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ykN4Y6nTqyo4eiTd3ppld13rVMTDAJFc
|
9u8bre
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend for secretly keeping in contact with an ex after saying she wouldn't",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend for secretly keeping in contact with an ex after saying she wouldn’t?
|
I’ve (25m) been with my gf(22f) for 3 months official, seeing each other for 7 mos before then.
When we got together, i told her one of my boundaries is i dont date girls still friends with their exes or are still in contact with anyone with whom they have sexual history. She assured me she feels the same; however she said she is still in contact with her ex she lost her virginity to. She said they hooked up for a month and since then they remained friends and he has a gf too at this point. She asked me if this would be acceptable, i told her my boundaries are just that and if she does not feel comfortable with them, we should not go further. She agreed.
This weekend while showing me some snaps, i saw his name with a smiley beside it indicating they’re “best friends” on snapchat. This means they communicate alot. I found it interesting how his name never pops up on her notifications so i asked her to show me the options beside his name and behold his chats are set to “do not disturb”. I also found it interesting how she communicates with him only through snap chat.
I told her she betrayed my trust by continuing communication with him in secret after saying she wouldnt as she “respected and accepted my boundaries”. I told her the trust is now gone between us and packed her stuff and sent her off.
Was i the asshole?
Tldr: broke up with gf when she continued secret communication with an ex after agreeing she wont
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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OTHER
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{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
QDoncpicxu0g9VBmgE4icQHq5XpAcksW
|
b3ccyi
|
{
"description": "leaving my boyfriend of 3 years \"because it was long distance?\"",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for leaving my boyfriend of 3 years "because it was long distance?"
|
Hello everyone, this is my first post to Reddit. I've been lurking on this sub for a while and have been wanting to ask this for a while because I still feel bad about it.
So, context. I (22F) had been dating my boyfriend (28M) for about 3 years, basically since I started college. We got to know each other and were flirting back when I was still in high school, before making it official when I was a bit into college. It was long distance; I went to college about 2.5 hours away from his home. Despite seeing each other only once a week, it was a pretty great relationship. We were really built on trust and communication, and it was perhaps the first time I was really in love.
Fast forward to this past December. He came to visit my family, and while he was here, was talking about a big YouTube animation project he was working on. He was very excited about it, telling my parents about it, even showing us a few episodes. One of the things he said was that he was a voice actor for this project, and played a specific character. After he left, my sister made a comment that it didn’t sound like his voice. I listened a few times. Sure enough, it wasn’t. Cue spiraling, “was any of it real” questioning myself, and a depression nap. I knew he was dealing with something at home, so I waited until he was done and sent him a message like “We need to talk” or something. We had a Skype call that was very tearful on both ends where I explained what’d happened and why it’d upset me. He told me that it was a mistake, he really had thought he’d gotten the part, and when he realized that he didn’t, he didn’t correct himself. I told him I needed a couple days to think about it and our relationship.
So I realized a few things: he’d met my parents several times but I still hadn’t met his (though in fairness they live in Australia right now), most of our mutual friends were my friends (I had met his friends once for a D&D game), and that both of those things are probably because we live so far apart. In the Skype call I told him I was breaking up with him because I couldn’t do long distance anymore. He was really shocked. Our relationship had been going so amazing and this was the first big problem we’d had, and it was because of one dumb little mistake it had fallen apart. I assured him it wasn’t because of the lie but the distance.
Apparently, he has an anxiety problem where he thinks one little mistake will make everything come crashing down, and me breaking up with him will just contribute to that. Right after our breakup he was really depressed and had to seek a counselor again. So, I’m here to ask: AITA for leaving my boyfriend after our first big problem? (Sidenote: I probably won’t change my decision since our breakup is three months out, I just want to know if I’m the asshole.)
TL;DR: Bf of 3 years accidentally lied about a project he worked on, I broke up with him after this even though it was our first real argument “because of the distance,” AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
TI8jEBgAQ5NyvJEOLQn9cHzKjKgRkuYY
|
9zgls6
|
{
"description": "saying not wanting to hang out with her",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA- For saying not wanting to hang out with her??
|
Yo guys so check it, a friend of mines just messaged me to hang out with me, i honestly felt this weird gut feeling like i should not be around her, and i told her nah. I know this girl for a long while and shes just like to mess around with men and complains about men, and im just like " no imma leave", i didnt want to tell her why not.. Also im in LA so that makes things even weirder like i feel being setup and theres been cases from what ive known that people will setup men ti kick there ass or cause drama for whatever reason. Another weird feeling that got me like nah is No women wanna hang with me nor intrest in me.. Thats a lie im a good looking man, but not to hang out. Its weird... And its 10 in the morning..
Oh ps happy turkey day.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
CZ2PubgDkB8NvGbiqleJtVE3maxEiBEc
|
b37au6
|
{
"description": "seeking closure with a recent ex over a breakup",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA for seeking closure with a recent ex over a breakup?
|
I’m not exactly sure how to word this, so forgive me. Basically, my ex (we’ll call her Alyss) and I had been dating for around 6 months and she broke up with me very suddenly recently.
Everything seemed to be going well, but some background might be helpful. Alyss has some ongoing health issues that affect her life, and she also has a very intensive and stressful job. Recently, that stress from work has taken a toll on her mental health and Alyss told me she would be seeking out a therapist. I fully supported this, figured that she knows her own mind better than anyone and that if she felt she needed help, seeking it was a really healthy idea. As far as her ongoing phyisical health issues, I’ve always tried to be available and help her as much as possible. Overall, it never played a massive role in the relationship but we took it one day at a time and were very conscious of any health issues springing up. As far as the relationship goes, we get along well and haven’t had any majors fights. We have had some disagreements but we always made sure to view it as “us vs. the problem” rather than fighting each other.
I don’t want to veer off topic, so to get more to the point; we’ve been away from each other for about 2 weeks due to some conflicts with work that weren’t avoidable. We weren’t overly bothered by it, so it seemed, but we missed each other. We have been discussing moving in together so we were definitely committed to this. Being apart was just a small hurdle that work was throwing at us.
The day we were going to see eachother again/work would be back to normal, Alyss asked if she could call me to talk. Over a 5-ish minute conversation in which she sounded distraught and tearful, she said that this couldn’t work. She informed me that work was too busy, and that her mental health was in a very bad place. So Alyss broke up with me. I told her that I understood and that I only wanted what was best for her; I genuinely do think that someones wellness, physical and mental, should come before most things.
Nevertheless, I’m hurt. Our relationship was good. We were committed and I love her and we planned on moving in together. I respect her decision and want happiness for her but I feel like I’ve been thrown away like something unwanted. She just did this in a short phone call and we’ve not spoken much at all since. Would I be the asshole for confronting this and telling her how I feel? I feel so small and a bit stupid right now. I know her mental health is not good and I feel like I might add to it and be an asshole if I bring this up at all. Maybe I should let this thing go, I don’t want to talk her into getting back together at all, especially right now. I guess I just want closure.
Thanks everyone. Sorry for the long post.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
xOSgIgOhnXm2zoShGgzzhqP4zpBX0u6O
|
b1p4a2
|
{
"description": "getting Annoyed with my co-worker",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for Getting Annoyed with my Co-worker.
|
So Recently my Co-worker in the bottle shop i work at as stopped doing any of the stocking and Icing up.
Her reasoning being that she is attempting to get Pregnant Via IVF, and she doesn't want to disrupt the Potential pregnancy. I have asked her twice now if she could JUST restock the shelves and i'll ice up as the buckets of ice can weigh over 60 kg. she told me no she will not do it.
i brought this up to management and they have told me not to pursue it as the last person who did it got sent to our sister company over an hour away.
i am now wondering if i am being the asshole for not taking on the Extra work?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
mpCMDoW9VUzq7W1RkquADhJvyJ8yhWXE
|
9v5m4n
|
{
"description": "breaking up a corrupt relationship in the way that I did",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for breaking up a corrupt relationship in the way that I did?
|
Disclaimer: This took place about 6 years ago when I was in high school
​
When I was a sophomore or junior in high school, there was this "lesbian" couple I would sometimes see. I was acquainted with them, but I never spent much time with them or anything. I thought of girl A as more of a friend. She was happy and usually kind to me. Girl B was gloomy and not as nice as girl A. They dated and, over time, both expressed attraction to me. Girl A did it first, going as far as to send me lewd messages, but I liked her as a person so I just smiled and went on with life, not looking to peruse her or anything. I'd still say hi to her and I acted like nothing had changed. Girl A would sometimes tell me about problems she was having with Girl B, how she said Girl B felt cold to her. Not long after, Girl B said that she liked me as well.
​
So what did I do? I told Girl B that I liked her back. I told her I'd be with her if she left Girl A and she did it pretty quickly. The next day, I hear from Girl A that she was dumped and I was sure to console her and take her side, playing Girl B out as a bitch. Needless to say, I never followed up with dating Girl B. I never had interest in either of them, but I wanted to end what I felt was a shitty relationship while helping the person I liked and throwing the one I didn't under the bus.
​
I didn't hear much from Girl A after that. Girl B loathed me, entering a gothic/emo phase up until I graduated and never saw or heard from her again.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
UH5GAP9jQ43rDaObGB1nY9Y1FzpDu3zA
|
at602v
|
{
"description": "using a wheelchair, but not dating someone in a wheelchair",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA - I use a wheelchair, but wouldn't date someone in a wheelchair.
|
Hi guys, just wondering, would I be the asshole if I didn't want to date someone in a wheelchair, despite my own use of one. When I say I wouldn't date another wheelchair user I understand that an able bodied person should be under no obligation to date me, rightfully so. I just wouldn't date someone else like me for purely practical reasons. If its awkward for me to go to restaurants and other places because of my disability. Why would I bring someone else into the same situation? So yeah, given my reasoning, would I be a dick?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
KuEo2G5DO2QDErJH3Pa0mQwGj5VpzOLN
|
aqczm6
|
{
"description": "asking about the father of my classmate's child",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for asking about the father of my classmate's child
|
One of my classmates has a 1 year old that she had last year before our program started. I'd heard that it was an "oops" baby with her boyfriend. For background, I also knew from talking to her that her boyfriend was also Jewish and they have been together since college (so 2.5 years at least).
We had a departmental event and she brought her child and the man I thought was her boyfriend, since he was in her profile picture. He was also wearing a Yamaka so I doubly thought it was her boyfriend. Now here's the thing, her baby was clearly half black, and this dude was just as white as she is. I was curious so I facebook stalked her and found an old profile picture with a black guy who looks just like the kid.
I wasn't trying to start shit or anything, I didn't say anything to her or the guy obviously, especially because the kid was with them. I asked a group of other students, who I'm friends with, if her boyfriend was sure the baby was his, as a joke. The girls in the group got really upset with me and told me that the guy was her brother and the black guy I found on facebook was her boyfriend. They accused me of "jumping to sexist conclusions." Again, I wasn't trying to start anything and I didn't say anything to the girl and it's not like I could've known the guy was her brother, I was just making a joke. The girls in the group won't talk to me now and I'm worried this is going to start a whole thing if they tell the girl what I said. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
uQRoc5XJkrMWu4Ctm8fo3aFKRPnOCeC8
|
b0cyo6
|
{
"description": "causing a bully to get suspended",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for causing a bully to get suspended?
|
BF= Best Friend
B= Bully
T=Teacher
This happened about 6 years ago in my second last year in primary school, near enough to summer.
It happened out on the yard with no teachers supervising (A bit of a dumb move considering the fact that at the time, there were inspectors checking local schools in the area) outside. It started when BF (who I am still friends with to this day) was getting picked on by B, B was shoving him, teasing him, just being a downright asshole, so when I come over to see what’s happening, B punches me in the face, tackles me to the floor and starts berating me with racist slurs.
BF tried to shove B off of me, but didn’t manage to budge him off. He was wailing on my face with fists and kicks. I probably wouldn’t be here today typing this if the bell hadn’t rung. At that point he had to get off of me. So he did, but right before leaving he just grins at me.
BF and I rush immediately to the principal. My T was also there photocopying some pages in the office. BF and I start telling them what happened, my teacher was a very nice lady, strict but not to strict and actually dealt with issues. But this time she was fuming, for this bully was infamous in our school, so they immediately believed us. They then check CCTV
just to make sure and you can clearly see me getting knocked the fuck up. They really didn’t have to do that because I had a bloody nose, black eye and busted lip.
I went to the nurses as both my and his parents were rung about what happened. I go home early because of the injuries but he has to stay to deal with it.
Since I went home, I wasn’t in the rest of the story, but my friend told me what happened the next day. What happened was, it turns out he was suspended for 2 weeks. He had been suspended before but never this long. He was crying, begging not to be suspended. But his time was long gone.
When the suspension was over, he changed dramatically. He started doing worse in school, he started getting bullied himself and he would occasionally breakdown in front of the class.
He had already been diagnosed with ODD, ADHD and OCD before the incident. But after this, the symptoms become much more severe.
He’d always look at me with a death stare and only take his stare off me if he was asked a question. I felt like I was in the wrong in the situation, I still feel in the wrong. Could somebody please give me advice?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ZsAQdj5h8JDcUV0NToJgrfE6qctXROMW
|
aijdoc
|
{
"description": "refusing to makeout with my boyfriend because he has pink eye",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for refusing to makeout with my boyfriend because he has pink eye?
|
We got into a heated argument because its our anniversary tomorrow and he has pink eye (IDK if its bacterial or viral, he doesnt know either). I told him ive never had pink eye and that it sounded gross. I searched it up and it said it was contagious, automatically I was like no way josé and told him I wasnt gonna be comfortable kissing him, that I was gonna be near his eye etc. Well he got really upset and embarrassed. He didnt know what the big deal was, that it was "harmless, everyone gets it, its painless and just makes your eye pink" and stuff like that. The argument ended with him making me feel bad cause he said, "I cant believe you would cancel a special day for us over something so small. Im hurt."
Now I feel like an asshole for cancelling. AITA? Part of me just feels like I did the right thing for my health, but I also feel like I overreacted.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
pGFsDW1Qa0C2y2oC7XXm8sYhCe45SEPu
|
azj4yq
|
{
"description": "forcing my mom to sleep in her own room",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA by forcing my mom to sleep in her own room.
|
Hi Reddit!
Posting from my throwaway account.
So, my mom is generally a very nice person. My dad divorced us a few years ago, yet he does his Fatherly duties. We still hang out and Father/Son bonding things together. I love them both to the moon. My mom currently has a boyfriend, who is like a second father to me.
Now, since I was a little kid, my parents had issues. This made my mom sleep in my room with me and my dad in his room. I was quite young and I don't remember any of this. Fast forward to the divorce, she still sleeps in my room and my dad moved out. The Divorce happened in 2010, and I was 10 years old then.
When it came to 2013-ish, I felt quite uncomfortable with her sleeping in my room. I gently asked her to go sleep in the vacant Master Bedroom in our house. She denied and continued sleeping in my bed.
Then in 2015, I had enough. By this time, I've noticed more of my friends sleep in their rooms alone and I wanted to do so too. I asked her continuously to leave my bedroom and sleep in her own room. FYI, her boyfriend sleeps in that room whenever he's over. She sleeps there sometimes, but mostly in my bed. I kept asking her and finally, mid 2016, she moved.
Now, it's 2019. I'm almost 19 in a few months, and she still brings up the issue, like she's still salty about it. Even my relatives agree, and she says "until I moved out to marry your dad, my two brothers and my parents all slept in two large king sized beds. I don't see why we can't sleep in one bed". Her parents were very well off btw, no poverty issues.
Not gonna lie, I feel so much more comfortable without needing to share a bed with someone, even with my mom. And ever since she left my room, I am strictly not allowed to close my room door, even if I'm on a private call with someone. I gave up caring about it years ago. I still do share the bed whenever we have a lot of guests staying over.
My relatives have been grilling me about it ever since, and I'm starting to wonder if I did wrong. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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}
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
JPDWS7NqrFwnYwGCtbwc3KlBBR1q7Kma
|
b42myb
|
{
"description": "siding with my parents and not my sister",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for siding with my parents and not my sister?
|
About a year ago my sister had her baby and after living with her child and boyfriend for a couple of months in their apartment my parents offered to swap them my brothers larger apartment (that my dad bought for him) with hers since it's a lot bigger and is located in an environment better suited for children in my city Copenhagen.
Since my sister's apartment was owned by her boyfriend, and since they do not have shared economy, the way they made the move was my parents buying the boyfriend's apartment for the cooperative equity price set by the association, and it was therefore a third party setting the price. This swap was requested by my sister and her boyfriend for more space, and my parents saw it as a favor.
While filling out the paperwork the boyfriend asked to receive whatever profit the apartment would make after we sell it in case of the association bumping up the price, but my dad declined, arguing that a sell is a sell, feeling like he was already doing them a favor.
Now we are in the the situation where the association has decided to bump up the price of the apartment significantly, around 50k $. The boyfriend is expecting to recieve this money since he otherwise feels like my parents would be stealing from family.
The boyfriend's mindset is that since my parents are in the upper-upper middle class in Denmark the money would have no influence on their economy, but could do a ton for them, which is true.
From my parents perspective it's more of a principle of not handing out money even though my parents both regret ever doing any "business" with family members as it has destroyed their relationship to the boyfriend and therefore worsened it with my sister too.
I'm siding with my parents in this, potentially also wrecking my relationship with my sister. Does this make me an asshole and a shitty brother?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
tj2VPvkT92OIOJ8uUUT62ICm0SIeHN8p
|
a91d9u
|
{
"description": "not inviting my parents to my son's college graduation",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not inviting my parents to my son's college graduation
|
My son graduated magna cum laude from college a couple of weeks ago, and my wife left me to invite my parents and she invited hers. Because we live closer to her parents, they rode with us in two cars for the 3 hour trip south.
My relationship with my parents is at best, "conveniently distant". They are not involved with their grandchildren much at all. They rarely make an effort to drive two and a half hours to visit us, and it's always on us to make it out to their home for holidays. Once our children were in High School, my mom decided that she didn't want to exchange gifts, because she didn't know what to get them, and that shopping was too stressful. I gave her the idea of gift cards, but that was not "thoughful enough". They are right wing Christians in their late sixties, and genuinely good people, but never fail to ruin a holiday gathering with their politics, light conspiracy theories and batshit opinions. They have no filter and will bait anyone into an argument or an opportunity to complain about politics, taxes, guns (talk of shooting a dog that lunged at them), and veiled racist comments. I've heard my mother complain about bike lanes in town, ffs. I've been dealing with this for 30 years, so it's easy to tune them out; but it's exhausting to me and it is very uncomfortable for my wife and two adult children. No one wants to be around that negativity. We almost lost my wife a couple of years ago to a surgical accident, so we all know how short life is and we try to enjoy it and let each other be who they are without judgement. We know we are flawed but we know we are all trying to just be happy. So I decided not to invite them. It was my son's day, and a day for me and my wife to be proud of his accomplishment. I didn't want it to be soured by their bullshit. Her parent's are not an issue; they've been divorced for twenty years recently had to deal with each other again due to the medical trauma. Somehow, they are able to behave themselves.
Today, we drove out to my parents' home for the for a Christmas lunch. And the topic of graduation came up and of course it was mentioned that my wife's parents were there. I caught a couple of glances from both my parents, but ignored it. No one flat out said, "why weren't we invited?", but I felt that vibe. Then, upon returning home I called my mom and let her know we got home safe, but she was very short with me. I'm not going to hide the fact that I didn't invite them; nor will I deny if they ask, that it was my decision. So am I the asshole?
TLDR: My parents are difficult to deal with, so I chose not to invite them to my son's college graduation.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
snalSVjsDqz0UB9OHYbUhz1gWsAGjQbs
|
axa6hg
|
{
"description": "being upset my SO's sister is coming to stay at our house without anyone consulting me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for being upset my SO's sister is coming to stay at our house without anyone consulting me?
|
Ok, so some background: about one week ago my SO told me her sister is coming to visit to see their father (we live in the same city and her sister lives far away). So she arrives and only then they wonder where will she sleep since my father-in-law's home is already packed up with family members (and already was 1 week ago, so it's not like it was a surprise). So then my SO just sends me a text message saying her sister is sleeping in our house. Like a "just informing" message. I talk to her and explain that although I don't have any problems with her sister sleeping in our house, I didn't like the way it was organized. They knew perfectly well that there wasn't enough space for her in their father's house but only when she gets here they "realize" that. My SO's family has this kinda philosophy like everything is everyones, not sure how to explain it, but it's like they share/give everything (for example, several of my SO's clothes are with her sisters and vice-versa, I gave my SO a laptop and it's already with her brother, etc). I told my SO that they should've known her sister would need a place to sleep and what they did is irresponsible and manipulative. Like, she's at my door, of course I won't turn her down. But I didn't like it, I felt that it was disrespectful towards me, a total lack of consideration. My SO just says it's her family so the door is always open and I explain to her that the problem is how things were badly organized and the lack of my input and that it could even be Pope Francis that I would be bothered nevertheless. In the heat of the moment and pissed off I also said she should just make copies of our house's keys so that she could distribute them among her family and make our house everyones. So now she's calling me a jerk and that I don't have any hospitality. Bear in mind that this is not the first time this kind of thing happened with her family. They just show up, no warning, nothing, and expect us to extend the red carpet. And I'm not talking about some urgency or when something unexpected happen. I'm not used to this kind of thing. Am I being the asshole here?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not wanting to pay $200 for post-reception party",
"pronormative_score": 11,
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AITA for not wanting to pay $200 for post-reception party
|
I was asked to be in a college friend's wedding, about 4 months ago. I haven't really spoken to or spent any time with this person since graduating 2+ years ago, but accepted nonetheless as I know they don't have a lot of close friends. I knew this meant I would need to purchase/rent the suit they picked out and pay for various things leading up to the party. The suit ended up being close to $240 and the bachelor party trip was another $260. The wedding is in 2 weeks and I was notified yesterday that they are now "asking" the wedding party to contribute $200 to a post-reception party because it ended up costing more than they previously thought.
I had no idea there was a post-reception party planned and it seems overkill to even have one. Isn't that what the reception is for?
I don't want to sound like a brat, but this is just costing way to much. I'm totally fine with paying for certain things for a wedding, but after travel costs (I live a few hours from the wedding venue) and the wedding gift, I'm looking at $800+
So, AITA for not wanting to pay another $200 for this party?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "ignoring my mother",
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AITA for ignoring my mother?
|
About 13 years ago she divorced my dad, and then he died 3 months after she moved out. I was about 13 years old.
Mother has spent her whole life dealing with depression and so have I. She's been married 5 times. She spent the better part of my adolescence abusing me verbally, cursing my name which I share with my father, and ridiculing my existence. On several occasions she would wake me up at 5am to lecture me on how much of a loser I was. I'm not really comfortable sharing much more than that on here. My sister on the other hand in her eyes, is a perfect angel and couldn't do anything wrong. I get along with my sister very well.
I dropped out of high school because I would miss weeks at a time. I would crash on people's couches and sleep in my car (bought with the $5k left from my Dad) and eventually got my GED and started working immediately.
I'm now an adult and living with my girlfriend, in a mutually loving and supportive relationship. Both of us are full time students and both working part time. I have spent the last ten years in therapy trying to keep myself sane and have been taking many steps to improve my life, which has worked. I'm finally going somewhere.
Now that she's retired, she has begun to explore her own past and has realized how much *her* mother abused her. Despite many attempts, she refuses to acknowledge what she put me through, belittles me and pretends everything is okay. She recently discovered that she has ostioporosis and could get very hurt easily, but I haven't spoken to her in months. She keeps leaving me voicemail wondering how I'm doing and acting all nice. I don't care if she's sick, and I am sick of the guilt.
AITA for ignoring her and moving in with my life?
tl;dr Mother and I both have depression. She mentally abused me my whole life and refuses to acknowledge it. She's now sick, but I'm an adult and want her out of my life.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "cutting her off",
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WIBTA if I cut her off?
|
I have a friend who I would’ve considered one of my best friends if you asked me about a year ago but recently it’s been going downhill. Let’s call her RF.
Let me explain the 2nd most recent incident - my friendship group decided in December to have a bit of festivities among us and do a Secret Santa. There are five of us and we all chose the name of our gift recipient from the hat. It must be noted here that we asked everyone in the group if they wanted to do it or not - RF did not object. After this selection, at lunch on the same day, she tells me that she’s my Secret Santa which didn’t really bother me that much- I’m not really a stickler but not going to lie - I’m probably her closest friend in the group and I kinda felt like she’s wasn’t going to try because of this.
Skip to the last day before Christmas break and it’s Secret Santa time. I came into school feeling kinda hopeful that she’ll actually bring something, only to come in and for RF to say “Sorry I forgot” with fake sympathy. What’s worse is that I could tell that she didn’t even bring in anything. I walked off without even saying anything. RF then asked me at break to go with her to the canteen so she could go buy some breakfast or something, I said I’m going to class and walked off. For the rest of the day, she didn’t apologise once and tried to copy answers off me in Literature. She even had the audacity in that same lesson to say to me “Oh I bet you’re upset, Secret Santa is childish and let me be honest, I was never going to bring it in, I couldn’t be bothered”.
Skip to last Friday now, I left the lunch hall early to go hang out with another other group of my friends because I didn’t really want to look at RF’s face if I’m being honest. I enjoyed my lunch and came back to class and a mutual friend tell me about the discussion they had in the toilet. It had stemmed off one of my friends asking “Shall I use the hand sanitiser that K712 gave me?” (It was part of my Secret Santa gift to her) My other friends say yeah but RF says “K712 gave you that?” and my friend then clarifies it was part of the Secret Santa. RF then replies “Lol that childish Secret Santa that I wasn’t a part of, I felt kind of bad haha” to which one of my friends then replied “I can’t believe you would do that to someone who you would consider one of your best friends“. She was then quiet after that.
Sorry for the long read, I’m just trying to think about this properly because the obvious choice seems to unfriend her which is doable but the problem is she’s written you not got any other friends outside this friendship group. This isn’t the only incident but it’s been the most obvious case of “Should I unfriend her?”
If somebody could just give me some advice that would be helpful, Thanks in advance.
TLDR: A friend has been constantly off and I don’t really want to be around her anymore. Problem is she has no friends outside of the friendship group - Cut her off?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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"description": "walking out on my friends",
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|
AITA for walking out on my friends?
|
CONTEXT: Ever since I (M,15) was a little kid I’ve been bullied extensively and I never had any real friends. I grew up with extreme trust issues and to this day I’m constantly scared that I’m the odd one out in every friendship group I’m in.
I’m now a Sophomore in high school and I attend a youth group every Tuesday with some friends. These friends are a group of Grade 12s (Seniors) along with Sophmore and one Junior. They’ve all been a group for a little bit and I recently joined in the summer.
These friends are all really awesome and I’m especially good friends with the Junior (let’s call her E), who is the girlfriend of one of the Seniors (let’s call him C). I’ve known C since I was young, but since he’s older I didn’t talk to him much before now. We’re now good friends.
Anyway, last Tuesday I had a breakdown at youth group. Me and this group were watching Hereditary and someone asked if the dog died, and asked someone to google it, so I did. They all got “mad at me” for spoiling the movie, and I got upset because they asked me to find out (I found out later they were joking). I have a social disorder and I can’t tell when someone’s being serious or not, as well as anxiety and depression, so I took it seriously. This isn’t the first time this group has made jokes making fun of me; C pretends to bully me and I’m fine with it, but I’ve started to read too much into it.
Long story short, I left youth group in tears and didn’t respond to E and C’s texts asking where I went. I later returned after finally talking to E, where she told me I was only noticing the times everyone was saying things about me. I trust and love E and I don’t at all think this was gaslighting or anything, and I think I was reading too much into it. When I got back, everyone acted differently and a lot more gentle with me.
This isn’t the first time I’ve broken down in front of these people. I love them and I’m afraid that I’m being a toxic friend and that they feel they have to walk on eggshells around me. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not wanting my divorced parents to come together in the same house this year on Christmas morning",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA for not wanting my divorced parents to come together in the same house this year on Christmas morning?
|
So my parents are recently divorced, and i have a pretty terrible relationship with my mom. The gist of it is she didnt believe me when i tried telling her i was depressed years ago and instead of helping me i just got punished for it. She took away my bass and bass lessons until i “cheered up”. Shit like that. I also got yelled at for having anorexia
That and combined with her bipolar behaviour (things like trashing me and my siblings rooms and hitting us for things that arent our fault, then apologizing 15 minutes later with the classic “its ok mommys allowed to be mad” excuse) and in general just calling me a miserable brat pretty much every day of my life has made it so i cant be around her without almost having an anxiety attack. Shes just literally trained me to be afraid of her.
So am i a dick for telling my dad it would ruin Christmas for the entire family if she came over to his house? Couldn’t we just do it separately?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not wanting my girlfriend to use her phone while we're outside together",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to use her phone while we're outside together?
|
My girlfriend of one year does this whenever there's only the two of us spending time with each other, ever since when we first started dating. She would look at her phone and her chats with her other friends every couple of minutes, heck, sometimes even when there are no new messages.
I on the other hand, almost never looks at my phone when we're spending time together. Not just when I'm with her, but when I'm with people in general; I just feel that its a super rude thing to do.
We talked about this, and fought about this, and talked about this some more. I don't think she'll ever stop doing this. She knows that I'm super uncomfortable as I'll just be standing there, looking around, waiting for her to finish typing. She'll often catch my impatient demeanor, apologize and keeps her phone, only to take it out minutes later.
Considering that we already don't have that much time to spend together, I just feel think: "really those messages can't wait for 2 more hours when you get home?".
Tldr: AITA for fighting with her about this?
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HISTORICAL
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AITA, as a non-black person, for enjoying movies in theaters specifically when there are a lot of black audience members?
|
I'm talking about when I go to a popular movie with a big crowd and there are a lot of black movie goers who like to comment and laugh loudly. These nights are unforgettably amazing.
I still remember everything about the night I went to Cabin in the Woods. It was opening night in Chicago. There were so many black movie goers who were having a great time loudly second guessing the characters' choices, relishing their deaths after dumb choices, and getting blown away by the ending. I'm too introverted to participate in the commenting, and I'm usually laughing too hard anyways.
I've since moved to a much less diverse area, and I miss the diversity in a lot of ways. Specifically, I saw Us last night. It was a good movie, but I left thinking I would have have had so much more fun if I had seen it under the same circumstances as Cabin in the Woods.
So far, I've come up with two reasons I feel uneasy about this:
* 1) It comes up against unfavorable stereotypes
* 2) I don't want to put other people in a position where they are unwittingly entertaining me at their expense.
Maybe there are others. In any case, I wonder if I should be uncomfortable with how much I enjoy it. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "being upset I didn't get a Christmas gift",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset I didn't get a Christmas gift?
|
Happened several years ago. The cousins range in age from late 30s to early 20s. At the time, I was probably 30, my wife is 6 years younger. Because the cousins are all adults, the family decided to only buy gifts for the youngest kids, all of which are less than 10 years old. So far, no problems.
Family Christmas night, and my aunt bought my mom a present. And my mom bought my aunt a present. And my aunt bought my sister and BIL a present. And my mom bought my older cousin a present. And long story short, every single person present, including my wife, was gifted something, everyone except me. Afterward I brought it up to my wife, and she told me I was acting selfish and being ridiculous, but I disagree. This never went any further than me complaining to my wife, but I've clearly never forgotten. I don't care that I didn't get a gift since it normally consists of a somewhat fake smile and fake enthusiasm. No, I didn't care about no gift, I got pissed that the family agreed no gifts, and then every single person received a gift except me. Since I haven't gotten over it, am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "breaking up with my gf through message/phone",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
WIBTA if I broke up with my gf through message/phone?
|
So for context: we have been together for a bit over 5 years now. I’m fresh outta college and she has just moved out to a town almost 1000km away from me. A flight so see her costs more than 100 dollars and I still don’t have a job.
Furthermore she has more 5 years to go and wants me to move in with her, I have other plans as I am currently applying to join a masters/PhD program abroad, so we need to break up. Despite this, I love her very much and am wondering if it’s too much of an asshole move to break up with her by text since it’s our primary and most used mean of communication like 99% of the time. The best I could do is to do it by phone, but I think both me and her will hate it since we have previously, multiple times, expressed our dislike to talk on the phone.
Anyway, will I be the asshole if I break up like this?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "telling strangers on the internet to shut the fuck up",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for telling strangers on the internet to shut the fuck up?
|
For example, replying to the facebook comment section on an article posted by a news agency. I used to write long winded replys on mostly controversial but also mundane topics. I used to try to reply with supporting evidence, noting why the other person might be wrong, or misguided, or are misleading, misquoting or are just straight up lying about something.
Now I just tell them to shut the fuck up.
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "wanting to kick my roommate out",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to kick my roommate out?
|
Hi,
​
I recently moved to a city a few months ago. I've brought with me two friends from where I've moved. Now, the city we moved to is pretty expensive. So we decided to split a 2 bedroom between the three of us. Myself and "T" both have our own rooms, while "S" does not. S is in the living room.
​
This was something that was discussed between all of us before moving. Originally, myself and "T" wanted a 3BR for the three of us, but "S" insisted that he is not willing to pay more than $600.00 for an apartment. He also had even tried to engage us in sharing a 1BR.
I was reluctant to this, but he was insisting and it was originally "T" and "S"s ideas to move down here, so I figured I didn't have any sort of leverage, so I kind of just went with it. I ended up finding the property and signing the lease alone, even though I didn't want to the only name on the lease as I wasn't sure how serious my two roommates were about moving. I discussed this with T and S, and neither were responsive, S even insisted that if T's not on the lease, then he shouldn't have to be either.
​
Well, surprise, it turns out sharing a 2BR with 3 dudes is straight-ass. "S" who is in the living room is a total slob. Now, "S" didn't move down to the city with the rest of us until a few months into our lease, and at first things for me at least were pretty cool.
​
Upon S moving in with us, he decided to restructure and reorganize the entire apartment. All of the stuff that I had in shelves, moved to different areas or shoved into different closets. He also moved the entire set up of the living room around. We originally had discussed dividing up the living room and having a barrier down the middle to "S"s living space from the rest of the room, but he decided to instead put his bed right by the walking space from the front door. His argument is that it's providing more room for guests. Me and "T" both have brought up this concern, but he literally told us he does not care how we feel, that's how he's going to do it.
​
At the same time, S is constantly talking about how much he wants a relationship and a girlfriend. He's consistently in a bad mood and slugging around. The three of us even got in an argument the other day because we advised him we're not really comfortable with him bringing online dates home and hooking up in the living room, especially considering there is no sort of room divider or private space for him. This is the first real argument I would say we've had together, and he threatened "Do you want me to move out?". I didn't respond as I wasn't expecting that sort of response.
​
I feel like a dick because the following :
​
A) I wasn't originally going to be a roommate with T and I feel I've somehow compromised a prior arrangement
B) S paid rent for a couple months and didn't actually live on the property.
C) I agreed to be in this situation and now I'm realizing it's not working for me.
D) These are long term friends that I've had that I'm now finding it's not working for me.
​
I'm not sure if I'm the asshole for wanting to kick him out. I just feel pretty stressed out about the whole situation.
​
​
​
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "telling a girl my close friend is hooking up with that she's just going to end up hurt again",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
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|
AITA for telling a girl my close friend is hooking up with that she’s just going to end up hurt again?
|
Backstory: Good friend of mine (27M) was hanging out with this chick (26F) on and off for over a year. She really liked him, but he didn’t like her enough to want to date her. He was happy to hook up with her and get her to buy him stuff. He brought her around enough that I got to know her some... nice girl, working single mom, has some mental health issues but regardless she was always cheerful. I am not normally the “white knight” type at all, but this chick had no supportive male figures in her life, so when I saw her out around town I’d always ask how she was doing and stuff. Eventually she realizes my friend isn’t ever going to date her, she has a bit of a mental breakdown (last time I saw her she was bawling at a bar), and they stop hanging out for a few months.
So last time I spoke with her, she seemed like she was in a good place and I wished her well in her future dating. So I hang out with my guy friend last weekend and he mentions they’re back to hanging out again and it’s the same as before (he’s still not wanting to date her but likes her coming over to hook up and buying him stuff).
It bummed me out and with her mental issues I feel like she’s being taken advantage of a bit. But, they’re both adults and make their own choices and I generally stay the fuck out things like this. In all of my wisdom, I end up texting her later that I was bummed she was doing this again after how bad it ended last time, and with him still openly not wanting to date her at all. She gets upset/embarrassed that I know about it, asks my guy friend why he said anything, and subsequently guy friend gets mad at me for saying something (I wrongly assumed she would not say anything to him).
I was trying to reach out to her while not being judgmental directly towards my guy friend, but now everyone is mad. This is why I normally stay out of this shit, and if it was about an actual girlfriend/fiancé/wife I would never have gone there. However, I know I would want an acquaintance to reach out to me if I were in the same situation.
Am I an asshole snitch brocode breaking white knight douche? I genuinely have zero attraction to this girl, I just was bummed she was going to burn herself again.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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b52nhi
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{
"description": "letting a decade long friendship end over a disagreement about racism",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for letting a decade long friendship end over a disagreement about racism?
|
This happened a few months ago and I'm curious about the judgment this sub has on it.
The basics of it are I'm white and he is black. We disagree on that whether or not black people can be racist. He said no and I said of course they can, anyone can be racist.
It lead to a fairly heated argument and he eventually told me to disinvite him from my wedding and delete his contact information.
He stopped talking to me that day after I asked him if he really wants to go this way. We have been close friends for over a decade, but recently due to myself not being progressive enough (im just guessing, I have no idea) he had a harder time being friends with me. He said that we have a clashing of world views and couldn't go on with it, or something to that affect. Memory is a bit foggy.
Anyways, my question is AITA for just letting it die like it did instead of trying to make it work again? At the time I left the choice for him to make as I didn't really want to let end just like that.
Ask any questions if you have any, I left it pretty bare as I had no idea what was important for the question I had.
|
HISTORICAL
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|
{
"description": "counting my wife's acne medication as a non-necessity",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 229
}
|
AITA for counting my wife's acne medication as a non-necessity?
|
My wife and I are working on planning out our finances because we've been overspending. We were making a list of all our necessary expenses that we absolutely can't cut, and my wife told me to add her acne medication. I told her that isn't an essential and she can use the money allotted to her for non-essential stuff for that. She pointed out that her birth control is an essential, so her acne medication should be too. I told her birth control is essential so we don't end up with a kid. She told me she will be in pain (??) without her medication and we should both pay, and it's not fair that she has to use her monthly budget to pay for something that is so important for her. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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b5mcvb
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{
"description": "making a priest scandal joke",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for making a priest scandal joke
|
My wife and I live in a magical neighborhood where everybody knows everybody. Mostly everyone is friendly, and we have some neighbors that would truly qualify as friends - like the ones in this story. We've known these neighbors for at least 2 years, participate in activities together, have each other over for parties, and recently have even traveled over a weekend together. We've really clicked on a lot of values, conversations, and senses of humor. We all can tell some pretty raunchy jokes, and sexual innuendos abound. They're Catholic (we're not) and they have a very young baby (~3 months old).
So last weekend a mutual neighbor-friend invites my wife and I and this other couple over for dinner. The 5 of us are having a great time, making conversation and laughing, all sorts of jokes. Our host had made a cheesecake for dessert, and asked someone to whip some cream for a topping. The husband from the other couple happily obliges and quickly starts making masterbation jokes as he beats the cream (too easy, right?)
As we're eating, the other couple tells a story of how he likes to tell jokes but she often messes them up, and he proceeds to tell a joke about being embarrassed to have sex with fat girls, and then she told it how she butchered it.
In the course of conversation they mentioned how their baby slept through mass, and how the priest likes to wiggle the baby's toes on the way out the door.
I must have made a face like I was holding in a fart because our host leaned over with a twinkle in her eye and said "priest joke?" And I said something to the effect of "ehhh I'm just not sure they wanna get the priest started so early..."
And the dude said to me, seriously offended, "you may think that that is something to joke about, but the rest of us don't find it funny at all."
My wife quickly and sarcastically retorted, "Yeah, we draw the line at fat girl sex jokes". And everyone was quiet for a few seconds while trying to regroup.
The evening lasted another 30 minutes or so, and the rest of the conversations felt forced and awkward. I've since seen the wife of the other couple and we acted like everything was fine, but I haven't seen the husband.
Obviously no decent human finds it funny that priests have actually been so predatory. Just like I wouldn't have found it funny if he was actually in the kitchen beating his dick into a mixing bowl on front of us. Not every joke is funny, but I feel like my joke wasn't out of line with the rest of the humor of the evening.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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XQhCGjFAKPj2no68gnKt4iG6ZXB7acGf
|
apm14j
|
{
"description": "telling my crush that she is horrible for judging a man's penis size",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for telling my crush that she is horrible for judging a man’s penis size?
|
So I’m a 27 year old male and I’m talking to a 36 year old female. We’ve been talking for about 2 weeks now and we haven’t met up yet because she lives very far away. We’ve texted and talked and FaceTimed and it’s always been great. Today I made a joke and she said something that really bothers me and I’d like some input. Here’s how it went:
Me: I measured something on the new Measure app on iPhone that I could’ve sworn was 8” but it only says 6” 😜
Her: ha ha
You’re average
😋😋
Me: I’m just messing with you.
Her: Me too
Me: I was going to say 4” but I didn’t want you to think I was serious. 😜
Her: lol
Me: And now I know you don’t settle for “average”.
Her: I can’t just go up to a guy and ask him what’s your dick size??
If I like a guy and they like me back, I can only hope it’s average
🤣🤣
Me: I know but if mine was average you’d be laughing at me.
Her: Yeah cuz you talked it up
Keep in mind that she’s never seen my penis and has no idea how big or small it is. To me it seems like a really horrible thing to say to anyone, like she just wants to talk to me because of my penis size. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
JdGXcmOaaDmMRGx118r8aDc7200A4EYD
|
avm5fj
|
{
"description": "leaving neutral feedback on this Ebay seller",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving neutral feedback on this Ebay seller
|
I ordered an item that didn’t arrive after 1 week of the estimated delivery time so I took it upon myself to report a case of an item not delivered.
I sent a polite message asking if they could double check that they sent the item or if it has tracking. The seller didn’t reply for 3 days (granted, they’re a pretty big store). The item ended up arriving and I closed the case and left neutral feedback - 1 star for seller communication and delivery time. I then get a feedback revision request from the seller claiming that late delivery times are the postal service’s issue and that it is against Ebay policy to leave neutral/negative feedback for this. Then they threatened to leave me negative buyers feedback and list me on the ESF (idk what that is. Apparently it blocks you from looking at certain sellers’ items.)
And here, I got pretty angry and sent a message basically throwing shade at them. In a nutshell I basically said that I left a neutral rating due to poor seller communication and that I can’t be reported for this. Then I low key threatened to report them instead if they try to retaliate with negative buyers feedback because it’s unfair (idek if you can “report” to ebay about these things tbh). They sent a message back saying they’re disappointed I couldn’t amicably resolve the issue and that they will take action detailed in their message against me. I then criticised them for not being able to take the neutral (not even negative) feedback on the chin. I told them they already have a lot of neutral/negative ratings and that it accurately reflects their services and I don’t know why they’re trying to hide it. (They have thousands of positive ratings for their store, with maybe 100 neutral and negative ratings in total.)
I was kind of pissed off about this at first, but now I’m wondering if I’m in the wrong. Is 3 days a long time to leave a message like that without reply? Should I have revised the feedback seeing as I received the item anyway?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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owTiqGfHbToC4j8e2PkTdbFhLk7h4GuB
|
9t4g7m
|
{
"description": "telling a friend to take responsibility for her actions",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling a friend to take responsibility for her actions?
|
Hey, thanks in advance for taking the time to read this.
About a month ago a lost a good friend because of what I told her.
​
It's a long story, but shes taking an extra year of high school to finish up her courses since her move from the states to Canada put her behind. She was the Stage Manager (kind of like an assistant to the director, who was the teacher) for the Performing arts program she loved. All her friends were in it, she'd been doing it the whole time she was at this school but started causing problems this fall.
​
She kept telling actors they were "acting wrong", getting mad and insulting people, and getting angry with the director. She was warned that not changing her actions would result in her getting booted from the program. She didn't change, and like she was told she was no longer welcome there.
​
She texted me saying that she got kicked out after I heard (and verified through both people who like her and people who don't) what had happened, but she said that she got kicked out because everyone hated her.
I told her that's not true.
She has a history of always being the victim, and sometimes she is but as one of her only friends I tend to stick up to her and at least when I'm talking to her support her side of the story.
This time, I knew what had happened and I decided I needed to say something before she went too far down her current path and ended up with no career or life.
​
So I said, in roughly these words "I think that maybe you need to hold yourself accountable for your actions. Sometimes, you aren't the victim and this time I think that you are the sole person responsible for what happened".
​
She didn't take too kindly to that, and while I kept trying to say similar things nicely she kept saying "oh you're gossiping with \[person that doesn't like her\] behind my back, you are a terrible friend, maybe you should listen to me before believing other people like everyone else" and other such things.
​
Am I the asshole? Should I have let her believe she was wronged? Or was it right of me to try and help show her that sometimes people, including her, make mistakes and should hold themselves accountable for their actions?
​
Thanks
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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2i2aJTqfcNfRiicybOprkLY6VB3mrZy1
|
atxwfm
|
{
"description": "rejecting a 'Suicidal' girl",
"pronormative_score": 70,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Rejecting a 'Suicidal' Girl?
|
I know the title makes me sound like a real dirt bag but bare with me, also I'm on mobile so bare with me x2.
So last week this girl approached me, let's call her Amy, and said she liked me and if I wanted to go anytime. I tried to be as respectful as possible but the truth was I just wasn't interested in her, so I let her down easy I thought.
However, I don't think she believed the same. On Friday after school, she approaches me again with 2 of her friends by her side, automatically I felt uncomfortable and then the 2 friends started to bombard me with, "Amy is really struggling with depression and thoughts of suicide at the moment, how could you treat her like that!?" (DON'T FORGET AMY IS WITH THEM) Feeling defensive, I look at Amy and say "I'm sorry you're going that but I'm not interested, truly, and I wish you the best." I probably could've told her this a bit nicer as it come off as a bit passive aggresive but whatever. Then they depart with scoffs and a few announcements of "shit head" "jack ass" and the almighty "ass hole".
I really don't think so but was I the asshole? Or how could I have handled that better? Thanks!
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
MHu3sVpO9oprtMUoF2VXS2lgPAnTdbeD
|
anbz24
|
{
"description": "giving my niece a pet fish and then taking it back",
"pronormative_score": 311,
"contranormative_score": 50
}
|
AITA for giving my niece a pet fish and then taking it back
|
So me and my brother are on very good terms, and I decided to invite him and his family over for dinner. My brothers friendship means a lot to me, and I would do anything for him.
Time Skip to after dinner, and my brothers daughter comes over to my 60 gallon fish tank and starts banging on the aquarium glass, resulting in the fish being visibly stressed as they frantically swim around. She then throws a tantrum in front of me and her father, and yells that she wants the white clown fish. Mind you that white clown fish costs up to $40 (not too expensive but a fair amount for an exotic fish). I try to comfort her by telling her that she can visit anytime to watch the fish. But her tantrum persists and she starts a big fuss.
Now mind you my brother had helped me a lot when I was in Uni, and I have developed a very strong bond with him. So after seeing that my brother was visibly discomforted after his daughter would not stop screaming (she is 13 yrs old), even after he and his wife tried to calm her down, I decided to give in. I bagged it up from my aquarium and gave it to him. That’s when she stopped crying and demanded that he give it to her (the nerve on that little shit). After she took the fish, she started shaking the bag vigorously and laughing. I told her to stop shaking the fish, but she chose to ignore me. To my brother, it seemed like she was so excited and happy that it was hard to contain her self, but I felt that she was purposely trying to kill the fish. So I snatched it away from her, and put the fish back in the tank.
Of course she started crying again and making a fuss. But what bothered me the most was the annoyed expression my brother had. He told me it was a stupid fish, and that I should just give it to her to make her stop. I responded by telling him to discipline her, because judging by the way she is acting, she is spoiled rotten. Of course my brother took that personally and decided to leave with his family.
Time Skip 2 days later. I apologized to him, just so I can get back to good terms with him. It’s not that I had to apologize, but rather I didn’t want our relationship to crumble over his bratty daughter.
AITA?
Sorry for any typos. Using mobile.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 50
}
|
RIGHT
|
CPWJF5OuF17e8AtF5dhlZk1tNQdiTyHK
|
ajz53n
| null |
AITA-Tried to be polite in a long line but ended up straight up telling two woman to get to the back of the line.
|
So earlier this evening my SO were in a long line to see a comedy roast battle. A member of our family is the current champ so we were obviously excited to see him preform. We were some where in the middle of a 100 person line up in a crowded hallway. When we got maybe 15 people away from the door 2 woman approached me from behind and ask if I can help them. Our conversation goes something like this:
Lady: Hey are you going in there? Can you help us?
Me: Sure
Lady: we have reservations. How do we get in?
Me: Well, we all have tickets or are on the guest list so you just wait in line and talk to the door man.
Lady: But we have reservations.
Me: Ok so just talk to the door man about that when you get to the front of the line.
Lady: Great. Thanks.
Then this lady and her friend just move into line in front of us. And here comes my possible asshole moment.
Me: Ok so you guys are just going to cut in front of us?
Lady: What do you mean? I just asked you what we do. I told you we have reservations.
Me: yeah I understand that. But you are cutting the line everyone in this line has a reservation or a ticket.
Lady: woah! Ok! Why are you being so aggressive?
( I’d like to say my voice never rose but I definitely was assertive and not afraid of offending her)
Me: aggressive?! I don’t think asking you not to cut in front of 50 people waiting in line is aggressive.
At this point she starts falling out of line talking shit to her friend under her breath.
No one said anything to me afterwards so it has me thinking I was the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
DkU3G74PO2e5BUKevPnlGlc6k6n7Bl8m
|
azkl9y
|
{
"description": "not wanting my mom to open my mail",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my mom to open my mail?
|
My mom always opens my mail before even telling me that I have any. I don’t live with her anymore. If it was just junk mail I wouldn’t care but she opens things from my college, social security, tax information, etc. I get several checks in the mail every year for financial aid and scholarships so it bothers me that she opens them. I’ve asked her several times not to but she just continues. She actually lost one of my checks and I had to spend the day searching the whole house. It got to the point where it infuriated me and I raised my voice at her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 13,
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
PmrtQzKGSlOd5QfdhydWanafpAg59Fht
|
b5ge06
|
{
"description": "(jokingly) calling an 18 year old out for dating a 14 year old? everyone got mad at me",
"pronormative_score": 137,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
AITA for (jokingly) calling an 18 year old out for dating a 14 year old? Everyone got mad at me.
|
This happened like two hours ago, and although it’s not really a big deal I am curious if I was the one in the wrong in this situation.
I’m currently on a school trip with several classmates. We’re relatively good friends and we make fun of eachother a ton (luckily for the most part everyone can dish and take).
One of the girls, Ashley, is a senior and 18. She is currently dating a 14 year old freshman (note- where we live this is legal)
Before she started dating the freshman, there was a lot of drama because two other girls (both juniors and 16/17) also tried to date this boy. He had a fling with one of the juniors and then started dating Ashley seriously.
Ashley was complaining about the two girls and someone basically said “it just sounds like they’re both really insecure” and she agreed with them (neither of them were being friendly about it- they viewed it as a negative thing).
I chimed in (this was a group convo) “it sounds like all 3 of you are insecure”. And Ashley goes “What? What did I do?” And I replied “date a 14 year old.”
NOTE: all of this was said in a pretty joking tone, I wasn’t actively trying to attack her just get a jab in like we always do.
She got really angry and turned around and went silent while everyone chided me and said it was “too far”. Then she turned around and flipped me off and went fuck you. And then clarified “that was just for *insert my name here*”
We then all kinda laughed to break the tension and now everyone’s moved on. (After she said fuck you to me the topic got changed and she’s no longer upset)
But I don’t think I was in the wrong, it’s creepy to date a 14 year old boy and everyone would be incredulous if the genders were reversed.
AITA for making that joke?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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}
|
RIGHT
|
PGaPqvTG8Gg4GF0n0NKFCuAxlBBjprrx
|
ayk0g3
|
{
"description": "not getting a gift for my cousin's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA - For not getting a gift for my cousin's wedding?
|
Some backstory:
I'm 23, have a full-time job, and recently moved back to my hometown so I am currently living with my parents.
My cousin (3 years older) is getting married this summer.
I have been invited to the wedding on my parents' invitation with no plus 1.
Am I the asshole if I dont buy her a wedding present?
Bonus:
She refused to invite grandparents and select aunts/uncles to her wedding due to concerns about seats, but she made sure to invite her "close" friends (roughly 20-30), some of whom she's known less than a year.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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nc82L9n8uXU2JFbfZiTSSIEFlvSkwd9A
|
ailk51
|
{
"description": "telling family I live with I got kicked out of my house? also tw",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling family i live with i got kicked out of my house? Also TW
|
Okay so here's the tea and strap in I'm sorry it's kinda long. I don't have much connection to my bio dad bc he has drug issues and my second dad I don't talk to at all because he blocked me on everything when I was 13 and I found out he only talked to me to avoid paying child support. My third dad was great, untill his first deployment when I was around 6ish. He was sent to iraq during a time when it was really bad over there and he came back with several PTSD. Because of his PTSD he would have "episodes" he would tell me (as a 7/8 year old) that there were dead bodies in the house. He called the cops because of gunfire that was just loud noises from the street (we lived in a city) he wouldn't pick me up from school because there were too many Muslim girls in hijabs there and it triggered him (eventually leading to us moving from the city into the whitest suburb he could find and I was also not allowed to have many of my Muslim friends to the house) when I would not clean to his standard he would scream at me until I cried and throw things like plates and dishes all across the floor. When we moved and i was older. He stopped having full on episodes unless he was drinking. In one case my mom and him were both drunk and my mom tried to take my baby brother away from him during a fight. He ended up dislocating her shoulder. When he would come back from deployments there would be a period where he would be unemployed but also had spending problems because he was overseas with out luxery for so long. (He would buy massive televisions. He got a boat and a new car.) Him and my mom would fight about money and I remember my first depressive episode being in elementary school over one of these fights. I decided that my parents wouldn't have money problems if I killed myself because I cost too much money for them and I tried to poke a knife into my stomach. I got older and he deployed two more times and his symptoms went up and down. Last year him and my mom both got into another drunk fight and he slammed her repeatedly into a door, and she was very bruised. I took my younger brother (who was 12 at the time but who has mild autism so he acts much younger) to a friends house. I wasnt that close with the friend but I didn't have anyone else to go to at the time so the situation was very awkward. A few months later my dad admitted to having a drinking problem and decided to quit drinking. He got a lot better and I went off to college. While I was away at college I was told my parents were getting a divorce but would continue living together until the lease on the house ended. It gets dicey here.
I came home from winter break at the start of last month and my dad had started drinking again. My brother was not handling it well and took out a lot of his anger on me as well as binge eating for emotional reasons. My dad had already yelled at me several times over while I was home and I had had several suicidal episodes due to these reasons. Finally I asked my brother not to eat the food I had gotten to make dinner that night and labeled it all accordingly. My brother ended up eating it anyway while I was out with a friend. I went downstairs and told my dad who freaked out at me. He told me 'if I was so selfish that I couldn't spare some rice and fruit for Audie then I should pack my shit and get out of his house' so I shut down and went to my room. The next day my mother called me to tell me she was bringing home food for me and my brother and to tell my brother so that he wouldn't make anything before she got home. Unfortunately my dad had told my brother to make pizza before I had the chance to tell him so I called my mom to tell her that my brother had already eaten. I start to get ready to go to a goodbye party for my friend who was shipping out the next day and my dad calls me into his room and starts to yell at me for "calling my mother behind his back" and "acting like I run shit" he then tells me that I contribute nothing to the family and that I'm lazy. (I gave him and my mother 2000 dollars aka all of my savings to pay for bills while he was unemployed and worked full time to buy groveries for the family) He tells me that my grandmother (the person I am closest too) doesn't know how lazy I am and that I won't do any work. So I said "what the fuck do you want from me? Do you want me to leave?!" And he told me I had 96 hours to get my shit out and whatever was left would be thrown away. I immediately called my friend who missed her own goodbye party to come and get me and my stuff and she drives me two hours north to my grandma's house. (When my mom gets home with food that night he says the same thing to her.) Im too tired to explain it all but my grandparents already know about my dad's history of abuse and episodes. So she immediately clears a room for me and starts helping me find a job. My aunt and uncle find out about it and offer me a nannying job at their house where they will pay me. I take the offer but I know it's only because of what happened with my dad. I'm too embarrassed to explain all of it to them so I simply say my dad kicked me and my mom out. (Please note that my brother is my father's own child who he has always understandably favorited. My brother is safe in the house.) My dad texts me several days later saying I blew things out of proportion and sends a seemingly nice message but to me it felt manipulative. I only got the text after I told his mom (my other grandma what happened) he calls me a liar in the text and my brother calls me a liar as well and tells the family I'm lying and that I abandoned him. I'm too embarrassed to tell my family what really happened. I feel a lot of guilt for not stepping in over the years or calling the cops during his episodes.
Long story short. I know that his PTSD is the reason he acts this way and I feel like shit for not being more accommodating to his mental illness but I couldn't take it anymore. I feel like leaving was partially my choice and that if I had refused to leave none of this would have happened. AITA for leaving? For not doing anything earlier? Or am I really blowing what he said out of proportion?
I'm sorry this was so long
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
IUQVtOFGvzjknaBQ02NQtbihjehbaUKF
|
apv8db
|
{
"description": "making a tinder after my girlfriend wanted a break/to break up",
"pronormative_score": 32,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for making a tinder after my girlfriend wanted a break/to break up?
|
My girlfriend and I broke up, she wanted to not me, because she didn't know how to deal with her brother leaving to go to the Air Force. We still very much cared for each other, but didn't know if we would get back together.
So I went out with friends to drink away my sorrows and be around people who care about me, I got drunk, I made a tinder. Now I want to be very clear that I never met with anyone, didn't exchange pictures, and barely talked to anyone.
Jump a few weeks into the future; Me and the gf are back together, and things are going great. Everything is back to normal. I haven't used tinder since a few days before we got back together, but I forgot to delete the app.
Her friend sees me on tinder, calls gf, and tells her.
Gf is now super pissed at me. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 32,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
W3sKHGefMuQDkDRW88dLd9XRcEHW1Bjk
|
b2t9a0
|
{
"description": "wanting privacy in a shared bathroom",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting privacy in a shared bathroom?
|
Background info if it’s relevant: I’m in my first trimester, hormonal, my husband and I have been married two years but together much longer. I don’t normally come to Reddit for relationship advice but I wanted an unbiased opinion.
My husband has always had few boundaries- he leaves the doors open when he poops, bathes, changes, and walks around the house fully nude/in his undies and has since day one.
I am the opposite but I am aware that it’s not a huge deal if he sees me naked or smells my poop and I don’t usually take issue with these things.
However, when I retreat to the restroom in the evenings to use the toilet and take a bath, it grates on my nerves when he comes in and interrupts my privacy. He tends to come in and start talking to me about my day, about his day, and may try to touch me or kiss me.
For me, my nightly bath is my alone time. I enjoy spending it alone and decompressing. I have told him multiple times that I prefer he leave me alone during this time, and I’ve felt this way especially since I’ve been pregnant. IMO, I’m naked, I’m laying there like a beached whale, I feel gross, I’m trying to have alone time, I’m trying to relax, I don’t want to be touched, the bathroom is small, I don’t want to make small talk during that time, etc. I even lock the door to keep him out and he just unlocks it and comes in anyway. I usually shoo him away and we move on.
Today he stayed out late and came home when I was already in the bath. He comes into the house and yells hello. I yell hello back and then say “Please don’t come in here.”
He comes in anyway to give me a kiss, bends down by the bathtub, tries to kiss and snuggle me and rub my belly and talk, and I’m just immediately like “okay, now leave” and try to push him away.
He is upset because he spent “all day thinking about his wonderful pregnant wife” only to come home and I was a “rude snob” to him. He says I’m rude, selfish and disrespectful. He thinks that my desire to have privacy is ridiculous, that I shouldn’t care and I need to get over my “insecurity/fear” of him being in the bathroom while I’m in there (especially since he’s going to watch me give birth.)
I’m irritated because I don’t think I’m asking a lot, and I consistently ask him to leave me alone in the bathroom. I understand that he was trying to be nice and talk to me after a long day, but I wish he would listen to me when I ask to be alone— regardless of whether he thinks the reasoning is stupid or not. I feel like he’s not respecting my boundaries, but he seems to think boundaries aren’t needed because we are married.
He is upset but I really don’t feel in the wrong about this. I know if I talk to family they’ll all back me up because I’m pregnant, but I want unbiased opinions instead- AITA?
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"description": "wanting to cut out a toxic family member at the risk of other family members feelings",
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|
AITA for wanting to cut out a toxic family member at the risk of other family members feelings?
|
So I have a family member who is rather manipulative and untrustworthy. I will refer to her as TFM (toxic family member.)
As an example of her manipulative behavior, when I got married and TFM’s mother, who is in absolutely no way related to us, wasn’t invited to the wedding, TFM pitched a fit to her father ON my wedding day absolutely REFUSING to come to the wedding unless he picked up his ex wife and brought her with. [the mother is the same way... manipulative, untrustworthy, lies cheats and steals to get her way... that’s another story for another time.]
Anyhow...
Quite recently there was a big show of drama that TFM caused out of jealousy to have something her way and in the process stabbed my whole family in the back, because she refused to report the situation when we found out about it and told her to go to the police, but then turned around after refusing to report it and told the school counselor that the family knew and wouldn’t do anything about it.
So TFM stabbed my whole family in the back and actually got one person in huge legal trouble over something that was her choice. And it’s not the first time she’s done something like this to get her way. She’s very disrespectful and manipulative and I’ve never had much of a relationship with her due to that and the fact that she’s not that close to me anyway.
But shortly before the recent drama went down my husband and I had a baby and we’ve been feeling like we aren’t comfortable having TFM around our child. We feel like overall this person is just drama and toxic to us and more especially our baby.
Here’s where I’m really lost though.
We’ve been able to just generally avoid contact with TFM and haven’t had conflict yet... but the baby’s birthday is coming up soon and we are going to have to talk to two people in our family who are still really close with TFM that we don’t want her to come to the party (or be involved with the baby.)
Despite coming up with multiple non aggressive, non personal ways to address this with them, these two family members are HUGE on family in a very traditional sense and no matter what we say, we know they’ll be upset. We love them and it’s not personal to them and we REALLY don’t want to upset them, but we’ve talked at great length about the situation and just feel that TFM is... well, toxic.
We’ve even asked multiple other “third party” people who agree that the situation is such that this person needs to be cut out. But I have one very close family member who is telling us that it’s not worth the negative feelings and drama it will cause with the two family members still close to TFM to ask for this person not to come. (Even though the person saying this has told one of those same very sensitive family members something of the same magnitude about another person she cares deeply about...)
So reddit...
AITA for feeling the need to cut this person out, while potentially risking the feelings of other important family members?
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AITA After This Past Situation? I'm Convinced I Am.
|
AITA in this situation that happened a couple months ago? This is somewhat different from the usual posts on here as the conflict was already resolved, but I still hate myself for the fact that it happened and I came here for some outside input on everything.
A couple months back I made friends with a student that just transferred to my college, and after a couple of weeks arranged a casual date with her. We decided on a casual movie/wine night, and proceeded to get extremely drunk while watching b-rate movies. After going through about 6 bottles and blacking out, we ended up in bed sometime around 4am. Nothing sexual happened and we were both fully clothed, but when I woke up/sobered up I realized I'd been copping a feel while she slept. Of course realizing what was happening I immediately stopped, freaked out silently, got up and caught an uber home. She was confused as to why I left, so the next day I confessed what had happened, and she ended up explaining that she didn't blame me for it. We decided to remain friends moving forward, and nothing else has happened since. On the outside everything seems normal as we've hung out a variety of times without any difficulty, but inside I'm freaking out each time I see her.
I still can't get over the fact that I practically sexually assaulted her, and it's been getting worse lately. I can't even think of dating anyone as I'm disgusted/can't trust myself, and I don't want to risk repeating of the situation. I know that it's not a big deal to her and she forgave me, but that's doing little to soothe my mind when I'm constantly debating about just how awful I am. I'm hoping an outside viewpoint will either confirm my beliefs or dissuade me of them.
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AITA for taking my alcoholic mother's dog away from her?
|
TL;DR I took my drunk mom’s dog away. Now that she’s sober, she wants the dog back.
My mother is a recovering alcoholic. She had long stretches of sobriety until I left for college in 2009, and her and I have an honest, no-bullshit relationship. She is a binge drinker, and her binges last weeks and months before she can even get a day sober.
In 2013, the year I graduated and came home, she decided to go to a breeder and buy a thoroughbred Boxer puppy she named Rosie. She's a sweet dog, she's very energetic, and very needy. If the weather is nice, she likes to spend most of the day running around in the fenced in backyard. She goes through a big bag of dog food every two weeks, and she takes big massive shits. If she's not getting the attention she wants, she'll whine and paw at you until you acknowledge her.
I moved out of the house in 2014, and my mother's drinking got much worse. She lost her job, stopped paying all of the bills, and got a DUI (but didn't go to jail). Her neighbors would call me saying that she was going door to door asking for money, and that sometimes she wasn't even dressed. Her whole family cut ties with her except for me. I became her caretaker, stopping by every other day just to make sure that she was still alive. I took her to detox at the hospital half a dozen times. When she could get a few hours sober, I would take her to AA meetings.
While all of this is happening, Rosie is with her in the house. She would go days without food. She would shit where ever there was an open spot on the carpet. She would eat whatever my mom left out (chips, raw meat, Oreos, whatever). The neighbors said that the dog never was never let outside anymore.
After a lot of internal debate, I took Rosie and gave her to a family friend who wanted her. My friend lives on a farm and has two other big dogs. Rosie has all the room in the world to run around now and she's a completely different dog. She's happy.
I really struggled with this decision because it meant that my mom was now completely alone in her suffering. I know having Rosie there didn't stop her from drinking, but it gave her some comfort. I can't imagine what it must have been like for my mom to sit alone in a house, with the lights off, the whole place smelling like shit and piss and beer, and have absolutely nothing and no one that loves them. I would suddenly burst into tears at work or in the car or eating dinner because the thought would cross my mind that she has no one.
Fast forward to this year - I took her to detox in February, after which she went to rehab. She had 45 days sober, but then relapsed again. I helped her get sober in September and she went to rehab again. She has 41 days right now. I'm really proud of how far she's come this year, despite all of the things that are going wrong (losing the house, no car, no job). That said, she is asking for Rosie back. She pleads with me to help her get Rosie back, and tells me how lonely she is and how she drinks when she's lonely. She says that Rosie was the only thing that kept her sane when she was in the house.
I said no - Rosie is happy where she is now.
AITA?
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|
AITA for not treating my moms boyfriend like my own grandparents?
|
A few things
- I’m 18
- My mom has been with this guy for almost a year and he’s a great guy. He’s more like a friend than a father figure to me though because he came into my life at a later time.
- He does not have kids of his own.
- I only met his parents like 3 months ago and have only actually seen them like 4 times.
- I have no problems with his parents. They just came into my life too late for me to be super affectionate with them.
- My blood family isn’t really affectionate. Like at family gatherings we hug each other when we see each other and again when we leave. And we don’t really talk too much outside of family gatherings.
So his parents make me feel really uncomfortable. I’m in college, and they’re insistent on treating me like a 7 year old. They comment on my posts “my baby is doing _” or something similar. On every single post (which I delete their comments.) Not even my blood grandparents talk to me like that, or comment on my stuff like that. They’re insistent on me calling them papa or grandma, but I just call them Mr. and Ms. _. Also the few times I’ve seen them they act like I’m a kid. They throw up a huge fit when I vape (I picked it up to support my mom using vaping to quit smoking. She’s cool with it) and when I drink. (My mom is also cool with that.)
Again, I have nothing against them. They just came into my life too late to have that sort of significance to me. Am I an asshole for being this way?
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "going out on St Paddy's day even though my fiancee is pregnant",
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}
|
WIBTA for going out on St Paddy's day even though my fiancee is pregnant?
|
My fiance is 3.5 months pregnant and my friend asked if we could have lunch and then my fiancee could go home while my friend and I drink for a while.
One of my friends feels that this is unbelievably inconsiderate towards my fiancee.
To be clear this isn't something I have done since she got pregnant. I could list all the things I do for her but I don't think it matters. Pregnancy is hard and I'm trying to help as best as I can.
I don't see how going out one day is that inconsiderate, am I wrong?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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ab2sod
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{
"description": "cheating on my exam",
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}
|
AITA for cheating on my exam?
|
AITA for thinking that cheating on my exam is my business?
Throwaway account because I can.
A little bit of background. I was recently enrolled in a history class that was necessary to achieve my associates degree. I have never had any interest in history and as a result have really struggled with it therefore I don't really see a problem with doing everything in my power to get through the class and onto something I'm actually interested in. Anyways here's the scenario.
I recently was taking a history exam and a peer called me out for looking at my phone while the professor was out of the room. My peer said "That's enough. People study too hard for this shit" too which I replied "that's why I'm looking at my study guide" and quickly put away my phone. Given I was looking at my study guide on my phone which is against the rules am I the asshole for thinking that since I'm paying for the class and it's my education it should really be none of that students business? The professor has never graded on a curve so I can't see it affecting my peers in anyway whatsoever. Let me know. I think it's up for debate.
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b2rmf2
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{
"description": "thinking my wifes internet friends shouldnt call her pet names",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for thinking my wifes internet friends shouldnt call her pet names
|
So I just got into a fight with my wife about her internet friends, they call her all sorts of names that you would say to a girlfriend. I explained that it hurts my feelings but she said its not a big deal and that they all know shes married. Why would you call a married woman sweetie or babe? It doesnt make sense to me... I told her to tell them to stop doing that but she cried that she would have no friends then, they are the only people she plays games with. It became a huge fight and I had to remind her that I now have no friends at all because she had some sort of issue with everyone of them. I just let them all go slowly because happy wife happy life right? It seems like such a double standard but she keeps claiming the game she plays is all she has to stay sane and these are the only people she can play with. She is a stay at home mom, seriously am i the asshole?
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apiq33
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{
"description": "telling a Guy at Work to not Waste Food",
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|
AITA For Telling a Guy at Work to Not Waste Food?
|
My work has a great perk of providing lunch items for free. Salads, stuff to make sandwiches, frozen crap, etc...
Last Friday when I'm coming in to start my day, I see a guy take 6 lunchable protein packs out of the fridge. If you are not familiar with these things, they are meat, cheese, and nuts or a chocolate snack. [http://www.proteinproteinprotein.com/en/originals](http://www.proteinproteinprotein.com/en/originals)
This guy then proceeds to make a sandwich out of the meats AND THROW THE REST OF THE PACK AWAY!
I'm am not easily offended, but this got me. I was so poor growing up, that we didn't have food sometimes, and this got me heated.
Although it may be passive aggressive I decided to leave this picture on his desk. [MGMT - Control Yo Self!](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/sTjkBwFbm4Y/hqdefault.jpg) With a lil caption that said "Don't Waste Food!' and "Jerk!' at the bottom.
Didn't wanna make a huge scene. I mean, this is my place of work. I even decided to cut the part off that said "Jerk". I felt it was more f@#ked up to NOT say something. A work buddy of mine text me saying that he was causing a huge scene over the weekend. Calling me a bitch, and saying he "didn't need this crap".
He then proceeded to put the picture back on my desk with the Jerk portion dug out of my trash and put it back with the picture.
At first, I thought, hmm, maybe it was none of my business. But EFF THAT! It is my business. This place is my community, and I am very grateful for the free foods. They only buy about 40-50 of the little packs for approx. 200 employees every couple of days. I mean we have lunch meat if you wanna sandwich. You don't have to throw away more than half the 6 containers of food, because you only want a small portion of them. Not to mention the 795 million people in the world that are literally starving.
IDK guys AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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an4wpc
| null |
AITA - A minor fiasco
|
Alright so it started a few months ago; At one point I was somewhat curious regarding my appearance in relation to the general public and had an interest in what I could do in order to improve so I posted in one of the various (RateMe) subreddits available; Little did I know after posting I would receive many ratings of mere three or four of ten, Ultimately crushing any real hope of confidence in myself and leading to and following with countless suicide attempts over my supposed flaws,
​
However of those responses I was receiving many were unreasonably volatile and outlandishly snarky written with clear ill intent (Examples: 'Yes, No hope', 'Ew' and so forth), At first I responded only to those relevant in their criticisms however it got to a point where even those became heated with me snapping having received multiple death wishes and affirmations that I'll never meet their terms or have any hope whatsoever in regards to a factor that clearly cannot be altered; Afterwards my thread was receiving more traction from trolls and ultimately things spiraled out of control with me making blatant posts of dismay at the thought of it all, By then even those offering advice had began turning on me and were consequently attacking my personal character along with obliterating my post karma,
​
Should I have apologized in this instance to those trolls who clearly show a lack of restraint or care on their part? Was I wrong in acting out my brashness to those making grim albeit honest statements of fact? Was I wrong in taking their constructive arguments as an indirect hostility? Lastly apologies for the lack of detail as I cannot link back to what was written beforehand,
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{
"description": "getting delivery when I don't want to go grocery shopping alone",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting delivery when I don't want to go grocery shopping alone?
|
I will try to be as impartial as possible.
I hate going to the grocery store alone, it's stressful and exhausting and honestly one of my least favorite things to do. So I usually try to go with my fiancee and when he's not feeling up for it and there's no food in the house I use my personal allowance (we each get a weekly allowance) to order delivery for myself.
He says this makes him feel bad, and pressured into saying yes to going. I always do my best to let me know that he can say no but he's said that doesn't help.
I really feel horrible for making him feel bad, and honestly I'm not sure...Am I the asshole for making him feel bad?
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{
"description": "not wanting my girlfriend to go to dinner with another guy",
"pronormative_score": 8,
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|
AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to go to dinner with another guy?
|
This year for Valentine’s Day I (19 M) had plans to go to dinner with my girlfriend (19 F), then spend the following day with her. However, I had to cancel with her due to having to unexpectedly travel with some family for a few days, which of course overlaps with our plans. We talked it over and everything seemed fine, but I could tell she was pretty bummed about it. A tiny bit ago she texted me asking how I would feel if she went to dinner with someone while I was gone. I know she has a lot of friends who are guys, most of which I know personally and am completely comfortable with. Had she asked about them, I would’ve been perfectly fine. However, she asked if she could go with someone she was friends with from work, who happens to have a massive crush on her. In addition to this, he gets visibly annoyed when I am brought up in any conversation and often insinuates that he could do better. I politely told her that I wasn’t comfortable with this, and asked if she would be willing to go with other friends of hers. She said they were all busy, and told me she just didn’t want to be alone then. I feel justified in my decision, but I really don’t want to be over-bearing. Am I the asshole for asking that she doesn’t go to dinner with this guy on Valentine’s Day?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aljvf0
|
{
"description": "telling a classmate to reconsider her career in medicine",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for telling a classmate to reconsider her career in medicine?
|
I’m a grad student in a master of public health program. It’s an accelerated program (one year instead of two) and virtually everyone is going off to medical school once we finish here.
In class today, we were discussing cultural differences - and what we might consider “moral” or “immoral” and how a lot of it is based off of cultural context and understanding.
A female classmate of mine brought up how female genital mutilation in some cultures in Africa is totally immoral & shouldn’t just be written off as a “cultural difference that we should accept.” Fair enough - can’t say I completely disagree.
However, our professor asked her opinion on male circumcision in the United States?
Her response?
“Oh, that’s fine. Those babies are way too young to even remember the pain anyways.”
That response genuinely took everyone’s breath away & quite a few people had disgusted looks on their faces. She wouldn’t back down from that point & kept pressing it, which really made everyone uncomfortable. Me being me I turned to her & said “I really hope you reconsider your career in medicine with an attitude like that.” That visibly upset her - tbh kind of my point. The class ended shortly after and the professor pulled me aside to let me know that what I said was uncalled for, so AITA?
|
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WRONG
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allfol
|
{
"description": "wanting my husband to get a better job",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA because I want my husband to get a better job...
|
I'm pregnant. I lost my job because the pregnancy made me very sick (a lot of vomiting, migraines, anemia symptoms) and I missed too many days. My income accounted for half of the household income. I struggle to find a job that I can do, and a company willing to hire me. (Who would hire someone that plans to go on maternity leave and possibly stay home to care for an infant).
Financially we're struggling pretty badly. My husband is very supportive and also feels the stress and worry about our financial situation.
I've dropped a few hints about him taking a course that could qualify him for a higher paying job. The closer we are to becoming first time parents, the more desperate I feel. My husband doesnt handle stress well... he kind of shuts down, and I really don't want him to feel under appreciated.
We dont argue, but I dont know how or if I should push the issue further. I really dont want to accuse him of not doing his part, especially while I sit at home.
Am i an asshole for wanting him to try to achieve more, and would i be an asshole if I pressured him to do so?
|
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a0ozj8
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{
"description": "not wanting to plan on taking care of my mother in the future",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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}
|
AITA for not wanting to plan on taking care of my mother in the future?
|
So I live with my SO's parents and the mother takes care of my SO's 90 year old grandmother. Like completely. 100%. Cooks for her, cleans for her, drives her everywhere, pays for everything for her, etcetera. I see in her that she hates doing it and she physically is not in a place that she really has the ability to do all that.
It's made me really think about the future. My SO's parents and my mother are all around the same 5 year range at around 58 years old and I've come to realize that it may not be very long until the choice comes up where they either will need a 24/7 in home caretaker, or they'll need to be in a nursing home. All three of them have made it very clear that none of them are going to a nursing home, but I know that none of them will ever have that kind of money either.
My SO has another sister and brother, but my SO is pretty convinced that their already-established lives won't permit them to care for his parents so at this point he's low key planning our future around having to care for his parents when they get older.
My mother and I never had much of a relationship long story short, she is narcissistic and emotionally abusive. Every time the topic comes up, she basically guilt trips me into feeling bad for not wanting to care for her when she becomes unable to, and it always ends with me saying "I'm not planning for that right now."
Am I the asshole for not wanting to care for either my mother or my in-laws when they're not able to anymore? If I do that, I'm pretty certain that I won't be able to pay bills, and what about my future children? How old will they be? Will I need to take care of them as well? Will my SO help me, or will he just go to work, come home, and go to bed? All these things I wonder about and it really stresses me out about the future.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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pUB5i6MMRl8XTo8WyXS6UhdyTYNtZykX
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b76d45
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{
"description": "getting upset with my mother",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting upset with my mother?
|
So I'm 35 and my mother is visiting my wife and I at our house the last few days. This is the first time she's been to our house on her own since we have lived here over the past 3 years. I love her but she's the kind of person who loves to gossip and seemingly makes a hobby of talking about other people live's. I can't help but notice she talks and talks about cousins, family friends, etc, and how great they are doing, how they are having kids, the money they make, jobs they have, etc, but barely talks about my life or interests at all, except to bug me about having kids myself and tell me I worry too much. But I can't help but feel like this constant bombardment and being compared to other people only makes that worse for me and insecure. I'm not saying I should be the focus of everyone's attention but being that she's visiting me I would think she would care somewhat about my interests, and not just praise all these other random people the whole time, many who I don't even really know. I'm not sure if I should say something or if I'm just being overly sensitive. AITA for letting this get under my skin?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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0s8aXJ4i9DYgGJ3KhZh6f6lYNlXoJEGD
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a28pfv
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{
"description": "thinking my colleague should be fired",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for thinking my colleague should be fired?
|
So context:
We work in a small office and I do the first part of a job, my colleague (we'll call her L) does the second, sends back to me for review then I send on to clients. So we are a team and both are reliant on the other for keeping a good progress. Shes been with the company about 4/5 months and its been OK so far, small problems with timescales but we've been working through them and getting better. (In case it matters I've been with the company about 3 years and were both in our mid twenties)
​
So on to the issue, it happened over the past 2 weeks and I'll explain it in the order it happened.
​
So week one I was off on holiday Monday and Tuesday, went in to work on Wednesday and was told L hadn't been in the past two days and had been doing work form home (no one said this was OK to her she just said wasn't coming in, working form home), 10am comes round and I get a message form her saying today would be the same, Thursday she is at college all day so not in the office, friday dont hear anything from her.
​
Week two, shes in on Monday morning for half a day then has to go to college, that's fine progressing skills getting qualifications dont have any problems. Now small office so didn't get a chance to ask her privately if everything was OK but she never said anything to me or to my/our supervisor. Tuesday sends me a message in the morning saying working from home again and hear nothing else all day.
​
Now Wednesday we hear nothing, send her a message and so does one of the others, no response. Thursday is the same, hear nothing, couple more messages sent and phone calls from both the office manager and our supervisor go unanswered.
​
Friday rolls around and fully expect the same but no, when I get in my supervisor tells me shes been in contact and turns out her gran died. Now I know what your thinking at the stage, that I am definitely an asshole for thinking she should be fired but hold your horses. It is very sad that her gran died and different people deal with death different ways but as cold and heartless as this sounds when did she die? I know what you're thinking again, definitely the asshole but if she died in the first week why didn't she tell us/someone on the monday of the second week when she was in? If she died on the second week why was she working form home all of the first week? To me a full day of no contact is perfectly fine after something like this but its the big bad world and after a day you have to at least acknowledge your work trying to contact you.
​
So am I the asshole for thinking that after working form home for a full week with no context and no job progress and then ghosting us for most of the second means that she should be fired?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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JWPHl5QlsFOpteIsQOhrds4CH5MfJ3D8
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aywck1
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{
"description": "not unclogging a shower drain",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not unclogging a shower drain?
|
I live in a 3br/2ba house with another roommate and we were looking to rent out the master. A friend was having issues in her house and asked to move in, so it seemed like a solid fit.
Prior to moving in, we explained that the shower in the master was draining slowly from a previous r/m. She was aware of the issue but myself and the other current roommate (CR) offered to help out where we could. It is in the lease that any clogs are the tenants' responsibility. She was also aware that when myself and the original r/m moved in, we had to unclog all of the drains.
The CR and myself have poured multiple bottles of Drano down and attempted to snake the drain, as well as using a plunger to try to clear our the blockage. When this wasn't working, we asked if she had a power drill. She borrowed one from a friend, but left it overnight and returned it before using it/asking us for help. She is now refusing to borrow it again because she doesn't like to. She said she has a plumber friend that would do it for free, but he's not really moving on this so far.
We made it very clear that this was the situation prior to her moving in and that we'd help out, but now she is saying that she's hiring a plumber and withholding the rent for that. She mentioned that "now I have to move again, this is ridiculous" as though she would be moving out because of this.
She asked CR and me to help move after already-long days. We spent over four hours being the only 2 moving anything. She watched and mentioned that her previous move was done by professional movers and she paid them upwards of $350 - all while complaining about us moving. We were not compensated for our time.
She is free to use our shower while we find out a good way to fix the master, and I've made it clear that I'm happy to help her out and snake it, but can't afford a drill myself. If she can get her friend's drill, I could get it done in likely less than an hour. I feel as though everything was clearly discussed prior to her moving in and now we're essentially being blackmailed by rent withholding to just pay for the fix ourselves. We have already invested a considerable amount of time and money on something that seems like just needs a drill to solve. I am still trying to reason with her regarding the drill, but right now I'm hitting a roadblock. In the meantime, I'll keep reaching out to friends to see what's available.
With that, was/am I being an asshole through all of this? I feel like I'm being incredibly helpful, and the shower situation was explained thoroughly prior to moving in. I just want some non-biased opinions in case my judgment is being clouded from frustration.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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uSBxEuAd4peELIH3Ba0jcOy39t24ob1Z
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9zut8m
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{
"description": "setting a limit on giving Christmas gifts to my children from their grandparents",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for setting a limit on giving Christmas gifts to my children from their grandparents.
|
AITA for setting a limit on giving Christmas gifts to my children (2Y & NB) from their grandparents.
We have asked every year that please do not buy our children lots of presents. We limit it to 4 presents where as an outfit (Top, bottom, socks) counts as 1 gift and the rest of the items (toys, books, shoes, etc...) count as 1. We don’t have a lot of room and don’t want our children to expect lots of gifts every year. We believe that Christmas is more about spending time with Family and not about how many gifts to give or receive. Also, we mention no large items. Again, we don’t have the room.
My parents reluctantly give in to our demands, but my in-law (MIL) has a hard time following these guidelines. She flat out said I do not think I will be able to do this.
Now, to give a little background. In the past, my parents would give around 10-15 gifts for their grandchildren. That’s a lot to me. They did the same to my siblings and myself growing up. Don’t get me wrong, I thank them for all they have provided but to me it’s too much. As for my MIL, she will give upwards of 40 gifts per grandchild and about 20 gifts to children and significant others. Not even all of the gifts are even wrapped. The gifts would range from little toys to playstations tp TV to MacBook and such. She would easily spend 15k-20k on Christmas alone and who knows what else during the year.
So last year, my parents gave our daughter the 4 gifts but added a few extra items in her stocking. I was fine with that. My MIL gave 12 wrapped gifts, all with multiple items inside. So, I got up early and hid half the gifts so my daughter wouldn’t seen them. So it looked like she only bought 6.
I know she has a spending problem. My wife’s siblings all say just accept the gifts and get rid of them when you get home or just give them a list of what you want so you don’t get crap. This goes for both themselves and their children. Last year, I just did not accept any gifts from her to me. My wife receive about 4 or 5 gifts plus a gift card. We both got significantly less than the others. I only ask because this year she mentioned that wasn’t able to do Christmas gifts this thanksgiving, we rotate holidays with my family and my wife’s, and that she will be mailing them to us.
AITA for limiting gifts and refusing any that over the limit?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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afr6i9
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{
"description": "wanting to take temporary custody of my nephews",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to take temporary custody of my nephews
|
My mother has brought to my attention lately that things at her house have been pretty bad. My sister moved back in over the summer, after mom kicked her out previously. From what I was told, things were going great with her and she even decided to go to counseling, per mom's request.
Every year, my step-dad goes to get a tree around December 15th. Not a big deal, right? Well, once sister found out, she confronted him about them planning things without her and trying to ruin her Christmas with her kids. Mom said sister came into her room and was yelling at her about never including her. Mom said she heard what sounded like a hit coming from the living room, so she got up to check. When she walked in, sister had hit step-dad. Mom says she attacked sister and started hitting her as hard as she could. Mom blacked out, from texts later sent. Nephews were yelling at sister "Mom, stop. Stop hitting."
Next day, mom cuts sister's phone off. Sister starts walking down the halls, banging on the door every time she walked past. Yelling out "Does your husband know you're fucking ----" "I'm going to call immigration"
After then, she's been sweet to mom.
Mom has been having mental health issues, called her counselor and told them things like "I just want to get in bed and sleep forever" Her mental health facility told her if she didn't get to their office within 15 minutes, they would be calling police and ambulance since it is a threat of self harm.
Few days later, mom says that sister was getting ready to go out after mom told her she wasn't going to babysit. When mom called sister into her room to tell her nephew #2 was hungry, sister insisted she was about to be picked up to leave. Mom was recording her, so sister tried to grab the phone.
Now, mom is dealing with having to go to different counselors or go to the psychiatric ward. She's sleeping all the time, much like she did when I was in high school.
She told me Friday she was thinking of calling CPS because she had to call the police on sister for the 2nd time. When the police were there, they said sister could go into whatever room she wanted. Then sister told police that there were two immigrants living there.
I told mom if she needed temporary custody of the kids, I would take them. I raised nephew #1 until he was about 2 or 3. He's now 10.
Sister is on and off drugs, mom is in and out of depression.
I am stable with a husband and child. I have messages and videos to prove I am fit to care for nephews.
So...am I the asshole?
​
TLDR: Mom and sister are crazy and I want to get custody of nephews.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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Won5oSiLl2SVIJViEb32vc6ZWPllYxTM
|
au8udu
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{
"description": "breaking up with a girl who just had a medical incident",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking up with a girl who just had a medical incident
|
I dated this girl for about a month and a half and I just broke up with her a couple days ago. Ever since we began dating I could tell that she would “fabricate” stories about her life (ex: she told me and my parents that when she was 19 years old, she trained dolphins at Seaworld). Even my mom caught her on 2 of her lies and brought them up to me later. Anyways, she would lie like this almost on a daily basis, and it would be quite obvious, but I never called her out on it because I didn’t see the need to, although it did bother me that she thought I was stupid enough to get such a blatant lie past.
Fast forward to this past week, she went to the doctor to see if she could get an IUD, and found out that she has HPV, which caused her to get cervical cancer. I don’t have HPV (I get STD tested every year, as well as I got my HPV shots) and seeing as HPV is an STD, this made me very uncomfortable about whether or not she’d been cheating on me, or just even what other diseases she might have. She told me that the cervical cancer is most-likely easily treated. However, I wasn’t emotionally invested in the relationship anymore because of all the lying in the past, and this was too much stress for me at the moment, as I’m currently in the middle of a tough semester in school and playing a season of baseball. So I called her and broke up with her because I can’t deal with everything right now and she told me that she “knows why I’m breaking up with her” and “when the going gets tough, I won’t be there” and hung up on me.
AITA for breaking up with a girl after she developed cervical cancer from an STD?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
g0Mr6R8eFRoqAbIAGO9Um3Nj9yebV4oj
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b5g3nn
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{
"description": "not wishing my roommate good luck on the first day of her new job",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wishing my roommate good luck on the first day of her new job?
|
My roommate has been really passive aggressive towards me for the last couple of weeks, just making little comments and kind of overall being a bit over the top. I've been keeping to myself because I don't want to get into a fight, and history has shown she reacts well and is easier to have a conversation with when she realizes by herself that her actions are affecting her relationships.
Anyway, this morning she was up early which I thought was odd- I thought her new job started tomorrow not today and when she said Good Morning to me I just said 'Hi' and shut my door.
Now I see she's posted on instagram that TODAY was her first day not tomorrow, and she isn't answering any of my messages apologizing for not wishing her luck and asking how her first day is going.
Am I the asshole for the way I handled this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
PP8zyrMaJGaeIP7Vu4rjiMetsf3iwP4x
|
ataj0n
|
{
"description": "telling my gf her actions were inappropriate",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my gf her actions were inappropriate?
|
Bit of background, my girlfriend and I are both in our late twenties and have been dating exclusively for a couple of months, we’ve known each other for about six months in total. We’re both women and so far things have been going great apart from an incident that happened at the weekend that’s left me feeling a bit weird.
This weekend we went out locally with a group of her friends and some plus 1’s that neither of us have known longer than a month (about six of us in total, all gay women) to have a drink at the local bars. It is important to note that one of the women has feelings for my girlfriend, they went on one date before we got together and my gf told her that she didn’t feel a spark and moved on. The woman, however, has a habit of telling my gf she still likes her when she gets drunk, but that’s a story for another day. Gf usually ignores or reiterates she isn’t interested. We started drinking and all got caught in a transient rainstorm so trooped back to my girlfriends house which was the closest to dry our hair and get warm before we went back out to continue. Everything was going fine, we arrived back and popped the fire on then started taking it in turns to dry our hair using her hairdryer in the living room.
My girlfriend disappeared to her room to change her trousers into dry ones with it being her house, the next thing I know she’s back in the living room wearing a short top and *nothing* on her lower half other than a pair of high cut black underpants. I was confused, she’d just come from her room with plenty of trousers to wear, I asked her why she was half naked and she told me she was drying her trousers on the radiator and was waiting for them to be ready but skirted around why she hadn’t just put some shorts/trackies/anything on in the interim.
She then proceeded to walk around the living room like this for a while, I noticed the other women looking uncomfortable and the woman who is attracted to her also looking awkward. The next day when we were sober and alone I told her I thought it was inappropriate, especially considering she’s aware one of her friends still has feelings for her. She doesn’t agree, her house her dress code apparently. She wasn’t impressed with my view and basically told me I was a dick for even bringing it up. Honestly it felt a little exhibitionist and disrespectful to me.
I left it as I didn’t fancy escalating it into an argument and felt I needed another opinion - perhaps I’m a prude? I don’t know. I just feel at our age we should be past that type of silly behaviour. It’s left me feeling weird about the whole thing and questioning on whether I want to pursue this relationship. So Reddit, AMITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
nlLJweCUJHpR6nt5vH4Z0FQydxQai8jq
|
ac826z
|
{
"description": "telling a friend I dont care if he is gay",
"pronormative_score": 35,
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}
|
AITA for telling a friend I dont care if he is gay?
|
I was at the bar with a buddy of mine and he came out to me that he was gay. I knew he was gay or bisexual, I've heard he had a massive crush on this other guy I knew. I wanted to express that it doesn't matter if your gay or not.
I said "I don't give a fuck if you're gay, hell I don't give a fuck who you like. I got a girlfriend and ever sense then I cant give a fuck who anyone but she likes."
The got incredibly angry at me saying hes telling me something important to his heart and he wanted comfort in his friends. I always tried to present myself as a guy who doesn't care about other peoples skin colors, religions or sexual interests. I just didn't expect to be in the middle of a argument with a buddy of mine who then storms out.
I will probably end up apologizing I just want to know if I am a asshole in this case.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
|
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|
RIGHT
|
K0jSjCeWScrf01ssaszAyJei77SOQQJY
|
avkgzc
|
{
"description": "threatening legal action on our ex roommate if he doesn't pay us for the carpet/windows he's ruined",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for threatening legal action on our ex roommate if he doesn’t pay us for the carpet/windows he’s ruined?
|
Ok so I posted here a while ago about evicting our roommate due to his lack of hygiene. I was ruled NTA. So I have one more thing to posit here to you good folks. We had the landlord give him his eviction notice it due to the hostility that was quickly rising, we had the landlord make him a deal; if he could be out by the end of the week (he was called on Tuesday night, we would want him 100 percent out by Sunday night) then he wouldn’t need to pay rent (Otherwise it was a standard, pay for this month and you’re out by the first of the next month eviction). He took the deal, which in my opinion was more than gracious.
Then come Sunday, with a pretty good amount of his stuff still at the house, we hadn’t heard anything from him. We waited another few weeks to give him his space. But finally three weeks a after giving him the boot, we had the landlord reach out to him again to tell him he needed to get the rest of his stuff out. He said he would and he showed up the next day to get some of the remainder but he still left a handful of pretty nice stuff, and a bunch of garbage in his bedroom. So we decided to “assist” by gutting his room and relocating the contents to bags/boxes in the garage.
This is when we “experienced” the real condition of the room he was renting. The smell was still attached to the walls/carpet/ceiling. The carpet was, for lack of a better, less disgusting term, “crusty” including several spots with stains and still others with what I’m hoping is melted candy. Best case scenario we can have the carpet professionally cleaned, worst case is a full recarpeting of that room. Also he’s cracked one of the windows and broken the track on the other. Ultimately we’ll need to replace the windows sooner than later.
So my question is would I be the asshole if I reached out to him and tell him that if he doesn’t either pay rent for the month (because he didn’t hold up his end of the deal and wasn’t out by the end of the week) or at the very least pay to have the carpets cleaned and the windows replaced, we’ll be taking him to small Claims court? Also, I know this isn’t r/legaladvice but would we have a leg to stand on in SCC?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Cq50hqxFrijBIpTkE0WrmfH17iHySnuA
|
a482tf
|
{
"description": "telling my friend to drop someone who is making her depression worse",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my friend to drop someone who is making her depression worse?
|
My friend has depression and has been struggling with it for a while and one of her closest friends (z as I will refer to them) has gotten into an argument with her and she said is making her depression worse than it has ever been in two years and I am really worried about her.
The backstory to this is that she told z that he shouldn’t be friends with a certain person (L) because he is a bad influence on z and causes a lot of drama in any friend group he is a part of. L was accepted into a group that already had enough drama to begin with and is only making it worse. The one party I went to with him he locked himself in the car and wouldn’t come out because his shoes got messed up. Overall it’s a generally accepted idea that L is bad for everyone so was my friend in the wrong telling z to drop him?
After she did this they got into an argument and z started ignoring her with caused a spike in her anxiety and depression and things haven’t gone back to normal the way she would get her anxiety and depression back under control. The only problem in z also has anxiety and depression and it’s having a flare up that was most likely the cause of drama with L so is it right for her to drop him tomorrow? If she doesn’t I’m worried she will do something drastic she already tried to do something drastic. So is she the asshole or is z the asshole?
TL;DR my friend wants to drop someone who is making her anxiety and depression worse is she the asshole for doing this?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Lioa7v3LR3KZELRkGZlIPeJENflJkNTE
|
av9nu8
|
{
"description": "not messaging my coworker to see if she's ok",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I don't message my coworker to see if she's ok?
|
My coworker hasn't rocked up to work today. She's never ever late, in fact, she's usually here an hour early.
Whenever she has been off sick, my boss calls to tell me she's not coming in. When she has an appointment, she tells me or puts it in our shared calendar.
I really don't like her and, quite frankly, I don't want her to come in but I don't want to look like an asshole for not checking up on her if something is actually wrong.
We're a tiny company (only 3 or 4 of us including her who work from the office) if that makes a difference.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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RIGHT
|
Qe60QD9grfW5VgkcI0zibEKZBTwRDrxJ
|
aglgva
|
{
"description": "trying to keep it warm",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to keep it warm
|
My roommates and I live in North Carolina. Currently, in the winter, the days are 40 degrees the nights are 30 or less (Fahrenheit). It’s cold as shit. I am of the belief that leaving the thermostat on heat is what one is supposed to do in the winter, and if warm, simply lower the temperature while still keeping it on heat. During the day it is usually kept at heat 71 with no complaints.
My roommates however (2 of them, 1 of me) insist on turning it to cold 68 at night because they get “too hot.” But they don’t verbally express this and make it known when it’s changed, one of them just stays up until 2am to change it. To me this doesn’t make sense as the temperature will be regulated by cold air, never actually reaching 68 degrees. Every morning I wake up due to shivering and proceed to change the thermostat to heat, while sending my disappointment in our group chat.
Am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "being upset about how my parents feed my dog",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset about how my parents feed my dog?
|
I don't live with my parents, I pay for everything involving my dog including Vet, food, toys, grooming, etc. She is 6 yearsold, a small breed, and not high energy.
My mom heard I was paying for doggy daycare 3 days a week so that my dog isn't alone my whole work week during the day, and offered to have my dog stay at their house every day during work instead for no charge. We have a strong relationship and her and my dad both love my dog and insist that it's no problem having her over. They also have two other dogs who are large breed.. the three of them get along great.. so it really is an ideal situation.
The problem is, in the two years we've had this arrangement my dog has consistently put on weight because my parents will not stop feeding her treats and people food (chips! cheese! large dog biscuits!). I've bought small dog treats to leave there, asked them repeatedly to stop feeding her people food, and they have not stopped. They just keep buying other treats and feeding her off their plates and at the TV saying things like "Oh but she loves it" "It's not a *big* piece" "It's not a big deal, let her live a little" "She runs around the yard when she's here, she'll burn it off"
This week I took her for her yearly vet checkup and shes gained even more weight since last years checkup. The vet commented that her weight should be something to pay attention to.
I spoke to my mom about it and said "This is out of hand, she can't have people food okay? She has to go on a diet." and she said okay but then a few days later I SAW her feed her a chunk of cheese when I picked her up, and exclaimed loudly "you CAN'T feed her like that mom, we TALKED about this!" She got super offended and said I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill and that this was the first treat she's given her since our talk, and I don't have to be a jerk about this after all I've saved so much money not using daycare (which she has never thrown in my face before) and i shouldn't be ungrateful.
This feels like such a trivial thing for an otherwise great arrangement. Am I the asshole? Am i making this a big deal when it isn't?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "talking a friend into dumping his girlfriend of 6 years, whome I had been friends with before, last night",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for talking a friend into dumping his girlfriend of 6 years, whome i had been friends with before, last night?
|
My friend(s) have been a couple for 6 years and the last several months she has been intentionally goading him into fighting and arguing, he winds up nearly hysterical and screaming at her while she calls him names, it's not pretty. But he's throwing things, and crying after they argue all the time (and they argue over NOTHINGs again and again) she is, in my obsorvational opinion, being cruel to him, name calling, refusing to answer calls or texts for hours when they are apart, physically walking up on him and finger pushing him asking him if he wants to hit her during arguments. It's all because she knew he has always come back to her, even after an infidelity issue 3 years ago, he always will. I couldnt watch it anymore! I pushed and steered him down the path of agreeing with me that her behaviors have become abusive, cruel and for the sake of his sanity he needed to walk away. He broke up with her last night and left her at her dads with her clothes (only for her to start a new fight over letting him pick up a dog he bought while they were together.)
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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{
"description": "being bothered by my girlfriend's history",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being bothered by my girlfriend's history?
|
We've been dating for two months. When we first met she told me that she didn't do this much in relation to hooking up with me.
Well two months into the relationship she tells me that she lied an has been with "Probably 30 men" she was drunk.
I talked to her about it this morning and she said she was just drunk and talking shit.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "telling on them to authorities",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling on them to authorities?
|
I really do feel like I’m brutally heartless.
This post is a TL;DR as a whole so buckle up!
(15F)
In 9th grade, all ok until three guys (A, B and C) come at me, bully (is it?) me.
A tells me every damn they that he feels like vomiting when he sees my face so I’m unsure if he is actually joking for some time now. Sometimes just looks at me and says “Why do I not want to see your face?”. He also sometimes shuts my cupboard when I’m trying to put in stuff.
B and C are close friends. C is the one bullying me the most, and B is just trying to keep up with him. - to sum up- B has been calling me a retarded handsome guy (because I got a haircut). Sometimes pushes me from my bag when I’m walking down the corridor and mimics me the most annoying way possible.
C just kind of treats me like I’m stupid and keeps questioning my actions and laughing at what B says -and sometimes repeats them- to support him.
I WARNED THEM MORE THAN ONCE
Recently told about them to the coordinator. He said he will keep an eye on them and the second he sees them doing shit to me, they will end up in discipline (a council on the student’s behavior).
I’m kind of scared the coordinator won’t be able to find proof and think I’m a liar....I don’t want that because THIS IS TRUE
AITA for reporting their asses?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "making my housemate pay the same as everyone else for bills",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making my housemate pay the same as everyone else for bills?
|
Context: University students with one housemate who in full time paid employment for a bank as part of her course. The rest of us are students living off student loans and bursaries.
This particular housemate decided that she no longer wanted to pay equal amounts as the rest of us for bills because "I'm at work all day so I don't use as much gas and electric as you."
Let's bare in mind that the rest of us have partners that we live with half of the time, thus not using the gas and electric when away, as well as university lectures during the day and other hobbies in the evening. I am almost certain that this housemate is in the house more than the rest of us.
Personally I think even if any of us were using more than others, who cares!? We entered the tenancy knowing this might happen and she's the one earning the most this year, why is she being so cheap!?!?!
Am I the asshole for forcing her to pay equal even though she truly believes she uses less?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "getting a pixie cut when my boyfriend says he thinks it's unattractive",
"pronormative_score": 146,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for getting a pixie cut when my boyfriend says he thinks it's unattractive?
|
I am a female. I've wanted a haircut for a while now. Like, a pixie boy cut. Right now my hair is super long, it falls at my back dimples. I love short hair and want it cut it off because I love the way it looks and frankly, hair as long as mine is too high maintenance, it falls out all the time, gets caught in things, tangles, etc. So I made the appointment to get it chopped.
My boyfriend, upon telling him, says "Oh no, please don't do that, I'll hate it" and gets this disgusted tone in his voice. He says that short hair isn't attractive to him and that when I cut it he won't be as attracted to me. This obviously hurts because I want to be a short haired lady but I know if I cut it, I will always be thinking in the back of my mind about how much he hates it. He compared it to if his girlfriend got fat, he would be less attracted to her.
Breaking up over something as trivial as a hairstyle seems immature but I want short hair damn it. But of course I don't want to intentionally do something that I know my SO doesn't like. AITA if I go through with cutting my super long Rapunzel hair to a short Ellen Degeneres?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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asu4xr
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{
"description": "asking my pregnant wife not to smoke weed to help with her morning sickness",
"pronormative_score": 122,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for asking my pregnant wife not to smoke weed to help with her morning sickness?
|
I'm generally one of the belief that women should have autonomy regarding their bodies, which is why this is a hard one for me.
Originally when my wife got pregnant I thought nothing of her continuing to smoke, because it was my understanding that as it became more socially acceptable of a habit more research had been done that showed it was safe to use during pregnancy. However, I was talking to one of my friends who is very knowledgeable (at least more so than I am) about the science behind cannabis, and he said that it sucked that she couldn't smoke anymore. This caused me to take it more seriously and I did some research online. I tried to find what I consider to be reliable sources, as well as studies that tried to exclude as many external factors as possible and even more recent research seems to indicate there are risks to the baby.
When she came home that night I decided to tell her what I had found and that I didn't think it was best for her to do, and she understood and agreed. However, since that day her morning sickness has gotten worse and she continually begs/attempts to guilt me into relenting and "letting" her use it to help. It's gotten to the point where she asks about almost every night. She brings up the fact that some of the medications she is currently on also have risks, but her doctors have told her they are very minimal. For what it's worth, I tried to compromise with her by saying she should bring it up to her OBGYN but she refuses to ask because she "knows the OBGYN will say no because she is conservative".
I feel like what I am asking isn't that ridiculous, and if it were alcohol or cigarettes it wouldn't even be a discussion, but as I said earlier it goes against her autonomy. I also feel like I have somewhat of a say because it is our child, and I don't know that I could forgive myself or her if something happened to our child because of it. So, AITA?
Thanks for your consideration.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a5ms02
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{
"description": "warning my professor of a group of students' plans to cheat",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA if I warned my professor of a group of students’ plans to cheat?
|
Throwaway account cause my main one has references to what school I attend.
The other day a group of students approached me and asked if I wanted to be in their group chat they were planning to use during the final. As in the are planning on keeping their phones under their desks (the desks are shaped weird and it’s pretty easy to hide material underneath) and texting each other back and forth during the final exchanging answers. I said no because I’m personally too afraid of what would happen if I were to get caught being a part of the group chat. But ever since they came to me I’ve felt like I need to tell the professor. I’m not normally such a little bitch about this stuff, but this isn’t saving the equations you’re supposed to have memorized into your calculator, this is legitimate cheating. It’s unfair to everyone else who studied/has been studying the past few weeks. All I want to do is somehow suggest to my professor that he check for our phones or collect them before the exam begins, just tell him I’ve heard some rumors that some students were thinking of using them during the exam. I would never give the professor names, I feel like that’s kind of fucked up. But is it just as fucked up to for me to say anything all? Should I just stay out of it, let them risk getting caught, none of my business? Would I be the asshole for warning my professor, even if I don’t give up any names?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b52ayf
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{
"description": "being angry at my mum over her contribution to my house deposit",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 28
}
|
AITA for being angry at my mum over her contribution to my house deposit
|
Quite a bit of relevant backstory to this. My parents divorced when I was young and I grew up predominantly with my mum & step-dad, who I am very close to. I see my dad from time to time but I’m not super close him. I also grew up in London (UK) in a medium-nice area and I am 28.
My mum & step-dad bought our reasonable family home in the late 90s for under £200k. They eventually bought another, smaller house on the English coast thanks to both being quite high earning professionals. In 2014 they sold the family home for nearly £1M and live mortgage-free & retired in their coastal home in their 60s.
My wife and I are thinking about having kids and are currently living in a tiny rented flat in the same part of London to save money. I had a chat about future housing with my mum who implied they would only have £30k they could help us out with. I would guess their current net worth to be around £2M. The only peers of mine who have bought places needed considerable contributions from parents.
I have politely but firmly kicked off that the reason they can live a luxurious life now (around £90k per year with minimal housing costs) is because the £1M they sold their house for means people of my generation need to find a million to buy the same building. I tried explaining the numbers to my mum of how unbearable even a £400k mortgage would be (70% of post-tax salary on mortgage payments) and she dismissed this as being normal for when you start on the property ladder.
AITA for being ungrateful with her offer or is my mum the arsehole for not helping me out enough?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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{
"description": "trying to set a time for already-agreed-upon drinks with a coworker while we're at work",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA For trying to set a time for already-agreed-upon drinks with a coworker while we're at work?
|
**Yesterday morning:** I'm walking to work from the parking lot and I run into my coworker (not close coworkers: different floors, divisions, and everything. We've had a few minor conversations before, but that's it). I ask them *"Hey, would you like to get drinks sometime?"* and they smile and say *"Yeah sure!"*. I say *"Great, in that case, can I get your number so we could communicate a time?"* They're speed walking ahead of me at this point and say *"Actually I'm late to a meeting and have to run"*. I say *"Ok, I'll follow up with you"*. A few hours later I send them an email that just says *"Hey, here's my number: 555-555-5555 Thanks!"*. I never see or hear back from them.
**Today:** I wait until lunch time and call their work line (I specifically called instead of going to their desk on the other floor because I was trying to be considerate and not embarrass them or something) and say *"Hey I was just following up with you and hoping I could get your number?"* They immediately say *"I think it's inappropriate for you to ask me at work, have a good one"* and abruptly hang up the phone before I have to chance to respond.
​
I've gotten all sorts of mixed responses from my friends about this, so I'm putting myself at the mercy of the internet.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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b8uo1o
|
{
"description": "revoking my offer to pay for professional dog training and gave my mom and (mostly) my grandma an ultimatum",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I revoke my offer to pay for professional dog training and gave my mom and (mostly) my grandma an ultimatum?
|
I was not present during this. Names have been changed.
So my grandma comes over to my moms every other week and stays for awhile. She brings her dog, B (corgi mix). My mom has Worm (aussie mix). We have had Worm for 8 years.
I recently got Worm a bone. The dogs fought over the bone and Worm bit B’s neck and held on - but from what my mom told me, there’s no injury at all. My mom tries to break them up, but B bites her on the wrist, making blood SPURT out of her. My mom went to the ER after locking them in different rooms. My grandma drove her.
My mom didn’t report B. This isn’t the first time my grandmas dog has sent someone to the ER. In high school, he sent one of my friends to the ER for biting their pinky so badly. He was also not reported for that incident. B is a very possessive and jealous dog when it comes to food, toys, or humans. B has also NEVER been professionally trained and has barely been trained by my grandma. The boy barely knows how to sit.
My family (my late father and I) trained Worm, but we’re no experts. Since my mom moved to a smaller house with no backyard, Worm has gotten leash aggressive and less friendly with other dogs. Before B came along, Worm was always playful and social with other dogs. When I’m home I notice that Worm will whale eye and move away when B comes towards him. I don’t think my family notices.
Generally, I’ve been having issues with my mom about Worm. She doesn’t make the time to walk him for longer times, or put in the financial effort to get him a dog walker or even groom him. The only time Worm gets brushed is when I am visiting and that’s only once out of a few months.
I told my mom that I’m looking into a dog trainer for both dogs, esp for B. I told her I would help pay since my grandma is poor; I also offered to pay for Worm. My mom seemed sad on the phone.
I regret saying that I would help pay. My friends tell me that it’s not my responsibility. I worry that it would be a bad investment if my family doesn’t put in the effort. I also just started out at an ok job in an expensive city and my first student loan payment is soon.
TL;DR: my grandmas dog bit my mom while fighting with my moms dog. Mom went to ER. 2nd time this dog has sent someone to the ER.I am pushing for professional dog training and I offered to pay but now realize it is not feasible.
WIBTA to revoke my offer to pay and, if they don’t put in effort, give them an ultimatum of “train B or I will report him” to whoever you report this shit to?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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aaotqd
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{
"description": "getting defensive after being accused of being sketchy",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting defensive after being accused of being sketchy?
|
Last night I woke up around 2am to sooth my 7 month old. My boyfriend was asleep after a few cocktails. He had to work the following morning at 7 a.m. I usually double-check that his alarms are set and his phone is charged for the following day. As I was awake with our 7mo I heard him receive an email, but his phone was nowhere to be found. I had set the baby down after she had fallen asleep and decided to text instead of call his phone because I didn't want to wake the baby. The text I had sent him was literally just "?." After I had found his phone I checked his alarms and put it on the charger- and then proceeded to go back to bed.
The following morning after I woke up, he called me and confronted me about the text that I had sent him at 2 am. He said that it was sketchy & started to have an anxiety attack. I got upset, defensive and honestly fed up. He then got mad at me for getting upset at him.
We have a past, but he was the one who was caught being unfaithful. It's something I haven't let down, but have managed to get past. I had tried to explain to him as much as I could about my intentions, but he let his insecurities get the best of him and continue to accuse me of doing something.
I honestly just need a 2nd opinion.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b6azt1
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{
"description": "telling a girl to take a hint",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for telling a girl to take a hint?
|
Theres this girl in my grade who im sort 0of friends with and shes obssessed with one of my friend. She tried to talk to him nonstop and ask him out and hes been creeped out her her. Today he blocked her on snap and she went psycho so i told her that she need to stop. Youre being weird and its not okay to do this to anyone and youre making yourself out to be the victim and she started crying and said i was an ass and she was "sorry that i avtualy care. Thanks for maoing me cry", and all her friends blew up at me. Not even 10 minutes later she messaged back and said "im finally in a good mood so lets not talk about what you think im doing wrong". I think her behavior is extremely immature for her age and she needs to stop playing victim. Shes being creepy and not taking a hint.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aoch8q
| null |
AITA: Friend asked me to set up a room for her in my apartment so she could move in, would pay me back when rent was due, texted me day before move in that she changed her mind, never paid me back
|
Hi. Let’s turn back time to August 2018. My friend Julia and I talked casually about her moving in with me. It was just an idea and I had a plan ready in place if that ever happened. We’ve been really close friends for 6 years.
Fast forward to November 2018 and we spoke about it again. Julia was having problems at home and wanted a sense or independence. My option was still on the table and I even offered reduced rent. Julia accepted my offer and wanted to move in at the end of 2018.
Julia couldn’t afford a mattress or linens or a dresser. She asked me if I could buy these things and she would add it to the rent on January 1st. I agreed. Mid-December, two weeks before she moved in, we talked in again about the move, the date, and the money. She was moving in and would sign the lease.
I went ahead and bought the mattress and a few other household things she might need, rearranged my apartment to give her a room and set up her bed. I emptied one of my dressers and moved it across the apartment for her. Everything was about $700, not including the reduced rent cost.
The day before she moved in, she sent me a text casually saying that she was no longer moving in with me and changed her mind and gave a half-assed apology that made it sound like she didn’t think it was a big deal. We had talked about her moving in literally the day before this text.
I was furious. I told her I could not return the mattress and some other things or all of my time spent changing my apartment’s floor-plan. She agreed to pay me back and we didn’t speak for awhile.
After about two weeks, we reconnected things, still under the impression that Julia was paying me back. The time came when she agreed to pay me back (her pay day) and she said she won’t have the money, but next pay day. Okay. You see where this is going...
Julia never paid me back. When I tried speaking to her about it, she ignored me for a week and texted me “ok?” I blocked her number and removed her entirely from social media. I heard that she is going around and telling our mutual-friends a different story.
TL;DR: Friend of 6 years agreed to move in with me, pay me back for her living needs like mattress, linens, etc., texted me the day before her move in date that she changed her mind and gave a half-ass apology. She agreed to pay me back and never did. I cut her out of my life completely and now she is telling mutual friends a different story.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b8pcc2
|
{
"description": "wanting to play soccer",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA wanting to play soccer?
|
Background: I play soccer on Tuesday nights anywhere from 7:00 p.m. to 10:30 at night. My wife also works Tuesday nights 4:30 to about 7:30. We have kids that we swap duties for when I get home.
This season the games are a lot earlier 6 of the 8 are at 7pm. I usually don't go to those games because the timing doesn't work out even though we pay for the full season.
She runs the front desk two days a week at a local your studio and takes a 7:00 p.m. your class most Tuesdays.
Since I wouldn't make a lot of the games this season I asked if she could maybe switch her schedule once or twice so I can make some of the games.
When I came home today she told me the yoga studio is closing. And that she rearranged her entire Tuesday schedule so that I can make the games.
She really loves the yoga studio because it gives her a little break from the kids and she has developed a lot of good relationships there. She is really upset that it's closing and stormed out the door to go to work. Saying that I can go to soccer anytime I want now that she doesn't have a purpose anymore.
This is not all what I asked for I asked to see if she gets while only if it wasn't a big issue.
AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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aca42j
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"description": "wanting to quit my job",
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|
AITA for wanting to quit my job?
|
Some background: I currently work at this fastfood chain specializing in selling hotdogs, hamburgers, fries and shakes for a little over a year now. It was nice when I got put on drive thru then shift manager in a span of less than half a year.
The manager started calling me in quite often which I agreed to (20-28 hours/wk to nearly 42 hours+ a wk) along with my classes in the morning-afternoon its tough. I got my sibling a job here as well (its their first one) - the problem stems that it feels like the manager won't hire people even with team members leaving.
We lost maybe 7+ workers over the last year alone and now we are short-handed while the store got busier and busier; most nights we have \*2\* people covering the store (my sibling and I), from fryer, grills, front register, drive-thru. He plans to pay me a higher hourly wage this year but I rather not take it and he hires more workers. Another thing: one of workers has been here for over 3 years plus and gets treated like a princess (free food, calls out when she wants to for weeks/months at a time - I don't think she is even in the system and gets paid under the table in cash using a time card by the boss). So yea - if we leave he will be the only one working the store at night, kind of feel guilty.
​
AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "smoking weed in my backyard if there's a daycare close by",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for smoking weed in my backyard if there’s a daycare close by?
|
I live in San Francisco. This is the first living situation I’ve been in where a)*my landlord shares part of the property* and b) *my roommates don’t smoke*.
I’m naturally a tightly wound person, and I tend to overthink things and be overly cautious about how I’m affecting others. All this said - when I smoke I use the backyard. I’m not worried about bothering my roomates or landlord; rather a daycare ran out a house somewhere up the block on the adjoining street. I really cant tell the distance, but I know it’s at least two yards over and two ‘up’ from ours. I often find myself getting ready to smoke, walking outside and hearing the kids playing in the yard. I’m not sure if I’m just guilt/shame/paranoia trippin’ myself or if I should really feel bad or go back inside if I hear that the kids are outside.
Some more facts:
The daycare isn’t listed on google maps so I don’t know exactly how far it is. The kids are always screaming, so it seems like it could be close or quite far, I’m tired of listening to hear if they’ve gone inside yet. It just messes up the flow of when I get myself excited to get home, smoke, clean up, change etc.
It’s perfectly legal to smoke on my own (rented, haha) property in the city, and this is often what folks tell me, that I shouldn’t feel bad (or even that the kids could use it /s).
**AITA for smoking weed in my backyard in San Francisco if I hear daycare kids in a yard more than 3 houses away?**
|
HISTORICAL
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| null |
AITA? My gf (19F) won’t text me (19M) as much because I turned my read receipts on.
|
My gf and I have been together 3 years. My gf has been struggling with anxiety since middle school. She claims that the read receipts being turned on for our messages make her anxious.
Here’s the thing. I’ve been under a lot of stress at school. Lately I have been falling asleep without texting her goodnight. It’s not a big deal to her, but it is to me. I make a point to text her good morning and good night. So I turned them on and she asked me why. I said it was so she would know if I fell asleep or something.
She told me they make her uncomfortable because she jumps to the conclusion that I am upset if she sees I read the text and didn’t respond. In the beginning of our relationship (I was definitely a dick to her and was borderline abusive. I have changed quite a bit since then) I would turn them on if i was mad at her to let her know I read the messages, but wasn’t going to respond. She claims that gave her a lot of anxiety, and for this reason, feels anxious when they are on. I told her she’ll get used to it.
Lately, she has not been texting me as much (we usually talk throughout the day), like 5 to 6 messages per day, and prefers to talk over the phone or in person. I think she is being childish and immature. AITA here?
Tl; dr: my gf hates read receipts and claims they give her anxiety. I turned mine on so she can know if I fall asleep at night. I think she’s being childish and immature, they’re just read receipts. She won’t text me as often anymore due to them being on.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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ai7h0u
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{
"description": "not wanting to live with my friend who has mental health issues",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA For not wanting to live with my friend who has mental health issues?
|
My friends (F, M, MtF) and I (F) all live together.
We need to apply for next year’s accommodation soon.
A few months ago we all discussed our with issues with Sam (MtF). Sam has quite a few mental health issues and we felt that we couldn’t deal with pressure of having to take care of her - on several occasions we had to buy her food because she could not go out and we’ve called the RAs to check up on her multiple times because of panic attacks. She refuses to see mental health services and it’s getting worse as she’s preparing to transition.
Furthermore, we’ve all gotten quite annoyed with her as she never cleans up after herself when she uses the kitchen, even after being explicitly told to do so. We just spend so much time, money and effort having to take care of her and it’s beginning to cause resentment.
We’ve expressed our feelings to her and she’s had enough time to find other people to live with, but she hasn’t done so.
Are we the assholes for refusing to let her stay with us again next year?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "inadvertently making my friend loose his job",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for inadvertently making my friend loose his job?
|
To explain the situation, I am a paperboy (I’m not sure if that is what it is called).
I walk a specific route every Sunday, selling newspapers from door to door to earn some money, about 300 NOK or 35 dollars.
One of my friends house is on the starting part of that route.
He had the same job as me, only his route starts where I live, about 3 km away from his house.
So he, thinking logically, asked to swap routes, that I sell papers on his route and him on my route. So we didn’t have to walk so far to sell the papers.
I said no, because I knew that a few drug addicts and poor people lived in my area, and would probably not buy newspapers. I was right, he didn’t sell more than 3 to 5 newspapers (out of minimum 15), including the newspapers my family bought from him. But me on the other hand sold all of mine.
He lost his job soon after, because he didn’t sell enough.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not wanting my mom to go with me to a job interview",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my mom to go with me to a job interview?
|
I (16) applied for a jobs across the country (I'm from Europe) and actually got 2 invitations for an interview (yey). My mom knew about it and was actually really supportive! One of the interviewers wants me to stay over night so I can get to know the people I'd live with a little better and the get to know me. If stay there from Friday to Sunday. It's about 16 hours away from me but I'd have a good connection via train. I told my mom about it and all of the sudden she was like "I won't let you go there alone, I'm your parent I have to got with you!" while I kind of understand her problem I have a few issues with it
1. She says she is required by law to not let me got alone, what is bullshit I'm sixteen and that allows me to travel alone trough whole Europe with her consent, she doesn't have to go with me just approve
2. She knew I'd have to go there and I may be living there soon so I don't understand why traveling there is an issue but moving there is ok
3. It would cost a lot for her to go with me, we don't really have a lot of money. If I'd go there alone it would cost 120€ what is already a lot but she would need a hotel room and it's a tourist erea (I'd stay at the apartment I may be moving in to when I get the job)
4. I traveled a lot alone before and it never was an issue and all of the sudden it is. I've been to several cities and even America with just a friend.
5. It's a job interview, I don't want to seem like a child but someone who's able to take responsibility and actually do the job and doesn't need company by there mom the whole time
I'm I the asshole and just being a dramatic teenager, and my mom actually got a point?
I know my English is bad, I tried my best but my thumb is hurt so it's even harder on mobile, I'm sorry for any mistakes. Feel free to point them out
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aflk8a
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{
"description": "cutting out a suicidal friend from my life",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting out a suicidal friend from my life?
|
I feel like such as asshole but I am getting mixed messages from other saying I did the right thing.
I need to know if I'm an asshole or not. I feel bad regardless though.
Short Story:
I've had a friend for about three months and immediately in the relationship revealed that she was suicidal/depressed. Even though I only talked for three months she was from my hometown and we had acquaintances. For months I talked to her daily. Sometimes for over 6 hours, to try to help her out. I even sent her care packages. About a month in she said she wanted to date me, but I was seeing somebody and wanted to keep things platonic. She also still lived in my hometown and I was 8 hours away.
The usual supportive messages continued until things got sour. She started trying to make me feel bad for her and I got the vibe she was doing that so I'd date her. Then about a week ago she was trying to sext with me with me but I was turning down her advances. Then, she tried to guilt me into doing it and said that I was too afraid. However, I have a girlfriend that I am very happy with. She then said I wouldn't date her because she was asexual and said I was unsupportive of her sexuality. This was not true.
After that, I tried to make amend things then she said 'Im sorry, but' and blamed me for the fight. After that, I decided to cut her out of my life.
AM I THE ASSHOLE? Please be honest here. Is it really okay to cut out someone who is struggling, even if they did that to me?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "wanting my sister to do the dishes",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for wanting my sister to do the dishes?
|
Me and my sister live together and split some of the household tasks. Basically, we have a deal on cooking, we each have set days that we cook for each other and every time whoever didn't do the cooking, does the dishes. That works pretty well except for the days my sister spends with her gf. She generally arranges it for days when I would be cooking anyway, so I don't miss out. The Only problem is who should do the dishes on those days, I think she should, but she is...not so keen, obviously.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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{
"description": "not giving my overweight son a donut",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for not giving my overweight son a donut?
|
I came home from work last night and stopped by the gas station to grab a soda. I got me and my wife two donuts but I didnt get one for my son because he's on a low-sugar/carb diet because he is overweight. My son was asleep when I came home and I got it as a late night snack but the next morning he threw something away and saw the donut wrappers and got angry that we didnt get him one. Am i an asshole dad?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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apmbni
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{
"description": "being to pretend to be religious if my girlfriend was religious",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA If I were to pretend to be religious if my girlfriend was religious?
|
My girlfriend and I got into a hypothetical the other day and I wanted to know what y'all think.
I was raised not very religious at all. My folks are Jain but kinda practice Hinduism and kinda practice nothing sometimes. Jain is basically similar to Buddhism in that at its core it's more of a way of life than a belief in a specific god. Right now, I am not religious at all and I don't really care about it one way or another.
My girlfriend was raised Catholic, her entire family are fairly religious but it has definitely been way less. They used to go to church but no more, but still believe. She is strongly atheist and rejects her upbringing. She has strong views about religion. Additionally, she would often tell me that she is jealous of other people who still believe because "it must be nice knowing that there is something waiting for you/there is a heaven to go to/etc."
We were talking the other day, and I said that if she were religious and it mattered to her if I were religious (but not strictly Catholic or Christian, just that I believed in something) that I would pretend to still be Jain. She said that is not right because it is important to her and that I shouldn't lie to her about that. I said that I don't care about religion only about her, and since it's not important to me I didn't think lying about it mattered. Additionally, like I said before, Jainism is more of a lifestyle than praying to god so it wouldn't really change much about me or what I do day to day.
So, what do you guys think? WIBTA if I told her I was Jain in this hypothetical situation? (Also, sorry if there are any grammar errors as English is not my first language.)
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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apzm1b
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{
"description": "putting up a curtain in a shared apartment",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for putting up a curtain in a shared apartment?
|
I moved into an apartment with an acquaintance/coworker that worked at the same location on campus and her friend. We were all university students at the time and generally very respectful of each other. The apartment was a 2bd/2ba, consisting of one master bedroom with the bathroom directly in the room, and another room with a bathroom across a corridor.
I was the first to arrive at the apartment when we first moved in, and therefore had a choice of taking either the master bedroom or the other room for my single (the other two girls would share a double). I wanted to be considerate, so I took the non-master room.
The room I took had the bathroom very conveniently 3 steps across a the hall with a storage closet on one side, and the other side exposed to the living room. I realized that if I hung a little curtain over that opening, I could have an enclosed space for myself where it would be as if the bathroom was connected. I am a nudist at home and don't enjoy wearing clothes, so I thought this was a good idea. The only problem was that the storage closet would be blocked, so I pitched this idea to them: I would have the curtain up, but it'll be parted most of the time. The only time I'll drag it closed is if I need to use the restroom. This is so I don't won't have to put on clothes, walk 3 steps to the bathroom, do my business, come back, and take all my clothes off again. My door will be closed while the curtain is parted, so it'll still be convenient to access the storage closet.
I jumped the gun and bought the curtain first before pitching the idea to them - after I set it up and explained my idea, my coworker's friend was upset and said that it made the living room look uglier/smaller. She said that if I wanted more privacy, I should have just taken the master bedroom in the beginning. (At this point we were all settled in so it would've been a huge hassle to switch). I considered her point, but when I first arrived at the apartment the master bedroom seemed bigger to me, and I thought it'd be nicer for 2 people to share whereas I would have the space all to myself.
I try to avoid conflict if I could so I took down my curtain immediately but this has been something that bothered me for years after it happened.
TL;DR I wanted to set up a curtain in my apartment for extra privacy, but my roommate said it would make the living room look smaller/uglier.
AITA for wanting to do this? WIBTA if I actually did do this?
|
HISTORICAL
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arcsrx
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{
"description": "not letting my boyfriend put his dick on my armpit",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA Because I won't let my boyfriend put his dick on my armpit?
|
Hello Everyone! My boyfriend of two years and I are having an argument. He finally told me he has an armpit fetish. For his upcoming birthday, he wants to put his dick under my arm and eventually ejaculate on my armpit. I am very uncomfortable with the idea and I'm worried about the smell. He thinks I should be willing to try this with him but it makes me feel so icky. He thinks I'm kink shaming him whenever I refuse to do it. Am I being an asshole for refusing to try this even on his birthday?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "asking roommate to pay for electricity bill",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for asking roommate to pay for electricity bill?
|
I live in an apartment of 4 people. Me, one other guy, and another guy and his girlfriend who share a room. Our bimonthly electricity bill usually breaks down to \~$25 a person. Our most recent bill was $58 per person. My use hasn't changed, but guy and girlfriend have been turning the heat on in their own room and living room recently. I haven't turned the heat on a single time, since I prefer the cold and was raised to never use the heater, and I've asked them to be careful about turning it off (though sometimes I still do because they forget). Am I the asshole for asking them to pay the extra $25 difference? Or am I out line, and this could be something else? I'm not really sure how much it costs to heat an apartment.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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{
"description": "not wanting to include my uncle's girlfriend on our Christmas card to him",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 47
}
|
AITA for not wanting to include my uncle's girlfriend on our Christmas card to him?
|
So basically a couple of years ago my uncle cheated on my aunt. (They're divorced now it's been a whole thing. We still see my uncle but it's not the same.) He is now romantically involved with this same woman and brings her to all of our family gatherings etc. My family and I aren't huge fans of her for multiple reasons (attitude, the fact that she got inbetween my uncle and aunt etc...). Basically no one in my family likes her or respects my uncle.
Cut to this year. My SO and I are sending out Christmas cards. As we go through our list my uncle comes up. We debate about whether or not to include her. I consult my parents and they basically say no we shouldn't. My SO is having second thoughts and says it looks bad if we don't. While I see where my SO is coming from, I still agree with my family. My SO is on the side that we should let the past go and move on with what we have now. My SO has a different point of view because there have been divorces in that family but nothing that involved cheating like this.
I guess my question is; am I an asshole if myself and my family continue to not respect my uncle's decision? Or should we just suck it up and include her on the Christmas card?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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{
"description": "distancing myself from my friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for distancing myself from my friend
|
TLDR; my friend is trying to get with a guy in a 4 year relationship so i lost respect for her
Backstory: My friend has never had a boyfriend before. She falls for guys very quickly when they give her the smallest amount of attention.
My friend met this guy in her class and was pretty excited about it because it was a boy. My friends and I encouraged her to become friends with him because she was pretty upset over my boyfriends best friend rejecting her ( they had 1 date lol). When she found out he had a girlfriend (of 4 years) we encouraged her to stay friends with him because it would teach her to be cool with guy friends instead of falling inlove with them everytime.
We noticed he started staying over til 2am everyday so we confronted her about it. We asked her if his girlfriend knew where he was and who he was with. She said she couldnt control her feelings for him and that it's none of her business what he tells his girlfriend. She got defensive so we dropped it. a few days later she confessed her feelings to him and he said he felt the same way but they had to be friends for now. He continues to stay late at night. He says he can't break up with his girlfriend yet because he doesn't want to be homeless. She says that she wouldn't let anything physical happen between the two but she tries to convince him to break up with his girlfriend every time he is over which I think is just as bad..
My friends and I have slowly distanced ourselves from her because she never stops talking about him and she is pretty much helping him cheat. I know it really isn't any of my business but I can't help but feel disgusted by her actions. I can only think about how his girlfriend must feel.
|
HISTORICAL
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aojfqj
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{
"description": "not wanting to have sex after watching Hannibal",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to have sex after watching Hannibal?
|
My husband and I had made verbal plans to have sex after watching a movie last night. We are a very sexual couple and often have sex 2-3 times a day or more. He’s awesome in bed and we have really similar high sex drives.
Well, we watched Hannibal, with me seeing it for the first time. He really wanted me to keep my eyes open as much as I could, instead of closing them or looking away during gory parts. Which I get, it’s part of the story. I did find the movie compelling and enjoyed it, but I also had to run to the bathroom to throw up during the climactic scene. (Y’know, the brain thing, not to give massive spoilers.)
So afterward, he wanted to jump straight to having sex and I just couldn’t fathom the idea. Whatever the dead opposite of turned on is, that’s what I was feeling. I told him I could get in the mood if I had some time to “come down” from the movie, but he got really upset with me and we got in a fight instead of having sex. I know he feels insecure and rejected when I change my mind about having sex, and I’m truly sorry he feels that way, but I was SO turned off by all the violence. Am I the asshole for breaking our plans because I wasn’t feeling it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
odYmSpl9ZKGLiGZ0uoxr3AHbRPmAcQFq
|
apmvzi
|
{
"description": "wanting to give my kids the best life",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to give my kids the best life?
|
Throwaway obviously.
I love my husband to death but he suffers from a condition that keeps him confined to a wheelchair most hours of the day. Recently we've been talking about having children and the non-zero probability that he will pass this condition on to our kids. I told him that I have been worried about this for a while and that, if we found out that our baby would carry the condition, that I would want to get a abortion.
My husband got very angry at me, asking me what would have happened if his mother made that decision. He accused me of being insensitive to his condition and said that I was incredibly hurtful. I honestly can't understand this. He tells me all the time how he feels left out of things because he's stuck in the chair or how he was made fun of as a child for being unable to play sports. How could he want that for our child?
I told him that I love him for who he is and that I would love our child all the same if it were born with the condition, but I still want to avoid our child's lifetime of pain if I can terminate the pregnancy. He's now very upset at me and has been sleeping in the living room. I can't understand his anger; if he feels like this condition has held him back, why would he want that for our kids?
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 13,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
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