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ayez6y
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{
"description": "keeping my gaming computer in my room",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for keeping my gaming computer in my room?
|
I keep my computer, on which I play video games, in my bedroom. When playing games, I will sometimes talk to my friends over Discord, and some nights I will talk to my girlfriend. On weeknights I always make sure to hang up by 8:30 pm, because I need to get to bed for work in the morning. On Friday and Saturday nights sometimes I'm up till about midnight, but when it's later I try to keep myself to a whisper. Nevertheless I will often fail, especially when a particularly good joke is made (my laugh is quite loud).
My sister, whose bedroom is next to mine, has in the past made complaints about the noise I make keeping her up, often using the term "paper-thin walls." She has only asked me to stop playing games with my friends and girlfriend, offering no solutions that compromise. I don't think it's fair to ask that of me, since not being allowed to interact with the people I care about would leave me miserable (some of my friends and my gf, still in college, are only available at nighttime).
This morning, I was complaining to my dad that I seem to wake up at exactly 4:45 am very often. It feels like a natural wake-up, but waking up at that time leaves me groggy and tired all day long, so it's annoying. My sister, who overheard, interjected that she has an alarm at 4:45 some mornings, which could explain my problem. On its own - not a rude thing to say, just a chance for us to resolve the issue. But the tone she used was very smug, like she was proud of waking me up, and she followed with "well, you keep me up playing games all the time, so fair's fair." Then she walked away, leaving my request to try and work towards a solution hanging, ignored, in the air.
I'm thinking about just moving my computer to the basement, assuming I can find the space somewhere. It would be a fair bit of work to move my entire computer setup, and I would have to clean out the basement and find a way to access both power and Ethernet in the same place down there (more difficult than it sounds). When I talked about it with my dad, he seemed worried that I might get too cold if I went to the basement.
But in the end, I would get to play, and she would hopefully not have to hear me anymore. AITA if I don't move? If I do choose to move, is it reasonable to expect her to work with me on the issue of her alarm waking me up?
(Please feel free to ask for INFO if you need more - I wrote a lot more than what's in this post.)
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
CBnbbua5WPfTJdibyGgaeSESiu72G6JG
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b2ctpi
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{
"description": "cheating, ending relationship & moving out",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for cheating, ending relationship & moving out
|
Me and my boyfriend are financially tied in more than one ways for years now, I basically own his business, he owns the house where we live in.
He hesitates to make things more serious between us, you know, actually get married & and have kids. I still owned a dusty very tiny apartment on the other side of town, where I officially reside, but never go to, and have troubles letting go, because basically, I don’t feel like his place is my place, although I helped decorating and some of the furniture is mine as well.
Once upon a time I had troubles with commitment, didn’t want to get married, and kids were far from my mind as can be - I guess at that time we were perfect for each other - but for the last couple of years I’m over 30 and I realize I really want that. He doesn’t want that, and was always straight that he never did. His priorities are on his career and our business success, which is going quite well, actually. I think because I officially own the company, so he doesn’t want to end this, he will tolerate me more?...
In any case, not so long ago I was sad & very drunk & I slept with a random guy.
I am always honest with my partner, so I come clean and told him this was the most stupid mistake. I asked how will he ever trust me again, etc. he said he trusts me even more for coming clean, as he would have never found it out, and that he had been emotionally unavailable for a really long time. He saw it somehow as his fault as well, and said we will change this, but still doesn’t want to get married, the family, etc. not because of cheating, but because he doesn’t think it’s right time due to the fact he has to concentrate on business. He justifies that for having kids he needs time, which he currently doesn’t have. He also justifies he’s not sure at all about having kids.
Nevertheless, after cheating, I feel like actually, life doesn’t need to be like this, we’re financially stable enough, so I broke up with him anyway and I’m looking for something else.
On the other side, he didn’t take the cheating so seriously, at least in front of me, but was very upset about breaking up.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
FWu9S4N96BFifdC77aC2eLgVCFbvzkla
|
avj1qc
|
{
"description": "not moving out and giving my room to my dad",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not moving out and giving my room to my dad?
|
I really feel like such a little spoilt asshole. My mom has a room. My younger sister has a room. I have a room, but my dad doesn't. He sleeps in the living room, on a sofa-bed. He's been doing it for years and I'm not sure how it began, I think my mom and dad were fighting and my mom doesn't want to share a room with him. He's expressed occasionally that he doesn't like sleeping in the living room and that none of his friends have this kind of living situation. But mostly he seems to suck it up. He's a doctor and scientist and the one who supports the family, so it's unfair that he gets the short end of the stick.
The reason I feel like an asshole is because I'm almost 20 now and I should be thinking about moving out so he can get my room but I honestly am not prepared to do that. I can't afford it and I'm too scared to. I know I'll feel really alone without my family close. My sister cheers me up so much. I don't want to live alone and be sad, I'm really scared of it. My dad told me recently that I should move out, I'm not sure he entirely meant it because it was during an argument but still...
If I moved out it'd be so much easier to starve myself, cut all the time without my parents seeing, drink, and have random sex with men who hurt me. Living at home prohibits me from all of that.
I'm honestly not sure if this post fits here but the primary thing is I feel really bad over this situation, and I'm wondering if I have responsibility in this or if it's "out of my hands"?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
ninummRd0HQdGD3vxUMdU6wx9zuzje0X
|
9v2qo1
|
{
"description": "forgetting to pay back $3",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for forgetting to pay back $3?
|
A coworker bought me a drink the first day I was at the job. Voluntarily, I'd like to stress that point. It was $4. This was, admittedly, a few months ago. Since then, I have kept forgetting to pay him back, but doing the occasional thing for him, like buying him a soda and the like.
I moved offices from my base location (with coworker) into a separate office. Still within the department, but a solid 10 min drive away. Yesterday was the last day I was to be in what was previously my home office. I was left a sticky note and got a message saying "Hey, pay me that $3."
I woke up late due to an alarm malfunction, I was over an hour late to work, I was bouncing between three projects, including one I didn't even have the paperwork for (since it got moved into the next office already), and I was packing my desk. In the shuffle, I forgot.
Today, I get a passive aggressive email stating that he \*NEEDS\* that three dollars from me. That it's "silly" that he has to "resort to emailing" me. I replied with what I said here. It got lost in the shuffle, I'm sorry, etc. I also stated (rightfully) that my phone bill pulls today and only have $8 in my bank account until Friday, when I'll pay him.
His reply, in a petulant child manner, is to state that there's an ATM right outside (not my bank branch, so fees asshat), that I need to get him the money ASAP (I literally told you I have $8 til Friday when I WILL PAY YOU), he'll never loan money to me again (I never asked in the first place dickhead) and that he hopes no one else will too (super professional, way to be a winner). I can guarantee, considering this coworker's nature (a well-off 22 year old white male who just got married and has his own house) he is shit-talking me to the entire old office.
So, Reddit. AITA for not paying back $3?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
q08VudoNtTSuZ6VD3ALzQrsr92ctBclH
|
a7s9cq
|
{
"description": "moving some guys bottle and hoodie off off of an equipment he was not using and putting it on the floor",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for moving some guys bottle and hoodie off off of an equipment he was not using and putting it on the floor?
|
Some guy had put his bottle and hoodie on top of a box, I needed the box and was kind of in a hurry and he was in the middle of an exercise so without asking and not thinking much about it as it would never be a problem for me if I were in his shoes; I took his stuff and gently put it on the floor. Took the box and did my thing. After he finished up he came towards me while talking quickly and unintelligibly. I asked him if he was using the box. He then told me in an aggresive tone never to put his stuff on the floor and next time I ask him to take them. I apologized and tried saying I didnt want to disturb him in the middle of the exercise but he just interrupted me. He didnt check his hoodie pockets when he got it so I doubt there was something of importance in there that he was afraid of losing. Afterwards I thought to myself that he got angry for something insignificant and that he should use the lockers that are 15 feet away and not the gym equipment. So tell me reddit, AITA or NTA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
6wcrRawMHH6drFvEblRYfNw4GGFHy0v0
|
akl69q
|
{
"description": "asking someone to move their moving truck",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking someone to move their moving truck.
|
To be honest I don't feel like an ass in this situation, but I gotta ask.
Last night around 7pm I arrived home to see a moving truck with a car trailer parked in front of my driveway. I didn't think much of it because my buddy had to stop a friend off with my car. So I let it sit for about 15 minutes and I notice 2 women grabbing things from the truck.
I was going to going to have some people over and needed to get some ammenities so I took my motorcycle to the grocery store. When I went down to get my bike I saw the people with the truck, an older woman and middle aged woman.
"Excuse me, could you move the truck please, I have to get out"
Old woman just stares at me without saying anything.
I give a look like why are you staring at me? "Excuse me i feel like you're juat,staring at me, (look at the other woman) I don't feel like I'm asking much" I walk away to get on my bike and go since I can barely squeeze out
Middle aged woman "What just for your bike? You can get around"
Me "I'm just asking you to move your truck, my friend will be back in 20 minutes with my car and I want it in my garage."
Middle aged woman "we just got done driving 2000 miles and we are moving in, I've lived here for 19 years, are you a resident?"
I rent my place, have lived there for 4 years, I don't answer het ridiculous question and she was raising her voice at me anyway so I just said, "I feel like your making a real big deal out of this." Walk to my bike while she says I'm the one making a big deal out of it. I stopped listening if she said anything after that. When I get back, 20 minutes later, not 5 minutes pass and my biddy gets back with my car. They moved the truck while I was arriving back so another 20 minutes after I asked then to move the truck.
This morning I hear her talking to my friend saying I was rude and all this shit. I'm quite upset about how this woman talked to me and now about me.
So, AITA for asking these people to move from in front of my driveway? Hell, it's my driveway, I pay for my stay. In my opinion she can suck a fat one and I feel I derseve an apology, which I know I'll never get.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
hHQZG3ncHFn8tFGremJHXcW40BCBe2Dq
|
9t4u6g
|
{
"description": "disagreeing with my mothers Christian Standards? I'm 15 btw",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For disagreeing with my mothers Christian Standards? I’m 15 btw
|
tl;dr at the bottom
My mother was a Christian for a long time even before I was born. Once I got into this world, I guess I was automatically assigned as a “Christian” because she was. My father was a Christian, but he left that religion after... an occurrence. I accepted the Christian religion until I was about 12-13 until I became questionable about Christianity. Ever since then I’ve faked my way through my life religiously. All my moms Christian friends and their children, I faked. All my church Sunday and Wednesday meetings, I faked interest in. I once asked what would happen if I “defied” Jesus and she said “I wouldn’t give you anything, you would become self sufficient to this day, and I would kick you out of my house”. That was before I became “unchristian” ever since then I just listen to whatever bullshit YouTube Christianity video she wants me to while praying with her on every fucking thing ever. When I become 18 and in college that’s when I’m gonna spill, but until then I’m faking till I make it. AITA?
tl;dr My moms a Christian, I was too, now I’m not. I defy her ways and do what I want without her knowing, and faking my religion until college. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ftr1t5emjUY4XnXXq273F530b4kdgxBe
|
b6ada5
|
{
"description": "Wanting Advanced Notice from my sister on when I can see her and her kids",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Wanting Advanced Notice from My Sister On When I Can See Her and Her Kids?
|
So, my sister has 3 kids. She's in her early 30s and I'm only 20 btw so there is an age gap, I'm getting my life figured out and she... well has 3 kids. Due to being bipolar, depressed, anxiety and shit I have neglected my relationship with her at times (with all family at times as well) and now that I'm pulling my life together I am trying to be more involved with family, because I love and care for them and I'm really thankful for their support with my mental health struggles. My sister has really been a big help for me at times, when I had no one else I can count on her and been able to go to her house and hang out and with my nephews. Lately, I have not been hanging out with her, which I've recently noticed and I'm trying to make steps to fix. I posted on r/relationships about this, how I want to improve my relationship with her. The problem is, my sister does not plan well (according to my mom she never has, IDK) and I know that she is really busy. For example, a few weeks ago I called and asked my sister what her and the kids were doing Saturday, and if it was an option I could maybe join them. She said they were doing a community clean up with the city/boyscouts, and then a hike and then a movie in the park. I said I would go on the hike with them and then the movie, if she didn't mind. She said sure and said she would get back to me on the times then never did, so I didn't go. Then, on Sunday she calls me "Hey, we are about to be at the house in 2 minutes to pick up something and go to the park, do you want to go?" I said no because, I really don't like last minute things like that at all, anxiety wise. I like to be able to have some planning on when something will be, even if it's a day or two, it helps a lot. The problem is, I can't ever seem to plan something out with my sister, and it's all last minute things which I 9/10 times say no too, due to anxiety. Anyway, in r/relationships I got told by a couple of people that basically I'm being unreasonable and entitled basically, because she had 3 kids and is busy and I cant expect me to get preferred treatment.OK, I get it she is really busy, while I am not. I am 100% focused on bettering my mental health, so maybe I'm lacking perspective here. Am I an asshole for expecting my sister to be able to work with me on times to hang out, and not just last minute "hey Im in town right now" scenarios? Keep in mind, I am fine going out and doing her already planned activities with her and the boys as well, not asking her to cancel plans or work my in her schedule.
Also, my sister is NTA, i posted on relationships to try and figure out how to talk with this about her and absolve this issue, because she's not doing it on purpose- I just got told I was wrong for expecting this for her. So AITA?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
uF7ofwJD1gSW2KTvu31GBR7NHAF0gGDp
|
ak2ift
|
{
"description": "not letting my GF move in",
"pronormative_score": 44,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not letting my GF move in?
|
I live in an expensive part of the country and work a stressful demanding job to pay my bills and have enough left over to save. This is often 50 hrs a week waking up around 4:30-5 most morning to get to work.
My GF on the other hand has a job that is not as stressful and pays minimal. She complains about issues with the job, lack of pay, financial hardships, etc. I have tried to help her get the idea that she needs a new job since the existing one is stressful and not allowing her to get ahead. She doesnt want to work in an office, she is not entertaining the idea of a union construction job, and wont find more hours at where she is at now. My opinion is work is not always fulfilling and can often be a grind. However, you need to put in the time to do things like pay off debts, to travel, and to have nice things.
She currently lives with her parents but they are looking to move and she will be left stuck here with little options. I am wary of letting her move in because she is not financially independent. I dont think it is fair to the relationship to put that stress on it. Say we dont work out then her moving out means living on the streets. That is incentive for her to stay in an unhappy relationship and also puts me in a bind if i realize this relationship is not going to work out. We have been dating for a handful of months. Am I the asshole for not letting my girlfriend move in??
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
JZKCfrn6DIxkS6V5qfhaQZjE1VzhcDsj
|
aeqka4
|
{
"description": "not wanting to play Smash with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to play Smash with my friends?
|
So, I know most of the stories on here are way more serious than this but here’s something to lighten it up I guess.
So me and my friends have all been enjoying Super Smash Bros Ultimate (like any sane human). However, I’ve found myself becoming resentful towards my friend group. I wouldn’t consider myself an amazing player or anything, but I am definitely better than my friends who play. In a 1v1 scenario, I can usually win with most characters. This doesn’t mean that they never beat me or anything, but I am just slightly above their skill level. The problem is that when I play with them, they always seem to team up on me. They will occasionally fight each other, but usually the battle goes like this.
1) They shoot projectiles at each other for 30 seconds and get one or two hits.
2) I hop in to try to actually fight them and not just fire off a projectile every five seconds.
3) They both spring into action and hit me up close as much as they can until I rack up damage and die.
This is basically a rinse and repeat for every battle, every character. I don’t find it fun at all to sit on opposite sides of the stage and shoot at each other hoping you get a hit in for 10 minutes. I feel like they aren’t even playing the game, at least not the way it’s meant to. For this reason, I play with my friends less and less, and it doesn’t seem like they care anyways. This both makes me resentful and it hurts me because I don’t have many friends and I feel rejected by my group. So, AITA for feeing this way?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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IvHhkVTYBjOffyLrw8wYXsYVTPHdb9WP
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a34k5q
| null |
AITA for, after legally cutting my neighbor's tree and hedge branches hanging into my yard, dumping them back over onto his property?
|
His many trees also dump a lot of leaves and small branches onto my property. No problem; I rake those up all the time and pay to take them to the dump *at my expense.*
That is both custom and law pretty much around all the U.S. Litterfall is a fact of life.
Overhanging branches from both trees and hedges are another matter. They can obviously be trimmed from his side. He elects not to.
His vegetation is causing is a lot of encroachment that, if not regularly cut: 1) prevents me from walking along my fence line, 2) shades my vegetable garden and 3) brushes up against my roof and the telephone lines.
I spend several hours a few times a year cutting all this stuff. And I'm supposed to pay more to cart *his green waste* to the dump.
No way--his waste goes back over our fence line onto his property. (He's unhappy about that.)
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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|
a7pn0b
|
{
"description": "not wanting to compare my grades",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to compare my grades
|
A bit of context here, I sit next to this friend of mine at Uni. He is by no means a horrible person, he's actually pretty good. Its just this one thing he frequently does that irks me which is his desire to compare grades. For example, whenever we get back our results for stuff such as quizzes or marked homework, he'll ask questions like 'What did you get?" or "What did you score on this?". I'll usually tell him that I don't like to compare results regardless of whether I did well or not. However, he would normally persist and say stuff like "Cmon dude, no one's gonna judge you" or "Its just a score, just tell me dude". Prior to today, I would sheepishly smile and say no thanks and get on with my day. However, I was in a particularly bad mood today. When he persisted with the 'Cmon let me see your grade' I retorted by telling him to fuck off. He was shocked at my reply and didn't talk to me for the rest of the class. I also got a few dirty looks from my classmates who are similar to him in which they also like to compare each other's results. Now I really hate the mentality of dick measuring in general, whether it be grades, gym or trivial stuff. But I feel like I took it a bit too far today. So, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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aj7mj1
| null |
AITA Brother-in-Law found lost dog, gave it to my wife as a gift for my daughter, tried to send it back.
|
Tried to be objective, would also post on r/relationshipadvice TL:DR at the bottom.
Quick background, I used to breed Shi Tzus. USED TO. I stopped because my heart breaks every time I sell a puppy and have to let them go. So the last litter I ever bred, I kept two, and gave the others to loving people that I can trust. Their mother, we bought on our first month(my wife and I) and tragically and poetically, DIED THE DAY AFTER OUR WEDDING DAY. Of the two puppies that I kept, one recently passed away. Only found out when I came home after a few months(I work overseas, about 9/12 Mos). I am a grown-ass man, with tattoos all over, I kid you not, I cried in the restaurant we were eating at. Like cried like a little girl when they finally mentioned the passing.
When my daughter was born 3 years ago, I fought and lost when my family and wife decided that my pups should stay outside of the house because my daughter may have had allergies. It came to the point where they told me not to put my dogs ahead of my daughter's health. I'm feeling pretty guilty as is because I wasn't able to look after my remaining Shih and Golden Ret like when I used to work in my country. My mother takes care of them, along with a Toy Poodle, a Belgian Malinoise and 2 Labs. Now that you have an idea of how soft I am when it comes to dogs, here goes.
Yesterday, my wife told me that my brother in-law(BIL) found a Shih Tzu, 3-5mos old, very rare color and my BIL and mother-in-law(MIL) thought she(puppy) would make a great gift for my daughter. I told her as clear as day that I don't want another dog, she went ahead and brought the puppy home. I know she really wanted a dog. When she came home, eyes sparkling, puppy in hand, I knew there would be a ripple on the water, didn't expect it to be a fucking TSUNAMI.
I asked her calmly, "You need to post this on social media". She told me that it wasn't her decision to make since she wasn't the one who found the puppy, and somehow that I am implying that her BIL stole the puppy, also, I should be thankful for the gesture. That was the end of that, so I thought. Found a suitable place for the puppy to sleep in, went to bed myself and hoped that tomorrow we'll have a civil discussion about our options.
Now begins the cluster fuck. I woke up to a chat from my wife "Good job, now my family hates me" then proceeded to send screen caps after screen caps of her convo with her whole family. Turns out I offended them by telling my wife to give the puppy back and/or post a photo of her missing. They told her that I'm being unreasonable and that I'm ungrateful, that if they posted the photo, someone(not the right owner) might swoop in and take the puppy. In their defense, BIL told my wife that he asked around the village and waited a long time for the owner on the site. Somehow, they think that it was enough action taken. Our country doesn't have a reliable channel for such occurrences, so I kind of get where they're at. I disagreed respectfully, **am i the asshole for jeopardizing my marriage over a lost puppy**. I am still taking my stand, amidst the bashing and my borderline hard headed-ness, feet firmly on the ground, the puppy should come home and we need to do everything we can to make sure of it.
​
TL;DR
Brother-in-law found lost puppy. Gave it to my wife as a gift, I told her to send it back and post the missing dog on social media. Came off as a disrespectful, ungrateful asshole in their eyes. I still won't budge even after the backlash and possible marriage-ending disagreement with wife and her family.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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qcLJUH5W8QzCip0xVtcZowhJv5Yrerlf
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afpttc
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{
"description": "rejecting someone",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA - I rejected someone
|
Okay so to provide some backstory when I was in 6th grade I didn't have any friends in my grade. It was a very small school and I was one of the "weird" kids. You know the drill. I ended up befriending this one guy who we'll just call Liam.
He also didn't have any friends and was sometimes bullied by the guys in our class. We sat together at lunch all the time and mostly talked about Youtube channels and Tv shows we liked since we liked a lot of the same stuff.
Later on, in 7th grade I accidentally came out to an upperclassman, telling her that I was a lesbian since she thought Liam and I were dating. It quickly spread around the school (remember, it was very small) but it turned out for the better since no one seemed to care too much (not out loud anyway).
By this point, in 8th grade, I had a few new friends and I didn't hang out with Liam too much. He also started doing little things that kind of irked me the wrong way. He talked to me about the same shows and channels we used to talk about, but I didn't have the heart to tell him I wasn't interested in them anymore. He also did slightly homophobic things, like say that no one would take a gay romance movie seriously because everyone would be laughing at it so much, and refer to me as his "token gay friend". I know he was joking for that second one but it kind of hurt. My new friends also thought he was really annoying, and would designate certain days as "girls only" days where we could be alone. I felt bad for him since he didn't have any real other friends, and I thought it would get better in high school.
It didn't. Liam latched onto the first girl who liked the same anime as him and started hanging out with her and her friend group. This also happens to be the friend group I came into in high school too. Despite hanging out at the same lunch table every day, we never talked. Eventually he stopped eating with us since one of the girls got really fed up with him, and threatened to beat him up if he ever came back (and believe me, she could).
Then two very important things came up. One is that he came out for me to my brother. Liam sits next to him in a class we had together. The thing is about my brother and I is that we look very different and have different last names, so people don't know we're related unless they're told. The subject of some gay shit came up in class and he turned to my brother, pointed at me, and said "did you know that she's a lesbian?". This absolutely enraged me since I found out that he was willing to tell *my* secret to what he thought was a complete stranger. I then stopped willingly talking to him.
The other was that a while later I found out Liam had a crush on me from one of our former classmates. I had always suspected it, but this made me feel even more guilty about leaving him than I already did. We've only talked awkwardly and sparsely since, mainly him asking questions and me not looking at him back and giving only the most basic of answers. (childish, I know)
This was all about a year ago. Around a month ago, I added a girl on snapchat and the next day Liam started talking to me while I was getting stuff from my locker. He said he noticed I had added her (which I'm not sure if you can even do? I'm not very well-versed in snapchat) and he thought that since we had a mutual friend we could start hanging out again. I told him flat out that I've drifted apart from him and we didn't have many of the same interests anymore. I don't remember the exact details of the conversation, but I remember him getting mad and saying we're still not that different, and me walking off with my headphones.
I still feel really guilty whenever I pass him in the hallway. I feel I could've done some things better, but am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b6selk
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{
"description": "calling a song one of my friends likes lame",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for calling a song one of my friends likes lame?
|
This happened only a few minutes ago from when I posted this... Only two people I will be describing in this are me and him. Should be clear enough who's who.
So - I have this friend, a rather close friend. At least how I see it, I have no idea if he feels the same although he said he has. Has been continually depressed for a good long while now. He has a propensity to be ill-tempered towards certain things and, as I see it, overreactive at points, he deals with this by leaving group chats and sometimes unfriending those involved. Then coming back later.
He had decided to share a song with a group I'm in the night before, some sort of deep sounding song or whatever. Fine by me. Nothing wrong with sharing anything. He asks me if it reminds me of Minecraft music, which I said yes to because it did, and that was that.
Now, the next night, this night, he posts it twice. and the second time he did I called it lame. We have a running joke in our group where we're petty as possible and he's well in on it too but sometimes gets irate at it? I'll never figure out why, if he does it all the time himself. Including calling stuff the other likes in the group lame for no good reason and coming up with a ridiculous reason for it, an example would be "well my state is better than yours because we have a potted plant at 34°13'42.5"N 77°56'59.2"W".
When he posted it this time he called it something along the lines of "being pretty deep" and jokingly said "i'm not crying you're crying". I respond to this with "lame".
...then he says "oh fuck off" and leaves all the group chats we're in and goes offline. My reaction to this is "*really?*". And honestly, that's how I feel about it. I'm not in the mood to deal with drama or other people's feelings over something *this* minuscule. It's a song, I jokingly called it lame, please get over it. You know I'm not serious, you do stuff like this all the time as well. And if you were genuinely feeling something over it, you'd think that maybe conveying that you did would have evoked a different response...? But he was all lighthearted about it. Don't fail to convey your actual feelings and then get angry at someone for reacting in a way that would be detrimental to them. You're joking around so I responded jokingly. I know you are facing difficulties with emotional stress but I am as well. I'll say it again, if you want to be serious about them don't hide them and joke when you're trying to cope then get angry at me when I respond in a similar way. There's literally no way I could have known how he felt in this circumstance.
I do not react or reach out to him this time like I usually do, I let him leave and I don't intend on speaking to him until he returns. I'm not going to expend my energy on someone getting assblasted over me calling a song lame. It was completely uncalled for and a massive overreaction.
So, concluding here, am I an ass for calling his song lame?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aqaqaf
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{
"description": "taking a drunk lady to her apartment",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for taking a drunk lady to her apartment?
|
I'm gonna come right out and say that I'm a pretty socially inept dork, so forgive me if the answer here (as in what I *should* have done) is blatantly obvious.
The situation is pretty straightforward: I was walking home from a late night at work when I saw someone up ahead staggering drunkenly, and then actually sort of tip over onto the wall next to the sidewalk. I jogged up ahead and asked them - a lady - if they were OK. She was very intoxicated and slurring her words but said she was fine. First I tried to see if there was someone she wanted to call, but I guess she wasn't capable of articulating who that was (I asked her if I could see her phone but she wasn't into it). I then asked her if her apartment was nearby and if she needed help getting there. She said yes, and sort of leaned into me and I helped her walk about a block to an apartment building. I unlocked the door for her and asked her if she needed help getting up the stairs, and again she said yes. Finally we get to her place, where I then unlock the door for her and then help her to her couch. I'm trying to get out of there as quickly as possible but immediately (what I assume is) her roommate comes out, looking pretty alarmed. I explain what went down. Roomie is incredibly brusque with me - to the point where it seems like she's about to call the cops - and then tells me to get out. I don't need her to tell me twice.
Obviously a weird situation, and I get the negative reaction to a strange man in your apartment... but, am I supposed to feel *bad* about what happened? Obviously her reaction makes me feel like an asshole, but I don't know if that's right. Basically what I'm saying is if it all went down again, I'd probably do the same thing. But I am fully prepared to be told what a boneheaded and potentially wrong thing that is to do. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ZQSRTLI5JrvhhtZHhQfneIBzT2apnz5a
|
aud68g
|
{
"description": "reporting an awful smelling person to the front desk at the gym",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I reported an awful smelling person to the front desk at the gym?
|
(Obligatory mobile format apology)
So I was at the gym on the elliptical with an empty one between myself and the person to my left. 20 minutes in this guy walks into the gym and heads straight to the elliptical in middle of us. He was carrying a backpack and looked slovenly, but who am I to judge? We go to the gym to get in shape, not impress others.
Until...
The smell hit me! This is a smell equivalent to someone not showering for weeks. Sort of that heavy musky scent that sits in your nostrils and clogs your brain from thinking.
I immediately got off and 30 seconds later the stranger to the stinksters left got off also. This could have been a coincidence, but definitely felt like he couldn't work out with the smell either.
Now I just went to different machines a little disappointed in not getting to finish my cardio but I didn't want to say anything because god knows I don't smell great after sweating, but, this was prior to him starting, and it was (possibly) room clearing.
Here is the questions:
Would I Be The Asshole if I told the front desk as it detracted from my gym experience?
What would they have done?
Should I just stop being a sensitive bitch and suck it up?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
a1ctb0
|
{
"description": "telling a hookup about someone else sharing their business",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling a hookup about someone else sharing their business
|
I hooked up with a family friend a 2 months ago, she's my aunt's friend 10 years older than me. We hooked up and she asked me not to tell anyone, so far I haven't told anyone.
She has a falling out with my aunt and our friendship is a bit estranged, don't really know what to say about it.
A bit backstory, I've told my uncle that I've had a crush on this woman for a while, then sometime after Halloween my uncle and I have a falling out (he's a bad drunk, I tried to take him home, he didn't like my approach)
Find out yesterday that he hooked up with that same family friend and she asked him not to say anything, especially to my family (I was asked the same thing). He immediately told my aunt and she told me.
I tell the family friend that he's told people in our family about it and she should be aware, am I an asshole for this?
TLDR;
Hooked up with family friend, uncle hooked up with family friend, he told everybody, I told her that's everyone knows about them AITA
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b2eeqi
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{
"description": "thinking my friends are birthday beggars",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Thinking My Friends Are Birthday Beggars!
|
This is my first time posting...I have a friend that send out messages on her husbands birthday event page that he would like for his birthday even uploads pictures...when its her birthday she suddenly wants to go out to lunch and dinner with everyone... not all at once either....so she can get a free meal in my opinion. I recently had my first birthday party ever at a friend's seafood restaurant. She ordered 3 appetizers for the table. I never asked her to. By this time I was more than half intoxicated and when she got the bill for her and her husband and the appetizers she had this look on her face like she couldnt pay and i didn't want to make a scene in front of everyone nor embarrass anyone..so i paid for my dinner and her and her husband's dinner which was $140. I had no problem whatsoever paying for my dinner and paid for 95% of the birthday decorations and cake. She paid for some we bought at a dollar store which I argued with her about but she wouldn't let me pay. I hate confrontation so I never said anything. I regret it now and am so tired of the shit I put up with just to have her as a friend. She was there for me a lot when my sister and her wife died but i feel like she holds it against me and takes advantage of me. I feel like she has a narcissistic personality. I'm considering not going to his birthday party and slowly getting her out of my life. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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9vm68b
|
{
"description": "not being okay with my fiancé's brother staying for the weekend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being okay with my fiancé’s brother staying for the weekend?
|
Hello everyone, I just wanted to get some outside opinions on something that happened a few weeks ago.
My fiancé and I have been together for about 3 1/2 years, lived together for a little over a year, and he is a gem. His brother however, not so much. He is frequently racist, sexist, homophobic, and generally rude. He can’t handle being called out on any of this behavior, and it often results in tears or agitation if I try.
My fiancé knows how I feel about his brother, and feels the same way about a lot of it, but feels like I should be able to just put up with it as he is family. He also says that when we are married, he will take my side in any arguments that arise, but for now, he is staying neutral. This culminated a few weeks ago as my fiancé let his brother stay with us for a weekend.
It is important to note that the weekend he stayed is the weekend of a music festival we go to every year in our city, and he has stayed with my fiancé in the past every year. I have as well, so I have put up with him over this weekend in the past few years. Two of the years, it has coincided with my birthday, and this year was one of those years.
I told my fiancé for months leading up to this that I was very nervous about it, and he insisted that he was family and he would not ask him to stay elsewhere. When the weekend came around, his brother was his usual self (using gay slurs and ignoring/talking over us, me in particular as I am a woman and he does not like women, being generally racist and sexist) as well as being a terrible houseguest. For example, leaving pubes in our bathtub and sleeping on our bare couch in his underwear after refusing to put down a sheet that we provided, as well as not letting us use our own couch throughout the day as he would not stop laying on it.
I have very bad anxiety, and having this type of stress in my home, which is typically my safe space to escape from everything, was making things very difficult for me. I had a few crying meltdowns in the privacy of our bedroom, and wasn’t able to eat towards the end of the weekend as I was so anxious. On the last day, my fiancé asked me what was wrong, and I told him his brother was making me anxious, and that even though he didn’t want to choose sides between us, he absolutely had that weekend, and it wasn’t mine. He then got very angry, told his brother his presence was making me anxious, and his brother got upset and left in tears.
My fiancé was very angry at me, as he thought I should have been able to suck it up, and that I ruined the weekend and music festival for them, and was upset he had to say that to his brother, even though I did not ask him to, in fact asked him to do the opposite. He has said he won’t let his brother stay with us in the future because of this.
AITA for not being able to handle being around my fiancé’s brother for the weekend, and upsetting him and his brother?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
TZp2dTKFqX2LHAocMgk7dgSDyxzwnoYu
|
9upg6k
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my gf after her friend died",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my GF after her friend died?
|
Me [m16] and my gf [f16] dated for about 7 months. I had knew it would end soon but honestly did not know how to do it. One day I got a call from her crying saying her friend. It was big news around us too. I tried to be supportive of her but about a week after we got into a big fight. I had pictures of girls in bikinis and stuff on my phone and she got upset over this, I tried to defend this as not being cheating but she insisted it was. I understood why that had hurt her, and she told me she wanted to ‘take a break’. I was okay with us taking a break because like I said I was just trying to get the gumption to break it off.
So, a few days into us not really talking, she’s at a service for her friend (that I was going to go to) she calls me crying and is asking for support and stuff. I try to talk her through this, but she starts asking me if I still love her and if I want to be with her and says don’t give up on us and stuff. I really really don’t know what to do about this, but ultimately I think I said I love her and will be there for her but I “want some space right now” in terms of our relationship. Needless to say we never really talked again except for her texting and asking why I broke up with her and me answering like a week later and explaining I lost feelings. A few weeks later, She goes on twitter and says something along the lines of “imagine leaving someone at the worst time in their life”
So... am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
4RI8lDMFGBBHFz47wFx4p6jWC8kMs5NG
|
b3z7dh
|
{
"description": "not chatting up a girl",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not chatting up a girl?
|
So I (22m) went on a trip with 5 friends and their gfs. I am still a virgin. I used to be fat but got into shape. I am straight.
I went on a trip to Florida during spring break with 5 friends and their gfs, during our trip we often went to bars and clubs and they were egging me on to talk to girls all the time I said no or I would do it later it was at a point that they were desperate to try to make me have sex that they would basically throw me at any girl but I never really knew what to say to talk to girls. I used to be fat, female attention wasn't a part of my life. I would fuck up and they would basically leave on the spot. This broke my confidence and I was afraid to even interact with a woman at the bars or clubs.
Later they admitted that a big part of the trip was to get me laid and they had done it for me. I was shocked to ear that and felt like shit.
Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
gZLV35q9Gypg6IhQwlx6psVIAmd6H8OH
|
atlple
|
{
"description": "letting my uncle potentially go homeless",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for letting my uncle potentially go homeless?
|
Me and my mom live together and my uncle moved in with us around 6 months ago. I was very against it since he is a major asshole. To keep things short he is a leech and we had lived with him before. He left last time owing us money, talking smack about my mom, and never lifted a finger to help with anything. This past 6 months have been that all over again. We are moving in the next few days and he still has no where to go, he is expecting us to just let him back in with but my mom has already said "we don't have any room for anyone besides me the dog and -myname- in the new apartment. Since we are downsizing big time because we can't afford our current home (and no he isn't helping at all). He said he was going to move out 3 months ago when my mom tried increasing his rent by $100 (its only 300 with no bills and he gets his own room/free food) but he never moved out and continued paying the $300.
​
We where already doing him a favor, he eats all our food, doesn't clean anything, pisses off the neighbors and is super nosy. He is always snooping on us and trying to hear us across the hall or doors. I can't stand him and I refuse to live with him. If there is one silver lining to having to move is getting rid of him. So even if he ends up homeless im pretty much putting my foot down and refusing him to continue to mooch of us when we move. I won't even let him park his car outside our new driveway and sleep there because thats how he has wormed his way back in to our home in the past.
​
As a teen I had to put up with it because I wasn't contributing with he bills but now I'm pretty much going to be in charge of them and I'm not going to waste my money on him like my mother has. He is currently trying to get us to feel sorry for him and is trying to snoop on our conversations to see how he can force his way back in with us but I'm going to shoot him down hard. I don't think I have ever disliked another person as much as I dislike him because of how he takes advantage of my parents and their (we can't let down family mentality). Am I being heartless here and AITA for not caring where he ends up as long as it's not with us?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
IKSHcjZDFfAWnfTmT4BuYx7StqcknGQk
|
arij3u
|
{
"description": "not being very affected by my great grandmother's death",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being very affected by my great grandmother's death?
|
So my great grandmother died recently...thing is I've never even met her (my grandma was given away to another family as a child and only met her in her adult years). Even my mom hasn't met her because she grew up in a different country. She lived in Africa and I grew up in America so there was also distance that was a factor.
I learned that she died a couple days ago and while it was a bit sad as I would never get the chance to meet her, I'm not really grieving or anything because I have no emotional connection to her and I'm not even sure she knew of me...it kinda felt like how you would feel if you learned about a celebrity death or something. I told my friend about this and she was "damn that's cold" she sounded like she was joking but that made me think. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
EeFffLP8acamuVBlTtdMYHLgip5m7x9X
|
a9uffs
|
{
"description": "joking with/poking fun at my husband",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for joking with/poking fun at my husband?
|
Will try to make a long explanation short. I’m a generally sarcastic, joker who has always ribbed people, as was done to me by my own family. That’s just how we all were, and you learned that it was all in good fun, and to not take it personally.
As I got older, I would say this trait subsided a bit, especially as I dated because I was shy around new people. However, as I become more and more comfortable, I slipped back into my normal personality - which included these jokes.
Being a year into marriage, and knowing my husband for a few prior, I thought he was used to it - and he really hadn’t shown a problem with it. But now, he’s telling me that it’s too much, that I’m rude, a bitch at times. I don’t recall saying anything particularly mean, although I would never say I don’t toe the line at times. It seems to be becoming more of a problem though, one that could seriously hurt our relationship.
The other issue, is that it’s apparently impacting his confidence. He says he’s not confident in his body, that his once extroverted personality has become introverted, and other similar things. I never would intentionally do this and I want to resolve it - but I honestly don’t understand what I’m doing that could have such a huge effect. I want to cry at times knowing that I’m such a horrible person to make him feel this way, and for something I don’t truly understand. It’s just a part of me, a huge part that feels to be me at my most comfortable level.
Now, I’m not ignorant to the fact that jokes get old, and sometimes they can be taken too far, or said harshly. I myself had these moments growing up, taking shit from my own family, so I do see that it can be a lot. My question is, AmItheAsshole for continuing to make these jokes that are such a big part of my personality? Should I cut this area of my personality out altogether? Or is my husband overreacting, and just making me feel bad? Is there a middle ground, and if so, how can I achieve it? TIA
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
|
yoGxr2QiJEhWciSUehGjUuNLjxvL8bWf
|
ajyvri
|
{
"description": "not getting my sister cigarettes",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not getting my sister cigarettes
|
Backstory. My sister quit smoking again about 3 or 4 months ago. She quit through the patch and I thought she was completely off smoking.
Until tonight.
Her, her boyfriend and I were relaxing and watching TV. They have been drinking and were probably a bit tipsy at the time. She asks her boyfriend to go out and get her a pack of cigarettes. They both agree that he shouldn't drive. My sister then asked me to drive him to a gas station and get her smokes. I didn't feel like enabling her addiction again. I stand my ground and her boyfriend goes and drives to a gas station. While he's out her and I argue about how I didn't want to and how she needs cigarettes for her anxiety. I eventually just wanted to stop arguing so I went to bed. I am currently typing this while in her guest bedroom. So Reddit, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
RIK8joMCPtHG4XUGZRwFbMVGI6FmoWQD
|
9tip0k
|
{
"description": "staying overnight at a friend's without my parents permission",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I stayed overnight at a friend's without my parents permission?
|
I'm 20 and I've been going to meet with friends at a furry meet in London for several months, my parents are very scared for my safety all the time, despite the meets being a really safe place, they call me constantly to make sure I'm getting the correct trains and I'm not going to be late and I won't forget things (it's all unnecessary and I've told them that multiple times, I end up ignoring half of their calls because I'm just trying to have fun). I'm high functioning autistic so they are very overprotective of me, I can see that it's all out of love but it's just too much, I've made that clear to them too.
I drive myself to the train station and back so my parents don't have to actually do anything at all, they just are always "really worried and can't sleep without knowing I'm safe" despite me coming back at 2am last time and them all being completely asleep.
Some of my friends are really hot, a few have made it very clear that they want to hook up with me too. I've not stayed around someone's house in years. I really want to do that so my plan is to:
Go as normal, pack some extra clothes in my bag (I have a big bag anyway to fit in a tail)
While I'm there to send them a text saying that I'm staying with someone overnight.
When they inevitably call stand my ground, there's nothing that they can do anyway.
Send them texts so they know where I am a few times.
Then go home the next day and deal with whatever fallout there is.
Does that sound reasonable?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
0moOkJLahx0OB68ZRDVLFbmjCyTuuaSw
|
b3u9fj
|
{
"description": "wanting my roommates to move out because I do not want to live with pets",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting my roommates to move out because I do not want to live with pets?
|
Back in July I found a rental house that I eventually moved into. I really want this house to be my last rental before purchasing in a few years, so I was kind of picky as to where I was moving. I have also furnished a majority of the house including the entire living room (sofa, tv stand, coffee tables, etc) with GOOD quality stuff (not like college dorm furniture) that I have saved up for. After I moved in alone I posted an ad on craigslist looking for roommates to occupy the two rooms. I made it very very very clear that I did not want to live with pets of any kind in the house. I actually DO like dogs, but I do not like living with them. I honestly hate the smell, the hair getting into everything, etc.
I found two roommates (roommate 1 and roommate 2) who do not have pets. Roommate 1 has a girlfriend, and she does indeed have a dog. This is fine, as my first impression was that the dog would not be living with us full time. After a couple of weeks roommate 1 asks if the dog is allowed to "come over", which to me I took as "can the dog come to the house with my girlfriend right now". The dog started coming over more and more frequently, spending the night when the girlfriend spends the night, and basically living at the house full time. I have not been happy about this, and I've expressed that to roommate 1 multiple times but the dog is still over 3-5 nights a week and has been for the last 8 or so months. I realized I am fighting a losing battle, and to keep the peace between the three of us I have not really brought it up. Keep in mind we have NOT paid a pet deposit, nor do I want to contribute to one.
A few weeks ago Roommate 2 moves out due to a job relocation. We posted another ad on craigslist, and find Roommate 3. Roommate 3 is a pretty cool dude, and we all gel well so we have him take over the lease for Roommate 2. Well, come to find out he has a dog that he wants to bring over to the house too. Roommate 1 is all for this as obviously he has a dog, where I am very very hesitant. I told roommate 3 that I really don't want pets in the house, but roommate 1 had already told him the dog would be fine. So the dog comes over, it's a pit bull mix, and checks every box of what I do NOT want to live with. Immediately jumps all over the sofas, starts running around on the carpet and ripping it up with his claws, starts barking, etc. He is aggressive too, and as I was walking upstairs last night jumped up and nipped at my hand for no reason. Roommate 1 and his girlfriend love the dog, love that their dog gets along with it, and were really happy that roommate 3 brought the dog with him. I am absolutely LIVID that this is happening. It's everything I did NOT want to live with but now I am the odd man out here.
I am basically considering asking roommate 1 and roommate 3 to find another option at the end of the month if this keeps up. I know that bringing this up is going to upset them, and they really are good roommates otherwise.
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
cyVaibpELjxQV3bBiUuXDCurON0IM8Vj
|
auzfbm
|
{
"description": "leaving my trash on my neighbor's property",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for leaving my trash on my neighbor's property?
|
We had 60 MPH winds yesterday in Delaware and as I was leaving for work in the morning almost all the trash and recycling cans were fallen including my own. I looked in my immediate vicinity for trash but saw none so I went to work. I assumed just some of my recycling with my address is floating around somewhere.
My neighbor down the street is a classic Karen. My wife hates her because years ago she cursed out my wife when she was walking a dog we were dog sitting. "How would you like it if I went and took a shit on your lawn!?" My wife said the dog wasn't even doing anything but just walking by.
Yesterday night before I got home from work my brother calls me and says my neighbor went to our house and started yelling at him about the trash. She's really mad and says "You better go to my house and pick up ALL the trash, cause I'm not picking it up or I'm calling the cops".
Well she comes to my house at 7 am this morning and starts ringing the doorbell and banging on the door multiple times. I'm pissed since I have two small babies and shes banging really hard and don't answer the door. I plan to just ignore her. My mother-in-law twice went outside yesterday to pick up trash around our house that's probably not ours while I was at work. The neighborhood has random litter from everyone not just my own and everyone is doing their part cleaning up after the high winds. My plan is just to ghost her and if she calls the cops I would consider ONLY picking up trash with my name on it although I would be surprised if the police care enough to get involved. Am I the asshole Reddit?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
oNcEKgsVkE6hB5xR4J78sDRfckD8ohGq
|
9wn3vg
|
{
"description": "calling out \"friend\" in group chat about his study ethic",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling out “friend” in group chat about his study ethic
|
So not necessarily much back story - just that this was a one year intensive course for university where if you wanted to progress further, you needed a minimum score across subjects and yada yada. Naturally this makes me pretty intensive with all my individual work to be expectedly up to my own standard and such. I write up all my own notes and am generally secluded when it comes to working and submitting assessments.
Then comes the finale of the year and summation of all the coursework, where I’m feeling obviously burnt out and actually really proud of the results. So then comes “friend” which can hardly be considered friends, as we only met at the start of this year and everyone will be splitting off into different pathways. He’s been obviously known to be a slacker in terms of his academics and has previously borrowed copies of other people’s assessment. Everyone obviously talks about how irked they are due the legality and such, but (f) was incessant with how bad of friends we would be if we don’t support him to get the proper grades and such.
AITA for making a remark that he basically used me all semester because he’d known that I’m much more lenient to offer help than others. But while I’ve made it clear that I’d offer guidance in helping rather than straight up giving my work, he says I’m a bad friend and other stuff and then leaves the group
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
El329Ugiu6qagrXzfiP3pgyvXkMXGIxq
|
ambzuc
|
{
"description": "bailing on my bf",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for bailing on my BF
|
This morning my long distance bf (22) messaged me (20F) and asked if I wanted to game tonight for an hour or two, this is something we do a couple nights a week. I said sure, but then later on my sister messaged me and asked me if I wanted to go out to a fundraiser at a local comedy club tonight. I really wanted to go with my sister because it’s rare I go out and do stuff with her so I messaged my bf asking if we could reschedule to tomorrow. He said he was busy all day tomorrow and got annoyed with me and ended with “do whatever you want to do”. I didn’t hear anything from him the rest of the day despite me messaging him a few times until he messaged me just saying “goodnight.” I feel bad that I bailed on him but I also feel like he took it way too seriously and made me feel shitty about wanting to go out.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
mfJIB1iXJbQUhu4xrM1e4OsmM5TGX54k
|
b77fsa
|
{
"description": "lying to my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for lying to my girlfriend?
|
So for Valentine's day my girlfriend got me a Hollister shirt and hoodie which was so sweet!
Over spring break I brought the shirt on vacation because it's a good-looking shirt and I look good in it. When I get home, I don't see the shirt and when I go looking for it, I can't find it. I realized that I left it at the place we we're staying 3 hours away.
I told my girlfriend I can't find the shirt but I said I assume it will turn up somewhere but in reality I just ordered the same shirt and didn't tell her that I actually lost it. AITA for lying and saying that I can't find it at home when in reality I know that I've actually lost it and bought the exact same one?
TL,DR: Lost a shirt, told girlfriend that I can't find it but I'll find it eventually, actually just bought the same shirt. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
Je6Wd0zB3SEeKg5PkXh9MJ70LVSX7bpe
|
a3jqyq
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay for a portion of the bachelor party",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pay for a portion of the bachelor party
|
Quick run down. Group bachelor party, guy planning it wants to start at a gun range, so I recommend mine as I’m a member and would be free. So I call and confirm with management that I can tag along with my rifle and shoot for free. Well buddy signs a contract for everyone and me which is 115 (wasn’t told till after bachelor party). Guy also got an air bnb that I didn’t Stay at because I literally love a block over from where it was.
Guy ordered pizza for the group so I offered to use my rewards points and knocked 20% off.
Guy said let’s go bowling, I asked guy how much it was and he said don’t worry about it, I got it covered.
Come the next day, guy says I need 150 dollars, 115 for the range, 25 for bowling, and 5 for pizza and 5 for other random shit.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to pay the full amount?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
hHrKlRVi5wPu08q3aExTMs1sMK1N6xR4
|
9uxxqe
|
{
"description": "wanting to bring up something that happened years ago",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to bring up something that happened years ago?
|
Around 4 years ago I deleted a bunch of friends off of Facebook without explanation. This lasted for around a month before I slowly started re-adding people and reintegrating into my old friend group. Recently, a friend of ours did the same thing and was treated significantly differently. Am I the asshole if I bring this up nearly four years later? More context below. I apologize in advance if it's a bit rambly, I'm not sure how to order this.
**THE BACKGROUND - The sad times :(**
I've been dealing with feelings of depression for most of my life, for anyone feeling vulnerable or depressed please be aware that this post might not be for you. Mostly my depression was due to being unhappy with my circumstances in life, but also largely because my brain's an asshole and keeps trying to kill me.
Four years ago where this fun little story begins, my tightest knit group of friends was a gaming group. We all lived in different cities a few hours away from each other, but we'd meet up every couple of months to go camping or go on mini-trips. I'd known everyone in the group for a couple years at least by the time all this stuff went down. I was not 100% open about feeling depressed at this point, because HEY GUESS WHAT, baring your soul is really difficult. The group was aware that I was generally 'unhappy', though.
I was closest with two people in particular, one we'll call FishFan420 and the other we'll call The Noodle Gimp. These aren't their real names or usernames, but I kind of wish they were. The Noodle Gimp was a lady streamer on twitch who regularly pulled about 7 viewers a night, and we often would game together just the two of us. We grew really close to the point where she started throwing the word best friend around. FishFan420 was my brother's roommate and we're extremely close now (after all this shenanigans).
Anyway, things were generally good until one day I grew sick of living and decided I should just go off and take my own life, wrote a lovely ole note and everything. I wanted to just kind of *fade away* so I deleted basically everyone except for family off of Facebook and went no contact. Didn't end up doing it (Yay!), but it was a very close thing. There's a real treacherous road near my house that runs along the side of a canyon. Plan was to just drive off real fast without a seatbelt. I remember one night sitting there in my car by the side of the road just sobbing like a gigantic manchild trying to work up the nerve to do it. Shit was real bad guys.
**THE INCIDENT - In which LowerNotice has his feelings hurt**
Anyway, about two weeks into my self-imposed isolation, I posted something on Twitter. I don't remember what it was, but it was something to the effect of "shit sucks life is pain and linkin park's lyrics finally make sense to me". A few hours later a rando we'd all played with before sends me a message and tells me to check out The Noodle Gimp's stream. I tune in and she's reading my tweet out on stream and laughing about it, and calls me Mr. Dramatic. I remember that FishFan420 was there on Skype with them, but I don't remember anything else that was said. I deleted the tweet and went to bed. Looking back, I really wish I hadn't so I could recall see what I wrote.
**THE CALLOUTS/THE AFTERMATH - In which adults do not properly communicate their emotions and we bury things for later**
I took some time to process what happened, and a few days later I asked The Noodle Gimp to talk. I told her what had been going on and why I'd been absent (tried to neck myself yo), and that I'd heard what happened on her stream. She said sorry, and then started talking about how no one knew what was going on with me and they were confused/worried. As far as apologies go, it kind of blew chunks.
I reached back out to FishFan420 at this point too, but I honestly don't remember that conversation that well. I don't remember if I talked to him about the tweet too, or told him about my depression, or really anything. I do remember he told me that they didn't know what was going on but they missed me.
I spent a few more weeks not talking to anybody, and then I just started showing up for games and stuff again. Over time, I slowly made positive changes in my life and I'm in a significantly better place now than I was then. Eventually, our friend group found its new normal and I put what happened behind me.
**PRESENT DAY - The largely happy times but currently (and hopefully temporarily) unhappy times**
Yeah boys there's a present day. I bet you forgot by now ya lil scamps, last time I mentioned it was like five hundred words ago. Anyway, these days FishFan420 and I are really tight and generally get along great. I still talk to The Noodle Gimp and we hang out from time to time, mainly just hiking or having fires and just doing fun shit without any crazy emotional engagement. I was pretty cool with things, and I'm so far removed from the person I was four years ago that it can sometimes be hard to remember details from my old life. Things are mostly good.
But then, BLAM, a third player joins the arena. Tim Tiny Toes (we call him TTT for short) is a friend I met through FishFan420. He recently pulled the same move I did and blocked everyone in our social circle on Facebook. I believe this was largely due to his recent breakup with his ex (whom I've never met), and some drama that went down at my brother's wedding a month ago. Basically, he didn't know she was invited and he wasn't happy about it, and he left immediately after the ceremony when his groomsmen duties were over.
FishFan420 let me know that he'd blocked a bunch of people on Facebook, so I checked and... *bummmerrrrr*, I was one of them. He'd deleted me but hadn't blocked me, so I sent him a message that said something to the effect of "Hey man, I hope you're doing okay. I deleted a bunch of people from Facebook a while back and it's because I was in a really bad place. Is there anything I can do? I'm down to chat if you need it." He blocked me without responding, so I'm not sure what's up with him, but this post is about me so forget that dude for now.
TTT lives four hours away from me and FishFan420 so we wouldn't have a chance to just randomly bump into him. But last week FishFan420 and I were on the phone just catching up, and he tells me he's been trying to get ahold of TTT. He tells me about how he was passing through TTT's area so he put together a gift basket with a bunch of awesome kinds of beer in it and a card, and left it on his balcony for him.
Fellas, that really hurt me. It instantly reminded me of when I was in the same situation TTT was in, and my friends made fun of me on a livestream. It sucked so much. I haven't spoken with anyone yet, but it's been weighing on my mind a lot lately.
The Noodle Gimp is in no way involved in the situation with TTT, I don't think they've ever met and I don't think she knows about it.
Right now, I want to go back to The Noodle Gimp and properly explain why I feel that that what she did was incredibly shitty because I don't feel like I covered it properly last time, and I want to go to FishFan420 and ask him why the hell he couldn't put in that kind of effort for me.
**MISCELLANOUS**
We have all changed a lot in the past four years, and I'm generally quite happy with my friendships with both The Noodle Gimp and FishFan420. I know that if I asked, they would both sit and hear me out.
I think it's also possible that FishFan420 only acted differently with TTT because this is his second time around the block and he's had some time to think about how to handle this kind of situation.
I also don't know what the hell I'd get out of bringing this up again after all this time. I would have no goal having this conversation. I don't know if it's worth bringing this up so I can have some catharsis or if I should just let sleeping dogs lie.
**TL;DR**
Am I the asshole for bringing up something shitty that happened four years ago?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
kSqlyGwirSxHPdqFuM6AzBY79UXZPl3m
|
as1mt2
|
{
"description": "extorting my friends for making a sex bet about one of my other friends",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for extorting my friends for making a sex bet about one of my other friends?
|
My close friends that I’ve known for a very long time have made a bet to see if they could bang one of my female friends. Although stuff like this has come up before something irked me about this particular instance.
I contacted the female in question and let her into the bet (This female is currently on a relationship). We came up with a plot to make money off of this as she will by no means have sex with any of my friends.
I upped the stakes and put money of the table stating that if the lose the will all have to pay $60.00 each to me.( Money that will be given to the female in question) We live small a town in Georgia, everybody knows everybody.
In the end I think bets of this nature and misogynistic and downright creepy.
TLDR:
Friends make bet about having Alex with one of my friends. I clue the other friend into the bet and make plans to extort them and make a profit off of an otherwise creepy and stupid situation.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
ARrzkNc6h7JjUKGMSILUNsK12n2fZbD8
|
b03t4y
|
{
"description": "telling my mother I won't be visiting my nephew",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my mother I won't be visiting my nephew?
|
My nephew was born to an addict mother and his first 4 years were full of abuse. My brother began fostering and picked up him and his sisters. My brother eventually adopted them all. They all have FAS, and myriads of other issues, but my nephew was affected the most. He has learning issues severe enough that he will likely never learn to read, and he has violent tendencies. Lying is so instilled in him, it's impossible to ever take him seriously. My brother would have to routinely pick him up from school for attacking his teachers/classmates. He constantly steals things to the point that he would have to have his pockets cut out of his pants or folded out. If he was ever unattended, he would set fire to things (toy boxes, grass, etc.). Under constant stress and threat of danger to his siblings, my brother gave him back to the government around the age of 8. He was immediately put into a children's psych ward, and then into group homes ever since. My brother and his family have stopped visiting him. He's now 11. He has recently moved from one group home in one city to another in my city.
My parents are ridiculously amazing people/grandparents and were rocked by losing him. My mother is a very caring woman and believes in the best of outcomes almost to a fault. She downplays his violence a lot, and they almost adopted him themselves. My mother and father would host visits for him (and his caretaker) every so often, but since he tried burning down their house the last time, my father barred him from coming back. They still go to visit him at his group home, and I don't fault them for that.
I've been in separate cities from my family this whole time so I have never connected with these adopted children. I see them once in a while, and since I don't really like children to begin with, I don't really care to interact with them when I'm home. My mother gave my nephew's group home my phone number and he's called me once every few months to have an awkward conversation where he tells me some tall tale. I visited him once when he was in the psych ward (in my city), but mostly to help give my mother some peace.
When he recently moved to my city, he called me and I answered the once. Then the rest of the week, I got about 10 voicemails from this child with a new lie each time. Things like "My 15 year old girlfriend is pregnant", "I killed my friend", and "I'm in jail, get your butt over here". So I was getting harassed by an 11 year old. It's sad, and I have pity for him, but I have no interest in talking with this child or visiting him. I actually want nothing to do with him.
My mother and father were planning on visiting him that weekend, but she fell ill, and then called me to ask if I could go see him since she was worried about disappointing him. I told my mother I wasn't going to visit him. Then she asked "Will you ever?". And I said no. She sounded heartbroken, and I'm not a fan of that. My mother is definitely not the asshole, but AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
Lqa4FtEsPD5jXVGSPNBwaEDh1SOTcR80
|
b74rug
|
{
"description": "going on vacation? coworkers state I am",
"pronormative_score": 100,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for going on vacation? Coworkers state I am.
|
So I am child free so I am able to travel and I work 2 jobs so that I can travel. My coworkers are all parents/single parents and are struggling to make ends meet.
This coworker came up to me and called an asshole because I was taking 2 weeks off to go to Florida. I have relocated from Florida to New England about 2 years ago. I haven’t seen my parents since I moved. They won’t come up to visit and they are having health issues. Granted I don’t need to take two weeks off but I have the time saved up so I might as well.
Apparently I am leaving the team short staffed. Again not my problem. That is something that management has to handle and I have been planning this for about 4 months. Everyone has been ganging up on me about me leaving. My manager has approved it so she has no issues with it.
One person has told me that they have to miss a recital for their kid. I told the coworker off stating that her kid will have hundreds of recitals and her father can go in your place.
TDLR; I’m going away for 2 weeks for a vacation and leaving my team short staffed. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
siU7YpnGlPYje9Ao9HScesITWCcI1OAQ
|
afxvjt
|
{
"description": "ruining a friendship and a birthday",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for ruining a friendship and a birthday
|
Like most post I'll start with some backstory, I'll try and keep it as close to the truth as poss (find some posts here seem like very skewed versions of the truth).
At the time I had just finished university and was in the stage of trying to stay in contact with my close friends from then. With one friend, let's call her eve, we had been through alot of ups and down. I used to have a thing for her, sheet tonnes of mixed signals where she's say she didn't want anything like that with me, but would then get really drunk and try to sleep with me. I never did because of how drunk she was, definitely in the blurred lines of what could be rape, plus sober she didn't want anything so I respected that. Through the last year I tried to move on, and got a girlfriend, and was happy. It was obvious to see eve was not happy with this, I was open with my gf at the time and told her about the now distant feelings I had for eve. Eve would then carry on to try and break me and the gf up or that's what it felt like. (Won't go into detail trying to make post as short as poss). Gf would get jealous that I was spending so much time with eve (not out of choice we were housemates). After the breakup I would continue to get very mixed signals even though now eve had, and still has a bf. Then on the last night out of university we end up hooking up (I was very intoxicated at the time had dropped some mdma, eve didnt).
After the night I felt pretty guilty as I knew she had a bf but still went there. But I didn't think it was my place to say anything, I don't want to be the reason a relationship breaks up. After uni finished contact was strange very hot and cold. Fast forward a few months to now, eve invited some old friends up for her b day, I wasn't sure if I wanted to go as things seemed very off with her, from some other mates I was pursuaded into going. The plan for the b day was pretty chill, go to a few pubs and bars in the day maybe go clubbing at night. Some of us pre drank before, without eve, we were all sorta dreading it because things between her and us seemed awkward (not just because of me, the others had reasons too). As we pre drank we turned up late which she wasn't happy about, and about two pubs in I was too drunk, rookie error of not eating, so ended up spewing in the toilets for a good while, when I get back I get in a spat with eve because of the state I'm in. I promptly decide to leave.
Later I get a text from eve saying I ruined her bday. At this point I have lost all patients with her and tell her I do not want a friendship with her anymore, the confusion she has caused over the years has left its marks. She doesn't take that well and goes on to bitch to our whole group.
Since we have not had contact I am a much happier person. But AITA for ruining her bday and the friendship? I can't help but feel some sort of guilt for the day.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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|
WRONG
|
v7Wq4zBnWNcYEQktkWt7H2iCxGS05m88
|
b7jum4
|
{
"description": "complaining about driving my sister",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA: for complaining about driving my sister?
|
(Warning this is fucking high school drama level BS but I just wanna make sure I am not in the wrong for this.)
So for the past two days I have been driving my sister and her friends around. Day one I had woken up at about 6:00am to go tour a college and was there till about 4:00 and then I had two hours before I worked from 6-10:30. After I got home at 10:30 my sister immediately asked me for a ride to the local Perkins. I told her I would drive her as my parents were working at our business. I drove her there assuming she would be there for about an hour. I get home 5 minutes later and right as I sit down I get a text that they decided that they want to just save money and make food at home. So I had too go pick them back up. Now I wasn’t annoyed at picking her up as she is a young girl and would not want her to try to walk home at almost 11:30 at this point. So I drive back to where she is. I get there and text that I am here. She takes 10 minutes to get out with me waiting in my car with not heat (heater broke on car). So at this point I am kind of annoyed.
Day two she wakes me up at 9am and says she needs a ride. My parents had left too go work on our business again so I drove her and waited in the car again. I got home and finally had a few hours too myself. Until about 3 hours later she tells me she needs another ride. I ask why and she says she wants to meet friends at Starbucks for some joke (I don’t really get whatever joke it is but it wasn’t important.) I told her I don’t think I want to drive again for a joke. She than complains that it’s not that big of a deal and it’s only .4 miles! I told her it’s more about having to get up and get ready for a thing that will only take 10 minutes and isn’t really worth it. But I end up driving her because I wanted food and there was food close by. I get my food and drop her off and wait in the car again. Instead of going into the Starbucks and staying she somehow ends up in a Walgreens close by and take 20 minutes to do whatever she wants. And this point I am pretty annoyed.
So I get home and tell my sister I need to be downstairs to unwind and j think I deserve it. She says that whatever I am doing I can do upstairs and complains for 5 minutes straight before I just give up.
So the day passes and my parents get home. I tell them all that happens and they said they will talk to her. I than have her come into my room and apparently my parents have banned her from having friends over and lost the privilege of me driving her around. She is mad and calls me a bad brother and I quote “thought we had a fun time driving together.”
Anyway AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
Sui7mE7Chdq8EqvseNHaKhgEbZSPneVg
|
apzlpp
|
{
"description": "not realizing I might have gotten an internship I recommended someone else for",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA not realizing I might have gotten an internship I recommended someone else for
|
I'm a junior in University studying Mechanical Engineering. Engineering students live and die by their internships, trying to get a full time position without one can be terribly difficult. I have prepared and have been fortunate enough to accept an internship for summer 2019.
​
During my time as a student I came into contact with a smaller company's CEO. After I explained my desire to land an internship he tried to help me by giving me notices of various openings at his company. For a variety of reasons, things never aligned and I never worked for his company.
​
Our university career fair was this past week and my CEO friend was there. I said hello and told him of my success of landing an internship with another company for the summer. He was happy for me and said, "too bad, because we have a problem that a mechanical engineer could help us with." He asked for a recommendation and I gave him the resumee of one of my friends.
​
After speaking with said friend, it is a part time position that they are looking to fill right now. Maybe I misunderstood and thought it was a position for the coming summer. Maybe I'm just an idiot for not grabbing the opportunity while it was in front of me. It has occurred to me that maybe they wanted someone to work from now until the end of summer or any other time.
​
WIBTA if I emailed/called and said I was interested in the position, even after I recommended my friend for it. Would it be worth rolling the dice to try to get this part time position until my next internship
​
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
R0G12HviBYrT1EK7REB12o6BiKC6fAqd
|
azt48i
|
{
"description": "thinking that a gym staff member should not occupy equipment during peak hours",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for thinking that a gym staff member should not occupy equipment during peak hours
|
This is more like a preemptive AITA. Some background: I am a member of a 24hour gym chain, and I have been a member of this branch for nearly 2 years since it opened. At this gym, it is always busiest at around 6-9pm weekdays and particularly on Mondays. The gym has 2 elliptical machines and 5 treadmills.
Today (Monday evening around 7:30pm), all the elliptical machines and treadmills were occupied. I notice that one of the staff (the head of the trainers) was on the treadmill. A lot of people were just waiting around for an empty machine and this staff member was on this machine for more than an hour while looking at her phone and seeming like she was on a leisurely stroll a lot of the time. This is the first time I have noticed this happen. I know staff members can use the facilities because I see the trainers use them, but mostly during the late off-peak hours.
Would I be an entitled asshole if I said something/complain if it happens again? Looking for opinions whether I am correct in my thinking or I’m just plain wrong.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
I0KDmqHpARxicTGb52149GdQYS8aLeRp
|
amorke
|
{
"description": "\"screening\" potential girlfriends",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA For "screening" potential girlfriends?
|
To understand this topic you'd have to understand my background. Im a 27 year old male, and I expect the best out of myself. Many people are afraid of appearing arrogant so they downplay themselves, I hate that. I keep in very good shape, and I have a promising career as an executive in the plastics industry.
I have little trouble finding women, but in my life ive only had two "girlfriends". Each of my previous girlfriends didnt last longer than eight months, and each ended on a bad note.
For intimacy I keep a social circle of younger women who I meet casually for dates and/or sex. However as I get older and I approach the big "three zero" I desire a real relationship. I want a wife and kids.
But I also have trust issues due to my past relationships, and my high standards. So I have developed a "screening" process to pull women in my casual circle closer to me, amd test the waters on whether theyre someone I want to be with forever.
I mostly already know where these women live and work, but I dont know "what" they do. I record the make and model of their vehicles and follow them around discreetly to see what theyre really doing. One woman who claimed to be a full time nail technician is actually unemployed and lives with her parents.
I also use the web to find information and use a third party for this. Another claimed to run her own fashion label but is actually just an amazon dropshipper for womens jeans.
There have been times that women will see other men, which is fine in and of itself as we're not committed, but the men they see have extensive criminal records and unpaid debts.
I do these screenings to make sure theyre ready for long term commitments and arent just after my money. My sister thinks that I should just go with my gut instinct instead of screening them, just follow my heart. But that seems illogical as I dont know whats in their hearts. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
4SITnHZ8WP2NNxdKybvjrjAzY51DMXUM
|
b4jp55
|
{
"description": "texting late at night",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for texting late at night
|
I have a friend (F1) who has young kids, and is out of town with them and her hubby for spring break. We are not particularly close as we do not have a ton in common, but do see eachother at least once a month usually at mutual friends or in town, and I make sure to always be very cordial with her. Another friend (F2) who I am much closer with is housesitting for them, and we went out for a drink after work. Afterwards F2 asked me if I could bring my dog over as she is great with other dogs, and F1 has a dog about the same age that has been driving F2 batty since he has been getting into everything and she was hoping the dogs could burn off some energy playing. We put the two dogs out to play and they did great ran all around the yard having a grand time, and wore each other out. I sent F1 a picture and just said, “having a blast” under it. I did text it super late probably 12:30am, and didnt think anything of it since it was a text and I am personally one of those people who thinks people can check text whenever they want, and especially if you are not asking them a question or to do something it doesnt matter when you send it cause the person can reply when they find convenient.
F1 lost her mind she replied back at ironically 2:50 am saying never text her late at night unless its an actual emergency, and that she does not want the dogs playing in the yard at night in case a animal comes into the yard. I did not reply right away as the text rubbed me the wrong way, because if I am taking a photo clearly I am right next to them supervising them and the yard, and she knows F2 super well so clearly I am not just grabbing dogs and doing things without her approval. As for the time thing I thing I was frankly a bit mystified as I have never had someone comment on what time a text came in before. With phone calls I do always try to follow the business hours rule of thumb to call between 9am-5pm(ish) unless urgent. Is it perhaps a age difference thing as I am mid-twenties, and F1 is about 5 or so years older and in her early 30s? I apologized to my friend F2 saying I hope I did not get her in trouble. Should I reply to F1s text? Do I owe her apology?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
DTW819563IXFfirfyYoB5a1FFY8QNLev
|
aagck3
|
{
"description": "asking telling girlfriend we'd get a prenup if we got married",
"pronormative_score": 38,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA : Asking telling girlfriend we'd get a prenup if we got married
|
My gf and i were watching something and she commented on how unloving and untrusting
someone's relationship must be if they got a prenup. I decided to let her know that we'd be getting prenup if I proposed. She got angry and the rest was history. She's now not talking to me, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 37,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 38,
"WRONG": 19
}
|
RIGHT
|
sWZ6UOwNeCQbzrHy24Ku1mPGMOfJExbo
|
9wv2b7
|
{
"description": "asking my neighbor to stop singing",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I ask my neighbor to stop singing?
|
I'm in college and recently moved into my first apartment all by myself. The building is an old house that was converted into apartments, and I was the only one in the building at first. Fair to say that I really appreciated the quiet for a bit.
​
I did not realize until someone else moved into the apartment next to mine just how thin the walls are in this building. I normally wouldn't mind, I get that the walls being thin are not her fault and I hope that she will be ok if I have people over to my place some night, but her singing is just really getting to me.
​
It's on and off almost every night (including weeknights) from around 6 till 10pm, and I am an engineering student with morning classes and finals week coming up. While it does bug me, I get that it's her home too and that she at least normally stops before 10.
​
I'll also go ahead and add that it is not bad singing, it's very pleasant actually, but it is distractingly loud.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
WbqkWQt8CzJmNqx9FCnHts3IaxKMsy52
|
a1wnx4
|
{
"description": "not liking shorter guys",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not liking shorter guys
|
I'm a 5'8" woman. Kind of tall for female I always thought. I don't see men in a romantic or sexual way if they're shorter than me. I've always felt this way. I'm very self concious of my height and around shorter guys I always feel lke I'm half giant like Hagrid. Same height and up is fine. I've talked to a handful of lads about this and they say I'm shallow. (They're a little taller than me, not even short.) I just feel as though it's preference.
I recently went on a Tinder date with a guy who I was semi-interested in. Not too much, but enough to give it a shot. When I got there he was about 5'2" or something (His tinder bio said 5'10 but that's besides the point). I had a nice chat but his personality wasn't for me. It happens. I mentioned to my friend that his height turned me off anyway, and he lied about his height too.
My friend then said I shouldn't decline him if he's short, I should have just screwed him and left. (I was looking for sexual partners at the time) but people shorter than me turn me off big time. Like I mentioned I feel like a half giant. Because I expressed this notion, he started ranting about how men can't control their height so you shouldn't have a height preference.
Tl;dr: I have a preference for same height guys or taller. I don't have sexual or romantic interest in shorter guys.
Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
EtEsmGHDZLn0a5OG6FYboTHuMc191JuY
|
alow9l
|
{
"description": "taking my car from a friend and ruining a road-trip",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For taking my Car from a friend and ruining a road-trip
|
I lent my car to a close friend as I was traveling overseas for what was meant to be 1 year. I was forced to come back after just 6 months due to my abysmal financial management. A month before I returned home I messaged my friend and told him the date I needed to take my car back - he agreed and everything was sweet.
The date arrives and I message my friend around 10am and I asked what time I could pick the car up in the afternoon/night. He's a teacher at a local school and normally replies to my messages in work hours during the time between classes or 1 of the 2 breaks they have. He doesn't reply so I call him during their break which is around 11am. No answer, at this point no big deal I just send another message asking if he can let me know what's going on.
I call again at ~2 which is their lunch break and receive no call/message from him which is very out of ordinary for him to not even reply.
Shortly later I receive a call from his GF who explained that they had already booked a road-trip for the weekend and could they keep the car until the following Tuesday. I said no, I had told them the exact date I was picking the car up. She told me not to be a dick and don't ruin the trip, I said that they shouldn't have planned a trip knowing I was taking the car back. At this point we got into an argument and I said I will get the car from the school with the spare key.
His girlfriend only said he was busy and she didn't mention any phone troubles or anything. At this point I was a bit angry since if my friend had contacted his girlfriend, he could have easily sent me a brief message explaining what was going on. I'm not sure why, but I felt like he didn't want to ask me directly to keep the car longer or was ignoring my calls and messages. He had always replied to messages at work before, if he was too busy to talk, he would at least send a message asking if we can talk later.
I walked up the school with my spare key, found my car in the parking lot and drove off. The car was a bit messy with their stuff (such as clothes, some personal items, etc) which I left at the front door of my friends house. In our area I was confident they wouldn't get stolen and they weren't in view of the public.
I sent a final message to my friend (~4pm at this point) telling him I grabbed the car, left his personal effects at his house and thanked him for keeping it in good condition while I was gone (which wasn't sarcasm), which again no response to.
In hindsight I didn't end up using the car much over the weekend which makes me out to be worse, however, I didn't know what I was doing and if I would need a car or not. Had they told me before that they had planned the trip I would 100% agree to let them keep it 4 extra days.
So, am I an asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 22,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
NoW73SdeD7rnUUvJIWWHF8J5GVbEnzoW
|
aqbrpw
|
{
"description": "not helping an injured kid",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not helping an injured kid?
|
So, I guess I should start by giving some background information first;
On my neighborhood there is this one little kid, 13 or 14. He is the most rude person I have seen in my life: insults old people, yells at ALL times, curses for everything, treats his mother like absolute crap and is just generally as obnoxious as anyone can get. I think he even got into trouble with the police once. I've spoken to some neighbors and they are actually amazed someone can be as spoiled and rude as that kid is.
The thing is, I was biking the other day next to a skate park and the kid was there. I prefer to ignore him so that's what I did, as usual. Now, he must've tried to make a jump or something because I hear a loud sound and next thing I know he's on the ground, crying. I seriously think he's broken something. And I just keep on biking. I feel terrible almost immediately, but I do not go back.
I did tell my parents when I got home, and they have warned the kid's parents so he should be ok.
But I still feel terrible for having walked away when I saw him getting injured. At that moment I just though that he even deserved it for all years of rudeness to the whole neighborhood.
AITA for not helping him immediately?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
GkUIt7mKKUpoEOIhmc12sYEZtpNFkFHh
|
abe0ca
|
{
"description": "not thinking cheating is that bad",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for not thinking cheating is that bad?
|
Ive never cheated on anyone, and I never plan on it, because I see how much other people hate it, and ive been in a relationship before. Im also not polyamorous, and I wouldnt want to be in a relationship where I know that he's fooling around, but i honestly wouldnt mind if I didnt know. Like ive never understood why people care if hes still providing the same level of love. Its like jerking off. So, im not gonna cheat on anyone but like.. i just dont get it. Am i an asshole? Can i continue to have monogamous relationships and not be an asshole or should i just like... not.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
p8OusFqW0SLikHnS5PBvII5XZL39kJkS
|
afeag1
|
{
"description": "not taking pictures with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not taking pictures with my girlfriend?
|
Today my girlfriend asked me to go to her church, go to dinner with her friends, and take pictures afterwards. Since I am spending the night at my friends house I told her I was planning on getting to his house at 7/8 PM, so we would definitely have enough time for church and dinner (4 and 5:30, respectively), but it would depend on the timing for pictures. She said that was fine, so we went to church (which I had told her I disliked before), and went to dinner with her friends (who I’m not particularly fond of), and I even paid for her meal as well. When we left the restaurant it was about 6:50 and I wasn’t feeling too good, so I started heading to her house. She was fine until I pulled into her neighborhood, then got mad at me for not wanting to take pictures. Am I the asshole for not taking pictures, which I previously told her we may not have time to do?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
QbVOP6OsRWNWO09h2FWJyGb7BNyRYtZc
|
at8mf3
|
{
"description": "feeling somehow upset because my mom is supportive enough to sit besides me 24*7 when I study",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for feeling somehow upset because my mom is supportive enough to sit besides me 24*7 when I study
|
I have Asian parents, and I have my exams coming up. I genuinely think I am the luckiest son in the world for having such amazing parents who care so much about my future, my mother is an amazing person and I feel like my parents have been so much better as parents then I have been as a soon.
Because we have our exams coming up, my mother has been supportive enough to sit one feet away from me, right besides my study table, all day long. She even gets me water when I get up to have a drink, and encourages me to sit long hours continuously.It’s currently 12 am here, and my mother is kind enough to give me company. She dozes off and snores sometimes, and I ask her if she wants to go sleep, but she doesn’t and gives me support. I honestly don’t require it, but I am grateful by the amazing act of kindness.
And I know I am an asshole for this, have no clue how big of an asshole I am though. I feel irritated by this sometimes. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I am really fortunate to have such an amazing mother, who stays besides be the whole day with the intention of helping me excel in studies.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
WmqNi1clxCVbggiwrh4SpNNGYmRQiQl1
|
ar2pu6
|
{
"description": "lying about watching a movie so my significant other would enjoy it more",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for lying about watching a movie so my significant other would enjoy it more?
|
Super brief history here, me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 6 months (though it feels like we’ve known each other for years) and we moved in together and it’s been fantastic (I’m aware how soon it is, there’s a reason for it, disregard the part where you advise it’s too soon, we both know).
Well, when we’re trying to relax and watch a movie on Netflix she always likes to pick things that both haven’t seen. Me being a huge movie buff that regularly browses IMDb and rotten tomatoes for the best movies, have seen most “critically acclaimed” movies that are out. So when we started to talk about the movie “eternal sunshine of a spotless mind” (fantastic movie by the way, go see it if you haven’t. It’s a classic), she said she had never seen it before and that she always wanted to. So me, having already seen it and knowing she wouldn’t watch it if she knew I had known I had already seen it, she wouldn’t want to.
So I told her I haven’t, I knew she would love the movie so I really wanted her to experience it.
After the movie finished, she loved the movie. I confessed that I had already seen it and that just wanted her to experience it. She gets furious, saying that I should never lie about things no matter what it’s about. I tried explaining that I’m well aware that lying is bad, but the morality of this was for you to enjoy something you haven’t before. She then said “what other things could you lie to me about to ‘save my feelings’ , where’s the line draw?”.
I told her I was sorry, I truly didn’t mean to offend you. And I’ll always be honest with you because I truly have nothing to hide (I’m not a cheater, liar or a fake person, I’m an open book in every way). I also said that I will never do anything to you that I would ever have to hide to begin with, so lying isn’t really a necessity from the start. I didn’t say that I think she was blowing it out of proportion a little bit, and that your really questioning my morality as a person and I’ve never, and will never do anything that will need to be hidden from you to begin with.
So am I the asshole for lying about having already seen a movie?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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}
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NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
SY2vGUvTGfZ2yPowx3WDy1UVf02Q5w5V
|
arschr
|
{
"description": "calling my date \"short\"",
"pronormative_score": 64,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for calling my date "short"?
|
So last night I met up at a bar with a very cute guy that I met on a dating app at a bar. From the moment he sees me, I can tell he's uncomfortable, and I'm honestly not sure why. I figure maybe he's nervous. I try my best to put him at ease, but he's just not feeling it. Finally he says, "Did you *have* to wear those heels, though?"
OK, so now I get it: he's been thinking about the height differential. He's not a short guy, but at present I've got about 4 inches on him. I honestly thought he was trying to break some tension with a joke (and also clueing me in on why he was feeling uncomfortable)... so I responded, "Well, do you have to be so *short*?" I fully expected him to laugh - but he did not. He got very sulky, and very quickly the date bombed and he left. I doubt we'll ever meet up again.
On the one hand, I feel terrible for what I said. Obviously it's something he's insecure about, and, unlike my fashion choices, his height is not something he has control over. On the other hand, I'm pretty aware of how tall I am, and if his calling me out on the heels was a sincere jab, then I feel he was being kind of rude too. So I'm just puzzling out who was in the wrong for what went down, and could use a little help. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 52,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 12,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 64,
"WRONG": 19
}
|
RIGHT
|
3OX44YqxNoN2Pz8OwTInvXwjZyDJrXwI
|
a9kjwv
|
{
"description": "getting angry at my mother who refuses to accept my brother who recently came out",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting angry at my mother who refuses to accept my brother who recently came out?
|
Early October my brother came out to my mother and it didn't go well. She was extremely disrespectful and even laughs at the fact he gave her a letter after their argument explaining himself. In defense of my mother, he was originally asking for money which turned into him coming out.
​
Its been over 3 months and she still won't accept or respect his sexuality. I am 18 and about to graduate High School and he used to be over at our house frequently so this has affected my day to day life. I also just miss my brother. I talk to him quite often and he tells me he is grateful I am talking to her but he doesn't want to make it my problem.
​
Fast forward to today and he obviously isn't home which really put me down but no one else seemed to mind. I was sitting next to my mother when I gave her the suggestion to reach out to my brother and let him know you love him and accept him or at least make some progress. This turned into my mother saying something along the lines of "I can't accept that way of life because it is wrong". This set me off and I became extremely frustrated because of her tone and lack of compassion. She then said she has reached out to him multiple times (which I know is a lie) and said: "I don't care if he doesn't want me in his life". At this point, everyone was ganging up on me and backing my mom up and I felt so shitty. I was just giving her a suggestion! I never wanted to turn our morning into an argument but I hated how she was talking about my brother whenever she could've said something to me that was so much more neutral and positive like "We need to sit down and talk it out" not "I can't accept that way of life because it is wrong".
​
I feel like an asshole but I'm just not sure. I never meant to start something and I wish I never made a comment like that, to begin with because I suppose it isn't my business but he is my brother and I want to see him, especially on Christmas.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 10,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
MfEoIKaKmLQWfWocqbRiR39RMQY6rdZA
|
atf8s8
|
{
"description": "buying my wife flowers",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I buy my wife flowers?
|
She's going away for 2 nights later today on a girls weekend with her sister and 2 of their friends.
I know the hotel name and found a florist nearby.
Heres the catch. She has mentioned several times before that she'd hate to get surprise flowers at work anytime I brought it up. As well I don't know if it could change the dynamic of the weekend since its supposed to be a getaway for them.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
uTuUXAqYjUNzj0uCl8jl2tfo8L12BDCi
|
a4t4nr
|
{
"description": "accidentally not tipping",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for accidentally not tipping?
|
This happened last week. I was at an asian fusion restaurant, nothing fancy, $11 lunch special. I usually tip 20% on lower priced meals since I pay with debit.
So I finish my food and go up to the cash to pay. Now I'm not in a rush, but I have to get back to work soon so I'm going through the payment menu pretty quickly. I press yes to the price, put my pin in and put in the 20% tip.
Now, I'm pretty sure I pressed 2, then 0. I'm not sure if I went too fast, the button didn't register or what, but I handed it back only to have the lady at the register, not my server give me the nastiest look.
She yelled out "EXCUSE ME SIR, THERE IS A 10% MINIMUM SERVICE FEE, YOU DIDN'T ADD ANYTHING!". I honestly froze. I looked at her and said "Oh,I thought I tipped 20%?" and she replied "No sir, there's nothing here!". I was still a bit shook for getting called out and yelled at. I just wanted to leave so I said "Oh, sorry about that" and left.
I honestly would have left the $3 tip in change, but I kind of felt like I was attacked for a simple mistake. My co-workers reassured me the person could have handled it better and I shouldn't feel bad, but I kind feel bad too.
I don't know :S
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
FrnxGNhWAfeLnSpa6eSzjlbh0iIh8pGA
|
b79s1r
|
{
"description": "going on vacation without telling my family or friends",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I went on vacation without telling my family or friends?
|
I went to Austria in December and told family and friends about my trip, and there was so much hassle involved in telling my family because they expected me to organise a family meal as a farewell, and when it came to pass, it was an absolute debacle and I knew before I even planned it, that it would go sourly.
I'm now going off to Scotland next month, for a week away, I've told my housemate (I moved out of my parents place last year because they're narcissists and living with them depressed me.) Honestly, though, I don't want to tell anyone else about me going away, I feel a bit guilty because I think if something were to happen, it would help if they knew where I was, but given my history of telling them, I just want some peace, which I know I won't get if I do tell them.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
RdUbjLbEUp35iB1aVS4lCJdF2IYeS57D
|
ai875n
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my ex for acting as though he was the only who cared for me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my ex for acting as though he was the only who cared for me?
|
Brace yourselves, it's a long story and I am sorry for any typos, English is not my first language.
Last summer I dated a guy that was studying to be a flight attendant with my best friend. At first he was sweet but as the course went on he had less time to hang out, he didn't answer anymore, he was stressed out and he started to stand me up on dates and stuff.. I reacted pretty badly at first as I was also starting a new job and I had to travel 3 hours every day and bike 20 kilometers to make it. I guess neither one of us were really in the right mood. Nonetheless, I got mad, started to get insecure and had a breakdown on him. So my best friend just told him to back off and he did. I was quite ashamed of myself so I apologized and he ignored me. When I saw that he was still watching my stories I just wrote to him something in the lines of: if you're going to ignore me do it right. Don't watch my stories. To that, he promptly deleted me from social medias and that was the end of it.
At that point I was pretty much the asshole I think.. anyways I leave that to your judgement.
Couple of months later, he does his grand comeback and adds me on fb. I message him saying that I am not really comfortable with us being friends and all.. And I do it very nicely I think.. He gets mad tells me off and blocks me on fb. I tell it to my best friend and he then confide that my ex is feeling lonely and that he hasn't really connected with any flight attendants and his job doesn't really allow him to with anyone. I find his number and text him telling him that I didn't mean him to take it that way it's just I still remember the nice time we had together and it still hurts to talk to him. We then formally apologize to each other (especially me). But nothing more comes out of it. We don't talk again as I made it clear that it was over and that I don't befriend my exes.
Fast forward to last Sunday.. my best friend posts a story of us at a party and my ex suddenly remembers that he didn't wish me a HNY... 13 days later.. I just answer thanks, you too even though it's a little late. He starts joking around with wink faces and I just tell him what's new to be polite... Two days later and he didn't answer.. I texted him well never mind, hope your having a good one, bye now... Through that part, you have to keep in mind that I'm really depressed because my contract ended so I don't have a job, both my best friends are an ocean away and well I'm bored, I don't have social contact or anything.. the smallest thing throws me off.. So small talks with someone I don't specially want to talk too are not really something I enjoy.
He gets mad at me, and says still moody I see, I've been working you should know. And I tell him that I'm not mentally well so to cut me some slack. So to that he kinda tries to apologize and the typical if you want to talk I'm here. And if there's one thing I really don't need right now is pity.
So I try to explain to him gently that even though I appreciate his support, it's really not what I need right now and I'd rather not talk to him.. and he gets mad saying that I'm just trying to push him away, that I shouldn't treat him like that he's doing everything out of his own free will.. And I try to explain to him that I need someone to hang out with here in my city not half a world away, I don't to feel vulnerable to him by talking with him as a crutch as it would hurt me more than anything.. he gets mad again, and so explain once more putting an accent on the fact that I don't hate him or anything. He doesn't answer again for 2 days.. So I just tell him not to contact me again as the wait is more painful than anything. And he starts saying that I'm spitting in the face of maybe the only person that cares for me, and if that's how I treat people who care, I'm going to need luck. That everything he did he did it out of free will and that I twisted it all around.
There I got mad, and I told him that I tried to explain to him many times, and that I do have people who care and not to presume on how I treat them. As for him caring, it's all lie he's telling himself to make himself feel better that he better not blame me, if he still hasn't got it through his head that by texting me he's not doing me any good. Theeeen I blocked him..
Am I the asshole?
Thanks everyone who kept on going until here!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
SfdCSVEY3pQpzYUOPaD1R9m5qoGv4u2C
|
acawqi
|
{
"description": "not wanting to take part on a charity event because I am afraid I cannot handle it emotionally",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to take part on a charity event because I am afraid I cannot handle it emotionally.
|
So, I'll try to keep it short.
I'm part of a group of performers and we have been working for an association that rises funds for the families of hospitalized children.
It's a good cause and I love it.
We have helped them rising funds before but we have never interacted with the children or the hospital.
Now they have asked us to pay a visit to the children inside the hospital and I don't think I can handle it.
I don't like children and I would go as far as to say that I avoid contact with them if it is possible but this has nothing to do with it. I love that we are given this amazing opportunity I just don't know how I would react seeing all those poor children suffering and in pain.
This kids condotion are severe, we are not talking about broken bones or that kind of stuff we are talking very serious diseases. This hospital is one of the most famous in my country for children care and even people from other countries come here because they are specilized in serious illnesses.
Most of the people in my group are going but I don't think I can handle it emotionally and I feel like an asshole because I think of the joy that this would bring to those poor children.
I should add that I suffer from severe anxiety. I'm also an hypocondriac and hospitals make my anxiety go crazy in a non rational way (like I know that we won't come in contact with infectious diseases but I can't controll it) and that only makes everything even worst.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Sqis1uhO5YS4Q3dxIpjhFc0vJiC1RgeS
|
9vzwbp
|
{
"description": "smoking to help my cope with the loss of my dog",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for smoking to help my cope with the loss of my dog
|
My dog had to be euthanized this morning and I was holding his paw the whole way through, crying.
I had been crying and hurting all day and wanted to numb the pain. I decided to smoke and feel terrible about it because I don’t think he would want me to forget about him and wants me to know how much he means to me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
BZR7g5PuhiCMIZYnqozBFrVKweczrRQ8
|
amw89h
|
{
"description": "hoping my deceased uncle left me money in his will",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for hoping my deceased uncle left me money in his will.
|
Backstory, I have a very wealthy uncle whom I was never really close with (really only saw him at Christmas). He paid for my college tuition and bought me a new car which I can't explain how grateful I am for.
However, he died at the end of last year and everything has been so hush hush. My mom and I don't know where he was buried, or if there was even a funeral that we weren't invited to.
I feel like such an asshole even thinking this, but a part of me is hoping I'll get a call soon saying Uncle has left me $$$, even if it's in a trust or something. I feel like that would've happened by now though (it's been almost 6 months since he died).
TL;DR Rich af uncle, I am borderline salty I wasn't left anything (as far as I know).
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
IGsBbAQ6TXIpgXZy1jdgKKDV0KGiE8Zo
|
ahdv8a
|
{
"description": "calling my boyfriend's work",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA For calling my boyfriend's work?
|
Today is an *anniversary* of when my boyfriend and I first started dating. I have some extra money so I decided to send my boyfriend a pizza today. He told me he was just getting back from lunch but I figured that if he didn't want it now he could hold onto it in his company fridge and bring it home, since we wanted to spend the evening together.
Lately all we ever get is frozen supreme pizzas, so I ordered him a large Supreme with Handtossed Crust and some things called cinnamon twists. I texted him and told him I was having a present delivered and he would need to sign for it.
So I tell the pizza place that he specifically needs to sign for it, and I'm excited, waiting at my desk for the text saying he got his food, because I figured even if he didn't want it right now, he'd have stuff to snack on later.
The delivery time comes and passes and I end up telling him his present was pizza, and I needed to know if he got it or not, and he says, "oh the supreme? I didn't get any."
So I'm immediately upset because I think someone else signed for it and ate the food I bought for him.
I ask him if he signed for it and he just says "why would you send it to a place where a bunch of old dudes work and expect them not to eat it all?"
So I call the business, thinking someone else had signed my receipt, effectively stealing the product I purchased for my boyfriend, because he didn't specify that he signed for it, and he didn't get a single slice of the pizza or a single cinnamon twist.
I got his boss on the line when I called in, and I asked if they knew who signed for the pizza, because I was told that he didn't get any. She said he did sign for it, and he told her, "She should know me well enough to know that I don't like supreme pizza," and refused to eat it. His boss said "I tried to get him to at least eat a cinnamon twist, but he didn't want to."
So I text him to ask why he gave it away, and he wouldn't answer, and the conversation ended up devolving into him practically yelling at me through text saying that sending him the pizza was dumb, he signs for things every day, how was he supposed to know the pizza was for him, that I shouldn't have called his work because he would get into a lot of trouble if the BIG BOSS had answered the phone.
I am now terribly upset because I'm out $30, and I didn't want to feed his coworkers, I wanted the pizza to be for him. I was under the impression the pizza was stolen, but it wasn't, he'd just given it away. And on this day that is supposed to be at least somewhat special, the one nice thing I was able to do for him was not even slightly appreciated, and he's furious at me for calling his company to see who signed for it, when I asked him directly several times. I had no idea what kind of tip was left, and I was upset that he hadn't eaten, and had no idea who charged the tip to my card.
And then being told that he doesn't even like supreme pizzas, when thats all he eats at home when we get frozen pizzas. I don't pick that style, he does.
At this point he's texted me saying "BIG BOSS found out, bosslady told him. All I heard was "Why does that involve you!?" So thanks. I could get in big trouble for this."
So am I the asshole? Did I overreact?
The big issue seems to be me calling in. I just wanted to make sure someone else didn't sign off and claim the pizza.
I was just trying to do something nice and now I'm super upset. It might be an overreaction but the way he was talking to me through text and how angry he seemed to get over a PIZZA of all things had me so upset I started crying and had to step away from the office.
*not specifying the length of relationship because that shouldn't matter in this context.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 15
}
|
WRONG
|
U7g0fCcyHynIB2FvR2jF9HKJAlx1TgkI
|
b68834
|
{
"description": "going on a trip without my best friend, even though we planned it together",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I went on a trip without my best friend, even though we planned it together?
|
Sorry for the mobile formatting. So we are both 25/F and are turning 26 in October. Our birthdays are two days apart and we came up with the idea to travel to Los Angeles for our birthday week. While we were planning everything, we were both super excited and started naming things we would want to do. When it came to the dates, she was adamant that she wanted to go for seven days, which would be Sunday-Saturday. I did not like this idea and told her that it would be way too expensive and that it wouldn’t make sense to go for that long. She said we would compromise and only go for six days (which I still didn’t like). I said that going for three or four days would be more than enough, but she insisted that she would need a day to “recover” from the flight. The flight we were looking at gets to LA at around 10:30am, but she wants to spend the day at the airBnB after we arrive.
On top of this, she wants to do a bunch of things that I know for a fact she can’t afford. She wants to go to Disneyland, rent a car (which I would have to pay for, because she doesn’t have any credit cards), and stay at a private airBnB. Without giving out too much of her financial situation, I know that she owes a lot of money and only pays about $200 a month to live with a friend. I know that I would have to pay the majority of the trip and it frustrates me to no end. Moving forward to today, I just found out that I got accepted into the fire department for my town and I am so excited for this! Unfortunately, I am having surgery next month and have to miss one of the training classes. Missing one of the training classes means that I have to go to the next full class entirely, which isn’t until September. I texted her and told her that we might have to consider moving the trip to November and she flipped out. She said that she wanted to have one birthday that wasn’t a shitty one and that I had to let her know ASAP.
At this point, I don’t even want to go on the trip anymore. I mean, I want to see LA, but I don’t want to go on this extravagant vacation that I’ll end up paying for most of. I am happy with a three day trip that I can stay in a cheap hotel and see everything that I want to see. I go on solo vacations a lot and I have always enjoyed it. I don’t know what to do, but would I be the asshole if I just booked my own trip and went without her? Someone told me that I should just book the trip I want and tell her if she wants to tag along to go ahead, but I don’t know if that’s the best move.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Ecl6RzW4W2UcMtciEG54No3PblnH8KWv
|
aownhc
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my gf for not adding me on snapchat",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA - For getting mad at my gf for not adding me on snapchat?
|
We've been dating for a few months and known each other for a year. So this all started a month into dating when she made an instagram account and she didn't add me but told me to add her and like all her pictures, at the time I didn't think anything of it until a friend asked why she didn't follow me on Instagram. I asked her about it and she said "you don't post anything so why would I follow?" it made sense and I told her how I felt about and everything seemed good and she added me. Fast forward to yesterday she decides to make a snapchat because her friends told her to ( I've been trying to get her to make one since I've known her) and she starts telling me about her sending thingd to her friends and I get really upset about and she gets mad at me because "it's just snapchat" .
The reason I get upset is cause we had recently discussed how I feel like she's ashamed for people to know that we are together. It wasn't until that conversation that she told her friends that she had a boyfriend. She's a shy and private girl with anxiety so all this just seemed normal to me. But all these feeling came rushing back when this happened...
She is upset that I'm making a big deal about and I'm starting to think I may be.
Reading this over makes it sound like we are in junior high lol we are both in our late 20s
So reddit, AITA for getting upset?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
4TiON8xv8n5iXjvSNIMRFHtSIefRPF75
|
b9fx2z
|
{
"description": "wanting to end a friendship so abruptly",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to end a friendship so abruptly?
|
The title isn’t exactly the best, but I have to vent somehow and I don’t have enough real life friends to get a diverse opinion.
So, a few years ago, I played Destiny. And I was able to meet some friends on there. One of them is the friend I’m referring to, we’ll call him Frank. Thanks to Frank, I am now friends with very wonderful people who I wouldn’t trade for anything else. We played many games and we had many wonderful moments together.
But one night, he confessed he loved me. And I reciprocated... but I’m a complete and total idiot who thought the type of love he was talking about was platonic. Nope, he wants me to be part of a three way relationship with him and his wife. I should also note that I’ve constantly mentioned my fiancé in much of our conversations.
It’s been a few months, we chatted and talked about meeting up sometime soon, but I’ve been having second thoughts about this relationship. I thought he would understand me just wanting to be friends but he always says “just give us a chance” and “you love me, right?” The issue being he knows I hate confrontations and I have an issue about saying no (the wonderful gift of low confidence). Recently when I mentioned the doubts I have about this relationship, he proceeds to claim he spent $600 on stuff for me!
HOW? The only things I got from him was enough platinum in Warframe to get 2 new warframes! (For reference, he would have to pay $24.98 to get the platinum for both of them) and that’s it! And the idea that he spent $600 on me and he hasn’t even seen me in person says a lot about him!
Looking back at all the messages, I’ve felt like he sees me as more of a girlfriend than an actual friend. I tried to explain that I just want to be friends and I appreciate everything he’s done for me, but he claims “You're going to give us a shot because I KNOW THAT YOU LOVE ME” and “Your chance to make this up, is to give us a chance. Understand?” (Actual messages, btw)
The main reason I’m hesitant to end this is, well, he’s been friends with the other guys for longer and I read the stories on here about how someone would become your worst nightmare for rejecting them and I don’t want to be the cause of the ruination of a decade long friendship. Plus, My fiancé found the most recent conversation (he read it over my shoulder) where Frank wrote: “You are going to come visit ok. I am NOT taking no for an answer ok. We're going to set something up for may ok? ( The correct response you should respond with is Yes Sir)”, and needless to say, fiancé absolutely rejects the concept of me visiting Frank now.
Should I just end this relationship right now and look like an asshole for talking about visiting him for almost a year or should I try making it up to Frank before ending it? I feel like the asshole either way...
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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auluup
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{
"description": "calling out my ex-roommates' abuse of their puppy and paying partial rent in fives and ones as I moved out",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 9
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|
AITA for calling out my ex-roommates' abuse of their puppy and paying partial rent in fives and ones as I moved out?
|
My gf Ali's coworker, Rob, offered to let us live in his spare room. We hadn't discussed with them how long we'd stay, but after January was finishing up Ali and I had decided we'd leave in late Feb.
Rob was living with his gf, Les, and their 4 month old puppy, Lia. Before this we were at a party in their home and noticed Rob hit Lia when she became too playful or jumped on people (she is large). It was weird, but figured it wasn't a typical thing. We proceeded to move in on November 8th, paying $350 for that month and eventually for December + January, too.
We became reclusive after realizing how they really treated Lia. She was put into her cage usually from the time that they slept until their arrival from work (unless Les slept on the couch with her since Rob hated sleeping with Lia). Sometimes Ali would be home all day and realize that Rob would only let Lia out to pee while he'd hang out in the living room. He would also hit her. Yelling "no!" and "shut up!" at Lia was common to hear.
It made us feel uncomfortable. Eventually we'd hear Lia whining past 12 and Rob would come out and hit her. I recorded some of these instances.
[2/2 Second time he came out to hit her after Lia was barking](https://vocaroo.com/i/s0a8ySEpd7o2)
[2/9](https://vocaroo.com/i/s1F84ATsNcav)
[2/15](https://vocaroo.com/i/s0bu2RBgZmJ7)
[2/18](https://vocaroo.com/i/s0TH9vnaCOWG)
I stopped interacting with them after this started. Ali left to spend her last weeks here with her family and I stayed with Rob while working. He asked Ali if she was mad at him and she explained that her discomfort there stemmed from her father's abusiveness.
He responded with:
>"I may have gone a lil too overboard with her cause her barking was making me think that you guys were not getting enough rest so that's why i did it...You could've come to me about it and I would've realized my mistake earlier."
His response rubbed me the wrong, particularly that he brushed off that he was abusing Lia, so I wrote a letter for Rob. [here if you wanna read it](https://imgur.com/a/lZE33BG)
I left the rent money in a couple of twenties but mostly fives and ones out of pettiness and a desire to get rid of them. I also left behind furniture that wasn't theirs (desk+mattress). And I hadn't vacuumed, but the bathroom was clean. My anxiety in asking for the vacuum or having to move this furniture past them shouldn't excuse me.
They texted Ali a whole bunch of stuff after this, with some name calling, defensiveness of the abuse, and that I should've paid in full.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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agj2z7
|
{
"description": "giving extremely mixed signals to my boyfriend",
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|
AITA for giving extremely mixed signals to my boyfriend?
|
Obligatory Throwaway account spiel and tl;dr will provided below after long exposition dump.
Sorry in advance for all the words and format (I'm a mobile user degenerate)
Anyways to preface my situation I have to give context in the form of explaining my past relationships. All have but one involved cheating, physical, emotional, and mental abuse, and fear of anything romantic or sexual (I don't want to get into too much detail as I'm currently battling severe depression and anxiety).
The one relationship that didn't leave me damaged however was when I dated my current boyfriend who we'll call E.
Back then I was teenager who had unfortunately fell into romanticizing suicide and constantly made E sad when I told him I would kill myself or he'd leave me eventually. The whole thing was a shit show that I constantly look back on and never forget nor never forgave myself for doing to someone who was like me, someone who wanted to be in a healthy loving nontoxic relationship.
I realized, unfortunately after a year of being with him at the time, how fucked up I was and apologised and broke up with E. In my head I was saving E from any more pain I would've caused from my selfish destructive words and ideals though to others it was because he was moving to a different part in the state I live in.
After he left, the string of manipulative and painful attempts of romantic endeavors came and went alongside a suicide attempt that, as messed up and cringy as it sounds, was rebirth I needed to change drastically. I love life now though I make jokes about killing myself from time to time but it's all part of my twisted humor.
Cut to a year and months later my ex comes back and my best friend sets us all up to hangout at her place. We all catch up and spill a lot of history about what happened when E left.
E explains that he got into a relationship with a girl months after he moved and lost his virginity to her only to find out that that she was engaged. I felt sympathetic to the feeling of being used as someone's sexual release toy though I never had sex (when you're a teen with hormones up the ass you're bound to make mistakes in that regard but there's a different reason as to why I remain a virgin which I'll get to).
We all exchanged numbers just in case we wanted to hangout again and soon enough E and I get to talking. We text for a couple days and one thing led to another and E asks if we could get back together.
I has extremely hesitant to the idea which I told him about and heavily insisted if he was sure. Even though I was no longer toxic I wasn't the same person especially considering the fact that I came out as transgender.
I pressed that considering our pasts we would have to go slow and that if I say things that are similar to the crap I said when I was young or that made him feel like crap or sad, make sure to stop and change the subject. We agreed.
Cue to the current dilemma, we're 3 months into the relationship and I'm hanging at his house where out of nowhere I kiss E for the first time.
That's not where the issue is however.
We go in for more and in the heat of the moment I start teasing the shit out of him by grinding. He loses control for a bit and pins me down on his bed in the ye old missionary style. I freak out getting a flashback to when my ex before him did it and I damn near kick him in the balls.
I was apologising so much but he said it was his fault for going too fast. It made it worse when deep down I wanted to go further but my extreme fear and cowardice made me pussy out.
We talked it out and we just went about playing videogames.
After that day the same thing happened for 3 more times minus the almost assault via my foot to his testicles. We'd hang, thing's get steamy, I tease, I freakout when he returns it.
He's started to get frustrated for this double standard which I've apologized for countless times. I've been trying so hard but my past just comes to haunt me and I end up feeling like a whore when I want to go further.
So Reddit, AITA?
I'm sorry if this post is all over the place but it's midnight and I'm suffering from the flu and depression so my mind is not exactly in the right as of now.
**TL;DR Ex who I made sad with teenage angst gets back together with me. 3 months in I sexually tease the shit out of him but when he tries to return it I pussy out multiple times **
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b47j4w
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{
"description": "ditching my friend for getting released from school an hour earlier",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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|
WIBTA if I ditched my friend for getting released from school an hour earlier
|
Context: At my school in Grade 12 you get two spares which are free-periods. Since I completed two credits in one class I have a spare in Grade 11.
The spare is in the afternoon, my school as a day 1 (odd days) and a day 2 (even days) so one week my spare would be period 4 (last period) on a Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. This week it is Tuesday and Thursday.
For the other afternoon period I have Online Accounting. The Library (where I usually work on the computers provided) was double booked which means no computers are free.
I usually find another spot with a singular computer like the Guidance Office. The past 2 days (including today) it is double booked during my account online class. So I went to the Guidance Office to ask if I could use the computers next period, but also asked if I was allowed to "swap" the time slots for the online class and spare from time to time when the library is booked.
She said since I could access the online class at any time of the day and there is no time slot for it I could. I asked if it'd be unethical to swap the two all the time when I had accounting class period to get off school early. She said no since I can acccess accounting any time and the other period isn't a class, but instead a free period.
**So...** WIBTA if I swapped the time slots to be in my control to leave at 1:20 compared to 2:35 leaving my friend (who I mainly on see at the end of school for the walk home) in the dust every day to well get off early, and is abusing my powers unethical?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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a3d0ss
| null |
AITA if my good friend (M) repeatedly cheated on another friend of mine (F) and I haven't cut him out of my life?
|
I (F, late 20s) have been friends with this guy, let's call him Dick, for 13 years, he's one of my best friends and we regularly hang out as we're both in the same circle of friends. He isn't a bad guy but he clearly has issues when it comes to honesty, especially in romantic relationships.
Dick is a pathological liar and will always have 2-3 girlfriends at the same time (without them knowing) and cheat on them whenever he can. He's done this for the last 10 years and all of us friends have always known (he tells us all about the horrible things he does), but other than calling him out on it there wasn't much we could do.
We always tried not to get involved by avoiding unnecessary contact with the poor girls. We would see them very occasionally and pretend everything was good. I always tried to avoid those situations because I felt guilty knowing all I knew and seeing them happy with their seemingly perfect boyfriend. I often questioned my morality because if I were in their shoes I would really want someone to tell me the truth. In all these years, very few of them found out what was going on, while the others just got dumped for random made-up reasons.
However, three years ago Dick decided he wanted to hit on a good friend of mine, Jane, who he'd just met a few weeks before. Weirdly, he was fully single at the time, but still I was horrified because I could already picture what would happen. I begged him to change his mind and I warned her and told her all about his past. Told her she would end up cheated on, just like the others before her. But she liked him, and replied "I believe people can change". I knew he wouldn't, but there was nothing I could do at that point. They started dating and I promised Jane that if he ever cheated on her I would tell her immediately, and I let him know too.
One year went by, and obviously Dick started cheating on Jane with another girl. I forced him to confess to Jane, threatening to tell her myself if he didn't. He confessed, she forgave him. After one month he went back to the other girl. Jane found out, forgave him again. This happened one more time until she FINALLY broke up with him. The whole ordeal lasted approximately one year.
I stayed friends with both. After a few weeks Jane told me something along the lines of "If you really care about me, I can't understand why you didn't cut him out of your life after what he's done to me". She didn't bring that up again, now it's been a few months and she seems ok with me and Dick being friends.
I know he's a toxic person but he has been one of my best friends for more than a decade, we've always been there for each other and even if he's a dickhead with his girlfriends he's a good friend to us. I also believe that being abandoned by his only true friends would make him an even worse person.
At the same time I'm afraid I might have been a bad friend to Jane. So what do you think? AITA?
**TL,DR:** friend dates one of my girlfriends, repeatedly cheats on her, they break up, I'm still on good terms with him even though he hurt my friend.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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az9mct
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{
"description": "asking her if her kids have the same father",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 79
}
|
AITA for asking her if her kids have the same father
|
I was at an event for my church and I met this younger girl with 2 kids who looked nothing alike. I asked who they were and she said they were her kids. We got to talking and I was curious so I asked her if her kids had the same father because they look nothing alike. She got upset and called me a misogynist and left. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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ab9jp1
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{
"description": "not sharing with my coworkers that I was going through a divorce",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not sharing with my coworkers that I was going through a divorce?
|
My coworkers seem very shocked that I didnt tell them I was getting divorced.
Now that its finalized, I mention it when someone asks about my husband, that we are no longer together. I'm a private person and don't like to "air my dirty laundry" to coworkers/at work etc. However my coworkers seemed flabbergasted that I didnt say anything. (I very rarely talk about my personal life in general so I'm not sure why this is such a surprise)
I've had some people say its "shady" and shows reason not to trust me by not sharing this info. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ati9xp
|
{
"description": "being upset at my new employer and starting to look for new jobs",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset at my new employer and starting to look for new jobs?
|
I started the position I'm in now the 2nd week on January. From what I was initially told in the interview, I'd be busy all the time, and more importantly, I'd have my own projects to work on.
It's been 6 weeks, and I'd say I spend over half of most of my days on Reddit or Pinterest. I have almost no work to do. On the other hand, my 2 coworkers, who have the same job as me, are drowning in their amount of work. I've taken to helping them with their work and picking up the slack that they don't have time to do. Since I've been doing this for a bit, I feel like I've become their personal assistant.
We had a conference this week, with hundreds of people from out of town, and had to make these folder/packets with information on the company. I had to build over 100 packets, while they did actual work. I feel like I've become their office assistant, when we're supposed to have the same job. It's partially my fault for offering to help them do some of their work, but they've started asking me to do these secretarial/assistant duties, that they don't have to do, and that were NOT in my job description.
Right now I'm making $30k/year (before taxes, benefits, and 401K) to go on Reddit and Pinterest. I'd rather make more, even if it's a little more, and actually have work to do.
So, I've started updating my resume, and looking elsewhere. I learned to not stay in a job if you hate it just because I don't want to be confrontational and quit and upset my current coworkers.
AITA for being upset over this? Most people in the office are super nice. I like them as people and they made me feel very welcome.
AITA and expecting too much?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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asd1y5
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{
"description": "trying to ghost this boy",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for trying to ghost this boy?
|
There’s this boy I’ve know for about a year or 2 and he’s nice to me and all, buys me gifts, forgiving, etc. but he’s harboring a lot of hurt and he looks for a girl who is sentimental without realizing it because of the things he asks of me. I’ve grew up from a tough upbringing, battling depression from a young age, surviving a suicide attempt, and just having a cold heart all around. Over a year I’ve changed drastically and I’m a way kinder, more forgiving person now but recently me and the boy don’t connect as well as we used to. I get stressed out talking to him because he wants and needs me to heal his broken and be someone I’m not. I’ve been leaving him on read more and more since I know it’s always gonna be something unpleasant between me and him. Am I the asshole in this situation? Feel free to ask questions as well
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b7shdn
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{
"description": "telling my parents I wont take care of them when they get old",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my parents I wont take care of them when they get old?
|
First off, I love my parents and would do anything for them. We are very close, talk almost daily and see each other every weekend.
BTW sorry for my english, it is not my native language.
My parents are the same age, both had a rough childhood. Then they had kids and had a rough time (financialy) bringing us up. Later on I had to go through the same as I worked to get money for my drivers licence, my first car, then worked to pay for college. Now that the kids are grown up and some good things happened to them career wise they are getting wealthier. Not rich by any means, but they can do what they want and still have something left.
As they recently both passed the age of 50 they have been expressing concerns of what they will do money wise when retirement comes. For the last year I have been pitching them ideas on small businesses that they could do similar to their current jobs. I dont want to be specific becouse I could get identified, but my dad has a good trade skill in a blue color job and could easily transfer to being self employed.
Now since they had a pretty poor life up untill now they want to use the money that they are earning now to get back at what they missed out on. Nice cars, expensive vacations. I completely understand their thought process, but... On one hand they spend all of their new income on expensive shit and on the other hand they cry about how they are not gonna have money for their retirement.
They completely deny any of my ideas for atleast a bit of financial independence.
Last weekend they told me that they dont want to risk saving money and dying to early unable to enjoy it.
They said that if they live long enough to go to retirement I am here to help them out financialy. Now, as I said I love them, but this is just selfish. I told them I will not help anybody that doesnt want to help themselfes.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a2jadr
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{
"description": "being frustrated",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being frustrated?
|
So, story time.
I've been able to drive since Valentine's day, this year. I'm 18, have no car, and am one of the only three people in my house who CAN drive.
Notice the emphasises on can. Well, since May, I've gotten my first (shitty,minimum wage) retail job, and am attending college. Well, it'd be a good idea for me to drive/have my own car, RIGHT?
Well, according to my stepfather (absolute asshole. That's a can of worms I'll open at another time.) Not so much. I have to get his approval to even get on his and my mom's insurance plan. I'd be paying my own way, and as a new driver it's rather high, but id still be paying for it myself.
I can't afford my own car yet, and he's never going to help me. He fucking hates me. So, Reddit. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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|
b8bkuh
|
{
"description": "getting mad that my fiance doesn't want to see a movie with me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for getting mad that my fiance doesn't want to see a movie with me?
|
So my fiance and I rarely ever see movies with one another. He often sees movies with his friends quite often though, which is fine because they are mostly star wars movies and or marvel movies. I don't dislike them, just not caught up so I don't bother seeing them. Then when it comes to movies I want to see he doesn't. They are just not his cup of tea, or sometimes he goes with his friends and we just don't get around to seeing the movie with each other.
Well today the trailer for The Dead Don't Die came out, and I really wanted to see it with him when it hits theaters. He hates scary movies, but I figured because it's a zombie parody movie he might be more interested in it. Nope. He replys with a "meh" and "eh not interested. Don't mean to sound like a dick or anything." That's when I snapped. I was fed up of him always doing this, this is like the fifth movie has has done this to. I say stuff like "you don't understand you are never bothered with me not seeing movies with you because you always go with your friends" and "whatever! I don't care anymore!" He then says with disdain he'll go see the movie. It made me more upset, I don't want him to feel like I'm forcing him to watch it, I'm just tired of the constant turning my movie choices down. So I say something stupid but in truth I still kinda mean "I'm never going to see another movie with you again. I won't ask to see a movie that you might not want to see, I won't even ask if it's a movie we both want to see. You can just go with your friends and I'll go see it alone." He then brings up all the 3 movies he did see with him and told me "quit acting like a fucking child!"
We haven't talked since (about 2-3 hours) we'll probably apologize when he gets off work. I just want to know, am I in the wrong? Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
2obOcOfipLMUOAz3ex6TRjPfGlWvAzwE
|
avefxs
|
{
"description": "not contacting Amazon after receiving a refund on a product, for which I didn't ask for a refund",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not contacting Amazon after receiving a refund on a product, for which I didn't ask for a refund.
|
I just got an email from Amazon (and yes I'm pretty sure it's from amazon, because it ends in @amazon.com and it has specific account information that only I or Amazon could have) saying that they've successfully refunded my item and the money will be reverse charged to my credit card in 1-3 days.
Here's the problem: I never asked for a refund on this product.
Honestly, I like the product. I use it fairly regularly. I never wanted a refund because there was never any need.
But apparently, they've decided to give me one....for some reason.
Now, let's cover some of the ethical problems. The product is from Kitchen Aid. So it's not some small company. And the refund on the product is only $20. It would probably cost them more in company time to fix this issue than the refund itself costs.
There's no expectation of returning the item, for some reason. Apparently the reason for the refund was that I didn't find the item satisfactory. But yet I still get to keep it.
There's no easy way to respond to this email. I'm given no email to reply to, because the email used was a notification only email.
I'm tempted to just let this go. Consider it a lucky windfall.
There are no new payment methods, so I doubt this is someone who is refunding my product through my account, only to get the refund payment put on their credit card. It's still my credit card info there, and only my card.
Am I an asshole for doing nothing?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
SWck87kO4YDlT1qgnJl2KQgQqcIwSyvL
|
a72qgf
|
{
"description": "thinking there is nothing wrong with feeding zoo animals live preys",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for thinking there is nothing wrong with feeding zoo animals live preys?
|
Some years ago I was with my family in a zoo and "luckily" for us it was feeding time for the jaguars. At the time they where living in small enclosures while their habitat was being worked on, so when there where rabbits released in the cage it was pretty easy to see the whole hunting process and to be honest it was quite majestic.
Now the thing is my sister at the time was going thru a hippie/vegetarian phase and she was *enraged* because of the "gratuitous" suffering of the rabbit, writing an complain letter and everything to the zoo administration.
And since then I've been wondering, am I the Asshole for thinking there is nothing wrong with hunting animals being fed live preys, as it can be beneficial for them even?
(Sorry for the bad en English, it isn't my first language)
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
MX5deiIinp92zfhlDbOdo5Xua75Gn6KH
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b5zk48
| null |
AITA - friend was mad we didn’t make him a third wheel on a double date
|
An old friend, let’s call him Dave, always stays at our house when he’s in town, and leaves it until the very last minute to ask if he can stay. It’s always when a friend group birthday/event is coming up that he will wait until the day before to ask if he can stay... even though he’s had a month and half since he received the party invitation (this happens repetitively).
Recently we were asked by a neighbouring couple to come over for drinks before we all went to mutual friend’s birthday. We don’t know this couple at all, and they had asked my husband and I over a few times so we wanted to finally make that happen. We agreed to the plans almost 3 weeks in advance. Dave, like clockwork, reaches out the day before the birthday to ask if he can stay with us. I tell him that he is more than welcome to stay with us but that we have plans for a double date prior to the party and then gave him some alternative ideas of what he could do while we were with the other couple to keep himself occupied... like hanging out with another old friend in the city, going shopping at the mall etc. When it comes to the time of the double date, Dave, just wants to hang out in our home alone and makes no effort to do any of the things he had said he was going to do. After the party is finished he had apparently spent the night complaining to others that we had ditched him, and we should have invited him to the double date we had gone on, had it been him he would have never done such a thing etc...
Considering it was a double date, and we didn’t know the couple I would have thought it was rude to bring a random third wheel with us.... AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
wCMjuVtXtskZtl9vgM2DQPIVuNFlsxI5
|
agq5vz
|
{
"description": "letting a girl ruin my first year of college",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for letting a girl ruin my first year of college?
|
Context: I had a girlfriend for 3 years, we had a sort of rocky beginning, we broke up, got back together, sort of one of those kinds of relationships. But regardless we loved each other and always would come back (I guess we were just too young and didn't realize what was staring us right in the face). The last time we saw each other we ended up starting a friends with benefits sort of thing and, being a little more mature than I had been the last time we broke up I decided I would try and be the boyfriend I hadn't been, and even though we were not exclusive I would make sure that I would be to show her that maybe she could give this another shot. So anyway, I have been in a lot of relationships in my life and I am not sure if its my personality (I am quite a fun person to be around I laugh a lot I'm super positive all the time and I guess some people like to take advantage of that and exploit my good nature), but I tend to be in relationships that either end badly or ones where the other party is found to be unfaithful. But not this Girl, for the sake of this story lets call her Stephanie. Stephanie never cheated on me, I had complete trust in her, and the reason these other relationships would end badly was that I'd always end up uncovering those secrets people had, I'd always end up finding out things I would rather not know, a pretty stark realization that ignorance really is bliss. But I trusted Stephanie not just with daily life, but I trusted her that she would never intentionally do something to hurt me or my heart.
Anyway, we started this whole FWB thing just as I was starting my first year at college. So I decided I would seldom go out and get too drunk and I wouldn't hook up with anyone because I wanted to prove to myself and her that this time it would be different and I was more mature and ready for a steady start to something new. This continued for a while, and I started getting those gut feelings that she wasn't being honest with me, that there was something wrong. But given that Stephanie never gave me any reason to suspect that she would be lying to me in our 3 years together, I decided that it was nothing and I was being paranoid. But I could never get rid of that feeling deep down in my stomach, and the only way that I could forget about it and feel normal was to play video games alone in my room or smoke weed. Those were the only two things that helped, and I also worked out every morning with my roommate which also helped but not as much. Given that information, you could probably take an educated guess and assume that my grades took the full force of this bad situation and while I didn't flunk out of school, I did not get good grades and the result of that was a wasted year of college and the grades to show it.
I would also like to give some more context as to the nature of this "FWB" situation we had together, we almost completely pretended it was an exclusive relationship, we'd go on dates, we would spend time at each other's houses, we'd text like we were in a relationship, it was like a dog shit that was gift wrapped perfectly, beautiful on the inside but as soon as you start to open it, it smells like shit. I had told her multiple times I was still in love with her while drunk, she had mistakenly said that she loved me at least 3 times while we were together, so given all that I really thought I had a chance to rekindle what we had lost.
Well one night I had had enough, she had texted me she was at a party, I was at school at the time, and that she would be staying over at some random guys house, and given that I had fallen yet again head over heels for this girl, it made me feel like a used napkin, like all she wanted was the emotional and sexual support in a relationship without the actual commitment to being exclusive to one another. I called her the next day and said that I would leave if she didn't tell me everything which she did, the late nights she would spend with other guys, all the encounters she had, and it really felt like someone had punched me in the stomach so hard that my lips and my mouth went completely dry and I sat there just trying to figure out what I would do, so, like any guy in love, I made the stupidest decision anyone could make, I said I was ok with it and that we should continue with our arrangement. +more time in video games, +more time smoking pot = bad grades = angry parents
Spring break rolled around, I had atrocious grades, my parents said that If I didn't turn things around, they would stop paying for school and I would have to drop out. I tried to text Stephanie, but she would only respond if I texted her on Instagram as well, which was bizarre. I then realised she had me muted on text and it had been like that our entire "FWB" trip. That was the last straw, I said that I was in love with her and that this was tearing me apart inside and that this had to stop. She never apologized and never took any wrongdoing saying that "I knew the rules and knew that she was allowed to see other people" so, with this new information, I completely broke down emotionally since this was literally the only girl I could have trusted, the one girl that I had held onto as something that I regretted and something I wanted back. So my grades never improved, I finished the year with probably a C-C+ average and decided to take a year off, gather myself, and see if I could do a second year. Well, I am currently about halfway through my brief sabbatical, I spent three months in France doing a program called WWOOF, I would work on farms and I get a free bed and free food. I came back for Christmas back home and now I found a job that pays well and is working while staying with my parents while we heal our relationship together (that's a whole other story), we got into a fight finally, and I told them everything about why I didn't do well in school and why I was always playing games and the such. And they would not understand that I had been depressed for my entire year at school and decided to cope with it in a way that affected my grades. They said to me that I threw away a year of my life, just because a girl had hurt me, and that it was my fault that I had destroyed my first year because of what had happened to me. My dad said to me that "You destroyed your first year for a girl?" With a facial expression that pretty much spelt out "Really? Are you kidding?". They pay for my college so it's understandable that they would be upset with my poor performance, but am I missing a part of their argument? Was it really something that should never have happened that I shouldn't have let this affect me so much? Am I The Asshole?
Spark Notes Version:
Girlfriend of three years decided to be FWB, she lied about seeing other guys, made me depressed and anxious all the time, got bad grades, parents were understandably upset about it, told them finally why, blamed me for letting it affect me so much and ruining my first year. AITA
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
K6Tbn2XlKXbUUdoMYgTYIkiebQAKH8NL
|
afpht8
|
{
"description": "getting tattoos against my parents wishes",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for getting tattoos against my parents wishes?
|
Before I get into this just a bit of context - I’m about to turn 19 in less than two weeks, work full time, and still live with my parents - I’m planning on going to college next year having taken this year to better myself as a person.
I love tattoos, and my father has one on his chest, which is partially why I think I became interested in tattoos in the first place. He has has told me that he hoped I don’t tattoo my neck or hands but he understands that this is ultimately my decision. My mom however has a lot of hatred for tattoos, and truly I don’t understand why. She makes very derogatory comments towards tattooed people she sees in public and has said things like “tattoos represent lower social class” and “you never see a successful person with tattoos” - when I got my first tattoo she would not speak to me or even look at me for days, and grows very angry if I try to talk about tattoos. I tried to ask her why she gets so upset, as me getting tattoos doesn’t effect her at all, and she told me through tears that it DOES effect her and my getting tattoos hurts her. My admittedly immature response was to get another tattoo immediately. The last time I attempted to seek some middle ground she told me she was ashamed of me because of my tattoos, and that was possibly the most hurtful thing I’ve been told. She insists that I’m stuck in my own delusional world view and am not seeing things from her view. Am I the asshole here? Am I really stuck in my own worldview, or is she just crazy? I’m planning on moving out soon since the constant antagonism from her has caused serious problems with my already existing mental issues, and I think I’m better on my own, but before I leave I’d at least like to know if I should apologize or something. Thanks in advance for any advice, I’m truly lost here and it’s driving me a bit insane.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
mTswu2HTZoLOS2alomsWWzCMldyXaRst
|
a1bxxi
|
{
"description": "moving in with my gf and leaving my mother and mentally retarded brother alone",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for moving in with my gf and leaving my mother and mentally retarded brother alone?
|
My gf (24) and I(24) decided to move in together, 3 kilometers away from my house. I live with my mom and a mentally ill brother. Mom doesn't have a car, so shopping and crowded places are a trouble for her since my brother freaks out when there are more then 10 people he doesn't know. Everywhere she goes, he must go with her. Until now, when she goes somewhere, I stay at home with him. Gf and I stay some weekends at my place so my mom can go out and be with her friends sometime. My house is too small for my gf to move in. Like I'm sharing a room with my brother. So when she comes over, we sleep in the living room. I'll still help my mother and drive her places where she needs to go. But I think it's time for me to have my own life now. Last 2 gfs broke up with me cuz I didn't want to move away from my family.
I understand that, it's not theirs to take care for my family, but it's mine. Both gf and me want to start a family together in our own place. To have peace. To come home and just sleep. I can't do that here. I'm moving 3 kms away. I'll help in any way. Finances, around the house, get my brother to be with me on some weekends, anything she needs. I told my mother about thinking to get my own place. She started crying, saying some stuff that really broke me, like "it's better that we didn't even exist, we are a burden for everyone, etc..." and I don't know a fucking thing what to do from now on.
p.s. sorry for my english, not my native tongue.
If anybody has some questions, just ask, I'll explain. thanks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
TevF8DYRn6zPhIS7KGAu6zP6tpoBwkOS
|
b75nyb
|
{
"description": "not defending my dad while he yelled at A Bank Employee \"for me\"",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Not Defending My Dad While He Yelled At A Bank Employee "For Me"?
|
So this just happened and I'm really heated so I thought I should let it out here, anyway...
I got my card stolen just yesterday, so I decided to call my bank and get it replaced since their online requests weren't working for some reason.
I put the call on speaker phone, reasons being that I'm fairly young and have never asked for a new card before, so I wanted help. That and I also just hate phone calls period.
She answers in a rather strained tone, this personally didn't bother me (but it's important to note), cause I know they close in 30 minutes and as a retail employee I understand the pain lol.
Anyway first question she asks me is for my full card number. I say that I actually don't know it, and that I'm here to report a stolen debit card.
She then asks if I'm reporting mine, or someone else's, to which I say mine.
Next, my ssn, which I give her. And then my driver's license number. I'm a little surprised they asked for that since my dad never mentioned it. But I quickly tell her the truth, that I don't have one.
Not to mention you'd think they'd have that in their system right? But idk banks so maybe not.
Well the lady doesn't really like that answer. She asks me, "You don't have a driver's license?"
I'm about to respond but my dad chimes in with, "But you have your ID number."
I repeat what he says to her and she then asks, "Who is that speaking in the background?"
Me: "Oh, it's my dad." I couldn't hear her full response but my dad and I both heard her say something about the speaker phone.
To which I just guessed that she wanted me to not use speaker phone for some reason. In my opinion, that was the only weird thing about her, but my dad thought differently.
He immediately said in a loud voice, knowing she could hear, "Wow what kind of attitude is that?"
I quickly say, "Dad...seriously?" Warning him to stop.
After obviously hearing us, the lady continues but my dad pushes it further.
"No that's so rude. WHAT, YOU HAD A ROUGH DAY AT WORK OR SOMETHING?"
Me: "Dad stop."
Dad: "She's acting like a BITCH."
He says all of this so loudly to make sure she hears it... At this point I'm embarrassed, and pissed off at my dad, and honestly about to cry from frustation of losing both my debit card and bus card, and now having to deal with this.
The lady is talking, but I don't hear her, I just end the call, too guilty to recieve help from her.
My dad then goes on arguing about her apparent "tone" and how I shouldn't let people treat me like that. How I'm the customer and how I shouldn't let people order me around.
I argue saying her tone was fine, and she didn't "order" me, she asked, and was doing her job. Even if she was a little annoyed or tired, she didn't deserve to be yelled at...
So am I the asshole for defending the employee? And was my dad right? Was she actually in the wrong and I'm too much of a "doormat" to see it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
jALKubOGu1bIyBqiXiliwWHqJ3pY2rhe
|
ahj7d1
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pick my sister up from the airport",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pick my sister up from the airport?
|
My sister is flying into New Orleans this Sunday at 5PM. My parents called me today at work asking if I was free Sunday to pick her up, which they already agreed to do on their way back from Houston. I told them I don’t see why not but let me talk to my girlfriend, who I’m living with, just in case there’s something I forgot about or something I’m not aware of. We talked and between the game, the potential weather, and the possibility of getting stuck until late me and my SO decided to apologize and say we weren’t able to and made something up to get out of it. My mom started texting me asking if I could move what I said I was doing, or that she could give me gas money if that was the issue. I said that it wasn’t, and that if they could maybe move the flight up then I could make it work. To which my dad replied saying that picking my sister up was more important and that my SO’s dad would understand (we said we were helping him move a table saw from our house to his) and things like that. So AITA?
TLDR: parents asked me to pick up sister from airport after they agreed to so they could spend more time in Houston, huge NFL game persuaded us to decide against it, insert guilt trip/bullying from my parents, now I feel like a total piece of shit but also feel like enough is enough.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
Fz1ZeFMWfdaWqYmuWfOn81BKBwwGaugb
|
ax4len
|
{
"description": "kicking my parents out of my property",
"pronormative_score": 157,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
WIBTA if I kicked my parents out of my property?
|
I [43] have a difficult/complicated relationship with my mother [61] and my father [65] who don’t really agree with my choice of profession. My profession, while disagreeable to some, makes me a good amount of money, allowing me to basically take care of both of my siblings [17] & [18] education and living situation.
I pay for everything in the house that my parents and my siblings share, (I live separately from them.) Now, every time I do drop by to check on my siblings my parents continuously rag on my job or show disapproval about my choices. It feels frustrating to work hard to support both my parents as well while they don’t appreciate it at all.
So I plan on cutting them off of my money and kicking them out once my two siblings go off to college. They have a retirement fund but would essentially need to search for some other place to live, I would give ample time for them to look so it wouldn’t be like putting them on the streets.
I just see no point in supporting my parents who don’t appreciate the time or energy I put into giving them a easy lifestyle.
Would I be the asshole?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
jt22DB7Agg2dgKpV887zyKdaxlADFMTh
|
aaj3vd
|
{
"description": "stopping a potential rape",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for stopping a potential rape
|
My good friend who is a girl was really drunk and was being hit on aggressively and was about to go home with a guy with suspicious intentions.
I overheard him saying how he couldn't wait to do her with his friends and she was drunk so itd be easy.
I wouldnt let her go and the next morning I received a long text how our friendship was over for intervening. She said she could make her own decisions and she didn't need me patronizing her and that my actions were disgusting and disrespectful.
I'm very sad plz help.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
WGiMLVFgzKgY9Yrqc6Bdcua0QH1uFohc
|
9wk1hm
|
{
"description": "making a joke about Vegan Chili",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for making a joke about Vegan Chili?
|
Chili, short for chili con carne, literally means "chili's with meat". It looked like a great oxymoron.
AITA?
[https://imgur.com/gallery/ZQfF918](https://imgur.com/gallery/ZQfF918)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
hZnqQjZVzBXx6K5Yq3D2KFXGvVta7IHQ
|
awhf9o
|
{
"description": "offering to buy a record off my friend at half price after she bought it and then realised her record player was broken",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for offering to buy a record off my friend at half price after she bought it and then realised her record player was broken?
|
I use the term friend loosely because I don’t know her that well, however, she decided to buy a $50 record despite having no previous experience with records and no idea if the one she had at home even works.. I had contemplated buying this record for a while now and saw this as an opportunity for both of us because I would be getting a good price and she’d be getting some of her money back, so I offered her $30.. She’s already taken the record out of its packaging and for all I know it could be creased, etc, plus I couldn’t justify spending a whole $50 on an album myself. I think she was a little displeased because she “bought it for $50”, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
CvHB2q6I28iLGVR3v6m96cbPuGJC6jMZ
|
av3lle
| null |
AITA for my annoyance at helping my neighbor (a mom of toddlers) with grocery shopping?
|
I used to go grocery shopping every once in a while with my friend/neighbor that had a husband and 2 toddlers while I am single with no kids. As a result, she would have more groceries to buy and I would be done a lot sooner. At that point, I wanted to just walk alongside her and chat but she would start asking me if I can go to XYZ other aisles and grab her some things so we could finish up faster. She would also fairly frequently ask me to hold things for her when we were out somewhere. Normally when grocery shopping, I'd be driving so that she could leave her car at home with her husband and the kids. When we would get back, she'd ask if I could park in her driveway first and help her in with her grocery bags before going to my house next door. Besides one or two occasions when I specifically requested it, she never offered to then come over to my house and help me with my bags.
​
Does anyone else find this kind of thing annoying or am I just petty? I sometimes find myself annoyed by people for whom it seems their average, middle-class life is just a little too much for them to handle by themselves and they act like they need a part-time assistant just for normal everyday tasks like carrying their purse/bags.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
b1cE8j97SZp7X81SNJddfm6vMGULn10B
|
b6moh6
|
{
"description": "being upset my dad is hiding his cancer",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset my dad is hiding his cancer?
|
TLDR: My dad has hid his medical issues for years and I have to brow beat him for any info. Found out he has major skin cancer. He told mother not to tell me. I'm extremely upset and frustrated and haven't said anything.
My mother and father have been divorced since I was 13. It was a good thing. My little sister died a few years before due to an accident and they never could recover. But, my mom moved us to Michigan with her (whole other rant) and he stayed in Florida.
My father was always a happy going guy, but got hooked on opioids and ruined his life for a long time. He turned bitter and extremely sarcastic and moody. Eventually hurt me so bad I cut contact until I was 18. Now, we have a decent relationship and talk about once every two weeks. But he's still gruff and sarcastic, I just know how to roll with the punches better. He's constantly working and I'm planning a wedding and finding a new job. So we dont talk a ton. Mostly "Hi, how are you?" And ask about each other.
A few years back I found out he was hiding his COPD from me (he left his medication on the bathroom sink on accident one time and I knew what it was), which my grandfather (his father) had recently died from. I tried to talk to him about it and he keeps everything really vague and changes the subject. I know why, and I dont know if I'd have the strength to tell my kids either. But he would rather ignore the illness than take the treatments correctly. Which is frustrating because my mom, who is a resperatory therapist, has taught him how over and over again every Christmas he comes up. This year, he looked worse than ever... and had a huge bandaid on his face. He said he got cut at work and I let it go. Today, however, I found out he has skin cancer. My mom accidentally flashed the message to me rather than a picture she thought she was showing me. She starts profusely apologizing and saying I wasn't supposed to know and that I can't say anything.
I'm incredibly and selfishly hurt. He's dying. The treatments for his cancer aren't working and he's keeping it pretty vague with her too when she came clean after the discovery. He says he wants to make it to my wedding May 2020 and he can't die before then... I want to help so bad. Fly down and live with him to make sure he's taking his medication, make sure he's going to all his treatments, make sure he's eating... he taught me how to walk for fucks sake... but I know if he knows I found out, he'd be devistated and would retreat even further... I don't think he'd tell me about it on his own, as he never told me about the COPD that he apparently had for years... I'm terrified for him... I know I'm not his mom. But I love him and don't know what to do or how to handle it...
I feel like an asshole because I just want to call him and yell... I'm mad at him and idk if its selfish and I feel like such an asshole... I haven't called, because I know he doesn't want me to know.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
gXMiyGDd9ztBBbURxbR5hriSBEBFnELR
|
ajxzht
|
{
"description": "kind of raising my voice at a student",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for kind of raising my voice at a student?
|
On Wednesday I had to give an orientation for the lab I am TAing for. My advisor is the one who makes the rules, not I. One of the rules is that the lab calculations don’t have to be typed, but if legibility becomes a problem then we will move to typing the calculations. One student asked if it were gonna be a student by student or entire class basis and the answer to that was entire class. Student responded “That’s not fair.” I said (with my voice a little raised) “If you have a problem, take it up with the instructor.” Mind you, I know it’s not fair. But I’m not the one who makes the rules. A couple slides later came another unfair rule (I forgot which one) and I said “Life isn’t fair, buddy. Get used to it.” I feel like I could’ve responded with “I know, but it is what it is”; I feel like kind of an anus; it was in the moment but I also feel like it could’ve been worse. So...am I the anus? Please don’t hesitate or hold back.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
sLdcFRkCPXWh3wDBjMyilNwGdnSVSV1H
|
b1i41p
|
{
"description": "wanting my partner to pop his zits",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA For wanting my partner to pop his zits?
|
Hi there folks, be as brutal as you need.
​
My partner and I have dated for 2 years, 1 long distance and 1 physically together.
​
Background information on me, the potential asshole: I am obsessed with picking at bumps in my skin, if there's a zit I'd rather have a deep gash bleeding than any form of zit, pimple, acne, or those little white dots that appear on your skin. I frequently scratch myself until bleeding with my hairline usually taking the worst of it. None of this hurts when I do it as I've been doing this my whole life, I used to pick my hairs as well but I only do that for my armpits now. Long story short, if there's a bump in the skin it's gotta go.
​
I started dating a guy who has some problems with acne. It's not cystic, nor does it flare terribly, but he constantly every single day grows around 20+ individual pimples on his body. They are almost always on his back, along his neck and collarbone and face.
​
He was reluctant to let me pop them in his past, but let me do so freely when we were long distance. When we moved in together he became more and more reluctant to let me do it until he started denying me flat out. I used a sterile needle and applied a lotion to help heal the small holes most of the time, I always washed my hands and kept things clean.
​
Now, I won't lie and say that I was totally fine with him saying no. I do know that it is his body and his choices, but for whatever reason I get anxious and stressed about acne specifically. I take care of mine, but if he walks around with a big juicy one I feel unrest in my body, both from disgust and also from a desire to get rid of it.
​
We came to a sort of truce where I'd ask if I could pop it and he'd decide if he'd let me or not in the moment, but I will feel so incredibly stressed, anxious and grossed out if he walks around with unpopped acne so I told him that I'd like it if he could at least do it himself. He told me that this was not something he wanted to do and I should just let his body take care of it naturally, but he gets acne every single day anyway so unless it gets popped its constantly there.
​
We haven't discussed skin-care products yet because:
1. I am not knowledgeable enough on the field at all.
2. I firmly believe that by using a sterile needle, hot water, cold water and being gentle with the hole you make doesn't leave scars as it hasn't left any noticeable ones for me (of course I can be wrong, I just haven't seen anything to prove it wrong).
3. He worries about money a lot due to a credit card debt on his side and would likely feel emasculated if I bought it for him (likely, not guaranteed).
​
I definitely feel like an asshole, but I also feel uncomfortable and don't know how to proceed because I am not sure if I can feel completely relaxed unless I get to indulge in this popping obsession or if he starts using some sort of skin care to prevent acne outbreaks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
WRONG
|
D1lGVRnPRCnzT0J1O8EwlEIxzvEwijZB
|
a4jass
|
{
"description": "not wanting to lend my dad money",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to lend my dad money?
|
Hi Reddit.
So here's a little background into my family.
I moved to America with my two siblings and mom when I was 4 and my dad stayed in Asia because he had a business there.
He provided money for our family up until I turned 16, when his business started doing poorly which forced my mother to stop being a full-time mom and she began to work full time.
Before, he would fly and visit us every half a year, but as he became more financially unstable, he would visit less frequently, and the last time he's come and visit us was about three years ago.
​
So four years ago, my dad asked me to loan him $5,000 which I lent him and I've never seen the money again. And then about a month ago, he asked me to loan him $2,000 again, and he told me he would return it back to me two weeks which I once again said yes to and have not seen the money again.
Then two days ago he asked me for another $1,000 and I really don't want to give him any more money.
​
I'm a 22 year old full time musician, I make enough money for myself but I am quite frugal because I'd like to save up so I can buy a house in the future. My dad is now in his 60's and I really want to help him, but I don't want to give him anymore money.
​
AITA for not wanting to give him money? What can I do to help him?
TLDR: my dad keeps asking me to loan him money, and I do not want to loan him anymore.
​
Thanks.
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
PoXsHyGjVVRQr9lyCt8fXL9DmhAbJfh3
|
b6lewi
|
{
"description": "hacking somebody's unused account, and not wanting to give it back",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for hacking somebody's unused account, and not wanting to give it back?
|
**Introduction:** In 2011-2013 I was a member of a fairly large Minecraft server. Me and many others made a lot of good memories in our time there. Eventually the owner had to shut down the server. The owner was never popular among the players as he was rarely online and the volunteer moderators pretty much ran the show. The owner also had set up a webpage and forum for the server on Enjin.com, a social media platform intended for WoW guilds, Minecraft servers, gaming communities etc. The Enjin page for this particular Minecraft server had about 1500 members, including many friends that I haven't spoken to in years.
Fast forward to recently. The owner hasn't used his Minecraft or Enjin accounts in five years. A few friends and I, who met on this server in 2012, have a Discord group dedicated to bringing together the old playerbase and giving us a new place to talk.
**This is where the drama starts.** One of the guys in the Discord has some experience in hacking and suggested that we try to access the owner's Enjin account. With admin account access, we could post the link to the Discord on the site homepage and send an announcement to all site members, giving them an email notification. This way we'd get many old friends to join our group. We figured the owner wouldn't even notice his account and his website were taken (liberated) from him, as the guy had been totally MIA for years and didn't respond to our messages, so we figured he just didn't care about his old server anymore.
So we go for it. My friend does most of the work, since he knows what to do, but I help him every step of the way. We try to uncover information about the owner: if we find an email, we can search it in a giant database of leaked info from website breaches and see the associated passwords. After one or two hours of trying, we find a password that works. We log in to the account. We add an update to the homepage, and send the mass message. We change the owner's account email and password.
The next day, the owner joins our Discord group and sends me a DM. He tells me he knows I was involved and demands his account back. He says he's uncomfortable that we were able to learn so much of his personal information, which included his real name and his email login. I didn't want to comply, I wanted to keep the account, so I lie. I claim I didn't participate in the hacking, I don't have access to his account, but I know who did it and I encouraged it to happen, so I'll talk to this unnamed person and ask him to give up the account details. I immediately forward the owner's messages to my friend. He thinks we should give the account back. He contacts the owner by himself and tells him the changed login info. The owner then logs in, deletes "his" post on the homepage, and deletes his account. I feel bad about what I did, mostly about not giving the account back when asked to. However, the owner was being stubborn for years and I just wanted to reunite the community.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 17
}
|
WRONG
|
z7cGK3U7e4nO6ESCksYUugLDDpt7znSj
|
9xmz0u
| null |
AITA My husband's cat is vomiting everywhere and I want to have him put down
|
AITA My husband had this cat long before we met. Been married almost 10 years, the cat is 15. The cat has got some sort of stomach issue where he vomits constantly. Today he vomited on our bed, and I'm fairly sure he urinated on it (cant prove it was him but it had to have been some animal, we have a few). I'm sick of it and I want to have the cat put to sleep. Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 23,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 23
}
|
WRONG
|
R1DvSmbZqA3kXUuOM7sQCPVRA7qfMrIs
|
9zegkg
|
{
"description": "slut-shaming my gf for showering",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA for slut-shaming my gf for showering?
|
This is the exchange I (43 m) find on an old cell phone of my girl (46f).
Dude: (3:51pm) Hey “OP’s G” I need to send something today if there’s any chance I can swing by and grab a bag of that be some awesome I think.
OP’s G: (4:08pm) How soon can you be here?
Dude: (4:09pm) twenty min
OPs G: (4:10pm) Cool. I’m going to leave all doors unlocked I may be in shower but come in and I’ll leave the machine out.
My girl lived alone in a studio apartment in Los Angeles that has room for a bed and a chair and that’s about all the room. The dude in question was a business associate of my girlfriend’s, the businesses being the distribution of mathematics study aids and roofing materials. He did not end up coming through on the day in question but we argue about it all the time. She says nothing happened and I say intent matters. To me, she clearly was sending a signal that she was down to fuck this dude. The old shower trick has been in rotation since that British nurse seduced the American Werewolf in the 80s. She says I’m crazy and nobody else would interpret those texts like I did. Is she right?a
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 20,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 20
}
|
WRONG
|
266TVkkMYkZjjPJyQh5GnIT5BGNspUol
|
b366in
|
{
"description": "not punishing my daughter the way my boyfriend would have liked",
"pronormative_score": 925,
"contranormative_score": 29
}
|
AITA for not punishing my daughter the way my boyfriend would have liked?
|
Today my boyfriend and 4yo daughter went to get a haircut together. My boyfriend has beautiful curls that I adore and he lets it grow pretty long. It never gets length it gets more and more curly. This time, he let it grow out way more than he normally has and became a bit self conscious about it, so he wanted to get it cut. My daughter has been wanting to get hers cut, so we decided it would be a good idea to get them done together.
Bf went first and he decided to get it cut really short. We weren't able to see his forehead before and now we can, just to kind of give you a visual idea. When my daughter saw it she giggled and said "You look silly!"
We were in the waiting area with two older men who were reading the newspaper when she said this and I told her it wasn't polite or nice to laugh at people for getting a haircut or looking different. I told her she wouldn't like it if she were laughed at and she said, "oh yeah, oopsie," then turned to him and said, "I'm sorry (bf's name) I just think you look silly with no curly curls. I'm sorry for laughing."
I thought it was fine until he got up a few minutes later and said "way too fucking rude, I'm going outside." I asked him what? but he just went outside, and I looked over at the two men and one of them just shrugged and went back to his paper while the other looked like he didn't move at all. He then comes back and says "outside. now." where he told me he wanted me to cancel her haircut, take her home and punish her by taking her Nintendo 2DS away for the rest of the day and making her go to sleep early. I told him no, because she already apologized and I didn't want to miss her haircut since we were already waiting forever. He ended up leaving us when I went back inside.
I wasn't able to find a ride home and he wouldn't answer my calls. We live about a 20 minute walk away (5 minute car ride) so we had to walk home through melting ice and snow while climbing snowbanks to avoid being on the highway due to the sidewalks being blocked by snow and ice. I'm 4 months pregnant and I have been having bad lower body/lady parts pressure that escalates into pain when I'm up and about too much, so the climbing really hurt. He knows this because he has taken me to my doctor about it. He had my apartment keys so we weren't able to get inside right away and when we did get inside the building, I found my apartment unlocked with all of his stuff (tv, console, clothes) gone and my keys hanging on the wall. Our socks and shoes were soaked and I kind of hobbled to my bedroom and laid down with my heating pad. He eventually answered me and said it was my punishment for not punishing my daughter. Am I the asshole?
Tldr: daughter laughed at boyfriend's haircut and he got offended. Wanted me to give her what I think of as an over-punishment and left us to walk home when I didn't agree.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 22,
"OTHER": 922,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 7
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 925,
"WRONG": 29
}
|
RIGHT
|
qeczGud9xwuvHbpeuInUStoNtgQ3tw7k
|
af9naa
|
{
"description": "not giving my friends my donuts",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving my friends my donuts?
|
A week ago I bought six donuts during my school lunch to take home and keep as a snack. I had a bag, and one of my friends walking with another group saw. He immediately asked for the donuts and so did his group. They kept begging me and I kept replying with no. The next day him and some other people were constantly harassing me about it. The box of six is literally $1. Now it being a week later they are always reminding me that I didn't give them donuts. Also, I give food to my guests and people in poverty, but not any of my friends when they're not a guest at my home. The situation is kind of clearing up, but not really.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
pgQMnNVvGpP1jkvDTiNavJJn2ah50PE1
|
azxs64
|
{
"description": "breaking \"fake Girl Code\"",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking “Fake Girl Code”
|
Background: So many of you guys here are probably familiar with girl/guy code (which I’ll just call GC from now on). In case you aren’t aware GC is the agreement between friends that if a friend has dated someone that someone is off limits. My group of friends decided one day that not only past relationships are covered by GC but also past major crushes. Me and another friend of mind have started calling it “fake girl code” (or FGC) since we both don’t necessarily agree with it.
Now, my friend (I’ll call her A) had had an on and off crush on my other friend (I’ll call him B) for around two years and never had a romantic relationship with him. Just a few months ago she finally called it quits and claims to be completely over him. She has even rejected him multiple times since then. Recently B and I have been getting closer and ended up catching feelings for each other. Our only issue... FGC. I was hoping to have a civil discussion with A about it to see if she would be comfortable with it, but history suggests that if I even mention having feelings for B she would cut me off immediately and take ALL of my friends with her. For the time being B and I have both agreed not to act on any feelings.
Where I am stuck is if I am in the wrong. On one hand I’ve always been a total believer that no guy is worth losing a friend. But on the other hand A has been a really bad friend lately (purposely not inviting me to things, blowing up on me the second i say something mildly wrong, etc.) and B makes me really happy.
So here’s where the question lies... am I the Asshole for wanting to have a relationship with B?
TL;DR: AITA for wanting to date my friends ex-crush (never dated)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
MZKdWI5BS14BaDzA3dmBau0h1My4orTC
|
b959x1
|
{
"description": "wanting an hour to rest after I get home from work",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting an hour to rest after I get home from work?
|
Girlfriend and I had our daughter last August. I did everything I could to make pregnancy easier for her even agreeing to some completely ridiculous requests such as sleeping on the couch and only using the bathroom on whichever floor she wasn’t on. I was happy to try to make it even a little easier on her.
After she gave birth I kept at it, giving 110%. My schedule is basically get up, go to work, come home, then immediately take over on baby duty. My girlfriend doesn’t work and for the foreseeable future has no intention of returning to work. My job is one where I’m on my feet all day, lifting and moving things. I’m worn out by the end of the day.
I’ve tried bringing up just having an hour to put my feet up and recover when I get home and my girlfriend acted I was asking for a kidney or something. Huge overreaction and bitching about all that she does. I get it, she’s working too during the day, but come on there’s a slight difference between taking care of a baby and lifting and moving shit around for +8 hours a day. She also said that my drive home should be all the rest I need and she doesn’t even get that. I’m fairly certain the baby isn’t awake for the whole day and it’s definitely not like she’s cleaning here or anything. That shit also falls on me for some reason.
I don’t feel like an hour after to work is too much to ask. My girlfriend obviously disagrees. I’d never tell this, but honestly I just think she got used to me kissing her ass and doing everything for her and it’s just become the new normal. I’m not ok with it anymore.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 3
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
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