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{
"description": "wanting to keep my neighbor's cat",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to keep my neighbor's cat?
|
To start, throwaway account for reasons.
​
Kind of a long story because I want all the details out there so I can know if I am wrong to think this way.
​
I live in an apartment complex with my roommate and a month ago (first week of December) I got off work at night and found a stray cat pressed up against our door. I brought it inside and it eventually warmed up to us after a few days. During this time, we were doing everything we could to find the owners. I was looking on pages on FaceBook for stray cats, we called multiple shelters asking about missing cats, and even went to our landlord to see if they had any missing cat reports. The landlord said there was one cat reported missing and gave us the number to call. We called the number and a lady and her husband came over and said the cat we found was not theirs. We then took the cat to the vet to get it checked for a chip and sure enough it was chipped. We were given information to contact the chip company and did so. They found two numbers attached to the chip and said they would get back into contact with us when they received word from the owner. We received a call back later that night and the chip company told us they tried both numbers and got no response. The first number they tried twice and both times it just kept ringing without going to a voicemail. The second number did go to a voicemail and they left a message and told us when the owners called back we would hear from the chip company. We waited at least a week (still trying to find anything about this missing cat) and never got a call back from the chip company (we gave them both of our phone numbers so it is not like they tried calling and it got missed). At this point we didn't want to keep the cat just yet so we called the humane league near us, explained the situation, and asked what we should do. We were told that at this point if no contact has been made the owners don't care about the cat and are not actively looking for it; it was ours to keep. We decided to keep it because we have been wanting to get a cat recently. We took care of and loved this animal for a month now, playing with it all day, taking it to the vet, paying the expenses to get shots for it, medicine to clean its ears out (it had earmites when we found it), and other household essentials for a cat. Today, though, I was leaving my apartment to go to work and when I opened my door my next door neighbor was going to their apartment. They saw the cat in my apartment as the door was closing and asked if I had found their cat (they called it by the original name that only the old owners would know). They showed me a FaceBook post of the cat they made about a month ago saying that it was missing. Obviously at this point I had no choice but to give the cat back because it was clearly theirs. I did so and now I just do not feel right having done so. For details, these neighbors have been nothing but loud and annoying since we moved in about 2 years ago. They are up at all hours of the night (we have heard them stomping around at the hours of 2-4 AM), they have 1 or 2 children that cry pretty much all the time (this mostly results with the parents screaming at the kids to shut up and doing nothing else to stop it. As I was writing this post I heard a child bawling its eyes out only to hear the mom start imitating its cry back to it and the dad screaming "shut up!!"), about once a week (or more) the adults engage in screaming fights at each other, and they play really loud EDM music at random times (like REALLY loud). I understand that children are going to cry but the way I hear them handle those situations just does not seem good. My roommate told me that he talked to the neighbor while I was at work and asked about how the cat got out and why they didn't contact anybody outside of making a FaceBook post. They told them that the cat probably got out from doors being opened and closed. They live in the upstairs apartment which has a stairwell that has two doors the cat would have had to have gone through to get out. I have always noticed that their front door is often cracked and never fully shut which explains how the cat got out. He also explained the earmites situation to them and was told they got it taken care of but did nothing when the earmites came back. This kind of reckless behavior is what makes me think they don't deserve the cat.
​
To me it does not seem like this is a good home for this loving, sweet cat and I am heartbroken to have had to give it back. My instinct tells me that I am the asshole in this situation because I could not imagine losing a pet and having someone else keep it. However, I feel that my roommate and I were taking (and would take) better care of that animal. I just cannot understand why someone who is missing a cat would only make a FaceBook post about it and then do nothing else. They didn't knock on any neighbor's doors, they didn't put up any flyers, they didn't go to any shelters to report it, and they didn't even go to the landlord about the cat. My roommate and I have been loving this cat to no end for the past month and I just don't feel right having given it back to people who don't even seem to care about it. Please set me straight if I am being an asshole here.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
9v43bs
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{
"description": "sleeping with someone before discussing what we wanted out of a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for sleeping with someone before discussing what we wanted out of a relationship?
|
I met someone on bumble and we slept together after the second date. We hadn't really discussed what we were each looking for, but I've noticed she has gone inactive on the app. I just got out of a long relationship and don't want anything serious, and I fully plan to continue dating other people, but of course she doesn't really know any of that. I'm not sure if she does or doesn't want anything serious either. I still want to keep seeing her, but I'll try not to initiate anything intimate until we talk about what we're each looking for. AITA? WIBTA if I told her I don't want anything serious after we already slept together?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 4,
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
a7s1ah
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{
"description": "getting kicked out of a friend's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting kicked out of a friend’s wedding
|
Here’s the story, it happened two years ago but it’s on my mind constantly. I often wonder if there’s something I could have done differently.
So I was friends with a guy, known him for about 20 years. He’s with his partner for 10 years. We’re all very close at the time, text daily, see each other about once a week, vacations, etc. So they get engaged, I’m part of the proposal, and I’m asked to be in their wedding which I happily accepted.
A few months after their engagement, I took a different job, one that paid me substantially less but provided me with more peace of mind. I was honest with them that I wasn’t sure that I would be able to afford everything that was entailed in being in the wedding party, and they said we could make it work.
In the beginning of the year, I asked multiple times if we were going dress shopping etc since I know how long it takes sometimes to get dresses in and altered. I get a text back from them, they would like to meet with me and talk about things. They come over, say that they don’t think I’m as enthused about the wedding as I was before, and they’re giving me this opportunity to bow out. All three of us cried during this discussion, I was super embarrassed about my finances since taking the new job, and when I went over my budget for their wedding, we all decided it was reasonable and could make it work. We go out dress shopping, buy the dress.
We threw them an elaborate and EXPENSIVE shower, way over budget but I was making do. During the shower, I got the distinct feeling I was being iced out by the bridal party and the grooms. Continued to have a good time, even went so far as to discuss possible ideas with them for a bachelor party so that we can have one last hurrah. We begin texting, everyone provided dates for weekend availability, and we decided on two weekends that were not good for any of us in June. We then all get a text from the MOH that the bachelor party is one of the weekends I’m 100% not available. But fine, I can do one night just not two as I was free Friday night but not Saturday. However then I got a summons for federal jury duty in City A...which was about 75 miles away from the bachelor party we were having in City B. By the time I would have been released from jury duty, I wouldn’t have been able to get to City B timely. I texted the MOH and told her I wouldn’t be able to make it but let me know details so I can contribute and I wanted to have a bottle sent over from me for dinner. No response.
Two months before the wedding, the groom asks me to meet him for dinner. We have a nice two hour meal, laughing, everything is fine. At the end of the meal, he says I want to talk to you about the wedding. I said ok, what do you need me to do! Not exaggerating, I was happy to help. He said “you’re making me stressed out, you’re not coming to the bachelor party, and I don’t want you to be in the wedding anymore ok thanks.” And I’m like shattered and shocked and I’m like why is this happening, because I 1) can’t physically get to the bachelor party for both nights, 2) can’t make it because of jury duty, and 3) can’t really afford it anyways but I was doing the best I could? He said I was being negative, and he then had no answer when I asked how or why. He stormed out of the restaurant, and I haven’t spoken to him since. I wasn’t invited to the wedding, and I know I was the topic of conversation there, and I know the grooms didn’t exactly tell the truth with the circumstances of my absence.
So I’m not sure what I could have done differently. I did reach out to him after the dinner and said I hope we can work past this, and after time goes by maybe we can be cool again. I did, however, ask him for the money for my dress since it was already paid for and non-refundable per the store, and to his credit, he wrote me a check after me asking twice. I miss his friendship obviously but I don’t think he’s the same person I became friends with, and I don’t really want to know the new guy who he’s become. So AITA in any way here? If I am...I want to make amends for this and put this all behind me.
TL; DR - in a wedding party for a friend of 20+ years, and kicked out because I couldn’t afford nor attend the bachelor party
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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ap0k83
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{
"description": "making a pregnant business owner cry with negative feedback",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for making a pregnant business owner cry with negative feedback?
|
The title is super TLDR. But essentially: I started learning aerial silks in 2016 at a major circus school in my city. They have a production company too and they're very well-known. They had a small training space though and I could only do one class a week there due to the timing and types of classes they ran, so after two years there I searched for another studio to train at.
So this little studio. It was in the garage of the owner's parent's workplace where she paid no rent. The owner we shall call Jay. Some of the crash mats were mattresses, the rigging points were super close together (which meant you can touch other people while in the air which is the biggest no-no ever), the floor was concrete and such. The lessons were super unstructured and it was all very casual but I liked that because my other studio was so structured and I was skilled enough to know my limits and just learn new skills. After being there for about 6 months, Jay announced she was pregnant which was great. I asked her at the time if she would stop teaching at a certain point and she said yep when she was physically unable to.
There were a few other issues I had with this place but I had o other choice but to go there because there was nothing else around - she didn't let us use any grip aids (even pro performers use liberal grip aids like chalk or rosin), she taught pekple things above their skill level and she constantly posted on the Facebook training page singling people out for doing things she didn't like but without naming them - but everyone would know who she was talking about.
After two months of her pregnancy, she stopped being physically able to do the moves. She started teaching her classes as 'self-guided lessons" - essentially her sitting on a beanbag on her phone while we "taught ourselves". I needed the extra training time as I had a show on soon so I kept going but I was getting increasingly frustrated as we paid the same amount as for any other class who had a teacher teaching them. One time Jay just chatted to one student who she was obviously friends with outside of the studio for the entire lesson. One time she turned up in a dress and just said she had had a hard day and wouldn't be teaching, then sat down and ate while us students just kind of fucked around on the silks.
Then in November I started doing a move which I thought I would be able to do as she had taught it to people much less advanced than me. She saw me doing it and said "good job" and not much else. I then fell out of it, dropping the weight of my whole body into my wrist suddenly. I felt sick with the pain, then went and sat down for the rest of the lesson. I went overseas the next day so I had no choice but to wear a wrist brace for the whole time. She never told me the key point about keeping a certain portion of the silk close to me. I know I chose to do the move but it was her duty to guide me through it when she saw me doing it. Another time I did a move I had learnt from my primary studio and another girl expressed the desire to do it - Jay guided her through it and I watched as she did it completely wrong. I didn't say anything as it wasn't my place.
Recently a few other students found themselves being asked to show other students certain moves in lieu of the teachers. This has become the norm here.
On the odd occasion, when people have broached the subject of issues with her, she came back at them with an excuse. When I told her I found her lack of instruction difficult due to talking to another girl the WHOLE lesson, she told me it was because she hadn't seen her in sooooo long. She always has a defensive excuse.
In December, my main studio announced they were moving to a bigger premises and would have way more classes on. I decided at that point that I would train there fulltime. In January, Jay posted saying she was raising the price of her studio up to $22 a class - at the main, well established one I go to, it's $15 a lesson. My main studio is run by ex-Cirque du Soleil performers who have been featured on TV many times and often have big news articles about them in my city. She is self-taught, immature and not running her classes well. My choice was clear - train with the pros. But after she announces her price increase, many of the students there started talking about how unaffordable and ridiculous it was. Many students boycotted her classes. Many cited (to each other, because nobody wanted to approach Jay about this) that it was difficult with a lack of grip aids, that the mats slipped out from underneath them, that they didn't like using one rigging point in particular because you can touch the rigging with your toes (terrible safety issue!) and so on. She even messaged one girl who had recently lost her father (in a single sentence) that she was sorry to hear about her dad and she hoped to see her back in class soon. Wtf! Jay took to the Facebook group to defend her decision to raise her prices so much, saying that her studio is "inclusive" (all circus spaces in my country are fucking female-dominant), that she would happily pay that much for her classes (well easy for you to say), that her prices are not much more expensive than any other studio in the city (not sure where she got that because you can view all her prices online and they do not match at all) and that we should be grateful for the space she has provided us. The main regular group of us probably broght her $600 a week that she suddenly wasn't getting. The post was clearly aimed at about 7 of us.
I snapped. Another girl and I decided to write an email. I detailed all the reasons why people had left. I had already decided to leave at this point but I couldn't handle knowing that she honestly thought it was all price and not safety issues or teaching issues. I wrote a blunt email and made it anonymous cos I had a feeling she would rate about it and single me out. I didn't lie, I didn't swear. I was blunt and said things like "you think it's all down to money, but it's not." I told her that her prices are ridiculous considering her lack of credentials and especially when you consider you could learn somewhere run by a professional couple who toured with Cirque du Soleil for years for $7 a class cheaper.
Her boyfriend (who I had never met in my life) replied to me saying "who the fuck is this?" from his work email. That was all. I replied saying I wouldn't be saying my name as I didn't want to become a fucking punching back for him. He replied with a massive email, calling me a childish shit, telling me I was an anonymous keyboard warrior with a cruel approach, and that I had made a 29 week pregnant woman sad and that Jay couldn't possibly respond without me "owning up" to my email and to never bother emailing again. It was a horrifying swearing tirade. I shared the email with the other girl and she was so hurt by it all, as she had brought so much business to Jay and spent so much money there. I had never in my life received such an unprofessional email reply from any business owner, big or small. In my mind (as someone who is part of a family run and created business) the correct reply would have been something like "I'm sorry you've had such a bad experience and thank you for the feedback." And that's that.
The kicker is, within a week I saw online that things had changed - Jay had bought grip aid for everyone to use, she had put velcro under the sliding mats and changed up the space to be a lot less 'concrete and filing boxes' and more airy and green - yeah the bitch took on some of my advice despite the fact that it apparently meant nothing as I had not put my name to it.
TL;DR: AITA for sending her negative anonymous feedback? Should I have just turned my back on the studio and trained elsewhere and left her to think it was all money and not bothered to say anything?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b5evsz
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{
"description": "asking friends/family to not post photos of our kid",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking friends/family to not post photos of our kid?
|
I'm not certain where this decision arose from for us, but my wife and I decided somewhere along the lines that we didn't feel it was necessary to post photos of our child online when he was born. We will happily write little messages about goofy things he did or share little anecdotes about parenting (if we think its somewhat amusing), but we felt that lots of photos of him were just a bit strange.
​
I think it came out of realizing that if we posted random photos of him, its not about him, its about us (either trawling for likes, or wanting to validate things happening with our little bundle of joy).
​
Unfortunately, this message hasn't seem to gotten through to our family. They're always trying to post photos of him online and when we ask if they can take it down, it becomes a major argument.
​
It feels like we've gone beyond the issue of online privacy for our child and into a matter of principle. We made a choice and we'd love it if our family could respect that choice.
​
We're 100% comfortable with them sharing photos in our private whatsapp group or text messages - also 100% comfortable with sharing photos when friends want to see him - we just think posting it on public social media is a little unnecessary.
​
Friends are generally really good about this - they respect our boundaries, but our family always takes it as an offense and will end up seething about it.
​
Are we being assholes by asking people to not post photos of our kid on public social media sites?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aidpyk
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{
"description": "getting upset with my girlfriend for using a sex toy I bought her",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for getting upset with my girlfriend for using a sex toy I bought her?
|
Here's the backstory. My girlfriend (23) (I'm 25) and I have been dating for 3 years now but due to life events we currently are living 5 hours apart so we don't get to see each other as often as we'd like but are willing to stick it out for another year. We had a pretty healthy sex life up until the point where we had to move apart. After the move, we would only see each other maybe 2-3 weekends a month which sometimes resulted in us not having sex. It's important to note that she isn't a very sexually driven person, so on weekends where we wouldn't have sex she'd say something to the extent of she wasn't in the mood for that at the time. We would then both agree to stop and usually end up going to bed or watching Netflix or something. Sometimes we'd go 2, 3, or even more than 4 weeks without being intimate with each other. It's also important to note I'm a pretty sexually driven person myself, so sometimes she'd feel bad that it had been so long and we'd do it just to do it and both of us would feel soooooo much better and closer to each other.
However these gaps started to become more and more common the longer we are apart and even asking for pictures would turn into a disagreement of some kind. She said from the start that if I ever needed to get it off she was more than okay with it, but asking for help instead of using porn seemed only to be causing more problems.
So to spice things up we decided to buy a vibrator and some other sex toys for the next time we were together, I sent them to her place so she could take a look at them before we used them as she was nervous about it and had never seen or used one before. We agreed that we'd use them together which is why we ended up buying the toys that we did.
Before this past weekend it had been 4 weeks since we've seen each other, nevermind each other naked. We had talked all week about the possibility of getting that Marvin Gaye sexual healing on, which she admitted turned her on when we talked about it. The day before I arrived she decided that she was in the mood and couldn't resist trying out the vibrator. Without even mentioning it to me so I could at least share and enjoy the moment with her and get off myself too she just went ahead and used it. Even though we decided it was for both of us to enjoy.
When I asked her if she was still in the mood this past weekend she admitted she used the vibrator and no longer wanted to have sex. I got quite upset saying it had been over a month for me, and that I held back from doing anything until we saw each other because we had agreed to use the toys together and get each other off once we finally were together again. It escalated into a larger fight and she ended up throwing my phone at me cutting open my forehead. I ended up packing my things right away and left to stay with a friend who lived close by before driving home in the morning.
AITA for that?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
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aoww1k
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{
"description": "interrupting hiit",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for interrupting HIIT?
|
So, this was at a YMCA and was not a group or with any trainer involvement, but as happened twice.
For starters I'm a somewhat petite dude, 5'9'' about 140 lbs and trying to put on some mass. This particular Y doesn't have sign-up sheets for any equipment, either.
I use the TRX and plyo boxes for my exercise routine. I also use the free weights, cardio, etc and always put everything away when I am done with it.
So I was going to use the plyo boxes, which were all stacked as if someone was using them. After using the free weights for about ten minutes I go over to use them, and this (much larger) dude comes out of nowhere and says that he's in the middle of his workout regime. I say fine and back off and do some other exercises.
After he said that to me, he decided to do some bench pressing and never even went to the boxes. So I went over and used them and he confronted me, and I said "It looks like you were using the weights. If you aren't actively using this you don't get to do it."
He responded that he was using it for his high-intensity interval training, to which I said that you can only use one piece of equipment as a time, it's all shared.
He looked at me incredulously and stomped off.
About halfway through my kettlebell-crunches (sorry, I don't know what the actual name of the exercises are) he comes up to me and says "can't you do that on the bench? I just want to hop on quick" and I told him he'd half to wait until I was done and he was being quite rude, he said that I messed up his whole routine and went over to the treadmill.
Pretty much the same thing happened later in the week, when again the boxes weren't being used and this guy said he was "about to use it for his HIIT" By now I am pretty annoyed at these HIIT people because they leave their weights and everything out the whole time they are in the gym. So I asked him how long it would take and he said until he was finished. I asked him if he was a trainer or with one, and he said "No" both times in a tone like he couldn't believe that someone was asking him about it. So I said "This is a shared space, you don't get to camp out on equipment until you're ready to use it" So I started my workout and he was staring at me so I said, "Do you understand?" And he said, "Yeah, conversation over!" and just turned away.
I've started preferring to go to the gym in the morning, where the demographics are more the silver sneakers crowd than grunting muscleheads hogging the equipment. It really infuriates me that they think they get to make everyone wait until they are all finished, even though they aren't even actively using the equipment!
So I feel like I'm not an asshole but also not well-versed enough on gym etiquette to know for sure. Thank you.
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "refusing to be my little brother's support/back-up when he comes out to our homophobic parents",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 22
}
|
AITA for refusing to be my little brother’s support/back-up when he comes out to our homophobic parents?
|
I’m 24 and my brother “Sean” is 14. He came out to me around 4 months ago and I’m the only one he has told so far. I’ve always loved him no matter what and I really don’t care that he’s gay. We’ve gotten closer over the past 4 years, despite our ten year age gap.
He came to me yesterday asking me if I would come with him to tell our parents that he’s gay. Our parents have expressed some not so nice views about the lgbt community, such as they shouldn’t be able to marry, it’s a sickness, etc. He says he wants my support in case it goes bad and that he’s really nervous.
What Sean doesn’t get though, is that my relationship with our parents is far from ideal, but because he was so young, he doesn’t understand how bad it actually was.
I have a pretty serious history of bad behaviour and addiction. I don’t want to get into specifics but it was bad enough where my parents thought I was just dead for a couple months because I went completely off the grid for a long time on benders. I stole from a lot of people in the process and completely lost the trust of my parents.
I only got clean when I was 22 and my parents still don’t trust me two years later. They accuse me of being manipulative and selfish and maybe I still am. But Sean wasn’t even 12 years old when all this happened and while he’s not completely in the dark, he doesn’t really understand just how many bridges were burned.
So now he has asked me to come to support him when he comes out to our parents, people who don’t trust me.
So I told him that I don’t think it would be a good idea if I was there because my presence might make everything worse and the focus might shift to me.
He got really upset and accused me of not being there for him. I tried my best to explain everything to him about why I wouldn’t come but he said that he has no one else to come with him because I’m the only one who knows.
I offered the suggestion that maybe he goes and tells someone else first, like a friend or one of our aunts, and maybe they can come with him but he said that he chose me because he trusts me the most. This really hurt me but I stuck with my answer and he stormed off.
I’ve tried texting him but he won’t respond to anything I say. It’s not that I don’t want to be there for him. I would like nothing more than to be there for him as his older brother. I just think that me being there in this situation would be a really really bad idea.
So AITA for refusing to be there when he comes out?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "leaving my possibly drunk friend to drive herself home because she was being too controlling and mean",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for leaving my possibly drunk friend to drive herself home because she was being too controlling and mean?
|
this is gonna be long but here goes
my best friend (21F) N, her boyfriend, and our other two best friends K and M (21F) took a trip to florida about a year ago (i know this is late but i’m still angry). we were all kind of annoyed by her bringing her boyfriend cus it was supposed to be our trip but we just kinda got over it.
we were staying at her grandmothers and the whole time and she kept kind of leaving us to ourselves to be with her boyfriend. this would’ve been fine, except we had all equally paid to rent a car (under her name) and she would either take it or ask us to drive them somewhere. but the catch was we weren’t allowed to go do anything fun without her while she was with her BF or she’d get mad at us. K, M, and i kind of agreed to just let it slide and have a conversation with N about how we felt when we got back home.
our last two nights there we went to Universal. the original plan was to go to city walk after, which if you don’t know is a string of nightclubs and such that opens after universal closes. the first night i was to be the designated driver, and the second night K was supposed to be. the first night went ok, kind of boring. we were all exhausted because we’d been up since 6am for universal, so i said i was gonna go nap in the car and wait for everybody which i did. M and K left N and her boyfriend to go eat. M later told me that N was crying on the way home, but to this day i don’t know why.
the second day we told N in the morning that none of us wanted to go to city walk after, and she said “well i do” and shut the door in our faces. that night came and we made an agreement with her; we don’t want to drink, but you go enjoy yourself for a few hours.
we spent the next four hours talking about how we’d address N when we got back because we didn’t like her behavior. it was a very positive conversation, we were genuinely trying to approach the relationship positively in a way that wouldn’t make her feel like we were ganging up on her. at the end of this four hours we were fucking EXHAUSTED, so we texted her and said we wanted to go home. her boyfriend had been bragging the whole trip about how he makes so much money, so we said “hey were really tired, if you’re not ready to leave how about you and pawel take a cab back and we’ll drive home? or you drive and we take a cab.” she responded by saying “you don’t make the rules and you’re not taking that car anywhere without me.” a text fight ensued, and we left the keys to the car in the tire and called a cab (it’s a 2 hour drive).
N comes home hours later and her grandmother was angry with her. she came outside our room and said “honestly, you can all go fuck yourselves.” so we left. we went to a hotel and got our flight the next day without her.
we haven’t spoken to this day but our mutual friends always tell us that she swears we fucked her over for leaving her possibly drunk with the key in a tire of a rental car. are we the assholes?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ZDCbPiFdmMaKQV1EqMdXOfLaNgeDBKI8
|
b9i89u
|
{
"description": "asking my friends not to have sex with eachoter",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
AITA for asking my friends not to have sex with eachoter
|
Okay so this happend quite recently. I'm with a group of friends with which we hang out quite often. When two of the members of these group get tipsy they like to have sex with each other which is accepted by everyone (not that it should matter because it's their own choice and body).
However last weekend we had a group outing that ended with unexpected drinks at the home of one of the two friends, since I drove there (and 2 other people drove with me) I couldn't drive back. Because I have a zero tolerance policy on driving drunk. So I asked if we could stay over (she has the room for it). She said it would be okay so we setup an air mattress and stuff. Because there now longer is a time limit on the evening we keep drinking and hanging out smoking some weed.
At this moment I see signs that usually start when these two above mentioned friends do their thing. And me being drunk (although I'm quite sure I would've said this even when sober). Could you please keep it in your pants for one evening and let us all have some decent sleep. This because even though she has room for a the 4 of us her bedroom doesn't have a door (it's on a weird floor layout) and the apartment is quite noisy
​
Which they didn't take too kindly and got mad at me the host telling me that it's her house and she'll do whatever she damn well pleases. The guy to drunk and high doesn't really say anything. This leads into a small argument where I tell her it's fine that you wanna fuck him I just don't wanna hear it when I'm trying to sleep. To which she responds then why did you stay. I "tell" her that she knows why and it's a stupid response. Eventually things kinda settle down due to another guy pooring new drinks and challenging me and the other guy to a chug contest, which kinda gets the party mood back on track.
​
We all go to sleep and because the argument must've taken away some of the sexual tension I got a good night's sleep. The day after she texts me that she didn't like the way I acted and I reply that I just voiced my opinion and wanted to get some sleep.
​
Am I the asshole here
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
eU4kEKLwFxfZtVQhME1Xdn4NJr9rqBTQ
|
b54ddp
|
{
"description": "yelling at chatty memorial goers",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for yelling at chatty memorial goers?
|
This happened a few years ago but my family still gives me crap for it once in a while. It’s usually in a fun way but sometimes I get angry comments.
For Context, my family and I are Muslim, and according to Islam, when someone passes away, you’re supposed to bury them within 24 hours of their death, and hold memorial services 7 and 40 days after the funeral. Typically, the funeral is attended by close friends and family, then the memorials are attended by extended family and more distant friends. The funeral is all prayers and such, while the memorials are where you’re supposed deliver epitaphs/eulogies.
Back in 2013, my grandmother passed. This woman was like a second mom to me. Loved her very dearly. So naturally, when she passed I wanted to speak at her memorial. No problem, right?
Now typically these memorials last about an hour. 10 minutes for opening prayers, 20-30 minutes for a sermon, 10-20 minutes of family speaking, and 5-10 of closing prayers. No biggie, right? Well, this time the Sheikh (Cleric, Muslim analogue for a priest) spoke for way longer than he should have. Spoke for an hour. Naturally, I assumed people would’ve gotten antsy, since I was too. Well, he finally finished and introduced my dad to speak.
By this point people started getting up and milling about in the back, chit chatting. In my eyes, this was extremely rude. I can understand people wanting to go. That’s fine, get up and leave if you need to. But they’re talking in the back of the hall like it’s a party.
Dad speaks for about 2 minutes. Finally it’s my turn to speak. The chatter is getting louder. I stand up and recite a short prayer as a way to call for quiet. No dice. Mind you I’m on a microphone so there’s no way they didn’t hear me. So I started to speak more loudly. They responded by talking louder. I had it.
“EXCUSE ME, BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN THE BACK, CHATTING? I UNDERSTAND THE SERVICE HAS RUN A BIT LONG, BUT PLEASE SHOW SOME RESPECT FOR THE DECEASED AND THOSE IN MOURNING BY TAKING YOUR CONVERSATION OUT OF THE MAIN HALL.”
Some people ashamedly sat back down, some gave me dirty looks and left, some just talked more quietly. I finished my eulogy and walked off.
My family called my “display” disrespectful to the congregation. I maintain I was in the right, as it was a memorial service not a box social.
Reddit, am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
luwWyfpl7BvpOuWylNQhOZV3gJmLCbKd
|
aszncj
|
{
"description": "inviting a guy friend to a meetup where a female friend (who finds him attractive) was at",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for inviting a guy friend to a meetup where a female friend (who finds him attractive) was at.
|
My 32 year-old female friend who has never dated was attracted to my husband's co-worker "barguy" who she did not know, but had met when "barguy" was with my husband at social scenes in the past. She asked my husband to connect the two of them for a friendly meetup 8 months after meeting "barguy" and not seeing him again since. "Barguy" is dating someone else and said sorry, no. Weeks later my female friend invites my husband and I to casually stop by a public restauant/ bar near a store we shop at 30 min from home, she drinks at this bar with her coworkers whom we've never met. My husband's co-worker "barguy" was coincidentally a few miles away getting a tattoo and we asked him to stop by and show us. I overheard her whispering to her coworker that we're "dirty" for inviting "barguyc to come to a bar she was at, even though we had to sit at a separate table from her because she didn't get a big enough table to accommodate even my husband and me, let alone barguy. I politely told her i overheard what she said and was sorry she took it that way, but that nobody intended anthing dirty. She halfass apologized and then small talked. She is no longer speaking to me after she left the restaurant/bar.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
sJleytnUlIpsvJGGC3bgOCdeQYvQK7El
|
9vkcla
|
{
"description": "not wanting to waste food",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to waste food?
|
I'm at a local rib joint, nothing fancy but I liked their food. I was 21 at the time and the server looked to be around my age or slightly younger. I order a large serve of ribs and a juice and the conversation is below, slightly paraphrased due to memory but essentially the same:
Server: You know if you get the meal it's actually cheaper.
Me: But I won't be able to finish the chips. Can you just charge me for the meal and not give me the chips?
Server: ummm... If you ordered it then I have to give it to you.
Me: (Very calmly, not sassy or anything) So you'd rather give me the chips and have me throw them away in front of you?
Server: ummm...
Me: That's okay. I'll just take the large ribs and the juice please.
A few friends told me I should have just taken the meal and thrown the chips away but that's just wasteful. Was I too mean to the server?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
Hf6xg6EPEgQjAOR2n2XUf7IAaRkFFoeN
|
aeara1
|
{
"description": "not wanting my so, who is dating other people, to not text them when we are together",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITAH for not wanting my SO, who is dating other people, to not text them when we are together?
|
I agreed to an open relationship with my current SO. I live in another state and we met in my previous state. I told him if he texts other women he is dating while visiting me then he should not bother to come.
AITAH for wanting our time together to be our time without the "others"?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
qWfZ1iVyUpNgyyykpt9qZZwuCMKyo1iE
|
9x7hau
|
{
"description": "calling the police on some guys doing donuts in an icy parking lot",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I called the police on some guys doing donuts in an icy parking lot?
|
I live across the road from a mall parking lot, and a couple times a week there are a couple cars and trucks that go into the parking lot and do donuts for a few hours each night. It's loud and disturbing to my sleep, and in my opinion it's also dangerous because this parking lot is directly connected to a public road and not separated by any sorts of sidewalks or buffers.
A week or two ago I called the non-emergency number on them and I was forwarded to the dispatch number, which I felt bad about (I didn't think it was a serious enough issue to call the dispatch), and when I looked 30 minutes later they were gone. But today they're back, loud as ever, and all the roads are iced over right now which I think makes it even more dangerous (they could slip out of control and crash into a passing car). However, I don't want to be seen as a snitch or a killjoy, and I suppose the odds of somebody getting hit are relatively low. What say you?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
gi6lPSIyzNxgGMKsdWkjOWghdc7P5dax
|
b9b3v8
|
{
"description": "complaining about the school musical on Instagram",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for complaining about the school musical on Instagram?
|
This week is my school's musical, and I'm in the pit. I did audition, and I almost got cast in the lead role, but lost out to someone who the teachers liked more personally.
Monday I posted to my Instagram story saying something to the effect of "Other schools choose good musicals, we got a bad one, literally any other musical would be better (also I'm not blonde enough to get a role)". I don't have any screencaps, so you'll have to trust me when I say that it was about the musical itself and not our production for it. A friend DMs me saying the post comes off as unnecessarily rude and may sound like undermining people's hard work. I do agree with her that my tone comes off as aggressive and write another post clarifying that my issue lies with the writing of the musical and not our take on it, and that I apologize if it came off as hurtful to anyone. I did delete the apology post after the original one disappeared, but now i realize that i should've either left it up or deleted the first post the first time someone DMd me about it.
On Wednesday, I get to school and my friend/stand partner (who doesn't have instagram) asked if I posted anything mean about the cast. Turns out someone saw the post and started this telephone game about how I don't like the cast/think they're doing a bad job or something like that, including allegedly telling one of the teachers. I know that whoever started talking about me doesn't know me well because my friends would never do that.
My plan is to wait for it to blow over and not say anything about it unless someone else does, but it's just eating me.
Tl;dr I said that the musical the teachers chose was bad (with a little bit of casting salt that I've been open about since the cast list went up; trust me, it was oof), my tone clearly came off as rude, now some unknown number of people think I hate the actors or something like that.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
QiVZ9ATQ4YD16lcgt5u4o1IudWMzaMrZ
|
ay5vwz
|
{
"description": "calling off a new relationship because she said she would keep a child if she got pregnant",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for calling off a new relationship because she said she would keep a child if she got pregnant?
|
I started seeing this girl on tinder a couple weeks ago and she had a habit of going on tangents with no real topic in mind, which is cool with me. Around the third date she said something that had me pause for a moment. When I was driving her home one night she mentioned "If I had a kid now I would keep it, I wouldn't have a couple years ago with school and everything but I am almost done so I could take care of it now."
​
I didn't really think about it at the time because then she continued to talk about something else, but the next day I told my friend about it and they said I should call her and talk about it right away. I called her and explained that I don't think we will work out because she would want to keep a kid if she got pregnant and I am not ready for kids right now. She argued that I was being immature and that there is always a possibility of getting pregnant which I obviously understand, it was the whole not being on the same page and being a possible dad. She then said she would keep it and raise it on her own and not ask for any help from me, but I couldn't live like that knowing I had a kid out there.
​
I don't really think I was being immature. I know that circumstances change, but I feel like, at the very least, its important to start off on the same page. She really argued that I wasn't ready for any serious relationships if I thought this way, which doesn't make sense because there are women who don't want kids and would get an abortion.
​
AITA for not wanting to stay in this new relationship? Also we had just started discussing sex on the second and third date, had not done anything more than kissing on a bed at this point.
Also not sure if this matters but some possible red flags. She tried to contact me the next day at work by calling my main office which my coworker got and said I would call her back, then she sent an email to the office support email asking to speak to me. When I had a free moment to respond I texted her and asked what was up because I hadn't blocked her at this point so no idea why she tried my work first. I called her again and she started to say she wanted to make it work and would get an abortion for me if it came to it. I told her this doesn't sound like she wants this but is doing it for me. I said she shouldn't change who she is or what she wants for anyone.
TLDR: AITA for not wanting to continue dating after she stated she would keep a child? Am I being immature?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
Bs7YZqWe6Jg9JF4WSw7uA4jf3U75DOEy
|
agc3af
|
{
"description": "leaving my girlfriend at a party",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving my girlfriend at a party
|
So last saturday, a friend(ill call him friend b) invited me and other friends including my girlfriend to his brother's wedding party.
Me and friend a, were the first ones to arrive, and we were talking with friend b for like an hour until my gf and his friend c arrived. My girlfriend started talking with friend b (and when shes with him she talks a LOT with him), but when my friend A tried to talk with friend b he ignored him because she was talking with my gf. Later we went outside the wedding room(the music was very loud) and i was talking with friend A for like an hour, he told me he wasnt liking the party and wanted to leave, i was starting to get bored too so i told him that we should tell my friend b and gf we were going to leave soon. When i told my friend b, he was okay, but when i told my gf she seemed angry and said: "do what you want" in an angry manner. And i leaved...
I didnt thought she would get angry, i just wanted to go home because i wasnt enjoying the party. Since then she seems like she doesnt want to talk to me. Wtf. Am i the asshole???
Sorry for my shit english, my first language is spanish
Notes: im 17, shes 16
We have been boyfriend 2 and a half months ago but its not a serious relationship
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
gscqylR4K5UfFkrZvM8RKYkJEsXSBmho
|
abt60a
|
{
"description": "telling bils wife that our in laws think she's fat and stupid",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for telling BILs wife that our in laws think she’s fat and stupid
|
When I moved to (European country) boyfriend and I lived with his parents for 8 months, along with our newborn baby. We did not pay rent during this time. We offered and they refused.
My in laws, though generous, are mean-spirited. His mom is truly unable to understand or care about other people’s needs, and values people only insofar as they boost her ego. His dad has severe anger issues and is openly racist. The only people able to tolerate them are each other and only sometimes (the dad is only home on weekends and they mostly avoid each other during those two days).
I nodded politely for 8 months straight. As far as I figure it, you’re allowed to spew as much vicious hate from your mouth as you want in your own home. They had no idea I thought they were miserable people and obviously were thrilled to have an open ear for the many things/people they dislike.
One of those people was my FBIL’s (half brother of my boyfriend) then girlfriend, now wife. I’ll call her SIL.
Now, I’m of the firm belief that not everyone is this world is smart and beautiful (because those are relative concepts) and that’s okay. SIL is technically morbidly obese. She wouldn’t be attractive even if she were thin. She didn’t go to school past age 16 (normal in European country). These things aren’t cause to dislike someone, but in fact I do dislike her because she acts superior to me. I have an accent and make grammatical errors in her native language, and she might not understand that’s normal when it’s not your first language because it’s possible she has literally never spoken to another foreigner, or she might be racist (she has said racist things about other ethnic groups but not mine in particular). When I say things directly to her, she sometimes responds, sometimes stares at me expressionlessly for 20-30 seconds before moving on as though I said nothing, which is disconcerting. She might also have disliked me because BIL clearly had a crush on me (would stare at me from a distance and smile, blush when speaking to me) although I actively discouraged this. But it seems very likely to me that he’s on the spectrum and has difficultly controlling is reaction to other women and this is probably not an issue particular to me. So that sucks for her but i s not my problem.
The only time I think it is was fair to criticize her intelligence (or not?) was when their baby almost completely slept through the first 4-5 months of his life and they did not notice it was because she wasn’t producing milk and the baby was slowly starving. This was obvious to me as I was also breastfeeding and I gently mentioned it a few times (which I regret, but at the time I didn’t feel it was my place to be assertive about it). Eventually they took the baby to the hospital because they were sure he was constipated, and the hospital gave them a glycerine suppository and sent them home. It took more tests and another week because someone figured out the baby was malnourished.
However, BIL was equally, dangerously stupid. Their misplaced self assurance nearly cost their child his life. But it’s clear the medical system also failed them - in European country, midwives visit you regularly after birth and someone should have noticed she wasn’t producing enough milk.
In any case, the in laws didn’t care much about this because they didn’t care much about the child from this union. They have relentlessly criticized her appearance and intelligence. They have repeatedly stated that they hope BIL leaves her. When he decided to propose to her instead, they were devastated. They couldn’t even manage a “congratulations” when he told them. They lamented that he was forced to propose due to pressure from her family/village culture where unplanned pregnancy = wedding.
They made repeated snide comments to her face about her weight and occupation (she previously worked as a butcher), like for example commenting that eating meat excessively causes weight gain, or making faces when she took a second helping, buying her fiction books and taking joy in the fact she is unlikely to read them, when they have seen her struggle to read her parenting book.
Some time after we moved out, I went NC with the in laws. They drove our child without a car seat in their car (after lying and saying they would take a tram) and continue to insist that they did nothing wrong and it is totally fine to not use a car seat. Later when my boyfriend told them I was pregnant with my second child, his mom went on a tirade about how I needed to get an abortion, for literally hours. (I understand he’s also at fault for continuing to debate her and not just shutting this conversation down).
After other smaller weird shit I just decided it was too much stress for my pregnancy and I was going to talk to them in January (a few months after the birth and after the holidays - since they also complain that everyone is greedy and just wants stuff from them - so I wanted to make sure we got exactly nothing in gifts from them that they can hold against us).
During this time BIL and girlfriend got married. They now have the only grandchild that they have access to. The in laws have become much much nicer to SIL as a result. This seems to have gotten to her head.
She sends a message to my boyfriend that since they’re family now (I guess I’m not family because we’re not married) she feels like she can speak honestly with him. She tells him it is WRONG to keep the children from their grandparents! They NEED their grandparents!! Why has he not talked about this issue with tschuessischlampe and told me it’s not okay? This is CRUEL!!
Boyfriend does not want to deal with this BS. I should have ignored her but did not.
In my response I told her that of all people, she should be the last person to defend the in laws. That they have endlessly criticized her weight and intelligence and said that they hoped BIL would leave her so they wouldn’t have to see her again. And even though they seem nicer now and are turning their hatred toward me, they can and probably will and probably still are continuing to speak badly of her.
Was that out of line? If someone tells you shitty things in confidence, are you obligated to keep that to yourself?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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HhZeKkbcuO0XwUWX2NoNnI2NhJkkfVvj
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a6wd3m
| null |
AITA: girlfriend cried to ex after I "wasn't comforting enough"
|
My girlfriend is still friends with her ex. I am ok with it because I trust her, and because they were just friends for over a year AFTER they broke up. So more recently they have just been friends, before I even came into the picture. HOWEVER, out of respect for me, she did stop hanging out with him. They occasionally message but basically since being with me, she has ceased almost all contact with him.
Anyway recently, my girlfriend was very upset about a few things. I'm not good at helping people who are upset. I'm pretty stoic and it's just not in my nature. So when she confided in me, I guess she didn't like my responses. She told me that I wasn't being helpful and that what I said came off as rude/uncaring. Basically SOMEHOW I made things worse. She stopped replying to my messages and so I just left it at that, thinking she will cool off.
Well I just found out now that she was just crying over the phone to her ex. She was telling him about the stuff she was upset about and was literally crying, which I don't understand, because she is the type who basically never cries. And given what happened to upset her, I just felt she was overreacting by crying.
Anyway, I know I said I was OK with her being friends with him. But I feel iffy about this, especially because she was upset at me at the time. I would prefer she went to a female friend, but she doesn't have other friends so maybe that's why. But I feel like what she did was not appropriate, especially since as I said, she basically stopped talking to that guy. Maybe like once a month they message to catch up and chit chat. It feels wrong to me but she said to me that I wasn't being helpful. I tried my best and don't know what else I could have done. She didn't have to storm off and ignore me when I tried to help her.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
usFEraCMcUvJOMa2gsmc3azmWL3u2qCC
|
9u7642
|
{
"description": "being honest about why I won't go to my friend's show",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I were honest about why I won't go to my friend's show?
|
I have a couple friends who are in a band and rarely play near our hometown any more.
Last night they played and I didn't go because another friend was home Korea for the weekend but they mentioned the band is playing nearby soon.
Here's the thing a former friend is also friends with them a n d I have no desire to see this person. Our friendship ended for who knows why, although I accept the bulk of the blame she has gone out of her way to be cruel when I troed to apologize or talk things out.
I have never and would never told anyone to choose between us and I know she has. If I am straight and tell them "she will be there and the places you play aren't big enough to avoid her" knowing that they have a great affection for her and it might upset them WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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|
WRONG
|
P0zaODwauw038GvmtnmFU58E8FzKhXLS
|
b27kij
|
{
"description": "making a joke about a friends mom",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for making a joke about a friends mom?
|
To start this off, I will go ahead and say the other person is definitely not the asshole in this situation. The person I made the joke to, a friend of mine, had lost her mom a few months ago and I made the mistake, but I still feel like an asshole for it because of her reaction.
​
Yesterday, I was hanging out with a group of friends and we all went out to dinner. At some point or another, the person I had accidentally made this joke to asked me some question, I don't remember what they said, but I responded with "your mom." The second it came out of my mouth, I processed what I was saying and who I said it to, and automatically apologized, but she was reasonably pissed off and sad due to her situation. I don't really expect her to forgive me or anything, but it would be great. I don't know really what I could do further to make it any better, but I just don't want to hurt her too much, you know?
​
Is there really anything I can do to fix this?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
bSQUUbXJTUQxUrLYmBABExkLQRSbMalX
|
av0a13
| null |
AITA - Boyfriend wants to get a lap dance, do I asked if it's okay if I dance with another guy
|
Throwaway.
I've been with my boyfriend for a bit over a year, and he's really great and things have been awesome. But we had our first kind-of fight the other day, and I'm not sure if I was being the asshole in this situation.
We have some separate events coming up, it's his friends birthday in a few weeks and it's my friends bachelorette party next month. We were talking a bit about it and his friend's party will involve visiting a strip club, so the topic of my boyfriend getting a lap dance came up.
I want my boyfriend to enjoy himself and have fun, and I also want to be trusting and fair. I also want to have some fun myself.
I would be fine with him getting a lap dance under the right circumstances. So I asked, out of genuine curiosity, if he would be okay with me dancing with another guy when my friends and I go dancing at the bachelorette party.
He became kind of upset and was clear about him not being okay with it.
So I asked how would that really be any different from you getting a lap dance?
His logic was that they're two entirely different things, he's paying for someone to give him a lap dance, and the stripper doesn't want to sleep with him, while the guy I would be dancing with would almost certainly want to sleep with me.
My logic is that I don't care what the other person's intentions are, I care about your intentions. It's not unheard of for strippers to sleep with patrons, but if I know he doesn't want to or have the intention of doing so, I couldn't give a shit if the stripper wanted to sleep with him. And I feel that it should be the same with my situation, sure the guy may have intentions, but I would have zero desire or intention of doing anything other than dancing.
I'm totally happy not to dance with anyone at all, I don't need to dance with someone else to have a good time, but my boyfriend says lap dances are "just what happen at strip clubs".
He also kept insisting that they're not the same thing, and was clearly hurt that I would even suggest such a thing. So now I partially feel like a grade A+ asshole, but I still also stand by my logic. ATIA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
zOGdIhO5hFuMJZQi9CTctv33hdKMxsHi
|
ap8s10
|
{
"description": "wanting my bf not to be hungover on our one day off together",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for wanting my bf not to be hungover on our one day off together?
|
My bf and I's weekends rarely match up. Especially lately, he's been working more and now has been getting one day off a week. That day this week is today. I wanted to make the most out of today with him. I wanted to spend time with my cousin (who bf is friends with) and his gf. They are the only couple we hang out with. I also wanted us to shop together and later on have dinner with my parents.
I talked to him about it on Thursday and he said he didn't know, that he wanted to go drinking with a friend on Saturday night after work. I tried to talk him out of it, but he said he needed to blow off some steam. So I told him to just spend the night with me. I figured there are a lot of ways to "blow off steam" lol and then he wouldn't have to drink to relax. He went on about how no, he really just wants to get fucked up. He very reluctantly invited me to go out with them, but said he didn't think I would have fun, so it was a total non-invite.
I explained to him that I really wanted us to go to hang out with cousin and gf in the morning and he wouldn't want to if he was hung over. He agreed and said that he really didn't want to hang out with. Him and my cousin get along great and it's the only other couple we ever hang out with.
We argued back and forth for awhile and eventually the best he was willing to do was stay home with me and drink. Totally missing the point. I get that he works hard, but I got pissed at this point and called him out on getting drunk is more important than me. He called me a hypocrite because I go out with my sister once a week and we do usually drink. I told him it's not the same and if he ever asked me not to drink, I wouldn't. That's completely true too. All he said was "bullshit".
I told him fine, do what he wants, but it's nice to know where his priorities are and that was the end of the fight. Honestly after he had time to calm down I thought he would reconsider. But sure enough last night he came home and immediately started getting ready to go out. I was so upset I barely talked to him and he didn't seem to care at all.
He went out and throughout the night whenever I would text him he would take forever to respond and it was with just like one word answers. He didn't come home until close to 3am. I know because he woke me up stumbling into bed.
The next day I waited until 10am to wake him up and ask him to get ready to go to my cousins and of course he was hungover and told me that, "JESUS, I DON'T WANT TO GO TO YOUR FUCKING COUSIN'S" Shocker.
So I waited until he woke up again. It was almost 2pm. He came out into the living room and apologized. I told him we still have time to go shopping for the week and go to dinner with my parents. He looked confused like this was the first time we were talking about it, when we had had this conversation on Thursday. Now he didn't want to have dinner with my parents. He just wants to stay in today. It's 4:38 right now and hasn't even gotten dressed. I knew this would happen if he went out. Am I really such a huge asshole that the one day off we have together he isn't completely hung over?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
fF7o9bGxydUXMKSCzJi6R51QOBs4IhoL
|
9y0h0x
|
{
"description": "wanting to end contact with a girl after she tells me she's a virgin",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to end contact with a girl after she tells me she's a virgin?
|
Okay, so I (22M) picked up a microwave from some of my parents acquaintances for my new place, her daughter (20F) answered the door and got her mom to sell me the microwave. Couple of days later I heard from my dad that the daughter fancies me and that I should get her number. So I'm like sure, I wasn't initially attracted to her but never know if something can still blossom right? I get her number and set up a date, we head out for a few drinks and the conversation was alright and the vibe was good. I pay and drop her off at her parents place and we kiss in the car, we decide right then and there to meet up for saturday evening. Fast forward to tonight; agreed to meet up at my place to cook together and watch a movie. Conversation a bit dry tonight and I realise that I'm just not that attracted to her physically.. We're sitting on the couch and she goes in for the kiss again, it gets a little hot and heavy and I make it clear I'm looking to score. This is where she tells me that she's a virgin and she wants to wait with having sex till being at the right point in a relationship. I am taken a little back by this as she had relationships in the past but she mentions they werent serious. I tell her I respect her choice and ask a little bit about what she's expecting her first time to be like etc.. after an hour or so I tell her I'm tired and if it's okay if I drop her off home. She kisses me again in the car before she gets out.
​
After writing it down like this it kind of feels like I'm the asshole. I don't want to hurt her but I don't want to have a relationship with her either - It feels like i've already led her on by returning the kisses.
I guess I should just tell her honestly that I don't fancy her after all?
What's the verdict here?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
UlRaYitCQXqKFCOdC7LxaLxRyQaYgRpX
|
aa1rao
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to launch with my siblings",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go to launch with my siblings.
|
So I come from a big family I have 10 siblings and if I count me there is 11 of us.... so everyone's home for the holidays from the 20th to the 28th and today my twin brothers and 2 oldest sisters where going out to lunch and invited me and my twin sister to go with them and they said "dont worry about asking mom or dad for money we will pay" (me and my twin sister are 14) so we Declined we were playing smash bros. So my oldest sister got all shitty and said "what ever I come to see you guys like twice a year and you guys are always playing video games" we went out to eat with her on the 21st just the 3 of us. A I the asshole for not going with them.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
VuSqNmvpjqIN5rE6GHuHCcoR27nna9ZI
|
b7fa2i
|
{
"description": "leaving out the negatives for one of my staff as a reference",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for leaving out the negatives for one of my staff as a reference?
|
tldr at the end.
I think it's usually etiquette to leave out the bad aspects of an employee when you are called as a reference anyways, but I left out so much this case I felt like I was misleading.
Essentially, the bad employee (BE) wanted to be an operations supervisor. The job essentially requires you to be a walking dictionary of the operations manual, and barring that, know where to find the guidance to any question. I knew BE wanted to do this role, so I had her shadow my staff in that role. My supervisor tells me every time in our 1:1 that BE sucks, doesn't take to any training, and should not be in this position since she doesn't follow instructions. I encountered this myself, when she used to come to me to ask "how do I do this?" My reply being "if you want to be an ops supervisor, then why are you not looking this up yourself?" And set the expectation that she she be fielding other staff's questions, instead of coming to me and my supervisor with (didn't say it but they were) stupid ones.
One day, I get a call from my counterpart from another branch and asked me if I can answer some questions as BE applied to be an ops supervisor in his branch. I honestly didn't know what I can say, at that point, I didn't have a good opinion of BE. I just told him to ask me what he wants to know. I answered in very open terms like and withheld any very valid personal opinion like "ya, BE knows how to do it (but not well at all)" "BE does have this responsibility (but the guy overhearing the guidance learnt how to do it and taught BE how to do it and is now more responsible for it over BE)" and also, to be honest, maybe because the other Branch's manager was thinking I did not understand his question, was being kinda rude, but I mean... Not that guy's first reference call, so if he is hearing answers like that, I hope he got the subtext.
In any case, BE went to do the interview, never knew how it went, but during lunch, someone mentioned (scarcastically) how BE must REALLY want the job to be going back and forth across the entire city every day. BE then said BE didn't even realized and ask me to help BE withdraw the application. I told BE, it's an HR thing, BE should just call HR directly (I could have, but was annoyed at that point).
Then at a company function later that year, the other manager had a chat and since BE quit to work for BE's father, I didn't feel the need to hide it and told the other manager he dodged a bullet. He was then kinda pissed off at me to say it was an asshole move to offload a bad employee on to him (as a joke but I can tell he meant it). I told him I'm sure his interview skills would have picked it up anyways, and we left it at that.
Tldr: didn't tell the other manager why my employee sucked when he asked, was told I was an asshole for offloading to him even though he already had the interview with my employee
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
fFGH9qD3h7RdLI2twsfketpjDzyy55fu
|
a8dcar
|
{
"description": "wanting to break up with my fiance because of his violent and destructive son",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for wanting to break up with my fiance because of his violent and destructive son?
|
I met my fiance 2 years ago and our love is like a fairy tale, everything seemed so perfect. I met his son when he was 5 years old, he's 7 now. His son, who I will call Josh, was very open and warm to me in the beginning. My fiance was never the best at being a dad to him, but when I came in the picture we changed that. I made sure we had meals together when I was around and we went on trips to the zoo and museum frequently. I would make sure they had "Josh and Dad" days, and I would often take him out by myself to arcades or the pool. Everything was going well, but I always noticed defiance in Josh. He fights everything. He lies about everything. His mom says he's 100x worse at her house, and I know there is some tension in their home so I expected that.
Josh is very destructive, more than the average 7 year old I believe. I invited my fiance to come live with me after about a year of dating. I have two extra rooms so I figured we could fix one up for Josh. Josh comes over every weekend, and every weekend piece of my furniture is either broken completely or destroyed in some way (colored on, buttons ripped off, holes poked or cut in things). When confronted about these things he will lie and lie even if we caught him in the act. Josh will steal from his friends, from his school, and from us. Josh stole $100 from my purse last week when his dad confronted him he said "Well, if I can't have it, you can't either!" And ripped the bill in half.
Josh is violent, I have had to put all his play guns/swords too high for him to reach because when he has them he shoots people in the face or beats them with his swords. We had my grandparents over for dinner one time and he managed to get his guns and shoot them in the face during dinner. He is often screaming that he wants to kill things. My dog is currently staying at my mother's because when Josh comes over he will lock the dog in the bathroom or outside for hours on end. Josh would chase my dog with big sticks and everytime he walked in the door my (usually very friendly) dog would run away or pee.
My fiance and I recently found out I was pregnant. Josh acted out tremendously when he was told. I ended up losing the baby 3 months in and Josh was so happy about this... Often telling me "I'm glad the baby died. I don't want any siblings." Or "It's good that your body can't make babies right. I hate babies." This was basically the breaking point for me. We have tried tough love, open arms, therapy, all of it. Nothing seems to change or get through to this boy. I understand he's 7 and coming from a broken home is always damaging. But, at the end of the day he's not biologically mine and I have been feeling more and more disconnected and really feel no love for him at this point. Not only is it unfair for me, but it's unfair for my fiance AND his son. It's exhausting and fills me with anxiety whenever my husband leaves to pick him up. I feel like I hold my breath all weekend.
I would never make ANYONE choose between their child and their SO. And even if I did, I would be disappointed if someone chose their SO over their kid. I think I need to leave, I don't think I have the emotional capacity to stay and deal with it. I want nice things again, I want my dog, I want to have kids someday. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
0DBI3BhNI8JmQ8QJJb9Zvwd5alMG0P9J
|
ax9n8t
|
{
"description": "being too hard on my daughter",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 22
}
|
AITA for being too hard on my daughter?
|
My Ex left me about 7 years ago when our daughter (let's call her R) was 5. Since then we have shared 50/50 custody. I have re-married and have a 2 year old daughter with my wife and recently learned we have another child on the way. For the most part co-parenting with my Ex has gone well. We have always been able to work through the occasional conflicts. My Ex is a good person and loves R very much.
​
R has been letting her grades slide. She gets excellent marks in all her classes. But lately she just hasn't been doing her homework. She says she forgets. Sometimes she has even done the work, but just doesn't turn it in. We have done EVERYTHING we can think of to help. Teacher conferences. Daily agendas signed by each teacher and reviewed at home. Daily homework checks. I work with her in the evenings (when needed) and take her to the library on the weekends she's with me to work on her assignments. We have taken her to Doctors and enrolled her in counseling to see if there is anything medically or psychologically that is contributing. So far the general consensus is that she my be suffering from mild anxiety. We have been working on this for a few months now.
​
My Ex and I have different parenting styles. In my house people are held accountable. We all have responsibilities and we count on each other to do their part. I am not talking about anything extreme here. On a typical week night I do the cooking, R does the dishes, and my wife bathes the toddler. One of R's responsibilities is to keep her grades up. When her grades dropped there were consequences. I "grounded" her. All her electronics where taken away until her grades improved. No TV, no Netflix, no phone. Analog hobbies, musical instruments, and TV in the evening with the family were all still allowed, if she was caught up on schoolwork. I told River that she would remain grounded until she had at least a 3.0 GPA. My Ex's approach to parenting is much more laid back. I'd describe it as the "let's be best friends" parenting style. There were no consequences for R's falling grades at her mom's house. Neither of us agrees with the other's approach and the conflict between us has been growing rapidly in the last couple of months.
​
This weekend R was at my house and things just fell apart. Earlier in the morning I had asked her to clean her room. I walked in a bit later to check on her and she just started screaming at me. She was furious. It took several attempts to get her to calm down enough that I could understand what she was saying. That's when she told me that she hated being with me, and she wanted to live with her mother. No words have stung me worse. I was in total shock. But, I think she is old enough to have some input into her living arrangements. I reached out to her mother and explained the situation. Mom was more than happy to come to her rescue and I have not heard from either of them since.
​
AITA for being too hard on my daughter?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
r7luGANORCnvpKe9QQ0KDkF8tcqYBkoq
|
apb5bo
|
{
"description": "asking my group of friends(?) why they don't include me in outings",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I asked my group of friends(?) why they don't include me in outings?
|
I'm sorry if this is a little long, this all happened recently so I'm still sort of processing this.
​
So I'm a college freshman. Not long being there, me, my roommate and another girl in our hall sort of formed a friend group. We would go to the dining hall together, go to plays, go out to eat, etc. I thought we were getting along well.
​
However, I did notice that the other two were closer. It sort of made sense, since they were the same major and had a lot in common, and it didn't bother me too much at first.
​
Then, I noticed things were off. They would talk about things in front of me that I didn't know anything about, and be sort of vague so I couldn't really catch up. They would go out together (and occasionally with others) and wouldn't tell me, and I would either find out by their conversations or a social media post. It felt it was happening more and more, and even when we were together I felt like I was being excluded.
​
Then last night, they went out to a fancy party without me. Again, they never explicitly mention they're going to a party without me, but its obvious when my roommate's getting ready, and when they post on social media.
​
I just felt awful. I cried a lot through the night. I don't know why, but this one hurt more than most. So I called my parents to have someone to talk to, and they told me I should confront them. But at this point, it really isn't the first time this has happened and I just want to leave it behind me and move on.
​
We were previously planning to all live together in a suite next year, but after that night I decided I didn't want to live with them because it would just be too awkward for me. I told them this, basically saying that they're super close and it would be weird for me to room with them as I would feel like a third wheel. They took it pretty well, respecting my decision but did seem sort of disappointed.
​
Now here's where I need advice. After the conversation, I called my parents and caught them up. They seemed sort of surprised that I never confronted them about excluding me before deciding to move out. To them, there could be a perfectly good reason why they weren't including me. But I feel like the answer is pretty obvious (they don't want to hang out with me), and calling them out on it would only make things more awkward between us, especially since I still have to live with my roommate for the rest of the year. Plus, I don't want to make them feel bad; I don't want them to think that I feel like they're obligated to hang out with me.
​
So, WIBTA to confront them about them excluding me? I feel like its just an unnecessary conversation that would make things more tense between us and potentially cause unnecessary guilt; my parents think it could save our friendship.
​
TL;DR - My friends began leaving me out so I decided to cancel our plans to live together next year, but my parents think I should confront them about their actions.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
cBrPe0uMZm2HdwjYVDMz8Zjpu3Ob9lxv
|
atwau3
|
{
"description": "wanting to destroy my brother's computer",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 23
}
|
AITA wanting to destroy my brother's computer?
|
My brother's useless. Dropped out of college 6 years ago, hasn't done anything except play computer games at home since then. Outside of sending his "resume" to different places like, twice, he doesn't show progression or indication he's even trying to do something. Year after year he says he'll do better. He doesn't.
Our dad makes minimum wage, and I recently got a job after graduating few months ago. We clearly need all the money we can get, and when our mom asked me for rent money this month, I gave her an ultimatum: I want him out of the house or I wouldn't help pay bills anymore, just like him. My brother got pissed and mom got upset, saying he's trying (he isn't).
Now, I'm thinking about destroying the computer he's been playing on for 6 years now. He doesn't get money from our parents outside occasional snacks, and definitely won't get money for computer parts, so no issues in him replacing broken computer. Maybe he'll finally do something after his computer's gone.
AITA for wanting to break his computer/going through with it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
cbag86oizKpz4ztazScBI4JMKxLKzKMU
|
ay0a27
|
{
"description": "blocking girl with BF",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for blocking girl with BF? (M19, F18)
|
I've known this girl for about 6 years now, I've always had a thing for her and weve been really close friends I guess. Anyway this last year Ive been busy with work and sports shit, and I havent had time to hang out as much. Anyway, I just got home from a camp thing and I made a big thing to my friends that I had a whole month off to just hang out. The first one I caught up with was her. I was actually planning to make a move on her, but apparently shes gotten a new BF, and she talked a fair bit about him.
It was just sort of shitty emotionally and eventually I just kind of zoned out. About 2 hours in I told her I couldnt hang out for a long time, and that i was busy, and she got noticeably sad, since she saw my story about having a month off for friends. We sort of left it at that until she texted me that night asking me what had happened, and why I was upset with her, I honestly couldnt deal and I ignored it.
Then she called me, I got really annoyed, noped the call and. blocked her number and her snap, I think FB too. Anyway a few mutual friends have asked me over messenger why i blocked her, since she is really torn up about it, but since i have time off I've just pretended to sleep or ive dodged the questions.
AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
yiIX4I95TIYNuueb8WL1KQd8py8dF26w
|
b1mo16
|
{
"description": "disliking my brother",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Disliking My Brother?
|
For some context, my brother and I have had a history of a love-hate relationship. We are complete opposites, I am more of an enjoyable person to be around but he isn't. I made a post here a little while ago talking about this, but he generally just has this weird mindset. Early on, he didn't have many friends, so he says he developed this habit of being annoying to others for attention?
Having this mindset, it kind of got worse as he grew up and discovered new things. Our parents at some point didn't care that we cursed in front of them, so whenever he saw me he would call me random things like "bitch" or "asshole" ( I want to clarify that we BOTH cursed, we started saying things like that in our normal conversations). It was kind of annoying, but not anything really bad. However, he got to that age where he said sexual things. It progressed to slapping his ass when I was around, rubbing his dick, moaning, saying "fuck me", calling me "thicc", even smacking my ass one time. This went on for YEARS, and he would not stop when I asked him to. It got so bad that people at SCHOOL were asking me to get him to stop.
My general reaction to this was to try and distance myself from him, because my parents didn't know he would do this stuff. I started acting cold towards him, and almost bullying him to stay away. Under that "habit" or "mindset" (that he says he developed?), he still didn't have friends, so he wanted to be around me and play games with me. But because he was doing this shit, I did not. For a long time my parents only saw his side of the story, that I was being an asshole to HIM and not the other way around.
After he finally stopped the sexual behavior (I told my parents), I still cannot get over the borderline sexual harassment he was doing towards me after all those years. Even if he stopped doing the sexual stuff he is still generally very annoying to me, going back to saying "you're a bitch", "you're fat", etc. So even now, I do not want to associate at all with him. I cannot see myself even having a future relationship with him in adulthood.
Today we had an argument over why I do not want to be around him. It was more multiple reasons, but I just simply can't get over what he did. It doesn't matter if what he does isn't sexual anymore, I still just have a grudge against him.
In the argument, I mentioned how I think we are complete opposites. He can go weeks without showering, I shower everyday. He leaves others to clean up after him, I clean up after myself. He is lazy, I try not to be. We just don't mix well together.
I can see that he has feelings too, and that he just didn't know how to cope with being lonely so he wanted attention. But I just have a thought in the back of my mind that it isn't right if I just forgive him right then and there. I have been thinking about this for so long my thoughts are just tangled, I don't know what or who is right.
So, AITA?
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ain08v
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"description": "venting to friends",
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|
AITA for venting to friends
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This happened 3 months ago and we’re both 13
So here we go with context:
A girl I had a relationship with started to cuddle with me and put my hand on her breasts and she later regret it (which I told her I was fine with) and proceeds to accuse me of sexual assault after she cheated on me. She has also spread rumors of me doing shit like this to other people when she’s the only person I’ve dated.
I’m on mobile so shit might be whack
I went on a rant to my friends and either someone told her or someone eavesdropped on us and I’m just here being asked every day about shit like that. I really can’t make friends but I can’t tell if it’s my fault
TL;DR I had a relationship with a girl that accused me of sexual assault and I went on a rant to trusted friends that someone told her about
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HISTORICAL
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an38ny
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"description": "sleeping with my ex husband",
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|
AITA for sleeping with my ex husband?
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I've been divorced for a little over two years. I just recently started getting back out in the dating scene. I met this really great guy. We've been on 4 dates so far and I really can see a future with him.
Here's where it gets ugly though. I met up with my ex last week and although we are terrible for each other, sex was never our problem and we ended up in bed.
Now David and I haven't said we're exclusive or anything. We have been moving kinda fast, but it's still only been four dates. I really don't want to tell him about my slip up with my ex. It doesn't mean anything, I would never get back together with him. I honestly just want to forget it happened.
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a7m888
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{
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AITA for refusing to pay for a dinner I was invited to at my friends house.
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AITA
I’ll try and keep this short guys, I haven’t found anyone so far who thinks I am in the wrong, so wanted to get Reddit’s verdict.
So my buddy recently hosted a Christmas roast dinner. About 8 people turned up. Anyway I agreed to go, that was until I heard he was charging people to go. So I turned down the invite, making an excuse.
It’s not that I can’t afford it, I just think it’s fucking ridiculous to invite people over and charge them, he’s not short of money either. I actually think it’s so rude, you either have the night or don’t, charging people is unthinkable to me.
Also I’ve seen pictures of the food and he must of made 40 pounds profit from the night.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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|
AITA for lying to my best friend just so I don’t have to hang out with her, even though she barely has other friends?
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Hi there, I should probably start this post by telling you guys that I have mild autism, social anxiety and I’m 100% introverted. I have one extremely good friend, she’s very nice and we’ve been best friends for over two years now. I also sorta have another friend? That friendship is a bit more complicated. He used to be my crush, while we were also friends. A few months ago I found out he was gay, told him I had a crush on him, but that I could easily get over it and that I was happy for him for coming out. Ever since then, our friendship has been a bit complex, but that’s not the problem here.
Due to my autism and introvertedness, I can’t hang out with others for too long. I’ll gte tired and extremely annoyed, even if I don’t mean it. I am fully aware of times when this occurs, but I don’t let anyone know, because I don’t want to hurt them. What I do is every now and then I’ll lie to my friends about having to be somewhere just so I can have some time alone. I feel kinda guilty for this, bu if I didn’t do it, I feel like my irritation would only get worse and I’d end up being a bitch or completely isolating myself and stop talking (this has happened multiple times already, was not fun).
The thing is, my male friend (the kinda strange friendship) has a ton of other people to hang out with, so it’s not that big of a deal to him. My best friend however, doesn’t have any other friends except for me, so when I go away she either has the other guy to hang out with, or no one. I feel bad for making my best friend so lonely half of the time, but I don’t want the situation to escalate. So, AITA for lying to my best friend about being busy, just so I don’t have to spend time with her?
Extra info: my best friend is great, but both her and the other guy whine about everything they can. Sometimes it’s funny, but it mostly gets on my nerves, which causes the whole ordeal of ‘I’ve spent to much time with others’.
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HISTORICAL
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akyfek
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{
"description": "being annoyed for my friend wanting to use my house while I'm away",
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AITA for being annoyed for my friend wanting to use my house while I'm away
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Ok, I grew up in a rural area and moved to the city which is 80 miles from where I grew up. A group of friends who still live there always expect me to come to them to see them, and always make excuses why they can't visit me, like "Oh its such a long journey" or "I need to service my car first" - it's a journey that takes 1hr 30mins! They've noticed that I've stopped making a effort to see them, but we keep in touch by phone or WhatsApp.
​
This weekend I am away on a break. Said friend who is the King of the Excuses asked me this week if I was coming back this coming weekend. I replied "No, I'm away on holiday". I had a message this morning asking "You know when you're away this weekend, can me and my wife come stay and check out the city for the weekend?"
I was raging! He's visited me once in 5 years - and that was when him and his wife went to a concert! So, AITA here for being angry and saying NO?
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HISTORICAL
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at0jyo
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|
AITA telling my ex to leave me alone after talking with him again?
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Dated ex for about two years starting 2013, and it was deep but rocky. We both were sort of bad to each other, mostly codependence and youthful insecurity i think. We first split in 2015, got back together in 2016 and split for good that summer.
The reason was- he sexually assaulted me. He was jealous and drunk and it was really bad. Needless to say I walked out on him. Less than a “i want revenge” thing more of a “im fucking done” thing.
Admittedly i didn’t call the police on him when i should have over fear of being believed or interrogated and because I was afraid of them cuz this was in a city where i knew no one. Mostly i just wanted to be done with him, not have him punished. I even forgave him, he had a rough life and you know it was bad to go through but a wake up call to not date people who do that.
So i moved across the country, and sent him an email saying basically “you hurt me, you are forgiven maybe go to therapy, just know we are done.” About a year and a half later, he moves to the small, random city i live in. then 3 months later reaches out to me wanting to clear the air.
Basically its been 2 and a half years and some therapy for me later, so i reply to him basically saying “its cool shit happens i did care about you and did some bad stuff myself have a good life.” He replies to me a month later and says he misses me etc. so i basically told him, in a strongly worded email, do not speak to me again.
Am i the asshole for giving him hope and then telling him to fuck off?
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HISTORICAL
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aunov6
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"description": "telling my friend that a dispute with a friend over money isnt the same as a case of domestic violence",
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AITA for telling my friend that a dispute with a friend over money isnt the same as a case of domestic violence
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So today i casually sent a friend a concerning post about someone she had "warned" me about assaulting his girlfriend, stealing her car/cards/money and nearly biting her finger off. Her response was "oh well he's friends with Q (let's call her Q) they're both abusive".
Q is a girl my friend used to be friends with. They got into a dispute over 60 dollars (don't feel like going too into detail here), basically Q offered to pay for something from my friend and then changed her mind and my friend had a temper tantrum. I intervened and just purchased the item myself hoping to squash the issue. A month or two passes before my friend decides she's not going to give the other girl a concert ticket that the girl had paid her for a while back. In her mind, since that friend didn't pay her 60 dollars (though I did) she shouldn't get the concert ticket. Several bullshit exchanges occur before Q has enough and makes a Facebook post about the situation (obviously slanted in a way to favor her side) and my friend and a lot of people see it.
I'm not saying that doesn't suck, but I honestly found it very self absorbed she turned a very serious conversation into one focused on something far less serious. She then blocked me accusing me of not caring about the "abuse" she went through. It was awful but I can't say losing 60 dollars and her reputation among people that didn't like her much to begin with is comparable to somebody having their actual life situation threatened. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend and sleeping with her best friend",
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|
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend and sleeping with her best friend.
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I’m pretty sure I’m the asshole in this one. But here’s the story, I just broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years ago because I needed to explore and the relationship had gotten progressively toxic, we both were not good for each other towards the end so I called it off, and ended things on relatively good terms. Flash forward 2 weeks and I have to sleep over at her best friends house. Because of a snow storm and I’m really good friends with her best friends brother. Well, I ended up talking to her best friend and one thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with her. And have continued to see her, I still really haven’t had time to process everything. But it doesn’t feel wrong. And she feels the same way. It’s been messing with me, because I am potentially fucking up a great friendship between my ex and her.
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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ahh7cf
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{
"description": "leaving my ex girlfriend after she attempted suicide",
"pronormative_score": 9,
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|
AITA for leaving my ex girlfriend after she attempted suicide
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this has been killing me lately. prepare for a very long story.
i met my ex through my work and we got together and were together for about 9 months before she attempted suicide.
throughout the relationship, we'd have problems from time to time. did i say time to time? i meant all the time. she'd constantly threaten to break up with me or go on break (or she actually did, according to her). one of those problems was when she cut herself and i told my friend about it and my friend told our high school (we were 18 at the time). she got very mad at me and considered breaking up with me over it. we ended up not breaking up. seemingly hundreds of tiny arguments ensued.
then she left for school.
the arguments amplify. we're thousands of miles apart and she's wanting breaks. every week this would happen. some small argument happens and she would threaten to break up or go on break. perhaps the one that standed out the most to me was when she asked to call me and i said "yeah sure". she got really mad and told me nevermind, because i had said "yeah sure". i can see how that would mean something different to someone but it's ridiculous to call off the whole call and get mad at me for it, imo. i called her out (for once, keep in mind i never started any arguments) on it, and then of course she threatened to go on break.
every week there were tears and crying and begging. i loved this girl to death and i did not want to lose her. i felt on edge and terrible the whole time she was gone because it felt like anything i did would piss her off and cause her to break up with me.
there was one instance where i would get terrible anxiety whenever she partied. she would tell me every single detail and it just perpetuated my anxiety even more. after explaining to her that i couldn't control it and there was no real reason why (which sounds stupid and terrible but it's true. i could never figure out a reason why i felt the way i did. even to this day. it just happened.), she insisted on telling me and told me that i could slowly grow in to hearing about it. that was our biggest thing for a while. that was one of the worst times of my life. every day i suffered from extreme anxiety, worrying about what she was doing and where she was going over the weekend. i became crazy because of it because i just did not want to feel that way again. but i loved her, and i couldn't leave her.
one night, a huge argument happened (can't remember exactly what it was about) and it spiraled into us actually breaking up (but of course she told me that we would try again in the future). after gathering myself and talking to my friends about it, i realized how terrible of a relationship i was in. arguments almost daily, she's thousands of miles away, all the petty arguments she would cause and then threaten to break up with me over, all the pain she had caused me. i ended up telling her that i never wanted to be with her again. i listed all the things i wanted to say to her, all the things i couldn't in fear that she would break up with me. and that's when she decided to come back.
we were fine for a few weeks. keep in mind i had basically 0 friends before this next part. i finally find some new friends and we were hanging out every day and it made me realize how much i didn't want to be in a long distance relationship. but i still loved her so i was just stuck in a stalemate for a while. she noticed this and i told her exactly what i was feeling because i wanted to be 100% honest with her. i never lied to her and i never did. then she booked a flight a few weeks later to spend the whole day with me. it was really nice. it made me feel great about her again. in retrospect i just wanted to affection. i didn't want to be in a ldr with her. she goes back and things are fine, until one weekend where everything changed.
it was and still is the craziest thing i have ever experienced. me and my friend visited my other friend at his university. it's all going very well and then suddenly, i start receiving weird texts from my ex (she is still with me). my friends told me to ignore my phone. 3 missed calls. 1 new voicemail. "anon, i love you. you'll be ok. you'll be ok.". i start crying, my friends notice, i call her, more tears, long story short that night she tried to kill herself. that was the point where i decided that this relationship wasn't good for me.
she calls me from the hospital two days later, telling me how she's doing ok and everything will be ok. she asked me if i felt the same way i did before (not being sure if i wanted to be with her) i said yes. again i wanted to be 100% completely honest with her. and then a week later, i break up with her.
it wasn't a good breakup. she tried everything to get me back. she told me i used her, etc. but i did it for my own mental health and to grow as a human being.
lately ive been feeling regrets. she said she's going to go to the same community college i was going to because she couldn't be so far away from home. but i just feel like it was such a bad relationship for me so idk. any time i see anything about her, something in me sets off and i get a little pit in my stomach. but i know that i had to do it for my own sake.
am i the asshole for breaking up with her? that's what i really want to know. should i have stayed with her? she had such a great impact on my life, and i think i had a great impact on hers. sometimes i miss her, but other times i really don't. i just don't know if im the asshole. everyone i talk to about this says that im not but i want an outside opinion. thank you very much
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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awmmf5
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{
"description": "making a light hearted joke he took personally? he wants me to apologize for hurting his feelings",
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|
AITA for making a light hearted joke he took personally? He wants me to apologize for hurting his feelings
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I’ve been stressing hard about my disability being renewed (I’ve been on it for like 10 years already, vomiting syndrome, seizures and chronic urticaria) and when I found out it was approved I jokingly said “it’s all downhill from here”, implying nothing better could happen to me today. He took it super personally and it blew into a huge fight
Please read the texts and tell me if I’m the asshole...He constantly complains about how “I always think I’m right” but we hardly ever fight and when we do it’s because he’s accusing me of talking to other guys. Last time we broke up was because I saw a funny picture of a cat sitting on a guys shoulders so I posted it to Facebook and he immediately made a huge stink as if I knew the guy and was hanging out with him. It’s absolutely ridiculous. I don’t think I should have to apologize. Please, what do you think, I need some outside input
Here’s the text messages
https://ibb.co/X2RGY5m
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| null |
AITA for not wanted a big girl to did next to me on the bus?
|
Title makes me seem like Nicole Arbor (dear fat people woman) but here we go.
I am a small girl (14, 5’4, 115lbs) and I take the school bus to and from school. I am claustrophobic so I usually put my bag on the inside part of the seat and sit on the outside to prevent people from sitting next to me. Most mornings are fine but afternoons are tricky for some reason. We have two busses that all high school kids take to the middle school where we get on our busses that take us home. Since the high school gets out earlier, we usually have only 5 or 6 kids on our bus while we wait for the middle school kids. I sit in the front row behind the bus driver because a special needs kid likes to sit in the other front seat and look out the window and because a lot of the middle school kids enjoy sitting near the back.
So a few weeks ago this girl begins asking to sit with me (mind you the bus was almost totally empty). I think maybe she wants to talk because she normally sits alone and takes up a whole seat with her large bag. I say yes and move my bag. She sits down on the outside seat and I sit on the inside. But she just puts headphones in and watched anime. The reason this was so frustrating is because I don’t like being touched even by accident and as I mentioned before, I am claustrophobic. This girl is a pretty big girl. And she takes up about 2/3s of the seat. I keep trying to squish in against the wall of the bus but she just sees this as an invitation to take up more room. To make matters worse she is sniffing and you can hear the snot in her nose witch makes me feel sick to my stomach. I wait while on the verge on a panic attack for her stop. I think that this is a one time thing but the next day she sits down next to me again without even asking. This time she puts her bag next to her and sits on the outside of it. Her bad smelled like something was rotting in there and she was now sniffing and coughing without even covering her mouth. She keeps getting closer and her bag was squishing against me so hard, that it ended up in my lap. I start silently sobbing trying to compose myself. Her stop comes and she leaves.
The mornings are usually a break for me because she doesn’t wake up early enough to make the bus, according to her sister. But this morning, apparently she was up. I have my bag on the inside as usual. But this girl SITS ON ME. She didn’t even look before she sat just sat on my legs. She says nothing and gets settled. She smells like leftover chicken fingers that were forgotten about and soda (she had a sprite in her hand). I make in through using breathing exercises my therapist recommend. School ends and I go to the middle school on the bus. I sit down and she walks in. She asks if she can sit there and I reluctantly say no and explain that I have claustrophobia so that she won’t feel bad. Bad idea. She starts crying and sits in the very back on the bus. And hasn’t been on the bus for a few days.
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RIGHT
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b0s3up
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{
"description": "tipping a server poorly after extremely bad service",
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|
AITA for tipping a server poorly after extremely bad service?
|
I went to a bottomless brunch with two friends. Basically, it’s $32 for bottomless mimosas and tapas. The waiter generally comes by, takes your food order, and fills your drinks from a pitcher, then comes around from time to time to refill your drinks. The first time I went to this brunch the service was great. Sure the food took a while but we knew that the kitchen was busy so we didnt mind. We got filled up on drinks probably 7 or 8 times in 2 hours and we never had to ask for our waiter.
So this time, I make reservations ahead of time. We get there and they seat us kindof in the back near a birthday party, no big whoop. We go ahead and order and get our first round of drinks. This begins the hassle. Our food just doesnt come. It just doesnt. We sit for 30 minutes and our waiter passes our table countless times, never refilling our drinks. The whole time though, he is filling the drinks at the birthday party next to us, even though the birthday party already has 2 other waiters tending to them. Finally after almost an hour, I wave him down and ask him whats up. He says the kitchen is overwhelmed and they are out of mimosas. As he is saying this, i see a bartender mixing a pitcher of them, so I say, “It looks like they are making some right now. “ he looks over, rolls his eyes, goes and gets the pitcher and comes back. He fills each of our glasses half way then leaves to go tend to the birthday party where he completely fills the glass of a VERY inebriated woman and exchanges phone number with her. This is when I lost it. You literally deliver no food and one drink over an hour long period, lie to me, roll your eyes at me, and then get some girls phone number? Really? Finally a runner brings us food. Not our food. Just food. It’s not what we ordered, but our waiter is literally nowhere to be found. We reluctantly eat the food and as we are eating, our waiter appears out of nowhere and slams our check down on the table and walks away without a word. We didn’t ask for our check. He gave us 1.5 drinks and we didnt even get the food we ordered.
I go to the front of the restaurant and ask for the manager he comes up and hes very apologetic and says he’ll find us another waiter to help out. The waiter never shows up. So we reluctantly pay our bill (I had to go to the register and ask a random waitress to help me out because our waiter had bailed) and we pay for our food. Total comes out to pretty much $100. I know waiters rely on tips, and I normally tip 15-18% minimum, but he literally didn’t do his job and blew us off to flirt with a drunk college girl. We didn’t even get the food we ordered. I tipped 5% on this bill.
I told this story to someone later and they yelled at me and said it was an awful thing to do. But the way I see it if you didn’t do your job at all, let alone poorly, why would I tip?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
XtqblJXoWy6TyRJt3qcSQCY4PCaLSdS9
|
al5ig9
|
{
"description": "asking my fiancee to give up his dog for my cat's sake",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my fiancee to give up his dog for my cat's sake?
|
I've moved into my fiancee's family's home with my cat. The family owns four dogs, but my fiancee owns the rowdiest of them, who would be coming with us when we do move out. I don't know if it's worth keeping both pets, but I don't want to give my cat up. WIBTA if I asked if he would/could give up his dog for my cat's sake?
Context: I don't like dogs. I don't HATE them, but I've never really wanted one. My parents had Too Many Dogs (four to five at any given time) and hardly trained them, expecting my brother and I to clean up after them, so my dislike stems from that.
My fiancee's family also has Too Many Dogs. They're trained better, but they aren't socialized. Shortly before I moved in, a neighbor's dog had to go to the vet after two of them broke out of the backyard and attacked it. Thankfully everything turned out ok and no charges were pressed (family paid the vet bill), but one of those dogs was my fiancee's.
My fiancee's dog is some sort of Great Dane mix, almost fully grown as a one year old. Fiancee adopted her on a whim after picking her up off the road as a smaller pup. She listens to a degree, but she has tons of energy and likes to chew up misc items around the house (shoes, pillows, table legs, etc). My fiancee wants to start taking her on walks and socialize her with other dogs before socializing with my cat, but my fiancee is usually too tired to do so when he gets home (its physically demanding, so I don't blame him).
As for my cat, he's currently staying in our bedroom, which is about as big as the livingroom of my previous apartment. He's five years old and front paw declawed (not my choice, my friends adopted him for me from Petsmart as a gift). He's very friendly, but he'll overstimulate himself cuddling up to people and winds up biting pretty hard (likely a result of being declawed). My fiancee is allergic to cats, though it only flares up a little if mine does bite, and he has to hide his feet at night so he doesn't get nipped (he gets hot easily and likes having his feet exposed, so this is an issue).
I have hope that if we can socialize them, they can balance out their negative quirks. I just don't have the drive to take initiative when I don't really love my fiancee's dog, and I don't think my fiancee has the drive to keep up with his dog either. It's been two months since I moved in, and we're haven't even started.
As a side note, it's probably weird that I would knowingly bring my cat into this housing situation, and not fair to my fiancee to have him give up his pet for a pet he probably doesn't love as much either. I don't want to give up my cat because A) he was a gift, and I feel more compelled to keep him, and B) I previously owned two cats before I went to college, in a similar situation as this one (Too Many Dogs), but when I left my parents abandoned them outdoors. I know it wasn't my fault (dorms wouldn't take cats) but I still feel like I abandoned them, and I feel like I'd be abandoning my current cat too, which I don't want to do.
I'm not going to force my fiancee to abandon his dog either. If he wants to keep her, I'll work with him to make things happen. I'm just burnt out on dogs and scared he'd be offended if I asked.
Tldr: I want to ask my fiancee if, theoretically, he would/could give away his dog for my cat's sake, and I don't know if that's fair of me to ask w/o sounding like an asshole.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
AX8FCnFuqF7K14FfIn2j0T4FW05FkbHj
|
ax278c
|
{
"description": "Asking Hotel to call the police to make me leave",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For Asking Hotel To Call The Police To Make Me Leave? (they did)
|
* Booked the hotel through Hotels.com for 2 nights/king bed
* Thursday evening I book another night after speaking to clerk
* Used Hotels.com app and, by mistake, made a new reservation for 2 queen beds. Didn't know how to fix it
* Clerk told me it was no problem - she would change it in her system
* Saturday evening did the same thing as before, including the hotels.com snafu.
* Different clerk working. Explained what happened and what the other clerk did. Was told they had rooms and it would be OK
* Sunday @ noon got a call from the manager reminding me I had to vacate the room. Went to talk in person. Points made:
* Hotel: All king beds are booked | Previous clerk had given me the best information available at the time (this was the only response; never wanted to address why the reservation was not fixed like before) | My reservation is for 2 queen beds | They will not cancel or change someone else's reservation even if made after mine | My issue is with Hotels.com
* Me: Same previous mistake had already been fixed and I was told this would be OK too |The hotel should assume responsibility for the wrong info I was given by their employee| Someone that was booked after me and not yet in the room (been in the same room from start) should be inconvenienced.
* Logged on to Hotels.com app and made an additional reservation for a king bed room
* Then this:
* Hotel: Hotels.com should not have made the reservation
* Me: I don't know how the system works. I now have a paid reservation for a king bed that says it's guaranteed
* Hotel: We are not Hotels.com and we do not have to honor their guarantees or their reservations
* Me: You entered into a business agreement with Hotels.com. Renegotiate/cancel/argue with them. I have a valid reservation now
* She called Hotels.com, talking about them overbooking and passed the phone to me
* Hotels.com rep told me my reservation was valid, guaranteed and the hotel should honor it
* I told her I wouldn’t change rooms and she should call the police or her boss if she wanted me out
* The police arrived, asked me to leave, I packed, left to another hotel
**The "soft/interpretative" points:**
* Price difference between rooms for me was $2. No $$ incentive to cheat them
* The hotel gets up to 50% when booked through 3rd party vs. directly. $$ incentive to bump me
* I 've stayed at that hotel many times. One membership perk is free room upgrade
* If clerk told me he didn't know how to do the change in the system/if I thought he wouldn't do it, I could've fixed the reservation immediately with Hotels.com
* Not impolite/rude, but the manager -from the start- blamed me entirely. Never tried to apologize for the other clerk or admit they had made any mistake/responsibility or ask/bargain/negotiate with me
* She blamed Hotels.com for the valid king bed reservation
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
LtaVQfAI0vhoUxdBQ4rXz2YE6FydsZcu
|
atwq4y
|
{
"description": "shouting at a woman for taking a week off every month",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 72
}
|
AITA for shouting at a woman for taking a week off every month?
|
We are a group of salesmen for a small hygiene business. I don't make a lot of money per say, but I am happy with my job and I get through. We are all male members.
Recently, a female joined us. She is pretty attractive and interesting, so she is often the centre of discussion since the past few months. This is all completely fine for me.
The problem started about a month after she joined us. She took a week off because of period pains and stress. Now this put us behind schedule and each of us had to work 2 hours extra to cover up for her. My boss was apparently fine with her week long breaks.
Last week, when we sat for lunch together, I asked her to give a medical certificate for suffering such intense periods because it seemed like an excuse to me. Everyone else told me to let it go and I saw her insta post talking about how some men never realise women's problems the next day. I shouted at her saying how unprofessional this was and that she is just giving excuses and expecting us to work more everyday for a week without any proof of her condition or if her periods are painful enough to take a week off.
I personally found nothing wrong with it, but I received a strict hearing from my boss.
I don't think she has given my boss any proof either. My boss just told me to respect a women's pain and become a better man.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
llHylsqDZRUZXBYQgNnVwkmOWJoFSsgu
|
aq8c9v
|
{
"description": "sketching in a university space",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for sketching in a university space?
|
I've been trying to sketch more and more, because I'd like to as a hobby and because I have to complete a sketchbook for my art minor, due in a few days. Today I had a lot of time on my hands so I decided to head to one of the many hallways that have these open spaces with tables and chairs/benches where studentst tend to eat/work/chat.
Anyway because I'm antisocial and embarrassed to draw in public, I head to an open space without anyone in it and get to work. I take out all my stuff and start sketchin negative drawings, so I need to do a lot of scribbling with my pencil, who's friction makes an audible sound. Now I wasn't scribbling away like a maniac, I had headphones with music at a low level for me to be able to hear it so that I could make sure it wasn't too loud.
Anyway after maybe half an hour a student comes to sit at a table near mine. A short while after another comes to sit at a table diagonal to mine. After I don't know how long the first student to get here asks me if I could go draw somewhere else because I'm noisy. Now firstly I genuinely don't think I was being that noisy, yes it was audible, but wasn't excessive in anyway, I guess my rythm was sort of sporadic so maybe that was the problem?
She was pretty polite but then before I get to respond the guy diagonal to me chimes in, and he's a lot more agressive, telling me how annoying it is and that this isn't a place for drawing (said in a tone like what I was doing was for kids) and that I should go "annoy people somewhere else".
I had to leave soon anyway, and I didn't want any trouble so I tried to apologize even though I thought that there wasn't any reason to be this angry and that I wasn't that annoying. I had a lot of stuff to put back in my bag and he kept loudly huffing/sighing and looked up at me and shaking his head until I left.
​
**TL;DR-**I was sketching in an open space, making audible but reasonable noise, when two students who arrived there after I did told me to leave for being abnoxious, one more aggressively than the other.
​
I totally see how this could be annoying, but it's not as if I was in one of the only work spaces, there's litterally a massive library and a bunch of rooms designed for working in a quiet setting. Also I was there first, and this was for a uni class.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
qPeoLjyEBU8FJlGBFef4Y4LXIi167Sx6
|
azy7yz
|
{
"description": "yelling at my step dads friend and wibtaif I locked him out",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
Aita for yelling at my step dads friend and wibtaif i locked him out
|
Alright so here's the story. For a little bit of backstory I got to say that this dude has been my step dad's friend since way before I even knew him and I've known my stepdad for 6 years now. And it turns out he's always been like this but I don't really know him or care about him. He's the type of person who no matter how small the screw up he will make fun of you saying you're gay or something like that something insignificant things that don't even matter well on their own at least. But whenever you put them all together it's just too much I've known this garbage person for maybe three years now and every single time I see him he's always making fun of me always telling me I'm doing something wrong and I just hate it I don't like the dude I haven't since the moment I met him and I've seen him a lot in the past 3 years all right so as of recent he actually moved into our house while he's trying to get a new job. and he sleeping in my room meaning I have to hear his ridicule every single day it's annoying as hell. And I'm the type of person that it takes a lot to actually make mad and the other day he was making fun of me again like usual and I blew up on him I yelled at him but for some reason everyone in my house is telling me that I'm wrong . I'm the one in the wrong when he's been ridiculing me every single day for at least two weeks now and before that he ridiculed me for 3 years I don't understand and today he actually forgot his key to the house he lost it and he gets home at 6 a.m. and I was planning on locking the door and keeping him out of the house because no one leave the house until at least 8 a.m. so I think I'm in the right but everyone else thinks I'm wrong if you think this is a good idea please tell me cuz I hate this dude or if there's anything else I can do please tell me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
|
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|
WRONG
|
UjXrzlrzM8E95mqwpYSseMgLeh2usRwC
|
b1v79a
|
{
"description": "being upset at my gf for always putting me second",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for Being Upset at My GF for Always Putting Me Second?
|
My girlfriend and I have been together a pretty long time now, over a year, getting closer to two. Since the beginning it's always felt like I'm playing second fiddle to everyone else, even people she's only recently met. For example, I'll make plans for us, and then at the last minute she'll decide that she'd rather change those plans so that she can go hang out with someone else. Sometimes she'll offer for us to reschedule it, which, the way she says it honestly feels more like bribery or trying to make it up to me, which bothers me even more. I've brought it up to her before, and she apologizes, but it doesn't change and she still expects me to drop any prior plans I had for just a chance at spending time with her. It didn't used to bother me as much, but it's constant. I'm away for work pretty often, and don't get to see her very much (once or twice every couple of weeks), so I'd hope that having plans for us to spend time and go out on a date or something would hold more importance. So, AITA for feeling that way and thinking that plans together should be treated more importantly?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
sIdpUZfLk0KzBLD592qCPRCoYfC2SpbE
|
b45tor
|
{
"description": "not texting something nice to my step dad for when his brother died recently",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not texting something nice to my step dad for when his brother died recently?
|
I'm probably gonna be the asshole.
So my (27F) step dad and I have a weird relationship. He was introduced to me at age 7, they got married and we moved away at 8. I had a traumatic meltdown during this point (even cried at their wedding) because I felt like I was being ripped away from my real home with my grandparents to live with my mom and a stranger. At this point in my life, I was probably more attached to my grandmother than to my mom, so the thought of leaving just broke my heart.
Mom was one of those people who pushed the step dad on me, like would point out every thing they did that was "nice" and shoved it in my face to prove they were great. Like "hey Paul just said this about you isnt that nice" or "hey Paul got you this thing isnt that nice" when she clearly is the one who bought it??
I also had issues with him because he would lose his temper and raise his voice over stupid stuff. Me, having previously had no father figure and my side of the family is pretty quiet, would get upset by this easily. So for example when eating supper and my mom overcooked the porkchops so much they were dry as sand, I was kind of picking at them. He loudly exclaimed that if I didnt finish them hed drag me to my room "BY THE HAIR". So...ya....scared shitless. He also broke our ps2 once out of rage of losing and threw the controller into the wall.
ANYWAY he kind of mellowed out after it seemed i had a career path I was sticking on and succeeding at etc. So the relationship isnt presently bad.
I have 2 brothers (one is Paul's with his ex wife, one is a half brother from my mom and paul) and just a few weeks ago realized we all had the same experience. I thought Paul was only awful to me but turns out they got it bad too. The youngest half sibling is in gr 12 and it seems like Paul has turned to emotional abuse and makes comments about his weight and anxiety and basically mocks him all day. Mom just stands by, probably knows its wrong but also doesnt say anything.
After hearing this my feelings for Paul have absolutely dropped, it brought back a lot of memories that are painful with him, and to see what hes doing to my sweet brother kills me because it's similar to him mocking my anxiety constantly.
Ok so that's the backstory- heres the issue
Paul's brother died yesterday by euthanasia due to a long painful battle with cancer. I do feel terrible about it. Mom messaged me yesterday and was like "say something nice to Paul about this" which A. Comes across as fake to me and B. At the moment I'm not extremely comfortable talking to him right now. The dredging up of all these feelings makes it hard for me to communicate with him.
She wont stop messaging me about it and I keep ignoring those texts, so she called me an AH and that family just sucks it up to be there for eachother.
AITA if I don't send a condolence message basically forced by my mom?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
hIoNqt1SBgXs0Yb35r81pNuPw6lPDdeR
|
9uunu6
|
{
"description": "withdrawing consent for anal",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for withdrawing consent for anal
|
My husband has wanted to try anal for a very long time. All this time, I have just as strongly wanted not to try it. I even cited one of the reasons as him not knowing how it works, because he hasn’t done his research.
Anyway about a week and a half ago I finally agreed to it. We tried but couldn’t get it in there, so he gave up and thanked me for trying. I was happy with that and willing to revisit the subject at some point in the future.
The next time we were about to have sex, I told him I didn’t want to do anal that time, and he agreed. Then he brought it up during and laid on the pressure and I gave in. I didn’t like the way it went, but it did just barely work. I panicked and told him to stop as soon as it happened, and he did. He asked if we were never going to do it again. I said I didn’t know, but we were definitely done for that day.
Before we had sex again, we went out of town for his cousin’s wedding. He mentioned that I should pack the lube for anal and I told him I didn’t want to do it that weekend. We got to the hotel, we’re having sex, and he started asking for it, putting the pressure on yet again. We had no lube even with us. I said no, and was annoyed that he couldn’t just have sex once without engaging in something that, for me, is a major turnoff now.
He started getting all dominant about it, putting a finger near my ass and then arguing with me when I told him to stop. Basically saying he’d do what he wanted and I’d like it, that I really did want it after all. He was saying this because I’m into some cnc (didn’t follow through with it), but that’s a not what it would have been at all, just straight nc!
So now I feel like I’m done with exploring anal completely. I wasn’t that excited about it in the first place, and his approach has become more anxiety-inducing than relaxing and encouraging. I know he’s just trying to weave it in with other acts we enjoy so I’ll come around to it, I know it’s important to him, and technically I did agree to do it and I haven’t officially, completely done it yet. I want to go back on that now and take it off the table completely. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
cWkGL2wIZ3myckGOQqb0pFD4UEVR3SLi
|
ap9569
| null |
AITA? Pouty and sad.
|
About a month ago, my 49-year old husband died suddenly. As you can imagine my two teenage daughters and I are still in shock. The memorial service was two weeks ago. My dad and his wife flew here to Cali with other members of my family from the midwest for the memorial.
After the memorial, my dad and his wife used the opportunity to road trip and visit some other cities here. Two weeks later they're back at the airport flying back to the midwest. What bugs me is that (1) they never called to check in on us while they were traveling, and (2) when they got back to my town they just went to the airport and left, didn't say a word, didn't try to visit before they left, no contact at all. I mean, he is my freaking DAD after all. Everybody else in my family is reaching out to us every few days but my Dad and his wife decided to ignore the weightiness of the event and have a fun, two week road trip, then totally ignore us afterwards. I feel sad and ignored and marginalized.
Am I being a pouty baby?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
Tdu5h2YuUAWLh02fioGaSp4hkGe8DBcG
|
b857s5
| null |
AITA because my gf wants me to stop drinking and I want her to loose weight?
|
My gf for years has been telling to stop drinking. And I’ve been telling her for years to stop eating. I told her let’s make a bet, you go to the gym, and I’ll stop drinking. Does that make me an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
Ye38hF43mKsmCI1ILpu1dxkWmmzvgecc
|
alttzk
|
{
"description": "working too much",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for working too much?
|
I'm 15. I work at McDonald's, take care of my animals and my uncle with down syndrome, play a bunch of instruments, and paint. I'm busy pretty much all of the time. I have friends, but i like to be alone. Especially because I have a lot to do. My best friend texts me everyday asking me to hang out. And I feel so bad, because I'm busy. I see her once or twice a month. But she isn't happy with that. I try to tell her that I'm busy, but she tells me that I need to sacrifice hobbies or work to make time for socializing. She says that I have to be a friend to keep my friends. And I'm trying so hard to be a good friend. But I'm so busy, and if I'm not busy, I'm just sad and unmotivated.. I love my friend, but I don't want to quit my hobbies and passions.
So... AITA? thank you guys for your input.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
LfddFMvnOSMoZsjkwr2YnvYLXJSnXaYw
|
abqlzc
|
{
"description": "getting my roommate's annoying friend arrested",
"pronormative_score": 98,
"contranormative_score": 91
}
|
AITA for getting my roommate's annoying friend arrested?
|
My roommate has this friend, let's call him Mike. Mike is a bit of a dick and a horrible guest. He's the type of person who will come to your home, ask for Coke, be offered Pepsi, accept it, and then spill it on your carpet just to be like *"fuck Pepsi am I right hahahahahahaha"*. He's the type of person who will delete your stuff on your Xbox One to make space for his shit. He's the type of person who eats everything with his hands and wipes his fingers on your couch. He's the type of person who will go to your bathroom, take a shit, and then **drop a full fucking roll of toilet paper into the toilet**. (I don't mean he used a lot of toilet paper. I mean he literally took a fresh roll from under the sink and splashed it right in. Still have no clue why he did this.)
Mike thinks all of this is acceptable. My roommate enables him. They know I'll always be cleaning it up, as I seem to be the only person with maturity.
After the toilet paper incident I tried to talk to my roommate. I said it's fine if he wants to stay friends with Mike but please keep him out of our apartment. My roommate said no. Mike is "a great guy" and I cannot stop him from having whoever he wants in an apartment we share.
That's the background. Now the potential assholery:
They were having drinks and discussing guns. Mike mentions having his concealed carry handgun on him. I hear this conversation from another room and I realize, holy shit, he's drinking, I can get him arrested for that. So I excuse myself to "go out for a walk" and call 911 from my car.
Fast forward to now. My roommate is pissed at me for "snitching." I've explained how dangerous it is someone under the influence of alcohol to have a deadly weapon. He says none of that matters, I only called the cops out of irrational hate against Mike.
I'm thinking he might have a point. On that night, I was not really concerned about the gun. I only wanted Mike gone. I even ended up endangering the lives of some police officers.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
694MLgfqwoxbNd0lf8qkQeGpZvfwonj0
|
b2e51h
|
{
"description": "disliking my grandmother",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for disliking my grandmother.
|
Obligatory first time posting warning.
​
Over the past few years whenever I go to my maternal grandparents for Christmas or easter or whatever I notice things that my grandmother does that are making me dislike her more and more. However i can't stop feeling bad about it because she is my grandmother after all and she is wheelchair bound
The first main thing is the way she treats my mother (her daughter-in-law), her daughter, me and her husband. She constantly relies on my mothers kindness to buy her movies, as all she does is watch movies from the 90s, and organize most of her care and helpers. And while my mom does this she constantly criticizes her for being too slow, getting the wrong kind, not spending more money or not calling her more often. It seems like we talk to her she has something to complain about. But the way she treats her daughter is even worse.
My aunt has been going through some marriage troubles because her husband is an atheist while she is a catholic as my grandfather is a Irish immigrant and all of their kids are beginning to go into high school so she feels like she needs to be there for them. And because she is the closest to my grandmother she often takes the brunt of her complaining and my grandmother has started to laugh at her because of her marriage troubles.
The way she treats the men in our family isn't much better. My grandfather is a very nice man, he supports the things I am doing and still frequently talks to my father. He is in amazing shape for an 80 year old and still often runs and plays golf with his friends. But she often yells at him because his cooking is wrong, he bought the wrong things for her, he is too slow and he is gone too often. My father has cut ties with her as he doesn't want to deal with it but I share the same fate as my mother. I am a Sophomore in high school (grade 10 for those who are not from the US) and I am trying to become a pilot, I have already started private pilot training. But my grandmother criticizes me as being too dumb for a pilot even though I am a mostly straight A student and I am fluent in mandarin. And she also makes fun of my weight, I am a somewhat scrawny kid but I do have a small beer belly that I am quickly getting rid of by dieting and exercise. She also neglects her grandchildren as she never gives us anything for graduations, birthdays or christmas; my grandfather does all of that.
As I witness and experience all of these things I dislike her more and more but I still think I should at least tolerate her because she is my only living grandmother, disabled and is on the side of the family I most identify with.
TLDR: I really dislike my grandmother for being a terrible person to everyone she knows but I think I should tolerate her because she is my grandmother and disabled.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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UoJQNKSQzCqBM4kNyHGqTSUUoBkixYt6
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b9e9b8
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{
"description": "breaking in to a neighbors apartment to turn off his stereo that he left on repeat, ostensibly for an entire weekend he was gone",
"pronormative_score": 122,
"contranormative_score": 124
}
|
AITA for breaking in to a neighbors apartment to turn off his stereo that he left on repeat, ostensibly for an entire weekend he was gone?
|
Posting from a throwaway since I most certainly broke the law, the question is am I an asshole for what I did?
I need to provide some quick background. I live in a pretty shitty triplex to save some money. I can hear almost everything that my neighbors on both sides can do. One side is a lawyer who has the apartment as one of his outreach offices so he's cool (though I've heard some crazy things about the mindset of petty criminals). Other side is this dude Warren who was cool at first but we had a falling out a few weeks ago because he's sort of a douche and I stopped inviting him over.
Warren started blasting his music as a way to get revenge on me. Both me and the lawyer have called the cops, called the building owner and Warren always gets a warning then chills for the rest of the day but almost always starts up again about noon the next day.
Last night, I hear Warren's music kick on about 8 but then I heard him leave. After "Then I got high" played for the 10th time I knew he was fucking with me. I texted him and asked him when he was coming back. He said "oh shit sorry man, not coming back until Tuesday. So sorry." I called the owner, she said there was nothing she could do, I called the cops and they came over and said there wasn't anything they could do without a warrant. She said she would talk to her supervisor about getting a warrant but I never heard back from her. I tried to drown out the music with my headphones but couldn't take it anymore.
So at like 2AM I hoped over his fence and pulled up his sliding glass door (you can jimmy the non-sliding side on all three units) and went in his apartment and non only turned his shit off, I cut the cord to his 2003 circa ipod clock radio that he using to repeat the song. I then wiped off all my fingerprints as best I could and went home and slept soundly.
No fallout yet, but I feel a little guilty and I certainly shouldn't have cut the cord to his ipod player. But am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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WRONG
|
HclR5q6eQFJBSgrHkCEdEME0nv7yI8Ub
|
a8ed5v
| null |
AITA My sister lied to avoid paying me money owed, I didn’t speak to her for a few years.
|
AITA This happened around 25years ago. My sister was a drop out (and to this day has never worked a day in her life).
When I started working back in the early 1990s, she would borrow money from new, £10 here, £30 there. It built up until she owed me nearly £500 (a months wages for me then).
This happened around 29 years ago. My sister was a stop out (and to this day has never worked a day in her life). When I started working back in the early 1990s, she would borrow money from new, £10 here, £30 there. It built up until she owed me nearly £500 (a months wages for me then).
Then she won £1000 in vouchers for a national grocery store. I suggested she gave me £300 worth of vouchers in lieu of the £500 she owed me.
She came back to me and said the vouchers were not transferable and they had to be used by her. A week later I discover (via a very reliable source) that she had sold the vouchers it £500 cash. (And still didn’t pay me back).
This was the final straw (other things going off) so I didn’t speak to her for around 4/5 years (she made no effort to contact me in any case).
We are not in contact (despite her lying about other things).
AITA for breaking contact for all that time? also our if interest, what would you have done in the same situation?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
T5DQ2Tv5KC6qQ9YbHvfa4iCW4dCMjTYC
|
ac11tm
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend that he has an unhealthy relationship with his son",
"pronormative_score": 38,
"contranormative_score": 69
}
|
AITA for telling my boyfriend that he has an unhealthy relationship with his son?
|
My (F38) boyfriend (M42) has an 18 year old son I'll call Junior, who lives with him full time. From a distance, Junior comes across as sweet and innocent but he's spoiled rotten. He has his father wrapped around his finger and it's obvious that he knows this.
The thing is, my boyfriend is very affectionate by nature, so some of their interactions aren't very surprising to me. A lot of hugs and "I love you's" happen throughout the day, which I initially thought was great. Now I think it's a little creepy. Admittedly, I come from a home where my siblings and I weren't exposed to a lot of affection, especially as teenagers. To this day, it's awkward to say "I love you" to my parents.
But with my boyfriend, it's more than the affectionate gestures. He goes out of his way to cater to his son beyond what's normal. For example, the other day it rained while Junior was out. Boyfriend was in a near panic at the thought of his son driving in the rain. As soon as Junior pulled into the driveway, bf texted him to stay in his car while he opened an umbrella and met him at the door so he wouldn't get wet. Other examples include:
*Sitting on the edge of Junior's bed and tucking him in from time to time.
*Fussing over him being cold while we were watching a movie and getting him a blanket.
*Vacuuming Junior's car out for him.
*Using pet names for his son like "buddy" and "babe"
The list goes on and on. I reached my limit on NYE when Junior was going out for the night. Of course, my boyfriend was fussing over him, making sure Junior had enough money in his account and offering to give him money. I heard him call Junior one of his weird pet names and I cringed inside.
As soon as Junior was out the door, I tried to tactfully bring it up and he immediately got defensive. I got defensive too, but I worked hard to maintain my composure and just address the facts. Unfortunately it turned into a full blown argument and I ended up leaving. We texted afterward and have come to a cold place of agreement, but I'm starting to think that he still hasn't let it go.
So I guess I'm wondering, did I overstep my boundaries and AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
a8EUnxm5Gs7RzudKiXdGKtfsjfqBa5bk
|
a5gv59
|
{
"description": "getting Amex to claim back $300 from a pastor that didn't do anything",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting Amex to claim back $300 from a pastor that didn’t do anything?
|
Bit of a weird situation, sorry for the long post but backstory required. myself and my now wife are living in the UK, she is American.
We were engaged to be married with a ceremony for family and all that good stuff planned for next year.
Her visa runs out in January, and it just makes things a lot easier on us to be husband and wife, so we thought we’d just do a quick elope, get the documentation in place and then carry on as planned with family celebrations and all that white carriage nonsense in 2019.
We were going to be in the USA over thanksgiving anyway as we travel over there a lot, so decided to do it then. I spoke to this pastor I found online who said she’d do the officiating for $300, sounded good to me so I paid in full on my Amex and we had a date for 3 weeks later when we’d be in country.
I spoke to the other half just after (who’s mother is also a pastor) who said that although we thought it wasn’t possible because of different state registrations, her mother could in fact marry us and she wanted to go for that.
I then contacted pastor number 1 and told her id jumped the gun a bit paying, and that we actually wouldn’t require her services (this was a few hours after I’d paid) she then told me no problem, she would refund.
Next day I see she’d actually charged my card twice so had taken $600, she emailed me to apologise and sent back $300. She then said she was tight for money and had already used the original $300 to pay some bills and could i give her a bit of time to get the money together to refund me.
No problem, this was about 6 weeks ago now and she’s gone from emailing every week to say it’s in hand to just disappeared for the last two weeks. No contact.
Now I spoke to Amex and they said I could pursue a refund action or whatever if I want but I haven’t actioned anything yet. Now I’m not bill gates or anything but I’m not doing bad, certainly $300 is not going to make any difference to me here or there. One side of me thinks it’s Christmas, she’s struggling and I did agree on the phone to her doing the ceremony. But the other side then thinks on principle she’s trying to punk me, and the $300 was for the full price, no mention of deposit or anything, and given that I should just get Amex to deal with it and get the money back.
Thoughts? I don’t think I’m being an asshole, but I did pay for a service and then cancel on her, albeit a matter of hours later.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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0T1ziq3G4dyN2i6pSxHnyzDNblC7OiMr
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acb63i
|
{
"description": "not wanting my friend to comer over for New Year's Eve dinner",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my friend to comer over for New Year’s Eve dinner?
|
TLDR at the bottom.
For less background skip to “Fast Forward to December 21st” . Throwaway account, etc. This might be a long one but here it goes:
My boyfriend and I have a friend of 5 years who we met while he was stationed in the military in my city (referred to as John from here on). John is generally loud (Italian family from the east coast) and not great in the way of conversation once he has had a few drinks as he won’t stop speaking and has an opinion on anything and everything. He is a great person in other aspects, selfless, will buy everyone dinner and drinks, would basically be there for you in any situation. To add to John’s background, he is adopted and his adoptive mother estranged from him as soon as he was done with high school, I am not sure what the whole story is but basically he doesn’t have any close family members.
While John lived here we would hang out a few times a month, go to dinner, drink together, etc and there was never any issues. Two years ago John was kicked out of the military and moved back to the east coast to go to school. During his first summer break he asked if he could stay over for about 5 days to visit, and seeing how I lived in a huge house I told him it was fine for him to stay (sharing my room). This 5 day stay ended up turning into a 10 day stay instead. At first it was ok, but John’s loudness and opinionated comments started getting on my nerves and I started seeing my food and toiletries disappear slowly as he overstayed his welcome. I am not exaggerating when I say that all other friends that have met him think he is too loud and annoying to be around for long periods of time.
Then comes the following summer, when without a warning, John shows up at my boyfriend’s place (BF and I live separately) as a surprise on a Thursday and asks me if he can stay with me until Sunday. I had a bad experience with him before but seeing how it was only 4 days I say it is fine, I still love the guy even if he can be too much. Again this “weekend trip” turns into two weeks before he leaves.
Fast forward to December 21s, John again shows up at my doorstep without previous warning (which we suspected was going to happen from some social media posts he had made about being on a road trip). Thankfully this time he has somewhere else to stay so I am glad I get to see him but not every day.
Now comes the dilemma; within 10 minutes of him showing up he asks what plans we have for New Years. My boyfriend and I had already planned a trip to Vegas with another friend (Rod), and we were staying at Rod’s parents’ house in Vegas so I let John know. John invites himself to Vegas with us will get a hotel for himself as he can’t stay with Rod. We already had a lot of things planned, already had tickets for New Year’s Eve drinks and for a brunch the day before. John buys tickets to join us in most of our plans except for New Year’s Eve dinner, because Rod’s parents were catering food for us at their house. Well, Rod HATES John as he had a bad experience the few times they met and told me and my boyfriend that we could not have John over for dinner. Queue the boyfriend who gets insulted that Rod won’t take John at his place since John has no family, and cancels our dinner plans with Rod so we can dine with John instead. This gets us in a fight as I think that John is inconsiderate and doesn’t need to be included in plans when he is not letting us know in advance that he will be visiting, and boyfriend thinks that Rod could just suck it up for a few hours so that we don’t have to change plans.
**AITA for not wanting John to join us for dinner and just keep the plans as they are?** I honestly hate changing plans and think that Rod has the right to not want someone he doesn’t like over for an intimate dinner with close friends and family. John is impulsive and it bothers me that we are expected to include him on everything we do without proper notice. My boyfriend thinks I have no principals or morals for leaving our friend out when he doesn’t have many other people but I think John is the one pushing people out. Additionally, Rod’s parents had already paid for the dinner for everyone already joining.
BTW, we ended up canceling dinner with Rod and eating with John because my boyfriend usually gets whatever he wants.
TL, DR: John (friend) comes to visit unexpectedly and invites himself on already planned trip to Vegas for New Year’s. Rod (Friend 2) who is hosting dinner during trip HATES John and doesn’t want us to take him over for dinner. Boyfriend wants to cancel dinner plans with Rod so that we can eat with John as John doesn’t have any family. I want to tell John he can’t join us for dinner as we already had plans and Rod has a right to not want someone he doesn’t like over.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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Tcy0zmK4tI2Rd8A5T9bRNm4gyUfzk8PS
|
affhmm
|
{
"description": "abandoning my boyfriend on a date we had planned for months",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for abandoning my boyfriend on a date we had planned for months?
|
I feel incredibly guilty about this, but talking to my friends, they don’t think I’m entirely to blame for how things turned out so I guess I’m here for some unbiased judgement.
My boyfriend and I had been planning on going to this little concert for months. My boyfriend bought the tickets for both of us (£40 total) and surprised me with them, excited for us to have this event to go to. The artist performing rarely tours in London so this was also a rare opportunity. I was excited, he was excited. He said he really didn’t want to go alone because the artists songs are mostly romantic so it would be awkward, so I knew I HAD to go with him.
So the concert is at 7pm and we decide to leave his accommodation at 5:30pm so we can have some time to eat dinner beforehand. I was having trouble with both waking and sleeping due to minor jetlag (I had flown in from the US the day before) and so hadn’t managed to eat all day. I felt nauseated and very lightheaded. We even tried to have sex and I had to stop halfway through because I was seeing spots and my ears were ringing. He’s understanding and tells me to drink some water and rest.
I try to sleep until its time for us to leave, hoping that would help, but when I wake up, I feel just as bad. I drink some more water, but everything in me is screaming to get back into bed, so I tell my boyfriend ‘5 more minutes’. He protests, saying we need to get ready to leave. I say ‘15 more minutes, and then I’ll get ready.’ I fall back asleep and wake up 2 hrs later to find his room empty. I assume he’s gone to the concert without me because his ticket is gone, and I feel terrible. I send texts apologizing for ruining the evening and promise to pay him back for the ticket he bought for me and that I’ll make it all up to him. I’m still incredibly lightheaded and hungry but can’t leave his flat because electronic doors + no keys = I’ll get locked out.
He responded to my messages after the concert to say he was pissed off with me and thought it would be best if I pack my overnight stuff (we don’t live together so, when I stay with him over the weekend, I pack my own overnight bag) and head back home. I asked if I’d get to say goodbye before I left and he said he was going to take a walk so I shouldn’t wait for him.
When I got home, I sent a texts saying I made it back safely and he responded with the same, and that we’d chat tomorrow.
I feel like an asshole for clinging to sleep when we had both been excited for this romantic date and made him go on his own when he didn’t want to. My lightheadedness was due to not eating and we were going out to dinner which would have solved the issue. I wasn’t thinking. I also have a habit of being sedentary so I also ruined the once-in-a-while dates where we go out and do an activity that he likes. I think I have full blame here.
My friends think my health should have come first and he shouldn’t have just left me to go to the concert anyway (although I don’t blame him for leaving me because of the explained rarity of this opportunity) and that he shouldn’t have been mad enough to kick me out of his place at 1am.
Am I the (complete) asshole here?
tl:dr; Felt ill so brushed off boyfriend a few hours before a pre-planned date out in order to sleep. Woke up to boyfriend gone and eventually got kicked out of his place cuz he was pissed at me.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
K9i7N5yeIH8wqigi3WYnerPk8ND7Uq6E
|
ayj12x
|
{
"description": "asking/ expecting my partner to be there for me when I'm having a down moment",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking/ expecting my partner to be there for me when I'm having a down moment? (Depression)
|
Hi folks,
Not English, just emigrated to the other side of the world to explore and be with partner. Seeing how this goes.
Can be NSFW
I've had depression from 11 till 18 and now at the age of 22 again.
The big move really got to me and the symptoms are worse because I don't have a support system anymore.
Partner is from Australia.
Met him during an internship.
So I'm just going to be blunt about this.
I'm the kind of girl that keeps on swallowing birthcontrol since my period comes with so much pain and other things it's not ok for me to function.
But yes every 4 months I let it happen as a check for myself.
That time is now and I feel shit. Like really. Mood swings all over the place. I've seen a therapist again for the first time that was asking for my past, which is rough to say the least. It sturled things up with my period. I miss home and thinking back on my traumas doesn't help.
I cried and asked if to just sit on the bed and listen to me for a sec and support me. He refused and kept pushing just say what you want to say. I was sobbing and he walked off ignoring me.
He said I was annoying and demanding that he had to listen or he was the bad guy again. I could sence that he was very tired of 2 bad nights so I tried to drop it.
I still got this very bad pain in my belly of disappointment and doubt. I kept asking why can't you listen etc and he said can I have 1 day of off this? I'm not in the mood.
So I let it be and the next day he was happy and his normal self not asking how I was and if I wanted to talk or anything.
I feel quite shit because it feels like I can only vent to him when it suits him. Like he is in control when what .
I'm doubting now. Normally he will act and react when I have a panic attack but again won't ask me anything or talk to me.
In my eyes if you love some one you show by caring supporting and asking right?
TL;DR AITA for expecting my bf to be there for me when I'm having a hard time? Even if he is feeling tired?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
BH0P2MsaJGUkwvDG9SDLeMIRrXGLeK0C
|
a1veds
|
{
"description": "not giving Christmas gifts this year",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving Christmas gifts this year?
|
FTP, sorry if this is the wrong place to post.
A little backstory. My father passed away in mid-September, and I am still grieving. My mom, brother, and I all agreed that we will not be exchanging Christmas gifts among ourselves. We are also part of a very large extended family, and usually, the people in my generation participate in Secret Santa. My dad was very close to a lot of my cousins, and so because of his death, we have also decided to change our Secret Santa into sponsoring gifts for families in need this year.
Here's where I need advice. I am in no mood to celebrate Christmas this year. My dad's birthday also falls three days before Christmas, and I know I will be in a terrible state of mind. I have eight close cousins and friends with whom I usually exchange gifts outside of Secret Santa. A week ago, I decided that I would not like to receive gifts, and that I'd like to donate the money I would have used to buy gifts to a charity funding research for pancreatic cancer (disease that killed dad). I emailed my friends explaining that I will be making the donation in their honor as a gift and did not want to receive any gifts, but requested a Christmas card from them instead if they felt like it. I also said that if they were still intent on giving me a gift, I'd be happy if they donated as well. (I do intend on still writing them a nice card)
I thought that my friends would be okay with this, but now I'm not sure. I sent the email a week ago, and I haven't heard back from anyone. I have communicated via text with at least two of the people, and neither of them mentioned the email or Christmas gifts. Was it rude of me to do this? Did I go about it the wrong way by using email instead of talking in person or on the phone? Should I have asked their opinions first?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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YMcIVofZ9F07K2Cuol4RsnRi9bIyLlCb
|
9zextv
|
{
"description": "wanting to skip Thanksgiving and go to the hospital to see my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For wanting to skip Thanksgiving and go to the hospital to see my boyfriend
|
Context; we're both just about 16, (our birthdays are in early December) so obviously neither of us can drive and he cant medically advocate for himself in our state (NY). We've been together for 3 years (4 in January), so this isnt a new family member.
Yesterday afternoon he was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes (the hereditary one, you're born with it but sometimes it only manifests later in life) and we spent 7 hours in total between travel and the hospital due to things moving slowly; 30 minutes being tossed around between the clinic and ER, 40 minutes until he could get a blood draw, an hour and a half for the results of said blood draw, 2 hours for the ambulance transport to arrive so he could be transferred to a bigger hospital, etc. He's being admitted for a couple days and hopefully will be released tomorrow after an educator comes in to teach him how to manage his condition, but the doctor said it could be up to a week if figuring out an insulin regimen doesnt go smoothly.
His mother is nearly illiterate, and he doesn't have a father in the picture or any other family member capable of staying with them for her sake. He's plenty smart enough to handle it himself, but information doesn't go to him much since he's a minor. Another concern is that they live below the $20k income line and if Medicaid/catastrophic health insurance doesn't cover something there's no way they'll be able to pay for it on their own.
I want to go up and bring him his phone charger, own pajamas and the book we have to finish reading for a class. Plus I just see him for a bit to make sure everything is alright with his treatment. Problem is, I need someone to take me and my mother refuses until after dinner at noon. The hospital is a 1-2 hour ride and she isnt willing to drive that much for me or him because my college freshman brother is home for Thanksgiving and he's the golden child, which is what it is.
In the middle of writing this my grandma just showed up, just about told my mom to go fuck herself, and we're off like a prom dress.
Now the issue is that my mom is going to be pissed once I get back for "ruining her thanksgiving", but I dont care.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
|
vcRQYm2IoARRE6w8xSpe6QgENUBJ4GAI
|
asms7a
|
{
"description": "insulting a driver who almost run me over? +paint drawing",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for insulting a driver who almost run me over? +paint drawing
|
This happened 1 hour ago, I (20M) was walking on the sidewalk because I had a reservation at the local barbershop.
​
At a certain point on my right there was a ramp to the parking area.
I was listening to music with my earphones and after I reached the ramp( that I couldn't see because there was a wall) a car going (in my opinion) way too fast almost hit me, it was literally less that 1 feet from hitting my right knee.
​
Fortunately, he stopped in time, after crossing the ramp ( where the connection between the road and the ramp was of the same material as the sidewalk, so no asphalt to signal that there was the ramp) I told the guy into the car to pay attention.
He told me to fuck off and to take off my earphones, so we started arguing and calling each other assholes and dickheads.
​
Then the same guy, who was probably 35/40yo, overtakes me on the left while I was still on the sidewalk walking (I didn't want no trouble so I kept walking) and stop in the middle of the road to get out of the car and keeps insulting me while I tell him to fuck off and to learn to drive.
A guy who was on a white truck behind him tells him to stop arguing and get into the car.
​
Luckily he got into the car and accelerated down the street going at least 70km/h on a 30km/h zone.
​
AITA for walking with my earphones or was it his fault?
​
[I tried my best to draw what happened](https://imgur.com/a/4xP0rD1)
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
SXmqY2V53pVF7RzcPiGshBsVSidatK2a
|
b6als9
|
{
"description": "getting mad about a friend's Hydra tattoo",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 21
}
|
AITA For getting mad about a friend’s Hydra tattoo?
|
My friend and I are huge Marvel fans and often talk about cool ideas for related tattoos. Yesterday she came back from a trip to Miami and revealed she’d gotten a tattoo of the Hydra logo on her back (Like Madame Hydra’s but not so big). I got quite mad about this with her on account of Hydra being Neo-Nazis. I know Hydra isn’t real of course, but their logo is still a made up equivalent to the Nazi Swastika.
My friend probably didn’t think about the implications before getting the aforementioned tattoo but I can’t help feeling this is a deeply offensive and very permanent symbol of hate now on her body. My friend says I’m overreacting and maybe I am, but I’m still struggling to tell if my reaction has truly been too severe.
Am I the Asshole? (Or even just overly sensitive?)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 21
}
|
WRONG
|
kmgbfuxz4ahepKdaCBasK4JJ6pcXWenx
|
b409ix
|
{
"description": "stealing photos of my dad from my mom to copy",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I stole photos of my dad from my mom to copy?
|
Background: they were together for three years about 22 years ago (I am kind of guessing the time lines but I am 24 now and they were not together when I was born.)
My dad has been in and out of jail and I rarely have got to see him or have a relationship.
I'd like to have some photos but my mom won't let me even take any of her photos to a Walgreens Photo Center to get them copied.
I understood when I was a minor that if it was her rule that I did not have my own photos of him for whatever reason then I had to listen even if I thought it was weird (they're "her photos" was and is always what she says. I can look at them in photo albums but can't have any of my own copies), but now I am adult and I think it is unreasonable that she not let me have photos of my dad because seriously wtf?
Basically what I want to do is temporarily steal the photos and just get them coppied myself without her permission. I know stealing is wrong and you can't just take people's stuff and do whatever you want with it because you feel entitled to... But I feel really really entitled to this? Is my entitlement justified enough to break this general rule?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
Ywvwbs5T2vQREU8loj1RKJpNlCEbpWhQ
|
9usaij
|
{
"description": "knocking out the fool who was giving my brother drugs",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA.For knocking out the fool who was giving my brother drugs.
|
This all started with my brother going on these tantrums on how no one understands him and he was threatening on leaving the house,but luckily almost all of that is solved. Now when I was coming home (usually the first one back) I realized the door was unlocked. I was worried and confused then I heard a noise from my brothers room, so I investigate. So to my suprise I see my brother and some degenerate smoking weed. I was enraged this fool who is trying to.make my brother, the family's future into a slob by making him break the law. I immediately grabbed the degenerate and gave him three hard punches and that knocked him out. My brother was angry because I hurt his so call friend, but that didn't matter I told him you could go to jail for smoking weed he immediately started getting flustered and ran outside buy in the future he will thank me. So I call the police on the degenerate and our parents to come immediately.
So in the end my parents will be discussing my brother's punishment and it seems the degenerate parents are going to sue me. Luckily my parents got a extraordinary lawyer and the case will be solved in less than a week with no consequences on my part. But there is this itchy feeling in what if I was wrong.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
ckKQ61vKhe46hwXMSrxb13e29KP7oN8B
|
9ut54m
|
{
"description": "making fun of a kids disability",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for making fun of a kids disability?
|
There’s this kid at my school who has mild autism, it impacts his daily life and he’s really insecure about it.
Now, this kid ruthlessly bullies me. Calls me names, won’t leave me alone, insists on following me around at lunch, etc. the bullying has severely impacted my self esteem and social life, and the administration has refused to do anything to reprimand the guy because of his disability.
I wasn’t aware he had a disability until a few days before the incident, when one of my friends told me. The next time he started harassing me during lunch I called him autistic and said some things I deeply regret. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
zgGAqkk79Oq96Q0Ks0tUD3xiKS0IhhPg
|
ajmr9l
|
{
"description": "asking my husband to go to couples therapy",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my husband to go to couples therapy?
|
Tonight my husband and I had an argument where we weren’t really understanding each other. We did manage to come to an understanding on some things, but not all. Afterwards I asked him if he would consider going to couples therapy and he got pissed off real quick.
I tried to explain that i thought it would be helpful to help us communicate, and I didn’t suggest it because I thought there was something really wrong with us.
He took it to mean that there’s something wrong with us, or I think in the future something will be really wrong with us, and he said if it comes to that then we should just spit up. I said eventually every couple gets to a hard place, and I wanted to try and prevent that by working on issues that COULD become bigger issues in the future. Lots of couples go to pre-marriage counseling to build a solid foundation in their relationship, and his response was they only go bc the church they want to marry in requires it. And what, I don’t think we have a good foundation? I don’t think we work well together?
Our relationship is really good but there are definitely areas where it could be improved, on both sides. Since it’s a lot of misunderstanding I really think an unbiased 3rd party would be helpful. He refuses to even consider it because he doesn’t want to, there’s nothing wrong with him and he didn’t have a fucked up childhood (like me, I am in my own therapy). He said I’ve been going to therapy 2 weeks (actually 3 months) and now I just know everything and think I’m always right. He also thinks he’s always right.
Even though we’ve been okay now, that doesn’t mean these things won’t build into something way bigger later on. I think we could try and be a better couple with a high chance of success but he thinks we’re fine and now this means something’s wrong but still won’t consider counciling because it makes him uncomfortable. He got mad at me for “pushing” it and I’m the asshole for trying to make him do something I want that makes him uncomfortable.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
1uV2K4wk1PAidsgvjdsSTOSBoXbLADfv
|
a841kl
|
{
"description": "shutting down completely & ignoring my so for telling our kids what they got for Christmas during an argument",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AiTA for Shutting down completely & ignoring my SO for telling our kids what they got for Christmas during an argument?
|
First if I’m on mobile sorry for formatting and stuff..
This happened today so I haven’t had time to cool off completely, I’m still shaking.
My (32f) work week ends tomorrow ... My SO (35M) has been laid off work for a few months now (different problem- I know)
Well the house was a mess, breakfast dishes still in the sink... Table cluttered... just simple house chores... I was was immediately upset, and then he asked what I was making for dinner? Ugh.
I said probably something quick and simple cuz I’m tired.... Maybe spaghetti
I know he doesn’t love Spaghetti but I do and our kids do, so why not.
Suddenly we’re back and forth over this and I say well everyone can just make themselves a sandwich because I would like to catch up on my Netflix and take a nap since he has been happily doing it for months now....Without contributing to anything in our home financially or chore wise.
I haven’t mentioned but our kids are all boys 9,10&13
They walk in after school and he takes this as the perfect comeback time
Tells the youngest 2 your MOM bought you a new iphone 6 and you, our 13 YO, your getting a few gift cards and walked away
The kids didn’t even get a chance to say hey mom or talk about their day ... They were ambushed too
I’m completely heartbroken... Crying into my pillow
I feel he ruined MY Christmas... it’s not like he bought any of us anything and he spoiled the one thing I love to see
My kids opening their gifts and being surprised.
I still feel devastated and don’t know how to approach this situation with anyone
I might as well just let them open their gifts ... right?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
eYmkbdfFoYATYTlKLqne9sG53hpbRBAo
|
ab1k26
|
{
"description": "wanting to seperate myself from my boyfriend's bdp sister",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to seperate myself from my boyfriend’s BDP sister?
|
TL;DR Boyfriend’s sister has Borderline Personality disorder and I can’t be around her constant negativity anymore.
Hi guys! My boyfriend (23) and I (22f) have been dating for almost two years now and for the most part, things have been great. However, about a year into our relationship his sister’s (21) mental health has declined and she’s now been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.
For most the ages of 13-20 I suffered pretty hard from depression and anxiety and at the age of 21 I got on meds which have helped me drastically from then till October of this year, which is when I stopped taking them and have been doing absolutely great.
In regards to his sister, I do try to do my best to understand that she is suffering from BDP but the shit she says is really starting to affect me. She’s constantly talking about how she wants to end her life (but speaks about it in such a happy way, laughing, etc) she’s constantly going off at her boyfriend for talking to another girl or even looking at one, she tells him that she’ll kill herself if he leaves her (once again laughing about it), she’s constantly having breakdowns (i know that she can’t help it) and overall she’s extremely negative towards everyone, even telling me from day 1 that if my relationship ends with my boyfriend it will because I cheat on him... WTF? What’s even worse is that I can’t get away from it; she’s not only my boyfriends sister, but she’s in my friendship group as well and she brings this behaviour to whatever plans that our friends organise and understandably, it brings the mood down for everyone. For example, the day 5 of us went out for lunch (boyfriend + me, sister + her boyfriend, and a mutual friend) and at the restaurant we were all talking and suddenly she (bf sister) interrupts the conversation saying that her boyfriend has to stop taking to us because she wants attention.
I’ve been trying my best to seperate myself from her behaviour as I’m feeling it not only take a toll on my mental well-being, but it’s also taking a toll on my feelings toward her. I don’t want to hate my boyfriend’s sister, but at this point I’m starting to.
My feelings are making me snappy and I’ve started to unintentionally take it out on my boyfriend i.e my boyfriend wanted to go to the movies to see the new Spider-Man so I bought us tickets and 20 minutes before we were supposed to leave he texts me says that he probably won’t be able to make it because he’s sister is crying and punching walls (presumably because her boyfriend’s on a holiday). At the time, I ended up getting really upset over this as I felt that I had been pushed aside and it resulted in a fight with my boyfriend. Looking back now, I understand that I crossed a line and I had no right to go off at him for wanting to stay with his sister, but I still can’t help but feel disappointed.
I’ve told my boyfriend how I feel and how her behaviour is affecting my mental state and the way that I feel towards her, but he keeps saying that it’s my problem for feeling this way in regards to her behaviour, not hers. It’s almost as if he has become desensitised to her behavioural issues and doesn’t see how bad it is. Because of this situation, I’ve started taking my meds again (two days in) because I just feel so distressed about all of it.
At this point, I just can’t see myself dealing with this any longer. I’m either going to end up losing my shit at his sister when she says one more negative comment or it’s going to keep taking a toll on my relationship and eventually it’s going to crumble.
AITA for wanting nothing to do with this anymore for the sake of my own mental health?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
2BrjtET8GRZGQyqbVaFhWQb07UDFfZxQ
|
a9lnza
|
{
"description": "not wanting to repair this friendship",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to repair this friendship?
|
Please be aware that this might be a long read. For context i (m 30s) have been friends with this woman (also in her 30s) for a long time. Both of us have had our difficulties but it came to a head a couple of years ago. In the interests of full disclosure our friendship had become sexual for a short period prior to this but we were able to end it satisfactorily without resentment (at least that is how it seemed at the time). Conversations via text since then would also support this.
The issue was that she has a habit of calling me at odd times (1am on a saturday night for example) and trying to offload her problems. Both of us work difficult stressful jobs where we come into contact with people at their worst. Both of us are tired and stressed. Her more so because she has children. She can be quite intrusive and insistent with these calls and i have learned not to pick up.
I asked her for the first time over 2 years ago to stop doing this. I trusted her at the time as we had been friends for a long time. However when i started standing my ground she leaves abusive messages on my voicemail or sends abusive texts or texts telling me about her mental health issues. Over time i stopped trying to reason with her and have now just flat out asked her to leave me alone and blocked her number. Despite numerous times where she has said she won't contact me she continues to do so. For the most part i do not respond but on the very infrequent occasions when i do I have tried to keep level (no insults, keeping it to the point and respecting both mine and her boundaries) because i get the sense that what she really wants is a fight and i have better things to do. I know i am not innocent here because i probably was in a cycle of this behavior with her when we were younger (i have my own mental health issues namely bpd traits and depression) and i identified to her that i am equally responsible for contributing to how our friendship has panned out. I have also been persistent when wanting to talk to people in the past but have learned it is best to let go when it is clear my attention is unwanted and generally err on the side of caution because i hate imposing on people.
In short am i being a heartless asshole for not wanting to go through the fight she seems to be demanding from me or repair this friendship or am i respecting myself and my boundaries by not responding to the abuse and text barrage? Am i being manipulative at all? I just want her to leave me alone.
Thanks
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
wu0A5rQllxKcuQgI4UGYSX3IMPqTIN1F
|
asxs3u
| null |
AITA: Friend didn’t invite me to sleep over.
|
To preface this we’re all 15 year old males.
My friend (let’s call him x) invited me and two other friends to hang out we had a good time and spent the day playing football and video games. At around 8 o clock he came into the room all excited saying his parents let him have 2 friends stay over to sleep and immediately went to the other two friends and started planning what they were going to do and pretty much ignored me the rest of the time. When my dad came to pick me up he didn’t bother saying bye and neither did the other two friends. I understand he couldn’t invite me but i feel like he could have done it more discreetly instead of making me feel so left out. He asked me why I seemed upset the next Monday and I just said I thought he was kind of mean and he called me a pussy and told me to get over it.
So AITA for being angry at my friend for not inviting me to sleep over? Or am I overreacting?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
2O4x2wXPUU620Jq6Rv3f1fidEXs0vNUd
|
ba18dn
|
{
"description": "making up stories so cashiers will stop asking what I'm buying certain items for",
"pronormative_score": 106,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for making up stories so cashiers will stop asking what I'm buying certain items for?
|
I absolutely can't stand when a cashier makes a comment on what I'm buying or asks why I'm buying what I am. The most infuriating one was a while ago where a cashier at a grocery store was amazed that I was spending so much money on a pineapple, because you can get them cheaper elsewhere. Everyone in line was staring and the cashier wouldn't let up about how stupid it was to spend so much money on a pineapple.
Fast forward to the other day, I was buying half a dozen peppers to make stuffed peppers for some friends, and this same cashier asked "why the heck do you need so many peppers?". Wanting to just shut them up and make it awkward so they would stop, I said "oh, I'm making a bunch of stuffed peppers for the potluck at a swingers party later." And it worked, they just said "Oh" and stopped talking. I get that they are just making small talk, but I feel like it's inappropriate to comment on customers purchases so I wanted to teach them a lesson.
AITA for doing it in that one instance? And WIBTA if I continued to use similar responses if different cashiers question my purchases?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 96,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
MA7dEcamd4Qnktu5M6QIw4sF38AWxvld
|
a4jmgh
|
{
"description": "calling my then-boyfriend a \"f*cking as*hole\"",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling my then-boyfriend a "f*cking as*hole"?
|
When he got really upset, such as thinking he left his wallet on the counter at the grocery store, he would burst into my room without warning and start ranting and raving and just generally freaking out, whether or not it was my fault.
​
This last time, I was innocently playing a game in the bedroom when he burst in and started yelling at me for causing him to lose his wallet. I asked him to get me Chipotle for later that night and he decided to go around noon and claimed that I was not clear enough with my order, which he later realized I was. This caused a distraction that, in turn, caused him to leave his wallet behind...or so he thought. Before even looking for it, he automatically assumed he left it at Chipotle.
​
He was also upset because he drinks a glass of tea every single day and forgot to take it with him that day, meaning he'd have to -- gasp! -- take it a bit later than usual.
​
Feeling attacked, we started arguing and I called him a "f\*cking a\*shole" right to his face as he stood in the doorway. He eventually realized my order was crystal clear and he never left his wallet at the restaurant -- it was in his pocket the entire time.
​
I then got a semi-apology when he admitted that I was right. AITA/WITA or was he? Perhaps we both were?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
JDfIGSMHdyiNxh5d7xNppO693YeGfEKb
|
ab1a8m
|
{
"description": "ignoring/not having any contact with my father's family",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for ignoring/not having any contact with my father's family?
|
This might take a few paragraphs to get through, but here goes:
​
My mother and father were not together when I was a child and I had no memories of my father from when I was small. There weren't any pictures of him and, as far as I was aware, he never asked to take us for a weekend or anything of that sort. There was one occasion, a foggy memory, where he apparently tried to buy me some candy when he ran into my mother with my (older) brother and I, but I can't speak to it. There's also a more vivid memory of going to a doctor's office, my brother being furious the whole time and us sitting across from some guy. Turns out that entire day was testing paternity. Child support and the like was apparently contentious.
​
Let's fast forward to early adolescence. Apparently a plot is concocted to utilize my father's brother and my brother's love of Madden to get him to see his father. If my uncle beat him in a game then he'd have to see his father, if my brother won then he didn't have to. My brother demolished him. He was pretty good in Madden, so I think he really beat him here, but who knows. Regardless, my brother meets our father and I don't. They start a relationship which is pretty good til this day. I remember not wanting to go because I was too afraid to meet a stranger.
​
About ten or twelve years after that I'm working as a garage attendant in my local neighborhood and someone pulls up to get out and it's my father. I'm twenty-five and this is the first conversation we've ever had. I start to see him around the way and he gives me his phone number, tells me about family events and says there's an open invitation. At one point his wife (not my mother) stops me in a supermarket because we look so much alike and invites me over for dinner. I say maybe, I never go. Quick note: I get stopped all the the time by people who mistake me for my father because everyone has been in the same neighborhood for fifty years. He has a son with his wife and in that regard I am the purest sense of asshole because I never gave the kid the time of day. I think it was some combination of envy, jealousy and anger that made me act the way I did. He's about ten years my junior.
​
This all came to a head this past July when my older brother and his wife had a baby shower. It was mostly my father's side of the family. I got there early, so when everyone walks in they turn their heads, see me and stare like deer in headlights. I spent most of the early part getting up and walking over to introduce myself to fight the awkwardness. I think they were afraid of how I was going to respond to them, but because it was my brother's day I was cordial to everyone. I smiled and I even stomached a picture with my father and siblings (there are actually four of us, we have a sister who's oldest). Uncles, aunts, cousins--I met them all and my grandmother on his side. This was particularly trying because I had lost the light of my life, my maternal grandmother, the previous year.
​
I haven't spoken to any of these people since the shower and honestly, I don't think I plan to. My father doesn't seem like a jerk and neither does anyone else. I know they all want it, but I don't think I do.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
jPHOvF3wYYvwHB9Kk5aGQ7rBvRLRtmbG
|
am4ez3
|
{
"description": "not agreeing with someone during a meeting",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not agreeing with someone during a meeting.
|
Hello,
​
Today I was told that I should be careful when in meetings. I should make sure that we, as an organization, agree on X subject.
​
Background: I was in a meeting about a sensitive and important subject - errors we make that affects clients. The meeting was informal, just to touch base on how we deal with those, potential volumes and percentages and what can be done about them. One person, a step above me on the ladder but not my boss, said that it's no big deal, it's a 1% or 2% error margin out of huge volumes we get. He said they can never be eradicated, they will keep happening. That's where I disagreed. I have been working with this type of errors since 2010 and he has not. So I said 'No, maybe not eradicate them. But we can certainly look at trends and prevent most of them. Based on a small scale report, I have found that 80% are preventable errors. Coaching and education of staff is key.' I stayed polite the whole time.
​
He looked very displeased with my disagreement and said again that it was not a lot. He probably complained and I was told by my boss I should agree with him to make it look like our organization agrees on subjects. I feel like maybe he should agree with me? Who decided he was right to just give up? He has a reputation of being lazy, maybe that affected my opinion of his.
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
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9t4uue
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{
"description": "telling a friend that I felt the friendship was lopsided",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling a friend that I felt the friendship was lopsided.
|
Context: I am in college with a friend group of 1 and a half years. At some point, my friend had been through alot, and I mean ALOT. So we did our best to comfort her and support her. Eventually she told us she "didn't want to be alive anymore," one of the friends took action and had her go to the school's counselors office where she promptly went to a mental hospital. We sent her gifts and tried visiting her. She eventually gets out but not feeling particularly better. We get back together and try to enjoy ourselves, but she said something to me that got me real angry, so I left the building at night. I come back about 2 hours later and apparently they've been searching for me because they were concerned and I didn't have my phone. Okay, lesson learnt, sorry. Two days later, another heated argument with her and friend who took her to hospital. It was petty but it got her angry enough to decide to walk out of the car in the middle of the night to go back to her place which would be at least an hour walk. I wasn't even listening to the fight I was just sitting when she suddenly left. I thought it was unfair that she would leave in the middle of the night even though she was the main one lecturing me about leaving. I talk to friend who remained and turns out he was also suicidal. He said that the way she talked to him made him feel bad because she would say things like "Fuck off" or "Shut up, bitch" and we have never said those things to her. So we decide that the friendship seemed to be more of her getting nice words while the other depressed person gets insults along with the rest of us. Next day, we didn't expect an apology and she didn't give one. I tell her that we felt that the friendship was lopsided and that pretty much devestated her because she thought we were there to support her for her hard times, and yet we accused her of having a lopsided friendship. We were her best friends and I didn't mean to hurt her we were just very upset and confused and I feel like a complete asshole for it, but I just don't know because my other friend said he's glad he doesn't have someone telling him to fuck off in his life, but I made someone who was clinically depressed feel worse. I apologized, but it wasn't accepted. I want your unbiased opinions, please. Was I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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aed6hb
|
{
"description": "being brutally honest with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for being brutally honest with my friend?
|
I have become fairly good friends with a girl that lives in my apartment complex. We have the same taste in music, video games, alcohol, we both are very into sports (watching), we have the same sense of humor, ect. you get the point. But she is also very unattractive, overweight, does not take good hygienic care of herself, and is pretty damn lazy. She virtually never leaves the house and is perfectly content with her shitty dead end job. So as fun as she can be to hang out with there is absolutely NOTHING there romantically for me.
So this past week as been pretty brutal for me. Me and my girlfriend had a pretty nasty fight/break up. I have been forced to work crazy long hours and have had to take some pretty gut wrenching kill a bottle just to try and forget type calls (I'm a cop).
So as you might imagine I have been on edge. So last night she texts me invites me over so I do. So we are hanging out, drinking scotch listening to music and just have a needed good time.
Then she asks me out. I tell that I am sorry but I am not interested in dating anyone (probably should have been more direct for the first answer and just said no, lesson learned). She says she understands because me and my ex broke up and asks after my "mourning"period if we can date. I tell her I am not interested in her like that, that she is only a friend to me. She keeps pushing it and asking why over and over. So I snap and shout at her, "Because you are a fat fucking slob that is going absolutely nowhere in life! That is fucking why!"
This obviously caused her to start crying and telling me to GTFO. Obviously a very uncool thing to tell someone. But given that I was trying to be polite but she just kept pushing and not letting it go and all the shit I was dealing in my own life this past week am I still an asshole for snapping at her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
9KGUuyXFJXzQsXXu1XLl0c8yt9r16UlT
|
ada6hp
|
{
"description": "not accepting my Mum's support after coming out",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not accepting my Mum's support after coming out?
|
TL;DR: Mum reacts badly to me coming out to her. She's now trying to help, by suggesting jobs and volunteering which are trans-friendly, and is upset that I don't want her help.
So I'm transgender, and a few days ago I talked to my parents about starting Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). It went about as well as you'd expect when talking to Asian, Catholic parents about these things ...
Some pretty hurtful things were said, including being told to go on antidepressants (I'm not depressed), and being told that I'm schizophrenic (I'm also not). My Mum also said that I wouldn't be able to go into engineering (what I'm studying at university) because there would be too much discrimination and no one would employ me.
After a day or two, my Mum suggested I go into law instead of engineering as I "have a niche in transgender rights which could be filled". She also suggested that I start going to and volunteering at a more trans-friendly church (which is Protestant, not Catholic) because it "would look good on a CV for the jobs you could go into", implying that apparently I want to go into human rights law.
I told her that I wasn't ready to forgive her for the things she said when I talked to her about HRT, and I don't want to change my career plans just because I'm transgender. She's started to act very hurt and won't talk to me about anything related to gender anymore.
Part of me stands by what I said, as she wasn’t being supportive in the way I'd like to be supported, on the other hand, I know she's probably trying her best in a really uncomfortable situation, and I could have just accepted her help, even if it wasn't the best, because she is trying.
So what do you think Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b8b127
|
{
"description": "not immediately telling my aunt her sister died",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not immediately telling my aunt her sister died?
|
TL;DR: aunt was a bitch to my mom and other aunt. I waited weeks before telling my cousin that aunt died.
Background: We always heard how when my g’parents died, everything would be split equally between their three kids. Apparently the trust wasn’t written this way, because after my gma died mom and aunt D never got a penny. They did get some of the belongings but aunt E got the bulk of the $$$. D’s hub had a lawyer look at it but nothing could be done. Best guess is that E was beneficiary as well as trustee, and my g’parents trusted that E would honor their wishes and split equally.
What I know for certain:
- Mom and D waited a couple of hours after gma died before calling E (who lives across the country). They claim they were in denial and hoping she would start breathing again.
- E kicked mom out of my gma’s house the night of the funeral and changed the locks. Mom was living there for weeks at that point, legally a tenant, but didn’t push things because she didn’t think my gma would want her to.
- Mom and D filed for restraining orders vs E at some later date, and E vs them. There are no documents online. It says that none of them showed for the follow up court date so all orders were vacated.
I have no other first-hand knowledge of anything. IMO there is not one thing mom could/would have done within hours of the funeral that would justify her being thrown out on the street. I further believe that this treatment should absolve her of quite a few sins that may have happened after the fact. Like, I would not condone outright assault, but mom would have been justified in verbally eviscerating E.
After the dust settled, E told mom and D that she never wanted to see or speak to them or set foot in our state again.
D died about five weeks ago and left a trust but no will. Mom and E are the beneficiaries of the assets outside D’s trust. D’s lawyer said he would get in contact with E so we wouldn’t have to. We gave him her number and address. 2 weeks passed and he told me he hadn’t been able to reach her. Not wanting to speak to E directly because of the falling out, I sent a fb message to E’s son W asking him to call me. I heard from W a week later and told him that D had died and the lawyer was having trouble reaching E. When I told him that mom didn’t want to contact E because of what happened after gma died, he replied, “you obviously don’t know what happened but we won’t get into that.” Our brief convo ended quickly after that.
I am feeling guilty for waiting so long to contact E. On the one hand, she treated my mother awfully. OTOH I don’t know what mom might have done later, though there would be quite a bit of justifiable anger there. I would be pissed at someone who kicked me out of a house I had been living in with no notice. I also would want to know ASAP if one of my siblings died...but then again, we’ve never had any kind of blow up or falling out. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
ak8j3r
|
{
"description": "yelling at my mom and going to film school",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for yelling at my mom and going to film school.
|
So it's my 12 grade awards ceremony (where they announce scholar ships and stuff) and I didn't get any scholar ships but I got two awards ( $50 from a writing contest and an award for editing videos for my high school's Youtube page after school.) The entire time when I would't get an award in a category my mom would say something very passive aggressive " of course that person in that family would get it." or "Wow what a surprise so and so got that award" after the ceremony I pulled her aside and basically told her to stop acting like a bitch. Also she's very mad at me for not "Trying to get a real world job" because I'm chasing my dream of being a film maker and critic. I feel bad for telling my mom off, but it felt really good to get that 18 years of pressure off my chest.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
GquJo3rSgYpwUnnZuEkWSTWmUmdtkeat
|
awsi08
|
{
"description": "killing a long-term friendship because my ex-best friend tried to enroll me in some mlms",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for killing a long-term friendship because my ex-best friend tried to enroll me in some MLMs?
|
So, there's this girl who joined Herbalife in order to hope for extra money at the end of the month on top of her wage. She was a very cautious person and also, a skinflint when she was in Europe. However, she earned enough money to start living abroad, in Australia. She was also a roommate for 6 months before she moved on.
​
She seemed to have a nice life there, and it seemed that she had quit selling… stuff for Herbalife. We had some chat sometimes on FB, and were willing to meet as soon as possible.
Then she started travelling in the south-east of Asia: Indonesia, Cambodia, even India (yes, that's a large south-east), until she travels back to Cambodia where she started to work for a yoga center. Unfortunately, this place will close down by the end of March, and she reached me to deal with one major issue: money.
She told me that she was seeing a personal coach who cost her $90 a month, and that she could pay this person because she joined MLMs like iMarketsLive. She tried to enroll me in several MLMs at once and command me to listen to several cult-like speechmen and watch 90 minutes slide decks on Youtube pretending these might fulfill my dreams one day. She insisted that my life could be better and could bring a lot in my personal development despite me having refused her MLM proposals from the go. I told her I was horrified by what she said and tried to warn her about the dark sides of MLMs. She called me names, replied that my answers shocked her instead, her MLMs "worked".
​
Later, she posted several stories on FB about how having a job is scam (People from /r/antiMLM may have seen the "40-40-40" thing) and how starting its own business is a far better choice. You named it: she became a hun, and one of the meanests, whose goal was simply to be "the best".
My anger rose slowly as [a Slowpoke](https://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/thumb/7/70/079Slowpoke.png/250px-079Slowpoke.png)'s one, and after realizing that she belittled me as she never did before by becoming such a toxic person because of her MLMs, I decided to abruptly end (\*) a close friendship that lasted for 8 years, by blocking her on FB. She didn't realize that immediately and she reached me by email. I replied her I would destroy all her emails she could send to me from now after having explained why I decided to take this extreme decision. All she could reply was thinking it was a "fake" friendship.
AITA?
(\*) Yeah, that's the second thread in this subreddit where I brutally cut communication with people.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
bNv9l6A6hr6F9YqmFOW7IFrVcmNorZCI
|
al4jbm
|
{
"description": "accidentally breaking an umbrella while trying to get my bag back",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for accidentally breaking an umbrella while trying to get my bag back
|
On the last day of school last year I was hanging out with a group of friends I don't usually hang out with since my usual group of friends was away.
There's one girl in the group who gets on my nerves lots because she does some really annoying things.
In the afternoon that day I was chucking my bag around with friends when the girl decides to sit on my bag so I can't pick it up.
After repeatedly ask her to get off my bag she wouldn't budge.
She then called me a pervert for trying to get her off my bag.
When it got to a point where i had got the bag out from under her but she was still holding it so it was like a game of tug o' war. While I was stumbling backwards still holding the bag I accidentally stepped on her umbrella (which was left on the ground far away from our belongings) causing it to break.
I had no Idea the umbrella was there and the whole group called me an asshole and that I should buy her another one.
Later she started crying and said she just wanted to Josh around and be physical like all the boys in the group do even though she couldn't deal with if something went wrong.
So what your guys thought on the situation. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
rsCsHQodJJ9d2UEOOchPIyYPgOMKYW2Z
|
al1b44
|
{
"description": "trying to avoid having mentally challenged people sit next to me on the bus",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 41
}
|
AITA for trying to avoid having mentally challenged people sit next to me on the bus?
|
The bus I commute on has a stop right next to a facility for the mentally challenged, and more often than not, people get on the bus to go to the city.
When I see a mentally challenged person coming onto the bus, and the seat next to me is empty, I either put my bag on it, or try to sit as widely as possible. I'm 186 cm (6'1") tall so when I do that, there isn't much room next to me. If someone asks that I move my bag, I obviously oblige.
The reason for doing this is that often the mentally challenged person is loud, has bad personal hygiene or is just generally unpleasant to sit next to. Often they are also quite obese and take up a lot of space. They also may ignore when I need to exit the bus, as I often am the only one who exits at my stop.
The reason I'm writing here is that someone sort of called me out on it today, as they loudly remarked to a mentally challenged person that "they could sit next to them, and people shouldn't have their bags on the empty seats. "
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 41,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 41
}
|
WRONG
|
TMsxnNsOXIp56j1JZuyO5qpCFP6glsts
|
ay5hwu
|
{
"description": "snapping at a friend for posting a naked dead man on Snapchat",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for snapping at a friend for posting a naked dead man on Snapchat?
|
I woke up this morning to a snapchat from my best friend saying ‘Don’t look at my snap story there’s a dead guy on it and I know you don’t like seeing dead things’ so of course I immediately looked at her story and she has quite a few pictures and videos of a naked dead guy laying in the park surrounded by police. Basically the story was the man washed up in a river dead and police were surrounding the body looking for clues I guess? In one of her snaps she focuses on the mans genitals and says ‘why are his balls so big though’ and then her last snap says ‘the police yelled at me to leave’
I immediately sent her a message saying ‘Why the fuck would you put that on Snapchat that’s so disrespectful what is wrong with you?’ Which she opened and never replied to and we haven’t spoken since. I was so disgusted at what she had done immediately but the more that I think about it I don’t know? Am I the asshole for snapping at her? Is she the asshole for posting it on Snapchat?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
i7vEa7WNL48VmeH71gYfNWsdO9XPZHZ7
|
af9yyu
|
{
"description": "deleting my wife's facebook friends",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for deleting my wife's facebook friends
|
A few weeks ago I started deleting some of my wife's (32) facebook friends to try to make her happier. She gets into depressive moods often and I have been at a loss for ways to help. I did this because I was sure looking all day at her "friends" off on huge vacations was not helping the situation. Though, I am not saying this is the only cause for her bad mood.
Some background details that may help. She has \~2500 friends on facebook and I went through and removed only those that post the most "instagram-influencer" quality vacations photos. You know, the people who you wonder whether they even enjoy the vacation with how many pictures they must be taking. So, maybe 30 to 35 people removed. I did not want to go overboard so that she wouldn't notice a drop in friends. I feel like if I told her I did this, or told her beforehand it would lose its affect or not have had an affect. Overall, over the last 2 weeks, she seems a bit less mopey (though maybe that is just conformation bias).
Also, we are decently well off ourselves. We go on \~3large vacations a year and many smaller trips. Also, she knows I have her fb login.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
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|
b18gu3
| null |
AITA the asshole because my brother is homeless and I just want to ignore it?
|
I'm 27 and my brother is 18. Autism runs in my family (from my mother's side. ) Because of it my brother has trouble with school so he's still in 10th grade and was living at my mom's house.
About 6 months ago my mother moved away and asked my little bro to stay with his friend for two weeks while she moved. But a few days later, she told him he can't live with her because she wants to live alone. So since then he has been trapped at his friend's house.
At first I tried to help him a lot. Nothing seemed to be useful. I wanted to help him get a job but he says he can't, he's so depressed, because of course after a while his friend got sick of him living rent-free and he feels like his mother doesn't love him (she doesn't). From my end, I hate my mother after this. She also convinced him to move from his friend's house to a hotel for a while but that cost all his savings and he had to move back, he regrets it so much and I thought it was a bad idea from the start.
He's out of money for food so I gave him $300 .At first, I'll do anything for him, let him stay in my apartment on the couchm spent all my days off hanging out with him trying to calm him down. After so long... the situation hasn't advanced at all for six months. I've been so stressed and I don't want to do anytihng about it. I only contact him if he seems in crisis, and I gave him money because he can't afford food otherwise, but I don't want to do this indefinitely. I've been so worried, even though my actions have accomplished nothing, it's hard for me to do work. I just want to run away from this whole situation and not think about it. But at this point, if it keeps on like this, I'm giving all my monthly vacation savngs to him, so indefinitely I can't escape this situation.
So, now what? Am I the asshole? When I try to act the good sibing it feels like nothing is happening since fall, I'm 100x happier when I ignore his situation and all his texts. But if I keep ignoring I don't know what would happen. Please advise.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
jChjZPSSKAMS3T9H5e513WMrFVWczehI
|
ayumq5
|
{
"description": "giving someone an ultimatum to identify himself online before I do it for him",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I gave someone an ultimatum to identify himself online before I do it for him?
|
Throwaway because at least some of the involved parties know my main account.
So, I’ve been involved in a few D&D games over Skype/Discord in the past few years, and one of the people in my current group is someone I’ve played with before (we’ll call her Beth). In a campaign I played with her a year or two back, there was some drama with another player (we’ll call him Ross) who got creepy/possessive/vaguely stalkerish toward Beth. She told the rest of the group, showed us screenshots, and he was kicked. Note that I had played with Ross in other games before this.
Recently, I joined a newly started game with mostly new people (plus Beth, obviously). We were doing some out of character chat about D&D and our previous experiences, and one of the players said some stuff that sounded familiar. I PMed him about it, and confirmed (with minimal prompting) that not only was it someone I’d played with before, but that it was Ross. He knew that Beth was in the group and wasn’t comfortable around him/playing with him, but felt that she was “being unfair” and that he’d “learned his lesson and deserved another chance to be her friend,” and thus used a new alias to join the game and had asked the person who’d invited him to introduce him as a different name. For what it’s worth, the person who invited Ross was told what happened by Ross, so I’m assuming he got a very different version of events than what actually happened. Ross’s “plan,” by his own admission, is to play with her for a while, then reveal that it’s him so that she can see he’s changed and give him another shot. Beth, for her part, has expressed in the past that she doesn’t want him in her life after how he treated her, and I know that she’d be uncomfortable/feel unsafe if she knew it was him.
WIBTA if I told him his choices were to either tell her/the group who he is or have me do it? I’m not looking to dox the guy, but I think Beth has the right to know who she’s playing with and to feel safe while playing, and that the group has the right to know what kind of person they’re playing with.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
tyQXmhDGhUHLRhKyPXiYL3MCEiqK5QLl
|
abzbjx
|
{
"description": "not going to my cousin's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for not going to my cousin’s wedding
|
My cousin just got engaged on New Years Eve and I’m extremely happy for her. The problem is they’re already planning the wedding and it’s in North Carolina. They live there now so it’s understandable but they want us to fly down for the weekend. They’re looking at a time that would A) be expensive to fly and B) I would mostly come back to more than one exam. I want to be there for her but considering more than three quarters of the guest list is from where I live (their previous town) I wish they could just have it here.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
fc1z7ADgRp5RRFEkWCvQwQrfZMkR0KXE
|
b3vze9
|
{
"description": "calling the police on a suspicious truck",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling the police on a suspicious truck?
|
Sorry, on mobile. Tldr; I called the police on a suspicious truck (creeping down the road, parking in the dark without getting out) that turned out to be someone who lives in the neighborhood.
This happened a few weeks ago, but I think about it still. I was coming home around 9pm and followed a truck into my neighborhood. The truck turned on my street and proceeded to go, like, 10mph or less. Speed limit is 25-30. I figured he was visiting someone and just looking for street numbers. I pull into my driveway and watch the truck do only what I can describe as "hover" at the stop sign for several seconds longer than I'd expect. He then turns.
Now, our neighborhood is small and is not very confusing. There's a field across from my house, so I watch this truck slowly go down the street, then stop in front of a dark house. The truck is not under a street light. The truck doesn't turn off, and no one approaches or leaves the truck for 10 or so minutes. The headlights turn off, but again, the car does not, and no one moves.
Our neighborhood has had break ins before. At this point, I figure this truck is casing for empty houses, parking in the dark where it'll be less visible (the truck was black), and, seeing that I haven't gone inside, is waiting for me to move. I post in the neighborhood book of faces and ask if anyone is "missing a friend because this truck looks lost." No response. By this point 15 minutes have passed.
So I call the police. I'm like, "look, I'm getting a weird feeling from this car, this person's been sitting here for like 15 minutes after creeping down the street, could you come look?"
10 more minutes pass (so we're looking at close to half an hour) and police show up, get behind the truck, turn on their lights, and get on the intercom. I receive a call 5 minutes later that the person lives in the neighborhood but was on the phone and trying not to lose cell signal. I've never heard anyone on any carrier complain about signal, and people complain about cable and internet, but ok.
Two days pass before this guy responds on FB that "he was racing his wife and son home from a basketball game, but was going to let his son win, so he pulled off so he could watch for the car to go down the main drag, and then come up behind. Apparently they passed right as the police turned on their lights and embarrassed him." I told him I was sorry, but what else was I supposed to think about a truck creeping down the road and sitting in the dark? (Also, that's totally not the story I was told by dispatch, but whatever.) Plus, this guy "raced" his kid, but managed to be half an hour ahead at 9pm, when the roads are quiet?
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
WkozdYKTSG3YJL8Sf7belWYPcXHtHzxn
|
a93cn8
|
{
"description": "being annoyed that I texted my boyfriend \"happy birthday eve\" with a smiley face and he totally ignored me and has been online ever since then",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being annoyed that I texted my boyfriend “happy birthday eve” with a smiley face and he totally ignored me and has been online ever since then?
|
And he told me when he left to go out of town for the holidays “you’re going to text me back, right?”
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
I3QSQOuQpWFI6DxP4q3iMCq4yH6ARqPN
|
b6dcdr
|
{
"description": "running away from a social situation",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for running away from a social situation?
|
(I’m sorry for poor grammar, I’m better in French)
Ok so for you to understand this story you will have to know about, I’ll call her.. Mom2.0. Now mom2.0 isn’t actually my mom, she’s more like a close family friend, and like a mother to me. She is VERY extroverted, and I take after my mom who is VERY introverted.
So basically this all went down about 20 minutes ago.
Every Wednesday I go on a visit to my grandparents. So, when I get off the bus from school, to after dinner. Sometimes I stay longer. Well today I had a Personal Project to work on. It included stories from my grandpas life so I needed a video of my interviewing him. Luckily my very chatty gma and mom2.0 wanted to go the mall, so they went. I had a very nice, but full, night discussing with my grandfather. I also have a French test tomorrow which I anxiously studied for. Mom2.0 and gma walk through the door at about 9:15. I had been there for 5 hours and I just wanted to go home.
So I got my shoes on and before leaving Mom2.0 said she’d give me a lift. I politely declined and she insisted again. At that moment, out of exhaustion and just wanting to go home I immediately opened the apartment door and ran down the stairs. I hid in the stairwell for about 5 minutes and texted my mom. She told me that it was ok, and she’s done it before and that she understood me.
Afterwards, out of fear of getting caught by her I took a longer route home, about an extra 5 minutes to the 5 minute walk. When I got home she was outside waiting and told me my mom had been looking for me. I was keeping my mom updated but as my phone had died she got worried. I went into my room and locked myself in as I didn’t want to be yelled at.
I heard the door to my house open up and heard Mom2.0 leave with her car. I went down to my mom and apologized for making her upset. Apparently Mom2.0 wanted to come in and yell and me but my mom explained the situation. My mom threw herself under the bus for me. Now, Mom2.0 thinks I hate her, which I don’t. I sent her a text apologizing, explaining the situation, that it was my fault, but she only thinks in a straight line and sees the facts and come to her own conclusion. It’s been twenty minutes since I texted her and im yet to get an answer. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
znvQkNFBrXZhZwJZD1qV7kTW1oiI65xL
|
b25jua
|
{
"description": "hanging out with my friend over my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for hanging out with my friend over my girlfriend?
|
For context I had an event all Friday and Saturday and before leaving I told my gf that I had loose plans to hang out with a friend Saturday night or sunday. Saturday night he said he could come over Sunday. This is between me and my gf sunday morning:
Gf: Wanna go somewhere with me this morning?
Gf: Upside I'll get to see you. Downside we're taking (her baby brother) to a play place. BUT he has always been really good there and always crashes right after
Gf: It would make me really happy! But if ur tired I understand
Me: I love you too and I would but (my friend) is coming over remember?
Me: Please don't be upset love, I really would and I'll be free after like 5-6 tonight!
Gf: Oh um no bc u never told me they were concrete.
Gf: Who was all at (the event) with u?
Gf: And no it's fine. I'll see u Monday
Me: I'm sorry I just had so much going on I didnt even really think they were concrete until just before I passed out
Me: (names of 3 guys and 3 girls)
Gf: Ok
Me: I can tell you're upset so I'll leave you alone...
Gf: K
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
RaBLOm0UYiITsY24RYGUwAdyVKmKRgUs
|
at316q
|
{
"description": "not giving money towards my daughter's fundraiser that primarily benefits her mother",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not giving money towards my daughter's fundraiser that primarily benefits her mother?
|
It's basically a fundraiser from my daughter's daycare. The winning amount gets free tuition for a week. The mother gets the winnings, not our kid.
Here's how the text message was sent:
>Our daughter is having a fundraiser at school will you buy some of this crap if I sell 20 things I get week free of tuition
I told the mother that I'll only contribute financially when it directly benefits our child and that I have no interest in supporting the education of the mother. She blew up. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
KVH6eoOoYNyE4iatRPTx3A2NJscxYE1j
|
apejy8
| null |
AITA: Am I a spoilt brat?
|
I am 17, just graduated from high school and about to enter college. A bit of background, my dad came to this country with my mum at 20- they had no money and could barely speak a word of English. He had to work below or minimum wage manual labour jobs whilst in university. But he managed to graduate with an honours degree and now works a middle-upper class job.
Yet, with all this said, I have been brought up very privileged. I would receive PSP's, playstation's for my birthday and Christmas presents. But I never appreciated it then. I vividly remember one time I threw a spoilt bitch fit because I received $100 instead of a MacBook I wanted. Because of the constant expensive gifts I wanted for these occasions, my parents cancelled all Birthday and Christmas gifts when I was 12; perhaps to discipline me, I am not sure, but it was the best thing that they taught me.
When I look back, I feel terrible that I acted this way, and it tears me apart that I could do this to my parents.
A few days ago, my parents and I (mainly my dad and I) got into a fight, this was the first time they, and I, shouted at each other in years, and I still feel horrible thinking about it.
My dad had promised that once I graduated high school, he would buy me a new laptop for university. He told me this at the start of my senior year, and before the mid year. My laptop is a 5 year old MacBook (2011 model) and lasts for around 2 hours, so he felt I needed a new laptop. He also said that it was because my laptop was too thick and heavy, which I did not feel was an issue (just the battery).
However, senior year has ended and now my dad has no recollection of what he said, and wants me to replace the battery instead. Albeit, the problem I pointed out was that the battery replacement costs the same amount as the same model laptop I have with 100 battery cycles. So, I said it would be better to buy a newer model laptop instead, for a better investment (6 years of school). I suggested a second hand 2016 MacBook Pro (as Macs are good for longitivtiy) in which I would be paying approximately 5/8th of the cost. But then he got angry and said that his budget was around 600 euros. He did not give me a chance to explain, but told me that there would be no laptop anymore.
I am a 17 year old who hasn't found a job, and my dad did angrily point this out to me after our talk. A part of me feels like I am being the 12 year old spoilt douchebag I was, but I feel like there could have been a more rational discussion. For example, instead of buying a replacement battery, he could support me with the cost of the battery, and I could use it to increase my savings (I am selling some of my past belongings).
Sorry for the long and exhaustive post. Would just like some different perspectives than the raging arguments in my own head.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
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