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hM5nLGclL4Y9abS1kSWSu1w1MpcimrGu
|
amqrek
| null |
AITA?
|
AITA for wanting a coworker to get fired? Little context for y'all, I have a very cool relaxing retail job, its not super hard you literally just have to know your shit and help people pit with their problems or sell them shit super simple no commmisonor anything like that. But up untill maybe a week ago cause this coworker shows no work ethic and is just lazy af always on the phone always asking dumb questions only when helping customers not during down time while were willing to teach, so now we can't have our phones on us even during down time, ontop of that half of us who work here are stoners the owners of the store know this and are cool with it untill this coworker was on Snapchat about it and ruined that for us too, am I being petty for wanting them gone?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
SRRM5ipRXu8IkNPHPVmBJDaIsQuSRHsp
|
b95vtb
|
{
"description": "getting a ride to a party from someone who wasn't invited",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for getting a ride to a party from someone who wasn't invited?
|
This issue has been plaguing my mind since last December and I am happy that this r/ exists because I need to know whether i am in the wrong or not. (If sharing please don't show username.)
My friend since childhood (We'll call her Sarah) has been giving me rides to and from school everyday for a long time because she lived right down the street from me. One day in Dec. after school, I was going to host a Secret Santa party. I have two groups of friends because Sarah doesn't get along with my larger group of friends. I didn't invite her to my secret Santa party because I know it would end in a fight if she did attend. In the past Sarah had been extremely jealous whenever I spent time with other friends. Anytime I would post a picture with someone else she would message me and be angry even though I spent time with Sarah other times. This was getting old and I was growing apart from Sarah. I did plan on having another party, but it never happened. My group of friends took my bus home, we all got off at my bus stop where Sarah's mom would also pick her up so she didn't have to walk to her house. I was planning to just walk a couple blocks with my friends to my house. Then, Sarah's mom asked us if we would like a ride home. I politely refused at because I didn't want Sarah to be around other friends. Sarah's mom then says, "No,its OK, I'll get y'all a ride home, its cold." Without thinking, I agreed. Everyone got in her car and she dropped us off. I thanked her profusely and quickly got everyone to my house. During the ride to my house, Sarah said nothing. I look at Sarah as she leaves the driveway. As I look I see that she is crying. I was expecting the upset text from Sarah, per usual for being with others. I couldn't focus at the party. After opening presents, my phone rings. There it is. The upset text from Sarah. Crying and blaming everyone. I had discussed that I didn't think Sarah and the other group should spend a lot of time together, and she AGREED, but now she decided that she did want to be at the party with them? I received at least 15 other messaged with a a range of emotions. This typically happened when I spent time with my other friends, but this time I was confused on how to respond, because I was wrong for accepting the ride. I didn't respond until later in the night, now seeing 20+ messages. At this point I was SO tired of this jealousy every time I wanted to be around people other than her. I finally snapped and told her we should not be friends anymore. To which she politely responded with, "Fuck you." I can't help to feel guilty for accepting the ride and not inviting her.
AITA for cutting off all contact with my best friend since childhood over this?
(I'm not a great storyteller so I'll be happy to answer any questions you may have.)
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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WV9VzLRFijGFqwOsZ7K8SW5QtbanYfjV
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b3npkm
| null |
AITA: My wife will not share her electric toothbrush handle/base
|
My wife bought a new fancy high cost electric toothbrush. Cool! I say. I will just buy my own brush and we can share it. She looks at me with this weird look. No?! That's disgusting! She says. Arguments ensue. I believe it all boils down to her being petty. Who's right?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
j2oF9tzbR6wEYxehccePyCOPQCwsN25W
|
b1adhn
|
{
"description": "telling my ex and her best friend to stop stalking me on social media",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling my ex and her best friend to stop stalking me on social media?
|
Backstory: Her and I dated two years ago for about four months. After we broke up we stopped talking.
Turns out she has been stalking me for the entire two years we’ve been apart. She has me added on Snapchat and has had me on Snapchat for two years. I found this really weird and brought it up to my girlfriend now. She also agreed it was weird. She has previously asked my ex to unadd me on Snapchat and unfollow me on Instagram/Twitter. My ex agreed to do this but never did.
Fast forward to yesterday and I ended up confronting my ex and her friend about stalking me and keeping tabs on me for years. My ex’s best friend told me I was being narcissistic and an ass for accusing them that they were keeping tabs on me. I talked to my ex for the first time since we broke up and she called me an ass and told me that it’s not weird to have your exes on Snapchat.
Note: I never added her back after we broke up so she appeared under “Other Snapchatters” every time I posted something on my story.
AITA for confronting my ex and her best friend about them possibly keeping tabs on me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
|
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|
WRONG
|
g5tgUk56Qmx4OZQyW6iTapXG6SptoOlb
|
b4obdf
|
{
"description": "reneging on a compromise made with my wife",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I renege on a compromise made with my wife?
|
A little background. My wife and I are of different nationalities, and whereas she is still religious--in the sense she'll go on the holidays--I do not believe in God although I was raised and confirmed Catholic. (This isn't a religious debate so please keep that in mind). I was forced to go to weekly mass (at a Catholic school) and complete all the religious sacraments even though I told my parents, from a young age, that I don't believe in God. This belief was solidified over the years following so many things.
​
When my wife and I got married, she kept her last names and I was fine with that, but there was the question of whose last name would the kids takeI love my wife dearly but I just couldn't see myself going through life with my children having two last names (I really don't know how to explain this one. I used to think that I'd be cool with pretty much whatever as long as my kids are healthy, but when the moment arrived there was something unexplainable to it). Probably very American of me, but it just didn't sit right. I was/am fine with her not taking my last name but it felt too much to ask of me to that we do things her culture's way in regards to our kids--at least for this theme.
​
After months and months of long discussions, we finally came to a compromise. Our kids would take my last name, but they would be baptized in her religion. This was fine with me because I don't believe in God and she's still semi-religious. Unlike most compromises, where both sides feel like they got a bit screwed, we both came away feeling like we each got a win. Fast-forward to the present. We have one child and another on the way. Recently she asked me about their baptism and I reminded her of our arrangement, and mentioned that the baptism is her responsibility. She knows of my beliefs and stance towards God and religion. So, she looked into it. It didn't take her long to come back with some info, but I again reminded her that if she wants our kids baptized it's her choice and responsibility and that I'm not in the picture for that one because of my beliefs, or lack thereof.
​
Well, it turns out that not only do both parents have to be present for the baptism, but I would have to take religious classes because I'm not her religion. There are two parts, come to find out, about this baptismal process that I refuse to do because of what I believe. Taking classes. 2.) I genuinely cannot bring myself to stand up at an altar and answer a priest in the affirmative that Yes, I do give this child to the kingdom of God. To me, that would be like saying, Yes, I give my child to nothing. (She got this info from talking with her priest).
Neither of us was aware of this process and we figured it was something she could do on her own. I won't do the classes, again, and I don't see myself up at the altar telling the priest that I give my child to God. So, WIBTA if I renege on a compromise made with my wife?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
rRm42xZvQ9ofcO3ABwcClWRc3tIjnT9H
|
acaz5s
|
{
"description": "not wanting to play with my cousin",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to play with my cousin
|
So let's start with that - my aunt lives in another country. She has a really strong personality but that's what I like about her. She has visited a lot of countries, had many interesting jobs and experienced a lot. I love listening to her life stories. Sadly, I see her only once a year. I really used to enjoy her visits, and waited for them more than I even waited for Christmas, until she got a baby (a girl, is 6 years old now).
Now we don't talk about interesting stuff like we used to, we barely even talk at all and if we do, it's now always about what her daughter did, what she wore, how "different she is from other kids because she likes dinosaurs and dragons". And I'm slowly getting sick of it. It makes us distant from each other and on top of that every time she visits us she wants me to play with her daughter all the time.
Don't get me wrong, I love my cousin. She is a sweetheart, she always cries when they have to leave and she knows that she won't see me for another year. She is a smart child and I love hearing some funny stories about her from time to time and don't mind drawing with her or building fun stuff with legos etc. but she is extremely lazy and gets bored of everything very quickly expect play pretending. Which would be ok if it wasn't like: I talk to her, try to be entertaining, play a hundred characters at once while she is just sitting and looking at me, sometimes saying a word or two. It is really frustrating and exhausting and doing that for a few hours really isn't fun for me. And when I try to do something different with her or tell her that I want to rest she goes downstairs to my parents, my aunt and my uncle chatting, and tells everybody that I don't want to play with her, making me feel like the biggest a-hole in the entire world.
Because of that I found myself for example eating extremely slow at family dinners when they are visiting us because then I don't have to play with my cousin (but she keeps on asking me over and over again to do that while I eat anyways).
There's also one more thing that concerns me.
This year I'm going on a trip to Asia with them (aunt, uncle, their daughter and me). It's my birthday present because I've never had birthday parties or celebrated my birthday in any way and felt like I want to at least make one of my dreams come true when I'm 18. My parents don't like traveling and I don't feel comfortable traveling on my own so I'm going with them. Plus they also wanted to visit Asia and I won't lie, they helped financially a lot.
However, besides money they don't organise or help with anything connected to that trip at all. When they visited us recently we had decided earlier to discuss everything but we just didn't. I didn't even had the opportunity to talk to them because I was always taking care of the cousin.
There's still a couple of months left to the trip, but still it's better to talk about these kind of stuff face to face and not via email.
There's only one thing about the trip they mentioned while already leaving and that was a comment directed to their daughter saying "Don't worry! You can play with [my name] in [the month we are going to Asia] for two weeks (we will be traveling for two weeks)!" and that really hit me you know.
I also heard from my parents that my aunt wants me to take care of my cousin on the plane and during car rides knowing very well that this flight will be long and I have motion sickness so I might feel awful and have even less energy than normal then.
I wanted that trip to be my present, my vacation, my break from everything and my opportunity to explore an interesting culture without having to take care of my cousin every damn second.
But now I am not happy about the trip at all and I feel like a piece of shid for that because I feel like I'm over-exaggerating the whole situation. I'm just tired of all of this and don't know how to feel or what to do. I tried talking to them or my parents about it but they all make me feel like I'm exaggerating.
[[Also English is not my first or second language and this is my first post on Reddit so it's probably full of mistakes and it was a horrible decision to post that but hey.. I want to know if I'm really the a-hole here because it bugs me so much.]]
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
PKisUgGjrxssGBEYemvZqFys7v4LmoyX
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a9e7s4
|
{
"description": "telling this girl who contacts me (after not talking for years) that I have a girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling this girl who contacts me (after not talking for years) that I have a girlfriend?
|
Hello guys! First time poster here so I hope this all goes well. (On mobile by the way)
TL;DR at the bottom
A little background info. I’m currently a junior in college (relevant for timing) and in high school, I used to be really good friends with this one girl (we’ll call Sally). Basically, we were best friends and would hangout all the time. Then, I started dating a girl during my sophomore year (who I would end up dating for 2 years). Now Sally and many others warned me about this girl being kind of controlling and demanding towards her boyfriends, but me being the ignorant high schooler just ignored her and the rest of the people. Because of this, I lost my friendship with Sally and we didn’t speak for the rest of the time I was dating this girl (2 years).
Fast forward to the break up. I ended things with that girlfriend because I finally saw all the signs that pointed to a toxic relationship and what everyone had previously warned me about. After we broke up, I contacted Sally and told her how sorry and terrible I was to her for ignoring her and wanted to rebuild our friendship. We started hanging out again and becoming friends. Until one day we hooked up and it just turned our whole friendship to shit. After we hooked up that one time, she became distant and eventually cut off communication with me. I was devastated because Sally was my best friend and I had lost her again because of a dumb mistake. We both eventually graduated high school and went to different universities in different states.
Fast forward to today (3 years later). I am now in a relationship with a girl I met in my dorm. We have been together for 2 years (ironic) and we are still going strong with no signs of slowing down. So today, Sally contacts me by randomly sending me a picture, through Snapchat, of us in high school. Now keep in mind I haven’t talked to her since high school when she cut off communication with me, so I was very shocked she contacted me. We started talking about our lives, how we’ve been doing, school, etc. While messaging each other back and forth, she confesses that she misses me and wished things could have been different and that she wished we could have dated. I’m blown back by this because she’s the one who stopped talking to me. Anyways, she goes on to say that she has feelings for me. First of all, I don’t know how she could have feelings for me if we hadn’t even talked in 3 years. Secondly, I have my current girlfriend who I adore. So I go on to tell her that I’m flattered that she’s saying all of this to me and for confessing her feelings for me, but that I have a girlfriend.
At this point, once I told Sally I had a girlfriend, her whole mood changes. She tries to convince me to break up with her. Sally says, word for word, “The relationship we had is incomparable. You’ll never find anybody else like me.” Well she’s right, I found someone much better. I respectfully decline her offer saying that I’m happy in the relationship I have now. She goes on to tell me how much of dick I’m being and that she’ll never talk to me again (shocker). In hindsight, I feel like I could have handled it differently by getting coffee with her the next time I was in town, or anything to just talk to her in person. Because from experience, everything can be interpreted differently if it’s over text, so I’m hoping I didn’t say anything that could’ve have rubbed her the wrong way to go off on me like that. It is the middle of the night, so maybe she’s drunk and spewing whatever comes to mind that she might not even mean to say.
So, am I the asshole for telling Sally that I have a girlfriend? Maybe she interpreted what I was saying in a demeaning way towards her? Should I have gone to see her face to face before I said anything about my current relationship status? I’m just confused on this whole situation.
TL;DR ex bestie contacts me after years of no communication to confess her feelings towards me. I tell her that I have a girlfriend (maybe it came off as douchey) and that I’m happy in my current relationship. She tries to convince me to break up with my girlfriend for her. After I don’t budge, she continues to call me a dick and that she’ll never speak to me again.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b00i65
|
{
"description": "not wanting my friends to take partial credit for work that was entirely done by me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my friends to take partial credit for work that was entirely done by me?
|
Just so you know, I'm a Portuguese 13yo on mobile, so don't expect this to be very coherent.
Me and my two friends all fucked up and decided to do a school project on sunday, two days before the presentation of said project, but I couldn't meet up with them so I did most of the research part and put it on google drive, and sent it to them, expecting them to add the rest on PowerPoint and finish up on that day. They started it at 2pm so they had time to do it. Fast forward to just now, at 11pm. My friend calls me to say he was trying to do it, but the file got corrupted(I think this might be bullshit). He wants them both to take partial credit for the stuff I did on google drive. I said no, he shouldn't have postponed finishing it to today. I've got great grades, they don't, but they're not at risk of failing and it's not an important class, and I want to salvage what's left of my grade from this shitshow. Am I the asshole for wanting to take all the credit for work only I did?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
q8Bktd9NsKY3cigb5UoanpvmWXCrem6e
|
an3plg
|
{
"description": "returning a hunting dog",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For returning a hunting dog.
|
This has been on my mind for a while. As a true blooded redneck I was out hunting hogs on family land in the river delta. We were winding down as we didn't see much more than sign that day so my dad, an old friend and I were playing with a little .410 shotgun when a hunting dog ran up.
We all stopped and I called the little guy to me and he came right over sweet as could be. He had a tracker collar on as well as a name plate but he was thin, too thin. His pads were bleeding and he was soaked to the bone in that thick bud only a river delta gets.
In true redneck engineering I used a rifle sling as a leash and we called up the owner and brought the dog back to him. He had four dogs total. Three chasers and a pinner. The pinning dog was a pit bull and it was the only dog with a protective vest. The chasers were hound mixes and had no protection not even a spike collar.
He drove off and I had a bad taste in my mouth. Hogs are dangerous. And while I have a hunting dog of my own he doesn't go out without a good meal a vest and a spike collar. It was quite clear that this dog had none of those.
AITA for returning this dog? I know I couldn't have helped the others but maybe I could've left his radio collar in the river and taken him to a shelter.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
zZfmjkFEEwWsoYAYpViNLhQzqKLijD7V
|
aoevfv
|
{
"description": "not getting involved in a friend's conversation about abortion",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not getting involved in a friend's conversation about abortion?
|
I'm in a Whatsapp group with a bunch of Mothers, all with children of different ages, some of whom are pregnant again, some are single mothers, different upbringings, basically a wide cross-section of Mums.
A lot of Mums use the chat to share their troubles, and the rest of us will offer support and advice. Although I don't post as regularly as some, I will always send messages of support no matter what the subject.
This brings me to recently. It's worth noting that my child was born through IVF, my partner and i struggle with subfertility. I fell pregnant naturally last year which surprised us both, but miscarried over two months later. We're considering adoption for a second child.
One of the ladies discovered she might be pregnant. It's poor timing for her with regards to finances, and the strength of her relationship, so she's considering a termination. She asked if she was an awful person for thinking that way. Many of the group responded to say that of course she wasn't.
I was conspicuous with my lack of response.
Whilst I completely understand her reasons, and I'm pro-choice. I didn't feel that I could respond without my own wants for a child coming through. I felt jealous that she even had a choice. So I chose to say nothing.
So AITA for not showing support to someone when they needed it?
Apologies for any typos or formatting - I'm on my phone.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
IYQK4yihsz8GhWLqeZCgUov96PwzrlhI
|
aee9e8
|
{
"description": "suddenly ghosting a close friend of 3 years",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for suddenly ghosting a close friend of 3 years?
|
A little over a year ago, I finally cut ties with a friend of 3.5 years who had spent the better part of our friendship gaslighting and manipulating me, as well as dumping all of her emotional baggage on me very frequently almost as if I were a therapist, since she couldn't afford one at the time. She had also betrayed my trust on multiple occasions, but I'd always just chalked that up to her being a huge gossip. Examples of things she's said to me/tried to convince me of include that I was never going to get into college because I'm not as smart as her, that my own boyfriend liked her more than he liked me (and that I was just his side piece), that I was never going to find a friend who appreciated me as much as she did, that my personal health issues were not as important as her, and more. For anyone who hasn't been gaslighted before: this might sound absolutely nuts the first time you hear it, but when it's been told to you over and over again almost every day for years, you slowly start to believe that everything they say is true. Just as some extra information, this friend of mine wasn't the most secure person, and was dealing with some mental health issues during our friendship, which I had offered to help with if I could (listening to her rants, offering advice/comfort, etc.)
​
I had noticed signs that this friendship was getting quite toxic around 3 years in, but never had the courage to confront her about it because I'mnot the type to do so and I really didn't want to suffer the consequences of her freaking out if I had essentially "dumped" her. Since I'd moved an hour away in the last year of our friendship we were almost exclusively talking online and over FaceTime, etc. After one particularily bad conversation, being the coward that I am, I didn't reply to her rant and instead just blocked her on all forms of social media.
​
Fast forward to the next day, and she has sent me more than 20 messages on various forms of social media using alternative accounts, asking why I suddenly left the night before. I proceeed to ignore her and block all of her alt accounts that had messaged me, plus all the other ones I knew of as well. A few days later, I received messages from some of her other friends as well as a few of our mutual friends, all of which said something along the lines of "\_\_\_\_\_\_ is going to kill herself tonight because of what you did, you're such a shitty friend." I didn't respond to any of these either, because the fact that \*so many\* of these had showed up in my inbox on the same night led me to believe they were just a call for attention, and my experience with this girl in the 3.5 years we were friends is that she would often say things like this which were just empty threats. After that, I only received 2 messages from her friends, both of which begged me to take her back, and both of which I ignored. Everything was well for about 6 months.
​
After a few months, I received another message from her boyfriend, telling me that she really missed me that night and begging me to please give her a second chance. Feeling like an absolute asshole, I agreed to talk to her again that night. I unblocked her main account and sent her a "hi" message, only to be left on read. I blocked her again the next day, and moved on with my life as usual. A couple weeks later, the boyfriend sends me YET ANOTHER message that says something similar, and seeing how I still felt terrible about it, I agreed once again. SAME THING HAPPENED. I blocked her and vowed to never agree to speak to her again.
​
This was a little over a year ago. Last night, I received the same messages from her boyfriend, but merely left him on read. This morning I woke up to multiple paragraphs from the boyfriend, some of which begged me to talk to her again while most of them guilt-tripped me for not connecting with her again afterwards. He says that I should've at least told her \*why\* I ghosted her and left, and give her another chance at being friends. I blocked him as well.
​
Reddit, AITA for suddenly ghosting a close friend without explaining it, and then rejecting multiple advances from people \*other than the person I ghosted\* to reconnect?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b4xypq
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{
"description": "feeling hurt that my biologocal mother wasn't on the family tree",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for feeling hurt that my biologocal mother wasn't on the family tree?
|
Just went up to my grandparents 60th anniversary. On the wall they hung up a big family tree with photos of my grandparents kids, their kids, and their kids kids. My dad is divorced and remarried and so a photo of him and his new wife was up there, but my biological mother wasn't. This wouldn't have really bothered me cause I get that my dad's remarried and all but on the same family tree my aunt who is divorced was pictured with her husband (she isn't remarried). it just rubbed me the wrong way for some reason. I didn't throw a fit over it but I mentioned it to my wife and sister. thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
JMxzEjgvmyjfNmaorDzJDyPNx9eBoLFu
|
ape1yr
|
{
"description": "making a scene at the movies",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for making a scene at the movies?
|
First of all the title could condemn me already (shout out to my pun lovers) but to give context back in December I was on vacation, visiting my wife for exodus after being away for a few months at NAS Pensacola.
We had pre bought tickets and reserved seats that morning for a 4pm showing of the new aquaman movie. We had no hiccups getting there, getting our tickets, snacks, and our reserved seats. The real issue should up with the people who reserved the seats next to ours, specifically a father and son.
The movie starts playing and about 10 minutes in the son, who is sitting adjacent to my right starts opening a extra large bar of Hershey cookies and creme. Which wasnt too loud and obviously no problem. The issue was the kid starts smacking his lips like no other, I mean nauseatingly obnoxiously loud. After about 5 minutes of self deliberation on how much I actually cared to focus on the movie I decided I paid for my ticket and it would be fair I get to enjoy it so I turned to the kid(looks between the age of like 16-17) and me being 22 didn't personally find it that strange to make a statement to him; and I said "Hey brother would you mind not chewing with your mouth open I'm having a hard time focusing on the movie." The kid says sure and sorry, I didnt want him to think I was trying to be rude and said "ya not trying to be rude, I really appreciate it."
I turn to continue the movie, kinda glad that went so smoothly until about 30 seconds after that little conversation the kids father stretches over his son and says to me, "dont tell my son what to do, he has braces and it's not his fault". I comment back something of the sort like I wasnt trying to be rude but hes really making it hard to enjoy the movie and the guy insists on saying it's not his sons fault and I shouldnt have said anything to his kid and if I had I problem to take it up with him. I think that's so dumb though. His kid was apparently 14 and cant handle a simple keep it down request at the movies? The kid seems visibly uneasy and asked his dad to let it go and at this point i give up on this arguement anyway because the boy stopped chewing loud, problem solved and I wanna watch the movie. Although it did irritate me that I had to have an arguement with this guy over what I thought was his sons lack of manners.
Fast forward to the end of the movie, I had been stewing on this guys reaction but being nonconfrontational as I am I didnt care to carry on his BS so I waited until his whole family got up and started to walk from their chairs, at that moment I figured I would start getting the leg rest down and my stuff together. As I'm doing this, mind you still sitting, the father comes up to me and restates close to word for word what he had earlier, "dont talk to my kid, he has braces and he cant help that." I said back, "I think it's pretty fair I ask him not to chew so loudly, how was i suppose to know he had braces and i dont understand how that stops someone from chewing quietly. I asked your son very kindly if he would stop and he said sure and it was done, I wasnt rude and the fact you wanna come up to me after the movie after you've ushered your family away to make a scene of this is ridiculous." He again restates what he has said and then suggests that we take this outside and this really astonished me that this man decides he wants to fight me in the parking lot over this. I decline, I say I'm in the air force and was raised and taught not to be about that kind of crap.
I did however say something of the sorts(cant remember cus I was kinda frustrated at this) that he can fuck right off and get out of my face, pointed to the door and said to get the fuck away from me. At this point my voice was raised and my wife was really just begging me to stop. He insisted on arguing but I just kept saying leave me the f alone, I dont care fuck off old man as he would try to keep arguing but with my wife being uneasy I really just wanted him to go away. So each time head try to speak with me I'd just loudly say to get the hell out of my face and leave.
He eventually left but not without saying the same damn thing he had said like 10 times as he walked out the door and into the lobby presumably out til the lot idk I didnt see him after that, I left the theater pretty quick myself.
So am AITA? My wife believes we both were being assholes but does thinking the father started it and there wasnt anything wrong with me asking the kid to not chew loud. But I thinking if this guy wouldn't leave me alone when I tried to drop it, yelling at him to leave was the best and least assholish thing I could do, rather than fight him.
So tl;dr: I made a 40 something man mad at the movies cus I politely asked his son to not chew so loud. AITA for going off/blowing up on said father after he decides to egg me on, get in my face, threaten me and repeating himself?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
cBOeFWaeHEwIT8E0oTqzKZUv0Al3btWz
|
aqjzwj
|
{
"description": "thinking was cool to visit a low diversity place where I blended right into the crowd",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for thinking was cool to visit a low diversity place where i blended right into the crowd?
|
I hope this I see the right type of post for this sub— I think it’s maybe potentially rude than truly assholeish and I definitely don’t think the other person is an ass, I’m just looking for your thoughts.
For context, I look like a Nazi Germany poster—Hitler probably would have creamed his pants if he saw my family, we’re all the stereotypical tall pale blue eyed blondes, mostly due to our Nordic ancestry. I recently got to visit a Scandinavian country and once we got out into the countryside, it was kinda hilarious and cool seeing most people around that looked so similarly to me we could be related. We’d walk into a cafe and see a sea of towheads, I felt like I could just walk behind any random family and blend in as their own. And I wasn’t tall any more, I was more or less normal sized and tables/countertops seemed built for me! When I got home I was mentioning to a friend of mine (South Asian ancestry) that it was kinda cool going somewhere where everyone looked like they were related to me and I thought it was really funny. I noticed her starting to look uncomfortable and realized I sounded like Hitler. I know that my intent wasn’t “we need to build an ethnostate!”, in fact after the initial coolness it got kinda weird, but I understand how people could interpret it that way. She’s a dear friend to me and one of my favorite people in the world, I’m worried she saw the whole conversation as a white girl talking happily about a place with no brown people and thought I would be happier without her or her family. Should I stop telling that vacation anecdote or do you think that most people would understand what I was getting at?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
vdCzGHiPLT9uBaUMM4vUG1xiIWaU8gx2
|
a4k2m7
|
{
"description": "not wanting to leave my wife",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to leave my wife
|
I appoligize in advance for the formatting and grammar. (I'm on mobile)
BUT am I the asshole for not wanting to leave my wife despite me not really being happy? Getting a divorce would absolutely destroy my life (I'd more than likely loose my kids because of the nature of my job/ We'd all be financially fucked)
We both know that our marriage is not great, we recognize that but usually put it on the back burner because we're so busy. Plus, due to her upbringing she's not really supportive of the idea of divorce.
But We argue constantly, nothing dramatic just consistent. We've both kind of let ourselves go and I find myself looking elsewhere. I'm sure she does to.
I understand that having kids exposed to this type of relationship isn't ideal however I took this job and moved our family to a different part of the country to a much worse environment in the first place; us getting a divorce would only lead to her taking them back.
I also understand that being in a marriage with someone and not being happy with it isn't a good situation for either of us but sacrificing my kids well being and stability for some abstract idea of 'happiness' seems like a terrible idea.
Give it to me straight Reddit. Am I complete piece of shit?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
ARtPncyfftOVeKdSaSfBygz3RRuXsdMs
|
affmgx
|
{
"description": "making my fiancee return her newly adopted dog",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for making my fiancee return her newly adopted dog?
|
I need some outside opinions on this. Throwaway because she knows my reddit handle.
My fiancee, 22, and me, 21, have two cats. She grew up with always having dogs, so is experienced in raising and caring for dogs. She moved in with me a year ago and then we got both of our cats after that. Both cats dumped on us. We have raised from the brink of death back to health. They absolutely adore us, but favor me over her when it comes to bedtime and couch vegging.
She recently expressed interest in adopting a dog. So she could have companionship when off work as she works 3 12 hour shifts a week.
I of course said yes, so we started looking to adopt at the local shelter, we found a dog after a week of searching and the shelter said that she was great with other dogs and cats alike.
We placed the application for adoption and were approved immediately, so we brought the dog home (chow chow mix)
The first day we spent with a professional dog trainer helping us do introductions, the dog at first didn't care about the cats, but after 3 days she has started growling whenever she sees them, lunging snarling, etc. Basically If we didn't have the dog leashed she wouldve attacked and tried to kill the cats.
We tried separating them into rooms but nothing has worked. I told her I dont want to see our cats torn to shreds if our super visions lapsed. We never leave the dog with the cats obviously, as she is crate trained.
Just today the dog has lunged at one of our cats snarling and growling.
I told her we cant keep the dog and need to bring it back to the shelter as it's only a matter of time before a cat ends up dead or seriously injured.
Am I the asshole here? I feel like I'm ruining what could be a great friendship with her new dog, but at the same time I dont want our cats to end up dead.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
n2Zm9EfJYTILubsBt66w3ZXjXmIUhovj
|
aqrubm
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my gf of 2 years over Snapchat",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my gf of 2 years over Snapchat?
|
(on mobile so sorry for any typos and disorganization)
so basically we started dating freshman year, and stayed together for a while. We didn’t get to see each other in person often, so a lot of our relationship was over rabbit, Snapchat, and text. I was always a little closed off emotionally, and even though I tried, it was hard to open up to her. About a year and a half after we’d been dating, she started asking me why and I finally admitted to her that I’d been through some past sexual abuse that made relationships hard for me.
After this whole interaction, she basically dropped off the face of the earth for 4 months. I reached out once or twice, but I didn’t want to push it and make her uncomfortable. After a while I finally snapchatted her asking why she wouldn’t talk to me, and she told me that she was trying to give me space. I then apologized for dumping my baggage on her, but she completely ignored that and started going on about this romanticized relationship she’d built up in her head over time. She talked about how she wanted to sit on roofs and hold hands and general cliche romance things like that, but it was off topic and seemed like she kept trying to change the subject. Every time I tried to have a conversation with her about it she would just brush past. That same night I ended up breaking up with her over Snapchat, and we haven’t talked since. I feel terrible about it, because we were close friends before. So AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
hDipZJvhg0axcNzCfmIW4qKnUI8pNInj
|
b93ayt
|
{
"description": "freaking out on my Sons mother for driving drunk with him in the car",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for freaking out on my Sons mother for driving drunk with him in the car?
|
I know that the title is vague considering the circumstances, but something doesn't feel right about how I handled the situation. Please read the following and judge for yourself.
Some background: I have an 8 year old son. His mother and I are not together. We haven't been together for 4 years. Things have been civil where I pay her $400 a month (With no court agreement or anything) and get him a little over 1/3rd of each month. We can be around each other for a couple of hours at a time MAX and things go smooth for the most part.
The other night she phoned me obviously very drunk and I could tell she was looking for a booty call. She never stated that or anything, but sometomes you can just tell. She invited me over. I have not touched her in years. She is recently single and is one of those people who absolutely needs to have someone with her 24/7. I am in no way interested in sexual or intimate relations with her. I was more interested in spending time with my Son for an hour or two before he went to bed. So I journeyed on over to their house as it's a few miles away.
After about 30 minutes of me being there, she let it slip that my Son was with her when she was at Applebees slamming dollar margaritas and that she drove all the way home wasted after, and that she hadn't been caught for years and she was the best drunk driver. Before I blew up in front of my son, I calmly got up said my goodbyes to him and told his mother that we needed to have a talk after the kiddo went to sleep.
When I got her on the phone the next day, she immediately started denying any part of the conversation and didn't want to take responsibility for her actions. I was furious. It also happend to be the day that I pay her half of the monthly $400 to see him this coming weekend. The conversation then got turned over to her demanding the biweekly payment. I told her that before I send the $200 via venmo, she needed to admit ahe was wrong driving drunk with him and to promise that it will NEVER happen again. This of course pissed her off even more and she threatened to block me and never let me see him again unless I paid right away. I was pissed and threatened to call DHS because I am concerned for his safety. I have since been blocked by her and am wondering how I should proceed?
I feel like she doesn't understand that she is in the wrong and the fact that she is using him against me. She makes me feel like the asshole for not sending the payment, but all I asked for was for her to own up and take responsibility and to promise to never put my Son in danger like that again. Am I the asshole????
I am aware we need to set something up through the courts and state so she can't pull this type of shit, but it has been easier so far to go our own way.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
O3s42XgpH9qz6KZlYF24jr9g9DwfmWhi
|
b8o5ly
|
{
"description": "deciding not to give a speech at graduation despite my parent's wishes",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I decided not to give a speech at graduation despite my parent's wishes?
|
I'm (17F) the valedictorian at my high school and, generally, the valedictorians give a speech at graduation. I hate public speaking. I've taken a public speaking class before and I think that I'm capable of actually giving the speech, but ,to me, it will never be worth the amount of anxiety and stress that I'll have to go through in the coming months. I've been feeling depressed lately and having to work on this speech is making it a lot worse. At this point, I would rather my parents take my phone, Xbox, and laptop for months than actually give this speech.
The principal has told me that it's totally fine if I don't want to give the speech. The problem is that my parents really want me to do it. I honestly don't know why.
I have siblings that were valedictorians and they gave a speech, so it's not like I'm the first/only one to be valedictorian. Basically, my reasoning is that my senior year/graduation should be something that I enjoy (or at least not be miserable during) because I've worked hard and this speech is making that very difficult. I don't think I'm just being lazy because I've had to do a lot of work to be valedictorian and I know how to do things I don't want to do.
My parents are amazing. They're really good to me and I don't want to disappoint them. I've already asked them if I have to do the speech and they said yes, but they can't force me to do it. They've given me so much and I really don't want to hurt them, but I think I need to advocate for myself.
So, would I be the asshole if I decide to not do the speech?
​
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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RIGHT
|
QbRHNLPaLjjfVJzinw8lhWsmYP0NXDQw
|
a1o87i
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go out for a friend's birthday dinner",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go out for a friend's birthday dinner?
|
Background:
I've gotta be delicate because our friend's a Redditor.
FB = Friend with upcoming birthday; I think the rest are understood.
SO is pregnant with another child. December is a costly month and difficult to set savings aside for us.
FB's birthday is approaching, and where we live it's the norm that someone else takes responsibility for planning the party--well, at our age it's now a dinner and night out. FB's sister-in-law, who we work with (SO and I), is planning our friends' party (also noteworthy, we work with FB; it's a very small community despite being a sizable city).
SO and I don't associate with people from work outside of business hours other than FB. Since FB's SiL is planning the party, SO pointed out that it's going to be mostly people from work. Because SO is pregnant, we're hoping to avoid a dinner and night out, which we know will be expensive due to particular circumstances--plus the fast-approaching holidays. So, in addition to not wanting to see people from work, and thinking of our family's long-term goals, we offered a more intimate setting with FB and FB's SO. We discretely asked FB if this would be alright and FB agreed.
Birthday dinner one night, hanging together at our place or FB's place the next. Perfect. We offer to cook dinner and host, or are willing to travel if they'd rather host and let us cook at their place. FB's birthday, FB's decision. Totally cool with us, don't have to hang with people from work and can hopefully set savings aside in a costly month.
The day after casually mentioning that we don't really do things with people from work other than FB, FB invited us to dinner and a night out with a mutual friend. We also work with mutual friend and there are certain circumstances that brought us all together that I can't get into (sorry I can't go into this, it would be a dead giveaway if FB sees this).
AITA for declining an invite out to celebrate FB's birthday on a separate night out?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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RIGHT
|
cLt9bw7TprcuSeWO6TEsXcPKxz6XmCP0
|
ar6554
|
{
"description": "thinking my [16x] SAHM should do all the housework",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA if I think my [16X] SAHM should do all the housework?
|
Some context: My dad started his own business about a decade ago and it took off. By consequence, he makes a lot of money but is often working 60+ hours a week.
My mom has taken this as an opportunity to stay home. She hasn't worked in years, doing about 2-3 hours of volunteer work a week.
I'm a student in my junior year of high school taking advanced classes. Between school and homework, it's about 50 hours a week, plus about 10 hours of extracurriculars. As a result, I value my vacation time enormously, as it is the rare opportunity to relax.
We are comfortably upper-middle-class to rich. We could afford a house cleaner easily. However, my mom says that's elitist and every family should be able to clean their own house.
I think that, because she is home the vast majority of the time, I am nearly independent, and she made the choice not to hire a house cleaner, she should do all the housework. She argues that since I live in the house, I should do my equal share. When I help, she acts like it was my responsibility. I believe she should see this as a favor from me.
I am on vacation this week, and so she expects me to do a significant amount of chores (about 5 hours' worth over the next two days) while she rests. I understand she does the housework normally and deserves a vacation also, but I think that's her job and if she doesn't like it, she should get my dad to pay me or a house cleaning service. If nothing else, I think she should be far more grateful than she's been. However, I've been told that housework is far more exhausting than a kid could understand. So, AITA for thinking this way?
TLDR: SAHM is the only one who's home often and she says house cleaning services are elitist. She expects me to do part of the housework. I don't think this is my responsibility—if I do it, it's a favor. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
no2oJtCOh4wR41amaB6kQwLLJ1gqNSbt
|
aoxmgi
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend while she's in the hospital",
"pronormative_score": 130,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA For breaking up with my girlfriend while she's in the hospital?
|
Yea, well this is kinda straightforward ish, and there are definitely parts where I am 100% an asshole. We have been dating almost 3 years at this point.
Anyways, Yesterday my gf woke up feeling dizzy, with weakness in her right arm and leg. She went straight to emerge, and got checked in. The doctors ran a bunch of tests (CT scans, MRI's, Bloodwork). I was at work and headed over right after when I was done, reliving her dad who had been with her 10+ hours. I get her some dinner, we settle in for the night.
During the night they checked her vitals repeatedly, and we both dozed on and off. Her in the hospital bed, and me with a pillow on the linoleum floor when I wasn't sitting worrying my ass off.
We wake up, I buy her and I some breakfast, and we hang for a bit, before they take us down for her MRI. As we go down she hands me her phone to hold while shes in (you can probably see where this is going). I sit in the hallway while she gets scanned (takes about an hour). I feel her phone go off once or twice, so I open it (she willingly gave me her passcode, multiple times because I have shit memory most of the time), answer her dad, and then go to close. Except I see that she has Whatsapp installed, when we don't use it to converse at all.
To make a long story short, I opened it, discovered that within the past 3 month she had reconnected with a guy she blocked for being 'too flirty', and proceeded to send him nudes on multiple occasions, looking like she was seeking validation and to be called beautiful (which I fucking did every day! Every time she sent me even just selfies I would compliment her...). And judging by the dates she did this on weekends we were even together!
I message her dad on my phone, telling him what I found and asking him to come relive me (he was going to come with overnight stuff for her later in the day). I keep my cool until shes out, and get her safely back to her room and settled before confronting her about what I found. I don't yell or anything, mostly just cry like a baby while asking her why :/.
I waited until her dad was there so she wasn't alone, and then booked it out, sobbing. I grabbed an uber home. I asked her dad about her results (clear so far, they still aren't sure whats wrong), and we discussed what she did a bit more (with her just repeating the same stuff, that she doesn't know WHY she did it.). I haven't talked to he anymore, I did apologize for making her dad rush out though.
So yea, am I the asshole? For dumping her and giving her more stress while shes in? I would have faked it if I could, but I just couldn't. Is this even something valid to dump her over?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
RzUEuLKVmFAy2NBqcG0V3uaRx6TMflFh
|
a0rxm7
|
{
"description": "getting annoyed at my roommate's untrained dog",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed at my roommate’s untrained dog?
|
Let me preface this by saying I absolutely love dogs. I’ve owned them most of my life, and even though I don’t have one right now, I will probably be getting one within the next six months or so. With that, I’ve always had a strong emphasis on training my dogs to get them to be well mannered.
That said, my roommate’s dog is driving me up the wall. She’s a Aussie/pit mix (mostly pit), and she’s super sweet. However, my roommate has made zero attempts to train or otherwise contain his dog aside from teaching her to go in her crate at night. This has resulted in a number of really bad behavioral issues.
She constantly pees and poops in the house, even though he takes her outside regularly. She destroys anything that is left out in the common areas, including our couch and a TV that I had. She jumps up on everyone and loves to bite our heels, which makes getting out of the house with clean business clothes (or any clothes for that matter) impossible. And to top it off, she loves to run around the house LITERALLY bouncing off the walls at all times (including 2-3am), which means that me and my other roommate can never leave our doors open without risking her running and jumping on my bed/desk/etc.
I finally told him that he has GOT to take his dog to obedience training, or keep her in his room or on a leash at all times. He didn’t take that very well and told me that if she’s bothering me, I should deal with her myself.
Am I being an asshole for thinking that he should address his out of control dog given that my other roommate and I can’t use the majority of the space we’re supposed to be sharing?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
opSXNsxewHiLz7mjC1N8y7XijqWEmp2K
|
b2qvcj
|
{
"description": "leaving edibles on the counter and getting dog super high by mistake",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for leaving edibles on the counter and getting dog super high by mistake?
|
AITA in this situation? Throwaway for obvious reasons. I’ll try and keep this brief. A friend rented a ski house and had me and a few other guys to visit for the weekend. I packed up some edibles for flight home and left them in a double bag on the high counter. My friend doesn’t do that stuff, but I didn’t want to throw it out in case other guests wanted some. The dog started acting strange and I got a text on the plane asking if he “got into something.” First response was no, but then I remembered the edibles. The dog took about 40x the dose I would. He gets out of the vet tomorrow (2 days total). Friend said he’s “too raw to talk” for a bit. We’re going to talk tomorrow.
I feel really bad, but this is obviously not intentional. Do I fall on my sword? I’m not sure how to proceed since it’s 1) an obvious accident and 2) not my dog.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
RalZYniEtxemehk0l4cPskEY4Gyy2yYW
|
aldfcu
|
{
"description": "being impatient with my brother's depression",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 21
}
|
AITA for being impatient with my brother's depression?
|
My (28) younger brother (20) has suffered with depression on and off (but mostly on) for around 4 years now. During that time he has spent long periods simply bedridden and skipping school, often in moods, not eating, not socialising and generally just unproductive and not "present".
I stuck with him during this period, trying to encourage him and offer support where I could. Whether that be talking to him or dragging him out of the house to have a meal or go to an event occasionally.
Last year, having left school with minimal grades, he managed to secure a fairly decent opportunity at a well-respected firm. Things seemed on the up and it appeared that the position had given him some purpose. He was lively and social and most importantly, getting out of bed and leaving the house.
However, recently I have seen aspects of his previous depressive phase creeping back in. He has begun to oversleep and miss work days, likely reporting himself as ill when in reality he's just laying in bed till 4pm. I had a go at him about it, essentially calling him lazy and unsympathetic to the family's feelings and he came to me later and said his depression was getting him down.
At this point I honestly just felt a bit helpless and frustrated. I wanted to shout that "there is nothing wrong with your life".
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
Um9wxsFiB9s0fy1382TGV9N0ZxmZ0AEz
|
9yo7hd
| null |
AITA for the way I called out my friend?
|
So I was clarifying something with my friend in a calm demeanor when this happened.
I'll just call him H, and S for what I said:
S: I got confused, I thought you were talking about a special trade in deal that doesn't exist. Guess I should've worded it better. Doesn't hurt to ask. Have you backed up your saves and screenshots? I can help you with that in a video call.
H: How the fuck did you even think I was talking about a deal that doesn't exist...we were just talking about it earlier when I told you I called them and you first told me about it yesterday..."
S: Don't be rude when I'm just trying to help you. You were talking about a trade in special earlier that the employee said ended last week. I got confused and re-checked, then I remembered the $175 did in fact end, and then said that for this week, it's a just that; a trade in value and not a special deal.
H: Oh my fucking god dude....you're seriously pushing it...I'm dealing with too much shit to deal with your fucking attitude...I'm done talking with you...
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
HORsc1OklW8g8HsBnbD123dzp6u7lUnL
|
ax7qei
|
{
"description": "making my friends and family upset for not seeing/talking with them much",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for making my friends and family upset for not seeing/talking with them much?
|
I am a college student who has always been a pretty busy person. I usually work and go to school while having a boyfriend and personal expectations where I am currently living (with him). We are trying to get an apartment and better careers. I also am trying to eventually do something with art, so when I get free time I try to paint or do things with that. So, I am generally a busy person and for a couple years have learned what it is like to not really give time for myself.
This semester I took off work to go to school full time to ease stress and try to do more stuff for myself. I have a lot of friends and a lot of family who always are trying to see me and message me (as good friends and family should) and I do my best to see everyone and talk as I can but it has always been so hard. Sometimes it's less stressful to just sleep or get errands done that I've put off then constantly worrying about replying to everyone.
In high school I had a good group of friends but never was one of those people who cared about social status and things, so keeping friends happy wasn't usually hard for me.
As I've gotten older, and it's getting harder to see everyone, over the years people's patience with me seems to be growing thin and I always feel the need to say sorry for not replying in a timely manner and not seeing people for a while. I understand their p.o.v... , like my one couple friends had a baby before Christmas and I still haven't met the baby or talked with them (or anyone else) too much for the past few months and I'm pretty sure my friends are upset with me about it.. I am planning meet up with them tomorrow because of it, but still.
I don't know how to feel. I feel like an asshole because yeah I'm getting bothered with everyone's expectations of me when all I am trying to do is focus on making my life for myself (and trying to do what I want for a change) and everyone is more concerned with seeing/hearing from me, but at the same time I am glad they care and I do want to see and hear from them, I just want them to be understanding of my time and how I use it too.. and if that means not talking for a few months, then so be it.. right..?
So guys, am I the asshole for not putting more time into my friends and family?
To sum it up: I am a super busy college student working to get her life together and I don't have a lot of time for others or myself. My friends and family are getting upset for not seeing me as much as they want. And I don't know if I should feel bad or not.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
Io9etdtOgozImMNU3GjKT702O2KLuJsT
|
amc903
|
{
"description": "not being able to take a joke",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being able to take a joke?
|
People are saying I overreacted but I thought I handled it well. Today at a family gathering I got up and left my drink at the table. When I got back I took a big sip and realized it contained alcohol.
My cousins were filming me for my reaction and I laughed with them but later I messaged the one who put the beer in my drink and told her not to do it again. She knows I’m 100% against drinking because I’ve seen how our alcoholic family members have ruined relationships with their families that way. She then half assed apologized but told me it wasn’t that deep.
My other cousins are now telling me it was just a joke and im taking it too hard. AITA for being (not even mad) annoyed over this?
They say it’s just a bit of beer but I say it’s the principle of it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
W35uSe9KmnHvMRRjLQcqoXFuF5z65J0l
|
agdo5d
|
{
"description": "not allowing my ex-husbands girlfriend to babysit my daughter while he works weekends",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not allowing my ex-husbands girlfriend to babysit my daughter while he works weekends.
|
AITA for not allowing my ex-husbands girlfriend babysit my 5 year old daughter when he works weekend shifts during his parenting weekend?
For additional context, in our parenting plan he asked for every other weekend and alternate holidays (and to not have to pay child support, that's it). The girlfriend is the woman he left me for (moved out of my house and into hers). We've been divorced for a year. But in that time all is not smooth sailing with his girlfriend. He's been kicked out of her house several times, one time left him homeless for about 6 weeks. In the last 6 months I've been informed that all is well and he's never been more in love.
He works in a warehouse as a temp (it's his 5th job since we've divorced), and often "has" to work weekends. To hear him tell it, he goes 21 days or more without a day off and no choice in the matter. He wants me to leave my daughter with his girlfriend while he is working (5am-whenever he gets off). I refuse to do so, instead I keep my daughter and then drop her off at his house once he's home. Then at bedtime, I pick her up (since he's working Sundays too). I then deliver her back to his house Sunday once he's off work and pick her up from him at bedtime. Every now and again (maybe once every 6 weeks) he'll have Sunday off and keep our daughter overnight (in which case she sleeps on the couch, because the other bedroom belongs to his girlfriends sons). I typically don't know until the day of, when he'll be off work and if I need to pack her a bag for the night.
​
I asked him for 48 hours notice of his work schedule if it impacts his parenting time so that I can plan our weekends and be prepared. He told me that he can't do that, and since I'm unreasonable about not letting his girlfriend babysit, that my plans are my problem. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
ac5rIxsFE8RymuR6P8TD8taEqibGNpLD
|
auny2e
|
{
"description": "canceling a group tour, and possibly a hangout group",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for canceling a group tour, and possibly a hangout group?
|
Using a throwaway for obvious reasons.
​
Little bit background, My wife and I are grad students in US and we hang out and travel in a group of 8. In the trips, one of us (referring him as X) takes the lead, does all the hotel, car, air bookings. He has been here 4 years more than us and is more knowledgeable about rentals and places. He generally puts the amount spent, and we split it 8 ways. We have never asked questions about the amount before.
​
This spring break we planned for a Florida trip. X booked a 12 seat van by himself. My wife and I were a bit surprised because of 1) not sharing with group, 2) for booking 12 seat van for 8 people, 3) finding cheaper options even with 2 separate SUVs ($400). We shared in the group the alternatives. We suggested canceling the car reservation and book later together. X then mentioned that he fully paid and booked it, so all is done. Now at this point, my wife got a bit stubborn. Even with $50 cancellation fee, we could have got fair deals here. She also said the website should have a cancel button online. She asked for the car rental company's name and reference. X did not give that, he was changing topics. At this point, he said he is sorry and is paying extra $50 from his pocket. He mentioned this should be the end of discussion here.
​
We were struck, since no one asked money, and he does get to say end of discussion. So, after 1-2 nights, all 7 of us except X (he lives a little bit far from us) was having a hangout, and my wife asked X to join. When X came, she politely started the topic again and asked for reference number/ receipt for car rental. X again started to change the topic, walk around, take smoke breaks. But she was persistent after about 1 hour X finally sent the email to her. There was a Cancel button in the email. She clicked on it, and canceled in a minute. X said that it did not let him do it before. We didn't say anything and decided to get 2 separate SUVs. We left.
​
Immediately after leaving my wife says she is not going on the trip and showed in the receipt that nothing was paid. Only a $50 was paid for insurance. Also, it was booked for 5 days for 4-day trip. We could not make any reasons out of this, so my wife decided it was better to stay clear or it.
​
She mentioned in the group thread, that due to personal reasons, we won't be going. We will cover the lost expenses (Airbnb cancellation fee, air tickets). After we said that, 2 of others in the group also canceled. It got awkward and all 8 of us sat together again. We initially said some personal reasons. After others pushed, we asked for everyone's consent (including X). We then discussed the issue. Everyone saw the receipts. It got weird and X left in the middle without saying anything. He has not given any reasons for the whole thing.
​
AITA for ruining a whole group of friends and canceling a trip? Also, what might be the possible motivation behind X's activities?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
SAjtn0yyZgOggAKHBcSwHaQmenOGUt33
|
aoyvqg
|
{
"description": "trying to prove my friend that he's contradicting himself in an argument",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For trying to prove my friend that he’s contradicting himself in an argument?
|
Sorry for the design thing, on mobile.
So my friend and I get into small argument about some stuff about games and girls. So I’m here trying to be mildly civilized, reasoning about it. Sometimes he contradict what he said earlier saying “that what I’ve been telling you” which is no where near what he was trying to imply with me having screenshots of our text contradicting it, and I recently asked him to see if a server was down cause I saw some stuff on Reddit saying it was down which he said “Lol believing Reddit” which I read as “Lol are you believing Reddit?”
So he says “I never said you were” which how he said could imply what I implied.
So AMITA for trying to prove him being a hypocrite?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
6SnuDJ2GGdEP3B8YSFKd5twNQ6zVSou5
|
aipr53
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my s/o for not wanting to see me on Valentine's day",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my s/o for not wanting to see me on Valentine's Day?
|
My partner of 2.5 years "Megan" is a junior in college. She is in a model UN class and will be attending the model UN convention during Valentine's day. The general schedule is for her to work all day and have some social/free time in the evening. She's not that excited for the convention but she is excited for the social aspect as we both are introverts and are working on being more social. She knows I'm a big old softie and like cheesy holidays. I asked her if I could either send something to her hotel for V day or come down to take her out for a quick dinner. She rejected both of these offers saying she wants to be a part of the social activities. I asked her if we could do a quick coffee or if I could possibly hang out with her and the people she meets there for an hourish so I can at least see her on the holiday. She rejected this as well. I told her I was upset by this and she told me I am making a big deal of nothing.
Some backstory: Late November to mid December she broke up with me to explore other relationships, slept with another guy, and has cheated before. She knows I need extra love and attention right now and that it's important to me.
So AITA for being upset with my gf?
Tldr: Girlfriend will be on trip for Vday, I want to come see her for 30 min-hour during her free time. She'd rather meet new people. AITA for being mad.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
SvqXG94NhxO7jbmeuIvyMkU2GMEtXy0L
|
arqyue
|
{
"description": "wanting to break up with my bf for a girl, cause he's \"a stereotypical straight dude?\"",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting to break up with my bf for a girl, cause he's "a stereotypical straight dude?"
|
My bf is an alright dude. He's my best friend who is a guy, and I appreciate him lots, but recently I've been thinking that I made too many rash decisions along the way in pursuing him.
First off, I'm bi. This relationship was my first, and I was the one to ask him out. I got rejected (for good reason) at first, but somehow we ended up becoming gf/bf anyways. He says he loves me, and I used to love him but I think I may have fallen out of love.
The reason is because, well, I guess it was mostly unfortunate circumstance. I just wasn't prepared for guys to be so, base, I guess. No offense. We were pretty good for the first couple months, though he would joke a lot about my small boobs, like small depreciating jokes, but enough to make it known that he didn't think they were a plus, at least. That was a pretty unfortunate shock, because I actually really like how small and non-womanly they are, cause I *love* androgynous looks, unique looks, bodies that are like fine art. I didn't mind at first, it's just different preferences, but then later he kept revealing stuff that made me realize just how *different* he was. Like, he was into girls with >C cups (once he actually told me, post-sex, that if there was a me with bigger boobs, he would date her...and the sad thing was that later I asked him about it, and I think basically this was his way of trying to show that his attraction was "more genuine, not only in the physical sense." While internally, I'm like, "I'm gonna take it how he intended, but boy, you cannot get more stereotypical guy mindset than this...", again, I *prefer* the look of no boobs to boobs, fucking A) He's, I dunno, just another straight guy with hormones, and looking back, I'm not sure why I expected something other than what he is at face value. It's not his fault or anything, it's just, so goddamn disappointing, I guess. I thought he would be more like me, more open to not standard guy-view types of beauty. Again, I don't know why I expected this. Like to me, he is the most beautiful dude on this planet. I love his unique features, I find him sexy because his face is memorable, even though maybe others wouldn't. But my view of beauty is: fat girls, skinny girls, fat guys, skinny girls so long as they've got something different about their face. Guys have a really limited definition in comparison, and again, I'm not that, and I guess I dunno, it hurts a little. I thought I would be considered beautiful, at least by the one I loved, cause I don't really understand how you can love someone without thinking they're beautiful. But I guess I'm wrong. He tells me he looks at other girls, and that he can't help it, it's just that if a girl walks by with nice big titties or if a girl that's physically his type walks by, he's gonna look. Like, yeah, I get that, I get that it's out of his control. But he didn't really ever look at me...I didn't catch his eye, I won over his heart. He finds me attractive, 'cause I've got an attractive personality. He thinks that's OK, and that's normal, and I ought to be satisfied by that. But in my way of loving, that's called settling. There's supposed to always be something about your partner that you find beautiful (their eye color, the fine shape of their eyebrows or their eyes, the cute way one cheek is a little plumper than the other) that doesn't fade with age. How else will you still find the other attractive as you age and change? Anyways, I explained this to him, and he understands that I'm different but can't relate. I guess after learning that I'm starting to fall out of love with him.
Anyways, that brings me to my main point. I've seen lesbian/bi girls (and one bi/regular dude, idk) look at me in the way you know they mean business. I read online that lesbians think more like I do, although I realize this may not be true for all lesbians. Am I an asshole if I break up with my boyfriend (also best friend) now just because I don't want to have to deal with someone who has a different taste in beauty? Don't hold back, I feel like an asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
G1KMizpz7NZGFbTwmEXB8dL5qOUe4iOm
|
aydhfb
|
{
"description": "being upset with my boyfriend for not playing with me",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset with my boyfriend for not playing with me?
|
So this is probably gonna be a super petty post, and I apologize for that, it is such a stupid situation.
I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 20 and we've been together for about 6 months.
We met in the community for a shooter we both play.
We spend every weekend together.
My boyfriend is one of the best players in the regio and he plays ESL and leagues and doing really well and I'm super proud. Myself, I'm a streamer and well known in this community. This is causing my boyfriend to be a bit jealous and I get that. Most of the times we're playing I'll be streaming and having a good time with the audience.
I'm dealing with some issues. I have CPTSD, anxiety and depression due to a very bad childhood and almost being murdered. I'm been being helped for this, but I still struggle with it. It causes me to be very scared of doing things wrong, being forgotten about, and a lot more. My boyfriend knows this and tries to understand.
​
Now, we used to play every evening. And it was always great fun. But lately he's been getting cranky every time we play. Then he leaves and goes to join other people (who he say play way worse than me) and goes to laugh and behave fun. It's come to the point where he'll go play with others and not even ask me to play. I feel like I'm second choice, like he doesn't want to play with me and I don't get why he's cranky with me but fun with others. To add to this, he's a bad texter, he'll send me one word replies and I don't expect him to constantly message me. But when he's playing he'll pretty much stops texting at all. Which again, I get. It just feels like I'm being a burden.
​
I try to talk to him about this, explain that he's making me feel like I'm the second choice. But when we're together in real life, he'll be all over me. He keeps saying he wants us and he's showing that he does when it comes to love. It's just online that's awful.
I already said we should probably stop playing together or talking to eachother online but this is just causing me so much anxiety. But he's saying we should be able to do things together and he doesn't think it'll work between us if we don't game.
​
We're young as hell and I know this is such a stupid situation, but I'm trying to get some thoughts from other people and see what I can change.
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
gXZG6ui1r3OtUYDbBtvfVOTjjkhA7VSt
|
ap1tlb
|
{
"description": "not wanting to talk to my girlfriend on the phone at night",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to talk to my girlfriend on the phone at night?
|
My girlfriend (22) and I (26) have been together for about 2 years. We make it a habit of talking on the phone every night ever since we started getting to know each other. To be honest I don’t really like doing it at all. I am just doing it just because she loves talking on the phone. There are some nights where I just want to be alone and have some me time and I would never get it. There have been days where we would spend the entire day out together but she still expects me to call her at night. There have been nights where I will be out with my friends and she would be waiting at home just for me to call and talk, even after telling her not to because I will be late. This would make me just leave early cause I will start feeling bad that she is waiting for me. I mean I get that she really wants to talk and all but I have tried telling her this and she would just get pissed and say things like I don’t care about her. It has gone to a point where I rarely meet my friends at night nowadays.
​
Things started getting worse recently. Over the past few months every single week we would fight on the phone over small issues. She would fall asleep on the phone and I would wake her up. She would wake up and be all cranky and shit and start yelling at me. Telling me why did I wake her up knowing that it irritates her so much. Some other shit like when she would fall asleep, wake up and ask me why am I keeping quiet. Wtf am I supposed to do? Talk to myself when she is sleeping? And she would blame it on me saying that she fell asleep because I kept quiet. And if something like this sparks her off she would go ape shit over me, no matter how I try to calm her down and talk to her properly. I know the examples are all pretty immature and childish but there are many other stupid dumb issues that she would get mad or irritated at.
​
I really love her and all but things like this that happen is just making me avoid talking to her on the phone at night. I just feel that a lot of our fights could have been avoided if we just don’t talk on the phone. So, am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
NQDA91fQy9rTDgkGFp0tLi6jY3unRwhZ
|
a4734u
|
{
"description": "wanting my husband to smoke outside",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting my husband to smoke outside
|
Husband and I have a toddler. Dad is a stay at home dad. He is a full time smoker, I used to be. I am concerned about asthma for our kid. Dad smokes in the basement despite me repeatedly asking him not to. I can smell it upstairs. A couple weeks ago, I came home and Dad had clearly been smoking in the house. I confronted him, he claimed he had been listening at the back door and stuck his head in (bullshit) the back of the house was saturated with smoke, but he lied anyway).
Tonight we had supper started, he was smoking in the basement. I have a few beers in me, so I confronted him. He said something about how he needs to find a house where he can smoke bc it's cold outside (no sympathy from me), which is his normal way of threatening me. I told him please do if it keeps our son from getting asthma.
So when supper is done and kid and I are eating, kid keeps asking where Dad is (Dad was outside smoking in his truck to prove a point to Mom). I went and hollered to Dad that his boy would like to eat with him, Dad made a bunch of BS excuses which included that I must not want him here (eye roll). Son and I ate our supper together.
Now Dad is trying to act like it was a small misunderstanding, looking for scrubbers for the basement. Mom is not impressed.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 22,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Ue2p0YPmynECfyiiDUU8dxOh2Ietv0qr
|
b5l39l
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend she needs to see a therapist",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend she needs to see a therapist
|
Been dating her about 8 months now. She has some issues with her dad from her past that have caused some affection issues as well as issues with expressing emotion that have both caused problems in our relationship. For example, hugging family members or anyone other than myself makes her extremely uncomfortable and come time around thanksgiving and Christmas she gets a bit bitter and depressed. I am a very understanding person and genuinely want to help her and help our relationship.
About 5 weeks ago I suggested she go see a therapist. I did so in a very respectful way and she was extremely open to the idea and agreed she needed to. She even asked her mom to send her some names of people she could see (her mom knows people in the field).
Fast forward to today I have mentioned it to her a couple times since then in passing just to check on where she’s at with it. Both times she said has names but hasn’t made an appointment. Today I made it a little more clear how serious I was about this and how important it was for not only her but for our relationship as well. She got a bit irritated and said to not bother her about it and that she didn’t want to. I got a bit frustrated and told her that she needed to make it a priority because those issues were bleeding into our relationship. She reluctantly said she would go. She has a habit of avoiding uncomfortable things like this so I feel like that may have been what she was doing.
I kind of feel like an asshole but I’m not sure. What do you all think?
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HISTORICAL
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ba4v39
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"description": "not telling my parents about my relationship",
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|
AITA For not telling my parents about my relationship?
|
using a throwaway just incase any parties recgonize themselves.
I [17F] just recently got a SO [18M] and I'm planning on not telling my parents about him until they confront me, if ever. There are two reasons ultimately: I have privacy issues, and teasing issues. Let me explain:
As a kid, my parents are super protective of me. To the point where my father threatened to completely turn my phone off with when I was on youtube watching a staring contest video. There have been multiple incidents like that. Luckily, my dad has cooled off since, but with it I have privacy issues and anxiety. I have trouble telling anyone anything. I'm getting better I think, but they're still there. Infact, the stress of keeping my first SO hidden from my parents (I wasn't allowed to date yet) kept gnawing at me to the point that we eventually broke up. It's been three years.
Now onto the teasing.
My mom is a very big teaser. She likes to pick fun at nearly everything she can. Infact, my mom still refers to me by a name she used for me when I was a baby. In fifth grade when I had my first crush, my mom teased me relentlessly. Infact, she still does tease me over it.
When I was a baby, my grandfather and great uncle started referring to me with a rhyme, a two worded name. It was my first name, and another name that sounds similar to it (just change the first letter and you have the second word), similar to "Moose Goose". They still call me by this name. I'll explain more about the rhyme later.
Now here's where the teasing all ties together. I've known my SO for years, most of my life infact, so my mom already knows him. I know my mom would definitively tease me about him if she knew. Now here's where everything get's better. His last name is very very similar to the second word of the rhyme my grandfather and great uncle refer to me as. Since I've known my SO for most of my life, my grandfather and great uncle and mother all know his name. Infact, my mother is the only one of the three to refer to him by his first name instead of last name when talking about him. I don't blame my grandfather and great uncle for really only remembering his existence because of his name, but I wish they'd still think of his first name first.
I know that if my parents knew I was dating my SO, they'd treat the both of us, but mostly him, differently. I'm afraid of my mom teasing the both of us, both seperately and together. I'm afraid of my dad looking at him as a potential danger to his daughter, not someone who would make her happy.
Oh, and my SO knows two things I've listed this post. 1) My parents don't know, and I don't want them to know. 2) My mom teases me. Everything else I haven't told him, infact I haven't told him WHY or HOW my mom teases me. I want to, but I'm yet again afraid as to what he'll say about it.
So, Reddit, AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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allat7
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"description": "insisting on therapy",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA For insisting on therapy?
|
TL;DR at bottom..
**Backstory**: s/o drank heavily for all of their 20s (10+ years), and from my perspective the drinking took a steep nose dive after the loss of 3 grandparents and their best friend in a short amount of time. In talking with my therapist, the drinking may have been the solution for their problems (not having other/better/healthy coping mechanisms) S/O, tangential to these coping problems, doesn't like to discuss difficult things* and has a history of lying to avoid hard topics (*this might be a "learned" trait from family? I'll touch on this later). An example of this is lying about having something "bad" happen to cover bad behavior (historically, s/o would lie about a health condition or the health of a family member to avoid conflict with me). Please note these lies have ceased since The Event. In hindsight, I was not fully aware of the extent of the drinking or lying, and I admit that some of the things I was aware of I chose not to argue about (noticed hard liquor was disappearing quicker than it should have been, etc.)
**The Event**: long story short; s/o suffered from a major seizure due to alcohol withdrawals. Seizure lead to 2 dislocated shoulders, 2 broken humerus bones, 3 shoulder surgeries, 13 days admitted to the hospital (4 days on respirator, ~8 days in ICU), a slurry of medications to help them literally survive the withdrawal, acute pancreatitis, acute liver damage... Thankfully, s/o has amazing insurance, is fully recovered from the physical impacts of The Event, and has been sober for 13+ months. *Over the course of The Event, s/o's family struggled to talk openly about the issues at hand (did not want to tell extended family/friends the truth), and did not have a great sense of the magnitude of the situation (respirators, ICU, and talks of removing part of pancreas are BAD imo). I was left to follow up with hospital staff on imaging, labs, asking hard questions, etc. I've been diagnosed with acute PTSD from The Event and have been meeting with a therapist to work through the nightmares and anxiety hospitals still cause me (not great, considering I work in the healthcare industry).
**The Ultimatum**: after The Event s/o moved in with their parents for ~5 weeks to heal/help with post-op recovery, before moving back to the city we live together (I travel for work and would not have been able to to provide the care/assistance s/o needed post-op). Before s/o moved home, we discussed the 2 items I needed to agree to renew our lease together this past summer... No more drinking, and that s/o would seek therapy; either through our health insurance or through AA.
**The interim**: s/o has been sober, but hasn't taken action to seek therapy. S/O went to AA a few times, but it wasn't their cup of tea (fine with me). S/O saw one therapist via health insurance and didn't "like the therapist" (also fine with me). I have, on 4-5 occasions, brought up that I wish s/o would seek counseling so s/o can (most importantly) find peace with The Event, (second most importantly) discuss/develop coping skills to help in the future so s/o doesn't self medicate again, and (third most importantly) take some of the burden off of me, as their friends/family don't broach the subject as often as I do to "check in". From my perspective, I worry that my s/o hasn't really "gone through" the grief, etc. that lead to self medication, and I worry that my s/o would land themself in the same/worse spot if s/o doesn't learn new skills. S/O thinks I am being unfair, because "just because [I] have liked therapy, doesn't mean it's the right thing for [s/o]".
**Worth noting (I think)**: I am so SO proud of how far my s/o has come. I make a point to celebrate/discuss progress each month on the anniversary of The Event and have encouraged s/o to be proud of the path they've taken... I make efforts to check in on s/o "how are you doing?" And s/o is admittedly resistant to discussing The Event and their progress because they are ashamed of the whole situation. It makes me sad for my s/o, because as I tell them, you can't change what Happened but you can be proud of how you reacted.. also worth noting, my family and friends are fully aware of the entire situation, and agree that my s/o and I have a healthy, strong, relationship/support the relationship.
**The asshole?**: Am I micromanaging my s/o too hard? We've been discussing marriage/buying a house/moving/etc. quite often recently and I keep mentally coming back to The Ultimatum that has been avoided. Because I want my s/o to find peace? Because I need it to find peace? Because I want to see s/o set up for success no matter what? *Yes* *yes* and *yes*.
**TL;DR; s/o is a recovering alcoholic, and doing a great job (13+ months, yay!) But s/o continually pushes back my requests to seek formal therapy/outlet. Am I the asshole for continuing to push s/o to therapy, even though s/o is rocking sobriety?**
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
pFdvIraZvf1Weg87pJfnFpDPnNuU1uJA
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aiy00w
|
{
"description": "cutting ties with my cousin",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for cutting ties with my cousin?
|
Bit of a back story. So I have this cousin, who I shall call "E" who is 21, loving guy, big heart, is very supportive of his family, but very unreliable because of his girlfriend. His girlfriend who I'll call Emma, is an emotionally and physically abusive bitch, basically steals his money, as she refuses to work, will constantly fight with him and doesn't have the decency to do that in private. My whole problem with him is, he constantly will break up and get back the next day, or he'll ghost his entire family including me, one of the only friends he has for months, sometimes up to a year.
Due to recent events in the family including losing my father to a heart attack, I've decided to just cut him off as I view him nothing more than a lost cause/unneeded stress at this point. I talked with my aunt about this and she was very much against it saying he's young and that eventually he'll learn from this, but in my eyes he's old enough at this point, and should've gotten his situation figured out, she's really nothing more than a parasite. Don't get me wrong I love my cousin to death, he means the world to me, he's basically the only true friend i have in this world or so I think, but I feel like he just has his head too far up this girls ass to realize what he's doing to his family.
TLDR: Cousin is blind with love, for a girl who abuses him and drains him of money, I want to cut him off because its caused me stress and problems for years, family thinks I'm the asshole for thinking this way.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ajnxh7
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{
"description": "asking my partner to get married during a fight",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
Aita for asking my partner to get married during a fight?
|
So partner and I together 10 years 2 kids and a mortgage, Mortgage is in partners name as I don’t work and it was easier this way,
I’m the stay at home parent,
So recently there’s been trust issues and during the argument I suggested we get married so I’ll legally own half the house, I didn’t think this was a big deal as I’ve always been clear that I don’t want to get married or have the big fuss of a day I don’t see the point to me it’s just a legal document does not change anything in the relationship,this led to a bigger argument of me supposedly being ridiculous so am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
YJgE8jdKi9KILAVZyf0nRxI52Eb8Zskm
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a8wxbt
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{
"description": "wanting to be left alone",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for wanting to be left alone?
|
TLDR; I need to be alone sometimes and my mom says that I am being rude, selfish, and thinks that something is wrong when I just need time to decompress. AITA?
I just finished nursing school about a week ago. Something I learned about myself over the past year is that I need a day or two in between finishing classes and going on break. Without time to myself, I bring my stress and other baggage home and I am an asshole to the people around me. I give myself a day or two to journal and allow myself to decompress basically.
Now, my mother specifically does not seem to understand this concept. I have explained to her multiple times that I just need to be by myself to detach from school. I clarify that I’m not mad at her or anyone else. I’m completely fine.
She has continually been saying things like, “You’re not being yourself”, and, “Why don’t you want to talk to the ones that love you the most?”
Similarly to separating school from home, I have to separate myself from my family and just be alone for a day or even a couple hours. I live with 9 people (7 siblings and 2 parents...yes, all my siblings are from the same parents) and sometimes I need to be by myself, which is hard in such a large family. I think that is pretty reasonable to want to be deprecate, especially at my age. (22M)
Yesterday, I told my mom that I needed to be left alone because I am socially exhausted and she started back asking all these questions again. I keep having to clarify that I’m ok and I’m not mad at her, which is fine. I understand that she is my mom and that she’s wants the best for me. However, after explaining myself she insists something is wrong and that I’m being rude and selfish.
This has happened multiple times over the past year and I don’t know how to feel about it all.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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eAw6meVz8fjPtM6yLtWpT6A1ZNe8Q6LD
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amvo5b
|
{
"description": "cursing at a bigoted woman in front of her kids",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for cursing at a bigoted woman in front of her kids?
|
Obligatory "this happened yesterday", and extra-obligatory throwaway for my own sanity. This isn't a debate on whether my family should be Muslim, lets start there. This is also a little long. Tldr at the end.
Okay, some background. My family is Muslim and multiracial. My mom, along with a couple of my siblings and I, are white. My stepfather is brown, and my other siblings are mixed. My mom and sisters wear a headscarf, which is a personal decision they decided on in their own time. We converted to Islam back in the early 2000s.
I was standing in line with my sisters and a woman and her children, about 7 and 12, were staring at us. She looked at us for a long time, before coming up to my sisters (13, 16) and demanding to know if they were Muslim. They said yes, and she immediately started asking them questions.
"Are you girls married?"
\-No, they said, we're 13 and 16.
"Does your dad hit you? Does he beat your mom? Because I believe hitting women is like hitting children, it's completely unforgivable."
\-No? Obviously not? We're fine.
My sisters were uncomfortable, and she was pretending I (I'm a teenage male) wasn't there. When my sisters started to ignore her, she switched gears. "Who's that?" She asked, gesturing to our younger sibling, who is biracial.
\-They're our little sibling.
She shook her head a little and said something like, "so you're that kind of family." I felt like she was just trying to antagonize us or something, and I admit that I took the bait.
It didn't at all sound like she was legitimately checking on my sisters so much as trying to intimidate them.
Her kids were listening to the whole thing. It was getting on my nerves, but it wasn't anything we hadn't dealt with before, but that last comment really rubbed me the wrong way. A lot of people stare at us when we're all together, and ask me especially weird prying questions, so it's not like I haven't heard it before, but for some reason it really pissed me off. I don't know if she meant it the way I interpreted it or not, but I immediately snapped.
"Wow, fuck you." I said, and she stared at me. I said something like, "Really, you're being a huge bitch. You need to back off."
She told me that I was the problem with people today. That I'm rude, disrespectful, all that, but she relented and backed off to talk to her husband (I'm assuming), and her kids looked like they wanted to cry. My sisters (and later, my mother) were appalled by what I said. They said my behavior probably ruined her perception of Muslims forever, and I should have kept my cool. I felt good about defending my siblings in the moment, but now I'm kind of embarrassed.
TLDR; Woman harassed my headscarf-wearing sisters and suggested my family was somehow immoral for being multiracial, and I told her she was a bitch in front of her kids.
Am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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9y5ioh
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{
"description": "telling my girlfriend to finish her classes and/or get a job",
"pronormative_score": 1,
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|
AITA: Telling my girlfriend to finish her classes and/or get a job
|
It's pretty lengthy and in-depth but I will try my best to summarize events. Hopefully there's a tl;dr at the end.
​
\[2016\] GF was supposed to graduate at a tech uni but still needed to finish a few classes. She was able to get them written off as 'incomplete' and even allowed to walk for graduation when others who hadn't completed courses weren't. She did not finish those classes by the time the fall semester rolled around and one of those classes was a senior project. The only time senior project is available is during spring. I recommended to her to just work on certifications, preemptively do the senior project, and trying to keep up to date on her information for when school comes back around.
​
\[2017\] She pays for the classes but does not complete them. Again, she takes the senior project course but does do not any work for the class. She browses facebook/reddit/instagram/plays video games for 18+ hours a day and does not have a job. She understandably so fails the classes. For the rest of the year, she does not attempt to do any work or try to figure out what she needs to do.
​
I cannot remember if it was at the end of 2017 or the beginning where we went to a friend's birthday party where his employer was there and was amazed that she was going to graduate with a degree that they need at their Department of Defense contracted company. He told her right there and then that if she had a security clearance they would higher her on the stop and double her salary. He said to her, "You'll probably make 70k with your first job -- We'll pay you 140k. We will train you and everything so you know what to do and how to do it." My friend said that offer is 100% genuine and it is what got him working for that company as well. \[She has not followed up or communicated with them since. She has not worked on any progress getting a security clearance or any type of certifications. Her friends have told me that she has frequently talked about how she needs a security clearance since this chance encounter -- even to this day. But not how she will get one or that she's working towards one.\]
​
\[2018\] Senior project rolls around again and she does almost misses the deadline for submitting her project and cannot get her project working. With a very simple google search, I fix the problem in about 30 seconds that she was stuck on for hours. During this time as well, the curriculum committee tells her that she also needs to take a 1 credit course and recommends the website, 'StrLin'. 'StrLin' offers these 1-credit courses at a rate of $100/mo. She takes the speech course and does not complete it. \[From the start of 2018 to now, she has not finished the course and this 1 credit online course will cost about $1100+.\] I have gently reminded her to finish the course maybe once a month, to once every other week, to once a week, to now daily. \[She tells me the more often I remind her, the less she wants to do the work. She says that she is an adult -- that I'm not her parent or her employer, so she doesn't needed to me reminded or hassled to do the work. She says she's not a child and doesn't need to be reminded and that she can do the work. She told me this eight months into the course when I started asking her more often.\] She still hasn't finished the course. She does not work a job and has no other obligations. For over 5 months now, she'd had the equivalent of a one page paper, two page paper, and a final exam to complete the course. Little to no progress has been made. She ended enrollment in the course a few days ago because she said she wanted to re-enroll when she had the papers done and had studied for the final. Mind you, this is a course that gives you 30 days after you pay before the next billing cycle begins again.
​
\[Overall\] She says that she suffers from extreme anxiety and has issues even doing basic social tasks and functions. She has never sat down to find a doctor for herself, I have always been the one to find a therapist/psychiatrist for her. She fights and argues and screams and sobs uncontrollably when trying to find a doctor and is extremely picky. Even when we find a physician right for her, she complains about the cost of the doctor or visits when she doesn't work or attempt to contribute financial \[towards her parents, school, or our relationship\]. When she goes to therapist or psychiatrists and gets medication or help, she stops visiting them / taking medication after a month -- even if it's helpful because 'it's too expensive.'
​
We've gone on vacation trips to Florida, Las Vegas, and along the East Coast -- I've paid for it all. All my/our hobbies, I have paid for all the equipment myself. I basically live with a foster family because they picked me up after my mom kicked me out and I was homeless for 8 months. I mostly did chores and other things around the house until I got into pharma univ and my ability to contribute slowed down. I didn't really pay rent here until she started coming over more often and she said to me that I \*needed\* to pay rent. I've paid over $6000 and she's contributed $0 to it.
​
I've talked to her about these kinds of things and she gets really upset at me and acts like I'm a jerk. She'll bring up that she has severe anxiety but no matter how hard I try to help, she just doesn't want to get help or even if I pay for it she'll end up refusing to go. If I try to help her with the work, she refuses. I ask her if I can see the course for myself, she refuses. I ask her for updates on the course, she refuses. It's a one credit class and it's literally holding her back from working and she will not complete it. In the same amount of time I've completed nearly 75\~ credits at my Univ of Pharmacy and worked my ass off. She will yell at me for working myself too hard or cramming for exams but if I try and say ANYTHING about her and her school work -- she won't talk to me for a day or even days.
​
I am nearing the end of my education and am on my way to become a working professional in this field that I struggled so hard to get into in the first place. I came back from an international business/educational trip that was insanely difficult and not very fruitful. It took a lot out of me mentally and put me in the position where I had two options - Sit in my bed and not participate because I was an unwanted presence there OR strive to make myself a household name and watch them be impressed when I return. This kind of spirit really did invigorate me and really changed my mentality on how I need to do things. 20+ hours to fly back to the states, landed and completed labo-work, studied & took an exam the next day, and finally laying to rest promptly due to jetlag.
​
​
(tl;dr searchers can probably read this too)
​
​
\* When I came to, I told her that she needed to really work hard on her end of the relationship. I am juggling a lot on my plate and still being attentive to her and involving her in a lot of my activities. She's not really working on herself professionally -- looking for a job, working on certificates, or even trying to finish her one-credit class.
\* I told her that it wasn't fair to me to be paying for everything. She hasn't worked in over 3 years and doesn't do anything while at home. She only plays video games, browses the internet, does arts and crafts -- but that's it.
\* I told her it wasn't fair to her parents or myself to help out with the cost of class (and living) when she doesn't do any work and we're paying for it. It was unfair to complain that things were expensive or doing x,y, or z cost money when people do spend time, energy, and money on her -- and she just wastes it.
\* It's not fair to me to be paying rent when it was her suggestion and she's not helping out. If I suggested to her that she needed to pay rent at her parents place because I was staying there, it wouldn't be fair for me not to contribute either.
\* I told her that I wasn't going to be paying for things for her anymore and that she needed to finish her class. If she didn't want to finish her class, then to not be a financial burden on her parents while she stays there - she needs to start working. I don't think it's fair for me or family to be putting in so much effort and energy when she's not really doing anything in return with all the time she has at home.
\* I ask her how much more money needs to spend on her before she starts caring / if she cares about not contributing / what will it take for you to get your things together / what will it take for you to do something / when are you going to take life seriously? No one is guiding me or helping me for my or career aspirations that I'm working towards -- I'm doing it all by myself. Everyone is willing to help you and has been helping you -- what more will it take for you to take any steps?
​
I told her all of this and as per usual, she hasn't spoken to me in three days. AITA?
​
tl;dr GF hasn't worked in three years. Hasn't finished her BS that she walked for. Refuses to finish a one-credit online class to get her degree. Claims financial issues for everything or lack of doing anything but doesn't work or want to work. I've been in pharmacy school full-time and have paid for everything. Claims anxiety and/or other psychiatric issues. Refuses to get help and if someone else gets her help, refuses to keep up or continue going. Told her that she needs to start caring about life, start taking life more seriously, and what will it take for you to put in any effort -- everyone else is working hard for you, so what will it take for you to work hard for yourself? She hasn't spoken to me in three days. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "thinking it is weird my other half talks to his ex multiple times a week",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for thinking it is weird my other half talks to his ex multiple times a week?
|
He (50) talks to his ex 3-5 times a week for 15-30 minutes each time. Sometimes they will go a week without talking but most of the time they talk numerous times a week. She calls when she is driving - to or from wherever.
He dated her a long time ago 10 years or so, she does not live in the same state and she is married. He is not cheating, I do not suspect him of that at all but it drives me crazy that he will interrupt our time together to talk to her. Example: I asked him to hang up with her when we went intonations restaurant for lunch and were seated while he was still on the phone. He is making lunch for us right now. It is ready. It has been ready. It is getting cold while he chats away with her - I can hear it, nothing going on but he refuses to end a call with her so we can eat lunch.
It also bothers me that he talks to her about our life - nothing too personal but it bothers me that he is telling a woman he was once intimate with about spending time with my children and what we do. It just bothers me.
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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43rQNaWHCZ7s7r9n7QbqMjAOk92qNL7z
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aoptvc
|
{
"description": "not wanting to \"help\" my cousin on homework",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to “help” my cousin on homework
|
Hi reddit I have a cousin who has to do a MOCK interview with someone in a certain field of work which I coincidently happen to be in. I indeed try to help this kid once but I literally ended up doing the kids homework as many of the questions were not focused on what I specifically do and helped her do research. Now the kid hits me up for round 2 and I am still at school and really busy with exams and denied to help. Now the mom is giving me crap about this
AITA??
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{
"description": "breaking up and kicking my depressed gf out",
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AITA if I break up and kick my depressed gf out?
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We've been dating for two years now. Almost all of those two years she's been depressed. It's mean to say, but I'm fucking sick of it.
We almost never have sex. She doesen't work and I'm a neat freak, yet my place is always disgusting.
When we first started dating she acted like she enjoyed sex and when I asked her about it, she said she just faked it.
We've been dating for 8 months, living together for one.
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{
"description": "thinking my boyfriend should contact the police about his missing sister",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for thinking my boyfriend should contact the police about his missing sister?
|
So some backstory. My boyfriends sister has been fucked up on drugs lately (I don’t know her personally but this is what my boyfriend has been telling me). Anywho she’s fucked up on drugs, and gets kicked out of where she was living because she attacked someone. Anyways, she’s been missing for 2 days, doesn’t have a cell phone, is fucked up on Meth or heroine, and my boyfriend is worried sick. He doesn’t know how to find her so he can help her. I suggested going to the police and filing a missing persons case. He thinks this is a waste of time because “the police won’t do shit for a drug addict” am I the asshole for trying to continue to push for him to contact the police?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "telling a kid to stop leaning on me",
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|
AITA for telling a kid to stop leaning on me?
|
So I’m in a production of High School Musical, you might remember me from getting cast with my sister in a couple, which has since been resolved, thank god. Anyway, so we’re blocking this scene and I’m on one side of a desk, and it’s a crowded desk, but it’s not crowded enough to the point where everyone has their own space. So, we’re blocking the scene and this 6th grade kid basically drapes himself on me, so I try to shrug him off. He makes no move to leave, so I try again.
This kid is not moving.
There’s no amount of movement I can make to get this kid (quite literally) off my back. I tried to be polite as possible, nudging him, shrugging him, trying to give him that look that is like “yo you’re making me uncomfortable”, nothing’s working. So I finally get sick of it, and turn to him and say, slightly forcefully “Yo can you get off me?”.
He gets off and he doesn’t seem to be offended, I talk to the kid a lot and he’s pretty resilient and generally an alright kid. But my director is treating it like I crossed a line and wasn’t being mature about the situation. So AITA? I thought it was fine, but my director seems to disagree.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not wanting my boyfriend's sister to come on dates with us",
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|
AITA for not wanting my boyfriend’s sister to come on dates with us?
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Title is partially self explanatory, but I’ll add some extra info here.
My boyfriend John(24m) got a gift card to a nice Brazilian steakhouse from his sister Erin(28f) this Christmas, and he is eager to use it. Erin got it as a gift for the both of us really, but John was the one who opened it.
When he opened it, Erin happened to mention that we (John and I) would be able to go to the steakhouse. John happened to make a few comments such as “do you want to go with us? I know you want to go too.” When I(21f) was sitting there also, thinking to myself, well... so much for a date.
I love his sister to pieces... but this happens all the time. Sure, we’ll go on food dates every so often, but I feel like it’s usually John, Erin and I when we go get food.
I’ve never piped up about it, because I don’t want to step on toes. Like I said, I love his sister and her company... but AITA if I speak up about dates or do I not have say because it’s his sister?
Thanks!
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{
"description": "telling people their dogs aren't allowed at the farmers markets",
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|
WIBTA for telling people their dogs aren’t allowed at the farmers markets
|
The signs at the market clearly state this. Maybe they are clueless? Maybe they are new? Additionally ifI give them money to learn how to read, does that increase my behavior?
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{
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|
AITA for telling my flatmate she’s rude because she wants to move out to her new apartment before our lease expires?
|
We’re students and we rented this apartment at the beginning of our university year.
Now, we’re in the middle of it and she said her parents bought her a new apartment and she wants to move out alone. She told me about that only one month ago and she’s going to move at the end of this month.
This means that I’ll have to pay an expensive rent and other living expenses alone - everyone is taken aback when hears about how much money I have to pay for a modest apartment. More than that, I have to pay for my college tax, which is pretty high too.
Not to mention that I’m going to live alone until the next university year begins, because I can’t find anyone to stay with me at this time of the year.
AITA for telling her she’s rude to move out now and leave me to deal alone with all these costs?
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HISTORICAL
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AITA for breaking my friend's earbuds and refusing to pay for them after he tried to steal money from my backpack and then insulted me as I tried to apologize.
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First some context: Me and my friend are in middle school and were pretty close. We sit together on the bus and hang out in a back room with some other friends during lunch. Seeing as March Madness was starting soon everyone in my group decided to put $5 into a jackpot and whoever got the most accurate bracket would get to keep all of the money.
​
The day starts out normal until third period. I have English class that period, but the teacher was pretty laid back so she put on the first game of the tournament which I believe was Louisville vs Minnesota. I had been messing around with my bracket and chose Louisville to win the whole thing. After they lost, I sent out a text to our group chat in mock seriousness saying that I was dropping out and not putting in my $5. Well my friend took this very serious and started complaining to me, but I ignored him for the time doing my classwork instead. After the class ended we went to lunch and were all hanging out watching a new game of the tournament. That's when I felt something touching my backpack(which I still had on). When I turned around I saw my friend in the pocket where I keep my lunch money.(Take into account I only get $20 a month for when I forget my lunch). I was angry, stealing is one of the few things that I do not tolerate, and I tolerate a lot. I was angry so I stood up from my chair and reached for him. I accidentally grabbed one of his earbuds and due to my anger I pulled. Well, the earbud ripped out and was now on the ground. He seemed shocked and dropped my money which I hurried to grab. After that he demanded that I pay for his earbuds. I refused at first because I was still angry and we went our separate ways. I later payed the $5 for the bet, and our friend group was staying neutral. A few hours later on the drive home from school I sent a text apologizing for breaking the earbuds and that it was an accident. Within seconds he said "F you. I'm blocking you." After that I told my friends that I would not pay for new earbuds unless he apologized, and made my friends promise not to tell him this .That is the story so far, my friends are trying to get him to cool off, but I don't know how it is going. I like him as a friend and we play brawl stars together quite often. So am I the asshole for breaking my friends earbuds and refusing to pay for them after he tried to steal money from me and insulted my apology?
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| null |
AITA For “Showboating”
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I run track for my high school as a distance runner. I ran the mile and two mile today. I won both but there was one kid Justin who was my greatest competitor. Anyways, around the Seventh lap towards the starting point the crowd starts screaming and when I get close to it I instinctively raised one Finger in the air to signify there was one lap left. Finish last lap and run past finish point. An official says it was a great race but “don’t do that again I could have DQ’d you. I tried explaining myself but he wasn’t having any of it. I shaked the kids hand and congratulated him because he was a pretty good runner and apologized if he was offended. He didn’t notice and didn’t care. Was I being an asshole or am I overthinking it?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "lowkey hating most of my friends",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
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AITA for lowkey hating most of my friends
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Aight so pretty much from like grade 4 I’ve always been really good at KINDA fitting into every group of friends I could find but never all the way being the same as them so I’ve always had a lot of problems making actual friends. But I found a group I fit in better than most other ones, but they’re all white. ( I’m black and was one of the very few coloured people at my elementary school) so every sleepover/ time we’d hang out they’d try out all their racist jokes and just say things I didn’t agree with at all but by this point I had been with them for almost a year and was completely outnumbered by white people who think racism / racist jokes or comments are the funniest thing in the world, so I kinda just went with it.
These are still most of the people I talk with in high school, with the addition of several others similar to them and one Friend who I genuinely considered to be my best and closest friend who I’ll refer to as V. I used to be very very ugly and fat in grade 9, as well as desperate for approval/ friends. So all these people I’ve known for a long time used that to get me to go do stupid and really embarrassing things and they recorded all of them. The next two years (currently grade 11) they’ve been holding those videos against me and threatening to send them out to people if I didn’t do shit for them, just basically being huge dicks and acting like they’re just playing around and everything is hilarious and we’re such great friends. But anyways I’ve been asking V non stop the last year to delete the videos or to keep them to himself ( he was the one with the majority of the videos a couple others did the same thing with ones they have ) and he said that he won’t delete them, but he also won’t send them to people.
But in the last week I’ve been sent the videos and made fun of by 6 different people, and in my English class (this is a class I have a different friend group in, as well as 2-3 from the group of dicks ) one of the kids from the group of dicks (I’ll call him D) came over to the group and asked “do you guys want to see some videos of *****” and I knew what he was about to do so I tried to take his phone, resulting in D running to the other side of the class and sending it to everyone he could, including those in the class, and i watched every single person in my English room open the videos and laugh at / make fun of me before airdropping the videos to every phone they could reach. At the end of the class D told me that V had sent the videos to multiple groupchats with 25+ people where they all made fun of me more. I was pissed and I was going to beat his ass but D like literally sprinted to his next class and kept acting like everything bout this was a big joke while I’m still getting made fun of by people in the halls for it.
Then I finish the day and go home, already in a terrible mood, feeling way more depressed than usual, feeling completely powerless and suicidal, and about two hours later I got a message from a school friend I don’t even talk to laughing at me and making fun of me on Instagram DMs with an attached Instagram story. V posted all the videos on his story with 900 followers and every single guy friend I have has seen it, plus I’m already shit at talking to girls and not doing great in that department so this doesn’t help that at all. I sent V a text and a message on Instagram telling him to take me off his story rn, both of which he leaves on read and keeps the video up. But he still wants to act like we’re friends in person Nd everyone’s making me feel like IM the asshole here for being mad and not thinking it’s funny and saying I’m overreacting Nd being a bitch when I’m just sick of their shit
Sooo I just really need to know AITA right now for not wanting to talk to any of these people anymore? Because I really do not feel like I’m overreacting
Edit: tomorrow is a big trip to Quebec pretty much to party and do bare drugs and have sex n shit, Today V broke his wrist in gym class (bone sticking out and shit ) and will not be able to go on the trip. ALSO he doesn’t get the $700 fee for the trip back, karma is real I guess lmao
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{
"description": "telling my sister that she cannot go on a school trip",
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WIBTA by telling my sister that she cannot go on a school trip
|
This is on mobile so disregard my bad formatting and grammar.
So my younger sister wants to go on a school trip but it’s going to be in Puerto Rico and we live in the US specifically NC. My father is against her going because he sees no big reason to go that far away for a school trip. My mother simply doesn’t feel safe about her going to another country since my mother cannot chaperone. My sister’s argument(she is 13) says that she wants to go because she probably won’t have another chance to go. I really did not want to get involved but they essentially had me as a tiebreaker on wether she goes or not.
I chose for her to stay. My reasoning is that she is still 13 and will still have lots of chances to go places and visit other countries, but she doesn’t know that I’m against her decision yet.
(I was asked by my parents after she went to sleep) Now I have the task of giving the news to her that essentially from her point of view will make her seem like her family is against her. I told my parents that I will explain to her that she cannot go without really thinking how.
So how should I tell her the news in the nicest way?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "charging a rapper for a beat after giving one for free",
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|
wibta if i charged a rapper for a beat after giving one for free?
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i made a beat and i sent it to a rapper (we'll call him bob) who i felt would be perfect on the beat for free. a while after i sent the beat, i made another one that i feel bob could get on and i'm pressed as to whether or not i should charge for the second beat after i gave one for free. so would i be the asshole if i charged for the second one?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "drinking after dumping my alcoholic partner",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for drinking after dumping my alcoholic partner
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I just broke up with my partner after five years. Our biggest issue has always been their drinking habits. Unfortunately, they cannot handle their alcohol very well. It only takes a couple of drinks and they become reckless and can’t form straight sentences, and become a person who is very unattractive to me. They’ve lied about their drinking and it’s been detrimental to our relationship.
We’ve had many discussions about how their drinking affects our relationship, and every time they promised to get better. It’s been five years and nothing has changed.
Since we started dating, I started to drink way less. I stay sober when we go out, because I need to be responsible for when they start drinking. I also drink less in hopes that they will also choose to drink less.
Now we are broken up, and I’d like to go out with friends and coworkers for drinks. I am afraid my ex will find out and think I’m a hypocrite, or they won’t seek the help they need to get better. Would I be the asshole, if I go out for drinks?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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azwqes
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{
"description": "playing music on a Bluetooth speaker when I'm out with friends",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 8
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|
AITA for playing music on a Bluetooth speaker when I’m out with friends?
|
I’ve weirdly seen an uptick in posts and comments disparaging people who walk around playing music on speakers, and it’s made me question myself for doing this, so I came to this sub.
I love music, and when I’m walking around town with my friends, I usually have my speaker with me playing something while we walk. I do, however, try my best to respect other people, because I know not everybody wants to hear what I’m listening to when I’m doing this.
I turn the volume down when we’re nearing or passing other people, and I turn it off entirely whenever we enter a store or any establishment. Additionally, I stay away from explicit music while I’m in public because I’m fully aware of how much of an asshole move that would be.
I don’t think I’m the type of person these comments and posts I see are calling out, but I wasn’t sure, so I wanted to double-check.
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"description": "losing my temper and screaming at my doctor's staff",
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|
AITA for losing my temper and screaming at my doctor's staff?
|
So, some basic background: I need my IUD replaced and I made the appointment 2 weeks ago, set for tomorrow. When I was on the phone, I told the receptionist I needed it removed and replaced and she said she'd double check with the doctor and call me back.
She didn't call back, but that same day I got a confirmation email that clearly said "IUD removal and replacement" so I figured we were fine.
Today (the day before the appointment) I get a very dodgy looking email from them that's encrypted. It doesn't have any of the normal stuff, no letterhead, nothing in the actual body, and the subject just says ENCRYPTED-IUD. I work as a network engineer and I've seen spam like this before, so I call the office and leave a voicemail asking for a call back.
I get a call back from a very distracted receptionist who tells me that they sent me an encrypted email that contains a form I have to fill out for the insurance company and they haven't ordered my IUD. I ask why, and she says because I have to fill the form out.
I'm pretty pissed off, and after looking through my email, I can't find the form. I finally find it buried in my trash folder, and call them back. When another receptionist answers, I lost my temper.
Why the hell didn't they tell me about this form on the phone when I MADE the appointment? Why isn't the office fillng this form out? I've never heard of this before, and my sister is a nurse, I've never seen this done before. I'm seriously upset, my IUD is causing me to bleed, I have to work tonight, and the receptionist is saying stupid stuff like "We don't keep them in stock, we sent you a form--" "I MADE THIS APPOINTMENT TWO WEEKS AGO WHY AM I ONLY NOW BEING TOLD ABOUT THE FORM?"
​
I was definitely yelling. She transferred me to the nurse manager, who explained they'd really dropped the ball. I vent to him a little and he's pretty understanding (or he's used to upset patients). I also ask him about a CPAP that's supposedly been ordered but that there's no update on.
​
Basically, I hung up feeling better, but was an I asshole to yell at the receptionist? I know its not her fault but this is the second time they've dropped the ball for me, and I'm getting tired of having to submit my own insurance forms, which is not standard practice.
​
So, tomorrow, when I go to drop off the form, I'm probably going to apologize, but let me have it Reddit: am I an asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "screwing up four friends spring break plan to be with my girlfriend",
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|
AITA for screwing up four friends spring break plan to be with my girlfriend?
|
First time posting sorry for long post, TLDR at bottom
So here's some context: In the beginning of the semester, my girlfriend signed us up for the anime convention in her uni. This anime convention was going to happen on the end of my spring break, which is next friday and the weekend. She signed us for to volunteer for it because then we would be able to get free access to the anime convention on all 3 days. However, we abandoned the idea of volunteering because we were required to participate for a training session and it was a little difficult for the both of us to attend, since the training dates were during my break and during her class. We decided to pay for the tickets, but didn't actually buy them because we forgot and by the time we realized, they were already sold out. My girlfriend got really sad because her school requires her to take her spring semester off after her sophmore year, so she wouldn't have the chance to go to this convention until she graduated. At this point, we were both devastated and since she was stressed out and down from other factors recently, I decided I would do something to make it up to her.
Around a month ago, I started gathering people to ride with me from our uni to our home city, which was a seven hour drive. I told them that I would start this morning, and leave to go back to uni on sunday the 24th. When I arrived, I dropped everybody off and then I got an email from her uni, reminding me that we could still sign up for the volunteering training dates, which meant that although tickets were sold out, we could still get the free pass in order to attend the event. This is where things get tricky: the training dates were for next tuesday, wednesday, and friday. I had already told my friends that I would be driving them up on sunday, but I really wanted to make up to my girlfriend, something to give her a little boost.
I chose friday for the training date, but I knew I was basically intentionally screwing over my four other friends and I felt really bad. I was basically going to drive up on friday, and leave them there or force them to come with me, so I told them that if they felt like staying until sunday instead of coming up with me on friday, I would pay for their ticket back to uni, and also carry their luggage in my car for them when I drive up. I also won't be charging them for the ride down since I feel really bad.
Is there anything else I could have done for them? AITA?
TLDR: forgot to buy tickets for anime convention, they got sold out. Volunteering gives free access, and it falls on a day that makes me ditch my four friends and leave them stranded in order to get said free access.
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HISTORICAL
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a63e0g
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{
"description": "asking a friend to separate our weed",
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"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for asking a friend to separate our weed?
|
I already know this seems ridiculously stupid and childish, just note that.
So my best friend and I usually go half and half on an ounce of weed, pretty easy math. Now, he lives with his girlfriend, well recently made fiance. Which is awesome!
But here's the thing, 2 or 3 times now I have gone over there with a 6 pack of beers, and left them there so I could just have them when I am there, which is very often. They were both cool with it, no problems.
Every time that has happened, she has drank my beer by the next day or two, and was never apologised for, which would have been really nice.
This is where the weed comes in, earlier we had arranged to get some of the devils lettuce the next day, where I say, in a way that I know could have been said maybe less assertive, "make sure you hide it so your girlfriend doesnt smoke my weed".
He then says, "I'm not going to do that, just because you said that." In a slightly defensive way. And totally meant it.
All us fellow potheads know that principle is something sacred, especially with people you consider your best friends.
I am genuinely concerned and confident that when I get my stash it will be less than what I paid for. But it's the principle that matters to me, not the money. I also genuinely feel that this isnt the first time this has happened.
Is this a real trust issue?
AITA???????????????
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
9fmoT101ApvORRrDNDNyukW9l6f5dUqe
|
aurkgg
|
{
"description": "not wanting to use a used fork",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITAH for not wanting to use a used fork
|
Hello guys, so basically the other day i was about to have dinner with my family but came down a bit late and my brother was already done, when i went to eat he offered me his fork so that i could eat but said no and said that was gross, after that my brother was mad at me for saying that and my parents sided with him saying he is my brother and its natural.
​
Was i an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
zeJpFol6g17wSKD26eozZ44KvbAReJpJ
|
b90xev
|
{
"description": "remaining best friends with a serial cheater",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for remaining best friends with a serial cheater?
|
So I (22 F) have been best friends w/ Adam since I was a freshman in college.
Adam is like a brother to me. We studied abroad & traveled the world together. Our families consider each other family as well.
Adam’s fatal flaw is that he is not a faithful person. He loves the attention he gets from the person he’s dating at the time, but since he’s a 6’4, chiseled, charismatic athlete, he gets a LOT of female attention when we go out. In reality he’s just this really goofy kinda nerdy guy who doesn’t know what to do with the looks he suddenly got when he hit puberty.
Basically, if a girl approaches him, he will pretty much always hook up with them even if it would hurt the person he is dating.
His reputation proceeds him at school, but the catch is: he avoids defining his relationship like the plague, so in the end what he does is distasteful but not cheating press.
That is until he started seeing Ash kind of. I knew of her, but we were never close. Ash pursued Adam HARD, but this time he seemed to really like her back. They started dating and it was obvious that she was determined to defy the odds & lock him down.
Suddenly, Ash had an invested interest in being my friend. I’m a very social, easy going person. I’ve always been super friendly with Adams “girls” as they’re usually very suspicious about our relationship at first.
The issue this time was the budding friendship Ash was forging w/me. Part of me feels used by Ashley as a way to get the inside scoop on Adam. In the beginning I was always honest and say things like “love him but good luck tying him down!” I stopped when I saw Adam was actually developing real feelings for her. He’s my friend after all and I didn’t want to undermine him even though I wasn’t confident in his abilities to remain faithful if the opportunity came up.
I never saw Adam cheat, but he did tell me that one of Ash’s sorority sisters pursued him behind Ash’s back and he hooked up with her a few times. I admonished him but he swore they never defined the relationship, which I told him was a BS excuse now cause he let Ash post pictures of him all over social media. I do feel like she was a little hasty to do that, knowing he would dodge the DTR conversation, but as a female I thought I could at least call him out on his BS.
One of Ash’s friends finally told her, and she blasted him on social media.
I felt absolutely horrible. Adam felt bad but he still maintains they never DTRed.
I have been cheated on and I know how horrible it feels, but I never expected any of my exes friends who I became close with to drop him.
Ash did end up calling me and asshole and accused me of sleeping with Adam and all this other stuff when she saw me out one night. Idk how to feel. I almost feel bad for not feeling bad at the same time. But then again I feel like an asshole.
Adam vows to stop leading girls on, but AITA for still being his friend since he’s been like a brother to me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
5Bm5kdwUAWbNv6hisvkHappgGeuDy2CF
|
b91h3q
|
{
"description": "rehoming the elderly cat my wife and I adopted",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I rehomed the elderly cat my wife and I adopted?
|
Alright, I know that this already sounds bad, but please hear me out:
My wife and I consider ourselves to be animal lovers and have always talked about adopting a cat together. When we met, I already had two cats (both rescues, \~2 years apart). Let’s call them Fluffy and Snuffles. We decided to adopt another cat because they seem to really love hanging out and playing with each other, and are very passive/non-territorial.
We went to the shelter, and picked out a cat that the employees said was very easygoing, chill and great with other cats. Let’s call him Diablo. When we got him home, we did all the proper introductions with the other two cats. Multiple litter boxes on different floors, got him his own room, let them sniff under the door first, etc.
It quickly became evident that Diablo is NOT good with other cats. He constantly hisses and growls at Fluffy and Snuggles, and has commandeered all of their usual hangout spots/toys/etc. Like, we have three couches, and Fluffy and Snuggles used to really like chilling on one of them. Diablo immediately took it over and began biting at the others and hissing when they tried to play on that couch. When they tried a different couch, DIABLO WOULD FUCKING GET OFF THE COUCH HE WAS SITTING ON TO CHASE THEM OFF OF THE SECOND COUCH HE WASN’T EVEN USING.
He also constantly tries to mark his territory by pissing everywhere. He does this constantly, even if there are no other cats around. He just sprays everywhere. We have taken him to multiple vets, and there’s not a medical issue or anything. He’s just aggressive and territorial. He also screams all night, to the point where I can’t sleep.
At this point, I fucking despise Diablo. I would never abuse him or anything, but I have spent hours of my life scrubbing his piss out of our carpets, dealing with him biting me for looking at him wrong, and comforting Fluffy and Snuggles, who are now absolutely miserable and basically hide all the time. My wife feels bad for Diablo and keeps defending him, but at this point, I just want this cat gone. I know it’s not his fault because he’s just an animal, but I feel like he’s obviously NOT the right cat for our household.
So, WIBTA if I insisted that we rehomed him?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
alui5s
|
{
"description": "being fed up of my girlfriend's mother",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being fed up of my girlfriend's mother?
|
Going to cut a long story as short as possible.
TL/DR at bottom
My girlfriend of 6 years (lived together for 3) mother broke her ankle/foot about a year and a half ago, obviously she went to the hospital and had a cast fitted and was told to rest (no work etc) for a few weeks.
Obviously at this time I was extremely sympathetic and supportive to me girlfriend (as she works with her mother in the family business) and her mother.
After 2 days she'd cut the cast off, returned to work and has complained every day since how her foot has been hurting her, bearing in mind this is a year and half ago. This annoyed me but I kept it quiet.
So my girlfriend comes home almost every day with stories of how her mother is struggling and how she feels so sorry for her, up to today as I said before I'd go along with it and offer my sympathies etc. But as of late I've been struggling to show any interest or sympathy, just zoning out whenever she starts talking about it.
Faat forward to today, i come home from a long ass day in work and she immediately starts talking about her mother again, how she's bought a walking stick and how she's missing the gym blah blah blah.... I zoned out.
She shouts at me calling my ignorant and rude so I reply with "It's her own fucking fault! If she'd listened to the doctor she'd be back doing everything she wanted and everyone could happily get on with their lives!"
Immediate regret, like full on face flushed, mouth open repeating sorry over and over again. She storms out and we haven't spoken since yesterday. Tried calling but to no avail. But I kinda feel relaxed knowing I've said what I wanted to say, but wish I'd said it better.
AITA?
TL/DR:
Girlfriend mother breaks foot, takes cast off early, complains for year and a half about pain, girlfriend sympathetic... me not so much.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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}
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
fWEDGApJElvE8UxDtnHQ6ry3pJ5Rj6dc
|
apxi09
|
{
"description": "calling out my Housemates arrogance",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling out my Housemates arrogance?
|
So I'm a Uni student in a Houseshare with three others. Housemate A, B and C.
Housemate A was away from home for the week.
Housemate B got drunk one night and had his two friends sleep over, he didn't want to give up his bed so went into Housemate A's room (we all leave doors unlocked because we trust one another)
Housemate A had no idea about this until she returned home and found hair and underwear in her bed, which meant (and later confirmed) that they had sex in her bed.
We confronted Housemate B about this and he insists we're overreacting and he has done nothing wrong by offering a bed that wasn't his.
I confronted Housemate B alone earlier today and he insists that he has done nothing wrong and that he wouldn't care if someone did it to him, I told him he was arrogant and needed to take responsibility for his actions and take the consequences.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
JqqTzZZ6Mjn42ixTHPUJKfzTgbCihmDG
|
azf11i
|
{
"description": "calling out my best friends boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling out my best friends boyfriend?
|
Chatacters: Me: Me
Best friends boyfriend: BFB
Roommate: R
Best friend: P
We all grew up in a small town together. I've known BFB since I was 7 and P since I was 12 (we're all about 22 right now) and we get along pretty well.
The other day I was at Ps house, and we were just talking with R, mainly about how mean a lot of people we went to highschool with were. R said about one girl "she was nice but also bullied the crap out of me" so we were kinda laughing about how our town is too small to have nice kids and bullies so everyone's just both. We were openly talking about how if you look back, at least when you're a little kid, you were probably mean to at least one person. Yknow, everyone's kind of an asshole when they're growing up.
BFB chimes in with something like "well I've never been a bully, I'm just too nice." Which, I'll hand to him he's grown a lot, but he's not stellar. I brought up that him and a few other boys were so mean to me in the sixth grade that I didn't come to school for 2 weeks and he said "well I don't remember" and I was like "well, BFB, that's pretty common actually. A lot of bullies don't even remember the person let alone the things they did that might've made them feel shit for years." And he said "I genuinely don't remember which means you shouldn't either."
Apparently I'm mean for making him think he might've been a bad person. Idk. I feel like you need to take inventory and really ask if you are the asshole sometimes. I feel like he isnt doing that, but maybe I'm not looking in enough. AITA??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
6SC13yh8DWiam0OnrE2NLyVM0w4o1FkI
|
abyyi9
|
{
"description": "asking my girlfriend to have a sexual relationship",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for asking my girlfriend to have a sexual relationship?
|
For context, we and my are both in high school.
I just recently met this girl, I asked her out on a date and she said yes. We have been dating for almost a month now, and I decided that it was time to have a discussion about sexuality in our relationship. I said that I wanted to have sex, but she quickly mentioned that she didn’t feel ready. Now, I completely understand that mentality (as we are both 16 years old), and I told her that I respect that, and I wouldn’t force her to do anything she is not comfortable with. However, I mentioned that I wasn’t looking for a relationship without sex, as it would basically just be us being really good friends that cuddle sometimes. I said that I didn’t want to force her to do anything, but I wouldn’t want to continue to be in a relationship without sex, but I would like to still be friends. She immediately became angry, and quite standoffish, as she would not talk to me other than to accuse me of just using her for sex. Now she is telling all of her friends that I am just a “man-whore.” Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 15
}
|
WRONG
|
KMhxRaANraUlD7o4odjPFA9K3HsN3B7U
|
b3t6kq
|
{
"description": "wanting my friends to do something with me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For wanting my friends to do something with me?
|
I visit my friends who go to another college 3.5 hours away at least once a month. For some reason, every time I come down here they play Smash Brothers for HOURS knowing I don’t like the game and I don’t want to play. I used to play with them but then they would get mad because I would get annoyed because I just didn’t like the game. I suggested playing other things but they always say they would rather play this. Am I the asshole for wanting them to do something with me that we all enjoy instead of play this game that they could play at any time without me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
y4ANN03TQ1gwpHU1cpurIiwi1hOHwvi0
|
agatyx
|
{
"description": "leaving my friends name out of a school project",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving my friends name out of a school project?
|
So in out school we are doing these projects where you pick a subjects for an example math or art and then with the teacher of you’re choosing you are doing a project because our schools main thing is engineering the project has to include something with it but anyways enough about that. So we were doing the project thing for almost half a school year and i began noticing that the ,,friend” that I’ve been doing the project with is slacking off he usually calls in sick when we need to present what we have done so far or doesn’t help with what were doing so i got pretty angry and just didn’t include his name in the final paper where we were suppose to write our names and shit and i thing he is going to be in trouble AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
EL84HCZuXyMFHkWezEaQ5EJKa9rtoyv0
|
an7g7j
|
{
"description": "ignoring my mom while she tries to \"work it out\" with me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I ignore my mom while she tries to "work it out" with me?
|
Sorry for the length in advance.
Just got back in touch with my mom [50] after about a year of not talking. Relationship with her has always been stressful and I [22F] think I've had enough.
My mom has always been very opinionated. Either she's super in my face about what she thinks about my life, or she's complaining about how everyone is always out to get her. She had a stroke in 2015 and it has left her at about 90% of what she was. It feels like her highs are higher, her lows are lower, and like she has completely forgotten how to have a two sided relationship. She lives with her boyfriend who always takes her side and always tells her she's right, no matter what.
I moved across state for all of 2018 with minimal contact with my mom. She didn't agree with my lifestyle (going out without telling her where I was going and who I was with etc.) and I'm an adult and was tired of her constant judgement when I was home. It felt like I couldn't get a breath, so I moved in with my boyfriend of 6 months. He was living with his parents so I basically took with me what I needed, and I left a lot behind.
The only contact we had in that time was her messaging my then deactivated Facebook (she had my cell #) with her telling me she was going to sell all of my stuff if I didn't pick it up in 2 weeks. I didn't see that message until months later and just wished her luck. She responds with "thanks! Gonna change the locks!"
On New year's I broke up with my boyfriend. I started staying with my sister, who is on the same side of the state as my mom and is very close with her. Sister convinces me to talk to my mom and although I don't really have anything to say to her, I went and had dinner. Mom is exactly as I remember, asking me surface level questions so she can give her opinion on it, and then ultimately turning all conversation back towards *herself* and all of the things she's dealing with. The night is 10% me talking, 90% her complaining. Her problems mainly consist of not being able to make friends with people she works with because of the way she acts to them.
My mom invited me to this work party over the last weekend where I didn't know a single person. I initially declined but she insisted. I tried to make any friends with this crowd but my mom kept *stalking* me from room to room, asking me to follow her to this or that room for no reason at all. She finally corners me and asks me when I'm going to come by for the stuff I left. ~~I thought she sold that but whatever~~.
She's wearing my old sweater, using one of my old purses. I hadn't said anything about it. She then asks me where I would have left my hair straightener, because she really wanted to keep it. I had no idea. I told her that it seemed like she already went through all my stuff and took anything worth taking but that I would clean the rest of the junk up. She told me I was being shitty. I was just being honest.
I then left the party because I didn't feel like being talked at like a kid in front of strangers.
She texted me this morning:
>Mrnd I'd like to work things out with you. I can tell that you're really angry with me. Some things I know what I did, others I don't. I cant figure out why you're so angry. I'm worried. Did I fail you as you were growing up?
>Are you frustrated with my life choices? Are you angry about my behavior from the stroke? Are you angry that I judged you and your life choices? Do you think I have taken your absence lightly?
>When you're ready I would really like to sit down listen to you. I'd love to work things out.
I know it sounds shitty only having been gone a year but I'm really not ready for her to be in my life so much right now.
I know that when I sit down with her it's just gonna be more of the same. I'm just apathetic at this point and I feel like I'm tolerating her when we hang out. I don't want a relationship where the only point in me being there is so she can vent. I appreciate that she's trying to be better but she's coming on way too strong and saying all the wrong things. I don't want to sit down and talk to her.
My sister and her are going out to dinner tonight and I'm definitely not invited. My sister is hardly talking to me. I know she doesn't want to get involved but they're going to talk about me for sure.
Tl;Dr: Mom is trying to reconnect after I stopped contact for a year. A month in already wants to sit down and have an emotional talk about something very minor. She says she was gonna sell my stuff, didn't, takes what she wants from it, wants me to get rid of the rest. Historically one sided relationship.
WIBTA if I don't go to dinner? If I am, how do I get out of this mindset that I'm in centering around my mom. If I'm not, what should I tell her to make her back off. I don't care about cleaning out the room and I'll do so as soon as I have a place to live (this Friday).
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
nWhYAMl6eK2suf34H7YmE4iO0ntdzDNR
|
ausrjm
|
{
"description": "not wanting my in-laws on our cell phone plan",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITAH for not wanting my in-laws on our cell phone plan?
|
So I feel a little backstory is necessary here. I (27M) been married to my wife (28F) for 4 years now. I've always had a good relationship with her parents, even if our personalities and views don't always align. My wife and I both work full time and we've always striven to be financially independent.
Recently my MIL got fired from her job, and has picked up 2 lower paying jobs to keep the light on etc. This was just the beginning. Things just got worse and eventually they had to file for bankruptcy. I really felt for them and my wife, but I just couldn't seem to wrap my head around how this happened.
So MIL starts hitting us up to borrow money. I had no problem with this. I came from a poor hard working family of farmers so helping each other out was a part of life. It started out small, $20 for gas here $40 for groceries. Not soon after though the dollar amount began to increase, 100 bucks until payday for "insert reason here". I never felt any resentful for helping, but hearing her telling us she'll pay us back and never did started to get to me.
I knew something was up, I never suspected drugs (No real changes in appearance or attitude for what it's worth) but something had to of changed. I ask my wife if she would be willing to sit down with her mother and try to figure out what the problem is. So she leaves one night to go over and chat, hours pass and when she returns, her mother admitted to having a gambling problem. (Not as casino's, rather "hot spots" which are basically just a room with video slots and poker.) This honestly kind of shocked me, I don't want to see her and our family suffer.
Since this opportunity showed itself, my wife and I set up our cell phone plan under my name. Enter the in-laws, my wife told them about us getting on the plan and they immediately want on. I am VERY reluctant to say the least. The plan is in my name and since we haven't seen any of the money we've loaned out back, I feel like this will just increase our payments when they inevitably don't pay for their share. I feel this is my credit score we're talking about so I will have NO choice but to pay it no matter what happens.
I've tried to offer alternatives like setting them up on a pre-paid since I've never really had an issues, even offering to give them some old phones I have (nothing great but solid mid range devices). They don't like this idea and shunned the idea of having to downgrade even a little. This really rubbed me the wrong way so right there I said "Well I don't feel comfortable at this time but I'm still more than happy to get you set up on prepaid. They were instantly pissed, but i don't care. My credit score is important to me and something I've worked hard on.
My wife is now stuck in the middle. I feel bad for her because she has a hard time saying no. I don't want her parents on my plan where I have a strong feeling I'll be paying their whole bill for 2 years. Am I the asshole??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
oEPalplZ4meBuXiBKs603j47TaxEs4QQ
|
a2fl7o
|
{
"description": "suggesting that my so shouldn't pursue the degree he's been wanting to for his entire college career",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for suggesting that my SO shouldn't pursue the degree he's been wanting to for his entire college career?
|
Back story on his college experience: he has been wanting to work toward a degree in biology/animal science/ or natural resource management but he can't pass basic college math to save his life and is struggling in 101 biology.
He has taken basic algebra 3 times and fully flunked each time and now we're both in biology and hes scraping by. This is with him studying vigorously, personal tutors, and online resources.
I try to steer him in the direction of starting a business with animals or a non profit, something that doesnt require a degree.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
glPMalVr6zyrnwTmKBiH0uDs98JoenwA
|
abpgvv
|
{
"description": "cuddling with my friends crush in front of him",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for cuddling with my friends crush in front of him?
|
TLDR at the bottom
Background: So I (M15) have a great friend group (about 8 people, slightly more boys than girls), and whenever we watch movies or hang out we frequently cuddle with each other normally in pairs of a boy and girl. One of my friends (M16) who is not involved in this group confessed to me that he has a crush on one of those friends (F17). He knows that I cuddle with some of my female friends including F17 and hasn’t stated a problem with it.
Anyway, we were at a party and I was cuddling F17 right in front of him while we were watching a movie and I don’t know if I should feel bad about that.
PS. From complex situations I won’t get into here I can say with certainty that M16 doesn’t stand a chance with F17 if that matters
TLDR: I cuddled with my friends crush at a party
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
2G5eZ6ZdqcJD4Dwmnd2XlJZRHl7ORmGd
|
9u4mxy
| null |
AITA Deleted pictures documenting spousal abuse, she is still with the guy.
|
A few years ago my good friend (36 F) who is married emailed me some pictures that showed some slight bruising where her husband laid hands on her. She asked me to save the digital files so she could build a case against him so she could keep her and her kids safe. Three years later and she is still with the guy. I know that he yells and screams at her a lot of the time but it was the last I heard about physical violence. I didn't want the pictures any more so I deleted them without telling her. The evidence is gone. Now she is telling me that our friendship is broken. She thought she could trust me. She is afraid that she will lose her kids if they get divorced. Basically she is saying that I ruined her life.
I am not the emotionally abusive husband, nor did I ever lay hands on her. Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
qtVC632XYc2L1wL5FG36fCiDM9wavznt
|
aur0jx
|
{
"description": "moving forward with the pregnancy against the wishes of the bio father and his wife",
"pronormative_score": 144,
"contranormative_score": 56
}
|
AITA for moving forward with the pregnancy against the wishes of the bio father and his wife?
|
I’m going to be real brief. I thought I was in a monogamous long-distance relationship with a man (management consultant) who travels to my city a lot for work. I found out he’s actually married with several young children. He lied to me about his age (much older), his real name, and his relationship status.
But I’m pregnant with his child.
He is insistent that I have a termination because he is not interested in supporting a child for 18 years. Out of no where, his wife contacts me this morning, very angry, threatening legal action if I didn’t terminate. I get that she is upset with her husband, but I have no f-cking clue why she called me with threats and name calling. I don’t even know how she found my number! I’m really upset right now but I feel like I have done nothing wrong with my decision to keep the pregnancy.
I don’t think she’s the asshole because I get that she’s upset. But I definitely don’t think I am either!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 29,
"OTHER": 143,
"EVERYBODY": 27,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 5
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 144,
"WRONG": 56
}
|
RIGHT
|
r1aJXjFxVaB9CNPWrPFx6VWQkYU2pBDu
|
b2mzd9
|
{
"description": "going to see a concert with sexist lyrics against GF's wishes",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for going to see a concert with sexist lyrics against GF's wishes?
|
I bought a concert ticket for a band I've always wanted to see since this may be their very last tour. Their music has some fairly sexist lyrics which GF of 1 month strongly objects to and she absolutely does not want me to go. The ticket was bought before i met her and i don't want to give them up as it's a good seat and somewhat expensive so i've offered to take her out to a concert or donate an equivalent amount to a charitable cause of her choice but she's not budging. AITA for deciding to go anyways?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
MRrVibzc1UI7wa4AzoaiR0X7BDIFNmW0
|
9vh7x7
|
{
"description": "feeling upset about my gf's tidyness",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for feeling upset about my gf's tidyness?
|
First time posting here plus i'm on mobile so sorry if i break any rules. TL:DR at the bottom.
Anyway, in January my ling distance gf came over to live with my family and I. I was living in the garage which went from manly man-cave to a cozy room fit for a mature couple. Things were great. Now, I am not a clean freak but i do hate seeing things on the floor and clutter on counters and tables. (I know that's what they are for but i like to keep flat space clear for when i wanna place temporary bigger items on them like amazon packages and what not) I started to notice a lot more mess after a while which i thought was normal since there was now mess coming from two sources instead of one so i was okay with it. Eventually the landlord tells us she wants to remodel the garage so that it is even more livable (only had one window which didn't open, and wants to add an ac) so we moved back into the main house. One thing led to another and now we have an RV for free. An RV is in no way as spacious as a garage so now her clutter which has overwhelmed my small amount of clutter is very intense. Makeup everywhere, fast food trash, and dishes like cups and plates. We both work a lot so there's never a lot of time to tackle the mess. Now the asshole part is that the other day i lashed out at her. It started as a joke that spiraled into a, "most of the trash in here is because of you" type of comment and that really upset her. I feel bad but at the same time, i care about the state of our temp home. So am i the asshole for being mad about it and lashing out that way?
TL:DR
Gf and i live in a messy home due to how much trash and clutter she can produce. Lashed out at her about it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
LiiBfeih18kHhmMyM8JxWWWWncLrsoH4
|
a4wis6
|
{
"description": "pushing my gf off me",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 43
}
|
AITA for pushing my gf off me?
|
She's an eagle's fan, I'm a Dallas fan. Last night's game was a big back and forth and when the eagle's tied it up late, she jumped on me on the couch and went for a flurry of kisses. My response was "Yo get off me" and I gave her a stern yet gentle stiff arm.
After about 10 minutes of no talking she calls me an asshole and then got even angrier when I was happy Dallas won.
I tried to explain to her how she gets emotional during Grey's Anatomy is comparable to how I get angry/excited while watching sports, but she still insisted I'm an ass for it. Am I?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 40,
"OTHER": 26,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 43
}
|
WRONG
|
LsdfH0rcrOpx3KnJ5zOGgSuOetgqBKAq
|
axs5d2
|
{
"description": "confronting someone when they ignored me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For confronting someone when they ignored me?
|
So this guy privately messaged me on a social media site, asking me if I was open to roleplay. I was, of course, more than happy and open to do so. So we took some time, getting everything settled before jumping right into it.
After a short while, we had everything decided. Mind you, and this is important, I sent four messages after his last one. My first message was the actual roleplay starter, and right after was me basically saying: “Here’s the rp starter!”. I didn’t get any response from the dude, so I sent a small message an hour later, and then another five hours. Just another thing, he didn’t say anything about being busy or leaving.
The chat stayed completely silent for five days, before I sent another message to check up on him. And finally, a whole day later I sent another message. Some time after that, he left the chat without saying anything. As you can probably have imagined, I got pretty annoyed that he left like that, especially after ignoring me for a whole week.
I later sent a message on his profile, since I was under the assumption that he would’ve just ignored me again if I sent him a private message. To summarize my comment, it was a sarcastic remark about how great our communication was together, followed by a picture of our chat when he left me hanging. It took him a whole day for him to respond to my message.
He replied with: “Sorry, I just don’t like persistent people.” Now another thing, I would’ve been more than content if he told me this right off the bat. If he felt that I was annoying or bothering him, then that would’ve been valid. But, he decides to tell me this after he ignored me, and only when I went up to him. My thoughts here was pretty much what I responded with, and I felt his reason was a poor excuse for what he did.
After that, he then proceeded to label my comments as “hate”, adding in some sarcastic remark about how riveting I was. At this point, I was only getting annoyed with his responses, as we continued on going back and forth with each other. He kept resorting to sarcastic remarks against me, while my own patience was whittled away. Eventually, there reached a point where I couldn’t hold back from calling him out. I called him inconsiderate, self-centered, and selfish. In which, he ended up getting annoyed to, and called me immature for taking this situation to his wall, where everyone can see.
At this point, I was just sick and tired of arguing, especially since he didn’t at all acknowledge what he himself did. So what I did was, suck up my pride, and apologized. I apologized for messaging him the way I did, and took back some of the things I said. All I got back was a thumbs up emoji, before I deleted the message chain to avoid any other trouble.
Admittedly, I wasn’t very happy with how I reacted, but I still wasn’t happy with him either. So was I wrong? Was he wrong? Did we both just plainly sucked?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
pDUUqInje0q1CVaBobeq60epZnk6jcHO
|
a1qlcs
|
{
"description": "giving away my sons cat",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 56
}
|
AITA for giving away my sons cat?
|
My son, 15, has had his cat (Spacey) for 7 years. He loves Spacey, he sleeps on my sons bed, and son takes care of him quite well. I recently started to date someone who is allergic to cats. It’s not a sniffle allergy, but a pretty severe one (not deathly though). My partner and I have started to get more serious - we’ve been seeing each other for a few months now, and I can’t have him over often because of his allergy. So I decided to rehome Spacey. My son is very upset about this and yelled at me, saying I was selfish and throwing Space away for some man I haven’t known for very long. Since my husbands death I haven’t really met anyone I have clicked with. I didn’t know what else to do. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 56,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 56
}
|
WRONG
|
5sbKMaeTUargIznvFo4sDswPvk5jbxfP
|
al8fdi
|
{
"description": "not telling my cousin happy birthday",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not telling my cousin Happy birthday?
|
First of all, im on mobile and this is my first post on this sub, so sorry for any formatting mistakes. Also, probably gonna be a long post.
Background info: my cousin was born in the U.S. so he's a citizen by birthright, but he was raised in Mexico and lived there for pretty much his whole life up until a couple of years ago. He came for vacation in the summer one year, went back and came for vacation again the next. The second time, he stayed so he could go through high school, so he's lived with us for 2 and a half years.
So my cousin (M18) just turned 18 2 days ago. I'm 16M and share a small room with him and my youngest brother (8M) (too small a house for 7 people). He's done a lot of things that bother me, and im sure I've done things that probably bother him too, and he might even be able to tell i get annoyed at him. One thing is that he always likes to call his "girlfriend" late at night as im about to start sleeping (around 10:30). He knows damn well i have a 0 hour class everyday, making me get up at like 5 every morning. (Girlfriend in quotes because i think he might be playing her).
Another thing that bothered me was when i went on vacation to mexico a year ago, he was there along with my other younger brother (12M). So when my cousin first went to my High School, me and my Girlfriend (17F) were the first people he sat with at lunch while he met people and made his own friends. Anyway, i see him as a player/fuckboy. In Mexico, he and another cousin said they knew a girl my age who's single and According to them, super pretty. They wanted to set us up together im pretty sure, which i didn't like at all. The cousin i live with kept trying to pressure me into it, basically saying "you need one for mexico and one for the U.S." and it annoyed me and i pretty much said "no im not a fuckboy like you" but in Spanish. He finally stopped after that. There are other things he does that really bother me (leaving used, wet towels on the floor of the room, spending sometimes up to 20-25 minutes in the bathroom, etc.)
So the day of his birthday, my mom reminded me to tell him happy birthday a few times, but i never really did. I felt kind of bad about it but i feel im not obligated to tell him happy birthday if i don't want to, so AITA?
tl;dr: My cousin who irritates me and i think he's a little bit disrespectful to me recently became 18 years old but i didn't say happy birthday to him.
(Also, idk what tl;dr stands for so someone pls tell me lol)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
ypF5FaV1GA2cLObkqYWPzp5zD5tEmnVn
|
arls97
|
{
"description": "not paying for 50% of my boyfriend's mortgage",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not paying for 50% of my boyfriend's mortgage?
|
Until last November my boyfriend and I were not living together, I was renting an apartment and he owns his own. We decided that I would move out of my apartment and move in to his place, so we can save some money to buy a house together in a year or so (and try the 'living together' thing before actually buying something together).
When we discussed the splitting of expenses, I explained I did not want to pay for exactly half of what he's paying towards his mortgage every month. He understood and he made some calculations so that I pay half of the *interest* he pays each month (which is most of the amount), but not the actual mortgage he puts towards his apartment.
When we buy a house next year, I will put all my long-term savings as upfront cash for the house, and he will put in whatever he makes from selling his apartment.
My reasoning is that he's the sole owner of the apartment, and if he sells it tomorrow all the money is his (obviously). If something went wrong in our relationship and we were to break up (no reason it would be the case, but these things happen), I would prefer to have money saved to find my own place instead of having contributed to his mortgage.
Obviously it would be different if we were married but we're not there yet.
All other expenses are split 50/50 (groceries, gas, electricity, local taxes on the apartment etc). I earn more than him at the moment, will earn less later in the year when I change jobs.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
nWBkiIqu5DBbGGtI6Otc3IZSiyWwkUmf
|
ae7u8h
|
{
"description": "choosing not to adopt from shelters if I had children",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I chose not to adopt from shelters if I had children?
|
I was just reading another thread regarding adoping puppies and I just had a thought: I wouldn't adopt dogs from shelters if I had young children because I wouldn't know their history and potential for aggression. Does that make an asshole?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
DsJxR1kSx1SXM74wEzPa38jk3NxBseWP
|
aopt3n
|
{
"description": "sending a joking response",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for sending a joking response?
|
My friend added a snap to her story asking for positive messages because she was in a bad head space. Being the joker I am I send 2 messages "-1×-2" and |-3|. I was left on read. I'm bad at gauging situations and if that was a bad response. I'm also not sure if I am reading too much into it. I thought a joke might cheat her up. Was that an asshole move, though?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
D1aZdZuZXnoRzy4AChJZz2afLY2SoQ6s
|
acax74
|
{
"description": "asking my ex girlfriend for her cousins phone number",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for asking my ex girlfriend for her cousins phone number?
|
So I broke up with my ex a couple of days ago, I did so because I was interested in seeing her cousin. And I didn't want to be a cheater so I decide to break up instead. Anyways I don't have the cousins number or any way to contact her. So I did the only thing I could think of and asked my ex for her cousins phone number. She called me an asshole for this, I think she's still not over the break up. But it got me thinking. Am I really an asshole for being a human?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
njO85wQjemjLMvVmbzTgVY5MgXO01rMu
|
aq2fa7
|
{
"description": "confronting my mom telling her all her defects and stuff after she made actions I considered wrong",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA Confronting my mom telling her all her defects and stuff after she made actions I considered wrong?
|
Alternate account to prevent any reprisal.
First of all, it happened twice but I considered there must be a debate.
Some background, in case of being necessary: I work everyday, I can hardly have a day off because I need the money. I considered myself as a person of few words. I was working at the family's restaurant, to be exact at my brother's food truck. My parents work also on the business, for about almost 40 years. We had other locations years ago, but because of economic reasons, we had to shut them down, leaving the first restaurant they opened still functioning today. This only restaurant is the only income my parents are having, my brother has a food truck who opened it a couple of years and his income comes from that mobile-food-maker. Everyone is living in the house. Both my mother and father has their mood, she can hardly hear anything, she uses hearing aids on both sides.
Anyway are the cases:
Case 1: My mother has been treating my dad like shit, blaming him that he isn't doing anything to revive the family business and telling him that he's a pipsqueak and that he's spending the money are earning on uneccesary stuff, and even naming him a kept. Also when she's doing something wrong such as making the order or something, she considered like a humiliation from my dad, when customers are around or not. One day I discoverd my dad bursted in tears, after many years tolerating her.
One day, my brother and I arrived and both of them made a salad on the restaurant, she made a commentary of my dad as usual until my brother wants to tell her about those commentaries, she didn't want to discuss that, the insistation and arguing become more louder until she wanted to remove her hearing aids and my brother grab both of her hands to prevent doing that. She gets furious, considering that as an agression from her own son. My brother and mom yelled each other, telling her many truths about her and she left the place. I was just hearing, processing what the hell happened.
Later at night, she entered my room to apologize about what happened, telling her that she won't let anyone "stomp" her and being humiliated, I stopped her. Now for once in my life, I could tell her many things like "my dad is not a 'macho' neither a kept", "he works everyday and you on Facebook only, so thank you very much", "how he can be a kept if both work in the same place and is the only income both of you have". She wanted a defense about my brother and I doesn't appreciate the stuff she made when we were kids, I stopped her saying that don't come with past stuff, it doesn't make sense right now. She enraged and considered that comment as a disrespect and wanted to slap me, I just say "do it, just do it". Never did it. I finished the discussion that why she's like that, she never wanted to listen. And she left upset. I would like to tell her many things but she left and I thought that after the arguing.
Case 2: After that, she had been partially reformed, she stopped telling my dad offences and there's no "humiliation" and stuff. Some defects still there. I left my brother to work on something else and work with my parents at weekends. Both my parents didn't support my decision of working on another place because of the wage ar first, but they tolerate at the time.
One day, my boss told me that is necessary to be in a wedding convention to be with clients the weekend. I told my mom that I must be at the con in the weekend so probably I come late or even not going with them at the restaurant. Told me it was ok. Didn't go with my parents on Saturday and Sunday. Problems come on Sunday, after I return to the house at 10 pm, I called at the restaurant to tell them I'm at home, my father answered and I overheard at the phone that he told my mother, and she got upset that why I'm there and both of them with too much customers.
After hanging up, I got pretty upset and send her a long message at her phone, because she still doesn't want to discuss many things. I wrote her that she perfectly now that probably I couldn't be with them and that I'm not a seer, how could I know there will be many people. I tell her some defects that she's still having and I got enough. She doesn't saw the message until the next day. At first I wanted to delete the message, but I kept it so she can see how upset I am. After she saw the message, she replies that I was right, she apologized about the situation.
In conclusion, my mother has changed her personality a little bit more after those confrontations. However, sometimes I ask myself if I did the right thing despite knowing her personality at the time.
So, after all that events, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
AqsEcLYFzUD4BkyCLhvoQMBp996LNgWD
|
alpbg8
| null |
AITA for what I said to a classmate?
|
So I am 22F and the class president of my third year medical school class. Last year the president of the students association for the medical school brought up a mentorship policy. It's an opt-out programme where my class is supposed to tutor the second years in a 1:1 ratio. For about a week I told my class (70 people) before and after lectures as well as in the evening in our WhatsApp group. I was very badly ignored (I live in an African country but have an American accent because I grew up there) and even confided in the president because I had never been so disregarded in the 3 years I was class president and it really disturbed me. He told me not to worry, and just submit the full class list at the deadline if no one comes to opt out of the programme. I did that and kinda forgot about it.
This year they brought the mentorship list and this one girl (who always sits in the front of the class) started texting in the WhatsApp group. Let's call her A and I'll be me.
A: I think some of us are still finding our feet in 3rd year and we all need help. There are some students in their class that are more qualified to mentor their own people. Honestly, you should have asked us all individually first before anything else. I understand very much how they need help but what is the use if they won't benefit much from some of us?
Me: Lol for real? Last sem I said several times that this was an opt out programme and if you did not want to be part of it let me know, and I will take you off the list. Literally no one came.
A: Well I'm sorry but if I didn't hear about it then the purpose of the announcement wasn't achieved. Besides I'm just sharing my view.
Me: Noted. Maybe next time I'll bring a loudspeaker.
What followed in the WhatsApp group was a bunch of memes about what I said, but in class the next day people were saying I was too rude to her, that I really hurt her feelings. A few people called me a bitch to my face for it. And my friend that I study with said she won't study with me til I apologize. I see nothing wrong with what I did, but if anything she owes me an apology as well. She ignored me, was acting super entitled (how am I supposed to take time out of the day and ask the whole class individually???), and basically said I had failed in my duties because she wasn't paying attention.
I'm getting a lot of flack for it and am seriously considering resigning. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
CMaCRODCLTPo6q3C5JqeVJJmMhTsOkGi
|
as8mkr
|
{
"description": "not letting my bridesmaid hold/show off her pregnant belly in my wedding photos",
"pronormative_score": 112,
"contranormative_score": 100
}
|
AITA because I didn't let my bridesmaid hold/show off her pregnant belly in my wedding photos?
|
Throwaway account.
I got married three weeks ago and one of my bridesmaids is about 7 months pregnant (let's call her Kate). Kate's belly was easily accommodated into the dress style because it had quite a flowy skirt with a fitted bust.
Between the ceremony and reception, we had a few hours worth of professional photos taken with just the wedding party. In one of the first photos I noticed Kate was deliberately holding her belly so it was really obvious in the fabric of her dress (think basically every maternity shoot photo ever taken). I asked her to stop holding her hands to show off her belly and to just pose like everyone else. I had to remind her a few more times before we'd finished taking the wedding party photos.
I was away for a week on our honeymoon and when I got back I hadn't heard from Kate, despite texting her, and we usually talk every couple of days. I felt she was avoiding me. Today another of my bridesmaids confirmed that Kate is pissed at me because I was 'trying to make her look fat, not pregnant' during the photos. Now I'm annoyed because I paid a lot of money for a wedding photo shoot, not maternity pics. But I don't know, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 89,
"OTHER": 92,
"EVERYBODY": 11,
"NOBODY": 20,
"INFO": 6
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 112,
"WRONG": 100
}
|
RIGHT
|
OcTb4LIVrQ5dotEmx7u3rYxfqLOKAfpK
|
b97g0b
|
{
"description": "refusing to eat food my mother in law cooked and froze because I found a HAIR in it? my husband sure thinks so, and is having a pouty pout about it right now",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITAH for refusing to eat food my mother in law cooked and froze because I found a HAIR in it? My husband sure thinks so, and is having a pouty pout about it right now.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
|
hP3dIpSOpGBCKbgK8tY47ttXI5dpvsBc
|
ale9hs
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to my brother's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go to my brother’s wedding?
|
Long story short, my little brother by two years is getting married to this girl he’s known for maybe three years. She has a kid, he’s a good kid whatever.
About five months ago, my best friend messages me and asks if his post about getting engaged is serious or not. I don’t do social media at all, so I can text my mom and ask her the same thing. She says yeah.
Great.
For context, my little brother has been absolutely horrible to me growing up due to the encouragement from our parents always telling him and me that “it’s his job as your brother to annoy you.”
Annoyance turned into abuse. Now, at 22 I don’t want anything to do with him. Blood may make us related, but it doesn’t make us family. I’m feeling physically sick at the thought of having to go to this wedding when we barely even talk in the first place. We say happy birthday and holiday greetings because our parents “remind” us to tell each other.
I just take it as the fact that if this person was a family friend or a friend or a stranger and they treated me this horribly, no one would mind if I didn’t go. But because we are related, somehow I have to go because of family obligation. They have a date set for someone in the Fall this year but have made no plans because my brother is facing felony charges for shooting a dog unprovoked (another story entirely). He is badgering me for money for lawyers and court fees because I am quite well off financially. I said no.
AITA here? I don’t feel like it but I know that family ties can be strong. I’m just so done with the whole thing and don’t want anything at all to do with him. Advice? Thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 21,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
HYQKfgR1DO6GICYCAu3I4Hfoz75r9ucm
|
a7xafc
|
{
"description": "wanting to raise an issue with my boss over an unfairly judged competition at work",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to raise an issue with my boss over an unfairly judged competition at work?
|
I'm a programmer. At my work we had a hackday recently (for those that don't know a hackday is usually an IT thing where you're placed in a team and challenged to solve an issue or implement an idea in a short amount of time) where I was placed as leader of one of 5 teams in our office.
Without going into details, my team kicked ass. Not only because we met our goal, but also because we were kind of underdogs, having less experienced and more junior programmers on our team. We also bothered to have several meetings prior to the event where we planned our strategy, and we worked incredibly hard well passed when the other teams had gone home for the day (both of these things - preplanning and staying late - were allowed in the hackday rules, if that matters to anyone).
However, today the winner was announced. The team that won did no code. They had no meetings prior to the event (so they did no planning which meant they didn't choose which code libraries to use) and only presented a powerpoint presentation. They also left early for the day.
I kind of think that to qualify to win a programmer's hackday you need to at least show you 'hacked' some code. This really bugs me. Not so much because we didn't win but because the team who won put in such little effort.
IATA for wanting to raise this an issue with my supervisor? Will they think I'm an asshole? Will I be creating unnecessary drama?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
bFRs1WGycIFJ2SrcYnDqXfiliZOjnFCc
|
b45gnz
|
{
"description": "calling my fiancé jealous",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for calling my fiancé jealous?
|
My fiance (F32) and I (M29) have a pretty good relationship overall. We've been together for 5 years and engaged for 3. We don't have any kids and bought our first house together in 2017. We make a decent wage together that surpasses $100k/year combined. So we aren't exactly Bill and Melinda Gates, but we're doing fine.
I have a few hobbies that I like to enjoy when I'm not working, but the hobby in question is collecting Hot Wheels. I loved Hot Wheels as a kid and became involved in collecting them as an adult two years ago. I've really come to enjoy it as I've made dozens of trades on Reddit and I've been able to collect many beautiful and rare castings.
Between all of my hobbies and things I like to do, (not only Hot Wheels) I think a fair estimate of yearly cost is about $1000-$1200 give or take.
However, My fiance doesn't support any of my hobbies. But she doesn't *do anything*. She has no hobbies or interests. She doesn't go out with her friends, despite having many. She doesn't read, she doesn't collect. She isn't physically active. Her favorite thing to do is sit on the couch and watch reality television while refreshing Facebook or playing games on her phone.
Recently, I have conducted trades on Reddit and sold many things on eBay. This upset her last week when I was leaving to go to the post office with 9 boxes. She accused me of wasting money and called my hobby "stupid" and said that she doesn't understand my interest in "dumb toys". I explained that I was trading many Hot Wheels for just a few (as in trading 4-5 for just 1) and had sold things on eBay to clear space. This did not satisfy her and she said I should "take a break" because it was "too much". I accused her of being jealous because she has no hobbies or interests of her own.
She called me and asshole and told me to "do whatever" I wanted.
I should note that we work opposite shifts. She works days and I work evenings so we don't get to see each other during the week. We spend weekends together and I DO NOT participate in any of my hobbies on "our" days.
I should note that I have tried to encourage her to get her own hobbies and I have tried to include her in mine. She used to skate as a kid and I suggested she come to open skate with me and do some laps for fun. She refused, saying that she's overweight and won't be able to get up if she falls. I've gone as far as asking her opinions on Hot Wheels that I'm interested in getting, asking what she thinks of the color, wheels, model, etc, just to include her. I even tried to get involved in her television shows to put some effort into having something we do together but I just cannot watch things like Siesta Key, Family By The Ton or My Big Fat Fabulous Life. It's all absolute garbage.
The way I see it, it's my money and my time and it isn't effecting her life. She should support my hobbies and, for lack of a better term, fuck off and let me do things I enjoy without being nagged about it.
Am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
xdv2grzzZqczk7jCuNXAzDaOMi4hshxA
|
b44k4k
|
{
"description": "marrying a woman because she DIDN'T sleep around",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 57
}
|
AITA for marrying a woman because she DIDN'T sleep around?
|
So I (30M) got married 2 years ago to (28F). Now I'll just call her Sofia. My my wife Sofia is beautiful, but most of all, she has a wonderful personality. She is reserved, incredibly kind hearted and mentally strong. She had all the qualities to make a great mother. (we're planning on trying for kids soon). She's Mexican and was born/raised there, and she is quite religious Cahtolic.
Now I'm also Catholic as well, I come from an Irish American Cahtolic background. However it's more of a ''religious in name only'' sort of thing, I somewhat vaguely believe in a deity of some sorts but not really a strong belief in the scripture like my parents.
Anyway, when I first started dating her, the first thing my mates said was literally ''Dude this woman is wifey material''. It became a bit of a running joke, ''wifey material''.
She seemed like the PERFECT woman and I was a bit persistant when I first met her but eventually she agreed to go on a date from me, from then on it was history because we did have a lot in common. So now we married but one of the reasons I married her, aside from her personality, was that she was a virgin. She didn't sleep around whatsoever, she held out for the ''right guy'' and that guy was me.
So when I was talking to my female friend (30F) I said that one of the reasons I wanted to marry her was because of her personality AND the fact that she was a virgin and didn't sleep around. I thought this was an okay view to hold but she called me a ''Fucking asshole'' because she pointed out that I slept around in my youth.
It's true, when I was in my early 20's, I did a lot of sleeping around and hookup culture. And I could have seen myself marrying those girls if I was left with no choice, but they were never my IDEAL choices for partners, so I feel like Sofia was a god send in that regard. My friend (20F) still said I was being a hypocrite however what right does she have to criticize my dating choices? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 57,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 57
}
|
WRONG
|
p6OpY11FqxMxMxZfHrz1VS4bWmoZAcct
|
b4qyhw
|
{
"description": "exposing a sex Worker at work",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 45
}
|
AITA For Exposing A Sex Worker At Work?
|
Work at a start up, most people involved in this story are in their early to mid 20's. Alright, so I'm into some pretty kinky shit and was watching a few vids of dommes on the ole phub last monday night. I came across a vid of a girl scissoring a guy and from the thumbnail the girl looked super familiar, I click on it and holy shit this is my co-worker who sits a few seats down from me and she's scissoring the shit out of this guys neck and punching/kicking him in the nuts super hard. I was like jesus christ, she mentions her domme name in the vid and I search for it and come across a page with her pics and session info and its 100% her.
The next day at work I told my other co-worker about this who I'm friends with and told her to swear to never tell anyone and begged her not too. I spilled the beans and by the end of the week the whole office has heard about it somehow, I specifically told this girl not to tell anyone but she did and I feel like shit now because apparently the domme co-worker in question is thinking about quitting.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 45,
"OTHER": 3,
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"NOBODY": 2,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 45
}
|
WRONG
|
qerN7EcyTCvcrVmo0obgsJVkIJcjvuCO
|
b5veqz
| null |
AITA School wants me to go without prescription glasses but i refuse to, was i in the wrong?
|
So as I've stated in my other post I've made on r/maliciouscompliance i go to a special ed school, and some crazy shit (litterally) goes on (see other post) anyway as a bit of backstory.....
Me and my dad have been packing for a vacation (we leave tomorrow) and i set out my perscription sunglasses next to my normal glasses (they both have the same case which is important)
The people i am going to talk about
Me: take a guess
nt: nice teacher
vp: vice principal
So i woke up late and had to rush out onto the bus so i grabbed the case and got on the bus (i sleep on there so i diddnt take out my glasses yet but when i wake up at school i realised i grabbed the wrong one and had to wear my sunglasses to see so i walked into the kitchen (my first clasd is cooking, and we cook for the whole school) and nt was ok with it so i start cooking the eggs like usual and the. Vp walks in about 5 minutes later and tells me to take them off so i explain to her what happened with no luck and vp tells me i will have in school suspention if i dont. after vp leaves nt offers me to stay in her class all day and i can grab my work from my other classes, after this nothing happened besides the vp coming in every now and then while being passive aggressive but no other issues so was i in the wrong to refuse to take them off?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 10,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
GPem91M7NFuVcOqvuyeQb2YqwMlKIb9h
|
afksao
|
{
"description": "removing our friend from our groupchat",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For removing our friend from our groupchat?
|
We're seniors in undergrad/1st year grad students now. In high school around junior year, our crew really solidified and we began having a groupchat. As time passed and people changed, we continuously made new fb messenger chats (to phase people out) and eventually crossed over to groupme. We ended up with a guys-only chat and a full-squad one.
The guys chat is pretty much just memes. The other one is a mix of memes and social planning. The past few years we've had two main events that we strive to get everyone to for a "reunion" since we all go to different colleges and schedules: a trip to a friend's lake house at the end of summer, and my christmas party. You could say these are always prone to everyone getting absolutely hammered/high (especially the lake trip) but it's really not a big thing and no one is pressuring anyone other than the usual "c'mon man we should do one more."
Christmas 2016, the friend in question here, we'll call her Karen, leaves early (everyone else stayed over). Karen was best friends with my girlfriend since high school (maybe even before). She was always more of a mom figure, and no one minded her leaving since we still got to hang out with her, do secret santa, etc. From this point on, she begins to become noticeably more distant and says much less in the groupme, but still maintains a steady friendship with my girlfriend.
Shore Party 2017 at my house, Karen attends for about an hour with her "boyfriend" who she also broke up with at the same time and then left. We were down there for 5 days having a high old time, but she showed for truly no more than two hours tops then left. One of my best friends brought his girlfriend and everyone else was excited to meet her and we really hit it off. In fact she's more or less taken Karen's place in the circle since she's been gone.
Lake Trip 2017, Karen did not attend. And it's worth mentioning that during the 2016 trip she was quite distant, always separating off with another friend. This other friend (lets call her Julie), Karen, and my girlfriend all are (were?) besties.
Christmas 2017, again, no appearance from Karen. At this point, the friendship between my girlfriend and Karen seems to still be very intact despite their growing apart a bit. They hung out over christmas break and whatnot. From this point on, Karen says almost nothing in the groupchat. No memes, no response to events, nothing. Maybe like 3 random pictures.
My 21st Birthday 2018, Karen has already said she isn't going to the lake trip in august. She hadn't attended the surprise party for one of my other best friends earlier that summer, nor any other gathering we had between now and Christmas. In fact, we had managed to see one of our navy friend who was away at Marine OCS more times than Karen.
Already being fairly lit, someone suggested we truly remove her from the chat (we ban people comically all the time and re-add them for meme reposts, general stupidity, etc). I took the liberty of posting a ban hammer yugioh card meme, at which point my other friend uses my phone to ban Karen from the groupme. I took responsibility since it was my phone.
An hour or so later, Karen texts both me and my girlfriend. I don't have the messages anymore, but it was along the lines of she was truly hurt and thought we were all best friends. I ignored this (and also thought it was bullshit) until the next day because I didn't feel like having her drama ruin the party.
My response was essentially: *I believe I speak for the majority in saying that you've been distant and don't seem like you like hanging out with us. If I've misread you, and you want back in, by all means say the word.* She pretty much just said "no, I know when I'm not wanted" and that was that. She was fishing for a fight/apology and I wasn't about to give it to her. The vibe I got was she was mad we had broken the last bond between us all instead of her.
In addition, this lead to a bit of a fight between Karen and my girlfriend because she didn't stand up for Karen to everyone else. After reading their conversation, it was apparent to me Karen had been jealous/judging my girlfriend's success/lack of working over the summer, and this had been brewing for a while. Obviously my girlfriend was pissed/upset about that since she has worked very hard and deserves all she has achieved. Ever since they've been quite rocky as friends and IMHO it's time to move on, but that's not for me to decide for the two of them. Julie and my girlfriend are still best friends, and we all love hanging out with her.
So almighty judges of reddit, I'm curious, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
PlE9mADbkD79PNbAu6im3F6WisjPoVkH
|
aoggsz
|
{
"description": "being upset about my sex life",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for being upset about my sex life
|
So let me start by saying I \[27M\] absolutely adore my fiancee \[29F\]. We have been together for almost 4 years but things have gone downhill pretty hard in our sex life. This is going to be a long story so I really would appreciate if you could sit back and read it all and give your honest opinions.
​
Starting from the beginning she and I actually got together because I was friends with her ex-husband. After getting to know both of them I found out he was a verbally abusive drunk who at times even got her to lock herself in the bathroom in fear of him hitting her (I do have to point out he never did hit her) so I stopped giving a crap about being his friend but I became really close to her. We were close friends for just about a year before the inevitable happened and we had sex, they eventually got divorced, and she and I got together. After they had gotten a divorce she says her biggest issue was that he would never touch her or have sex with her.
​
Starting out we honestly had sex 2-3 times a day everywhere. I mean in the car (I had a Scion FR-S at the time, so good luck trying to imagine how that worked out), when we went camping, in my apartment, in her car, I mean it when I say everywhere. Things were like that for 2 years. After being together for about 6 months we ended up moving from Colorado to Just outside of Washington D.C. which is obviously a big move and she had never been out to this side of the country. I understand she would be a little depressed because she had never been to this side of the country and was starting over. Our crazy sex life had continued for about a year after we moved then it started going downhill. We are at the point where we have sex MAYBE once a month. When I talked to her about it she would make comments like "well you aren't sweet anymore" so I tried doing things I used to do like lay with her and watch movies, make comments about her hair, tell her she's pretty, and other things to the point where she even gets giddy about what she says is "butterflies in her stomach". We'll have sex but then the next week it'll be something like "oh you don't help around the house and it makes me not want to have sex with you" So I'll keep up on the dishes, start doing more laundry, and try to clean a bit more around the house (with that said I have NEVER been good about doing housework and I have NEVER hidden that). Honestly she'll even say a girl is cute and I'll agree but she'll make comments like "But you won't find a girl who likes to F\*\*\* like I do". I'm at the point where we ended up argueing about it last night because this is becoming a big deal for me and she said "I'm not the pornstar you make me out to be" with my only reply before I got up to walk away was "you mean the pornstar YOU make YOU out to be" (more info for that can be added if needed)
​
​
I love the crap out of her but our relationship started with and was built on sex and the comments she made when we first got together about our sex life never dying but I'm out of options, I've done EVERYTHING I can to change myself for her but it's never good enough.
​
I'm sorry for the long rant but I want peoples opinions. If you need more info please let me know.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
OEU3rGXE5Uy0oJ5rRzd0XzBwTyYtlPBI
|
ajspxz
|
{
"description": "not getting a birthday gift for my two year old nephew? general gift giving etiquette",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not getting a birthday gift for my two year old nephew? General gift giving etiquette
|
My boyfriend and I have two children. His half brother and his wife have one child.
Their gifts are thoughtless, bad, and cheap (mostly and maybe intentionally for me - dollar store scarves and ceramics, grocery store gift sets for him which are an improvement). We’ve never done anything but be grateful, thank them kindly, and toss them later. I mean who fucking cares, we’re adults and can buy our own crap.
For this Christmas we asked if we could exchange gifts for just the kids and they agreed. We got their kids a large stuffed Minions toy, a Minions board game, and a kid sized blackboard/whiteboard easel. I cleared the gifts with SIL beforehand to made sure it was okay for their kid and what they needed.
When they arrived at our apartment, my FBIL handed me a bag and said it was for both our kids - inside was a small handful of peanuts in the shell, an apple, an orange, and three chocolates. The baby was four months and couldn’t eat any of that. I thanked them and made a show of letting kiddo go through it and try to open the peanuts.
It was only then that I realized we’ve been buying them gifts and they haven’t for at least a year, and also missed some events the year prior. We even gave them two gifts for their first child’s birth because they decided later to baptize him. I had a painting of a lion custom made for him because he’s named after Saint Mark, and the lion is his symbol (or something like this, I’m not religious). My boyfriend considered a painting an especially bad gift for a baptism and reminds me of this often. When I tried to address the Christmas gift with the peanuts by asking if peanuts were considered exotic in the European country where we live, because they are very cheap in the US, he immediately shut that down as meaning mean and petty.
I don’t believe in keeping track of presents and I tend to give little gifts throughout the year, just because I saw something that reminded me of that person. I honestly did not even notice this discrepancy in gift giving until this last Christmas. We always knew they were weird about gifts - they have not once said thank you for anything we or anyone else has given them. The first Christmas I made cards by hand and the SIL opened it and complained there wasn’t money inside. I thought that was so rude that it was freaking hysterical and wasn’t offended. But I did stop giving them cards in case it raised their hopes and since clearly they don’t like them anyway (without money that is).
Even though this is my boyfriend’s family, I buy all the gifts. I have poured my money, time, and energy into this, and while I could pressure him to do it, i recognize that it’s easier for me to do than for him and I also enjoy it in a way. I would rather that he put his energy elsewhere in our family. I’m fairly sure that SIL is the one buying gifts for their family.
She is either deliberately with malice (not impossible in her case) not buying gifts for our kids, or she doesn’t think holidays and birthdays are worth buying gifts for (we’re not close enough to know what she does for her family). Or maybe she doesn’t consider us worth giving gifts to. In either case, it seemed pretty obvious to me - stop buying them gifts and move on from the issue.
Today my boyfriend mentioned his nephews birthday was next week and we needed to get him a gift. I did not realize until now how undervalued this entire process has made me feel. I spend my time and money buying everyone in his family gifts, and he has never once thanked me for it, he has only ever criticized me when he felt the gifts I chose were bad or not expensive enough.
When I got upset today he was surprised it was a big deal to me, and didn’t realize I never talked to him about it because he had been shutting me down and criticizing me for being selfish and petty every time I tried to bring it up (but he says he doesn’t remember ever doing that, even as I described instances and conversations to him). He says he doesn’t remember what gifts our children receive from them and they did buy us a book once they we read to them sometimes (cue eye roll here). He says he still wants to buy the nephew gifts this year. I told him I want to buy gifts for his nephew when he’s old enough to tell us what he wants so we can get it for him, and maybe take the nephew with our kids to theme parks or so when they’re big enough.
But for now I am through spending our finite financial resources on people who don’t appreciate it. AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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