id
stringlengths 32
32
| post_id
stringlengths 6
6
| action
dict | title
stringlengths 4
300
| text
stringlengths 0
10.8k
| post_type
stringclasses 2
values | label_scores
dict | label
stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores
dict | binarized_label
stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
H5PZ84ZVodC7jmugyfnfw6VPpfTrpmM5
|
b9w7l6
|
{
"description": "not really being able to deal with my boyfriends venting",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not really being able to deal with my boyfriends venting?
|
Me and my boyfriend (ldr) have been together for two years now and I do love him but sometimes, it stresses me out.
For the past few months, once or twice a day, he sends me a few vent messages. For around two months I really did try to help him but whenever I said anything he would turn it into something negative and get upset with me. I can’t even ever tell him anything good that’s happened in my life because he brings it back to him.
So, when he sends me those messages, I’ve kinda started ignoring him. I don’t open it, I don’t respond to it, I don’t acknowledge it. In an hour or two, he’ll send me something off topic from that, and we keep talking.
He’s acknowledged my ignoring of him and I feel really guilty for it. Am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
4Kr8G1TYc5xv8VplPqlmkulEAfifdiRG
|
b2t3oz
|
{
"description": "not hanging up other peoples clothes from the washing machine",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for not hanging up other peoples clothes from the washing machine
|
So i still live with my mom and we share one washer and no dryer (hang up clothes outside) but she does this thing where when she washes clothes she just leaves them there until I need to wash clothes and she expects me to hang up her clothes. Now I don't mind hanging them up when she actually asks me to and I always do but when she doesn't ask I just put them back in her laundry basket but whenever I do that she gets mad because I didnt hang her clothes up. So am I the ass for not hanging up someone elses clothes when they forget or are too lazy to do it themselves?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
c9H0SbvH43t2m9DGrF3p1nIVKTHjbC21
|
ar0nze
|
{
"description": "telling my friend I didn't think she'd care I was pregnant",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my friend I didn't think she'd care I was pregnant.
|
I am posting this for my wife because I feel the need to get an outsider's perspective.
Right. So my wife has a friend who she has been close with for 10 years, long before I met her. She was a good friend to her and even gave her the money for a deposit upon a flat, even brought her down south (we live in the north of England and wife's friend's family lives up north too) to spend her birthday with her. Fast forward to 2015 and I enter the picture I move in with her, I meet her friend and her husband and things go smoothly. Things go great for me and my then girlfriend. I hope I am not sounding too cocky or self important when I say when I met my wife she was living on 20pence noodles and carrot dip because she was that poor, but since meeting me she has been able to go abroad and now has a supportive family network around her that gives her more confidence. A family unit which she has been lacking for a long time. Some more time passes and we attend the wedding of her friend. Then it comes to 2017 and mine and my soon to be wife's wedding. This is where the problems arose I think and believe. Wife had asked this friend to be her bridesmaid, her only bridesmaid, just as she had been at her wedding. Friend agreed. They make arrangements to spend the day together the night before the wedding. Best friend offered her to either come for a meal with her and her family, because her mam wanted to go for a meal with her husbands family who were also travelling up for the wedding. Or they could stay in for a takeaway. My wife decided that they would meet at the flat and decide then. Come Friday, the day before the wedding, and the friend is nowhere to be seen. I have already gone to my parents to spend the night there. I get a call from my wife. She is upset. Friend has not turned up. I go over to support my wife and during that time the friend sends her a message that she had decided to go for a meal with her family instead and is already there having the meal. She then says my wife can come join her. She doesn't turn up until 9pm.
The next day, the day of the wedding, she puts in the minimum effort into being bridesmaid, basically walking with her up the aisle and then travelling with her to the reception. She did not adjust the veil when it slipped, did not accompany us for any of the traditional photos outside the reception. She was pretty miserable all that day. I later found out that she had had been quite negative (oh how can you afford this so soon) and complained about the dress she had to wear. Complained about having to go to the reception in a car by herself. Complained about having to sit at the head table and having to sit at the front at church and not with her family.
My wife decided to look past all this because she's that kind of person and this friend is her only real friend.
Over the course of the rest of 2017 and toward Feb 2019 things progress naturally, but communication is at a bare minimum between them. Yes, she goes over for her friends husbands 30th and they meet up maybe a couple of times, but outside of this there is little interaction, though the friend does make an apology for being a bad friend.
The only issue happening between this is her cancelling a meet up because her step mom had a fight with her son, and then they all went to the comedy club on the night time, and the mam being more happy to see me and my wife than my wife's best friend. Wife would continually reach out to this friend between meet ups and even wrote a heartfelt letter to her which did not even earn a message to say I got the letter.
I should mention that there were a few red flags during this time (to me at least) When trying to arrange something with my wife's friend we suggested going to a shopping centre. Wife's friend said no. We suggested me picking her up and her coming to mine and my wife's house. Wife's friend immediately said no let's go to the shopping centre instead.
There was a point where we were all going to meet up the four of us, but they changed it to a girly day instead so I did not go. Later I find out that my wife's friend had brought along her brother and husband.
Come the end of 2018 and there is no communication. My wife maybe gets a message once to say she is coming up for Christmas and does she want to get together. Obviously, Christmas is a busy time and so we cannot meet before. We arrange boxing day, but because of travel disruption, she'll get back to us. We never hear from her again until feb of this year. Her mam sends a message to my wife congratulating us on our pregnancy and the daughter responds two days later. Apparently, she was jealous because she and her husband are basically separated and can't have children. She says that she forgot to message my wife back and thought my wife was mad at her for some reason. Things run smoothly as the friend says she is really hurt that my wife felt like she couldn't tell her the good news, and knows that she has neglected their friendship and admits to being jealous over her pregnancy.
My wife says that of course you can be Auntie "" and the reason I did not tell you was because I thought you wouldn't care."
Wife's friend blows her lid and tells my wife she's changed and not for the better and how could she think so little of her after 10 years of friendship. She doesn't want such a negative person in her life, and cuts all ties with my wife. This despite admitting in a previous text she knew that she had been a bad friend. She also blamed my wife for the lack of contact even though my wife had been the one sending heartfelt letters about their friendship.
This obviously upset my wife because it came out the blue. Also, my wife has her life together and no longer has to worry about making a choice between rent and food. She has grown immensely since I met her and is a lot more confident than when I first met her too.
So to sum up.
Wife and friend have been friends for 10 years. Friend has been in a relationship for 8. Friend and husband are splitting up. Wife has gone from being very poor to living comfortably with security for the first time in her life and having her first proper family unit since meeting me almost 4 years ago (Not being arrogant. Just facts) Friend seems semi oblivious to how she has acted toward my wife at her wedding and in the last couple of years.
I should also mention that despite being on facebook constantly, my wife's friend never even noticed she had deleted her facebook account.
Was my wife an asshole for saying she thought her friend wouldn't care?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
TVn8dqEC45VHX6p1bdeNOLGAREA83oG8
|
a4xbl9
|
{
"description": "wanting to fly home early on family vacation my parents paid for",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting to fly home early on family vacation my parents paid for?
|
My parents paid for vacation for me (23F), my sisters (18F and 25F) to come down to Orlando to see our brother (20M). We planned on going to SeaWorld, spending a day in Epcot, and hanging out at our resort.
Our brother had to have emergency surgery to get his appendix taken out on the first day we were here, which is totally fine. We spent a lot of time at the hospital making sure he was ok & getting him set up back at home to recover.
Background on my siblings- all 3 of them are huge potheads & can barely function sober. I'm the only one who doesn't smoke weed (I dont like how it makes me feel and I also get tested for my job. I do drink.)
I moved out about 2 years ago. My younger sister and I used to be really close, but lately she is a huge bitch whenever she isn't high. My older sister does all sorts of drugs (cocaine, mushrooms, acid) but vapes weed all day long just to keep her at her maintenance high.
Last night me and my younger sister got into it verbally & I told her I can't stand how she acts when shes sober anymore. She's just so uptight and mean. We haven't spoken since last night. This morning my older sister couldn't find her EOS chapstick & started accusing me of stealing it. I'm allergic to that brand, it makes my lips blister up, but she still insists I stole it.
So after being accused of being a thief and already being on bad terms with my younger sister, I opted out of going to SeaWorld today. I feel bad because I know my parents spent a lot of money on this trip but I don't want to spend the whole day with people who are stressing me out. This is MY vacation too & it just feels like a huge waste of days off work.
I'm looking at booking the first flight out of here. Am I a jerk for opting out of what's turning out to be a shitty vacation for me??
Tl;dr- Parents paid to take their adult children on vacation. Fighting with my sisters & my brother is staying across town. AITA for wanting to fly home and actually enjoy my time off work?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
oJsyLOw2x933GxzaZY5z8u2BxCLiR9Wb
|
b12ots
|
{
"description": "being crazy",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being crazy?
|
I am a sensitive and fairly emotional lady. I think that my hormones make my feelings really turbulent. Additionally, I have adhd which makes my feelings feel really big and makes it really hard to get "unstuck".
My fiance is incredibly patient and kind with me. But I know it's irritating to live with someone who gets grumpy for no reason they can articulate or cries in the kitchen for reasons as small as missing their family.
TLDR; am I the asshole for dating without emotional regulation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
2tBsjs2PErdiL0G0noHGfbcmh10NcClN
|
akefie
|
{
"description": "not paying for my gf to live",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Not Paying For My GF to Live?
|
So my gf and I have been dating for 4 years. We both were in our early 20s trying to figure out what to do with our lives, trying to get our shit together. We both talked about it and decided to go back to school to get better jobs and live better lives. She quit her decently paying job to take a trip to Europe with her friend for a couple weeks, then would get a job and go to school. She did that, kinda.
She got a low paying cashiers job, and went to school 6 months later, changed her major because she didnt like it after 2 years. Then dropped out and had a couple odd jobs here and there. Just enough to scrape by.
I went back to school and got my associate's, then said 'fuck it', went all out and did full time school and full time work and finished my bachelors in a year. I didnt have a life, went to class after work 3 nights a week and spent pretty much all my other free time doing school work. It sucked a lot, but it paid off. I got a couple promotions after that and was making really good money.
Meanwhile, my gf still (to this day) hasn't finished school, cant get any jobs other than serving or cashier jobs (which she doesnt want to do) and is currently unemployed (I am too). However, she keeps complaining that she wants to move out of our shit apt and says that I should just pay for us to live. Now, I'm unemployed, but I still have a bunch of money I saved. Enough for me not to work for a while. I told her years ago that I wont pay for her to support herself, as life is expensive and we both agreed we were going to get our lives together so we could move up in the world and live better lives.
Shes upset and depressed that we live slightly better than college students and wants a house with a yard and to take trips and go out to dinner. I keep telling her to go to school and get a better job if she wants all these things and she just loses it. I probably didnt help because I bought a new motorcycle and a truck (while I was employed) and some other fun stuff, but that's what I wanted to with my money.
Am I the asshole for wanting to live the life I want and not paying for my gf to live the life she wants? I still take her on dates (not nearly as much now since I'm unemployed) and buy stuff we need, but I dont support her. I'm a firm believer that you should be able to support yourself and the hobbies you love. And if you cant, then you should work harder to get to that point.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
elBUtM98s0t9B9kR839ISuafMtUji86V
|
aryb32
|
{
"description": "cutting off a friend because he tried to pressure me into talking to my ex",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting off a friend because he tried to pressure me into talking to my ex?
|
So this happened a while ago but sometimes I think about it and wonder if I shouldn’t have completely cut him off entirely.
Here’s what happened
I dated a guy in high school for about 3yrs but broke up with him about a year ago. He has a friend who we’ll call Wiley that we both were friends with for a while. So fast forward and I hadn’t seen Wiley since we graduated. He found me on a popular dating/meeting app and asked me about what happened with Ex, so I told him; Ex really needed therapy and refused to go and I couldn’t be his Emotional Support Girlfriend anymore.
He told me that I should’ve stayed and supported him because that’s what a gf is supposed to do and we were together for so long. Then he was like “Hold on, I think (Ex) wants to talk to you he’s unblocking you now”
While the whole chat was happening, HE was messaging EX and told him that he was talking to me on the dating site and all that. I tried to gently turn down the offer of talking to my ex, but Wiley told me that I should talk to him and not to point fingers (typical argument advice), but I left him on read and didn’t even try to contact the ex (who I guess was expecting ME to message him first?).
I was freaking out because, no, I did not want to talk to my ex because we’re over and there’s no going back because I’ve moved on. He knows the reason why I broke up with him so it’s not like there wasn’t closure.
I told a few family members my story and they agree that Wiley should’ve minded his own business. I didn’t want any more conflict/confrontation so I blocked Wiley on everything I could think of including the dating site.
Me being the bleeding hearted girl I am I kinda feel bad and have that thought that *maybe* Wiley was trying to do something good and didn’t deserve to be cut off? What do you think fellow Redditors, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
TUYhTrZUOf8TYE9lGk1PPbU3Ytm7Edd5
|
a0ve8e
|
{
"description": "calling out of work",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling out of work?
|
Last week I’ve started switching my medications. My doctor informed me that I may be dizzy during the transition. You guys I can’t even look down to see if the toilet paper is clean after taking a shit without getting dizzy and throwing up. In addition to the dizz I can’t feel my face or neck they are numb.
Now tomorrow is a work audit (I work at a daycare) I’ve spent several hours outside of work hours preparing my classroom to perfection. So my class (along with one other classroom I’ve cleaned) is in perfect shape.
This morning 45 minutes before my work opened I realize there is no way I can go. My boss then throws a tantrum saying it’s bull crap, and that it’s not okay to call out because of medication issues. Mind you she sits on the office every day making personal calls to her daughters and scrolling through Facebook.
I plan on going to the doctors and figuring this all out today however I think my boss is overreacting. Thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
OJbPnOgGU8efiAgQSf3jsMpVdJdoe7O4
|
apjg52
|
{
"description": "stopping attending class",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if i stopped attending class
|
Right now I am in my first year of IGCSE (grade 10) and I am taking Arabic as one of my subjects. I thought it was all going to be nice and dandy since my first language is Arabic but my teacher is to say the least "doesn't know what he is doing."
I trying depending on myself for about 3 months and not take any sessions with other teachers ( I had never taken any session outside of school before) but last week I got news from one of my friends telling me that the curriculum had changed and that apparently my teacher didn't know about. I was shocked and finally decided to take classes outside of school with the best teacher in the city and he definitely guided me.
But what shocked me even more was that the new teacher I am taking classes with outside of school told me that during a session organised to discuss the new curriculum, he saw my old teacher (teacher who teach IGCSE for the most part know each other) and told me that he knew about it since he attended that session.
That meant that my school teacher knew about it and decided to use old books and old exams rather than trying to print newer one like my new teacher did and when I confronted him about it, he told me that he was planning to tell us the changes later.
So now since I am taking outside sessions with my friends with a better teacher, alot of them are just going to stop attending his class and they even got approval from the school to do so. My point is, he looks like a teacher who doesn't have much going in his life and gets really sad when one of his students doesn't attend class so alot of us not attending class at once might really put him down and since I run in to him sometimes at school it might be awkward so WIBTA if I don't attend his classes
TL;DR my teacher was teaching us the wrong curriculum and I knew about that and I attended classes with another teacher WIBTA if I skip his classes.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
rNs8ifYGYH1HTAwSxlVuw8jH6sSFOHht
|
aex8zo
|
{
"description": "no longer feeling attracted to a partner I've recently seen naked",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for no longer feeling attracted to a partner I've recently seen naked?
|
A bit of background: I am in my 30s and am decently in shape. I don't expect a partner to be in shape anymore than I am and even if they're a bit less that's fine too.
So now the story for AITA.
I started dating a new partner a few weeks back. We've known each other about a month and our relationship is brand new. I haven't had a good relationship in awhile so when I met this person and they were kind, caring, accepting, into some of the things I am, and all around have a good personality. To top it off with clothing they looked incredible to me. I was extremely attracted to them. They had been overweight in their younger years, were up front about this and how they had lost weight years ago. I thought it was no big deal.
Well, a few nights ago we get to the "fun times" and start eagerly exploring one another. I was disappointed when I saw that the clothing had been making their skin look tight but in reality it had been quite loose and there's no other way to say this but flabby. Everything from chest to rear droops.
I kept up my excitement for them because I really liked them. We had our fun and at first I thought "this stuff happens, it's okay, they're great, this isn't a big deal". But no matter how I rationalize it in my head it's like my body is having a biological rejection. My attraction has faded and that fun "puppy love" phase of a new relationship evaporated with it.
I am trying to rationalize all of this though. Part of me really wants this to work but I feel it would be unfair because for it to work I cannot imagine it working with things as they are.... Something would have to improve. I know they've worked hard to get this far but it's been a few years so I am afraid what's done is done. To make matters worse I would never want to bring this up to them and hurt them. They mentioned having a partner prior to me but after the "fun times" it all went south. I just thought it was a bad former lover but I was wrong.
Part of me believes if I cannot accept them for who they are I should let them go, they deserve better than what I am capable of giving. The other part of me wants to bring it up in an effort to keep this alive but I feel I would do massive damage to their self-esteem.
No matter what I do I feel like I am in a situation where there's no good outcome. AITA for thinking like this?
TL;DR: It's important for context to read but in short physical expectations and the reality did not overlap. Despite trying to rationalize that I like this person my body has shut off entirely. I feel my options are "tell them and hope it can be fixed but hurt them" or "leave them, they deserve someone who can accept them".
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
fm1VVGsf5GhUVY5b07A6qQk7IzqzFJoF
|
aq0xgq
|
{
"description": "making a joke about potatoes",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for making a joke about potatoes?
|
Hey guys!
My friend is turning 18 next week and we all decided to go to a saloon for her birthday. We’ve been talking about it for a few days and were all pretty excited to go.
Today she told us that her mom was paying and it was 50 dollars per person for their all you can eat loaded potato bar. I thought it was pretty funny that it was so expensive, so while we were walking to class I said “wow, all that for a few potatoes?” We talked normally until all parted ways and then during first period the group chat starts to blow up.
She asks who’s coming, saying that I already said I wasn’t going. That shocked everyone else because I never said I wasn’t going to go. She continues on, saying that I was complaining about the food this morning and that I shouldn’t go if it’s 50 dollars per person and if I’m not going to eat. But.. I really like potatoes?? Either way, if someone were to be paying that much for me, I would’ve just sucked it up and ate them anyways. I told her what I said was a joke and all she said was “it’s not on me, if you don’t want to go, i don’t want to waste money.”
Another friend sent a gif saying “everybody calm down”, and she responded with “I’ve always been calm I’m not in the mood to hear complaints about what I’m doing for my party. I’m paying for it, and I invited you guys so if you feel I’m being rude-I’m not, but I feel it’s rude to complain and be ungrateful to be invited. “
She didn’t talk to me at lunch today and is basically pretending like I don’t exist.
She does have a history of overreacting, but I never thought that she would get so angry over a joke that I said once.
So, am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
xIgcN5HC4ZZca0ZcKvA3vFwARIeRHx2Z
|
b96d8k
|
{
"description": "not helping my ex-wife",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not helping my ex-wife?
|
Long story short, divorced after 10 yrs of marriage. She was using drugs, endangering our child, and abusive to me. I have the kid, and work full time.
I’m paying TWO damn rents, but have more money now that I’ve ever had. Life is better.
She’s pissed I don’t give her any money (divorce order granted her NO spouse support). I do pay $2400 rent for the last 3 months (house we used to live in, lease expires in June), and give her $100 to pay electric bill. She has no job.
She has no car, it broke down right before the divorce, but I gave her the $3500 the insurance paid out.
I take my daughter over 3x per week so they can spend time together.
All she does is complain how I did this to her, she’s nobody anymore, and I took her kid away. She’s not wrong, but she doesn’t understand I didn’t WANT to do those things. I HAD to.
If she put even a little effort into becoming an adult I might feel bad, but this is pathetic.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
df2wPE1h9nqveso4KodR473NN8Cg0BB7
|
9upb94
|
{
"description": "holding my nose next to a stinky stranger on the bus",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for holding my nose next to a stinky stranger on the bus?
|
She sat down next to me and reeked of something horrible, I tried to be polite at first and ignore the stench,but my eyes began to water and my gag reflex started triggering so I discreetly used my palm to hold my nose. I figured holding my nose was more polite than vomiting. I guess I let out a small gag because she turned and analyzed me and said "fucking rude ass white people I swear I shou-" at this point the bus was at a stop (not mine) so I hopped up and got off. I'm not good with confrontation and I tried to be polite! And I'm not even white... AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 27,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
S6suc3g1YB3IuYfttg1Z5ehTWTBv8Jw4
|
au98be
|
{
"description": "feeding the neighbor's cat",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for feeding the neighbor's cat?
|
There's this cat that comes and greets me often whenever I walk outside to my car to go to/return from work. I honestly don't know if it's a stray or an outdoor cat that belongs to one of the neighbors. Usually if the weather is bad I don't see her, but today it just happened to be raining pretty hard and I saw her run right to my car and followed me walking into my garage, meowing loudly the whole time. I felt bad for her being out in the rain so I fed her some wet dog food I had.
Should I not be feeding animals if they're not mine? The cat is a little bit on the chonky side so I don't want to violate any diet her owner may have put her on, but I really don't know whose cat it is.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
daLXNePswoTSIZga2IQ9GFg7DKK0GByo
|
b2b5f7
|
{
"description": "calling CPS on this guy and his daughter",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I called CPS on this guy and his daughter?
|
So there's this guy. He is a beggar on this side of the street. And bas his daughter with him every day I go there. She couldn't be older that 6 or 7. Today she was sleeping in the dirt. Now I'm jot sure of the living condition but everytime i go there there they are. A man with a sign begging for money and his daughter.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
b6QDKK12yWLYc1ZUQdXQw9x5C9OtAVk5
|
asw1cu
|
{
"description": "trying to get my friend to stop using the term \"traps\"",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA For trying to get my friend to stop using the term "traps"?
|
This is probably the worst place to post for judgement but all my friends are trans and i need someone on the opposite side to judge me.
​
So this started when my friend (lets call them anon1) posted a tweet about falling for a "trap" (the literal trap mind you, not the definition that is associated with trans people.) It looked suspiciously like they were using it as a slur, so i hit them up about it. I want to post the full transcript so i don't somehow inject bias in my explaining on how the conversation went.
​
TL;DR: Friend keeps saying its not their fault when i try to explain "not meaning it doesnt make it ok"
​
[https://pastebin.com/eEbvbYth](https://pastebin.com/eEbvbYth)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
WRONG
|
yNmcfNar1kiogPTyVoBwu4rWVSAa5qVv
|
azfx54
|
{
"description": "responding to my SO's dad with \"Fine, I don't want to talk about it,\" when asked how I was",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for responding to my SO’s dad with “Fine, I don’t want to talk about it,” when asked how I was?
|
My SO’s family celebrated birthdays this weekend with the extended family. They get together every few months with all the aunts, uncles, and cousins to do this. In general my SO, his brother, and the cousins find it rather boring and tend to complain about it, but they attend nonetheless. I’ve been going for a few years as well and share their opinion.
I had an awful week leading up to this weekend. Work was hell, my mental health was hell, I had significant car troubles, and my SO and I have not really been getting along these last couple weeks either.
At the event, the typical questions are asked by extended family. How are you, how’s the job, how’s school, etc. In general, I responded with “Fine” and “Long” through the first few hours of the get-together. I’m not someone that likes to claim it’s sunshine and rainbows when it’s visibly snowing 10 inches.
As we are packing up to leave, and my SO’s mom and dad are always the very last to leave, his dad approaches me with, “Hey NotTheAvatar12, I feel like I didn’t see you at all today. How are you?” At this point no fewer than 6 other people have already asked me this exact question, and I’m just not in the mood to lie about it. So I respond with “Fine. I don’t want to talk about it,” and I proceed to go to the closet to grab my coat. I hear my SO saying to his dad after, “She had a bad week at work,” as I’m putting my coat on.
As soon as my SO and I got in the car I knew he was in a foul mood. He did not talk to me for the drive home, or the rest of the night. I tried to ask what was going on but he wouldn’t tell me, and I can only assume it’s because I was “rude” to his dad.
So, AITA for my response?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
YVgJjaKD8isLRCgGotQFQp2P1ypCSLHV
|
9wuhpm
|
{
"description": "honking at a runner who was running into oncoming traffic at night next to the sidewalk even though he had a headlamp on",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA If I honked at a runner who was running into oncoming traffic at night next to the sidewalk even though he had a headlamp on?
|
It’s rush hour. Dark out. Busy road. Has a slight curve. Is it just me or is he the asshole? Go run at the gym? That’s extremely dangerous and I almost hit you?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
aFIEzO7probTNvszmDKN8s4nB4BCZGS9
|
aynvx4
|
{
"description": "cutting my ex out of my life",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for cutting my ex out of my life?
|
My ex and I had been talking for about a year before we made it official. I wanted to early on, but she didn’t. Reason being, she wasn’t ready and/or didn’t want to put a label to what we had. I really liked her so I was okay with this. Honestly, we were practically girlfriends, just without the label. One thing to note is that when we first started talking, we established that we could both talk to other girls since we weren’t official. I told her it was a personal choice of mine to exclusively be talking to her and I was okay with her talking to other girls if she wanted to. I only asked that she tell me, although I also mentioned that that was her choice. Well, fast forward about a year and out of the blue, she wanted to be exclusive. I was obviously ecstatic and didn’t think twice about it.
One day, a few months into our relationship, she hopped into the shower while I was watching a show on her laptop. Up until this moment in time, she would always want to know what I told my friends about her and vice versa. I usually either told her or showed her my conversations, but she always kept it vague or a secret. I trusted her enough though and didn’t think twice about it. But for whatever reason on this particular day, I was curious as to what she would tell her friends about me so I opened up her messages and searched my name. In hindsight, I probably should not have snooped.
And cue the whole cliche of snooping and finding something bad. I found out that she had been talking to another girl (let’s call her Ashley) for the majority of the first year we were talking. In fact, I found out that she had also lied to me multiple times by saying she was going on a trip with her fraternity when she was actually going to see Ashley. When her friends asked if she was going to tell me, she said no.
I was obviously sad about this and when she came out of the shower, I was honest about snooping and we talked about it for a while. Since I had told her from the beginning that I was okay with her talking to other girls, I accepted it and got over it quickly. The only thought that lingered though was: “did she only decide to become official with me because it didn’t work out with Ashley?”
Anyway, we broke up a few months later for other reasons. A few more months later, I got invited to a party and Ashley was attending. We talked.
Turns out, my ex had told Ashley about me prior, but wanted to become official with Ashley. When Ashley asked about me, my ex replied back saying that she would “drop me in a heartbeat” if Ashley wanted to take things further. After hearing this, I asked Ashley about the timeline and I realized that this had all happened a few weeks before my ex wanted to make it official with me. I was so sad/livid that I decided to cut my ex out of my life without telling her what I found out.
AITA for suddenly cutting my ex out even though I said it was okay to be dating multiple people in the beginning?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
tQFhKKvULS6ILdEVQBKBpcjwJXxeOnCe
|
an1676
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to my gfs brothers birthday and not explaining why",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For not wanting to go to my gfs brothers birthday and not explaining why?
|
Ive been dating my current girlfriend for seven months. We've been together long enough that she knows me and my personality.
What she doesnt know, and what nobody outside of some anonymous people online know, is that I was raped as a boy by my cousin, multiple times, from 8 to 10. My cousin is now estranged and lives far away, but he tortured and abused me for years, and made me act like a girl, wearing womens clothes and putting on makeup before rapibg me. I was only a little kid at the time and couldnt defend myself.
I am 27 now. Im strong, tall, and I lift weights regularly. I am very much a "macho" type of guy and no one would think that I was a rape victim. I am terrified of people finding out, but for the most part I live my life like everyone else but with a few quirks.
For one I dont allow people to touch me if I dont want them too. I have gotten into fistfights before about men putting their hands on my shoulder. It was just instinct but now ive got control over it and will simply just remove their hands from me and tell them to back off.
My girlfriend knows this about me and though i allow her to touch me I dont let her use her hands sometimes. She sort of leans on me and its fine. Other times I will have this strong urge to be alone. Like we will be watching a movie and ill get up and leave to be alone in my room. I just told her that I need space and she understands. She tells me i should consider seeing a therapist and I dont want too, nor do i have too. Its my decision and i dont want it.
My girlfriend has a gay brother who I cannot stand being around as hes very feminine and stereotypically gay. I feel very uncomfortable around him and avoid him whenever we talk. I also cannot tolerate him touching me and have pushed him away before when he touched my knee. It caused a ruckus but we got over it and I assured my gf that i dont hate gay people i just dont like being around feminine men.
My gfs brother is having a birthday at a gay pride parade and I refuse to go. My gf is upset by this and asks for a reason. I just say I dont want too and its not my scene yet shes been yelling at me about it. I dont feel like i have to provide the reason why i dont want to go if i dont want too and i think she should respect that. She has not though.
The truth is i am extremely uncomfortable looking at these parades, with scantily clad feminine men. Especially with all the stories about young boys dressing up like girls at these things i just think it would remind me of my cousin raping me while i was dressed like a girl. But i dont feel like i have to tell anyone that. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
NMVBiMrwlFgRQ6Lq67MYOOwvW0wGcjtt
|
ammuoy
|
{
"description": "wanting to hang with my friend after they get an so",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to hang with my friend after they get an SO?
|
Sorry if I messed up anywhere, first time poster.
So, I (19M) have a friend (19FtoM,) who we’ll call Dan, that I’m really close with. We met in junior year, a few years before his transition, and got super close really quickly. We ended up living down the road from each other too which was cool. He, before and after the transition, was strictly into women which was fine, I had just moved to town and wasn’t looking for a relationship. I also wasn’t going to try and get with him or do anything that would make him uncomfortable. Anyway, we became really close, coming to each other with all of our problems. We hung out all the time, any chance we got, and it goes on like this until they get into any form of a relationship. When he finds an SO, he basically drops me out of his life entirely. Not seeing each other for months on end despite living a block down the road from each other, setting plans he knows will almost always fall through, maybe talking like once or twice every two weeks, and even canceling previously made plans to go hang out with or help his SO. And it goes like this until he breaks up with them at which he acts like nothing happened and starts hanging with me a lot more again. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind taking the backseat. I don’t want to come off as clingy and I get that there’s a more important person in their life, but I just feel the transition of best buds to nobody is a little jarring and unwarranted. When I’m in a relationship, I try my best to juggle time with my SO and time with my friends. It just seems like a proper thing to try and do. Hell, right now, despite not being in a relationship, I go to college and work two jobs and still find time for my friends. I don’t know though, I could be wrong and seem like a total dick right now. I just wanted to get other people’s opinions on the matter. Thanks for your time though.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
5m57ke6CIu8ZXSW6QdIE0Pc04rjFs1gL
|
aua7d5
|
{
"description": "leaving my ex on the sidewalk after we broke up",
"pronormative_score": 41,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for leaving my ex on the sidewalk after we broke up?
|
Recently I broke up with my girlfriend of about 4 months. I took her on a walk because we live fairly close together and she wanted to see me and walk the dog. I planned on ending it on her porch where she could just go inside, and I would know she was home safe, but when we got closer she saw her mom was outside smoking and she just turned around.
So we walk back further up the block and we sit down. I start explaining how I only have a three months or so before I have to leave because I’m enlisting in the Marines and she’s a year younger than me and on a completely separate path. I explained how we are delaying the inevitable and that we needed to break up. She starts freaking out.
Her voice gets high pitched and nasally and she starts talking really fast. She seemed to not even think that it was even a possibility of we would end things. She starts talking about how “Oh, during WWII the men would leave and the women would stay behind and wait” and all this stuff. She wanted to do long distance and I just can’t. I explained I don’t do long distance because of trust issues I have since ex #1. She interrupts me and says “but you know I’m not like her” and all sorts of things. Anyways, I keep my ground and I’m still kind to her when we break up.
This is where things get messy.
So anyways, we get past the hard things and I ask if I can walk her and her dog home to make sure she’s okay. She said no, but I waited and let bad because she was still crying. She kept saying “I don’t understand why it has to be now” and such. I continued to keep my ground and be firm so that I wouldn’t be pressured into continuing the relationship. I ask again, and she starts throwing a tantrum. I stood up and literally begged her to let me walk her home. I said “it’s cold, your dog is shivering, please let me walk you home” and she got really upset and literally said “I’M NOT COLD. No, I’m not getting up, I’m not moving. I’m not leaving this spot.”
So after asking her multiple times and getting the same answer, I told her goodbye, “text me when you get home so I know you’re safe,”and walked home. Then I went to hang with some buddies who knew I was ending things. She ended up texting me later and told me she got home. I said “I’m glad to hear you’re home safe” and she said “it’s only because my dog was cold.” I told her I was sorry.
The next day I was gone from school for medical reasons. Anyways, while I was gone she would ask my friends about how I was doing etc, they would say good, he’s waiting for this stuff etc, and she would say “Well that’s good because his ass left me in the cold for 40 minutes.”
I felt like I did everything I could in the situation except physically pick her up and carry her which would have been completely inappropriate given the context.
TLDR: AITA for leaving my ex on the sidewalk because she refused to handle the breakup maturely and threw a tantrum?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 38,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 41,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
G1aUhg0CVzjXuHrK0GFM3gHyk3BX7SBp
|
a79ieb
|
{
"description": "refusing to donate",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to donate?
|
So I have to/don't have to but it would really help you keep your promotion attend a course.
That's fine. I'm really excited for this course and it's a two day session of the one day season I had to miss out on.
Now I'm in public sector and am spoilt. These types of courses can run from $150 to $2000 depending on the readings of the entrails of birds, the cost of the establishment and how swanky you want to look when the microphone inevitably breaks down to however the person running it feels like that day but I've always got the same quality for free because government.
I have also personally organised a lot of training both having guest speakers in as well as attending stuff myself.
Almost all courses I have attended have been very easy to apply for, bar the high level multi month long ones, three minutes tops. They want your name and a way to contact you.
This one was very different. I had to give them my suburb, three ways to contact me as well my work history while trying to disagree a mass email list. Urgh. Worst, I had to do this multiple times as while the site looked professional it kept losing my info or forgetting that it had it or that it would ever offer to take it. I seriously had to start again via my email link because I made the mistake of pressing the back button at one stage and the site refused to acknowledge I had ever done and business with them. It didn't like my passwords and looking back on it I wonder if it was a phishing scam. Luckily at the time I was getting too frustrated at the fact that it turned a three minute process into 20+ minutes. It even wanted me to give a password when I would literally never use the account again and did some variations of Abc123 and Password1.
I *finally* finished registering and was salty at the website design as well as the dietary preferences being either "vegetarian" or "gluten free" (anyone who is vegan, follows religious diets or has any non-gluten allergy or intolerance or medically needed diet can apparently go hang).
I'm finally done!
...and now it's asking for my back details!?
This had been labelled as free, both on the flyer and the website. No mention of cash. Great, one more intrusive question? Oh, it says "$0". Maybe I gave to register this way because some people will be paying? Cool, I'm gonna fudge it. Bugger them.
No, wait! Down below there's a "$5.00" fee! No, sorry, a donation.
I don't want to pay it. Everything up unto this point says that this was free. I click delete. If it makes sense this course isn't set up like a normal course but like a store where you collect the course and the donation into your cart.
Fine! I'll pay! I'm so upset. I'm very much struggling for money at the moment and the donation has a mandatory minimum of $5.00. I only have $5.49 left in my overdraft.
Finally, after some Voodoo magic on the next page, get out of it as it tries to send me off to PayPal. I'm guessing they're legally required to offer you an out if they say it's free but can make it difficult to opt out?
Knowing the background I ask you if I'm the arsehole or not?
On one hand they are providing me a course that could cost $$$$ and yet for me is basically free. They're also providing a free meal to the majority of us. It isn't their problem that our family is struggling at the moment. They're human beings who have to eat. It isn't a mandatory training session either. And they're not asking for full price but a token amount that seems insulting not to give.
On the other hand, I don't like been forced and tricked into something that pretends to be voluntary and the way they asked for money really got up my nose. And I believe that something is either free or not. I've declined to seek scholarships when I haven't needed them to make sure others have access to education they may not have otherwise and have walked out of a store with an item and walked in again to pay for it (we had such a big shop moving into the new place so that I had so much stuff in the five minute conversation with the check out chick all three of us forgot the massive broom under my arm) and paying for something is not the issue. If it were upfront about the money I probably would have either paid it, waited for pay day, worked something out with my husband, gone to the savings jar and paid my friend in cash to buy the donation or called up my friend that owes me some money to wire it to me or fessed up about my finance troubles to my boss. Not proud but not ashamed either. Just stressed. But it wasn't upfront.
The fact that the website was dodgy and invasive, the fact that I don't actually know where the donation was going to (the people running it or a side charity or some extra for their slush fund to help clients?) and the fact that five dollars is a token amount and will unlikely stop people from paying rent are contributing factors but not the main reasons for not paying.
Thank you for the long read. I often go through after I've posted and edit my spelling because I'm on a mobile that loves its auto-correct even if you tell it off and it's easier for me to read if it's not in a tiny box. I won't do that here though because I think there are rules for editing so please forgive my typos.
Thank you.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
09MNaeZVnOuylvsztzxSrTnPgqmQSVK4
|
ardqeq
|
{
"description": "wanting to move away from a toxic house-share with my sister",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For wanting to move away from a toxic house-share with my sister?
|
About 5 years ago my sister broker up with her boyfriend and I moved into her flat with her, since then we have both paid equal rent and shared all the bills. However I’ve never felt comfortable at home as she questions everything I do and I can never relax. For example she came in my room screaming at me because she didn’t feel like the amount of items I had in the dryer warranted enough to use it. This is just a tiny example that extends to anything I do.
I feel like the problems stems from her thinking it’s her flat rather than ours.
Anyway I let her know that I was moving out and have her roughly a month and a half notice and my entire family has come down on me calling me selfish and made me feel like shit.
Just for some context, the city we rent in is 3 miles from her work and 40 miles from mine. It isn’t even my home town as my parents live a further 50 miles in the opposite direction so it feels like the only reason I’m here is to appease her.
To add to this she told me she wanted to move out on her own around 6 months ago and all my family backed her just as I did.. until that fell through and I agreed to further our tenancy. Now the shoe is on the other foot I’m the monster because she can’t afford that place on her own and I’m forcing her to find a new place to live.
So AITA for wanting to put myself first?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
klh2ZPCnpDiI12SZxQqnH352TuxsetyE
|
azogf9
|
{
"description": "trying to stop a really stupid and harmful prank",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to stop a really stupid and harmful prank?
|
I don’t get along much with the kids at my school, we simply have different tastes. But I have great foundations with all of them, I’m kind, we all laugh a lot, etc etc.
But I don’t belong in the main “group” of friends, all I have is these two best friends (I’m a male, they are both female)
These tow girls DO belong in the group of friends at my school, and one of them told me about a prank the men are trying to do, the prank basically Involves having the “attractive” one of the group text with this girl I know who is very kind but not very attractive, he is supposed to text with her, flirt with her, and ask her out on a date and then dont show up (but the girl will show up at the location ready for their date,but he won’t go) he then will block her on what’s app.
As soon as I heard this I told my friend to tell me if the boys go through with this, but today she FREAKED OUT. She says stuff like “don’t get involved in business that isn’t yours!” And “they are my friends not yours!” And “You weren’t supposed to know any of this” and she is getting really mad at me.
If the boys come through with this prank then I’ll talk to them and if that doesn’t work I’ll tell the girl before something bad happens, I mean this oils destroy her self steem.
But I could really isolate myself If I get involved, not only from the group of guys at my school, but from my two best friends who wouldn’t hang out with me if the rest of the group were mad at me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
xBn3JPDiPIE2NGMMyyuIonSBkO1En86y
|
awy0jw
|
{
"description": "being mad at my boyfriend for caring about his reputation more than mine",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mad at my boyfriend for caring about his reputation more than mine?
|
So to preface this, I'm pretty new to my school, I've been here about a year and a half. During this time, I have not been well liked and it never really went as far as it has now with the rumors and gossip, just normal high school drama. My boyfriend is a good guy, and is well liked, at least more than me. He is my first boyfriend too and we've been together about a month officially, but we've known eachother since I came to the school.
We were on a school bus back from a school club and I get tired pretty easily. We both take our coats off, use them as blankets, and he puts his arm around me. Later I take the coats put them on his lap and rest my head on his lap with the coats on top. The bus ride ends and we go our separate ways. The the next day and days after, his friends, some of which weren't even in our grade, teased him about that night, but neither of us really knew why, until yesterday.
I was texting with a friend when she tells me that she defended me after something came up about that bus ride. Apparently the some of the kids who don't know us very well thought I was blowing him. She even told me there was a video that was circling around with the rumor. I don't know how someone got to that conclusion, but that has been going around for a week.
He and I hung out last night and I told him about it. He told me he knew about a rumor, but not the extent that the rumor had been. I was clearly very upset and he put his arm around me to comfort me. This isn't the first time I've had to deal with rumors in my school. I told him how sorry I was because I knew that this was more focused on me than him, to which he agreed. I still do feel bad because I got him involved, and I still feel like it's my fault. All he said was not to worry about it since there's nothing we can do, but let it pass. After I was more composed, he seems annoyed and I asked him why. He said that rumors in general don't really bother him, but this one did because it questioned his integrity. He didn't seem bothered at all at the fact that I was the other one involved in the rumor. He just told me to ignore it and when I did, he started mentioning his integrity and how much that bothered him. I've never seen him this upset at something before because he isn't one that cares about being liked or about rumors.
I know his integrity matters to him a lot, but I can't help but feel upset because he didn't defend me at all. I feel guilty about feeling upset at him. Maybe I'm reading into things too much since this is my first relationship, but I would have liked to be defended by my boyfriend, instead of just my friends.
Am I the asshole for being for being upset?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
nGBKybZWYwOyiPRn7mW8matnqLMtCFLu
|
b3whob
|
{
"description": "wanting to leave my (ex-)wife as fast as possible now",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to leave my (ex-)wife as fast as possible now?
|
The life of my now ex-wife \[F, 28\] and me \[M, 27\] has been very challenging in the past few years.
We married quite early, when we were 18 & 19, and moved into a our own apartment and started studying.
After a while she started to lose the social connection within her fellow students. She faked going to courses and eventually openly didn't go anymore. We shared some mutual friends, mainly people that came from my study program (some of those are still my (best) friends today). She started to evade these social contacts too.
I always found excuses for her, and this lasted for years.
I knew this solution was not perfect, but what should I do? However, we had an argument about this and she made me feel bad for living my life without her. After our argument I started staying home too (except for drinking in university), played pc all day and isolated myself from my friends and family and study program. Didn't handle necessary things and soon we had rent debt of about 2k and I had to work alot to get this out oft he way which stopped my own studying for 16 months.
After working, I finished my Bachelor thesis, and got my degree and started my Master!
I started to tell friends and people around me about the situation (my mental ill wife and how I had to take care of it alone) and invited my parents and finally she/we actively started looking for a therapis. Since then, she is actively in therapy and making great progress.
Part of one therapy session was to think about our relationship. She brought the topic 4 months ago and we decided that she will never be free and independent with me and that we have different life goals, so we split up consensual. It took me a bit of time to tell my friends, and despite being clear that this is the right decision, it took me my own traumatic event to reflect this and realize, how all this afflicted me all those years and how it nearly killed my personality and restricted my happiness / life.
Since that moment I started to avoid home (so she has freedom and because I want freedom, too). I made a to-do list which includes telling my parents, organizing money (for \*both\* of us so she will be able to afford the apartment and moving out as fast as I can. I work really hard to get my list done and can't wait to finally move out. She dislikes that I am so fast and enthusiastic about it and feels betrayed by me and that she needs more time. Her dog (living at her mother which she didn't visit for years, too) died last year, but she just heard about it a few weeks ago, and she starts to attempt a measure to get back in work life right now, which is really tough for her. But despite moving out, I will totally support her and help her when she needs me - she just has to "come to me" and I will not try to solve her problems anymore by default.
Am I the asshole for the timing and the fact, that is want it all and I want it now?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
6A1WTak9LogBFSg8LGBratV6ljH9oF16
|
b8trn4
|
{
"description": "'taking' a dnd group from someone",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For 'taking' a DnD group from someone.
|
Hey there, this is a throw away account because i know the guys involved frequent reddit and have occasionally referenced this subreddit.
I am currently in university and myself and my group of friends were all pretty interested in starting a DnD campaign, none of them have any kind of experience, and i only have 2 campaigns under my belt, so i volunteered to be the DM because no one else had any idea of what to do. After some initial plans we all got excited to give it a try.
After a week or so of planning a couple of our other friends heard of our plans and also became interested, one of them (We will call Fred) it turns out was an experienced DnD player and was a frequent DM before university and was very keen on running this campaign, and since i only took the position out of necessity people were fine with this change, but this is where the issue is.
The only issue is Fred's girlfriend, they are both living together at the time but she has a host of mental health issues and is basically dependant on him, she frequently has break downs and requires him to be with her. I'm not here to comment on the relationship or her, but to portray how serious it can be, he usually misses 30-50% of all of his lectures at the university because she needs him to stay at the house. 9 times out of 10 any social plans he has been invited to will usually result in a message on the chat that he 'can't make it'.
The plans for this campaign were to have a weekly session lasting 4-5 hours, but i knew that would be extremely problematic, with how erratic his girlfriend can be, there was simply no conceivable way we could possibly plan a day in advance and there were a very strong chance any agreed upon days would have the DM unable to come, let alone remain the entire time.
Eventually i talk to my friends (and not Fred at this time) and simply said, because of his personal life, there will NOT be a campaign if he is the one DMing it, reluctantly the others agreed and i was put in the DM position.
​
Eventually he found out and when we ran into each other on campus he stopped me and said that i was being quite rude to him and that ''if i wanted to DM that badly i should have just said'' unfortunately i couldn't really give an honest answer because he can be extremely touchy about his girlfriend, and all i could say was that it'd be really difficult to schedule things and this is how it turned out.
​
He sort of just shook his head at me and left, and he has been quite silent on the group chat since.
So reddit, am i an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
g0oK8W8WC7Pb2Qm8ZFeNjQOoE1lqcK1j
|
aiy2tk
|
{
"description": "keeping the distance to my friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for keeping the distance to my friend?
|
So for context: I am 25 years old male and live in Germany. I met my friend (24, male (let's call him Brian)) at school in 2010 and we've been hanging out together regularly ever since. I would pretty much consider myself as a very emotional, caring person.
​
So basically, everything was great until we got our A-Levels. We would still hang out a lot but it wasn't like the time we've been hanging out at school.
​
We got into lots of arguments, as most of people in friendships do, which is very normal to me. I always approached him with what I didn't like and vice versa. The problem here is that I was always trying my best to not hurt him and avoid the things that would annoy him. He wouldn't do the same for me. He would try to provoke me every now and then even though he knew that certain things hurt me. I confronted him with this and he said that he's sorry and that he would stop it. He didn't. I learned to ignore it so it was fine after a while.
He told me, that he really wanted to try weed at one point. I said that it's his decision but I advised him to thoroughly consider trying it in first place but also be careful where to get it from. So, one day he would invite 2 friends he met on the internet via online gaming to a sleepover LAN party. I got invited but I didn't really want to go at that point. So at the day, I was with another friend and he said 'How's Brian doing and I said that he was fine. He really wanted to see Brian so we called and asked if it was fine when we joined and he said he'd love us to come over.
​
We arrive there and he's wasted af. The other 2 guys are listening to music VERY loudly while he is there lying on the couch looking really horrible. I'm concerned about him and ask what happened. He tells me that he tried weed and he feels miserable. After finding out that he hadn't eaten anything that day I decide to go to the kitchen and cook something for him as the other guys seemingly don't care. After that, I tell him to rest and the other guys to be quieter so that he can rest. We haven't talked about this day ever since, he didn't even say thanks for being there for me or anything like that.
One day, I asked him about doing sports together. He is a good looking, athletic guy while I am overweight and have anxiety issues. I told him that it would boost my motivation if he went to the gym with me. He said that he didn't like gyms that much and didn't want to go. That was completely fine by me as I can't force anyone into anything.
​
Fast forward, we would meet with 2 other guys (also met via online gaming) and have a nice time together. One of them proceeds to ask Brian if he wanted to join them doing sports at the gym and Brian immediately says yes. I'm obviously a little confused because our conversation about gyms was not that long ago. He looks me in the eye while agreeing and doesn't even ask me if I wanted to join as well. I'm really hurt but manage to forget it.
Recently, I asked him about something I wanted to buy and he told me that he knows someone who would get discounts and that he could ask them if I want. I agree. After one week of messaging him and him leaving my messages on read but not answering I decide to tell him that I don't want the discount anymore.
​
I'm really pissed because of the fact that all the time it was me trying to keep the friendship alive and to maintain contact. He would never message me on his own. All the times I confronted him with things that go wrong he would always reply with the same things, almost like a playback. I felt replaced.
So, at the end of the day, I decided that I would act like him and not contact him anymore.
​
Am I the Asshole because I can't take this shit anymore and don't want to be hurt anymore?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
zqI8B7aHlY4F4rEC1tkTu5HiDNAlEzao
|
adfvmu
|
{
"description": "losing my cool with my roommate/friend and telling him to STFU",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for losing my cool with my roommate/friend and telling him to STFU?
|
Happened earlier today. So this weekend has been a shit show. My (21M) sister (18F) and her abusive boyfriend (21M) broke up on Saturday, they lived together at his house. She is extremely fragile and last time this guy broke up with her, she had a complete mental breakdown and was admitted to the hospital for a suicide attempt.
I got everything sorted and she's moving back in with our parents right now, which is the best for everyone. Thing is, they live in a different country 1700 miles away. This is a HUGE logistical problem but not unsolvable.
Que my situation. In the middle of all this I get a couple hours off at my place. My friend and roommate is headed over to our buddies place to shower (renos, water is shut off). He drives us over (a 2min drive, he's super close). I mention may need a ride home early as my sister is a huge, unstable, and potentially dangerous situation. He's totally cool and I even mention if it's a hassle I can walk back.
Anyways, after barely seeing them as Im on the phone constantly, I need to head back. He drives me back, but on the way starts to mention that if my sister needs to store stuff at our house I need to clear it with our other three roommates (and friends). I say look, I get it but right now we aren't even there yet, and I have MUCH bigger fish to fry right now.
My sister was at an extremely unstable state and at any moment could dissociate from reality and become suicidal. I hadnt slept in 36 hours because I had to make sure my sister didnt leave my sight while sleeping (has happened before). I am immediately responsible for her safety and every word I say to her could potentially send her spiralling. In these past few days, every time I say goodbye to my sister it may be the last time I see her if I dont catch the panic attack in time. Oh, and I had to rack up $800 on my CC to make this whole rescue happen. So, Im tense. And he knows the situation.
He keeps insisting. I say look, at the absolute worst it's stuff that stays in my room for a few days and maybe a car parked down the street. No one is inconvenienced, and look Ive had the second worst couple days of my life and right now I cant be thinking of that right now. He keeps saying the same thing over and over.
"Look man, Im doing you a favour driving you home you need to listen to me."
I get progressively more angry before I tell him to shut the fuck up after about the 5th time he's said the same thing and ignoring my request to drop the topic for just the time being. He puts the car in park, kicks me out and makes me walk the half block to our place.
AITA here?? I wasnt angry at all in tone initially, only that I just dont have the capacity to deal with that right now given the situation. And if you're wondering, I absolutely agree in that if I needed to store stuff say in common areas, I would ask everyone if they were okay. Hell, HE was okay with it but so insistent on confirming with everyone else on a hypothetical that didnt even end up happening, and even if it did wouldn't affect anybody.
TL;DR Good friend and roommate ignored my request to drop a topic in the middle of an absolute hell of a day dealing with a suicidal (and freshly homeless) younger sister. After he wouldn't stop, I lost my cool and told him to STFU. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
RMUTeFhFUgdG1izCEzsq4SAXMAxnonOs
|
apbb3l
|
{
"description": "not going with my school band to a competition",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not going with my school band to a competition.
|
I’m at a high school in the UK, and we’re having a school band (the ones with flutes, tubas, etc.) competition coming up, and recently I heard that some of the people in my band think I’m useless in the band and not that great (which I’m not because I’m a first year, but I was good enough to get it and play the music relatively well), So I decide to quit comes concert time, and all of a sudden 2/4 people from my section can’t make it due to the cost,which leaves 1 person left. All of a sudden the same people are trying to convince me to come back in the band because we don’t have enough for our section, all I’m telling them is I can’t come at all but they keep on trying to convince me. I justified this in my head as “if they don’t think I’m good and useful, I just won’t show up”, but now I’m kinda doubtful.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
2pLk57KOqUMtBivbkBTcAPfRGCEnpkHm
|
ar4pd2
|
{
"description": "causing a \"scene\" at my house when people came over that blatantly don't like me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for causing a “scene” at my house when people came over that blatantly don’t like me?
|
So long story short. I hired a mutual friend for a job at a place that I worked. She was a mutual friend of my sister in law. So six of us would hang out (me, my SO, my SO brother, his wife , friend A and her husband (friend B)
I hired friend A for a job where I worked as the manager. After I quit I still did some side accounting work for the company. I starting seeing that Friend A was giving out things like free rent when it benefited her. I brought this up to the owner and he had a talk with her. She deleted the free rent so we let it go as a mistake. A few weeks later I notice the free rent back on the account. I then asked her personally about it and she blamed the other girl that worked there, even though the other girl didn’t work on the days this was done.
Fast forward a few months and my brother gets hired. She started telling people my brother was selling drugs (completely not true) and when the owner heard this he called a meeting and no one backed her claim of this. So the owner fired her.
So now the Sister in law has a grudge against me because her friend got fired. The problem is my SO and his brothers household live so close to each other where everyone walks to each others house through our backyards
At family gatherings sister in law treats me like shit by getting mad when people sit next to me, won’t
Let her husband text me back even if it’s family related blah blah.
So today mother in law and father In law are In town. Brother and sister In law, friend A and husband walk over to mine and my SO house. I ask brother in law “why are you guys fucking here when none of you like me?” He says we are only saying hi and then we are leaving. I say “ say your hellos and go”. Then my SO tells everyone to go. No one really listens and they keep talking. So he gets upset and starts yelling. Friend B walks into my garage after my SO and I tell him “you said your hellos and now you all need to leave”
AITA for even starting all of this? Should I have let these people just come to my house even when it’s been clear we aren’t on good terms and they’ve sided with friend A and her bullshit lies? I mean when friend A got fired her husband even came to the work and yelled in my face. Should I have just let it go and allowed them to say their hellos and not had a problem with it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Wzo09X3MpS6mHQg7UZD2JytjWlLWoIKs
|
au3w5y
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to Disney with my nephews",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go to Disney with my nephews?
|
For some context I have terrible anxiety and I hate traveling. I don’t like crowds, flying, staying in other places, and I can’t afford much time off from work. However last year my family was taking a trip to Disney for a weekend. It was the first time my nephews were going and in an attempt to be a good uncle I obviously went and I can’t say it was all terrible. The kids had a great time and even though I was too nervous for most of the rides there was still plenty to see since I hadn’t been since I was a child and Harry Potter stuff was really cool as someone who grew up on it but it was so crowded I had to leave several times just to calm down.
Now recently they decided to go again just barely more than a year after and this time they want to go for almost 10 whole days. I told them I didn’t think I could do that again so soon especially for that long. Maybe in a few years I could do it again when I’m in a better spot financially or found a more effective medication for me.
This leads to the current issue of my mother just spending weeks telling me I should go and trying to make me feel terrible for not wanting to spend time with my nephews and just recently my brother has begun messaging me constantly and even after me trying to explain why I don’t want to go he started saying he was buying my a plane ticket and going to force me to go to the point where I disabled notifications from him.
So AITA for not wanting to go on a family trip?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
HJNscbq2yxhrWrvB9yfdUaXnNaux46Eo
|
azc0sd
|
{
"description": "asking my boyfriend not to bring his children to my birthday dinner",
"pronormative_score": 47,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA for asking my boyfriend not to bring his children to my birthday dinner
|
I have been with my boyfriend (30M) almost for 2 years. He has 2 children (9 &11) from his previous marriage. He recently moved out of his apartment and lives in a camper which causes him to see his kids less often, at least twice a week. I love his kids, even though I have no desire to have any of my own. I have taken them out and do crafts and interact with them when I see them. My birthday is in a few days and I turn 21. They are all coming to by birthday party this weekend and I plan on not drinking because of it. I had scheduled a dinner for me and my boyfriend at Benihaha during the week. He and his kids have never been there. I told him about it and said he will have his kids that day and to add them so I did. I didn't see the harm in asking my boyfriend once again today if it could just be me and him because thats what I want to do for my birthday. There was no ill intent on my behalf in asking the question. He then proceeded to tell me that he feels that I don't care about his children, that I'm being inconsiderate, he feels like I'm trying to get him to abandon the kids and it's making him rethink us. He called me and asked for an apology. I honestly don't know what I'm apologizing for. I called and asked if he wanted me to apologize for asking a question or for hurting his feelings, which I know is immature on my end but I'm genuinely at a loss. Everyone I have asked so far has told me not to apologize. Am I the asshole?
Tl;dr- I asked my boyfriend if it was okay if me and him, not the kids, got dinner for my birthday.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 40,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 47,
"WRONG": 20
}
|
RIGHT
|
9wenCf2SO8VooeOanYWwHZQY6h4AUtUM
|
an188t
|
{
"description": "never actually pursuing girls, even when there are mutual feelings",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for never actually pursuing girls, even when there are mutual feelings?
|
So, to start things off, I have ASD, which makes feelings hard to grasp for me. Also, I am considered fairly attractive by many people, including platonic friends, though I don't really get how myself, and as such I get a fair amount of looks from girls.
Enough humblebragging though, my problem with girls has always been that I never pursue them, even when there is mutual attraction, or even feelings for each other. I don't know why I do this, though if I'd guess, it would be laziness mixed with depression and some deep seated insecurities.
It's always the same thing, I meet a girl, we hang out, things develop, and then I either pull away, or just give up. I feel like an asshole, because I can never give them a decent answer, since I'm terrible with expressing myself, and I don't even know why myself, really. My friends have had to call me out, because when I get nervous I stop putting in any effort, and usually let things die off.
I don't want this to happen, especially when there is mutual feelings/attraction, but I always end up doing this, and in some cases, I've stringed girls along for months, in one case a full year because I don't know how to go any further than flirting. To everyone else, I'm either seen as callous, or just like having girls around for my ego, and I'm starting to wonder if they're right.
Am I the asshole for not putting in the effort with girls, which usually ends up with us cutting contact, or me leading them on. I don't want to do this, but I keep pulling the same shit. So, asshole or not?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Ih6MhM1r2XanIEbqlB5sRn9V33gmMUk2
|
ashjrw
|
{
"description": "accepting money for watching my neighbors dogs",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for accepting money for watching my neighbors dogs?
|
Hi all.
I’m 21F. My neighbors are in their 40s.
They went away for 8 days, and have asked me to take care of their dogs. It’s day 3, and so far I’ve been feeding them morning and night, letting them out twice a day for about half an hour (they’re unable to go for walks for various reasons), and changing the sick dog’s diaper three times a day. I have to stop by at 8:30 am, sometime between 1-3 pm, another between 5-6 , and then again before I go to sleep.
To put it bluntly, their house smells like urine. The dogs don’t pee in the house so idk what it is. But it’s so bad that when I left there and went to get lunch with my friend, she said I smelled. It makes me sick but I still try to spend at least 45 minutes there a day besides just quick drop ins so the dogs aren’t lonely.
. I also have a job and I don’t currently drive (car trouble), so I bus there and back to get to them, get to work, get to the gym, get back to them, etc. I’m also taking out their trash, taking in their mail, and have been cleaning the dog’s dishes and the Tupperware their premade food is in.
My mother, who is moderately close with them, told me today that if they offer me money for this I need to decline it. She said she will be ENRAGED if I accept money and it will be inappropriate, rude, etc.
I feel like I did a constant service for them, and should be paid for it. Obviously if they try to give me a ridiculous amount of money I’ll say no, but I’m watching the dogs for 8 days. I’m structuring over a week of my life around them. I should also note that I’ve worked as a “professional” dog walker/sitter before. I know what those rates are, and I’m fine with accepting $75 and calling it a night.
My mom says it’s not okay, and that if we ever needed anything from them they wouldn’t charge us. I get the sentiment. But there’s doing favors and then getting taken advantage of. If they needed me for a day or two it would be different. Our neighbors are very nice and once they drove me to work once last year, and they always say they’re here if we neeed anything. I totally get it and it’s nice. But tbh, if we asked this of them and didn’t pay them, I’d consider it really unfair.
I just don’t know what to do and now I feel guilty.
AITA: I want to accept payment for a service I’m providing to a neighbor.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
vWavdo1m43JWXYxwOagCuQTH3mUvxKoo
|
atxbjy
|
{
"description": "cutting off a former friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting off a former friend?
|
Throwaway account because my brother looks at my real account and a friend of mine. Also on mobile so formatting.
So, AITA for cutting off a friend of mine over a summer? This happened sort-of recently in 8th grade. Backstory: I'm a straight male (will be important) and my friend was a bit odd.
In 8th grade I was really good friends with with someone. We were always at each other's houses and talked a lot. The main issue up to this point was that he was untrustworthy and everytime I had a crush, he would tell them, and get upset when I was angry.
Partway through the year, he suddenly became extremely clingy, only letting me talk to some people and telling me that I had to end friendships that he didn't approve of. This was the first thing that made me super mad.
Later in the year, he came out as pansexual, and everything was fine for awhile, but soon enough,he started causing trouble in the friend group, and soon enough, most of them (there were 5 of us) started disliking him and avoiding him.
Then, things got awkward and he started getting worse. He was obviously hitting on me even when I told him to stop. He wouldn't give up, and even made me go to the school counselor to force me to have a sleepover with him. The entire sleepover, he kept rubbing up against me and I kept telling him to stop but he wouldn't. He finally stopped when he forced me to put on Cars to watch though.
Also throughout the year, he kept threatening me to do things and I stopped responding to texts. At one point, I told him that I couldn't talk because I was at a family party, and he sent 5 texts that just said "f**k you" (except uncensored).
Everyone from the friend group was telling me to get away from him, so in the summer I stopped talking to him and blocked him. When school started in 9th grade, he tried talking to me the first week and then gave up.
So, AITA?
tl;dr: Middle school friend became clingy and started hitting on me despite telling him not to (because I wasn't homosexual), along with other toxic actions so I stopped our friendship and cut him off.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
OCzP57l8ziIsZaUIfet1tCYmekrOoFad
|
b2e9ng
| null |
AITA: GF friends with M she had relations with.
|
So me and my GF have been together for 6 months. I’m 22, she’s 19 and 6 months pregnant with my child. “Quick maths”. We have a good relationship and I honesty do love her and we plan to stay together. We also live together.
She has a male friend that she’s been friends with for approximately 3-4 years. This friend likes her and wants a relationship with her. She knows this and she’s told me this so I’m not imagining it lol. She’s told me he hasn’t liked any of the guys she’s dated including me because he wants to date her.
About a year back they both got drunk and fooled around together but it didn’t last long they didn’t finish having sex. They both agreed to stay friends and that what happened was weird. They still talk everyday and message each other a lot.
She’s assured me she doesn’t like him or want to have a relationship with him and I believe her.
I’ve brought this up to her that it makes me uncomfortable and she said she’s not going to just break contact with her friend because they’re really close.
AITA for being uncomfortable with them being friends or wanting to hang out. I just feel uncomfortable with him wanting to be in a relationship with her and coming to my home and her wanting him to come there. Just feel like a snake in the garden kind of deal.
Just trying to get some other views because I feel like I’m being irrational but I still feel this way. Any help is appreciated!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
RMCGzyGlGBnaKkCu4HUUDDixNUfhBtMy
|
a2ztjl
|
{
"description": "denying my terminally ill wife the chance to be a mother",
"pronormative_score": 492,
"contranormative_score": 46
}
|
AITA for denying my terminally ill wife the chance to be a mother?
|
I don't want a baby. I never wanted a baby. We are 24 and 25. She is very unwell, we dont know how long she has to live but most likely between 2 and 3 years.
When she was diagnosed she was told having a baby would kill her, so the fact I don't want one wasn't an issue. Now she is looking into other methods that could work.
This woman was born to be a mother, and she would be the best darn mother in the world. I feel terrible denying her the opportunity to ever know what it's like to hold her own little bundle of joy.
That said, I think it's a bit unfair that she would like me to have a baby with her, take care of that baby, AND MY DYING WIFE. Just to have her die and leave me a 28 year old guy with a 3 year old baby I never wanted with a dead mother.
My father died when I was 3, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I don't want that for my child. I watched my mother from an early age looking after me and my sister with no help from a partner, she still has crippling anxiety issues and it's effected her massively.
I know what's ahead of me and it's going to be fucking rough. Is it selfish that I don't want to make it any harder than it has to be?
I just want to go into a 6 month black hole of depression after she dies, I don't want to look after myself, certainly not a baby.
As you can probably tell by reading this, I can be a bit of a prick. But I don't think I'm being a prick right now. Let me know.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 44,
"OTHER": 333,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 159,
"INFO": 5
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 492,
"WRONG": 46
}
|
RIGHT
|
Vz1RW0WXWqNnNwpWCiAU8OnkQaQrVbxi
|
aanma8
|
{
"description": "planning to elope for no reason other than impatience",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for planning to elope for no reason other than impatience?
|
This is kind of an ‘are we the asshole’ since my fiancé and I are in total agreement about wanting to elope, neither one of us had to push or persuade the other into this.
So my boyfriend and I got engaged a year ago. We’ve been together since meeting at university abroad, and now live in a completely different country to either of our home countries, or where we went to school. It was never our initial plan to elope, but it became very clear quite quickly that having the wedding in either one of our home countries completely excluded whichever family who weren’t ‘home’ from the whole experience for a number of factors (low incomes, large family units, flights either with young kids or hours in a car either way). We’re not rich by any means, meaning that we couldn’t afford to fly/transport and put up parents, siblings, aunts and uncles and whoever else would be coming. Neither one of us wanted to try and rank who (we’re not traditionalists by any means, so weren’t going to go with the whole ‘bride’s family pays for everything’ trope common in both our home nations), but we knew that if push came to shove we’d have to decide soon which country to go with. Another thing to factor in was that we had many friends in our university country, which is in a completely different continent to where we are now, and expensive to get from and to at the best of times.
Onto money again, and since the proposal we’ve been worrying about the cost of the wedding day itself. Again, neither of us are traditional in the slightest, so we didn’t need or want a big white wedding in a church followed by an evening with a silver service meal and a big cake. This is however, the ‘done thing’, so started scrimping and saving to prepare for wherever we’d end up. Ever since the engagement announcement, we’d both been getting ‘advice’ from our families about what to do and not do, and how many seats we’d need for family alone - it got up to 100 seats each side before we started to think that this might not be possible in the next few years at least. We obviously don’t have 100 people each in our close families - we both come from a nuclear family of mother, father and siblings, so this included cousins and their families, the families of random step-uncles/aunts who we’d never even met, and the people who were ‘basically family’ and their real families.
We spent an extended break in my fiancé’s home city in November, and had to explain when asked numerous times about the wedding and ‘save the date’ that we were not even sure which country we were going to end up having the wedding in. My fiancé’s brother suggested that, if we wanted to, we get married in our current country whenever we wanted in the near future, and then just celebrate the marriage whenever we were next in our home countries, or our university country. This is something that appealed to us greatly - we live in our current country firstly because we love the country before anything else; if we were honest with ourselves from the start, we’d be happy to just go to our favourite national park with a witness and an officiant, say ‘I do’, and sign on the dotted line. The only reason we’d been talking about getting married elsewhere was solely in the interests of our families.
We started dropping hints to both sides of the family that we wouldn’t be against scheduling our time around a period when both sets of parents and as many siblings as possible (I have a brother, my fiancé has two brothers and a sister) could get out to us, and then we could just go to the equivalent of a registry office, become married on paper, then go up into the hills and celebrate. Our only rule was an ‘all or nothing’ regarding our parents (our siblings are all adults who live away from home, with many having their own partners and kids, so we’d understand if they couldn’t come from the get go) - we weren’t going to have a situation where my fiancé’s parents watched him get married but my parents couldn’t watch me, or vice versa. This is something that was initially accepted by everyone, with a couple of grumbles about *‘what will I say when \[Great Aunt/Uncle/Cousin\]* *asks about the wedding?’* thrown in.
We didn’t impose a cut-off, but everyone knows we want to get married sooner rather than later, preferably within the next year. It’s now become clear that it’ll be very unlikely for both sides of the immediate family to be able to get to us at the same time for a reasonable cost. Both sets of parents have of course said that they’d spend whatever to get to us, but on one weekend when my fiancé’s parents can make it for a reasonable price my mother is working on the Saturday morning and Sunday evening and the cost of flights is in the high hundreds, and another when my parents could make it it’s Fiancé’s Great Auntie’s 95th birthday and so his parents are occupied. Basically, it’s not easy. The more we talk, the more we just want to get married, family or no family.
Of course we get that our families might be hurt by not being there on the day itself, whenever it might be, but no one on either side will cut anyone off or go loco. As previously said, we’d be happy to have a set of parties or celebrations in our home countries when we had the chance, so it’s not something we’re doing out of spite. Are we asses for just wanting to get married as soon as we can?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Nh7CjSz15RiG82Ygr37RzkuUZ54ttFGX
|
aj2i8l
|
{
"description": "threatening a friend with telling all of their secrets to everyone if they don't remove an edit of me alongside a dick from their stories",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for threatening a friend with telling all of their secrets to everyone if they don’t remove an edit of me alongside a dick from their stories?
|
Long story short I was minding my own business, checking my stories and whatnot. Then I get a message from my best friend and he told me that some girl I used to call my friend posted an edit of me alongside a dick. (Yes, a real dick, not a shitty drawing) I was immediately shocked and told her to delete the story or i’d share all of her secrets she told me to everyone. I have taken so much bullshit and i’m not in the mood to take any more.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 10,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
L5mUCGfkVpd8pugWkqrOmm1Vbt6FlsWu
|
at3atj
|
{
"description": "telling my dad that I don't want my mom to live with us again",
"pronormative_score": 31,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my dad that I don't want my mom to live with us again?
|
Throwaway because I don't want to risk getting identified by people i know who use reddit. Last year my dad discovered that mom had been cheating on him with one of his close friends. The only reason he found out is because his friend's wife snooped through her husband's phone and found old convos between him and my mom. my dad was hurt and devastated like i'd never seen before and that affected me deeply. she had been cheating for almost a year apparently and in the months leading up to them being found out my dad's friend was trying to break the affair off. This explained a lot of things that were going on at home. My mom had been acting very aggressive and was extremely unpleasant to be around during this time. she said some very hurtful things to me due to my appearance (i am overweight), me going to community college because i couldn't get into a decent uni and my lack of friends/social life.
My dad kicked her out of the house not long after the initial shitstorm. Mom went to live with my aunt and she's been there ever since, but yesterday she called dad and told him that she needed a place to stay because her sister was going to move and wants mom to get her own place. She said that she can't afford an apartment right now and that she wanted to come live with us again. My dad told me right off the bat that he had no desire to live with mom again but that he wouldn't keep us separated if i wanted her with us again.
I haven't spoken to my mom since the day she moved out. She sends me texts every now and then but they're always ridiculously long and I rarely read them and I've only replied a few times. To be honest I am still very hurt due to how she treated dad and how much she hurt him by betraying his trust. I am still very angry at how she took it out on me and dad when her affair was going sour. I am still very angry at how depressed and anxious i felt because i thought that there was something wrong with me, that i was making her unhappy and that's why she was constantly attacking me and putting me down. i don't think i can ever forgive her for the way she treated us because the man she was fucking wanted to end things and she didn't.
i told dad right away that i didn't want her anywhere near the house again. that i wasn't ready to be around her again.
but last night i had a lot of trouble sleeping. i feel guilty and petty for saying no, and it makes me fucking angry that i even feel this way because i truly do not want to see her again. i hate feeling responsible for what happens to her. I am dreading having to work today while feeling like this.
do you think i am taking things too far by telling dad not to let her live here again?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 31,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 31,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
XxQwP5oInXfqT9mwj3S3IGSnH9k9d5bk
|
b5ag8d
|
{
"description": "ignoring this email",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
WIBTA if I ignore this email?
|
I work as a PhD candidate and coworker X graduated last week. Today some of us got an email by her friends. They said, that they were planning a party and we're all invited because we are X's close friends.
I didn't know about that. She's nice and all that but I wouldn't consider her a close friend (I also didn't know that she thinks we're close friends). We've maybe talked 2 or 3 times since I work here (2 years) and that's it.
WIBTA if I ignore this email or if I answer and ask why they think we're close friends?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
zRviLTuCNefzxQoN1CiEel2pz3y0vBju
|
alkf1t
|
{
"description": "going to the hospital at 3 in the Morning for kidney pains",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for going to the hospital at 3 in the Morning for kidney pains?
|
This probably happened about a month ago.
I am a 17 year old male working minimum wage at a fast food place. About a month ago I had a severe pain coming from my lower back on both sides of my body. I am not very physically fit. Probably 210 Lbs and 6ft with - i admit- a poor diet that has soda involved. My mind instantly went to some form of kidney failure or other serious problem.
Normally I would tough them out. The pain wasn’t crippling. However, they lasted for well over 4 hours.
Nearing the fourth hour was when I decided I should go to the hospital. Before I did, however, I called my father. I wanted to make sure it was ok with him. I am old enough to know the hospital is expensive and I didn’t know if we had enough money to pay for it. We are middle class, maybe middle upper but both of my parents have debt from school. I didn’t want to add on if the bill was going to be astronomical.
So I called my father to make sure it was ok to go. He answered even though it was so late because he was taking care of my infant brother since he had woken up in the middle of the night. I told him the situation and he was rather indifferent if I went to the hospital or not.
I went, found out I had an infection in my kidneys and they sent me home with a prescription for some medicine.
Now this part of the story happened tonight. I had just got off of work and my father told me that the bill for the trip had come. Both my father and my stepmother have been talking about the bill for the past month. About how it’s going to be expensive and how they both feel it was unnecessary to go to the hospital. It made me feel guilty because i didn’t want them to have to pay for something so expensive because of me. This is where my father had now informed me that the cost of the bill was going to roughly cost $2100.
He also informed me that I had to pay it.
I was taken aback. While I fully understand my parents aren’t rich, neither am I. I have $1450 saved for a car (per my parents request) that i save money to buy one. I make roughly $200 a check and put $150 of it away each check.
Here’s the question
AITA For feeling like I shouldn’t be the one paying this check? Or should I feel like I should pay it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
UpkkJAGeTkRdhB85Wr4op9zx3d4Bwn4i
|
b13xxe
|
{
"description": "not sending reciprocate gifts for BIL & SIL's children",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not sending reciprocate gifts for BIL & SIL's children?
|
More like Are We TA. My husband and I are not in the habit of exchanging gifts for birthdays or holidays so it didn't even occur to us to send gifts until we received gifts.
Husband and I welcomed our first child last year. We didn't reveal the baby's sex until after she was born. About 2 months later we receive a box in the mail from my husband's brother and wife containing gifts for our daughter. Although the gift box was marked as from their family, my husband said it's most likely something the wife/our SIL took the initiative on. Nothing unusual there. My husband thanked his brother over text and we moved on.
Two months after Christmas we get another box in the mail, again from husband's brother and his wife with more gifts for our daughter along with a holiday photocard thing of their youngest child. Husband thanked his brother again and at that point I asked if we should be sending reciprocate gifts for their kids. He didn't say yes or no one way or the other. I think at most he just shrugged and said, "Dunno." I asked him the same thing again a few weeks later and he responded the same way. There is a history of gift-grabby and highly materialistic behavior from SIL (like planning multiple baby showers for each of her kids). Since my husband knows his brother's wife better than me I'm inclined to let him take the lead on the gift giving front.
Are we the assholes here for not sending something back? We didn't send anything for their youngest kid, either, after he was born. BIL and SIL have 6 kids aged ranging from toddler to teenaged. I've only met them (BIL, SIL, and the kids) once at our wedding and have no idea what the kids' tastes are. They live almost clear across the country so the chances of us getting to know each other to any meaningful degree is pretty low. If we send anything, I'd rather send a check -- maybe $50-100??? -- written out to each of them individually because I think that's just way more practical. Especially for the older kids since something I pick out may not even be to their taste. Plus, SIL is very particular about how her kids dress and the interests they partake in and money--if we do choose to send something--seems to be the least likely to offend.
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
VKB65Z6ZhGjQLSk8E8J7RAiBxJC2At4v
|
asawb1
|
{
"description": "wanting some boundaries in a long distance relationship",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting some boundaries in a long distance relationship?
|
My (30 f) bf (27m) is currently living about 5 hours away until he can save enough to move to NYC to be together. We are in a communication loop about an issue with his new female friends. This was supposed to be temporary living situation until he’s able to move closer.. he took a job at a restaurant and immediately started hanging with all of the 20-23 year old girls that work there and is out almost every night. He insists it’s normal to have friends that are girls and would care if I was out with guys. Some nights he crashes on couches and his phone is dead. He thinks that when I get upset it’s out of insecurity and that I’m projecting it onto the situation. When he’s visited me, his phone is going off with texts from them all.. To me it’s really more about seeing red flags in a partner than it is about trusting him.. I’m over having a bf that’s at the bar every night and I feel it’s normal to express that it’s frustrating me, but all he hears is me getting upset when he’s out with “friends”. I can’t tell if I’m overreacting because of his constant shutting down my feelings. I don’t like how we are communicating about it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
pssLcYzcJVK6uAZVGq7YDlek8XUudI6J
|
ankrx6
|
{
"description": "not giving people rides after school",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not giving people rides after school?
|
I’m in high school and my parents bought me a car and pay for the insurance but I’m left to cover the cost for gas. A lot of my classmates have been asking for rides but when I inquire about gas money they feel as if I’m being greedy since I don’t make payments or pay for insurance paying a bit extra for gas shouldn’t be a problem. Now I sympathize with them because due to budget constraints the school no longer provides transportation for students who live within 3 miles of the school. This means that some kids will walk this distance sometimes in single digit temperatures. That being said I’m often asked to go to someone’s house that is in the complete opposite direction of where I’m going and expected to do so without compensation. I’m taking time and using gas so I feel as if I should be compensated. If this was a friend then it’d be a different story but it’s usually complete strangers asking. Am I an asshole for denying rides and making kids walk in the cold?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
LpJ3tlpuPt6IltN9sMl0Wy8UeyZLoFnQ
|
9t97li
|
{
"description": "asking my husband to put his dreams on hold",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA For asking my husband to put his dreams on hold
|
My husband is very ambitious. He works hard at his job and always has a side project or 5. He's also an introvert and is most fulfilled when he is plugging away at little projects by himself. Right now, his big undertaking is starting a business with a friend of his. They generally meet 3 times a week before work (he'll leave at like 5:30) and have a code jam like one Saturday a month (they stay up real late).
Here's the thing: we have two children under two years old. I'm a stay at home parent and I'm starting to feel burnt out and alone. In my mind, if he can wake up early to go to those meetings, he can wake up early and do the dishes or just go to work early so he can be home to help with dinner. I tried telling him this before, but he said he needs that time to feel human because he's an introvert and it's only ~4.5 hours a week anyhow.
I don't want to be insensitive to his needs, but I don't know if he realizes how much I'm drowning. I would *love* 4.5 hours a week to work on fulfilling projects, but even if I got 4.5 hours away from the kids, it would have to be spent catching up on stuff around the house. Either way, I don't get that time. Every weekend, he claims I'll get it or I can take it any time I want, but it just never happens. He has also offered to hire a part time nanny or housecleaning service. I guess that might make things easier, but I don't know, I just want him. I don't want to further remove myself from my family.
Anyway, would I be the asshole if I asked my husband to put a pause on the morning meetings (or lessen them to once a week) until our younger daughter is sleeping 6 hours straight or 3 months, whichever comes first?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
8KKpRsHcB8FETxzFN1jXmSKK8By8meoS
|
acybpq
| null |
Update: WIBTA for complaining about my raise at work?
|
Link to original: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/a6hq4n/wibta_for_complaining_about_my_raise_at_work/?st=JQJY57BR&sh=c42e5eaa
Just want to say thank you so much to everyone who gave me feedback. It was beyond helpful.
Anyways, I ended up going to talk to her and told her that I would like the raise they initially offered me, because they clearly thought I was worth it and had budgeted for it.
She told me that there had been a mistake in my paperwork (blamed it on someone else) and that it was meant for a different employee. She told me there was nothing she can do but I'm more than welcome to go talk to the executive director (who she admits doesn't know me despite me having worked there for a year). Although, she warned me against doing that.
I unfortunately did end up crying because that'll happen when I'm super overwhelmed. I also did not keep my cool as well as I had planned.
After a lot of talk about how I "shouldn't be in it for the money" and that I shouldn't have discussed it with my coworkers (which I admit is probably true), I kind of just went numb and signed the paper for the $11.
I'm proud that I stuck up for myself even though it didn't really do much for me. Hopefully they don't make that mistake for someone else in the future. I am currently looking for other jobs as I don't feel very comfortable or valued there after everything that happened.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
4fia49D8sZVl256V2486J2Vclg4F7K5l
|
b6qnhe
|
{
"description": "telling my trans male friend to shut up about his dick",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my trans male friend to shut up about his dick?
|
Background info: I'll be referring to the friend as James (fake name), though in all honesty, he isn't really a friend. He's in my social circle but he's a lot closer to my other friends than me. James is a pretty cocky and arrogant guy. For this reason, he talks about sex a lot even when it's not relevant. Could be because he's taking a high dose of testosterone. He also puffs up around our other male friends with bro talk and shit. I suspect this is because he wants to be seen as "one of the guys". It's lowkey annoying because I'm a girl and he objectifies women a lot while trying to appear masculine.
The other day, I was talking about one of my depressive episodes and he interjected.
James: "Yeah I get where you're coming from, whenever I think about not having a cis dick I feel like killing myself."
Me: "Yeah that sucks..."
James: "I literally can't wait to get a phalloplasty so I can piss with all the other guys. Oh and the fun stuff obviously. I'm gonna make mine 8 inches."
He continued in this vein and just completely derailed what I was talking about in the first place. It really pissed me off.
Later on James started talking about his girlfriend. At first it was normal relationship talk but then it degraded to how he likes her to "choke on his dick" and how he wished he could feel it (he wears a dildo basically) and how there's a possibility that he'll be able to cum in his gf's mouth after his phalloplasty (I don't know how, I wasn't paying attention really) and I just snapped. I told him to please stop talking about his dick for two fucking seconds. Anyway things got really cold between us after that and another friend told me I was being a transphobic asshole because James has bad gender dysphoria and talking about his future dick alleviates it.
I do feel bad for James for constantly having to deal with a body he hates. I'm bisexual so I know what it's like for people who have no idea what you're going through to tell you to stop talking about your personal struggles. But I think James was going overboard with his constant dick-talk. I mean, I don't talk about how I want a pretty girl to rail me unless someone asks. Still feel bad. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
VzlOHsbMj9bDu2esUlRE0gYZVsyYZhu3
|
a9xo60
|
{
"description": "wanting to go to a wedding",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to go to a wedding?
|
I'm going to try and write this as formally/unbiased as possible and just leave in the details that are absolutely necessary as I want to objectively find out if I'm being out of order here.
I (31m) have been with my girlfriend (25f) for 2.5 years. This summer we broke up for a couple of months. We got back together towards the end of July. Not long after we had got back together I visited a 2 very good friends of mine (I had known the guy since I was 13) and they gave me a wedding invitation for next summer in Ibiza (we live in the UK). I took it back home and my girlfriend noticed it didn't have a +1 on it. I assumed it was just because we weren't together when they had been planning venues/making the invitiations and they had already made it before we got back together and they gave it me. Later on when I asked them about the +1 they said "Sorry, we had to turn down a lot of partners – It's only a small venue and costs were a concern. When we were planning and making the invitations you weren't with anyone. What a lot of people are doing, are making a holiday out of it and going to Ibiza for a few days with their partners, and coming to the wedding without them for the day while their partners do whatever."
My girlfriend was very upset/angry and said that if one of her best friends had a wedding and didn't invite me then she'd be very upset with them, and that she wouldn't go to the wedding herself. She has since said that she's asked a lot of people and that every one has said that my friends are out of order and that I shouldn't go to their wedding myself because of it.
AITA for wanting to go to the wedding without her? I said we could make a holiday out of it like a lot of the other couples are, but she doesn't want to do that.
If there are any other details/information you think is important to decide, just let me know.
Thanks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
wNdXCY6krdF4Aa72NRq6gx2soz8tFw82
|
b0hbgf
|
{
"description": "gagging when my friend told me she was into ageplay",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for gagging when my friend told me she was into ageplay?
|
TRIGGER WARNING: obviously theres going to be some nsfw here.
F: Freind
B: friends boyfriend
HR: me
TL/DR: My friend told me her boyfriend and her age play. When I learned this I physically gagged, and she looked hurt. On a side note, my dad is in jail for sexually assaulting a 16 year old and she knows it's a sensitive subject for me.
Long story:
Backstory: back in 2013 my real dad was arrested for sexual assaulting a minor (also my third cousin). He is going on parole in late 2019 and I've told my close friends this (including F) and they understand it's a sensitive matter for me.
Me and F have been friends for years, and with us both being 16 (sophomores in high school) we have a decent amount of classes together. We are very close and open with eachother. During some classes we able to just sit down and talk, and lunch also. She often tells me about her and her boyfriend, but she kind of talks about her sex life too often. She talks about it constantly, and in explicit detail, but normally it's normal stuff, like bdsm or her daddy kink. I kind of found this weird, but I just figured it was her teenage hormones and stuff. It never really bothered me.
Me and B are also good friends, hes not AS open as F but you can tell it's there, B is kind of an r/neckbeard without a neck beard (bad BO, uwu anime xd, waifus, and so many bad things in his search history). Overall good and he doesnt bother me much either.
Well, one day in gym we were talking while exercising. She was, of course, telling me about her sex life. She then casually mentioned to me she was into ageplay.
F: "yeah, me and my boyfriend are doing this new thing where, basically, my mental age is low and I have to obey him and be punished if I dont"
HR: *visibly disgusted* "...um, that sounds a lot like age play."
F: "oh, yeah! It IS!"
That's when I gag. I tried to hold it in, but it slipped. F looked visibly hurt, and retaliated, trying to say things like "but OTHER girls like calling their bfs daddy!" And stuff like that. I felt guilty for gagging, but she knows about my situation. I even tried to explain to her "dude, you know what my dad did. I'm sorry, but I dont like it when people roleplay as kids for sexual pleasure." Me and her got into an argument about it and she refused to talk to me until gym was over. I kind of feel guilty about at it but at the same time I just cant fathom the idea of roleplaying as children, even if it's supposed to be a way to bond with your partner, after i saw how traumatized my cousin was. F seems ok with it now and we've dropped the argument but, again, I still kind of feel guilty. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
eTFWnnd6vUeCiJYEL3NX2NcfIfrGlOmO
|
a1kifc
|
{
"description": "cancelling classes to attend my sister's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I cancel classes to attend my sister’s wedding?
|
I’m a solopreneur who owns a gymnastics facility. We have less than 100 students and my fiancé and I are the only coaches/employees. We both work six days a week (my fiancé has a full-time job and coaches three days a week for me on the side, and I only work in the gym and coach Monday-Saturday, plus admin work at home).
I put out a year-long schedule every summer that highlights when the gym will be closed for things like holidays. We live in an area that gets snow in the winter and there are times where the weather conditions cause us to have to cancel classes every once in a while. When we have to cancel like that, we allow those whose classes were canceled to either make them up in another class or during an open gym (at no additional cost).
My sister is getting married in another state at the end of February. My fiancé and I feel it’s important we are there for her and I am planning to take a Friday-Sunday trip. That would mean I would have to cancel two days of classes. We are in New England and she lives in Florida, so it could be seen as though we want to ditch and go on a Florida vacation this winter.
WIBTA if I canceled two days of classes at the gym (providing those people our standard make up options) so we can go to my sister’s wedding?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
rkPLOsCUgpH63O5n6iFCsExq0tt7a3A4
|
a6ngld
|
{
"description": "not helping my brother pay for his Uber",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not helping my brother pay for his Uber?
|
I’ll try to keep this short and sweet. It’s been about a month since it happened and I’ve thought about it and I do feel guilty a bit, but don’t at the same time.
So me and my brother live about a 5 min walk (2 blocks at most) from a Walgreens that we usually buy things from because it’s cheap. We ran low on water, and since I bought a 24 pack last time, he went there to do the same thing. When he comes back, he hands me the receipt and as I begin to pay my half for it he tells me he took an Uber back to where we live and asked if I could also pay for part of it too. I tell him I just carry it back because of how close we are and that taking the Uber was his choice. He says that I’m basically in the wrong for this because we split everything when it comes to important stuff like this, yet if I had known he would have taken that Uber in advance then maybe I would’ve agreed to it but still argue that he wasn’t going that far away to justify it.
The conversation ends with him saying something along the lines of the next time I/we go anywhere for shopping that requires one that he wouldn’t pay his half for it. I brush it off like it’s nothing, but I feel some sort of guilt over it. I understand a 24 pack of water bottles isn’t easy to carry, but with how close we live to where we go for it I believe my argument is justified in that taking the Uber wasn’t necessary.
Side note: I have no information about whether or not he has back issues or anything like this. I however do, but I have no trouble with something like this.
AITA for not helping my brother out here and paying for what is suppose to be my half of this ride?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
d7KzTFkUbvSEAyzQOVBkrnUt8vBO2XwN
|
9zw2qx
|
{
"description": "using a single person women's bathroom in an emergency as a guy that was waiting for 5 minutes",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for using a single person women’s bathroom in an emergency as a guy that was waiting for 5 minutes?
|
So it’s thanksgiving. I’m a 21 year old guy. I have an hour drive up to my families house. I was drinking a big iced coffee and had to pee. I figured I could hold it but it soon became apparent that I really couldn’t. So I pull over at the next exit and go into a gas station. The gas station has two single person bathrooms (I know this because they had the “occupied” lock thing on the door” and the men’s is occupied. So I wait. I’m standing there waiting for 5 minutes and in absolute agony. The whole time. The women’s is vacant and not a single woman was even near the part of the gas station with the bathrooms. So I figure that this is an emergency. They’re single use so I won’t run into a woman in there and be accused of anything. And I won’t be long. So i look around. The coast is clear and I just go in. Flip the occupied lock and pee. Wash my hands and leave. I was in there for maybe 90 seconds. But when I step out. THREE WOMEN are standing there waiting for the bathroom. They all look at me in surprise and then disgust. I get embarrassed and mumble out an apology and jump back in my car and get the hell out of there. But it’s been bothering me. I asked two of my friends and one said I did the right thing under the circumstances. But the other said it was wrong and I probably looked like a creep or a sleazeball. What do you think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
CISYGTqxYtoUDufmpgrSkxquOpgMtUNh
|
al04zg
|
{
"description": "looking through me Ex's phone to confirm she slept with my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA For looking through me Ex's phone to confirm she slept with my best friend
|
We stopped dating about 4 months ago. Amicable. We took some time apart to figure ourselves out. We're now trying dating to figure out what we are, and if we're getting back together. For background: I work with our mutual friends, one of which is Frank, a very good friend of mine. Frank is a bit of a manwhore, but our swords have never crossed. One night out all together at the beginning of the breakup, he sent me a long winded text saying he has and always will put our friendship first. And, as our friend circles are so on top of each other, my Ex and I promised to keep our sex lives away from our close friends.
​
Fast forward to a few weeks ago, where she gets a text at 4am from Frank. I didn't read it, but I stared at the notification for way too long. It just left a lingering feeling. Working this weekend, every small comment, every in cheek remark between my friends at work seemed like they all knew something I didn't. They would leave the room to talk, something I really didn't pay attention to before. I started prodding, and they all said they weren't aware of anything. One comment going for the "If I did, it wouldn't be my place to say." Finally to Frank, who let out a "gosh no". I asked my ex, and she said I was going crazy. I was. I started to feel alone. I couldn't trust my coworkers and my work was starting to be effected. I was losing sleep. I was losing my mind. The past eight days had been a blur. So it mattered. It mattered because everyone was lying and thinking it was the best thing for me. People I trust for my livelihood I couldn't talk to correctly anymore. People I spend 8 hours a day with are keeping me in the dark.
​
So she stayed over last night, and when she fell asleep, I read their texts. I don't do this. I don't feel good about it, but I just needed an answer.
​
They did. I'm just happy to have an answer.
​
Am I the Asshole?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 14
}
|
WRONG
|
CzlZWujrW40DqNt5egyMt7OLwXkvMx5X
|
ace2hc
|
{
"description": "thinking my co-worker's an irresponsible asshole",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for thinking my co-worker’s an irresponsible asshole?
|
I am a teaching assistant (TA) at a division I public university. I am one of several TAs in a group where each of us lead a lab of ~30 students in a course. In November, as one of the TAs led a lab section, a student hesitantly approached him to let him know that when she used the bathroom, she saw a bomb threat scrawled on the wall. They were about halfway through class.
The TA chose to continue class and asked the student to please let the front desk of the building know about the bomb threat. Within minutes, police and a bomb squad swarmed the building. The threat said the bomb would explode on Veteran’s Day which was a few days away. The TA told the story to the head TA and I, the senior TA, as one big joke. He said he was annoyed with the problem when it was brought to his attention, and did not want to deal with it.
The entire school received an email detailing the threat, which was deemed not credible after Veteran’s Day.
I think the TA did not handle this situation pragmatically. There were no consequences, punishments, or anything along those lines for that TA but we are now developing a protocol for how our TAs should handle potential emergencies so this doesn’t happen again.
TL;DR a co-worker who is a teaching assistant was made aware of a bomb threat in the building he was teaching in and told the student who read the threat (written on a bathroom wall) to handle it and continued class. The bomb threat was eventually deemed not credible. I think he handled that irresponsibly.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
ZnJPwO4ihhjDxnlWfh3dk2Z941gO0Bja
|
adpaj9
|
{
"description": "calling the police on a mom at the park because she left her toddler alone for a long time",
"pronormative_score": 71,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for calling the police on a mom at the park because she left her toddler alone for a long time?
|
I took my two-year-old son to the park, and was pushing him in a swing. Another mom came over, plopped her toddler in the swing next to my kid, pushed him a few times then disappeared. A few minutes passed before she came back, pushed him really hard in the swing and left again.
I was still pushing my son in the swing, and I began pushing the other mom's toddler as well, while looking around for her. I couldn't see her at all. I kept an eye on the time, and after 7 minutes, I was getting worried for this toddler. I understand letting your kids run around without hovering, but this boy was under 2, and in a swing relatively high off the ground with no mom in sight. I became really concerned. I could see no evidence of anyone else watching the child. Nobody came up, and nobody else was watching him.
So, I called the non-emergency line for the police and asked about the situation. I was on the phone for at least 5 more minutes, and Mom still didn't show up.
They were going to send someone to check it out, and when I got off the phone, I saw the mom finally coming back. She had been gone at least 12 minutes. She had left her toddler alone for 12 minutes!
I walked to another area of the park, and watched as the cops came. They had called me to confirm some details, and I mentioned that she had come back. They told me they would just do a "wellness check" on the child.
There were a few more people at the park, and a woman went over to another young mom with her son and said, "Stay close to your baby! Someone just called the cops on this mom over here!". Apparently this woman had heard the details, because she informed another parent that the cops were called because she left her kid alone for 12 minutes. The parent she told that to laughed and said, "Who keeps track like that?!" and essentially was laughing at me because I was concerned about the kid being left alone: "Are they not a parent?! HAHA!"
I ended up leaving after that, because I felt really embarrassed. But I still feel like leaving a toddler alone in the park for 10+ minutes is dangerous. Sometimes there are strange people in the area, it's also right across the street from a public transit area. I was genuinely concerned for this little boy, it broke my heart to see him left alone like that.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 69,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 71,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
RIGHT
|
CL5QCLkpK2OkAOmAtZXJO3emJZuHWLsQ
|
b8sn2o
|
{
"description": "saying no to loaning money to my brother",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA if I said no to loaning money to my brother?
|
Some info: he’s fucking horrible with money. He’s worked okay jobs for 8 years now, shares an apartment with our dad which means his rent is low but he uses all his money on unhealthy foods and goods and technology and games. He has no savings, has had a wreck of a credit score once or twice plus an addiction or two. For the past year though he’s been on a path for better life style and priorities.
I have worked more than 3 years a minimum wage job and have roughly 3000 in savings, I manage my expenses well and even have the money to have some fun yet these days I can manage to save up to 400euros a month.
Now the situation: to get a promotion he would need a drivers license. Getting one here would mount up to 1050-1500euros all together and as I said he has no savings. He asked if I could lend him the money and he’d pay back all of it plus 300euros interest, each a month in 150euro payments.
I’ve loaned him money before (last time was end of last month) and sometimes he comes through with the promised repayment schedule, sometimes he attempts to get around it claiming he’d already paid me all he owes me which leads to arguments and threats of me telling everyone what he did.
A thousand euros is a lot of money. Along with all that I might leave for university in autumn which means I would like to have savings as a fallback should I not find a part time job along with studies and just to feel safe. A part of me wants to help him and if he doesn’t pay my mom is prepared to give him hell for it but I’m scared.
I told him I would think about it but I fear he will become emotionally abusive (he’s been like it before) if I don’t help him because “I’m doing so much better than him”. Fyi, he gets paid more than I do, he’s just stupid and doesn’t save money.
I love him but I have very big trust issues even with myself when it comes to money. I fear that his payments will slow down or stop and for my future’s sake I can’t afford it. But 3000euros is already a lot of money considering I have a steady income, and he could really use this in order to boost his income and status at work.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Beml6SxYZ2vXzJXf621ZgV6qLXma7wGx
|
9uoomj
|
{
"description": "shitting in the wrong bed",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For shitting in the wrong bed?
|
I was at a frat house party and a guy there was being extremely touchy with a girl I went with (though he was extremely drunk if that's an excuse). Me in my drunken genius decided to shit in his bed to get back at him. Bout 30 min later a chick is rushing out and I hear a guy scream someone shit in his bed... not the right guy. Turns out mr grabby wasn't even part of the frat. I immediately said to someone next to me I think mr touchy is kinda hammered and mentioned doing it, and a group of frat guys beat the shit out of him. Was gonna put this on r/confessions but kinda afraid ppl are gonna say he had it coming when pretty sure I went too far
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
LLOltLRpahjsqroGzrJYWmFOG7sEnM77
|
ay2ee0
|
{
"description": "requesting a seat change in one of my classes",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for requesting a seat change in one of my classes?
|
**Context/necessary background info**: 12th-grade English class. We sit at tables comprised of multiple desks, with five to a table. Missouri, USA. My class is overcrowded and every desk is taken, so much as that some people have to use the computer desks built into the wall. In short, there’s no empty seats I could move to.
At my table, I sit next to M. M has some issues; I believe they have severe autism/Aspergers, but I can’t definitively confirm this. As a result, M is prone to frequent meltdowns/outbursts of crying, slamming objects on their desk, etc. Normally, I would be able to tolerate this; however, M has several other habits that have led me to being completely fed up with the situation. These include, but are not limited to:
*Picking their nose, and eating it.
*Picking at or chewing on their nails (which are also quite dirty)
*Eating. This is made bad by the fact that they chew incredibly loud (gum-smacking, for example), which for one reason or another makes me incredibly nauseous.
*Moving the contents of their desk onto others’ desks, including mine. This includes class materials, pencils, food, etc.
*Noticeable BO, which also makes me quite nauseous.
While I can’t take bearing direct witness almost every day to habits that quite honestly make me sick anymore, I do understand that they can’t really control a lot of these habits and behaviors due to their problems, which makes me feel bad for in a way calling them out on it by moving. Adding to my moral conundrum, due to the overcrowding I would have to switch seats with someone else, in effect forcing them to have to deal with this instead.
Reddit, WIBTA if I requested a seat change away from M?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
xbw50YrZF9JGQxIa1kWwLDv3ICy0MlfN
|
b6goyi
|
{
"description": "leaving my girlfriend to get some sleep",
"pronormative_score": 112,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for leaving my girlfriend to get some sleep?
|
My girlfriend and I have been together for two months, over which we've been sleeping either at her place or mine.
Her parents have left on vacation for a couple of weeks so they left their cat with my GF, thus we have to spend the nights in her apartment.
First night with the cat, we go to sleep but the cat is restless, jumping into the bed, walking over us. We can't leave her in another room as she starts meowing and headbutting the door. Apparently she does that the first couple of nights when she's not at her home.
Now, my GF is somewhat used to that and she manages to fall asleep pretty fast after being woken up, but I can't get any rest. So it's 4:30 AM, I'm still awake, I worked till 11PM the day before and I need to get up at 7:30. My GF says that the cat won't settle down and if I want to get some sleep I should go to my place (about 5 min drive).
I hesitate for a while, but anther cat tail over my face later I decide to leave. Ask my GF to come with me, but she says she has a responsibility to take care of the cat so she can't leave her alone. Get home and manage to squeeze a couple of hours of sleep.
Fast forward to 8AM, I call my GF and find out that she had cried for an hour after I left. She says this was the first 'tough situation' for us as a couple and I disappointed her as I bailed out.
AITA Reddit?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 105,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 112,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
2lnebTVUj1n6EJCtV9TuZtOClC69GRzB
|
az0kzj
|
{
"description": "calling Uber's emergency support and the police non-emergency line because my co-ride in an Uber pool was a 5is year old girl and possibly got the Uber driver fired",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for calling Uber’s emergency support and the police non-emergency line because my co-ride in an Uber pool was a 5is year old girl and possibly got the Uber driver fired?
|
So I called an Uber pool to take me to a bar this evening and it said “you are sharing a ride with Andrew”. When I entered the car, I saw that the co-rider was a very young girl (about 5, probably not named Andrew). I went through the ride in silence wondering what the hell to do (if anything) until the driver dropped her off (I noted the address of her drop-off for later). I asked the driver to wait while she went inside, and she opened the screen door of the house and knocked on the door and someone let her in. I asked the driver if it was normal to pick up children and he said no this was his second time picking up a kid. I got dropped off at the bar, called Uber’s emergency and safety line and told someone what happened, then I called the city’s non-911 line and told them what happened. I got an email from Uber a short while later and they said it was against their policy for a driver to pick up a child without an adult and this could lead to the driver’s termination. I am afraid I overreacted but think this was ultimately the right thing to do because I do not believe a very young child should be in an Uber alone. I never received follow up from the police, and everything was probably fine it was just a situation which felt uncomfortable. I probably should have asked the child something to see if this was an issue but I did not say a single word to the kid. AITA for calling this in and potentially making the driver lose his job?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
XAk4vtM0JdQ1bU8UUAeekUqyus36L2nj
|
b7li76
|
{
"description": "telling my friend not to move in with another friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my friend not to move in with another friend?
|
My best friend needs to find a place to live because her lease is going to expire and none of her current roommates are going renew or be in the area. She's an awesome person and fellow LGBT+ and is one of the few people I would trust with my life (in fact, she has my power of medical attorney and I'm hers so, in a sense, that is a very literal statement).
When she got the news we spent most of the night concluding that the best solution might be for her and I to split a place given my decent income and housing aid from my University.
But the next day someone who I used to be good friends with but am now on mixed terms with suggested that they get a place and she had tentatively accepted. This guy has no income and has shown no drive to improve his situation. I have tried to help him for over a year by sending him jobs and arranging interviews, trying to get him back into school, and helping cover his expenses... With no results.
He is currently living on someone's couch and working a minimum wage job one day a week plus handouts. And when he has money he generally spends it on weed, smoking three or more times a day, or on things like a tattoo that he paid several hundred dollars for instead of paying off dept or for his driver's license to be reinstated (he is now being sued for that dept and thinks that he does nothing then it will be fine). He also sleeps constantly including through job interviews...
He claims that a higher paying job is right around the corner but he's also said that in the past... Right before he decided that he couldn't handle working more than a day and give up his apartment in town in favor of a friend's couch (kinda screwing his former roommate).
He also regularly ignores requests to avoid topics, basically I had a traumatic experience that left me with mental scars and while I am actively in treatment some topics still trigger a panic/anxiety, and at this point I just don't want to be around him. So having my friend live with him would mean that I could not visit her.
My friend has issues with depression and keeping a steady work schedule but has been on a good trajectory recently and I would hate for her to derail that. I'm worried that living with this guy would do that since even if he could pay the rent he doesn't encourage good behavior.
Am I the asshole for trying to dissuade her from this course of action and am I being selfish? I just want her to have a stable place to live that will help her. She wants to give him a chance since she knows he wouldn't be able to get a place on his own... But neither could I.
She's my best friend and I would do anything for her, she saved my life after I fell into depression after my girlfriend and I separated, and I hate to see her throw away a secure future for one with someone just because she feels like he needs a chance (she's much more of a bleeding heart than I am).
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
au1ZxNxgyZzDNuKKUeu7CKmIIXR3C6mU
|
avnk5q
|
{
"description": "publicly calling out a coworker on Slack for clipping their nails in the office",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for publicly calling out a coworker on Slack for clipping their nails in the office?
|
I work nights at my place of employment so I’m pretty much here by myself. Tonight I noticed nail clippings on the floor near my station. A coworker, who just left for the night, and I had a discussion about people abusing Slack. Slack is the main form of communication we use for office matters, so I don’t treat it like a Facebook wall. However, when we saw these clippings, and realized the gross implication of someone clipping their nails here in the office, I thought it would be funny to post the picture of the nails on Slack and pretty much say “PSA. Don’t clip your toe or finger nails in the office.” Sort of ironically “abusing” Slack in the process. It was funny at first, but now I have some regrets about publicly calling this person out. I don’t know who did it, it’s gross and definitely not something people should be doing here in an office, but at the same time I don’t like conflict and calling people out in front of everyone. One of those moments when I’m like “yeah I should’ve thought about this before I did it”. I could’ve just picked the nails up, discarded them, and leave it be.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
jkJgGeJtdTjwNBQmdHVPynPygc7y6phZ
|
atfcnm
|
{
"description": "running late to meet my friends",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for running late to meet my friends?
|
Backstory, me and my friends arranged a game night to be the day after we arranged it. Fast forward, the next day we were supposed to meet at night and during the day, another friend of mine reminded me about a certain school event. I've always wanted to attend to one but I never did because I'm shy, but this time deep down I knew I really wanted to go and I knew i was going to regret it if I didn't go. So, in the end, I decided to go to the event just for a few hours, and go just before the time I was supposed to meet my friends. The event ended up being longer than I expected it. I lost track of time and I had really bad reception, I did not tell all of my friends I was going to the event, but a couple of them knew. In the end they were upset because I was a few hours late. Their argument was that we did arranged our game night with a day in anticipation and they thought I stood them up because I had other better plans. That wasn't the case for me, I was going to go with them but the event took longer than i expected it, and I was planning to meet them after. Maybe my mistake was not to tell everyone that I was going to the event for a couple of hours. To be honest I was having fun, but when I noticed they were upset, I felt guilty for having fun. I already apologize to them, but I wanna know your opinions. Am I missing something, AITA in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
zcXl6CpKrsDsm6ydBRnlfcbNfFXvKsDc
|
azreqp
|
{
"description": "asking a friend to stop giving me sweets",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For asking a friend to stop giving me sweets?
|
My friend and I chat about a lot of things and one day months ago we both discovered we like the same sweet bread. I’m not huge on sweets and the bread is definitely not my favorite by far. He’s since on three occasions given me this particular bread. The first time was a single piece and the second time was two. Both reasonable amounts of sweets to give. The third time he gave me a tin with about twelve pieces. So I immediately told him I love the gesture but he needs to stop gifting me bread because: One, I find it weird he just gives me bread. Two, my boyfriend and I are quite the jealous types and I sometimes worry if frequent gifting would make my bf feel a little uncomfortable. Three, who eats twelve pieces of bread? They’re a type that goes stale quickly too and I’m trying to lose weight and cut unnecessary calories.
I haven’t heard much from him since and he did seem down after I asked him to stop please. I wonder AITA for saying no to future sweet breads?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
etQqmvgWz7BygovM8wZGs6nRk7b9RCuo
|
aygnid
|
{
"description": "walking between people in a hallway who are talking to each other",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA walking between people in a hallway who are talking to each other
|
Alright so I now this one is light but, I don't really have a lot of stories that would fit on here but I wanted to try this subreddit out.
​
So a few years ago I was a in my first or second year of junior high school. I'm autistic and because of that being on my IEP I had to go to a special class once a week or month to practice building my social skills and picking up non-verbal cues which used to be impossible for me to understand, with the IEP specialist. The school is pretty old so the hallways can fit about three adults standing shoulder to shoulder before they are touching lockers. One day I'm walking down the halls to the classroom when I see three teachers standing around talking to each other. I'm a big dude standing at around 5'8"-5'10" at age 13. I see the teachers and I kind of tower over them and due to my autism I get a bit nervous about walking up and saying excuse me so I can go by without being rude, I even go so far as to consider walking around another hallway route which would have trippled my walk distance and made me late for class with the specialist. Then I see one of the teachers glance over at me and step back away from the as she turned her attention back on them.
I take this as a sign that she is stepping back to let me pass in between them since her back is inches away from the wall and there is a spacial gap between the teachers that I can walk through without having to twist my body around to go in between them. So I walk in between them to get to my class on time which is only about 5 feet behind the teachers. As I do so and reach the door the teacher who stepped back goes "Hey. That was rude what you did don't you think?"
Me being put on the spot like this made me extremely anxious and I went from being thankful for this person's apparent kindness to scared of accidentally misreading a social cue and upsetting someone. I panic and just go inside for my class. I'm left unbothered by the group of teachers but that moment has stuck with for the past decade. I am often told it doesn't matter when I told other people about it and I know it doesn't. I'm just curious, AITA in this instance from roughly ten years ago?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
EsBE7EvkLjOVGX2I39fcJ5uJ8MEHJHCO
|
aodymn
|
{
"description": "telling people that my suitemate is probably making up her illnesses for attention",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for telling people that my suitemate is probably making up her illnesses for attention?
|
Let me tell you backstory about this roommate, before you jump on my case.
This suitemate, we'll call her Anne, has attention issues. She constantly needs to be the center of attention. She'll pause whenever she enters the room and waits for people to acknowledge her. She'll stand uncomfortably close to people until they acknowledge her, and will whine if people don't do as she wants. Like, physically whine. Like a dog whimpers or like some hentai ear-rape meme.
She lies, manipulates, demands attention, makes up crises, throws tantrums, has breakdowns where she claims she'll change just to get more attention then refuses later to change. She throws things when she's angry, slams doors, and locks people out. She cries loudly enough for people to hear her when she's in her bedroom, but pauses to make sure we're paying attention (I've faked leaving the living-room by letting the front door slam and then heard her go completely silent).
At one point, after another suite-mate was talking about seeking counselling for her anxiety and experience of sexual abuse by her stepdad, Anne suddenly claimed she was self-harming and abused by her family. Her family isn't abusive, (I've stayed at their house, and I know abusive parents) but rather, she's an entitled brat and claims that whenever they refuse to give her money, it's abuse. She couldn't state any specific incidents, and anything she's ever said has been a direct mirror of what other people have told in their own stories. Trust me, if they were abusive, she wouldn't be calling them every night to scream about how horrible we all are. And we've all changed in front of each-other (we've all seen her naked) so we all know she isn't actually self-harming in the areas she claimed to have done "lots and lots of Self harm with my knife."
At another point, last semester, her roommate, "Willow," had enough of Anne throwing things at her and locking her out when she was mad, and asked to move into the other empty bed in a different bedroom (same suite set of our 4 bedrooms and a living room). This set Anne off on a rampage, culminating in Anne literally "accidentally" crashing into Willow's car We say accident, but the appraisal guys for the repairs documented 3 separate points of impact and it was coincidentally on the same day that Willow had asked to move out. Also the cameras were disabled \[which is easy to do, they can literally be unplugged\]. She tried to use that car crash as a means to get Willow to feel sorry for her and not move out.
Now, fast forward to today, and she is pulling the same crap. She's been claiming to have breathing issues, exactly like "Liz," our other suitemate. Liz had contracted some sort of viral bronchitis last year that had triggered Asthmatic symptoms, and is only just now recovering. Liz has to have an inhaler, and her lungs are still not functioning at full capacity. Anne's case is conveniently happening while Liz is celebrating her steps of recovery (singing for short periods in the suite, excitedly announcing that she didn't need her inhaler on the walk to class, expressing joy at being able to jog for a bit again, etc). Liz is in no way infectious, so there's no way Anne caught it.
It also doesn't seem legitimate, because Anne exaggerates loud sighs around us, but breathes perfectly normally when everyone has their earphones in or she's affixed on a movie. She uses loud sighs to draw our attention (but if her breathing was bad, she wouldn't be able to breathe in like that). She makes dramatic motions to her chest, and yawns really loudly, and makes annoyed huffs. She doesn't show any signs of breathing badly in class, either.
She even convinced someone to drive her to the hospital, who was not in our suite. Even the doctors thought she was making it up, but they've done several tests. Anne has, of course forced her parents to pay for all of this, and the Doctors still have even said nothing was wrong and that she shouldn't need to go back. (She told us for some reason, but then said, "They don't know anything and I need to go back.) She's stormed out in the middle of talking about it with us, because not everyone has been paying attention (even though she had told the story to everyone in the room twice. She constantly brings the issue up to gain attention.
Later today, she started to claim loudly to Willow (who is, thankfully moved into the other bedroom) that her "kidneys were hurting" and she'll probably "need medication and maybe surgery." Willow had only just last month recovered from some sort of a kidney infection that had started as a UTI.
I'm personally really against people who claim that illnesses are "fake" or "attention seeking." Several of my closest friend have chronic pain or invisible illnesses, and it infuriates me to no end when people invalidate their experiences. But she just doesn't have a good reputation for this sort of thing, and she's manipulating others with this.
I would specifically be telling our Resident Director, because she's aware of the incidents in the past and is usually doing something to prevent Anne's bullshit. I'm worried if we don't say anything, it's going to culminate in another one of her explosions.
Should I say anything? Am I making assumptions?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
tzvDkRfa3XC3vZFpGIHLSNeu9LutasN0
|
ast46q
|
{
"description": "insulting my sister after she called me stupid",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for insulting my sister after she called me stupid?
|
Hello, before we start I would like to say sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes, im on mobile and I cant seem to get auto correct on it.
So to start out I have a sister who is around 3 years older than me. We are both still teens but shes close to being an adult. We share a room and sometimes talk about things at night. We both got into a fight during one of these talks about a really stupid thing. She ended up saying im "either deaf or stupid". This went on with a few "are you sure about that"s before I said "im not the one in a recovery school". I was talking about how she had to be moved to a "special school" because of her grades. Next year we'll be in the same grade despite her being a few years older than me. She said its not okay for me to make fun of her but im pretty sure she shouldnt of called me stupid. Am I the asshole here or is she in the wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
fBcNFOJ4aAldveuUqLlAREdfBgUV8acU
|
b8gvd8
|
{
"description": "wearing headphones while getting my nails done, getting a wax, or other daily errands",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for wearing headphones while getting my nails done, getting a wax, or other daily errands?
|
You know the conversations that just feel like forever.... while taking an Uber or just walking around the store. I just really hate awkward and forced conversation.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
h1wgBKjXjOegMxLDdF1EWFYfEsLj75yq
|
a32hm8
|
{
"description": "telling someone to change seats",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for telling someone to change seats?
|
So I was eating lunch in my school cafeteria alone, so I sat down at the smallest table I could find, (it had 4 seats) about halfway through I got up to get more food, and when I got back there was an older gentleman (like 50-60ish) who I didn’t sitting directly across from where all my stuff was, when I came back I said that I was sitting there and he responded with “good for you buddy” and then I decided I would rather sit alone so I gathered my stuff to find another table , making it clear I wanted to be alone. So he did take the hint, and left. AITA for making him find another seat when the cafeteria was relatively crowded?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
1Mc887F8tMo4QtJClP8Ea8ZcVqKTjrAn
|
al9wc9
|
{
"description": "cutting my brother and mom out of my life over money",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA Cutting my brother and mom out of my life over money....
|
My brother and I started mining bitcoin in the extra bedroom of the home I was renting from my mom. We kept a spreadsheet of what was purchased for materials and other costs. Split everything 50/50. We attempted to get free electricity by setting the bill to the "average of your last year" and was only paying $143 a month for what was a monthly $900 electric bill. The plan was to stay there for a year, then switch electricity into someone elses name. My mom was worried about this because if i didn't pay the electricity if this did not work then she would be liable. Brother and I agreed to pay it if it came to that.
Fast forward 8 months. I am buying a house, time to move. I call the electric company and they say I owe them $6,200. My brother says he is not paying his half of that because I did not stay in the house for a year in an attempt to get free electricity. After I actually look at previous power bills you can see the amount due adding up and rolling over every month. He still holds to "you didn't stay for a year, so now it's your problem".
I am now suing my brother for half of that electricity cost and the amount I paid over the 50/50 split for materials. I have already decided to cut my brother out of my life for doing this to me. However, my mom has quite a bit of information that could help me as my brother and I both spoke to her about what was going on, it was after all her home we were setting up bitcoin miners in. She refused to help or even speak on my behalf to my brother, for what I assume is the fear of backlash and she believes if she remains neutral that she will keep good relationships with us both.
I have now given her the ultimatum of either helping me, or losing me forever. This includes ever seeing her granddaughter, my child who lives in Virginia with her mom, during the times I have her for school breaks. I said my mom may pay to fly my child out and see her, or set up something with my ex, but I would not be involved in anyway. My feelings towards people in general are lacking, and cutting someone out of my life over money they owe me would be easier than cutting out taco bell, so time will not heal all for me, only my money back.
Is this too harsh and is there another avenue to take possibly?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
UWezWjr9LcTb1aV5Cp9NZVrl19NPkLHc
|
apkdk2
| null |
AITA for what am I gonna do....?
|
So....like 5 years ago I was searching to do something with my life. I was finishing University and looking to do something. One night I meet with a friend of mine at a bar who worked at a company who does chairs and sofas. He presented me his boss and later that night he proposed me to make a company and work for him. Second day I was already to find workers and I did. I was started with 2 people and slowly I was getting to have 70 employees.
I helped him with everything I could in this years. But now the prices of manufacturing are to low. I work for him at this prices for the beginning.
Now I want to search another client who needs hq leather chairs and sofas.
I made for him 5000$ couches and I was paid 100$
If I make this step you think I do wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
RaYj3E0WbG2erupLi5irlxDuFVAthp6P
|
b2m1a4
|
{
"description": "not being supportive to my parents while they go through a separation",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being supportive to my parents while they go through a separation?
|
My (23f) parents have been separated now for 7-8 months. I won't go into the reasons why except to say it's been around 20 years of issues and not communicating well. No cheating or spousal abuse occurred. I think both of them have valid reasons to be upset with the other and I think they have both been in the wrong. They've never really kept their arguments private. All growing up I remember them arguing in earshot of us kids. I've had both parents come to me separately for years to vent about the other spouse. It all came to a head when I was home on break in the summer and that's when they separated. That break was one of the worst breaks of my life. I'm in a very demanding graduate program and I only get 3 weeks off in the summer. It was so stressful and emotionally draining dealing with their issues. When I got back to school I really noticed how much of a toll it took on me. I was very depressed, emotionally drained, and completely not ready to jump back into my coursework. For years I've lent an ear to both of them if they needed to talk. I've always felt that they can't go to other people because no one understands our family like we do. However, after returning to school, I started really feeling frustrated with the whole situation. My mom would call and say don't tell your father about x,y,z and then my dad would call and do the same thing. It's just been really difficult for me to handle all of their issues when I am very stretched already with what's going on in my life.
Recently, my mom called me to tell my about this thing that my dad had approached her about doing. My mom was very upset and told him no. She told me not to tell my dad she told me. My dad then calls and tells me about this thing and asks my opinion. He tells me not to tell my mom. My dad did the thing after my mom said no. My mom texted me telling me what my dad did. I asked her if she was upset. She replied "would you be?". This is when I texted her back saying that being upset is a reasonable reaction but I don't like it when she asks me to put myself in their shoes. It's not my relationship and I don't want to be put in the middle or forced to choose sides. I told her that's not just directed at her, it's the same with my dad.
She has been extremely cold to me ever since and is obviously very upset with me. I want to be supportive but I just can't deal with their issues on top of my stressful life already and I refuse to pick sides. I love them both. I suggested that they need to work out their issues between the 2 of them and possibly a qualified 3rd party which can never be one of us kids. So, AITA for not being supportive to my parents while they go through a separation? I really feel like it sometimes.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
OLrB8kPNiozCR57IYuZzq9IKNFNclwF3
|
a8h0mc
|
{
"description": "making my mom cry",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for making my mom cry?
|
So my sister, mom and I were at Disney cause I had a concert, and we all were having a conversation, mainly about politics and such. Whenever my mom would make a claim, my sister and I would dispute with facts and researched data and tell her that her claim was false or that she was misinformed or point out when she contradicted herself. She paid for dinner, my sister said thanks, but I didn't. She's driving me home right now and she's not crying per say, but I heard it in her voice that she was upset. She's saying that we're telling her how to feel or how she should live her life and that we interrupt her when she's saying something despite her doing the same thing(at least when it comes to interupting). Earlier today she was yelling at me because I was indecisive as to whether to make a turn into burger king or to my school and I didn't have enough information about the status of my choir leaving for Disney. Am I in the wrong here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
z4Upow3IXxj9FukvGirgxr9AfdMFhXPQ
|
akt9dr
|
{
"description": "acting salty towards my friend for choosing a different school",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for acting salty towards my friend for choosing a different school?
|
There are two schools involved in the story. I'm going to call the school I go to A and the other school B. I am also going to call my friend J.
J is my best friend. He also said I'm his best friend but...I don't really know anymore. I go to school A, and our rival school is B. I couldn't give less of a fuck about the rivalry and it isn't why I'm mad.
At school A and B, there is a program that let's you earn college credits in high school. Only 5 schools in our city have it.
He asked me about a week ago what school he should go to. I told him he should come to my school A. This is a biased answer but there is also some "evidence" behind it. School B is a really hard school. I know a girl had massive amounts of stress and anxiety because of it. Why would you work harder at that school when you get more easier work at school A and still get the same thing?
He told me he wanted to go to school A. I was so excited that he was coming and I got my hopes up. I helped him complete the application for the program (I would have done this regardless of him wanting to go to the other school).
For the application, you need to choose three schools in order from the one you want to go to the most and then the one you want to go to the least.
I asked him what schools he chose (expecting school A as his top choice, just like he told me). He told me he chose school B for his top choice and then school A.
I was devastated and I just started crying. I should also mention I have a huge crush on him affecting me negatively a lot, so any small thing he does just makes me really sad.
I got my hopes up for once in my life and they came crashing down. I said "....ok," and ended the conversation there until I got out of school and told him "Why did you choose school B?" and he responded back with "because it's a good school." I then wanted to tell him that he was going to regret the decision later but I didnt because I wanted to respect his decision. I deleted what I said and that was that. He didn't respond for the whole day even though I apologized about three times just to get a message at 11:30 that night saying he just had Instagram muted and he wasnt mad at me. Everything was ok between us until today.
When I was having my nightly overthinking session, I wondered about why he didnt tell me he changed his mind. I couldn't fathom why he didnt tell me. It couldnt be because I would get mad at him, as he never knows my true feelings towards him. I kept wondering this until today.
I asked him if he had to write an essay for the application as I had to last year. He said no and that none of his friends did either.
That's when it hit me. It was because all his friends were going to school B. I was kind of salty but it was one of the reasons I considered in my overthinking session.
He's my best friend and I would follow him wherever he goes, but I dont want to repeat the process of a new school all over again and I already planted my roots in this school. I dont consider me being his best friend because he doesnt so that. I know that he isnt me but....still.
AITA? If you need more info dont hesitate to ask...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
enAGDAsEGyTnr9lTsjeEcuOFIjYeiJZ0
|
ahua2r
|
{
"description": "not hanging out with an old friend because I don't like how she handled a breakup",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not hanging out with an old friend because I don't like how she handled a breakup?
|
3 parties here. Myself, the boyfriend, and the girlfriend. We'll call the boyfriend Y, and the girlfriend K. The friend in question is K.
I met Y and K in first year of university, when they were both single, and had what I think was a pretty good friendship with both of them individually for about a year before they started dating.
They saw each other for about four years, seeing each other through graduation and eventually getting an apartment together. This is through our undergrad years (still quite a developmental time). They were easily two of my closest friends as individuals.
Breakup context: K started a new program at school, with which came a new set of friends. Y's work had him out of town for weeks at a time, so K is often at their shared apartment on her own. Relationship appears to get a little rocky. The distance and time apart seems to be doing nobody any favours.
One of the new friends K meets is a guy that she gets close with, call him M. I hear from K that M has a poor opinion of K's boyfriend Y (my friend), and their relationship. M's comments appear to be regular. I hear all this from K, and tell her at the time that those sound like red flags of someone who's trying to split a couple up so he can slot in. M has admitted to doing exactly that before. Y is obviously in arms about the whole thing.
About 4 months into this arrangement (shared apartment, new job and new program) things come to a head and K calls it quits. It's messy because they're in the middle of the lease, and it's taxing on everyone. K and Y can both be stubborn and argumentative, and that's the side that comes out.
I had a suspicion that M was the driving force behind K breaking up. This is just from how K has described M to be. Without any evidence I gave K the benefit of the doubt and tried to be as supportive as I could to both K and Y.
I see Y often and we talk as often as we normally do. Communication with K drops off a cliff. Months later, I heard that K and M hooked up very soon after the breakup (approx 1 week).
I think I enough for me to say K ignored the red flags we showed her months ago, and purposely played right into M's hands, hurting my friend Y in the process. So I decide I'm not interested in hanging out with K anymore (not a big deal, since she's cut me off anyway).
A couple of years later, they're broken up and I hear through the grapevine she's apologetic and wants to reach out again. Our other mutual friends are all closer with Y than K, or vice versa and that dictates their opinion. I'm trying to stick to my guns.
I'm in her town this weekend with some mutual friends for an unrelated reason, and this is affecting our plans (some want to catch up with her, some don't care... And me).
Reddit, AITA for not wanting to get together? Am I being self-righteous? Should I care this much?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
fmeP7nC3Jf1Cv95QGkUtHRBDzKrTkToX
|
aoqq9o
|
{
"description": "asking roommate if my bf can stay overnight once a week",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking roommate if my bf can stay overnight once a week
|
I've been dating this guy for about half a year. Although we're not exclusive (yet), we still care about each other deeply.
A few weeks ago, i brought this guy over for the second time. The first time, I had asked my roommate if she'd approve. She said yes. However, this time, I didn't ask for her permission. I know, I realized that I was at fault for not informing my roommate but I felt like a child having to ask for her parent's permission to have someone over. Anyways, she confronted me about this and told me that hearing a man's voice in the middle of the night terrified her. I admit, I was definitely the arse in this situation, and I apologized to her over and over again and that I'll inform her next time. But then she told me that she prefers him to not stay overnight because it invaded her privacy.
Now, I haven't seen my guy for about a month now, and want to see him soon. I brought up the discussion again with her and asked if my guy can stay overnight for one night a week. (I would be completely fine staying over at his place, but he lives with his parents). She was really hesitant in answering and suggested that I should consider other options before asking her, such as camping outside, airbnb, and a motel. Her reasons for being uncomfortable with my guy staying at our place overnight constitutes:
1. **Noise level:** she mentioned that she can hear our conversations, and it felt to her that she was forced to be involved in our relationship, because she knows what we're talking about.
2. **Her privacy**: Having him over = invasion to her privacy. She does not want to run into him in the middle of the night. She wants him to only come during the day.
3. **My privacy**: This is her main reason. She claims that she's concerned about me and wanting me to progress my relationship with this guy. By booking a hotel room/airbnb to perform FACs,, I can have the most privacy I can possibly get without having to worry about my roommate hear what is going..
Is it honestly too much for me to ask of my roommate to allow my guy to stay over for one night a week? He comes around midnight anyways, so we'll only spend at the most 8/9 hours together (11am non) (half of which will be spent just sleeping).
Please note that my roommate does not have a car, so she's always going to be home. She has not yet offered to leave the apartment to give me some privacy. She said that if I had told her before that he was coming overnight, she would be more compliant to agree.. Please help! Any would be greatly appreciated.
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
frI8l7ZIGbmNlX6o2tepoWYoNur14hiH
|
9u1e3n
|
{
"description": "telling a preteen that they likely aren't trans and should not self diagnose themselves",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 57
}
|
AITA for telling a preteen that they likely aren't trans and should not self diagnose themselves?
|
Posting from an alt because these people know my handle and I would prefer to hear from other's opinions.
I recently got banned from a discord chat. The moderator's reasoning? "We will not tolerate Homophobes."
Now, I am banned. I don't have the chat logs to pull up, and this was a semi-private discord, so I don't have a valid key to take an alt into to get them. Sucks, right? Here's what I remember saying, since I do have word opened with my reply and research.
---
Basically, this kid in this server started complaining about the fact that their parents weren't letting them get hormone therapy for being trans. This kid has talked about it before on the server, and from my understanding they have never actually seen a psychologist in regards to this. They just "felt" they were trans.
So, I called them out. I started asking questions. "How old are you?" (15 she said) "Why do you want this?" (Coz itll make me feel better!) "Have you seen a psychologist?" (No, but I've heard what it's like and I feel the same way!)
By the time I actually managed to get them to say that last one, the rest of the server was butting in, basically saying that I was a "complete fucking asshole for asking stuff like that" and that "You don't need to have a slip of paper to be valid!"
Finally, I just wrote up one big reply (because at this point I was getting bombarded with people harassing me) which expressed my view. It went as follows:
---
Are you guys serious?
Less than 1% of the population experiences Gender Dysphoria, according to the 2013 Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. The highest I've read is an estimated 0.5% of the population according to a 2014 study (1), however, most estimates point to the “real number” being FAR lower than that, often less than 0.1%.
Of those, research shows that most (I've read lower estimates of 60-70%, but The American Collage of Pediatricians states this is closer to 80-90% (2)) will not experience Gender Dysphoria after Puberty. (3) Of the remaining minority, most will have another kind of mental illness alongside Dysphoria.
As I've mentioned here before, I have a mental illness that encompasses 2% of the world population. I have met one other person with my own condition outside of forums, servers, and communities built for people with that condition. So for Gender Dysphoria – and therefore Trans people – to have such a high vocal presence online... It's absolutely staggering. To be honest, to me this means that *most* people who say they are trans, simply are not. It also means that many people, like Hush, are simply going to falsely self diagnose.
From my experience, I feel something else is at work, that some people are lying, or that there are other forces at play – and many researchers seem to agree, often stating that many people seem to confuse other illnesses, simple anxiety, or puberty as dysphoria.
This is exactly why y'all shouldn't be so eager to support <TRANS KID>! This is why I'm asking questions! Because in all likelihood, from what she's told us, <TRANSKID> LIKELY ISN'T TRANS.
Stop linking me to tumblr pages ffs. Read some actual god damn articles and crap on this. Believe it or not, some teenagers online are not the be-all-end-all of how the world works.
(1) Transgender Demographics: A Household Probability Sample of US Adults, 2014.
Crissman HP, Berger MB, Graham LF, Dalton VK
Am J Public Health. 2017 Feb; 107(2):213-215.
(2) https://www.acpeds.org/the-college-speaks/position-statements/gender-dysphoria-in-children
(3) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18981931/
---
It got a few middle finger emotes, then it was deleted, I got the message from a mod, and then I was banned before I could reply.
Am I the asshole? Was I right to be banned for this? Am I seriously a homophobe for calling someone out on what is likely nothing more than prepubescent bullshit?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 57,
"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 57
}
|
WRONG
|
Afd4jULgjSxo14nZSSiTKRsKIKh3hrhN
|
arazm4
|
{
"description": "being \"transphobic and disrespectful\"",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
AITA for being "Transphobic and disrespectful"
|
On mobile, first larger text. (I might have made this post already but something happened I will remove if so)
Okay, first off I don't really care if I'm percieved as transphobic really, but my stance is that if you want to become another gender than the one you were born with, it's impossible due to biology. Does NOT mean I will treat you less.
So I posted this on r/raisedbynarcissists about a trans person not being accepted by their parents
"Okay, I don't support the transgenderism, but you get support from your parents no matter what and noone should judge you for your choices. Good luck. <3".
I quickly got a reply from OP telling me that they were thankfull of my support none the less even if we did not agree exactly, I would ptobably take it down if it was percieved the wrong way.
Understandebly some people got upset and downvoted it to hell. I made a clarification to it all and I thought it was all over and decided not to care.
Apparentely a Mod thought I was disrespectful and temp banned me for a week for being Transphobic and disrespectful. I don't care about the ban, I'm not really a frequent commenter or poster at all, but I have been wondering since, AITA
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 18,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 18
}
|
WRONG
|
M6STN2nwCQWxIFrBdQPqDTSLN2BJUZWu
|
b2e6aq
|
{
"description": "leaving my gf because of her past and shitty behavior",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for leaving my gf because of her past and shitty behavior?
|
We started dating 2 years ago, we had somewhat different political views when it came to sex and relationships, but I didn't care about it.Anyway, after a couple of months, I ended up asking her if she ever had a partner before, in which she said "Yes, 6 actually", I was a bit annoyed by that, since I am very trad. guy I would prefer a lower to zero body count, but I was also aware that she had her own life before me, so I just explained to her how I felt about sex, that I was a virgin. She was a bit annoyed by that actually, but in the end, accepted my views.
&#x200B;
A couple of months past and I was still insecure about her body count, but I always reminded myself that in the end, she loved me and that I had to get over my insecurity in order to love her to the fullest. Eventually, after some talking, she convinced me to have sex with her (she actually forced me, but whatever), and even though the sex was great I still felt insecure about it from time to time, but I kept pushing myself as best as I could, I even talked to her about my problem, and she was somewhat understanding at the time, but she said something that really stuck with me back then, that I should stop being insecure and act like a man .
&#x200B;
Anyway, one day we were just watching some RuPaul and she was texting her friend on the phone and eventually, they ended up having an argument about body count, her friend mentioned something about some people having too many sexual partners throughout their lives. Now me being me I wasn't really giving much of a fuck about the whole argument until I saw her texting something about ME agreeing with her (my ex) and that even a traditionalist guy was more open-minded than her friend. That really annoyed me, so I asked her why she felt the need to use me as an example, and she told me that because I was okay with the 12 guys she has been with before. Don't have to explain that I was pretty pissed at her lie. So I started to approach this subject in a really respectful way, I reminded her about my problem and insecurity and asked her if she lied about her number. She acted really angry and told me to chill out, but I kept pushing it.
&#x200B;
So the argument got heated and she told me that I was still being a naive insecure bitch and that I should act like an adult. Needless to say, I got pissed, so I raised my voice at her (probably more than what I should have), she answered me with a somewhat heavy push to the chest and I told her to get out of my place, so she grabbed her purse and said that she couldn't believe she dated an insecure closeminded asshole, I answered by saying that I couldn't believe I dated a lying whore. She bashed me in the head with the purse and I demanded her to get out, and thank god she did.
&#x200B;
My question is not about if my behavior was correct or not. It's about my reasons for breaking up with her. Was I being an asshole for breaking up with her because of her past?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
BYBtnKf6UtihWwsRjoXcdwlvYVtkySVt
|
b9kcfv
|
{
"description": "being upset/jealous over a kid",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being upset/jealous over a kid?
|
Hi, so. My boyfriend and I have been together for quiet some time, and we live together. I trust him completely not to cheat, and we’re both legal adults. We have a group of online friends that we sometimes hang out with, and it’s all fun and stuff. Recently, a kid joined our friend group (of caries ages) he’s about 11-14, and at first I really liked him. He joined our games, and we all hung out, at one point my boyfriend and I suggested we “adopt” him.
But then he started demanding things. He would join a game we were in, and would just say “invite me.” I didn’t mind this much, but I started to realize, he was joining games only my boyfriend was in. So, naturally, I thought he was more drawn to him since they’re both males, but that didn’t make sense since I’m one of the few females in our group. Maybe he just had fun with him? I brushed it aside, until he made comments to me. “He doesn’t love you.” “He loves me more than you.” “You should break up with him, he doesn’t deserve you.”
I brought this up with my boyfriend, who was confused. He said the kid did nothing but support our relationship to him. About a week ago, the kid announced to my boyfriend alone he was bi, and he liked his best friend. Then started calling him, his best friend. I simply said “He has a crush on you!” Then my boyfriend said I was kind of delusional. But, yesterday, he asked for a dick pic, and that drew the line. I took it as a joke at first, we were all laughing, but then he got quiet and private messaged my boyfriend “Send me pictures, please.” “I’m thirsty for you.” My boyfriend refuses to tell the kid to stop, because he’s a kid, but I’m growing irritated more and more everyday. He lies to my boyfriend, and makes me look like a bad guy. A CHILD is asking my ADULT boyfriend for dick pictures, and I’m starting to get upset. AITA for being upset about this? I want the kid to stop, that’s all.
(I have tried messaging him privately to stop, and he says the stuff about my bf not loving me as a reply.)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
b6W8iCRuX9HhoNoPBGw5okOwCABsagwi
|
aqqn0t
|
{
"description": "being upset about being single on Valentine's when my coworker recently broke up with her fiance",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset about being single on Valentine's when my coworker recently broke up with her fiance?
|
Trigger alert: *This may come across strongly as an Incel rant. Let's be honest, people aren't born incels, they develop into terrible people because they don't understand how to deal with the real world. Sometimes they are niceguys and their Incel future is inevitable unless they get lucky early. Sometimes they are just stupid (like me) and can't figure anything out and lash out because the world is a dark and lonely place*.
The coworker (referred to as "she" and "her" hereafter) had been in a long term committed relationship since she was in high school. Not several, the same one. She broke up with her boyfriend for a period when he failed to meet her ultimatum to ask her to marry; and then they got back together almost six months later where he finally proposed a year after that. So to say that she's invested in that relationship is seriously paraphrasing things. Last week she found out that he had been cheating on her, and being the self-respecting woman that she is, she broke off the engagement and moved out. She's been taking it how any reasonable person would: some days it's a relief to have dodged a bullet and other days it's hugely sad. I've tried to be as supportive as I can without assuming getting involved in her personal life. When she's comfortable talking about things, I listen; and when she needs to be alone, I'll make up an excuse to leave my desk.
Last week I decided to buy myself flowers and a gift basket for Valentine's day so I wouldn't be the only person to not get anything. It's not a huge deal, but I wanted to pretend that this year was going to be different even if I had to fake it before I could make it (it's a saying). Then we find out that she broke up with her fiance and I just feel terrible knowing that I'm going to receive a gaudy present that's going to remind her that she's ended her relationship.
Today seems like one of the sad days, so I offer to get lunch for us at one of the take-out restaurants nearby. While I'm out, the package arrives. I find out when I come back and the door to our shared office is locked (I told her she could close the door any time she needed privacy, i.e. crying). I leave the food at a nearby table and tell her that it's available whenever she's ready to have it, and that I'll be eating in the break room. She recovers and day goes by as normal.
That's all context, here's the conflict:
We both use Kik and there's a chat room that (coincidentally) we both joined. Later in the day, the people in chat keep going on with Valentine's memes. I comment that I can't wait for the holiday to be over and for it to be the next holiday already. One of the guys, we'll call him Adam, suggests that I find another single person to spend my Valentine's day as a solution to my hating the holiday. I reply that I don't want to be an asshole, but I'm not single for a lack of trying. That's when she adds to chat "lol Adam".
Like, excuse me? You were just bawling your eyes out an hour ago because you recently ended your relationship. Do you really need to laugh at me for finding it hard to cope with being single? We've talked about the topic of dating through the past couple years working together, so I understand that she read my complaint as "I'm lazy and I don't want to learn how to find love" but I don't think that excuses her dismissive attitude. Particularly because she knows my perspective on that exact topic: "I don't understand what I'm doing wrong and if anyone could tell me then I would proactively fix myself." I feel double slighted because I'm going out of my way to be supportive through her hardship (not in some niceguy "you owe me now" sort of way though, I've meant it in a mutual respect sort of way).
I don't know man. I'm pretty sure I'm an asshole for a lot of things, but I don't feel like this is one of them. Valentine's day is a celebration of romantic relationships and I've never felt it was helpful to be exhibitionists about how happy people are like it's some kind of dick measuring contest. I'm just trying to express that I don't appreciate all the Valentine's day memes in a non-confrontational way in what's normally a safe space. I seriously don't feel right being laughed at for it.
Am I the asshole for expressing how much I hate Valentine's day, when my coworker has a much more pressing reason to be upset today; and now I'm upset that she's laughing at me about it?
Disclaimer: I am great with constructive criticism. I am terrible with insults masquerading as criticism. Since this is Reddit, I know I'm going to have to sift through a ton of the latter before finding the former. And because Rule2 demands I not call you a piece of shit for ignoring all but two sentences out of context, I'm disabling automatic notifications. I'll check back in before 18 hours and reply to anyone who seems like they need more relevant facts to give a fair judgement.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
uiWFbCtEOjbeU0XDE9HFxVRzmPq4U4EK
|
a1sofz
|
{
"description": "not buying a ticket for my friend's husband and son",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for not buying a ticket for my friend’s husband and son?
|
I want to buy tickets to a show for my friend for Christmas. They’re a little bit on the pricey side, which is where I’m stuck.
I’m happy to buy her a ticket + 1 extra - but she has a kid and partner. Is it a total dick move to not get one for both the spouse (who I’ve never met) and kid? I figure 2 tickets lets her choose which one of them she’d like to bring (date night or kid bonding time) but I can’t really afford three. Or of course she can just ditch them both ;)
Thoughts? (And thanks!)
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
HLYapbAan75dgsYUR8wOSuNLMjRbS6nV
|
adsz0d
|
{
"description": "getting a tattoo my so has a phobia to",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for getting a tattoo my SO has a phobia to?
|
The titles says most of it. I'm getting a tattoo design however she has an actual phobia to part of the design, it makes her physically ill to look at it.
I haven't gotten it yet.
She says she's okay with it and I should do what I want, but I can't help but feel guilty about it, and want to change the design.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 4
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
ih7X1aSwjiDXtNvTMAWkZxQZFawsKibH
|
b354my
| null |
AITA: My roommate blamed my kitten for breaking a TV and won’t pay me back.
|
I was given a TV as a gift. The TV did not have a base, so it had to be propped up on the wall and supported my picture frames. Cheap? Yes. But it was a free TV, we’re in college and it worked. I’ve had this TV for a year and a half when I come home to my roommate saying my kitten had broken the TV.
She decided to rearrange the whole living room and \~\~somehow\~\~ the kitten had pushed over the TV and broke it. Due to the fact that we’ve had this TV up for months and the cat not touching it, I found this hard to believe. What seemed more reasonable was that she forgot the TV didn’t have a base, pulled the table out, and the TV fell.
She said she would pay me back for the TV, so I went BestBuy to get one. I had her on the phone, talking about the amount she would be comfortable spending. The TV that was the same size was $120. She said she was okay with that, so I purchased the TV. This was in January.
In February, I brought it up and she said oh yeah, I can get you cash. I said no rush. She asked if she would get to keep it because she was paying for it. Our other roommate said no, it would go to me. Brushed it off, still didn’t pay me. I very much dislike confrontation but today I asked her to pay for the tv. Conversation is as follows:
\---------------------------
**Me**: Hey:)))) by chance will you pay me for the TV too haha
Her: Yes how much again?? Did you still want cash or just Venmo??
**Me**: Venmo works 😊it was $120
Her: Okay I can Venmo you! Can I pay $65 of it? I just don’t think it’s fair to have to pay for the whole thing since I didn’t actually break it myself, Kiwi knocked it over! I do take partial blame however since I probably should have set it somewhere she couldn’t have done so but i was also not expecting that to happen yah know? :/
**Me:** I thought when we talked about it that amount was okay. I’m gonna see if we can return it then because I don’t really need it or think I should have to pay for half. It really is okay!
Her: If I pay the full $120 then I only feel it’s fair to get the tv especially if you don’t need it/ the last tv you had for free? When we initially talked I was also under the assumption that we were going to split it?
***Am I wrong for thinking she should replace the TV?***
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
ykpBRqaeEBY743NYjzBlXsgiEkdo90P8
|
b6hrpt
|
{
"description": "being frustrated with my boyfriend's living situation",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being frustrated with my boyfriend’s living situation?
|
Throwaway to avoid exposing info.
My boyfriend and I have discussed moving in together in the near-ish future. Let’s call him Jake. Jake’s parents were drug addicted and passed away when he was about 18 and he successfully obtained custody of his brother. He lives in a house about 30 min from me and I have a roommate and live in a fairly nice house. We are late 20s/early 30s. His brother is almost 19. After a natural disaster in his area, a few of his brother’s friends moved in to my boyfriend’s house, too. (With his permission). Those boys and Jake work in the city I’m in. Jake’s work is mere blocks from my home.
Jake is constantly getting calls and texts by the boys, especially at night, being asked to be driven back to the house (since it’s a drive- it means he can’t always come back to my house if it’s late since I get up early). He has to shop for them on the weekends and I can’t really stay at his place due to the crowding, meaning he can only stay with me a couple nights a week.
He is kind of like a dad to these boys and it is VERY sweet and kind, but I’m worried this is slowly becoming permanent. Jake’s brother doesn’t work or go to school, and while I like a couple of the boys, they definitely act like adolescent boys and have stopped looking into other housing options. I’ve seen messages from the boys asking if he’s with “thot”, making sexually suggestive remarks and complaining about him spending time with me/not always being available to give them rides. I know Jake’s brother is NOT happy about him having a girlfriend.
I’m always understanding about the rides, as there is not public transportation late at night here and I don’t want the “kids” on the streets. However, as we build our future I certainly don’t want to be the girl putting anyone out- but I’m not prepared to live with these young guys, especially with what they call me. If there were any sign of these guys moving forward, I wouldn’t worry, but Jake doesn’t really push for that.
Am I an asshole for getting frustrated?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
x3HcpCzpUehYXgFuwz3ubtzLACmFsElb
|
ayj0wp
|
{
"description": "dropping my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For dropping my best friend
|
Am I the asshole for dropping my friend
&#x200B;
SITUATION:
I (M20) have a crush on one of my better friends (F20). This is going on for about a year now. Recently my best friend (M19), who was the only one I shared my story with and knew of this, kissed my crush. He knew her because of me, they got to know each other behind my back. She developed feelings for him, after I saw this coming and warned him. He said: 'Calm down, you are exaggerating'. Then after he promised me that it was nothing, nothing changed. And then he kissed her then told her he didn't like her or something and that they should break contact which they did.
He told me 2 weeks after it had happened, she wanted to tell me but had a deal that my best friend would be the one that would tell it. I received the news quite calmly because I didn't knew how to react. Told him it would be okay and we would work this out. He said he regretted it so much he would do anything for me.
Next day I spoke to him and said that for now he shouldn't contact me and that he needed to fix his shit. I feel heartbroken, betrayed and a dick for dropping my best friend. The thing is he is settled in almost all of my friend groups...
What do you guys think here?! Help please!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
pn5cJjoPkQYuUatuZqo2cSiryNzT7fCK
|
anr4eb
|
{
"description": "showing a woman at my gym too much attention",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 25
}
|
AITA for showing a woman at my gym too much attention?
|
I have been going to my gym for almost 3 years. A few months ago I noticed a woman that I thought was extremely attractive. I’ve always been good about not approaching or talking to women in the gym because we are all there to better ourselves and not be annoyed by people.
Well one day I was benching and she was literally the closest person next to me and I asked if she would spot me. Strictly plutonic and it even started some small talk. Since then we have talked once more in passing. We occasionally catch glances with each other and smile.
Well today I was finishing my lift and saw her leaving the gym. I caught up to her and asked if she wanted to grab coffee later this week. She replied with that she was married (I had no idea, she didn’t wear a ring, which I completely understand). She then followed by saying that she preferred me to stop talking to her. I told her that we have spoken twice before and just caught eyes occasionally. And she replied with just please stop. It made me feel like I was being super creepy and now I nervous to go in the gym. Am I the asshole for approaching her this third time?
TLDR: approached a cute girl a few times in my gym, she told me to stop, and now I feel like I’m a creepy asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 25,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 17,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 25
}
|
RIGHT
|
mFq6sDnv643ZS7xlOYdDtkyjRKoalLYq
|
apw87l
|
{
"description": "expecting his help",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for expecting his help?
|
Ok so my boyfriend and I are both on parental leave. I took the leave first because I am the mother, breastfeeding, and because I was in college. I also couldn't go back to college when he wanted to take parental leave because he is only off from December to end of February. He on the other hand started parental leave in December for various reasons:
1. He was getting his tonsils removed so he couldn't be around dust or any harmful pollutants at the job site
2. Christmas
3. His other son had to also have surgery
4. He is working on a project for his brother.
Now with that being said he did have surgery and so did his son, but like 70% of the time he has been off hasn't been recovery or him caring for his son, or doing his project with his brother. He has basically just been doing nothing. Sleeping, watching Netflix and playing Roblox with his kid.
You would think that it would be the right thing to do to step up and help out, but he has made remarks in the past like "well normally I would be at work right now". So basically he makes me feel like from 9 to 5pm I don't get help because he would normally be at work?
I'm so confused and don't know if I am the asshole here or if my expectations are accurate.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
mBU6R4gigx9VMdT448BBvAuwzdu31J9y
|
b4iq87
|
{
"description": "telling my brother I cant assist him with calling into work 'sick' anymore",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA If i told my brother i cant assist him with calling into work 'sick' anymore
|
My brother and I work at the same place, we have for 5 or so years. Just recently, I'd say within the past 4 or 5 months, he has been sending me messages right before work asking if I would let his boss know he won't be in, and the call in system isn't working.
There are a couple of issues with this:
1) he has a drinking problem and by helping him call in I feel like I'm enabling him.
2) we are supposed to leave a voicemail with the automated system for HR and call our supervisor
3) If his supervisor happens to not be there and I leave his supervisor a message and he doesn't call in within 2 hours it's considered an AWOL and I feel like he'd blame me.
4) I have an interview for a supervisor position at work and if I get it, I definitely will not be able to do that anymore
So would I be the asshole if I told him I can't help him call in anymore?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
r5UG0PX9LriHNhClpSIEoBafbivHwLHa
|
b9ecde
|
{
"description": "critisizing ceremony",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA Critisizing ceremony
|
Obligatory mobile warning
Backstory:
So, today my school visited Arlington national cemetery (USA) and we volunteered to lay wreaths at the tomb of the unknown soldier, witch is a very prestigious ceremony. There are supposed to be 4 wreath bearers, but five of us volunteered. I decided to be the bigger man and let the others participate, as they all had family members either buried there and/or serving at the time, and I just wanted to honor fallen soldiers. Also, I have been in Boy Scouts for 5 years and am a full-time honor guard with professional training.
The story:
During the ceremony, I was annoyed that they had completely disregarded all of my tips on upright standing, when to salute, and how to walk at “attention” stature.
I decided that I should talk to them about it after wards, and to try to soften the mood, I divided to start with a joke, so I plainly called it “sloppy,” and preceded to critique a large section of the ceremony using my knowledge of flag ceremonies and honor guard.
Afterwards, these friends were pissed and would avoid me, and then told me that I should not critique there performance, and that just doing it alone was enough for them, and now I kinda feel like a really big asshole.
Am I the asshole? Please also tell me why.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
WRONG
|
50sSBc0wDtpyqMFOZZf5xl5YZsxMolAj
|
b2yjac
|
{
"description": "ruining family dinner because I didn't want to talk about my ex and suggested we talk about everyone's exes",
"pronormative_score": 152,
"contranormative_score": 72
}
|
AITA for ruining family dinner because I didn't want to talk about my ex and suggested we talk about everyone's exes?
|
Had a family dinner this past weekend. It included myself, my fiance, my sister, her boyfriend, and our parents. My sister got divorced maybe a year ago and has a boyfriend. I really like him, he's great. And they are so great together! I'm happy that she is finally happy. I've known my fiance for 10 years and have been 'together' for 6 or 7 years. Things are great with us, too.
At dinner, we were talking about old memories and laughing. Generally having a good time all around. We eventually talked about how much dating has changed over the years and now the majority of people meet online/through an app. I should mention here that my sister met her boyfriend on a dating app. Nothing wrong with that, it is 2019. Then my sister brought up my ex because I had met my ex online but before all these apps were status quo (12+ years ago).
Back then, I got sooo much shit from my family about how I met my ex. They all were less than nice to me and to him and it's something I've never forgotten. That relationship lasted 2.5 years but eventually we broke up but for other reasons. When I look back, I do have the 'what the hell was I thinking' reaction that everyone has when they think about their exes but I also have a bit of sadness and anger towards my family about how I was treated. So obviously, I don't like going back there. My sister just kept talking about my ex and how unsafe meeting people online was back then and I'm so lucky he didn't end up being a sexual predator or serial killer! She and my parents were talking about my ex and how horrible he was while myself, my fiance, and her BF just stayed quiet. Honestly, my ex was a nice guy, just not for me, so I took offense to what was being said as I was also being painted as being foolish.
I'm not proud of what I did but I loudly said something like "Ahhh, this must be the portion of the family dinner where we all talk about our past relationships! Does anyone else want to talk about their exes? Dad, how about your exwife from when you got married at 20? Mom, anyone? BF and fiance... do you want to talk about any of your exes? Sister, how about we talk about your exHusband or exBF? I heard exhusband is finally selling the house."
It was dead quiet for what seemed like an eternity until I was told I was wildly inappropriate. I mentioned that I thought it was wildly inappropriate at all to bring up anyone's ex while everyone's significant other is sitting right there. There was an argument. Fiance and I excused ourselves and we went home.
Got some texts afterwards about how I ruined dinner and I should apologize but I don't think I'm the one who should be apologizing. I see this as a 'you can serve it but not take it' situation so I don't feel I owe anyone an apology. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 18,
"OTHER": 151,
"EVERYBODY": 54,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 6
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 152,
"WRONG": 72
}
|
RIGHT
|
rStgWU0mcLAdEsq4Tu1BOiRAIZsKonGb
|
aydja9
|
{
"description": "insisting on an apology from my boyfriend's sister",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA for insisting on an apology from my boyfriend’s sister (a single mother)?
|
I’ve (21) been frustrated by my boyfriend’s (23) sister Lauren (name changed, will call her L). She makes reckless decisions without regard for consequences. L has never really done anything for herself, she is now 30 years old but has never pursued a particular career or paid her own rent, she has been supported by my bf’s family. Recently she fell pregnant to man she had only briefly dated and decided to have the baby. After this the relationship broke down and she moved back in with my bf’s family (he lives at home so I often spend time there).
She was consistently rude and bratty to bf and his family. She would leave food scraps and rubbish everywhere and would send rude messages to anyone if they annoyed her slightly. L also adopted a dog a few years ago which she failed to walk or take proper care of and that responsibility now also falls on my bf’s parents.
I will occasionally make comments to my boyfriend as it makes me angry seeing L treat everyone this way. An example: in order to help L her parents recently bought an apartment for her to live in rent-free. L constantly comments on how ‘dark and depressing’ the place is (It’s honestly very nice). I told my boyfriend that I found this ungrateful and immature.
I’d never criticise L to her face as I don’t believe it’s my place. However, recently my bf and I had a fight about an unrelated issue and he got really upset. Afterwards, he told L that I’ve been critical of her. L took this really badly. She blocked me on social media and did nothing but vent anger to her family. A week or so later my bf and I patched things up and I wanted to try and make amends to L. He told me that L had been messaging him about the situation, and at this point I was confused about why she was so upset so I asked if I could see some of the messages she’d sent to try and understand where she was coming from. The messages were really aggressive and including things like ‘OP is a nasty bitch’, ‘OP needs regular therapy’ and ‘OP is emotionally abusive’.
After reading this I was really angry, I typed out an apology to Lauren but it was badly worded and this escalated the situation even further. She called my boyfriend’s parents screaming that she was a victim and that I was being hurtful. After giving the situation some time, I wrote another more careful apology which she finally responded to. At this point she is still unaware that I have seen her hurtful messages.
My bf wants to try and forget this situation but I’m feeling hurt and think I deserve an apology. However, this would involve telling her that I’d read the messages, which would no doubt stir up more drama. Part of the issue is that Lauren had a rough childhood with issues like bulimia, and is having a hard time being a single mother. AITA for insisting that she should apologise? I realise that she has had a hard time but I still believe L should be accountable for her actions.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 17,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 20
}
|
WRONG
|
yqxeiMqyKjnsofpexuK66zcrzANvUFjA
|
aul1pq
|
{
"description": "being mad at my parents for not buying me car insurance",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for being mad at my parents for not buying me car insurance
|
So I just got my license but I'm 17 and about to turn 18. The reason I got it so late is because my parents didn't want me to get it earlier. So anyways naturally I want car insurance so I can start driving. I live in a city where it's impossible to get anywhere without driving and it's basically a necessity. However my parents are refusing to buy me car insurance. They got both of my older brothers insurance the day after they got their liscences, yet it's been 5 weeks for me and they won't budge.
I understand that this is coming off as sort of entitled but I know for a fact that they can afford it. I just think it's messed up that they got it for my brothers but won't get it for me. Their reasoning is that my brothers ended up going to the local community college so they needed to drive but I'm going to a 4 year University and therefore don't need to drive.
Do they just expect me not to drive for the next 4 years? This has become a daily argument at my house and I was just wondering if I'm being the asshole because I keep on bringing it up. Also, we have an extra car that I could drive if they got me insurance.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
r2PVW7zfmI4Pep5HjY3c6D2LR30EGGgq
|
9t8pxo
|
{
"description": "not greeting people in the morning",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not greeting people in the morning?
|
Specifically in the morning at work, but anywhere else too I guess. A lot of people are super chipper in the mornings and they’ll say good morning to everyone they pass or strike up some small talk, but I usually try to keep to myself. I won’t ignore people, but if they don’t greet me first I’ll usually just walk past them without saying anything. When it’s just me and another person walking towards each other in a hall I usually try to avoid eye contact and when they get closer I’ll pretend to check my phone or take a drink of coffee so I don’t have to speak to them. I’m fine without having much social interaction at work, but I’m always paranoid that people take it the wrong way and think I’m rude.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
ULMY0LhV37XUNlPTXaCbV6IKMA29iG74
|
b5p8bg
|
{
"description": "asking this girl out",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for asking this girl out.
|
Obviously, the situation is complicated. I met this girl seven years ago and we've friends ever since. Back three years ago I started dating a girl I met through her. During that time, the two became best friends, they're really close. The girl I was dating occasionally got somewhat insecure or even a tiny bit jealous and would ask if I ever had any interest in the other girl. Obviously I reassured her and said no, because at the time that was true. We eventually broke up.
Now today, that is not true. I'm noticing more and more that we have a ton in common, I'm more and more attracted to parts of her personality and I'm becoming more physically attracted to her. I feel as though I'd be betraying not only my ex but now her as well for potentially harming our friendship. This is made even more awkward by the fact that as I said, the two are really close friends. So WIBTA for acting on these feelings?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
m5lguLqKX65wF4dVd72VK7vIeJaZMJqQ
|
as6kh3
|
{
"description": "hating my best friends boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for hating my best friends boyfriend?
|
My best friend is a freshman, and her boyfriend is a senior. They make out and do coupley kind of adult stuff (no sex, at least to my knowledge) she is 14. and he is 18, nearly 19. I have let her know that I hate him very adamantly and he knows I hate him. I hate the boyfriend because of the age difference; and the fact she’s a minor and he’s an adult. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
JvLVn9UN2dLQAwKdPPZFuUL8v1NOMXSi
|
az519f
|
{
"description": "cancelling my birthday dinner",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA if I cancelled my birthday dinner?
|
Obligatory throwaway and on mobile.
So today is my 29th birthday!
Me and my immediate family spoke in a group chat last week and I arranged a meal tomorrow to celebrate. I would have preferred to do something today but also wanted everyone to be there so we reached a compromise.
Its currently after 4pm and not a single one of them (mum, sister or brother) has reached out to wish me a happy birthday.
I'd also like to mention that this isn't the first time they've forgotten my birthday and they frequently leave me out of things because I'm not on Facebook- the place where all things are arranged apparently.
I want to just cancel the meal tomorrow but I know there will be backlash from them if I do. They've said in the past that I'm overly sensitive and have a temper. I do suffer from anxiety and mild depression but I think I'm reasonable in feeling unloved right now.
Would I be that the asshole if I cancelled my birthday meal with my family?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.