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b6luta
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AITA When Inviting me to Their Concert is too Awkward
|
**Hi Reddit! This is my first time on this sub but I’m here because this has been driving my girlfriend and I nuts.**
So to get this out of the way to start off with, my girlfriend (*gf*) and I have been seeing each other for almost three years now, we are both girls and we had, for the last six months or so, been seeing a non-binary third. From here on I’m gonna call the third person *Charming* (they live in Charm City) so that the they/them pronouns are less confusing. *Charming* is in school as a guitarist (this is important for later)
So we met *Charming* at a local club (around Halloween), and they seemed super nice at first. *Charming* took *gf* and I to a local coffee shop and showed the two of us around their little portion of the city. It was really, well, charming. *Gf* and I quickly became very close friends with *Charming* and a week or two later we all ended up in bed together. All three of us were okay with this arrangement, and once we all got past the initial awkwardness of seeing someone naked, nobody felt left out.
Fast forward to December and *Charming* seemed to be getting sick of my (somewhat dominating) personality, but they would confront me about any issues they had, telling me that my behavior was unacceptable. I know this is a flaw in my personality and I worked on it. *Gf* and I never really talked to *Charming* about their numerous personality flaws because we just sorta figured they were in the right.
Late in January *Charming* tells us that I am too much of a dominant personality, and that they still want to be friends and that nothing is really going to change.
The three of us talk for most of February but *Charming* doesn’t really make any real attempt to meet us in person (despite constantly saying they wanted to), but *Charming* had a big recital coming up (sort of a final exam in their music program) so we just figured they were busy.
*Charming’s* recital is this week, and *Charming* still hadn’t given us any information about it (despite offering tickets to anyone on Facebook who wanted them). So naturally *gf* and I ask *Charming* what’s up, and they reply that “it would be awkward having us there.”
*Gf* and I were stunned, we had been nothing but supportive this whole time, so we asked what was going on. Charming responds “**I need space, and you guys forcing the issue just farther cements my decision. I’m sorry but you’re not invited.**”
I immediately left the group chat that we were in, incensed that they were just cutting the two of us out of their life.
This has been heartbreaking and my girlfriend and I really want other people’s opinions. Thanks!
​
TL;DR: >!More-than-friend of six months suddenly doesn't invite their two girlfriends to their biggest concert ever because it would be "too awkward"!<
|
HISTORICAL
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
aunvul
|
{
"description": "telling my tutor not to scribble/randomly write things in my personal diaries",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my tutor not to scribble/randomly write things in my personal diaries?
|
So I have a home tutor, and he has this really annoying habit, that whenever he would not have anything to do, or be on a call, he will just take a pen, and start randomly writing or drawing stuff on whatever he would find in front of him. It wasn't so much of a bother mostly, but, it really got on my nerves the last time.
I maintain sort of a journal on Electronics, like about my projects, or basic Electronics concepts and such, in case I forget or smth (currently finished high school, practice Electronics as a hobby). So, I leave the room for a short while, and come back to find him scribbling in it. Right beside the places where I had written stuff. That really made me mad, and I directly asked him why he was doing it/what's his problem. He says that I'm being disrespectful, and it doesn't matter as it was just a random diary, I then go on to tell him that it's sort of a journal, and I want to keep it clean and tidy so that I can use it later on. But he then says that it's just writing, I can write it again (it was literally a diary thick). Then I proceed to say some more things which come out to be pointless, so I just sit the rest of the class in front of him, and don't say much, and neither does he apologizes, just keeps on trying to get me to study.
So what do you think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
3hPANSAQAQEKVRszqC1b2aZrQBjQlgI3
|
b08dy1
|
{
"description": "potentially breaking up our friendship",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for potentially breaking up our friendship?
|
So I was good friends with these two girls at work. They're really cool and our personalities just vibed. During the latter part of last year we became best of friends and I would really only hang out with them. All is good and well.
Recently, one of them, let's call her Jane, and I get really close to the point that we share deep conversations and don't tell our other friend about things that we talked about (They were close between each other too). We basically get down to the couple level where we obviously flirt with each other but she doesn't realize it when everyone else in the room does. This eventually leads to me developing feelings for Jane. Only problem is that she already has a bf. Now I feel so wrong that she's being flirty but still calling me a friend when it's actually as if we're a couple. I explain my feelings to her and she ends up what could be considered friendzoning me. Now I get the fact that she has a bf and that's cool but she's almost leading me on and giving me hope that we have a future when she doesn't see me that way. It's like she's just using me for the attention and I wanted out. Just to get away so that the feelings can go away.
Fast forward to even more recent, I say I need a break from you both so that I can get over Jane. Jane is now upset that we can't be like it was before and basically hates me even if she says she doesn't. I'm just taking a week off from work so I can do whatever and get over it but I still wanna be friends and I think I can do it because I'm over her now. The thing is that they both dislike me for dropping them and the other friend thinks that I used her to get to Jane which isn't true. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
FZl3Ofk0UgsWgbNALXgE21VUNqHt3rxM
|
aplpwp
|
{
"description": "ratting out a cheater",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for ratting out a cheater?
|
SO, I recently broke up with my boyfriend and my friends thought it would be fun to make me a bumble account. Great. Whatever.
They were swiping for me and I ended up matching with this guy I’ll call Mark. We only exchanged about 4 messages back and forth at which point I decided to look at his social media. One of my friends was catfished once so I like to do my research. He used to play a sport in college and posted a pic wearing his jersey so that’s how i figured out his last name. Finding him on facebook was easy that way and his profile was public.
One of his more recent pics was with a girl and it was posted 3-4 months ago. No red flags there, but I went to her profile to see what’s up. I saw that she had made a post a few days ago with Mark announcing that they had moved across the country together (to my city). I took a screenshot of that post and sent it to him on bumble. He unmatched me immediately after.
I took a screenshot of our conversation and sent it to his girlfriend(?) via facebook because my friends told me I should. I feel like I did the right thing by telling her because they apparently just moved across the country together for his job, but part of me also feels bad for sticking my nose in someone else’s relationship.
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
autkqw
|
{
"description": "sending a frustrated message to my friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for Sending a Frustrated Message to my Friend?
|
Background-
16 (M) high-school student
Really wanted to hang out with this friend-group a couple of months ago (was already good friends with 1 person in it). He asked If I was going to a school movie night and I said I would if I had a ride but my parents were out. He said he would drive me and afterwards I ended up hanging out with the whole group.
They invited me to their discord server, and it had been active for months. Talked in a couple calls with them that week, everything seemed normal. Suddenly, the server went dead. I could see they were all playing together and online in discord still, but the previous server was dead. I wasn't invited to their new one.
&#x200B;
Over a period of a couple months I invited them to a couple of games and was mostly ignored. Anytime they said yes, they would play for a bit then leave and never invite me to play with them again. I always said afterwards something like "That was really fun, I'd love to hang out with you guys more!"
&#x200B;
One night, I asked if anyone wanted to play Minecraft (don't judge me) in the old server. A couple told me they couldn't do it and most just ignored me. Minutes later, I see in the sidebar they're all playing Minecraft together. I said I thought they couldn't play, and they said something like "got it working now haha." I asked if I could join them and was ignored.
&#x200B;
Anyways, that night I had a fever and was functioning on little sleep and basically drafted a long message to my good friend that originally invited me and communicated to him that it hurt to be ignored by people and didn't understand why they kept doing this. Basically just told him I was frustrated. He hasn't contacted me since (message was 2 days ago).
&#x200B;
AITA for sending this message and being frustrated with my friends? Is he angry, and if so is he rightfully so?
&#x200B;
TL;DR: Friends ignored me/ blew me off for months, switched discord servers to avoid me, lied about not being able to play with me. I sent a long, frustrated message to the one I was closest to in it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
cWiE1bT3IhqBZwGzc3fK5mBB3cpbAGx4
|
ainzux
|
{
"description": "white lying to my girlfriend about masturbating",
"pronormative_score": 70,
"contranormative_score": 29
}
|
AITA for white lying to my girlfriend about masturbating?
|
Quick backstory : my current GF of 7 months was previously cheated on in her last relationship. She acknowledges that she has current trust issues. My GF sleeps over my place 5 days out of the week.
My GF came back today from a 4 day international vacation trip with her girl best friend. During this period, I masturbated once back here at home. My girlfriend is now back and we're on the couch watching TV. Guy in TV starts watching porn, which prompts my girlfriend to ask me when the last time I masturbated was.
The last time she asked me about masturbating, I gave her an honest answer, and she got very upset. I don't see much of a problem with masturbating. We've had a lot of small arguments recently, so part of what we agreed on when we made up is that she'd work on the way she reacts to hurtful truths, as she normally shuts down and stops communicating.
As my girlfriend asks me when the last time I masturbated was, I white-lied and told her it's been a while. As she persists with her questioning, I say that it's been a few weeks. A bit more questioning and I reveal it's actually only been this weekend. I then sincerely apologize profusely about lying, explaining that I was wary of how she'd react, based on her previous reactions.
GF hates the fact that I lied, and equates it to "if you lie about this, you can be hiding anything". She associates white lies to lies with cheating. I try to explain my intentions and my line of thinking, but she's had none of it. She's since left and won't be spending the night.
I understand I'm an asshole for white lying, but in my head she might be over reacting a bit. She's also ignored my apologies.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 68,
"EVERYBODY": 23,
"NOBODY": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 70,
"WRONG": 29
}
|
RIGHT
|
U3qK7bzjnAX35aZCZPDZmvg7bHkycK7V
|
a2y2h0
|
{
"description": "gossiping and potentially alienating a friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for gossiping and potentially alienating a friend?
|
TL;DR at the bottom.
Recently one of closest friends (let’s call her Jane), along with my roommate, sat me down for an intervention. Long story short, they gave me some **AWFUL** advice about my mental health (lots of pop psychology), and told me I shouldn’t be starting a new relationship (my new bf is nice, sweet, not creepy, smart, no major red flags). Apparently I need to learn to “love myself” and not use a partner as an emotional crutch. They want me to break up with him before we get too serious. In hindsight, I can assure you, they were extremely stepping out of line. They are not the experts on my mental health (I go to therapy, takes meds, I know how my brain works). The conversation got tense. In the end, I made it clear I disagreed and wanted them to drop it. But they kept needling me about it, and a day later I ended up having my first fight with my roommate because of it. Then a couple days later, Jane texted me to say she will have to distance herself more from situations where my bf is around, because my “unhealthy life choices” are affecting her own mental health.
Anyways, at the time, I let it get to my head, and I started to worry that they were seeing something I wasn’t. They were so adamant. So I related the intervention story to our other friends. Who were absolutely appalled. After experiencing the intervention onslaught, it was amazing to having my opinion about my own mental health and dating life validated. I got caught up it in all, and whoever I talked to about it agreed with me wholeheartedly. I may have shit talked a little. I was angry and offended. But then, no surprise, because of me talking about the “intervention”, almost everyone was super turned off towards Jane (they don’t really know my roommate). I don’t think Jane has realized I confided in our friends.
Now some of my friends don’t like Jane as much as they did before. We’re all still friendly, it just feels different. Maybe it will pass, maybe I’m just being anxious, but it feels like the situation has permanently altered their opinion on her (especially for one very good friend who lives far away).
I’m starting to feel kind of guilty. It wasn’t my intention to make our friends upset, I just wanted to feel heard, not alienate a close friend who made a mistake. Should I have just kept it to myself and not dragged our friends into it? Did I make the situation too dramatic? AITA for throwing her under the bus? AITA for not telling her I “blabbed”? Or is she the asshole for giving me unsolicited, awful advice?
TL;DR: friend gave me awful, forceful advice. I gossiped and told our mutual friends, and now they don’t like her as much
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
GVqmyKzEeQMP37wgfFwNoxY8qGVyMHn3
|
acmifc
|
{
"description": "leaving a stranger behind",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving a stranger behind
|
This is only going to be short and nothing serious. I was working NYE, half 12 to 9pm, I normally get a bus home after work and would arrive home around 10 or so depending on the traffic.
&#x200B;
Given that it was NYE I knew that the bus would be less frequent, but after 9 that night the buses just seemed to have stopped altogether, leaving me no way home basically. I start walking along the bus route hoping one would appear, it didn't. After about an hour walking, i cave and order a taxi to the bus stop i decided to rest at.
&#x200B;
Taxi arrives after about 15 minute wait. it pulls up a little down the road so i have to walk to it, another person appears out of no and is about to jump in, i stop then and let them know i ordered this, they then want to split it with myself, but after the long day i had and knowing i wasn't going through town to get home and would have extended the journey and the price of the taxi.
&#x200B;
Once I've told them this, I get into the taxi and he starts shouting outside as we drive off.
&#x200B;
AITA for leaving this guy NYE with little to no buses around.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
d9kpuPsEoGu0BOLI80Jg4HWLVhpAt2tc
|
b9y6ld
|
{
"description": "taking a kid home after being robbed",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking a kid home after being robbed?
|
I just posted in my neighborhood group describing a robbery I witnessed. In it I mention that I took the teenager to his house after he was robbed, he was scraped up and bleeding and freaked out. The first two comments are criticizing me for taking him home on the grounds that they wouldn't want their kid getting in a car with a stranger and that I should have left him there so the fire department could check his injuries.
Was I wrong to take him home? It felt like the right thing to do at the time, but now I'm second guessing my actions. I made sure his family would be there. The police officer I talked to didn't say anything negative about taking him home and him making his report from there.
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
9te0gp
|
{
"description": "wanting to hang out with my ex gf's dad",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to hang out with my ex gf's dad?
|
I dated a girl for two years. We lived together one. We both exercised a lot and had many things in common. We talked about and agreed on marriage and kids and our future. I always had a great relationship with her family and especially her father. We are very similar and handy individuals. I would get a lot of housework and financial advice from him throughout the relationship. He owned the house we lived in and did not charge us rent. He is a great guy and I feel like I owe a lot of my success to him.
I graduated with my bachelor's and started my first "big boy" job. With the commute I was gone anywhere from 10-13 hours a day. I would come home exhausted and plop on the couch. I gained 10-15 lbs in 10 months. Occasionally I would help with dinner but for the most part, that fell on her (one of her complaints during the breakup). She was training for a half iron man and was dedicating a lot of time to that (1-3 workouts 7 days a week). We both stopped putting effort into the relationship. When we realized it, I wanted to work things out, she did not want to put any effort into it (her words). A month prior I had asked her dads permission to marry his daughter (he gave his blessing and we both got a little emotional) and I started looking at rings.
After the break up, I was so heartbroken I quit my job and moved everything from FL to IN back with my family. I really needed the love and support from friends and family. While I was moving out, her dad was visiting. He even helped me move my stuff into the Uhual. As I was leaving, he walked me out to my vehicle and we hugged and we both cried a little bit. We agreed to keep in touch.
We have emailed a few times and kept in touch like we agreed over the past couple months (breakup was in August '18). In the last email, he let me know he would be dog sitting for my ex during the week I will be visiting FL. I suggested we get dinner and he agreed. I texted my ex to ask her to give the clothes I forgot to her dad so he could bring them to dinner (we have texted periodically since the breakup about nothing important, sometimes she would initiate, sometime me). She went off on me and told me I am not allowed to be friends with her family or her dad. She said "Maybe you should consider my feelings before you make plans that violate them". She believes I will create a wedge between her and her dad (she also believes I created a wedge between her and her best friends because I talked to her best friends' husbands during the breakup, (whole other story)). I know she is extra stressed at this time with work, but am I the asshole for wanting to hang out with her dad?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
YOAuJJM2i47ll2tdhSr4Kq9vozi4AjsK
|
am1lpg
|
{
"description": "asking to be a bridesmaid",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking to be a bridesmaid?
|
January 2018, a then-close friend godparent to my first child) was anticipating her upcoming engagement and asked me to be a bridesmaid.
Shortly after she got engaged, I became pregnant with my second child. Thanks to her busy work schedule and my stressful pregnancy (and postpartum/prenatal depression) we didn’t talk or see each other much the rest of the year.
In August 2018, before the baby came, my friend set the date for her wedding in May and invited me to meet to look at invitations. During this hangout, she said something to the effect of, “And of course I want to to be a bridesmaid, but I know you’ll be busy with the baby, so I have a special request to ask you: will you play a song at the wedding?”
I thought I was being uninvited to be a bridesmaid because we weren’t as close as we used to be before I had kids (2017 and 2018 due dates) so I was surprised and hurt at the request, and said I’d think about it.
After talking it over with a different friend, I convinced myself that maybe the bride-to-be genuinely thought I’d be too busy with the baby. I wrote her an email to say, if it’s really about the baby, that’s not a problem and I’d still love to be in the wedding. If it’s more that we’ve grown apart, I totally understand and will be happy to celebrate the wedding as a guest.
She wrote back that she was just worried I’d be overwhelmed and of course she’d love to have me in the wedding.
At first I was relieved! But we still haven’t hung out a lot, and any requests to hang out typically get turned down or cancelled last minute. Despite living 10 minutes away, she didn’t meet my newest baby until he was 4 months old. As I see her go through the wedding planning process and say yes to things she then tells the wedding party she does not want, I’m now worried she’s a secret people pleaser and was actually trying to dis -invite me to be in the wedding and my awkward email “forced” her to keep me.
AITA? Or does it sound like a honest miscommunication between friends going through a busy time?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
YEwu68wBlp8CBUNjWzSQ7046plFkXFob
|
anyoex
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be lied to because it makes me paranoid and causes me to lash out in anger a lot more",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be lied to because it makes me paranoid and causes me to lash out in anger a lot more?
|
So, back in April of 2018, my ex-girlfriend convinced me I could hypnotize her. Yeah, it sounds stupid but I was fairly convinced because she put up a good act and it convinced me because she had mental problems and I assumed my voice was soothing to where it could control her? Anyway, I had problems believing it myself so I was constantly asking her if it was real. One day, I got extra paranoid and I said, “ Are you lying to me? Promise to me you’re not lying, and I won’t get mad right here right now. If you tell me that you’re lying later, I’ll be mad and paranoid with you. “ Well she told me she wasn’t lying and then of course, A couple days later she cut herself because she felt so bad about faking the hypnotism thing, and then she let me take the full blame for cutting herself. I thought I was responsible because I was putting a strain on her mind. She came out later to me that she was lying about it, and it wasn’t real and I just... I got so mad. I got so paranoid with her. I didn’t hate her, I still loved her but we made an agreement at that point we wouldn’t lie about anything big anymore because it would make us feel bad.
Now, what does she do again? She keeps things behind my back and lied about them, again! I became really paranoid towards her after that first lie, so I ask her if I can have access to her accounts and she, wanting to do anything she can to recover my trust, gave me access to her accounts. I scouted through them and low and behold, one of her messages sent to someone else was something about not telling me that she watched porn. I told her that she shouldn’t lie to me because it would make me irrationally angry and paranoid. I didn’t want to be like that, but it happened. We talked about how she lied about that too and she apologized and said sorry and didn’t think it was a big deal. At this point, my paranoia just ramped up and I had constant thoughts of “did she hate me? was she using me? why does she do this?!”. I was always wondering if she was lying to me and it really screwed my brain up. At points, I would threaten to break up with her... as a test because if she cried then I thought it would give me a little closure on my paranoid brain. She did end up crying, and I ended up crying and apologizing to her and explaining it was to see if she loved me. Also, her lying to me made me feel suicidal and betrayed at some points. I made it clear to her about that.
Anyway, she lied twice about two big things and my trust completely broke towards her and I became more harsh than ever and she broke off the relationship because she couldn’t handle how ill I was. Thing is, after she broke up and blocked me, she told her friends I was a psychopath.
So, reddit, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
|
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WRONG
|
HpoStYhEaKolzm8gXBoWl365BxLcIBiq
|
arjxtv
|
{
"description": "wanting to write a bad review for the tattoo I got",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for wanting to write a bad review for the tattoo I got
|
I got a tattoo the other day from a skilled artist. And while I am happy with the final result, the process of getting there was stressful.
I am from Canada and am staying in Denmark for school. My best friend from Canada flew to Ireland with her school so I flew to Dublin to meet up with her for a day. We decided well before the travel date to get tattoos while we were there.
They only had a facebook page to communicate and book an appointment. So I was on facebook chat and I had an idea for a tattoo (floral collarbone) and I knew the artist I wanted to have tattoo me. But he wasn’t available for the day I was booking. They recommended a girl to do it instead and when I looked at her portfolio I didn’t like her style for my idea. So I spitballed a few different ideas (I have a lot of tattoos I want to get). We landed on four elephants linked trunk and tail on my arm. I booked the appointment with the girl and paid a deposit and all was well.
Come the day for the tattoo and the artist walks up to me with a picture of the floral tattoo that I decided against. I was really frustrated by that. But I thought I would see how she draws it up (I had a photo for reference). When she came back with the drawing it wasn’t exactly what I wanted. She told me to stay and see how it looks on me when she transfers the ink. When it was placed and I looked in the mirror, I really liked what I saw. And she explained that because of the placement and size, I really couldn’t get any more details or shading (which is what I was looking for). So I trusted what she said and agreed to the tattoo.
I’m really happy with the result. It’s dainty like what I wanted. But I’m upset about the big miscommunication and the fact that the tattoo was not what I expected (but I trust that I wouldn’t have been able to get what I wanted...).
So, I want to write a review saying that the artist was very skilled and did a great job, but the process was stressful and I ultimately did not get what I came in for.
They gave me free lotion for my tattoo in compensation.
AITA? Should I just not write a review? Or am I justified to not give them a full 5 stars?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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az5ud6
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{
"description": "pushing for full Custody",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for Pushing for Full Custody
|
I recently filed for contempt against my ex spouse for withholding of my parental visitation time. Upon consulting with my attorney, she recommended that I pursue full physical custody due to what the other party is doing and the "egregious nature" of the contempt action.
I have had to use law enforcement to obtain some of my children since October (My oldest daughter never is denied contact with me). I know it terrifies them and I really hate that I've been forced into this predicament.
This has been used against me. My children have been told "dad is in trouble with the police" and that I only want to force them to see me. The parental alienation has been turned all the way up and when my ex spouse was served the message delivered was "your dad is just trying to steal you to hurt me". She told them immediately and I'm forced to change the subject when the kids are with me because I refuse to talk about adult matters with them. This leads the children to believe that Mom is right and they have to protect her.
I've attempted to accomadate my ex spouse and I tried really hard to avoid the courts and conflicts. I dont want to negatively affect my children but I also know that I have to fight for this. The constant negativity is so tiring and as a child from a broken home myself, I wanted to avoid this at all costs.
I feel awful about this. I wont stop but knowingly putting the stress on them is causing me to feel like an asshole.
*Some additional information - I have documented every communication between me and their mom due to a history of bizarre allegations along with every instance of parenting time with the kids.
I have three daughters and they are all under ten. I am divorced and have been upholding all ends of my obligations according to our parenting plan and the actions laid out in the divorce decree.
My children have an excellent relationship with my wife now and there is no heartburn with that relationship.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aqz1sa
| null |
AITA Left my kid in the school and waited in the parking lot to scare him:
|
Left my kid in the school and waited in the parking lot to scare him:
8 year old kid. Has parent teacher conferences. Prior the the conferences he is freaking out about something (to my wife while I'm not there). During the conferences he gets a less than stellar report. He has good grades and all, but a lot of shouting/acting up in class. So after the conference he wants to buy a book from the library book store. My wife hesitates, and I drop a firm "No". He starts to get huffy and says hes going into the library book fair anyways, which he does.
I tell my wife lets just keep walking. So we walk out to the car, I put the three younger kids in, and my wife takes them home. She thinks I am going back in to get him. I stay in my car, which is in direct view of the exit of the school. I wait for him to come out which happens in about 20 minutes.
He comes out in a panic, crying, thinking we left him.
My wife is angry that I did not go into the school to get him, and that I instead led him to believe that we left him at the school.
I will update with any follow up/ or clarifying answers.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
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b23vhj
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{
"description": "getting upset that my boyfriend didn't get me a brithday present",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA if i got upset that my boyfriend didn't get me a brithday present?
|
Title pretty muchs explains it
&#x200B;
For some context we have been dating for about 3 mouths before my birthday, a month before my brithday he asked me what i wanted for my birthday, said i didn't know, he asked again the next day, i said something simple and not too expensive, like some chocolate or cheap jewellary or just surpise me he promised to get me something nice like that. but never did when my birthday rolls around he said that he was so sorry that he didn't get me anything. i understood that he was busy and all and i said i didn't mind if it was a late present. but about a month later there was still nothing, i didn't want to bring it up, as i didn't want to come off as demanding, and i didn't want to come off as a golddigger (which im not) but it was annoying me and bumming me out , i just felt pretty sad as i would of spoiled him on his brithday and he did promise he would get me something, but he didn't and it felt kinda unfair to me. so though texting i steer the topics to birthdays and i (nicely) asked if he was still gonna get me something for my birthday, he said that he was really sorry but he couldn't get me anything because he was busy on the weekend of my birthday, and he said he really regets not getting me anything, i just said that i would of spoiled you on your birthday but you didnt get me anything when you promised you would. i said even even it was a box of chocolates i would been happy. but i get nothing i explain that this annoys/upsets me that i didn't get me anything, he says he will make it up to me, i ask how and he says idk. and says he had to go.
&#x200B;
that last conversation was a month ago, we are still together but this still bugs me, am i the asshole for being upset that my bf didn't get me anything, even if he promised he would? or would he be in wrong, or is it a mix of the two?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
9xvdfz
|
{
"description": "screaming at my mother",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for screaming at my mother
|
So, I recently had surgery on my foot, I had a toenail removed, something simple, but still it hurts as I had stitches until a few days ago.
I live with my mother and my boyfriend, and yesterday as I was walking into my (very dark) room and reaching for the light switch I unknowingly bumped my bad toe, right where the stitches used to be, on a misplaced shoe and I screamed because it hurt. I dropped what I had in my hands on to the floor and decided to sit on the floor until the pain passed.
Of course, when my boyfriend and my mother heard the screen they both rushed to my room and saw me sitting on the floor. My boyfriend didn't know what happened so he just sat next to me and started stroking my back in silence.
My mother on the other hand saw me on the floor and asked "What happened?", I answered harshly, "it's ok I'm fine" (or something like that), then she asks "Did you fall?", and I answered again but in a higher tone "it's ok. I'm fine" and then she just left and went to her room while throwing her door.
Now I feel bad because I wasn't nice to her, but I was holding back tears because of my foot, I didn't want to give explanations at that moment and I believe that she didn't need to know what had happened in that instant, she could have waited.
So, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
WGn1WoUYPkJOgX4JROELdk7UnmQmBFNg
|
amyjnf
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pick up alcohol for my sister",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pick up alcohol for my sister?
|
So let me gice you the info. Im live with family and from time to time there are heated argument between all of us. However most of the time its between my mother and my sister (she's 31). After the argument she will normally ask me to get alcohol for here to calm her nerves. I am legally able to buy drink for her since I am 21. But after doing it for some time (with my own money) I decided to say no.
She was in shock when i said it and ask why I refused to get her alcohol, I replied to that how i always do this for her and i dont want to waste anymore of my money and my gas to get her drinks. She than proceeded to say that i usually get it for her and that my friends live near the store that i get it from anyways. I said again to my sister im not going to spend anymore of my own hard earned money to get you anymore drink. She than procceeded to say that im a bad brother for not helping her in her time of need. Even though i did a lot of stuff for her that doesnt involves alcohol but that for a different time. So am I asshole for finally saying no to my sister?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
b7ffo5
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to my sisters birthday dinner",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go to my sisters birthday dinner?
|
She’s higher 20’s and my other sister and bro in law are going. I’m 19.
I’m pretty poor, and they are going to a place that is 15-20$ a plate.
The issue here is 1. I can’t afford it 2. Saturday night is my only night off and they told me about it this morning, i need to plan ahead for things like this because I was planning on just staying home and 3. I don’t wanna go
AITA if I don’t go?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
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|
9tzek9
|
{
"description": "not wanting to give credit for a disabled student who doesn't do any work",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I don't want to give credit for a disabled student who doesn't do any work?
|
Hello everyone,
In one of my classes, we have class work where a group of 5 people complete an assignment and if it is done before class ends, you get 3% extra credit.
In my group, we have a disabled student. I don't know what his disability is but he himself told me he is disabled. I don't want to say anything wrong but I'm going to try and describe in what way he is disabled just so I'm giving you both sides: he gets irritated when things don't go his way, he is very picky and his language (in terms of writing) isn't the best but it's also not the worst (we would have to edit his work) so it's not a severe disability from what I've seen (I don't know if I'm allowed to say that, please correct me if this isn't a good word to use).
He used to do his work in the beginning of the year (we edited it) but he has slowly slacked off and just stopped doing his work altogether. We still put his name on our assignments because we kinda just don't want to be mean. It's still very unfair that he gets credit for work we do and sometimes we don't get extra credit because we don't have an extra person also working on the assignment with us like most groups do. I'm thinking of telling the professor to not give him credit for the past assignments but I don't want to be an asshole. What do you guys think?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
2555LsyCukd9B4UHDbtWKzuvznJM4kHK
|
as9fhb
|
{
"description": "asking a friend for money",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking a friend(F) for money?
|
We are both students at a military academy (both 19) and last night she threw my phone off my hands while we were on the bus. It was definitely on purpose and she didn't show any regret whatsoever. Even though I got super mad and even insulted her she didn't even look sorry at all. She even assaulted me verbally for being mean to her and accused me of not holding my phone tight enough. In my mind that shows zero respect towards me.
This morning, when I woke up, I realised that she cracked my phone screen (Samsung Galaxy A5) and asked for compensation. The crack isn't that big, but it's visible and it's bothering me. She gave me 100€ some hours later despite not liking the idea of it.
I feel guilty getting money from her. Am I the asshole? Should I keep the money?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
yecIKdT7ZeGZerk02GIlsNNv7Czye7Qo
|
b4n837
|
{
"description": "cutting off my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting off my best friend
|
Soz in advance it’s a long one..
To set the scene, we’ve been best friend over 10 years. They have been through a lot in life (like us all) and last year hit rock bottom (anxiety and depression). I was like their on call therapist, I gave them all of my time with constant reassurance and compassion, literally every single day.
My life was miserable, my mother was worried about me, I was exhausted. I didn’t see our other friends because depressed friend couldn’t handle seeing them. When I would go out with the boy I was dating, depressed friend would text constantly asking ‘how long will you be’ and ‘where are you’. They even went as far to take all of their medications up the mountain to OD when I was unavailable (didn’t actually go through with it, but told me immediately afterwards).
Yes this was my choice to be their support, I was tying to be the friend that I have needed in such dark times. I was dealing with bankruptcy at the same time, and said friend would cry about their debts to me etc. and I felt it was insensitive.
Said friend is now fine and as if nothing had happened. Their behaviour towards me have changed over the past few months, with catty, passive aggressive comments which make me feel like shit. I’ve come to realise how devious and manipulative this person is, even my other friend has changed towards me.
I’ve been unwell and in hospital, said friend is nowhere to be seen. Not even a 5 minute home visit (they live across the street). Friend have been going out with our other friends having a great time, knowing i was house bound.
I really resent them for this as I feel we’ve had a one sided friendship. I don’t expect my friends life to stop because I’m unwell, but I expected a little compassion at least. I feel like I’ve been the person to vent their bullshit to, but when it’s my turn to speak they cannot and will not listen.
Therefore, I haven’t spoke to friend about this issue but have stopped contact. I feel guilty as I know they are having difficulties, but aren’t we all? My other friends think Im in the wrong for this and they have stopped talking to me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ofaTKT1EIVpRo0ME2emda3DQIoKyuyru
|
ai05y1
|
{
"description": "screaming at my father",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for screaming at my father?
|
Yesterday, my parents and I were discussing if I should get a locker or not. I have many books to carry and lockers cost money in my school, so I was telling them that I would need a locker because I have to move around a lot with my books.
My school said that most of the time, the teachers would come to us, but that unfortunately is not true in my situation. I tried to give an example not relating to my subjects (my fault) as to how I have to move most of the time. My father got angry and asked for an example, so I went to my room to find my schedule (I guess I looked a bit irritated), but I couldn't find it.
I decided "oh well, I don't want to argue, I won't get a locker." End of discussion right? Wrong.
My mom kept giving me reasons as to why I didn't need a locker for school.
Now on Tuesday, I got in a car accident, and every now and then, sharp pains happen.
I guess the stress and pain sort of made me burst into tears, so I went to excuse myself and try find my pain medicine in my room.
While I was searching through my bag, I found my schedule and put it on the bed for later. I kept looking for my medicine, but I couldn't find it.
My dad suddenly came in and asked why I was so angry. I explained I wasn't angry but I was in pain and I was trying to find my medicine. My dad started yelling and asking why I was so angry and again I was trying to explain I couldn't find my medicine.
My dad suddenly saw my schedule on my bed and mockingly said "Oh it just magically appeared out of nowhere" and I screamed at him that I had just found it now and I told him to stop yelling.
He suddenly slammed the door, grabbed me by my shoulders, and shoved me onto my bed. I was shocked. He then told me to go out and apologise to my mom and my dad for screaming.
I feel like I was being an asshole, but was I?
I only questioned it when my dad later denied mocking me or yelling and justified physically shoving me, saying "where are the cuts and bruises?"
Am I overreacting? Am I the asshole?
TLDR: Couldn't find my schedule, suddenly found it, dad told me I faked not finding it, I yelled at him while being under stress and being in pain.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
RWS5PS09oyDLR0A8dEVczG1Mh6XEyMer
|
ai6mnm
|
{
"description": "cutting off my ex-friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting off my ex-friend?
|
For 2 years of college I roomed with a guy from my high school. He and I got through a lot of tough things together (including the onset of my severe anxiety, including headaches/somatization, though i didn't tell him all the details with that). He introduced me to my first co-ed friend group (which was actually toxic but it was still an important milestone), I drank with him, helped him with homework, and we shared a lot of time together. We always had disagreements over politics (I am a Democrat and he is a Republican who likes Trump, but who also does not vote.) This included him expressing some problematic beliefs, making racist and sexist jokes, and especially expressing homophobia and transphobia, while also expressing and showing that he would not disrespect someone to their face for their identity. I dismissed this and remained friends with him for two reasons. Number one, because his beliefs (especially on homosexuality) are similar to my parents, who are devout Catholics (although they wouldn't let some of his "jokes" fly), as well as to many of my high school classmates (white, upper middle class suburb with strong "frat" wannabe culture). And number two, because I have always struggled to make friends, and he was an extremely loyal friend who was also much more popular and well-liked by both girls and guys than I was. I was too insecure to stand up for my beliefs, so I tried to both express my beliefs to him (he knew I didn't like the way he thought) and also be loyal to a friend who had been loyal to me.
I feel I was certainly was the asshole then, because I didn't stand up for what i 'believed' in (making it unclear how much I really believed in it at all,) and enabled his biases. My justification was that he would never disrespect someone to their face (indeed, I have never seen him do this). However, during our second year of living together, my views changed. I became more sure that he was bigoted, especially when he said he had left a bar after seeing a gay couple there. And my beliefs started to matter more to me as I became involved with a new group of friends, started going to therapy for my depression and anxiety, and became more secure in my identity. I deleted facebook and started going by a nickname in 2018. It was a big year. And I almost completely cut him off. However, a couple of my LGBT-accepting friends from high school still like him.
Now I just rejoined Facebook because I felt like it was time to put myself back out there. He requested me, and I declined the request. (On my old FB, I would only decline people if I didn't know them at all or if we'd had a falling out. So I guess this is a full-on falling out.) Am I the asshole? (Additionally, how do I go about making sure I stand by my beliefs even when it's hard?)
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
e2cIgbykDKhF5hwGjEE4iRk92XXx1mWo
|
acjysc
|
{
"description": "refusing to talk to the other half of my family after one of them attempted suicide and blamed me for it",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for refusing to talk to the other half of my family after one of them attempted suicide and blamed me for it?
|
Im on mobile so I apologize for formatting
TLDR
I tried stopping a fight between my girl cousin and brother which ended with me calling both of them childish and telling them they needed to get their life together. (I was pretty mean about it, honestly) Cousin goes home, overdoses on pills, is rushed to the hospital, and while recovering tells the whole family it was my fault.
I felt that those were serious bull crap claims and dropped that side of the family (aunt, uncle, other cousins) entirely because they were mad at me and had no interest in hearing what I had to say. My brother is getting married and wants me to now make up with them so the reception is less awkward. I dont want to.
Heres to full story.
Girl cousin got upset that my brother's girlfriend shot a joke at my boy cousin about his speech impediment. She wanted to "throw hands" and called me to ask where my brother was. She came over to my house to vent about the situation. I told both my brother and my cousin that it was just a joke and that my male cousin wasnt even upset so they shouldnt worry about it. She told me that "I just dont understand" and I told her to stop acting like a child. We started cussing at each other then she wanted to fight me. I told her I'd call the cops and she needed to leave. I also told her I didnt want her in my life if she was going to solve family issues with fighting. She went home. I thought that was really the end of it. Nope.
Her mom calls me the next day to tell me she tried to kill herself and she deserved an apology from me. This cousin has a history of doing things for attention when things dont go her way. (Faking injuries, claiming to be super sick, etc).
I asked if she was okay and they said she was fine but I needed to go apologize. I told them I wasn't going to apologize because I didnt feel I did anything wrong. They hung up and that was pretty much the end of it. A year later the girl cousin calls me and asks if I would watch her baby so she could go to a Halloween event with her friends. I told her no, I havent even talked to her in over a year. She got upset, cussed me out, and hung up. I've made no contact for two years now, it's been great.
My brother is getting married and Insists that I need to make up with them so we can get along at the reception. I told him that I can be civil without making up with them. I can be polite and say hello and have no issues but he doesnt want that. Hes now mad at me. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
6LUF9d6lVuAl4L4OjRePFhy9xgQYHQOi
|
a5xlua
|
{
"description": "commenting in my clash of clans and was telling to be more respectful or I be booting",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA: I commented in my clash of clans and was told to be more respectful or I will be booted.
|
My clan is about half of my close friends and one of my buddy's law school buddies. Someone said they had a rough week. I responded by saying "at least you didnt shit yourself in the office, stink up the whole place and get a little on your shoe." I was then responded to by one of my buddies law school friends "if you continue to be disrespectful you will get booted" .
I am the asshole for not catering my speech to the way this dude wants or is he the asshole for taking a phone app this seriously and demanding everyone to be propper?
We are all in our late 20s, there are no kids in the clan.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
RIGHT
|
LZzGu06aujMDIzo3IbDuLXXvCYnUJIj2
|
b9r7r0
|
{
"description": "not inviting my aunt to my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 43,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for not inviting my aunt to my wedding?
|
I have a crazy aunt. But she's not erratic, or weird, or the loony-type crazy aunt -- she's a flat-out terrible person, who married my father's brother. My entire life, she's shown up late to everything, shown zero disregard for other people's feelings or needs. She was the only family member who wouldn't help clean up after dinner, she would yell at her children in a foreign language, she lied to her Muslim au pair about a dish not containing pork and thus had that poor college student unknowingly violate her religion. She let her infant child use crayons on my mom's couch, got upset when my mom took the crayon away from the infant and then took the whole family home in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner because she was so insulted. There's a lot more, but you get the idea.
The worst thing yet happened last fall. My grandmother, who lives out-of-state, fell very ill, and was in the hospital (she's actually doing quite well now); several of my family members went down to visit her on rotations to help my grandfather take care of her. At one point, this aunt went down for her turn. The first or second day there, she ended up in a screaming match with the oncologist, in the hospital, which then turned into an argument with my grandparents. It ended with her telling both of them "f\*\*\* you" to their faces, and going straight to the airport and flying home. My parents, myself, my siblings -- we are FURIOUS. My uncle has been under her command their entire marriage, and as far as we know has just avoided the entire topic in the months since.
I do not want to invite this woman to my wedding, though I love her husband and her children, my cousins, who are now 30/26/16. I think there is an acceptable limit in terms of a way you can act towards my family, and she crossed the line. Without what happened to my grandparents, it would have been 50/50 that she gets invited, but after that I had no interest in including her in any of it. My fiancée, who is amazing, is 100% behind me.
My parents agree with me, but are hesitant to deal with the situation. We have an engagement party that we've planned for a few weeks from now, that my uncle already knows about because my grandparents are coming to town, as well as a couple other family members. I’m aware that not inviting my aunt means that my uncle/cousins are also not likely to attend the wedding, but I’d rather that alternative than having my parents/grandparents extremely uncomfortable, and risking this woman blowing up and ruining the night.
WIBTA for not inviting my aunt to the wedding?
|
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"description": "telling my mother she's overreacting about her siblings going being her back with a family meeting",
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|
AITA for telling my mother she's overreacting about her siblings going being her back with a family meeting?
|
I'll try to keep this brief. My grandfather is in the slow decline of lung cancer and dementia. My grandmother has been caring for him and it has been a lot of stress on her. My aunt and uncle help where they can as they live nearby, my mother and I live four hours away and visit around once a month to do what we can.
My grandfather has been in hospital for the last fortnight with a chest infection. Due to his immune system being extremely low the doctors want him out of the hospital ASAP. My aunt and uncle were determined to have him go back home, even though my grandmother wants him in a home.
My grandmother, aunt and uncle had a 'family meeting' today, without consulting my mother, and decided to have him put in a home because they found out that caring for him at home would involve literally wiping his ass.
I got home from work to find my mother very upset, saying she hated them all and never wanted to speak to her siblings again. I tried to reassure her and be sympathetic but I'd had a shit day too and I ended up telling her she was overreacting, and now I feel really shitty for it. But she didn't know what she wanted for my grandfather anyway, but she did agree with me that at this stage the mental health of my grandmother should be of the most importance.
AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "thinking that it's normal for couples to have arguments",
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AITA for thinking that it’s normal for couples to have arguments?
|
Me (29F) and my boyfriend (31M) have been together for just over a year now. I love him very much and feel that our relationship is very good overall. In the time we’ve been together we’ve had about 5 arguments and been able to resolve them each time.
I fully admit that I did not deal with the first few arguments in a healthy manner. I have some issues expressing how I feel and tend to bottle up my emotions rather than saying how I feel as I usually get very upset. My boyfriend really didn’t like this as it appeared passive aggressive to him and he’s had similar issues with his brother his whole life.
I recognized that my behavior was unhealthy and began to attend counseling to better learn how to express myself. I now feel much better equipped to deal with things. At the time my boyfriend said he just wanted me to tell him what was wrong that he wouldn’t care what I said as long as I didn’t stonewall him.
Last weekend we had a small argument (he went to sleep while I was very worried about something, I said it was a dick move, which I would never usually say). I used what I had learned in counseling and told him how I felt outright. Now he’s saying that he thinks we have too many arguments and that I shouldn’t have so many issues with him.
I think it’s normal to have a few arguments. He said his parents never argue so that’s what he’s used to which I understand. My parents argue sometimes but are still in a loving relationship. I feel as though he might be holding me to a very high standard that I can’t reach.
So am I the asshole for thinking that it’s ok to argue sometimes? And in doing so am I giving myself an excuse for bad behavior?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "telling my friend I saw her boyfriend on Grindr",
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WIBTA if I told my friend I saw her boyfriend on Grindr?
|
My friend has no idea her boyfriend is interested in men. I hate the idea of outing him but I could care less about what he’s into and more about the fact that he’s cheating on her. I’m not close enough to him to bring it up. She on the other hand has been known to overreact and completely cut people off for merely speaking poorly about him. I have no proof. I was with my cousin who uses the app when we saw him and we both felt weirded out taking screenshots of something like that.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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"description": "telling my friends that they're being rude even though I'm annoying a lot",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for telling my friends that they’re being rude even though I’m annoying a lot?
|
I’m in school as of now - a particular small one. There are only 8 kids in my class/grade - most of them are very... weird.
There’s a small group of ‘popular’ girls that I’ve known since i was a kid and i’m kinda a part of. They are their own group, but I sit at their table.
So on my side:
I’m really fucking annoying. Loud, I make bad puns, I never know the time and place for jokes. I’m bossy to people I don’t respect, and I’m small. I’m also rather repulsive, my hair is greasy, messy, and i bite my nails. I do and eat a lot of weird stuff - asian food and other shit.
On their side:
They berate me on the daily; but they tell me they love me and that i’m a great friend daily as well. I’m aware that they have a group chat without me and I say I don’t care, but it kinda hurts me. Sometimes i’ll just be sitting there and they’ll tell me i’m disgusting. When it’s just one of them and me, we can have a lot of fun - but with all of them they don’t want me there.
Would I be the asshole if I told them how I felt? Currently I feel like i should be less annoying.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "not wanting to pay my sister a full month's rent if I left after a week",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pay my sister a full month's rent if I left after a week?
|
A month ago, I had to leave my apartment and asked my sister to let me stay at her spare room until I found myself a new place. We decided I'd pay her $100 for what I thought would be a full month to help with the house bills, $50 at the beginning and then $50 at the end of the month. At that moment, I received my full monthly payment and had the money to pay, but I figured I'd be well off to pay at the end of the month given the low rent. We had problems with the internet too so I suggested to just get a new service and offered to pay for the first month.
After a week, I wanted to just leave her place because she was messy, never cleaned, my room was dusty and it gave me allergies, and she would always stay up partying in the house. I talked to my dad to let me stay at his place instead, since I needed a quiet place since I was going through quite a stressful period. I told my sister I was leaving, and I told her I'd still pay her the $50 I owed her and the internet bill. That was my mistake.
Last week, I was finally able to find a new place, and I had to spend a bunch of money to pay for the fees, the deposit and the first month's rent. My salary is not high, so I was left with around $200 for the rest of April after paying for everything.
A few minutes ago, she talked to me, and asked me if I'll be able to pay the $50 and the internet. I answered I only had enough to pay the $50, and she could tell me when the internet bill was up and I'd pay then, because I didn't have for both at the current moment. After sending the $50, I ask her when the bill is due and that I have a tight budget this month so it's hard for me to give her the money for that too. I thought she would understand and say it was okay with what I had already sent, but she instead tells me I can just give her the money next month. I was shocked at her reply. I just asked her again when she needs to pay and how much, and I'll try to see if I can squeeze it in right now because next month is just going to be the same. She said she'd tell me later.
I had every intention to give her the money initially, but right now, it's just not a reality for me without either cutting from my monthly budget or taking out money from my savings. I feel like I already paid my rent and the internet with the $100 I gave her, considering I only took showers, and used my room's light at most. I didn't even eat her food or used anything else too much to make her bills go up in a month, so it feels like overpaying. I know she needs the money, but I'm in a tight position too, and I feel like she doesn't see that and is only thinking about her own needs. I'm waiting for her to tell me when the bill is due, so I can tell her I really can't pay for the internet this month or ever, but I feel guilty and I'm scared she'll get mad and snap at me.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to pay her the ~$40 she is still asking for?
Converted currency to USD btw.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "not answering calls from a friend going through a divorce",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
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|
AITA for not answering calls from a friend going through a divorce?
|
My friend is going through a very rough divorce right now. Her husband was emotionally abusive and became aggressive, grabbed her, which resulted in the police being called. This was over 5 weeks ago. She got an order of protection for herself and the kids. Now, her ex has supervised visits. She calls me almost daily (sometimes twice a day) to bitch about him. The shitty things he posts on social media. How bad his parents suck for backing him up. How he's such a fucking piece of shit, etc. This slamming of her ex (who I do not like or want her to be with, ftr) goes on for like a half hour, at least. I have my own problems, two kids and a husband that travels for work. AITA to avoid her calls? This shit is really getting old.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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avftlb
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{
"description": "not feeling loved",
"pronormative_score": 8,
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}
|
AITA for not feeling loved?
|
Hello everyone! I just made this post because I can't keep it in anymore, and no one knows who I am so it's kinda anonymous. Some backstory: Recently my sister developed an eating disorder. She barely eats, granted she'll eat candy if she's asked.
Since my sister developed a eating disorder (we'll call it ED) my parents have been really caught up in her, and that's totally understandable, but they constantly fight over it. My dad having grown up in a very strict household about food and such, he's saying that you have to finish everything on the plate before you can leave. My dad looks furious everytime my sister just sits and picks in her food.
Now comes the AITA part; AITA for not feeling loved? They are caught up in her and everything and that's understandable, but it's like I'm a ghost. We just had dinner and I barely talked because I didn't wanna dirstub them or something. Sure they ask "How are you?" And such, but I just feel so lonely. I've gotten really depressed (not saying that as a fact because you shouldn't self-diagnose) and I'm scared to talk to them since I know my mom's going through a rough patch too with all these things going on with my sister. I don't know what to do. I'm honestly scared to talk to them. If you guys of this lovely reddit could give me some second opinions? I can hear them fighting downstairs now. None of them have even asked if I have any tests or something coming up. Anyway, thanks for listening.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not wanting my wife to stay at a Un paid work event",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for not wanting my wife to stay at a Un paid work event?
|
My wife works for a bank. She worked 7-5 today, and all week she's mentioned some "required" after work training she needed to attend at 6:30pm. To which I said sounded weird since banks close at 5, and they should train them during work hours. She had just gone to a training seminar last week at a different bank. She gets there tonight and they say the web cast doesn't start until 7:30 now. Eastern standard time. And that it was because the people hosting the video was in a different time zone. She then texted saying she found out she's not getting paid. I told her it's reasonable to leave before the video starts since she's already worked all day, and she's not getting paid. She just keeps saying she doesn't want to make a scene and leave. It doesn't seem she wants to be there. She's upset that I'm mad about it. I understand wanting to better your career, but she's already the top teller at her branch. I don't know how there could have been that much miss communication. Who knows what time the video will be over. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "being uncomfortable with my girlfriend hanging out with a guy friend she used to have a thing with",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being uncomfortable with my girlfriend hanging out with a guy friend she used to have a thing with?
|
I've been dating this girl for 5 months and it's been going great so far. We rarely even fight or argue. The biggest problem we're having has to do with a male friend of hers. This guy is one of her closest friends and she's known him for years. Normally this wouldn't really bother me but shortly before dating me she had a brief sexual relationship with him. It only ended because she wanted more and he didn't. They didn't talk as much for a while and during this time she met me and we started dating. Now, they have fixed their friendship and she's talking to him and hanging out with him again. This makes me really uncomfortable considering the past they have. I'm not saying she can't be friends with him but it bothers me when they have one on one time. When I tell her my concerns she says that I shouldn't be worried about anything and she only sees him as a friend now. She also says the only reasons she's so eager to hang out with him is because she missed him as a friend when they weren't talking. Another thing she does is tell me that she was just lonely when they had a thing and she couldn't see herself with him anymore. Nonetheless, she agreed to limit the amount of time she spends with him, but shortly after saying this she hangs out with him again.
&#x200B;
Is it wrong for this to make me upset? I feel like I should trust her, but at the same time she should know better than to put me in this situation in the first place. What do you guys think?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "telling my boyfriend I don't think I could keep doing long distance",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I told my boyfriend I don't think I could keep doing long distance?
|
Hiya. I've been in a long distance relationship for a little over a year now. He lives on the West Coast and I live on the East Coast. We both applied to grad schools, and I was lucky enough to get a few acceptances. He, unfortunately, got none. After some discussion (though we have yet to have the big Here's What We're Doing one until I hear back from two other grad schools), we decided that the general plan is for us both to move to NYC in August/September, ending long distance.
Recently, that has seemed less likely. He has since heard back from one of his schools, offering an alternate degree. . Now he's thinking of moving somewhere else on the West Coast instead, prolonging long distance for another 2 years minimum, though likely far longer.
Something about it just made me wilt. I could handle the thought just a few months ago, but now I really don't think I could do it. I love him, but the thought of this going on indefinitely makes me so tired. I can kind of feel this mentality affect my feelings for him, as though I'm already drawing away.
I haven't told him this for fear of manipulating his decision. I want him to do what's best for him and don't want to make him do something just for me, but honestly, if he ends up staying on the west coast I'm thinking of calling it quits, or at least going on a break.
WIBTA if I told him that? AITA for not?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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aus9pz
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{
"description": "whistiling while at work",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
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|
AITA For whistiling while at work?
|
Tldr; Am I the asshole for whistling at work in a professional environment?
I work at a well known large hardware store. While I work, I tend to whistle when I am happy. I was in the middle of an aisle whistling when a customer mumbles something to me. I ask him what he said because I didn't hear him and he replies, "Your whistling, it's very annoying. You should stop". At that point I look at him shocked, because no one has ever told me my whistling was a bother to them. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "wanting more fairness in casual games with friends",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting more fairness in casual games with friends.
|
So I play a lot of board games- usually this means ones that are more intense then "Family board games". But a group of my online friends wanted to play Monopoly on the computer, I went along with it. But two of these friends are a couple and some of their trades are pretty generous from the BF to the GF. For example giving like 150% of money that someone normally would for a trade. I think this is pretty annoying in a game that is suppose to be everyone versus everyone. I don't want him to be a ruthless dick to her, but obviously giving favorable stuff is pretty annoying. If this was a game more serious than Monopoly I would for sure be on his case about it. But since this is more casual and with people that don't play board games that often would I be an asshole speaking up and asking that everyone trades the same way they would for everyone?
[I'm concerned I'm just being overly grumpy since I don't really like the game and the virtual version is designed very poorly.]
|
HISTORICAL
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| null |
WIBTA if I "fire" my client?
|
I've been an esthetician in a spa for six years, and I love my job because I get to be creative, and I really enjoy the company of most of my clients. But, I have one client who really irks me.
This gel nail client has been to a few of my co-workers before me, wasn't happy with their work, and has been my client for almost a year now. In that time she's done progressivly petty things. For example, she once waited until I was completely finished her nails, as in I had applied the top coat on all ten nails and they were completely cured under the UV light, to tell me, "oh, I actually think I want sparkles on them too." So I had to file down the top coat that she just watched me do on all of her nails, to get to the color layer underneath to add sparkles on top of the color, then reapply top coat.
This last time I did her gel nails, I forgot to ask her how long she wanted to keep them this time. Totally my fault, I know. I just took them to the usual length we always do them. I had done all ten nails and she looks at them and rudely says, "I wanted them way longer than this! I have a fancy event I'm going to and they need to be long!" I apologized and offered to build them back out for her. She says yes, so I put the forms underneath her nails (forms are what the gel is built out on) and her nails reach to the 1.5 mark. I ask her what length she'd like them at, and she says a 2. In case anyone's wondering, this--> <-- is the length from 1.5-2 (the small space between the arrows lol). I was shocked and didn't even want to do it because she made it seem like she would have wanted them, like, wayy longer. She kept throwing digs out, like how these are the shortest they've ever been (it wasn't the shortest).
I wasn't upset at her for wanting them built out, that was my own fault for not asking. I was upset because it was literally a mere millimeter or two, not even a noticable length, and she was speaking to me so rudely. I've always been kind and accommodating to her, but this time it finally got to me. I didn't speak a word to her for the rest of the appointment, unless it was a direct question about the nails, and didn't even say goodbye before the receptionist rang her through.
She's booked in with me again for next month, but I really don't want to do it. WIBTA if I "fire" her as my client?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "wanting to wait to discuss something big in therapy",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to wait to discuss something big in therapy?
|
So, some background. My husband and I have been seeing a couples therapist for about a month now- once a week. The first day we went I mentioned that I was scared of couples therapy, because there were some big things that were bothering me but I didn't know how to say or talk about- things I worried would hurt just by saying them. Before I could go into what they were- the therapist stopped me, and explained that we'd get to the big stuff later, and that I didn't have to say it all now. I got the impression she was trying to build a rapport and foundation with us first.
&#x200B;
Anyhow, I was relieved, and since then I've been completely honest in therapy as we've worked through other things- but my husband didn't think anything was wrong with the relationship (he told the therapist on that first visit that things had been better and this was just a checkup more than anything else) and is now incredibly anxious about it. I've been trying to defuse, to tell him that he wasn't in trouble and that I wasn't mad at him, but he's been pushing at me to figure out what the big thing is outside of sessions.
&#x200B;
This cumulated in this morning. We have different sleep schedules, and he gets up before me, but when he got up he looked shaken and was obviously upset. I asked him what was wrong (still half asleep because I don't brain well before coffee and this was about an hour before I would normally get up) and he told me he had figured out what the big bombshell was. It spawned a conversation where I told him that even if he was right, I didn't feel comfortable talking about it one-on-one- it was something I wanted to discuss with a therapist to guide us through it, and it was something he had agreed to wait on in therapy. He argued that he had suddenly discovered something big and it was eating him up inside and he couldn't just ignore it.
&#x200B;
So I'm torn, am I the asshole for wanting to wait to discuss this in front of the therapist?
Other information: he had asked to go see the therapist, about six months ago, and only recently found someone and arranged for it. I'm paying for the visits, so I don't think it's a financial need that's driving the wanting to get it out sooner.
|
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|
RIGHT
|
CC6tl0ifib75x6CK2JNt5AD2CXOghzgo
|
a4pcry
|
{
"description": "playing games daily until school begins and my father hates it",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for playing games daily until school begins and my father hates it?
|
Throwaway.
I am a undergraduate planning to attend uni in the spring. I took a gap semester to find a job and make some money to help with post secondary. The thing is, I never found a job, even after 20+ applications. I have no work experience so that doesn't really help. My job searching became more and more exhausting. So, to pass time I played video games on my laptop, I didn't really have anything better to do.
My dad hates video games. He thinks they destroy your mind and make you unable to think and dumb you down. Although I agree with some of it, I personally enjoy gaming. It just takes away the boredom in my day. All my friends are in uni, attending classes and what-not, so I am just staying home and playing games. It sounds pathetic but I want to enjoy it until school starts.
So whenever I want to play games on my laptop, I have to hide it from my dad. Whether he's comes home from work or takes a nap, I usually hide the fact that I play 3-4 hours of video games a day. In addition to video games I have gotten involved with the twitch community and continually play with new online friends. I plan to restrict the gaming to the weekends and free time when school starts. I also intend to SLOWLY leave the gaming phase while looking for a part-time job. Because "games are for little kids" as my dad says.
Here's where the AITA question lies: My father has begun to notice my gaming habits and has started to berate me for it. He has started saying that he had a feeling "\[I\] wouldn't try hard in school". He has told my whole family and some family friends this too. It makes me super embarrassed and angry because I have an excitement for school because I miss working my brain. On top of this, I recently purchased a gaming laptop for STUDYING and gaming. I tried to explain that this suits my needs as it is fast and can help me out for heavy duty stuff (video editing etc). I somewhat regret buying the laptop as it was expensive but I planned for it to last long. My dad made me return it and buy a cheaper laptop. My dad now has told me I will never play games again. That is impossible for me because I haven't left my love for games phase yet. He also said if he ever catches me playing games he will break my new laptop. I won't stop playing games, I'll just continue to hide and play until school begins.
I know I probably have a gaming addiction but I don't intend for it to mess with my studies. I worked hard in highschool while playing games on the weekends and during free time. I ended up with mostly high A's. I played a wager match on my game and I ended up winning $5. That kind of boosted my morale and confidence in my skill at the the game. While it did make me a bit egotistic, it sprouted an idea in the back of my head of playing games for a living. I know it is super tough but that's my back up plan if my future career plan doesn't work out. Never telling my dad this though. I don't think my father will ever understand games.
tl:dr I play games on a daily basis and my dad hates it. I am now banned from ever playing games again. I am going to keep playing games until my school starts in the spring.
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
j2Zvy2lzMh5jPIr4fVvyM5EFE2ev8XBK
|
b6llc4
|
{
"description": "not pulling over for a funeral procession",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA because I didn’t pull over for a funeral procession?
|
So bear with me, because this is kind of confusing. I was on my way to work this morning during rush hour. I was pulling off an interstate and turned right onto a 4 lane highway. The lane I was turning into is a “Keep Moving” lane meaning you are not supposed to yield while turning right. So I make my turn & get about 50 feet down the road when a women sitting in the passenger seat of a red mustang starts to scream at me as the driver of that mustang aggressively begins to run me off the road. He got maybe a foot away from me before he swerved away from me. He did that 2 or 3 times. The woman was screaming “This is a fucking funeral procession. Get the fuck over!”
I’m not sure how common funeral processions like this are outside of the southern United States, but I’ve grown up seeing them & was taught by example from my parents to pull over when they pass. They’re usually escorted by 3 cops, one in the front leading the hearse, one somewhere in the middle and one in the back. This happens during a funeral after the service on the way to the burial site.
I was stunned. I looked ahead of her and saw a line of maybe 10-12 lifted trucks ahead of them all with their caution lights flashing. All of these cars were spread apart enough to ensure no one could pass them. They were also going maybe 15 mph. There was no police escort and I saw no hearse. The only thing I eventually saw was a private van with a single red/blue light flashing on the roof. It had no writing on it to insinuate that it was the police.
The highway eventually changes from a 4 lane road to 2 lanes on both sides. So this procession rides in the middle for 5 or 6 miles going 15 mph. I ended up being 20 minutes late to work & I’m pissed. I understand pulling over for funeral processions most of the time, especially when they have a police escort & going a reasonable speed but this was ridiculous. It took a lot for me not to call the police for that mustang’s reckless driving, but I’m sure they are grieving/not thinking clearly and who wants to pull over someone on the way to a funeral?
AITA for not wanting to pull over for a funeral procession?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
oUBbbCchyqpycQ6UDZyBoINgmUWNXoSc
|
b2dgy0
|
{
"description": "wanting to go for breakfast while my sister came to visit me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to go for breakfast while my sister came to visit me?
|
So I've been at bedridden since Thursday, I was alone until Saturday night when my sister came to visit me (1h20m by transit) and now it's Sunday. My sister leaves Tuesday morning. She is basically working the whole day and has lots of things she has to do for her work and classes. I no longer feel sick now but I feel exhausted from being at home. I don't really have anything to do at home and I'm a relatively active person in liking to do things. Though, I realize that I shouldn't leave my sister alone for too long because I'm the whole reason she came here.
&#x200B;
I wanted to go for breakfast on Monday with my girlfriend just so I could get outside for a bit. I suggested the idea (to see what she thinks) to my sister and she got really mad at me saying that she's offended that I would go while she's here. I explained my position and the motivation, adding that I wouldn't be too long either (only an hour or so + transit). She is still upset with me and says she doesn't want to "force me to stay" but will nevertheless be annoyed with me.
&#x200B;
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
uW3VHDFjzqvqKOlcH7fsE0savBIxSxyD
|
b6g7et
|
{
"description": "coming out as \"the other woman\"",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA For Coming Out As "The Other Woman"?
|
First reddit post so lil nervous, and fully prepared to be ridiculed for this story.
Background: me and this dude dated years ago. Stuff happened, we broke up on horrible terms. Fast forward a year and a half, I get out of an emotionally abusive relationship, and me and person (we'll call him Sean) have started talking again. One night on Skype, Sean tells me he still loves me, and doesnt know what to do, because he doesnt want to date again. I say okay, we become a weird.. friends with benefits. Sean is long distance, he lives roughly 1000+ miles away, and a few weeks pass and Sean enters a new relationship.
This is where my regret comes in. Due to being a huge dumbass, I agree to continue the FWB without Seans girlfriend knowing, becoming "The Other Woman". I honestly hate it, and I end up ending it pretty quickly, again on bad terms. Anytime he sees I am sad though, whether through social media or friends, he'll come into my DMs and tell me that he loves me, he misses me, he'll drive me out to his state, we can do "things" together ect ect. I end up falling back for it, continuing being the other woman when I'm sad, and ending it again when I come to my senses and hate myself for falling back into it again.
I recently got into my first stable relationship since Sean, with an amazing girl, we'll name her Jane. I went full disclosure with Jane, telling her everything Sean and I did, telling her my reasonings and she says I should tell his girlfriend, as they're still together and has no idea, while Sean is trying to add other women into his relationship.
Me and Sean havent communicated in roughly 6 months, and I havent been The Other Woman in almost a year. WIBTA if I sent his girlfriend everything? I already know IATA for helping him cheat in the first place, but knowing she doesnt know hurts me, because I know I would want to know, but I also am scared of being the person to break that happiness.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
EAYtlBUU7soWb8kmO2FkbrCctL8UQwcx
|
b38ju6
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to my family members baby shower",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA- for not wanting to go to my family members baby shower.
|
So we are flying out April 1st because we have 2 family members having major surgeries.
My husbands brother asked if we can come a couple days earlier so we can make it to the baby shower.
We decided to go with our initial plans April 1st and booked our tickets.
Here’s the reasons I don’t feel like going.
My brother in laws girlfriend does not talk to me but will talk to everyone else.
This will be my brother in laws 3rd baby shower.
The first was for a pregnant girl he dated and they broke up right before the baby was born. I knew this girl from high school. We had a class together.
The second was for a girl faking her pregnancy who managed to fake the full term. She took all of the attention away from my infant son at the time.
And for the third-
This girl seems nice. They have been dating for... Maybe it’s been a year?
I also don’t feel like going because I was pregnant- a week ahead of them and had a missed miscarriage and surgery. We were both due in April. I’m now pregnant again.
I felt kinda of bad about not going but we can get them a gift after. We just found out we were flying out for my MIL major surgery and my young sister brain surgery. We are mainly there to support them
AITA for not wanting to go.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
q0ThWY8RXtyP9yqUMTA60i6a4iNFm3iU
|
ac21vx
|
{
"description": "not recycling properly",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for not recycling properly?
|
So at my new job they have pretty strong policies regarding trash which I do not have a problem at all with but lately the cleaning ladies have been getting really mad at me for a simple thing. The recycling bin is really far away and they get really angry at me for throwing a plastic containers in the thrash instead of cleaning it and then throwing it in the recycle bin. I recycle everything else except that since they are so witty when I don't do it and even when I do it properly, (takes like 5 minutes) they say witty remarks by mocking me saying that finally I am able to do it. Last week I was in the bathroom stall and heard them thrash-talking about me for not doing it properly the first time saying things like i'm just a dumb kid and that they would love that I would get fired. I now tend not do it simply to avoid them.Now I would like to know if i'm an asshole for doing it wrong accidentally for the first time and now being discouraged to do it due to their attitude.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
JAJxlHo6ki3UIRt3J5qgoCzVru9lvD8D
|
b7uun8
| null |
AITA for this comeback?
|
The wife and I were driving back from dropping our oldest boys off (blended family). We were riding back and forth and I said something that may have crossed the line. M = me. AW = Awesome Wife
M: I’ve heard it’s the second marriage that lasts forever.
AW: Where did you hear that?
M: I just now made it up.
AW: Well my first marriage was just a waste of paper so I’m just gonna count this as my first! (Oof)
M: Abusive guys say you’ll never find anyone better than me. I wouldn’t do that, I’d say that you grabbed me at your peak! (Cue her texting her friend exactly what I said so they can berate me amongst each other)
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
3k1Tzmlllr2wDdHESdhFHHKSA8EOwmvL
|
9zv4bt
|
{
"description": "confronting my mom",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA for confronting my mom
|
Some background, I've been interested in EMS for awhile and have been devoting a good amount of time to studying things I think will be important for the course. I've fallen behind on schoolwork and try to stay on top of it, I just view the EMS stuff as being more important as it actually benefits me in the long run. For the past month or so, my mom has made it very clear she wants school to come first, which I can understand I guess. However as of late this has seriously caused a mark in our relationship.
We can't hold a conversation at all without her weaving school into it. Like today for example, I told her I was going to my dad's house to grab some stuff, "Oh are you going down there to do schoolwork on his computer?" I've had a computer for months now, she knows this and I know she only asked that to keep school fresh in my mind, which it almost always is unless I'm with my dad. I do equal amount schoolwork per day at each of my parents' house, I don't want you to think my dad doesn't care about my academic requirements.
Last night I was shadowing a EMS call when I got a text saying if I didn't do more schoolwork, she would pull me from the class. I'll admit, this infuriated me, maybe I need perspective here. Probably. I was angry that she would jeopardize my future because I'm behind in schoolwork. Anyways I understand her concern, but every single interaction we have involves school, if it's an interaction that shouldn't, it will somehow.
So WIBTA if I told her to get off my back and that I am trying to balance things? I don't like yelling or confrontation at all but I'm not sure how else to approach this situation.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
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}
|
WRONG
|
gJxjo3VUnO9SVOJUhT71gzc7qcoYLlbU
|
9wwrxr
|
{
"description": "banning friend from social group",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA after banning friend from social group?
|
Me and two other women founded a club three years ago where we meet once a month to play games. (Board, card, dice ect) We have a private group on Facebook where we plan gatherings and once you've been invited to play, you can invite others as well. We have less than a dozen regular members.
Two of our members broke up. They are very on again, off again but the husband said it was final this time. He had rsvp to attend the next two gatherings and the wife said she wasn't going. We were relieved because we felt it would be awkward.
She messaged later and asked to come to our Dec gathering and asked if she could bring a boyfriend. We said no, maybe you shouldn't come to Dec gathering and just give it until the new year because your ex husband rsvp first. We we very diplomatic about it and chose our words carefully
(They both stated they didn't care if the other one was there, but we all felt very awkward. Gatherings are pretty intimate and the wife is pretty sensitive. She gets passive aggressive.)
The wife was very angry, she told us never to contact her again, have a nice life, and deleted all of us off Facebook. We were glad to cut ties because we never liked her and the husband did say he was not getting back together with her.
Well now the husband wants to get back together. He asked us to invite her to the group again. We deliberated for a long time. Finally we said no. We couldn't. Things did not end well between us and inviting her back wouldn't be genuine. He removed himself from the group and said they were a package deal. He didn't seem angry about it, just really focused on getting his wife back.
Are we assholes for not letting the wife join our group again? I feel bad because we are always saying how all are welcome ect. Now an exception has been made and this one person is no longer welcome. We have three years of reasons to explain how we came to that decision, and it feels like it would have been a lose/lose scenario no matter what. Should we have let her back in though?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
SPmHds04tAo6jviEjmTYBrSOKj2yXfU6
|
9ziyuw
| null |
AITA(i believe that woman shouldn't breast feed in public
|
Because breasts are sexual organs and are inappropriate
In public. I believe it should be done at home I shouldn't need to be subjected to inappropriate public displays.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
v347WKAUfv1CE757Bj5kK7pel8IZw0F3
|
ag58pa
|
{
"description": "calling out sick on my last two days of work",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling out sick on my last two days of work?
|
I finished my two weeks last Friday but my manager asked if I could stay until this Wednesday because they are short handed. Here we are this morning and I’m a sick mess and my manager decides she’s going home 7 hours early while I’m stuck there sick. This leads me to think she didn’t really need me due to being understaffed.
On the other hand I have called in sick 4 times in the past 3 months which I get is very annoying to my manager. Normally I wouldn’t call in unless I’m on my death bed but I work at a daycare where I pass my sickness on to infants and then their parents have to stay home too.
I’m just done with being treated poorly by this job and don’t think it’s fair to me or the kids to be there sick and contagious while my manager and senior staff members go home hours early.
AITA for calling out ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
UiMmqhmPZLow9gB6GcVUDhIw1YflvnyY
|
a1r91o
| null |
AITA to my husband if I go out by myself once I put our toddler to sleep and come home before he wakes and still continue toddler routine?
|
Long story short, I am lonely. A few times now once toddler is asleep I’ll pretty myself up and go out to town to dance and have a few drinks. Before I met my husband 7 years ago I was a social person and did my face/hair and went out- I never went looking (I actually met him online) I just wanted the ‘freedom’ so to speak. I toned it down for the last 6 years because it wasn’t his scene- but lately I feel completely disgusting and isolated since having our beautiful boy (I moved 24hr drive from all my family and friends)
I’m so sorry- my post is all over the place- I miss my friends. I literally have no friends to be able to call and catch up on the weekend after 7 years being here and I’ve travelled/lived in Australia in plenty of places and this town sucks. We have a son, I’ve connected with his very catholic family, I’ve met his friends who were sceptical of me from the beginning because we met online.... but 7 years down, an amazing kid and my classes to in church to be married in a Catholic Church says I’m committed right? Far out. I just need this time to let go and not feel like I am a shitty person.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
d7IZQxHLquGptOHyClIy9VrPTBvOu53E
|
atuzjr
|
{
"description": "asking my bf to stop sex chatting on an mmorpg",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my bf (37m) to stop sex chatting on an mmorpg?
|
For context, my bf of 5 years has had a past of cybercheating. I've forgave him, but he's been on nwn2 (again after i asked him to delete it in year 3 of our relationship) with a lot of weird sex chatting posing as a girl every time. He used to act like a girl with cybercheating in the past too, and while I've already had a problem with the sex chat online thing to begin with, our relationship has just been on the rocks because of it. When I've asked him to stop doing it early in the relationship and he's stopped, he'll go right behind my back and do it again. Anytime I've brought it up for him to stop he's threatened to break up with me and has in the past, so in order to "reconcile"the relationship, I've felt that I needed to tell I'm ok with it as long as he isn't sending my nudes and receiving nudes again with other people (a lie, stupid I know). I was honest with him today and asked him to stop sex chatting on the game because it's gotten to the point of personal chatting about his life with people on discord and the game and sent red flags (same people he would sex chat with). He said he's pissed and annoyed I would ask that of him when I said it was ok, but I was honest and told him I only said it because I felt that I had to be ok with it for me to be with him. I was honest and explained that I'm still not comfortable just like in the beginning of our relationship. It creeps me out. He does it about every day. AITA for asking him to stop again? If he breaks up with me over this I have no where to go, but I guess I'd rather have no bf than one that values sex chatting with other people online over his gf when we already struggle to have a normal sex life. I just cant be ok with him jacking off and sex chatting. I know it was my bad for lying about it being ok, but honestly I didn't feel like I had a choice because he did it anyway when I told him I wasn't comfortable at all with it. I'm sorry if there's grammatical and spelling errors. I'm on mobile.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
SaWUgrjwX9heCNeyViB225IyJnDDRxhq
|
9ui1ge
|
{
"description": "fucking hating my autistic brother",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for fucking hating my autistic brother?
|
I'm 14M my brother is 16M so he's been around my whole life. He's objectively bloody annoying. He talks about the same stuff over and over again no matter how often you say that he's already told you that. In addition he will sometimes have violent hysteric meltdowns where he will scream and flail around.
Strangely enough I've never been to bothered by him in the past. I've just always been used to it I guess. He used to be so much worse to. His meltdowns are *a lot* less frequent but they also bother me a lot more. I don't know why but I've come to fucking hate everything about him, his annoying, whiny voice, his stupid-ass face, the way he always skipps about the hallways. Everything about him irritates me to no end. I avoid seing him as much as possible because if I do I just end up wanting to punch a hole in his stupid face.
I reckon I've been feeling a bit rubbish lately so maybe that's why but it seems unlikely. I have no idea where this is coming from. He is getting less annoying but I'm getting more annoyed. It doesn't make sense.
I think I might already know the answer but I just need to ask: am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
c98hgyU2rohGeBAKr1pRdDMi0hIfxryn
|
a62fv7
|
{
"description": "taking in what I thought was a stray",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking in what I thought was a stray?
|
My husband and I noticed a cat with no collar would occasionally be laying in our front porch rocker when we got home from work every other day or so, very friendly little guy.
Even a little chip in his left ear like a cartoon. He looked a little on the thin side so I started putting out food and water for him which he graciously ate.
After that he started coming around every day and would wait for us for hours by our door. I felt so bad thinking about him in the cold and wind so my husband and I decided we'd start letting him come in.
He made himself right at home, but would always want to leave in the morning. Hed be gone for the day, but be back waiting for us when we got off work, and the cycle continues.
We've really grown to love this cat, he is a big cuddler and just wants to be in your lap 24/7. We named him Seymour.
Unfortunately the other day when we came home Seymour had a collar on and a note was attached that said
"Stop feeding my cat, he already has a home."
My heart ached to think that we were taking a pet away from another family this entire time, and wanted to apologise but I don't do well with confrontation (very shy).
But Seymour still comes to our house everyday, and I feel bad just closing the door on him now.. I don't want to mean any disrespect by continuing to feed him against the owners wishes but I struggle to say no when he comes around.
I know it's selfish to ask to share and love the kitty both, and I know I just need to let him go.. Just wish I didn't have to.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Q9mGVgDe71tBQbMJEfZjO3LzsiKUVML1
|
aujo7b
|
{
"description": "turning off my roommate's space heater while she's gone",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for turning off my roommate's space heater while she's gone?
|
Last summer, after braking up with my ex, I found a little house to rent. Adding utilities and other things it was barely in my budget, but I was able to afford it by cutting down on some other expenses.
My roommate, who I've been friends with for a few years now, was at that time living with her parents. Her relationship with them was pretty bad, so I knew that she would be interested in moving out. She's also still in college and has a pretty big student loan, and not making a lot with her part time job. So when I offered her the option to move in with me, I offered to split the rent one third for her and two thirds plus utilities for me.
The house has two bedrooms, a bathroom, a kitchen and a living room on the ground floor, and a third bedroom (the size of the other two combined), a small bathroom and a laundry room/storage room in the basement. I was already living in the master bedroom upstairs, so, when she moved in, she chose the basement bedroom.
Everything was pretty good for white. Once we started getting some really cold weather I realized two things. Firstly, the basement area was not heating very well. I tried turning the heat up some, but it didn't help much, so she had to get a space heater. Secondly, I've underestimated how big some of the bills would be in the winter, especially with needing to have the heat turned up high.
She is sometimes gone all day and sometimes a few days at the time spending time at her boyfriend's place, and I've noticed that she never turns her space heater off! So I've started turning it off myself, and I've been doing it for almost a month now. She hasn't said anything yet, but I'm starting to second guess myself...so am I being an asshole here?
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"description": "breaking a friendship after a kid joked about sleeping with my sister",
"pronormative_score": 5,
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|
AITA for breaking a friendship after a kid joked about sleeping with my sister?
|
In the summer break in HS (16 M), I traveled across the country with my friends for a summer camp.
About a 2 weeks after arriving, I stayed there for about 5 weeks, I received a text from my friend (14 M). We had a normal friendly conversation, asking how it was here and that he wanted to hang out after I got back, blah, blah. He was also friends with my sister( 14 ). I'm pretty sure they liked each other at the time, but never did anything beyond talking and hanging out. After texting, I went back to doing my own stuff. A couple minutes later, he sends me a long paragraph saying that he came over to our house and "took my sister's virginity" . He said it happened so fast and that he loves her a lot. And said how their relationship became super close after I left. I forget what else he said but that was the main point. The text at that time sounded sincere, not like a prank or anything, he genuinely sounded serious. He put the effort in writing a long ass paragraph and said how much he loved my sister. He even apologized at the end for surprising me during my vacation.
Now, I'm gullible at all, I question everything I see, but at this point, I'm flustered and kind of panicking. So I texted my sister, "did \_\_\_\_\_\_ come over to our house recently?". She responded, "what". Than I text her "Did \_\_\_\_ come over to our house" again. She doesn't even respond and tries to avoid it. At this point, I'm actually mad and start yelling at my sister through text, using curse words, which I don't use often. I get a text from my friend saying " YOOO DID YOU SEE THE CAMERA ITS A PRANK BROO." I fucking lose it and just stop texting. He then texts me again saying how hes sorry for the prank and that my sister was in on it. I reply "ok" and just go to sleep. The couple days after that, he texts me again, he probably knows I'm mad so he tries to cheer me up and tells me funny stories and shit, but I don't engage in the convo and he gets a little pissed and says "are you still mad bro its just a joke".
Fast forward, I come back home. He acts like it never happened and we never bring it up again. Our friendship is not that good as it once was. I don't ignore him completely, but I don't joke around or hang out with him, you know what friends do. I'm not mad or anything. I haven't even told anyone about the joke. I got over the "prank" along time ago, but I can't see him as friend, but just a immature child. I feel bad because he doesn't have much friends and tries to talk to me and stuff, but I can't force myself to be his friend.
&#x200B;
tldr: a once close friend texts me about him sleeping with my sister. I get pissed but get over it soon. I start seeing his flaws and differences and stop being good friends with him. I don't hate him, but I don't see him as a friend.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "never returning my ex's dad's jersey",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for never returning my ex’s dad’s jersey?
|
So basically, I found this old Saints jersey in my closet last week, that I had forgotten about. It originally belonged to my ex’s dad.
He took me and her to a Saints game one time and he gave me that jersey to wear, and at the end of the night he said “you can keep that one, I’ve got a newer one at home”. (It’s still in pretty good condition, Reggie Bush)
The things is; I have absolutely no interest in football, and no interest in the Saints. The jersey is basically worthless to me. And I think to some degree, he was aware of that at the time, but he was just making a nice gesture.
Anyway my relationship with his daughter was kind of rocky, and we broke up within a few months of this. He ended up strongly disliking me (because of a misunderstanding) and now we are not on good terms by any means.
So now I’m not sure. My mom says that I should have at least offered to return the jersey, but I’m not sure if I agree with that.
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{
"description": "not wanting to be involved in family drama",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for not wanting to be involved in family drama?
|
About a couple months ago my niece, who is 5 years old, told her father (my brother) that my nephew (sisters kid) who is 12 years old, touched her. At first it started with my brother and my sister talking about what my nephew did. My brother asked my nephew if he did touch my niece but my nephew denies ever doing it. My brother took my niece to a school counselor who ended up calling child services. Child services came to talk to my niece about what happened and she told them. Child services then made a call to the police and police officers came to talk to my nephew about what he did or didn’t do. I told my brother that getting the cops involved was taking it too far because my nephew is only 12 years old and he couldn’t have understood what he was doing. In my opinion, my brother could have just talked to my nephew and explained to him what he did was wrong before things got out of hand. My brother told me that it’s his daughter and he’s going to do whatever needs to be done to make sure she’s okay. That’s the only time I ever said anything about this situation. My sister still believes that my nephew didn’t do anything because he keeps denying it to this day. My nephew has been seeing a therapist, just thought I needed to throw that in here. My mom wants me to say something to my brother so he can talk to my nephew so that my nephew knows my brother doesn’t hate him. I told my mom that my brother is not going to listen to me and there’s no point in me getting involved. My brother tried talking to me about how he doesn’t want my nephew around my niece ever and I told him that I can’t get involved because I love my niece and I love my nephew. Whatever is going on with my brother, my sister and my mom to keep me out of it. I don’t want to say the wrong thing and don’t want anyone to think I’m choosing sides. Oh I should add that we all live together. My parents, my two nephews, and myself in the front house and my brother, his baby mama, and my niece in the back house. My sister comes to visit her kids every now and then during the week but that’s whole other thing. Anyway, yesterday I had to get involved in an argument my brother and sister were having because my nephew went to grab his soccer ball from the backyard and my niece was back there playing. My brother yells at my nephew that he doesn’t want him back there with my niece and sends him to the front yard. My sister tells my brother not to yell at her kid and my brother, angrily, yells back and calls my nephew a rapist. I have to go outside to tell them to just get away from each other before the neighbors call the cops (again) (also, that’s a whole other thing). They both walk away from each other and I go inside. My mom comes up to me after and asks me to say something to my brother and my sister because now that Thanksgiving is coming up, she just wants the whole family together without any problems. Again I tell her that there’s nothing I can say to my brother or my sister to ease any tension. My brother doesn’t want to be there with the family for thanksgiving and my mom is really sad about that. I just want to stay out of it.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "cutting my \"sick\" grandma out of my life",
"pronormative_score": 8,
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|
AITA for cutting my "sick" grandma out of my life?
|
I was raised in an abusive home with a stepfather. He told everyone I was his biological child but I'm not. His whole family knows this.
I decided to go "no contact" with my abuser at 16. I kept in contact with his family as I saw them as my own and didn't blame them for not knowing.
I moved back to my hometown where the family was. My older child went to my "grandmother" sometimes and all seemed good. Then I got married and got pregnant with my second. Immediately my grandmother is lecturing me about how I cant have this baby and I was irresponsible to get pregnant again (I've been in my own house and financially independent for 6 years since I was 16) We were hurt, as it was a planned pregnancy and were shocked by the disappointment at our news.
I had a c-section with my older child, which was no concern to any of the doctors in my second pregnancy. I was given the okay to have a natural birth and it was a normal pregnancy.
That's when my grandmother decided that my previous csection was because I was incapable of giving birth and was too small framed. I insisted that I was going to give birth natural. When she knew she couldn't convince me to do it her preferred way, she stopped sleeping and eating, told everyone that she was haunted by nightmares about my death. Because of this behavior, she got very sickly, and any excitement about my pregnancy in my family was gone. Everytime it was brought up, it was a horrible thing and I was going to die. I felt fine.
Fast forward to the birth, my husband and I wanted no one else in the room. So my grandmother decided to wait in the waiting room, much to my dismay. We let my mother in law peek in and say hello while I was in labor, which made my grandmother cry (even though I saw her while I was arriving) and I went out and tried to console her and apologize. While contracting.
The day we brought my younger child home from the hospital, my grandmother stopped by. I let her hold the baby and she begins screaming about how we lied about the condition of our vehicle. My husband asked her to hand him the baby and leave. She physically refused to let him or I take the baby. We eventually got the baby back and she left.
A month later, I found out that they were contacting my mother, my mother in law, etc behind my back to try to make plans to see my children. They (grandmother and her husband) never replied or asked to make plans with me regarding my children. They didnt even try to ask to see the kids. My grandmother's husband blocked me. I tried to tell her that we needed to deal with the events before I would be comfortable with her taking them.
She told me that she was getting a lawyer for visitation. (Even though shes not any biological family) i havent contacted her since. The entire family hasn't talked to me since. I thought I was in the right but none of them do.
So am I actually the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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a37ae4
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{
"description": "refusing to go to my dad's house because he has bed bugs",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to go to my dad’s house because he has bed bugs?
|
My dad called me the other day to tell me he has a bed bug infestation at his house. He thinks he picked it up from his recent trip overseas. He said he is taking care of them himself so he doesn’t have to throw out his mattress, sheets or clothes. I told him he really needs to throw out his mattress and get a professional exterminator in there. He says that a professional and a new mattress are too expensive, so he won’t be doing that. This weekend he is having his annual Christmas party, and told me not to tell anyone about the bed bugs. I told him that until he does what’s needed to get rid of them, I will not be coming over. I said he really has an obligation to tell our family and friends that will be there as well. He called me dramatic and ridiculous and hung up the phone. I honestly don’t even want him in my house until he gets rid of them properly. Am I overreacting?
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"description": "telling my mum in moving out bc she's the reason Im mentally unstable",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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}
|
AITA for telling my mum in moving out bc she's the reason im mentally unstable (and bc she let a drug addit into our home)
|
Sorry if this is long but it's a long story
I'm 19 and I'm from a single parent household so it's pretty much just been me and my mum from the beginning. And as much as I love my mum, she's not well. She hoards and does really manic things. It used to be barrable because I used to go boarding school so I wouldn't have to spend to much time at home, but since ending my time at that school I've had to live at home full time and it's negatively impacted my mental health for the the past 1-2 years.
Her hoarding got really bad when her dad (my granddad) died. And I really tried to be understanding but for years she's been filling our home with garbage, she's been hoarding pretty much since I was a child. She did it because we were very poor when I was a baby and she's would hold on to anything we had because she knew she probably wouldn't be able to afford new things so she would make do with old stuff. And for years she's used this excuse/reasoning to deflect any kind of criticism or concern I've ever tried to voice.
She's created this horrible toxic environment where I've been too afraid to say how I feel or how unhappy I am because she makes it out to always be some kind of personal attack on her and that I'm just mean.
I started to develop depression around four years ago but since coming it's spiralled out of control. I have literally never been so unhappy ever in my life, I cry myself to sleep 3 times a week and some times I can go week at a time without feeling anything at all. But she always makes it out as my sadness is me criticising her. Whenever she catches me crying she always make out that I'm being uncompromising for not cutting her slack or something. But the worst thing her hoarding has done to my health is make me develop all these ticks about hygiene (I don't want to say OCD because I haven't gone to a doctor about it so I'm not officially diagnosed but when my psychology teacher taugted us about it at school it seemed to lined up with what I was experiencing) .
As you can imagine, been a hoarder leads to a lack of hygiene. She only washes maybe 4 out of the 7 days a week. She leaves large items of laundry in the bathtub to "soak" sometimes for weeks on end until they start to smell mouldy and refuses to deal with it and gets annoyed when I try to let the water out, pretty much demanding I have to shower with the mouldy laundry. She won't wash clothes in laundry detergent because she claims it breaks the machine and doesn't actually work (instead she uses vinegar and bicarbonate of soda, which she claims is superior but it leaves the clothes crunchy and smelling of pickled onions). The kitchen is an absolute state but should I leave on wrapper on the counter top IM the problem, and I'm not allowed to criticize her if I'm going to stuff like that (as if these too thing are on par) . But to cut to the chase all of this has leave to me to obsessively sanitise my hand, not touch certain things in the house, not want to be touched my her (she's not very good at washing her hands). It got to the point where my hands were so raw from washing them they would bleed if I tried to move them too much. But the worst part is she makes me feel awful about it. If she even sees me washing my hands "for no reason" she tuts and ATS like I'm insulting her and constantly calls me prissy and often uses the term OCD against me like it's an insult like idiot or something.
Anyways I finally snapped on Monday when I found out she'd let a drug addict (crack I think) do drugs in our bathroom. The addict used to know my mum when they were in school (before she was an addict). She claims this woman is her friend but this woman, let's say "Naomi" doesn't give a shit about her. She knocks at the door at all and any time of the day and my mother is foolidh enough to let her in, feed her and even give her money. Naomi even stole her credit card (but brought it back) and my mum's reaction was along the lines of "lol your so funny hehehe".
So as soon as I found out any my mum letting her do crack in our bathroom I went upstairs and wrote a letter saying that it was the final straw and I was going to leave at the end of the month. I explained how I felt and said she was the reason I had developed "OCD".
She now won't talk to me at all, she has my nan on her side so no I literally have no living relatives left who talk to me. She's constantly doing petty things to me like turning of the heating when she knows I'm in the shower and on my period, despite the fact that I said in the letter I was going to try my hardest not to be an inconvenience before I move out.
She makes me feel like a class A bitch for finally going after the one thing that will make me happy. Was I wrong? Should I have been more patient with her? Should I not blame her for my lack of mental health and was it perhaps mean to tell her that?
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HISTORICAL
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ayhxka
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"description": "being critical of wife",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being critical of wife?
|
Throaway cause, why not? My wife and I have been married for a couple years. It's just us so theres no kids or anything like that involved in our day to day life. We dated for a couple years before we got married and I think were pretty ok overall.
However, my wife likes to make unhealthy decisions.
Now, I'm not the healthiest of guys. I'm not a glistening, washboard abs, ripped as heck guy, but I like to think I healthy. I can run a 5k pretty easily, I can do any hike in our area, I go the gym, I drink atleast 2 liters of water a day M-F etc etc.
And although I'm not as in shape as I'd like to, I try to be. Try, keyword.
My wife however, doesnt really seem like it. She seems unhappy with her health overall. I love my wife. And I care about. And in the past I've gently nudged her into the idea of being healthier. Joining a gym, drinking more water(which she does do now according to her), doing yoga, eating less processed food etc. However her behaviors overall seem to stay the same. She complains of aches and pains, she has trouble sleeping sometimes, she complains of her weight and not being confident sometimes.
Like I said, I've tried gently nudging her, but now sometimes it slips out into critiques. I now tell her, you shouldn't do/eat/try/drink that, you should X this. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my patience and sympathy.
Sometimes it leads to arguments.
I love my wife, I really do. I push the importance of being healthy or trying in our 20s ,so itll pay dividends when were older but she doesnt seem to care. I dont need her to be a super model or an athlete. I just want her happy and healthy. I think the two are important and theres a balance you need to have. I try to be healthier myself but it doesnt seem like she does. I dont wanna see my wife suffering from illness related to this in our future.
So,AITA for critiquing my wife and maybe coming off as critical now over her health choices? Should I mind my own bussiness?
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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a92m0b
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{
"description": "writing 'wash ME' on a truck",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for writing ‘WASH ME’ on a truck?
|
I pulled into the Walmart parking lot yesterday with my eight year old daughter, and parked next to a pickup truck that was absolutely coated in mud. It was filthy. Looked like it had rolled in a pigpen. My daughter and I were in a happy mood doing a little light Christmas shopping alone together. When we got out of our car I said to her ‘watch this’. I wet my finger and proceeded to write WASH ME on the passenger side door. Daughter giggled, and we went shopping.
Came back out 30 minutes later and there was a note on my windshield that read as follows:
“Thanks a lot for scratching the paint on my truck writing your message. Think about that next time you touch someone else’s truck. Merry Christmas!”
I rolled my eyes reading that. The truck in question was hardly pristine, even under the mud. And there was A LOT of mud. This little prank is older than, well, dirt. Yeah, I wrote it on the truck but I highly doubt I did any damage to the paint job (that he/she so obviously cared about judging by the filthy state of said truck).
So, AITA?
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WRONG
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qXSW8bthuCFKtx77qJGvYNEOSODN5SK8
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agizwf
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{
"description": "being mad at my roommates for hooking up",
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}
|
AITA for being mad at my roommates for hooking up?
|
To elaborate I am female living with a male friend of mine and a couple of months ago a friend of mine (also a female) had to move out of her place rather quickly and since we had a couple extra bedrooms we invited her to move in with us. I have known them both for years but I introduced them a few months ago and we all hit it off pretty well and I was excited to live with two of my friends and thought it would be a lot of fun. It was fun at first but they started flirting a lot and for the past few weeks I have really felt like a third wheel. They cuddle on the couch a lot while watching tv and they are constantly talking to just each other and sharing inside jokes and it’s really annoying me. Since I get home from work first I often cook dinner for the three of us and lately I figured out that they have intentionally been taking naps in the living room after dinner so they can sleep until I go to bed and then wake up and have fun and have secret sex after I go to bed. They are also using the spare bedroom for some reason as their special sex room so we can’t even use it as a spare bedroom anymore, like I had a friend over last weekend that had been drinking and wanted to spend the night but the spare bedroom sheets were dirty and there are dirty clothes all over and my male roommate had passed out on the couch and there was nowhere for her to stay. Anyway both roommates are still casually dating other people and they don’t think sleeping together will be a problem but I’m sick of feeling like a third wheel and I know someone is going to eventually get feelings and like the other person and I think it’s going to blow up in their faces. I know we will be moving out of this house in the summer and I’m supposed to be living with my female friend again in a new place but I’m starting to rethink that whole situation for a bunch of reasons (I just think she is inconsiderate and isn’t very good at cleaning up after herself). I know this is long winded and thanks for sticking with me but I just got one of them to admit that they are sleeping together tonight and it’s got me all worked up. I think it’s really rude to lie about it and sneak around and I’m pissed because I don’t want this to blow up and force me to chose sides or friends. So am I the asshole for being pissed that my roommates are having sex?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "wanting my wife to get pregnant so I stop hearing about her wanting a baby",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 10
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|
AITA for wanting my wife to get pregnant so I stop hearing about her wanting a baby?
|
Title says it all. I'm so tired of my wife's constant whining about needing to get pregnant. I just want it to happen so she will stop it. It's become so suffocating that I wouldn't be excited about her pregnancy for the having a kid part, I would just be so glad to stop hearing her shit. AITA for becoming sick and tired of it?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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b97cd9
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"description": "having sex with her",
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|
AITA for having sex with her?
|
So, this all happened a while ago, in high school. My wife (25) and me (26) were together in high school as stated. She and I had only been together for three months, which it’s been about 10 years and three months. She was 15 and I was 16, I went to her house on a weekend during spring break and she and I had sex unprotected. Then two days after, we did it again, still unprotected. She didn’t get pregnant or anything, but when I brought it up to my friends they said I was an asshole for it, but she and I had both consented and we both had a very strong philosophy on sex, being you shouldn’t have it unless you were going to spend your life with that person. But we did it, because that’s how we felt about each other, and we’ve been happily married for three years now and together for 10. So, Reddit, AITA?
|
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| null |
AITA if someone posted a “candid photo” of a woman they don’t know and I call them out on it?
|
I’ve been banned from /r/itookapicture because I called out a guy on his creepy behavior. He took a photo of a woman through a shop window, and then commented how he’d like to “find her” and fall in love or whatever, and that creeps me out. Like, you took a photo of someone (who he admitted to NOT knowing) and started talking about it like this is perfectly normal behavior. I mean, where do we draw the line for this kind of thing? And I got told off for “not understanding street photography”. Bruh, this is LITERALLY a creep shot. It’s creepy. You don’t know that woman and you took her photo, posted it to the internet, and started waxing poetic about her being your dream girl. How is that ok?
Am I really the asshole here....?
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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b4o0on
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{
"description": "being annoyed with my friend constantly putting herself down",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being annoyed with my friend constantly putting herself down?
|
So the title doesn’t really explain the full story, so I guess that’s why the body of text exists. So for some background: me and my friend (let’s call her G) are SUPER close. We have a lot of inside jokes and we’re always joking around and she’s really opened up my social world, I used to be a really shy person who talked to no one, but then she came around and changed it all. However... as of lately it seems that all she does is put herself down. She’s constantly calling herself fat, almost everyday. She goes on Instagram and vents about how fat she is. She’s always saying she’s annoying, ugly, gross, stupid, disgusting, etc. It’s almost everyday. Anytime I see her she’s going on and on about so many different things that’s wrong about her that no one even notices! Now I totally understand mental illness that makes stuff others don’t see and turn them into a huge problem for you, so I’m not angry at her, but I find myself being annoyed with it. I’m tired of constantly hearing her put herself down. It’s spread to me and my mindset is following her footsteps. I keep putting myself down and I’ve even developed an eating disorder because she’s always talking about starving herself or how fat she is because she ate one thing. Maybe I’m being insensitive and I need to put a better shield on, or I’m insecure but it’s really getting to me.
I don’t want to feel this way at all. I feel like I can’t joke around with her the same anymore. I don’t want to hang out with her as much either, because she keeps doing this. I feel extremely bad. Not only that, but she’ll break rules like go on her phone in class when she’s not supposed to, gets yelled at, then goes on Instagram and calls her teachers really harsh names. She called a teacher obese and told her to die just because she broke a rule and got spoken to. I find it really annoying to see that, because in ways she brought it on herself.
I totally understand self esteem issues and I’m totally willing to help, and I’ve tried, too. But in the past she’s said it makes her angrier when someone tells her she’s not ugly or fat. And she’s gotten mad at me for telling her she’s none of those things.
I want to help her so bad, but a side of me is extremely frustrated and uncomfortable.
I don’t want to feel this way anymore, I want to joke around with her and be close again, but I can’t handle her constantly putting herself down.
So, am I the asshole? If I am, can someone please help me figure out what I can do about this? I don’t want to start drama, I want to remain peaceful about it, but I need help. My first step is understanding if I’m the asshole for being upset with her. Second step is figuring out what to do about it next. I feel incredibly bad, but I’m not sure what to do...
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b4wngs
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{
"description": "suggesting that some Reddit posts are fake",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for suggesting that some Reddit posts are fake?
|
A lot of the material on r/all from a lot of story-based communitites seems very unrealistic. This is a very difficult scenario to navigate because if the story were to be actually true, then it would be quite insulting to the author. At the same time, I think that I shouldn't trust everything that I see on the internet since, as mentioned, previously the stories seem truly unrealistic. Thoughts?
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HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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a3akhx
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{
"description": "not reading PUA books and getting kicked out of a house for not doing so",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not reading PUA books and getting kicked out of a house for not doing so? (long, but worth the read)
|
Am I the asshole? I just found this subreddit and it's perfect for this event that just happened last night and I'm still processing it. Some background first; so, this story is about me and a guy (let's call him Perseus) who I've known for about two years. I met him through a mutual friend (no longer friends with that first friends), but became friends with Perseus and his room-mates. At the time I didn't have much of a social life (working weird hours, drifted apart from people) and these guys were really welcoming. I had no luck with dating lately and they were really enthusiastic about helping me with that. The guy called his group of friends a 'tribe' and hosted parties at their house, and then one night he invited me out to him meeting some friends at a library to attend a 'class' and Perseus told me on FB he wanted me to come. So I went and it was Perseus sitting at a table with some friends and reading some self-help book. I personally am not to into the self-help scene (I know this is a very diverse scene) but generally it was never my thing. I like seeking advice and stuff, and I'm all about improving myself in different ways, sure, but reading hundreds of pages -- no. I'd rather read something else, something on politics or some fiction.
So, I politely listened to him and tried to get into it a bit, was considering reading the book, but really just wasn't interested. After we went out for beer and had a good time. So, I ended up going to the classes sometimes but it was mostly to have a social life. I did kind of enjoy the academic environment a bit, but overall wasn't really impressed with the self-help book. To me it mostly sounded like generic advice I can get anywhere. Again, not my thing. So, I go to some of their parties, have a great time. One of them is good at giving me constructive criticism, which I honestly appreciated, and I was getting some bonding with Perseus and some other of the group. At one point when we were in a car one of the guys told me I should really come to the classes because they "level up" at each class. I tell him I am busy with work.
Anyway, months go by, more parties, generally having a good time. I generally like the group, but a few things rub me the wrong way. Hard to explain (turns out one of them actually did have severe mental illness, but he left the house at a point), it was more the obsession that Perseus in particular had with self-help stuff; he had loads of books on it. The whole 'teaching a class' thing kind of weirded me out, and Perseus, who did have a University degree, instead of becoming an academic at an actual university would tell me plans of opening an online university himself to teach 'critical thinking', 'logic', and 'self-improvement'. One day I was visiting his house (the house was chill to hang out in because it was casual) and I was sitting in the living room and I heard him talking to someone on the phone saying something along the lines of "oh, so-and-so is calling me a cult leader! Sure I'm a cult leader, but I'm an ethical cult leader, I would never get someone to drink poison!"
Red flags? Or am I over-reacting?
Time goes on. I just brush off me hearing him say that; just figure he might've been semi-joking, or maybe he doesn't quite understand what cult means. Anyway, some more parties happen, generally cool. I help them move. He does things (Perseus) that kind of rub me the wrong way sometimes; like one time we were at a coffee shop and a good looking woman passes and he says to us other guys: "Wow, look at her tits." And I'm like "Okay" and thing is, I'm not a prude or anything, I talk to friends about sex sometimes (when I have it) in some capacity; I just think that kind of talk is kinda trashy. I don't say anything because I have the feelings these guys (who are kind of bro- dude-like) will just tell me I'm overly PC or sensitive or something. If I see a nice looking woman pass by I might say "wow, she's pretty" to my buddy or something, sure, like, people do that. But really, he's just being vulgar and vulgarity is just one of my personal pet peeves, but I'm not going to ask him to change something like that for me right?
So, during this whole time, almost every time, he is pushing me to read The Mystery Method and other Pick Up Artist material (we're getting to the drama now). I talk to him, he gives me advice, some of his advice generally isn't bad advice. I go through life and with all the people I befriend I take whatever advice I can get to help in general. In the summer I read maybe 20% of The Mystery Method and I think it's mostly stupid. It's pretty much telling me to go into bars and go bug every woman - like, no. I don't want to do that. That's just creepy. So, I stop reading it. Later on, he continually pokes me to start reading these books again. One time, at a coffee shop he says pretty loud "Dude, don't you want your dick in a mouth?" This rubs me the wrong way, but I whatever it again. Okay, you all with me still? So here's the drama.
Oh, did I mention Perseus, almost every time I see him, is going on in front of the other tribe about his latest experience where he got a woman's attention in front of her boyfriend (the alpha) or one time when he danced with a woman (but didn't have sex with her because he timed the order in which he did things wrong). This really weirded me out.
We start having hang-outs where we'd chill, play some games, maybe cards, have a few beers, smoke something. I like these. So I go to one and its just a few of us. Half the people there (tribe) are in the kitchen cooking and it's just me, Perseus, and another guy who is new (young impressionable guy who likes Jordan Peterson). So, at one point I tell Perseus what's going on in my dating life. Although at the time I wasn't dating anyone, I had two prospects (one was long-distance and we were meaning to meet up but she flakes, and another woman I just started talking online, but we haven't met yet and only started but things were looking good generally). So I told him about this great new woman I was talking to. So Perseus starts going on about how I never 'seal the deal' (there's truth to that, sure). So I was hoping I could tell him more about this woman. Instead he reaches to his bookshelf and puts a PUA book in front of me, the one I started reading and quit. He tells me, for the dozenth time that this is the key. So here it starts;
I don't recall exactly everything that led to it getting more heated but I remember telling him I wasn't into the whole PUA self-help scene. He then reminded me that I was having no luck lately with women. I told him this is true, but told him things were generally getting better and that I was working on it. He then reminded me that I am not having luck and that this will help me. I bring up something along the lines of a lot of the self-help stuff being based around evolutionary psychology - which, while a legit field, is something I personally don't really trust. I feel that, and many critics do, much of evolutionary psychology is based on speculation. Or there are books written, I've found, that will support an agenda and use evolutionary psychology but will cherry pick facts to suit their agenda. He gets defensive about that not being true. Both of are voices are raised a bit by this point, but I feel he is being aggressive with me now. He asks me quickly: "Do you believe in evolution? (yes) Do you believe in psychology? (Yes) Then how can you say that evolutionary psychology isn't a legit field. He then brings up that many people in some fields don't like people in other fields; which is true sure. So, this goes back and forth.
I tell him I feel he's pushing his beliefs on me. He asks me what 'pushing' means, asking me to define what I mean by 'pushing'. I tell him I'm not into self-help scene; what's wrong with helping oneself? Everyone wants to help themself! He also tells me I am pushing my views on him and the others by not listening to what he has to say. He tells me I am being irritating because I was asking for dating advice and now am refusing to listen when he's giving it. (I wanted friendly advice sure, not a book I have to read), so basically I need to read this book or I will never kiss a woman again <-- he doesn't say that, but he seems to be implying it. Like, he never once asked me about this woman I am speaking with (her background, interests, what we talk about) to give me advice; he just gives me this book to read. I tell him I am not really interested in the general self help scene, he insists it's a diverse scene and you can't judge it (which is true, sure), but, since he's pushing me I tell him what I really think "Honestly, I don't respect the whole self-help industry, I think most of them are scammers."
This seems to trigger him. "I'm taking that personally because you just insulted my profession. I have been writing a self-help book for years!" I didn't know this and I tell him I didn't know this. The genie's out of the bottle. He tells me I haven't even read any of these books yet I judge them (I tried and it sucked). He continues to get aggressive. I tell him he's getting aggressive; he says "No, you sound aggressive to me!"
He tells me he read all my short stories and was all upset that I never once went to his website! I didn't know he had one; and I'm not interested so what? I asked him straight up "So to hang out with you I need to go to your website?" Don't remember what he said. He keeps pressing me on why I wont read these books. I tell him I wont read them and he has to accept that. He keeps pressing me. I tell him straight up I think many of those books are misogynist. He then says "Are you calling me a misogynist? Do you think my girlfriend thinks I am a misogynist? Misogyny means
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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Mhzgst3ZC0l9ejJyvPff6gFVqmWtYKRS
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alvzqd
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{
"description": "wanting my ex to get transfered or fired at work",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my ex to get transfered or fired at work?
|
I know how it sounds, but bear with me. We work at a large factory that employs thousands of people on both day and night shifts. We both work nights on the same group, but different teams. Yes I know dating a co worker is a bad idea, I have made questionable decisions in my life. I'm 25 now, but 24 when dating and he's 29 now but 28 while dating. Side note: Ex has type 1 diabetes and was diagnosed at least 20 years ago. It comes up later.
Now that that's out of the way, lets get into the why. So we began dating in early September of 18 and he broke up with me in mid october I think? We got back together a week later and broke up early November regardless. He began the break up, but I finalized it. I told him I gave him a second chance, he blew it and he would not get a third chance. We are now approaching February and he still is trying to get me back in a relationship with him.
And this is where it gets complicated. Ex has a mental illness that has not been treated or even addressed by him. He went to a doctor to get medication for his ADHD and got told that he was also a narcissist. Also on that note, he lied about the severity of his ADHD to get the strongest medication he could because, in his own words, he "loves drugs", oxy, vyvanse and xanex mostly. This was a problem for me a bit, I'm not a drug user but as long as it didn't effect me I kept the mindset that he was a grown man that could make his own decisions.
Anyways. So the symptoms of his illness are paranoia, dissociation, agitation, and "fidgeting". Fidgeting is in quotes because he would pace, and just not be still but I'm not sure what to properly call it. His paranoia was extreme. He once thought that I had been replaced while we were dating because "my hair color looked different" and "my tattoos were more vivid". He thought that there were people keeping me captive in my own home and forcing me to make drugs. Among other things. His dissociation was pretty bad too. He thought he was untouchable, and even told me to call him a God because in his mind he was.
Recently, as in last week, he went missing. From Monday to late Tuesday no one knew where he was. In a dissociatiated state, he wandered around town near his apartment building before finding his way back to his apartment. We live in the mid-west and he claims the diesel fuel in his truck froze or something? So he had to walk and instead of walking home, he began wandering town. He claims that all of what he did was because he had "low blood sugar" and was so bad he couldn't even order a cup of coffee.
Here's where it gets.... Not good. Very not good. He eventually found his way back to his apartment complex. And if I'm understanding correctly, he was shirtless and shoeless in the dead of mid-west winter at this point. This is what he told me over video call (for whatever reason he likes video calling). He took the license plate off a woman's car while she was still in it. When she asked what he was doing all he said was that he needed it, before sprinting away with it. He made it to the apartment complex's club house, and pulled a handicapped sign out of the ground then used it to break into the club house. Once inside the club house, still with the licence plate he stole, he called 911 on two different phones. The police show up to arrest him, duh, and he then resisted arrest. He showed me all the scrapes and bruises he has. They had to have multiple cops help put him into the back of the car. At some point his hand got twisted and badly hurt, he can not move his hand properly at this time. So because he wasn't (and possibly still isn't) in his right mind he thought that the police turning his head to try and force him into the car, was them trying to kill him to "cover up" .... Something?
So after arresting Ex, they took him to a mental hospital and not jail or anything like that. He is now out of the hospital as his parents took him out. Throughout our relationship and the "friendship"/coworker relationship after, I had been insisting he got professional mental help but his narcissism wouldn't have it. He is still showing signs of mental instability. Tomorrow will be his first day back at work and I'm concerned about working near him again. I've already decided to talk to associate resources about being uncomfortable and feeling unsafe working near him. Am I the asshole for hoping he gets either moved by associate resources or fired for having 2 no-call-no-shows?
TL;DR - am I the asshole for wanting my mentally unstable ex boyfriend to get moved at our job so that I don't have to work with him as he makes me feel unsafe?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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auggxc
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{
"description": "expecting my boyfriend to fix or replace a piece of furniture that he broke out of anger",
"pronormative_score": 38,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for expecting my boyfriend to fix or replace a piece of furniture that he broke out of anger?
|
This happened after hearing loud smashes from the living room, before hearing a really loud one at which point he very solemnly asked me to come out and see something 'really funny', and he'd broken the front drawer off our tv stand. He quite frequently throws stuff when he's angry, including the game controllers, and has broken other things such as kitchen utensils too. It took him over a year to replace a ladle of mine he broke, and that was with a lot of prompting and I ended up having to order it myself and he paid for it.
I waited until the next morning, and told him very clearly that he needed to either fix it or pay to replace it today. That I wasn't okay with him ignoring it, and he needed to take responsibility for his actions.
He responded by making fun of my voice, telling me I'm an idiot for getting upset about a cheap piece of furniture (we received it for free, but it costs about $100 from Ikea), called me rude names, and told me I'm making a big deal out of nothing. The tone of his voice ranged between being moderately angry to laughing.
To me it's not so much what he broke, but the fact that he broke it, refused to deal with it, and then verbally berated me over being upset about it. If he'd just taken responsibility and fixed it or replaced it, I really wouldn't have cared.
His solution is to throw out the drawer as he wasn't able to fix it, and is telling me he made it better by breaking it.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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VJK0Bs1DAypxI2V4IbHOKMD7ambGX2II
|
a2jgcs
|
{
"description": "dropping this woman's clothes and leaving the store",
"pronormative_score": 38,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for dropping this woman's clothes and leaving the store?
|
I'm 18.
Earlier today I was at a clothing store at the mall, waiting in line to buy a shirt. Behind me in line is a woman maybe 22 or 23. She taps me on the shoulder and says, "Hey, I need to run and grab something I forgot really quick, would you mind holding my stuff for just a sec?" I say okay, happy to help out. There's a lot of line left anyway.
She comes back after five minutes with some more clothes, and takes what I was holding back, thanking me. I waited in line some more, and when I was about to get to the register the woman behind me asks if she can "really quickly" ask the lady at the register (the only one working there) a question before I check out. I say okay, I don't mind.
She asks the lady at the register something about a dress she wanted to buy, then they put it down on the counter, and both went to the other side of the store to look at the dresses.
I'm just still waiting, thinking I guess I don't mind that much. Then the lady that works there popped her head around the corner and asked me, since I was the only one there, to bring the dress that was on the counter over. I bring it over to them, and while I'm standing there, they start comparing that dress to another one. Then the woman picks out another dress, hands it to me, saying "here, hold this too," while i'm still standing there like an idiot.
I got pissed off and tired of waiting, so I just dropped all the clothes on the floor and left the store. They were muttering about me being disrespectful as I left.
It was one of the oddest and most frustrating experiences I've had at a clothes store. Was I an asshole for exploding off like that?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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6DjqfxgV8GDP6lFJq4xx5mutRDa85Sh6
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aiezjy
|
{
"description": "reclining my chair on a flight",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for reclining my chair on a flight?
|
This happened a couple years ago and it still haunts me. I was on a long flight (9hrs) and as soon as we were in the air, the guy in front of me reclined his seat all the way back to watch a film. Fair enough, I thought, and carried on trying to watch my own screen and eventually eat a meal with the fold out table pretty much touching my abdomen.
The hours went by and it was time to try to sleep. I put away my table, got out the blanket and slowly reclined my seat like everyone else had at this point. Seconds later the guy behind me starts kicking my seat. He kicks harder and harder until I turn around and ask him to stop.
I turn around and this tall guy in his 20s starts aggressively shouting at me, he is sat with his brother and father and keeps shouting “LONG LEGS! LONG LEGS! I HAVE NO SPACE” and tries to get me to put my seat back up.
In a panic I push my seat up but I feel so claustrophobic and uncomfortable in the dark with this seat in front of me reclined while I’m up straight that I start to feel panicky. (Probably doesn’t help that I’d just been screamed at by a stranger). I give in and recline my seat back again a little bit, which meant the entire way to our destination he kept kicking my chair and waking me up.
AITA for reclining? I’m not super tall, and he was tall. But surely he could’ve paid for a ticket with more leg room?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aa9m47
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{
"description": "resenting my friends because my bachelorette party wasn't a big/road trip",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for resenting my friends because my bachelorette party wasn't a big/road trip?
|
I'm sorry for the length! I don't know how to cut it down.
2 best friends since childhood - Victoria and Ella. Over the years we have been on MANY little weekend trips to nearby destination cities. Mostly one popular spot where we split the hotel and pay roughly $100 each, soak in a hot tub and walk the sights.
I enjoy planning and investing time and money into elaborate, crazy and extremely thoughtful gifts/events for my friends.. usually for a birthday. I have surprised friends with scavenger hunt birthdays, created thoughtful scrapbooks/memory slideshows, etc., or asked everyone to pitch in for a nice piece of jewelry for the birthday girl. We have gone on those weekend trips for each others birthdays, etc.
I'm usually the creative and the planner, taking lead. My friends had reciprocated with similar sort of scavenger hunts, etc. for my birthday in the past, but Ella sad it was too much and from now on no more gifts or anything. She will attend a dinner if the birthday girl chooses a restaurant, but that's it. I was a bit bummed, but getting older meant less time and money for silly things or gifts and it made sense. We'd still do some local weekend getaways once in a while as a group. We even did one a year ago for Victoria's boyfriend's birthday where we surprised him and cooked him dinner, etc.
Anyways, we're at that age where we're all getting married. And of course, we get to plan each other's surprise stagettes. So I'm excited about planning something amazing!! Like my birthday ideas on steroids! Or like a REAL trip where we leave the country. We're in our 30's and have always wanted to go on a big trip and have yet to do so, so my thought is this is a good excuse to do it!
Ella is the first bride. Victoria and I are on the same page but Ella's sister is maid of honour (aka: in charge) and says because she has a kid at home we're staying near home. So we went to the same old nearby destination we've been to since we were teens. Ok, so since it was out of our hands I took the lead in making decorations, hand-made games, buying games, etc. Victoria was happy to help. We made a penis cake by hand, we made themed cookies to decorate. I called the popular booked solid spa EVERYDAY for over a month to get a massage appointment for the bride and was finally successful. I also offered to help the bride and designed her invitations and did a ton of research into where to source the paper as well as bridesmaid gown materials and saved her TONS of money. She happily took my help and asked me to do the menu, programs and more. Yes, this is within my industry but I wouldn't dream of charging my best friend. I admit I was unemployed and used her wedding as a distraction from how badly job hunting was going. But I really cherish opportunities like this and I wanted to support my friend any way I could and my boyfriend (now husband) and I could spare even some money if the stagette was a real trip like I wanted all of us to have. Ella said she would definitely help me with my wedding planning when it was my turn.
2 years later and I'm the bride-to-be. Ella is working on renovating her home and it's a big shitty experience so I didn't bother asking her for any wedding help.
I did not choose a "maid of honour". I loved my sister and friends and just couldn't choose 1 person over the others. However the 3 of them bickered and fought about my stagette plans from the beginning and they couldn't agree on anything. They knew my dream stagette was a trip to New Orleans. I knew it was a tall order and was hoping for maybe Portland (5 hour drive).
Everyone agreed my dream destination was too expensive. I said I understood, but I'd like something different and I really just didn't want to go to the nearby town where we just walk around. I mentioned a couple of destinations, like Portland, but I didn't realize a weekend there wasn't possible either. I just kept hearing that they were fighting so I asked them to include my then fiance to help guide them and they flat out refused. I said I could pay for myself. We could stay in town if we did something unique.
In the end, my friends and sister fought too much, money was tight and there wasn't enough time during the stagette weekend to go very far. So they ended up just taking me to that same destination where we walked around. Exactly what I asked NOT to do. What made things worst is there were no stagette games planned, no penis cake, not much of anything. They decorated our hotel room with some New Orleans beads and masks. I saw cupcakes I guess we were going to decorate but no one initiated anything. They didn't even bring the games I bought or we handmade for the last stagette which my friend was in possession of. Apparently she BROUGHT the game, but it never happened. And one of the main reasons is because we were only there for ONE NIGHT. There was no time for anything to happen. Also, they wanted to go to the free club instead of the club I wanted to go to. At the club I kept saying I wanted to go to the other club but everyone literally just danced and ignored me. It was like $5 entry each person!!! They had more than 6 months to plan and instead bickered until they just went with the plan I didn't want. At that point, the spa we loved was booked and I got a massage at a hotel that my work covered with insurance and we hung out at their plunging pool with a bunch of kids splashing around.
The reasons they settled for the destination I didn't like was:
\- Victoria had just graduated from University and wasn't going to apply to jobs until after summer so money was tight. But she went to Europe with her family and boyfriend, and Mexico with her boyfriend within about a year before graduating.
\- The ONLY long weekend that could work, Victoria's parents wanted her in town to help decorate for July 1st. She always does what her parents demand and I'm upset that we could have had a long weekend if she only just told her parents no.
\- Ella had been renovating her home for 2 years, so she went to Europe for a month as a break so she only had 1 week of vacation time left which she booked off to actually move into her new home. I felt like 1 day out of all of that time could have been doable. Maybe take 1 day from the moving week she booked? They lived rent-free at her parents house, I get the rush but I think it's doable.
\- Ella doesn't think it's appropriate to ask people to go on a big trip for your event. But she's currently planning to go to New York right now, and has been on big trips with some friends. I don't see how going for someone's stagette differs.
\- My sister wasn't easy to work with because she chose things I wouldn't want like a cabin in the woods, and then when they settled on the usual destination she demanded we go to an expensive restaurant thinking I'd want that. Her heart was in the right place, but she doesn't know what I'd want like my friends do.
After my stagette, it was the end of summer and Victoria applied within her industry. She got 5 offers in a week, and got a great job. Now, as I mentioned earlier, Victoria and I were always on the same page from the beginning. We both like to go big, but she goes crazy. I wanted a normal trip with stagette themed stuff. She always said she wanted Las Vegas penthouse suite! We told her she's dreaming. Ella told me while planning for my stagette, Victoria decided she wants Thailand for her stagette!! Ha!
Now I'm not sure what the plan is because Victoria is now engaged, Ella is probably still against big trips for stagettes, and Victoria is wanting a US city or something more doable I think. Victoria asked me if it would make me happy if she chose New Orleans for her stagette because I want to go there, or if that would step on my toes. I said both because I still want to go and we always talk about going, but it hurts to think we'd all go for her and for me it wasn't even possible to do something different than the usual.
Also, neither of my friends helped with wedding planning, decorating, etc. Now I just feel resentful and I feel like an asshole for expecting so much. Am I an asshole for expecting a real trip? They DID take me somewhere, so I feel like a spoiled brat to be upset. I think Victoria thinking we're going on a big trip for her is an asshole move, but ignoring that.. am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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x5sfKaoIfii37LEt56OLnJb94FIgJTVn
|
a9nsfg
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay for my stepkid's education despite paying for my own kid",
"pronormative_score": 78,
"contranormative_score": 1331
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pay for my stepkid's education despite paying for my own kid?
|
My husband and I have one daughter, age 7, and he has two older sons from a previous marriage (11 and 15). They currently live with us but had been living with his mom up until about 2 years ago. Their mom is really messed up, addicted to drugs now and on the brink of death basically due to her addictions. My husband has largely cut ties with his ex-wife but is obviously still responsible for his sons.
So here's my current dilemma: I want to send my daughter to private school, starting next year. It'll be expensive, like 15k a year, but I've talked to my husband and we can spare the money because we want our daughter to get a top-tier education. However, a few weeks ago my husband confronted me about potentially paying for his younger son's schooling as well. His oldest being in high school already is uninterested in switching schools but his younger son is apparently not opposed to the idea. I was upset because he told his son this without even telling me.
Between our salaries, we can only really afford one kid to go to a 15k/year school. I'm a bit upset because sending our daughter to private was always part of the plan, and yet my husband just casually floated the idea to his son only for him to say "ok sure." And now that we've done the math we realize that we can't at all afford 30k on tuition. I still want to send my daughter to that school because we've promised her so since she was about 5, but my husband says either both kids go or neither does. I feel like he's intentionally sabotaging our daughter's chances and it's making me really upset. However I get that he wants the best for his kid as well but I resent how casually it was raised and how his son responded so casually to his dad's question.
I want to issue an ultimatum to my husband. Basically we pay for our daughter's schooling first and foremost because we made the promise to her first, and I want my husband to tell his son the bad news because he was the one that promised him something neither of us could deliver. AITA for thinking this is a good plan?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
bPTufnmmBq2US5Jl4pzfsDvezbI5f60j
|
b7q91w
| null |
AITA Friend break up after break down
|
Hey, I have been meaning to post this for a while but I need to know, be honest!
Made a friend in college but unfortunately drifted apart when I moved away for uni, nothing bitter, such is life. We became friends again after bumping into each other at a Mum and Baby group. The friendship became intense, always with each other, texting a lot, lot of phone calls (this is only relevant because I miss it) we have both supported each other through loads, separation from partners, health problems and me supporting through his gender transition. Not that friends keep count, I do anything for my loved ones and expect nothing in return.
In October I had a mental breakdown and it wasn't pretty. One night I left my house with my antidepressants and was on autopilot - this is the first time I had given any indication to end of life thoughts, it was more end of life idolisation I think. Anyway, he called the police and reported me missing; it had been 30 minutes, I had been out of touch as I was on phone to the samaritans. Police found me, took me to A&E, friend came with me. I was treated appallingly, with no respect, like I had done something really dirty, so I self discharged. The next day said friend had messaged me and went on about how horrible the whole thing was on him, how hearing me say I felt like if I disappeared nobody would know was horrible and tough on him. It caused an argument because he suffers with his mental health and he has said similar things, yes its not nice, but didn't take it personally. He also went on to say how I have used him, I know that is subjective, I could list of all the things I had done for him, but as I said, friends don't keep track. He also mentioned he didn't like I had posted praising my husband for being supportive of my break down but there wasn't one for him. One of the things said that sticks like glue "My silence is a consequence of your action. Deal with it how you want. Either wait or move on"
Social services were called and they had information that was given to any professionals - my separation from my husband (by this time we were back together and good) that my work was stressful (at risk of redundancy) and the name of my daughters nursery, I have my suspicions it said friend but can never be sure, but the way I feel, if it was hospital or police, his actions caused social services to be involved. They were great though and closed the concern.
Since I have been left feeling very baffled about what happened and I miss by friend. But am I the assole? Should I have let him have space? I know it isn't nice to hear your friend feels like no-one cares but I just wouldn't take that kind of thing personally if I knew said friend suffered with poor mental health.
Sorry for the long read.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
2uJiVXYmCuMLeFGXdX57MNDxMzKKV1NI
|
abj5lw
|
{
"description": "returning something I damaged to its shelf",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I return something I damaged to its shelf?
|
I like to work by the policy that if u damage something before buying it you should take responsibility and buy it (unless you weren't planning on buying it in the first place). Many people tell me that it's ok to return it and take a different one but I feel it's the wrong thing to do.
WIBTA if I return it like others or should I just buy it like I was planning to? All opinions are welcome and I am not offended by anything.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
QLzDOHh6sHIImos4hNmUUkXByfSaLuyq
|
aq234a
|
{
"description": "being mad at my sister for trying for disability",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being mad at my sister for trying for disability?
|
Don’t judge a post by its title please. Long read ahead.
Here’s the deal, I (20,F) have a sister (25) who has been trying to get disability for almost a year now. She has been clinically diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder. She is on multiple medications and has been seeing a therapist once a week for the past 8+ months. I am completely understanding of her mental illnesses, and I completely get that she did not choose to have these and that she probably doesn’t want them. I still love her all the same.
The issue stems here. She has had jobs in the past, and previously (about 2 years ago) worked at Farm and Fleet part time for 2 years with no issues. The managers there were very understanding when she got overwhelmed due to her anxiety and provided ample accommodations to her when needed. They really liked her as a worker and she seemed to enjoy working there. Then, her department got a new manager who she didn’t like and she quit the next day just because she didn’t like that new manager. Since then, she has not worked any jobs for more than 1 day, and has recently stopped trying to get a job. She claims that she cannot get a job because her anxiety and her bipolar disorder prevent her from functioning in a work environment, yet that didn’t stop her at Farm and Fleet. She lives at home with myself, my parents, and her boyfriend. She has been supported financially by my parents and her boyfriend the past 2 years. She has been sitting around at home doing nothing but watching tv, playing video games, and doing arts and crafts things. She lives off of the people around her and constantly complains that she’s bored and begs our mom to entertain her when our mom is not working. Instead of trying to get a job or using a company that provides a job coach to help her, she decided that she needed disability. She applied, got denied, then she appealed the denial, got denied again, and now she has found a lawyer and is going to take it to court.
I feel as if her trying to get disability is unreasonable. I completely understand that she has mental illnesses that can be debilitating at times, but she was doing so well at her old job. Her previous success with her old job makes me feel as if she doesn’t need disability as she is capable of working a job, she just doesn’t want to. It makes me angry that she is trying so hard to get disability.
Am I the asshole for feeling this way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
EWQaqxHFd7Sf5ty3R1qTO3ad8HEcnslR
|
a8dzt3
|
{
"description": "being rude and cold to my 'friend'",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For being rude and cold to my 'friend'?
|
So for context, I don't make friends easily. Im awkward and struggle in ANY social situations, so when I make new friends I tend to slowly open up so that I dont overstep boundaries (aspergers makes this difficult, but Im getting better).
Now this friend of mine is great. They accommodated for my awkwardness and even didnt run away when I developed a crush for them. With time the crush faded away and we were able to do things like hang out at parties and joke around, which really helped me develop socially.
Eventually it got to the point when they were going to move away (I had known them for about half a year at this point) so I started to reflect back at our friendship, trying to figure out if we were good enough friends for them to keep in touch, I really didn't want to lose them as a friend due to the distance.
I began to realize that I didnt know that much about them, apart from what had happened over the last few months. I realized that they flaked on most of our plans, even ones they made. I discovered that they would often take party drugs (which I have no problem with) but let everyone know but me. A lot of our conversations were one sided, and would need to be initiated by me. I hardly got texts back, but everything was fine when we would hang out.
We only hung out together once without being invited as part of a bigger group. I found out that they were talking about the time I had a crush on them with the rest of the friendship group behind my back. I feel betrayed and like I've been made a fool of.
With my condition, I NEED to trust that people say what they mean, I struggle to read between the lines.
So while I was thinking about all of this, I decided to blank them. I didn't want to say anything I would regret later, and there were feelings I wasn't use to dealing with. This lasted right through the time they moved away, I think the most I said was goodbye.
I decided to text them everything I was feeling in an objective way, hoping that I was being irrational and that they could say something to clear it ul, but I didn't get much from them.
Its been a few weeks since then, and Im still depressed over the whole thing. Judging from the last time we had a conversation over text, they wont lose much sleep over me leaving their life. Why should I?
TLDR: Good friend turns out to not be as good a friend as I thought, betrays my trust and makes a fool of me. So maybe I should just throw the whole thing away and forget about it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
1rmpoBQwYKzHMVQz3UASfhzOVlAWxiwU
|
aj9egv
|
{
"description": "hanging up on my bf for sending a very tasteless meme",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for hanging up on my BF for sending a very tasteless meme?
|
Throwaway, mainly bc he knows my main user and I’d rather be safe than sorry.
Me (18F) and my boyfriend (19M) are in a long distance relationship as of last November, dating for almost a year and a half. We video call daily and usually call until one of us says goodnight. During these calls, he often sends me memes he finds on instagram and I’ll send him reddit posts so we can laugh and talk together.
During our call tonight, we were already on thin ice after getting into an argument over something trivial and irrelevant. Both of us were a little snippy, but nothing terrible. Things were still okay. That is, until he sent me a meme titled “when you see her leave her drink alone” with a rohypnol (roofie) drug photoshopped over a guy throwing a basketball. Obviously a rape joke, loud and clear.
My mother was raped a few years ago. Finding out wrecked me. She was roofie’d and assaulted in the presence of so called “friends,” but I never knew the identity of the attacker. Whatever.
That being said, I did not react well to the meme. First, I said something along the lines of “Why do you think that’s funny?!” I waited for him to explain, as calmly as I could, but when it was obvious he wasn’t actually paying attention (he kept going “I, uh— well...” and I could hear his thumb scrolling on his screen and him laughing, presumably at another meme he saw), I just snapped. I said, “Did you know my mom was drugged when she was raped, [BF’s name]? Did you? Yeah. Your joke isn’t *fucking* funny.” At that point, my voice was trembling with hurt and anger and, coincidentally, my mom (who I still live with) was entering the house after being out today. All I said was “My mom is home now, so I’m going to bed. I will talk to you in the morning. Goodnight.” Without waiting for any kind of response, I ended the call.
He’s pulled other shitty jokes before but we’ve talked through any issues and it has never been to this severity. He knew my mom had been raped, and he knows I have never ever tolerated any kind of rape joke or any sexist/racist (although he’s black)/homophobic/transphobic/bigoted joke in the past (which is what we’ve had slight issues with before).
Am I the asshole here? Am I overreacting? I don’t know how to handle this, it’s really, really bothering me. Any advice or constructive criticism would be appreciated.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
NB3c0edJKTfJGcwCXmSR34eP7yUdzMSg
|
ax087x
|
{
"description": "going abroad with my wife 2x a years and leave my 7yo daughter with my parents",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for going abroad with my wife 2x a years and leave my 7yo daughter with my parents?
|
I go abroad on work about 2x a year and always take my wife with me. We leave our daughter behind as we would miss out on night entertainment as she’s only 7.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
QDWMxuKI5YNdbZau1C5ptaSSrketRNPS
|
9vcdjk
|
{
"description": "calling out my professor on his grading habits",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for calling out my professor on his grading habits?
|
So we have these weekly quizzes based on questions at the end of the chapters in our textbook. The first week, there was no mention of the format for said quizzes, so I did a number format; 1. , 2. , 3. , etc. I would type the question verbatim from the textbook, then put the answer below it in a newline. Mind you, these are multiple choice questions, so the answers have a letter associated with them; a. , b. , c. , etc. Instead of putting the letter, I just wrote out the answer (again, verbatim from the textbook). When I get the test back, he docked it -5% for “Need to put in the letter associated with the answer.”
Okay... A heads up would’ve been nice. Nothing in the Syllabus talked about this, nor did he say anything about it himself.
Fast forward a month later to the 5th quiz I turned in. I accidentally answered a question with “a. False” when it was *supposed* to be “b. False.” My quiz was docked -5% but I knew the answer, it was just a tired college student typo.
And this wasn’t the second instance. I’ve been docked on ALL my quizzes for the dumbest shit. He tried telling me I had answered a question incorrectly, but I pointed out that it was a question on semantics because the question was almost verbatim from the chapter, except that it had one word inserted to make the statement false. When I told him he said, “I will grant you that argument.”
So, I want to message him and call him out on petty grading. I also wonder if it’s even worth it. Basically, AITA, or would I be the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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WRONG
|
0CwyPb0cWmep60f9Hw4bGu5DRd8M19G2
|
af2hxc
|
{
"description": "wanting the snip when the wife wants another baby",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting the snip when the wife wants another baby?
|
Me and my wife have been together for six years and we have two amazing sons, our youngest is three and we both said we would want a little girl even before we got married. This was a long time ago and we are now on the wrong side of mid thirties.
The last few weeks she had told me that wants to try for another baby in the hope of having a daughter, but I will make it clear that if it was another boy she would love him to death like his brothers. This is where I told her I have spent the last few months thinking about getting the snip and that I don't think we should be trying.
I explained to her that we aren't getting any younger and we could be in our seventies of our sons had children roughly the same age as ourselves, there is no guarantee that any of our grandchildren will meet us. That would be so hard on our sons, I would imagine it would devastate our daughter if we had one.
The birth of our sons was not easy for their mother neither as she has a thin womb. On both occasions she was in labour for four days, five actually for son number 2 and they ended up being delivered by emergency cesarean. For son number 1 the local anaesthetic had little affect and it was terrible watching her, they chucked me out to put her under to finish the procedure.
I said that the current situation with politics could put our jobs in jeapordy, with Brexit around the corner of finances could be hit hard and we need to support our family as best we can as it is.
She was very upset and we are at an impasse on this, she thinks all the risks are worth it and that we should have another child regardless of its gender. I admitted that I still do wish we could have the daughter we promised each other but I would probably look to book myself in within the next month.
I do feel guilt but I think this way is best for all of us, am I being an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
35EgyDjUMk00BDllElrx9TXVWU4Y3oCj
|
ba475u
|
{
"description": "going vegan",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for going vegan?
|
About two weeks ago, I decided to try going vegan. I didn’t eat a lot of meat before so it wasn’t a hard change for me. I can’t tell you why I decided to go completely vegan all together. It’s just something I wanted to try so I did it. And I really enjoyed it. I’m having a lot of fun planning creative meals and buying interesting produce. I also like the way my body feels. I no longer feel heavy or bloated after meals.
My boyfriend and I are both 25 and we have been together for six and a half years, and living together for five of those. He is a serious carnivore. When I chose to change my diet, I tried my best for it not to affect him. I made him steaks and chicken to “supplement” my dinners. I bought him regular cows milk and regular butter. If he doesn’t want to go vegan, I understand and I won’t make him.
Last night we went to dinner at one of our favorite bars and he wanted to stop for ice cream at his favorite place on the way home. I suggested that we stop at the grocery store instead (same parking lot) so that I could get some dairy-free ice cream instead. He did it, but it the most passive aggressive way possible. He glared at me and stormed off as I was trying to pick out what flavor I wanted. It was frustrating, but I just tried to brush it off. When we got home, he went to the garage to work on his boat and then went to bed without me. (Granted, he is exhausted from three weeks work with no breaks)
This morning I sensed he was still upset and I asked him about it. He said he couldn’t understand my diet change and it was upsetting him. He didn’t want me to do this forever and he would be embarrassed to tell his friends and family. He said it would be okay if I were just vegetarian but vegan is too much.
I did do this without talking to him about it first, but if I had talked to him first I feel like he would have tried to talk me out of it. I also don’t know if I’m going to do this forever, but I also can’t give an end date...
AITA for going vegan without consulting my boyfriend?
TL;DR: I went vegan and I liked it. My carnivorous boyfriend is now embarrassed of me and gets upset when I eat.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
BdlBOPgwllUHfa3Snq4kcfa0u6vRFUSK
|
ba6wav
|
{
"description": "not going to a good friends bday party because I really don't get along with half the other guests and don't want to spoil the evening, neither for me nor for her",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not going to a good friends bday party because i really don’t get along with half the other guests and don’t want to spoil the evening, neither for me nor for her?
|
This goes a way back.
There’s a good friend of mine, we were there for each other in good and bad times, and we generaly enjoy each others company.
Over 6 years ago i got together with a friend of hers, and even after the relationship ended, the three of us stayed close friends.
I never really got over that relationship (or rather, it triggered what was years later diagnosed as chronic depression). About 2 years ago, i was under a lot of stress,i had a breakdown, explained the whole thing to my ex (i’m not fine, this is all too much, i’m not over “us”, sorry, yada yada), and asked her, aware that this isn’t heathy and we won’t get back together, if she is comfortable being on speaking terms with me, now aware of all the crap in my life, or if she rather take a step back from this mess, either is fine.
Well, she basically told me she won’t comment on any of that and that i should seek help because she doesn’t want people to talk about her if i harmed myself.
Well that was pretty much the last time i ever spoke to her. What i didn’t expect was that she did a preemptive strike and made sure all our common friends and aquaintances would avoid me from then on, spread lies, etc (she has BAD coping machanisms).
So, that’s been the situation for the past 3 years, and i honestly don’t miss the whole bunch of people. If all that it takes to drop me os one crazy chick rallying them up, i have wasted enough time on those folks.
Now, my good friend, who has been the only one not buying into my exes shit (but is still friends with her) is mad at me for, again, not attending her birthday party. I like parties as much as the next guy, and i always get her a present and congratulate, but i will not sit down with 30 something people who all got fed lies about me to make that bitch of an ex of mine look better.
AITA here and should just suck it up and see it as an exercise in patience, have a few drinks and then go back to not talking to them for my friends sake? Because i can think of many things more fun than that i could do that evening.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
cV21ZIATpKvIKdWiuqDnT60THBRb8HWp
|
avxnx7
|
{
"description": "making my friend walk in the rain",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for making my friend walk in the rain?
|
Ok so me and two other friends stayed after school for band practice. I'm the only one that drives out of the three. One of my friends and I decided to work on some homework together so we decided to go to my house. The other friend, who says she doesn't have a ride, decides that she'll ride with me and I'll give her a ride home without even asking me.
When she got in the car, I told her that I'll drop her off at my house and she can walk the rest of the way. She didn't say anything, but she didn't get out of the car. When we finally got home, she begged and begged for me to drop her home (1 mile away from my house) and that she didn't want to walk. I firmly told her no. She got out of the car and slammed my door hard, and walked in the rain.
I felt bad, so I called out and said I'll drop her home. She simply stuck the middle finger at me and told me to fuck off as she kept walking through the rain.
Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
lpdfSp4nCfjb4HIk7jnZi6k39KXj57XV
|
avlccg
|
{
"description": "yelling at a homeless beggar",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for yelling at a homeless beggar?
|
Just a little bit of backstory. I left work early today after having a pretty severe nosebleed. As I am on my way out of the back (I work in a restaurant and we run into homeless people waiting for us to leave so they can ask for change or leftover food from time to time) I am approached by a homeless woman on a bike. She asks if I have any spare change to which I reply no and she pedals off in the opposite direction around the corner of the restaurant. I thought it was a bit rude on her part since it was clear I was having some sort of medical issue with tissues jammed up my nose and blood around my mouth and in large spots on my shirt but I didn't say anthing.
&#x200B;
Since it was such a bad nosebleed I had my girlfriend come and pick me up since I wasn't comfortable driving my car since I was feeling lightheaded. As I round the corner I see my girlfriend waiting for me in her car and I see the homeless woman pedaling over to her to ask her the same thing. The homeless woman clearly sees me walking to the car and waits for me to open the door before approching the driver side window and asking my girlfriend if she had any spare change.
&#x200B;
This is where I lost my cool a bit and yelled at her with the gist basically being go the fuck away, we are clearly dealing with something here and that its inappropriate for you to come up and ask us for change at this particular moment in time. She gets offended and calls me an asshole and then pedals off to find someone else to beg from.
&#x200B;
Just to be clear I have no problem with beggars but in this particular incident I thought this lady was completley out of line. Thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
h8oqPt7Q4wzLSrIw4087HfiZ9Bib1KGl
|
b36ppb
|
{
"description": "not liking the way my friend expresses her emotions",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA to not like the way my friend expresses her emotions?
|
I have a friend, lets call her, Mia. Mia has been my friend for over 10 years and i love her to death. We don't text or talk a lot but she will always have a place in my heart. I am a lesbian. I love girls and that's just.. My prefernce lol. And Mia is 100% cool with it as long as i dont flirt with her and thats understandable lol. But Mia is changing just like i am. Shes always been supprotive but lately, shes been more supportive over a certain group, gays. Shes alwayd had a few rules with lesbians and that she just doesnt want to see PDA, which is chill. But gays, its a whole different ball game. She reads fan fiction, blushes, and fangirls over the sight of seeing a gay couple and well.. Am I the asshole for hating the way she expresses her feeling towards gays? Im trying to remain open minded and not seem hypocritical but it feels.. Wrong.. To me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
PshzVXFder3WLix2aaeppY3myMXi64Ku
|
ashopj
|
{
"description": "not telling my father that my sister can be in danger",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not telling my father that my sister can be in danger?
|
Backstory:
My sister (F 32) decided to divorce her husband and marry another guy 6 months ago. My parents tried to convince her to change her mind because the new guy didn't have a job (and my sister can't work too, because she has a 3 year old baby). But she still did it anyway. During the first 5 months, they were unable to pay the rent, the bills, health insurance etc., so my father always helped them, reminding my sister that this marriage will not last long if something doesn't change. She was also unsure about it, and she even came back to my parents' house and said she'd divorce him. However, she changed her mind and went back to her house. This made my parents even more frustrated and the relationship between them was not so good. A few weeks earlier she decided to divorce once again, and told my parents about it. They immediately rented a house in the apartment they live in, and prepared the house for my sister and her children. But after some time she changed her mind again and told my parents that she's not coming. My parents had gone mad and they decided to stop talking to her and sending her money. It is super hard for them to see their daughter struggle for a living, but they can't just continue to pay for the needs of an entire household. So today, my father asked me to call my sister and ask her about it, and maybe convince her to move to the new house and stay there at least for a while. And he said if she doesn't move tomorrow, she will cancel the rent and never allow her again.
&#x200B;
So I called her and it was something like this:
&#x200B;
OP-So what's your last decision?
&#x200B;
Sister - I can't move there, OP. I love him, but there's another reason.
&#x200B;
OP- What's that?
&#x200B;
Sister - He got some money from a guy who is "kind of a loanshark" and is unable to pay back. The guy used to talk to my husband only, but he also started to call me as well. He's yelling at me and demanding the money. So I went to the police and opened up a case for him. This made him even more angry and I'm not sure if he's going to do something bad. I can't tell this to my parents because they will be extremely concerned for me. And I don't wanna move there and get my parents into danger as well. Please don't tell them anything.
&#x200B;
I'm super confused and I don't know what to do. If I don't tell this to my parents, they will cancel the rent tomorrow and she will not be able to move again, and she would be in danger. If I do, along with my sister and her children, me and my parents would be in danger. I didn't tell anything to anyone yet, and I think I'm not going to. So AITA and what do you suggest?
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Jizm4KpD0jETT8is69VGc9dYXJ9KTqVu
|
arufao
|
{
"description": "making fun of a girl",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for making fun of a girl
|
Hey guys, I had a girl take offense to something I said today. She was talking about how everyone thinks she’s a lesbian for some reason, and I cracked fun at her by saying something along the lines of “maybe it’s because the fucking jolly green giant looks up to you”. She’s mentioned in passing that she’s self conscious about her height (6 foot, which isn’t THAT tall to me).
I normally wouldn’t do this, but she was making some generalizations about men, saying they’re “all idiots” and shit. She also drops the “f” word a lot (not fuck, the other more derogatory one), and as a gay guy it doesn’t really bother me, but in my opinion if you’re going to do some shoving, you should be able to get pushed back.
Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
9Fo1iiiSYDPmRM3NFLRQKb6vpqzRPowA
|
af156n
|
{
"description": "accepting an internship that I knew my friend probably really wanted",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for accepting an internship that I knew my friend probably really wanted?
|
Peter, his girlfriend Maddie, and I have known each other for about 3 years. We’re all in the same major. Peter and I work for the same company as non-interns and Maddie works elsewhere. We met in a group where I also met my current boyfriend. Peter and Maddie got together around the same time and all of us have been with our partners since. We got along well and were all pretty friendly.
About a year ago, I found out Peter and Maddie weren’t doing so well (from Peter and other friends)— Peter was pretty much neglecting their relationship and she had accused him of cheating on her with me. Peter and I’s friendship remained the same as it always had been. The last time he mentioned anything about Maddie was that they never wanted to talk about their problems. Maddie started getting more distant from me whenever we all hung out as a group. Although she never overtly mentioned anything to me, I always got a cold shoulder vibe from her since then.
Recently, Peter mentioned that an internship position at our company had opened up that was related to our major because the current intern (Jerry) was moving. I didn’t even know the position existed until Peter told me about it.
Peter is also quitting around the same time and mentioned that it would’ve been really cool if he was able to keep working here, with Maddie taking the internship position, so the three of us can all work together. He mentioned that Maddie hadn’t spoken to anyone at the company about it yet, but was going to ask about it. I didn’t say anything about it or think too much about the internship because my current job pays well and the workload isn’t heavy.
Last week, Jerry and his boss (not my boss) approached me and asked if I wanted the internship when Jerry leaves. They specifically said they wanted to ask me because I was already working with the company and knew it was in my major, and that they were willing to work with my current boss so I could do both jobs. I knew Maddie was interested in the job, but wasn’t sure if she had reached out to them, so I asked if there was a public job posting or somewhere to apply. They just said no and that it was mine if I wanted it. After they went into more detail, I accepted their offer.
A couple weeks later, Peter left the company and had recommended Maddie to my current boss for his position. She of course got the job, and then later asked about the internship position as well. My current boss and my internship’s boss (I guess I have two bosses now) both told her that I had already taken the position and it was the only position. Peter heard I got the internship but didn’t seem upset that I had gotten it.
Since then, I got the impression that Maddie hasn’t been too happy about it. She periodically sends out emails to my current boss and I about some issues that she has offered to fix herself, with potential solutions. The fixes are things that fall into my internship description more than her job. To make matters worse, my internship got wind of some of the issues and asked me to work on them (after she had brought it up) and other issues she had brought up were pretty much ignored.
AITA for taking the internship? By the time I accepted it, Maddie and I weren’t really speaking to each other, not ignoring each other, but just minimal conversation whenever we hung out as a group. After I took it, Maddie started bailing from group hang outs whenever I was invited to go—the pattern was so obvious that a lot of people pointed it out. I reduced hanging out with Peter because I didn’t want to ruin anything between them, even if I wasn’t involved. At one point I even apologized to Maddie for whatever I did and told her if she ever wanted to talk about it, I’d be willing to listen. Maddie has just given me the cold shoulder. It’s been eating me up for quite some time because we used to be friends and I don’t really know what happened.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
8l0dZJE1k0Xz6hOjgUTExX8RKpCYHmQS
|
b0g1vu
|
{
"description": "totally favoring one child over the other",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 27
}
|
AITA For totally favoring one child over the other?
|
I (39m) have two boys, ages 3 and 5. The older while was diagnosed with autism and is definitely on the spectrum while the younger had some developmental delays and because of older brother's diagnosis we were able to get him diagnosed too so we could qualify him for services. It's now apparent that the younger is catching up and although he has some issues, he's becoming pretty typical for his age.
It was brought to my attention by my wife that I totally favor the older child. I was doing so without realizing it and the more I thought about it it's true. I regard my eldest as my precious first born that I would do anything for. I dote on him and help him through any tantrums he may have over his inflexibilities. I play with him and smile and laugh and truly enjoy my time with him.
As for my younger child I love him as my child but oftentimes I treat him the way I would treat someone else's kid. He's around, he's ok, but whatever. I sometimes feel like playing with him is a chore and I definitely don't enjoy it as much as when I play with my older one. I don't feel as close to him and when he tantrums over something dumb that a typical 3 yr old tantrums over I just let him tantrum and cry it out. Sometimes I can't stand him and try to avoid him.
I really feel like an asshole because I know I favor the eldest and I feel like I don't even want to try to like the younger one more. I feel like I'm a good dad to both but the younger one is definitely getting the short end of the stick. To top it off everyone says the younger one has my personality and is totally like me while the eldest that I favor is very much like my wife.
Any parents out there have any advice or thoughts? How much of an asshole am I?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 27,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 27
}
|
WRONG
|
8MXAJay1FR5WVc5GpyRDJDJLnOFjqWAD
|
a7rkgr
|
{
"description": "not letting my co-worker off for a \"prayer for the Dead\" for her nephew that died 22 years ago",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not letting my co-worker off for a "Prayer for the Dead" for her nephew that died 22 years ago?
|
I'm a supervisor at the job I'm currently at. I'm 39 and I supervise three other people. The one I'm discussing is 61 years old. Her nephew(sister's son) died 22 years ago in a car accident at the age of 18. I actually went to high school with him and was a grade behind him.
She's gone to it every year she's been here(around six years). I have no problem with her using her annual leave time for whatever she wants, but my department policy is that I'm given a week notice if you plan on using annual leave. She gave me the notice today and wants off tomorrow.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
w1tQOPgnkP8L51du5EQv3OU9wGV7FcTE
|
a3z9oe
|
{
"description": "dating a girl I don't intend to marry",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA For dating a girl I don't intend to marry?
|
I (22M) have been dating my girl (22F) for a while now. I don't see marrying her (for many reasons), but we have a happy and healthy relationship. My friends tell me I'm being an a-hole for leading her on. Thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
IXm1lm1QbEtMeQQzQkKEboeMJULfsI6s
|
asvqkd
|
{
"description": "not wanting to walk 1 1/2 miles through a foot of snow to see my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to walk 1 1/2 miles through a foot of snow to see my girlfriend
|
Hey Reddit.
(Excuse spelling mistakes or weird formatting, I'm on mobile.)
Where I (m16) live its been snowing like crazy and there is almost a foot and a half of snow on the ground. Naturally, you can't exactly drive through that. So my girlfriend (16) knowing that I'd have to walk a mile and a half asked me to come to her house.
I, obviously, said no. She got really upset and started saying how "We don't spend enough tome together." and "You're just being an asshole."
I honestly really really like this girl, and I've known her for a really long time. But I'm confused if I'm an asshole or not. I feel like one, but I'm not exactly sure if I am one.
Thanks Reddit.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
0W3xRdH5CkSMYAnfDyENSodsaQRxSA2D
|
b967s6
|
{
"description": "sleeping with two people when I was single but getting more serious with someone else",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for sleeping with two people when I was single but getting more serious with someone else (but not exclusive) ?
|
So in June I went on a solo backpacking trip through the balkins for two months . I've been exclusive and seeing my current girlfriend since August. I've been seeing here on and off since January last year.
From January to June we had a friend's with benefits situation going on and I really saw her as a good friend who I like hooking up with but I didn't really see myself long term with her. To clarify we've spoken about this and have established boundaries and expectations.
Leading up to the trip I started to develop emotions for her but I wasn't sure if I wanted to commit to her before I left on a solo two month trip. I felt like if I wasn't a 100percent sure I would regret that decision so much. I told her this and how I was starting to feel about her but I wanted my freedom on this trip.
So when it came time for the trip we've gotten pretty close and she even drove with me and my dad to the airport to drop me off. During the two months we texted almost every day. During the course of my trip I met two girls and we ended up sleeping together. Near the end of my trip she was feeling down and insecure and asked me if I hooked up with anyone and I was honest with her. This led to her crying and a series of arguments saying I led her on, that I essentially cheated on her, and that she can't trust me. We eventually worked it out and I told her I'd commit to her that very moment and wouldn't see anyone else.
Now it's April, it's been awhile and we've had wonderful times together but she uses this as leverage to every fight we've had. Shes having so much trouble letting go and I've apologized so many times and I've tried to comfort her but this just won't seem to stay in the past. Whenever we have any issues it's used as a dagger against me. She says that its not fair for me to tell her she needs to let it go and move on forward because she's the one dealing with the pain of it and that Im not carrying any emotional burdens from it. I feel that if we don't let go of this we can never heal from it. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
c4vDcqQGeJxpHtynps43ADlKzU4VVPYM
|
aii9zw
|
{
"description": "not visiting my girlfriend who's recovering from Lupus and Endocarditis because I had to study for midterms",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not visiting my girlfriend who’s recovering from Lupus and Endocarditis because I had to study for midterms?
|
Me and my girlfriend have been together for a year at this point. I am a senior in high school and she is a freshman in college.
She was diagnosed with lupus when she was 12 and recently had another flare up In November (kidney malfunction, severe swelling of her entire body, blood pressure issues, the whole 9 yards). She was in the hospital for 2 weeks and I stayed overnight with her at the hospital every other day because she enjoys my company (According to her, her family never shuts up and is always hovering over her when they visit her). After being specifically told by the doctor that she was not allowed to leave her house for a week following her release she decided to go back to school the day after she was released anyway in order to take her finals (she is a nursing major at a private college and they would not allow her to take the finals online). Because she went back to school while her immune system was still recovering she ended up with endocarditis (a heart infection) and would’ve died in 24 hours if she didn’t go to the ER when she did. She was in the hospital for another week and has been home since around New Years.
She isn’t allowed to leave the house and she has to give herself an IV every morning at 5.
She is understandably going through a hard time in the past few weeks with everything from the emotional stress of having to medically withdraw for the spring semester at her college to the physical stress of moving around with an extra 60 pounds of weight in water from swelling. I’ve been staying overnight at her house with her every Friday.
All of this time that I spent in the hospital with her has added up and now my average for all my classes is a 91. I need a 93 to get the presidential scholarship at the University I want to go to, I’ve already been accepted there and I’ve already given their lacrosse coach a verbal commitment. I had no idea that something this drastic would happen. Tomorrow starts the first day of my midterm tests at school and I need to score extremely well to get my average where it needs to because the end of this quarter is the last time I can reapply for scholarships at the university I want to go to. I’ve been studying like crazy the past week because I also had to miss 4 days of review from a nasty respiratory infection the week before THAT. My girlfriend hasn’t seen me in 2 weeks due to me being sick and not wanting to compromise her immune system plus me studying all week last week.
It is starting to bother me because she will text me things like, “Do you think you can come over tomorrow?” or “Did I do something? You haven’t FaceTimed me or seen me as often as you usually do.” but when I tell her why I haven’t seen her or FaceTimed her as much she gets all defensive and tells me that she obviously knows that I’m busy with school and that she wants me to do well and that she just misses me, even though she asks me to see her and gets upset with me when I say when I told her for the past week that I couldn’t.
I love this girl so much and I know that her life has been hell for the past few months but at some point I feel like I need to take a week and focus on myself (especially when a large scholarship could help us financially later in life). Should I have tried to make more time for her this past week? Is making her smile at a rough point in her life worth passing up a scholarship that would cover 75% of my college tuition? I’m really struggling on this one.
TLDR: My girlfriend who has been fighting an autoimmune disease and a heart infection for 2 months is upset I didn’t see her for a week because I was studying for a chance at a scholarship worth 75% of my college tuition
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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