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OKPPQ9Ja8fLUJMmqUfVm4dsNNxYq22Bl
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b215c1
|
{
"description": "leaving the nightclub and going to a hotel",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for leaving the nightclub and going to a hotel
|
I’m not really one for nights out, so when my boyfriend invited me to a night out with his friends in a big city I’m not used to I was anxious. I talked to him about my concerns and he assured me that he would look out for me and make sure I was ok.
The night started great until we got to a huge night club, I am literally shorter than 5 foot, so being in a club like that means I spend my time getting shoved, elbowed and trodden on. I totally agree when my boyfriend said I looked miserable. I was feeling awful. I tried to make an effort to dance and have fun but my face probably let me down.
I decided to go to the toilet, (this is important: we were in the basement) the only sign for toilets I had seen was upstairs. So I went upstairs and queued for ages for the bathroom. Then I walked back, as I was walking I noticed the upstairs bar didn’t have a queue so I decided to get a drink. While I was getting my drink he text and asked where I was. I told him I was getting a drink and would be back soon.
The guy stood next to me at the bar bashed into me and half my drink spilled over me. I decided to find some space to finish my drinks before going downstairs again (there was actually a queue to go downstairs) I end up standing at the entrance.
But somehow with it being busy, I end up on the wrong side of the rope. The bouncer won’t let me back in.
Boy friend texts again and I say I am outside and can’t get in, he starts getting mad asking why am I outside.
I talk to the bouncer and manage to get back inside.
I go downstairs and my boyfriend is furious, shouting and swearing at me because he’s embarrassed that all his friends were asking where I was. And apparently I shouldn’t have even gone upstairs because their were toilets down stairs.
I walked away from his shouting and swearing. I went back upstairs and text him to come up and talk. So we weren’t in front of his friends. He refused. I asked if he wanted me to leave and he said do what I want, I’ve made my bed and should lay in it.
I went to try and get my coat but couldn’t because someone else had the cloak room ticket.
I told him I was leaving and he told me to fuck off and I was being dramatic and embarrassing him and being selfish and manipulative.
So I left. I walked out into the city with no coat. No where to stay. No trains until tomorrow. I went and found a hotel, paid a ridiculous amount.
I messaged his friend and said I was safe and apologised for the drama. I asked her to look after him.
He called me a while after asking where I was so I told him.
He’s furious, shouting swearing about how embarrassing I am, how selfish and miserable and manipulative I am. He says there is no way back from this and we are over.
I am really struggling to see this from his point of view ?
Am I the ass hole? I need advice.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
Ca413957231xK73IUL3nBiyqWBy4ABqj
|
b8qzzk
|
{
"description": "wanting to replace my broken Rock Band drums with a new set",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to replace my broken Rock Band drums with a new set?
|
I have Rock Band Drums for my Wii. Don't play as much these days, but I want to on my Twitch guitar stream. I tried, it was fun, my viewers liked it.
They are like new. When I wasn't using it, I put it back in the original box. I cut mouse pads into toppers. There is almost no wear on them.
I loaned it to my COUSIN so her two girls (16 and 12) can play with it. They are good careful kids.
COUSIN's friend (the MOM) visited her with her two boys (4 and 7). Boys went upstairs to play, COUSIN hears "Omg! Get duct tape!!!" The MOM runs upstairs, says it was the drum set but she was able to duct tape it. Later COUSIN goes upstairs and sees:
https://imgur.com/a/J6icT15
The kid must have been standing or jumping on it. Kids are all lying about what happened. No one saw anything. Duct tape didn't hold long enough for my COUSIN to go look at it (and now it's all sticky with duct tape).
COUSIN was annoyed MOM was casual about it. MOM not mad at the kid, just let him keep playing, and is like "it still works, and there is eBay." It looks like a toy, but it's a $300 drum set. If it was an iPad she wouldn't be talking about duct tape and eBay, we would be at the Apple store.
I told them I would take it home and try to fix it. It is not fixable. I can get a new set for $300 on Amazon. Used sets are available from $100 to $200, but not all complete with the dongles and all that. And I just don't want a used set.
Meanwhile, MOM is now sending texts to my COUSIN with pics of $20 Guitar Hero Xbox drums on Craig's List and Ebay (wrong drums, wrong platform, and the pic looked like it was in terrible condition). I have hundreds of songs on my Wii for Rock Band 2-3. I finally sent a text to COUSIN saying "Please don't let MOM buy some random thing on eBay. I will find a replacement."
So now I think I have the following options. I am leaning heavily towards Option B. But I feel like I am being the asshole. My main concern is putting my COUSIN in the middle, since my COUSIN is so good to me and I love her so much. My question is AITA for wanting to go with Option B.
* **Option A:** I could simply demand the MOM pay the full $300. She broke it and I want a new one.
* **Option B:** I could buy myself a new one for $300 and ask that the MOM pay half and give her the broken one to try and fix and sell herself. Mine was "like new" but it wasn't actually new. Maybe I'm not entitled to a new one without chipping in. This is where I am leaning.
* **Option C:** I could buy myself a new one and just not say anything and be done with it.
* **Option D:** I could buy a used one and be unhappy about it, but maybe get the MOM to pay the full cost.
* **Option E:** I could borrow my friend's drums that she doesn't use much and hope she doesn't ever ask me to return them.
* **Option F:** I could not play drums anymore.
**TLDR:** Loaned Rock Band drums to COUSIN. COUSIN's friend's kids broke the drums. I kept them "like new". AITA for wanting to replace them with a new set.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
anjZ0R6gEqQbEdvE8wVAM6sIwX5zRany
|
aza2j1
| null |
AITA: Mom makes GF do stuff every time she visits and barely lets her spend time with me.
|
AITA: I asked if it was ok for my GF to come over for a couple hours this weekend, and my mother told me she can come; as long as she helps her pack for her trip to California next week. Almost every time my GF comes over she’s had to help my mom with something she’s currently doing at the house. I told my GF this and she didn’t mean any malcontent by asking “why do I always has to provide a service whenever I comes over.” I told my mom why my GF has to always do something when she comes over and she got really offended and mad at me. She refuses to tell me what’s so wrong with asking why my GF has to always do something when she comes over, and now she’s all pissy about her coming over tomorrow; am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
sh4cKHdTCDdKHHy3tOuQA9ju0lcqkJwU
|
akoq0z
|
{
"description": "not supporting my husband quitting his job… while I'm pregnant",
"pronormative_score": 43,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not supporting my husband quitting his job… while I’m pregnant?
|
We’ve been together for 4 years and met while he (34M) and I (30F) were studying. We got married a few months ago and I recently found out I was pregnant. He is a nice, wonderful man and loves me and my crazy self. Now, husband only recently got his BSc degree in computer science and, while he immediately found a job, it is one he claims to dislike. His main issue is that the startup company he works at doesn’t fix coding problems, but only patches them (forgive my misuse of terminology) and expect a large amount of work for little pay.
I have told him that as you are recently employed, with 0 experience in your field, you are going to have to suck it up and get experience before you can get a job of your dreams. Is this bitchy of me? Yes. But this is how it works in my field (you need a PhD to get a good job) and this is how I was raised: you think about the long-term goal and do what it takes to get you there.
However, I also told him that he should apply for other positions, while still employed at this job. His excuses to not do so were a. We were going on a 1-month holiday to get married and he couldn’t do that to his new employer, b. He gets home too tired after work from a 45-minute commute, c. He needs to work on his portfolio. A and C were fair enough points, in my opinion.
Okay. Fine. We get married and we come back. In the meantime I got pregnant! On Friday he goes to talk to his boss to ask for a raise, bossman says that he can’t do that because the startup company is not earning that much money yet and besides, “Are you even interested in this work?” So bossman encourages him to find a new job and quit. Supposedly bossman will pay him 2 months salary anyways. Husband comes home excited and I tell him we cannot do this because I am 14 weeks pregnant. And not only that, I have very early on been diagnosed with gestational diabetes (family history) and had just had to have CVS on short notice (where they shove a long needle in your abdomen to take a chunk of the placenta for genetic screening). Additionally, I am also at risk for pre-eclampsia - also due to family history. So, a healthy, stress-resistant pregnancy this is not.
He listened to my worries that no one would employ him if they knew he would need to take paternity leave (we’re in Scandinavia) for 6-7 months and that if he only had two months to find a job, he would probably end up in the same situation i.e. getting a job for the sake of getting one and not because he likes it. We came to the following solutions: 1. He would apply for jobs while still working at his current one, and if something would come through then great. 2. If not, he would apply while he was on paternity leave.
So, today he was supposed to talk to his boss. I quickly message him, asking how it went and he said “Don’t get mad. But I’m going to quit.” Despite everything we discussed. Despite my worries and (in my opinion, valid, concerns). He then complains that I don’t support him. I told him that to me, support meant keeping his current job while looking for a new one. For the (financial) sake of our family. In my anger, I said that I was disgusted that he did this, despite everything we discussed. He in turn said that I should stop talking and that he, in turn, is disgusted with the way I reacted to his news. My heart is racing right now. I am in complete shock at the turn in events and I am completely not sure about what to do.
Is he right? Am I supposed to support this decision? Am I being irrational? Am I the asshole?
TLDR: Husband quits job, despite us discussing other options while I’m pregnant.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 40,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
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"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
fuCtf9YwdG4AG4OgZNVkapkxpheXkuJm
|
9udd9g
|
{
"description": "being mean to aggressive street vendors",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mean to aggressive street vendors?
|
I was at a street (hawkers) market in Singapore recently with my family. At this street market, vendors will come up to you very often if they see you have no food... probably every 2 or 3 minutes especially because we came well before dinner rush and their weren’t many other people for them to bother.
At first I was very nice in declining their solicitations to buy food, but they don’t take no for an answer and because their English isn’t very good, you need to often say no to them 3 or 4 times for them to go away.
We were waiting for my cousin to show up from work which took a while, and as a result, had to fend off a lot of street vendors - we cracked some beers while we waited.
After getting tired of the vendors after probably the 10th time, as soon as they opened their mouth I would talk over them and say “No thank you no thank you no thank you” until they went away.
They were not being respectful of us just trying to enjoy a few beers (and already having said no), so I wanted respond in a way to get them to leave us alone as soon as possible.
My girlfriend thought my behavior was rude and that I should have continued to respond to them respectfully - AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
prICybyeWTHFLSYKORIn1mzdSVjBj3XV
|
b7fv4n
|
{
"description": "inviting my best mate to a pub crawl he wasn't invited on",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for inviting my best mate to a pub crawl he wasn't invited on?
|
A bit of context, I'm a 19 year old student at uni in England and this pub crawl happened over the Christmas period. I'm only asking now because I've been wondering what the etiquette for this is, but essentially here is what happened:
I was invited by the Computing Society, who I'm a part of, to take part in a pub crawl which would be taking place around the local area starting from one pub and then heading, at the very least as they stated, to two or more afterwards.
There was supposed to be around 20 or so people going to on the crawl but in the end there was four of us, two of whom were on the society itself and another girl who I'd walked up with on my course. It was two for Tuesday's at the first pub and ended up going through 4 pints, so had committed to this being a big night out whereas the others were about one or two drinks in.
As we left for the second pub, it began to snow slightly and the society members suggested abandoning the crawl to go and get hot chocolate somewhere. At this point I was fairly annoyed because we'd not even really given the crawl a chance, so I decided to give my mate a call and see if he'd come along as he's always good fun down pub and I knew he'd fancy a night out.
When I got back to the group, they had decided we'd be going to the next pub then back to campus afterwards. I told them my mate would be coming to join, and they seemed tentative about it but said it would be alright. When he turned up at the pub, him and I ended up getting into the drinking again and we were having more of a laugh but retrospectively I feel like it was maybe unfair of me to bring my mate along as we turned the mood away from Computing Society on to our own stuff, and as we'd drunk much more than they had we were being far louder and taking up the table with our own conversation.
They left afterwards and my mate and I went to the next pub, but I couldn't help thinking next day it might have been stupid of me to interrupt what was planned. But I feel like, in a way, if they were changing their plans then I could change mine as well.
TL;DR Plans for pub crawl changed a lot, brought my mate along to bring the mood up but we interrupted what was left of their crawl.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
tqG9hMR6HjQu7QsnVdBUuy96oOcIPI2M
|
akkcqz
|
{
"description": "not visiting my sister out of spite",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not visiting my sister out of spite?
|
Throwaway because I'm pretty sure anyone under 20 in my family is on reddit.
​
My little sister moved out a few years ago the summer after high school graduation to live with her boyfriend. Because of the politics surrounding their relationship, our parents basically disowned her and refuse to speak to her. Growing up, she and I were always a little competitive with each other and people drew their comparisons over many things like "who's more fun, who's prettier, smarter, more healthy, etc" particularly her circle of friends, but we always maintained a fairly decent relationship and I might've even said she was my closest friend.
​
About a year after her and the boyfriend moved into a house together , she started asking me to come visit her and stay there. It being about a 4 hour drive, I kept putting it off. I was extremely stressed and financially strained, so focused on finding an apartment because the situation at home was SUPER toxic, that I could barely stomach spending any offtime traveling even if it was to see her. Another year goes by and we've settled into this routine where she visits home instead, staying on a friend's couch or with any other relative since she's not allowed back in the house. This is because she doesn't work or go to school , so she has more free time. I became comfortable with this.
​
Well finally I got my own apartment and as soon as she talked about coming down to visit, I offered her to stay with me for about a week. Well, the entirety of our stay, she was like a different person. I hadn't spent any prolonged amount of time with her since she left home, but she's become a spoiled brat. She insulted my place at every given opportunity, and after she and I found a dead roach in the kitchen one night, she put me on blast and told all her friends and boyfriend's family that I live like a pig. She also will not lift a finger for anything, asks you to bring her glasses of water, asks you to plug in a floor fan when she's hot, asks you to bring her a plate of food. Literally imagine Squidward in that one episode of Spongebob slowly turning nastier and nastier. She hated my bed, hated every room, hated the temperature of the rooms, hated the complex' parking. When a friend came to meet us before heading out for dinner they actually complimented my unit and she scoffed and said "Please. This is nothing. You should see MY HOUSE." And I just, my blood boiled.
​
Since then I've completely sworn off visiting her. I don't wanna see this stupid house that she kept comparing my living space to. I just can't see myself putting time aside to drive down there in between a full-time job and school, for a person who was completely unpleasant during her time with me and made me wish I was literally anywhere else. Every time she asks me if I'm ever gonna come see her and "stop being a bad sibling" I just kinda change the subject. I know her, and I know if I try to tell her why I'm not coming, she's going to get belligerent. She is incredibly stubborn and doesn't listen to anyone about anything, arguing with her is like arguing with a wall, so I've resigned myself to just staying quiet. But being she doesn't have our mom and dad anymore and it's now just me, I feel guilty. But I feel like the tension between us growing up has finally formed a head.
​
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
t66jN1mv9f6S2pgrEsQjLl2aZ8Mju1ri
|
b0czsc
|
{
"description": "reporting a step family member about her disability payments",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
WIBTA for reporting a step family member about her disability payments
|
I have a step cousin who was able to get on disability for some illness a few years ago and was in the hospital for a while. Fast forward to this wknd when we had a family gathering and she was bragging about that she now has a full time job, her own little house and hasn’t been sick for over 2 years but is still getting disability checks. I think this is so wrong and I want to anonymously report her and have already found the form online that I need to fill out. Will I be the asshole if I report her?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 6
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
HS6UzXUmzbeTfpriaHSbQRG3hZC8GNr4
|
a2y3wz
|
{
"description": "hating my dad for committing suicide",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for hating my Dad for committing suicide?
|
(Apologies in advance for a ju y formatting issues. I'm on mobile.)
TL;DR: My dad committed suicide and we hadn't spoken recently at all. I hate him for this.
A little background info:
My parents have been divorced since I was 15, I'm 25 now. He cheated on my mother while stationed in South America and married her a year or so after the divorce. He then had a couple children with her, a son and daughter, a little later on. This was obviously upsetting for me, but did not ruin my relationship with him. I still loved him dearly. We didn't talk or see each other much since he got sent to Japan for the majority of the past decade, but he would come back once a year or so and we would spend a couple days together. He retired from the Air Force in late 2017 and began work as a civilian contractor back in the states in February of 2018.
I don't know why, but we still rarely talked. The last time I spoke to him was January of 2017. This is now my absolutely deepest regret. I wish so much that I tried to reach out and tell him that I loved him more often...
I got a call at 4 am on a Monday morning from his wife telling me that he had shot and killed himself. So I drove over 20 hours to be with her, my very young half siblings, and my grandparents. While there, I learned that my dad and stepmother had gotten into an argument due to him drinking excessively, so he was drunk when he did it. Apparently he would drink quite a bit almost every single night. It escalated into a very heated screaming match. She said she was going to call the cops. Apparently he told her, "If you call the cops, then it's all over". She ended up locking herself in the bathroom (not to call them, just to calm down) and while she was in there, she heard a gunshot come from the living room. My dad had shot himself in the head with an AK-47.
Now to get to the point.
I recently expressed to my sister that as much as I love my father and am still absolutely devastated, heartbroken and confused. I also *hate* him for what he's done. This upset my sister, she called me an asshole and was disappointed that I could hate my dad for it.
I know mostly everyone would obviously be incredibly sad about this situation, but no one has ever brought up that you could be furiously angry with your loved one for killing themselves.
I love him very much, but i undeniably hate him right now for killing himself.
Am I an asshole for thinking this way? Am I an asshole for bringing these feelings up to my sister?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
PP1vjvHNvlflkGH7lApJuTlxQTwzDvgl
|
b4bjhk
|
{
"description": "using my own car and not putting gas in it",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for using my own car and not putting gas in it?
|
I apologize as I am writing this on my phone.
So my brother’s car is currently down due to unknown issues, and he’s been using my car (a 1999 Mercury Mystique) while I am unemployed, and although I don’t 100% agree with how he treats my car (leaving messes and trash, smoking cigarettes and weed inside) I still allow him to use my car.
Well yesterday and today I needed to use my car for some errands and I noticed he has left the gas drop to the 1/4th mark in the tank, and the driving I did was not much at all, maybe 20 - 25 minutes on the road at most, used maybe a smidge of the gas as my car does not use much gas at all, and I decided not to put any gas in it as it wasn’t much used
Fast forward about 6 hours after I return home and my brother left for work already my mother gets a message from my brother complaining that I am inconsiderate about others, that he had to go out of his way to go get gas while on his way to work (he leaves about 20 minutes before he has to be there for a 20-30 minute drive depending on the traffic) and that I would be the reason if he would get fired for being late. But despite his threats I honestly feel no guilt, as he knew I had to use my car and he was who left the gas so low.
But I guess I’ll let you guys tell me, Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
9HXrE6tNJQi3yoyTqqgWT85TUnfazVTC
|
9w64ok
|
{
"description": "asking my girlfriend to stop being friends with someone",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my girlfriend to stop being friends with someone
|
My girlfriend a while ago on a night out was nearly kissed by a work colleague who she sees as a friend. She defended him constantly by excusing his actions as just being drunk but she would always remain on his side and never mine. A while ago she messaged me saying she might like him but is still in love with me she chopped this up to just being upset due to a prior fallout and being confused. Today, I said to her I don't want her to be friends with him anymore as I can't stand the thought of them hanging out fine after all the stress they have caused us. I know she would never cheat on me but am I letting my insecurities get the best of me and acting in a controlling manner.
She has other friends of the opposite gender and this does not bother me as they haven't acted out as this one. Just confused on where I stand as the asshole in the situation or not.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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avxeyq
|
{
"description": "dancing with a girl that a buddy of mine has a crush on",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for dancing with a girl that a buddy of mine has a crush on?
|
So, a bit of a backstory here: this buddy of mine (for the purposes of this post, let's call him Red) has had a thing for a girl at his department (let's call her Purple), and while they are friends, she's made it clear she doesn't like him the same way (declined an invitation to a date before). She didn't let it affect how she treats or sees him, and he seemed to have been cool with it. I work at a different department within the same corporate structure, so I'm not too close with Purple, but do hang out with her and a few others when I chill with Red and he invites them along.
Recently, another friend from their department got married, and surprisingly, she had invited me too. I figured it was simply due to my association with Red. On the day of the event, some of the bridesmaids had found me and abducted me to where the bride was. She explained that she invited me not because of Red, but because of Purple. Apparently she had a thing for me, and they asked me to ask her to dance during the party. I told them my unease due to the whole situation with Red and her. They tried to explain how Purple and Red were pretty cool with just being friends already (it had been months since she 'rejected' him), and they even tried playing the "For the Bride" card with me.
In the end, I told them I'd think about it, and escaped the room without saying anything committal. I was very much conflicted about it, but during the reception party, invited that Purple was sitting alone when most of her friends had gone dancing. Red had gone to try to ask her for a dance, but from what I saw, another girl had dragged him away, (I don't know if she replied to him or not) but he was on the dance floor with another girl. It was then that Purple caught my gaze, and in that spur of the moment, (out of a bit of awkwardness) I went up and asked her to dance. We spent most of the rest of the night chatting, and really getting to know each other, but I still felt conflicted about things.
At the end of the night, another friend of mine came to tell me Red had left the event early, and were wondering what I was doing dancing with Purple and stuff. I didn't wanna tell him about what the bride had asked me to do, so I just dodged the question. He told me not to be an AH to Red. Purple has also started to message me privately, which she's never done before, even when we had each other's contact info from way before. I feel very confused and conflicted. So please, AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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b60ig5
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{
"description": "trying not apologizing to a friend who claims I hurt their feelings",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying not apologizing to a friend who claims I hurt their feelings
|
I'm a moderator for a dnd discord, and a friend of mine thinks I've been incredibly rude to them and is demanding an apology. This is due to him having questions about the dnd server, and when I answer them he thinks I'm being rude. Here are some is a snippet from 5 hours worth of arguments over the last week.
>Him: The other mod is making more sense
>Me: why
>Him: because she explained to me its not a survival game and is a game with survival elements instead
>Other mod: you're splitting hairs now
>Me: but it IS a survival game
>Him: its not
>Other mod: why are you splitting hairs over this?
>Him: So I understand how to play the game properly. I just want to know how to play
>Me: the rules are pinned in the chats.
>Him: I don't need the why I need the how. The roleplay
>Me: pinned in creation chat
After this he pms me and calls me rude and says he wants to change his dnd character. This will be the third time he's changed his character within the week, and we had been trying to be very accomadating of all his homebrew he wanted to use and make his characters work, so when he decided the game was not survival-y enough for his ranger to work at all ever I was very frustrated. He repeatedly tells me our game isn't what we say it is before he's even played 1 session.
Anyway he demands an apology and I don't want to give him one since I don't feel like what I said warrants an apology. I had spent 5 hours of my time that day answering his questions and he never believed me when I said it is in fact a survival game. I cant post everything I said cuz character limit, but imagine this conversation for 5 hours. AITA? Was I being rude here? Do I need to apologize? And if I wasn't rude would I still need to apologize?
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HISTORICAL
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a77j3j
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{
"description": "wanting the $20 that a \"friend\" owes me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting the $20 that a “friend” owes me?
|
On November 19, 2 friends and I went on a one day ski trip. It wasn’t too expensive, only $49 for the tickets and another $10 for food, as well as gas. This isn’t an incredibly large sum, but we are in high school and my two friends do not have jobs. I drove, and as such filled up my car with gas twice, which equated to $60 since my parents wanted a full tank of gas when we returned. I told my friends that gas would be around 20-25 dollars before the trip, and both of my friends agreed that they would pay me be back for gas after the trip, though one, we’ll call him Bob, told me ahead of time that he would pay me back for gas by December 1. I agreed, as it is much for fun to go on a ski trip with friends. My other friend, we’ll call him Jake, agreed to pay me back at the end of the trip when I dropped him back off at his house. We go skiing, have a good time, and I go to drop Jake off at his house, but he doesn’t have the gas money. I say oh well, just pay me by the end of the week. He agrees to that, and says sorry that he doesn’t have the money. The end of the week comes, and he still doesn’t have the money. Meanwhile, Bob has payed me back, far ahead of his December 1 due date. I am starting to get a little angry at Jake, so I ask him when he will have the money by. He says he will pay me back by Wednesday the 12th. I say ok, and do nag him a little bit reminding him to please pay me back. Wednesday the 12th comes around and low and behold, he doesn’t have the money. Now I am getting pretty angry about it and pretty much say what the hell, when will you be able to get the money to me. He says he will Venmo me as soon as he can and that he has $75 in his bank account. I text him on Friday after school, reminding him of the Venmo. He responds that he’s having issues with Venmo, and that he will pay me on Monday. Monday rolls around and he STILL does not have the money. He avoids me at school, so I text him when I get home, asking him what the hell. He says that he’s on the phone with Venmo getting the issue worked out (I know that this is bullshit, but don’t say anything), and that he WILL have the money tomorrow. I ask him how can I trust you when you’ve lied to me before. He goes on a rant about he’s been going through personal issues, and how this shouldn’t be a big deal cause I have a job that makes $11 an hour and how him lying to me makes him hate himself more, etc. I just say that is all irrelevant to the issue, and just please have the money tomorrow. That is where we are at as of 10 minutes ago.
So, Am I the Asshole? I get that it’s only $20 but I feel as though I have done him a favor by taking him skiing, and giving him this much time to pay it back. I really don’t care about our “friendship” anymore as that got pretty much burned due to other issues, and really just want my $20. My other friends say that I should just let it go, but I don’t want to give him a “free pass” for all of this bullshit.
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HISTORICAL
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a7vs0l
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{
"description": "not letting my dad have veto over a home purchase",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my dad have veto over a home purchase
|
I currently live in an apartment in a fairly expensive city with my wife and two kids. I'm an only child, and my dad has offered to use a large sum of his savings to help us purchase a house. He's assured me he will still have plenty to live on and is not concerned at all about the money - he's said he wants to see me and his grandkids happy rather than us getting the money after he's gone.
​
So, we've been looking at places and made a couple offers that ultimately weren't accepted, which has been a disappointing experience. We saw a place today that my wife and I really liked, but my dad said he didn't like the "feel" of the place and he wasn't willing to put money into a place with a bad "feel". I asked if he had any specific concerns and he did not. He's never said before that he'd have final say on the place we purchase.
​
Am I the asshole for thinking this is unfair and overly controlling?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
YDoocd2fBYfmZTTPTu3xLG5C3VkbBShT
|
alhrbx
|
{
"description": "leaving my so while she's grieving a friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For leaving my SO while she's grieving a friend?
|
To be frank, we do *not* have a healthy relationship, and I'm sick of it.
We've been on/off for maybe a year and a half now. I do carry some of the blame, but a majority of the issues are caused by her anxiety and depression. She gets extremely jealous at the slightest provocation and has gotten hostile in the past, to the point of screaming and accusing me of cheating (I never have). She needs constant reassurance that I think she's the best thing in the world otherwise she spirals into crises where she may or may not resort to self-harm. Through this, she's been advancing her feelings way faster than I'm comfortable and expresses disinterest in me when I can't match it.
Largely, I've been staying because of physical attraction, good interpersonal chemistry, and the fact that she does show a huge amount of dedication towards me when her issues aren't making things difficult. We've gotten into a cycle of helping each other through various financial/emotional crises, which happen often enough when you're in your early 20s and fresh out of college. I've just grown tired of the dysfunction. I'm not happy anymore.
Anyway, the latest crisis that happened was the passing of one of her friends due to cancer. I was planning on breaking up with her yesterday before she got the call. Instead, I went to her place to console her as best as I could given my emotional checking-out. She eventually inferred that something was off about me and dragged it out of me that I was unhappy with our relationship. I didn't want to have this conversation while she was mourning her friend, but she forced it despite my protests. She demanded that I stay overnight in her bed, and I refused. I explained that, although I had forgiven her for many things, I couldn't invest further in our relationship and staying over would put me in a position I didn't want to be in. Given her emotional state, I was careful not to blame her for anything, only using "I" phrases and such. Nonetheless, she got angry and demanded I leave instead. On my way out she told me she was tired of being mistreated and accused me of gaslighting her. I'm back home right now and am thinking of just not going back.
**For her side of the story:** she's had a traumatic upbringing, and has suffered emotional/physical abuse in her past relationships. She's had to learn from the ground up how a healthy relationship is supposed to work, with most of the trial-and-error happening with me. Lately, she's put in a lot more effort after I told her I was at the end of my rope following a particularly bad incident. My decision to want out of this relationship isn't following any huge fight, so I can see where she might feel blindsided, especially given that she's been "improving" as of recent. I don't know how close she was to this friend, so her emotional state might have instigated some behavior that would not have happened otherwise. I'm always careful not to hold things over her head, especially if I've told her it was forgiven, but past events do sometimes get brought up, which I guess she might have interpreted as me trying to gaslight her.
​
Bottom line: I was pretty solidly done with this relationship before, the way things went last night have only solidified that further. I would have still offered to be there for her to grieve, but the accusation of gaslighting is very serious to me. It's disrespectful and shows a complete distrust of my motives. I didn't get a chance to end things "properly", but now I'm considering just leaving things as they are and not looking back. Does that make me an asshole?
​
​
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HISTORICAL
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|
b67xiq
|
{
"description": "not saying anything to a girl after sex and then leaving her place",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for not saying anything to a girl after sex and then leaving her place?
|
I (23M) had sex recently with (23F). The buildup was intense.
I was so god damn horny. But after I orgasmed, I went silent. "Is this what life is about?" came to my head....I just stared off at the floor as if I was looking into the abyss. Into my own soul....I saw a reflection and I didn't like it
So she notices me staring at the floor and not saying anything and asks me "Is everything ok?? Why aren't you saying anything???".
I just stared at the floor and then got up and got changed. She said "Um where arw you going?" and I didn't answer. I just left.
It was like I was in a trance of some sort....an existentialism of sorts. Her friends have now called me out as being an asshole AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
V0atRwcgFGMj1uFIjzX1AlRl52RZGp4V
|
ayknaq
|
{
"description": "kicking an older guy out of my apartment",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for kicking an older guy out of my apartment
|
So I’ll keep it short but about a month ago my wife’s mother said a great way to make a little extra is by opening our apartment to a friend of hers (who i later found out it was a friend of a friend). I myself am not 100% sold on this idea but my wife begrudgingly convinces me and last Sunday we got a roommate. A 60ish African dude (my wife and her family are from Africa and therefore know more Africans). When I first met him I thought he smelled kind of funky; couldn’t place the smell but brushed it off. That Sunday evening I come home and see him play the back smoking weed. This is a new fly zone for me as I have asthma and we also have a young 2 year old girl. So I tell my wife my wife tells her mum and her mum asks the friend if this guy smokes weed. He does. We then come to the agreement that he needs to go by the end of the month as this isn’t a good move.
Fast forward to Wednesday night after having to leave my child over her grandmothers for two nights in a row because the strong smell of weed fills the apartment. So Wednesday comes and all is well; I got to bed and my wife shortly follows and says he flashed me. I didn’t understand at first and asked her what happened.
She stated that he came out from his room in a red robe said hello and let go of the robe to expose my wife, walk to the kitchen get some food and go back to his room. My wife in shock turns her head and comes to bed.
Once I understand I am livid and knock on his door. He comes out somewhat dazed and confused with a ginormous comforter on him covering himself. I tell him he has to leave by Saturday. He brought weed into the house where an asthmatic and a child are and to top it off exposed himself to my wife. He tries to explain himself but I cut him off saying ‘that’s little kid shit bro I don’t care what you have to say.
I tell him Saturday he needs to give me the key and get out I don’t care where he goes what he does but he needs to get out
Am I the asshole for being this harsh?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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|
ao30q5
|
{
"description": "not letting smaller people in front of me at concerts",
"pronormative_score": 41,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for not letting smaller people in front of me at concerts?
|
I’ve already tried to post this once and it was deleted before I actually managed to post it so this is gonna be straight to the point. I managed to get a great spot at a concert (centre stage and two people back) with my mum ( I’m 6’7 and she’s 5’11) and people who have arrived there later will ask us to let them go in front because “we’re tall” , we decline and apologise. Other people will ask throughout the night and I see them giving us a death stare for declining.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
cSnjhHdAdTKe5BX2u4jhsN9rYSMabcha
|
ad69zu
|
{
"description": "using my old friends to attract my crash to me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If i used my old friends to attract my crash to me?
|
My loved one said that she lacks contact with ppl and she would like to go with me at my hippielike parties with fire and guitars, but i dont have that much contact with people from those parties and i want to talk to them more now, so i can have a party to invite her to.
I like them and i think they enjoy my company too, but i just stopped talking to them becouse of the distance and bcs im busy with school.
Now i just want to meet with her and this would be the best option but i wonder if i am using them too
(English is my second language disclaimer)
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tm9nZgHwNKt3i4NaBruwZSQcUZoTuoWU
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b49gt1
| null |
AITA to my parents for visiting my gf in Belgium when they said it was not a good idea?
|
In 2016, I moved with my family to England from America, not only because my Dad got a job there but so I can possibly get free college since my Dad is actually a UK citizen and I can get citizenship really easy; except for one small detail. My Dad forgot to bring my birth certificate which is required for me to go through the citizenship process. My Dad tells me not to worry about it and he will take care of everything so I can go to school. So I trust him.
Fast forward to 2019 January. I want to visit my first ever girlfriend of 3 months who lives in Belgium, who has already visited me in England twice already. I talk this over with my parents first and they are worried about my safety saying that I shouldn't go and tell me that I might have trouble getting back. I don't worry about their first concern, but I question the second one asking why I might have trouble getting back. They said they don't know and I should listen to them.
Knowing my parents I assumed it's just an attempt to stop me from going, so I do my own research to see if there really might be any problems with my travelling. I didn't find out anything wrong. After ordering the tickets they get even friskier and they once again said that I might have trouble getting back and I asked why again; they said they didn't know and said I should just "listen & respect your parents". After that, they just said "Well he's an adult now, let him learn".
Then I had a great week in Belgium and experienced everything I wanted, couldn't possibly have any regrets until I met with border patrol when I was going back home and told me I was not allowed back into the country.
I was thinking "Umm...what? Let me call my Dad..."
My Dad told me not to worry and just ask for a tourist visa. Surprise surprise, I was not allowed to.
"Oh shit, am I homeless? What am I going to do??"
I call my Dad again tell him my situation and both my parents are super angry with me and tell me it's all my fault and I should I have listened to them. If I knew about my 6 month visa and how not having my birth certificate is why my Dad hasn't taken care of my citizenship yet, then I totally would have flown back to America a long time ago to get it and do things properly; I had the money for it from my freelancing work. However, once I tell them all this, they get even angrier with me yelling louder and how they always have to fix my mess. I really need them in this situation and didn't want to fight, so I just apologize and accept everything they say.
I'm currently in a situation where I have flown back to America to get my birth certificate and going through my citizenship process with my parent's financial support (which there really isn't much of and I'm crashing from house to house trying to make everything last).
So AITA for going to Belgium, or are they for putting me in a situation like that in the first place?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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WRONG
|
RGbpOGj8z7b0FqzKU7lzT8PtUEq8Jlgt
|
aq09vc
|
{
"description": "not letting a freshman go to competition, even though I'm higher rank",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting a freshman go to competition, even though I'm higher rank?
|
Hey there! So this is my first post here, sorry if this is dumb or something, this is also kind of a half vent. I'm just feeling guilty right now and need the opinions of others who like...don't know me I guess.
I'm a part of a program at my high school called Police Cadets. Basically it's a law enforcement program that was run by my advisor, who was subsequently my forensics teacher. We'd learn how to do police things and all that, such as how to deal with shoplifters, traffic stops, etc.
We were planning for regional competition about a couple of weeks ago. 8 of us were going, 5 of us for the CSI portion, and 3 of us for the Law Enforcement part. I was doing Law Enforcement, as well as two other people, a freshman we'll call A and a senior we'll call J.
Three days ago, our advisor resigned from being a teacher due to personal issues. It was a detriment to all of us. Forensics would no longer have a good experienced teacher, and the fate of Police Cadets was super uncertain. We were all worried about what would happen to the club, and as a command officer (I'm a Sgt) I was in charge of trying to piece everything back together, as well as my captains, who will be G and L.
Competition was up in the air. Nobody could drive us, and the only teacher that could, can only fit 4 of us in her van. We had to split the group. We decided since CSI was our group scenario team, we'd pick three of them, and since Law Enforcement was an individual scenario, we would chose one person.
Self-transportation isn't an option since its a school event and the school would be liable for anything that happened. A was handed a permission slip as well as the group of freshmen (besides G. The freshman are M and S.)
I was a bit nervous about the people chosen. The teacher who chose them was not a part of Police Cadets and basically only went off who was on the list (which half of the people on said list had been fired basically, the new people like me were supposed to replace them.)
M, S, and A are all freshman. They are very new to the Cadet program and are not very well trained. M is not even technically a part of Police Cadets, and was only there so our advisor could fill spots because we thought we were all going. M and S were for the CSI team, as well as G, who was very adamant about not wanting to go with that group. M and S have been in the program for only about a week, S usually not even attending meetings either way.
L's group was much more experienced, three years under each of their belts, and they are all incredibly hard workers. They processed two crime scenes within 2 hours for practice. We really wanted them to go and it was their last year at the school.
A is probably the least worthy candidate to represent the Law Enforcement side of Police Cadets. J left the program (we would have chosen him, as he's a much higher rank than me) so he was not an option. A is one of my closer friends. She's in my Forensics class and is on my team in said class. She's rude, abrasive, loud mouthed, makes a lot of racist jokes, and is not very composed. She curses a lot in uniform and does not make very educated decisions 80% of the time. Not the demenor the competition requires an officer to have. She's young, a freshman, and a lower rank than me, being a private.
She will not leave our advisor alone either. Even since she left, she continuously emails her. We've asked her to leave her alone since she's going through a lot and she just refuses. She does not respect command staff, insulting us to our face and behind our backs. She believes she is better than us and more worthy of leadership despite how irresponsible and rude she is. She's not a leader, she is a tyrant.
I've been there the same amount of time in, however I'm a junior, an officer, and have earned the trust of my advisor to be given a high rank so quickly. I work hard, and have a passion for law enforcement, since it's my dream career. I'm collected, have good command presence, and know how to make logical decisions even when under pressure. This is my last year as a school police cadet before I go and join the police department Cadets.
After talking with my captains (higher ranks than me, so I wanted their advice) and all 3 of us agreed, even later getting agreement from L's group. The line up would be L's group for CSI and me to represent Law Enforcement. I was, however tasked with breaking the news to the freshmen.
First, I talked to M and S.
Me: Hey, so this isn't anything personal, but the command staff have decided we want the more experienced team to play for competition.
S: *nods her head and gives a gentle, calm okay.*
M: *suddenly raises her voice* No. I disagree.
Me: I'm sorry, but since this is our last year we want to-
M: That's not fair, I was specifically asked to be here for competition.
Me: We didn't know we would have to pick and choose who was going. L's group has been waiting for competition and have been here longer than you.
M: *unnecessarily dramatic* Fine then, fuck you, I don't need you then. I'm going home! *grabs her bag then pushes me away from her so she can leave. She stuck around anyways for some reason.*
At this point I was already on the verge of tears. On top of our advisor leaving, I had no clue what was going to happen to the program and was already stressed out. Being yelled at was not fun. I tried to stay professional though, and called A over.
Me: Hey, so this entirely up to you since you're the one with the permission slip. I won't get mad if you say no, but...Could I go to competition instead?
A: *silently staring at me*
M: I'm a higher rank and have a bit more experience than you. This'll also be my last year and I wanted this to be what I leave on.
A: I'm the only one doing what Ms. S wants us to do!
Me: That's...not what I'm talking about. I'm just asking you a yes or no question, something you are more than welcome to deny.
Everyone was sorta crowding around us now.
G: We really don't think you're a good fit to represent us and you're also a bit...unproffesional?
A: I'm doing what Ms. S told me to!
G: Ms. S is not a part of this program now. You have to listen to me, L, and Dave (which is me by the way). We're the command staff. You also need to leave Ms. S alone, she's going through a lot and doesn't need any of us bothering her.
A: Ms. S wants us to continue Police Cadets.
Me: Nobody but you does.
The rest of us were either quitting or seniors who couldn't continue the program either way.
Me: I'll ask you again. Can I go in your place?
A: Do whatever. *she shoves the permission slip in my hand.* Nobody ever appreciates me! *stomps off and goes to grab her bag* I'm going home.
Me: Okay, I think we should all go home as well, it's just about time to leave...
A begins to scream at me when I enter the briefing room to grab my things. L stops us and intervenes. I just decide to go home.
I still kinda feel like an asshole for doing that... I really wanted to go, and I feel selfish, but on the other hand, nobody else wanted either of the three to go? I want a freshman to experience a competition, but I just didn't think any of the freshmen would be good representatives of our program.
Sorry this was so all over the place, the story just kinda needed a lot of context. Thank you.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
To0VGKt1FWcvG1PeY82X4AC84f5XPZ84
|
9tg7fs
|
{
"description": "dumping my girlfriend right before finals",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For dumping my girlfriend right before finals?
|
This all took place around finals season last year. We were both young little shits, and fought a lot. I had definitely felt less attraction towards her leading up to this, but she was infatuated with me.
I had been pretty lenient with her leading up to this. She had admitted to having a crush on my best friend at one point, but I put up with it. The title basically says it all. It was the Monday of finals week, and I was heading overseas on Wednesday for around a month. She asked me for help with her studying, and we got into an argument over something stupid. I was fed up and straight up told her to “screw off and date someone else” and then proceeded to hang up. I was looking forward to leaving on my trip, and didn’t want her to make me feel all shitty before I left. We had been dating for nine months, and this was in high school. I’ve been kinda conflicted as of late, because I feel like a bit of a dick to screw her over before finals, but she was being a royal pain. AITA?
TLDR: Dump gf of 9 months over something stupid before final
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
3gg38IZVWa6O4YeMsahSckTXCkUU7ztO
|
b2f5r6
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go camping for my friends 21st birthday",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go camping for my friends 21st birthday?
|
Ok I’ll try to make this as short as possible. I have a friend we’ll call her May and she wants to go camping for her birthday. She wants to go for 3 days Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. I work m-f and have recently been missing a lot days of work due to the rain here in Southern California so I don’t wanna go and miss a day of work, that’s reason 1. I also don’t want to go because I can’t afford to go out right now since I am recovering funds in my savings account from all the rain reason number 2. I was honest with her in telling her why I don’t want to join her. Now she is getting upset because the few friends that were invited don’t want to go for reasons I don’t know. She is definitely one of my best friends but I honestly feel like I just can’t right now. I over heard her sister calling us assholes for not going. So what do you guys think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
N2cfI7o6WFrvrx1gtWVfK3XtL87Rr9Gp
|
alh85h
|
{
"description": "hanging out with the guy my friend cheated on her fiancé with",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for hanging out with the guy my friend cheated on her fiancé with?
|
This problem has been plaguing me for months. I would really appreciate some feedback on my role in the situation as I am feeling deeply confused and sad. Sorry it's kind of long- I had to add a lot of details so the context could make sense. There is a TLDR at the bottom but it doesn't capture the nuance.
**Background**
My (F 30) best (?) friend, June (F 31), and I have been great friends for about 11 or 12 years. She got engaged to her boyfriend in late-2016 and everything was going great until she started getting cold feet in mid-2017. Once that started, she became very distant to her friends, would bail on our plans, wouldn't reply to messages, etc. My husband, Chad, and I have been married since 2015. My husband has this friend from high school- let's call him Zach. Chad and Zach were the best of friends during and in the years after high school and then kind of fell off of communicating after about 2007 when they moved to different states. We aren't close with June's bf/fiancé at all. He's a fine person, but not part of our regular group of friends.
While June is getting cold feet, she strikes up a friendship with Zach that grows into an affair. During that time Chad and I reconnected with Zach and we all got really close. We have a ton of common interests and he's a great, attentive friend. Zach was really into June- he has genuine feelings for her and it seemed like June reciprocated. I thought they were going to get together for awhile. Long story short- June decides to break it off with Zach in early-2018 and go through with getting married to her fiancé about 8 months later. (btw: her fiancé knew all about it and they worked through it on their own and they seem happy now.) But Chad and I keep hanging out with Zach. June comes back to her friends but she's still kind of distant. I can tell that she doesn't like me hanging out with Zach but him and my husband are best friends- I can't avoid him so she seems to accept that. She doesn't ever directly confront me about this, by the way. She's pretty passive about these messages that I've inferred.
**Current events #1**
Zach was also high school friends with some of mine and June's other friends and since he reconnected with us, they've gotten to be friends again, too. Right before the wedding in summer 2018- Zach and some of these other friends decided they wanted to party and catch up. We all decide to meet at mine and Chad's house because it's convenient and a fun space for a party. Obviously we didn't invite June- not that we were hiding it from her, we just didn't think it was necessary to run it by her. Well, she found out and confronted us. She got drunk and texted me a lot of hurtful things that night. I didn't respond at all and she apologized the next morning saying that she was too drunk and didn't mean it. She was mostly mad at me- not so much anyone else. We kind of talked it out but more so swept it under the rug and moved on. Things got better- I thought we were all in a good place again. My group of girlfriends were back to seeing each other regularly (June not so much, she's still kind of in and out but she's not as distant as before). We all manage to have a really fun time when we're together.
**Current events #2**
Last weekend Zach invited me, Chad, and two of June's other friends to a concert and we all went. It was a really good time! But then June found out the next day and again got drunk and texted a bunch of confrontational messages to all of us. (Again, not trying to hide anything from her.) Some things she mentioned in the messages-- he was manipulative, he continues to be manipulative, he tried to ruin her relationship, he is trying to ruin her life. Now she isn't speaking to any of us. I texted her once asking to explain what she meant and to please talk to me. No word back yet- it's been about a day.
**Am I the asshole?**
June seems to think so but I don't understand where she's coming from. I think she is being more of an asshole than anyone in this horrible situation. I don't expect her to *like* me or anyone else hanging out with Zach but I feel like she is 1) avoiding any personal responsibility she has in the situation, placing all of the onus on Zach, and 2) is being unreasonable by expecting me to drop Zach out of loyalty to her when she has been a fair-weather friend for the past couple of years.
I've tried to keep this as objective as possible. If anyone wants additional info, just ask!
​
TLDR: friend cheated on her fiancé with another person who was accepted into the friend group during the cheating, expects everyone else to ostracize him since reconciling with her fiancé.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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}
|
RIGHT
|
nsutLy7dl6ikWYSWifAreC5duvk8YGeP
|
age1i5
|
{
"description": "laughing at Survival Sex",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for laughing at Survival Sex
|
I am a senior in high school and for our english final our teacher had us present slides on sacrifices and success to become a hero. Near the end of everyone’s presentations the last person to go was this girl (who I have absolutely no problems with) that I think is trans or really strong LGBQ rights activist kinda person.
Her hero was actually quite cool, it was like the first openly trans black woman and how she started riots and fought for rights to be given to the LGBT community which is really badass. But then when she got to like the finale of it she started talking about her struggles and how she had been arrested numerous times and that she needed to have “survival sex” to live or maybe she meant prostitution? Either way I wasn’t really sure what she meant but I grinned at the word, I thought of like 2 people battling to the death in the sex situation and one of them surviving. She finished it up by saying that she didn’t understand why some of us were laughing ( a couple other people in the class thought survival sex was weird too ).
She then sat down asked me if I thought what she said was funny, and I was kinda stunned so I like said no right away, and then the class kinda got on her for being rude and yelling at me. She apologized and said she was really defensive about all of this stuff.
I just wanna know if I was an asshole because by no means was I like laughing out loud l, but I grinned and maybe blew air hard out of my nose? I feel really bad about this and I feel like she thinks I hate LGBT people or something.
Thank you
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
}
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NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
o63x2XX9ojT97ss2o6iOe1cjbQpsLxXh
|
ax1qst
|
{
"description": "telling an okd guy off fkr saying my friend shouldnt/couldnt use a store wheelchair",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling an okd guy off fkr saying my friend shouldnt/couldnt use a store wheelchair?
|
So a friend kf mine recently got hurt and broke a bone. She has been walking but its painful to do so for too long. We had to go get groceries today in a large-ish store and she had alrwady been on her feet for way too lkng and had started to rewlly feel the pain. And so everyone we were wjth strkngly suggested that she use a store wheelchair. She sat in an elcrric one and didnt like doing it so setiched to a manual one and her bkyfrjend oushed her. We werent goofing off or anything other than kinda laughing st dumb jokes and shit. Amd she evenyually decided to push herself which was fine. We got a coupkw of dirty looks but no one said anything to us during the shopping part. We go check out and atill no issue. Shw parks the wheelchair where she found it and stands up. Not hiding the fact she can walk but she has pants on so no one can see the massice maasive bruises from qhere she got hurt.
And thisuch older than decides to say something along thr lines of )are you kiding me an actual handicapped person who needed jt couldve used that"
Me: she broke her foot litterwlly monday.
{Nlt her folt but itm i forgot what bkne it was}
Guy: still shws walking just fine.
Me: she's limping, actually.{fact} and jjsy bexause you cant see kt doeant mean someknes not disabled.
Guy: still a senior person couldve used it.
Me: domt be a jerk!![i didnt yell but i was lse]
Guy: wgat goes around comes aroubd, ok?
***
TLDR: old man scolded me and a frjend for friend with a broken bkne in her foot using a store wheekchair bc she didnt look like she needed it. And i stood up to him aita?
Follow up question realted note: is there any rule thatvstores have abour what typrs of disablities/injuries mean you can use the store chairs? I use thrm for my hesrt condtion, chronic lightheadedness, and chronkc pain all the goddamn time. Dkdnt today bc k felt fucking grest today.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
zoxlyKBYa5A052BRfrgvNQt9ArW6bqyc
|
b46pxp
|
{
"description": "not being more aware of my movements at the gym",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being more aware of my movements at the gym?
|
I go to put dumbbell back up on the rack, the rack has numbers on it associated with weight. I can't put mine in the right spot because it is out of order so I double back to fix the weights. I didn't notice a guy behind me and he throws his weight on the ground, in frustration of having to wait for me. The space between the dumbbell rack and bolted down benches is only enough room for one person. He's super huge and he's holding 25 lb weights, however his muscles could be at exhaustion. This all happened barely out of the reach of my wingspan probably 10 -12ft. Probably happened in about 10 seconds.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
NitxXJXHr81yuWnk72zi6PO4yp4UydIv
|
a0vhdo
|
{
"description": "not inviting this girl to my D&D group for physical appearance reasons",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
AITA if I don't invite this girl to my D&D group for physical appearance reasons?
|
I am putting together a D&D campaign where I going to be a first-time DM and more people have expressed interest than I am able to accommodate. I'm trying to keep it to 4 players but I could do 5, and there are two interested people whose schedules fit with the rest of the group: a coworker who has played D&D with before, and someone from my meetup groups who hasn't played before.
The coworker really, *really* wants to join the campaign and has told me stuff like that she's already rolled a character and come up with a great backstory even though I've told her that I'm not sure if there is space for her yet. I wish there was some other legitimate reason I could not extend the invitation, but in actuality it all comes down to her nails.
I wouldn't go as far as to call it a phobia, but I have an extreme aversion/fear of any kind of damage or abnormality in fingernails. A friend made a comment about a certain type of injury and I literally couldn't get it out of my head for two days. Even typing this post is making me anxious. This coworker happens to have severe damage in that area and doesn't cover it at all. I don't see her much at work because our desks face away from each other but whenever I see her hands I feel queasy and it really gets to me. Currently I can't afford to go to therapy to address whatever this issue I have is.
It seems like a shallow reason to not invite someone because she is a really nice person and I know she would be a great player and it really just comes down to an aspect of her appearance, but I just don't know if I could stomach having her hands in full view for 3 hours a week. AITA if I don't extend the invitation? Am I off the hook since I told her from the start that I was just gauging interest and couldn't guaranty anyone a slot?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 14,
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
f5gTpbi4o0YalobmukeE5sjYs2etIpoG
|
b2y4jy
|
{
"description": "wanting my fiancee to have a job even though we don't need the money",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting my fiancee to have a job even though we don't need the money?
|
The title is fairly self explanatory. My (29M) fiancee (28F) is graduating from a history master's program soon. Her plan had always been to go on for a PhD afterward, which sounded great to me, I just want her to enjoy what she does. After finishing the masters though she feels like years more school will run her into the ground and might be too much misery for too little reward.
 
I have always paid for everything while she has been in school. We have a household checking account that I keep full that is used for groceries/gas/mortgage/doctor visits and things like that. The only thing she ever spends her money on is clothing or things like that if she is shopping and I'm not with her... I have been and am fine with this arrangement. She works ridiculously hard in school and I dont want her to have to work to pay bills too. She gets paid enough of a stipend to have pocket money for random shopping trips and such, and whenever she needs something bigger I buy it...
 
So... I'm in SaaS sales and I do make really good money. We have a very nice house, the mortgage is only about 10% of what I take home after taxes, and we manage to put a good good chunk of money away in savings every month while still pretty much buying and doing what we want to. We were talking last night about what kind of jobs she might apply for now that she is thinking no PhD, and she casually brought up the notion of her maybe not working at all. After talking a bit more I could tell that she didnt feel as casual about it as she was acting and that she had been strongly considering that as her ideal option. Her main point was that since we dont need the money there is no reason for her to work.
 
I get where she is coming from since we really don't "need" the money, but for some reason the idea of her sitting around doing nothing all day just kind of bothers me, especially since she has always been super driven with an enormous work ethic in school. Also, since now she does make a small stipend, that would take her from having some money that was strictly hers to spend on whatever she pleases to only having money that she got from me, and I don't like the idea of her feeling like she doesn't have money of her own to spend and like she has to rely on me for everything. There is also the fact that if she doesn't work she will probably end up super bored and unhappy.
 
We are planning to possibly have kids in a few years, and she also said that she couldn't really start a full career when she would be leaving to take care of kids before too long (which I would be fine with).
 
So she seems to think I am being an asshole for saying all that and trying to get her to work when we dont need the money. She says it doesn't really affect me either way, since I'd be doing the exact same thing whether she has a job or not, but it seems like it would end up affecting me in other ways to me...
 
Am I being an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
J93zyyqt8LVjjKOdE212JAxOeQzWNrBL
|
a7eecd
|
{
"description": "insulting somebody back",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for insulting somebody back
|
So earlier today somebody was poking fun at me, making fun of me and whatnot pushing me around and that hoopla. So, I had to decide to either
A. Pretend I don’t care
B. Insult him back
I had chose option B. Basically he said “Jesus fuck you dad must be a professional ass-wiper because your shoes look like they came from a toilet” seeing my chance I said “fuck at least I have a dad” (keep in mind I did not know his dad was killed when he was a baby) He walks away and says “n**** if you talk to me again I’ll punch you right in the fucking throat” I mean, I do feel kinda bad especially because I didn’t know what had happened. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
EVERYBODY
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{
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|
WRONG
|
ZxXxDUweXHyKJneyaej6tvxnGJhkkkIO
|
auipaj
|
{
"description": "being upset that my friends purposefully excluded me from outings",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset that my friends purposefully excluded me from outings
|
So I have a group of friends (around 9 of us in total) that I hang out with a lot. I was introduced to them by a really close friend(J) when I switched schools. It wasn't frosty and we had some good laughs and chats but I have felt like an extra wheel at times.
So the situation that brought me here is that X planned an outing for the whole group and they all went out and had a great time, and I was woefully ignorant of it all. So cut to a few days after the outing and we're all chilling together and they bring up their outing. I'm confused because I don't know what's going on so I just bit my tongue and kept silent. Afterwards, J pulled me aside and said he didn't know I hadn't been invited because X and Z told him I had been but I'd declined. They told I was busy with things coz my folks are getting a divorce and I couldn't make it so J just didn't press it.
I didn't say anything because nobody had even asked me to come yet, and then a day later I heard about a concert they're all planning to go to. Cool. But here's the thing. When tickets came out for this concert I was the one who brought it up and said we should go. They call said it wasn't a good idea on our group chat and left it at that. So I didn't buy a ticket coz I didn't want to go to a concert on my own and my boyfriend had plans that weekend when I asked him. They're a favourite band of mine so I had really wanted to go with some company. Now I learned that my friends got tickets and didn't tell me so I'm left out again. So X and Z and P are saying that they changed their minds and brought it up again but I said I didn't want to come so it's not fair for me to be upset now. This convo they're talking about never happened. And J pulled me aside to give me another I didn't know talk but I was like really because how come you have a ticket?
So we'd been planning a gaming session at my house this coming weekend and I cancelled because I just feel upset and used, and I decided I'd rather have a gaming session with my brother and my boyfriend instead. But after I cancelled with friend group they started making me feel like shit and saying I'm petty and can't complain about being left out if I'm leaving them out of something as well. And now I'm conflicted because they're my friends and I'm upset but maybe I'm overreacting by not having them over this weekend? J said I'm behaving like a prat and that stung a bit because we've been friends since the sandbox.
So reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
jgoJRHcra6ouEIMuWUZEpJhAQ7QWp4VA
|
ap7al5
|
{
"description": "uninviting my friend to my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for uninviting my friend to my birthday?
|
Last night, I had a birthday party that was a late dinner (9:30) and then karaoke for 15 people, and both places can't really hold more folks. One of them, I'll call him Mike, is one of my closer friends, but when he drinks, he can be a lot to deal with.
Earlier in the day, Mike sent our group snaps of him getting wasted at a brunch, starting around noon. Closer to 6, he and his friend call me and are nearly incoherent. I'm trying to ask Mike where he is, what he's doing, if he's okay and he just keeps saying "I don't know, I don't know, I don't know".
I eventually get his friend Sarah on the line, and tell her to come to my place with Mike. My goal here was to get him sobered up enough to not be an issue at my party, or to try and convince him to stay home. At this point, they get in a cab, and Mike has no idea where he's going, as evidenced by him asking the cab driver where he's taking them.
When they arrive, they are still wasted. I give them a glass of water each, turn music on, and try to chat with them and get a feel for the situation. Mike basically refuses the water and says "I'm gonna fuckin drink, bitch." I start to get the feeling that all is lost at this point.
Sarah is a bit more sober than Mike, but has no issue with him continuing to drink, so she does as well. I specifically pointed out that the beer in the fridge was not mine (roommates), but they drank it anyways. Whatever, I'll re up it later.
I specifically told them that I was trying to sober them up because I might be able to add another to the reservations but didn't want it to be an issue. Mike continuously insists he's fine, but he's not listening and basically doing everything I tell him not to do. Once it came time for me to get to the restaurant, I pulled Mike aside and told him that, in his current state, I'm not cool with him coming to my party. He gets really angry and is basically like whatever fine I'll leave.
As they're leaving, I apologise to Sarah who says she totally understands and not to worry about it, but Mike tells me to fuck off. I felt bad about it being short notice, but I know how he can get, and honestly felt a bit slighted that he couldn't bother to be coherent for my party.
All that being said, AITA for uninviting him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
xDUgrC95BYNjdF95keCF0qQbsQegJ0zP
|
ahawa7
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my friend because I'm also mad at her other friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my friend because I'm also mad at her other friend?
|
So there's this really annoying guy who I hate with a burning passion. It started with him asking me to draw this girl realistically I said sure and I drew her. It turned out good but this guy accidentally ruins it with ink or whatever the fuck I dunno he just asked me to redraw it. Oh wait, sorry, he didn't ask me to redraw it he demanded it. obviously the drawing took a lot of time the first time and it was exam week so I declined. He pestered me over and over again even during the exams. At that point I was of course, pissed. But during the exams I declined again and he told me that my art was shit and it wasn't even professional level. Now, my art ain't professional level that's for sure but my art ain't shit. Art is literally the only thing that made me want to continue living and not kill myself and him shitting on it really made me hate him. I just ignored him but he continued insulting me and naturally I insulted him back.
My friend is friends with this guy. I wasn't originally part of this guy's class and I only got moved there due to our class being dissolved and divided put into different sections. Me and my friend were friends before we were in this guy's class. Since my friend became friends with this guy she knew what was happening. But she asked me why I was so mad at him when he's such a nice guy. She was also told many times by this guy to stop talking with me and everytime we were in a conversation he intervened. This guy was also dissing me to my friend. I was so obviously getting worked up by this guy's insults to the point that I wanted to cry but she still thought that he was a nice, funny guy. I kinda lashed out at her ignoring her and being a bitch.
AITA for basically being a bitch towards my friend if the one I'm really mad at is her friend?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
mpvOqlpv5bTTrqtr9kVT0DpniEUNxiHI
|
ayu9mu
|
{
"description": "correcting people when they call me black by saying I am brown",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For correcting people when they call me black by saying I am brown?
|
I cannot tell you how many times people have called me black growing up. At first I never said anything, but as I got older I started correcting them. Overall, people just went with it, but I could tell it irritated some people.
Recently, a friend of a friend was talking to me over the phone (getting to know the roommate of his friend). We got along great. When I met him a week later he said "Wow. I thought you were white when we talked over the phone. I didn't realize you were black." I told him that I wasn't black and that I was brown, but it should not matter either way.
Thoughts?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "making out with a girl which I was interrested in but was drunk",
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|
AITA For making out with a girl which I was interrested in but was drunk.
|
So long story,
I've known this girl from a good friend, and at some point I started being very interrested in her. At that point we were pretty good friends. Then came the birthday of my good friend and me and the girl were flirting the whole evening, of course we both had already drank a lot so maybe the alcohol should be mentioned. Later that evening after a lot of flirting when we said goodbye we started making out. Next Day comes and we just discussed it and kind of just stopped it there. We both were ok with the situation and no one of us regretted that evening so far.
​
Month later and its the birthday of the girl.
There are like 14 people and everyone is already pretty drunk and the evening so far is pretty funny. I still had interest in her but she started dating someone else and on that evening she flirted with some other guy. I didn't really care since I had other things in mind and I just didn't want to destroy the evening for myself. Later me and my good friend,best friend of the girl, go for a little walk (5-10 minutes), and she tells me that the girl told her that she wanted to make out with me again, so me who is interested in her goes like "Yeah, I'm down." I have to mention that i'm pretty drunk at this point and when I look back now i'm kind of ashamed but me and my good friend walk back and she went in before me. As soon as I walk in my best friend told the girl something and the girl just comes out and we started making out for like 5 minutes straight until her brother started looking for her but I think he didn't see anything. Anyway next day we went to a "Fasnachtsumzug" (i really dont know how to explain it in english, look it up you will immeaditely get it. And there she sees her "date" making out with another girl so she was pretty devastated at first. On that evening i text her and ask why she so devastated since she has made out with 2 guys the evening before. The didn't remember making out with me because of the alcohol and i explain her what happened and again we just remained there. But a day later she texts me asking what the fuck is wrong with me and stuff like that and accuses me of using her to make out only because she was so drunk which I really didn't know since at the point where we made out I didn't see her for like 40 minutes and couldn't have known. Now she makes it look like I knew that she was drunk and I was too irresponsible to check on her before she literally ran me over to make out with me and flirted with me on the same evening two hours before. I actually apoligized that I should have been more responsible and stuff like that but she just spitted on that. And in between the 2 evenings we talked a lot and were pretty good friends. Am I wrong and should I have been more responsible or what went wrong?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "kicking my stepson out for refusing to come on our family trip",
"pronormative_score": 48,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for kicking my stepson out for refusing to come on our family trip
|
I guess the title should really say "are we the assholes" since my wife made the decision with me.
My stepson has been a part of my life for the last 6 years, since he was 13. From a young age, he was resentful that my wife couldn't provide for him what he saw other children had. My wife busted her ass to keep him fed and housed and often went without food herself. She is a cosmetologist, so even when she went without food or sleep, she was always well groomed (important for later). Her ex is a total dead beat, in and out of his kid's life for years until he just up and left for good, and he never paid a cent to child support, but he would bring big gifts when he visited, like laptops and going systems, which my wife could never afford on her own.
Anyway, after my wife and I got married, her and my stepson's lives obviously improved because 2 salaries are better than 1. My stepson finally got some of the things he'd never had, but instead of being grateful, it made him more resentful that he hadn't gotten these things sooner. We have sent him to multiple therapists for years, but it hasn't helped the extreme resentment he feels for my wife. It makes me so sad to witness, because she really did everything she reasonably could for him.
He's in college now but still lives with us and we have been fully funding him (aside from a part time student job) in an attempt to give him the best possible shot at excelling at school. We also have a three year old daughter.
We have been planning a family trip to Disney and I texted my stepson to ask him when he would be available to come with us. He texted back that there was no way he was coming. I was pretty shocked and just told him we'd discuss it when we got home.
My wife and I went to ask him why he didn't want to come, and he exploded at us. He called my wife a bitch and a whore for sleeping with a deadbeat and raising him with nothing when she clearly was spending all the money on herself, because she always had her hair done, etc. He called our daughter her "do over child" and said that she didn't deserve to go on nice trips and have nice toys when my wife never did that for him. He just went on and on, raging at my wife.
Of course, we knew there had been resentment there for years, but previously he hadn't expressed it outright, or only did so in snarky comments. This was the first time he had unleashed it so directly and rudely. My wife cried for hours, and I was pissed as hell. So we decided he had to go. I gave him 30 days to get a better paying job and move out of our house. If he wants to come on trips for any reason, he'll have to pay his own way. No more cooking for him, buying the necessities, or paying for school. He gets nothing.
Now that it's been a few days, I think we're both feeling a little guilty and wondering if we were too harsh, since he is so young. But at the same time, I wonder if 19 is too old to be acting this way, since he is an adult. AWTA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "asking someone to be quite in the library",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
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AITA for asking someone to be quite in the library?
|
I go to a large library with 2 large libraries and 100s of computers which are free to use to all students. The top floors of both libraries, about 10% of total study space, are silent study areas. You're not allowed to chat, have phone calls, use headphones too loudly while you are there. Am I the asshole for asking other students to shut up? I don't have anywhere to study at home and like to learn in a quite environment. I don't want to hear about somebody's weekend when I'm trying to complete an assignment. On the occasions that I have asked people to be quite they have responded rudely and glared at me. Am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not answering the door to my landlord",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not answering the door to my landlord?
|
Just come context: in my state, a landlord needs to give at least 24 hours written notice before entering a rental property. My partner and I are also very private people. I have issues with saying ‘no’ to people and setting boundaries.
A few days ago my landlord turned up unannounced to the house my partner and I are renting. This isn’t the first time they have just turned up like this and while it doesn’t happen often, it is annoying. They are lovely people, and have been great to us.
It was early evening and as my partner works odd hours, they were asleep. I myself was in my pyjamas, watching tv and relaxing after work.
As soon as I saw them pull up I switched off the TV and went to the bedroom. There’s a chance they saw the TV was on as they pulled up. I really wasn’t in the mood for unannounced visitors, and definitely not my landlords.
When my partner woke up I checked with them to see if they had known the landlords were coming over. They checked their phone and they had a missed call about 2hrs before they showed up and also a text asking if we were home as they wanted to wish us a merry Christmas.
I kinda feel like an asshole/rude because they had good intentions, and did try to let us know. They also might have known we were home because of the tv, and probably know we were avoiding them.
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HISTORICAL
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| null |
WIBTA- Roommate Disagreement That Pushed Me Over The Edge
|
So here's a little bit of backstory- I'm a college freshman stuck in a room with 2 other girls who I tried very hard to get along with, but it just didn't happen. Our personalities do not mesh at all. I'm a nerdy tomboy who doesn't drink, is almost always in bed between 10-10:45, and volunteers with the Special Needs class at an elementary school off campus. I am terrible at dealing with conflict, I avoid it at all costs. My roommates are both basic college girls (complete with polaroids on clothes pins) who love to drink, stay up late, do Instagram photoshoots, and get sucked up in any drama they can. I've been civil, just like we'll each all do our own thing and not worry about trying to all become BFFs. Then this week after months of every disagreement in the room being the 2 of them against me, the straw that broke the camel's back happened.
Over winter break, one of the two roommates texted us saying she had Valentine's Day decorations for our door. I asked if I could put up my students decorations, and if needed I would put them on the side of the door. Skip to, we come back from winter break and I realize that the fire extinguisher on our hall blocks any decorations that would go there. So I decide that when it gets closer to Valentine's Day I'll mention that I change my mind and I'd like my decorations on the door, only taking up 1/3 of the space. 3 of us in the room, so we could each take 1/3 of the door.
Then the next weekend, my roommates rushed sororities and one of their sisters made them these huge posters that took up most of the door with their names on them and the sorority logo. After a few days, I bit the bullet and asked if they planned on having them up until Valentine's Day because I'd like to put up decorations with my students' names on them. They said they'd take them down by that point so I assumed I'd be allowed to have at least 1/3 of the door to decorate with my students' Valentine's. I had done this for Thanksgiving with little hand turkeys and one of the roommates said she loved it, other never said anything about them, and once again, they only took up 1/3 of the door if that. For Christmas, I had a lot more. I had asked ahead of time if they wanted to put up decorations, they said no, and if they had changed their minds later I would've either moved mine around or just taken some down to make room for theirs. They never said anything about wanting to put up decorations for Christmas at any point before winter break. Another thing to keep in mind, for Halloween they took up the whole door and I didn't care, and earlier in September they taped leaves covering the whole door and I just let them do it. So we've each had two holidays where we've had the door split be "one sided".
So a few days ago, I come back to our door completely covered in sparkling hearts. I was livid. So I put up my Valentine's Decorations without moving any of their hearts, just worked around them, and sent them a picture of the door asking what they thought. The response I get is a bitter text saying I should've asked before I did that. I explained that I did. They then sent screenshots of the texts saying I'd take the side of the door. I instantly started crying and just moved them over even though I really didn't want to. I just didn't want to deal with the conflict. This bothered me the entire night.
So the next day, I texted saying that I hadn't thought about the fire extinguisher when I agreed to put mine on the side, and that I had valid reason to go back on what I said because mine decorations couldn't even be seen. I told them that I was going to put mine back up without moving any of theirs, and if they had a problem with it, then all 3 of us were going to have to go to the RA and have a mediation session with her.
The response I got back was an even more bitter, I should've asked before putting them up and how I shouldn't have gone back on what I had agreed to over winter break.
They let me put my hearts back on the door, but they keep insisting on from now on I HAVE to ask before I put ANYTHING on our door. My thoughts on the matter are this- If my decorations take up 1/3 of the space or less and I don't move, take down, or block any of their decorations, I shouldn't have to ask because it's not affecting their decorations. The door is a shared object between the 3 of us and no one (or two) person should have control over what the other(s) put on their 1/3 of the door.
Am I being unreasonable? Am I being an asshole?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "still not forgiving my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for still not forgiving my girlfriend
|
So last week my gf cheated on me with a classmate. She called me the next day bawling her eyes out and told me about it. He has given her rides and is really effeminate. They all went out as a class, she was drunk, asked if he was gay. He said he didn't know. She gave him peck on the lips. We've been pretty strong for almost 2 years, but I'm pretty disgusted by this. She wants some credit for telling me immediately about, said she could've just not told me...but seriously, thats fucking ridiculous. I don't think I can move past this. She blames my shitty communication skills rather than the fact that she actually cheated.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "ghosting a girl",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for ghosting a girl
|
I'm a (20M) in college currently and I met this girl on tinder. I had talked to her for a while and finally I decided to ask her out on a date. Before the date friends told me that I probably wouldn't like her. The date went suprisingly well for never meeting in person and eventually it led to us going on a few more dates and hanging out with each other. After sometime I started to notice things that I didn't particularly like such as small things she would do, how she would act. These things were never anything major and to some people it may not bug them, she just did things that were my pet peeves or things that I found annoying. After sometime I slowly started to lose interest but never told her thinking that if I stuck it out it would get better. Well a couple of weeks ago I finally decided that I didn't want to talk to her, and after a long day at work she was wanting to hangout and she didn't understand that I was exhausted after a long day. This led to me not responding to her texts for three days, and on the third day I sent her a text telling her I was sorry for not texting, and that I didn't think things were going to work out. AITA for ghosting her for three days just to tell her I didn't like her out of the blue?
Also this was a 1 1/2 month 'fling'.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "saying this to my cousin through text. was I mean",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for saying this to my cousin through text. Was I mean?
|
My cousin[F24] and I[M22] are very close. I see her 3-5 times a week average when she's not with her "boyfriend" or working. (I say "boyfriend" because she's hardly ever with him because he doesnt want to chill. Its so obvious he either is not into her or gay). She constantly blows up my phone everyday and anytime I dont answer 5 times in a row, she gets upset and either days shes not going to hit me up anymore or shes going to lose my number or something to that effect. I am self employed as a Realtor and she knows that my schedule can be all over the place. Hence, she should understand if i dont answer right away. Mind you, i call her back within the hour 85 percent of the time. Today she calls me 3 times in a row while I was showing a property. I left my cell phone in the car and come out 5 minutes later to this...
Her:
YOU GOT A PHONE FOR FUCKING WHAT?! DEAD ASS IM ABOUT TO DELETE YOUR NUMBER NO POINT ON CALLING SOMEONE WHO DOESNT EVER ANSWER
Me:
Literally everyday you say your about to delete my number or stop hitting me up like damn obviously if i didnt answer 2 + times in a row im busy or don't got my phone. That dont mean im acting funny or dodging your calls.
Her:
No problem Lex‼️💯
You don't ever got to worry about me hitting your phone again don't say I switched up later on I never said you was acting funny you never answer your phone literally I'm good I ain't begging nobody to hang out with me! Take care wish you the best ‼️💯🙌🏽💪🏽
Me:
I didnt mean it like that im just saying if you look through our texts, you say that all the time and i just think its corny how if i dont answer within 5 minutes your already talking about cutting me off. I was in a house with a client and i came out to see that yet again your saying your going to delete my number or stop hitting me up. And thats not you begging me to hang out its just like if you were at work and i called you 3 times in a row and you didnt answer. Im not going to say im boutta delete your number or stop hitting you up. I would assume your busy and ask wyd through text and wait for you to call or text back. Like 80 percent of the time you call and i dont answer i am doing something work related or something where i cant talk right then in there. Just bc i dont answer in a 10 minute time period doesnt mean im axting funny and you say you never said im acting funny but for you to say your gonna delete my number or stop hittng me up makes me think that you think im acting funny. .....
Its been about an hour and she hasnt responded. Now i kind of feel bad but should i? Am i the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "disrespecting my parents' rules regarding my relationship",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for disrespecting my parents’ rules regarding my relationship?
|
I am 20 years old and my SO is the same age as me. We’ve been together for about two and a half years now.
I am disabled because of my severe mental illnesses, and I live with my parents. My major depression is treatment-resistant, meaning that nothing I’ve tried has ever made any improvement to my depression. The only two things that have stopped me from feeling constantly suicidal and self-harming were dropping out of college and quitting my job because both added massive amounts of stress to my life. I’m living with my parents until I either find something that helps or will move on to disability benefits if I exhaust my options for treatment without improving. My parents told me that they are willing to continue supporting me as I continue trying different forms of treatment.
One of the many rules I had to follow growing up was that I could only start dating when I turned 18. I respected their rule and never dated anyone. My current SO and I met in high school. We were friends for a while and then, right before my 18th birthday, I brought him over to my house and we asked my mom if she would be okay with us being romantically involved. She said yes, but I later found that there were exceptions.
My mom forbid me from having any kind of sexual relationship with him, and I have to keep my door open whenever he comes over. I thought this was a fair rule at first considering our age differences, but when my SO tuned 18 as well, it was clear that my parents were keeping their rules.
I have no idea why they don’t want me having sexual relations with my SO. We are both consenting adults. I am on birth control (to stop my debilitating periods) and never want children. My SO had been tested for STD’s. I would be more than willing to get tested for STD’s. My SO and I are both responsible. My parents don’t dislike him. My parents don’t care about abstaining from sex before marriage. This is not a normal rule in my family; I have two cousins who are both my age and are allowed to have sexual relations with their partners. The only thing they have ever mentioned as to why they don’t want me having a sexual relationship is because it’s “their house, their rules.”
Here’s where MY asshole part finally comes in: my SO and I have disrespected these rules many times. My SO and I have had sex both at his house (when his parents weren’t home, which is also a rule-breaker) and my house, and he’s even stayed the night once when my parents were out house hunting out of town.
In my defense for what I’ve done, I’ve never disobeyed my parents’ rules before. I feel like if my parents aren’t willing to give me any leniency, then I have no reason to continue to respect their rules. I think that if they don’t want me to have a sexual relationship then they should simply ban me from all romantic relationships whatsoever (which is still pretty ridiculous to ban an adult from IMO).
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "warning my girlfriends brother after he stereotyped me",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 68
}
|
AITA For warning my girlfriends brother after he stereotyped me?
|
Im 27, i have spent seven years in prison. I have been free for one year.
I have tattoos on my fingers, forearms, back, chest, neck, and on one cheek. I realize i look scary to people who havent been in prison.
Ive been dating a girl for four months. She knows my history and its generally been good.
However her family does not like me, and judges me on my appearance and my sentence. I have served my time.
Her brother recently asked me if I killed anyone. They also joke that i look like the bad guy from cape fear.
I told him to not to be a smart ass, and that he should watch how he speaks to other men who might not be as understanding as me.
My gf is now angry at me for "threatening" her brother. I dont make threats, I give warnings. Her family has been disrespectful for months and this is the first time i warned them. AITA.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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b7tzth
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{
"description": "accidentally stealing from a restaurant",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for accidentally stealing from a restaurant?
|
So a few hours ago, I made a large order for my family from a local Dominican restaurant: pork chops and rice, filet with rice, and beef with moro (brown rice with beans). I went out to pick up the order, and when I got home, I unpacked everything only to realize I was missing my pork chops. I waa hungry af, so I drove like a madman back to the restaurant, and told them what happened. The lady was very nice but insisted that she put the pork chops in the order. Nevertheless, she put in another order for pork chops, free, and it was ready in under ten minutes. It was only then when I get home that I realized that these weird looking thingies WERE the pork chops, and in my hand were the other pork chops that I just received. I am now eating both orders of pork chops as I type. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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ba4ix5
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{
"description": "asking about a friend of a girl who likes me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA for asking about a friend of a girl who likes me?
|
I have this friend in our friend group who is interested in me. She made it really obvious to the point where I felt kind of uncomfortable. So I decided to confront her about her and just let her definitively know that I'm not interested. She told me she wasn't interested which is fine. But I have sinking feeling she actually is still interested. Anyways, I recently noticed a girl on her IG story who was kind of cute. WIBTA if I asked her more about this girl?
​
For the sake of argument/judgement, let's just assume that this girl is interested in me and it's not a delusion in my head.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not wanting my brother's friends to be in our apartment when he is not",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my brother's friends to be in our apartment when he is not?
|
Recently, my brother has been bringing over his friends over the weekdays, and often they are sleeping over. Last week, one of his friends slept over for 4 days in a row. I was pretty pissed and I told him that is incosiderate and unacceptable when you remember how tiny our apartment is and that we have 3 cats that get really scared.
​
What pissed me off the most was that he would let his friend sleep at our place when no one is there. This infuriated me because I do not feel safe knowing someone is sleeping in my apartment without anyone else in my home. I never agreed to this when i moved in with home, and i truly think it is unacceptable.
​
He claims that i am entitled since my girlfriend sleeps over on the weekdays occasionally, but I told him it was not the same because she never sleeps over or stays in our home unless i am here. Furthermore, we often stay in my room when she is over except when we are watching netflx in the living room. His friends, on the other hand, slept in the living room for days and I couldn't even go in there.
​
Am i the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b1ulpr
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{
"description": "using my co-worker's microwave",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for using my co-worker's microwave???
|
AITA for using my co-worker's microwave???
Ok so I recently had been using a microwave in a small little room where I tutor students. The microwave says "employees only". I just got hired as a temp tutor so I am an employee and so in my head cool, I can use.
Anyways the first day of using it (March 7) I asked (we'll call her "Nancy" ) if I can use it. She asked if i was tutoring and I replied no not today, I just wanted to heat up my food real quick and eat for a bit. She said sure. So in my head, I'm thinking okay cool I got a place to heat up my food!!
From then on though, things started to turn. Every time I knocked next door to get in, Nancy asked if i had tutoring. I'd reply with a mixture of either "later today but just want to heat up my food" or "nope just want to heat up some food". She didn't say anything. Then a couple of days ago, we'll call her "Nancy # 2", was in the room. I had food in the microwave when she opens it and says "Oh....YOU'RE using the microwave." and leaves the room. I was turned around but the tone of her voice sounded so scornful. So I was thinking hmm, maybe she's just having a bad day. But I also felt uneasy and un-welcomed.
Yesterday (7 days after I first used the microwave), I was outside of my tutoring hours again to heat up some food. I had the door propped open, and saw Nancy opening her door and said "Hey Nancy!". She just looks at me without saying anything back and proceeds to entering her room. She comes in to where I'm eating moments later with a paper in hand and asks me "So..." "When is your tutoring hours?" . I tell her (Mon 5-7 and Th 6-8) while she writes it on the paper. She posts on the door. She then tells me I am not allowed to use the microwave outside of my tutoring hours. I started to slowly lose it. I couldn't understand why I couldn't.... 7 DAYS AFTER I INITIALLY USED IT. I replied "well I am an employee, I don't see what the issue is" and asked if she had a problem. She told me no, but talk to Nancy #2 since she "paid for it". She also told me I could use it during my tutoring hours to which I replied, "what difference does that make?".
Quite heated and trying to understand what the problem was, I rushed to talked to Nancy #2. "Apparently, there's an issue with me using the microwave?". She replied with something like we don't want everybody using it. And that I use the space as my "second home" which prohibits their use for activities they have. I told her I'm an employee??? And the most I've stayed there is 30 minutes. Every time I heat up my food, I stay 15 minutes max on average. While talking to her, I could see that the issue was me using it so I told her I'll just stop.
​
​
TLDR
Used a microwave labeled "employees only". Am an employee. I use for 7 days straight no problem. I get told I can't use. Only during my tutoring hours.
Am i the asshole????
​
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b1no9k
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{
"description": "continuing to message my ex even though she doesn't reply",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for continuing to message my ex even though she doesn't reply?
|
So,my ex and I had what I thought to be an amazing relationship. We technically lived together in our college dorm, and we spent a lot of time together. We were both really happy with each other, and would constantly tell each other what we loved about the other and whatnot. She was a huge part of my life, but was having a hard time with the college environment and eventually left. I also had to take online classes at home for a semester, so we were really far apart.
I thought that we'd be able to do a long distance relationship, and I thought it worked for a while. There weren't really any problems. But overtime we'd talk less and less. There were times where she's disappear for a week without any word, then suddenly come back. She told me she ignored all my messages because she wanted to be alone for a bit. That's perfectly fine, but I'd at least like to know that,so that I don't worry that she'd disappeared for a week. This happened a couple times, then this past Christmas she said I should try to look for another girlfriend.
To this day, I still don't really understand what happened. We had a great time, then suddenly it's all over. I haven't heard anything from her in a few months, she won't reply to me at all. I message her maybe once a week at most. Maybe only just a few times a month. I'd just like to know if I did something wrong, because if I did I'd like to fix it for next time. I also want to know how she's doing, because I know she's going through things, and I just want to make sure she's ok. I've heard absolutely nothing, and I feel bad for bothering her, but I just want to get some answers. So am I doing the wrong thing here? Should I just leave her alone?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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b29xdf
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{
"description": "deciding to surprise visit my bf who lives on my hometown and did not tell my family about it",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA if I(26F) decided to surprise visit my bf(29M) who lives on my hometown and did not tell my family about it?
|
First time posting because this blew up in my face with my parents so please bear with me. So tu set up things, my relationship with my parents has not been great since i was a teenager, i have always been very independent and started drifting away from catholicism (which my parents are, devoutly), i also have a very introvert personality and not very talkative. So that has always been a big difference between us that makes our relationship complicated.
Back to present day, i am living in Europe while i do my masters and my bf lives in my hometown (america) while he does his phd. Of course LDRs suck and we have agreed to visit each other every two months if financially possible. I went to visit him mid February and stayed at my parents place, did all the obligatory family and extended family visits but it was only for a week so i wanted to spend as much time as possible with my bf. Now that it is his turn he tells me his budget will not let him travel which means 6 months without seeing each other.
Now, i have a bit more money and it turns out that he has a holiday week which aligns to my exams and class schedule perfectly so i don’t miss anything. This also aligns to the week when my family will take a trip out of town. I decide to surprise him buying a plane ticket and booking a place near the university he works at knowing that my family locks the house down when leaving town.
This happened two weeks ago, i tell my bf after two days and my parents call at the 7th day and ask me about the charge in my account ( they have access to it, for reasons that don’t really matter for this situation). I proceed to tell them my plans and they take it as a major offense that i am going when they are not in town and that i decided to book a place to stay instead of staying in their place. They haven’t spoken to me in a week and now i get a long message from my mom saying she is disappointed and hurt and thinks i did it on purpose to hurt /avoid them.
I want to know your opinion reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ahr8wf
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{
"description": "not replacing toilet paper when my roommate didn't before me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not replacing toilet paper when my roommate didn't before me
|
this is a short but yeah I live with a roommate and well he went to the bathroom before me and when I had to piss there wasn't paper but I didn't put more in he got kinda mad that I didn't replace it but he left it like that so idk AITA
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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|
aoadmb
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{
"description": "being upset at my gf for belittling my needs",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset at my gf for belittling my needs?
|
I’ve been dating this girl for over 8 months now and i absolutely adore her, i want nothing more than to spend my time with her we usually get along fantastic however she has bpd and can turn on me in the blink of an eye. The past 5 months we’ve been arguing because i feel asking to see her 2 times a week and text one another a little each day is not very much to ask from your SO but she tells me texting me is draining and seeing me is hard with her schedule. Yesterday she told me she is too busy to even miss me and that committing one day to me a week is too much to handle. Today she told me to just leave her alone when i texted her that i loved her and asked how her new tattoo was doing. I know she is taking 2 university classes and works usually 2 times a week (her part time schedule varies greatly week to week) but i know she has at least 3 free days a week i could at least see her for even just a coffee date once a week but apparently its too much. She can be very mentally manipulative and toxic at times and its been taking a very mental and physical toll on me as of late so please tell me. AITA? If more info is needed i can provide
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aoju00
|
{
"description": "veto-ing my MoH's plus one for my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for veto-ing my MoH’s plus one for my wedding
|
My Maid of Honour has been on and off dating my ex-boyfriend for a couple of years now, and they’re together currently.
I really, really don’t like the guy, both for reasons concerning our relationship and how he treats her (nothing physically worrying, but it’s not a healthy relationship to the point where she’s in tears every couple of days or so about him). I also really don’t want him at my wedding, and would definitely not invite him if this wasn’t the case, but she wants to bring him as her plus one as they’re currently together.
It’s not a huge wedding, and given her proximity to me all day and that he wouldn’t know many (any) other people there, it’s likely that he’d be around me for most of the day.
Would I be the asshole for asking her to choose someone else?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
avjqo0
|
{
"description": "messaging my sister in law",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA if I message my sister in law...
|
This is a pretty short, cut and dry story.
My brother married this awesome woman years back. They have a couple kids, and seem to get along really well.
Until recently when I was told by another family member that my brother was cheating on his wife and they would be getting a divorce.
So, today I was messaging with 1-2 family members asking if they thought it was "out of line" for me to message my SIL and offer some support or condolences for my brother being a fucking asshole.
They told me it would be out of line. And that I should wait for my brother to tell me about it all. However, we don't talk. I talk to his wife more than I talk to him.
So, would I be the asshole? I don't think I would be and I'm tempted to ignore my family members who said I would be. But I also don't want to cross any boundaries.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
apkq93
|
{
"description": "demanding my roommates sister pays rent",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA to demand my roommates sister pays rent?
|
My roommate and I have been bestfriends since kindergarten and hes a fantastic roommate. However about 6 months ago him, a third person, and I were going to get an apartment together but after some unfortunate events not relevant to the story my roommate and I got stuck on the lease while the third person bailed. So now the 2 of us are paying rent for a 3 person apartment and I cant handle that financially for much longer and we've been trying to find a 3rd person to take some of the pressure off.
Flash forward to about 2 months ago, my roommates sister fell on some hard times and moved in with us (not on the lease) and she doesnt seem to have any intentions of leaving anytime soon. She pays about $100 in rent when if split equally between the 3 of us it should be around $470.
She has a part time job at a local grocery store (though she has told me she could get a full time position there if she wanted.) And I know it was inappropriate of me, but the other day she opened her paycheck in front of me and I glanced at it and it was around $600 (so $1200 a month).
WIBTA if I told her and my roommate that she needs to start paying full rent or leave so we can find someone who will? Because again I cant pay for essentially a 3 bedroom place split 2 ways for much longer.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
ag9jqs
|
{
"description": "distancing myself from my parents",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for distancing myself from my parents
|
I am 24 and have a 1 year old. I'm tired of being disappointed by them. They'll make plans to come over and never show. I made lunch plans on a tuesday and they rescheduled twice finally for a dinner they were going to bring something or we were all going out once my husband got home. Thirty minutes before they were going to show they called and said they werent coming . Because from where they were traffic was bad .[ traffic was also bad going home ] they were 20 minutes away at an appointment . It's an endless cycle of not showing up and guilt trips from my mother over everything. She was guilt tripping me when i was in labor over not wanting them to stay i just wanted my husband in the room. My dad took our wedding pictures over two years ago. Still haven't seen them. They don't follow through they dont show up. I don't want to have to explain to my crying daughter in the next year or so and for the rest of her life why my parents don't bother coming around or say they will and want to take her places and don't come. I hate going to their house. It reeks of cigarettes and weed from them smoking in the house when i get home after being at their house i need to shower give my daughter a bath and wash anything that goes in their house.
I'm tired of guilt trips and being angry and sad when they can't be bothered to show up.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
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|
afvj8t
|
{
"description": "knocking on my next door neighbors door (duplex) to let me back in",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for knocking on my next door neighbors door (duplex) to let me back in?
|
Was in a rush this morning getting some important paperwork together and forgot my key. My neighbor is my landlord, so I know he has as spare. I knocked on the door (I would say firmly but not excessively just because he is known for sleeping until 1pm) and just politely called his name.
He ripped open the door after a moment and asked me why the fuck I was knocking on his door at 8 o'clock in the morning. I apologized and said I was trying to get ready and locked myself out. He slams his door, comes outside and opens mine, and says "why don't you try getting a fucking key?"
I was dumbfounded. I was under the impression that 8 was an acceptable time and I had to get where I was going, and couldn't wait for a locksmith.
AITA here? Should I wait until 9 for interacting in the morning?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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9yr2ch
| null |
AITA - An Educated Guess or Just Racial Profiling
|
This happened over a year ago while I was driving with an Ex-girlfriend. This scenario still nags on me and so I decided to share it here.
Karen (Ex's name for the story), my dog, and I were driving early in the morning to a hiking trail in Pasadena, California. It was early Saturday morning so traffic wasn't bad at any part of our hour drive. We get off the highway into a nice suburban neighborhood where the roads are wide, empty. and pretty straight.
As I stop at a red light, I can see far ahead of me the next light, which just turned green. There were also 2 cars waiting in the same line at that light. These two cars were all alone at that cross section. The light was green and yet these two cars were patiently waiting and going nowhere. There was no honking.
My light finally turned green and I grew more curious as I drove towards the two cars. At least a good minute passed since their light turned green, so I couldn't help but see who the two drivers were. I slowly drove on the other line to their left. The car at front was a black BMW and the driver was looking at his phone instead of at the light. The vehicle behind him was an old white truck that needed a good wash. It was carrying all kinds of construction equipment. The truck's driver was a Hispanic man. Mid 40s. His jeans and jean jacket was splashed with white crusted paint and his face was certainly one that has been in the sun for too long. And the expression of that face...was tired calmness.
And that fact baffled me. Here was a moment that justified confronting another person and calling him out. This call to action transcends cultures and generations. No one can defend wasting your time while endangering others by looking at your phone while driving. You are universally the asshole in that case.
As I drove past both motionless cars, I turned to Karen and said something similar to: "I think that Hispanic guy is an illegal immigrant."
Karen was aghast and asked me how I could say such a racist thing. I calmly told her that I did not attack the man's character or say anything negative about his situation in life. If he has to find work in America to survive or support his family, I have nothing but respect for that. I come from an immigrant family myself (Korean), and I still remember the hardships my parents went through while pursuing their education.
After defending my statement, I laid out the clues that led me to my conclusion.
1. The Hispanic man did not honk even though he rightfully could. Suggesting that he didn't want to bring attention to himself.
2, It's possible the car horn didn't work. He still could have switched lanes and drive pass the BMW. Yet he didn't. Suggesting his absolute, almost paranoid, need to avoid possible accidents.
3. It was early morning and he had the clothes and equipment for a working day. It's safe to assume that he didn't have all the time in the world to wait for an irresponsible driver. Yet his honk hand was steady.
4. His age and clothes suggested that of lower economic class with little or no education, or more specifically, no education from the United States. I can easily imagine my dad having done the same sort of work when he first came to the U.S. but he was also young and pursuing his PhD as well. If the Hispanic man was in the U.S. with a Visa, he likely would not be doing this sort of work at his older age. Men at that age doing minimum wage or less is a no-other-choice scenario.
Maybe he is an American citizen or is here legally, but it always goes back to why doesn't he honk then?
Throughout the argument, I kept saying that it was possible that I'm not right, but I felt pretty sure. What irked me was her saying that it was impossible that he's an illegal immigrant because...I don't know.
Anyways we went hiking and only my dog enjoyed everyone's company that day.
So what do you think? Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
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|
aarpkg
|
{
"description": "not wanting to Text my friends",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For Not Wanting to Text my Friends?
|
Sorry for the poorly formatted wall of text, I've never done this before.
All names are replaced with fake ones for obvious reasons.
\-Background-
So about a year ago, I dated this girl named Jean who was a mutual friend of a number of my friends. She had previously been hooking up with two of my better friends, Steve and Dave. We dated for about three weeks before she broke it off with me. In retrospect, I definitely overreacted at the time, but that's not what I'm talking about right now. After we broke up, Steve asked me if I would feel alright with the two of them continuing to hook up. I struggled with this for a while, and eventually told him I was fine with it (I wasn't). Fortunately, being a great friend, Steve asked me the same question about a week later and I told him the truth, that I wasn't really alright with it and I would prefer if they didn't. Obviously that was the end of that and we continued on as best friends forever.
Until about 6 months later. In that time I moved in for my first year at college and most of my friends moved away as well. I still had a number of mutual friends with Jean, and wouldn't be able to avoid her forever, so I decided to apologize for, in general, being shitty and avoiding her for half a year. She accepted my apology and just like that, we were friends again. About a week after that we were sitting in her dorm when she literally broke down crying on my shoulder and told me, among other things, that she and Steve had hooked up around 4 times in the past few months. I wasn't exactly shocked, but it still hurt to know that my best friend went behind my back like that. I thought about it for a while and eventually decided to not confront him about it and pretend it never happened, because ultimately it was none of my business what two other people decided to do to/with each other. Obviously that was the end of that and we continued on as best friends forever.
Until about 2 months later. In the meantime, Jean had found herself a new boyfriend, whom she told all of her friends about. One night, I got a text from Steve asking if I knew if she and her boyfriend had broken up. I truly had no idea and I told him that. He followed that up with that he had confirmation that they did. He immediately followed that up with asking if I would be alright with them hooking up again. The next day I got dinner with Jean, and she and her boyfriend were very much still together, I texted another mutual friend (Denise) asking if she had told Steve that they were broken up, because Steve said she had told him. She told me that no, she had not. I pressed her a little harder, and then she admitted that yes, she did. She then asked my why I cared so much, and accused me of still having feelings for Jean, more than a year after we broke up. That, combined with the randomly lying to me really pissed me off, so I told her not to text me anymore, and that if she wanted to talk about it in person she could let me know. At the same time, I had returned Steve's text by saying that Jean was still very much in a relationship, along with a little bit of a barb along the lines of, "Does my answer really matter? You'll do in anyway". This triggered a such a heated exchange that it deserves its own paragraph.
He asked several times where I was getting my information from, and if I trusted them more than I trusted him. He also attempted to play it off like it had only been a quick kiss one time. When I called him out on this, he claimed it was only a quick kiss, two times. When I called him out on this, he accused me of still having feelings for Jean. I told him that it had nothing to do with her and that I really only cared that he had gone behind my back and then lied to me about it repeatedly. He then told me what I assume is the whole story because it's consistent with everything else I know.
After the fact, I found out that he had been texting Jean the entire time trying to figure out how much I knew about the situation. Jean had told him that she didn't tell me anything, and that he should lie to me as much as possible. I haven't had any exchanges with any of them since.
​
Now for the asshole part.
Dave (Remember Dave? From the beginning?) has been trying to get us all to make up for the past couple of weeks. Steve, Denise, and Jean have all made no attempt to contact me at all, so Dave is trying to get me to contact them and ask to talk. I, however, feel like they should contact me first. I really have nothing to say to any of them at this point, and if the relationships are even worth salvaging at this point, I would think that they would contact me first.
So, Am I the Asshole for not wanting to crawl back to these people and beg for them to be my friends again?
(On the plus side, I can relate to a whole new genre of music now, so that's nice, I guess)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
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|
b3246d
|
{
"description": "asking my bf to stop joking about his abuse around me",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my bf to stop joking about his abuse around me?
|
My boyfriend was badly abused as a child. I love him with absolutely every bit of my heart and it makes me so incredibly sad to even think about. We don't really talk about it a lot (of course, if he wants to, I always lend him an ear). But he makes *extremely* graphic jokes about it every now and then, mostly unprompted and out of nowhere. I think it's a way of coping with it. And I know he deserves that much. But God, it makes me feel nauseous that people hurt children like that. It makes me sad that someone I love so much had to go through something like that.
It pretty much fucks with my head all day (sometimes even week). I don't tell him that, of course. I know that he has it WAY harder having to cope with this shit than I do for being uncomfortable/saddened by it. And for some reason, it seems worse when he tells it as a joke rather than talking about it seriously? I don't know why. I feel like a selfish fuck for even thinking like this, honestly. Am I?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
cctFiUUZtj6POpLLezTR8Z3VdKmzZ0fS
|
ac8awq
|
{
"description": "leaving my friend when she needed me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving my friend when she needed me?
|
Backstory: I've known her online for about over half a year now, but we're really close. She has her fair share of traumas from past experiences, is really introverted and shy, and has breakdowns ever so often. We're really supportive of each other.
Last night, she was having a mentally bad day and was barely online for the day. At the end of the day I went to check up on her and told her she would be fine, and she asked me to keep saying nice things to her until she fell asleep. Now I was having a less than good day myself and was mentally exhausted of walking her through getting herself back on her feet time and time again when this happens, so I told her sorry, that I really didn't have the mental energy to do so that time.
She said sorry and went offline, and I've been feeling awful because of it. She's been offline all day.
AITA? Should I have pushed myself through for her well being? Was I justified in asking for a break this time?
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AITA because I’m tired of my girlfriends mom staying with us
|
I’m naturally an introvert. I recharge best in my own space doing my hobbies. I get worn down when folks come to visit and stay. I always find myself happy they’re leaving after a week or so and feel a bit drained emotionally.
I live with my girlfriend in Hawaii and her mom lives on a different island. Every two weeks since October she’s come and stayed 3-4 days sometimes more. She asks and pressures my girlfriend into saying yes and has never once asked me directly despite it being my house that I paid for. The first few times I let it slide but as it happened more and more I became more sensitive to her in particular. We’ve had other people come stay with us in this timeframe and while I felt my usual drained feeling I was never upset by them coming. She’s always found some excuse to come. For New Years it was that “I didn’t want to be left out” and invited herself for three days. For thanksgiving she didn’t eat what us but used it as a launching point for seeing her friends and eating with them. One time it was to see a concert and that time she did pay for our tickets.
Now she’s back. She’s having foot surgery and is staying with her friend who happens to live in the next building over. As of now she isn’t planning on staying with us because I’ve more or less made it clear to her I’m not happy with her. She says she’s not gonna need anything for us but tonight is her first night here and she’s already called and asked us to bring her dinner so that’s not off to a great start. She initially asked if we wanted to go out but when we told her we had already eaten she then asked if she could have some of our dinner so we gave her a frozen pizza. She has a dramatic personality and despite it being a minor procedure im expecting her to milk it for attention and to play the victim.
My girlfriend is upset and feels like she’s being put in the middle of us but all I want is for her to leave us alone. I feel like she’s abused staying here and every two weeks for 4 months is too much. It doesn’t help she has a personality type I find grating but I feel like she’s objectively in the wrong.
She’s in her 60s and lives alone and hasn’t had a lot of friends on her island. I feel like she’s leaning on us to fill that void. The other point is that we’ve only lived here from the mainland since late September which means she’s been like this since the start.
So reddit. Am I the asshole?
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AITA for going to sleep early during a campout?
|
Background: so i was at a camping trip for my friends birthday party, and i got there later than everyone else because i had biked 12 miles for a foundation (doesn’t matter which, just that my legs were sore as FUCK)
So i arrive later than everybody else, and the host tells me that i will be sleeping in the biggest tent(there were four in total). i take my stuff (two blankets and a small bag) and put it in there, however i cant find a spot to sleep for later because everyone already claimed a spot. i dont mind this because im small, so i figure that ill just squeeze in somewhere.
fast forward five or so hours, my legs were starting to tighten up, and it was getting fairly dark. i had spent the day walking around with my friends, so i decided to go to sleep a bit early. it was about 8 pm, and everyone was outside near the fire, so i didnt think anyone would mind. so i tell people that im tired, they say “ok” and i go into my tent.
theres no room for me, so i place my blankets between two sleeping bags and drift to sleep, however since there was no space, i slept on top of the two, but still in the middle of them, trying to take as little space as i can.
two hours go by and im woken up by someone, she tells me that everyones planning to go into my tent to talk (and vape, smoke, etc.) so i say “thats okay” because i was kinda expecting them to come in at one point.
ten minutes later, my ex-friend (who i did not talk to the entire campout) comes into my tent and says: “Everyone’s mad that you’re sleeping in here, and we wanna come in here and talk, so can you move?”
This hurt my feelings as I previously said i was okay with them coming in. I can sleep with people talking. Hearing this made me think that everyone* was mad at me.
So I thought to myself, “Obviously no one wants me here, so why should I have to deal with them?” So i called my parents, asking them to pick me up. Thankfully, they didn’t answer. However, people knew that I was making a scene and causing drama. so AITA for going to bed early?
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"description": "telling a girl she put weight on but looks good",
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AITA for telling a girl she put weight on but looks good
|
I'm a 19 year old girl, I was going through Instagram stories and I saw this one girl I know (19F) post a photo from her vacation. She's always been a skinny girl. I swiped up and said "you gained weight and it looks 🔥🔥🔥". It was just because I noticed she had fuller thighs and it gave her a nice shape. One of my friends told me she was very pissed about the comment and she got extremely defensive about it, saying she hasn't gained weight in 2 years and it was rude. I really didn't mean it in a bad way, I just thought she gained weight and it looks good on her. Was that rude of me?
TL;DR told a girl she gained weight and it looks good on her. It pissed her off.
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WRONG
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ad58bz
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{
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AITA for not wanting my spouse to go to conventions?
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Throwaway because I think my husband knows my main.
My husband has been attending conventions for like 15 years, we’ve been together for 9. When he was in high school he went to a lot of conventions every year, now it’s usually 1 or 2 every year. When we first met, he said “I’m not gonna be one of those lame 30 year olds that still go to conventions, that’s so weird. Now he’s a 31 year old still going to cons.
When we first started dating I tried going with him to several and had a “meh” time at best. The parts that I did enjoy were only fun because I was completely wasted, and that’s no longer something I enjoy being.
We’ve been married for 4.5 years and have a 5 month old baby. Obviously it would not be appropriate to bring the baby to a con, although my husband floated the idea and I quickly pointed out how ridiculous it was. The car ride alone would be too much for him.
My husband has been saying for weeks that he won’t be going to Magfest, can’t afford it, doesn’t make sense, whatever. Then two days before he decides that he’s going Saturday morning and coming back Sunday. I had a feeling this would happen, and told him it was shitty to constantly play this game of “I’m not going” only to decide last minute that he is going, which he has done multiple times before. He admitted that this was shitty and apologized, but insisted that he never gets to see his friends and this was his chance. Most of his close friends live fairly close by to us, but he rarely invites them over, and they rarely take him up on it. His best friend lives an hour away and has no job or transportation, so my husband will occasionally drive an hour each way to pick him up and drop him off, which I think is kind of ridiculous. Now he’s driven 5 hours away to the con to hang out with friends that don’t live that far away to begin with.
He also makes the case of wanting to see his “con friends” who I think are acquaintances at best. He has no interaction with them outside of cons other than liking their social media posts once in a while. He doesn’t know them on an intimate level at all, and if it weren’t for cons he would lose contact with them entirely.
My last gripe is the hotel. I’d be more open to going with him if we booked a room for ourselves, and I’d be happy to wander around the city with the baby while he’s at the con. But he’s throwing a friend $30 to sleep on the floor of a room that has a dozen people staying in it. I know that this is the norm at cons, but when you’re married with a kid? C’mon.
I really wish that this is something I could enjoy with him but I’ve tried multiple times and have always had a bad time. My husband doesn’t attend these things so he can hang out with me the whole time, so I end up feeling ignored. I’m not the most outgoing person, and I have a hard time connecting with people when the only conversation topics revolve around fandoms. (I love The Office, but just because someone else loves The Office doesn’t automatically mean I want to be their friend). I get super bored just hanging out drinking in hotel rooms with people I don’t know well or at all.
Most of all, I’m annoyed because it feels like my husband is pretending to be 21 again while I’m managing our household and taking care of our kid. I work full time so I cherish the time with my baby, don’t get me wrong, but after I spend a 12 hour day at work my husband is eagerly waiting for me to come home and relieve him of dad duty for a little bit because it’s work, duh! From other people’s social media I can tell that my husband was up until at least 6am, which means he’s not gonna head home before noon and he’ll get home after 5pm probably feeling like shit.
I haven’t picked a fight because I don’t want to ruin his weekend, but I’m really fed up with this (what I perceive to be) juvenile nonsense. I haven’t texted him much but he also hasn’t texted me since 7pm last night so it’s not like I’m ignoring him. I just wish that he would find more adult friends that we could both enjoy hanging out with, rather than reliving his past once or twice per year. AITA?
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ay6xf0
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{
"description": "telling my ex and her best friend I don't want them in our prom group",
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|
AITA for telling my ex and her best friend I don't want them in our prom group?
|
I despise my ex for multiple reason but the overall main reason I do is she used me because she was touch starved and wanted affection. She said this herself to other friends in the prom group. My exes best friend is also in the group and could never think my ex can do any wrong.
Now I want my prom night to be the best it can be because it's one of the last times me and my friends will all be together. Personally having someone I loathe, and someone who idolizes that person there, would put a damper on the night for me. So I told them I don't want them in the prom group.
I told them in our Group Chat with everyone else in it. I asked everyone else in it if they cared if they were there or not. They were indifferent so If everyone else didn't care I personally thought this was okay to say my opinion. But how do you feel? Was I the Asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not giving my younger brother his birthday present",
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AITA for not giving my younger brother his birthday present
|
Throwaway account because some of my friends know about my main one.
For some context: Me and my brother used to be really close when we were younger but as time went by and me moving away for university we slowly drifted apart. I get to be home maybe once every 2 weeks for around two days and I try to spend as much time with him as I can. He is younger than me with 3 years, and pretty much just started stepping into adulthood. Lately he flat out ignored me or he was just too busy to chat. He just turned 18 and I'm beyond stoked for him. I came home earlier, I got his present and just wanted to be there with him.
My problem: I didn't get to spend the day of his birthday with him, because of class. I texted him that day, but he ignored my messages, when I got home I wanted to just sit and chat. I hid his present and jokingly said to him: "come and let me hug you, it's your birthday after all", he ignored me and said that it's not worth to get up for. I jokingly said again that at least I'll give him his present if he does. After this, he flat out told me that why should he even bother to do sth for my shitty present and that I should just give it to him. I stayed quiet and left. I feel so bad about it and I don't know if I did the right thing, I want for him to learn his lesson and at the same time I can understand that he might be like this because of his hormones. So AITA for basically not giving my brother his birthday present?
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HISTORICAL
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b4n1hq
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{
"description": "cutting off my brother for publicizing that I haven't had a vaccine",
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|
AITA for cutting off my brother for publicizing that I haven't had a vaccine
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No, I am not an anti vaxxer. I've had all my vaccines except gardasil, which I opted out of when the doctor asked at 14 (because I was 14 and didn't want to be stuck with a needle). I didn't realize I was missing the vaccine until my doctor brought it up recently. I've decided not to get it now that I'm older because I'm basically out of the window of effectiveness, I know I don't have HPV, and my husband has been vaccinated.
I discussed this with my mom and she agreed with me. I guess she told my brother about it and didn't explain it fully, because he texted me and insisted I be fully vaccinated before I come around his kids. I basically told him that gardasil won't make any difference in my relationship with his kids because I'm not doing anything with them that would spread HPV even if I had it. He decided after this to make a public facebook post about his "anti vaxxer sister" and how noble he is by protecting his children from me.
I asked him to take it down but he refused unless I got the shots. I got pissed because I have done so much to support him and his kids over the last few years. I told him I'm done with him. No more baby sitting, no more gifts, no money lending, nothing. My mom told me I'm being too harsh. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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avvjkk
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{
"description": "taking the ATM machine after waiting in the car",
"pronormative_score": 1,
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|
AITA for taking the ATM machine after waiting in the car?
|
I was waiting in one of the parking spots right in front of the ATM inside my car because it was cold and I dont want to invade the privacy of the person using the ATM. Then later this lady's car rolled up and stood outside. She saw me sitting in the car in front of the machine, not on my phone, staring at the person whos on the ATM. I told her I was waiting before her and she said I was in my car so it doesnt matter but I took the spot first anyway. I never had this issue with other times so I thought this was the system/norm. Was I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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a4g7ee
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{
"description": "wanting to go to a friend's birthday party over my an aunt's birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA for wanting to go to a friend's birthday party over my an aunt's birthday party
|
(First time poster and I'm on mobile, I'm sorry for formatting)
So today my friend is going to have his 18th birthday party at Chuck E Cheese, and he invited me. Now I rarely see this friend because we go to different schools but we still talk on occasion.
My aunt's birthday party is today as well and my grandma is somewhat guilt tripping me for 'favoring' a friend over family. 'Family comes first' she says
I understand my grandma's reasoning, but I don't see my friend often. When I asked my mom for permission to go to my friend's birthday party on this certain date, she gave me no heads-up that it was on the same date as my aunt's birthday party.
I'm supposed to be at the place in about an hour and I'm not looking forward to hear what my grandma will say about me going to my friend's party. So am I the asshole?
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a0rs7k
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{
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|
AITA For being Pissed off at my brother for playing video games in our room while I try to sleep?
|
Here’s a bit of backstory. My brother and I share a room. He is 17 and I am 14. My brother has not been to school since the 7th grade because he is too “shy”. I, on the other hand, have went to school and am in the process of skipping 8th grade.
My brother has no responsibility what so ever, and all he does is play the Xbox in our room (we share a room). I asked him to not play while I sleep because I have to get up at 630 am, he said no. So I got really pissed off and we had a fight.
AITA for asking him not to play games while I try to sleep?
|
HISTORICAL
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atdvtv
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|
WIBTA for possibly ghosting a guy who wants to date me?
|
To get to the point there is this guy who i meet in October of last year. We meet up about once a month to hang out, make out, and have sex together. I told him in the beginning that i'm not in the market to have a relationship because my last one really didn't go well. A lot of stuff happened in the last one that almost cost me my life. So i'm not looking or even vaguely interested in dating people or entering relationships or becoming exclusive.
​
Yet in the past few weeks he has been sending me good morning texts, good night texts, asking when i would come by and if i want to get dinner and a movie with him. Then he asks if i would consider becoming his girlfriend. I told him no, i'm not wanting a relationship and if he doesn't stop with this i would leave. He stopped for a while, we hung out and went crazy with each other. As i'm getting up to get dressed he grabs my arm and asks me to stay and cuddle. I say no and get my clothes on and leave. I then get a long text of him telling me how much i mean to him and how he would love it if i would become his girlfriend. I'm just now pissed off because to me it seems as if a good thing has been ruined because he let his feelings get in the way.
​
I will also point out yet again, i told him in the beginning before we even kissed that i came from a bad relationship. I was really messed up and in no mood to play heart games or even consider relationships. That what we did was going to be friends with benefits. He agreed and said he would love that. We would text throughout the month about random things that friends talk about. How his parents made him mad over the holidays, how i laughed because i hated holidays and didn't celebrate them, things like that. We basically talked like best friends. Then over the course of the last month the morning/night texts started and i started to get irritated. I reminded him that i wasn't interested in a relationship and he said "i love you though" and i didn't respond to any messages for a week.
​
Now since he's said those forbidden words i am wanting to disappear. I warned him that i'm not doing relationships. I said i didn't want to become exclusive and he said the words. I didn't forbid the words but i figured it was implied. So WIBTA if i ghosted him for falling in love with me?
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"description": "hanging up on my mom after not talking to her for a month",
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|
AITA for hanging up on my mom after not talking to her for a month?
|
So some back ground information. At 18 my parents kicked me out and I had to go live with my aunt. We’ve had several spats over the past 10 or so years while I was growing up mainly because they tried to control my every move.
Growing up nearly anything I wanted to do was off limits. From cartoon shows to hanging out with friends. I was constantly in trouble and grounded a good portion of the time. I’ve never gotten along with my mom and in the past 8 or 9 months I’ve gotten very distant.
My mom is very controlling, manipulative person and tries to get me to do what she thinks is right rather than letting me make my own choices and mistakes. I have a brother and a sister still living with her that I don’t get to talk to very much because of my mom. Now my dad sees that what my mom is doing is wrong but he’s just choosing to ignore it. I guess hoping it will all go away.
I finally broke down and texted my mom yesterday saying the normal “ I love you and I miss you” type of thing which is true. I mean they’re my family. She then send me this morning on my birthday(I’m now 19) a long drawn out message about how she thinks that I’m just using them and that I don’t really want to have a relationship with them.
So I’ve been texting her all day trying to talk through a lot of the hurt and frustration of the past few years especially. But she keeps coming at me with the I think you’re just using me/us. While I was out at a restaurant with my boyfriend she called me. I had my phone in my purse at the time so I couldn’t hear it going off, I always keep my phone on vibrate. She got very upset when I texted her sorry I missed your call. I told her I’d call her back when we got into the car. So I eat and then go out to the car to call her.
As soon as she answered it was clear the neither of us were in the mindset to calmly talk through it all. There were several digs at each other and neither of us were really listening to the other person. Then she said something that triggered a panic attack and I asked if we could just put a pin in it and call it a day. She refused to hang up the phone. So I stayed on the line and tried to talk through it all.
She then decided to bash my boyfriend saying he wasn’t a good person and things of the nature. I just recently moved in with my boyfriend to get away from a very dangerous situation and place. He’s one of the best people I know. When she started to say all the things about my boyfriend I just snapped and hung up the phone. I texted her immediately afterwards apologizing and said I felt like I was being attacked.
So AITA for hanging up or is it a justified response? Any advice y’all have would be greatly appreciated too. I’m not sure what to do.
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| null |
WIBTA- ended friendship after getting gastro off them
|
WIBTA? Actually this happened a few years back but would be good to get feedback.
So I was driving into my driveway after very long day of work (3 hour commute each way including childcare drop off and pick up) when I notice Betty (not real name) hunched over in my front yard.
To give a bit of background, Betty was a friend who always seemed to be in crisis. I'd let her stay at my house in the past when she was having marital issues, had supported her when she had depression and did what I could to be a good friend to her. That said I hadn't spoken to her in a while as I am a single mum and had started a new job so was fairly busy. I had no idea why she was in my yard.
So as I park and get out of my car she rushes over, says something about her hubby having gastro and that she'd been on a walk. I'm very confused and concerned at this time. She asks me if I have a towel, which as a mum of a young child I did happen to have a towel. I give her the towel and start getting my son out the car, unlock my house etc.
She asks to use the bathroom and I'm like ok, still not clear why she's at my house. She lives a 20 minute drive away but her car isn't around.
She's in the bathroom for a while so I try to get my son settled as best I could still trying to figure out wtf is going on.
After she gets out of the bathroom she explains she left her husband again and was staying at a friend's place in my area. Her husband had been really sick with gastro and she has been too but thought she'd recovered a few days ago. She decided to go for a walk when all of a sudden she started getting stomach pains and since my house was closer than where she was staying she had come to mine hoping I'd be home. Luckily (?) I arrived in time but she'd already had an accident hence the need for the towel.
At this point, I'm just so tired from my work day I just want her out of my house so I can get on with my routine. She says she'll call her friend to come pick her up but then can't remember the number so tells me I'll have to drop her off. She asks for a glass if water before she goes which I get her but by now I'm fuming because I'm going to have to disinfect my bathroom and make sure the glass she uses is washed too because gastro is extremely contagious and obviously this bout is very severe to boot.
So I give her a plastic bag for the towel and as I'm driving her to where she's staying she says she'll get the towel back to me after she's washed it and I'm like no, that's fine. I be as polite as I can be because I know she hasn't intentionally set out to spread gastro but I'm tired and now have to take care of a whole heap of stuff before getting dinner sorted and taking care if my son. I'm also worried because I just started a new job and can't afford to get sick. Drop her off, go home, disinfect everything but sure enough end up with really bad gastro and missing a week off work.
Cut to a few weeks later on a weekend, I'm in my backyard and hear my son talking to someone at the door. Next thing Betty is in my backyard with the now clean towel. I said to her that I didn't want the towel back. She yells at me for treating her badly when she was in need and I tell her I missed a week off work because she gave me gastro to which she reaponds with "That's just a coincidence!! You could have got that anywhere!!"
By then she's storming out of my house and we're yelling in my front yard when I decide to just stop the fighting because it's causing a spectacle. She drives off.
The whole thing ended the friendship for me. There'd been other times when she'd ring me and tell me she was suicidal and ask me to come over and I'd go to her house and find the front door open and no responce to me calling out, with me worried she'd done something to herself only to find the house empty and she'd gone out. Suspicions that her husband was interefering with her daughters but her turning a blind eye to concerns. Just a lot of dramas and weird confusion behavior. Was I the asshole for ending the friendship after the gastro incident???
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
4ZDd5eSIFWcgG2E7rePD9RgbDrnPOXWE
|
arm9tq
|
{
"description": "not wanting to see my grandmother",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to see my grandmother
|
I want to start off by saying, my grandmother has always been a rude person, even to her own friends and family. I have never gotten on with her and she always gets the sympathy because she's always sick and in and out of the hospital.
Now, recently, I've been told this is real. She's in the hospital and there's a chance she won't come out. The sadness hasn't hit me and I don't think it will. Obviously I don't want her to die, I'm not a vile person. But everyone has to go sometimes and I'm just not as sad as I thought I would be.
I've always been told that if I don't want to do something, I shouldn't be bullied into doing it. And I don't want to visit her. I just do not care. she made me miserable my whole life and always got away with it. the only person who's been outraged with her actions against me is my mother, but I think that's because she's not blood related.
​
I feel like the asshole for sure, but is that feeling justified?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Axb5Ptu2InqOfUIs74746OBWI23fZHyB
|
aylerr
|
{
"description": "not wanting to listen to my loved one explain something they're interested in",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to listen to my loved one explain something they’re interested in?
|
For context, I just had gotten home from a long day of school and then ‘work’ I do for the school. In school I already sat through the entire day of teachers explaining which understandably it wouldn’t really make me not want to hear explanations, just the fact after listening to play rehearsals for 2-3 hours while working around drained me.
I decided to call LO (Loved One) up since they wanted to call so they could continue what they were already focusing on which was just fine. Some time into the call they began explaining what they were working on since we disagreed on something related to it. All I said was “It’s not really fun listening to explanations after sitting through them all day, but hey, it’s whatever.” Which was replied with LO saying “Whenever you talk or complain about things I listen to you” which I understand all in all but said “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I tell you that all the time” in which I do.
Which I think is just true since I usually ask if LO is sure they want to hear about what I’m gonna talk about if I know it can be complaining.
TL;DR Got in a disagreement over something and LO(loves one) started explaining what they were doing; I said I wasn’t really in the mood to listen to explanations; they said they listen to me complain/talk;
AITA for not wanting to listen to their explanation as well as refuse to see their point in the disagreement because I strongly believe it’s not right.
Further Context: We were at a disagreement with animation. I said animation with drawing frame by frame can take hours to months just like an animation using digital models.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
krvva5pSvjItqRHoaRBHlaicdniy0ZdM
|
ai8fk3
|
{
"description": "telling my next door neighbor to keep her volume down",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my next door neighbor to keep her volume down?
|
So I college dorms which houses singles rooms for students. My next door neighbor watches tv at around 2-5am (loud enough to wake me up, I am a light sleeper). the walls in my dorm are super thin and it really isn't terribly loud but it is hard to sleep with it going on. The people who also live next to her don't mind that they hear noise ( I talked to them) that late at night. I have literally knocked on her door 20 times through out the year and called the RAs. Everytime i do this she turns it down to a reasonable volume. But literally 3-4 days later she forgets and puts it too loud again. I should also mention that my dorm has a 24/7quiet hour policy. This girl seems really nice, and I feel like an ass knocking on her door and telling her to shut up, especially when her other neighbors don't seem to mind at all. I have submitted a room change request also just to get away from her. Am I in the wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
gb7Rdijqvgi2P3YL0TcRAO7MRnMR8Hgb
|
aycqth
|
{
"description": "not changing my wedding procession order? meaning my best friend will have to walk with her ex",
"pronormative_score": 39,
"contranormative_score": 52
}
|
WIBTA if I don't change my wedding procession order? Meaning my best friend will have to walk with her ex.
|
Background. I'm getting married in May. We have a 6 person wedding party. My sister=MOH, husbands bro=BM. best friend and her ex are #2. My cousin and her husband= #3
Last year, my best friend and her ex were engaged but she thought he was cheating. She went off the deep end, went through his phone, computer and mail, she hired private investigator to follow him, she followed him, Etc... It turns out he wasn't cheating but her actions caused a lot of hurt feelings and now they despise each other. Her ex is willing to get over his feelings for our wedding, she's throwing a major tantrum over it.
We've been beef friends since middle school and I'd be heartbroken if she wasn't in my wedding. Her ex is my husbands best friend and he can't not be in the wedding either. We can't uninvite the best man and MOH because that would cause hurt feelings. And my cousin is insisting she walk with her husband who is also one of my Fiance's beef friends (and how we met).
I feel so bad for BFF but part of me feels like this is my day and she should just be cool for the maybe hour she has to be with him and then she never has to speak to him again. I don't know, I feel trapped by this situation.
Would I be the asshole if I don't change the order?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 36,
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"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 5
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 39,
"WRONG": 52
}
|
WRONG
|
ctuWXg1SAmG8Xn0mgOVRyj23Js9KstAv
|
alvktd
| null |
AITA mother of my children in jail (again) AITA for leaving her there?
|
Hello everyone let me start by saying I know the grammar Nazis are going to have a field day with this one but here we go.
The mother of my two children and I separated about 10 years ago, I received full custody of the children and have raised them on my own since she has not bothered to have any contact with them outside of saying hello when she comes by to beg for money.
As well over the years she has taking me to court six times which resulted in me losing 2 homes in an effort to pay lawyer fees just to give you a kind of ideal how she is.
She has ended up going to jail every year since I have known her for a variety of reasons everything from Grand theft Auto to driving without a license and every time I have gotten her out of jail she has never repaid me but have done so in hopes that she would learn her lesson and try to do better in her life.
Fast forward to yesterday 1/30/2019, we got into a argument over her not attempting to spend any time with our children. it ended with me telling her that I'm done and that I'm going to start back dating so the girls would have have a woman around to bond with, her answer was that working full-time plus handling the girls I do not have time to date and that no one would want to date me anyway when they find out that I have children and I'm short and starting to lose my hair, I told her not to contact me anymore unless it was to inquire about the children.
Today 1/31/2019 she just called me crying that she is about to lose her job and her apartment because she is going to jail once again, this time for no driver's license speeding and some warrant, I told her that I would get her out but it would have to wait until tomorrow, she proceeded to yell and cuss me out demanding that she gets out right now and threatening to call the cops and tell them once again that I am harassing her or that I am mistreating the kid(she has used this story before).
End story I told her that me and her have not been together in 10 years and that I have full custody of the children who she has not even seen in over 3 years and that I will not be helping her out in any way whatsoever anymore and I hung up, now I am receiving phone calls from her friends and family stating how much of asshole that I am and that she is the mother of my children.
Am I wrong for not helping her out?? things are really tight for me right now trying to move and taken care of two kids own with no other family to help
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
XjJ0I4kjexdGuJ2jrbY5sJnd07FUXu57
|
b7tdtz
|
{
"description": "offering money to the guy I'm dating",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for offering money to the guy I'm dating
|
Long story short, I've been dating this guy for a few weeks. He recently was in an accident with someone with no insurance on top of his kid breaking her arm last month, so he's swimming in bills from what insurance didn't cover. He knows I have a pretty middle of the road job, but I haven't really told him yet that my family is pretty loaded and I have access to a lot of money. He was venting to me about struggling to make payments on all of these medical bills so I offered to cover them for the month. Specifically I said, "I can tell this is really hard for you and I'm here for you if you need to vent. I can also help cover the bills this month if that will help." He got really upset with me and abruptly said goodnight and stopped talking to me for the night. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
9K3eyZHFB7dOMz4dnBHjeD1E2z9VhOxA
|
acw2xg
|
{
"description": "not being attracted to mtfs who look like men",
"pronormative_score": 58,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For Not Being Attracted to MTFs Who Look Like Men
|
Throwaway because unfortunately now I’m worried about being banned from lesbian subs on here.
Unsure if I should put “not a shit post”, because at this point I’m not sure if I’m not the asshole considering all the people calling me a “terf” and saying I’m not a “real lesbian” on facebook. I’ve already gotten called a “cocksucker” (?? for not wanting to suck a dick?) and told to that I’m helping to contribute to the violence against trans women.
Anyways. I’m a lesbian, and my last relationship ended a little over a month ago, so I’ve redownloaded bumble (think tinder, but with more girls) again. Although there’s an option to only see women, sometimes guy profiles are marked as women and end up on my app.
I was hanging out with a friend (not a lesbian, but bisexual) last night and she was swiping through my bumble while I watched, making jokes and stuff. A profile came up, all pictures of a stereotypical guy with a beard and short hair, dressed in shirts and jeans, with an obviously guy name (Jacob). I got annoyed and started talking about how bumble needs to stop showing me men, but my friend scrolled down to the person’s bio, which said they were a trans girl. I awkwardly stopped calling them a man and she asked if I wanted to swipe right on them, saying they had the same interests as me and we could be a good fit.
What followed was a very awkward tense conversation where I tried to explain that I wasn’t attracted to them, and why I wasn’t attracted to them when prodded to explain. When asked if I was willing to ever date a trans woman, I had to admit that I only would if they not only fully passed as a girl, but also either didn’t mind that I wasn’t willing to engage with sex with a penis or if they had a sex change surgery. She called me a terf and left, but not before ranting about how I’m close minded and that a “real lesbian” wouldn’t care about things like that and wouldn’t see anything wrong with getting together with someone like “Jacob” because it’s the gender identity that matters and not the presentation.
Guys. Am I crazy for thinking I didn’t do anything wrong?? I’m not transphobic, I’m just not attracted to men or people who look like men. I don’t even date butch girls unless they still look feminine in some way! I don’t see what’s wrong with that! But a lot of my lgbt friends are mad at me and calling me a terf and I’ve even been kicked out of our lgbt facebook group for it! I don’t even know this Jacob person personally, I just wanted to swipe left.
Please give me a reality check, even if it’s to tell me I actually am being an asshole because I’m starting to feel like I’ve crash landed into a different reality.
**TL;DR: friends shocked and disgusted that local lesbian isn’t sexually attracted to people who look like bearded men, local lesbian starts to wonder if she truly is an asshole for not thinking there’s anything wrong for only being attracted to people who look like girls**
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 57,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
86ACt13NqmfvL4joNUrVOUJoDh2m9mQN
|
a2msj6
|
{
"description": "going to my ra",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA For Going to my RA?
|
So I'm having some problems with my roommate. I was put in the pool for a random roommate this year and I got a roommate that is honestly pretty cool. We have some similar interests and at first he didn't do anything annoying other than stay up till 3-4 AM on his iPad, but even then it's his room too and I sleep just fine with lights.
After the first week though, it got bad. For the first month he refused to lock the door because he didn't understand how the lock works (found out after I solved this). I had to talk to him about locking the door when no one is in the dorm 3 times before he finally said he didn't know how to lock the door. It took him a month to learn to lock the door. Fortunately, he started locking it.
On top of that first incident, he sets 3 or 4 alarms every morning (depending on MWF or TR) and wakes up to all of them and crawls back in bed after turning them off, waking me up every 15 minutes. I've asked him if he can stop that cause it's waking me up and a bit irritating, but he simply responded "It's how I wake up."
He also chews with his mouth open and extremely loudly. Like, I can hear it across the room with my headphones on with music playing loud. I can't hear my girlfriend talking to me if she's right next to me when I have my headphones on. I've asked him to stop because it makes me feel queesy and a bit ill and he stops for a bit, but the next day he'll be chewing gum or food super loud again.
In addition, he likes to play guitar in the tiny room, which I'm honestly fine with cause my headphones block it out... until it's quiet hours and he's still playing and we get people banging on the walls cause he's keeping them up and then the RA makes announcements about quiet hours cause of it. He still won't stop. We have a soundproofed room that is a "study room" but everyone uses it to play instruments instead, but he won't go there.
Lastly, he's extremely messy. I'm not the cleanest person ever, but he's scarily messy. Like, couple week old pizza boxes on the floor type messy. I told him it's fine so long as I can't smell it or it stays on his side of the room. He's usually good about that, but sometimes he slowly starts to annex my side of the room with his garbage and other stuff and I have to push it back so that my side can stay reasonably clean.
He also comes in drunk most Friday nights, which isn't an issue usually, but I've had to let him in the building late at night before because he loses his card to get in or he needs someone to help him get in without being caught.
I don't know what to do about any of this because I actually genuinely get along with him, but he's difficult to live with because he wont listen when I ask him politely to stop. I'm thinking of going to the RA about it because I don't want to be aggressive and piss off the guy I'm gonna be living with for another semester. WIBTA if I go to the RA about my issues with him? (other than the drunk part cause I don't want him to get in any legal trouble or anything). If going to the RA is bad, does anyone have any advice for what else to do?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
AB2IfpB6W9Xk304540pOpjUznO9OLnDa
|
ar10t9
|
{
"description": "hiding or throwing away roommate's disgusting sweatshirt",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
WIBTA for hiding or throwing away roommate's disgusting sweatshirt?
|
I know the title is weird so I'll explain the situation:
My roommate has gross tendencies (generally unclean), and he has been wearing the same sweatshirt for about a month now. when I say this, i literally mean that he has been wearing this sweatshirt almost every day for an entire month. and i mean like wears it out in public, just around the house, AND when sleeping. and now I know he hasnt washed it because he was just talking the other day about how laundry hasn't been done in like 2 months.
he's starting to legitimately smell because of this sweatshirt. there's no sign of any form of motivation to wash it any time soon. i'm getting really disgusted. so would i be an asshole for hiding or throwing it away next time he's in the shower and leaves it in the room. i mean the poor thing is stained as all fuck and smells like something fermented.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
9Z0f7ewG8cwfQvV4PJFO5QTPVp3Ctf69
|
a1oo1o
|
{
"description": "telling my friend that my other friend was talking about her behind her back",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling my friend that my other friend was talking about her behind her back?
|
Sorry for this wordy post, I’m pretty upset right now and trying to vent. TLDR at bottom.
I work in a cafe with these two girls, we’ll call them Ruby and Amanda. I’ve been friends with Ruby since the day I started working there, we just really seemed to click. I didn’t get scheduled to work much the first month of my job, so I didn’t actually even meet Amanda until I had been working there for about a month. Throughout this time, I heard from Ruby many different times all the reasons why she disliked Amanda, in the way only a 19 year old girl can describe someone. She assured me many times that once I met her I wouldn’t like her. I fully believed her.
But here’s the thing... when I did meet her, I absolutely loved her. We have the same work ethic, we flow really well together when we’re working on the floor together, AND she’s also into all the same things I love. Instant friendship. We both mutually agreed that we loved working together.
I should emphasize that I am also really good friends with Ruby. We aren’t as close as Amanda, but we have a good rapport, and all her friends who are our coworkers like me so we chat a lot. We don’t hang out outside of work, except one time when I had a party and invited her as well as some other coworkers (I didn’t invite Amanda because a lot of my coworkers who were coming don’t like her and I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable as she knows they don’t like her).
I’ve now been working at the cafe for about four months. Me and Amanda have gotten pretty close (like, commenting on each other’s Instagram posts level of friendship. Like a couple friendship levels above coworkers kinda thing). She doesn’t have a lot of friends among our coworkers (there are a lot of us, something like 30 for a relatively small cafe, but it gets crazy busy) and so I feel pretty protective of her. A lot of our coworkers are younger as well, like under 20, so they can be particularly gossipy as well. Me and Amanda are both recent college graduates looking for jobs in our actual fields, so we’re a bit older (23 and 27).
Ok so now to the meat and potatoes of the story, sorry for all the buildup. A couple days ago, I was working with both Amanda and Ruby at the same time, which is always a recipe for disaster. Amanda was taking her break with one of our regulars, who tends to wait for her so they can eat together (he’s a construction worker who works nearby I think). I’ve seen her do this with him many times, as I’ve seen her do with a couple of our regulars. She really is a lovely person. Anyways, I was working on the bar when I overhear Ruby say, to the floor and our coworkers at large, “isn’t she married?” They all turned to look at her and laugh and make snide remarks in response. It did not sit well with me at all.
Amanda finishes her break and comes back on the floor. I ushered her over, and under her breath told her exactly what I had just heard. Her face drops and I can tell she’s really upset. She mumbles something and walks away. I keep making drinks.
As the shift progresses, Amanda comes back to me a couple of times to express how upset she was by the comment. Ruby has since finished her shift and gone home, so we can talk about it pretty openly. Amanda decides she’d like to go to our manager about it. She asks me to write a statement of what was said, I do but leave it entirely anonymous, including who Ruby was (I was very uncomfortable with the idea of throwing her under the bus, but I wanted her to know what she had said wasn’t okay) and who I am. Amanda brings it to our manager, and I go home for the day.
Yesterday I had the day off, and I was sitting at home playing some Red Dead when I get a message from Ruby. It’s a group message addressing me and all of my coworkers who were on the floor yesterday. She says that someone had told Amanda what she said, and Ruby was messaging all of us to say that whoever it was that had said something to the manager had misheard her, and that she loves Amanda and has always thought of them as friends. She said she wished I had come to her first about the problem. She then went on to say I had ruined Amanda’s day and their friendship by telling her. (She of course said all of this to “whoever it was that said something”, not to me directly)
So lets dissect that: she’s messaging a group of four of us on our days off, telling them that one of us is a total douchebag for ruining Amanda’s day by misinterpreting her words and telling Amanda about it, and asking which one of us did it (she said she didn’t care to know but why else would she be messaging us ugh). Now my other two coworkers, who obviously know it was me, think I’m an asshole probably.
I was so anxious all yesterday about this. I thought of all the different ways I could talk to Ruby about it when we work our shift today. I knew she knew it was me who talked to Amanda. I went into work just shaking like a leaf, and Amanda was right there to talk to me (she feels bad she’s been putting me through stress but she wants justice) and meets me at the door. She says that our manager is in the back and she would really appreciate it if I talked to him because he couldn’t do anything with the statement I wrote him. Her and I went into the back room together and I told my manager exactly what had happened, and that I wanted as absolutely little to do with all of this as possible, I wanted out from that point on (I actually started crying a bit because I was so nervous of what Ruby was going to think). My manager assured me that I did the right thing in telling him, and that I had nothing to worry about.
I go out onto the floor and pass by Ruby. She is cold and unfriendly to me. I know she knows. Sure enough, she goes to the back to have a talk with our manager and Amanda. I get called back about ten minutes later to talk to them. They say they have figured it out between each other. Ruby is flushed and I can tell she’s trying not to cry when she says “just next time come to me first okay? I thought we were friends.” Absolutely cutting through me.
I feel awful, but I stand by my decision. I was tired of hearing Ruby abuse Amanda behind her back and disrespect her to our coworkers, but this feels awful. Amanda is very grateful to me, but I can tell this has ruined Ruby and I’s friendship. The energy coming off of her towards me the rest of the shift was very negative. Amanda on her way out the door told me that she saw Ruby crying as she came out of the bathroom. I think she got written up at the most but probably not. Am I the asshole for telling Amanda what Ruby was saying behind her back, and inevitably ruining Ruby and I’s friendship?
TLDR; I work in a cafe with two girls(R and A), who I am both friends with. I overheard one girl (R) say a mean comment about the other(A) during a shift, I told her(A) about the comment, and the fallout inevitably ended my friendship with the other girl(R)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
VdTWcDInGVRtizBaa12fjImD4B80swt2
|
b2oa8t
| null |
WIBTA- A love story(kinda)
|
AITA?
Right so this could be really long or it could go incredibly badly like this whole relationship somewhat did.
So last year I met a guy, who is 3 years older than me, and we instantly had a connection. We dated for 5 months before we had to call it a day as he worked two jobs and I was working, whilst at college. We had a great run and a great end, the only issue was that by then we had fallen for each other
\*\*fast forward 5 months\*\*
It was almost Christmas and he was at one of his Christmas do's. He was drunk off his face and drunk messaged me, since then we continued chatting, which was when I had found that he had a girlfriend. By this point we had been messaging for over a week which was when I got a very disgruntled message from his girlfriend.
I had reassured her that nothing had happened, which nothing had at that point. However, ever since she continuously would stalk all my social media, and leave me random messages. This is when I tried to forget about him and would try to ensure that I didn't cause any more harm, this is as I didn't want to cause their relationship to break due to me.
Due to that she forced him to block me on all social medias.
\*\*FAST FORWARD TO YESTERDAY \*\*
I had received a text from him where he began texting me again about meeting up and telling me how much he missed me. I have been messaging him all day, and beginning to feel the happiness which i felt whilst with him before. He doesn't know how to break up with his current gf. I feel really guilty as they will be breaking up due to me am I an asshole for wanting to break them up for my own wants
Would I be the ass hole if they broke up due to me
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
s5lHajWad3ObyT0DB242HwahKXwjxWO1
|
9t9joe
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{
"description": "wanting my friend to finally actually commit suicide because Im sick of talking to her for hours trying to keep her from doing it",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for wanting my friend to finally actually commit suicide because im sick of talking to her for hours trying to keep her from doing it ?
|
A friend of mine is living in a terrible situation psycho bf and she is depressed, suicidal. i've known her for years she always calls me when she is about to kill herself then i talk to her like for an hour trying to talk him out telling him he needs to go get help from social services but ofc she wont listen ...tbh i'm kind of annoyed at this point i dont want to keep putting my energy in this ..
I mean i love her i really do but i got my own shit going on in here ...i myself am mentally exhausted due to stuff from my past i am just a teen man no psychiatrist this has become a routine...i mean i know she cant do anything about it and i think its great she calls me for help but she should call social workers or i dont know....it just really gets on my nerves i have been dealing with pre suicide freakout calls ...i dont think its my duty to help her because i simply cant ...yes talking and calming that person down is a way of preventing bad things from happening but i just cant keep up with this anymore man it is messing with my mind aswell . am i the th asshole for not wanting to deal with this anymore ..i mean i am still going to pivk up the phone and talk but i mean am i the asshole for not wanting to ...for being annoyed .. or wishing she would actually ..just do it ? I cant believe i actually think this way but it really doesnt seem like she has anything worth living for she is sick she is suicidal she has no where to go even if she went to social workers i dont think there is a way to get out of the depresses slum
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
AsyZfqXv2Xdx4iDu5dvfr1FClXOllrTW
|
axq2m2
|
{
"description": "kicking my depressed friend out of our band for an upcoming performance",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for kicking my depressed friend out of our band for an upcoming performance?
|
Here’s some background on the situation. About a week ago, my friends and I signed up to perform at a Battle of the Bands competition. The day of the competition is March 27(about 5 weeks from posting this) and we need to learn 5 songs for a 20 minute performance. Our band has performed twice before for small crowds but If we do win, we get to perform at an even bigger gig and would be the step in the direction our band wants to go in before we graduate.
Our rhythm guitarist is one of my best friends and has been in the band since day one. But due to a head injury in his childhood and some shitty events in his recent life, he’s been depressed and anxious. I talked him into getting the band back together for battle of the bands and he agreed.
But then he texted me that night saying that he had an anxiety attack about the performance and said he wanted to get out of the band. The next day, I was able to convince him to stay.
Two days ago, I asked him if he was coming to practice and he couldn’t because he was working on a project for school but he would be able to come to the next practice.
Then, the guitarist texts me that night essentially saying that he needs to quit because he’s been relapsing into a deeper depression and with all the stress in his life right now, he can’t handle doing this and that it’d be better to meet in person the next day to discuss it face to face.
Yesterday, we met up and he apologized for the long text saying that he has been bipolar recently due to his medications and that he is willing to go past that to perform with the band. I told him that I was sorry but we couldn’t let him come back. I told him that the reasons why:
-He’s been known to get out of things last minute and make up excuses to not go to things. We can’t deal with that because every practice counts and we can’t trust if he is busy or lying.
-Quitting the day before made everyone mad at him for a bit but we got over it. If he were to quit later on though, it would put even more stress on all of our friendships than if he just left now.
-If he did end up quitting last minute, he would leave us unprepared and make us lose.
After I told him that, he argued that most of my points rely on him not performing and that he swears that he will come to the all of next practices and that he needs this to get out of his rut. I said I just cannot trust him enough to put in the effort. He didn’t take too kindly to that and called me a “selfish prick” and got up and walked away.
I informed the band of my decision and two of them thought that what I did was probably the right thing to do while the other guy said “That was a dick move man. We’ll work around it but cmon man, you didn’t have to do him like that.”
I’m not sure if I did the right thing or if I was being selfish and inconsiderate. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
8TZ0ZdA71J9CVbVhjQgv82tDYgHGHu5e
|
b2kz43
|
{
"description": "reporting my muslim coworker's racist comment to my boss",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for reporting my Muslim coworker's racist comment to my boss?
|
Last week, I was in a meeting to address an upcoming deadline.
The meeting was supposed to be extremely short and to the point. We all had other meetings afterwards. Missed deadlines could cost us millions.
As luck would have it, our meeting ended up running late about fifteen minutes.
When my manager asked if that was all, a coworker stood up and began talking about how his mosque was having an event to raise awareness about Islam. He even talked about post 9/11 harassment of Muslims at some point.
Normally, we wouldn't have cared- but some of us had flights to catch. Also, HR made it clear we were to never discuss religion or politics in the work place.
We glanced to the manager, but she seemed reluctant to interrupt him. I had a client waiting and I was cutting it close. I cut him off. "Thanks! We'll let you know"
As we began rushing towards the door, he blocked me in.
"Will I see you there?"
I told him I couldn't go. I had plans for St. Patrick's day. He kept trying to get me to change my plans. I said no. As he was walking away, he said a racist comment. "You're probably not even Irish, just drink like one."
I am part Irish. Being mixed race, people making digs about my heritage has always been a sore spot for me. I shot him daggers and he cowered away.
Due to his interruption, I was late to my next meeting. Thankfully, the client was very understanding.
After the client left, my boss asked why the meeting ran late and why I looked so frazzled. I told him about the invitation and the comments to me after. This did not sit with him. He is 100% Irish. He told me he would take care of it.
Later that day, people from the meeting started being called in to share their version of what took place. It turned out a coworker had missed their flight by just minutes.
The coworker eventually came by to apologize. He informed me he was worked up because he had family in New Zealand he hadn't been able to get in touch with.
Today, he is in New Zealand. His family member was one of the victims. He doesn't know that he has a severance package waiting when he comes back.
I feel terrible. He has a child on the way and his wife doesn't work. My boss is really well connected in the industry, so he is black listed in the state, if not the country.
My coworkers are glad he is gone, citing that they don't get special treatments when they have a death in the family, and he shouldn't either. They also brought up that he is kind of an asshole. He's had issues before. Trying to ban pork from the break room, trying to get female dress codes changed.
He certainly dug his own grave, but given the circumstances, I feel like his comments about the Irish is what ultimately did him in. My boss wouldn't have known if I hadn't told him. Am I the asshole?
TL:DR coworker made me late to meeting in order to invite me to a religious event and began harassing me. I told my boss, and now he is effectively blacklisted from the industry.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
40MeWGLwMDKClPIxAcdgNV01zUUC1KYL
|
axkg9y
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my cheating ex to pursue someone I had caught feelings for whilst with her",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my cheating ex to pursue someone I had caught feelings for whilst with her?
|
Me and my girlfriend have been together since last year, but have known each other for a few (very vaguely). We started talking briefly on snapchat about life and stuff and I found her quite interesting, but not as a romantic interest as I was with my ex-girlfriend at the time and she was with her ex-boyfriend. We spoke semi-often, but gradually more. As time went on we gained trust in each other and we confided in each other. At the time we were speaking, we had discussed a lot of personal things. Both of our previous relationships were 5+ years long, even though we were both 23 or under at the time, and both of us had been cheated on multiple times. We never once discussed it, but a week or two into us talking, we both broke up with our other halves at the same time because we were interested in each other. Nothing happened between us before that, but it took literally a few days after us finishing things with our ex's to go on our first date. The day after we found out we were both single, basically.
We were emotionally invested in each other before we were single, but both of our ex's had cheated on us multiple times, and we both broke it off without discussing it with each other prior. I think we did the right thing, and went by the 'if you could cheat on someone, just break up with them' and did. Did we? We live together now, treat each other right, and are both appreciating how in love we are and how pleasant it is that we have complete trust in each other, having previously experienced how much cheating hurts. I feel like the shit we went through has only made us stronger as a couple. We've been through some shit in our time but we're here for each other now, and I think we were justified in how this happened. Tough shit for our asshole exes... right?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ACXsfWt8js5Y7NA2K8NNNZMixYG1jZgc
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adfc9y
|
{
"description": "getting angry at my roommate for screaming his girlfriend into submission",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For getting angry at my roommate for screaming his girlfriend into submission.
|
So quick background here,
I’ve (M25) been living with my GF (F26) and my roommate (M24) for about a year now.
My GF used to live in Pakistan where she states her and all the females in her family were treated like second class humans.
My roommate was born and raised in the states.
Since we’ve been living together his GF (F22) comes over to hangout about 3-4 times a week. Although that number is closer to 0-2 times a week now.
My roommate frequently gets drunk, and when he gets drunk he likes to start arguments. Typically these arguments are with his GF. Last nights was a screaming match over what was better Deadpool or some random Netflix movie.
Instead of being a regular human conversation it scaled to him screaming at his GF. Bringing out all his insecurities on her and eventually kicking her out. This happens in many ways shapes and forms multiple times a week.
I was raised by a single mother, I guess I have an overly protective affinity towards women. As o threatened to put my roomate through the wall when he started screaming at my GF one time.
All in all his screaming is the closest you can get to violence without hitting a person. I think it’s vile and disgusting, I don’t plan on resigning the lease. My GF on the other hand thinks that I’m an asshole for even thinking such things. And is upset that I would talk shit about out “friend” by calling him a vile human being.
I try to avoid their altercations all together and only once stuck my nose in their arguing. And that’s because I was stuck in a car with them. That ended with roommate drunk
Driving to his moms house and sucking on the barrel of a shotgun threatening to kill him self.
So tell me, am I the asshole for thinking his behavior is barbaric. Is it normal and regular for men,,, no HUMANS. To scream people to tears and them to submission?
Tl:dr
My roommate screams his GF into tears multiple times a week. My GF thinks I’m a piece of shit for even voicing my opinion on how vile and wrong I think it is.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
4Ioy862XGOnf3iUZXgblVYuruHxb70lS
|
9xqhit
|
{
"description": "going after my bnb host",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA going after my BnB host?
|
I posted this in tales from the customer and AirBnB and I got some pretty toxic responses and PM's. I thought I was at least neutral, but a couple people called me crazy and more called me an asshole. So I'll post it here, this isn't for affirmation, I legitimately am worried I need to apologize. TLDR at the end.
FTP, On mobile, I've never had a story worth posting before this.
Set up of the story:
This was my first vacation without my parents.
I reserved my spot at a 3 bed 2 bath home all to myself and my girlfriend 2 months in advance.
My mandatory must have filters for finding a suitable BnB:
Free parking on premises, not on the street.
Kitchen fully stocked with cookware.
A house to myself, no apartments no duplexes, no shared walls or other people's noises.
WiFi
After reserving my spot for 4 days; I ask the host to send more pictures of the place as the pictures posted are badly taken and do not show much. I get an excuse that he is redoing the landscaping so my request is impossible to accommodate.
Onto the real story:
I arrive at 1:45. Check in is at 2pm. I tell the host we are in town at a restaurant and we will arrive soon.
I arrive and immediately realised why the pictures were the way they were. He would stand on top of the things he knew would be unacceptable and picture everything else.
The 3 bedroom house I rented is now a 3 apartment duplex that used to be a 3 bedroom house before the host renovated it himself.
There were 5 active spider webs.
The "driveway" is sand and rocks raked into a rectangle, smaller than my car was.
The WiFi never worked and the router was locked in a closet or another apartment I didn't have the key to, the host knew within minutes of my arrival, never fixed.
The kitchen had 1 plate, a microwave, 3 forks, 1 tea spoon, and a stove top made in the 1940s with 14 step instructions lamanated to the front of it. No cups, no bowls, no pots, no pans, no cooking utensils, not even a butter knife to be found. So as far as I'm concerned there was no kitchen.
So I search the house for cameras: Removing everything from bookcases and putting it back, Opening everything that was not locked and closing it again, moving all furniture, and analysing every light switch and outlet.
The bedroom door had a lock ON THE OUTSIDE OF IT that could not be manipulated from inside the room. I had a major problem with this my entire stay. It was a single sided deadbolt like you put on your front door.
The host then parked in my BnBs "driveway" for about 30% of my stay.
After my search me and my girlfriend strip in the living room and make sure the bed frame was properly constructed. I then walk back out to the living room to find that a spider bigger than a quarter had given birth onto my shirt. There are hundreds, I sprayed with raid and left the shirt at my check out.
I then find a mosquito I did not kill on the refrigerator, and a 4 month old cockroach husk near the complementary food.
So I give a 2 Star overall review (which I thought was generous) stating the truth. It was nicely renovated, but falsely advertised (1 bed, 1 bath, no kitchen) and not clean in the least.
The host then starts personally attacking me in his response to my review, and claims the place was dirty because of my early arrival. He then also said that I must be lieing as I posted no pictures in my review (I didn't know this was a thing) but neither of those are the catcher:
He then says," this man ransacked my home every day of his stay looking for cameras and microphones."
Now let's pause for a second and think about that. I took pictures to make sure I placed all the books in the same order and orientation as when I found them. How did he know I did things like this every day I was there, without a camera.
So I reported it to BnB and sent all the pictures and screenshots i took. BnB then offered to and later refunded me 40% of my stay and the cleaning fee, I just hope I really am paranoid and there was no camera.
He lost his Super Host status, at least temporarily, but I've been told I shouldn't claim this as my doing.
Tldr: host buys a 3 bed 2 bath house and loads it on BnB then after 10 reviews he cut the house into 3 different Bnb's, making 2 new listings (all saying full house with kitchen and bedrooms) Never changed the listing. After I gave a accurate review the man insulted my honor and made a statement that pointed to a camera being in the apartment. I then got offered a hefty refund and he lost super host status.
Just to say: I have proof in pictures. I will no longer send it to a random user, as it contains personal information. I'll send all proof to a mod of asked to, and only if asked to by a mod.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
Oa03LW4g4bgVtwhrWsjDjgXtndZY8OXi
|
af6amr
|
{
"description": "pointing out a kid's accent",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for pointing out a kid’s accent?
|
I am a high schooler, and this happened close to the beginning of the school year. There was a kid last year who graduated last year that I kind of knew. He and his family are British, and lived in the US for a couple of years. In one of my classes, there was another kid in the grade level below me that also had somewhat of a British accent. Now, at my school, this was probably the only other person that I knew that had a British accent, so I assumed that he might have been brother’s with the British high school graduate, especially considering that they had some similar features. Therefore, to solve my curiosity, I asked him one day if he was the brother of the student that graduated last year. He said yes. Then, I responded by saying “I kind of figured you were because of the accent”. Once I said that, he kind of had an annoyed/irked look on his face, and walked away. Maybe he didn’t like being noticed for his accent, or thought I was making a misguided judgement? I’m not exactly sure why he seemed a bit annoyed. So, AIMA for assuming a sibling connection based on an accent, and pointing it out?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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4XI2euRbAe0TfPhVeopLryljeMRDzpdZ
|
anjazi
|
{
"description": "breaking up with a guy because he had a ninja sword in his apartment",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 74
}
|
AITA for breaking up with a guy because he had a ninja sword in his apartment?
|
posting this from a new account because I'm kind of trying to start over on reddit after the last week...
Maybe a month ago I met this guy on Tinder. It was a super like for me because he was cute and funny and didn't take himself to seriously. We met up and had a phenomenal time doing mini-golf and ice cream and honestly it was such a nice break from the usual Tinder dates that I really started to like him. He met my friends, my friends really liked him. He's like some sort of pilot in the Navy and I met his friends and they all seemed really cool and I was like wow...this is actually working!
We hadn't had sex yet, but I have to be honest him not even asking was a really nice change.
So I went to his apartment for the first time on Sunday afternoon to so he could pick up his Ram's gear. It was a pretty normal single guy apartment and my initial thought was "this is enough to really need my help...I can work with this." But then I saw he had a sword on this rack on top of a bookshelf. Like a real sword you see in like ninja movies or whatever. Literally all I could think about was "incel" and that "I studied the blade" meme. Maybe I'm too judgmental but I can't think of any legitimate reason why he would need a sword. It seemed so stupid.
So I didn't say anything but we had like an hour drive to my friends superbowl party. he must have noticed I got quiet so he asked me if something was wrong. I said I just wasn't sure to think about someone having a sword in their apartment. He came up with this ridiculous story that the sword is actually like 300 years old and his Grandpa had gotten it as a gift when he'd been in Japan with the Navy after the war because his grandpa had been one of the first white people to take Karate or whatever from this old family. I was like yeah but it's a sword...a sword...to like stab people with. He kept trying to tell me that in reality its an antique and worth a ton of money. He could have explained that it was magic and cured cancer but literally all I could think about was it's a sword. He just kept trying to talk circles around the subject but I just wasn't hearing it because very honestly, I don't want to be with a guy who owns weapons. Like what in the fuck?
So we got to the party and it was awkward as hell. Like he just sat there and watched the game and didn't interact with me very much at all. Since the game was so boring, really only he and one other guy watched it. I tried to tell my friends about the sword and they didn't seem to get my point either because their reactions ranged from "wow, that's kind of cool" to "Amber, maybe your making a mountain out of a molehill."
So the drive back was even worse and we barely spoke a word. When I dropped him off I basically said "look, you're a nice guy, I just can't date a guy with weapons in his house." He said that my reaction didn't really impress him either which actually upset me that he get a last shot in like that.
But he left without incident and all that's left to do is I need to return his playstation that he brought over to my house.
Two of my friends are telling me that I'm literally acting like an asshole and that everything that this guy brings to the table I either need to get over myself and the sword or at least apologize to him and see if maybe he'll give me a second chance.
I don't think I'm an asshole, but two of my most trusted people on the planet just told me I am.
So to this sub...am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
W7RTPHAdjPI3Q9DSJZC3nh2y5Iy9cKOq
|
9zxwiq
|
{
"description": "not helping my co-worker and leaving when she needed help",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not helping my co-worker and leaving when she needed help?
|
For context this was a closing shift the day before thanksgiving. The store was already closed, but of course there were still a bunch of people being checked out. Also I'm not a cashier and I get to clock out as soon as I get my department clear of all customers.
Okay so, after an exhausting day of working in the grocery department the day before thanksgiving, me and my team member do our final walkthrough and declare grocery all clear and head up to clock out. I clock out, say bye to my girl and head towards the exit.
Im already pretty close to the door when i hear my name. I turn around not knowing who called it and do a quick scan to see who called my name. I couldn't tell who called me and visibly shrug (to show whoever said my name that I couldn't tell where they were). I take a couple more steps towards that glorious exit and Hear my name called out again, I turn around again to see who called me and see a cashier wave at me.
Convo as follows: me- me, cashier-cw
We're like pretty far away from each other at this point, i wanna say like 6 registers and a selfcheckout area away. Im not good at guessing distance, also we have to kinda yell to hear each other. I was literally in front of the exit.
CW: Hey! [My name]!
Me: yes?
CW: I need your help. Come here.
I did not want to walk all the way over there, my legs were killing me.
Me: Uh, but I'm clocked out. [Also were told that if we're ever asked for anything when clocked out to let the guest know we're off the clock. Her being a team member I thought she'd get the hint.]
CW: I know.
Me: Okay then, BYE!
I then turned around and walked right out the exit.
In my head I thought to myself, that I was tired and clocked out, and I really didn't care that this last minute shopper needed something that this cashier couldn't help with. Also she could've just paged someone on the clock to help her.
I worked today, 2 days after this happened and asked the gal in my department if she thought i was rude to the cashier.
She then told me that she happened to walk by the cashier who then stopped her as she was passing (she was already clocked too btw) to ask for her help. Turns out the cashier needed help because the guest was actually a shopper I had helped earlier.
(I had pulled some side dish tins from the back for the guest and went to go give them to her. She was not in the aisle she'd said she would be. After circling the whole department a few times I gave the item to my team member and told her to keep an eye out for the guest. I still had tasks to complete. And I did them, and never saw the guest again. )
The girl in my department then had the cashier page a clocked in team member so she could tell them where to get the tins.
I feel kinda bad, I asked a few people if they thought I was rude. And one told me to see it from her perspective. What if I had needed help? But, i would never bother a clocked out coworker, i always ask if they're clocked in, and if they are not I always apologize and find someone else.
Tldr: coworker asked for help, i told her I was clocked out. She said she knew that, so I said okay, bye, and then left.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
x6vl4tbtYEZX2Kuc7wMCtR005DYVDu1H
|
9yy6go
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay my mother to see my son",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA Because I don't want to pay my mother to see my son?
|
TL;DR at bottom.
So, a good few years ago my younger brother had a daughter (I'll name her 'L'). My brother lives 4 doors down from my mother and took full advantage of the fact he basically had a baby sitter where he could take L and go run errands/work etc. My mother got a bit sick of this as she felt like she was taken advantage of.
So opted to start charging my bro a £5er (about $8/$9) each time he took L around and left her there.
As my Bro is a bit of a cheapskate, he stopped taking L around as often, opting to take his daughter with him on errands.
Fast forward 4 years, I have my first son in Jan 2018. For the first 5 months my amazing wife bends over backwards for him. During this time my mother in law visited constantly, helped my wife whilst I was at work. Including taking my son for a day or so, so that my wife could catch up on sleep and other odd jobs. My mother visited *twice*, which only happened due to me calling her and prompting her to come visit. (we live 3 miles away, about 10 minutes by car maximum).
When my wife needs to return to work (I'm a full time chef, so work 5 x 12 days a week usually). We arrange childcare with our parents to save on childcare costs, as we're saving for our own house we cant afford to put my son in a nursery.
My mother in law is to have my son on Monday and Thursdays. I look after him Tuesdays and Wednesdays (my set days off from work) and my mother takes him the Friday. My wife has him on the weekend.
(This is only whilst we're at work, my wife collects him when she finishes work. usually from 9am till 5pm, with the exception of Fridays which is 9am till 2pm)
After a month I get a text requesting from my mother asking me to pay her.
After a bit of a debate, I cave and just give her some money.
Fast forward a month or so, it's the six weeks school holidays. So my wife (a secondary school teacher) is off work for 6 weeks. During this time, the mother in law does her usual helping out. Takes my son for a day, comes around and supports my wife etc.
My mother doesn't see hkm at all.
The only time my mother sees my son, her only grandson. Is when I pay her to do it.
I really don't want to pay her. To the point that I actually feel like cutting my mother out of his life.
AITA?
FYI, we pay for food/milk/activities that either mother/mother in law does. So this charge I have to pay my mother isn't to cover expenses such as that.
Mother in law works as a locum Dr on tues/weds other than that she's retired. My mother hasn't worked for approx 18 years.
TL;DR
My mother in law sees her grandson all the time. My mother only sees her grandson, if I pay her to do so, but I don't want to pay her to be part of his life.
Apologies for format, I'm on mobile.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
7GPj84iecY6emu6eUew2yuybV8o81oOA
|
ay84ri
|
{
"description": "refusing to refund a textbook I sold on Kijiji",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to refund a textbook I sold on Kijiji?
|
So 2 months ago I sold a textbook on Kijiji. I said I was willing to refund it if it's the wrong version. 2 months later and the guy wants a refund because it's the wrong version, I told him to take a hike. I feel kinda bad, am I am ass?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
S4rIJX6CewoyCpft9ypmaDARXoVEk5gA
|
aouw4j
|
{
"description": "not sharing switch controllers and games",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA if i didnt share switch controllers and games.
|
Im 16 if thats somehow relevant.
My sister(18) wanted to borrow our switch for the day. Not a big deal, we got it as a shared christmas present a little less then 2 years ago.
She wanted to take it to work all day and then after work take it to a party for her and her friends to use.
I wanted to use it during the day and have her pick it up after work sense she wasnt going to be playing it at work and i wanted to play stardew valley.
She said that she was going to diner with her friends right after work and because of that(woeking past a little when it starts) she would be late, and she would be extra late if she went back to our house and picked it up(15 min drive). Where they are eating is undecided. So if it was close to our house or something for easy pick up it is unknown.
She said since she doesnt use it as much as me she automactically gets it no arguement. I said that was dumb and that she doesnt automatically get it.
My parents said she gets it. I suggest that we drop it off at her work or she picks it up after the meal.
My parents said she gets it and i said that there is no compromise here, so to fight that i have spent over 100 dollars on controllers and around that same amount on games too. So she gets the shared part but neither the games i paid for(smash, splatoon, minecraft, 2 wired controllers and a pro controller) or the controllers.
I say sense its a shared thing she can pay half for everything ive bought or not use what ive bought. In the end my dad said he would drive them to my sisters work 15 min away and drop them off. But right after he said get out of my room and glared at me. The way he said gave me the feeling he was gonna try to do everything in his ability to work agaisn't me so i just let my sister use the switch and my stuff
Tldr: sister wants to take our switch to work and not use it all day but after work use it at a party. Shes gonna be late to the dinner before the party and even later if she has to pick them up. I said she could pick it up after the before party dinner(at a restaurant)or after the meal. I wanted to use it while she was at work and she wouldent be using it at work anyway. My parents sided with her, i said there is no compromise here. Then tried to take the stuff i bought with my own money (controllers and games) and then my dad gave me a threat that seemed like it would just end really bad in my favor. So i caved and she took everything to work even though i still think its bullshit. Im prob gonna give my dad the silent treatment because of this for a while. And he still seems mad at me.
(Sorry for typos and anything else wrong my grammar and spelling is ass)
So reddit am i the asshole?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
pm7SyAHSqYG8jqcNhpIWpTVCMe0wz19e
|
b9rs82
| null |
WIBTA
|
I'm going to try to make this short. My wife and I have a friend. She's really good friends with my wife. Just the other day she showed up at my wife's work. She confided in her some news that she just found out that she has certain ailment that has no cure. There are possible things to help minimize some of the symptoms. She told my wife that she's feels alone as her family livesin another state. She's told her family back home but only my wife here. She's worried about her child and rightfully so if things take the turn for the worse. She's a single mom.
I didn't know much about the ailment at the time. I researched it last night and now I see she could be on either edge of the spectrum and I'm worried too.
I don't want her to feel alone. Wife told her we'll do whatever she needs and that their mutual friends would also.
On one of the groups on reddit I read where a lady with same ailment had a friend that got shirts made that said "... is stupid". This is where my predicament comes in. I want to get said shirts made for all her friends here and back home and have a surprise gathering to show her she has a lot of support here. Wife thinks her friend may feel like she broke her confidence. I feel she needs to know now that she's not alone, that she has a lot of support here. WIBTA if we did the shirts?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
EyGOMXU4rB1YKHtjFqSHTyAHNuvxM19o
|
a3jy8m
|
{
"description": "telling a guy that he was super hot but I dont want to date him",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I told a guy that he was super hot but I dont want to date him.
|
I have a guy friend who's really hot but he always says he looks terrible. Would I be an asshole if next time he did this i would tell him hes super hot but i dont want to date him. I know right now hes very desperate for a girlfriend and i dont want to be his girlfriend or lead him on
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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