
"description": "asking a guy to stop talking to me after feeling uncomfortable",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking a guy to stop talking to me after feeling uncomfortable?
|
I’m a freshman in high school and at my school the IB kids makes sandwiches every friday for homeless people. The teacher who sponsors it lets me help too and gives me service hours. Today I was waiting for my dad to pick me up after and this guy comes up to me. He looked like he was a senior or a junior. He started going on about how I looked lovely and I immediately felt uncomfortable and asked him to please stop talking to me. He gets mad and asks me how I was gonna help homeless people with my attitude and walks away to complain to one of his friends.
AITA for asking him to stop or his just a “nice guy”?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
NEWAaEri3kEZEXQHkvMZJnKUDBKMdRas
|
ab30md
|
{
"description": "not helping my husband with his chores",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not helping my husband with his chores?
|
In our house we have agreed that I cook, he does dishes. I wash and dry laundry, he puts it away. Last night I made a labor intensive, but delicious, meal at his request. I also washed and dried several loads of laundry which I laid out on the loveseat (not in a pile, that’ll make wrinkles). Tonight I made a quick dinner because he hadn’t cleaned the dishes yet and then went to lay on the coach and snoop around on Reddit. My husband had started hanging up clothes and mumbled about there being a ton of dishes. I nodded in agreement and continued my online relaxation.
After a few minutes I noticed he was passive aggressively slamming the clothes around so I asked what was wrong. He claims I should be helping him because there is so much to finish. As far as I was concerned my chores were done! I don’t want to be the bitch but when I was washing, drying, and sorting several loads he was playing Xbox. When I spent three hours making a meal from scratch, he took a nap. It never occurred to me to bitch at him for relaxing when I completed my agreed upon chores. Is it wrong of me to want to relax now? Does the fact that I’m female change the expectation? I am an executive in the corporate world and I’m worried that my way of thinking is too black and white, because I relate this situation to duties assigned to my employees. I can also be known as a hard ass. Should I approach my home life differently? I don’t know if this matters, but my husband holds a similar position at his job. Maybe he’s feeling frustrated because he can’t delegate his duties? I’m not sure. I need a second opinion. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
v8FVrVxEzpezeIlI8FzS9HYIGEmiqQjt
|
atzqus
|
{
"description": "breaking in to my Ex's house",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For Breaking in to my Ex's House
|
For full transparency this happened in November but I cant seem to shake the feeling I was out of line.
Brief back story, was together with my ex for 7 years, condo, dogs, the whole 9 yards. Seemingly out of the blue the ex decided she needed space to find herself. While crushed I understood that we had not been very happy together.
I told her I would move out into my friends while I shopped around for an apartment. Most of our belongings are mine, TV bed, furniture, cookware, etc. I told her I would be back to collect them once I had a new place. Another reason I decided to leave is that we were informally renting the home from her sister.
While staying at my friends I was able to confirm my suspicions that she had been unfaithful. (I can go into detail on the investigation but would rather not relieve that). I also found that she had linked her Venmo account to our joint savings several weeks back and had been purchasing about $180/week of Cocaine form our drug dealer. Total about $600.
Between the stealing and the infidelity I was livid. So I waited until she was at work and with the help of my friend went back and moved all of my things out.
She was blowing up my phone and I have been called every name in the book. I do feel bad essentially leaving her with an empty home but my reasoning is two fold. I was not sure who my ex was anymore and didn't want to lose my things since I never signed a lease or anything. Secondly I didn't think I could look her in the face without erupting in anger. I do feel bad and that brings me here, so let me have your judgment. Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
WRONG
|
SronEiNgHVeItXCHyq0ELuSPQLu7WLpC
|
b8rwmf
|
{
"description": "calling out my transgender friend after she questioned my national identity",
"pronormative_score": 228,
"contranormative_score": 106
}
|
AITA for calling out my transgender friend after she questioned my national identity?
|
I am ethnically Chinese, born and raised in Britain.
I've always identified as both British and Chinese, but growing where I grew up, it was always a bit of a sore subject, as I was never seen as English/British. I learned to live with it, so no worries there.
I have a transgender friend who is transitioning from a man to a woman. She and I have bit of a teasing relationship - we take shots at each other.
So last night, she starts taking shots at me when we were talking about cultures. I said something about how difficult it is to be English in some countries, and she said "you're not English though. You're Chinese. Stop pretending to be something you're not."
And I immediately shot back with "ironic, coming from a transgender person."
Her smile immediately wiped out. I could tell she was offended, but I thought she was being a baby.
I have talked to her about how strange and difficult it was for me growing up with two national identities, not really belonging to either. She, too, has talked to me about how difficult it was for her to accept she is a woman.
What do you think? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
UtJIogTxK0GtrDsNphwMHdWGcxl8ivXn
|
ak4u2x
|
{
"description": "gatecrashing a friends party after being purposely bounced around from person to person instead of being told not to go",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for gatecrashing a friends party after being purposely bounced around from person to person instead of being told not to go?
|
This happened about two years ago. At the time, i had heard rumors about a party being set up for those in my class in secondary school and was very interested to join. So, i decided to ask around and finally got the names of those planning the party and decide to ask them if i can come and offer my help, thinking of a simple yes or no answer. Instead, i receive no answers or info about the party until the day it was supposed to happen( even this i found out from another friend who wasn't even planning it) or if i was even invited or was to help in some way. At some points some people directed me to someone else , and then it would go nowhere with the again other person stating "I'm not planning the party, ***** is! Ask him/her!" And then directing me to another person who would repeat it over and over until the day before the party.
At this point, I'm about 70% sure they don't actually want me to go to the party, and get pretty pissed at both being left out and most importantly being bounced around and treated like a fool. So, seeing as i was due in the area for some errands, i decided to gatecrash, and act dumb to screw their party up. So I did it, only telling my good friend that told me in the location in the first place, and ONLY leaving to gatecrash at about 3pm i get a msg telling me not to come, less than 1 hour before the party was due to start. Of course, at this point im indignant, and go there anyways, wishing my good friend a happy birthday (the party was to celebrate those that had their birthdays that month) and after taking a small 'greeting' parade and some trolling left to do the errands.
AITA for doing this? What else should i have done?(In hindsight, i do feel it was petty, but those people really pissed me off.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
McO8vSpc9MmLBUWQpfJITfATBiGfBnJc
|
ap0g0k
|
{
"description": "not letting my Roomate ride my bike",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: I do not let my Roomate ride my bike
|
Recently I got into an argument with my roommate about how he is disrespectful he is to me. Let me explain what I think has happened.
Before we left for the restaurant, we were just talking and he started to sit on my bike. I immediately told him to get off my bike because I thought it was rude. He did not get off my bike and said *NO.* I was a bit frustrated and I said nothing after. But I did tell him off a bit saying don't use my things without asking. Now to explain, I am protective of my things, I usually don't like it when people use my stuff without asking; however, if they ask nicely I usually let them. A few weeks back, I let him on my bike before and let him ride it around the university, so what. But I don't want him to keep on riding my bike over and over again mainly because he has his own bike.
During dinner, us friends were having a good time eating out. I said some joke about him being so full (food). I basically said *you shouldn't of eaten a full meal before coming to the restaurant, haha.* All of sudden he blew up and said *F\*\*\* you, I don't trust you at all. That is why I leave my door locked because I don't know what you will do?* The entire table went quiet and looked at both of us. After that I did not say much during dinner. Once we got back home, I blew up on him saying don't ever disrespect me like that again (I was furious and hurt). After that, all he said \*Sorry, is that what you want?\*Is that what you want me to say? Before it could get worse I just walked into my room and locked the door.
The next day(today) I asked him to come talk to me and we did. I asked him why he said such rude things over dinner last night and he said *He was just joking*. And I was essentially skeptical about this response because who says such hurtful things and says that he/she was joking. Then I said something along the lines of *I know all jokes are based on some truth.*And he said *Yea, but you let your other friend ride your bike the other time, why can't I?* I said you did ride my bike around the uni and I let only one other friend ride my bike but only when he asked nicely. (Friend rode the bike only once)
Now you know the story. As of right now we are still not on speaking terms. **Am I the asshole for not letting my roommate ride my bike?**
We are both in our 20s, College Students.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
AwRVjNo6zykFJWxAOnW2cSORKLGK3nE3
|
a8ra4y
|
{
"description": "flaking on seeing my bfs family for Christmas get together",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for flaking on seeing my bfs family for Christmas get together
|
This happened today and I feel bad. My bf wanted us to see his family today to celebrate Christmas early since they will be out of town on the actual day. I agreed to go knowing I had work the night before and the night of the get together.
The problem arose when I got out of work 2 hours late Bc we were extremely busy, I work overnights. Originally if I got off on time I would have been able to sneak in at least 4 hours of sleep and I was willing to work with that and be slightly tired for work tonight. The problem was getting out late meant I would only get 1 hour of sleep as bf lives an hour away so I’d have to drive there before getting sleep. And we would leave his house for his parents.
It’s very important to him to see his family on holidays although they do visit a handful of times during the year. And it’s important to him I go to be part of the family. I like his parents very much. But he doesn’t like to go without me.
I texted him when I got home explaining I wasn’t comfortable going to work tonight on so little sleep as my job is physically demanding for me. So I apologized profusely through text (he was still asleep the lucky bastard lol no hard feelings just teasing.
I proceeded to go to bed and slept a good 8 hours and feel ready to work tonight now. Problem is my bf decided not to go without me and they rescheduled for Thursday night after Christmas coming up, so that I could go.
My schedule has already been made and I’m pretty sure I work Thursday night as well.. and he asked me to take off that day. I’ve recently started this job about 2 months ago and still get anxious asking for days off, especially since the schedule is made already.
I requested a different day off this week with plenty notice before, that was accepted a week ago for his birthday, I wanted to surprise him and know I could have that day with him for his birthday.
I honestly don’t have the motivation to see his family if it’s going to cause strain on me getting proper rest and being able to do my job efficiently.
Possible asshole moment is that I am more concerned spending time with him on his birthday than seeing his parents, I’m socially awkward and usually sit quiet for hours while they all talk. I’m not sure I want to see if I can trade the day of his birthday to take the day off to see his parents.
Part of me really wishes he just went today without me instead of trying to reschedule so I could go. Now causing me anxiety Bc idk if I should cancel the day I have planned with him for his birthday, just to be off so I can go with him to see his parents.... I’d rather make his birthday special than hanging out with his parents.
Please help me reddit. AITA for flaking out on me going to his family Christmas so I get decent sleep and, I have a whole day already guaranteed off for his birthday? Should I try to switch shifts knowing if I did that I wouldn’t get to romance him for his birthday?
I just don’t think I can get the night off to see his family and still have his birthday with him, which is more important to me than spending a few hours with his family with twiddling my thumbs the whole time.
TL;DR I flaked on going with my bf to his parents due to working overnight and getting a lack of sleep for work the same night. Bf reschedules Christmas get together and expects me to take off to make it later this week. Schedule already made. I’m not sure I can take off on such short notice nor do I want to set a bad precedent as I am still new to this job
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
eMikck7vOPstyuy4wCrwBErqmZGlrFhF
|
ax5v4n
| null |
AITA: The Calendar Dispute
|
Apologies to the mods, I completely forgot about the 3000 character limit.
​
Howdy, ftp, ltl, throwaway account for obvious reasons. If this post doesn't quite fit in here I apologise in advance, and thank you in advance to any and all replies.
Onto the story. Sorry if it gets long. TLDR at the bottom.
This happened quite recently, I'll keep it as short as possible.
I'm an Apple user, He's an Andorid user.
In short, he got angry because he thought I was intentionally being condescending and trying to 'mansplain' how a calendar worked, when I was just trying to show how his logic (direct quote from him) was impossible in this situation after I had explained had actually happened (he suggested it glitched to monthly view after I had told and then demonstrated with images how it hadn't after he still didn't understand.)
He blows up, I eventually get fed up and bluntly call him out on his pettiness, insults and overall disrespectful manner in talking to me (as if he were talking to a child).
This is not the first time he's started petty arguments like this, but it always leaves me wondering if I'm actually the bad guy.
AITA in how I handled this situation or is there something better I could have done? He's one of my longest and best friends
TLDR: friend assumed something incorrect about a situation, I corrected him, he got mad at me, I argued my points back, he insulted me, I told him I wasn't going to take it, he told me to fuck off and blocked me. AITA for how I handled myself.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "quitting a party like this",
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AITA for quitting a party like this?
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So I have a toddler daughter and we have limited options on babysitting which we use usually on more important stuff, but this time we went partying with my wife. However, when we arrived at this indoors party, I saw that some people are smoking there. I was confused at first, because this is disallowed by the law on such place where I live. Also, I can't stand even faint cig smoke indoors. After a while I decided I don't want to be there under such circumstances, although previously we were both looking forward to the party. My wife got angry at me telling I ruined the party and our date for her (I admit I was visibly annoyed, on the other hand I was trying to suggest an alternative like let's go to cinema instead). She told me it's my fault because I should have adked whether there will be smoking indoors when it bothers me so much, because it was "underground" party and I knew there many weed smokers (read: law breakers) attenders who I should not expect to follow the no-indoors-smoking law. But I think it's unfair, most smokers were smoking outdoors which I am completely OK with, just a few a-holes destroyed the indoors breathability and the a-hole keeper or a-hole organizer would not care.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "taking my medicine the way I want to take it",
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AITA for taking my medicine the way I want to take it?
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My partner and I are disagreeing on how I should take my recently prescribed medication for depression and anxiety (Prozac aka Fluoxetine) I'm not a stranger to taking SSRIS before as I took zoloft from the ages of 5 to 16. What prompted me to start taking SSRIs again is the increase of panic attacks and my lack of emotional stability and ability to regulate my emotions properly.
My boyfriend who I have been with for about 3 years now has talked to me about maybe taking medicine again and I agreed. I made a doctor's appointment to start SSRIs again and we discussed my options. My partner suggests that I have pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder as he's been taking notes about how I act generally and wants me to take a specific medication intermittently. In the doctor's office he told me that he would only feel comfortable with me taking fluoxetine as he had done research on it prior and how it alleviates PMDD symptoms. I instantly told him in front of the doctor that he's not within his bounds. It created a really awkward and uncomfortable environment for me at my appointment and I honestly wanted to just ask him to leave.
The doctor ended up prescribing me fluoxetine. My partner and I have had some arguments whether I should take it intermittently rather than everyday. I told him I feel much more comfortable taking it everyday instead of intermittently as it makes me feel more secure than taking it intermittently and prior I had taken zoloft everyday. To which he responded, that I might not even need it when I'm not experiencing symptoms.
For whatever reason, he can't seem to let it go and I can't really either. I'm really not in a good place mentally and I think the further the stress of going back and forth when I'm in a weird state is doing more harm than good. I've asked multiple times if he could just let me do what I'd like to do, seeing as how it is my prescription and I'm the one that is making the choice to put it in my body. It just makes me really confused and hurt and every time I tell him I want to take it everyday he tells me I'm not thinking rationally. Which I get, I'm not doing the best right now but I don't know how to talk to him about this anymore and I really just want to avoid discussing it and I get angry very quickly when discussing it now.
Am I the asshole? Because I sure as fuck feel like one.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "questioning my friend's relationship",
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AITA for questioning my friend's relationship?
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I am 17 and my friend , she is 16 . She has been in a relationship for 3 years and the problem that I see in this relationship is that the age difference between her and her boyfriend is 7 years , when she started dating him at the age of 13 , he was already 20 at that time . She told me she gave him a 3 hour long bj when she was 15 and I always said that I don't think it's ok for someone to date with this much age difference when they are still below the age of 18 . Everyone told me that I am just a conservative, is it bad that I think this relationship is wrong? ( I am going to apologize for my grammatical errors, if I made any)
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HISTORICAL
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AITA for telling my girlfriend to cancel her gym membership?
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Just a little bit of context here. My girlfriend (21F) and I (22M) live together in an apartment. We’ve been dating for three years. When we first started dating I was really physically attracted to her, and our sex life was great. However, I’m more attracted to curvy girls now, and my girlfriend is skinny. Really skinny. She’s 5’8 and weighs about 120lbs. She has no ass. I brought up the idea of weight training glutes to her and offered to pay for her gym membership and protein supplements. She was hesitant, but wanted to make the relationship work so she said she would try. It’s been eight months since I purchased the membership for her and I’ve seen no results. Her body looks exactly the same and I honestly feel like I’m being ripped off. I confronted her about it and she told me that she’s been consistently going to the gym four times a week and that I was an asshole for accusing her of being lazy. I told her that it made no sense that she was going supposedly to the gym for eight months, yet still didn’t have an ass. I told her to just ring up and cancel instead of wasting my money. She started crying and we haven’t spoken for about three hours. I’m not sure if I pushed her too far or not. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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AITA for being pissed off for something that happened 5 years ago?
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I'm sort of new to reddit; this is my first post. I'll try to keep this short but will include as many relevent details as possible. Apologies for the length and grammar mistakes.
​
​
So I had a brother whom I was very close to. He was a year and a bit older than me. He went through a phase of hanging out with the 'wrong' crowd for a while but copped on very quickly after a short altercation with the police. He moved to a better school with better sports facilities; could have been proffessional athlete and was extremely popular. I then moved to the same school a year later. He was always very protective over me. He once tortured me for smoking weed and I haven't gone near the stuff since, one of the best things he did for me. He hated drugs and was influential in stopping many of his friends from trying stuff. He didn't have any problem with cigarettes and alcohol. He was a heavy drinker.
(He was 17 and I was 15)
After I followed him to this new school, i made lots of new friends. They all already knew my brother as he was very popular and was on the first football team, thus i was somewhat popular aswell. No one would have crossed me in school because of my brother's reputation etc. and thus I had it fairly easy.
My brother commits suicide. He had severe clinical depression. I had no idea until after he had passed away. My parents tried their best to give him the care he needed. I handled it ok. Was in a state of shock for a long while after. I never mourned in front of others. At his funeral I was comforting my friends more than they were comforting me.
At this time, a few of my friends and I formed into a group. The group started when we used to go to the 'lane' outside school for cigarettes. Went out every week together etc. This group quickly developed into the 'wrong' crowd sort of group. We became heavy drinkers and participated in anti-social behaviour. Our group would start fights at teenage discos against smaller people that wouldn't have stood a chance against us in a fight. I wasn't proud of this and thus wasn't that involved but not exempt from it. One of my friends 'Sam' was the worst for picking fights with people smaller than him. We had many disagreements over this but none that lasted more than a day.
They started doing drugs (ecstasy, MDMA and 'yokes'). I drew the line there and started arguing almost daily against this. These were my best friends and they didn't understand why I didn't want them to do drugs. I simply didn't want to go near the stuff for two reasons. 1) Out of respect to my deceased brother who hated all sorts of drugs, and 2) I was afraid I would not have been able to control myself, I was still grieving (6-8 months since my brother's death at this stage).
To keep myself from doing drugs I felt I had to keep it out of the group, as they kept talking about how good it was and I felt I wouldn't be able to handle the temptation for much longer. I fought hard on this and lost a lot of respect from the group for this. I was acting like their 'nanny' as they put it. Some of the guys in the group were sound and sympathetic about it more than others, but they were all doing it secretly and not telling me anything. One of my closest friends, Sam, was the worst when it came to lying about it. The morning after a night out we were talking, I asked him the question if he did drugs the night before, (he clearly did), and *he swore on my brother's grave he had not*. **\*This is why I still have the grudge today\*** I left the conversation at that as to avoid a fight. I confronted him about it two days later where Sam admitted he did do drugs but denied swearing on my brother's grave.
I walked out of the group after that. At the time, they were all of my closest friends, and it was very tough for me to do that. I went from going out with them 6 days a week, to barely going out once a month (with another group i kind of knew). This was a very low point in my life. After being in that high school for two years, I moved back to my old high school (due to my attendance, failing grades and my brother's passing) and finished my last two years of high school there.
It was impossible to walk away from the group completely. We lived too close to each other and ended up at the same parties via our mutual friends. I made up with most of the group eventually but never returned to hanging out with them. The group sort of dispersed after high school but remained friends. Despite that, I still had a grudge against Sam, and the grudge grew and grew as time went by. After high school, we both coincidently ended up in the same course in college. Over the space of 5 years or so, I had only spoken to him two or three times, despite seeing each other at least once every week or two.
I never really 'hate' anyone and am very passive and never aggressive with people. I have always felt uncomfortable using the word hate. With Sam it was different. I hated him. Whenever he was around, even though i wouldn't be speaking to him, I would find myself getting an urge to go over to him and pick a fight with him. I never acted on it though. The main reason being is that we have many mutual friendships that I don't want to jeopardise. He is closer to many of them than I am. I would most likely come out looking like the bad guy if any confrontation were to happen.
He has tried only once to talk to me since we stopped talking in high school. He chose a really awkward time and I said to him to ask me again later that day. He didn't. I am taller and bigger than he is so I get a strong sense that he is scared of me and would avoid confrontation if it were to occur. He has clearly forgotten why it is that I have this grudge against him. Apparently he has matured since according to a mutual friend, but I have seen him act otherwise on snapchat stories, thus I have reservations about believing that. Maybe I haven't made it clear to him enough as to why I choose to ignore him. It is very obvious to the both of us. He knows I am doing it just as much as I do. I am afraid to talk to him in fear that I could end up lashing out at him. I feel ashamed that I might resort to violence. I never lash out at anyone but am afraid that it could be different with him.
​
AITA? We are now both 21 years old. I know 5 years ago he was the asshole but now after such a long time, have I now become the villain for holding the grudge? Avoiding each other is impossible as we have many many mutual friends. Ignoring him has sort of worked until now but it doesn't help with the grudge. I am beginning to no longer enjoy nights out where he is around or in the same building. Am I going crazy or getting too obsessive about it or am i justified?
​
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HISTORICAL
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WIBTA for bailing on a virgin Tinder date?
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For some info, I'm 24f, he is 28m.
I want to start by mentioning that I am a very infrequent Tinder user. I use Tinder exclusively for one off, no strings attached sexual encounters. I generally find I don't NEED sex too often, but sometimes when I get really stressed out sometimes I just really need a hookup to bring me back down. When I use Tinder, I find someone who is cute, nice, and DTF. I have no intention of anything more than a one night stand with these guys, I am not looking for anything serious or emotional. I just want some good, fun, stress relieving sex when I need it. I am upfront about this with guys I talk to on Tinder.
Recently I re-downloaded Tinder. I matched with a few guys that I found interesting, but most of those conversations petered out. I found one guy in particular who I matched with, who was cute and pretty charming. I made it known to him that I was just looking for a one time hookup; he was interested.
We flirted via message for quite a while and made plans to meet up this Saturday. He lives about an hour away, but I was fine to travel for a hookup. We had ramped up flirting this week, and were dirty talking last night. I said something along the lines of 'i bet you have rocked a lot of girls worlds with those moves'. He replied back that he has never actually done ANYTHING sexual with anyone before. I found out that the guy is a complete virgin.
I was upset by this information for a few reasons. I was pretty frustrated that he had not been upfront about something important like this at the start, the same way I was upfront with him about what I was after. I am frustrated because I agreed to travel an hour's driving time to potentially have bad, awkward sex with someone who does not know what they are doing (I'm not interested in sticking around to coach him). I am honestly a little turned off by the way he completely killed the mood, and being a virgin at his age comes off as a bit of a red flag. And finally, I am scared of having to deal with the emotional aspects of taking his virginity. I made it clear this was a one night thing, and I don't won't to get caught up in the aftermath.
I am thinking of just bailing on the whole deal, but I haven't told him yet. We haven't spoken much since he dropped the bombshell. I feel a little bad for wanting to bail, but ultimately I think it might be the right choice.
WIBTA if I bailed?
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{
"description": "wanting to break up with my girlfriend because I feel like I was forced into the relationship",
"pronormative_score": 6,
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AITA for wanting to break up with my girlfriend because I feel like I was forced into the relationship?
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Some backstory: I met my girlfriend, let’s call her Suzy, through family friends and we started talking a lot. I mean, constant communication and everything seemed great. Before we became “official” I visited Suzy’s house and stayed the night, our families know each other well so it isn’t a huge deal. The following day we spent time with her mom, Jan let’s say, and Jan kept referring to me as a boyfriend to everyone we bumped into then apologizing after each encounter. Sowing a seed I think. Then, Jan asked me a question referring to Suzy as my girlfriend, and I responded in a way that signified that I’d be happy to have her as my girlfriend. Not fully understanding and fairly irritated at that point of the day. Well, that night it was just the talk of the household and it stuck. Am I the asshole?
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{
"description": "endangering another kid's life to save my kid",
"pronormative_score": 8,
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AITA for endangering another kid’s life to save my kid
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Not much backstory is needed, but my neighbors just got a really fast toy car thing for only kid. This thing is legit. I don’t know what they’re called, but it is really fast and metal and was probably really expensive. I’m going to be calling it The Cart
Anyways, The kid (let’s call him Billy) loves The Cart and he drives it every day. His parents are always watching him and making sure he’s being safe, but it’s tiring to be super vigilant after the first couple of weeks, so they topped watching him as closely. I understand that. They still look up from whatever they’re doing every 45 seconds or so so whatever. But we live across the street from the elementary school that everyone goes to, so every school morning the street is packed with school parent’s cars because no one wants to use the small parking lot that is under construction. I was walking my kid to school and Billy turns from around a pick up truck and is going full speed at my boy. This was the biggest scare I’ve gotten since my kid almost got ran over but my wife pulled him away. I guess I was having some PTSD but an incredible load of adrenaline shot through me and I grabbed my kid and yanked him by the backpack into the car to my left and I grabbed The Cart as the other kid was riding it and flipped it sideways. Luckily Billy was wearing a helmet because he kept sliding while sideways and his helmet has a few scrapes on it. As soon as I saw that my kid was fine I rushed over to Billy. He is screaming and crying, but perfectly fine. I feel really bad because I didn’t even need to flip his cart because I already pulled my kid away from his path, but it was all so fast I did it without thinking.
After everyone was calmed down, the neighbors were asking me what happened because he pick up truck was blocking their view. I told them the whole story. The Cart is ruined, but we didn’t talk about that. They had mixed emotions about my response. On one hand, I saved both kids from colliding and no one got hurt, but on the other hand, I almost severely injured their son in order save mine. It was all instinct though I wasn’t thinking about it. The dad was happy that everyone is ok, but the mom was pissed at me, and for good reason. I would be acting the same way. I was just scared about the fact that I cared so little about the safety of Billy and just flipped his cart.
So I guess it’s not whether or not I’m the A-hole, but rather a question of whether or not I’m in the right.
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"description": "not wanting to go out with my date after promising to go",
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AITA For not wanting to go out with my date after promising to go?
|
Okay so I met this guy (gay) last night from Tinder who was pretty fun to hang out with, but was a little bit of an ass. He was rich and full of himself and he had kind of gotten into talking about his job, which was not the job of someone who cares of other people. He literally said his job is to ruin other people's jobs (I don't want to go into specifics so I don't reveal who anyone is, but he is absolutely right). He was trying to pay for everything for me and admitted he likes having power over people by being kind of rich. We hung out, he gave me some coke (he doesn't do drugs and his friends from out of town gave it to him) and we did it.
​
Afterwards we talked about making plans to meet up again, and I was cool with it. *Then* we went out to dinner. When we went out, he kind of treated all of the staff really shitty and got into a little fight with the people at this burger joint for making our food to-go instead of for-here. That's a huge deal for me and I kind of wanted to walk out then, but I didn't. I realized right then I didn't want to see him again.
​
Fifteen minutes after dinner, he takes me back to my car (we met at a coffee shop first) and keeps pointing out how he just paid for everything and said something like "I treated you like a hot girl". I don't know how much of that was like a power move. So now I have promised to meet this guy, but haven't set up any time. I almost want to meet up at a park or something and not do anything (I'm broke and unemployed) and never see him again to keep my word, but feel like that's equally fucked up
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"description": "getting child support after saying I wouldn't",
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|
AITA for getting child support after saying I wouldn’t?
|
To preface I would like to say that I am 22 he is 27, we were on and off for about a year and a half, and we never used protection.
When I first found out I was pregnant, my daughters father (let’s just call him Carlos) was insisting I get an abortion. When I told him that I didn’t want to get an abortion, he got really upset and said I got pregnant on purpose to try and trap him because I knew he was going out of the country (he’s in the Army), I just wanted his money and how I should prepare to be a single mother, be on section 8, welfare, food stamps etc. then proceeded to threaten me. Carlos told me he did not want his mom to know about the baby then blocked me from both of their social media profiles.
While Carlos was getting ready to leave the country, he was staying with his mom in a different state. Then, he tells me the Army changed his orders and he’s now going to be stationed in a state off the mainland and living there permanently. At this point, we were still arguing sometimes, but not as often as before. Carlos also tells me he still hasn’t told his mom and still wasn’t planning on doing so.
He tells me he wants to know when I go into labor, when I’m at the hospital, and when the baby is born and if everything’s fine. I agree and do that. For the first few weeks after our daughter was born, we were getting along great and weren’t arguing at all.
A couple months go by, Carlos and I are still getting along so I make the suggestion that he should meet his daughter. He seems to be open to me flying with our daughter to stay with him for about a week. We start to make plans for us to go in the summer, but he wouldn’t be able to pay for anything because he just moved into an apartment/condo and his rent is an insane amount and he barely has any money. I tell him I would be willing to pay for the ticket to go out there and at first he says no, but then comes around to the idea. After this, it seems to me he started trying to find any and every reason to start an argument. I finally say that I’ve had enough and tell him I’m done and I’m not going to come out there and I’m not going to send him anymore pictures of our daughter until he can apologize to me for the way he’s been treating me.
I blocked him on every other social media and I filed for child support. Carlos is now telling some of his friends that I am crazy, I’m keeping his daughter away from him and he doesn’t fully believe that she’s his daughter. He still hasn’t told his mom as far as I know, so I tried reaching out to her twice, both times I didn’t hear anything back from her.
My daughter is now 6 months old and next week I have to take her out to do a paternity test. I have been feeling like a real dick for filing for child support after saying I wouldn’t in the beginning of my pregnancy. I gave him over a year to come around and today I’ve been feeling like I did this all too soon.
Sorry it’s so long.
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{
"description": "not wanting to be included in wedding accommodations",
"pronormative_score": 91,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA For not wanting to be included in wedding accommodations?
|
My friend is getting married about 6 months from now, and she's organizing an AirBnB for the wedding parties to stay in for the weekend. The ones she's looking at are anywhere from $200-$500 for the weekend per person. I'm don't want to be a part of this set up, and some friends have suggested that I'm being selfish and I should just suck it up and pay. Here are my circumstances:
1. I just lost my job, and that's costing me a lot.
2. I'm already flying across the country to go, which is expensive.
3. My family lives 15 minutes away from the wedding location, and I can stay with them for free.
Keep in mind that our group of friends is also comprised mostly of young artists in their early 20's (including myself). I would love to stay with them, and honestly I'd even be willing to chip in a little bit as a gift if it would help, but I just am so worried about spending hundreds of dollars to share a bedroom when I could have my own room for free nearby. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "thinking my Mom's being a selfish brat about her dog",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: For thinking my Mom's being a selfish brat about her dog?
|
My parents are well beyond well off, they both have extremely high paying jobs, in fact they recently bought EXPENSIVE couches, expensive lamps, and plan very, very lavish expensive vacations, all while showering my brother (golden child) in guns, groceries, child care, ect, whatever his greedy little heart desires.
I'm not saying this to paint a "woe poor is me" story, I work full time, I pay my parents rent every week for my stay, I pay for my own utilities and such.
BUT the problem is....My mom's being a selfish cow about her dog, Her dog, a Yorkie named Koda is a sweet but stupid boy, who's got a growth on his tail, they took him to the vet and were given antibiodics and a spray to help, if it didn't help they were to come back for a biopsy if necessery.
My mom...has done absolutely nothing about it, she shrugs and is going "Oh well if he's put down, he's put down" and dragging her feet to getting a second opinion.
I finally asked her why, and she just huffed, hemmed and hawed "$300 Is sooo expensiiive"
I pointed out her expensive couch, vacations, and lamps, and how Koda's been a very good dog to her and she just huffs about it's just "so expensive" So I offered to help pay for it.
"We don't need you to help payy for it, I'll just have your daddd take care of it >C" And then she told me to go away, as if I was some kinda jerk for caring about Koda and his well being.
Am I the asshole for bugging her about her dog? I know her finances are none of my business, but hearing "We can't affoord" this is irksome, I love Koda and am more than happy to help, I just also don't wanna be a huge asshole for bothering about something that "might" be none of my business?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
gJYPWG1ALo0Xtupsx0IIgapRodCoOo7F
|
b34wkb
|
{
"description": "not wanting extended family at my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting extended family at my wedding?
|
My partner and I recently decided that the idea of a big, expensive (75ish people, $30,000) wedding we had discussed did not feel right. We are not discussing having a much smaller wedding at a local outdoor attraction, which offers permits for weddings of 25 people or less.
I ran the idea behind my mom, and we began to discuss the guest list. When I told her I only wanted to invite immediate family (my parents, my single living grandparent, and my only sibling) she became really upset. She couldn’t understand why I would want to invite my friends, who may not be in my life forever, and said I should invite my extended family (mostly her brother, which would involve inviting six people total).
I have nothing against her brother, we just aren’t close and he doesn’t know my partner well. I would be surprised if he could name five things he knew about my relationship.
I want my wedding to be only people who know one (preferably both) of us really well and are an important source of love and support in our lives and relationship. My uncle is not, and my friends are.
I know my mom is really close with her brother and he has helped her through a difficult last year. She was recently sick and he took time off work and flew down to take care of her on a pretty regular basis.
However, I don’t feel like my wedding is where that needs to be recognized/appreciated. My wedding is an important step in my relationship with my partner, and it’s not about the rest of my family. I also don’t want my wedding to feel like a performance, and I’m worried that due to my low self esteem, having people I don’t know very well will make me feel like I’m putting on a show the whole time. I’m worried if I give in to my mom I will end up resenting her for stopping me from having my “dream wedding.”
So am I the asshole here? Should I skip inviting my friends to invite my extended family? Should I give up on the idea of having a small wedding and let my mom pay for a larger event?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
GjZ68yDSWem8EHSHHatqkg7fhhoEIxiy
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ac3rcc
| null |
AITA For my encounter with this girl?
|
I’ve been thinking about this constantly and it’s driving me insane about whether I’m a horrible person or not.
I’m a sophomore in college, and a couple months ago I went to a casual birthday party for a friend with a decent amount of people there. I’m not super sexually experienced or anything, I’m not a virgin but my first time was not that long ago (like a year and a half) and other than that all I’ve really done was make out a couple times. Anyways, at the party I was having a pretty decent time, drinking and playing some games, etc. Eventually I was decently drunk but not drunk enough to black out or forget too much of anything like that.
Anyways, as I’m standing at the table playing this game, a girl i’ve never seen before comes over next to me and starts playing. Eventually the ball gets to her and she’s doing pretty bad so I make a small lighthearted joke about it and the game continues, etc. Well, eventually the game ends and the she introduces herself to me and we start talking. Within a couple of minutes she starts dancing on me and, without being able to believe my luck at how quickly this is happening, I reciprocate. Eventually she asks me where I live and I guess I was drunk enough to think we were on my floor so I say “just down the hall.” A minute later she asks if I want to go to my room and I say sure.
We start walking to my room and eventually I realize we’re not on my floor, so I acknowledge it and she seems a little surprised but I ask her if she’s good and she says yeah so we keep going. (just up 2 floors). Well... we get to my room, pretty soon we start kissing, and things go from there. At one point she asks me if she can see her phone for a second to text her friends (who are probably a little concerned), so I hand it to her and tell her what room we’re in so she can tell them. I take that opportunity to text my roommate not to come in for a little bit. After that she says okay, hands me her phone to put back on the table, and we resume kissing. At this point, clothes start coming off and all that.
During all this she’s acting perfectly normal, it’s only been like a minute since she spoke to me clearly and she certainly doesn’t seem super drunk or anything like that. In fact, I assumed she was less drunk than I was and kind of felt as if I was just along for the ride (not that I was complaining!). At this point a lot of our clothes are off but at that point I was specifically reminding myself that I would not have sex with her because I didn’t have any condoms at the time. In fact, she asked me if I had any and I said “no I don’t, sorry.” I was just making out with her in sort of a “missionary” position for like a minute until I decided I should go down on her or something considering my lack of condoms, so I did.
I did so, and it was pretty normal almost all the way through. She sounded like she was enjoying it, etc. Eventually she even put her hand on top of my head and kept it there for a couple minutes, which I felt good about. At the end, though, I started to feel a little pressure on my head. Eventually it built up a little bit and i realized “wow she must be trying to guide me, I’m dumb” so I let her move my head back up to her where I was looking at her again. Retrospectively I should’ve been more dubious or whatever you would call it, but at the time I kinda just assumed she was taking a more dominant role now and things were moving on so I went with it. I got up on top of her again like before and was right about to kiss her when she looked like she realized something and asked where here phone was, so i reaches over and handed it to her again. This is where I really screwed up and it makes me cringe just typing it in retrospect, but at the time I decided it might hot if I did a something while she was texting her friend so I kind of just tried to do something with my fingers, slowly at first and then a little faster. All of the stuff in my room happened in the span of like 20 minutes, and since she hadn’t really hesitated to communicate with me the whole night, like when she struck up a conversation at the beginning or asked if I had a condom, I just wasn’t thinking in a very cautious way.
All of a sudden she loudly says STOP!! and scares the absolute shit out of me so I immediately get off, apologize, etc. and she asks me where here panties are so I hand them to her and put on my own pants. She walks out of the room and I feel really terrible because I don’t know what went wrong so I kinda just sit there for a minute before I decide to go on a walk to try and make myself feel better. Eventually I go to sleep and I wake up the next morning and try to tell myself it happens, everybody makes mistakes in the sack sometimes, now i know. Well, about a month later i see a letter with my name on it sitting on the floor as I’m going to the bathroom.
I opened it up and my heart literally just stopped for a couple of seconds because something I never thought would happen to me happened and now I’m the type of guy people (including me) express their disgust with all the time. The letter was her saying how she can’t believe I sexually assaulted her, how she now had anxiety from the experience, and how I was the “most unfeeling person she had ever met.” I was completely shocked as she relayed her side of the experience, which apparently was that she became very scared at some point while I was going down on her and I guess when she put her hand on my head it wasn’t so friendly after all. I literally felt sick when I realized that, from her perspective, I basically forced myself on her after that because I thought that’s what she wanted. The worst part is that I didn’t even realize until she told me to stop. The letter describes her going home to her parents because of the experience and the knowledge that people out there have this perception of me actually makes me want to die.
I had to go in the bathroom to read all of it cause I didn’t want my roommate to see me hyperventilating like that but it was bad man. That feeling has never left me a month later and it seems like every single waking moment where I’m feeling a little happy my brain will just bring up that letter again and i’ll end up going through that whole night again in my head trying to make sense of it all. I’m on a trip with my parents right now for Christmas Break but I’ve literally not been able to think about anything else and i can’t help but feel like I have no future anymore. I have tons of (normal) problems to sort through in my life right now but career paths and everything else are starting to feel so meaningless when i feel that i can never look at myself positively again. I haven’t even told anyone about this in real life because i’m too afraid of what will happen to me at a place where it’s super common to spread rumors about any guy who’s had allegations like this. I’ve heard about an alarming amount of allegations and it’s not like I even go to a super fratty school which encourages that kind of rape culture, my school is generally known for having happy students but it seems like super often i hear about another guy i know of getting dragged by my friends for having some type of bad experience with a girl. I used to participate too but now I’m questioning everything around me and i can’t express it to anyone else because i’m scared of losing the ability to have any meaningful relationships with people. What if everyone i meet always has that thought of me as a rapist in the back of their mind, just like I’ve had with guys i know of who have been accused? The school I go to is really small so that’s not even a very paranoid thought. This experience is like a wedge between me and every person or goal I care about and i’ve honestly never felt so alienated in my life.
I don’t know if what I did makes me a bad person or not, and I can’t help but feeling like I might deserve all this because of what she must’ve gone through but it’s up to you guys to decide now or at least give me some input because I literally can’t sit here one more second without getting it off my chest somehow. Sorry for the length but there it is.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ofIFOxQNUMnIWysYYgUAInmQGaaIvQnH
|
ao56hc
|
{
"description": "blaming my sister for being late to a big family dinner",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for blaming my (27F) sister (24F) for being late to a big family dinner
|
I was meeting a couple of my girl friends for lunch at 1230 and planned to chill a bit at home after. I was going to a huge family dinner later which always starts at 6/630.
My sister was informed of the dinner plan, the lunch plan and the stay over plan at least a couple of days before.
Fast forward, my friends were in the flat. Note that these were all girls and have met my sister a thousand times. It was 5ish, I went to her room to tell her that my friends were leaving soon, so were we. I found out that she was far from getting ready. I was a bit pissed because it usually takes her at least a good 45mins to get ready and another 45mins to get to the dinner place. I was sure that she would be late. The way she dealt with it was to ask me to go first so that I wouldn’t keep chasing behind her back. I did and I arrived on time. She ended up arriving at 715.
When we revisited the issue that she was late later that night, she then revealed that she couldn’t get ready because there were strangers in the house. But all she needed to do was taking a shower. The walk between the toilet and her room was just 1s apart. She could do everything else in her room. It was not a big flat but my friends and I were just chatting in the living room. The toilet and her room located along the corridor which could hardly be seen from the living room. I couldn’t understand why having other female non family members would make the 1s walk so difficult. There is also another toilet further down the hallway, so occupancy shouldn’t be the issue. I think her thinking was really weird. I couldn’t get it. I understand that having strangers in the house could be uncomfortable. But I don’t think it could go thiiiiis comfortable that you would be an hour late to a 30 people dinner.
TLDR: Sister was an hour late to a family dinner because she couldn’t get ready when my girl friends were in the house.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
CykuGSc6cTU4QERdZueBWSe0uAhZzNog
|
aej77f
|
{
"description": "getting out of the startup I created with friends",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting out of the startup I created with friends?
|
This happened about two years ago.
My college professor had an idea for a startup and recruited me and two friends (Friend A and friend B) to get the idea going. We submitted it to an startup incubator program of 1 year duration and we got accepted, so we started working pretty serious in this project. I've had just got out off college, so I decided to commit full time to this project.
It's worth to take note that there was no contracts signed by any of the parties. We were just a bunch of friend that counted with each other's and willing to make something work.
At that point, my professor talks to everyone that it's important for us to stick together and don't abandon the project because that was the only way the project would work out. He emphasizes this to me, since I already had abandoned a startup before that I started with friend A and friend B.
Ten months passes by and three things happen:
1 - I became the key member of the startup, as I was the one most thecnicaly capacitated member able to build a prototype and had the most "spare" time to do it.
2 - I start distrusting the viability of the project
3 - I noticed that I was working on something I was not passionate about
So after some back and forth toughts about leaving the startup afraid of the reaction of my colleagues, I finally muster the courage to do it. And as expected, the reaction wasn't that great.
My professor and friend A called me an asshole for doing it. Friend B was kinda ok with it, since we actually had talked about that between us and he was thinking in leaving the team too.
Since friend A and my professor was so upset with me, I offer to work for them for free part time for 2 months(which was the remaining time for the incubation program to finish) so I can help them build a prototype for the project and help train and find someone to replace me. I also say I'm giving up all my shares of the startup and I would take zero money of future income they would make with the prototype I was helping to make.
They're still not happy with it, but I had made my mind and there was no way I would keep working on something that was making miserable for what it would look for the rest of my life. So after some time of them trying to reason with me for me staying on the group, they finally take the deal and I compromise to work for them for those two awful and awkward next months.
And so I did.
During that time I also believe my professor kinda of abused of my offer and pushed some extra work for me that was not planned for the prototype. He also called me on for delaying a deliver during a week while I was really busy taking care of my girlfriend who we found out had a tumor on her knee and pretty much couldn't walk. Still I delivered what I promised latter.
Friend A and friend B were actually pretty cool to me during those months and kinda acted as if nothing had happened. I can say friend A was upset with me, though(which was pretty understanble).
After those two months I finally was free for that slave-kinda period that sucked so much and finally could spent my time on my new projects.
A few months latter I hear from friend B that they ended the startup. Which was not a surprise for me actually.
Tl Dr:
So... AITA for abandoning a startup with my friends after I compromised with them, even though I offered working for them for free for a while and giving up any future income?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
6Bmv52dY0cpWI3uwQ1fD2rma4kE9mkIm
|
aeu0f9
|
{
"description": "refusing to carry a strangers child on my lap for an hour's bus ride",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to carry a strangers child on my lap for an hour's bus ride?
|
So a few day ago, i had to go for a job interview and the first leg of my trips out of my house is a 1 hour public bus ride.
So i got to the bus, and got in, only to later find out when we started moving, that the lady beside me was with 3 kids from like 4-7 year olds or so and was only paying for one seat. Then the bus driver tried to ask me to carry one of her children on my lap so he could carry another paying customer. While i was also paying the full fare. And i said no.
Was i the asshole for not carrying the child?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 16,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
P02exl1SPTRaoM8zGgrQPgJzkl7JrMQz
|
aix1my
|
{
"description": "going to a food drive for people affected by the shutdown when I don't need to",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for going to a food drive for people affected by the shutdown when I don’t need to?
|
I am a member who is not receiving a paycheck due to the shutdown, however I have been fortunate enough to be able to put enough money away to cover all of my expenses for about 2-3 more months. There was a food drive available for everyone at work to attend to, and I decided not to go because I don’t feel like it was necessary for me to.
I guess I’m just curious on the ethics/morality of my decision if I had decided to go. what are your thoughts?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
bHe4jrY9aYJhoEnrELYclqoQLBjaZvc7
|
b71sgv
|
{
"description": "sharing my eating disorder recovery process with my niece who is suffering from a similar disorder",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for sharing my eating disorder recovery process with my niece who is suffering from a similar disorder?
|
I will try to keep this as brief as possible so as to not bore anyone. This is sort of the last battle in a long running battle between my sister and I which started when we were still small. I don't like her, I try to love her as a sister but don't often succeed. Because of that relationship she is accusing me of being an asshole and trying to "get to her" by using my niece of being a proxy.
I started suffering from an eating disorder when I was 15. I was both anorexic and bulimic. I had inpatient treatment, anti-depressants, therapy, hypnosis, you name it and nothing helped. When I was 18 (I'm 23 now) I discovered a new realm of treatment (also could be called a philosophy) called Intuitive Eating. It basically tells you to eat when you are hungry, food is food and there is never such thing as a "good" or "bad" food. For some reason this philosophy sunk in with me and I finally, finally started recovery.
I had suspected my niece was suffering from a similar disorder for several years but this was confirmed by my mother. I emailed my niece several articles and blogs regarding Intuitive Eating. I also ordered her several books from amazon about Intuitive Eating and Body Respect by the most respected authors and scholar in the field.
My sister came unglued and accused me of setting back my nieces treatment by years. I tried to have a rational discussion with her regarding how it helped me and she said that my niece is a minor and I need to keep my "pseudo scientific bullshit" away from her kids as well as some other choice words.
I swear to god I was trying to help, the books I sent were written by Phds and it's an area where I have experience. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
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"EVERYBODY": 4,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
JlPLB2whylTccONvIFG4kpU9S19nOXrV
|
ajcopt
|
{
"description": "getting annoyed at my mum for not trying to learn the language of the country she has lived in for 20 years",
"pronormative_score": 198,
"contranormative_score": 88
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed at my mum for not trying to learn the language of the country she has lived in for 20 years?
|
So I (19F) just got into an argument with my mum (47), and long story short it all started from when I made a comment about how her and my father can barely speak English, despite having lived here for 20 years.
What started off as something I said in passing blew up into something which led to an explosive argument and lead to me storming off to my room. You see here’s the thing, she was complaining about how it’s so easy for people who live in England and speak English to get their way and sort out their problems. I then said maybe if she had actually put in the effort to learn the language and the customs of the country she lived in, she could effectively sort out her problems too.
Here’s what she said, that there’s no need to ‘waste’ her time to become more educated or learn the language of a country she doesn’t see her self staying in for long. She also proceeded to talk about how she is a mother and doesn’t have time to invest in learning the language.
Right. Okay. That doesn’t make any sense.
She then said she doesn’t want to become educated, or learn about other cultures or customs and just wants to focus on religion because she’s an old woman.
I then remembered something she used to preach about all the time when I was a kid, about how the prophet once said that people must be knowledgable and educated in the lands they live in and in general.
Suddenly she shouts at me, calls me and animal lmao and says my arguments are ‘invalid’ and I need to fix up?
I just walked out, my last words being, ‘you know they say being unreasonable comes with old age.’
AITA for trying to encourage my mum to educate her self and getting annoyed at her unwillingness to do so?
I’m not crazy right?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 64,
"OTHER": 153,
"EVERYBODY": 24,
"NOBODY": 45,
"INFO": 8
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 198,
"WRONG": 88
}
|
RIGHT
|
swqBz1sDs2MMnthobUYNxum09EvR7jw0
|
b9waw3
|
{
"description": "not suggesting to pay rent",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for not suggesting to pay rent?
|
AITA for not suggesting to pay rent?
So for the past couple of months I've been living with my aunt rent free. I stayed there through the last semester of school and a couple of months of unemployment. I recently found a well paying job and I am looking forward to saving money so I can one day buy my own apartment.
My aunt is by no means well off, she has a low paying job but manages to live comfortably. She is extremely frugal and good with her money, and do to financial finesse and getting lucky with the market she owns a great apartment almost debt free.
When I got my new job I realized I was being paid a considerable amount more than my aunt. This made me extremely guilty about not paying rent. It would be great to be able to stay there rent free for some time so I can save up for an apartment... but still, it feels kinda assholey.
However, my aunt has never asked me to pay rent, never implied that I should or that she'd like me to. Most likely she'll never ask me.
Am I the asshole for not taking the inicitive and asking her if she'd want me to pay rent?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
kWuaipFUYKwedvbyuUkdwLNpqs0MuYjl
|
b98bey
|
{
"description": "giving an absurdly low tip to a server I work with",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I gave an absurdly low tip to a server I work with?
|
I'm a dishwasher at a restaurant, and there is a server there who treats the people in the kitchen like garbage. Calling the line cooks racial slurs, threatening to call ICE, being an all around horrible person. So if I ate at my restaurant off shift, and she just happened to be my server, would I be the asshole if I just tipped her 1 dollar regardless of how good or bad the service is?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
0VTUIrDMrgG4heRfxw0hJxU5edaB3wCm
|
ao42un
|
{
"description": "staying out of a fight",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for staying out of a fight?
|
First info about myself (M22) and my friend (F26) because it's important. My friend is a martial artist (krav maga, taekwondo, boxing and formerly judo), and while I took a year of karate at high school, I've never been into a real fight, because I'm usually pretty good at avoiding fights and calming aggressive people down. She on the other hand is pretty hotheaded and fearless.
Anyways, we were at a party and when we went outside to smoke we got approached by three aggressive douches who asked us if we could "lend" them some money to pay the entrance fee. Before I could say anything my friend told them to go fuck themselves. This didn't really help in that situation and eventually I got hit in the face. My friend immediately jumped at them and took two down before they could do much (I hope the second guy's balls are ok lol). Since I wouldn't know how to fight I didn't get involved with the third and just kicked the first down when he tried to get up so at least he'd stay out. In the end we got out ok, but she got a bloody nose from the fight. I still feel kind of douchey for not trying to help her. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
WZllrSzWkSaT9eJuCWMmExlrEzlQWfNE
|
9t5slm
|
{
"description": "standing up for myself to my dad",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for standing up for myself to my dad
|
For the past 6 months my dad has been really condescending and looking over my shoulder all the time to see if I am doing things right. I let him know that I didn't like this on multiple occasions and want to figure things out by myself.
Today I blew up and went off my face about how I didn't appreciate being treated like a toddler and he ultimately called me an asshole for not thinking about how he felt (he did not state how he felt).
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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9yv78h
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{
"description": "not going to my family thanksgiving",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not going to my family thanksgiving
|
My entire life the holidays have always felt so awful and stressful. I kind of figured that they would get easier as I get older but honestly they just get worse and more upsetting. My parents are in this miserable relationship where my dad has been cheated on over and over but is too afraid to leave, my mom is a horrible manipulative unpleasant person, my dad is a huge racist and can't go ten minutes without saying something about black people or muslims, my siblings are just as bad. I just don't agree with anything they say, they are really judgemental about my life while totally miserable in their own lives, and they constantly make jokes at my expense. I'm sick of going to family functions just to feel depressed and lonely. I don't know how to talk about this stuff to my family because it's fundamentally a part of their personalities and how they have always interacted with me. So I decided not to go to thanksgiving this year, just hang out where I live a few hours away alone, and i got called an asshole for it. I feel guilty for not going- like I owe them something for them raising me- but other than that I feel no reason to go. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
axhfzo
|
{
"description": "being a cheatee",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for being a cheatee
|
One of my regular customers has had a thing for me for a few years'. I recently became single and we exchanged numbers. Weve been talking on and off for a few months mostly on a friend/business level. Lately he has been sending me lots &LOTS of dick pics. (beautiful ones at that) but i also found out he has a live in GF and they have been together forever and he also gets ass on the side. I really really want to fuck him just once but my guilt stops me everytime. But does it still make me the asshole for wanting and Imagining?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
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|
ammqez
|
{
"description": "trying to seduce my teacher",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for trying to seduce my teacher?
|
I am in love with my teacher, she's beautiful, amazing, smart and the prettiest person in the world.
She just break up with her boyfriend of 7 years, so she is single now, but with a broken heart, and his uncle die a few days ago because an illness.
I am truly in love of her, but I don't want to be imprudent. I talk with she a few times a day on WhatsApp.
Am I the Asshole for trying?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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{
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WRONG
|
Zzl84CdFfYepw4lawMxreKd7zcb1ipGJ
|
b85mzb
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go out until his over the top acne clears up",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go out until his over the top acne clears up?
|
I know just by the title alone it seems bad, but hear me out. Lately my bf has been getting these HUGE pimple on his cheeks and neck. He’s blaming it on his high protein regiment. I’ve never heard of protein causing such a thing, but he knows more about that stuff than I do so idk. Cover up isn’t really an option even if I could convince them because they’re so big. They honestly look like little cysts. I’ve tried convincing him to go to a dermatologist, but he just refuses to do anything to fix the problem. I know it seems shallow, but they’re so big it really is making me unattracted to him physically. I care more about him than just his looks though so I’m riding it out and hoping that it’ll clear up or he will finally go and see someone about it. Until then though it’s awkward going out places with him. I feel like everyone is looking at us. I feel awful for having these thoughts, but I really can’t stress enough how big these things are. I don’t want to shame him over his appearance, but at the same time physical attraction is an important part of any relationship and I feel like he should at least go see someone about them. For now though I’ve just been making excuses to stay in with him or to go to more private places when we do go out.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
17aGO7ClGPaFoImtT1aVFEEsUGwgmC5Z
|
b9qxsc
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{
"description": "sleeping with my friend's girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 120,
"contranormative_score": 48
}
|
AITA for sleeping with my friend's girlfriend?
|
So this is something I've kind of struggled with for a few years. To set the scene, this girl and my buddy have been together about 5 years. There's never been even the slightest hint of flirting or anything even resembling that.
I've always considered myself an extremely loyal friend. Especially to this guy. We were inseparable throughout our teenage years and to this day I'm still good friends with the guy. Once he or any of my friends even show an interest in another girl, they have always been completely off limits for me.
Until this. One night, me and another (different) friend went out on the town, and got twisted drunk, to the point that no bar would let us enter. My friends girlfriend was one of our only friends with a car at the time, so my other buddy called her to come collect us and bring her to mine so we could carry on the drinking.
The drive home is where my memory cuts out.
Next thing I remember, I'm having sex with my buddies girlfriend. I kinda panic when I realize what's happening, and end it and go to sleep. Wake up the next day, and she's telling me that I made the first move and that we obviously can never tell anyone.
Honestly, my whole world was shaken up. It's been a couple years and I still feel physically sick typing this. I've never been able to tell my buddy, as it would kill him. Weakness on my part, I know.
Anyway, what do you guys think, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aqfg5t
|
{
"description": "evicting my tenant after a flood",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for evicting my tenant after a flood?
|
Bit of a long story here.
I own 2 houses on 1 title in a town that just suffered a massive flood. It was a major event that has devastated the city.
I have tenants in both properties and both properties we flooded with what they are calling black water, which is basically sewerage. The rear tenants have been fantastic, the front tenants have given me problems for a while.
When the properties flooded I put my life on hold and drove the 5 hours to try and fix the properties as quickly as possible.
When I arrived I found the rear house in much better condition as the tenant had placed sandbags and stacked their furniture, whereas the front tenants had done nothing (there was several days of warning). On top of this there was clear signs of long term neglect on the property, which the tenant has been warned of previously.
I spent a week scrubbing and power washing the properties. During this week I grew concerned about the state of the front unit. I decided for health and safety reasons that the place was not livable. One reason is that the front tenants have decided not to throw away a lot of furniture that I know was contaminated with sewerage. Unfortunately I'm not ensured for this event and my only option is to move down and fix the property over a couple of months.
Now the tenant is fighting me as they do not want to leave, but I'm extremely concerned that leaving them there will result in heavy damage to my property and their health.
I am very sympathetic to their cause as I know their business was also affected and it's challenging finding accommodation at the moment due to the floods. But I need to get in and save my property. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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zhf4bP1OqDERYLHI8UHG9zaimo7JnSdz
|
aqyt89
|
{
"description": "giving up on my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA For giving up on my best friend?
|
So To preface this, going to cut some of the details due to political leanings and crap to not influence you fine people.
For reference, this happened yesterday.
I have a friend, let’s call him. R. R. Made a extremely disrespectful comment on a post my fiancé shared on Facebook. I texted him privately saying he needs to apologize for being disrespectful. He is fully claiming he wasn’t, he’s just voicing his opinion. I kept bringing up how he can have a discussion but telling someone “ get over your feelings “ while trying to start the discussion is extremely disrespectful. He refuses to see that it was, and kept trying to shift the discussion to talk about said political issue. I eventually layed down the line telling him he has to either apologize to my fiancé, or else him and I are done as friends. Since then, I’ve heard nothing from him.
Now that the day has passed and I’ve calmed down and thought it over, I feel as if an apology would not be good enough and I’m just feeling done in general about him.
However, I’m having very mixed feelings. He’s one of my only 3 friends on this world, including my fiancé. I’ve known him longer than my fiancé, and if I ditch out on him it’ll just reinforce more of his views.
WIBTA if dispite all this I still just tell him ‘I’m done’ with his bullshit?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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zawPP3dFGPeQ1hK0CNZqAoGE44trU9oR
|
a5zk5t
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{
"description": "ending a friendship when she \"really needed\" me and failing to rekindle it",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ending a friendship when she "really needed" me and failing to rekindle it?
|
Yes, this is a throwaway account. Also this is loooong.
So. I had an online friend for about 1.5 years, we were quite close in that we talked very frequently, nearly everyday. We talked mostly about mutual hobbies but also some serious stuff: she was struggling with depression and I offered her support by sharing my own experiences and strongly encouraging she seek professional help which she says she did. Because of her struggles and because she often expressed her difficulties with having "high empathy" and other people's problems upsetting her too much I kept my more serious problems to myself and only talked about issues after they were resolved. The biggest ongoing problem I ever came to her about was venting about roommates. I also shared with her that I was the opposite of her, I have rather "low empathy" so it was fine for her to vent to me about anything. And it was fine. I had my annoyances (any argument/disagreement ever, even silly philosophical discussions, she would become upset and I would have to ask if she would like to drop the topic and she would say yes... but not without getting in the last word, which nbd but admittedly it had started to bother me) but it was largely fine.
I was promoted at work at around the same time she began coming to me about a guy she had known years ago reconnecting with her and how they had been "talking", but then he ghosted after finding out his cancer was back and could have been serious. I told her I was sorry, told her about a friend of mine who had cancer who had gone through the exact same situation, and it probably wasn't personal, he just needed some time and to hear results etc. She continued to complain, and then said she "felt like crying, but that crying wouldn't help" so I responded with that there are actual benefits to crying and that it was okay to feel sad because "sad things are sad, and there's no reason to be ashamed"
Now, because of my promotion, which I told her about, I had been working more hours and was mentally fatigued so I wasn't responding as quick as I normally did. She complained that what I said was patronizing and really detached. I apologized because that wasn't how I meant it, explained again why I was tired and didn't realize that it was patronizing. She then said it was okay and that if I was tired/didn't feel like talking to let her know.
So I told her I needed a break for a bit. Mistake. She blew up at me, insulting me and declaring I was a terrible friend and that she was always there for me even when it "wore [her] out" and to go f*ck myself and all the time she wasted talking to me and other very personal low blows.
I got a bit defensive, told her that it was ridiculous and that I only said I needed time to adjust to my new schedule. She went on to complain I wasn't empathic enough that she just wanted the "smallest scrap of human empathy" from me to help her deal with this. She went on to accuse me of faking the whole friendship.
I defended myself and pointed out I had previously told her how sorry I was she was dealing with this in a few messages over the past few days, and eventually that she "was looking for reasons to feel hurt."
The next day she apologized, said she had been drunk and was so sorry but still kind of backhandedly maintained that I was being too "logical/patronizing" and not being a good enough friend and I needed to be more understanding of why she lashed out at me. We went back and forth a bit, I tried to stay civil but reacted badly when she criticized my "robotic" nature and that she couldn't help that she was "raw, and real and messy". I hate that garbage and told her that it was incredibly rude to imply I wasn't "real" just because I can handle my emotions. She apologized again "that wasn't how she meant it". I tell her I still need some time and space. Especially after all of this.
She continues to message me. I asked her again for space. She "just want[s] [me] to understand" then she goes on to bring up a friend she'd told me about before that she had feelings for and that she has the same "intense feelings" for me. I tell her there's nothing other than friendship from me (she already knows I'm happily in a long term relationship as well). I again remind her I want space. She continues to press her side of things and that she just cares about me so much. I gave up and just blocked her.
She sent a long apology message to me from another account that I did not know about. I ignored it. Stopped logging on to my account because I felt so angry and I guess violated, but it's not like I was afraid she would do something in rl. (We live in different countries)
Months go by. I'm not as angry about it any more, I log back in and see she's sent a few more messages. Mostly apologies and how much she misses me and regrets what she did, like being so negative. It came across almost sycophantic to me with how much she praised me for being a good friend and that she ruined it, but some of the stuff was just so wrong (I obviously didn't stop talking to her because she was "too negative") that I clarified my reason for blocking. I felt like she should know that it was my boundaries being pushed. And in the last few months I realized I kinda missed talking to her (though in retrospect it may have been I missed talking with someone about mutual hobbies and not actually her). She made it clear she really wanted to be friends again so I decided to try, though I warned her it might take time to be as friendly again. Also remind her there's never going to be anything more than friendship. She understands and promises she'll respect my boundaries. It goes fine for a few days but the website we've been using to communicate is Tumblr and with the bans happening she's afraid we won't be able to stay in contact. She gave other contact info, I responded kinda vaguely and just said hopefully it won't come to that. She pushes it. I brush it off again, and then she asked directly and I told her I wasn't comfortable giving her more ways to contact me right now.
She grew upset, said that made her feel like a stalker. That she thinks the reason I contacted her again was probably because I was still mad and trying to hurt her. She asked if there was even a point continuing to talk.
I've already had enough of the drama and I guess I hadn't even realized how disconnected to her I felt. I just didn't even care that I hurt her because it seems so easy to do, I didn't feel hurt like the first fight, just exasperated so I told her no, probably not after this. I said, more or less, she still wasn't respecting my boundaries and if she can't handle that I don't completely trust her yet after what happened that it's unfortunate but I'm not going keep arguing and fighting to prove I am/want to be her friend. I wished her all the best, but this wasn't going to work.
She chewed me out, said I wasn't even trying to understand her feelings, that she was just being honest and trying to express herself and then blocked me right after.
Am I the asshole? Should I have done more to understand her side? Was I unreasonable for not wanting to give additional contact info?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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9VsXH2MqUTBvUhPys8ehTSXhRe69E8Rt
|
avymi3
|
{
"description": "being upset that my friend is worried I'll go to Hell",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for Being Upset That my Friend is Worried I'll go to Hell?
|
I'll start by saying I'm atheist. My friend is very Christian, but used to be atheist herself. Recently, she has been talking about pretty much only her religion and even told me she has for awhile now been 'witnessing me'. She has been worried that I'll go to hell because I've 'rejected God'. I asked her "Haven't you also rejected God?" And she said "Yes but I repented." I know she cares for me and is worried for me, but it kind of makes me upset that she not only thinks that, but that she told me about it. Especially since she knows talking about religion makes me uncomfortable, and even though she says she wants them, I feel like I cannot truly express my opinions as an atheist without very much offending her. I honestly think religion is complete BS and a bit cult like. Am I the asshole for feeling offended here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ETCo4u00jzvSkBVtPtwupOz3HQCKRDHT
|
b96oyh
|
{
"description": "ruining my friends relationship",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ruining my friends relationship?
|
Okay so I got you with the clickbait but, serious time.
My friend said yes to a fellow classmate who asked her out, but she didn’t want to start a relationship at the time. She ended up saying yes, but she knew she wasn’t happy.
Things continue and I’m texting her and she says the situation about her relationship. I bring up a past experience as this happened to me and didn’t end well at all. Lost 2 close friends due to it. She tells me that the never really liked the guy, but she didn’t want to hurt him so she said yes. She’s a really nice person, so I don’t blame her, but I blame myself for pretty much pushing her to end the potential relationship.
I told her that if you never loved him in the first place, that you shouldn’t have gone out with him at all. She cut ties with him, her now ex isn’t doing too well I assume, she feels guilty, but believes her decision was right, and I feel I’m at the bottom of it all. Was I right to give her the motivation to end the relationship?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b9mqoi
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{
"description": "having a conflictual relationship with my mother",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for having a conflictual relationship with my mother?
|
My husband, our toddler and I are house sitting for my parents while they are away for a few years. I always had a not so great relationship with my mother but I thought it would be better after having a kid. My parents are visiting for a few days and I am trying to improve my positive communication skills but I guess it's a failure.
I asked my mother to watch our kid while we did something outside. I was hoping they would play together even though I feel like she is not interested in her unless there are people around. We came back home to our child in front of the TV and to my mother cleaning an already cleaned house. She was saying that her new appliance is not working well and that she'll bring it back to get refunded. I say she could also exchange it and she starts to shout she wants her money back. Ok. I went to the kitchen to prepare a cake for my birthday, she enters and it goes like this :
M(other) :"Didn't you say you'll prepare leek ?"
Me: "Yes...I'll do it later"
M: "Why are you so aggressive to me, you don't need to talk to me that way"
Me: "I won't talk nice to you if you are not nice to me, you were shouting at me few seconds ago"
M: "I wasn't shouting at you...you don't need to talk to me that way." After a few minutes she gives up on the appliance situation.
M: "I'll remove the rug in front of the couch, summer is coming, they are disgusting anyway so enough"
Me: "We will remove it later, it's still a bit cold.
M: "I am the one deciding, it's still my house"
Me: "I am just asking you to leave the rug for now, it's safer for our toddler." I was screaming at her because I lost it. She is leaving on Monday for at least a year, we are the ones living here. My husband had to quit his job and we moved between countries to not leave their house empty (meanwhile our flat is empty and we had some project there). My parents pressured me almost everyday to come "home" but I feel like we are guests in a stranger house.
M: "I don't understand why you behave like this. Why are you always screaming at me ? You cany talk nicely to me, it's always ending like this, we will never have a normal relationship anyway because you are so aggressive." And she goes on for five minutes. We had an argument earlier because I asked if they could tell me beforehand when someone is coming or when they decide to take an appointment for me...not a few minutes before it's happening. According to her I was mean for telling her how I feel so I just say I'll stop talking.
It always ends up with her telling me that I am aggressive, mean or even that I'm only nice to her when I want something, which I think is false because I'm never asking anything to anyone. In fact if I ask her for advices, she's answering in a condescending way so I just don't ask her anything.
Anyway, am I the asshole for telling how I feel or is my mother overacting?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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|
aghzwq
|
{
"description": "sharing my insecurities and \"making it about me\"",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for sharing my insecurities and "making it about me"?
|
So I've been talking to this guy from OkCupid for a week or so. He seems nice and ready to meet, pretty chill. But we got into major arguments three times, each one where he seems kinda crazy, the third one ending it.
\[Here is full argument with identifying things redacted\]([https://imgur.com/a/if1eDJv](https://imgur.com/a/if1eDJv))
Honestly I'm kind of baffled at what the problem is.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
2ohQ8qXN2iWlaM3vdsGitSnWunaGCktS
|
awb88x
|
{
"description": "arguing with my dad about a storm",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for arguing with my dad about a storm?
|
Alright, so a little bit of backstory here.
I am horrified of loud noises. I think it began with a fear of fireworks which escalated into a fear of balloons (even unfortunately yelled at my uncle because he was rubbing a balloon in my ear), gunshots, even loud talking, and now recently, thunder and lightning. I am terrified of these noises or anything associated with them (i.e. I can't be in the same room as a birthday party that has balloons or (recently) a rainy day for fear of thunder and lightning).
A year ago, I had a traumatic moment when a lightning bolt struck our neighbour's tree and split it. I saw red, white, and blue flashes that actually hurt my eyeballs. The sound of the thunder clap after the strike made me drop everything I had, clutch my ears and scream like a banshee. I was horrified and in tears with my heart pounding in my chest. I was trembling, my brother called my phone to see if I was alright, stuff like that. I've been afraid of rainy days and dark clouds ever since.
Back to the present. So I'm at my dad's house and he has to go to work, which means that I can go to my grandma's house. Grandma's house is about 500 feet down the street, about a two minute walk. Being in the South, we have a lot of rain problems. I get anxious when I see dark clouds or when it starts to rain because I'm scared of thunder. My dad wants me to take my umbrella since I was carrying a lot of stuff. But after hearing a clap of thunder, I try to say no and that I was afraid of the storm.
He brushes it off and I try to explain that I'm scared of my umbrella catching a lightning bolt, as well as the sound of thunder. He again brushes it off and says that my umbrella is plastic (certainly doesn't feel like it). I argue with him for a bit about the supposed myth that holding an umbrella during a storm is sure to attract lightning (I believed it).
So I'm sitting here looking at the storm and borderline about to scream because I'm having very bad flashbacks about that lightning strike. My dad lectures to me that I'll be fine and that umbrellas don't attract lightning, that I'll have the same chance of being struck with or without an umbrella, and that I should stop "acting like a baby."
I explain to him about the lightning strike I heard and (personally I believe) that I developed a kind of PTSD from it (or some kind of trauma). Dad tells me that "PTSD is only for military or army stuff" and I'm sitting here about to honestly bawl my eyes out because of the thunder. Either way, I take the umbrella and go outside, but then I start hearing loud beats from someone's car and interpret it as thunder booms. I start to RUN down the street, terrified of the sound.
​
Am I the asshole for arguing with him and refusing to leave the house?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b5uly2
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{
"description": "not wanting everyone to see my girlfriend's nudes",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not wanting everyone to see my girlfriend’s nudes?
|
So I (16F) have been with my girlfriend (17F) for about three months now. Like a lot of girls our age, she has a spam account where she basically posts whatever she wants - like things she wouldn’t want a future employer seeing if they searched her name. Obviously this is private, and only people that she trusts can see it.
I don’t have an issue with this; I have one too after all. However, a month or so before we officially got together, she used to post very revealing pictures of herself. There weren’t any nipples revealed due to instagram’s policies but that about the only things hidden.
Just to be clear, we’re in the UK, where the legal age is 16, so we’re all good on that account.
I spoke to her recently about the fact everyone that follows her account can see her nudes and that it makes me a bit uncomfortable. I already feel like she’s out of my league so it does make me feel a little shitty. She just told me that it’s her body on her account, and that’s what makes her feel good.
AITA for feeling uncomfortable that all our friends can see my girlfriend naked if they wanted (and probably have in the past)? Is it unreasonable?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
d6bnXF4VTnJyqhtMnGrORTuFh636MUvB
|
avvk67
|
{
"description": "not allowing a dude I barely know to put his stuff in my seat on the bus",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not allowing a dude I barely know to put his stuff in my seat on the bus?
|
So atm I’m technically in two schools in a way? During the day after my first period only on B days I get on a bus and leave my regular school to go to another. So I get on the bus after my class and some dude is sitting where I normally sit, that’s cool, I had joked with him before so I walked up and said jokingly “Riiisee” and he looked up at me with a somewhat angry expression and said “fuck you”. I was like okay maybe he’s just a little sour today and I suppose I suck for joking around like that.
So I sit down like one seat in front of him to his right. I’m chilling listening to music and not paying him mind. Suddenly I see him grab his book bag and just place it in my seat without even asking me. It’s a public bus so l have no claim to the seat or anything but is it really okay to put your shit in another persons space? I look at him confused and I say no. He says nothing and just smiles, so i put his things on another seat across from me. And heres where he starts to get upset and keeps trying to put it back on my seat over and over again but I keep moving it. And I look at the window at the seat he’s in and it’s literally only SLIGHTLY drizzling through his window and some of it is hitting his bag.
After my repeated refusals he says, “Man why are you being a little bitch” and at that point I was sick of his shit and went off at him and told him, “No you’re being a little bitch because you can’t handle a little fucking drizzle on your book bag. It’s not the end of the world if your book bag gets slightly wet quit being a bitch.” After which his face frowned yet he said nothing else and then he just moved himself away and put his book bag back where he was originally sitting.
I don’t feel bad for it, but AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
GNLaxhb3GutIvVlPL48M6AbIkd0Tdkve
|
9u7lgd
|
{
"description": "yelling at roommate because he wouldn't do his dishes",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For yelling at roommate because he wouldn't do his dishes?
|
We had several polite conversations. His habits would change for a few days. Then go back to me taking care of his small mess. I know I shouldn't care about a few plates. And I didn't care. I was takinh care of a few small plates. But he thought then that it would be ok to leave out pots and pans for a week, two weeks. And then he would act like it was such a small task, why even bring it up, aka why don't you do them for me.
What I'm learning from this not to do a thing for some people even if it's small. Because as soon it will be an inch, it will be a mile.
-He had the audacity to place my breakfast dishes on the my clean ones because I have a very early class. They were left out for hours. Not the weeks he leaves things out.
-Whenever he can tell that I'm pissed, he flat out "forgets" that it's his shit and refuses to clean his mess up.
So I've yelled at him 3 times in the 6 months I've lived here. They were arguments where I'm straight up yelling. He gaslights me and tells me I'm crazy or that I haven't taken my meds because of the way that I'm acting. But how many civil conversations do I need to have? I've lived in many places. It's rare that this has ever been an issue.
TL;DR Am I the asshole for yelling at my roommate because he won't do his dishes?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
e1W8Dlf0kJyoMISmupvHAmLONb64y2n5
|
ba6sxb
|
{
"description": "lying about my work schedule",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for lying about my work schedule
|
So I'm a single mom of 2 girl, 1 teen and 1 little one (the teen lives elsewhere). I recently started working again after taking 3 years off, so during the week I'm very busy with my own school work, work, and the baby. I have no time for rest and I'm utterly exhausted.
So usually I get to spend weekends with my teen, she really enjoys the time and I really do love seeing her, but lately I've been so exhausted and I lied about having to work the next few weekends so the teen can't come over and my baby stays at her aunts house. I feel bad about lying so we can't spend time together but I need time for me. I need time to be an adult and stress relief.
Am I am asshole for this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
XoJ36Lfkg2kA1IES7DNsPnrg6OFhwTvj
|
axveil
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my gf for choosing to go on vacation without me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For breaking up with my gf for choosing to go on vacation without me?
|
Leading up to this I knew that it was being planned, although I didn't have plans on going. It's not that I didn't particulary wanted to (Its complicated I'll skip this part). I was planning on going abroad to work and she is didn't even bother asking whats up with that. She didn't even ask twice or be like, uspet I guess? about me not coming. I know this sounds really boring but on top of that we've had problems lately with trust and all that and shes gonna be with mutual friends. Her rommate is gonna be a guy I know too. Not worried about that though. (i know the guy hes cool). I texted her about this saying it doesnt feel nice and she started this huge argument aaand yeah..
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
INFO
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
WRONG
|
qeUZIRlmgwqfDD7a3G0k83KWlbe7zySy
|
apkxbm
|
{
"description": "not letting my wife's cousin see my future child because they are not vaccinated",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not letting my wife's cousin see my future child because they are not vaccinated?
|
Backstory: So I have this aunt with 4 boys that posts things about anti-vaxx. That's fine and all because it's your children. Her kids are cool and I relate with one of them very well since we both enjoy Game Theory. I haven't received any shots for quite awhile (27m) and don't think I need anymore. But I did receive them until I was about 10 years old and think they should be induced for the beginning of someone's life.
Situation: In about 4 months time, I will have a baby of my own. My wife said that our cousins will want to hold the baby and be around her.
My thoughts are "they won't be around my kid until my daughter has built up an immune system and has gotten her shots."
The cousins are four boys who didn't get to choose to be or not to be vaccinated, but these kids rarely get told no. Not sure about the aunt but I feel she has rarely been told no also. I worry that my wife and grandmother will go with having our kids meet without my concerns effecting their decision.
AITA for telling my cousins they can't see my baby until she gets her shots and builds up an immune system?
Also, when would be enough time for her immune system to be strong enough? TIA
Cousins are 3, 8,10, 14.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
HPYuRfssf1SUZwC2bAQObFolxyl3Itu6
|
aucez1
|
{
"description": "not wanting to close a now open relationship",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for not wanting to close a now open relationship?
|
Gf and I have been together for 4 years. We’ve talked about marriage, kids, the whole nine yards.
Last month we had a tough conversation. She wanted to try an open relationship for a month. I was one of her firsts and she wanted to explore She’s also bisexual and never acted on it and wanted to explore that as well.
When we had this conversation I was in internal meltdown mode. I was considering ending the relationship. I honestly felt that this was the death of our relationship, but just a slower death than usual so maybe I should just end it quickly.
After I had calmed down though I decided to at least try it. I love my gf and if this is what she needed I can at least try.
So February came around and it began. I’m also bisexual so for the first time I downloaded grinder. A gay dating app. I’ve never used it before. Right away I started getting messages. I really didn’t want to go straight into sex at first so it took a couple days before I found someone who actually wanted to go out on a date.
It was like a part of me was revived. I had forgotten a huge part of myself being with my gf and having that night woke that part of me up. I started meeting more and more people. Men and women. Dating in my early 20s was always so hard for me, but for some reason with these apps it just works.
Gf wasn’t having the same experience. She went on a couple dates, but didn’t feel a connection to any of them. She said they made better friends.
Gf asked me today if I just wanted to end the month now and I said no. I could tell she didn’t like that. I don’t want to hurt her, but I’m not ready for it to end.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 20,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
xHL621HEqtEkbrE12i4ufDwaCSwaUli8
|
actp2o
|
{
"description": "sleeping with an ex fwb sister",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for sleeping with an ex FWB sister?
|
So I (23M) used to sleep with this girl a few years back that I went to uni with and there was no real connection on my end just a bit of drunk fun here and there. I got the feeling at the time she was really into me and I stopped the situation and moved it into a purely platonic relationship.
​
I've been off the scene and living out of the city we're from for a a year or so now and we all caught up for some drink's, being drunk one thing lead to another and her sister and I ended up going home together. Nobody knows because we were quite cunning about it and put 30 minutes between each of us leaving said ex FWB's house (this is what I feel like I'm an asshole for doing). Her sisters cute we got on really well and had a fun night together.
​
If this came out it would really hurt my ex FWB/ good friend and I feel like an ass but at the same time I had a great emotional and sexual connection with her sister and don't regret it AITA?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
RBhXfLKJUolKpq0bw2qiznMJ3Gv5MTec
|
b50hhb
|
{
"description": "wanting to avoid the girl I went to Homecoming with",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to avoid the girl I went to Homecoming with?
|
For a bit of context, earlier in the year this girl who I had been decent friends with was dropping a ton of hints that she wanted to go to her high schools' homecoming with me. I didn't want her to go without a date and she was clear that she wanted to go with a friend, so I offered to go with her.
The dance was alright, though we were never really that close of friends, so we only really had a couple of awkward conversations. During the dance I kept on looking for water or finding other friends so that we would have something to do/talk about. All in all, I was willing to do this because it meant she wasn't friendless at HC.
After homecoming, things got a bit weird. From time to time she would approach me with really uncomfortably intense conversations, and got really close to me. Around then I was figuring that she liked me, despite the fact that I had essentially friend zoned her when agreeing to go to HC as friends. Asking around, a couple of my friends told me that she did in fact like me.
Things continued to be awkward until her schools Sadie Hawkins dance came around, and she asked me to it AS FRIENDS.
At this point I was just confused. I thought going with her to HC was a mercy move, because her closer friends all had dates, but now she was asking so early that she could have chosen anyone else that was a closer friend. Obviously she was asking me as a date, which makes me wonder why she emphasized going as friends.
I lied and said I was busy that day, but then the polar vortex led to that dance being rescheduled, so she asked again. I knew I couldn't lie again, so I told her the truth, that I felt uncomfortable going to the dance with her.
Things went back to the way they were, but she was still being uncomfortably intense, so I began avoiding her, since my words were clearly not working. Whenever she would approach me, I would keep our conversations polite and brief, then I would leave soon after.
AITA for doing this? I'm just really tired of dealing with her and I don't want to lead her on. My hope is that she will lose interest in me and move on to someone else, but I'm also afraid that I might kinda be the A-hole for avoiding her. Help!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
mV1p6nxCUDvyZ9Nfmh8g9hCk4Z4vM61n
|
ab68i9
|
{
"description": "telling a girl that she is a slut",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for telling a girl that she is a slut?
|
There is a girl in my school who is very nice but is very promiscuous. I have no truck with that and told her gently that she is a slut. She got angry with that and told me she thought I was a nice guy. I replied that I mean her no harm and that this is just what the Bible says. She started crying and then I felt bad. AITA for calling a slut a slut?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
5vzRxfJtnu8vEN6kctJUTWqZFWWfdLbo
|
a9y5dw
| null |
AITA (on behalf of my girlfriend... So I guess ISTA) stole a mean guys wallet and spent his money to feed a few people.
|
I'm not even sure if I can post on someone else's behalf, I'm relatively new to reddit, but, here goes
My girlfriend has a 50 minute commute to the university she works at and on one particular morning, during her commute she was sat adjacent to 4 men (I assume heading to work due to them being in suits). One bloke, who will be called Mr A for ease, in particular took an interest in my GF and tried hitting on her. She politely declined and gave her reasons but this chap was persistent in his goals and tried to compare his life and work to be better than mine (despite not even knowing Me, I wasn't there)
Eventually, my GF got pretty angry and told him to "fuck off or I'll kick you in the dick" it was at this point his friends started to laugh and Mr A, I think got a little embarrassed, so as a result of his hurt pride he decided to call my GF a Slut, whore etc. Your typical r/niceguys stuff. And it was at this point his friends decided to join in. My GF is pretty ruthless so she just sat there laughing.
Their stop came before hers and they continued to blurt out expletives while leaving the train and that was the end of the encounter... I hope.
It was at this point she noticed a wallet on the 4 recently vacated seats, she sought out the driving license and low and behold, it belonged to Mr A. She stated that there was about 90 quid in notes a little shrapnel and an assortment of cards. She took it upon herself to take the wallet and buy many McDonlads breakfast meals as she could with the cash and hand them out to hungry looking people on the street afterwards she put the wallet, with all the cards but no cash, into the nearest post box. Apparently, posties will deliver a wallet provided there was an address like there was on his driving licence.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
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